Pre-First Date

“Who is that girl?”, I would often ask myself. This quiet, beautiful woman who sat in the back. “Karla?” I would notice her every time I went to bible study and even looked forward to seeing her. I never told her of my interests nor did I know if she even had a boyfriend. I guess I never built up the courage. Nevertheless, this was awhile ago. About a year ago actually. We never had much more than passing conversations but I hoped for more…

First Date

The events leading up to this are kind of random to say the least. It all started with Facebook conversations in early June of 2011. I would message her and she would usually take about 3 days to respond to me! OK, I am probably exaggerating a bit, but that is what it felt like. Needless to say, after several conversations I asked if she would just like to hang out. She said yes and the date was set for June 21st! I was so nervous but I managed to make my way through it. I would later find out that she was as nervous or even more so than I! Who would have thought…

Third Date

From there, things begin to feel more natural. We would message each other often and stay up late at night talking about random events even though we both had to wake up early for work. I decided for our third date that I would take her to my favorite restaurant, Elephant Bar. This is where she pretty much laid everything out on the table for me. Told me much of her life story, things she rarely shares with others. She told me it was her way of trying to see if I would stick around. Well, I definitely stuck around. By this point, I really felt that she was just an amazing person and nothing, other than her telling me she was a serial killer, would get me to turn my back.

Time Spent Together

Just because...

Over the next several months, we began to spend a lot of time together. For my birthday, she made it special by treating and taking me out. I never really celebrate my birthday so I appreciated her doing this.

Birthday dinner

The time leading up to us became an actual couple were intense. There were many deep conversations, unsureness, crying and anxious moments. Every moment that we spent with each other, nonetheless, was magical. I had never felt this deeply about someone before in my life. In every relationship prior, I would always see huge bright red flags that I would consciously choose to ignore. With her, I couldn’t find anything no matter how hard I tried.

First date as a couple

I struggled with simply telling her that I loved her because it really had not been that long. But like I mentioned… this was different. Love was the only way that I could express how I felt about her. So one night, I finally just told her. However, I told her that she didn’t need to say anything in response. I just wanted her to know how I felt about her. A couple of nights later, she told me she loved me and that was that… We officially became a couple shortly after on August 15th.

The next few months were even more

Relaxing at the resort

spectacular. I took her to a nice resort for her birthday just so she could have a chance to relax. She works very hard, something that I admire about her, so she deserved every minute of it. It was the least I could do for someone so caring, loving and giving.

Have this picture on my desk at work.

Her birthday dinner. The most gorgeuous girl in the world!

When you hear statistics such as Black people being least likely to get married but most likely to get divorced, how does that make you feel? Or how about all the cases of single Black mothers having to raise their children alone because the father left them? It also seems as if more and more Black men are turning away from Black women, listing various reasons why they do so… And why does it seem like most Black men never want to get married until they are probably 40, if ever?

Turn on the TV and you will find TV shows that paint Black couples in a positive manner strangely absent. Instead you are bombarded with reality TV that show men as dogs and women as loud gold-diggers. What’s going on? Has it really gotten that bad that we allow ourselves and our relationships to be pictured as such?

This is the beginning of many open dialogues that I want to have on this blog. I invite you all to share your thoughts and opinions on the subject in an unfiltered way. Hopefully we can get a healthy discussion started and see how everyone REALLY feels.

Are you single? Married? Dating? What do YOU think?

So, is a real man the macho man who loves sports and grunts when addressed? Or maybe he is the powerful businessman that imposes his influence wherever he goes. This isn’t to say a real man cannot be these things, but I would think that a real man would transcend above these stereotypes into something greater.

The Quest for Authentic Manhood is a program created by Dr. Robert Lewis to help men truly find out what authentic manhood is all about and plan constructive ways to lead down that path. We have hit a pivotal point in the program and I thought I would share with my fellow-men what we have learned are the four key points to being a real man. Women reading this may want to take notes and share this with the men in their life. So without further ado…

A Real Man:
1. Rejects Passivity

Most people are familiar with the story of Adam and Eve in the Bible. Eve is tricked by the serpent into eating the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge which causes the downfall of humanity that we live in today. What many people don’t realize is that Adam watched everything take place and stood by idly! When Eve was talking to the serpent, he listened. When Eve went to the tree, he followed. When Eve said to eat, he ate.

You see, one of the most important aspects of being a real man is rejecting passivity. This means that a man must be able to take the initiative in many situations. This could be with aspects of his own life, his family, his job or personal relationships. A man who sits around twiddling his thumbs while the world is falling apart around him is not a real man.

2. Accepts Responsibility

Accepting responsibility is another huge thing that separates a boy from a man. When a male is a child, he does not have many responsibilities. Most of his needs are met by his parents, teachers, family members, etc. As a male gets older, he needs to be able to accept responsibility for his own actions. This is one reason many women are angry with their spouses. Some men will help bring a child into this world and then not accept the responsibility of taking care of his family.

It doesn’t just boil down into family. A real man must realize that everything he does in life could have an effect on others. From how he treats people even to how he carries himself.

