Recently, we learned that our main competitor–Stampede Blue–in an effort to drum up some traffic at their little site is considering adding a Podcast to their blog.  This is an obvious ploy to attract readers.

Given that Paddy is enjoying his retirement from blogging and that we have too much respect for our reader(s), we here at WeAreIndy.com are refusing to adopt gimmicks like “podcasts” or “google hangouts” or “traffic” or “readers.”

We are, however, not above a little espionage, and so we were able to obtain a transcript from Stampede Blue’s first, un-aired podcast.

Here it is:

Stampede Blue Podcast Transcript

Brad Wells:  I don’t want to be a hater, but Andrew Luck sucks.  He only throws for a million touchdowns and has saved only a half a dozen games by himself in one measly year.  In order to be a contender, we need to do more than that.  You might think I don’t like the guy, but this is all about the horseshoe.

Fans:  We love you, Brad!

Brad Wells:  Grigson sucks.  He brought in all those mid-level guys in the offseason.  It used to be we paid a lot of money to Manning and a few other guys, then made our way with scrubs so that we had only a few elite players and a bunch of nobodies.  This guy goes out and gets a lot of solid guys that are a clear upgrade over the basement dwellers–what’s up with that?  You guys will call me a hater, but I only say this because I am a die hard Colts fan!

Fans:  We love you, Brad!

Brad Wells:  That draft sucked.  After Grigs goes out and gets a bunch of guys in free agency, how does he have the nerve to go and draft more players.  He should be gone in a year for this failed experiment.  Go Colts!

Fans:  We love you, Brad, for your keen insights that are in no way repetitive or predictable!

Brad Wells:  What’s the deal with that Jim Irsay guy?  He keeps tweeting.  And I keep writing about those tweets.  Heads will roll–Irsay is gone in six months if he keeps up with these stunts.

Fans:  Brad, that’s so adorable.

Brad Wells:  We should have drafted Ryan Leaf.  It’s all about the team and that Manning pick was very selfish.

Fans:  [sounds of Kool-Aid drinking] We love you, Brad, because there is no pattern to your blogging in any way, shape, or form.

Brad Wells:  Boy, don’t we all hate that horseshoe emblem, that needs to go.  We should replace it with the horseshoe emblem like Baltimore used to use.

Fans:  New horseshoes suck, old horseshoes are great.

Brad Wells:  Let’s take a caller, shall we (even though I hate callers).  Hello Caller, you are on the air.

Caller:  Brad, we love your blogging so much, can you tell us what other things you hate?

Brad Wells:  Well, let’s see.  What’s the deal with Indianapolis?  Large, midwestern city–why do they deserve a football team?  It’s not like they are Cleveland or Cincinnati.

Caller:  What else do you hate?

Brad Wells:  I hate Buffalo wings–they should be called Albany Wings.  I hate the name Brad, I should have been called Stanley.  I hate that they put tacos in those crunchy shells.  I hate George  Washington for messing up the French and Indian War.  Not a big fan of either mom or apple pie.

Caller:  Is there anything in the world that you don’t hate?

Brad Wells:  Well, my cat–Mr. Rufflekins– is kind of acceptable on a limited time basis.  Oh, and those guys at WeAreIndy.com ain’t too bad–when they are blogging.

Well, today, as every NFL-starved fan knows, was the beginning of free agency.

And, I am sure you are aware, Loyal Reader(s), that the Colts signed a bunch of dudes that weren’t the dudes we were going to sign [editor’s note:  that didn’t stop Stampede Blue from having eight million articles about who we might acquire in free agency).

Since I don’t know any of those guys and I don’t feel like ripping off other blogs for info about them, I would like to take a second and recognize one of the moves the Colts got right this offseason.

And that was letting Austin Collie go.

We have, on occasion here, commented on Collie’s concussions and the right for fans to speak up about them and that he ought to retire.

That seems to make most sense to most people, but not to Austin.  Something is not right in his head and I don’t know if it is because of the concussions that he thinks this way or maybe he was just born with a low Wonderlic score.

