He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or  mourning or crying or pain. For the old order of things has passed away.  Revelation 21:4 NIV

Last week was a difficult week for me. I felt God trying to teach me things everywhere I went.

That can get exhausting really, really quick.

So there we were, in church on Wednesday, and BAM.

I found out a good friend was sick, really sick actually.

BAM. It was like a punch in the gut. Tears came.

You see…. I don’t cry. It takes A LOT to make me cry.

Apparently brain tumors make me cry.

BAM.

But then the message came. I remember thinking to myself, “Seriously? Not today.”

It was from Revelation 2-3 and it was about the letters to the church. We were talking about the letter to the church of Ephesus and how they work to the bone, serving until they drop… they do all their “works” right – they give, they teach, they do everything right.

But they don’t have love.
(read, they don’t cry)

ugh… BAM.

They don’t let the pains and the suffering and the needs of the people permeate their hearts and bring them to a place of brokenness.
They don’t let the word of God move them until their heart breaks.
They don’t cry.

What do you do with that kind of information? What do you do when you learn that you (I) am just like the church of Ephesus. I give and serve and serve and serve and serve – and?

Do I love?
Do you love?
…the people, not God. Do we love the people?

Do we love the people God loves? The ones who make us crazy, the ones no one else loves.
God says, without love, none of our works mean anything.

BAM.

God, I don’t cry enough. Oh I cry alright, but just for me. I cry for me and for my family, my kids, my husband, my friends. But what about everyone else? God help me see everyone else the way you do. Help me love the way you want me to love. Break me if you must, but put me back together the way I need to be.

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:3 NIV

It happened over lunch, over a not-that-great lunch as a matter of fact. But the company was good, two old friends getting together, catching up on the months that have gone  by too quickly.

Then it happened.

I found myself talking about God and Jesus and all the amazing stuff that goes with it.
And you know what? I’m the one that learns something.
every
single
time.

God talks to me as I talk to others. Want to know what he said to me this time?

Joy and happiness are not the same thing.

What? How can this be?  The definition of “joy“ should be more “happiness”

right?

But it’s not; at least it’s not to God.

We find “happiness” in the things, the stuff, the pieces here on this earth.
We find “joy” only in the Lord.

See, what I realized is that we can be happy and have no joy.
how sad, really when you think about it.
the momentary pleasure, the moving target that is happiness.

But I can have joy even if I don’t have happiness.

By trusting in the Lord and giving my life over to him,
the momentary things just don’t matter
and if I have something nice, I’m happy for the moment too.
and if I don’t..
if I have suffering
and trials
and heart ache
and the world feels like it wants to crush me…

i still have joy.

Heavenly Father, in you I rejoice. I can lift my hands and praise your name no matter my circumstance. I have finally, finally found what really matters. Thank you dear Lord for speaking to me, even as you speak through me. It’s one more way you completely wow me.

The path of the righteous is level; O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth. Isaiah 26:7 NIV

It’s really not that hard,
once you get the hang of it.

You know…
you really know
when you’re about to do something wrong.

You feel it, in the pit,
way down deep in the recesses of your belly.

You know it’s wrong.

You know it goes against everything God has taught you.

So, now it’s decision time.

Which way will you go?

Will you choose the road of rocks and twists and turns, the way that leads to destruction;

or will you choose the path that has been laid before you, the path made straight by God himself.

Which path will you choose?

Father God help me always to choose the right path. Help me to recognize and to flee from the evil desires that well up inside me.

I heard, but I did not understand. So I asked, “My lord, what will the outcome of all this be?”   He replied, “Go your way, Daniel, because the words are closed up and sealed until the time of the end.  Daniel 12:8-9 NIV

If anyone should have been able to understand what is coming at the end of the world, it should have been this guy. He was there; he wrote down the words as God revealed to him what would happen.

He kinda had a first class ticket to an event that hadn’t even happened yet.

And what does he say? He says he doesn’t understand. What does it all mean, I don’t get it.

Go away, he’s told, you’re not meant to understand.

and neither am I

and neither are you.

We spend SO. MUCH. TIME. trying to figure out the end of the world that we fail to recognize today and all the possibilities it has. We’re so worried about the world ending that we forget to live, forget to laugh, forget to love.

Who cares when the world ends? If we lived each day thinking it was coming, maybe we would love each other more. Maybe we’d be home with the kids more. Maybe we’d spend less time fighting about stupid things that don’t matter.

Father God, reign in me and set aside any fear, any hesitation I have so that I can continue to live as you’ve called me – one day at a time. Father keep me straight and steady so that when it is time to go home, I’m ready.

Lover - How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.

Beloved - How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. Song of Solomon 1:15-16 NIV

Did you even know there was a love story, a man/wife one, nestled in the best love story of all time?

Did you know that God loves us that much – enough to show us, explicitly, that he wants us to be happy, content, fulfilled in marriage.

And he explains it in beautiful, vibrant detail. It shows two lovers who are nearly as enamored with each other as God is with us.

Haven’t read it? God, be blessed on this Valentine’s Day.

