WE COGNIZE .....

Birds Walk

2011-07-19T21:59:00.004+05:30

Last year I had been to Chapel hill in North Carolina. My husband had a conference there, and I decided to fly along with him. As always I kept clicking at every other thing that caught my interest and attention in the hopes that I might just catch something very nice. My efforts paid, when I was sitting outside the Radission Hotel one day, in the research triangle park.
It was a huge green area, as we know Chapel Hill is very green ! and I saw a flock of geese there. I was watching them and taking pictures when I was highly impressed by their behavior. They all formed one line and started walking in one direction behind each other !!!

I wondered has it got to do with the famous "goose walk/goose step" ? I am not an expert in Bird behavior or Geese behavior of that matter, I tried searching but did not find much. If you the reader, have something to share with the others please do put in the comments.

You can have a look at the video below and enjoy.Also try to decipher what does it say ? Does it say, "listen men ! We are somewhat more intelligent than you you think. We have our own rules !" ?

PS :The video quality is not great but it is just 01:12 long.

The love for animals

2011-07-17T02:40:00.001+05:30

There are some people who love animals, there are others who don't. Then there are some who work very passionately for animals, the reason they say - We Love them ! Understandable, they love them so they help them. But we all have friends who think they love animals, but also indulge into actions which are harmful or hurting to them. They love animals, but seldom/never become a part of their welfare. How is that ? So I started searching the answer to this question, is this love for animals or just Fascination for animals ?

PS : Just a reminder, Love and fascination both are positive emotions.

After my search I deduced these two main points of thought:

Love:We all have some loving relationships in life, so we all have experienced what love is, and how one feels in it. I think you will agree that in love what gives the most amount of joy is "to give". We do expect returns, Yes, but to give to someone we love gives us special contentment and bliss.And to give and make the other happy is the primary feeling in love.

Fascination:Whereas in fascination or mere liking, the primary feeling is the joy that people derive in being with their beloved.So talking in context of animals, they are really happy and impressed in animal company or looking at animal behavior.They appreciate the unconditional love that animals are known to give. But this is not love for animals because the the primary feeling here does not involve the feeling "to give", even at the cost of some personal sacrifice.

Love : As I said above in love we want to give to the beloved. There is also another opposite extreme to this.When we love, will seldom "consciously" (if ever) indulge into behaviors which we know are going to harm our beloved. Their suffering or pain will also give us pain which we all want to avoid at all costs, unless we know that this pain is temporary and in the long run it will be beneficial for our beloved.

Fascination : As we know that many people who think that they love animals also indulge into other behaviors which are harmful to animals like eating them, wearing their skins etc.. This behavior is at the other end of "the feeling to give". This is not just the lack of the feeling to give but the "feeling to take" is rated so high here that, it can hardy be called love for animals Whether this can even be called fascination is the question ?

People fascinated by animals :

It can be very easy to get confused between the two feelings because both are positive. And it involves some analytical thinking and introspection to understand and differentiate between the two.

What they really mean when they say that "We love animals" is that we are "fascinated by animals".

What they want to say is that animals are charming, cuddly little beings whom we appreciate and like.

Valentina !!

2011-07-15T04:04:00.001+05:30

Just a few hours back , I was writing about the variety of Human psyche . Now I came across an amazing story that I could not miss because it showed the positive side of Human psyche. While there are some who are busy with the work of destruction, there are others who indulge into such Humane behaviors that no amount of thank you in enough for them ! That also reminds of the story of tiger and Tim, these are exactly the kind of people that Tim was referring to in his conversation with the Tiger.

Getting to the point, some gentle human beings were in the seas of Mexico when they came across a Humpback whale who appeared to be dead. Then they realized that the Whale (whom they called Valentina, since this was on Valentine's day 2011) was not dead but was entangled in a fishing net put by some people obviously on the other side of the human psyche continuum ! Now they had the task to free her from the highly entangled fishing net as soon as possible, but all they had was a small knife as a tool. They had the whole thing filmed, and I have provided that video below. You can see the whole story of the rescue of Valentina. The reward of this hard and dangerous work came at the end when they actually saw Valentina celebrating her new Life and freedom ! What real Joy was that to me too, and I am sure you will love watching her jumping high in waters. Truly,Valentina proved that life and freedom are absolutely priceless !!!

And by the way, the people who helped Valentina save her life were no Ordinary people. They are from an organisation called "Great Whale Conservancy" . So they are continuously working towards saving the whale population. The co- founder of this organisation Michael Fishbach was also involved in this rescue, thank you all you great men and women !

People who like to "HEAR" the "famous singing" of these majestic creatures can use this link to the National geographic.

Attack On Mumbai

2011-07-14T11:14:00.105+05:30

Many families who were already suffering in the pains of having lost their loved ones by brutal murder in the name of religion are now joined by some more !!! How helpless do we feel in such situations.I am referring to the terror attack on Mumbai on July 13, 2011. Three blasts took place all within about 10 minutes and in very crowded and important places of Mumbai - Opera house, Dadar west and Zhaveri bazaar.

It takes years to construct but only a few seconds to destruct ! Sometimes I wonder at the variety of Human Psyche. There are some who go beyond everything to keep Humanity alive, others just live to earn money not necessarily being bothered by other's pains. But there has to be some "brain Virus" that some actually feel content after killing the people innocent and unknown. Whatever the mission is, is it greater than the Conscience ? Some people have a highly awakened conscience, some can have an idle conscience but these guys seem to have no conscience !!

With time though at least some things have changed for the good. Now with the advent of technology and with increased reach to it, people are finding new ways of helping each other in times of crisis.

I came to know that this time people used social networking site "Twitter" to help those in dire need of it.From passing emergency contact information to. posting urgent messages like "B positive blood required at so and so hospital". I got to know about this news from an Indian news channel called "CNN IBN". But it not just CNN IBN that reported this but also other major channels like Star news , The times of India .

This was an emergency situation alright. But at other times too a helping hand was offered aided by technology and such efforts are more than noticeable.Like in Facebook, I keep coming across some altruistic groups who not only gather people and make online communities for different causes but also Raise money for charity ! So they almost work like Virtual NGOs.

As much as I feel sad about the people who lost their family members, from the medium of this write up I also want thank all those people involved in the good work from wherever and however possible. If you the reader were also the one who helped, Thank you !

A Tiger in the woods...

2011-07-13T03:15:00.063+05:30

My friend Tim shared with me this conversation that he recently had with a tiger in the woods. Tim had forgotten to take a weapon and got lost in a jungle.They both were trying to reach a conclusion through this dialogue. I thought of sharing it over here with all, just so that all mature humans can consider both perspectives :

Tiger : (finding Tim) Looks like I am going to have a feast today !

Tim : Oh no no, please let me go, I have a family. Besides look I am here without a weapon. I wasn't here to kill anyone.

