Wasabi

AIG Executives Experience Chronic Depression From Salary Cuts

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 06:12:00 +0000

Recently, AIG made bonus cuts from each executive by 1 million dollars. Now instead of having 500million dollars salary, each executive now receives 499 million dollar salary. However, the report from Washington indicates that there are sharp increase of chronic depression among the AIG officials. The study shows the direct correlation between the salary cuts and the depression. The salary cuts were made in order to reshape the crippled company. However, many of the executive begged to not cut the salary.

One of the executive states, "Living with 499million dollar salary is unimaginable!".

Apparently the life without 30million dollar toilet, 10 million dollar condoms, 50 million dollar pool, and 100 million dollar tank shooting range is unimaginable. In addition, they claim that the cost to keep a trophy wife in home is approximately 200 million dollar.

The Public Favors Godzilla

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:15:00 +0000

The recent poll from my blog indicates the strong support for Godzilla can save the world. This means only one thing, the Pentagon is making a right move to urge the Japanese to unleash Godzilla to end the war in Iraq.

As the poll show, Godzilla has higher public approval rating than Former President Bush and President Obama.

Don't Miss Out on Future Votes: subscribe or follow this blog.

PETA Will Be Hosting a Million Dollar Funeral For a Fly

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 02:23:00 +0000

The report showed that the PETA will be hosting a million dollar funeral for a fly that was killed by President Obama.

They honored the magnificent life of a fly that flew on to the President's arm, only to get killed. They spokes man said, "That was a tragic moment for America to see our President killing an innocent American fly".

They expect 100 people coming to this million dollar funeral. The honorable fly will be buried with an biodegradable iPhone, vegetable, and Monster Energy Drink.

After the funeral, the PETA will rally to push the government to purpose the national fly day to honor the life of the fly.

Robot Population Expects to Dominate Japan by 2020

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:00:00 +0000

Japan is currently experiencing a crisis where the nation's population is declining. This is problematic because the nation will expects to cover more retired population while the number of young workforce declines. The cause of this aging phenomenon is that less men and women are willing to marry and to exchange their bottley fluid. The men prefer to make love with computer and games while the women make love with cell phones. The fall of Japan seems to be inevitable.

In order to fix the population problem, the Japanese created robot to replace the aging labor force. Just like human, these robots starts off as an infant and grow to become an full grown adult. Some of these robots will become a helping robot like Doraemon or Wall-E. The robots will also grow up to become a soldier type like other like astroboy, transformers, and Gundams in order to protect Japan from North Korea.

However, just like a regular human being, these robots can become criminals. Few of the well-known organizations are the Decepticons and the Terminators. To retaliate to this problem, the Japanese also created RoboCops.

With these series of inventions, the Japan is expect to repopulate their nation with robots. By year 3000, the population of the Japanese is expected to become 1, and the robot will reach 300 millions.

Cinderella Divorcing Her Prince Charming

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:32:00 +0000

Today, there was an announcement that Cinderella had divorced with her prince charming. However, the news will not be officially announced to Disney Channel because they still want the children viewers to believe in "they lived happily ever after" ending.

According to the sources, Cinderella was stressful with her husband after 10 hours into their marriage. Even though this a big news, the public was unsurprised by this divorce because celebrity marriage always fail. An old man stated,

"What I hate about these marriage is that they don't show what happens after the damn marriage. I can see Cinderella talking to the prince while he is ignoring her for a whole damn time. I know this stuff because I am always experiencing this problem with MY wife." - old man

Currently, Cinderella is living a happy life against as a single because Cinderella took half of the Prince's fortune. The Prince, on other hand, is still crying in his bed about the divorce.

Police Search For Death Note Owner

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 00:24:00 +0000

Recently, the America has been experiencing unusual numbers of death in celebrities such as Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Bily Mays, Frank McCourt, and Walter Cronkite. As the result, the mourns in America never ends these days.

Now, the police is investigating for a potential owner of a "Death Note". Death Note is a demon's note that will instantly kills person if one's name gets on that notes. However, these demons can leave their Death Note to this world by mistake, and any human could have picked it up by accident.

Knowing this, the police suspect that the series of death is caused by the death note. The police has some ideas of suspect. Some of the characteristics of the suspects are listed below:

Otaku - It is term used for Japanese anime freak. Since the Death Note originated from anime, there will be no surprise if the Death Note's owner is an otaku.
Californian - Most of Otaku lives in California since the state has high percentage of Asians.
This person hates Hollywood

This is big news, but there are only small numbers of officers involved in this case because the note's owner only have to find out their name to get killed.

However, there will be a reward for arresting the killer. The rewards include:

free playstation 3
free iPhone
payed mortgage
payed credit loans
payed any loans
never have to pay tax

The police believes these rewards will be good motivation for the officers.

