Washing-line Revelations

70 Days

2012-05-29T11:23:00.001+12:00

70 days until my sister’s due date. Yes, I’m counting. 70 days until my newest niece and god-daughter arrives. I’m so excited!

So Hubby and I are planning and praying, praying and planning. Because we absolutely have to be there for her arrival. She will be my big sister’s first baby. She has a stepdaughter who is about to turn 18, so not her first child, but after years of trying and several miscarriages this will be the first time she has had a baby. We’ve all been waiting and praying for so long now, the excitement over this little one is huge. She has us all wrapped around her little finger already.

So we’re praying right now for the money we need to go to Canterbury in August to be there to welcome our new niece into our world. Not going is not an option. I remember how it felt when I had Froggie, how sad I was that my sister couldn’t be with me. It’s such an emotionally fragile time without feeling alone on top of it all. So we’re going. I just don’t know how yet.

We need about $800 for petrol, accommodation and food. Normally we could stay with family, but because my sister will be adjusting to a new baby, it’s not really an option for the six of us to stay with her! And she lives about an hour and a half out of Christchurch, so we can’t really stay with other family who lives there and drive north every day just to see the baby. So we’re looking at staying in the local camping grounds for a few days and making a bit of a holiday of it. Only we can’t afford it. We need a miracle. Thankfully, we have a God who performs miracles. I’d love it if those of you who are praying people would remember us in your prayers as well! I am so excited about this, I so love planning for things that depend entirely on God’s provision. So although I know that we have bills to pay, and although I know that we have limited finances, I’m planning a trip we can’t afford and I’m doing it without going into debt or using credit cards or stressing about it even a little. Years ago we went to Sydney simply by saying yes and then asking God to provide the finances to go. We actually had more money than we needed for that trip and came back with some left over.

70 days.

Please God, provide for all our needs so that we can be there at this special time, so that my sister and brother in law can start on their journey as new parents surrounded by love and support.

I wish it was still the weekend

2012-05-28T11:06:00.003+12:00

Hubby and I are both sick at the moment. We had a nasty cough which ended up turning into a chest infection. My left lung hurts so badly that every cough, sneeze, or movement causes incredible pain. Which means doing the laundry kills, I haven’t been able to make the beds in days, and lifting my 10kg baby is near impossible. The doctor says it’ no pneumonia, but I have moments when I’m not convinced. Not that I’ve ever had pneumonia before, but hubby had it a couple of years ago and it seems horribly similar. Still, what would I know? I just wish the antibiotics would do their thing.

So we had a quiet weekend. We stayed in by the fire and played with the new xbox that arrived on Friday, much to the kids’ (and Hubby’s) delight. A surprise gift, that has brought joy to the household in an otherwise tough time, by speaking directly to the older boys’ love languages. It’s been amazing to see how much a surprise parcel has boosted them this weekend!

Wiseguy is going hard in the Language Olympics, (he’s learning Latin) so a weekend at home plugging away online has boosted him from 3^rd to 1^st in his class and bronze level. He’s hping to reach gold level by the end of it, in 3 days time.

I recently came across The Sisterhood. I’m really excited about this beautiful vision, and at present I am praying about how I should get involved. It’s not a question of if, it’s only a question of how. Because we are in a season of need right now, mentally, spiritually, physically and most of all financially, and I learned a long time ago that when our need is great, the best thing to do is give. Giving sends a message to our enemy, that we’re moving forward, that we are not focused on our need but focused on God. 2 Chron 20:12 – We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are upon you. When Peter came across a crippled beggar (Acts 3) and was moved to help he said “silver or gold I have none, but what I have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ, get up and walk”. And he did. I have to believe that even in a season of need I still have something of value to give.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday - #photoadayMay days 18-22

2012-05-23T09:38:00.000+12:00

Day 18. Something I made - I made some extra cash today selling baby clothes online (only small change though really!)

Day 19. A favourite place - Anderson Park & Art Gallery, Invercargill

Day 20. Something I can't live without - My morning coffee buzz (don't judge me, I only drink one a day!)

Day 21. Where I Stand - on God's promises

Day 22. Pink

Other WW Participants:

At least the sun is shining...

2012-05-21T11:42:00.000+12:00

Being sick sucks so much more when you’re a stay-at-home mum. Everyone assumes that since you’re at home you’re resting. I wish! We all have the flu at the moment. Most of us are getting over it now after a rough week with nasty coughs, but I’m still struggling with the cough, which by Saturday had progressed to achey bones, headache and a touch of nausea. Fun. The thing about being the mum is you get to look after everyone else when they’re sick, even though they’re ‘dying’ of the same thing you have. I woke up this morning absolutely disgusted that the weekend was over already. How did it go so fast? Did we really have two days because it didn’t feel like we did! Anyway. It’s Monday, and I’m not terribly impressed with that. I want to be in bed, but the house looks like it does after a weekend in with the 6 of us. Mount Laundry has grown, since I did a total of two loads of washing over the weekend. No fair. I didn’t even get dressed this weekend. On Sunday I changed from one pair of pyjamas into another. I blobbed, all weekend, and I’d like to say I don’t regret it, but if you could see my messy house...sigh.

