Baylight Counseling

Every Child Deserves the Catechisms

2017-04-18T09:20:00.001-04:00

This is a blog for parents, and those who think that they might soon become parents. Admittedly, it's intended to offer up parenting advice (counsel), which in many ways is the last thing some parents find to be in short supply. If this is you, I do hope that you'll find it to be sound, biblical advice worthy of consideration as you continue on or embark upon your parenting journey.

The topic for today is catechism, that strange, archaic sounding word that most evangelicals of today grew up believing was primarily a Roman Catholic thing, if not "high church" Protestantism. I am convinced though, as a dad of four little darlings, that this particular advice is, generally speaking, as valuable for today's generation as ever.

Considered by many to be an out-dated mode of Christian discipleship, the thought of catechizing children today raises more questions than anything. I suspect, however, that many of those questions are rooted in a lack of familiarity with the practice, than direct knowledge and experience.

Assuming a lack of personal exposure for those who may stumble upon this post, let's briefly address the definition of a catechism, and why it seems to me that more of parents today ought to give it a hard look, regardless of the Christian tradition to which they may belong (i.e. Baptist, non-denominational, Presbyterian, etc.).

Cat-A-What-Ism

Let's consider Merriam-Webster's definition of catechism. This alone may dispel some of the rumors.

catechism: (n); cat·e·chism; 1) Oral instruction 2) a **summary** of religious doctrine often in the form of questions and answers [emphasis added]

That's it.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

What makes a catechism good or bad, useful or useless, however, is the substance contained inside.

If we can agree to the basic idea that memorization is an effective (albeit not only) learning tool for young children, and that many of the historic, Protestant catechisms communicate a robust summary of the Christian faith, then the definition given above helps to remove much of the stigma and mystery connected to the catechizing of children.

For Protestant Christians, catechism need not reflect either a return to Rome or a cold-hearted, ivory tower Christianity. In fact, it may be that these few thoughts help us begin the work of building a case for the (re)introduction of catechism into our homes, and, dare I say, many of our churches within broader evangelicalism.

In an era of signifiant biblical illiteracy, catechism presents a low-cost, tested push-back against the failures of biblicism and the "just me and my Bible" movement of the last several decades.

Why Do It

Dr.R. Scott Clark has written insightfully on this matter of catechizing our children, as has Derek Rishmawy at his blog (I recommend you read them). The biblical-theological case for the catechizing of children has been well established in both Scripture and theological writing.

For the purposes of this post, I'd like to offer just one practical-application based argument for catechism. Consider it an abbreviated case study. It comes from a recent experience I had with my own children, in what should have been an innocent dad-and-the-kids-watching-TV moment.

Alas, the culture in which we live will not allow for such a thing, it seems.

I sat down one recent morning with my kids to watch a children's movie they had just been gifted. It was a perfectly fine movie with superb graphics, humor, and music. There were a few "more mature" innuendos that had no business being inserted into a child's movie, but they were mostly over their heads, and not an immediate, discernible threat.

There was one that was of concern to me--one that at least one of my kids would not miss.

The hero of the movie made the following statement: Everyone deserves to be happy.

For the sake of my children and their growth in the gospel and faith in Christ, I could not let that one go. This statement, made by the hero of the movie, and therefore impactful in the mind of a child, was a worldview-shaping, moral-ethical statement on justice that strikes at the heart of the gospel.

Do all people deserve to be happy?

If not, what do they deserve, if anything?

From whom or from where does this happiness flow?

Does the sin of man and the justice of God mitigate this idea?

On what authority do the movie's script writers base their cartoon character's claim?

These and others are the types of questions that a young mind will eventually begin to form with maturity. Absent an organizing structure around which to cling, all of the Sunday school lessons of a lifetime may be reduced to a vague moralism that crumbles in the face of cultural pressure.

As parents, we must recognize that at the point of moral-ethical debate, moments our children will face with increasing certainty, lengthy historical narratives (stories) from the Old Testament that require careful exegesis to properly understand and apply will not serve our children well.

On the other hand, catechism provides the scaffolding that a child's mind, heart, and soul needs in order to relate one to another the various biblical principles that influence moral and ethical decision making. And, unlike lengthy biblical narratives, catechism questions and answers become more readily available to the mind as they are memorized.

Making the Application

So, how did I respond to our little movie scenario?

I turned it into an opportunity for learning across a spectrum of gospel-related issues, with, in this case, the Heidelberg and Westminster Shorter Catechisms and, of course, Scripture as my tools.

I asked my kids (particularly my intuitive and inquisitive six year-old), what the Bible has to say about all people as regards the issue of sin. I took them to Romans 3:23 as a jump-off point. From there, I led them in a brief five-minute discussion of a couple relevant points from the Westminster Shorter and Heidelberg catechisms, as follows:

WSCQ.14: What is sin?

A: Sin is any want of conformity unto, or transgression of, the law of God.

HBQ. 11: Is not God then also merciful?

A: God is indeed merciful, but also just; therefore his justice requires, that sin which committed against the most high majesty of God be also punished...

None of this is expected to neatly wrap up a lifetime of probative questions my children will surely have in the years to come. Still, used in conjunction with the Scriptures, they will possess biblical tools with which to address the messages they receive from the culture around them (and from their own hearts, for that matter).

The use of the catechisms will, among other things, help to craft in them a level of biblical and spiritual discernment that will guard them from blindly accepting "feel good" moral assertions made by the culture. These are the statements that surreptitiously work to undermine the biblical worldview we're attempting to instill in them.

To You and Your Children

While the evangelical church struggles to turn the ship on biblical illiteracy and discipleship, individual families and households can easily and more quickly implement needed change for the good of their children. The benefit to the whole family of the regular practice of catechism is arguably one of its greatest strengths.

Every time I consult the catechisms, this Dad is as encouraged and equipped for the work of ministry as his own children. In this way, catechism becomes a family affair that we all enjoy. After just a short time, my own kids were asking (to my great joy), "Daddy, can we do 'some questions'?" It's hard to argue with that!

For these and other reasons, I would suggest, contra our movie character's declaration that everyone deserves to be happy, that every child deserves to be happily catechized. The promises of God, given to us throughout Scripture, are for them. It's our responsibility and great joy to be used by God as vessels of mercy that communicate these promises to their impressionable minds in ways that will be useful to them.

The catechisms provide for us what may be one of the strongest tools for Christian discipleship ever developed. I say: use them, and use them often.

For added emphasis, recall that while you may forget or neglect to catechize your children, our post-Christian American culture will not.

It has a message for your children.

Do you?

Keep It Going

How have you seen catechism used?

What recommendations would you make?

Scripture: Gen. 17:7; Deut. 6:7; Prov. 22:6; Matt. 19:14; Acts 2:39

~ Joshua Waulk

Has Your Church Partnered with Us?

2017-02-08T10:52:00.000-05:00

The local church is central to all that we do at Baylight Counseling. As a para-church ministry, we exist not to be served by the local church, but to serve by helping our counselees find true and lasting hope in the one who gave his life as a ransom for many, Jesus Christ.

Since 2013, we've been working to refine and make better our ministry services in order to effectively and efficiently serve the local church and her pastors as an adjunct partner for the care of their people. Today, we'd like to deepen those relationships by introducing a new effort: the Church Partnership Program.

Under this program, which will increase in size and scope as time passes, we desire to give to the churches we serve as much as we receive in overall support from them. The goal of this effort is to establish a network of local churches that are finding relief to the questions: Where do we send our people when they need extended counseling, and who can we trust to be faithful to the message of the Gospel?

We believe Baylight is the perfect resource to answer the counseling dilemma for the local church of Tampa Bay, and we invite pastors, elders, and deacons to consider this new opportunity to take a decisive and intentional step for faithful and trustworthy soul care.

In the future, we anticipate additional ministry offerings, to include equipping seminars focused upon common shepherding issues faced by pastors and small group leaders. Partnering churches will have access to these seminars t no additional cost to their church. In the meantime, partnering congregations will enjoy constant contact with us concerning their counseling cases, collaboration on difficult scenarios, and complimentary first sessions for their covenant members.

If you're a pastor who would like to learn more, or if you know a pastor who should know about this opportunity, please feel free to contact us. We'd love to meet with you in person to talk about how Baylight Counseling might become a valuable resource to your church and ministry.

Here's a letter to local pastors that also speaks to this exciting new ministry service (click on link):

Church Partnership Program.

Read Dr. Willy Rice's (Calvary Church) endorsement of Baylight Counseling as a viable option for your church's counseling needs (click on link):

Endorsement Letter

Yours in Christ,

Joshua Waulk, MA

Executive Director

(727) 433-0682

Law, Gospel, and the Measure of Our Faith

2017-02-02T10:34:00.000-05:00

The measure of the authenticity and efficacy of our faith is its object: Jesus Christ.

It is not the production of good works, in either intensity or volume, that saves a man or "transforms the culture,” an extra-biblical but common refrain of modern, “social justice” infused evangelicalism.

Salvation and transformation are categories uniquely under the power and will of the Holy Spirit, but you might not get that when listening to the “Just Do Something” culture of today. The need, contrary to the tone of many streams in evangelical culture today, is to let the fruit of our salvation be that and that alone, recognizing that it is God who is at work in us both to will and to work for his good pleasure (Phil. 2:13).

"These good works, done in obedience to God's commandments, are the fruits and evidences [emphasis added] of a true and lively faith: and by them believers manifest their thankfulness, strengthen their assurance, edify their brethren, adorn the profession of the gospel, stop the mouths of the adversaries, and glorify God, whose workmanship they are, created in Christ Jesus thereunto, that, having their fruit unto holiness, they may have the end, eternal life." Westminster Confession of Faith, 16.2

If we understand or preach or teach good works as anything other than a consequence of our justification and sanctification, we will invariably make them an instrument of our greater salvation. Here, we will fall into the error of neonomianism, that is, a new type of law (i.e. the production of good works) by which a person is made or remains right with God in addition to faith. This is the heart of the error by which so many in our day confuse law and gospel.

In counseling, I frequently encounter this confusion. It can be identified as a source of much emotional and spiritual angst experienced by believers, who can never know if they have produced an acceptable amount or intensity of good works, or, for that matter, if their efforts were directed at the proper cause (an arbitrary matter usually adjudicated by fellow believers who typically demand that the entire church walk in the same direction and pace as they do).

These believers have, whether of their own accord or through errant teaching, come to confess justification by faith alone, while holding to a subtle sanctification by faith and good works. When this happens, the gospel, that message of salvation by grace alone through faith in Christ alone, is at risk of being lost altogether.

The heart that has embraced neonomianism or that confuses law and gospel cannot rest in Christ because it is trusting in something other than, or in addition to the grace and promises of God. Here, the Christian life becomes a burden, rather than a joy, and that is no Christian life at all. Here, the yoke of slavery to law is taken up once more, and the only fruit is the bitterness of failure and inability.

How then can we know if we are at risk of these errors?

There would be the obvious testimony of our conscience, witnessing to us the reality that we have been holding to good works as an instrument of salvation, whether in justification or sanctification. A more subtle indication would be if in any of what has been said here is the thought or concern that the intended message is the degradation of good works.

Nothing could be farther from the truth!

The desire has been to guide or nudge us back toward a proper understanding of the role and nature of good works. The more faithful our understanding of these matters to the teaching of Scripture, the more freedom, joy, and rest we will encounter in Christ, as he alone becomes and is our sole righteousness and hope.

“For the Law has its terminus, defining how far it is to go and what it is to achieve, namely, to terrify the impenitent with the wrath and displeasure of God and drive them to Christ. Likewise the Gospel has its unique office and function: to preach the forgiveness of sins to troubled consciences. Let doctrine then not be falsified, either by mingling these two into one, or by mistaking the one for the other. For the Law and the Gospel are indeed both God's word; but they are not the same kind of doctrine.” Martin Luther, 1532

Soul Care with Spurgeon: Sovereignty and Salvation

2017-01-20T10:21:00.000-05:00

“The world likes a religion they cannot comprehend. But, have you never noticed how gloriously simple the Bible is?” Charles Spurgeon

We recently received an email at Baylight inquiring about counseling services. Not understanding the nature of our ministry, the person asked if we employed “EFT” or “Emotionally Focused Therapy.” EFT is one of the many hundreds, if not thousands of secular counseling theories that mental health therapists may choose to specialize in over-against all the others.

EFT was developed by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. It finds its roots in attachment theory, which states that “humans are hardwired for strong emotional bonds with others.” In EFT, emotional “disconnections” are considered to be one of the underlying issues whenever couples experience discord. Therefore, according to an article published at PsychCentral.com, “The aim of EFT is to help couples overcome these negative cycles, re-establish their connection, and strengthen their emotional bond.”

Taking care to not turn this article into a discussion of counseling theory, the inquiry reminded me of just how pervasive is the psychologizing of the church today. Our friend, in their email, explained that a Christian counselor elsewhere shared with them that EFT was a highly effective treatment option for couples counseling. Taking it upon expert advice, the person set out in good faith to find someone near them who could show them where to find this hope for their marriage.

To be sure, there are true observations made within the theory of Emotionally Focused Therapy. Human beings are indeed “hardwired” for relationships and community. Without question, emotional disconnect in a marriage will provide a foundation for relational dysfunction. To recognize these truths, and to then seek ways to bring healthy emotional bonds back into a marriage is a worthy goal.

