Way To Live Now

What Makes a Movement?

2011-09-22T10:18:00.001-07:00

It's the day after. A day late. A dollar short. I want to smoke, but I don't anymore so instead I'm left with this uncomfortable feeling. The feeling of regret.

Two men died yesterday. I'm not here to debate the merits of the Troy Davis case. He said he was innocent. He was put to death.

In the great state of Texas another man was put to death. In 1989 Russell Brewer picked up Byrd and offered him a ride home. Brewer was with 2 other friends.

James was dragged to his death.

He was dragged for over 2 miles.

There was nothing of him left.

They dumped his remains in front of a black cemetery and went to a barbecue. They had beer. They drank. Russell has never been sorry though he tried to wiggle out of responsibility. The day before his execution Russell Brewer said, "As far as regrets go, no, I don't have any. I'd do it all again to tell you the truth."

"...I'd do it all again to tell you the truth".

Ross Byrd, 32, and the son of James said "You can't fight murder with murder." Byrd and James' father were at the prison the day of the execution to state that they didn't want this. They didn't agree with the death penalty. Killing Brewer wasn't going to bring his father back.

I don't agree with the death penalty. I also don't agree with the apathy that this country has been since the death of Matthew Shepard in 1988 and James Byrd in 1989. 20 years has gone by- and what do we have to show for it? A spending hangover, two parties that look the same and a generation of kids who lack the leadership that Generation Y had when they were growing up. But instead of Tweeting for the night and "post this as your status for 30 minutes if you agree!", what if we did something. What if we did it every day. Vote out elected officials who don't speak for you. Tell them to go home. Or run. My local councilman is running for Mayor- the first planning meeting is in two weeks. I'll be there.

Just a Little Please.....

2011-08-17T15:07:00.001-07:00

I’ve never been good at a little. To paraphrase the best song ever (the best along with 500 other songs which are the best songs ever) half of anything never appealed to me. I love without abandon. I’ve been known on occasion to have an extra glass (or 3 or 4) of wine. When I find a new passion- I research it extensively, shoving information down my throat like a last meal. And while I do all of this- my eternally patient family and friends take the ride with me- because I am unable to keep any of it inside. My motto when I was younger, (and if I’m to be honest- even now to some degree) if enough is good- then more must be better!!!!! This of course left me in some tight spots, a few injuries, one or two broken hearts (mine and others) and lots and lots of reflection.

When I was in college- I decided that I was adept enough to relax my own hair. I was told that using lye relaxer was better than using non-lye relaxer. 45minutes later- I’m in the hospital sporting an eye patch and a burned cornea. There was another unfortunate incident a few weeks later when I tried to cut the back of my head with a pair of clippers- no guard and without a mirror. The barber (a burly fellow) shrieked. Foiled again.

After college- confused as to what I wanted to be when I grew up- I decided that I didn’t want to work at my department store job in Manhattan. I quit, without a new job. I had decided I was going to work in a bookstore. I then proceeded to apply to 30 bookstores in the NYC metro area. (Luckily- I was hired by one and worked there for 15 years.)

In my 20’s I went on a date. We met at 8pm for drink and the next morning he was moving in- we were inseparable for about 18 months. Then the date ended.

2 years ago- excited to try the lemonade diet- I went 10 days without eating anything, except lemonade made with cayenne pepper, lemons and maple syrup. Instead of breaking the fast with juice and broth as suggested- I went to a cheese farm in NJ and had a half-pound of cheddar (insanely delicious and a newly acquired passion- that I still have), rosemary bread and to top if off- slow roasted pork belly (also tasty beyond description). I was in the hospital for almost a week.

So when it comes to my hair….Suffice it to say that I also have a cabinet full of stuff.

There is a manic glint in my eye that you can see as I wander around places like Sephora. And now with so many more products on the market for natural hair- I can get whipped up into a frenzy. I try everything and the better it smells the more I’m hooked. Smells like Lemon? I’m in heaven. Cotton candy? Dandy!!!

Once home- it’s worse- I unpack and caress the jars- introducing them to their roommates in my oversized bathroom in my tiny Jersey City apartment. I don’t try and play favorites either- on a rainy Saturday, watch out! I can have mask on my face- followed by a steam- gentle toner and then moisturizer. I am an advertiser’s dream. Why? Perhaps because I love packaging (oh and I do- show me a great display and I’ll show you where I’m a customer). But no, they love me because I don’t read instructions. Therefore- I buy products all of the time. But this excess doesn’t lead to excessively wonderful results.

“Use sparingly”- a container will read. Huh? What’s sparingly? I stick my whole hand in a tub of gel. I’m convinced that somehow I must know better that the print on the side of the jar. Inevitably hours later my hair, is crunchy beyond words or worse, flaking like an extreme dandruff victim.