Tiger: Do you think I am fool ? You human beings do not even spare each other, how do I believe you had plans to spare us incase you came face to face with one of us. You must have forgotten the gun at home. I know your brothers have been killing my brothers mercilessly many times for joy and sometimes for fear. We only kill for need not for greed ! Last month alone two of my brothers were burnt alive and my sister was beaten to death in your community !

Tim : Dont you see, they should have not come to our place, We get scared to death in your presence, and we have the right to defend our families and friends. (Tim easily evades the answer to hunting).

Tiger : And why do you think they had gone to your place ?? Certainly not to have a feast with you ! You humans destroyed our home...if you do that, where do we go ? Left with no choice for shelter or food sometimes, some of us wander away to Unsafe places... just like you have wandered today. Given the superior brains that you guys have,and the ability to plan and progress, wouldn't it be good that you help us instead of killing our families ? Do you not feel the slightest of guilt for what you do ?

Tim : not all Humans are so insensitive. There are some who are enough God fearing to let you be safe while also taking care of their community. There are many in my community who are involved in helping animals. The news about "Saving Tiger" is now making rounds in human communities.Don't you know a about it ?

Tiger : Yes I know there are some who have dedicated their life to us too (indirectly it benefits the humans too). But we are still being killed for the reasons but GREED - taste, hobby, what you call a sport, commerce and what not ! Why should I spare you ??

Tim : If you kill me, tomorrow this will be the news ! And your community will get a bad name. Think about it.

Tiger : I know, if we kill for hunger which is a need, we get a bad name and if you kill for greed, that is justified. Just because we Do not have a voice, money, fame or Vote, do we deserve this injustice ? We still have emotions, we are still capable of feeling hurt.
When you kill our babies in front of our eyes, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WE GO THROUGH. I am not referring to any isolated cases...your people do this on a regular basis !

TIM : Oh Tiger, I know there are lots of Unethical behaviors that my community does on a regular basis to your animal community (and to human community itself). But believe me, I knew about hunting for food and pleasure but I wasn't really aware of the other things that you mentioned ! Killing babies in front of mothers ! GOSH !

Tiger : Okay, I can believe you on that, no don't get surprised ! I know since we do not have a voice, there are few to whom this thought would occur. The welfare of animals is anyways something most of you people looked down upon, as something not as necessary.

With all this talk, I now feel depressed thinking about my lost friends and family. I spare you ! GO Away, leave us alone in our little home. WE DO NOT ASK FOR MUCH. Just the right to live with Dignity.

TIM : We humans are so lost in worrying about our life or partying that we seldom think about the consequences of our actions on this world that we live in. Look, I have been used to eating animals and hunting since childhood. Today as I came across you, needless to say for the first time in my life, I AM GETTING AN INSIGHT as to really how mature and intelligent animals can be !

This experience has changed me as a person for ever !

Tiger : Now that's what we call true HUMAN ABILITY. We know you guys alone are capable of HIGH LEVEL THINKING, and no one can change the world the way you can. But you simply don't make the full use of your potential. I am glad you at least think that this experience changed you. See if you can pass this information to others. YOU WILL DO A GREAT FAVOR TO MOTHER EARTH.

Tim : Tiger friend, do you know we have a huge organisation of international fame called "United nations". I heard they have reported saying that our non-veg diet is ONE MAJOR CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING. Now when I go back to my home, I will make it a point to spread the word around and may be even join some other people who are trying to do some good to the world.

Tiger : Okay then, I will go my way..

Tim an Tiger both go away their ways, none ditches the other's trust :)

Image Courtesy : World Of Stock.com

Choosing a perfect Life Partner

2011-07-12T02:29:00.001+05:30

We all need a life partner who can share the joys and sorrows of life with us. A life partner is a person who will occupy a very important place in our life. A person with whom we like to walk till the very end of the road.. We all want our life to be as close to "an ideal life" as possible and we all have our opinions about what an ideal life is. Because of the amount of impact this person is going to have on our life, and the position he/she will hold for us, we want to be so sure that we find the best partner or should I say, a "perfect partner".

So what do we typically look for in a partner ?? Men and women have different parameters to consider in their prospective partners. Psychologists have spent years researching this topic and these are some of the points they concluded :

Most women predominantly get attracted to men who :

- Have power
- Are rich
- have a strong status in the society.
- are physically strong.

Most men predominantly get attracted to women :

- who are have a symmetric face.
- who show signs of good health
- who have a good waist to hip ratio :) (waists being narrower and the hips being broader).

Let me also point out that these selection factors that I mentioned above, happen in the heads of the people unconsciously, and they are not necessarily aware of such thoughts and processes.
Choices and preferences still vary from people to people. The more they are in an ideal (or at least imaginary ideal) positions, the higher the standards for their prospective life partners are likely to be.

So,we now know why women and beauty and men and power were overly paired together always !! :) But we also know that such a strong association which is done without complete conscious awareness, can lead to serious personality problems in some members of society. This is just one reason why we need to look beyond perfection in people.

When we look at people as prospective partners, we are sure to find something in their personality which we dislike. We always have things about ourselves, our friends, family members, that we wish we could change. If we really look closely at people we know, how many of us can really claim to know a person who is perfect ?? Perfect in a sense, without ANY flaws ! I think most people will agree that finding such a person is only next to impossible !!

As I have always said, we all have this knowledge, but it not the knowledge but the awareness or "cognizance" that counts. Just like any change is difficult to accept a change to our marital status in the society, being associated to a new person too can sometimes be a little difficult for some people irrespective of the partner's social status. (here I am specially referring to arranged marriages).

There can be no perfect person, only near perfect matchmaking. How close the match is to perfection, depends largely on the two people involved in it.Therefore the threshold and meaning of perfection have to be seriously considered.
Wiser people will know this and will accept a person with his/her flaws so that they can also expect to be accepted the same way :) Wise people will learn this the hard way.. and there will still be others who will have so much of a problem learning this truth that, they will never be able to enjoy life to the fullest !.

Image courtesy : Google images

The Net

2011-05-31T11:25:00.005+05:30

Today as I was walking in my community, my attention was drawn to a piece of art instantly. A piece of art which was no ordinary man's play !!

I do not know if I should call it architecture Or designing ? But I was once again fascinated looking at the nature functions. This was about my reaction to the art....let me share it with the readers as well in the form of pictures :

PS :

1.This piece of art is so delicate that some of you may have to strain your eyes :) but I think it is worthwhile to pay attention to the details of nature sometimes.

2. The creator of this art is seen proudly reigning in the heart of his kingdom !

I am sure most of you know what it is - a Spider's creation, his/her web ! With the light falling behind it, I could see it so clearly and I could pay attention to the fine detailing.It impressed me instantly.

Nature is God - part 2

2011-04-04T03:22:00.002+05:30

This is the second part of close to nature. Part one consisted of a short clip of a honeybee on a white flower. Part one can be seen here. I spotted this bird in my own community. And she allowed me to take some pictures of her beauty :)
Interestingly the next day I again saw her in the same place and she allowed me to shoot some more. She seemed to be friendly, thanks to her :) Hope you readers enjoy looking at her....thanks!