But, armed with a biblical understanding of the issues, we understand that these goals, as stated, are not sufficient in and of themselves.

The purpose of marriage, as revealed in Scripture, is not to simply “get along well enough,” but to display the majesty of the Gospel for the glory of God. Within the confines of biblical marriage, husband and wife can learn about and experience together the substance of what it means to “glorify God and enjoy him forever” (WSC 1).

But, as two sinners who have entered into a lifelong covenant together, the biblical vision for marriage will not come so easy. There will be difficulty. The question is, to what or to whom will Christian couples look?

Look Unto God

This week’s edition of “Soul Care with Spurgeon” comes from a sermon that he preached on January 6, 1856, at New Park Street Chapel, in Southwark. The title of the sermon was “Sovereignty and Salvation.” Spurgeon’s text was Isaiah 45:22:

Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other.

In this message, Spurgeon shared just a portion of his conversion story. It had been just six years prior, to the day and almost to the hour, that a teenaged Charles found himself taking refuge in the confines of a small Methodist church from a raging snow storm. Unbeknownst to him, Charles had a divine appointment with God that day, mediated through a country pastor preaching the word of God from the Isaiah passage mentioned above.

Charles recounted how he had been “in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity.” By the grace of God, he came to feel the “bitterness of that bondage, and to cry out by reason of the soreness of its slavery.” In a moment, Spurgeon shared that the “grace of faith was vouchsafed to me.” The pastor, through the command given in Isaiah 45:22, had exhorted his audience, in general, and young Spurgeon, specifically, to “Look!” unto God.

This “looking unto God” because “he alone is God and beside him there is none other” was the thrust of the sermon. Repeatedly, and in various ways, he exhorted his audience to set aside the vanities and philosophies of man in favor of the wisdom of God. “Systems of infidelity pass away like a dew drop before the sun, for God says, ‘I am God, and besides me there is none else,’” Spurgeon warned.

Without question, Spurgeon would have included in these “systems of infidelity” today’s unending stream of psychological theories that attempt to understand and answer the problems of man apart from Scripture. I suspect he would have been incredulous at the thought of a professing believer directing another to look not at God for hope, but at a secular theory of humanity that knows nothing of the cross of Christ.

Spurgeon understood in this sermon that the Gospel, in its simplicity, was not lacking anything. But, in their unbelief, people were then and are now inclined to pursue what they consider to be scientific and even religious sophistication over a bloodied and crucified Savior. For this reason, Spurgeon risked simplicity in his message by exhorting those who were enslaved to sin and suffering to “Look unto God and be ye saved!” There is no stumbling, he said, when a man walks with his eyes turned up to Jesus.

A Simple Plea

Nothing in Spurgeon’s sermon or this post should be construed as suggesting that there is not hard work to be done in soul care, or in understanding how the heart and soul of man interacts with the physical body and brain. Good scientific research in the field of neuroscience is revealing more to us about the otherwise unseen interface between the body and the soul of man. It truly is an exciting time to be involved in psychology, the care and cure of souls.

Equally exciting, however, is the way in which nothing that has been or is being revealed in scientific research proves to be a threat of any kind to the Gospel. Instead, we see science repeatedly affirming what has already been proclaimed in Scripture.

For this reason, while actual, physical science marches on, we confidently echo the cry of Spurgeon in “Sovereignty and Salvation,” that those around us, “Look unto God, and be saved, all the ends of the earth, for he is God, and there is none else.”

Soul Care with Spurgeon: Good Cheer for the New Year

2016-12-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

London, 1866

“Anxiety is vigilance that is out of control. Anxiety is vigilance minus faith in God.”

Dr. Bob Kellemen

On the morning of January 6, 1867, Charles Spurgeon preached a sermon that he titled, “Good Cheer for the New Year.” His text was Deuteronomy 11:12:

The eyes of the Lord your God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year even unto the end of the year.

Of the variety of issues with which Spurgeon dealt in this message, themes related to anxiety, worry, and fear were evidently on his mind. Spurgeon was masterful in preaching to his audience a message that was both true to his text, and useful in its presentation for their sanctification and growth in faith.

On this first Sunday of 1867, Spurgeon knew well that his church needed a clear reminder of the trustworthiness of the promises of God to His “elect ones,” especially when faced with the sufferings of life in Victorian London.

Fearing the Unknown

On the heels of the 1866 cholera epidemic that killed some 5,000 people, many of them children, Londoners, to include those in Spurgeon’s church, were no doubt on edge. Anxiety, worry, and fear would have been ever present temptations for even the strongest of believers. Perhaps, even the Prince of Preachers, himself.

Spurgeon did not preach in a vacuum. Not on this Sunday, anyway. Behind his congregation was a year marked by suffering, with just as many unknowns for the year that lay before them.

Spurgeon commented, “Last year was perhaps the gloomiest of our lives. All the newspaper summaries are like the prophetic roll which was written within and without with lamentations [emphasis added]. The year has gone, and everybody is glad to think that we have entered upon a new one; yet, who knows but what 1867 may be worse?”

Like Old Testament Israel of Deuteronomy 11, Spurgeon was calling his audience to trust in the covenant promises of God, even, or especially, when the circumstances of life seem to dictate otherwise. Spurgeon knew from Scripture, and desired to communicate to his church, that the Christian’s hope is not rooted in hopeful circumstances, but in the biblical truth that, “…the pillar of fire and cloud will never leave us.”

Onward Let Us Go

For many of us, 2016 has been marked by sufferings of its own. Loved ones have been lost. Marriages have regrettably ended in divorce. Sickness has come. Jobs have been lost. Addictions have been uncovered. These are but a smattering of life’s unwanted turns in the year which ends in just a few short hours from now.

Spurgeon preached to his audience after the turn of the New Year into 1867, but with the Bible in his hand and the Gospel in his heart, he exhorted his church to press on in faith. He said to them, and to us who now face the uncertainties of another New Year:

Well, brothers and sisters let it be what God chooses it shall be. Let it be what He appoints: for there is this comfort in the assurance that not a moment from this Sunday night on to December 31, 1867, shall be without the tender care of heaven; not even for a second will the Lord remove His eyes from any of His people.

Spurgeon’s message was not at all fatalistic. Fatalism assumes, among other things, an ambivalent god at least, or a malevolent god at worst. Rather, Spurgeon’s God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, was a good and sovereign God, with whom Spurgeon would boldly proclaim, “…pain becomes pleasure, and dying beds are elevated into thrones, but without God—ah, what could we do?”

Filled with Faith

One of the many temptations faced by ancient Israel was to look back at their years in Egypt, and despite the hardships they endured, to cling to a preference for the difficulties that were known over the anxieties of trusting God with the unknown.

Spurgeon would have none of it for his church.

He reminded them that while the godly face many of the same afflictions as the ungodly, they “…come as a gracious Father’s appointments and they go at the bidding of loving wisdom.”

Spurgeon insightfully added, “By faith the godly man casts his care upon God who cares for him, and he walks without worrying care because he knows himself to be the child of heaven’s lovingkindness, for whom all things work together for good” [emphasis added].

Around the globe, 2016 has been a year marked by suffering. Both the godly and the ungodly have been struck with affliction. But, the difference in how these two people groups examine and interpret suffering can only be measured in the distance from east to west.

In suffering, the godly find meaning, purpose, and value, even if the circumstances are utterly unwelcome. But, for the ungodly, suffering is that which is to be avoided at all cost precisely because it is arbitrary and cold. In this we see why Scripture exhorts the Christian repeatedly to leave anxiety behind. It is utterly useless to them!

In 2017, we will no doubt see that trouble will arise. Spurgeon said, “You have your trials and troubles to come—do not expect you will be free from them. The devil is not dead, and sparks still fly upward.”

Despite this, we can, indeed we must as Spurgeon preached, “March on boldly!” from the beginning to the very end of the year. We have a spring which “never grows dry.” Why then, Spurgeon asked, "should the pitcher ever be empty?"

Join the Discussion

What trials did you face in 2016?

How did God prove Himself faithful to His word?

How do those facts encourage you away from anxiety, worry, and fear at the start of 2017?

Soul Care with Spurgeon: Good Cheer for Christmas

2016-12-23T14:52:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that for many, the fall and winter seasons, connected to holidays such as Christmas and New Year, can be an emotionally and spiritually difficult time. In the clinical mental health world, a diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder for sufferers with a constellation of symptoms is possible, if specific criteria are met.

Those who consider that their experience mirrors the clinical definition of SAD should consider consulting with a medical professional, even as they may also seek non-medical interventions, such as biblical counseling.

For others, sadness and depression during the holidays is linked to life events that are understandably difficult. The loss of a loved one, loss of a job or significant income reduction, family or marital strife, and any number of other risk factors present during the holidays can tempt a person toward sadness, depressiveness, or low mood in a time of year that is culturally conditioned toward joy and happiness.

For those who are struggling emotionally during the holidays, all of this can lead to a greater sense of unmet expectations, failure, hopelessness, bitterness, and frustration.

In many scenarios, the person who experiences these emotions and circumstances can find themselves on a proverbial hamster wheel from which it seems there is no escape.

Fortunately, even when there is a biological component to a seasonal sadness or depression, there are spiritual realities that must be dealt with, and God's word is uniquely sufficient to this task.

Whereas sadness and depression specialize in tempting our eyes away from the hope that belongs to the one who is united to Christ by grace alone through faith alone, the promises of God call and empower the sufferer to fix their gaze upon the One who died to redeem them from the valley.

A Sweet Release

On December 20, 1868, Charles Spurgeon preached a sermon that he called "Good Cheer for Christmas." His text was Isaiah 25:6, which reads:

On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine, of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined.

In this verse, Spurgeon saw "this mountain" as pointing to the church, the "Lord of hosts" as the sole provider of the "feast," the meal itself as the fulness of the Gospel message, and "all peoples" as reflective of the "every tribe and nation" nature of God's redemptive work in the world.

Spurgeon's Christmas message was steeped in theological categories. Themes of justification, law, Gospel, adoption, covenant, and union with Christ were not just present in a hushed tone, but were explicitly drawn out of Isaiah's text, and expounded upon.

We live in an era of the church in America that commonly holds talk of theology and sound doctrine with suspicion. Truth is relative and doctrine divides, we're told by many.

For this reason, many sermons and Christian books are theologically anemic. Spurgeon would say, perhaps, that the feast spoken of in Isaiah 25:6 has been reduced to a fast food menu item, full of carbs, and no "marrow" with which to nourish the suffering, sad, and depressed soul.

For Spurgeon, who struggled with depression himself, and who held the celebration of Christmas in what has been described by Dr. Christian George as a "love-hate relationship" (Spurgeon: Santa or Scrooge?), the Gospel message of Jesus Christ was to the soul "its sweet release from bondage and stress--its mirth and joy!"

He Thought of Me

Spurgeon opened his sermon by noting that while the "entire world in England [was] enjoying themselves with all the good cheer" they could afford, the "servants of God" were to be reminded that they alone held the "largest share in the person of Him who was born at Bethlehem."

Indeed, he writes, "Long before the Lord began to create the world, He had thought of me!" In this Gospel truth, connected, Surgeon would write, to the doctrine of election, the depressed soul finds comfort, joy, and hope in the face of emotions and circumstances which declare a false gospel of hopelessness.

Spurgeon preached to his audience that the loving call of God was "without repentance," that is, that once God set His love upon a man, "...He never turns away from doing him good." Spurgeon desired for his audience, and he would no doubt proclaim today, that in the cold and chaos of the Christmas season, that the sad heart might be warmed by the fires of biblical truth.

Sadness and depression, and particularly those experienced by many during the holidays preach a strong word. But, as has been said before, they often over-estimate the trouble we face, and under-estimate the help available to us in Christ and in His church.

If you struggle during the holidays with a grieving heart, hear the words of Charles Spurgeon preached on a December Sunday in 1868, and be encouraged of this greatest of all truths:

One of the dearest joys of the Christian life is a sense of perfect peace with God. Oh, I tell you when one is quiet for a while, and the din and noise of business is out of one's ears, it is one of the most delicious things in the entire world to meditate upon God and to feel He is no enemy to me, and I am no enemy to Him.

Join the Conversation

Do you suffer from seasonal depression and sadness?

If so, how do you fight for joy and what role does the Gospel message play in that effort?

New Weekly Feature: Soul Care with Spurgeon

2016-12-20T10:40:00.001-05:00

"Reason, thy place is to stand and find out what this volume means, not to tell what this book ought to say." Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Sermon II, The Bible, March 18, 1855, Exeter hall

Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834-1892) is one of modern church history's most beloved preachers of God's word. An English Particular Baptist, Spurgeon was born into mid-nineteenth century England, the son of a common family. Saved as a young teenager on a snowy day in a Methodist church service he had no previous intention of attending, Charles would move to London at the age of nineteen, and go on to a prolific preaching, writing, and ministerial career in the church.