I blobbed because Friday was such a mare. It started off stupid. Hubby woke me up and I started talking immediately about which of the three TV ads he had just showed me I thought was the best one. He kept saying “no honey, it’s time to get up” and I kept saying “I know, but you asked me to vote so I like the third one”. I got grumpier and grumpier as he kept trying to tell me I needed to wake up, it was time to get up, and I, still in the middle of my dream, couldn’t understand why he was being such a moron and repeating the same thing over and over again and why wasn’t he listening to which ad I wanted to vote for? It wasn’t until after my coffee about half an hour later, when Hubby was already at work, that I realised what I’d been saying and I had to txt him to apologise. The saddest part is, this happens a lot.

By late morning I got a txt from Hubby, he was at the hosp having a chest xray to check for pneumonia. Thank God it was just a chest infection that was clearing up now thanks to the antibiotics he was already taking. I freaked him out the night before when I said he was showing the same symptoms as when he had pneumonia a couple of years ago, so had pretty much scared him into going to get checked out. But I’m not sorry. It’s good to know for sure. So when he txted to say he’d been given the all-clear, I was so relieved. Shortly after that my baby was soundly asleep and I thought all was right with the world (as you do when you have a sleeping baby in the middle of the day). So I put a load of washing on and started to make myself some lunch. As soon as I put it in the microwave the baby woke up. So I sat down on the couch with him and offered him my breast and he quickly started to fall back to sleep again. Then the phone rang. It was the school. My Princess was playing chase at lunchtime and as she turned to run away from someone she ran straight into a metal pole, leaving her with a pretty nasty bump on her head. So I woke the baby up again and got in the car to go and check out how bad it was. Got there and she was sitting in the sick bay with an ice pack on a blood everywhere. This was more than just a nasty bump, this was a huge lump with an open gash above her left eye, and she was sitting there looking rather stoned. She was dizzy and nauseous, and couldn’t remember where she’d been when she’d bumped her head. So I took her to the doctor and he cleaned her up and gave her a paper stitch and pretty much confirmed for me that we need a new, better, more thorough doctor (I won’t go there, can’t think about that this morning...)

So anyway, by the time we were done at the docs, we had time to drop in at Hubby’s work briefly so he could kiss her and cuddle her and make a fuss over her before we had to head back to the school to pick up the Boy. Then the usual chaos that is the after-school routine of snacks, dishes, homework, preparing tea, all of that, but at least the drama of the day was over. Or so I thought. Just as we were about to have tea, the baby started coughing so terribly that his face went very red. Then he seemed to not be able to breathe properly. He came right for a few minutes, and snuggled in to me wanting the boob, so I gave it to him and he started making this horrible gasping sound, like he was only taking half a breath, then suddenly screamed and threw up. Another mad dash to A&E, which it turned out was not necessary, he was fine, just had a cold, but his chest was clear of fluid, it was probably just phlegm in his throat. The stupid thing is, I had actually thought that was going to be the case. I only rushed him to the doctor because I was already in a state of panic, since my beautiful daughter now looked like this:

Add to that the whooping cough thing we watched on TV the other night, which has led to Hubby constantly asking if the baby’s ok, if I think he’s getting better or worse, if I think he needs to see the doctor, and the fact that I myself was feeling crappy and horrible, and I might be forgiven for totally overreacting and wasting the time of the lovely nurses and doctors at the emergency department. She asked me “first baby, is it?”

So yea, on the weekend I blobbed. Didn’t even get dressed. And now it’s Monday and I wish I’d done just a little bit more around the house on the weekend, because it looks like we had an earthquake. No, a volcano erupted. Mount Laundry erupted, and has spewed clothes all over the place. Possible fatalities.

Right, better get onto it.

Happy Birthday Ma!

2012-05-19T15:49:00.000+12:00

I’m breaking one of my new rules, and blogging with readers in mind...well, one reader in particular: my mum. It’s my mum’s 59^thbirthday today (she’s going to be so stoked I mentioned her age). Back in February, on my sister’s birthday I dedicated a post to embarrassing stories about her. Knowing that my mum reads my blog, I didn’t want her to think I love my little sister more than I love her, so I’ve put together a little collection of stories about her too. This is for you, Ma. You’re welcome. J

#1 – The Time She Knocked Herself Out With Hedge Clippers

She was gardening, trimming some trees, and she had a set of loppers, or hedge clippers or whatever they’re called. They’re like giant scissors with long handles. Anyway. She lifted them above her head to cut a branch, and as she cut, she brought the handles together as fast and hard as she could – on either side of her own head. Smack, right to the temples. Knocked out cold. You know how some things are funny later on down the track? This was so dumb it was funny almost immediately. Even my mum laughed about it later that day. Honest.