God, you rock my socks! This book truly is the book of life. Everything I need to know is in it, even how to show affection to my husband. I am never disappointed, I am always amazed.

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV

Sometimes I think about what is must have been like to come out of Egypt; out of slavery, to come out of bondage and travel to what God said was my promised land. After generations of knowing nothing but slavery and rocks and pharaohs…to be finally...finally going home.

It must have been amazing.

and God was there with them, making their path straight before them.

amazing.

Then, one day, Moses was given the 10 Commandments. The people refused to go up to the mountain to receive the word from God himself, so tablets would have to do.

Can you hear God sighing?

*fine* if you won’t come up here to talk to me, I’ll send Moses down with these tablets.

and the commandments were given to His people. Words, rules that were meant to be freeing, meant to be boundaries from which we should not stray.

But that is not how it worked out.

Instead they became words inscribed in blood.
words that confine instead of free.

This is not what God intended.

and I hear him sigh again.

For now, we have come full circle and the rule, the laws, the covenants that became a tie that bound, now has become pure folklore.

Something to consider, or, not even that if it doesn’t suit our fancy.

Just words of an ancient text.
with no relevant meaning.

and again, God sighs.

All he wanted; all he wants – is for us to come near.

Father in heaven, draw near to me. As I read your word, I see the love story unfold. I see you pursue me in the books, I see you reaching out your hand, only asking that I extend my own. Lord, fill me, use me. 

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 NIV

There is a scene in the movie “Schindler’s List” where a jewish boy in a concentration camp accidently messes up a saddle belonging to the Camp Commander. It was nothing that could not easily be fixed but the commander was furious.  Schindler convinces the commander to show forgivness to the boy and in a very “pope-like” fashion, he “forgives” the boy.

The boy, visibally relieved, turns and starts to walk back to the camp.  A few moments later, the commander picks up a rifle and shoots the boy as he walks back to the camp.  Shot in the back of the head; the boy never knew what hit him.

While this is a gruesome example of brutality, it is also an example of, and in the most graphic way, how we often ”forgive” people. When I say “we” I mean you and I.

We pay lip service to the idea of forgivness then the moment the person we have forgiven turns their back, we hit them with some fashion of retaliation. This usually happens when we are with our friends, outside of church, discussing what the person did to wrong us and how bad or terrible that person is.  There we are, recounting in detail, the wrong done by somebody and how we “forgave” them.

My oh my aren’t we gracious?  I am not sure really what’s worse though; pretending to forgive someone or outright refusing to forgive. The end result, ultimately, is the same, and I believe we will be called to answer for it in time.

Why are we unable to really forgive? Who are we fooling when we give lip service to forgiveness, saying we forgive when in fact we never forgave anything. How do we have the nerve to ask forgivness from our brothers and sisters or even God when we cannot forgive those who ask it of us?

When Peter asked Jesus how many times we were to forgive someone, Jesus replied ”seventy seven times”.  Other translations say seven times seventy, but the point Jesus was making was to continue to forgive as often as you need to or are asked.  Luke 6:37 states, in part, ”Forgive and you will be forgiven.”  (Remember this verse, we will come back to it soon.)

After Jesus told Peter how many times to forgive someone, He went on to tell the parable of the Unmerciful Servant ”Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I  forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”  Matthew 18:21-35 ”tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.” ?? ”This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”!?!

I found myself in this very place a few times but one of the more obvious situations was with a church associate of mine.  I witnessed something that was not the highlight of this person’s life or career.  This associate would eventually become a pastor and start a powerful and much needed ministry.  My lack of forgivness towards what this man did chewed at me spiritually for years. I refused to participate in this ministry and i found every excuse to disparage it, and the leader, when I could. Of course all the time I was being unforgiving, I was asking for forgivness fo rmy own transgressions against friend or God.  Selfishness, hypocrisy and stubborness blocked my walk and I didn’t even realize it.

The worst part is, I pretended the my walk was just fine.  Looking back over those years, I see now the torture I was dealing with.  My kids, my marriage, my finances and even my health.  My cries to God muffled because my shouting about my friends wrong doing was the loudest thing coming from my mouth.

Let’s review the verse from earlier… “Forgive and you will be forgiven”

The bible is chock full of verses on forgivness.  Ultimately it’s kinda what the whole thing is about.  If forgivness was not the whole point of the Word of God, why would God had sent His SOn to the cross to pay the price for OUR sins?  The Ultimate sacrifice.  The forgivness of sins paid in full by the blood of Christ.  Complete forgiveness with out any lip service. If we are so willing to be unforgiving, as Christians, then we may as well stop saying we are Christians.  We cannot fulfill the commission of Christ, to go out and make disciples of the nations, if we fail to be HIS disciples first.  Forgiving as he forgives!

Colossians 1:13-14 “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

My writing today may offend some of you or even perhaps all of you. Had I not been offended by my own actions on the subject I doubt I would have been inspired to write about it.  Keep in mind, it is written out of Love for you and with an eagerness to shed light on someting absolutly vital to our christian walk and discipleship in Christ.