Nature is God - part 1

2011-04-03T11:41:00.011+05:30

Being a nature lover, I always keep myself close to nature. I do not like to miss anything that is related to nature. The first part of Close to nature is this video of a honeybee on a white flower.

And the second part has some pictures of a bird...

I am missing India !

2010-10-24T09:56:00.004+05:30

American Junk Food

Indian Junk Food

It has been five months since I came to USA and now I am missing India like anything. May be other people who are away from their respective countries also feel the same ? That is why I thought of expressing myself here on my blog. I was born in Mumbai and brought up over there itself. India is a big and a diverse country. I was lucky enough to have traveled many places in India with my parents over all these years. Travel being one of my hobbies I now miss the beautiful places that I saw in India.There is yet much to see and experience for me in America. But the way in which both places are beautiful is different I guess. Also, it is not easy to adjust in a country other than the one where one is born and lived all their life.Before I left India in June 2010, I was very excited to come to the US. This was only the second time I was going to get to see another country (first one being Nepal which was geographically and culturally very close to India). I was also somewhat afraid of getting a culture shock which I never suffered ultimately :)

Though the list is long I am trying to present a compressed one here (this list is of course besides the family and friends) :

What I miss about India :

1. Places of tourist interest, the Indian hill stations, mountains and rivers particularly of north India.

2. Eating the Indian chaat (Indian junk food) like paani puri, ragda, samosa and bhel....ooohhhhh !! (I knew I am going to miss it so I had lots of it before I left India)

3. The Indian railways which I extensively used to travel around India. (including the suburban rail of Mumbai minus the crowd). :)

4. The monsoon of Mumbai.

5. My lovely stray babies in India whom I could have helped if I was there.

What I love about USA :

1. The dignity of labor

2. The polite nature of most Americans.

3. The freedom in this culture.

4. Equality.

5. The organisation in every place that I see around.

Image Courtesy : Google Images

Mothers Who Were Never Pregnant !!

2010-10-16T00:19:00.031+05:30

The word I like to utter again and again and again non stop is "mummy" or "mommy" . This word by itself is very sweet. I think most of you will agree with me ?

What makes the word so sweet.. the sound of it ? I think it is the feeling that the word gives us just as we utter it that makes it so beautiful. The feeling of being cozy, being in a very safe place - her laps, being loved and kissed endlessly :) Who will not like to be cared like this ? Without doubt nobody on earth can replace mothers :)

But who is a mother ? The woman who gives birth to a child ? I think there is more meaning to this word. I have seen many people working tirelessly towards fulfilling needs of others who were not necessarily born to them. Many a times it is as selfless and unconditional too. So what if they have not given birth to the one they care for, I think it is motherly love and care that matters the most. Sadly, many times society does fail to realize the importance of many such people living in their very neighborhoods. I think, They need to be respected and loved just like a mother is respected and loved. In fact, I think most of you will agree that this kind of motherhood is much more difficult. Consider how easy or difficult it is it to be around a very ill person (who is not your biological child) and is bedridden for a few days and needs someone to be there with them ?

Social workers - Who are not working for money, contribute their psychological and physical resources to taking care of any particular given group. Yes, sometimes altruism is not the sole motivating factor for some, but why should the rest be punished ?Many social workers actually undergo tremendous pain in life for the work that they do for the needy . Yet sometimes fail to get recognized for their sacrifices and selfless motives !! I think recognition of their efforts is very important for the benefit of the society.

In fact many cultures like Christianity and Hinduism even have words like "Mata" (means mother in Hindi) and "Mother" referring to non biological mothers.Well, The first name that comes to my mind is Mother Teressa.

Image coutesy : Google images

Is this really a virtual world ? - Dedicated to Indian Home Maker and her daughter "Tejaswee"

2010-10-12T01:15:00.060+05:30

I have always been calling the internet the virtual world. The friends I made there, I called the friends of the virtual world. Most often I do not meet face to face with my friends of the virtual world. With some such friends I share lots of interests, habits and hobbies too.We make all kinds of friends on the internet, some get more connected to us some are less connected. But there are some people who have something in them which allows other people to trust them more. I had no idea that the bonds with people whom we have not seen or spoken can be so strong !!

Only yesterday night when I came to know about the death of one of my blogger friend's teen aged daughter , I realized this.The Indian Home Maker (popularly called IHM), a very liked and famous blogger. Tejaswee was her daughter. I did not know her name, I never saw her. When yesterday night I came to know of this recent tragedy in her life, I suddenly realized how much I felt connected to her.This was the first time I saw her daughters face, came to know about some facts of her life.

From what I know of IHM through her posts, her thoughts and her conversations with me , I am sure Tejaswee was one person whom we all desperately needed with us here. It is difficult to explain how I felt. I then introspected about my connection with IHM and decided to write about it.

Two of Tejaswee's writings that I liked the most, I am creating a link for them.

1. A letter to the future (that she wrote for her future daughter).

2. On growing old and dying early.

No matter what I do , what I say, I know I cannot reduce your pain IHM...I just want you to know that I too am one of the many persons who love you for the kind of person that you are. I want to share your pains with you.

P. Sainath in an eye opening speech in Toronto :

2010-10-10T02:15:00.020+05:30

Hi Friends, this my first post after my marriage and again after a long time ! This time I am want to share with you something that was en eye opener for me. This is a video about 55 minutes long by the renowned Journalist Palagummi Sainath. He gave this speech in Toronto, Canada in March 2010.

All of you who are interested in the issues such as economics, use of the world resources,food shortage of the world, world poverty,farmers of India, development of India and like issues, I assure you, You will not be disappointed listening to him. :)

For all others it is an analysis that we must consider listening and sharing :)

Please click on the video to open it in a bigger window on youtube.

Education just for money ?

2010-03-01T14:07:00.045+05:30

Anuj (an imaginary name) is a very well read man. His general knowledge is very good and the number of books in his home is unmatched with the average man. He has even earned a prestigious degree. You ask him one question and he is most of the time in the position to answer more than you expected :)

But if you watch him carefully, you will find him spitting on the road and throwing away anything waste anywhere in the public place. He could not manage having healthy relationship with his immediate family members. He lacks Assertiveness. In other words... his behavior is not the kind which one could exemplify to the younger generation and even fellowmen.

THE QUESTION/S :

Is Education a mere collection of data and information in this personal computer called brain?

Or is it meant to be showing up in people's very subtle behaviors? Is getting a high paid job the prime reason behind being/getting educated?

Is making a good family/society/life not a major reason?

Well, this is what Wikipedia has to say about the word education.

I think, when we call someone an educated person or for that matter when we call ourselves educated we rarely ever think of this word "education" beyond the collection of degrees and general knowledge. I think the meaning and implications of this word has frequently changed in this competitive society.