#2 – The Time She Scared a Bunch of Kids

My little sis was having a sleepover birthday party, I think she was about 9 or 10 at the time. Anyway, my mum decided it would be a good idea to tell a scary story and make things a bit more exciting. She made up a story about a ghost dog that lived in a wrecker yard. The thing about my mum is whenever she’s telling a joke or a story she likes to add the people she’s telling it to into the story. So she added a couple of girls with very similar traits to the girls at the sleepover into her story about the ghost dog, and said the dog was after them. Then to shake things up a bit, she places the setting at the wrecker yard next door to our house. Chaos ensued. One girl was so upset she had to call her mother to pick her up.

#3 – The Time She Got Stuck in a Children’s Slide

I wasn’t there for this one, but it deserves a mention anyway. She was on holiday with her hubby, road tripping it on their way north. I’m told they stopped at some sort of children’s playground and mum decided she wanted to have a go on the slide. The slide designed for small children. The slide that was the right size for a small child. Of course, she got her butt stuck half way down. And her darling hubby rushed to her aid. No he didn’t. He rushed to the video camera and filmed it. And I wish I could share the video here, but I can’t so you’ll all just have to close your eyes and visualise it and chuckle to yourselves. Hehe.

#4 – The Time She Thought She Was Drowning

This is my favourite! My mum can’t swim, but that doesn’t stop her from getting in the water from time to time. On this particular day, she had gone to the river with my big sis and bro in law, and they were playing around, splashing about and paddling, and I think my brother had taken a rubber inner tube to ride down the river on. Somehow or other, my mum ended up being swept off her feet. That river can be quite quick some days. So she was carried along a couple of metres, the whole time screaming her head off, calling to my brother to “hellllllp” at the top of her lungs. She was clutching at everything she could, thrashing about and screaming, the picture of a drowning woman. Until my brother took a couple steps towards her and said “stand up”. He took her hand and helped her stand up in the slightly-over-ankle-deep water. And then her darling hubby grabbed the camera and took a picture of her being led by the hand out of the shallow waters, the terror still plain on her face. So hilarious.

***I have spoken t her since I posted this and she insists that the water was deep where she got in. (I promised her I would add this if she sent me the above photo.) Hahaha!

I’ve run out of time now to continue telling stories, so here’s some old photos of her instead:

Mum, I hope you have a good laugh at this post. I could have written a lovey-dovey post about how it’s your birthday and how you mean so much to me, but you and I both know that would be weird and nowhere near as amusing. So have a giggle, and if necessary, go ahead and plot your revenge.

I love you Ma. Hope you have an awesome birthday.

Wordless Wednesday #photoadayMay Days 9-16

2012-05-16T08:00:00.000+12:00

Day 14. Grass

Day 15. Love

Other WW Participants:

This isn't really about a haircut...

2012-05-15T20:31:00.001+12:00

Last night Hubby and I told our teen that he needs to get a haircut, probably next week.

He erupted. It was insane. He was defiant – “I’m not cutting it, I don’t care what you say, it’s not happening.” He tried bargaining – “I promise if a teacher tells me I have to cut it I will then.” He yelled and screamed, and then stormed off to his bedroom. “You guys are retards!”

Then we had our family meeting, which we usually have on Sunday nights, but didn’t this week so it was last night instead. He sat with his face in his hands, crying through most of it. When we got to the part where we talk through any personal issues we’re having, he finally looked up and said he wanted to talk about his hair. “Everyone will laugh at me and say I look like a retard” he said. He gave us the lowdown on how it works at high school. Someone gets a haircut. Everyone (including him) laughs at them and makes fun because they look different. This goes on for several days.

I’m sitting there listening, calmed down now from the arguments that followed his initial reaction to the Haircut Proposal, and just ready to give my son the full attention he needs so he can explain the horror that is his fate if we cut his precious hair. And it doesn’t sound all that bad to me. So a few kids laugh at you for a few days. You laugh with them, right? Or you turn it around and ask “haven’t you ever had a haircut before? Make them feel silly for laughing at pretty much nothing. Right? No big deal...

But it is a big deal. Because he’s sitting there talking about it with tears streaming down his face. It’s a very big deal to him. And that’s a big deal to me.

What has happened to his confidence? Why is he so afraid of being made fun of and laughed at? He used to be the type of kid who would thrive on the attention and enjoy the chance to laugh at himself. I always thought of him as outgoing and confident, but this boy, crying at the mere thought of turning up at school with his hair shorter, is not the picture of healthy self-esteem I had in my mind. I’m so surprised and bothered by this. At first I thought he was resisting the haircut idea because of vanity. Sounds awful, but I thought he was just being a bit of a poser. It never for a second crossed my mind that he just didn’t have the confidence to deal with a little bit of sarcastic ridicule from some kids at school. What has happened to my “try-anything-once” fun-loving guy? Have I not been building him up enough? And what else does he refuse to try because he doesn’t have the confidence?