This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel:” Seek me and live; do not seek Bethel, do not go to Gilgal, do not journey to Beersheba. For Gilgal will surely go into exile, and Bethel will be reduced to nothing. ”Seek the LORD and live, or he will sweep through the house of Joseph like a fire; it will devour, and Bethel will have no one to quench it. Amos 5:4-6 NIV

So many people
So
many
people
who don’t know the bible, think they know so much
and spread wrongful, deceitful lies;
lies that sound like truth,
but lies that kill.

Seek me and live our Lord God cries to us.
SEEK ME.
He begs us not to seek other gods, not to seek other pleasures.
SEEK ME AND LIVE

I can almost here him say, ‘Let me show you how wonderful a life I can give you if you would only give it to me‘

But we never want to hand over
the things we think
are ours
not yours
ours
not His even

My life, my rules, my call
only leads to death.

Call his name and win life – ever after
this is what he tells us.
SEEK ME
AND LIVE

How can anyone read the bible and not see that God has been begging us to come back to him since the garden?

Father, today I seek you. Today I decide that you are more important than anything else on my calendar, on my agenda, in my life. Today I begin to give more over to you so you can lead my life, and give me freedom. I have to lose my life to gain eternity. Lord, take my life.

 Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Acts 4:29 NIV

When was the last time you:
Healed the sick?
Raised the dead?
Walked from the chains of prison?

Not lately?

How about:
Feeding the poor
Comforting those in pain
Clothing the needy
Rocking a baby to sleep
Teaching teenagers about God
Talking about God at work
Being the example for those around you

We can be the men and women from Acts. We don’t have to go half way around the world. We don’t have to be in a 3rd or 4th world country. We don’t have to leave our homes to be one of the saints in the book of Acts.

We just have to live the life – and let Jesus shine through us.

If we can just love others and live the life Jesus called us to live – giving, serving, doing – we would make an impact; right here, right now.

Are you willing to move a mountain today, right from where you sit?
Open your bible, share it with someone; anyone.

Let others know the love you’ve found in Christ. Let others see how different you are now that you know him.

Lord God, I can serve on a mission field in my own town, in my own home. Lord, help me be your hands and feet so I can have an impact on someone’s life today.

but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4 NIV

In our quest of being Christians, we are supposed to becoming more and more Christ-like.  We are supposed to take the Bible, apply it to our life and live the word.

We are supposed to be like Jesus.
Jesus fed the hungry.
Jesus clothed the naked.
Jesus healed the sick.
Jesus encouraged the weak.
Jesus rebuked the Pharisees.

Those are the ones we seem to get, we understand, even if we have a hard time emulating them.

But what do we do with:
Jesus was homeless.
Jesus was poor.
Jesus taught to give your only other cloak away. I’m assuming he owned one.
Jesus forgave the unforgivable.

Those are a little harder, aren’t they? We’re OK with emulating a Jesus that gets plaques and awards and recognition. But what about the Jesus that looks like the guy who lives under the bridge? Not many of us are willing to go there.

Not even for Jesus.

I’m t.i.r.e.d.
I’m weary
of people posing as preachers of the Gospel of the Most High God…
and
flat
out
lie
about
Jesus.

When I see someone using the Word of God for profit, I’m torn between praying for discernment and true discovery for them -
and begging
b e g g i n g
God to smite them.

for they teach lies,
lies so close that many people buy them for truth.
Those who just don’t know enough yet, get sucked up into the illusion that
it’s real
and it’s true.
but it’s just a wolf in sheep’s clothing,
a lie that can kill and destroy.

How can we be the hands and feet of Jesus is our hands are always in our pockets?

God allows suffering
because we’re too stupid to change without it.

God allows famine
because we’re too greedy to share without it.

God allows pain and hurts
because he can’t mend us until he breaks us.

Suffering is the direct line to hope. Hope is what we have in Christ.

Father God, I pray for those who buy into the lie God. I pray that you open their eyes, so they can see deception for what it is. Open their ears so they hear truth, your truth; only your truth from your word. Father don’t let those who are trying to come to you get veered in the wrong direction; those whose hearts long for you God, help them come to you.

I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.  Psalm 104:33 NIV

Bad days are inevitable. There are times when the last thing I feel is close to God. There are days when all I want to do is hide under my covers and hope everyone forgets about me.

I
just
want
to
be
alone.

But instead, I choose to praise.

There are days nothing goes right. The boss is on me, my kids are sick, the bills are late, my car is making that noise again. What I want to do is scream.

But instead, I choose to praise.

See, praising God has nothing to do with how we ‘feel’ at the moment. Praising God has everything to do with sacrifice and commitment and giving when we would rather take. Choosing to praise, when we’d rather hide, shows God that he is more important than anything else going on at the moment.

Lift your hands today and praise him.

Father, what a day I had. All I want is go hide under a rock but your love and kindness were with me through my trial, through my day. Lord I choose to praise you because you choose to love me.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV

I hemmed and hawed and hemmed some more about writing this post.

and if you know me, that’s God’s way of telling me “write, girl, write.”

because, you see, I need to write this devotion without being hypocritical.
…… *&%$#@* comes out of MY mouth way
way
way
more than I want it to.

yet, comes it does. (spoken in my best Yoda voice)

By BFF tells her children that people who use cuss words aren’t intelligent enough to explain their feelings any other way.