Sports Illustrated just had this interesting column about his comeback in which Collie says some really weird stuff:

“What kind of bugs me is that the (ex-)players that are mentioned, does anyone realize the doctors didn’t know anywhere near as much then as they do now about brain trauma? Those guys who are having issues now didn’t have much knowledge about concussions. They didn’t have the information, the exercises, the supplements to help you recover from these injuries. Once upon a time they didn’t have great fixes for ACLs, but there’s been advances in surgeries and rehabs, and it’s not a career-ending injury any more. So it’s not really fair to say that the guys suffering from the effects of concussions who played years ago, that Austin is going to have exactly the same problems. We’ve had advances and benefits they didn’t.”

As you know, Loyal Reader(s), Paddy has been making a lot of noise about leaving our organization.  I suspect this was at the urging of his agent, [former marketing specialist] Edgar “Big Ned” Blutarsky.  Blogging, you see, is a business and at the end of the day, it is all about the money.  Sure, you enjoy our posts, but Paddy has to think about his family and what would happen should he suffer a career-ending injury while blogging.  And now that he is becoming a free agent, he is looking for a big payday.

Big Ned and Paddy Look to Get out of Indy

Well, we don’t want to lose Paddy’s talents, but we aren’t really prepared to offer him the long term contract he seeks.  The reason for not offering a long term contract is that Paddy has a history of being injury-prone and frequently cannot blog, especially on game day.  When he is healthy, he leads the team in humor and coding, and has helped with special teams.  So, with free agency looming, we have decided to use the franchise tag on Paddy.  Specifically, we will be using the “non-exclusive” tag which means he is free to negotiate with other blogs to try and get a better deal, but that WeAreIndy.com reserves the right to match that offer.  If no other blogs show an interest, we have to pay him the average of the top five salaries of bloggers writing boutique, platypode-themed Indianapolis Colts blogs.

In summary, reader(s), it looks like Paddy is going to be around for at least one more season.

Greetings Loyal Reader(s),

It is I, Paddy O’Furniture, showing up here for a bit of a post.

First, I agree with Rick O’s assessment that Bing sucks.  When you search for WeAreIndy.com, we are not even the first search result.  We are listed somewhere beneath “Indy - We are Hairy”.  And no, I wasn’t quite brave enough to click the link.  Some secrets are best left untold, methinks.

Second, in a recent post, Rick O’ threatened my retirement from blogging on these pages.  I will refrain from noting that he spent the past season in semi-retirement.

Thanks #93!

Loyal and observant readers will have also noted that the Colts were not going to renew Dwight Freeney’s contract.  And it seems like we won’t be the only ones missing his presence in Indy Town.  Yes, the Colts added his picture outside of the Lucas Oil earlier today.

Man, was it fun to watch him play.  So much so, I even bought his jersey during his second year, and no, it wasn’t from China.  Okay, it was made in China, but it wasn’t ordered from there.  We are nothing here at WeAreIndy.com if not boring special needs hopelessly out of touch thorough.

But the guy had some real talent and always seemed to come up big when we needed it most.  And we will miss him.  So, to mangle a quote from Douglas Adams, “So Long,  and Thanks For All The Sacks….”

Now as for Rick O’s suggestion that I somehow apply Freeny’s patented spin move into my every day life, I am happy to report that I have completed the list.  Let it be known that I, Paddy O’Furniture, am not one to back down from a challenge.  Here, then, are the results:

1.  At the supermarket: I managed to knock over an entire rack of candy while at the same time knocking the wig off of a poor older lady who was standing innocently in line ahead of me.  I quickly shouted “Get some!” before making a hasty exist before the police arrived.

2.  At home with The Wife: This…did not go over well.  Yes, I managed to sneak away her phone so that I might post awesome messages on her Facebook page.  However, I failed to realize the level of tenacity contained within a a grumbly wife who had just woken up.  Such was her level of displeasure, I was forced to perform multiple spin moves, back to back.  This ended with me falling on the floor and nearly vomiting.

3.  At the park with my dog:  This was a complete disaster.  Not only did The Dog pay no attention to me, the spin move did not save me from becoming ensnared in the leash.  The neighbors, though, found it terrifically funny to watch.

4.  At the bank or Wendy’s: I went for Wendy’s, since most of my banking is done online and it would have been silly to spin move my laptop.  Well, I made a slight tactical error and applied the spin after I had placed my order.  The result? My Junior Cheese Deluxe, “biggie” fries, and junior frosty all spun off my tray.

