Weddings of Northeast Georgia

The Top Five Wedding Mistakes

2018-07-27T09:50:00.002-04:00

This year, as I pass the twenty-five year, one thousand wedding mark in my career as a wedding minister, I realize that this is a good time to share my experience by listing the top five wedding mistakes I have seen happen over and over again through the years, especially at weddings where there is no professional wedding coordinator on the job.

But regardless of whether you have professional help or if you are a do-it-yourself kind of bride, these are the top five pitfalls you want to avoid.

The biggest and worst mistake one can make when planning a wedding is picking a spot in the direct sun. If you must get married outside pick a spot in the FULL shade. And I mean EVERYBODY in the full shade, including the attendees.

Here’s why. Georgia is a very warm state during the spring and summer months. For my part, even an outside wedding that DOES have some shade is just simply a bad idea from May until October because of the heat, humidity, bugs, and possibly the stress from the threat of rain. The heat can be especially brutal for the elderly members of your families.

But a wedding out in the direct sunlight is the ultimate misery.

So let’s say the weather is good and the temperature and humidity are all fine, why not outside and in the direct sun? Because of the glare. Invariably, somebody at an outside wedding is going to have the sun in their eyes. And even if the sun is directly overhead, it is still hard to be out there without squinting and with eyes watering. And for my part, following your ceremony on a white, printed page, is like having lasers pointed at your eyes.

Hoping your wedding day will be cool with no humidity in this part of the world is an extreme gamble any time of year. Again, if you MUST get married outside, which I strongly suggest you DON’T do, make sure your location is in the full shade for everybody involved and be sure to provide hand-held fans.

And in addition, and very importantly, direct sun is the worst for your photographs. Just ask your photographer (who, along with everyone else, is also salivating at that nice, air-conditioned space just a few steps away).

The second worst mistake is tying the wedding rings to a pillow and giving them to a small child (under 8 years old). Even the notion of doing this is actually a myth. You don’t know what this child is going to do when it comes time to walk down the aisle so you can’t depend on the rings being there when you need them. If you have a child eight or under as your ring bearer, use fake rings on the pillow and give the real rings to the best man.

So, what if your ring bearer if over eight years old, should you still tie rings to a pillow and have him walk down with them? I would say no. If I pull that string and the tiny ribbon knots up, then my only option is to cut the rings off the pillow or rip them off with neither option very desirable.

The third worst mistake is talking to each other during the ceremony. This may seem obvious, but you would be surprised to know how many couples feel that it is OK to start having a conversation with one another in a normal voice during the ceremony. This usually happens at a big, outdoor wedding where I am wearing a microphone and my voice is coming out over big loudspeakers in the back.

This is a not a good look. Ideally you are listening to the words that are uniting you in marriage and taking them to heart. What really makes this seem inappropriate is when I am talking TO the couple while they talk TO each other. On top of that, I’m right there. I can hear you. My inclination is to stop and see what you are saying because I feel it’s rude to talk when somebody else is talking. However, I can’t stop and must power through, ignoring you to the best of my ability while I try to use my skills as a good public speaker to keep folks engaged.

Also, the people attending will stop listening to what I’m saying to concentrate on you and what you may be saying to each other, maybe trying to read your lips, which is also disruptive to the ceremony. You will have the rest of your lives to talk to each other. So if you must say anything to each other during the ceremony, either mouth it or whisper it during a break in the action.

The fourth worst mistake is including dogs in the ceremony. Almost every couple I marry these days already lives together, often owning a dog together. And the inclination to include the dog in the ceremony may be as strong as wanting to include a child. Even if your dog is an old dog and completely chill, it’s probably not a good idea. They are animals and very unpredictable.

The focus of the day should be completely on the bride and we don’t want animals to compete with that, especially should they need to answer the call of nature during the ceremony. However, in my experience, the success rate of having animals in your ceremony is about 30 per cent so it may be worth the gamble because he is a sweet boy! Yes he is!

The fifth worst mistake is not having a rehearsal led by someone with real wedding experience. If you are having a full wedding with bridesmaids, groomsmen, maybe a ring bearer or flower girl, and the escorting of mothers and grandmothers in and out as part of the ceremony, then you will NEED to have a rehearsal of some kind. That is extremely important so everyone will know what to do on your wedding day.

But most importantly, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t let someone without real wedding industry experience lead your rehearsal or direct your wedding ceremony. Sure, Aunt Jenny had a successful career doing event planning. But she has no experience with actual WEDDING planning. So she will get everything right except the ceremony itself.

And sure, it’s not the end of the world and no lives will be lost if the whole thing ends up being a cluster. The joy of the day will overcome it all. But most people would prefer a ceremony that is lovely and smooth over the one where the couple is sweating in the boiling sun talking over the minister while wearing rings he had to cut off the pillow as the dog poops in front of Grandma’s seat.

-Rev. Sam

The Five Most Important Words in a Wedding

2012-07-11T09:20:00.001-04:00

As a part of my wedding ministry, I offer couples a marriage counseling program which can help their marriage down the road and can save them money on the cost of their license. This program includes lots of helpful exercises that couples can use to learn more about each other and to arm themselves with tools they will need to have a successful relationship for years to come.

