Ways To Wellness

To sit or to stand

2010-11-17T20:49:00.002-05:00

I have learned that "doing the right thing" isn't always so simple. This point becomes evident to me when riding on a crowded NY subway train. It would be obvious based on how I was raised and my own insight that if a woman, child, older person or someone with a disability got on the train that I would get up for them. Well, I have received snarls from all of the above. And when I stay standing to leave seats open for others to sit, I have seen healthy young men practically knock people over to sit in them, leave older men and people with small children or canes standing. This has all left me thinking at times that maybe I should just sit. I realize though, that if I sit in this instance, I will begin sitting in others. Like "one more piece of paper one the ground won't matter" or " why speak up when nobody listens". This world gets different by people standing because it's the right thing to do and not because others do or because they gain favor by doing it. So, to answer to the question "to sit or to stand?".....STAND!

Fast

2010-11-15T16:59:00.002-05:00

Over the weekend I went on a food and media fast with my wife, Marie. We ate only fruits and vegetables and didn't use the Internet, listen to music or watch television or movies. I have done these separately before, never together. I know it's not called a Fast because you discover things quickly, although maybe it should be. First, I discovered that I function better with protein and complex carbs, although I don't need them to function. I also discovered that I use the internet to grow my knowledge and support me in what I am up to and I also use it to distract myself from what is uncomfortable and the things that are truly important to me. this weekend because we took less time preparing our food and didn't have the distraction of the internet or the option of watching movies for entertainment, many new possibilities opened for us. We completed our new "team" vision board that we had sitting on a table waiting for us to complete for three months and we spent more time just talking than we have in a long time. So, next time I catch myself saying I'm too busy. I will ask myself the question "with what?". there is nothing better for gaining new perspective than spending a little time doing without.

It gets better

2010-11-11T15:05:00.000-05:00

Even if you don't watch or read much news, as I don't you are most likely aware of the recently not so recent "epidemic" of teenage suicides. Many of these have been due to excessive bullying by classmates and others. These kids were bullied because they were "different" in the eyes of the others, in some cases ever their families. I saw an article that a man is campaigning to show kids and everyone that there is another alternative. He's calling it "It gets better". The message is to reach out, move forward and hold on because it always gets better. I heard one story of a college man who's roommate filmed him with another man and posted it. When he found out, he walked to a bridge and jumped. I thought to myself, if he could have held off even one day, he would have seen that it dies get better.
This is not even about suicide or bullying. It's a message to all of us to treat people how we would like to be treated and to keep moving forward no matter how hopeless things may seem and to teach others to do the same. Even though sometimes it may seem to get worse first, we can all attest to the fact that it doe get better and so do we for having gone through it.

The giving puddle

2010-11-09T14:05:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was having breakfast with a friend. After breakfast w got up from the table and walked outside and continued our conversation while standing on the corner. A fireman had opened up the fire hydrant near the corner while we were having lunch and it had formed a puddle in the walkway. About a minute after standing there an older man with a Cain was struggling to maneuver around it and a woman took his arm and helped him. Then, a woman with a package in one hand and a small dog on a leash approached. The dog would not walk through the water and a man came by and carried it over. Another woman with a stroller stopped and looked for a way around and another woman helped carry stroller over the puddle. A UPS man with a cart of boxes found himself stuck and a man grabbed the other end and they carried it over.
I was attempting to watch this and have a conversation at the same time until I finally shared it with my friend. That fireman who had created an "annoyance"......I noticed people grumbling when he first opened it....had actually created an opportunity. That simple puddle gave people an opportunity to give and other the opportunity to see that people do still care when they just may have been losing hope in that. The thing is that the opportunity is always there if we just look around.....or down for it.

Information Detox

2010-11-06T23:01:00.003-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, prompted by a book I was reading I went a week where I limited the information I was taking in. This meant no watching the news, reading newspapers or magazines, surfing the Internet for information, limiting watching TV and reading of any kind and no listening to audio. Well, I didn't have much of an issue with most of it, except the reading, Internet and listening to audios. I mean, I need information right? Listening to audios and reading positive, forwarding books is what I feel keeps us growing and learning.