Moms Want the Government to Ban Kirby

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 05:26:00 +0000

After fighting for years against the child obesity by attacking Ronald McDonald, the American Moms begun their new attacks against Kirby, a popular game character.

One of the moms stated, "Kirby has bad influence over our kids. He eats a lot without a limitation, becomes extremely big, and most of all, he's pink."

For those reasons, American moms went to congress to ban any games and comics related to Kirby. They claim that the statistic shows how the American kids get influenced by a T.V. and games. Hence, if the a kid sees Kirby, he will also turn into a pink, fat, light magical creature.

This isn't the first time they got involved into lawsuit. They have recently won a case over banning Harry Potter in the state of Georgia. The banning on Harry Potter was necessity for them because they were scared that Harry Potter will have bad influence on their kids.

One of them that, "if our children read Harry Potter, the kids will begin to practice witchcraft and turn me into a cake by yelling, 'BEGONE SATAN!'".

Now they are on their mission to ban Kirby because he promotes obesity and a witchcraft through his magical wand. Don't forget, he's also pink. Ronald McDonald will be covering his back too.

Protect Kirby!

Don't miss out on future posts: subscribe to this blog!

While The American Literacy Declines, Computer Literacy Increases

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 04:22:00 +0000

The academic level of the United States has dropped across the board in the last decade with the subjects that include: literature, math, science, and history. The officials were "frutrated that half our kids can't even answer the question of 'whether the earth is revolving around the sun'!!".

California, the most populated and the least educated state, is extremely frustrated with their academic performance of their kids. After throwing in billions of dollars for renovation, school statues, and computers, they couldn't find the way to improve the state's academic stance.Few years ago, they introduced the new test called California High School Exit Exam to moderate whether Californian students' can correctly answer a math question such as, "1+1= ?". The test revealed that California was in big trouble because more than half of the students have failed the test.

Despite the declining literacy rate, American kids are becoming more literate in computer terms such as "lol", "1337", "stfu", "lmao", and "omg". Many people with a Ph.D. degree cannot comprehend these terms, even after 20 years of studying in prestigious university.

The school board, noticing this phenomenon, is considering to provide the class to teach the computer terms for the preparation for their future professional career. After all, the future business will consist of three social marketing: facebook, myspace, and twitter. All of these social network requires cyber terms because more people are becoming illiterate. The California school board says, "since we are purchasing many computer [instead of textbooks], mind as well teach our kids how to read the cyber language". Now that is Capitalism.

More Americans Begin to Wear Red Tap Shoes As Obama's Popularity Plunges

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:19:00 +0000

The Americans across the U.S. are beginning to wear the red tap shoes from Wizard of Oz as President Obama's popularity plunges. The plunge in his popularity is from the American's frustrations with economic recession.

More Americans wish if they were living in the "good old days" when the gasoline price was below 20cents a gallon. For the younger folks, they wish if they were living in the good old 90's when the gasoline price was below $1.50.

As the Americans across the nation begin to realize that those good old days will never come back, they began to purchase red tap shoes, the sparkling red tap shoes that will magically make your wish comes true, or at least it makes people think their wish has come true. Unlike in the good old days, the Americans today will be criticized if they smoke or do drugs. For this reasons, the Americans today tap their heals 3 times with their red tap shoes, wishing and imagining for the good old days when the economy was at all times high.

However, this wasn't enough for the American to escape from the reality. They turn on their iPhone and iPod video to watch "Alice In The Wonderland" for the substation for hallucination. The younger folks watch the video of President's Obama's inauguration days. On contrary, the Republican party uses their iPhone to watch President Reagan's farewell speech.

Everyone is wishing for something. Everyone is hopping to see the wizard for an iPhone.

Don't miss out on future post: Subscribe to this blog and get involved by leaving a comment.

Blogger Dies From Blogging Too Much

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:02:00 +0000

There was a report that a blogger died after hours of blogging. The man, who died, was unemployed and was desperate to find a job. However, in this economic recession, it made him impossible to an available job.

While he was net surfing, he found out that Internet marketing will earn him some money. He desperately made a website and hoped for the high volume traffic. But as the day passed by, he figured out that he had to do more than to making a web. He signed up for facebook, myspace, twitter, and other social networking sites. Then he moved on to hardcore e-mail spamming where he earned high Internet traffic.

The income from this Internet marketing surpassed his old income, but he wanted more. He began to update, add contents, and built up more social network to earn him the money. After days without drinking water and eating food, his friend found him dead on front of his computer.

His friend found the list of what the dead man was going to purchase:

HD TV
iPhone
at&t high speed Internet
at&t TV plans
Sony's Playstation 3
Vacation to Hawaii
more money

He got his first paycheck that day.