But why is it important to consider the appropriate meaning and of this word "education" ? Simply because it has a very very important and wide impact on the society and its ways. We want an educated society so that we have a healthy and a happy society with lesser problems. But if we happen to limit the meaning and implication of this word to mere collection of degrees then we shall have more people in the society who have never assimilated the good things that they learned in school and college. If the learning does not get assimilated then it will not show up in behavior, taking us to a society which is highly "paper educated" but lesser truly educated. And that is what is happening to us today slowly as we progress in numbers.

That is why we have so many educated people who still believe in (and practice very seriously) behaviors like sex selection of the offspring, wife battering, inequality of all kinds, violence,(both physical and psychological which is very common), mismanagement of public properties such as throwing away of religious waste in water bodies, creating noise pollution and graffiti on our historical walls, unhealthy relationships and so on...

Like, I would like to share a happening that I can relate to this post very well. It was Diwali 2009, and little children were playing firecrackers. Then I saw some nearby children (of people who live below poverty line) coming to our building and sitting in one corner of the compound - the reason of them coming there as I understand was that, their parents could not afford to buy those cracker toys for them and so they were attracted towards (at least)watching the other children play ! Since it was a party that we (as a community) arranged we had dinner too. One sweet lady from our community offered something to eat to one of those children. And the other said to this sweet woman -"aap log hi aise logon ko sar par chadhaate ho !! " ( (Approximate meaning it is people like you who encourage such people !!)

So the choice is ours !! What kind of a society do we want for us and our next generation?

Image Courtesy: photobucket.com

How many of us humans would dare to do this ?

2010-02-18T22:43:00.000+05:30

I am posting this article to my blog after a long gap. But this post has been to my mind for quite some time. This is something that I could not and did not want to forget or take for granted. As I was reading the newspaper one day, I came across this news in a tiny section of the news paper. This was in Chandigarh, when a shanty caught fire. There were two kids in the shanty and the pet dog who was in fact tied up with a leash. It seems there were also two other older kids who managed to flee that burning shanty. As the dog realized the danger to his master's two kids, he jumped into the burning shanty to save them. He succeeded in dragging the kids out of the shanty but unfortunately, the kids couldn't be saved later in the hospital !! This poor baby too got hurt in the whole process.

The stories of animal loyalty towards human begins are not new...we have heard a lot of them many times. This one being the newest and the also one of the most dramatic. I mean he even risked his life !! ?

The questions that came to my mind were:

How many of us human beings would really have the intention and/or courage to do that ?
And, Do we give them their share of respect and dignity in return ?

Readers who would like to check this story online can do it Here.

Are you reluctant to critics and critisism ?

2009-10-10T20:08:00.004+05:30

What's your most common reaction to criticism directed towards you?

Some people associate being critical with being less faithful , less sincere and such other negative feelings. But the question at hand is that is it really so ?

Personally for me, I have noticed when someone/something is very near and close to me I feel more free to be critical of that person or thing. For example, Let me begin with myself .. I think I am biggest critic of my own personality, and I do this purposefully in order to grow. No criticism , no growth for me (But I also remember to take care of the positive points). Same holds true for my loved ones, my work, some of my close friends, and everyone/everything that I think is close to me and is mine !

But when it comes to giving an ear to criticism it's not that easy for everyone, I guess first we need to analyze if it is really important to us and then we need to also "learn the art of accepting criticism". Since I am such a big critic, It's easy for me to critically analyze all things that are around me. When I do that I am almost always doing it because I love the one I criticize and I do it with the goal of growth in my mind :). Once I was talking to my friend about my country and it's many shortcomings, (who I later realized was not so open to listening to my criticism and took it not as a token of my love for my country but otherwise) where I was comparing it to another more developed nation...and it was not taken in good spirits of course. Then I gave a thought to the whole situation and questioned myself.... was I wrong ? I have noticed so many people getting on their nerves when they listen to ANYTHING negative about what is their own or what they associalte with their identity.

My question is that if we remain so anti criticism, how the hell on earth do we expect ourselfs to improve ? Then the only other way out is to not improve !! :)

There are two major beliefs that are anti criticism :

1. Some people seem to believe that criticizing or listening to any criticism for someone/something that is their own is equal to being unfaithful or insincere. Such people react very emotionally to criticism and are less likely to "GROW" from it. For example : I know of a man who just knows many of his fathers shortcomings but always denies them when confronted.

2. Some people believe that Criticism is something that is negative and bad. They have probably always overlooked its benefits and uses.

Some points in this regard to consider :

1. We all play the critics at some point or the other for someone or the other.

2. Criticism can be difficult to accept (at least immediately) but if taken in the right spirits can be really helpful in the development process.

3. All criticisms are open to either acceptance or rejection but before accepting or rejecting a piece of criticism, we need to analyze it RATIONALLY.

4. Those who can accept criticism and give a thought over it, are most likely to be very confident people.

5. Criticism as a growth technique should not be offered (or should be sparingly offered) to people who have a low self image or a low confidence as it might lead to more problems instead of help !

I found this article on ehow about how to deal with criticism , for anyone who might be interested.

By the way, this blog and the blog post/s are open to critics and criticism, In fact they are welcome !!! :)

Image courtesy : Photobucket.com and Google image search.

How these kids helped another "kid" in need...

2009-09-09T12:59:00.021+05:30

I got these pictures through a friend, worth having a look J

Don't we want every child that we come accross , to be

as sensitive and as humane as these adorable kids ? J

Is there a connection between noise and celebrations ?

2009-09-07T14:30:00.083+05:30

Once again I am going to talk in this post with special reference to our (Indian) culture in the present times and the "mistakes" that we make as a group. I am attempting to look in the minds of my fellow brothers and sisters ands understand the reasons for some of our peculiar behaviors.

The behavior of which I am making note here today is that, we tend to celebrate (it may be any celebration) with a lot of noise. We have a whole lot festivals in a year... the most recent one was “Ganesh Chaturthi" (Since I am in Mumbai therefore bigger celebrations for this festival). Like every year. There were visarjanas taking place on various days during this 10 day festival. There would be long Ques on the road with different mandals taking Ganpati for immersion and almost all of them bring a band along with them on the way to the immersion site. Not one, not two but multiple bands are playing at the same time… ending up in nothing but a cacophony!! These bands anyways do not play any meaningful music. It is really very sad that for different reasons, not one of them which are likely to be practical and factual, we behave in ways which are less civilized!

We are in society, and every society has some more vulnerable people like the old , pregnant women, people with hypertension or any other disease which makes them highly sensitive to noise, poor animals on the streets and in the homes (The hearing capability of most animals like cats and dogs is many many times more than us which makes them HIGHLY vulnerable to deafness or madness because of noise pollution during Diwali and other festivals).

I totally fail to understand HOW can be so insensitive towards the needs of those who reside alongside us and still call our self educated and civilized!! It is noteworthy that, in the modern world that man has created for himself, there are already enough sources of noise which are invariably harming the environment (therefore harming us). But many of these are factors are less controllable. The topic that I am dealing with here is the kind of noise pollution that can be totally avoided !! So are we trying enough to stop or avoid the harm that we can?