As the wedding process unfolds I like to share my own marriage advice and counsel with my couples in subtle ways, telling stories and sharing my personal experiences as we prepare for the wedding. One of the most popular readings for weddings begins with the words, “Love is patient; love is kind.” I always tend to look directly into the groom’s eyes while saying this line much in the spirit of Thelma’s words to the cop as she forces him into the trunk of a car at gunpoint in the popular movie Thelma and Louise:

State Trooper: [Sobbing] Please! I have a wife and kids.

Thelma: Oh, really, well, you’re lucky. You be sweet to them, especially your wife. My husband wasn’t sweet to me. Look how I turned out.

Of course, wives should be sweet to their husbands as well. Being kind is a two-way street that should be heavily traveled by both partners.

There are many important five-word phrases in a traditional wedding like, “’Till death do us part,” “For better or for worse,” and, “You may kiss the bride.” Out of all of them there is one that has the best advice for couples because it reminds them to be sweet to each other and that is the phrase, “To love and to cherish.”

The “love” part is easy and probably already deeply entrenched because a wedding is happening. The “cherish” part is not so easily achieved and is the basis of what people refer to as “work” in a marriage.

Human nature makes us want what we cannot have and take for granted what we do have. As the years grind away couples may forget the heady days of romantic love that brought them together. Novelty turns into routine, freshness turns into blandness, and the feeling of being grateful for having found one’s soul-mate is lost in the day to day drudgery that life can become.

Learning to cherish our partner is difficult because to do so we must face the possibility (dare I say inevitability) that we will one day lose that person to the unceasing wheels of life.

A couple whom I had married some years earlier recently came to me for help, citing huge difficulties in their marriage. I gave each of them a questionnaire to complete which included the question, “How would you feel if your partner were to die tomorrow?”

Each of them admitted that he or she would be devastated to lose their significant other, which is exactly what I wanted to hear and told me that they really want to be together for the long haul. It is easy for us to lose sight of the fact that every time we say goodbye to our wife or husband we might be saying goodbye for the last time. Life is fleeting but often we don’t see that until it is too late.

The key to a happy marriage goes beyond simply not going to bed angry. It is going to bed grateful for that person beside you. It is waking up grateful for that person beside you. It is living your life with the hope that your wife or husband will be there safe and sound when you get home from work and that you can have a nice meal together, go for a long walk together, and share the events the day with one another.

When we are eternally grateful for something we treat it with love and respect naturally and easily. We care for it, tend to it, and nurture it even at the cost of our own selfish desires and wants. Learning to cherish someone is to grow up into the adult we should all be, cultivating selflessness that the Buddhists would envy and that the rest of the world would find almost other-worldly. To cherish someone is to put aside childish needs and to be ready to put one’s life on the line for them at any time.

To love and to cherish someone is the goal of a married life and is the secret to a long-term happiness that yields silver and gold wedding anniversaries ripe with children and grandchildren and memories of a life well lived.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Elements of a Wedding Service (Parts is Parts)

2012-06-10T09:23:00.004-04:00

If I have sent you some ceremonies from which you will put together your own, unique ceremony, as you read them you will start to understand the various parts to a wedding ceremony and how they fit together. However to make it easier for you I have put together this list of the important elements of a wedding ceremony and their traditional order:

I. Some kind of introduction, which may include an address to those in attendance and to you, the couple.

II. The "I dos," which is simply the question that you answer, "I do," or "I will."

III. The hand-off. (Optional.) This is where I ask your escort (your father generally), "Who presents this woman to be married to this man?" His usual reply is, "Her mother and I" or "Her family and I." (NOTE: Sometimes the dad or escort simply drops off the bride at the front and goes to sit down before the processional music stops, making this part unnecessary. Also, the hand-off can happen first thing once the bride arrives at the front and the music stops.)

IV. Either a reading or some general words from the minister (or both). (Optional.)

V. The vows, which are repeated after me. You can choose from vows that are in the sample ceremonies or you can find alternate vows in the file "AltVows-Readings." See the blog entry entitled, “Vows: To Talk or Not to Talk.”

VI. The ring exchange. This part almost always directly follows the vows and is usually preceded by a few words from the minister and involves a short repeat-after-me.

VII. Some sort of symbolic gesture (Optional.) In a traditional, religious ceremony this would be the Unity Candle Ceremony (for an inside wedding). For non-religious ceremonies there are lots of choices of symbolic gestures found in the file "AltVows-Readings" to take the place of the Unity Candle Ceremony, like the sand ceremony, wine ceremony, water ceremony, or the Hands Ceremony (which can be done with no props at all). It is very lovely and you can edit it for your specific situation or to shorten it if you like. Please see my blog entry entitled, “Use of Props (Candles in the Wind).”

VIII. Maybe more words from the minister. (Optional.) You will find these general words from the minister interspersed amidst the various ceremonies.

IX. The pronouncement, which usually goes something like, "Now that you have stood before me and exchanged these rings, etc,...it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife," and is usually followed directly by the kiss (sometimes a short blessing precedes the kiss in a religious service). For more information about the actual kiss, please see my blog entry entitled, "The Wedding Kiss (Good and Bad News Bears)."