***ouch***
drats… and she’s right.

I was schooled by my other BFF’s TEENAGER about why Christian’s shouldn’t cuss.

***ouch***
drats… and she’s right too,

We are meant to be LIGHT.  LIGHT, not darkness. We are meant to lift people up, not tear them down. The words, the actual letters that form the words are not the darkness; it’s the meaning, the intention behind them.

You cannot encourage using derogatory language.

You cannot be Jesus to anyone with a bar of soap in your mouth.

“I need to speak to them on their level,” well, no… the best message ever given is nothing but garbage once it’s laced with cuss words, because you become no different than anyone else. You’ve snuffed out your light.

Speak truth.
Speak love.
Speak grace.

Don’t speak  *&%$#@*.

Lord in heaven, wrap your hands around my mouth if you need to. Help me be light to others by constantly reminding me that my words do matter.

 I cried when I first read this post by guest blogger,Cheri Brorsen, not because of the girl with the shoe, but because I feel that frustration so so so often. Be blessed by it.

last week we were driving down the road…
headed to a destination that promised a day of fun and laughs…

but in the truck
there was huffing
puffing
sighing
and angst
lots
and lots
and lots
and LOOOOOOTS
of angst.

the source
shoe laces
yes
shoe
laces

it seems one of my children is a little ocd regarding some things
they like their shoes tied a specific way
with each loop being even
and the aglets touching the knot

(oh don’t judge, your ‘thing’ may not be how your shoes are tied…but be sure you have a ‘thing’ and be sure it pesters you and BE MORE THAN SURE if you are already feeling angsty and that ‘thing’ is out of whack too then IT IS A BAD DAY and said thing will receive MORE ATTENTION AND PROVOKE MORE FRUSTRATION than is possibly understandable…)

so we are driving down a beautiful two lane road
the trees look like a painting…
the music is playing
the windows are down, breeze blowing
because Fall has given us a kiss of Spring in feel…

and i turn
to see
tears
real tears
and a look of
?
defeat

over shoelaces

and I thought, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD LANDS

because see, I am grown. I have lived a little. My experience goes beyond that of any of my other passengers. I realize that life sometimes is really, really ugly and unfair and that shoe laces …well if THAT is your biggest struggle you encounter in life–then you have CAKE my friends. But for that kid, right then…the frustration was real. The source was NOT the shoe laces but the target sure was…

and so I simply asked, ”do you need some help…would you like me to tie them.”

and
um
wow

“I AM NOT A BABY”

greeted me…

but see, when you already feel defeated…
when you can’t
seem
to
tie
your
own
shoes…

for someone to offer to help
maybe, doesn’t seem like help…
maybe it’s taken as YET ANOTHER jab

so I just said, gently, that the shoes would need to be tied and that I was there to help
and that somtimes
a little help
helps a lot

[Why is it that we reject the very thing we need? What is it about humans that makes us lash out at someone that tries to help? Why do we push away...hurt...snarl...at the source of our salvation in a moment of meltdown???

I don't know why...
but I know I've done it...]

but it started me thinking…about the ‘shoelaces’ in my life
the things
and they change
but there are things that utterly defeat me…
and their simplicity
mocks me
and I sit there
crying
mad
gritting my teeth
going through the steps in exagerated slow motion
and yet
my expectation
is not met…

AH…
expectations are the key
see
in that conversation I let my kiddo in on a secret…
expectations will let you down EVERY TIME
because somedays
the shoelaces just
won’t
tie
right
and you have to decide

does it really matter…
really????
IS THE SHOE TIED

ok
then for today
that will have to do

because letting a shoelace
NOT AN UNTIED ONE
but one that is making you come unglued
WIN
is a high price to pay
in the grand scheme…

later
we stopped and my offer to help was accepted…
and you know what
it didn’t change the fact that the kid KNEW how to do it…
I didn’t do it better…
I came along …on a day when the shoelace was winning
and I tied the loose ends
before the whole day unraveled…

help was needed
offered
and accepted

there is a lot to be learned from shoelaces …

Who is Cheri?
Hi, I’m Cheri- I’m a chemically dependant blonde. I have a few vices…diet mt dew, dr.pepper lip smackers, coffee & chocolate – I love to read. Laughing makes my soul happy- Crocheting is my therapy- Grace goes before me- Blessed & utterly thankful.

I’m awesome….it’s true…to elaborate—I’m funny. I’m honest. I’m loyal. I’m a huge fan of the underdog. I believe, even when it seems silly to, I keep on believing. I can go for weeks on a good conversation. I love music. Lip gloss makes me happy. As does diet mt. dew. i’m simple–but not a simpleton. I choose wisdom over knowledge, every time. I can be right-and won’t argue…you’ll eventually tell me I’m right and we can both rest in that knowledge I also won’t rub it it. I love to laugh, make me laugh and we are bonded for life. 