Without the aid of formal theological education, or modern luxuries such as the internet, Spurgeon is estimated to have reached tens of millions of people with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Theologian Carl F. H. Henry would later call Spurgeon, "One of evangelical Christianity's immortals." Fortunately, Spurgeon still speaks to us today through his written and spoken word thanks to book publishing, and incredible efforts to preserve his legacy in places such as The Spurgeon Center for Biblical Preaching at MidWestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

While many Christians today have heard something of this Charles Spurgeon, known in some circles as the "Prince of Preachers," too few have taken the opportunity to read his work beyond what is captured in memes via social media. There are many difficulties with this approach to maintaining an awareness of church history, not the least of which is that sometimes, what we find attributed to Spurgeon on social media he in fact never actually said. Spurgeon-ologist, Dr. Christian George, wrote about this issue here.

Soul Care with Spurgeon

As Charles Spurgeon so greatly influenced the church, particularly through his preaching ministry, and as we at Baylight Counseling hold to the sufficiency of Scripture, the importance of theology and sound doctrine, and the high value of the preaching of God's word, we are undertaking a new and exciting effort to relate fifty-two of Spurgeon's sermons, one per week, to biblical soul care in 2017.

Three motivations we have in view for this weekly blog post, to be published every Friday, are: 1) To admire the work of Spurgeon, and how it relates to biblical counseling, 2) To place a historical church figure before others in order to encourage them to read outside of contemporary work for life change, and 3) To highlight the way in which sound doctrine, the bedrock of true Christian care, arises out of God's word, which never changes, even with the passage of time.

Some may ask, "Why Spurgeon?" We think that's a good and fair question, given the hall of faith we have to choose from in church history. We've chosen Spurgeon in part because of his documented struggle with depression and sadness. Spurgeon was not only (or even firstly) a theologian. He was a man, a person like the rest of us who knew the sufferings of life. Dr. Zack Eswine has reflected well on this in his recent book "Spurgeon's Sorrows." Spurgeon didn't live in an ivory tower, but was a pastor-theologian for us all.

We hope you'll join us each week for "Soul Care with Spurgeon," a look at how the theology and preaching ministry of Charles Spurgeon encourage us to this day in our quest to apply Scripture to life's dominating circumstances. Sometimes, the answers will be obvious, other times, it may take a little extra effort to make application and connect the dots. Whichever the case, we expect it will be worth the investment!

Special Previews

While "Soul Care with Spurgeon" officially kicks off in 2017, we're going to preview this new feature the next two Fridays, December 23 and 30. Our two sermon reviews will include "Good Cheer for Christmas" (1868), followed by "Good Cheer for the New Year" (1867).

In addition, we'll largely be pulling from the Hendrickson Publisher's five-volume work "Spurgeon's Sermons." We'll be starting with volume one, sermon one, so feel free to pick up this set, and follow along!

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us. We'd love to hear from you.

If you'd like to support this work or the work of providing biblical counsel to churches and people from throughout Tampa Bay, we'd be blessed to have you as a ministry partner. Click here to send your gift securely online, or for our mailing address. We are a donor-supported nonprofit ministry--your gifts matter to those we serve!

We pray you have a blessed Christmas season!

~ JW

Reformation 500: Martin Luther for Young Readers

2016-12-15T13:01:00.000-05:00

Martin Luther, Reformation Heritage Books

The 500^th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation is fast approaching, and with it a host of new resources with which to celebrate this world changing era. What took place on October 31, 1517 at the hand of an obscure, Augustinian monk was the recapturing of justification by grace alone through faith alone, a doctrine which Luther said was the article upon which the church stands or falls.

When Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the church door in Wittenberg, he couldn’t have known, indeed had no intention, that he was etching his name into the granite rock of church history. The young man from Eisleben, Germany, who had been preparing to be lawyer but chose to become a monk at the flash of a bolt of lightning, became the catalyst for what would become known as Reformed theology. Those who study his life and life’s work for the spread of the Gospel are blessed.

A New Resource

Luther’s theological works are legion. Their depth and sheer volume have been the focus of scholarly work for generations. Still, Luther is accessible and knowable by all. To this end, author Simonetta Carr and illustrator Troy Howell, in cooperation with Reformation Heritage Books and their series “Christian Biographies for Young Readers,” have joined together to offer parents and their children a new biography on this great reformer of the church.

Set into a book of sturdy construction that ought to last a lifetime if well cared for, Carr takes the reader on a chronological walk through the highlights of Luther’s life and ministry. The prose is accessible to both reader and hearer (i.e. if read aloud by a parent). Parent and child alike will come away from Martin Luther with a clear and articulate grasp of Luther and the effects of his ministry upon the church. As a bonus, the photography and illustrations bring it all together to form a book that young readers will indeed enjoy throughout their years.

The Contribution

Unfortunately, today’s young reader lives in an age that often finds theology and church history to be less than “practical.” The error of this view is clear to those who seek understanding. From a biblical counseling perspective, we understand that theology is not done in a vacuum. Whether we understand it or not, we read Scripture with those who have gone before us. Where ever this is rejected, error is sure to follow.

One of the values of this book, and the others that join it in the series, is the opportunity given to parents to introduce their young reader to church history, in this case, Martin Luther. As young readers engage this beautifully written and packaged book, they will connect the dots between the faith they hold today, and the saints of old, like Luther, who labored for the Gospel so long ago. For parents, this book will help bring a sense of enthusiasm to their child’s heart as they disciple them toward Christ.

A Counselor’s Recommendation

The work of counseling is usually thought of as strictly concerned with clinical diagnoses, and behavior modification. Not so with biblical counseling. We’re concerned with the entirety of the pursuit of sound doctrine and theology, and how they move toward changing a person’s heart. Soul work begins with the faith that Martin Luther came to know, as revealed in Scripture alone, and this book does a masterful job of introducing him.

There are few tasks in this life, if any, that surpass the greatness and responsibility of parenting. In today’s world, parents cannot have too many resources dedicated to shepherding their child’s heart. This series from Reformation Heritage Books is a blessing to the family, and this book on Martin Luther would be a wonderful place to start.

For more information, click here to watch a brief video on this book from Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary.

To order Martin Luther from Reformation Heritage Books, click here.

Disclaimer: A copy of this book was provided to the reviewer at no charge in exchange for an impartial review.

~ JW

Book Review: Union with Christ by Rankin Wilbourne

2016-10-19T08:40:00.000-04:00

“Everything that happens to us, good and bad, and everything we strive for, can now be interpreted through this new prism—the image of God being restored in you.” Rankin Wilbourne, Union with Christ: The Way to Know and Enjoy God

I read the preceding quote, taken from Chapter Eight of Wilbourne’s new book from publisher David C. Cook, with great joy. It came just under the heading “Rejoicing in Your Suffering,” itself a provocative statement in a church age known more for its so-called “prosperity gospel” than its willingness to follow Christ to the cross.

As a biblical counselor, the viewpoint from which this review is written, Wilbourne’s observation was important because, as much of the book’s previous chapters had already shown, the theological implications of the doctrine of union with Christ and its consequences hold life-changing power for counselees experiencing life’s most dominating circumstances.

At the counseling table, hurting people want to know that there’s hope, and Wilbourne’s book extends hope to them through a fresh look at one of Scripture’s most precious doctrines: union with Christ.

Mind the Gap

The majority of counselees I work with are professing Christians. They come in with a variety of struggles that have taken over their lives. They now seek help in learning how to apply the Gospel they say they believe in, yet from which they feel bitterly disconnected. They may not use Wilbourne’s exact words, but they feel the gap between their faith and their struggle.

Wilbourne addresses this gap in Chapter One, bringing the pressure of this common sense of discontentment felt by many believers, whether they seek counseling or not. This opening salvo is part of what makes the book so tangible. He doesn’t just explain what has been described as a “cold doctrine,” he helps the reader from the very beginning feel the heat of our lack of understanding and appreciation for what it means to be united with the risen Christ.

Wilbourne, himself a Presbyterian pastor, wrote in a tone that conveys pastoral care and concern. He’s concerned not only that his audience rediscover this grand truth of union with Christ, but that they see how integral it is to their discipleship and spiritual maturity.

Across 288 pages or so of text, he lays out nuggets of truth related to the doctrine, makes consistent appeals to Scripture, and brings in wisdom from famous poets, authors, and theologians. In this way, Wilbourne holds the reader’s attention, and keeps them looking forward to the next point of instruction and application.

Sound Doctrine Made Practical

Wilbourne’s book is helpfully broken down into four engaging parts, each with a subheading of three to four smaller chapters:

1. Union with Christ: What is it and why do we need it?

2. Union with Christ: Where did it come from? Where did it go?

3. Union with Christ: What problems does it solve?

4. Union with Christ Day by Day

I would recommend that pastors and counselors make use of Wilbourne’s book by having counselees read individual parts, followed by a debriefing or session of discussion, asking questions, and application.

I’m not familiar with a study guide at this time, so it would certainly be necessary that the pastor-counselor be familiar with the book and the doctrine of union with Christ. Counselees who struggle with hope in suffering, enslavement to besetting sin, or identity would be strong candidates for a read of this book.

One area of concern, or perhaps where I might have appreciated some clarification from Wilbourne comes in Chapter Three, “Why We Need It: Two songs playing in our heads.”

In this chapter, Wilbourne is addressing what he calls the “two dominant voices” of discipleship in our day (p.61). One voice he identifies as, “just believe,” and the other, “just obey.” The former he says is marked by “extravagant grace,” and the latter, “radical discipleship.”

Wilbourne is concerned here to help the reader see how union with Christ produces change in the heart. At some level, there is a discussion occurring related to law and Gospel that two aforementioned voices tend to miss altogether.

I would have appreciated more clarity on the role of good works as the product or fruit of our union with Christ according to the related doctrines of justification and sanctification by grace alone. The threat of Neonomianism in our day, I would propose, demands that we hold tightly to sola fide and sola gratia.

Three Favorite Quotes

This minor concern notwithstanding, Wilbourne’s book is one that I will gladly be recommending to my counselees, and will look forward to referencing for personal encouragement from time to time.

The doctrine of union with Christ is, as Wilbourne described, “… not a dusty relic of history or ivory tower pursuit” (p.36). It is central to the Gospel. His book will help us recover this great truth in the church today, “… the one place it most needs to be.”

While you wait for your copy to arrive in the mail, here are three of my favorite quotes from Wilbourne:

“To be found in Christ means you don’t have to prove yourself anymore … When God looks at you, he sees you hidden in Christ.” (p.48)

“Nothing is more personally helpful, theologically significant, or pastorally needed than a recovery of union with Christ.” (p.113)

“The only way it can be ‘well with your soul’ in the midst of agonizing personal trauma is if you know and are assured that you are covered ‘in Christ.’” (p.257)

For more information about Rankin Wilbourne and his book “Union with Christ,” visit Litfuse Publicity.

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my fair and impartial review.

On Weeping with Those Who Weep

2016-10-15T15:34:00.001-04:00

We risk obscuring biblical wisdom and discernment when we turn biblical principles into new laws.

This is one way of describing my conclusion upon reading and interacting with a powerful quote recently shared by a fairly well-known evangelical pastor.

Who the pastor is doesn't matter. Let's remove personality from the equation.

My aim was and is to wrestle with an important assertion he was widely quoted as having said concerning how Christians are to relate with those who weep.

As a biblical counselor, this is well within my lane, so when someone says something about how we're to walk in obedience to God's word and minister to the hurting, I try to listen.

The quote went something like this:

The Bible exhorts us to weep with those who weep. It doesn't tell us to judge whether they should be weeping.

In a church age in which the so-called "Gospel of Nice" reigns supreme, this was a popular quote that made it's way all over the internet, and even onto the meme generator of a well-known Christian blogger.

Who was I to give the slightest bit of pushback? Well, being the contrarian that I am at times, I was happy to say, "Hold it right there!."

You see, the quote had me at "Weep with those who weep." But it lost me at, "Exercise no judgment" [my translation].

I'm a biblical counselor. I make what I hope are wise judgments about people, their sin, and their suffering all day long. Is it a true assertion then, that Christians are to exercise no discernment about why a person weeps when ministering to them?

In other words, does the Bible in fact call upon me and you to care nothing about the motivations of the heart when consoling a person who weeps?

Let's consider the text briefly.

The quote appears to come straight out of Romans 12:15. In the broader passage, Paul is giving his audience, Christians at Rome, a variety of commands and principles concerning Christian ethics, that is, how they are to live in light of the Gospel.

The case seems fairly closed on whether Christians are to love one another, showing grace, mercy, and compassion to their neighbor along the journey of life. As we have freely received, so we are to give (Matt. 10:8).

In the verse, Paul calls upon Christians to "Rejoice with those who rejoice," and to, "Weep with those who weep." This seems fairly straightforward, does it not?

The rub, for me, came when I considered the variety of life circumstances I counsel.

On the one hand, was the man who came to me after having lost his wife to cancer. His suffering was real, but came at no particular doing of his own.

On the other hand, was the man who lost his wife because of an extra-martial affair. He was not mourning the loss of his wife, but the loss of his mistress.

Were these two men "weeping" as it were? Yes. Were both of them weeping for equally legitimate matters? Not in the slightest. This is a judgment that any reasonably mature Christian would make, and one that influences the course of counseling on a daily basis.

In the former case, one might respond with silence and words of encouragement. In the latter case, one might respond by calling the man to repent of his sin.

In the former case, the man bore no responsibility for his suffering. In the latter case, the man was solely responsible for his suffering as a direct result of his sin.