5.  In the driveway, when it was snowing and I started to fall on the ice:  I failed to achieve a proper Arabesque and my landing was more of a one point, namely, my backside.  The resulting bruise, however, was quite impressive.  Although in fairness, The Wife soon tired of my offers to show her.  Repeatedly.

6.  In the ‘hood’, when gangstas are looking to commit a crime:  A bit of a mixed bag here.  I was able to draw the 9mm okay, but the shots kept going wide.  Not a very effective self defense position, I’m afraid.

7.  At the airport, to get past TSA agents:  This is NOT something I would recommend.  The interrogation room is a terrifying place and for some reason they refused to believe my story that I was only spinning through the security line for the sake of a football blog.  On the upside, I can rest comfortably at night knowing that my fingerprints now reside within any number of secret government databases. The complimentary ankle jewelry was a nice touch, too. Thanks, Obama.

8.  In the kitchen, when making some awesome dish and dropping the hot cast iron pan on my foot: Rick O’ now owes me $250 for the emergency room co-pay.

9.  While watching The Wire on television, using the spin move to get some exercise:  It made it difficult to follow the story line and ended terribly when the remote for the DVD player went flying across the room.

10.  Most importantly, using the spin move to get out of putting up another post:  Seeing as how I am posting, I think this fails as well.  Like most of the “jokes” here.

This isn’t even a photoshop…

I would be remiss if I did not include a final shout out to yet another one of our former players.  Jeff Saturday was in fact able to retire as an Indianapolis Colt.

Saturday is the kind of guy you can’t help but like.  And I mean, come on…how often to people actually know the name of the center?  Usually he is just a blob of a dude who shovels the ball to the “super star” quarterback.  But Saturday helped redefine the role of the position and brought it a little bit of the spotlight.

I can’t fault him for playing his last season with Green Bay.  The NFL, after all, is a business.  I get that.  But, his being able to sign a one day contract with Indy so he can retire under the horseshoe just seems, I don’t know, “right”.

And I would be gobsmacked if in the future we did not see #63 hanging in the Ring of Honor.

Greetings Loyal Reader(s),

It is I, Rick O’Shay, showing up here for a bit of a post.

First, Bing sucks.  When you search for WeAreIndy.com, we are not even the first search result.  We are second after something called We Care Indy.

Second, in a recent post, Paddy threatened his retirement from blogging on these pages.  I will refrain from noting that he spent the past season in semi-retirement.

Loyal and observant readers will have noted that Paddy’s announcement came around the same time that it was revealed the Colts were not going to renew Dwight Freeney’s contract.  We will miss #93 around here.  He was always one of our favorites and it was great to see him get a sack or a strip at the right time in a game.  We will also miss the spin move he used to get around blockers to sack opposing quarterbacks.

D-Free’s Spin Move

However, all is not lost as I will suggest the following ways Paddy can keep the spin move alive in his retirement:

1.  At the supermarket, when you see a new check-out line open, use the spin move to get around the candy and magazine racks to be first in line.

2.  At home, when The Wife finds out you have jacked her smart phone to post “funny” things under her Facebook account.  The spin move should save you from a beating.

3.  At the park, when your dog starts to chase moles, you can spin around and avoid getting tangled in the leash.

4.  At the bank or Wendy’s, to navigate through that weird maze you have to go through to get to an employee.

5.  In the driveway, when it snows and you start to fall on the ice, spin your way into an arabesque and stick a 10 point landing.

6.  In the ‘hood, when gangstas are looking to commit a crime, use the spin move to draw your 9 mil from your holster.

7.  At the airport, to get past TSA agents so you can hop a flight to come see your brother now that you are retired.

8.  In the kitchen, when you are making some awesome dish and you drop the hot cast iron pan on your foot.

9.  While you are watching The Wire on television, use the spin move to get some exercise.

10.  Most importantly, use your spin move to get out of putting up another post.

Greetings WeAreIndy.com fans! Paddy O’ checking in with what may very well be the very last post here at WeAreIndy.com.  Yes, you read that correctly.  We may have reached the end of our long fruitful insightful run (sorry, Dean).  The good news, however, is that Rick O’ has been released from his contract at the Brain Factory, so he will be able to sign a one day contract here, thereby allowing him to retire as a platypode.  It’s the least we could do.  And we always strove to do the very least.