I thought about some probable reasons, why we as a community make our celebrations noisy:

Our thought process is such that, if we do not make noise (which many people call music) there is a subtle fear that we will be interpreted as "less happy".
We have never thought about other, more peaceful ways of celebrating.
Today when the world has started getting more aware about climate change and how we humans are causing it, we as a national community seem to be totally ignorant about it.
"Sensitivity towards the needs of others" has gone somewhere at the bottom in the list of our value systems, (and selfishness seems to have come up?) such that we really do not care as to how much we are harming others by some of our actions.
Probably some people might even be scared that if celebrations are not done in this particular way, the Gods may not be happy about it and subsequently we might get punished !! J
This way of marking and announcing our celebrations has now become a norm and to change this norm is becoming difficult for us.

Any opinions in this matter, specially by those who have experienced this factor? Comments are welcome and will be appreciated J

Just as I was writing this article, I realized that there was an NGO in Mumbai city -"Awaaz.org" working towards this cause. This is what they have to say about this issue.

Picture courtesy : Sundaytimes.lk

The Indian daughters in Law: What goes wrong in the adjustment process after marriage?

2009-08-29T19:14:00.011+05:30

When a girl gets married in India, there is one most common piece of advice given to her.

“You have to adjust in the new environment that you are moving to. It is your responsibility that you keep everyone in your new family happy”.

Then as she enters her new home which is often a completely unfamiliar and unknown environment, all the eyes are set on her, all expectations are made from her and her only. She is judged and rated at every step that she takes [even on things that she cannot change. For example her physical features]. The fact is that because the girl is often very nervous and less experienced to know all the “rules”, it is natural for her if she makes some silly mistakes or fails to come up to the many expectations from her.

The Question:

Is it the only the newly wed girl’s responsibility to adjust to the change which came about by marriage? Is the family that she newly became a part of, not equally responsible for it?

When a marriage happens (especially in the Indian context) it is not only the couple who is undergoing a change of life. It is often the whole immediate family members who are entering a new phase of life. Because there is a change in everybody’s life, it might be rational to say that everybody should be equally responsible for taking the plunge into the adjustment process and not just the new bride. In reality, the newly wed girl is responsible for this adjustment and if anything goes wrong, she is held for it without any major thought given to the situation. It is worth noting that anyone in the family who is “genuinely interested” in having a happy family and life long of sweeter relationships, should take his/her share in this adjustment to change.

Some points worth noting in connection to the above question:

Often in a marriage the girl who has just got married is in a minority position. She has to face a majority of people in her new family.

The girl is likely to be young, less experienced and nervous.

If the adjustment process will be shared by everybody in the family equally, the adjustment and the relationships will be highly likely to be much better.

It is irrational and baseless to have one sided expectations when the relationships are always two/multi sided.

I am sure you too, like me have seen so many families which end up breaking or end up having most the bitter relationships. May be this is one major reason for it ? What do you say ?

Image courtesy : cgtantra.com and google image search.

Fact Vs. Opinion

2009-08-14T19:24:00.012+05:30

Have you ever thought if you are living you life by facts or by opinions or have you given thought that how does this actually impact your life ?

Understanding the difference between Opinions and facts is important for several reasons. But this post is particularly concerned with one factor – the disturbance that can be avoided in daily life just by understanding and practicing this difference. We need to know two things:

What is the difference between the two
Why is this difference important and what happens when this difference is taken for granted.

What is the difference between opinions and facts?

A fact is something that can be proved. It is something that has evidence to support it. For Example: “Elephants are herbivorous animal”, this statement is a fact because it is supported by evidence. But a statement like “Delhi is the better place to live in

India

than Mumbai” is an opinion. Opinions might be supported by evidence or might not get supported by evidence. But Facts are always supported by Evidence/s. Some readers might need more examples; so for them I am presenting a small table below:

	Facts	Opinions
1	That AIDS is caused by transmission of infected blood.	That AIDS is caused by touching the infected person.
2	That congress (I) won the general elections in India in 2009 for the second consecutive time.	That the Congress (I) deserves to be the ruling party.
3	A balanced Vegetarian diet has multiple health benefits.	Being a non vegetarian is fashionable.
4	That cats are carnivorous animals.	That cats are “bad” animals.

Modern day science is based on facts. Science cannot rely upon opinions although doctors, scientists like everyone else can have a “difference of opinions”. So it wouldn’t be wrong if I say that our modern day life and all the benefits that we grab from modern science today are all because of the “Facts” that were gathered by some hard working people and NOT opinions. People whose opinions are based on facts are more sort of rational persons. On the contrary people who rest a majority of actions and behaviors on “opnions”which are different from what is factual might have to deal with a lot of maladjustments. Yes they have the right to do so, but then they should be taking the responsibility to bear the consequences.

Don’t facts deserve more respect and attention that they generally get? Why in our daily life do we take for granted the importance and meaning of facts? The same facts which have almost gifted us our life!!

Opinions can be misleading !!

Every one of us has opinions. Just having an opinion which differs from the facts does not make such a difference. The biggest mistakes are made when the most important decisions of life are made based on such opinions and not facts!When all the major actions, behaviors and lifestyle decisions are based on opinions and not facts. I might not like a fact or I might not agree with it, but I cannot refute it. Trying to refute it will mean that I am trying to swim against the flow of the river. One day I was having a conversation with someone, who was of the opinion that the best way to discipline children is to hit them. I pointed it out to him that there is evidence and now it is a well accepted fact that there are numerous researches which show that hitting does not help in the long run, further it has also been proved (therefore a matter of fact) that “Reinforcements” always work better than “punishments” in the domain of Behavior Modification. But this man would not budge! In fact he was trying to refute all the studies. But I have encountered such people many times who would not think twice before trying to refute facts. I have given a deep thought to the reasons for this behavior. Though I have still failed to understand this behavior completely I drew the following two conclusions:

Since they have held these opinions for a long time, they find it difficult to listen and accept something new that does not match their thinking; the main cause for which is “EGO” (and there can be multiple emotional reasons).
Relying upon facts is not as important to them, as their personal opinions about the issue. So, they do not believe in relying upon facts and evidences.

An example: Assuming that he uses this technique to discipline his children, He probably is not at all aware about the consequences of standing for his opinions against the facts. Like in this case where physical punishment is used the child runs at a risk of developing a low self esteem OR the child also might be on a risk to be turn into a rebellion. Human reactions can never be guaranteed. The central question is that - If his children start showing signs of ill psychological health later in life, will he take responsibility to cause them this pain and loss ? OR instead, will he blame his children for their behavior ?

As I said, in most cases reactions cannot be guaranteed, therefore there are very few laws in Psychology. But if we all were to deny what has been systematically proved by a full fledged science, are we not being foolish in keeping our opinions above science ?