3. Leads Courageously

A man must be confident in his ability to lead. He must also be able to convince others to follow him. This isn’t the same as being cocky or arrogant. This is possibly knowing that the path ahead may be dangerous or unfamiliar, but being able to step out in front to guide everyone else.

4. Expects a Greater Reward

This is probably the most important aspect of being a real man. A man must learn how to put others before himself and give of himself wholly. This includes giving himself to his family, friends and even strangers. He must learn to do this without expecting any reward or recognition. The true reward is the joy he will get in his life from helping others and being unselfish. The final reward is the what will happen when his life is over.

In Today’s World…

Men have allowed their influence  to dwindle. The importance of a man, a husband and a father is tremendous. Men must be able to step up and fulfill these roles because they truly shape the fabric of our society. And women must allow a man to be a man, especially if he is stepping out to be a real one. I hope you guys find this insightful, especially the men out there.

Until next time…

Alone. In my own mind, that’s how I felt. I had lost my best friend and even though I was now placed in a house with family members, they felt like strangers. For five years of my life, all I had known was living in that house with my Mother, my father, his children and wife. All that I could remember, however, was my Mother. Everything else, I suppose, was suppressed.

The Devil Wears an Orange Jump Suit

So later that day on April 16, my father turned himself in. His exact reasoning for why he did what he did was that the devil made him do it. Today, it really upsets me that he wouldn’t hold himself accountable for his own actions. Back then my response was just “Yeah right!”

I remember having to go to court when my father was being sentenced. I would sit there with my Grandmother and stare at my father. Whenever details about my Mother would have to be told, I would be taken out of the court room. One time when I was actually in the room, my father looked at me and beckoned with his hands for me to come to him. I was really disturbed by this and told my Grandmother. That would be the last day I sat in court. What was wrong with this man?

My father was finally sentenced and at first we felt justice had been served. That is until we heard how much time he would be in prison. I don’t really remember the exact amount of time that he got, but I do know he was out of jail by the time I was in high school. So maybe less than 10 years. To coin a phrase from the recent Casey Anthony trial, definitely a miscarriage of justice.

Tornados

I’m sitting in a car with my Mother in the middle of the night. We are talking and she is looking at me as a loving mother would. Suddenly a huge tornado forms and comes slamming down the street. The tornado rips the doors off the car and begins to lift my Mother up as I hold onto her in an attempt to bring her back down. Finally the tornado snatches her out of my grasp to leave me in the car, all alone….

This is the nightmare that I would constantly have as a child. Each time I would wake and run into my Grandmother’s room crying, “I miss my mom…”

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Casey Anthony has been found not guilty of murdering her daughter, Caylee Anthony. She was also found not guilty of child abuse and aggravated manslaughter.

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Runaway

“Wake up!”, she said. It was my Mother. It was 3AM and I was five years old. “Let’s go and don’t say anything!” Little did I know that the event taking place was my Mother literally escaping from my father’s grasp. Something that I wouldn’t find out until about 20 years later is that my Mother lived in a house with my father… and his wife.

My Mother met my father when she was around 16 years old I believe. He was in his 30s. They somehow formed a relationship that I presume started off well despite the legality of it. Oh, and the slight problem of him still being married to and living with his wife. To solve this issue, he moved my Mother in with them under the guise that she was his cousin. It didn’t take too long before the wife realized this wasn’t true. By then it was too late to turn back. You see, my Mother and his wife sort of formed a friendship. They had one thing in common, a sick abusive man in their life. I don’t remember much, however, the stories I read were chilling. My Mother would live in this house for almost 10 years.

My Mother around 20 years old here, pregnant with me.

So one night, we just left. My Mother had already found another apartment and we snuck out in the middle of the night, never to look back. I love my Mother so much for this. She risked everything so that me and her could have a better a life. Just me and her…

Our New Home

My father had visitation rights. Every time I had to see him he would ride me on his bicycle and try to trick me into showing him where we lived. He would say things like “I wanna play Nintendo with you, just show me where you live” and “I wanna give a gift to mommy.” Sick man indeed. I never could point out where we lived. I was a child with a horrible sense of direction… I still have a bad sense of direction to this day.

April 16, 1993

This morning started off unlike any other morning. Mother was getting me ready for school as I watched the Beetlejuice cartoon show. In actuality I was supposed to be finishing up homework that should have been done the night prior. When she found me watching TV she wasn’t very pleased to say the least. We finally left the house and she dropped me off to school.

This part of the story is a blur to me. I was at school but I don’t have any recollection of that that part of the day. Instead, I will fill in the story from the prospective of my Mother. The story that I was told.

My Mother dropped me off like she did any normal morning. Only this time, something was different. My father spotted her car and followed her, making sure to stay just out of sight so she would not see. She made it all the way back home without noticing she was followed. When she parked and went to open the apartment door, my father ran behind her and forced her inside.

I can only presume that he pleaded with her for a bit to come back to him. This is clear by her ability to make a 911 call and actually speak to the dispatcher as he watched. The line went dead before she could finish saying her address though. He had hung up the phone.