California Schools Purchase HD TV

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 20:26:00 +0000

The current economic recession has taken the California school system to all time low in students' performance and graduation rate. The California students have less teachers, larger class size, and no art/music classes. However, the California budget cuts have greater effects on these students outside of the school such as:

More asian students are playing WoW (World of Warcraft)
Increasing number of Mexican students waiting near Home Depot
Increasing number of druggie
More white students are spending time on xBox live and Guitar Hero.

The California officials are afraid that these effects will cripple the California economy in a long run. They had a meeting to solve this budget issues. The room had the following products:

HD TV
Blue Ray DVD Player
at&t iPhone 3G
at&t iPod
Apple's laptop for all the representative

Also, there are following plans such as providing school with mascot statue, renovation of schools, buying better desks, and school computers costs billions of dollars in total.

Even after hours of meetings, the representatives had trouble to find the money for school textbooks, to hire teachers, and smaller class sizes.

Can California schools survive this recession?

Don't miss out on future posts: subscribe and follow my blog!

The Pentagon Urges the Japanese to Summon Godzilla

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:32:00 +0000

The Pentagon announced that the U.S. will officially ask the Japanese government to summon their nemesis, "Godzilla". There were many reasons behind this serious announcement, but according to one of the Pentagon officials, the current economic recession was their "biggest reason" to call Japan for help in this war.

With the current financial strain, the Pentagon's officials were worried that with the U.S. will lose the war on terror before their budget runs out. Hence, winning the war as soon as possible was essential to avoid bankruptcy of their department.

The emergency meeting was called to all the top Pentagon officials to come up with the fastest and the cheapest strategy to win the war. After hours of careful planning, one of the official yelled, "Godzilla!". The room was momentarily filled with a silence, and it was followed by roaring cheers from the officials. Everyone in the room agreed that summoning Godzilla was the key to win the wars because Godzilla is cheap, powerful, and friendly to the environment.

Immediately after the announcement was made, the at&t and apple have immediately made an announcement for their new product, an apple iGodzilla. The iGodzilla will give backup support for the Godzilla during the war, but the product will be made for safe public use also. The product has the following features:

free at&t family plan
free at&t tv service
free at&t internet service
free at&t date service
free at&t and apple application
free access to apple itunes
free earphone - made for Godzilla
free at&t nuclear power service
free at&t radiation meals for Godzilla
free at&t etc...

The politicians are thrilled by it because the idea will potentially end the war on terror and get the U.S. out from recession with iGodzilla Boom.

Don't miss the future post: subscribe or follow my blog for the future updates

Get involved in the poll! Vote on what you think. Leave a comment or e-mail me to get the result!

zhf4dk9rup

The Republicans Become Harry Potters

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 01:07:00 +0000

After devastating loss in the 2008 General Election, the Republicans were troubled by their trembling popularity. Their party reputation has declined after series of the governors scandal and the resignation of Sarah Palin. Nothing is going right for them.

Nothing worked against the powerful image of Barack Obama. Sarah Palin's hockey mom's image, running a brainwashing campaign, the patriotic image... nothing worked.

After the release the recent Harry Potter's movie, the Republicans have discovered that they can use the popularity of Harry Potter. Immediately, they began to tattoo Harry Potter's lightning bolt on their forehead. But they went further by performing cosmetic and laser surgery to look like Harry Potter. After the majority of the members finished their cosmetic and laser surgery, they bought Harry Potter's merchandises.

With their new looks as Harry Potters, they presume that they have better chance to win the election against the Democrats because the Americans simply love Harry Potter.

One of them said, "I cannot believe we didn't figure this out earlier. All we had to do is to perform a quick cosmetic surgery to look appealing to the public!"

These are the following strategy books that they have read:

Harry Potter 1
Harry Potter 2
Harry Potter 3
Harry Potter 4
Harry Potter 5
Harry Potter 6
Harry Potter 7
Harry Potter Firebolt
Harry Potter movies
Harry Potter 1/2

The public can soon expect to see a bumper sticker that quotes, "Harry Potter 2012" by Republican Party.

Steve Jobs Dies at Age 40

noreply@blogger.com (happy hardcore) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:57:00 +0000

San Jose - The announcement was made today that Steve Jobs, the CEO of the Apple Company, has died. Since the Apple Company lost the strong leader, they decided to merge with At&t and sold their name to the At&t. The following products were postponed for the public release:

At&t iNote
At&t iTable
At&t iShoes
At&t iCar
At&t iHouse

One of the customers stated, "I was really looking forward to buy an iCar. This newly invented car has so many convenient features such as an autopilot, an attached toilet, a food maker, and a portable bed. I am deeply disappointed and saddened by this announcement".

To honor the legacy of Steve Job, At&t and Apple have quickly invented iGrave. At&t iGrave has many features, such as electronic funeral music, speech, and bible. The electronic is powered by a nuclear fission, so the fallen one can enjoy the technology for eternity.