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry James 1:19 NIV

Do you have a life verse? Some call it a theme, but whatever you call it, it’s the verse that you God gives you that He needs you to work on – for a defined or undefined period of time.

That one up there is ours.

with one change..

I replace the word “everyone” with the word “I”

gives it a whole.new.meaning.

I should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Can you feel it, right there in the pit of your stomach? I can.

because very {very} often I speak without thinking, I don’t listen to what others are saying…

and let’s just say, I’ve been known to fly off the handle.
{shocking, i know!}

So, I remember it, every day, may times a day.

One of the things I do is put my life verse on the wallpaper of my iphone.. like this:

every time I look at my phone, I see my verse. If you know me, you know it’s quite often.  If you want to try it, here is the PSD (you need Photoshop to open it.)

It doesn’t matter how you do it, but if you want to change the things in your life you need to change, begin by putting the reminder in easily accessible places. Places that leave you no excuse.

Father God, remind me…. remind me always to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. God I need to change this in my life, and I believe I can – with your help.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I like the perks that come with being sick.

When you’re sick, you usually …

• Don’t have to do your daily responsibilities.
• Have someone to take care of your many needs.
• Are given more understanding and concern from those who are healthy.
• Can nestle down into some comfy covers and sleep all day—and no one will think you’re a slob.

READ MORE

On December 11, 2011, our 7th wedding anniversary, Rob and I exchanged real promises to each other as a dedication of our marriage before our friends and our God:

Guest post by Robert Gary

Have you ever noticed there are very few songs sung by folks who have been married for years? Most “love” songs are from the point of view of a new love or, sadly, from the end of one. I wonder why that is? Why are we not as passionate with long standing relationships as we were at the beginning of it?

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips…” The
Righteous Brothers ( You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling )

 

Fellas, has your relationship with your wife become the basis for a lost love song? Has the fire that once roared uncontrollably been reduced to smoldering ash? I have found, in observing others and yes, even my own relationship, that married couples become “content” ”comfortable” and “routine”. So much so we forget that our wives were once our muse. They were, at one time, all we could think about, day and night. I know when I first met my wife, we spent all day texting each other; almost to the point of distraction. When we first married, all we wanted to do was be near each other. It didn’t matter where or how just as long as we were together. Then, years later you wake up, run off to work, run home, take the kids somewhere, cook dinner, buy groceries, clean the house, fix the car, watch TV, check your email….

Somewhere along the way we lost focus of our wives. Somewhere we neglected to include our spouses in our “lives.” Oh sure, they are still with us and we see them most every day. We may even give them a quick kiss on the lips of cheek and a well rehearsed “love ya” as we rush out the door but where’s the “I gotta have you” feelings? I am no expert, but even I can recognize that when your spouse becomes little more than a roommate, you have big problems. In my relationship with my wife we because very routine. Eventually we became more and more individuals and less and less a couple. She did her thing, I did mine. Guys, I am here to tell you that THAT don’t work. That is not what God intended when he created marriage.

I’m also going to tell you that it’s our fault fellas. That’s right, I said it. It’s our fault. Remember when we were courting our wives? How we “dressed to impress.” We “ruffled our tail feathers”. We wrote love notes, sang songs, told her how much we needed her and could never live without her. Remember those days? Over the years I have unfortunately seen many divorces among friends, family and co-workers and in 99% of them the woman always says “He just stopped loving me”. Men..fixing the car, buying a house, cutting the grass, working hard everyday at work to provide for the family, is not love. That’s responsibility. Women need love.

Buy me a rose, call me from work, Open a door for me, what would it hurt? Show me you love me by the look in your eyes. These are the little things I need the most in my life.” – Kenny Rogers (Buy me a Rose)

Kenny Rogers said it all right there in that song. (look it up, it’s a good one). Women want and need to be loved. “loved” men not “kept” or ”taken care of”….”loved” Read the entire book “Song of Songs”. It’s in the Old Testament. Notice as you read, it’s from two points of view. The “Lover” (the man) and the “Beloved” (the woman). He is the one showing his love for her and she responds in kind.

Jesus said in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” If we are to be loving our wives like Christ loved and continues to LOVE us then we need to bring back some of those old “courting” days feelings. Jesus has never stopped loving us nor has ever backed down on telling us how much he loves us every day.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

Yes I said it twice, that’s not a misprint-  it’s the most important thing that’s been said tonight, so I wanted you to see it again.

Guys, you showed your wives once before…yes, even years ago, that you loved her with everything you had in you. Show her that every day and I guarantee your life with your wife with positively change and flourish!

 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife Proverbs 21:9 NIV

If my husband doesn’t walk around behind me, turning the lights off, they would stay on permanently. Apparently, I am incapable of flipping the switch. When he’s out at night working, I will sleep with all the lights on. I can even sleep with our bedroom light on.
and it makes.him.crazy.

He, on the other hand loses misplaces his wallet c.o.n.s.t.a.n.t.l.y.
and it makes.me.crazy.

Enough to divorce over?
No, but it doesn’t help.