In both cases, the truth should be spoken in love (Eph. 4:15).

But in the latter case, there is a risk of assuaging the guilty man's sin by weeping with him indiscriminately apart from wisdom, discernment, and, yes, a type of judgment.

The risk in weeping apart from judgment is the inadvertent stifling of God's providential discipline in a wayward man's life.

The conclusion, therefore, is this:

We do well to exercise judgment in weeping with those who weep, taking care to not become a stumbling block ourselves to those who are living or even thinking outside of God's will.

Romans 12:15 is not a verse that can be isolated from all the other passages of Scripture that teach us how to minister to those who hurt.

For example, how does Romans 12:15 interact with 1 Thessalonians 5:14, where we're instructed to warn or admonish the idle?

What if the idle person who needs warning is also weeping?

Finally, the interpretation applied in the pastoral quote at issue here, when applied to the first half of Romans 12:15, begins to wobble within the same verse.

After all, would we indiscriminately and without judgment rejoice with those who rejoice?

Consider the man who rejoices over his sexual conquests.

Shall we rejoice with him apart from judgment?

Romans 12:15 gives us no specific instruction.

An Open Letter to a Suffering Saint

2016-10-05T15:32:00.000-04:00

What follows is a lengthy post on an admittedly difficult topic. As a biblical counseling ministry, we regularly work with those who suffer in some of the most profound ways. Sometimes, we're pressed to give unfiltered, theological answers to life's hardest questions. We don't resolve the problem of evil with this post, but we attempt to provide a faithful witness to the hope of the Gospel in the form of a letter. We pray it blesses and extends hope, even as it speaks frankly to the issue of suffering.

An Open Letter to a Suffering Saint

Dear Friend,

This letter is my response to the questions you sent me. The trial you currently face led you to search the Scriptures in hope of understanding why God does or doesn’t work in and through your suffering. You’re searching for meaning, purpose, and value in suffering, begging God that it wouldn’t be in vain. I believe God will honor that search, at least in part, because He’s promised to draw near to us as we draw near to Him (Jm. 4:8).

You’ve recently come to the conclusion that somehow and in some way, God is involved in your ordeal. Your instincts are correct, I do believe, but you should know that they’re in contradiction to much of today’s Christian teaching which seeks to vindicate God’s holiness by dampening His providence and sovereignty. Now, you’ve asked me to weigh in.

What follows is my humble attempt at answering some of your questions according to Scripture and, secondarily, through an appeal to what the church has taught since at least the time of the Reformation. That is, until the most recent doctrinal downgrade in American evangelicalism.

I should preface all I’m about to say by acknowledging that it’s not in any way exhaustive, and I own the possibility of error. But, I will strive to honor the Lord and your request. I’ll try to neither sweeten God’s providence where it’s bitter, or embitter it where it’s graciously sweet. My sincere desire is to speak the truth in love to your immense pain (Eph. 4:15).

Your Suffering is Real

My dear friend, I’m deeply saddened by your trial. I can only imagine the heartache of what you’re experiencing. I can understand why you’ve been tempted to consider that God has abandoned you to these dreadful circumstances. The underlying notion of the counsel you’ve already received from some within the church led you to conclude that this trial was beyond the scope of God’s control.

If God is impotent, what kind of God have we? Or did He, in His omniscience, know your suffering but refuse to act, like a father who looks out of his window and passively watches as his child plays in the highway? I can’t understand why we imprison a man for this sort of thing, while charging God with this very form of neglectful parenting, thinking that we’re shielding Him from somehow being the author of sin.

Perhaps God is not truly omniscient. Maybe there was a time in eternity when He had to look down through a supposed “tunnel of time” in order to learn that which He didn’t previously know. This is the assertion made by open theists. If they’re correct, how can we know that God now knows all that’s needed to address your suffering? If God ever learned anything, what was His source and what do we know about its fidelity to the truth?

The underlying assumptions involved in these questions leave us in grave doubt. Many well intended Christians are advancing them as matters of fact, wrongly thinking that they’ve resolved the theological dilemma of the problem of evil. Fortunately, these ideas don’t express the heart of biblical Christianity or 2,000 years of orthodox Church history. While our theology won’t always provide the immediate comfort our hearts naturally desire, rightly dividing the word of God promises to deliver a hope that transcends our hopeless circumstances.

Friend, I do believe I understand something of your fears. You fear that God isn’t involved in your suffering. You fear that He’s “asleep at the wheel,” or disinterested in your life, or incapable of fulfilling His promises. Or else you fear that He’s a malevolent God who perniciously or randomly selects us to suffer for no reason other than His own good pleasure.

Doubts about His character have crept in, and at least some of this is owing to the downgrade in robust biblical truth throughout the church. Walls of theological plaster have been erected in people’s lives, but those walls prove to be porous to the driving winds and rain of tribulation which all of us should expect (Jn. 16:33; Acts 14:22).

Desperately needed in the church today, and in our hearts when we suffer is the firm foundation of sound doctrine (Titus 2:1). Sadly, it’s been woefully neglected, and I regret that you’ve been forced to undertake this search for truth now that your hour of suffering has come. Still, God doesn’t require that we possess all truth in order to suffer well and in hope. Even when we’re deficient, and we’re all deficient in more ways than we can count, God is for His children (Rom. 8:31).

I can’t even begin to fully know the countless purposes of God in your suffering, but this I do know: Our God is in the heavens; He does all that He pleases (Ps. 115:3).

God is Love in Suffering

By now, you may be feeling the trajectory of what I’m suggesting. I’ve just asserted that your suffering is, somehow and in some way, a matter of God’s will for you. This is a hard thing. Perhaps, the hardest of all. Haven’t we been taught that God is love (1 Jn. 4:8)? If you’re now suffering, and that at the hand of God, do we then conclude that the Bible is in error because God has been shown to be less than love? In the words of Paul, “By no means!” (Rom. 6:2).

What I share next will not tidy up all the loose ends of your good questions. Still, I want to encourage you by an appeal to what great theologians of church history said about our loving Father and His providence, according to their study of His word. Now, I know that you’re a Presbyterian and I’m a Baptist, but nevertheless, I’m going to make a direct reference to what the authors of the 1689 London Baptist Confession concluded, in agreement with the earlier Westminster Confession of Faith.

While these confessions are not “inspired Scripture,” they are great documents that summarize God’s word and what the Protestant church has historically believed. You’ll surely be faced with new questions as you read, but I hope you’ll be equally encouraged in your faith that God is with you, and that He’ll not allow you, as His adopted child, to be “cast headlong” (Ps. 37:24).

Read for yourself then the words of the 1689 LBC 5.4, which correspond with the WCF 5.4:

The almighty power, unsearchable wisdom, and infinite goodness of God, so far manifest themselves in His providence, that His determinate counsel extends itself even to the first fall, and all other sinful actions both of angels and men; and that not by a bare permission, which also He most wisely and powerfully bounds, and otherwise orders and governs, in a manifold dispensation to His most holy ends; yet so, as the sinfulness of their acts proceeds only from the creatures, and not from God, who, being most holy and righteous, neither is nor can be the author or approver of sin.

These are humbling words about the will of our God who is indeed love and declares about Himself clearly and without hesitation, “I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the LORD, who does all these things” (Is. 45:7). I’m compelled to sit quietly after reading them myself. It’s hard to not feel the weight of God’s glory, yet Jesus calls us to Himself for the spiritual rest we desperately need, telling us that His “burden is light” (Matt. 11:28-30).

God is good and He’s good to us, even when our hearts tempt us to believe otherwise.

My friend, you’ve asked hard questions. Some in the church have provided you with answers that are contrary to the great tradition of our faith. In attempting to inoculate God from the appearance of sin, they’ve inadvertently obscured the fact that God, as the first cause of all things, does not sin (1689 LBC 5.2). Not now. Not ever. Fallen angels and evil men, as the secondary causes of suffering, corrupt (but do not finally thwart) the good purposes of God.

They are, indeed we all are, the progenitors of sinfulness in God’s creation.

Joy in Sorrow

For these and other reasons, I consider that God’s character is offended when men assert that He, with a “bare permission,” passively allows His children to suffer. Our God is too high, too wise, too holy, and too powerful for this to be the case. It doesn’t follow that He would simply permit Job to suffer while at the same time sanctify Job through that same suffering. Satan and his wicked schemes were tools in the hand of God for His glory and Job’s ultimate joy.

In the same way, these deep truths were what allowed Joseph to say with certainty to his brothers, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20). These weighty matters of doctrine were what allowed Paul to write, “We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). Ours is not a fatalistic faith, but one in which the God of the universe is actively involved in all things, even if those ways are not perceptible to our finite senses (1689 LBC 5.2).

Do you love God? Are you called according to His purpose? Yes, I know you are, and therefore I have it on good authority that God will somehow work out your current trial for your good and His glory. The agents of evil in this world do not have the luxury of the last word or even the final act. Your trial is designed for you by our Creator God, who is in many ways more gloriously sovereign and providential than we dare imagine. The source of your pain intended it for your harm, but God has super-intended it for your sanctification (Phil.1:6).

These things express in part why I’m hopeful for you in this difficult time.

Friend, although I don’t know specific details of what’s ahead, I’m trusting in Him for your healing and restoration, whether here or in eternity. I’m interceding for you, praying in earnest to the God who “works everything according to the counsel of His will” (Eph. 1:11). Nothing can separate you from His love, not even the powers of hell (Rom. 8:38).

Your brother in Christ,

Josh

Arguing for God's Glory

2016-09-19T09:08:00.000-04:00

A common experience for married couples engaged in any conflict involves the development of a myopic vision and understanding of the issues. Each person finds themselves tempted to judge the desires of their own heart as being of more inherent worth than those of their spouse.

They only compare and contrast the points of each other’s arguments, jostling for a position of moral and ethical superiority. Only rarely do they stop to ask individually or together, “How are we seeking to glorify God with the details of our argument?”

Placing themselves and their individual desires at the center of the relationship, the resulting dynamic is a battle of wills involving a winner and a loser, rather than the expression of biblical "one flesh" union and mutual submission (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:22; 25). Instead of the conflict dissolving into an opportunity for grace to flow horizontally toward one another, the relationship is strained under the weight of their own selfish cravings (James 4:1).

Couples who recognize this common temptation serve their marriage well when they stop to prayerfully examine how their individual arguments are advancing the glory of God in their home. As a matter of personal and marital sanctification, this exercise teaches the couple to take the spotlight off one another, and to instead fix their gaze on Christ and the Gospel, the proper source and foundation of biblical marriage.

Five Reasons for Married Couples to Argue for God's Glory

1. Because all marital conflict, at bottom, is a conflict with God, vertically, before it is a conflict with a spouse, horizontally (Psalm 51:4).

2. Because Christians are called to steward all of life, even marital conflict, for the glory of God (Colossians 3:17; Westminster Shorter Catechism Q.1.).

3. Because Christians are called to consider others as more important than themselves and to look out for the interests of others, not just their own. (Philippians 2:3-4).

4. Because God will one day judge every careless word spoken (Matthew 12:36).

5. Because God is jealous for His glory (Isaiah 42:8).

What would you add to this list?

Arguing for the Glory of God Homework Exercise

Biblical Parenting: A Discussion of Ephesians 6:4

2016-08-09T14:45:00.000-04:00

Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

These are the words of the apostle Paul directed especially to fathers, yet by extension and in principle to mothers concerning the children God has entrusted to them. The two commands contained in the verse seem simple enough, but parenting is hard, and every parent is a sinner themselves in need of grace.

The link below opens a document that discusses in greater detail the meaning and implications of Ephesians 6:4. Our hope is that, while lengthier than a blog post, it'll challenge our parenting hearts to think deeply about what it means to "raise up a child" (Prov. 22:6).

In the Training and Instruction of the Lord

(Note: This document originally contained discussion of the Greek text. If you'd like to receive a copy of that document, we'd be happy to send it to you.)

If you have any comments or questions concerning this topic, or if we can serve you in any way, feel free to contact us. We'd love to speak with you!

Shame is Crouching at Your Door

2016-07-26T10:04:00.001-04:00

There's a type of sadness that often lingers in the air in many counseling sessions. It isn't always easily identified, especially early on in a counseling relationship, but through the process of listening and peeling back the layers and years of a person's life story, it eventually rises to the surface.

It tries to hide, but once you see it, it's presence in and influence over the heart is unmistakable. That it has to go is undeniable. We often confuse it with guilt, the legal term we assign to one adjudicated guilty of breaking the law.

But we aren't dealing with guilt. That matter, for the follower of Christ Jesus, has been dealt with in the cross. For them, there is no condemnation (Rom. 8:1).

Instead, the ugly beast we're dealing with in this post is shame. One of the last vestiges and schemes of the devil in the life of a believer (Eph. 6:11).

A Wicked Scheme

Through the sinister and enslaving power of shame, Satan intends to impugn, slander, and silence the Christian by tempting them to doubt the manifold goodness and wisdom of God who has in fact cleansed them from all unrighteousness (1 Jn. 1:9).

Shame infects the lives of many who have been scarred by the effects of their own sin or the sins of others. It's like the voice of the enemy, Satan, who's not only the father of lies but who exists to accuse the saints before God (John 8:44; Rev. 12:10).