He’s getting a haircut. He needs one, badly. A few kids laughing at him aren’t going to be the end of the world, so he’s getting one. But my eyes are opened. My boy needs a boost. I need to pray for him, praise him more, build him back up to the confident guy he was, the guy he pretends to be. I’m aware now. I’ve heard him. He asked to keep his hair long, and I’ve heard what the real issue is, behind the anger, behind the appearance of vanity, behind even the childlike explanation he gives to explain his need.

And it makes me wonder...how often, when I ask God for something, does he hear behind it all what my real issue is? How many times, when I think my prayers are unanswered, has he actually provided for a different need that I didn’t know I had – that He’d identified through my frustrated tears and childlike explanation of my needs and desires? Because if I do it for my child, then so must He.

Why I'm sick of blogging

2012-05-14T11:26:00.001+12:00

I’m sick of blogging.

For the last little while my blog posts have required a lot more effort and motivation than I’m used to. I post just to keep my blog active, rather than because I feel I have something relevant to say, and I think this shows. I make every post pic-heavy, to make up for the lack of writing. And while I love sharing the photos of my kids, I find the whole act of blogging quite boring lately.

I’m not planning on chucking it in – I don’t think that’s where this is going. I probably would quit, but for one thing – I so love reading back over my old blog, from years ago, and reliving those days of 2 kids and the life we were living back then. But I do need to change things around here, so that this is a worthwhile thing for me to spend time doing.

I’m writing as I think here. I have no idea where this post is even going, it’s just happening as I write it. And I’m ok with that, because I think that’s the only way I am going to find my blog voice. Forget about polished. Just write what I think, as I think it. Which I think is problem #1 with why I’m sick of blogging: My blog doesn’t express my personality.

I’m almost 32. I’m finally in a stage of my life where I comfortable with who I am. I know what I like, and what I don’t like. I have very strong opinions on most things and I have no problem expressing them, even if they’re different from others, because I know I’m not an idiot and I give everything a lot of thought (actually I can often tend to overthink most things) and at the end of the day, I’m not so close-minded I can’t end up changing my mind after giving it more thought. I remember reading, I think it was in Velvet Elvis, that the Christian journey is one of constant wrestling with ideas, not just a set of beliefs that are firm and unmoveable. I agree with that. There are absolute truths of course, like what is and what isn’t, but it’s in how we respond to those truths that I think we all need to be more flexible. The grey areas of life, like breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding, or whether or not gay marriage should be legal. We all have opinions, and I do too, yet I never talk about them on here. I find that boring. Because it’s a huge part of who I am. I think about these things, yet if you read my blog you’d never know it.

I’m not saying I want to get all serious and start posting lectures about controversial issues. I hate reading blogs like that. But I should be expressing myself more truly, and when something is on my mind, just write about it and post it and not worry about whether or not those of you reading this will be interested or agree with me or remove me from your reading list.

Which leads me to problem #2: I’m a bit of a comment-whore. I love it when I open my email inbox and find that someone has left me a comment. It lets me know that people are actually visiting my blog and reading it, and that I’m not just talking to myself. But when I post something – or don’t post something – with readers, comments, page hits, shares, followers in mind, it takes away from the honesty of my writing. It means that I am absent from my writing. And if I never really engage with what I’m writing, neither will anyone else. So I need to stop checking my blog stats, stop thinking about how to get more traffic, and most importantly stop censoring myself. I’ll just write what I want to write and stop worrying about who’s reading it.

The blogs I love the most, that I click on straight away when I see that they have a new post, are the ones who do just that. They write whatever’s on their mind at the time and don’t apologise for their views. Their experiences are real and personal, and yet so typical to mums everywhere that by opening up on their blogs they create a bridge between themselves and their readers. We laugh together, cry together and pray together.

When I read those blogs, the ones that feel as if they are holding a mirror in front of my face, a bunch of things happen.

1. I feel less alone, because someone is going through the same things I am going through. Whether its teething babies, or questions of faith, or frustrations in marriage, it’s important to feel like it’s all a normal part of life and you’re not the only one on the planet having that experience.

2. Often I laugh at myself, which really helps me see that experience in a different light and not get so hung up on what is probably only a stage that will pass soon enough.

3. I am inspired – to do something, to stop doing something, to change something, to create something or just to enjoy what I have.

The interesting thing about each of these blogs (the ones I’m thinking about as I write this) is that each of them is different from the others, because they each have their own authentic voices. Even if they all posted about the same thing on the same day it wouldn’t sound the same. Which leads me to problem #3: I haven’t been writing in my own voice. This is probably the biggest problem, and why I have been finding it so hard to sit down and write.