It turns out, the author doesn't disagree with that. Listening to audios and reading books on a regular basis is a great practice to get into. The lesson that I learned from the "Information Detox" is not to depend on information from other sources to do my thinking for me. There is such a thing as information overload, even if it's good information. No matter how brilliant or reliable the source may be, the greatest source will always lie within us.

Stretching the Limits

2010-11-05T17:47:00.000-04:00

So, I consider myself to be a pretty fit guy. I exercise every day, I push my limits, expand my comfort zone. Then a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine started teaching me Yoga. I've done yoga before, but this is one on one. As in you can't hide. In just a couple weeks it's exposing what still Can be improved on with my body and mind that I wasn't aware of before. And, of course the only way I could know that is by doing something I haven't done before or to do it in a different way. This can be scary, uncomfortable, even painful. As I keep learning, when I'm willing to stretch my limits, I realize that I really don't have any.

Back to the blog

2010-11-03T22:04:00.000-04:00

On January first of this year, I began my daily blog and committed to writing every day for the year. Well, it lasted about five months. When I broke my commitment of writing every day, I think mentally I felt "that's that....no need to write any more". As if it was all or nothing. My words and thoughts were only worth expressing if they were written in consecutive days. As if people could only get value from my thoughts if I had stuck to my original commitment. Of course, none of that is true. And, if I hadn't lost sight of why I started this in the first place, it wouldn't have mattered.
Making commitments is an extremely beneficial thing. As long as we don't make them our prison. So, now here I am writing again with a new perspective. My new commitment is to share myself, my thoughts and experiences as I have them.

Friendship

2010-05-11T22:29:00.002-04:00

I have a good friend who I had not spoken to in a while. We had a.... Let's call it a disagreement/misunderstanding a few months ago. Now what I have been making up in my mind is that we are no longer friends, we don't get along anymore, we are on different paths....The truth is that versions of all of that are true, things have changed, we have changed.....and we are friends. I spoke with him and by the end of the conversation it was as if nothing had happened. Something did happen though. I learned, once again that life is too short to make up stories in my mind without first learning the truth.

The wake up call

2010-05-10T23:48:00.004-04:00

Today I was walking down the street and started getting this pain in my back. I went o meeting and it progressively got worse. By the time I left the meeting and was walking to the next one, hunched over, moaning like a baby every step I took and had to stop and rest every 5 steps. It got to the point that I ended up going to the hospital because I couldn't take the pain. It turned out that it's probably muscle and is already feeling better. The lesson I got from this is to not take anything for granted... Even the ability to walk down the street

To my mother

2010-05-09T09:45:00.006-04:00

When it comes time for mothers day there is a lot of talk about gifts. What do you get as a gift for your mother? What do you get for a gift that is worthy of a mother? What do you get as a gift for a mother who is no longer here? The truth is there was never a gift that I could buy in a store that was worthy of my mother....I just didn't always know it. I am one of the fortunate ones though, because I was able to tell her and show her just how much she meant to me while she was still here. And yet, as I grow there is still so much more I could say. The gift that I give to my mother today is remembering her and all that she gave to me and honoring her by using it.

Just about everything that is good in me, came from you. Some of the lessons you taught me where so simple, yet I was not ready to fully receive them. When something doesn't turn out the way I would have liked it to, I hear you in my head saying "everything happens for a reason, even if we never know what that reason is" and it helps me to accept it. When I feel like someone isn't treating me in a way that I would like to be treated, I hear you say "You teach people how to treat you" and then I can be responsible and set out to teach them something different. You taught me everything I need, not just by saying it but by who you were. I will honor you today and every day by being who you taught me to be.

Taking Action on Our Dreams

2010-05-08T13:29:00.004-04:00

I'm reading this book and about 5 days ago, I got to the part where I'm supposed to write down my dreams and goals and what they would cost to achieve in time and money. I came up with a ton of them, more than the book said was necessary. The author said that most people have trouble with this and I may not be able to come up with the amount of goals and dreams asked for. That part was not a problem. The next step was to then pick the top four goals and take one small action on each right now, then tomorrow and the next day. Then, I started thinking I don't know what action to take, maybe these aren't my top goals, blah blah blah. So, there it sat for the past five days reviewing it and figuring out the perfect top four goals and the perfect actions to take on them. Well, this is what finally got through my thick head. The point is to be in action...period. To take an action that I otherwise wouldn't. I will figure out the rest as I go along. So, I am off to do that right now. Taking action on my tenth biggest goal is better than not taking action at all.