Whether a person was the villain or the victim (and we've all been both), shame tempts the heart to disbelieve that they have been clothed in Christ's righteousness, but that they remain unclean and therefore unpresentable to God.

In his book "Shame Interrupted," Dr. Ed Welch of CCEF defines shame in this way:

Shame is the deep sense that you are unacceptable because of something you did, something done to you, or something associated with you. You feel exposed and humiliated.

Unacceptable. Exposed. Humiliated.

Each of these are indeed effects of the curse of sin and death, but they are effects that Christ suffered on our behalf and rescued us from once and for all, by grace alone through faith alone (Is. 53:5; Eph. 2:8-9).

The power of shame is found in its ability to lead the heart into hiding and isolation in darkness. We see its first handiwork when, rather than running to the Father in the garden at the first moment of rebellion, Adam and Eve hid themselves from God, and self-righteously attempted to cover their shame with leaves (Gen. 3:8).

But God, being rich in mercy, provided them with animal skins, and thus began the greatest story of redemption known to man (Gen. 3:21; Eph. 2:4). What began as a sacrificial system of the blood of bulls and goats would finally give way to the sacrifice of his own son, the sinless Lamb of God, Jesus Christ (Heb. 9:22; 10:4).

Clothed in Righteousness

For many, the experience of shame in the heart is debilitating. It's foundational to much depression and anxiety. It can't be treated medicinally because it's not a physical pathology, but a spiritual reality.

Shame is a great enemy of the soul, but the Gospel is its end. If you struggle with shame, sharing this with God through prayer and allowing another to bear your burden with you together carry the hope for freedom at last (Gal. 5:1; 6:2; Jm. 5:16).

Struggling sinner and suffering saint, in Christ, shame has no claim on you.

For encouragement, consider the words of the following great hymn produced by Ligonier Ministries, "Clothed in Righteousness":

Fallen race in Eden fair

Exposed and full of shame

Fled we naked from Thy sight

Far from Thy holy Name

Refrain

Clothe us in Your righteousness

Hide filthy rags of sin

Dress us in Your perfect garb

Both outside and within

Sent from the garden in the east

Outside of Eden’s gate

Banished there from Thy pure light

Were Adam and his mate

Scarlet souls are now like snow

By Thy atoning grace

Crimson hearts become like wool

For Adam’s fallen race

Refrain

No work of ours is good enough

For evil to atone

Your merit, Lord, is all we have

It saves, and it alone

~ JW

Book Review: The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller

2016-07-20T13:33:00.002-04:00

The following book review was prepared in partial fulfillment of reading requirements in the D.Min. program at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, Advanced Marriage and Family Issues. Beginning September 11, 2016, at 9:15 AM, I'll be leading a class for married and soon-to-be-married couples on Sunday mornings at 9:15 am at Calvary Church in Clearwater, Fl (HS-220). We'll be utilizing this book as a platform for our discussions. I post the review here for those who may have interest in the book, the class, or both. The class is open to all at no cost (participants will be encouraged to order their own copy of the book and study guide). Feel free to contact me with any questions. ~ Josh Waulk

Click to Order

Keller, Timothy. The Meaning ofMarriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God.Reprint ed. NY: Penguin Books, 2013.

Study Guide

Introduction

According to Dr. Timothy Keller, senior pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City, “God devised marriage to reflect his saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union” (Keller 7). This holistic and introductory statement on marriage reflects the biblical-theological tone that Keller strikes throughout the book. Likely perceived as counter-cultural to many readers, Keller wrote that, “The teachings of Scripture challenge our contemporary Western culture’s narrative of individual freedom as the only way to be happy” (Keller 8). With a word of caution, Keller warns that, “Unless you’re able to look at marriage through the lens of Scripture instead of through your own fears or romanticism, through your particular experience, or through your culture’s narrow perspectives, you won’t be able to make intelligent decisions about your own marital future” (Keller 8).

This book then is about understanding marriage as defined by God’s Word. Keller wrote as much when, in his Introduction, he offered three “deep roots” for the book as a whole (Keller 1). Keller wrote that this book is for married people, unmarried people, and finally, that the book is about the Bible, both Old and New Testaments alike (Keller 4). Writing with an apparent high view of the authority of Scripture, Keller asserts God’s right to both define and regulate human marriage. Keller wrote, “What God institutes he also regulates. If God invented marriage, then those who enter it should make every effort to understand and submit to his purposes for it” (Keller 5). To this end, this book serves as an extra-biblical high-water mark for getting marriage right. My reading of it was encouraging for personal and biblical counseling ministry.

1. Key Principles

The following are eight key principles with comment, one taken from each of the book’s eight chapters:

1. “Everything in the text [of Scripture] proclaims that marriage, next to our relationship to God, is the most profound relationship there is” (Keller 13). It has been said that the church spends an inordinate amount of time on marriage, but if Keller’s proposition in his Introduction holds, then this criticism may not be valid.

2. “Whether we are husband or wife, we are not to live for ourselves but for the other” (Keller 45). In keeping with a Gospel ethic of servanthood, Keller points the reader to the selfless manner in which Jesus modeled love for one another.

3. “At the heart of the Biblical idea of marriage is the covenant” (Keller 73). Of all that the church has lost in the pulpit and popular writing on marriage in the last thirty or so years, this may be one of the most significant pieces.

4. “If you marry mainly a sexual partner, or mainly a financial partner, you are going nowhere together, really” (Keller 112). Now, perhaps more than ever, people increasingly marry for reasons foreign to a biblical worldview. This results in marriage relationships that cannot weather the storms of life.

5. “We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is . . . learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married” (Keller 126 [quoting Hauerwas]). When two people enter into a marriage focused only upon their changing selves, rather than the changeless Christ, they are set up for the real possibility of disappointment and ultimate failure.

6. “The easiest thing is to leave. But Jesus did not do that” (Keller 175). Over and over, couples come to counseling having forgotten (or not having ever realized) that His grace toward us is unending out of necessity. He never leaves us; why do we leave one another?

7. “Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us” (Keller 186). Expectations placed upon the shoulders of spouses are often unreasonable at best, unbiblical at worst. We say “Christ is all,” but do we mean it?

8. “Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, “I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.” You must not use sex to say anything less” (Keller 215). Increasingly, we see that many Christians have either a deficient theology of sex, or none at all. The church, in preaching and teaching on sex, must do better than a list of rules.

2. Questions and/or Disagreements

Keller’s book ranks as one of my top three in the marriage category for biblical counseling, along with John Piper’s “This Momentary Marriage,”[1] and Winston Smith’s “Marriage Matters.”[2] The tone of Keller’s writing is winsome and accessible, yet serious enough for the weight of the issues discussed. I also find that Keller gives preeminence in his writing to the place of Scripture in understanding biblical-covenantal marriage. This is a significant factor for my assessment of any marriage book. It stands to reason, then, that if I have one question, it comes from chapter six, “Embracing the Other,” under the heading of “The Dance of the Trinity.”

Trinitarian theology is central to orthodoxy, and we have much to learn about the faith, life, and marriage in a study of it. My question is one of a technical nature concerning Keller’s complementarianism and its connection to the view which holds that Jesus, as the Son of God, is eternally subordinate to God the Father. Keller is not clear in the book as to whether this is the position he is holding, but my reading of the chapter indicates this as a possibility. If so, in keeping with a number of biblical scholars and theologians, I have concerns about the ramifications of such position, which is sometimes held in order to bolster the biblical case for complementarianism. I do not think it is necessary or in keeping with the Nicene Creed.

3. Personal Challenges and Lessons

I would be remiss if I did not confess that the first challenge for me is implementing and living out the biblical truths that Keller outlines in this book. Sin is always crouching at my door, and grace is an ever-present need. Further, in my role as a biblical counselor, I consider that I will only be able to properly teach these truths and lead other couples toward Christ as I am myself consumed by them.

Marriage is a tremendous blessing and means of experiencing His grace in this life. Feelings of inadequacy and hypocrisy have always been pressures that I feel at the counseling table, and as this book brings the spiritual weight of marriage to bear, the responsibilities are made clear. In my three years of counseling ministry, I have concluded that far too many couples have either lost sight of or have never known the biblical meaning of marriage.

Keller wrote that in writing this book, he wanted to, “… give both married and unmarried people a vision for what marriage is according to the Bible.” This is my challenge.

[1] John Piper, This Momentary Marriage: a Parable of Permanence, Reprint ed. (Wheaton: Crossway, 2012), 1.

[2] Winston T. Smith, Marriage Matters: Extraordinary Change through Ordinary Moments (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2010), 1.

Grace-Driven Change in Biblical Counseling

2016-06-07T17:17:00.000-04:00

If the apostle Paul was clear on just one thing in all of his New Testament writing, it would have to include that the Christian life, from first to last, is by grace alone (Rom. 3:20; Gal. 2:16).

This post, I must admit, is woefully insufficient to address one of the most complex, hotly debated, yet theologically critical issues of the Christian life in the church today (or for all of church history for that matter).

I don't intend in any way to pretend that it's even scarcely adequate for exhaustive understanding, but want only to call attention to the issue, and perhaps posit a few relevant thoughts for the task of biblical counseling and discipleship.

The topic?

Sanctification by grace alone.

In the age of "radical Christianity," I consider the misunderstanding of this doctrine to be one of the greatest threats to true biblical counseling and discipleship today. Whether it's misunderstood by intention or ignorance, it's too important to be ignored.

Fruit and Consequences

The threat we're facing can be summed in this way:

That the insertion of a requirement for good works into the process of sanctification as a condition for, rather than the proper fruit or consequence of ongoing sanctification obscures the gospel message, namely, that we are saved, from first to last, by grace alone.

Theologians call this threat, neonomianism (new law). A simple way to understand this significant doctrinal error is to say that while we may enter the kingdom of God by grace alone, we stay in the kingdom of God by grace and works.

My concern is not so much to thoroughly define the problem, which is extensive and multifaceted (impossible, even, for a mere blog post), but to call to our attention the possibility that this error has infiltrated parts of biblical counseling precisely because it has penetrated parts modern evangelicalism.

Principally, then, the wise biblical counselor is always examining their counsel to make certain that it remains in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5).

Biblical counselors must be certain that as they call counselees to repentance, faith, and the proper manifestation of the fruit of faith in their lives, that they do not commit the neonomian error of mixing law and gospel.

Dr. John Fonville, writing in Modern Reformation, observed that, "Whenever the law is confused with the gospel, the remedy is always wrong." Biblical counselors must always be concerned with Gospel remedies to sin and suffering.

Before you allow your eyes to roll into the back of your head, assuming that this topic is for theologians only, let me remind you, whether you're a counselor or counselee, that you are, in fact, a theologian. The only question is, are you a good one or a bad one?

Further, allow me to submit that you already carry an opinion on this topic, whether you know it or not. The only question is, is it a right one or a wrong one?

Finally, allow me to suggest that doctrinal error concerning this topic isn't rightly handled by a shrug of the shoulders, but a pouring over Scripture, and even the great creeds and confessions, so that we might rightly handle the word of truth (2 Tim. 2:15).

Sola Gratia: By Grace Alone

Sanctification, for the Christian, is the lifelong process that, according to a Reformed understanding of the Ordo Salutis, follows justification. By it, they are progressively fashioned into the likeness of Christ by the work of God, the result of which is works.

The authors of the Westminster Shorter Catechism help us understand:

Q.35: What is sanctification?

Sanctification is the work of God's free grace, whereby we are renewed in the whole man after the image of God, and are enabled more and more to die unto sin, and live unto righteousness.

Likewise, the authors of the 1689 London Baptist Confession, influenced greatly by Westminster, wrote in their Chapter 13 on Sanctification:

They who are united to Christ, effectually called, and regenerated, having a new heart and a new spirit created in them through the virtue of Christ's death and resurrection, are also farther sanctified, really and personally, through the same virtue, by His Word and Spirit dwelling in them.

What Scripture makes unmistakably plain, and the great Protestant creeds and confessions make clear, is that sanctification, like justification, is by grace alone.

We are not sanctified in any way by our works, rather, our good deeds provide testimony for and evidence of the work of God in us. They glorify God's name and produce joy in our hearts, but they are not ever the basis of our salvation, to which the work of sanctification belongs.

The concern then is that it's a significant and increasingly common error to insert, whether intentionally or by ignorance, the necessity of works into sanctification, even as we hold to justification by grace and faith alone.

Some potential aftershocks of this neonomian error are:

1) The immediate erosion of the doctrine of justification by grace alone through faith alone,

2) Doubt concerning whether the amount of good works produced warrant any assurance of salvation whatsoever, and

3) Doubt concerning how our good deeds could ever be the basis for salvation, even if surreptitiously inserted into sanctification, when even as believers our best works are left wanting by the remaining stain of sin (Isaiah 64:6).

For the biblical counselor or anyone involved in discipleship, the neonomian error threatens to derail the work of the Gospel by turning the glorious truths of the cross into a new law, a new duty that must be performed by the believer, rather than in the believer.

Rest for the Weary

Even if inadvertent, there is great risk for biblical counselors that we not turn the heart of the counselee away from trust in the active obedience of Christ, and toward any reliance on the production of works in sanctification.