X. The introduction of the new couple. (Optional.) This would be something like, "I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. ____________." An alternate introduction might be, “Please welcome ________ and ________ in their new lives together as husband and wife.” This introduction is appropriate if the bride isn’t changing her name or simply wants a little more “liberated” ending to the service.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Wedding Officiant FAQ's

2012-04-22T08:10:00.000-04:00

I have finally gotten around to putting together a list of frequently asked questions. I hope this answers any questions you might have. Please contact me directly if you need more information. Thanks!

What kinds of weddings ceremonies do you perform? I perform religious and civil ceremonies, interfaith, intercultural, and interracial ceremonies, and anything in between. I have many ceremonies in my armory and can send them to you in word documents. You can mix and match parts, change wording, or introduce original content at will. I want you to be perfectly happy with your wedding ceremony. Typically you would send your rough draft to me for review once you’ve pulled it together. If I have any suggestions or comments on length or flow I will let you know. If not, then we’re all set. Of course, I am available by phone and email to help if you need me at any time.

Can we write our own vows? Yes, although I suggest you read over lots of other vows before doing so. That way, you can get the feel of how vows are structured, which is in a sing-song way, with short bits that can easily be repeated as opposed to long, prose-like sentences without natural breaks for repeating. I will often make suggestions for changes to your vows to make them more repeatable but I think it is wonderful that couples want to write their own vows and I encourage it wholeheartedly.

Can we read our vows to each other instead of repeating them after you? Yes, some brides and grooms choose this option. Keep in mind that the audience probably won’t be able to hear your vows as clearly as they would in the traditional “repeat-after-me” scenario, but that is your choice. I do NOT suggest you try to memorize your vows. Sometimes couples do not want to repeat after me at all and want to say as little as possible during their ceremony. For these situations we usually skip the repeat-after-me part and put all the important sentiments into the question that you answer, “I do.” I have also performed weddings where the couple will exchange their vows which they have written on little scrolls, which they simply exchange while I tell the audience that they are now exchanging vows that they will share with each other later in private.

How do you determine how much to charge for a wedding? I base my prices on how far the wedding venue is from my home, whether or not you need me for a rehearsal, and whether it is an actual wedding or an elopement (see below) I know I’m not the cheapest officiant available but that is not my goal. My goal is to be the BEST wedding officiant you can choose. Please see what other couples have to say about my services by visiting my Google Maps page.

What is an elopement? An elopement is a small wedding with very few guests (fewer than 20). Instead of entrances or exits, I simply place the couple in front of me. There are no bridesmaids or groomsmen walking in and out (although it is good to have one of each in place beside the couple to hold the rings and the flowers), no ring bearers or flower girls and no musician or DJ to coordinate with. In this scenario I can arrive later and there is less work involved for me, so I can charge a bit less. I do perform elopements at my home for a very reasonable price but you must limit your wedding party to a total of six adults as my living room is only so big.

Is my deposit refundable? No. Once I book a wedding I generally start turning down other brides and grooms and sometimes can put quite a bit of work into a wedding whether it ultimately happens or not. I keep my deposit amount low so that you don’t lose too much money if you have to cancel but the deposit is non-refundable.

Why do you ask for the final payment before the service? I ask that you give me the final payment and the license before the service because you will be busy with photographs and family after the service.

Do you require a meeting in person before the ceremony or to book you for our wedding? No, I do not require a meeting. For out of town weddings I often work with the couple by phone and email only as we put together a service. If you want to meet me I am happy to make time for you if you are willing to come to the Athens, GA, area. I usually meet my victims at the Starbucks located at 1761 Epps Bridge Pkwy, Athens, GA, 30606, but any coffee shop or restaurant in the Athens/Watkinsville area is fine with me.

Do you have any restrictions on who you will marry? No. I will marry any bride and groom who seem willing to be married. The only time I would refuse to perform a wedding is if I thought one of the participants was being coerced and not completely willing to marry the other.

Will you perform a wedding if a couple lives together already? Yes. I am very happy to marry you even if you have lived together for years and maybe even have children together already. I am always happy to help create a more solid family unit.

Will you perform a wedding if there is going to be alcohol at the reception? Yes. What happens at the reception is no business of mine.

Do you stay for the reception? Generally I do NOT stay for the reception for a number of reasons: I have other weddings to perform; I want to spend what is left of my weekend time with my family; I am on a restricted diet and cannot eat the rich food that is often served; and sometimes people feel like they can’t cut loose and have fun if the minister is there. Honestly, if I stayed for every reception for every wedding I perform I would be as big as a house and an alcoholic so I generally don’t stay.

What do you wear to perform a wedding? I wear a dark, gray suit with a white dress shirt and black tie. If you would like for me to dress down, please give me an example of what you would like for me to wear and I will do my best (for example, dress shirt and pants with a tie, or jeans and a tee-shirt).

How and where do we get the license? You can get your license by going together to your local probate court with your drivers licenses and birth certificates OR your passports. If either of you have been married before you may have to have a CERTIFIED copy of your divorce decree. I suggest calling the probate court before making the trip or looking them up online. Most have a website with information regarding obtaining a marriage license. If NEITHER of you are residents of the state of Georgia then you MUST get your license in the county in which the wedding is performed. If either of you ARE residents of Georgia then you can go to any probate court and get married anywhere in the state with the license you receive.

