If you have not already, added your signature to the petition, you can do so here.

Keep up the awe-inspiring work.  Let’s stop those all-powerful bastards from turning off the Internet once and for all.

Nick

However, I’m not as stupid as these two dumb-ass pilots.

Talk about a BIG oops! I know the passengers probably weren’t at any risk. Pilot naps probably occur far more often than we’d like to know, but these morons blew it. Guys! Set a freakin’ alarm. You can fly a multi-million dollar aircraft, but misconfigure an alarm on your cellphone? Seriously? I should talk… It is probably easier to fly a plane than it is to properly configure the settings on most of today’s cellphones.

The pilots stated that they were in a heated conversation about airline policy and simply had been distracted. Well, the FAA has pulled the black-boxes on the plane. I’m guessing the conversation will sound something like this:

(Hum of engines…)

…ahem.

(Hum of engines…)

..ahem… ahem… Huh? Oh shit!!!

Good luck on the unemployment line guys. It’s a mess out there.

Father of the internet, Al Gore says, “We had a good run, but after 20-some years of trying, it is pretty evident that this network of inter-connected computers systems is clearly not a viable means of shared communication.”

The news has caused a mad-dash of traffic to pornography sites by users hoping to stockpile enough material to sustain themselves.  Joey Butello, CEO of rawanimalsexwithmidgetsandsteamshovels.com, say he has noticed a major influx of traffic by “money-paying sick-fu*ks” to his site. “When I started rawanimalsexwithmidgetsandsteamshovels.com, I knew there was a niche market that wasn’t gettin’ served. I never dreamed that business would explode like this! It sucks hairy balls that it has to end.”

Similar increases in traffic have been noticed on the social networking sites MySpace and Facebook where users have been posting goodbyes to friends they have never actually met.  This excerpt was taken from college freshman Jason Thomas’ wall:

“Dudes! The news is sooooooo sad! Think I’m going to spend the next couple months finishing off all those beer surveys I never got to. Been totally whack getting to know you all!”

When asked what he will do when the Internet is finally turned off, Thomas stated, “I’ll probably get a big bag of weed and like a job or something.”

- National Press Services

If you would like to keep the internet turned on, let your voice be heard. A petition, “Do Not Turn Off The Internet,” can be found here.

I can just imagine what’s spinning around in Obama’s head (there seems to be plenty of room in there for unconstrained movement).  Perhaps a government mandate requiring all employers to hire an additional 5% of their current staff level?  Who knows where the money to pay them will come from – perhaps the U.S. could just fire up the presses again…

Better yet, the “Cash-For-Clunkers” program worked so well, so why not use a similar model adapted to employment?  Any worker 60 years old or older could be forcibly retired in the new “Grads-For-Grand-Dads” program.  Hell, that would save employers a bundle in salary expenses!  They may even be able to afford government-mandated healthcare coverage for their remaining employees! 

I know what you’re thinking…  “Grads-For-Grand_Dads” does sound like a marvelous plan, but there are only so many Wal-Mart greeter positions available.  What would happen to all the new retirees your ask?  Obama-lama-ding-dong ain’t no dummy!  There will be a government-mandate to address this.

Many nations have mandatory military service requirements.  Along those lines, in the spirit of patriotic duty, each new retiree will be required to serve two years at Obamaland (the official Barack Obama theme park).  Just imagine the social implications of such a plan…  It would be spectacular!  You may have a retired CFO and a retired welder working side-by-side, brothers, serving fried Obama ears to the masses, both equals.

Anything is possible when you have a Nobel Peace Prize-winning visionairy as a President.

Balloon Boy Family Photo

It now sounds as though charges are eminent in the Richard Heene hot air balloon fiasco.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that I’d been had, but the cops seemed to have taken a bit longer to come to that conclusion.  You can’t blame them though, this is a very serious case and the police need to have all the evidence they require to bring charges.

Richard Heene and his balloon  totally interfered with my mid-day television schedule.  How the hell would I, or anyone else, be able to enjoy their regular programming schedule under such high-stress, dramatic conditions?  I was not able to watch Myth Busters or How It’s Made or any of my usual geeky shows.  I was not able to doze off either.  How could I?  In my mind, there was a six-year-old boy cruising around the sky in a silver bubble.  I think we all need to revisit those circumstances too…

Rules are rules.  What’s to say that little Falcon and his dad weren’t actually operatives for Al-Queda?  In hindsight, the Air Force should have sent up a couple of F16’s to obliterate the potential threat of an unresponsive aircraft heading towards a major metropolitan area.  Falcon’s wings should have been clipped.  But, that is no longer the issue at hand.

Today, I am talking about the penalty for such a shameful hoax.  It is impossible to measure the magnitude of the cumulative embarrassment, stress, and hurt-pride that Richard Heene has caused worldwide.  I’m not even going to mention the long-term effects of the off-the-cuff dialogue the world was subjected to by numerous on-air reporters who really had nothing to say, but continued talking for nearly two hours anyway.

If Richard Heene is found guilty of perpitrating this horrible hoax, I feel that the state should seek no less than the death penalty.  This is America.  Who does he think he is?

I have truly never found anything funnier. I never tire of this and am guaranteed to laugh each time I check it out. This is wrong (but perfect) on so many levels. Enjoy.

I think it’s pretty damn funny that kid’s name is “Falcon.”  Seriously?  I can’t help but feel like I’ve been duped (again).  God am I stupid.  This whole story smells pretty rotten to me.  I think Dad (Richard Heene) has just had a big flippin’ laugh at the entire world’s expense.

The guy sounds like a freakin’ weirdo who probably hangs out in the Arizona dessert with his eyes to the skies begging to be abducted and butt-raped by aliens.  The article mentioned above indicates that his family was twice on TV’s Wife Swap – humm.  Perhaps Dad has missed being in the spotlight. Who knows?

I’m guessing we’ll be hearing more about Richard Heene in the news in the days to come.  This thing wreaks of a hoax.  I really do hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think so.

I have never seen a hot-air balloon like this before – very strange.   Try and catch a view of this… It’s on Fox News right now.  Crazy.  It’s made of Mylar.  It appears that the kid got this thing free from a backyard, hopped on and took off.  He’s all alone up there…

They are trying to figure out how to bring this thing down slowly and safely.  A helicopter with camera is following closely.  It sounds as though this little guy is on a path from Fort Collins, Colorado heading towards Denver.

Send this little guy some good will people (his parents too).  I couldn’t make this shit up if I had to.

Good luck balloon boy and God-speed!

The House has opened it’s welcoming arms to terrorists, murders, and scum of the earth and we’re all paying them to do it! Don’t it feel great?!

With Obama getting his ass-kicked up and down in recent polls (his approval rating has now fallen below 50%), it was time to step it up.  The House needs to keep some wind in the empty-suit’s sails.  People are starting to catch on that the mighty puppet is all talk.

I’m sure the douch-bags who passed this will be in the receiving line passing out care-packs to each of our new citizens.  Oops, I referred to these terrorists as citizens of the United States, but that’s not correct.  I get confused…  They’ll only have the rights of a United States citizen.

I know, I know… Some of these folks are probably innocent.  They’ve been locked up for no good reason.  Right.  How badly do you have to f-up to end up in a foreign prison being held as an enemy combatant?  I’m sure they are all angels.  Poor things.  Let’s bring ‘em to the U.S. and give ‘em a shot!  Perhaps they and their House mommies can go for a day-trip to Chuck E Cheese’s?

I really hope the Senate has enough sense to squash this one, but I doubt it.