Back when I wrote about getting back into blogging, I found it inspiring to read a lot of other blogs. I found some that I really love and still enjoy reading, but because I find their work so great it’s hard not to get into the “I need to write like that” kind of thinking. I mostly read other “mummy blogs” because that is what I like to read, and they all had certain things in common. I felt that as a “mummy blogger” I had to be writing a certain way: funny or cute stories about my kids; crafting projects; photography; homeschooling; fashion; or tips for home making and all of that. I felt I had to fit into one of these “mummy blogger” categories. I don’t craft, I’m not a photographer and I don’t have the time or expertise to write tutorials. So my blog doesn’t really fit in the “mummy blogger” world, if that is what it has to be. I have lots of cute stories about my kids, but actually, they have their own blogs. I’m not sure if I can stand to try and fit in anymore with my perception of the “mummy blogger” label. Who cares?

And that brings me to problem #4: I’m trying too hard, and it’s killing the enjoyment of the whole thing. Back when I was trying to find my “blogging mojo” I read lots of tips and advice about blogging. I followed the advice I was reading, and when I did, I gained a bunch of new followers, so I kept following the advice. I joined in linky parties regularly; I took more time “photoscaping” my pictures; I even gave my kids blog names/aliases because that’s what the seasoned bloggers said to do. It was good advice, all of it. But following it has made me miserable and bored. Because I never wanted to be a “blogger”, I wanted to be a writer, and blogging was a platform for it.

So I’m giving up blogging and going back to writing.

I’ll still join in with linky parties from time to time, when it suits me, but not all of them and I will link up if I see one that suits a post I’m already doing, rather than creating a post for a link-up. I’ll still share pictures, because it makes me happy to, but not necessarily in every post. If I continue with #photoadayMay it will be on my Facebook page – feel free to join me there. And I’ll still enjoy reading the blogs that I love, and new ones that I find, but when it comes to my own blog I need to start embracing who I am. Some will enjoy my blog more, some will not. But I’ll enjoy it.

Mothers Day - and a Happy Birthday to my Boy

2012-05-13T15:57:00.000+12:00

My family gave me some lovely treats when I woke up this morning. J

Eleven years ago today I celebrated Mothers Day in hospital. I spent the day in labour and gave birth to my second adorable son. It was the best Mothers Day gift I ever received.

Today again, Mothers Day again has landed on the 13^thof May, bringing back memories of that day eleven years ago and leaving me to winder where the time has gone so quickly. He was so little once. Now he’s growing up too fast, independent and opinionated. And still as fascinating as the day the midwife first placed him in my arms, to hold forever, to bring a new dynamic to our then-little family.

A friend for his brother.

June 2004

He came up the hospital with his dad later that day to meet his new little brother. He was just 3 years old and so, so fascinated. I remember being surprised at how easily he was able to pronounce his new little brother’s name. He had trouble with new words back then. Hearing it roll off his tongue so easily made our new little guy seem all the more perfect.

Boy is sitting in front of the TV now, watching Tintin. He’s tired and grumpy after a big night celebrating his birthday, playing Singstar and Guitar Hero with his friends until late, and then spending half the night talking and giggling.

He’s had fun, but he’s had enough. And a little bit, all I keep thinking is “Yay. He’s still my little boy.”

He still needs an early night, cuddles, someone to tell him to eat something other than chocolate cake. He’s growing up, but he’s not grown up. And since this is also Mothers Day, I’m allowed to enjoy that fact.

Day 7. Someone that inspires me

2012-05-07T19:15:00.000+12:00

Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz and several other awesome reads. My absolute favourite author, because he is honest and good and authentic in his faith. I just like the way he thinks.

Find his books HERE

Follow his blog HERE

Some Donald Miller quotes:

“Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.”

― Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road

“It occurs to me it is not so much the aim of the devil to lure me with evil as it is to preoccupy me with the meaningless. ”

― Donald Miller

“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.”

― Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road

“...sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself...”

― Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

“Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe.”

― Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

“I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I was into habit.”

― Donald Miller

“My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and there are some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care.”

― Donald Miller

“...I want my spirituality to rid me of hate, not give me reason for it.”

― Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

“Today I wonder why it is God refers to Himself as 'Father' at all. This, to me, in light of the earthly representation of the role, seems a marketing mistake.”

― Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

*I did not take the above picture. I found it via google search. I took the one at the top, of the back of one of his books, and so I'm submitting that for today's #photoadayMay theme: Someone that inspires me. My kids inspire me too, and I suppose I could have taken a picture of them for today's theme. But I wanted to do something different, because a bunch of people already posted pics of their kids. Which is sweet, of course, but I like to be different. And Don inspires me in a totally different way to my kids. They make me want to be a better person, reach further, try harder. Don makes me feel comfortable in my own skin, and he makes me accept myself as I am. More than that, he makes me believe God accepts me as I am. I need both kinds of inspiration. And since there's already lots of photos of my kids on my blog, and there will be lots more, Don, you can have this one day.

