tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-198056022026-03-02T16:15:21.217-05:00Connecting the dots between Edison's ears and Britney's Spears..Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-6934185241314987712007-12-03T18:29:00.000-05:002007-12-03T20:32:46.176-05:00

"I can tell jokes. I can talk to the audience. I can relax. I can change my songs whenever I want. I can change the tempos. I can change the mood, because I'm in charge."-the late Robert GouletThis one's for you, big papa...M.I.A. - Paper Planes (Rene Goulet's Golden Girl Conspiracy)

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-31718894550636898242007-10-03T19:48:00.000-04:002007-10-05T10:09:18.182-04:00

Yes....I've been away for quite some time (last post was March?) but you'll have to forgive me. I've spent the last 6 months drowning my libido in Vegas (aka Las Vortex). Twenty-three redheads and seventeen pounds of bacon later, I bring you RENEGOULET.COMPlease excuse me; I'm a wee bit frazzled and need to soak my nerves in a big, fat tub of porn.But fret not; I will be back momentarily with

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-75264291182940135062007-03-04T12:59:00.000-05:002007-03-05T13:14:36.397-05:00

It’s been four score and seven minutes since I last updated the Cylinder. I don’t have much of an excuse for my absence, other than the fact that the wind simply disappeared from my sails, which left me struggling to find a port suitable for the girth of Goulet’s Love Boat (yes, I did make a cameo on the ill-fated series in the 70s).After months of introspection, I now realize that it is futile

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-38380938040461551022007-03-03T12:56:00.000-05:002007-03-05T13:55:02.950-05:00

I’ve heard that fashion is simply the art of buying clothes you don’t need, with money you don’t have, to impress people that you don’t even like. Now if that’s not sexy, I don’t know what is. However I think that this criticism is a bit harsh; after all, I would argue that if it works for overweight punch-buggies smuggling tires in spandex, then I must applaud its merits. Touche Fashion!!!Now

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1164915473901537752007-03-01T01:00:00.000-05:002007-03-04T13:21:07.367-05:00

At the behest of a friend who shares a similar love of all things sordid, I purchased the New York Times Bestseller "Confessions Of A Video Vixen." I don't know where Karrine Steffans found time to hone her craft between all the Rusty Trombones and Cellophane Surprises, but this girl writes like Emily Dickenson with a belly-full of Shakespeare's offspring. I could go on and on, but I'll let the

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1164911887796948842007-03-01T00:30:00.000-05:002007-03-04T13:22:04.764-05:00

Why does it seem that the publishers of American music magazines are of the Jerry's Kids ilk? Because they are, my young patriot. That's why I tune into the Brits for all of the latest dirt. Wanna know how many doodies Pete Dougherty did today? NME (answer: none cos the H binds him up). A sense of humor? Q. Reviews? Mojo. You might be saying to yourself, "Goulet - I REALLY like Blender!

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1164910656275926352006-11-30T13:09:00.000-05:002006-11-30T13:19:44.320-05:00

God damn I love advertising, especially when is smells of sweatshops. And who better to capture that odor than Courtey's cooch? Although she claims to be sober, there's nothing more intoxicating than a sweet whiff of her nethers, so the good folks over at Apparently American have signed her on as their newest model. What's that? Who's the striking fox in the gold lame tights? None other than

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1160948125187521512006-10-15T17:28:00.000-04:002006-12-16T18:22:25.686-05:00

Here I am kickin it with JT and Timbaland up in Club Dunce Cap on the outskirts of Dublin. True, it looks a bit randy but rest assured; JT was simply picking my pockets so he could get up in some deviled eggs at the bar. They make da eggs so nice at the Dunce Cap! Tim looks a bit excited, but that's only because he was taken by Goulet's scintillating star-power. After I made my way thru the

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1159555797778751622006-09-29T14:43:00.000-04:002006-10-03T00:01:28.796-04:00