Recently, Rick O’ reached out to me stating that he is pretty much done here at WeAreIndy.com.  ”Real life” has been pulling him in too many directions and it seems as though something had to give and that something was his posting time.  And I am sad to see him go.  Sure, we fought at little, locked each other out a little, and even managed to agree on occasion.  But through it all we still managed to get the occasional post up and we even had one of our posts “farked“, back in the heyday of WeAreIndy.com.  So even if he ain’t postin’, he’s my brother.

I am not sure if I am going to follow Rick O’ in his quest for more money greener pastures.  One part of me thinks it would be a shame to shut the proverbial doors, yet another wonders if that might not be for the best.  Too much time and energy was put into building this site to just let it Flounder away.  But maybe we both need a break, the Devil be damned.  It is, after all, the off season.  And it’s a completely different team from when we started.  So many changes have been swirling around that it has been difficult determining what, if any, role our little blog will play in the great history of the Indianapolis Colts.

So stay tuned, loyal reader(s), for an official announcement in the coming weeks months days.  I will try my best to come to a decision and once I do, I will let you know.  As of right now, it is about a 50/50 split.

As a final tip o’ the hat to our fans, I would like to leave you with the following to help ease the possible transition to a world without WeAreIndy.com:

Should I stay or should I go now?

Let’s say the season starts with the draft.  The draft in which we pick the successor to Peyton Manning.  A guy named Andrew Luck.  From that momentous point, we have to endure a season’s worth of press about how RGIII is the best quarterback of all time despite missing several games and blowing out his knee.  All our guy did was turn around a 2-14 team and make the playoffs, all while running for his life on most plays.

During the summer, I, and I alone, predict good things for the Colts.  As The Father can verify, I said it was probable the Colts would go 8-8 given the weaknesses in our division and no one giving us credit.  Every other prognosticator and blogger predicts ruin.  This proves I am smarter than them (except they’ve somehow found a way to make money doing this).

Also during the pre-preseason, my brother Paddy launches the “Make Our Mark in the Bathroom” campaign that sees us loitering in public restrooms distributing WeAreIndy.com literature.  This is an activity I enjoy immensely, so I readily adopted a wide stance and invited restroom visitors to see what was in my pocket.  I must say that of all our fans, state troopers and sheriffs seem to be our biggest fans if you go by the number of questions they ask.

In order to rehabilitate our reputations at that point, our consultants suggested we take some orphans to training camp, which we did because it was much cheaper to take them to camp than to actually pay to take them to a game.  While at camp, we watch new Coach Pagano give a Steelers fan a Colts jersey and watch that Steelers fan give Pagano leukemia.  [Editor’s note:  we acknowledge that leukemia is not communicable or transferable in anyway].

Pat McAfee in his Platypus Hunting Hat

The season starts poorly as it always does off great with me and Paddy bickering about who is going to blog while the Colts tank a few games.

This was followed by the shock of learning that Pagano had leukemia, having acquired it from a Steelers fan. [Editor’s note:  sorry]  A guy named Head Coach of the Arizona Cardinals takes over on an interim basis.  The team pulls together and does things like leaving the coach’s light on in his office.  In sympathy, I set my thermostat to 60 degrees for the rest of the winter.  The Colts and their cheerleaders shave their heads in honor of Paddy and me.

The Original Hoosier Dome

The Colts immediately start looking for a motto, and I submit “Chuck Halfhearted Effort,” “Chuck Meh,” and “Leave a Business Card in a Bathroom for Chuck.”  None of these were selected.  The ever fashionable Paddy, submitted “Chuck Sarong” but something was lost in translation and Paddy inadvertently kicks off the “Chuck Strong” movement.

Paddy Says “Chuck Sarong”

Fired up, the Colts beat Green Bay, in a stunning victory, made even more stunning by the fact that I went home early and didn’t see the end of the game.

The Colts then go on a run, winning a bunch of games, with Andrew Luck throwing for some TDs, running for some TDs, and kicking few TDs.