My Mother knew something like this might happen one day so she had a gun in the house. But he had a gun with him also. She frantically dashed around her apartment to get to the spot where she hid her gun and amazingly managed to reach it. But in her panic, she dropped all the bullets to the ground. As she knelt to gather the bullets my father opened fire. He fired several times, one of the bullets actually going through her hand as she held it up to somehow shield herself. Then, he ran.

My Mother was a beautiful woman.

Lost Little Boy

I remember being taken out of school early that day by my Grandmother and Uncle. I admit being very happy that I got to go home. No one had told me what happened. We went back to my Mother’s house. There were police cars and cameras everywhere. I waved to them and smiled. I still did not know.

We got back to my Grandmother’s house and things became very eerie. I began to ask where my Mother was. My Grandmother, visibly disturbed, finally told me in the simplest terms she could. My first question was “When will she be back?” She said, “She won’t be back…”I immediately burst into tears. From that point on, I would cry every night for a very long time.

On Friday, July 1st, a law was set into motion requiring drug testing of all welfare recipients in the state of Florida before they can receive their benefits. Many individuals are calling for this law to be revoked calling it unconstitutional and violating the Fourth Amendment which protects against unreasonable search.

Governor Rick Scott, the main supporter of the law said it is necessary stating “It’s the right thing for citizens of this state that need public assistance. We don’t want to waste tax dollars. And also, we want to give people an incentive to not use drugs.”

Shortly after the bill was passed, five Florida democratic congress members  issued a statement attacking the legislation.

A similar bill was enacted in Michigan but it was found unconstitutional by the appeals court and tossed out.

How do you feel? Do you think people receiving welfare should be required to take drug tests? Do you really think it violates the constitution? Should we giving government funds to fuel drug addictions? Let your voice be heard!

Even if you aren’t an Orlando resident, you have probably been bombarded with news about the Casey Anthony trial. This story has attracted nation-wide media coverage and has turned into a sort of event. This can be seen as fights breaking out over just getting a seat in the court room. All this may be coming to end, however, since on Friday, July 1st, both sides wrapped up their case setting the stage for a verdict to be reached.

Casey Anthony Will Not Testify

If you have not been following the story, I will quickly recap:

• Caylee Anthony went missing in the middle of 2008.
• Casey Anthony’s mother, Cindy Antony, finally called the police a month later to report Caylee missing after not seeing her for over a month.
• Casey Anthony said that she had been frantically searching for her daughter when she had been seen partying at various clubs.
• Casey Anthony sent police on a wild goose chase, giving them false leads such as Zenida Gonzalez, a nanny who Casey claimed to have kidnapped her daughter. She even lied and said that she still worked at Universal Studios and sent police there to search for evidence.
• Caylee was finally found dead off the side of road near the end of 2008. She was in a trash bag, wrapped in a blanket with duct-tape around her mouth.

Almost three years later and the Casey Anthony trial was finally underway. Opening remarks left every stunned as the defense stated that on June 16, 2008, Caylee Anthony actually drowned in the family pool. They also said they George, Casey’ father, and Casey tried to cover it up and they were the ones who dumped the body. The defense also alleged that George and even her brother molested Casey when she was young.

The rest of the trial commenced with both sides calling to the stand the family, friends, forensic scientists and police officers. It seemed as if everyone had a chance to testify except Casey herself, whom the defense decided not to call up.

So, as we are nearing July 4th, the jury has a big decision to make. They have to decide whether the evidence presented to them is enough to convict this young woman of murder and potentially the death penalty.

If you were sitting on that jury.. what would you think?

I have used Google+ for a few days and I must say, I love it! I honestly believe that Google+ is setting itself up really nice to overtake Facebook. Why would I say such a bold thing? Well, a couple of reason.

• Google+ integrates with all Google services including Search, Docs, Gmail, YouTube and others!
• Google+ is very simple, sleek and uncluttered. Facebook is quickly filling with ads, games and a bunch of spam.
• Google+ is a breath of fresh air. Sometimes you just have to start over. After years of being on Facebook, it’s nice to start afresh with something.
• Google+ is fun! There’s something about Google+ that is just fun.
• Google+ is like the best of Facebook and Twitter mashed together. Plus, you can choose who exactly you share what with. Or just share with everyone.

So what do you think? Have you had a chance to check out Google+? What do you think of it? If you haven’t tried it yet, are you anticipating getting your chance? Let me know! I might just invite you

Some of you may be familiar with my blog while others may not. For those that are, I just want to say “hello again!” If this is your first time, welcome.

My name is Wayne Howard and I’m just a young guy that wants to share his thoughts with the world. In the past, this blog was a source of business tips, motivation and inspiration. I have decided that I will be taking a more personal route with it in its new stage. You will get more of an insight on who I am really am and what I really think. There will not be a central focus; sometimes it may be politics while at other times it could be relationships.

Whatever the case may be, I hope you guys join me along for the ride! And feel free to leave comments. Welcome to my home..

P.S.: I plan do a series where I am paint a vivid picture of how I grew up and where I came from, something I never did on my old blog. Stay tuned!