Oh god. I don’t know how this happened, but apparently the rules of biology have been thrown out the door and Darwin is nothing but a babbling lunatic. Brothers hit skins, give birth to rappers and suddenly Pete Doherty’s pharmaceutical game of pot luck has lost its luster. Russ is smoking pap smears again, but at least he didn’t kill any embryos in the process.So in an effort to enlighten the

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1159556476870570942006-09-29T12:21:00.000-04:002006-10-02T23:57:56.316-04:00

So I went to a birthday party for a skinny model the other day. And guess what? The cake jumped out of the girl. Laugh now, but know that the day of the 80-lb POW look is soon to be kicked to the curb. Well, maybe not kicked…the wind will probably do just fine. In hopes of sending the “right” message to women around the world, protesters are demanding that healthier women walk the runways.

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1159288414330440092006-09-26T12:09:00.000-04:002006-10-02T23:58:10.253-04:00

Girl Talk – Night Ripper (Illegal Art)Don’t you love it when someone comes along with a red hot poker and shoves it straight up the record industry’s pale, wrinkled old keister? Kinda touches a nerve, and as we all know, the nerves are a bit sensitive down there. (C’mon. You know.)Gregg Gillis comes from Pittsburgh, which means he somehow found time to create this masterpiece between hammering

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1159292785088534612006-09-25T13:42:00.000-04:002006-09-29T15:19:55.926-04:00

Eva Langora is not hot anymore. Ladies…take some advice from Goulet. The quickest way to encourage limpness is to either:a) profess your love of the “new” Bon Jovi track; orb) say that you don’t like Stevie WonderI speak from experience. You see, I once went on a date with a lost young girl who mentioned in passing that she did not like Stevie. Really? You don’t like Stevie? Then you

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1154015996702539792006-07-27T11:53:00.000-04:002006-07-27T13:12:35.673-04:00

Muse – Black Holes and Revelations (Warner Bros.)This album fucking rocks. Bleep. Oops. All of Muse’s albums deserve an expletive, for they are the rare example of a band that continues to grow hydroponically with each album. Kinda like JC Chasez. On their fourth effort, they deliver a cohesive stroke of greatness that can best be described as a spacey rock extravaganza. I am not saying

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1152835256391501852006-07-23T12:02:00.000-04:002006-07-27T13:13:59.403-04:00

The Cylinder is expanding like Courtney Love's coochie! You know what they say: the bigger the waistband, the deeper the quicksand... As I was traveling through the backwoods of Kentucky last week, I met an interesting fellow. Russ. He is a living, breathing Ned Beatty character - complete with a greeaazy pal named Cletus. Anyway, Russ gets ALL the dirt and has agreed to let me share it with

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1152641024475524982006-07-11T14:01:00.000-04:002006-07-11T14:03:44.490-04:00

Everybody’s a DJ, right? Wrong. You see, even if you have the most jacked Ipod in the world, the simple truth is that you can’t buy taste. And even if you do have good taste, we all know that it’s completely subjective, which means you probably wasted your money anyway. Plus, I’d rather not listen to your “creative” scratching of the “Under Pressure” a cappella breakdown over

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1151530561043074502006-06-28T17:33:00.000-04:002006-06-28T17:48:15.623-04:00

Goulet and Rick Rubin have a lot in common. We’ve both rekindled the career of a living legend. We also wear boxers. At least I imagine a man of Rick’s commanding girth would choose boxers over the all-too-constricting “brief.” In 1993, when Craig Mack ruled the airwaves, Rick decided that the word DEF had been co-opted by pop culture in such a way that it needed to die. So he had a funeral

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1150947305411341342006-06-22T09:31:00.000-04:002006-06-22T14:19:59.253-04:00

So I spoke with Senator Tang the other day. You still haven’t met him? Your bad. Just don’t mention his name if you ever find yourself hanging by your genitalia in a Thai prison. Tang tells me that a rogue group of South Korean film students are currently filming the big screen adaptation of “Hammer Of The Gods,” the unofficial Led Zeppelin biography. In case you haven’t read it, there’s a