If you are thinking that this man is being harsh, let me present you a worse example: many daughter in laws in India get very extremely maltreated, here is one major reason - that she is repeatedly gives birth to only a girl child (boys have traditionally been regarded highly in orthodox Indian societies) though there can be many reasons for such maltreatment. In this case the contrasting fact that has been taken for granted is that - Male child is always a result of a “Y” chromosome which comes only from the father and “never” the mother. There are innumerable examples of how peoples opinions {which are often baseless) can create so many problems for them, for the others and for the society as a whole. If I say that Indian culture today has become very unscientific, will it be a fact or an opinion? If an opinion then what category opinion?

An opinion based action is not always wrong or harmful. Opinions can be of three types:

A. Independent opinions that yet need to be tested for their authenticity

B. Opinions based on facts.

C. Opinions which stand against the facts.

Out of these three, as we see only the third category is dangerous. Even then, it becomes dangerous essentially only when a person does not realize that it is merely and opinion and bases his/her/someone else’s whole life on such opinions.

May be the following can help:

It becomes our moral responsibility to get to know the facts before build an opinion about anything.
We verify and ask ourselves if our opinion/s are based on a fact, if it is not based on a fact, then is it against a fact?
What will be the likely consequences of the actions that we take based on such opinions which currently stand against the facts?
We should take the responsibility incase the consequences of the actions which come from the third category opinions are highly undesirable.

For example: If Rakesh and Rima go through an amniocentesis and find out that their unborn child is abnormal and if he/she is born, will never be able to live a normal and healthy life (a fact). But they feel that terminating this pregnancy is not something that they want to do for emotional reasons (an opinion). It would be better if they ask themselves the third and the fourth questions at least!

Finally it is worth noting that this post is an “A” category opinion !! J J

Understanding the meaning of "SAAT- PHERE" (seven steps) in a Hindu marriage

2009-08-06T23:53:00.005+05:30

I was born in a Hindu family. Since my childhood I have always seen various Hindu customs and rituals being performed. I have been to so many Hindu marriages of my relatives and have seen the same or similar rituals being performed in all of them. But I rarely understood the deep meaning that these rituals are supposed to have, the reason why they are being performed since ages. I rarely saw the pundit (The priest) explaining the meaning and significance of these customs while being performed.

I am not very aware of customs and rituals because personally I follow the religion of “Humanity”. For me the customs and rituals are less important as long as the person follows a “good character” (which all religions advise, though what constitutes a good character varies) and understands his or her own potential as a Human being.

Since I feel a social responsibility to do certain rituals, then it becomes my responsibility to first understand them beforehand because I will hate to follow them blindly! Keeping in mind that my own marriage ceremony is to be held in near future, I began to search for the answers for the questions I had in mind regarding the rituals that I will be expected to perform for my marriage.

Hinduism being a symbolic religion, most rituals and ceremonies have a symbolic meaning to them therefore, just performing the act is going to make no sense until the meaning of it is well understood. Anything done without this understanding, is supposed to be “Blind Faith”. Many times when I asked the seniors for the meaning of a particular ritual they would either get offended of they would say things like “It is to be done because it’s being done since ages and we are sure there is a meaning to it”. Yes, I am sure there is a meaning to it, but my concern is that anything done without its proper knowledge can be even harmful….for example: How do you know you are doing it the right way? If it’s done without reasoning and understanding then, it is blind faith and hardly has any meaning!!

Originally the Hindu-Vedic systems were very scientific in nature. They even did not discriminate between men and women, however this practice is very prevalent now by the people who do not fully comprehend the religion. I attempted to understand the meaning and significance of what I will be doing in a few months. “Saptpadi” OR “Saat Phere” which translates as “seven steps” in English is considered to be the most important custom of a Hindu marriage (and now I know why), so I dedicate this article to the same.

The “VARMALA” OR “Jaimala” is the ritual where the bride and the groom put garlands around each other’s necks. This signifies that the two persons have chosen each other as life partners. This is essentially a ritual performed by “Kshatriyas” (The warrior caste) in ancient times, however now I see it being performed in all Hindu marriages I attend.

Another very important ritual is “Kanya Daan” Which translates as “giving away one’s daughter to the groom [“Kanya means girl and “Daan” means “donation”].This ritual is performed by the father of the bride or the father figure in his absence. The groom recites Sanskrit Shloks about love. [Shlok is a small stanza usually in Sanskrit]

But the most important of all Hindu marriage rituals is “SAPTAPADI” referring to “SAAT PHERE” in general Hindi now-a-days. This ritual is the core of the whole marriage ceremony and couple is considered as married just by performing this ritual alone.

Saat Phere:

How it is done:

Some older person of the family ties a knot with one end of the bride’s clothing and one end of the groom’s clothing. Then they stand up to take seven rounds around the fire [called the Agni Kund in Hindi] one by one. These rounds are taken as the priest reads certain Sanskrit Shloks to bless the couple. The picture below shows the knot symbolizing the “Sacred wedlock”

The rationale:

“Fire” Or Agni is considered as Very pure and sanctified. Also, the Qualities of fire are such that, no matter how many times it is lit, yet it remains “immortal” and “young forever”. This is why I have seen people in almost all major religion of the world – Hindus, Muslims, Christians, and Buddhist and more… all use fire in one way or the other for their worship. Amazing!! How fire is considered important by multiple beliefs systems.

The term “Agni Pariksha” is commonly used in Hindi language which refers to “a very difficult exam”. Coming back to the point, because fire is considered to be so pure, immortal, young and sanctified, it is used as a symbol for the couple to solemnize their marriage with the seven promises. This is called “Agni Sakshi” which means “fire is the witness”. The promises thus made are considered to be immortal and the couple is expected to be MOST truthful and honest to each other in making these promises. Despite which, I am so sad to see so many promises being broken, where the wives are killed, beaten and tortured either psychologically or physically or both. And some husbands too!!

What are the seven promises: (Credit for this section goes to “Wikipedia”).

With the first phera, the couple invokes the Gods for the plenitudes of pure and nourishing food and a life that is noble and respectful.

With the second phera the couple prays for physical and mental strength and to lead a healthy and peaceful life.

The third phera is taken for the fulfilment of spiritual obligations. The Gods are invoked for blessing the couple with spiritual strength.

The fourth phera is taken for the attainment of happiness and harmony through mutual love and trust and a long joyous life together.

The fifth phera is taken to pray for the welfare of all living entities in the entire universe and for begetting noble children.

The sixth phera is for bountiful seasons all over the world. The couple prays for bountiful seasons and seeks that they may go through these seasons together, just as they would share their joys and sorrows.

With the last phera they pray for a life of understanding, loyalty, unity and companionship not only for themselves but also for the peace of the Universe.

In North Indian weddings, the bride and the groom say the following words after completing the seven steps:

"We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. May the plants be honey-sweet for us. May the sun be all honey for us. May the cows yield us honey-sweet milk. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our unions be permanently settled.

Thanks for reading !!