Luck Shops for a TD on e-Bay

We honk a game against New England, but they don’t make it to the Super Bowl so it all turns out OK in the end.

The Colts win a few more games, Coach Pagano recovers from Steelers-Induced Leukemia [Editor’s note:  many sincere apologies], and inexplicably make it into the playoffs.

Equally miraculous, The Family acquires tickets to the last regular season game which promises to be awful since we couldn’t improve our playoff seed and the Texans (rumored to be good) were coming to town.  The Father, who is legally blind, drives us to Indy.  We go to our seats where we were preparing ourselves to watch our second and third stringers, when all of a sudden our first team decides to show up and play because they heard me, Paddy, The Father, and WOOF Award Winner Dean were all in attendance.  Andrew Luck gets a touchdown or something.  We leave as very happy Colts fans.

The Father Pretends to See the Game

The Sister took our tickets and made some art thing I don’t understand.

My Ticket is in There Somewhere

Then, the playoffs.  Which we honk.  But it is OK because the team that beat us eventually went on to win the whole thing.  I’m just glad that Ray Lewis didn’t stab Andrew Luck, hide his clothes, and lie to investigators.  That would have been bad for the NFL.

There was a Super Bowl that I didn’t care about that came after a Pro Bowl that I didn’t care about.

And now, having gone full circle—from training camp to the last regular season game—we are back at the beginning.  No updates on WeAreIndy.com.  Paddy yelling at me to get content up while providing none himself.  Dreaming and scheming about our bathroom plans for the next season.

And speaking of bathrooms, I’m going to mine to wash my hands.  Just in case someone with leukemia coughed on my keyboard.

Super Breakfast Cereal Containment Vessel XLVII

Go commercials!  Go bean dip!  Go making my wife watch the game so I get to deal with the dagger stare of death! Go ’murica!

Greeting WeAreIndy.com reader!  Paddy O’ checking in to post a post since apparently Rick O’ appears to have gone on some sort WeAreIndy.com posting boycott.  Perhaps he has been working overtime at the Brain Factory, or may he found himself a girlfriend (*giggle*snort*sicker*).  Regardless, it is the hope of WeAreIndy.com upper management (hereafter known as “me”) that Rick O’ will return soon to grace these pages with his unique, and often obtuse, ramblings posts.

As I am sure our more informed and timely readers know, the Pro Bowl was played last Sunday.  Which means, of course, that there is only one game remaining…the Super Breakfast Cereal Containment Vessel (for legal reasons, we are not able to use the proper name for the game seeing as how the NFL owns the trademark and would probably sue to have us shutdown, thereby denying literally dozens of readers their daily WeAreIndy.com fix).  *sigh*  Soon the season will be over and we will again be faced with all too dreary off season.  Which means we will need to actually develop content for our posts.  And decide upon the direction this blog will take.  And maybe get a platypode tattoo.  Who knows.  All that remains is one final game and I think it interesting that the two coaches are brothers.  Like Rick O’ and me.  Which seems like it could maybe be, I dunno, a blog post or something.  Hmmm…

So the Pro Bowl.  Generally a laughing stock among the fans, especially considering that the players often do not take it too seriously (if only the players fought as hard as the fans).  The NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, recently threatened to do away with the game (and, for those who may have missed it, good ol’ Roger did an AMA recently on Reddit, which was very entertaining, seeing as how badly he got roasted).  But good ol’ Peyton Manning tried to breathe some life into a game that should mean more than a week on the beach and maybe the chance to win a free car.  And he even had a little bit of fun in the process.

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Chilly-chilly! Taco!

One of the more meaningful aspects of the Pro Bowl this year was the fact that Jeff Saturday took his final snap from Peyton Manning, even though it meant temporarily switching sides in the middle of the game.  It was a great way to signify the end of a long, and fruitful, relationship.  Despite the fact that they occasionally did not see eye to eye, and there were some plays calls that got lost in translation, they still managed to accomplish something great.

Saturday has always been a class act.  Not only was he instrumental in ending the players strike, but he helped Peyton build something very special in Indianapolis.  In fact, Saturday is looking to have a one day contract with the Colts so that he is able to retire under the horseshoe.  Given the fact that Irsay has already offered him a front office job, I think this is a bit of a no-brainer and I hope to see his number in the Colts Ring of Honor.