Two ears and one mouth

2010-05-07T23:01:00.003-04:00

I met with a friend today that I have know for a few years and had seen recently for the first time in a while. even though I knew him, I realized that I never really knew him. It's incredible what can be learned about a person and the bond that can be created when I just simply ask questions and listen. there is a saying that god gave us two ears and one mouth because he wanted us to listen twice as much as we talk. I think it's more like ten times more. When we have a lot to say it can be a challenge to keep quiet and listen...really listen. what makes it easier for me these days is knowing that I can listen to my own thoughts and opinions any time I want. so, why would I waste the valuable time I have with someone else to listen to myself talk.

Getting personal

2010-05-06T08:07:00.002-04:00

I went to a business networking meeting last night that I go to every other week. this week at the end of the meeting, we did something a little different. We all took a turn sharing something about ourselves that was not related to business. The whole energy in the room changed and this is a light and fun group as it is. Once everyone started sharing personal interests, passions, accomplishments and goal and saw how much we had in common a bond was created that would not have been otherwise. For me, I saw the person and what drives them to be networking in the first place. It motivated me to want to work even harder to support their business and what they are up to. the lesson for me is that I could have asked those questions any time and I still can. It's much more important to get to know who a person is than to get to know what they do.

Busting out

2010-05-05T22:58:00.003-04:00

My wife Marie sent me a video clip today of an autistic girl who was featured in a story on 20/20. She was labeled as mentally retarded and nobody thought she understood what twas going on around her because of the way she acted and she could not talk or communicate. One day, she went to the computer and typed a few words. She was then worked with and soon she was carrying on conversations through typing and intelligently relaying how she felt and why she acted the way she did. She was a "normal" child trapped inside an out of control body, physically unable to act in the way she wants to. Here is a girl who has wanted so badly to express herself to be who she is and has not been able to. It make me think of how often I don't express myself, simply because I choose not to and not because I am unable to. this girl, Carly is my new inspiration. I see it as an insult to her to not use the abilities I have to express myself when she would give anything to be able to. And yet, even she found a way. use the gifts you have to express yourself and show the world who you are.

Staying connected

2010-05-04T23:45:00.003-04:00

For a few weeks, I was avoiding going to events and meeting with people that was not related to business because I had some specific goals that I was committed to meeting. In the past week or so, I realized that I needed to have a balance and that it's important to stay connected to the things and people that are important to me, to build new relationships and to strengthen new ones. Besides it making me feel better and more alive, our business was better this week than it was the weeks I was focused only o business. Another lesson leaned.....life can not be lived in a tunnel and sometimes opportunities are not where they are expected to be.

No nessecito hablo Espanol

2010-05-03T23:05:00.004-04:00

Ok, so I probably messed that up In the title.... I gave it a shot. The other night, I was at an event and there was a large group of Spanish speaking people. I think slot of them dis not speak English, or at least they weren't speaking it to me. We were together, interacting and working together for about three hours and barely spoke a word. By the end of the night, we were hugging and putting up the Phone sign to each other as if to say " we will talk again" and we hadn't even talked once. We created a bond without even speaking the same language. If I think about it we all speak a different language in some ways, yet we also all share a common bond.

Exposed

2010-05-02T22:37:00.005-04:00

We are probably going to pass by the TMI barrier with this one, so I will warn you in advance. Yesterday, I got up and my dog was whining to go out. I was getting myself together and she was growing impatient....when you gotta go, you gotta go. So, I rushed out Nd took her for a walk. We walked about five blocks, I stopped to get eggs and we walked back. I passed by a few people and stopped a couple times so Abhaya could say hi to other dogs passing by. We got to my apartment and I dropped my keys. As I went to pick them up, I noticed my fly was open. That's not all folks. I forgot to mention that it was laundry day and I had run out of boxers....oh yes! For about 15 seconds I traced it back, the deli guy, man with dog that I see all the time, woman with unusually large grin on her face. Then, I just laughed and let it go. Five years ago, I would have moved.....to another country....for good! It was great to see how little I cared...it was in the past...there was nothing I could do about it. If only I could be that way about everything. Wait...that's right.... I can!