As Dr. R. Scott Clark wrote at The Heidelblog, "The law says 'do and live' (Luke 10:28) but grace says: Christ has fulfilled the law for you, as your substitute. Believe and be saved. The moralist cannot have such a clear distinction. He quickly reaches for a handful of mud to obscure the distinction and to make the one look like the other."

For those involved in biblical counseling, the answer to a counselee whose life fails to evidence the fruit of salvation is not "try harder," but, "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28).

(There are many other related issues concerning this topic and biblical counseling. This is an introductory discussion that may be followed by other posts.)

JW

Stuck in a Rut: Responding to Emotional and Spiritual Inflexibility

2016-06-04T13:29:00.000-04:00

By the time couples, individuals, and parents make their way to the counseling table, they often consider themselves to be stuck in patterns of thinking and doing that seem unalterable.

For the biblical counselor, identifying not only the symptoms (presenting issues) but also the underlying (heart and/or bodily) issues are keys to establishing an action plan that will promote true and lasting biblical change.

Theoretically, the process of gathering data and problem solving according to Scripture should be fairly straightforward, but as one pastor recently said, “We’re dealing not with algebra problems, but with human beings.”

Deeply Embedded Problems

The problems people face are often deeply embedded in the heart, and are not easily extracted. This requires gentleness, patience, wisdom, and discernment on the part of the counselor in identifying the emotional and spiritual ruts in which counselees find themselves immovably stuck.

For counselees, a willingness to accept the reality of the conditions they face (i.e. sin or suffering) and the necessity of committing to an action plan that will promote their sanctification (i.e. repentance or forgiveness) are keys to progress in counseling.

This discussion is at least partly influenced by my research of a secular counseling model known as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This research was done as part of my Doctor of Ministry (Biblical Counseling) program at SEBTS.

ACT is founded on the premise that people tend to get bogged down mentally, what ACT calls "psychological inflexibility," as they try only to avoid the source of their pain. This first problem is then compounded by the eventual loss of that which they value. The result is a cycle of negative or aversive "mental experiencing."

What follows here is not so much an attempt to merely "Christianize" a secular counseling theory. To be sure, ACT was not developed with the Gospel in mind, and therefore it does not have as its ultimate goal the glory of God and the sanctification of the counselee. In fact, my proposed work leaves little of ACT theory in place.

Still, as Dr. Heath Lambert, Executive Director of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors has written (here), biblical counseling does not reject everything that secular counseling has to say. Secular counseling does assert true and helpful things that biblical counselors can learn from, even as they cling to the sufficiency of Scripture.

I agree with Dr. Lambert, and in this specific case, have found the discussion that ACT enters into to be insightful and engaging, even if biblically problematic in many ways. It's been said that if you ask the wrong questions, you're likely to arrive at wrong conclusions.

But, what if you change the essence of the questions you're asking and the nature of the change you're seeking (i.e. man-centered v. God-centered)?

Asking Biblical Questions

In my work as a biblical counselor, I have frequently encountered scenarios where the counselee is seemingly "stuck" and in need of help to both think and do differently, according to God's word. My study of ACT has provoked me to think with, I hope, greater biblical precision concerning the spiritual ruts that counselees often find themselves in.

Dr. Kevin Polk is an ACT practitioner who has written a book called "The ACT Matrix." In it, he provides a diagram that he designed for his fellow ACT clinicians to use in session with counselees. The idea is to provide a useful visual aid so that counseling discussions become "stickier" for the counselee (I happen to love visual aids for this very reason).

Polk took six principles from ACT theory and modified them to assist in the development of his matrix. While this post doesn't provide the space to adequately explain those principles, I share them below, along with what I hope are correlating yet thoroughly biblical categories that form the basis for a type of biblical counseling matrix.

By "matrix," I only mean to suggest a visual aid to assist in biblical counseling discussions, and nothing more. Polk's ACT categories and my proposed biblical counseling categories are as follows:

1) Five Senses vs. Mental Experiencing --> Hearing the Word Only vs. Doing the Word (James 1:22).

2) Toward and Away Moves --> Toward Christ’s Righteousness and Away from Christ’s Righteousness (Romans 6:16).

3) Noticing the Differences --> Noticing the Differences Between Doing the Word vs. Hearing the Word Only (James 2:26).

4) Stretching Toward Psychological Flexibility --> Pressing On Toward the Goal in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14).

5) Who or What is Important --> Loving God and Loving Neighbor (Mark 12:29-31).

6) How We Get Stuck --> The Renewing of the Mind (Romans 12:2).

Seeking Biblical Answers

My biblical counseling categories (those listed after the arrows) provide a basis then for introducing counselees to a biblical counseling matrix. You can view a hand drawn version here.

This matrix is, of course, quite flexible itself. It can be easily learned and drawn by hand in a restaurant over a meal, or formally adapted to an official document for use in-session. Likewise, the Scripture references I include can be swapped out for others at the counselor's discretion. Lastly, it can be applied by anyone, from trained biblical counselors to discipleship partners in an accountability role (Rom. 15:14).

Be reminded that this biblical counseling matrix is nothing more than a tool to assist in a discussion by way of a visual aid. It will not apply to every counseling scenario, it is not exhaustive of all that encompasses biblical counseling, and it will not prove useful to every counselee. The counselor must provide the necessary nuance for the specifics of the scenario they're working.

I'm happy to report that I have used this "matrix" on a number of occasions with real success. It has helped me move counseling discussions forward from positions of apparent immobility to constructive dialogue. It has also served as a helpful homework assignment, as the counselee works on proposed action steps, and further evaluates their thinking and doing in between sessions.

Finally, we all do well to remind ourselves that our ultimate hope for success in counseling is not in any tool, but in the word of God working in us as the Spirit of God moves through us by "prayer and supplication" (Phil. 4:6).

Join the Discussion

1) How might this biblical counseling matrix assist you in counseling and/or discipleship?

2) Are there any errors that you would seek to avoid in applying this visual aid?

~ JW

Baylight Counseling is Turning Three!

2016-04-26T11:13:00.001-04:00

"Christian Counseling must be missionary by its very nature, or it denies its raison d’être." Dr. Sam Williams, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

In May of 2013, a months long discussion about the need for truly Gospel-centered biblical counseling within the local church community in Tampa Bay gave way to a vision for what became Baylight Counseling, Inc.

Three years later, having started with nothing more than a vision for a hope-giving ministry that would be accessible to all, we're celebrating and giving thanks to God for all that He has done.

Not by our might or by our strength, but by God's Spirit moving in hearts through the power of the Gospel, couples, families, and individuals have been redeemed and restored from various stages of despair and hopelessness.

In these cases, the fruit of our labor, we rejoice, give thanks, and pray that God would continue to send the rain (Zech. 10:1).

Accesible, Affordable, Christ-Centered Care

Many of you who watched from the start are aware that the mission of Baylight Counseling has always been to provide a place for clinically-informed, biblical soul care for couples, individuals, and families facing a life-dominating circumstance.

Further, we desired that Baylight be established as a donor supported non-profit organization so that our counseling fees, currently set at $65.00 per session, would remain lower than market averages (commonly $75.00-$90.00).

In recent weeks, we've heard from counselees whose insurance copays were higher than our fee, and still others whose insurance plans provided no mental health benefits whatsoever. In another case, one counselee had been paying $175.00 per session for secular mental health care.

With suicide rates in the U.S. increasing 24% over 15 years, a growing heroin epidemic in our communities, and pornography addiction destroying lives and families, the Christian community, entrusted with the life transforming Gospel of Jesus Christ, must "seek the welfare of the city" (Jer. 29:7).

We believe that counseling is not only a great need in the church, but that it also presents the body of Christ with a tremendous opportunity to speak the Gospel into the lives of hurting people outside its walls.

The Next Three Years

With the help and support of our ministry partners, our mission and effectiveness will continue to grow and expand. To this day, we regularly provide pro bono counseling to those in need and have never turned anyone away for an inability to pay.

In the near future, we hope to be involved in the equipping of local church members for the work of biblical shepherding (Gal. 6:2). We exist to serve the church, not replace it!

In the meantime, everyone who comes to Baylight for help will not only hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but they will be led in an ongoing conversation about how that same Gospel message applies to their circumstances and offers real hope for lasting change.

But, we cannot serve others in this way absent the very deliberate and intentional support of ministry partners just like you.

Prayer support coupled with financial giving serve as catalysts for our work. Both are essential and we're asking you to get involved with Baylight Counseling today. Your support has a ripple effect that makes its way all the way to the counseling table where our work happens.

Friends, we have a tremendous need at this time to raise our monthly giving amount (not connected to counseling fees or periodic one-time gifts) by an average of no less than $1,000.00 per month. That's just 50 ministry partners at $20.00 per month!

We say no less than because not only are these ministry funds needed for counseling services and other administrative concerns (eg. liability insurance, computer equipment, training, etc.), but as a non-profit organization, the IRS requires that we raise a significant amount of donor support (approx. 1/3 of total income).

If we fail to do this, we risk losing our non-profit status. This would have a negative economic impact on the future of Baylight Counseling.

How You Can Help

If you or someone you know has been effected by mental and emotional health issues, or if perhaps you or someone you know has been helped by this ministry, would you prayerfully consider becoming a monthly supporter of our work?

No gift is too small and many hands make light work. Monthly gifts in the $20.00, $50.00, $75.00, and $100.00 range are not uncommon for ministries of our size. We're asking for your help in this way today.

Joining us is in the work of soul care is easy. All you have to do is click on this link, and follow the giving instructions. Some partners give by check and others prefer online giving for convenience (via PayPal).

Either way, your dollars will be tax-deductible, but more importantly, they will have direct, local impact in the lives of real people, marriages, and families!

We Exist to Serve

We understand that you may have questions after having read this post. If you'd like to learn more about us or if you have other thoughts, comments, or questions, please don't hesitate to contact us. It would be our pleasure to speak with you by phone, or perhaps to schedule an office visit.

Lastly, to the many of you who helped make our first three years of counseling ministry possible, we say thank you!

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you." Phil. 1:3

Counseling is a Theological Discipline

2016-04-07T15:43:00.000-04:00

"Teach what accords with sound doctrine." Titus 2:1

In recent days, a popular Christian pastor published video on social media of a controversial sermon he preached in his large Southern Baptist church (I don't publish his name here because his personality isn't the subject of this post).

The sermon raised eyebrows because of a critically important theological point that he made by way of metaphor. A metaphor which was woefully inadequate at best, and blasphemous at worst: God broke the law for love.

After watching the video, I commented publicly (and harshly, I will admit) on my own social media channels concerning the troubling implications of what this pastor preached with passion and authority to literally thousands of people--even people I know, care for, and counsel. I will not address here the specific difficulties of what was said because others have already done so here and here.

While I received positive feedback on my short reply, it has come to mind that some may not have understood why issues like this (matters that accord with sound doctrine) are of any particular concern to me as a biblical counselor.

Someone who watched the video and/or read my comments may have wondered, "He's a counselor, not a theologian. Shouldn't he (or any biblical counselor) concern themselves only with issues pertaining to depression, anxiety, OCD, and the like?"

This isn't an inconsequential matter. The question, if anyone asked, is legitimate, and so I think it's one that deserves at least some attention.

The benefit I hope for in writing this post is the clarification of why theological issues are of central concern to the biblical counselor and why any such counselor would comment on related matters.

It is my contention that the biblical counselor's role begins in Scripture and therefore requires that he or she take seriously their own responsibility of "rightly handling the word of truth" (2 Tim. 2:15). To borrow from John Piper, I could say, "Brothers, we are theologians."

Theology Matters

In his latest book, "A Theology of Biblical Counseling," Dr. Heath Lambert, Executive Director at the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and associate professor of biblical counseling at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, made the point which is the title of this post: Counseling is a theological discipline (p.11).

Lambert devotes the entirety of the book's first chapter to a discussion about why and how this proposition is true. In fact, he wrote that, "You are simply not ready to think about counseling--let alone practice it--until you have thought long and hard about theology" (emphasis mine; p.32).

With the apparent support of Lambert and other leaders in the greater biblical counseling movement, it may be rightly said that because counseling is theological, its success or failure, as judged by Scripture, rests upon the presence of sound doctrine which is the foundation, instrument, and fuel for Christian faith (justification) and change (sanctification).

Our Lord Jesus Christ himself prayed to the Father, "Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth" (emphasis mine; John 17:17).

A Troubling Trend

It has been my experience that the findings of the recent report on the state of theology in the American church, as issued by Ligonier Ministries and LifeWay Research is unfortunately quite accurate.

It is not uncommon for professing believers to come into counseling without even the ability to accurately and with confidence state what they believe and why they believe it. Other times, there is a clear influence of prosperity or other types of shallow or false gospel teaching.

There are of course many reasons for this sad state of affairs, but for the biblical counselor, it means that often times counseling issues can not only be tied to theological concerns (i.e. sin issues), but progress is then hampered by a lack of theological familiarity on the part of the counselee.

In these cases, the initial thrust of counseling may very well begin with a lengthy discussion and introduction to the basics of the Christian message (i.e. justification by faith alone).

While any good biblical counselor welcomes these opportunities to help form a person's faith (or lead them to the Lord, even), it is a discipleship issue for the church at large and underscores the importance of theology to the counseling task.