2009-07-01T20:29:00.003+05:30

The Search for God

Fig 1: the famous Musk Deer

Hey!! Look at that, the famous Musk Deer!! I said to my husband as we both were on a tour to NandaDevi National park, in Uttarakhand, India. Musk deer is famous and an endangered species for its Musk (Musk is a famously fragrant thing found in a male musk deer and it is called “Kasturi” in Hindi language). It is said that the Musk deer (Kasturi Hiran in Hindi) keeps going places in search of the source of this fragrance and never realizes that he actually does not need to search for it outside because the source of the fragrance is within him. Not realizing this he keeps searching every other place that he can.

I was reminded of my encounter with this Musk deer and his this nature as the thought of GOD came into my mind. Some years back I was searching for God and had many questions in my mind like where is God? Who is God? And what does God look like? Just like me, all of the science fraternity of the world has always been in the search of God. They searched for him everywhere, all places that they could (the sky or the universe where God is generally believed to be). After they finished searching for him all the places that they could, they concluded and announced – We did not find him anywhere, there is no God.

It’s not just the Science fraternity but also the common man. No one has seen God ever. There is no documented evidence of his existence. Though all religions of the world have certain model images of something/somebody that they worship and can call God. And there are many people who believe that their religion and its conceptions are superior to the all others. But these are “only beliefs” and not “FACTUAL EVIDENCES”. So, the question remains there itself; where is God and what does he look like??

While I was thinking so, I realized yet another fact, surprisingly, all religions of the world talk about some common things like…

Love
Brotherhood.
A model for a living a healthy life, physically and psychologically.
Doing good for the society and so on....

You name it and you will find that almost all religions of the world have been concerned about these issues in common and even more. How can all religions have so many characteristics in common? Why would they ?

I concluded that all religions are only a “MODEL” for people to follow so that it becomes easier for them and the people around them to live a better life. I concluded that every religion is like a school of thought and people are supposed to “study them” and choose which one is closer to their heart and then follow the guidelines. So this means that we follow a particular religion because it is closer to our heart and not because and not because other religions are not worth following. But the irony is that the majority of people have not even thought about this issue and seem to be far from understanding it.

Also, if you carefully notice you will find that almost all religions of the world have been modified (in practical life) in at least one or more than one ways by none other than the same people who claim that they follow it. These modifications have been done for primarily three reasons:

1.For human convenience
2. Misinterpretation of what was originally postulated by the makers of that religion
3.Lack of will to study and understand the religion thoroughly instead of blindly following it.

Let me give some examples of these modifications here:

Most people and even countries that call themselves predominantly Buddhist now easily eat Non-Veg food, even in everyday life.
Most people who call themselves Hindus and follow the caste system have forgotten the essence of “The Caste System” and are now following it wrongly.
Many people who call themselves Islamic have forgotten the essence of “Qurbaani” during Bakr-id and now it is a common practice to perform Qurbaani without first loving the animal like one’s own child.
Many Christians misuse the otherwise very respected concept of “Confession”. And the list goes on…

This means that almost no religion today is being followed in its “purest” form. Almost all have been modified to suit human convenience in more than one way. Therefore, common sense says that people today are not getting benefited from their religions as much as they think are OR as much as they should have been, all because they are not following it properly!!

Anyways, my search for God still continued…They say that God made the world!! This means that God is the parent and the world is the child. And how are children made? As we know, all children/babies are a part of their parents or may I say an extension of their parents. This is how it always happens, this is nature. Now, if this is nature, it must also imply that the universe (of whom God is the parent) is an extension of God or is a part of God himself!! All dogs produce dogs, all cats produce cats and oak trees produce only oak trees. Therefore if God produced the world then, for sure the “WHOLE UNIVERSE IS A FORM OF GOD” (by whole world I mean everything and everybody living or nonliving in this universe).

Just as these strings of thoughts came to my mind, I was overjoyed with MY INSIGHT!! It was a moment of enlightenment for me… as in Hindi we call it “dimag ki batti jal gayi”. I was very happy at my discovery. Now, I began to realize as to why the world is so beautiful!! God is in everything and everything has God in it. Just like the musk deer keeps finding the fragrance of his own body in the outer world, not realizing that it is in fact coming from within him ; I was searching for God everywhere outside, not realizing that God is in fact within me and within every “being” and non being in this universe. Doesn’t it make sense??

I began to see God in Everybody and everything, irrespective of colour, sex, species,caste, creed..irrespective of anything, I saw God. Every human being, every animal, every bird, every tree and every plant, every river and every mountain, in virtually everything I could see God. Soon after this realization I found a new way of worshiping God too.

Fig: 2 these are only some examples of how I see God

Some of my friends sometimes drew allegations against me with a grimace on their face like.. “How bad of you to not worship God!! What do you actually think of yourself? You have become so arrogant!! (Many equated my not going to shrines regularly with arrogance)”.
To this I would simply try to smile and answer…who said I do not worship God?

“Every time I feel for a poor, I worship God..

Every time I feed a hungry child or a hungry animal, I worship god,
Every time I nurse an injured or a dying animal, I worship god,
Every time I water a plant or a tree, I worship God,
Every time I admire nature, I worship God.

You visit shrines regularly, may be because you do not know another way of worshiping him. May be because you are yet to discover “GOD HIMSELF”, the way I did. You might not like me or even hate me for a number of reasons, but I am always going to love you and respect you because I know you God is there within you। I love god therefore I love you and I love myself and I love everybody I come across .
I never ignore, ridicule or disrespect anyone (at least I try not to) because this will mean each time I do this to someone, I do this to God!! And this is essentially my way of worshipping God!!”

It would be false if I say, that I never feel negative about anyone.. Yes, I do! But at least I know that I made a mistake and I am continuously trying to overcome my shortcomings like this. I have improved a lot and I am still improving. I find infinite pleasure in helping the poor, feeding the hungry and nursing the sick or the injured. And I am sure, all those people who perform these activities feel the same way down in their hearts. Now that I have discovered God, I found the purpose of my life!! I want to help the needy to the best of my capabilities always and till the last day of my life.

People see God every day, they just don't recognize him.
~Pearl Bailey

Dealing with Individual Differences.

2009-06-25T20:08:00.001+05:30

It all Began when Shekhar refused to be present in the pooja organized in his home by his religious parents. “Mummy, I respect your sentiments completely, please go ahead with it if this is what gives you satisfaction. But don’t force me to be a part of it. This is what he told his mother.

Shekhar believes in a “rational” approach to life. For him doing something the meaning of which he does not understand (partially or completely) creates a conflict within him. But for his parents it is like keeping the age old traditions alive. Though Shekhar has no problem with keeping the traditions alive but he simply cannot do something that does not come from his heart and mind!! Incidents like this often become major family issues for Shekhar and his parents and lead to serious quarrels between them. This continuously makes the family members more distant from each other. The matter of argument is not always a religious ritual; this happens in many others aspects of life.
Similarly, Shraddha always has a tussle with her husband over keeping the house clean. Her husband Vijay believes in living a relatively carefree life while Shraddha is a thorough perfectionist! So every other day they keep arguing as to “which is a better way to live”??