After the wedding, how long does it take to get our marriage certificate? I fill out your license and send it back to the probate court as soon as I can after your wedding. It typically takes two to three weeks for the probate court to generate your marriage certificate. As you make application for your license you should ask about getting multiple certified copies (at least three) and you should ask whether they will be mailed to you or if you have to go and pick them up at the end of the process.

If we don’t have a coordinator, can you lead the rehearsal? Yes, I am happy to lead the rehearsal if you do not have a coordinator. I do ask for a phone conversation in the days leading up to the rehearsal so I can be more prepared for your rehearsal. I do not charge extra to lead a rehearsal.

How long does a rehearsal take? The typical rehearsal takes anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour depending on how many bridesmaids and groomsmen, ring bearers, and flower girls you have in your wedding.

Is it an accepted practice to tip the officiant? If you are especially pleased with my services then I gladly accept tips. Tips are not expected but are certainly welcomed and most definitely appreciated. I try to keep my prices as low as possible in order to serve as many couples as possible. I don’t have a church that provides a full time income beyond my weddings. Due to rising prices, the seasonal nature of the wedding industry and the fact that there is a limited number of Saturdays in a year, my income potential as a wedding minister is limited. I don’t perform weddings because it is lucrative; I do it because I love it.

-Rev. Sam
www.revsam.com

The Wedding Kiss (Good and Bad News Bears)

2012-01-05T09:26:00.002-05:00

A wedding is generally a marathon of planning. However, there is usually no planning for the most important single moment of any wedding: the wedding kiss. Like any other aspect of a wedding, the wedding kiss deserves thought and consideration for yourselves, your partner, the attendees, and the photographer.

There is not much information on the internet about the perfect wedding kiss. Here is one of the few things I came across that you might find just a bit helpful. Also, you might search for a photo of the royal wedding kiss between Prince William and Princes Katherine. Otherwise, I will rely on my extensive experience to help guide you through this important part of your wedding ceremony.

It’s a lot to ask of nervous brides and grooms to have some kind of presence of mind at the culmination of the wedding ceremony, which is the most romantic and important moment of the entire day – and perhaps your entire lives. Couples should actually practice the wedding kiss because there is a lot that can go wrong and many elements to consider.

There are basically three types of wedding kisses. For ease of understanding, you can break it down into the story of the three bears. There’s the baby bear kiss, the father bear kiss, and the mamma bear kiss.

The baby bear kiss is the quick, uncomfortable peck that only lasts a second. In more informal settings you may be urged to do it again because this type of kiss doesn’t allow for pictures. The baby bear kiss usually happens because of awkward shyness but gives the appearance of reluctance and doubt. The baby bear kiss is over much too quickly and without enough emotion to satisfy anybody.

By contrast, the father bear kiss makes everybody uncomfortable. The father bear kiss lasts much too long and makes everybody think to themselves, “Get a room!” Elements of a father bear kiss may involve obvious French kissing, the “head grab” or dipping, which can lead to falling, cuts, bruises, concussions, and a long wedding night spent in the emergency room instead of the honeymoon suite.

The ideal wedding kiss would be the mother bear kiss. Here are the elements of a perfect wedding kiss. First, it should last about four or five seconds, which is long enough for the photographer to get some good pictures and long enough for people to know that you mean it.

Next, it should be a kiss that does not make your families uncomfortable, which means NOT exploring each others' dental work in front of God and everybody. Your lips should press together gently but purposefully with your heads tilted only slightly to allow for your noses. Tilting your heads too much means the only thing you’ll see in your pictures is the top of somebody’s head, depending on who leans which way.

You should NOT touch your partner’s face or grab their head because then your hands get in the way and ruin the pictures. The “head grab” comes off as too aggressive, even if both partners do it. Instead, the bride should place her hands demurely on her husband’s strong shoulders and the groom should gently clasp his bride’s waist in a classic embrace without dipping. Honestly, I have never seen a wedding kiss dip that worked.

As an aside, my father-in-law, Bob, married his wife, Barbara, in 1949 and was warned at the rehearsal by HIS future father-in-law, Harvey, not to prolong their wedding kiss. Being a bit of a smart Alec, Bob said that he would kiss her long enough to silently sing to himself, “My Dog Has Fleas,” which is the song that Arthur Godfrey would sing to himself while tuning his ukulele. He was admonished by the preacher, who could see that things were getting out of hand and warned that the wedding should be a solemn occasion. At the actual wedding, just before the kiss, Bob sang quietly into his bride’s ear, “My dog has fleas,” which tickled them both as well as the minister, who had a smile on his face. I guess it helps to have a sense of humor. Bob and Barbara remained married until her death in 2004 while Harvey passed away within a year.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

The Father of the Bride

2011-11-07T08:06:00.001-05:00

There are only two things about weddings that I don’t like. The first is dress socks. I think they’re creepy but I wear them anyway. I guess my wife doesn’t have to worry about coming home early to find me wearing her panty hose. Yuck!

The second is the thought of giving my little girl away on her wedding day. She once asked me, “Daddy, are you going to perform my wedding when I get married?”

I replied, “No way! I’ll have a completely different job to do on your wedding day. I’ll be playing the part of ‘Daddy’ on that day.”

