I long for love, loving together with someone, happy times, fighting tims, all times. Just someone to share life with in a truthfull way. Be myself and still be apreciated as I am, is that to much to ask for? 

Today I realized that I had fallen in love from a distance, long time ago since that happen, but then here we go again as a child that does not really dare to be upfront with the girl he really cares for and yes in many ways I’m returning to my childhood, beeing more vunerable and carefull about my heart knowing that I am a sensitive man that would really hurt by not getting the repsonse that my heart is longing for. 

Is it wrong to be that carefull and afraid to “jump on” and tell what I want in that relationship? Sometimes I feel more like a woman then a man.

I don’t really know who I am anymore, so much has happend inside lately and I’m not the person I used to know. Stopping the abuse of psyko drugs has really turned me inside out and shock me up. I might find a hole new person, hopefully someone I can live with.

4 weeks of sickness now and still the day seams to go away without me being in it. Is this life?

I can not get it anymore, seams like a waste of time. 

Pretty sad post this time, that how is is. Take care everybody.

When will the pain leave my body? Long is the night of the suffering. Long is the day for the lonely.

Been on this road for some time now and I wish for better days without pain in my body and soul. Pain that hurts my life in unspeakable ways and makes my hope for life go to waste – when will the pain leave my body?

Creativity ~ What is it?

I have been wondering and thinking about this all my life and I have come to the conclusion that creativity is the closest we humans can come to being nature.

Look at the trees, look at the leafs, look at all the natures wonder.

It’s true, wild and creative.

No bonderies

No fear

Just Being

Stand with me and embrace that little burning candle we all have inside that say

- I am free, warm and loving, just like the nature

Love Tsamsiyu

Now I now what the main problem with the city is. There is no beauty, no spaces of freedom where we can roam free as the nature intended. Blocks of strange objects and not enough space for the enormous freedom, wildness and creativity that we and nature in truth are.

Q: How do you get over social anxiety? A: At some point, you just have to not give a fuck and stop believing you need anyone else’s approval in order to say what you want to say, do what you want to do and have what you want to have. The only way to learn this is to find the belief, “I need other people in order to be happy, okay, loved, free, etc.” and love that lie to death with the machine gun of your heart. ♥

How fast things change…Just a couple of days ago I was calm and had faith in the universe but now I feel sorrow and the will to live is almost gone. My life is a f**king rollercoaster with a will that I don’t have much to say about, powerless is the feeling, nothing to do except hang on and try to accept that nothing is as I want it to be. I can be on top one day and the next day all of that is gone. I am so tired of this way of living. Living without power to shape a way of being.

Don’t lose yourself in attempt to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you

out wandering the streets with fear in my heart. Where has my peace gone, I can’t understand. Sometimes I think and feel that the fight is over at least this time cause it was really over, over, over, but no more. Sad sad sad to say but peace is gone. My heart is acing and the tears are coming as a never ending tsunami. I’m so sad and I can not really understand why. Loosing myself and my peac is the hardest thing in my life I can not understand. Been spending the last days in total fear and force that pushes me of the edge into a world with no rest and fright that aces in my heart and soul that affects my hole body with physical pail and discomfort. What is the meaning? I don’t get it.

Thank God, or whatever you wanna call it, that I have my blog still. It’s a place of releaf in my angst and lonliness.

Take care everybody and believe me when I say

- There is a heaven on earth, I have felt it

Lead the way with me, please.

Love Tsamsiyu

So here we are, living our lives. How does it get better then this?

For me the fight is over as it seams and I’m ready to start my new life, loooovely

With the feeling of great insight and calmness

Things are changing in a great manner ADHD was then! Is the feeling now.

Enjoy !