All of us go through similar experiences everyday (if not the same) . Most of these issues that we have in everyday life with people around us can be put into one category – “problems in adjusting to Individual differences”. I am sure; it will be difficult to find a (normal) adult who does not know that all people are different. It is a well know fact that ALL PEOPLE DIFFER from one and other not just in the physical characteristics but also in the psychological characteristics. Therefore we all are bound to behave differently.

Then WHY do we have so much a problem in adjusting to these differences?? OR shall I put it the other way – When almost all normal adults have the knowledge that people are different and are bound to behave differently, then what makes it so difficult to accept these differences in the significant other?

Clearly this knowledge is not enough. Probably, what is required is the “AWARENESS” that all people are different (like in many other matters concerning life too) and the “ART of dealing with them”.

I see one major cause of this maladjustment:

Both parties experience some kind of a threat (more often psychological in nature) which stops them from accepting the other person’s opinion(s) or differences. This threat might be in different forms – may be one or both are protecting their own egos, or may be they are facing an internal conflict like Shekhar, might be a question of self esteem either low or high , the threats can be of many varieties. In other words, when people are in situations like these it’s likely that they are facing an internal fear of some unwanted consequence.

As we face the threat the immediate reactions for most people are arguments, frustrations and quarrels. Clearly the consequence of this method of dealing with the differences is not very constructive, because this way of dealing with it leads to other problems and maladjustment. This way is clearly not going to be helpful to anyone in the long run. We need to make sure that we deal with these differences in such a way that they are mentally and physically healthy for us (and the other too). We all need to honestly introspect as to “how many” such threats do we face everyday and even more importantly “how do we deal” with these threats mostly.

Sometimes the threat can be really very serious like for example the threat to life from a terrorist who probably believes that his religion is under threat from the rest of the world and finds this as the best way to deal with his internal threat. But, in everyday life the threat is not always as big as we perceive it to be. If only we understood this, I believe that many of our daily disputes will be so much under our control.

I have seen at least one woman namely Maya (name changed) for whom this phenomena of Individual differences drastically changed her entire life and for ever!! Maya was a well educated girl from a highly educated family. She happened to get married to a man arranged by her family and shifted into another Indian city. This is about those days when most Indian girls used to be much more submissive and getting into an inter-caste and/or love marriage was a taboo So people would marry a person chosen by their parents and would not dare to actively choose their life partner. (As is the case even today in many Indian cities and mindsets). Maya’s came from a very educated and a broad minded family into an orthodox and relatively much narrow minded joint family. The two families were exact opposites!! Maya not being so “aware” of her position had no idea as to what is happening in her life and how to deal with this situation. Her in-laws equally or may be even more unaware carried on with the “ego attacks” not realizing that the new girl at least needs some time to understand the new family, if not more !! (I will come to his topic of adjustment of a newly married Indian girl into the new family and life in another article later on). For Maya and her in-laws this maladjustment to the individual differences resulted in a life long of bitter relationships and unresolved problems.

How we wish, people took a little more effort to introspect and correct their mistakes. Or even better, may be prevent them!!

So then how can one adjust to these individual differences? May be one can consider the following:

1. First and foremost, one should be “willing” to adjust to these differences in the most constructive way. (As is required for most adjustment processes).If the person is willing, he/she should be motivated to work towards resolving it in a better way.

2. One must be AWARE that individual differences exist and that they are 100% natural phenomena. Just like I cannot change the fact that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, whether or not I like it, similarly I also cannot change the fact that all personalities are different, were always different and will always be different. J

3. One should “Accept and Respect” these individual differences. If, we notice carefully, we find that the major problem of the world if not that we are different from each other but that there is a “lack of acceptance and respect” for the opinion of other people. No matter how different the opinion of the other is, it is better for at least one or both the parties to learn to accept and respect them as their opinion. Though our point might be very strong, valid and justified for us, the other person too is equally justified, and valid in his/her eyes.

4. Respect and acceptance will come only after one learns to deal with the psychological threat that one is facing within. So, one has to examine and analyze the threat within so as to be able to deal with it better. After all, the earth will not stop rotating if things do not happen the way I desire!!

5. Like any other art, this needs time and practice too, so try try till u succeed in handling individual differences better.

Thanks for reading, your comments are welcome!!

The World is Not Fair

2009-06-22T10:30:00.001+05:30

Wife heard the groaning of you her husband being murdered,
Locked up in her own house, helpless and miserable.
Asks WHY ME? What have I done?

The world is not fair.

A sister shed endless number of tears on her brother’s murder
The young brother who wanted to make his living, in Mumbai.
As if the loss was not enough!
It had to be covered by the noise of some brave men “A Mafia was killed”.
She asks WHY ME? What have I done?

The world is not fair।

Parents wondering why “our” Son had to be murdered
And not just murdered but his body (Our Body) cut into several Pieces
Like some kind of packaged food.
They Ask, WHY US? What have we done?

The world is not fair

A mother thinks why they snatched away six year old daughter from me
Just to cut her into two half’s, in the name of religion?
Which religion does not have the concepts of love and parenthood?
I saw a poor innocent animal being brutally murdered by people,
Not once, but several times….in the form of a bear, a Leopard, An Elephant,
And everyday, for some luxurious Taste,
Sometimes dying hungry and thirsty just because the people getting paid to care for them,
Are too sleepy to wake up.
And As it all comes in front of my eyes,
I wake up from the deepest of my sleep.
Wondering………crying and feeling helpless once again!
The same rounds of questions run through my mind…..
What am I doing here?
I am so joyous and jovial with the thoughts of my nearing marriage…
Contented like never before……….
I am as lost in happy thoughts of love.
Like any other girl (or boy) would be………
I Got what I always needed to support my life,
I feel the beauty of being in love……
I fantasize and plan my future bliss….
With the one who means the world to me.
But I have a dilemma here,
How do I go for my honeymoon with a smile on my face, when I know,
Someone somewhere needs my help !!
Just because it was Not ME who suffered?
Or just because everything in My Life is going better than ever?
I know I cannot do much for those who have suffered,
And those who will…
So why am I here on earth?
To Feel this torture everyday?
And simply feel it and keep feeling it?
For the first time I confess,
I was better as an innocent child,
Who did not understand the complexities of this world…..
Probably at that time I had pains of own life that seemed big……..
They have ended; but these won’t!
I know there are pleasures,
I know there are Joys too,
I know some of my countrymen have made recent breakthroughs….
I know I have “good” human counterparts....
I know they think and feel like me…
But that does not answer my question,
Neither does it reduce the pain…..
If I cannot “Prevent” the brutality…….
And if I cannot have a hearty laughter either…
I am wondering….
How do I close my eyes and ears to all of it?
What is it that I am here for?