I want to tell you that I had some moment when I decided that I would read instructions and follow them. Truth is I’m more likely to start following the directions on my GPS. But one day when I was at the last dribs of my Kinky Curly hair gel- I was forced to use what I had left.

EUREKA!!!! My hair looked soft and spectacular! Could be some merit to this instruction following? Emboldened and empowered with my newfound wisdom I made my trip to Hair Nirvana (aka Ricky’s in Hoboken). They have an entire section dedicated to natural hair and I armed myself with usual suspects. Later that day- after washing my hair- I eagerly ripped open my fresh tub of gel.

My wicked giggle rising, I was about to thrust my hands in the jar and then- I stopped. I picked up the jar and decided to use the “quarter sized dollop” that was recommended. I snickered as I did it- sure that this would not do. However, it was enough. Strange. My hair looked great- and my hair gel would last so much longer! Sweet.

So I’ve learned that it is okay- to stop and read- that perhaps I don’t know everything. There might even be something to this moderation thing. I’m trying it out and pretty satisfied with the results. However, I have to take a deep breath every time a jar reads ‘use a generous’ amount. One step at a time.

Enough. (Way to Live in Peace)

2010-04-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

Writing down musings however banal to some but important to me hasn't been a priority... However, that doesn't mean that over the past 6 months that several things haven't moved me to live a better life. I'm writing one down today. When one finds oneself ranting about a particular issue that one is passionate about:
1- One should become a public servant
2- One should inspire action
3- One should do something
4- One should at least get the message out if they feel it's important enough.

We all owe it to one another to make this world a better place than it was when we arrived.
I need to say that again.
We all owe it to each other to make this world a better place than it was when we arrived.

Over the past past three weeks- I've heard more blatant racist, sexist, homophobic and religious intolerant comments that I've heard in a long time. Call it backlash. Call it free speech. Call it exhaustion over the economy.

But I'm calling it.

Enough-

There are extremists on the left and the right.
But I like to think that there are group of us reasonable folks in the middle.
In the middle of the country.
In the middle of the political spectrum.
In the middle of life.
In the middle of a work day.
In the middle of a work out.
In the middle of taking kids to school, soccer practice or to the doctor.
In the middle of filing an unemployment claim.

Those of us in the middle, are the ones that need to start having meaningful conversations. With each other.
Conversations that inspire.
Questions that promote acceptance of each other even if we do not agree.
Listening so we can challenge our own world view.
We all have something to say.

But what isn't okay- what has really got me bent- is when comments are made about groups of people that are hateful or based in stereotypes. And as bystanders we don't say or do anything. Why? Because it doesn't affect us directly. It's not okay to laugh at an insensitive joke when we know the teller means the punchline. I'm talking about when the tellers are our friends, acquaintances, colleagues and neighbors.

I'm reminded of the poem-

"THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

THEN THEY CAME for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up."

While I know there is debate about the origin- it's point is still relevant. If we do not speak up or say anything because we don't feel that something doesn't matter in our world- we are still hurting ourselves. Everything is everything. We are all connected. A girl who is stoned to death on the other side of the world because she is raped matters to us. A little boy a few states over who hasn't had a meal in three days because his parents can't afford food matters to us. The problems seem enormous- but with everyone participating and understanding that we all want the same thing- to be happy and live a better life, the job may not seem so hard. Many hands make for little work. I had planned on ranting about what I heard that had me so tweaked.

Rather, I think I just want to say- that I am going to do my part to listen to what is happening- I'm going to listen for the whispers of little girls on the other side of the globe. Listen for the common ground that I know I must have with my enemy.

I will speak up in ways that are constructive and I won't ignore hate- I will not be silent.

And I hope that you aren't either.

Spring has sprung and it feels that the world is moving in many directions- even backwards. The revolution is being televised- but we need to do more than just watch it.

Way To Live (Books)

2009-10-07T06:50:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how many book clubs I've been tried. With some- distance was an issue although the group of people was wonderful. With another- it was nearby but just so big that were sub-groups after a lecture type of introduction. It was also at a restaurant and felt awkward.

And to be perfectly honest- I didn't have the energy to start my own.

So what if you want to share thoughts about book or read something with someone? About two years ago my friend introduced me to www.shelfari.com. If you're a book nerd- you will have found your people on this site. If you're looking for a good read but don't like to ask folks in the stores- this is the spot. This site is user friendly without any attitude. You can load your entire book library- my only beef is that it takes fooooorever to upload titles... But other than that- perfect. It's a true online community.

I'm also going to read a book with a friend and we'll either have lunch or talk over the phone find something that works....

Who knew that a book club built for two might be great to do?

