We Work For Cheese

Bunch of Words and Stuff

mike — Sun, 26 May 2013 03:57:18 +0000

So, what’s new? What’s everyone been up to? I completely forgot to write anything, even after receiving numerous text messages and voice mails all saying just that: WRITE SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Geez, that Nicky is one persistent… ANYWAY, here are a bunch of words that I turned into semi-coherent sentences which I separated into sections using headings and the bold tag. Food Whenever I go grocery shopping, I always think I’m out of olives and pickles. I’m not. In fact, I hardly ever eat those things at home. Yet, I think I should pick some up if I ever have guests over. As a result, I have a bunch of jars of pickles and olives crowding my fridge. Why? Cause I never have guests over and I have a shitty memory. Hiring a Handyman When choosing a handyman, pay close attention to how they present themselves to you. This goes for attire, body language and conversation. Let’s compare: Handyman A - Shows up filthy and covered in plaster. Looks like he’s coming straight from a job. He may be a slob, or he’s in demand. Or both! Let’s hear what he has to say. Handyman B - Shows up 30 minutes [...]

Spring Cleaning

nicky — Wed, 08 May 2013 02:24:47 +0000

I stared in utter revulsion. After 20 minutes and considerable maneuvering – not to mention a horrible ripping sound that made me suspect we will be redoing the floor this summer – I finally managed to pry the fridge out of the alcove it lives in. And then stood, staring dumbly at the vilest thing I’ve ever seen. It was like a gigantic-killer-mutant-rabid-furry dust bunny had been squashed up against the wall. And then went and had squashed gigantic-killer-mutant-rabid-furry dust bunny babies. By the hundreds. Traumatized, I struggled to form coherent thoughts. But my thoughts were bouncing around unfinished in my head, racing into each other. Questions. I had questions. I yelled in the direction of the basement. “Jepeto? Jepeto!” “What?” “How long ago did we get the fridge?” “Uh… I don’t know. Maybe five, six years ago, I think. Seven, at most. Why?” “Just curious. Also, out of curiosity, could it have been around the same time the cat went missing?” ### Ok, before anyone calls the SPCA – or worse, A&E’s Hoarders – on me, the story above is just that: a story. I did start my annual spring cleaning this past weekend. And, while I admit I [...]

Transportation

mike — Wed, 01 May 2013 03:11:03 +0000

I messed up. I messed up bad. Real bad. I’ve been whining like a baby about writing ever since that cold traumatic February writing challenge. Then, I told myself that I’d take part in P.J.’s photo blog challenge. Hell, you only have to post 5 photos and only once a month. How hard could it be? I know, right? Well, I bailed for March but I was determined to make it for April. except for some reason I thought I had to post on May 1st. So I’m late. Really late! Anyway, bear with me. I’m still getting the hang of my camera, and I still ended up using my phone for a few shots. The theme: Transportation 1. Get Me Out Of Here! I run down these stairs every day at quitting time to escape the chains of my taskmasters. They transport me to freedom. Freedom! The building was built in the 1940′s. Dig that sweet, sweet, art deco goodness. 2. Look Out Below! Gotta love the neighbourhood Debris Tube. Great for transporting debris from upstairs, to downstairs. The diameter is quite impressive too, like you could probably throw a corpse in there and it wouldn’t even get stuck. [...]

Happy Birthday, Mon Ami

nicky — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 12:12:49 +0000

Today is a very special day. On this day in 1996, the now-defunct Montreal Expos thrashed the Colorado Rockies 21-9 at Coors Field. If that isn’t incredible enough, on this day in 1789, the crew of the British ship Bounty mutinied, setting Captain William Bligh and 18 sailors adrift in a launch in the South Pacific. And perhaps most incredibly, on this day back when men were men and sheep were scared, the King Of Puns was born. That’s right, our pal Dufus is having a birthday today! CheesyMike and I wanted to do something really special our very punny friend. I found a book on puns that I thought would be two meaningful. But then CheesyMike pointed out that a pun can be made on any subject except a king who isn’t a subject. So we moved away from puns. Did you know that seven days without a pun makes one weak? It does. Which explains how and why we ended up doing what we did. Look, what can we say? We’re bloggers, not videographers! But despite our obvious lack of talent, we love you Dufus and hope you have a wonderful birthday! And remember, pastry chefs know [...]