I don't even know why I feel the need to explain...

Meanwhile, as I've been waffling on, the baby has fallen asleep in my lap and now my butt cheeks are numb. Gosh, he's heavy.

xo

Me

2012-05-07T10:20:00.000+12:00

I didn't get a chance to do yesterday's #photoadayMay. Normally I'd just leave it, but I thought if I do most of them and then skip the 'Me' prompt it might look dodgy, like I have something to hide. I have the opposite of something to hide - I'm a 'let it all hang out' kind of girl.

So here's me:

This is me for most of the hours of the day. Stuck to the couch breastfeeding a very hungry bubba. I do have better, prettier, more glamorous breastfeeding photos. I even have a couple of professional shots, and I have the final proof of a 2-metre pull-down banner for Breastfeeding NZ that Froggie and I were photographed for. But this doesn't feel all that glamorous! My boobs sag down to my knees, and if I go all day without wearing a bra my back aches. And yesterday when Froggie fell asleep he bit down so hard I cried. Oh how beautiful and serene. Not.

So that's me, for most of the morning, and last thing at night. And this is me the rest of the time:

Hahahaha!

Photo A Day - Day 5 - Bird

2012-05-05T20:07:00.000+12:00

It's actually really hard to get a decent photo of a bird with a really average camera. Or maybe it was just me. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that it's duck-shooting weekend. Whatever it was, I gave up.

And then my beautiful Princess drew me an awesome picture. She's so cool. J♥

#photoadayMay
Day 5. Bird

Things I'm Loving

2012-05-04T23:51:00.001+12:00

Linking up with PaisleyJade

~ Loving that Froggie FINALLY said Mum-mum-mum! J

~ Loving that it’s hockey season again. I am so looking forward to the kids’ first game next week (this week’s game didn’t happen in the end), and this year Princess is playing too. J

~ Loving the warm weather we had today. Loving also that thanks to Hubby and his Father and Brother, we have plenty of firewood for when it does get cold. J

~ Chocolate. (Always loving chocolate.) J

~ Loving The Shack. Reading through it slooooowly, and just absorbing it a few sentences at a time. Loving what it’s doing to me. J

~ Loving #photoadayMay

I love everything about it. I love the daily themes, looking for things in my day to match the theme, taking the photos, and looking at others’ photos and seeing how creative people are. And I love how Chantelle posted about how Photo a day has been a welcome distraction for women suffering from depression and has give them a little lift in their day. This has been my experience, and it’s beautiful to know there are others out there like me who have found the positivity in this little challenge, and let it be a sweet part of our days. J

Here’s today’s photo: Fun!

Day 3 - Something I wore today

2012-05-03T23:48:00.000+12:00

I'm pretty late posting this today. Actually I almost forgot. And now everyone's tucked up in bed and I'm laxing out in front of the tele in my jim jams - which I am NOT going to photograph and show you.

So, here:

I am obsessed with this nail polish. I looooove the colour.

And yes, I am aware that it is chipping because I haven't applied a clear top coat and have been wearing it around like that for about a week, but hey...

it's Friday tomorrow.

#photoadayMay

From the archives - Birth of a Princess

2012-05-03T12:03:00.001+12:00

I received an email comment this morning from someone interested in adding my 'Baby is Here' post to a collection of birth stories. I have been thinking for a while that I should write Froggie's birth story, but have never got around to it. It's going to be a hard one to write, since his was the toughest birth for me. Looking back on it does not give me good feelings, which is sad, because I had such a different experience with the other three.

But it did get me thinking, and as I sat with my morning coffee I had a wee look through my old blog (yes that's right, this is not my first. I was blogging way back when, before blogging was cool) and dug up Princess's birth story. I thought I'd share it here, because it was such an amazing day and I do love the reminder of what an awesome and holy experience it was bringing her into the world.

________________________________________________________________________________

Victoria Faith is here. She held out till the very last and then shot into the world at incredible speed at 11:14pm last night. It shocked us the way she kept us waiting on 'high alert' as our midwife put it, for so long, and then suddenly at full speed decided to make her entrance into our world.

I had been having some fairly painful contractions off and on for a while, starting and stopping several times in the last few weeks. I'd gotten to the point where when I began to have somewhat strong labour pains at 4.30am I didn't take much notice thinking it was probably more of the same. I woke with each contraction, but dozed off in between, until at 6 o'clock I felt I wanted to be up and active so I got up and made breakfast. Chris woke up shortly afterwards to the sound of my moaning in the lounge. I just told him it probably wouldn't amount to anything and since we had planned to go looking at a few garage sales that morning I said I thought we should still go. So we dropped the kids off at Mum's - her and Pete had plans to take our boys and Josh to a model train show at Pioneer Stadium, and we headed off to some garage sales. I say we, but really I sat in the car while Chris went into most of them, because I just became more and more uncomfortable and sore as time went on. I know it might seem silly but because I'd already waited so long for the baby to come, it was almost lunchtime before I said to Chris 'I think I might really be in labour' and so we decided to go home for some lunch before we picked up the boys, that way we could time the contractions and let mum know if things were well on their way.