Lingering Effects

The church at large, I believe, is still hampered by that former doctrinal commitment of the postmodern movement which declared, contra the explicit teaching and nature of Scripture, that doctrine doesn't matter.

In the judgment of many, what matters is niceness and sincerity, yet we know that hell will be teeming with the souls of those who rejected sound doctrine, that is, truth, and yet were some of the nicest folks anyone could meet on this side of glory.

The biblical counselor cares deeply about theology because they are disturbed by the words of Christ, "I never knew you; depart from me" (Matt. 7:23).

In this we see why theology is of great concern to the biblical counselor. Their task is not to merely help the counselee relieve troubling symptoms or behaviors (even though we pray for that). Their mission is to avail themselves of God as instruments in the Redeemer's hands for the sake of Gospel-driven, Christ-saturated life transformation.

And that life-transformation comes uniquely through the written word of God which leads all who believe into a saving relationship with the living Word of God, Jesus Christ.

Join the Conversation

1. If counseling is a theological task, what are the implications for the church (i.e. who should be involved in counseling)?

2. What effects of the well-documented theological downgrade in the church have you witnessed in counseling?

3. How can the biblical counseling movement promote theological wellness in the church?

Legalism, License, and the Narrow Gospel Road

2016-03-25T10:03:00.001-04:00

Unless you're a Navy Seal or a Tough Mudder contestant, you probably have no reason to be running in ditches. They're dirty, full of snakes, ridden with mosquitos, and they invite all comers to turn an ankle or tear an ACL.

Why on earth would anyone run in a ditch?

While we may find acceptable answers to this question hard to come by, the truth is, many professing Christians find themselves running in spiritual ditches that are infested with potentially disastrous spiritual hazards.

Running to Win the Race

Along the narrow road with Jesus, there are two ditches that the Christian must take care to not fall into: legalism and license (Matthew 7:13-14).

The New Testament in several passages uses the metaphor of "running" or "running a race" as it moves to help the reader visualize what it means to "walk as Jesus walked" (1 John 2:6). The Bible sometimes uses the idea of "walking" as a word-picture for how we actually live the Christian life.

One passage where the idea of "running" is used is 1 Corinthians 9:24, where Paul wrote, "Don't you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize" [emphasis mine].

Paul was not, of course, advocating a works-based righteousness by instructing his audience to "run." He wasn't speaking to non-Christians, but to believers at the church in Corinth. His category was not justification but sanctification.

What's interesting about Paul's command is not only that he instructs Christians to run, but that he suggests that there's a proper way to do it. Or, for the purposes of this post, there's a proper place to run and at least two places (ditches) to avoid.

Sticking with Paul's "running" metaphor, think of a jogger who is running along a paved road. There may be a few bumps along the way, perhaps even a pothole or two to avoid. These hazards may or may not exist along any given stretch of road, and yet most would still agree that the jogger is safe (or safest) to run in this environment.

Metaphorically, the paved road is like that spiritual place along which believers seek to "run" with Paul (2 Timothy 4:7). It's paved not with blacktop, but with a saving faith that has learned and is continuing to learn to trust and rest completely and utterly in the finished work of Christ on the cross for the forgiveness of sin and eternal life.

This is the doctrine of "justification by faith alone" (sola fide; Romans 1:17; Ephesians 2:8-9).

How important is this doctrine to the Christian life? Well, according to Martin Luther, it is the "hinge upon which religion turns." R.C. Sproul shares more in this video.

Stay Out of the Ditch

What then of the two ditches that we call "legalism" and "license"? The Bible addresses these issues at various points because those who are given over to them are at great risk of having their professions of faith proven false by Christ himself on that last day (Matthew 7:23).

Both of these spiritual errors are dangerous precisely because they are opposed to the Gospel.

In the first, "legalism" (or what we might also call self-righteousness), we find a heart that is trusting not in the completed work of Christ on the cross but in the keeping of God's law. It's an erroneous type of faith that is infected by the belief that at some level or in some way salvation is connected to human merit, that is, that it can be earned.

To run in the ditch of legalism is to run in direct opposition to the teaching of Scripture. In Galatians 2:16, for example, Paul wrote that, "No one is justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ."

Secondarily, there's the ditch that we call "license" or "licentiousness." This is where the heart is tempted to believe that since God promises to extend (and has extended) grace, mercy, and forgiveness to his people, that more of his grace can be experienced as the lusts of the heart and pleasures of sin are indulged.

At the bottom of this ditch is what theologians call "antinomianism." This is the theological error of seeing God's moral law (i.e. the Ten Commandments) as irrelevant or non-binding for New Testament believers.

The Puritans, to include Anthony Burgess (d. 1644), " ... condemned those who asserted they were above the law or that the law written in the heart by regeneration 'renders the written law needless'" (A Puritan Theology).

If that sounds bad, it's because it is. Paul addressed this issue not once, but twice in Romans 6:1-2 and again in Romans 6:15-16.

Should believers who have been saved by grace alone through faith alone to the glory of God alone continue to live in sin? Paul declares, "Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it?"

Application to Counseling

These issues, while not observed as legitimate categories of counseling in secular settings, are of great importance to biblical counseling precisely because they speak to man's relationship to God and his hope in Christ.

Frequently (but not always), the difficulties that are presented in counseling are not medical, but spiritual and find their genesis in choices or actions that are in some way at odds with Scripture. Spiritual depression, anxieties, and relational difficulties often follow as the fruit of self-righteousness or licentious living.

Part of the biblical counselors task is to listen for evidence of these and other issues which may indicate an under-developed understanding of the Gospel at a minimum, if not an altogether unbelieving heart.

Speaking the truth in love then, the biblical counselor invites the counselee to see the truth of which ditch they've been running in (legalism or license in this case) and in turn calls them to run along the road of faith in Christ alone and to the obedience which follows as a fruit or consequence.

Join the Discussion

1. How have you been tempted to legalism or license?

2. How do you counsel others away from these ditches and toward the paved road of the Gospel?

For an excellent resource that further addresses these and other discipleship issues, see "The Gospel-Centered Life."

Help us provide biblical counseling resources and ministry with a tax-deductible gift. Give safely and securely online today! DONATE

Book Review: Jesus the Hero Family Devotional

2016-03-08T17:52:00.001-05:00

“The Christian family was the bulwark of godliness in the days of the puritans, but in these evil times hundreds of families of so-called Christians have no family worship, no restraint upon growing sons, and no wholesome instruction or discipline. How can we hope to see the kingdom of our Lord advance when His own disciples do not teach His gospel to their own children?” ~ Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

It may be that of all the spiritual disciplines that fell into decline throughout the decades of so-called “cultural Christianity” in the American church, that none has had such disastrous a consequence on culture in its absence than the demise of family worship.

In answer to this desperate situation among households across denominations, Dr.David Prince along with Jon Canler (General Editor) and his Ashland Avenue Baptist Church family, of which Dr. Prince is senior pastor, have provided the church at-large with a valuable resource that promises to re-introduce, re-engage, and re-ignite the practice of family worship with their publication of the book, “Jesus the Hero Family Devotional” (JTH).

JTH is a paperback volume published by Ashland Avenue Baptist Church and is available for purchase online at Amazon.com. While Dr. Prince is the primary author, one of the unique qualities of this family devotional is the contribution made by members of the Ashland church body. This means that the reader has the joint benefits of a devotional written and compiled by a teaching professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and material provided by lay authors who possess a variety of life and educational experiences. In this way, JTH is truly a devotional by the family and for the family.

The material design of JTH is intended to foster consistent family devotion throughout the week, with five concise units of study with two “off days” built in. The benefit of this is a clear commitment to family discipleship with a fair amount of grace for those unexpected intrusions to the family calendar. In addition, each unit of study is concise, and does not require large amounts of time to successfully complete. This is encouraging for larger families in which any twenty-minute exercise naturally turns into thirty or forty, and for those families who are just getting started. In short, JTH is a logistically accessible devotional for families of all sizes and backgrounds.

Saving the best for last, no review of JTH would be complete without a mention of the actual material. In the opening quote from the great Baptist preacher, Charles Spurgeon, he wrote of concerns for instruction, discipline, and the impartation of Gospel truth to the family and in particular, the children of any household. If these issues presented the church with a dilemma in Spurgeon’s day, how concerning must they be now?

The content of JTH may be the most exciting feature of the book. Dr. Prince wrote in his foreword, “Christ is the one in whom God will ultimately sum up the entire cosmos (Eph. 1:10) … The Jesus the Hero Family Devotional is an attempt to help followers of Christ in the task of summing up all things in Christ right now” (p.5). As the title makes explicit, JTH is a Christ-focused work that seeks to connect the biblical storyline in both Old and New Testaments to the reader’s life in such a way that application is true to Scripture with material suitable for all ages. In this way, the reader can be confident that what they are receiving is a biblically faithful aid along the road of family worship.

JTH is a book that any pastor, biblical counselor, or small group leader should be familiar with and prepared to recommend to any family under their care. There can be no doubt as to the spiritual growth that families stand to experience as they pursue Christ together. New families with little ones or teenagers ought not be discouraged as they implement this discipline for the first time, but should trust that as they gather in the living room or around the dining table, that God will honor their time in his word and Jesus the Hero will be among them.

A review copy of "Jesus the Hero Family Devotional" was provided to the reviewer (Joshua Waulk).

Caution: Sound Doctrine Divides

2016-01-27T11:19:00.000-05:00

"Doctrine divides but love unites."

This is the mantra of some within the broader American church. It's complicated root system ensnares many well-meaning Christians who have seen the words of Scripture used as a spiritual bludgeon against those who battled against enslavement to sin or who perhaps weren't walking in lock-step with church leadership.

Hence, the response: Doctrine appears to be dividing us, therefore, what we need is more love.

On the other hand, there are those whose lips play host to these words with less than sincere motivations of the heart. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. Their intent is to lead others astray by convincing them, among other things, that to be "under grace" is to possess a license to indulge the flesh, whether outwardly or inwardly.

And possession of this license guarantees "freedom from the law" of God which therefore (practically) nullifies the authority of church leadership in any one church members life. Their's is a call to licentious living, or what theologians call antinomianism (lit: against God's law).

The truth is, there are few who explicitly proclaim this so-called freedom from God's moral mandates in the Christian life. Even antinomians think it wrong to have their wallets stolen!

Yet the problem we're grappling with in this post is real and its effects in the church today, supported by gross biblical illiteracy, are devastating to discipleship and biblical counseling (see important articles on this from Ligonier Ministries and Dr. Al Mohler).

At bottom, we might say that many in the American church are now "punch-drunk" on an unbiblical understanding of God's moral law and its relation to the grace by which they are saved (Eph. 2:8-9).

Obedience from the Heart

One of the many unique qualities of biblical counseling is its embrace of God's word as the sufficient source and guide for the life to which God has called every believer (Heb. 4:12; 2 Tim. 3:16). And this call is buttressed by the good news that, unlike government, God never issues an unfunded mandate. As Peter tells us, we've been granted "all things that pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3).

In other words, the biblical call to know, understand, and observe sound doctrine and teaching is preceded by the giving of the spiritual ability to do so at conversion. This is good news!

Critics of biblical counseling have thus charged the movement with encouraging legalism on account of the counselor's willingness to be direct with those who are clearly living in opposition to God's word. Here, we often see (or taste) the leaven that infects the modern church which declares that "doctrine divides."

With the understanding that the human element, and therefore the possibility of human error, cannot be removed from any counseling scenario, it must be clearly stated that loving (Eph. 5:14), biblical confrontation is not merely descriptive in Christian discipleship, but is in fact prescriptive, that is, mandated.

This is precisely what Paul was referring to when he instructed the Thessalonians to "admonish the idle" (1 Thess. 5:14), or those who are neglecting God's word to their own peril (and often times the peril of their own families and the entire church).

In a great twist of irony, when the shepherds of God's church willfully refuse to engage the wayward, they are themselves running afoul of God's gracious command which was in fact given for our sanctification (Rom. 6:19).

Within the pages of Scripture we find a clear and unambiguous call to holy or righteous living according not to our own imagined standards but according to "sound doctrine" (Titus 2:1).

In his letter to the Romans, Paul himself commends his audience for their obedience, and gives thanks to God that where they were once "slaves of sin," they have become "obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which [they] were committed" (Rom. 6:17; 2 Tim. 1:13).

Notice two key phrases in the verse: 1) from the heart, and 2) the standard of teaching. Paul lifts up not a mere legalistic form of obedience to God but one that is motivated by love for Him according to what they have been taught concerning the Gospel. Orthodoxy (right knowing) tends toward Orthopraxy (right living).

"We will not believe more than we know, and we will not live higher than our beliefs." Dr. Al Mohler

Any honest reading of the New Testament would reveal that Paul himself would repudiate the maligning of sound doctrine and the pursuit of loving obedience in humble submission to it.

If "doctrine divides" in the way some have suggested, then the words of Psalm 119:105, that God's word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path, cannot in any meaningful way be true.

Connecting the Dots

This post has focused heavily on God's law, moral standards, and obedience to biblical doctrine. For some, it will be an uncomfortable discussion because it feels counter to the message of "grace" as they've come to understand it. Unfortunately, they may hear a message that is measurably different than what's actually been communicated.