It’s the little annoyances that create discontent. Discontent is what we use to justify the behavior that leads to the behavior that gets us in a position where we’re talking about stupid things like divorce and custody and separation.

Whether we want to admit it or not, it starts with the little things and grows from there.  The “big” offense is usually padded with something like, “well, he’s so irresponsible anyway, I have to find his wallet for him ever single day.”

See how that works?

I’m not perfect. My husband is not perfect.
Guess what? You’re not perfect either.

Give some grace. Show compassion. We do it for strangers, yet we’re so demanding and unforgiving about the little things when it comes to the ones we love the most.

I don’t know why.

But I know it makes me nuts that his glass can’t seem to make it to the sink, let alone the dishwasher. It makes it to the edge of the sink on the counter. and no further.

and that’s if it made it out of his office. *sigh*

and i want to scream.

Why? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter where the glass ended up. It’s still going to get clean. Why do I waste precious time and focus on the negative? Why do you?

Think about it and start to change. Start to let things that don’t matter – not.matter.
Because they really don’t matter.

Is a glass worth it?

Lord God in heaven, sometimes I need a whoopin when it comes to the little things. I need to learn that they just don’t matter. I need to remember that my marriage is worth so much more than where a glass is placed or where a wallet is laid. God teach me grace through this. Teach me to show him the same consideration I show a complete stranger in my home.

I’m so excited to introduce Beth from Messy Marriage.

She was kind enough to share my Love Series on her blog and I asked if I could do the same and share one (or maybe more) of her posts on my blog. She graciously agreed (thank you Beth) <3

…I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17b-19 (NIV)

I can’t tell you when it happened, but at some point early in my marriage, I discovered that I did not love my husband.

• It wasn’t a matter of Gary being un-love-able.
• It wasn’t a matter of me not having enough willpower.
• It wasn’t a matter of falling in love with someone else.
• It wasn’t a matter of the two of us growing apart.
• It wasn’t a matter of not doing enough loving actions toward each other.

It was because I could not really love Gary … on my own. 
I could not really love anyone, for that matter … on my own.

read more…

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:16-16 NIV

“You never listen to me!”
“You always have something else to do!”
“You never want to spend time with me!”
You always want to spend money!”

Have you figured out what the two words are yet?

ALWAYS
NEVER

Chances are, she does listen to you sometimes, and he doesn’t spend all his time elsewhere. I’m guessing he really does want to spend time with her and she probably doesn’t really want to spend all the money.

Always and never make the hurt so.much.worse.
because now, all the times that she did listen are invalidated.
All the time he spent with her is meaningless.
He doesn’t want to spend time with her now that he knows that’s how she feels
and why shouldn’t she spend all the money now if that’s what he really thinks?

Two little adverbs. Adverbs are words that modify another word. That add depth to the phrase or meaning.

“You don’t listen to me”
You never listen to me”

“You had something else to do”
“You always have something else to do”

See the difference?
FEEL the difference?

So does your spouse.

So stop it.

Unless she really does spend ALL the money, stop saying it.
Unless he really doesn’t ever want to spend any time with you, stop telling him that. Who would want to spend time with someone who keeps insisting they don’t care?

Think about that….
They become what’s called self-fulfilling prophecies.
If you say it enough for long enough it becomes true.

Lord God, I pray for restraint. I pray for your holy hand to wrap around the mouths of those who use always and never to hurt the ones they love. I pray that one person gets it, that one phrase could be toned down to stop making the problem worse. I pray that we would talk to each other instead of at each other, and I pray that we remember, even in our hurt, that we push forward to glorify you.

There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace. Proverbs 12:20 NIV

You’ve seen it with other couples. Chances are, you’ve done it yourself.

He does or doesn’t do something and you retaliate, without thought, without hesitation.

You get back at him for hurting you.

You’ve done it. I’ve done it.
Yes you have…don’t lie.

We get hurt and with little to no help from the part of our brain that remembers we love this person….
we attack back.
we aim at the heart.
because he hurt us,
and that is unacceptable.

Here’s the problem with that.

It doesn’t work.
It doesn’t teach your spouse anything but that it’s his turn.to.hurt.you.back.
Now that you’ve opened the door, thank you very much.

and so the cycle begins.

tit for tat.
and it never {ever} ends.

aren’t you tired of it yet?

I am.

The part that mad me really ponder this a while was that as I thought this through, I realized that when our boss does something unfair to us, we don’t retaliate.

I’ve never “gotten back” at my boss.
Have you?
I’m guessing you haven’t either.

Why do we react harsher to our spouse than to our boss?
It’s baffling.
and I don’t understand it.

We have to stop acting like children if we want to have a meaningful, incredible, God-blessed marriage. We have to stop punching back and instead turn the other cheek.

side bar…(No, I am not talking about being abused, let’s use some common sense here. I’m talking about  getting back at him for going out with the boys. I’m talking about getting back at her for spending more time with her friends than you. I’m talking about not cooking dinner because he didn’t take the trash out).