I often say that there is no end to the variation in the ways that people think about weddings. The same is certainly true in regards to the reactions of fathers walking their daughters down the aisle.

Many are stoic and reserved, seeming to just go through the motions as if shell-shocked by the whole experience. Some are nervous and flub their lines and trip over the dress as they go to their seat.

Other dads seem rather relieved, as if to say, “She’s YOUR problem now, buddy.”

The fact of the matter is dads have a tough job to do and they are the unsung heroes of the wedding day. Most of the focus is on the bride, obviously. Next in line is the mother of the bride. The groom comes in at a distant third.

Dads are almost completely overlooked as they give away their most precious gift in life. I’ve seen many a tear-filled eye as I look at them and ask, “Who presents this woman to be married to this man.?”

What I have found in my experience as a wedding officiate – some seventeen years now – is the bigger the father and the more he jokes around at the rehearsal, the more likely he is to be crying as he answers my question, “Her mother and I.”

It took me a few years of performing weddings to get over that lump in my throat as the bride first appears in the back. Now the only time that lump forms is when I think about being that guy who has to answer that tough question and give up the thing I love almost more than anything else in the world: my precious little girl.

At least I have a few more years to prepare for that moment.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Something New Under the Sun

2011-05-28T08:50:00.005-04:00

As we move into the summer months I realize that most brides and grooms do not realize the ramifications of choosing a wedding location that is in the direct sun during the heat of summer. When planning a summer wedding in January, that spot on the lawn right out in the open seems wonderful. However, when the temperatures are hitting 100 degrees in June, it won’t be so wonderful anymore.

So, I am instituting a new policy that will hopefully force brides and grooms to consider the uncomfortable situation they are setting themselves up for.

Henceforth, for all daytime, outdoor weddings between May and September shade MUST be provided for me. If a couple chooses to stand out in the direct heat for their wedding that is OK, but shade must be provided for me even if it is nothing more than an umbrella.

I know this sounds tough, but again and again it happens to brides and grooms: they fail to consider the heat and then just MELT on their wedding day, putting a damper on the good feelings that weddings generate.

Outdoor weddings are great. I love them. Brides love them because they feel closer to God. They like to get married in the “big room” as I like to say. But as most folks don’t get married many times in a lifetime they forget the stress of a wedding ceremony – no matter how simple the service is – and how standing in the direct heat of the sun compounds it. I have seen brides and grooms stand in front of me with steady streams of sweat pouring off their noses because they failed to take the Southern heat into consideration when they picked out their day, place, and time for their wedding.

So please, for the love of all that’s holy, when picking your spot to get married, please make sure it is a shady spot – for you, for me, and for the people attending your service. And as great as the outdoors is, air conditioning is the best wedding present you will ever get on your wedding day during the summer months. Trust me on this.

-Rev. Sam

The Many Facets of a Vow Renewal Ceremony

2011-04-06T10:33:00.002-04:00

No matter what light shines on a vow renewal service it is a beautiful thing. While the love at a wedding is certainly beautiful and pure, the love celebrated in a vow renewal is deep and encompassing like the roots of a great oak or the depths of an ancient spring.

Perhaps one of the most touching moments of my ministerial career – of which there are many – was a vow renewal service I did for a couple who had eloped fifty years earlier. I was touched in the very beginning after having been approached by a daughter of the “bride.” I was moved at what a sweet gesture the children of this woman were willing to make for her as her first wedding was an elopement service, done by a Justice of the Peace in South Carolina.

The story goes that he had to run down to the corner gas station that he owned to get his seal so he could notarize their wedding certificate. This woman had dreamed of having a real wedding one day and it finally came true on her 50^th wedding anniversary.

She was so surprised when a minister appeared at their special meal in a side room at a local restaurant. I stepped up and they stood before me and with tears in her eyes, she said “I do” in front of her families, children, and grandchildren. I was very moved at what a loving and giving family it was standing around me.

A vow renewal service is also a way for couples to reconnect after going through a bad patch in their marriage or to get closer together after years of being pulled apart by work and family. In these economic times the true values of love and togetherness are replacing the values of earning and spending and a vow renewal is a great way to re-establish the footing of your relationship for not a lot of money.

The logistics of a vow renewal are very easy as it can simply happen at a party wherever it is held – at home, in a restaurant, at an events facility or a bed-and-breakfast, in the fellowship hall or sanctuary of your church or at the botanical gardens. There are none of the trappings of a real wedding except for maybe some flowers for the bride. You don’t need bridesmaids or groomsmen, ring bearers or flower girls; just a minister, a couple, a family, and lots of love to last for years to come.

If you need help planning your vow renewal service you might consider calling Jessie Patton from Wild Flower Events Services. She has tons of experience and can help you no matter how big or small your event will be. Visit her website and contact her to plan your wedding or vow renewal service. As I always say, choose experience. Your wedding day is worth it.

-Rev. Sam

PS. If you don't need me for your minister and you like folk/popular music played on an acoustic guitar, I can do that. I don't do classical but rather romantic popular songs from Bing Crosby to modern times. Here is a song I wrote while marrying a couple back in the late 90's. They were a sweet couple and very inspiring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajLLPstg0n8.