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1150900204119361632006-06-21T22:24:00.000-04:002006-06-21T23:37:03.690-04:00

One-Two - Love Again (Four Music)Frederic Beucher and Severin Tezenas Du Montcel are the French duo One-Two. True to tradition, they sing in the International Language of Love...English? Au Bon Pain!!??? Fear not, my little flower; while they do sing in English, their French accents add to the playfulness of their sunny tunes, which are devoid of gruyere-flavored pretention. I get the

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1148318020455422102006-05-22T13:00:00.000-04:002006-05-22T13:44:47.240-04:00

Flaming Lips – At War With The Mystics (Warner Brothers)Holy shit. Heavenly bowels. Cosmic leftovers. The Flaming Lips have made a career out of twisting peoples knickers into a frenzied state of confused bewilderment. On “At War..” they twist a little harder, leaving skidmarks that must have been the divine work of Picasso himself. Ahhh, sweet Downy… Following up one of the most

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1148319555776023822006-05-21T13:36:00.000-04:002006-05-22T13:45:00.603-04:00

Big ups to the GenArt Massive. Yes, they picked a perfect stage for Goulet to peddle his wares. Granted, it’s not the Sands, nor is it the Tropicana, but Goulet is never one to shy away from skinny girls as they gallop down the runway with the resolve of the most determined postal worker. I’ve even treated you to a behind-the-scenes photo of my elusive DJ stance. Here are the tracks that

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1146696217669495092006-05-03T18:23:00.003-04:002006-05-03T18:47:37.410-04:00

Ooooh I’ve got that burning sensation again. But this time it’s not from that girl Sophie from Pigalle. No, it’s just that I’m sitting in a field in Indio, CA while the sun whittles my senses down to a dull pile of bio-degradable nonsense. God DAMN it is hot!!!! Yes, there was a lot of hype around some of the bands that performed at Coachella 2006. Then Hard-Fi and The Subways cancelled.

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1145372558111405382006-04-18T11:02:00.000-04:002006-04-18T13:07:28.846-04:00

Who the F*** is Pete Doherty? – directed by Roger PomphreyYou’ve probably heard Pete Doherty. Although the British music press anointed him the second coming of Lennon after he and his former bandmates, The Libertines, released “Up The Bracket” a few years ago, it’s his appetite for any ingestible substance and a short lived snog-fest with Kate Moss that has fueled a British tabloid frenzy.

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1145377384827132812006-04-17T12:20:00.000-04:002006-04-18T13:07:54.226-04:00

You might not know this, but LA is not just for blow-up dolls, fast-talking sheisters and botox addicts anymore. That’s right, kiddies – it’s all growns up and has its own fashion week, which to many signifies a city that has come full circle. In this case, the circle is packed with rhinestone-studded denim and fire-breathing dragon jackets. So in order to prepare you for any upcoming trip to

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1142053403017068852006-03-11T00:30:00.000-05:002006-03-11T00:37:34.740-05:00

So I’m on the phone with my good friend Senator Tang the other day. A word of advice: If you ever go to Bangkok and care to roll the dice, Mr. Tang is your man. You like anonymous Blumpkins? Tang. An Ice Stocking desert topped off by the Pastry Chef? Tang. You get my point. The Sentator has a penchant for exaggerating, although sometimes I can’t really understand him because he has no

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19805602.post-1142053940387694882006-03-11T00:07:00.000-05:002006-03-11T00:56:36.786-05:00

I heard someone say the other day that the Rolling Stones should just hang it up - - watching them is like watching a bingo game at the Elk’s Lodge. Then I heard someone call U2 “dad rock.” I’m perplexed. I suppose these people didn’t notice when MTV, the arbiter of good taste, cut to commercial in the middle of David Gilmour’s “Comfortably Numb” guitar solo during Live 8 last summer. If that

Rene Goulethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12693884708824755572noreply@blogger.com3