Way To Live (Work)

2009-09-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

Neiklightly is starting a new gig tomorrow- so I'll save my longer post for Tuesday. Just feeling like today was an Audrey day and wanted to share. Night. xoxox

I'm a cheap date (Way To Live- Movies/Staycations)

2009-09-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Instant gratification. There’s nothing like it. I spent the evening at home with my favorite plastic popcorn containers and Netflix. I’ve become completely obsessed with the “Watch Instantly” section. They have over 17,000 titles available. (insert blog)! Are you kidding me?! Between that and the ‘Playing Now In Theaters’ section of On Demand with cable, I may never go to the movies again. I can’t wait until companies realize that this is where it’s at. Of note:

Answer Man with Jeff Daniels- I can’t say enough good things about this movie. It’s a rare jem of of film that leaves you with a better feelings about humanity and life in general when all is said and done. Highly recommend it!

Popcorn containers- a buck each at Target.

Popcorn- $1.75 for the

Netflix- $6.99 a month

On Demand flick that is playing in the theater right now- $5.99

Being able to control the lighting and noise level in my living room for the ultimate movie experience? Priceless

Seeing the Same Differently (Way To Live- Mind, Body & Spirit)

2009-09-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes you need to be told something by someone that can't speak. In this case, by my dog Dakota. Dakota and I met at a shelter www.pawsmontclair.org over a year ago. Adorable and a little neurotic from years of suspected abuse (Dakota, not me) I think we're both a little amazed at our collective progress. Spending the first few weeks either under the bed or in her crate, it's as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Every walk seemed to terrify her- skulking down the sidewalk waiting for something to happen.

Then of course something did.

On our way back into the building her paw got caught in the door. She yelped like a little kid and I nearly had a heart attack. Here I am her protector for less than a month and she's cut her foot. Since I'm probably more neurotic than the dog, it's not a stretch to say that I was hysterical. I mean really hysterical. It was only a small cut but you would have thought her paw was severed I was so upset. 20 minutes later- she's fine having a treat and I'm on the phone with my father trying to calm down....

That night, I took Dakota out and when she saw the door she froze and ran through it as if it was going to attack her again.
So it went every day.
We'd get to the door, she'd freeze and run through like a madwoman hoping the door wouldn't bite her foot. At least it went that way until a few days ago. After spending three hours in the park we approached the door and much to my astonishment- Dakota trotted in as if nothing had ever happened.

I wondered what the deal was.

The past few months for me have been pretty crazy both personally and professionally and I was starting to go through life like Dakota and the door. In an effort to combat the stress, I started to practice yoga again and take Dakota to Liberty State Park (The views are amazing and it's free- can't beat it www.libertystatepark.org ). Now for anyone who knows me, I can pick up and drop things often. I'll become obsessed with a shiny object and then just as quickly forget about it because something shinier (read-easier) is nearby. But I digress- back to the park.

I was listening to Pema Chodron's 'Getting Unstuck' www.audible.com/Pemachodron and something she said really struck me. To paraphrase, she said that if you are struggling to complete anything ask yourself what would your life look like if you continued in the same direction. Will you be better off? If not, you have the answer to your question... That night, I was practicing yoga and was a little frustrated that I'm not as flexible as I used to be, and for a second I wanted to throw in the towel (again) and start running instead... But would I be better off? Jumping to something else? What would happen if I just stuck out? (Mind you, this all going on in my head while I'm supposed to be focused on breathing while in a backbend- not a pretty sight).

Now I know it's ridiculous to wonder what made Dakota decide to walk inside without fear- but I'll pretend that she had the same revelation. Maybe she just thought that scurrying through the door was no longer the way she wanted to be.

So for now- I think that doing yoga is the way for me to walk through the door and not worry about getting bitten. We'll see how it goes...

See you Friday.

Life After Bling

2009-09-13T22:06:00.001-07:00

It seems that most people are spending a lot of time re-evaluating their lives- what works, what doesn't and most importantly what they can afford. As a society, it seems that we've spent the better part of the last 15 years measuring ourselves against others and trying to accumulate as much as we can to have 'a great life'.

But what does that even mean anymore?

What does a good life look like?

Here's what I think:
1- While lots of money can give you options- it doesn't always equate to a life well-lived
2- It seems that the folks who need a better quality of life are too busy working so had to see it.
3- Does it really matter if we don't chase every trend every moment of the day?
4- Though the little things don't matter, we still manage to make mountains out of molehills.

I don't think that this means we live like monks and give everything away. We all know folks who find great deals on clothes and look like a million bucks. I have friends who find places to go on vacation and don't spend a small fortune.

My hope for Way To Live Now- to compile what I've learned and information from my friends, family and neighbors about how they are managing to live a great life. I'm also hoping that this becomes a place for everyone to post what they know about health, books, travel, cooking, eating and living in this moment.

Living a life that matters doesn't need to cost a lot of money. If life before the recession meant spending money that we didn't have to buy things we didn't need, shouldn't post-recession mean enjoying the who we are and who we share it with?

Nameste