One for the Grooms

2011-03-08T09:27:00.000-05:00

If there is one thing I’ve learned by being a wedding minister for the last sixteen years or so it’s this: there is no end to the variation in how people feel about things, including weddings. Many guys are completely prepared to spend a day in formal dress and be perfect gentlemen. Others area dragged out from under the car, out in the yard, or on top of the house and asked to comb their hair, put on a suit, and act like they’ve been there before.

For the guys who aren’t used to being dressed up and in formal situations – much less being one of two focal points of the whole day while in an uncomfortable monkey suit – there are just a few key things that you probably don’t know – and should.

If you don’t wear a suit on a regular basis, you probably don’t know that men are supposed to leave the bottom button of their vest and/or suit jacket unbuttoned (unless the lapel comes down past the top button). It may not matter to you, but others who are in the know will notice that when they look at the pictures. Lots of photographers will point this out, but not all of them are aware of this fashion tip.

Many theories have been put forth regarding why this trend evolved. Some of them involve men carrying pistols or the length of their waistcoats, but the predominant theory is a matter of royal fashion involving King Edward II, a chunky person who left his bottom buttons undone so that sitting down was easier without risk of losing them. The other gentlemen saw this and copied him for whatever reason. The trend stuck and nowadays to really look GQ you gotta leave them unbuttoned.

Another tip for grooms is to get your hair cut at least two weeks before the wedding and do not get it cut any differently than you normally do. It’s better to look like yourself in your wedding pictures instead of some guy that got hauled in, kicking and screaming, to be sheared. Do NOT get your hair cut super-short just before your wedding. Better to just be yourself.

Most men do not carry handkerchiefs anymore. Since germs have become celebrities, tissues and hand sanitizer are everywhere and the idea of blowing your nose in a handkerchief and putting it back into your pocket passed away with the last generation. However, if there is one day when you NEED a handkerchief it is on your wedding day. The main reason is if your bride starts to cry during your service, it should be YOU who whips out a handkerchief for her – like her like knight in shining armor.

I learned this lesson the hard way. Since the second time I got stuck at the altar with a bawling bride and no handkerchief among the men in the wedding party, I am always careful to arm the groom with one before each service if he doesn’t already have one. This is just pure experience talking.

Some grooms get a little teary themselves. That’s OK. Handkerchiefs work both ways, so if you are a groom and you need to wipe away a tear, use the handkerchief. This will usually happen at the repeat-after-me part. If it happens to you, take a moment to use the handkerchief. This will give you a bit of time to collect yourself. Hint: think about baseball. That trick is handy in places other than the bedroom.

The last piece of advice I have for grooms is to act like they are enjoying their wedding day even if they are uncomfortable or would rather be watching football. Record the game and watch it later if it is that important to you. I can guarantee you this day is important to your future wife, so you should get used to the idea of being sweet to her and doing things for her even if it puts you out a little bit. You are entering a new phase of your life where it is no longer just about “me.” There is a “we” to consider now. You will be well served to get used to the idea of doing things together when it might not be your first choice of how to spend your day. A good place to start is putting on a happy face on your wedding day. Football can wait.

-Rev. Sam

So You're Engaged -- Now What?

2011-02-17T10:25:00.000-05:00

Congratulations on your engagement. The biggest question is what do I do next?

The first step is to determine your budget, who will pay for your wedding, and how. Once that minefield has been crossed and you know who much you have to work with, you should start formulating a plan and shopping for vendors as soon as you can.

HINT: There are only so many Saturdays in a year and Saturday is still the most sought after day when people plan their wedding. Fridays and Sundays have become more and more acceptable days for a wedding service with Sunday being second in line.

For a Sunday wedding you can still have a rehearsal but since rehearsals usually happen the day before the wedding – which in this case would be a Saturday and likely to be booked for a wedding – you would have to schedule the rehearsal earlier in the day, which isn’t so bad. It just gives you more time between the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Sometimes Sunday weddings will have a Friday rehearsal but it is still often earlier in the day since Fridays afternoons are the rehearsal times for Saturday afternoon weddings.

Friday weddings are most likely to be less formal affairs since they are the least likely day a venue will be available because of rehearsals for Saturday and Sunday weddings. Most Friday weddings are not at traditional venues and often resemble elopements more than weddings. They don’t usually have rehearsals because people often have to travel to be in weddings and can’t afford to ask off for two days to make a Thursday rehearsal AND pay for a bridesmaid dress.

The important thing to remember is to BOOK EARLY! Many of my weddings will book a year or more in advance, especially the Valentines Day engagements that want to marry during spring or summer of the following year.

Here’s why. People look ahead on the calendar to see where the holidays fall. For example, many people don’t want to get married on Mother’s Day weekend or Father’s Day weekend or Easter weekend, etc. And they won’t want to get married at Halloween or Thanksgiving or in the uncomfortable colder months. That starts to narrow the field of good Saturdays that will be comfortable and convenient for everybody to attend.

And the quality vendors get booked first. Couples seeking that top-shelf wedding will snatch up the most talented photographers and the most beautiful flower arrangers just by looking at their work. Similarly, they will research and find the best coordinator and musician they can afford.

As a practical matter, perhaps one of the most important decisions you will make is whether or not to have a wedding coordinator – and if so, who will it be? It depends on how large your wedding will be; and how busy you are with your life and/or career. A good idea is to ask other people about their wedding experience. There’s no shortage of married people around to ask.