If you want your marriage to work, you have to work at it. If he doesn’t do the things you need him to do, talk to him, don’t try to even the score. If she isn’t helping you the way you need her to, sit her down and talk like adults. Sulking in the den isn’t ever going to fix your marriage.

Father, how in the world is it that we grow up, become productive adults, then turn right back into three year olds when our feelings get hurt? Lord I pray that you fill us with a spirit of patience, of discernment and of peace so that we seek to make things right, not make them even.

 One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them. The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”   Satan answered the LORD, “From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it.” Job 1:6-7 NIV

Satan doesn’t have to infiltrate the church. He doesn’t have to break up mission teams or attack the children’s ministry. He doesn’t have to create strife among the members about the color of the carpets.

Satan doesn’t have to work that hard.

All he has to do is destroy our marriages.

and he’s roaming the earth, back and forth, looking to pick another one off.

Couples in trouble, couples calling it quits don’t go on mission trips. They don’t serve, they don’t make a difference. Satan knows a man with significant troubles at home shouldn’t lead, so he attacks the strong.

and the kids?

They’re so messed up after a divorce, Satan hardly needs to lift a finger.

They’re like bait, just waiting to be gobbled up.

So, if you think your divorce won’t affect much, you’re wrong.

Satan only needs to destroy marriage and he can bring down the entire Church.
and if you don’t believe me, turn on the TV. Look at what we’re teaching our children about marriage.

God I am on my knees today, begging for your intervention. We can’t allow Satan to win our marriages. Helps us, I beg you. Strengthen our men, soften our women, insulate our children dear God. If he wins marriage, we lose so much.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7 NIV

This is just my opinion, but a lot {i.e., most} of our problems in our marriage is our own stupid fault. It’s called expectation. Before you click onto someone else’s blog, allow me to illustrate.

• We expect our husband to have an insatiable urge to climb the corporate ladder, because that will make him a ‘successful man’
• We expect that same ‘successful man’ to juggle a job to demanding, and be at every soccer and baseball game for the kids
• We expect our love life to be as amazing as it is in the movies
• We expect our spouse to automatically know our needs without verbal
  communication, after all, we’re married
• We expect the bigger house, the nicer car, the other ‘things’ to somehow fill the holes caused by too many hours apart everyday

We expect too much. Worse, our expectations are often based on fantasies laid before us on prime time television. We’ve allowed the media to ingrain these expectations into our marriage.

THEY ARE NOT REAL. If I could scream this from the mountaintops I would. We’ve been fooled, duped, lied to.

LIED TO.

This relationship with your spouse was meant for so much more than survival. It is meant to be the single most important relationship in your life.

IN YOUR LIFE.

Above all else save your relationship with God, the bond of husband and wife is the most important.

It’s the cornerstone of everything.

Is your spouse your best friend?
Do you laugh WAY more than you cry?
Are you excited for date night?
Do you even have a date night?
Do you smile when talking on the phone to your spouse?
Do you add heart emoticons to your texts?

Remember love… be IN love. Find it again. This is supposed to be JOY.

The husband/wife relationship can be a celebration of life, of love and of joy.

YOU can find it if you want to.

But you have to want to. It’s not always easy. and sometimes you slide backwards (we did last week). But sliding backwards is sometimes the slap up-side the head to get back on track.

Love him.
Love her.
LOVE.

God, this union you created, it’s more than important – it’s beautiful. It’s glorious. It’s joy, if we allow it to be. I pray Lord that you stir that fire in us to WANT to have everything you offer to us in marriage.

 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.

So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Malachi 2:13-16 NIV

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. This one hurts…

Note to self: When God uses the word HATE… pay attention.
hello?
That doesn’t require an Amen, it requires a duh….
Seriously.

Pay attention to the things God HATES and … ready? ….
don’t.do.them.

God hates divorce.
I didn’t write it.
I just read it.
And if I believe {and I do} that God is who he says he is,
and that he LOVES ME…
How can I skip over this part?

God…..HATES …..divorce.

good grief.
Now what?

In my case, now we work on keeping our marriage,
we work on communication,
we work on loving each other the way Christ loves us
we work on making the other more important.

what.choice.do.we.have?

God HATES divorce.

I married my husband for a reason. I loved him. Seven years later, when we almost lost it all, I had to remind myself, I married him because I loved him.

So I work at seeing him the way God sees him, and I understand him.
I work at listening instead of speaking, and I hear him.
I work at making his needs more important than mind, and I see him doing the same for me.

God HATES divorce.
and he’s not going to listen to you until you listen to him. If you’re a believer and you’re contemplating divorce, I would bet my paycheck that your prayers are hitting a brick wall.
I would bet you’re feeling frustrated and alone and pushed into a corner.

God HATES divorce, it’s not an answer.
Open his word and get lost in it until you find answers and peace and…. hardest of all….

change.

YOUR change, not his, not hers.
YOURS.

Let God work on you and see where it takes you. In prayer, in time, in reflection and worship and tears… let him work.