The Key To A Successful Relationship

nicky — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 02:54:36 +0000

That’s right, folks! I’m giving away free advice today and today only! As someone who used to date bums and losers almost exclusively until I finally found Mr. Right, I consider myself uniquely qualified to counsel couples. Yes, by Mr. Right, I mean Jepeto. No, I’m not joking. And it’s taken a lot of hard liquor work to keep our relationship going for nearly eight whole years. So what’s the key to a successful relationship? Communication It seems so obvious, yet most people have not really mastered the art of effective communication. Trust me when I say that I have. First, talk to your partner. Tell him (or her) all the things that annoy the hell out of you are on your mind. Over and over and over and over again. Until your partner can’t help but hear you no matter how hard they’re trying not to. It doesn’t even matter if they’re busy doing other really important stuff like watching a hockey game or playing Party Bingo or staring off vacantly into space. Just keep talking because the information will eventually be absorbed into their brains through osmosis. Secondly, besides repetition, it’s also really important that your message is [...]

My World… Sort Of

nicky — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 02:27:28 +0000

My friend P.J. is hosting a photo challenge that entails taking 5 pictures per month based on a theme he announces at the beginning of each month. For example, March’s theme was “My World”. I wanted to participate in his challenge. I really did. But somehow, March got away from me and I barely took any pictures. Not even with my cell phone. There is a picture that was taken this March, though not by me, that has had a huge impact in my world. Before I post it here, I’d like to share a bit of the back story about this photo. Last September, I went to Las Vegas for work. While there, I met a doctor who demonstrated a piece of diagnostic equipment that takes pictures of the retina. He took a picture of my eyeball and quickly pulled me aside for a discussion. Seems I had some unhealthy stress accumulated. He did an informal medical history and let me know that what he saw indicated dangerously high stress levels. He made some recommendations about how I could improve the situation, starting with the obvious – quit smoking. When I got back home from Vegas, I started making [...]

Spring Break

nicky — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 02:18:36 +0000

My nineteen year old son, Jake, was on spring break a couple of weeks ago. Unlike so many teenage boys, Jake did not head south to some “Girls Gone Wild” destination. Mainly because his girlfriend would kick his ass if he did. But also because Jake is a serious, studious, responsible young man with a good head on his shoulders. Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha! Sometimes, I crack myself up! Yeah, no. It’s only because his girlfriend would totally kick his ass if he did. In any case, Jake did something even more fun than heading down south to naked girl country. He went to work with his mom. *Ok, everyone all at once – awwwwww* That’s right, we needed someone to do some data entry /web archiving type stuff and Jake was just the unskilled, inexperienced, unwittingly underpaid, do-it-or-you’re-grounded teen for the job. Kidding! Of course, I’m kidding. No need to call Social Services. This time. Relax, it’s not like he was chained to the desk or anything. This time. While the work wasn’t extremely complicated, it did require a tech savvy individual with an eye for detail. We figured there was roughly a week’s worth of work. Jake finished in under three [...]

They Know Me Like The Back Of Some Random Stranger’s Hand

nicky — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 02:05:27 +0000

Facebook has or will have over a billion users this year, depending on which link you clicked on when you Googled “How many people are on Facebook in 2013?” Which is why it makes me laugh when I read post after post about how much people hate Facebook. Everybody hates Facebook so much, yet there are about a billion active users. So yeah, anyone who claims to hate Facebook is full of it. Except me, of course. You know why I hate Facebook? Not because it tracks me through the sites that I like. Not because it now owns every picture I’ve ever posted. Not because Facebook has decided that I’ve been to New Hampshire because somebody in New Hampshire tagged me in a photo of not me in New Hampshire. And no, it’s not even because it’s decided my real name is Nicky-and Mike and actually informed me of this when I tried to change the WWFC account name to Nicky Not Mike because I was tired of having to tell people that it was me on Facebook and not Mike because Mike is afraid of Facebook knowing too much about him. Obviously. No. I hate Facebook because of [...]