It didn't take long after that to recognise that this was it, and so we got ready to go into hospital. Mum and Karla came over to sit with the boys, Nelly & Charlie showed up after tea. My contractions grew stronger and more painful. The midwife came and checked me over and left again and I carried on.

After the kids went off to sleep and all was quiet I dozed a little on the couch between contractions. Chris said he was going to make some cheese toasties. The poor guy ended up burning them because all of a sudden my pains became hard and fast. Then he didn't even get to eat them because I suddenly said 'I need to go NOW' and he immediately dropped everything, picked up my jacket and got me into the car. We were there in no time at all. He'd phoned the midwife, who had phoned the hospital so the security guy called me by name when he let us in, which was somehow comforting. Chris was my absolute HERO last night as he supported me and I have no doubt in my mind that it would have been impossible for me to get through it without him. It might sound strange coming from a woman who has just given birth, but the whole thing was just as hard for him as it was for me and he did amazingly.

At one point I was in the bath and in terrible pain, and I looked up at him and said 'honey please pray for me.' He said 'I am praying.' I said 'No, pray out loud' and as he did I felt so empowered and instantly relieved and was able to get through the pain. It was incredible.

Later, we were amazed again when I had an overwhelming urge to push, but I had to get out of the bath first. Of course they were coming so hard and fast there was practically no break in between so I was unable to get out. I said to Chris 'I can't handle this.' He said 'Yes you can, God won't give you anything you can't handle.' I yelled out 'God, help me' and instantly it was gone! I was able to get out of the bath and back to the birthing room just in time to lean on the edge of the bed and with a few hard pushes gave birth standing up. I had intended to climb onto the bed but the pain hit me so hard I never got there. I just stopped walking, leaned over and out she came! I was still standing there in a towel dripping from the bath and when I looked down to see the midwife's arms holding up to me this little baby wrapped in a bloodied towel I actually laughed and leaned down to touch her face.

It was several minutes before we discovered she was a girl. Chris and I kept saying 'Is he ok?' and then we pulled back the towel to find 'he' was a 'she'. Chris and I looked at each other stunned and he said 'it's a girl honey'. Can you believe I actually went back and rechecked about 10 minutes later - still don't really know why I did that since once is enough and I'd seen it the first time! The two of us kept repeating 'a girl, a girl' over and over, we were so expecting another boy. It was just too perfect.
Now she's laying there sleeping, not even a day old and I'm still in shock that I have a daughter. Victoria Faith. Named to reflect our journey with her so far and all that she's taught us already about God and who He is and who we are in relation to Him.

I'm excited by the sense that she will have more to teach us. I'm thrilled by the inkling I have that she will turn our world upside down, not just for us as a family, but for us as a church and for the world too.

She's different. I can sense that about her. Chris cried this morning, and again as he sat with us at the hospital, as the whole miracle of her being here finally hit him. That is the effect she has. She can make a grown man cry tears of joy and praise God simply by being herself.

I feel so fiercely protective of her, yet at the same time I can sense a strength in her that leaves me reassured that she is full of the power of God that will keep her protected. She is so special.

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Wordless Wednesday - Skyline

2012-05-02T11:04:00.001+12:00

Photo taken by Wiseguy

#photoadayMay

Day 2 - Skyline

Link up to

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Peace

2012-05-01T14:23:00.000+12:00

Peace is...falling asleep in the arms of someone who loves you.
Peace is...never having to worry about where your next meal is coming from.
Peace is...hearing "I love you" a million times a day.
Peace is...having someone to hold your hand, and carry you through the difficult things.
Peace is...being surrounded by people who want the best for you.
Peace is...having someone wrap their arms around you when you're sad, scared or lonely.
Peace is...having someone to pick you up when you fall.
Peace is...looking into the eyes of one who knows all your worst moments, and knowing that what they see in you is Greatness.

#photoadayMay

Moments of Light

2012-04-30T14:27:00.000+12:00

I've been in a bit of a haze lately. This morning feels different, like the fog has lifted a bit, so I thought I’d take the time to write down some of what we’ve been up to lately. It’s been a busy time, but mostly I’ve just been struggling to keep my depression from swallowing me whole, and that’s a full time job some days. But there are some moments of light.

~ We recently started having once a week ‘Family Meetings’ on Sunday nights. We have some family devotions, which involve talking through scripture, and then share praise points from the past week. Last night, Boy said he was thankful to Wiseguy for calming him down when he’s scared at night. I was all awwww until Wiseguy cracked up laughing and said that Boy is only scared at night because he purposely reads a book about natural disasters before lights out and then gets all freaked out about asteroids and global warming. LOL.