Father, I pray today for every reader facing divorce, contemplating divorce or just thinking about getting out. Father, I pray that they pray for guidance, for clarity, for wisdom. But I pray also God for strength and courage to go back and fight for the relationship with the person they dedicated their life to.

 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:3-6 NIV

Chocolate chip cookies are the perfect combination of mildly sweet cookie, coupled with extremely sweet melted cocoa goodness. You’d never know that other ingredients, like baking soda and eggs are in there, but without all of the ingredients, it’s not a chocolate chip cookie.

If you forget to add the chocolate chips to your recipe, the seemingly “flagship” ingredient, it will not destroy your recipe. Will it be a chocolate chip cookie? No. But it will still be a cookie, and a good one, albeit chocolate-less.  However, without the baking soda, the cookies will not rise, leaving them dense lumps.  Too much baking soda will make them taste terrible. Without eggs, cookies are not moist, but crumbly biscuit-like patties.  See, it’s the seemingly innocuous, meaningless ingredients that, when absent, destroy the cookie. The chips are nice, but in truth they are fluff, extras, that make a cookie better, but does not make a cookie.

In this crazy life that we live, together with our spouse and, with our families and all that goes with that, it’s important for alll of us to perform our roles and live in our correct roles. Men need to be the head of the family, as God commanded. Not stepping up to the plate is like leaving baking soda out of the recipe. The cookie, and the family, will not rise without leadership. This is your job.

Wives, our role, as helper, is to be the family administrator. Our job is to keep the family together, keep the family running and moving forward. Like forgetting the egg, the family will crumble without us holding it together. This is our job.

So, what, you may as, are the chocolate chips? It’s all the other stuff that looks important, but isn’t really necessary to the success of your marriage and family. Chocolate chips are unique to each family and while one family’s chocolate chip may be a promotion, it’s another’s 2 cups of brown sugar – extremely essential to take care of the family. For that reason, it’s hard to list chocolate chips, but you know what yours are. Don’t mistake them for essential ingredients.

Father God, you even give us illustration through something like the cookie. This makes me love you even more than yesterday. You allow us to learn by anything. Lord, change us as wives, as husbands, as mothers and fathers to discern what is really important and pursue only the things that are needed. Distractions can look essential Lord in this crazy world. Help us to weed them out.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:30-31 NIV

All I ever wanted to be was a strong, independent woman. I wanted to be able to make my own way, pay my own bills, make my own decisions. I wanted to be the one who made the decisions in my life. I wanted to call the shots. My failed marriages and relationships proved that I was unable to commit fully and I had no business being married. I continually thought that I deserved more respect, more stature and more say {the only say, actually} in all of my relationships.

The thing is.. that’s not what God called us to be and if we continue to play the role of the man, our marriages will suffer and our relationships with our spouse will never ever be what it could be?

While deciding if I should write this series on marriage, I asked several people what they thought about the concept and what topics they wanted to see covered. One broke my heart. One young, beautiful believer told me the only reason she doesn’t want to marry is because of this submitting issue.  If she didn’t have to submit, she’d have no problem getting married.

We have raised a culture of young woman who have no idea how beautiful and freeing and intimate it is to have that relationship with a man, as spouse, lover and friend – for the rest of their eathly life. They’ve become afraid to commit to a man who loves them as Christ loves church. Even those who believe everything the bible says and loves God with all their heart are stimied and stuck in place when it comes to submitting to the authority of {any} man.

Young ladies; if you are lucky enough to find a man that you love who loves you as Christ loves the church, first – don’t be afraid of the covenant, the bond that was ordained by God himself. Ladies, if you are have been blessed by love, don’t throw it away. Whether you believe in love at first sight or you believe that God picked one person in the world for you – if you find love, it’s wasteful to discard it like garbage out of fear.

Women, if you are married to a man who does not love you the way Christ loves that church and you are hurt and wounded by his words, actions and inactions, my prayers are with you. It is not easy to stay, but God asks you to stay and to win him over to Christ with your actions, not your words. See 1 Peter 3 NIV.

Loving a man fully and completly calls most of us to step out of the comfort zone that our culture has created for us. But if we do it, completely bend to God’s will and submit to someone who loves us more than we can imagine – if we each consider the other’s needs ahead of our own, the ugly stigma of the word “submit” never comes to fruition. To submit, at its core, is to allow the man that you decided to spend forever with, to guide you, as he considers you, through the journey of life. It’s aa beautiful union once we get our culture’s distorted variation of it out of our mind.  Rest your soul in Christ’s defintion, not man’s, and you will find marriage to be more beautiful and more magical than all of the stars in the sky.

Lord God, you’ve blown me away again. This union you created, this bond between two into one, this fundamental building block of life is so important that it’s been attacked by all sides. But you oh Lord keep it pure, keep it simple and keep it right. If we only look to your word, we see what it means to me married, to submit and to love. Lord continue to work in our hearts, making our marriages stronger. I pray today especially for the young woman findind love. I pray that you crush the notions they have about marriae and submission. I pray that you break them until they understand you meant it as a gift, not a punishment. And then I pray Holy God, that you knock their socks off, revealing to them a man made just to love them the way your Son loves us all.