If you decide you want to have a coordinator you may want to wait to look for the other vendors until you can look at the ones recommended by her. If she is experienced she will already know some of the better vendors around. That saves you a lot of legwork.

Some people will make the choice of vendors simply all about money. Others with more liberal budgets will base their decisions on intangibles like personality and bedside manner. My best advice is to see what other people have to say about any particular vendor and go with the one that is experienced but not jaded even if you have to bend your budge a little. The axiom that you get what you pay for is never truer than in the wedding industry. A team of top-shelf vendors can help make a wedding a joyful experience.

These people will be your co-workers for this entire project and unless you have a coordinator you will have to work with them to personally convey your wishes.

The ones with experience will bring up issues you never thought of before. If they are new to the game they will not know all the little ins and outs that you only learn by doing it again and again and seeing for yourself the many little things that can go wrong. After all, no two weddings are alike. If you can afford a coordinator, they can help streamline the whole affair by taking the pressure off of you to find the right vendors and ask the right questions.

Here’s the kicker: the most comfortable weddings – from the bride and groom’s perspective – are the weddings where they do as much of the work as they can before their wedding day so they can just cruise through it and relax as much as possible. When you know you’ve done their best you can in this project that is probably the first you will do together as a team, you will be off to a good start as a married couple.

Perhaps the greatest truism I have learned in over sixteen years of being a wedding minister is there is no end to the variations in the way people think about weddings, so be willing to express yourself. Your wedding will be a reflection of who you are as a couple so you should work together to make it happen.

-Rev. Sam

A Step Backwards: Proposals Good and Bad

2011-01-20T11:41:00.002-05:00

First let me say there is no right or wrong way to propose to your girl. However, experience has taught me that there are some general Dos and Don’ts to consider when it’s time to pop the question.

I don’t want to stifle your creativity because the ladies like it when the proposal from their beloved has some thought behind it. They appreciate the effort. That continues throughout the relationship, by the way. So let’s start with the Don’ts first.

Probably the biggest one is, don’t propose in front of a large number of people or on live TV. I’ve never met a woman who thought that being asked to marry in front of a stadium or a studio audience was a good idea. Unless she actually SAYS that it would be fun, I wouldn’t do it. The ladies like to share the news of their engagement with their friends and family in little bits, savoring the moments as they unfold. Don’t ruin that for them.

Don’t hide the ring in food or drink. You won’t get any credit for originality and you might end up sitting in the emergency room or digging through garbage all night.

Obviously, don’t propose over the phone, in a text message or while you’re doing something trivial (unless you like hearing the word "no" when asking life-altering questions).

Don't propose to her in front of her family (or on front of yours).

Don’t propose while drunk, after a fight, or after sex (either individually or in any combination).

Don’t propose while you are sick (either of you).

Don’t ask somebody else to ask her FOR you and definitely don’t use a ring that you’ve given to somebody else before (unless you LIKE sleeping alone).

The best proposals are done with few people around and with no distractions. The proposal should be a surprise, even if you’ve already discussed it beforehand and agreed that it should happen. She might know it's coming but the timing should be unexpected.

I know it’s hard to be creative, but you don’t have to take the creativity to tremendous heights, just be slightly unique. Be yourself -- but your cooler and more sensitive self. Be prepared in case she doesn't answer you right away. Be patient and understanding. It's good practice for being a husband.

When I proposed to my wife, I did it in a restaurant. I put the ring in a music box and gift-wrapped it for her. I was about to go on a long trip so I made that an excuse to give her the gift – to remind her of me while I was gone. An engagement ring was the best reminder possible.

When she found the ring I dropped to one knee and quietly asked her to marry me right there in the restaurant. Only a couple of tables even saw me and I'm not sure that they knew what I was doing. I didn't care anyway.

We still visit that restaurant and will always remember that table with fondness. It was very intimate and romantic and just creative enough to not be cookie-cutter without going anywhere near over the top.

Often the choice of location is the most meaningful choice you can make, like where you met or the first place you kissed. In our case, it was a restaurant we frequented often during our courtship.

This may sound silly, but you should practice exactly what you’re going to say so that you don’t stumble over the words. She'll want to hear you say it in a clear, confident voice. It is also nice to tell her why you want her to marry you, so think about that before you walk into battle. She will appreciate the extra effort to express yourself.

And of course, DO have a ring. It doesn't mean a thing unless you put a ring on it.

I know being in love makes you want to shout it from the rooftops, but if you’re thinking about writing it in the sky, stop and reflect for a moment about what you’re doing, and consider something more low-key. Your future wife will appreciate it. Trust me on this one.

Two for the road. Often at the end of a posting I will point you in the direction of a vendor that I have worked with numerous times and can safely recommend. This post I have two for you.

The first is photographer Jason Thrasher. He is a top-notch photographer and a stand-up guy. He has a great bedside manner and does wonderful work on the back end to clean up the photos and make you look good!

Next I would guide you to Consultants Unlimited, one of the best wedding and event planning companies around. Those guys are great and really know what they are doing when it comes to planning a wedding. Give them a call to make your wedding top-shelf and above.