~ Hubby and I actually got to have a real conversation yesterday, almost uninterrupted! One of those where-to-from-here talks, when it’s just the two of us, Jesus, and a cup of good coffee. The kind we usually have to go on holiday to achieve. I think that might be partly why I’m feeling a little better today than I have for a while. Nice to know we’re still on the same page, and still moving forward.

~ Froggie has learned to say “Don’t”. Hubby and I were playfighting – ok, actually he was on the laptop and I started biting him to annoy him – and Hubby started yelling don’t at me. Next thing we know, there’s Froggie, all serious, his hand up, yelling “Don’t!” clear as day. Now he spends half his time telling people off and then laughing at them. (I just offered him a piece of my toast. He threw it on the ground, put his hand up and said “don’t!” with a rather stern look on his face. It’s cute right now, but I bet it’s gonna get old pretty fast.)

~ Sports start this week. I’m half-in-half between looking forward to it and dreading it. The weather has well and truly changed over the weekend. We had thunder and lightning this morning, ugh. So ewww to the thought of standing down at the hockey turf late into the night on Wednesday in the rain, but at the same time, yayyy a new hockey season! I actually love watching my kids play hockey, and this year both Boy and Princess have joined the school teams. It will be the first time for Princess, so I can’t wait to see how she goes. Wiseguy has signed up for boxing as his school sport. He’s pretty excited about it, thankfully it’s during school time so I don’t get to watch.

~ Photo-a-day April was a lot of fun, even though I didn’t do every day (let’s face it, we all knew I wouldn’t do every day, but I actually surprised myself with how often I did remember to do it). Tomorrow is a new month, and a new list. I think I’ll do it again in May, since I enjoyed this month so much. Once again, don’t expect too much, I probably won’t get around to doing it every day of May, because it’s meant to be a fun challenge, not a discipline to stress this busy mum out. Let me know if you’re joining in, so I can check out your photos. J

Photo A Day - Day 26 - Black & White

2012-04-26T16:37:00.001+12:00

I so love this little guy.

He makes me smile every day, no matter what's going on

just by being himself.

He has a sense of humour, he's cheeky and fun.

He's brave, adventurous and outgoing.

And he snuggles into his mummy and hugs tightly.

This morning, after we'd dropped the kids off at school

I was putting him into his carseat

and he gave me a big gorgeous smile

and started chatting away in his funny way

and I thought

'I never want you to go to school'.

This is such a special time.

The loads of washing and the lack of sleep can't change that.

I so love this little guy.

Photo A Day - Day 25 - Looking Down

2012-04-25T20:28:00.000+12:00

Princess and I had the chance to have some Mummy/Daughter time today for the first time since baby was born. She mentioned a couple of days ago that we haven't had any time out together for ages, and at first I thought we'd had plenty of time together, but as she pointed out, we always have the baby with us, because he is breastfed on demand. My poor little girl was craving some one-on-one time with me. So with today being a public holiday we took the chance to head off to the park together for some golf and a fun photo scavenger hunt. It was so lovely just being with her and listening to her talk and laugh and just being silly together without a baby in my arms. And look at her. Look how beautiful she is.

xo

ANZAC Day

2012-04-25T07:00:00.000+12:00

Source

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About my recent barely-there blog posts...

2012-04-25T00:43:00.000+12:00

I know it’s been a while since I wrote a proper blog post and really explored my thoughts, but I have a very active, playful baby at the moment. Froggie is busy these days exploring every corner of the house and when he’s not crawling or climbing all over the furniture, he’s chatting away and smiling and laughing, and just generally being awesome.

Then there’s the other three, who are equally awesome and full of energy. Between them they have 2 different schools, 3 sports, choir, 3 different blogs of their own, which I manage, more Photo-A-Day fun, reading, writing, and maths practice, cross-country training, a birthday coming up, an assortment of friends and 3 very vibrant and outgoing personalities that need nurturing. Not to mention all the food they eat, the clothes they wear, the rooms that need cleaning and a ~~million~~ billion questions that need answering every day. So you’ll forgive me if I don’t spend as much time writing for a while!

Any time that I do get to spend on the computer, is usually when I’m sitting down on the couch feeding Froggie, so I’m typing one-handed. Not something I’m particularly good at (or very fast). So, for a season at least, I might be posting in short bursts, a sentence or two with a photo. Because I love these people and I don’t want to miss a second of it.

Photo A Day - Day 24 - Something I'm Grateful For

2012-04-24T19:09:00.001+12:00

He cooks half the time, despite the fact that he works all day. He does it without complaining, despite the fact that there's always someone who moans that it's not what they like to eat. I'm grateful. xo

Photo A Day - Day 23 - Vegetable

2012-04-23T10:46:00.000+12:00

These two cuties love munching on raw carrot.

Photo A Day - Day 22 - The last thing we bought

2012-04-22T18:27:00.001+12:00

Oh how I wish this was a picture of an iphone.