Still, the application of sound, biblical doctrine in any pastoral or biblical counseling scenario is critical to discipling those who have fallen away and who are now experiencing the natural results of sin and the loving discipline of God. Either of these may produce experiences with worry, fear, depression, anxiety, relational brokenness, and the like.

While those who counsel biblically must always be on the lookout for signs of an underlying organic issue in a counselee and be ready to refer the person to a medical doctor for examination, it will not infrequently be the case that the trouble a person is experiencing in their life can be linked to some ongoing sin issue (i.e. adultery, pornography, addiction, anger, criminal activity, etc.).

Consequently, the most unloving thing any concerned biblical shepherd can do is to avoid the loving confrontation at the point of departure from God's word in favor of some physical remedy to what is a spiritual matter of the heart.

Indeed, while some choose to report that "doctrine divides and love unites," what we know to be true is that sound doctrine divides not the church, but the righteous from the unrighteous. And the resulting unity it produces for those who are trained by it is securely in Christ and with one another (Heb. 12:11).

In this, sound doctrine, we encounter the love of God whose perfect love casts out all fear (1 Jn. 4:18).

For a related discussion, check out the latest podcast from ACBC on overcoming sin.

What's In A Name? A Post for Parents and "No Name Calling Week"

2016-01-20T11:31:00.002-05:00

This post is for parents of school-aged children and grown men who are still telling "Yo mama" jokes.

January 18-22, 2016, according to Psychology Today, is "No Name Calling Week." I'm not sure who has the privilege of deciding such a thing, but in this new year I hope to write on some of these otherwise arbitrary topics in order to make connections between them and life-giving biblical truth.

Positively, I appreciate that those on the secular side of mental health counseling have a concern for things which bring emotional (i.e. spiritual) hurt into the lives of others. In our day and in our schools especially, the topic of "bullying" has become a hot-button item. I suspect "No Name Calling Week" is somehow connected to this wider issue, and rightfully so, I would argue.

High profile cases, influenced by the advent of social media and involving tragic circumstances have occurred across our nation. In response, many school districts have enacted stiff policies to combat a thing which was once considered a part of growing up. "Kids will be kids---let them sort it out," we used to say.

But one too many suicides committed by young people who were subjected to intense bullying and name-calling changed all that. To be sure, there is a discussion to be had with young people about the level at which they covet the praise of their peers (Paul Washer speaks powerfully about this HERE). Even so, that discussion does not negate the destructiveness of repeated and ongoing shunning by a young person's natural community (or anyone's for that matter).

Indeed, there are good and profound reasons for the apostle Paul's admonition, "No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear" (Eph. 4:29; emphasis mine). Did you catch Paul's stated purpose for the command? Christian speech is intended by God to be a conduit of grace.

What fellowship then does the darkness of name-calling have with those who walk in the light of Christ (2 Cor. 6:14)?

The Limitations of No Name-Calling Week

Our friends at Psychology Today, I believe, have helped us by calling attention to a matter that on the surface seems a bit over-blown. After all, if you're like me, somewhere along the way in your childhood somebody picked on you---and you survived. But, your survival (and mine) doesn't justify the sin. If anything, it's evidence of God's grace in our lives.

For others, like those I sometimes meet with in counseling who were berated and torn down for years in childhood by the words of an angry father, the reverberations of the past have left an indelible mark on the soul. For them, "Sticks and stones break bones---and words hurt terribly."

What is it then about this name-calling that so deeply touches the hearts of many? Perhaps there's more to a name than we'd like to admit. In Scripture, and even in non-Christian cultures throughout the world, the name a person is given at birth has great meaning. Names speak to the perceived character and hope-for attributes of the child. Consider also the power we're intended to perceive in the names of God we encounter in the pages of the Old Testament, in particular.

Further, even the act of assigning a name to a person communicates privilege, power, and authority. Generally speaking, this is an honor extended by God to the parents of children. When parents give a child a name, they can only hope that their little one will indeed grow up into the name they've selected and all that it represents. In this way, there is in fact quite a bit wrapped up into this special act that seems so perfunctory in our modern day culture.

All of this speaks to the profundity of the type of name-calling that's in view with "No Name-Calling Week." When we, with malice aforethought, name call another with the intention of harming them and putting them down, we actually usurp the authority God vested in their parents and take it upon ourselves to assign moral character and personal attributes to a person over whom we hold no meaningful authority.

In this and many other ways, name-calling is a deeply theological topic and not one that should be casually dismissed. The challenge for parents and all who hold a biblical worldview is to make these connections for our children and even our peers who don't yet understand why name calling matters at all.

Yes, the intent of "No Name Calling Week" is good so far as it goes, but it doesn't go far enough. Like much of secular counseling, it attempts to remove or modify the behavior without supplying a sufficient or proper counter motivation of the heart.

What then should we do?

Affirming the Imago Dei

If name-calling has anything at all to do with seeking to assign value, character, and attributes to a person (even if sinfully), then we must remind ourselves and certainly our children that the one thing that connects all men to one another is the same thing that makes man unique from all creation: the Image of God (Latin: Imago Dei). Scripture teaches us that when God created man, He created him in His very image (Gen. 1:26-27).

Among other things, this means that all men are created with an inherent value that no other human can remove or has the right or authority to diminish. And this is precisely what we (or our children) do when we engage in sinful name-calling. It is, in fact, an assault on the God-given personhood and value of the other party. We may even rightly consider that to sinfully name-call is to impugn the very work of God who alone is holy, perfect, and just in all that He does.

Here is where we as parents must take this dialogue of "No Name Calling Week" as we teach our children (and ourselves) to love God and love our neighbor (Luke 10:27). While we are right to hold our kids and one another accountable to confess and repent of sinful behavior, we must disciple them into an understanding of why we would choose not to name-call, but instead build others up in love and grace.

These are the things of Scripture with which the world is unfamiliar. As we encounter it seeking to bring order into a disordered world (and for that we can be thankful), we have the duty and privilege of adding biblical truth to the conversation. And the truth we bring is the Gospel of Jesus Christ that is itself a river of living water (John 7:38).

In light of this conversation, perhaps we might speak with our children about "No Name Calling Week," and go a biblical step further, and call our children to adopt a spirit which affirms the Imago Dei in everyone they meet.

Join the Conversation

1. How have you been tempted to sinfully name call another?

2. How will you speak to your children about "No Name Calling Week" so that they learn to not only avoid the sinful behavior, but affirm the Image of God found in their neighbor?

So, You Want to Get Married?

2015-11-23T12:22:00.000-05:00

"For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods..." 1 Kings 11:4

One of the great privileges of pastoral ministry and biblical counseling is the role of mentor and guide to couples who are engaged or considering marriage. In a culture that mocks and scoffs at the biblical vision for marriage, helping those who desire to honor the Lord and put the Gospel on display through their marital covenant is a joy (Eph. 5:32).

But, with the privilege of sending many couples down the aisle toward holy matrimony comes tremendous pastoral responsibility. There is more to biblical marriage, we are to be reminded, than one-man-one-woman composition, romantic feelings, sexual compatibility, and similar interests and hobbies.

Pre-marital counseling, therefore, is designed to vet an engaged couple's readiness for marriage and to honestly assess and inform them of the same. For all that pre-marital counseling is designed to be, one thing it must not be is a rubber stamp.

Just Say No (or Not Yet)

To the extent that pastors and biblical counselors influence the decision of couples to marry, they must also be prepared to provide a prophetic voice of sorts by speaking the truth in love to those who are not (or who are not yet) good candidates for marriage (Eph. 4:15).

Pastors and biblical counselors then have a type of responsibility to both caution against marriage and to withhold their participation when and if necessary. Unwise decisions for marriage must be avoided before they are made. This can be an emotionally charged but necessary action to be taken with wisdom and discernment by the one providing pre-marital counseling and received with grace by the couple in question (Heb. 13:17).

It has been said that indifference rather than hate is the opposite of love, and when it comes to pre-marital counseling, the gravity of the decision at hand demands that pastors and biblical counselors be anything but indifferent. Sometimes, saying "no" or "not yet" is the most loving answer the pastor-counselor can give.

Right Questions Yield Wise Answers

God's word provides for us an important question to be asked in the context of biblical pre-marital counseling. We extrapolate this question from a telling passage about the life of King Solomon in 1 Kings 11:1-8.

Solomon was perhaps, second only to his father, David, the most famous of all of Israel's earthly kings. Blessed by God with immeasurable wisdom, his was a kingdom marked by unmatched wealth and influence (1 Kings 4:20-34). But, for all of Solomon's great wisdom, he was not sinless. And, his sin would have tremendous influence on the life of the nation he was charged by God to lead.

One of Solomon's very public and well-documented sins was the practice of polygamy and sexual immorality. Solomon literally had hundreds of wives and hundreds of concubines. What made matters worse was Solomon's proclivity to take for himself wives from other nations which God had previously commanded all of Israel to avoid (1 Kings 11:1-3).

Solomon's own life would become the "poster-child" for God's purpose in this loving prohibition which would be carried over by Paul in the New Testament for followers of Jesus to obey (Deut. 7:3-4; 2 Cor. 6:14).

For Solomon, the net result of not only polygamy but wedding himself to those who worshipped the world's false gods was a life and legacy corrupted by idolatry and rebellion against the Lord (1 Kings 11:4-6).

Due in part to his very unwise attitude toward marriage, Solomon's heart was turned away from the one true and living God. Tragically (and avoidably), Solomon became like those who worshipped the idols of nations made by human hands (Psalms 135:15-18).

What if, in his wisdom, Solomon had sought godly counsel to inform his martial decision-making and in so-doing had been forced to answer this critically important question:

How does this relationship and potential marriage turn your heart and the heart of your potential spouse away from the false gods of the world and toward the living God of Scripture?

Hopefully, you recognize this question as the inverse of what we are told became of Solomon in 1 Kings 11:4. It is a question that every engaged couple must answer and answer well if they are to live out Paul's foundational statement about marriage as a beacon for the Gospel (Eph. 5:32).

Taking Solomon's Advice

Among other things, Solomon is known for having been inspired of God to write much of the Book of Proverbs. Proverbs is, of course, full of wisdom sayings to help guide us in life. One of the more memorable proverbs written by Solomon teaches us that "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed" (Prov. 15:22).

In light of what we learn about Solomon in 1 Kings 11:1-8 and about the plans we make in Proverbs 15:22, we applaud those who desire to honor the Lord in marriage by submitting themselves and their relationship to a season of pre-marital counseling.

While there is always some risk in exposing the desires of our hearts to God's word, we can always trust that He has His glory and our joy in view.

Whether in marriage or in singleness, His desire is always to turn our hearts toward Himself in the person of His Son, Jesus Christ, to whom we as believers are already united and eternally wed. By seeking to live in faithfulness to His word as regards earthly marriage, we prove ourselves to be His faithful bride.

For Further Reflection

1. If you're a pastor-counselor, are you willing to say "no" or "not yet" in pre-marital counseling or do you see your role differently?

2. If you're engaged or thinking of getting engaged, are you willing to submit your plans to God's word and wise biblical counsel?

(Author: Joshua Waulk)

Book Recommendation: Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ

2015-10-30T14:49:00.000-04:00

Dr. Robert Kellemen, Chair of the Biblical Counseling and Discipleship Department at Crossroads Bible College, is the author of Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ. Published by Zondervan, Gospel Conversations is part of the Equipping Biblical Counselors Series, and is the follow up to Kellemen's previous book, also from Zondervan, Gospel Centered Counseling: How Christ Changes Lives (you can read my recommendation of that book HERE).

As part of the Equipping Series, Gospel Conversations is concerned with providing biblical counselors with the skills they need to use the gospel in the context of soul care for teaching others how to resist temptation and respond to suffering with love for God and one another (p.15). Kellemen wrote that "Gospel Conversations provides an intensive, relational, hands-on equipping manual" designed to develop in the counselor "twenty-one biblical counseling relational skills" to care like Christ (p.15).

Kellemen succeeds in meeting his stated purposes for Gospel Conversations by providing twelve in-depth chapters and helpful appendices that unpack the one thing he asks his reader to not forget throughout the book:

We learn to become competent biblical counselors by giving and receiving biblical counseling in the context of real and raw community (p.17).

In keeping with the spirit of Kellemen's other works, Gospel Conversations is not merely a theoretical treatment of the critically important task of providing biblical soul care. It is a hands-on, practical teaching tool designed to equip the body of Christ for "face-to-face gospel ministry where we speak the truth in love to one another" (p.17). With extensive follow up questions designed for small group or individual application, Gospel Conversations has the biblical counselor's growth and maturity in full view.

The strength of Gospel Conversations is of course found in its gospel-centeredness, but the reader also benefits greatly from Kellemen's writing style and experience as a teacher. The book is accessible to most readers, yet appropriate for any setting in which training for biblical counseling is occurring. The net result, then, of a thorough reading of Gospel Conversations is a biblical counselor who is better prepared to care like Christ.

"Christ's vision for the church involves the whole body sharing Scripture and soul in gospel conversations where we help one another to become more like Christ as we endure suffering as overcomers and battle and defeat sin as more than conquerors." Dr. Robert Kellemen (p.354)

To purchase a copy of Gospel Conversations, visit Dr. Kellemen's ministry website HERE.