No need to speak

2010-05-01T22:19:00.003-04:00

A good friend of mine recently found out that her dog has Lymphoma. I think it may be difficult for someone who does not have a dog to understand the attachment and connection that can be created. When I found this out it made me think of the connection I have to my dog and how important she is to me. People sometimes say "it's just a do...it's not a human" I think the fact that it's not a human is exactly why a special bond is created. I think sometimes us humans speak to each other when we really don't need to. Dogs are just there. They just love us and don't ask for anything in return. There is a lot to be learn from a relationship with a dog. And it can be so devastating when we are faced with the loss because it's a unique bond that we may not have in any other relationship. Sometimes there is no need to speak, we can just be there and that is enough.

The longer the distance

2010-04-30T22:56:00.004-04:00

About three years ago, I ran in a four mile race. I hadn't run in a while and I was not prepared for it at all. In a word....it was not fun. Ok, that was more than a word. After about a half of a mile, I wanted to stop. It didn't get any better from there and the whole thing was not a great experience. I didn't stop and I pushed through it and finished. About 6 months ago, I ran in a half marathon. I trained for about three months and slept 9 hours the night before. It was more than three times the distance and it was a breeze.... It was actually fun. So, it's not the longer the distace the harder it is. It's, the longer the distance the harder you train. This taught me to shoot for big goals and to be willing to put in the work in the begiining to make it a breeze in the end.

Boris, it's so lovely to meet you

2010-04-29T21:35:00.007-04:00

So, I'm sitting in a park in between meetings and this man with a long gray beard and a thick Russian accent walking by, stops in front of me, looks me in the eye, put out his hand and says "it's so lovely to meet you, what is your name young man?". I told him my name and he sat down next to me on the bench, leaned into me and proceeded to ask me a series of personal questions and I proceeded to answer them without any hesitation. After about 10 minutes, he stood up, looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said "Stephen, it's so lovely to meet you" and he walked away. He wanted nothing from me and yet I probably would have done just about anything for him. It's really just so simple isn't it? Thank you Boris. It was so lovely to meet you.

Happy because we sing

2010-04-28T22:27:00.002-04:00

I once heard a quote that said "We do not sing because we are happy, we are happy because we sing". This kinda bashes the whole "I'm not in the mood" or "I don't feel like it" defence. I love this because it really puts me in my place when I get on a mood or am feeling down because it says so simply that it's my choice. I have actually tried this. Try singing when you are sad and see how long you stay sad. Of course, in my case if I start singing people are me may start feeling sad. I know now that I can't wait for something to make me happy, I make me happy.

Laughter is medicine

2010-04-27T23:19:00.002-04:00

I watch this video that I saw on facebook. It was a 30 second insurance company commercial with two kids talking about healthy eating. At the time that I watched the video, I was not in the best of moods. I watched this video and I laughed so hard and felt such a feeling of happiness that my mood shifted immediately. I proceeded to overdose on the video and watched it about 10 times. My whole attitude about the day turned around and whenever something dis come up I thought of these kids and couldn't help but laugh. There really is nothing like a good dose of laughter to turn around any day.

2010-04-27T15:15:00.000-04:00

"routines"

2010-04-26T23:26:00.003-04:00

I think it is so important to have something that you do every day to get centered and to work towards a particular goal. I used to call these routines. A friend once suggested, stressing the importance of the language we use to call them daily practices. A routine suggests something that we have to do, the same old thing every day. A practice is something that we do to improve and it moves us forward. Some people might think this is silly, but once I changed what I called it, I really started viewing it in a different way and started having fun with it. Of course I learned that I also have to practice my practicing and that practice doesn't always make perfect....it does make improvement.

Starbucks

2010-04-25T14:46:00.005-04:00

When people ask me where I work, I could say Starbucks and be telling the truth. When I'm going to meet with someone, most of the time I find a Starbucks in the area to meet at. If I'm running around the city and I need a bathroom.... Starbucks. If I need to find a place to make some phone calls or get some work done....Starbucks. I'm am writing this blog right now in.... You guessed it....Starbucks. I hear people say that Starbucks is a money waster because it's over priced and a gimmick that people fall into and spend money they don't need to be spending. Well, I forgot to mention the beat part....you actually don't even have to buy anything when you come here:) One man's money waster is another man's money maker.