Luck throws his first Pro Bowl TD

As for our boy Luck, well, he was able to take the field since Tom Brady happened to sprain his upper good sportsmanship ligament, with inclusive ego bruising, and was not able to make the game.  Luck fumbled his first snap, but was able to come back and complete 12-of-19 passes for 205 yards and two touchdowns with one interception.  Sure, it doesn’t really mean anything.  But in my mind it gave us a glimpse of what the kid can do when he has time in the pocket.

Overall, the Pro Bowl this year was better than most of the ones played recently.  And it helped to fill in the gap between the last playoff game and the Super Breakfast Cereal Containment Vessel.  So there was that.  It helped kill a Sunday afternoon and for me, the best part was watching Manning and Saturday spend their last moments on a football field together.

As for this coming Sunday, I don’t really care who wins.  Both teams qualify as “Not New England”.  Part of me thinks I should be rooting for the 49ers, since Jim used to be a Colt and he is the younger brother.  But…I just don’t really care for the team.  And I don’t really like older brothers the Ravens, either.  So I guess it is another year of “Go Commercials!”

And Rick O’?  If you are out there, could you please send me the recipe for the bean dip?  I seem to have misplaced my copy.

Greetings, loyal WeAreIndy.com reader(s)!  Paddy O’ finally checking to post some late news, fill you in on our absence, and to tell you who you should be rooting for in the games today.  We realize it has been some time since last we posted, and even longer since we have posted anything worthwhile, so here I sit at ten in the morning doing my best to rectify the situation.  Please, bear with me.

Our Coach named Pep. All we need now are Coaches Vim and Vigor.

So we are out of the playoffs.  *sigh*  I truly thought that we would have a longer post-season run than we did.  But a lot of things went wrong and I think that not having Arians that day really took the wind out of our sails.  Not only were our guys probably worried, but it had a dramatic impact upon the play calling.  Because it left us with Clyde Christensen making the calls.  The same tool idiot OC who helped us to lose a Super Bowl.  But thankfully, as I was scanning the news this morning, it seems as though we have a fix in the works.  Pep Hamilton has been hired as our new offensive coordinator, coming to us from Stanford where he just happened to coach Luck.  So not only will our boy Luck have another friendly face with which to work, but we also have some dude named Pep on our staff.  And that’s gotta be worth something.

Dejected Manning is dejected….

On the topic of play calling, I would be remiss if I did not comment upon what happened to a former QB of ours.  And yes, I mean Peyton Manning.   I am not sure who was responsible for the play calling in Denver, but man was it a stinker.  Sure, the Broncos were well on their way to imploding and had all but given Baltimore a chance to win.  But having the ball on their own 20, with 31 seconds left in regulation, and two time-outs…and they take a knee?  Are you kidding me?  A few dinks and dunks along the sidelines, maybe one or two throws down the middle of the field since you have time-outs in your pocket, and then *bam*.  Field goal range.  Peyton has done it a million times before I thought is very striking that they did not let him try it against the Ravens.  I mean it wasn’t like it was the playoffs or anything.  Oh, wait…

And yes, we have lost Bruce Arians.  Not that I can blame the guy.  He did a hell of a job for us this year and at the stage he is at in his career, he kinda had to go for it.  It was probably his only shot at being a head coach and I think he certainly deserves that opportunity.  Even though he may be coaching for Arizona now, he may have done us one last favor, namely, taking Harold Goodwin with him.  We all know how laughable our offensive line played for most of the season, so perhaps this opens up the spot for someone who can put more polish on our O-line potato.

That leaves only one question left to answer: who to root for in the remaining games?  Well, after much analysis and in-depth thought, both Rick O’ and myself have come to the conclusion that there is only one team worth rooting for to take the Super Bowl prize.  And that team is: Not the Patriots.  In addition to Indy, we have rooted for them for years now.  They have a decent history against the Pats and we have our collective fingers crossed that they can come through again this year.  Because FSM help us if Brady gets another ring.  It will just suck.

Go “Not the Patriots”!!!