-Rev. Sam

Feeling the Pressure

2010-12-27T09:36:00.001-05:00

This is the last entry of the year. I hope 2010 was a good year for everybody and that 2011 is even more excellent. Let’s get right to it.

In the sixteen years since my first wedding there is one thing that has remained consistent. No matter how cool the temperature at wedding time, the groom always has that sheen of sweat across the forehead. Couples feel the pressure as their marriage draws near no matter how many years of togetherness have passed before the wedding.

Most of this pressure is self-inflicted and the result of not seeing the whole picture of their wedding service. Brides and grooms – and their families – often get too caught up in the details of the service to the point that it can become tedious for everybody.

There are a number of things that everybody should remember about the wedding service that will help the bride and groom to remain calm on their wedding day.

First, let’s look at the source of the nervousness. I would say a very small percentage of the pressure couples feel is because of concern over whether this is the right thing to do with the right person. Again, I say very small because I believe that the vast majority of couples believe that the person they stand with before me is the right person and that marriage is the right choice.

A second source of pressure is from family members on either side who may not feel that the marriage is a good idea. Again, an extremely small number of weddings have even a hint of this feeling about them as most families are on their best behavior on the wedding day whether they are completely into it or not – for the kids.

So, ninety-five percent of the nervousness that couples feel on their wedding day is the result of their wedding happening in front of a live audience. Brides, grooms, and families can start to feel like the wedding service is a show or a concert where brides and grooms will be expected to perform before critics and the media.

Here is a list of things brides and grooms should remember to help them through this.

First of all, a wedding is not some public event with the photographer from the newspaper standing ready with the camera in case the bride trips or the groom drops the ring. The people in attendance are your friends and family and the photographer is the one you hired to make you look good. No matter what happens in front of these people it will be fine. They love you and will be happy no matter what happens during your service. Plus, if anything funny does happen, it will just be a good story to tell for the rest of your life.

Next, most couples don’t realize that the wedding service, although it may be attended by hundreds, is really something that takes place between the three of us up at the front. Your backs are turned to the audience during half the service and you turn to face each other the other half. You only have to turn and face the crowd as you exit, so the actual service is something that feels very intimate just between us.

Third, long before you arrive at the altar in front of me we will have worked out the text of your service. I will have it before me and I will direct you through it with the greatest of ease. I will have two voices – big voice and small voice. With big voice I will speak to everybody in the room. In small voice I will direct you every step of the way, telling you when to turn and face each other, when to answer a long question with “I do,” when to repeat after me, when to hand your flowers to the maid of honor and when to get them back and face everybody for the pronouncement.

The last thing you should remember about your wedding service is that you really don’t have to remember anything for your wedding service. Unless you choose to memorize your vows, which I highly discourage, you should just clear your mind and take mental pictures as I guide you through your service, telling you what to do and what to say every step of the way.

The only thing I ever instruct anyone to remember for their wedding service is for the bride to remember to lift the front of her dress if she has to walk up stairs to the altar so she doesn’t trip on the hem of her dress. Otherwise, going in with a clear and worry-free mind is the best way to approach a wedding service.

Beautiful Music. Often at the end of each blog entry I like to mention wedding venues and vendors in the North Georgia area that cross my path. Recently I had the good fortune to work with a most excellent pianist named Kristin Horne. Please keep her in mind as you plan your wedding. Kristin also plays at receptions and offers lessons for children and adults at her studio located at 2167 Atlanta Hwy SE in Statham, GA, or you can call her at 678-334-5264. She is very smooth, very professional, and will attend your rehearsal for a small, extra fee, which is over and beyond the call of duty for most wedding musicians.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

License to Wed

2010-11-22T11:29:00.000-05:00

The first step in making your marriage legal is for you and your future partner to go to your local probate court to apply for a marriage license. If either of you are a resident of the state of Georgia, you can go to any probate court to get a license that is good to marry anywhere in the state of Georgia. It makes sense to go to your local probate court, even if you are getting married in a different county as it is easier to go local.

If neither of you are residents of the state of Georgia then you must make application to marry in the SAME COUNTY where the service is to be held. Also, if either of you have been married before, be sure to ask if you need to bring a CERTIFIED copy of your divorce decree with you as you make application to marry. My understanding is that if you are residents of Georgia you do not need this document, but I would ask anyway just to be sure.

There are no required blood tests anymore, so you needle-phobes can just relax. You do need to take your drivers’ licenses (or a certified copy of your birth certificate or a passport if you don’t drive) with you. At the probate court they will have you fill out and sign some papers and pay them some money. Then they will give you a document which you will give to me before the service. I am required by law to fill that document out and send it back in to the probate court promptly after the service. That document does NOT require witnesses. Hopefully they will give you a return envelope for me to use but not always.

Since that document does not require witnesses, sometimes couples will cook up an unofficial document that does have a place for the couple, witnesses, and me to sign and is used as a photo-op after the ceremony, but that is somewhat unusual as you generally already have enough wedding details to see to already.

Once I fill that document out (I simply fill in the date you were married, the city and county, my signature, title and address) and send it in, it typically takes about two or three weeks for the probate court to generate your original marriage certificate(s). I do suggest that you ask them about getting some extra, certified copies for your filing cabinet as you will be asked for certified copies of your marriage certificate at various times during your married life (for example, insurance companies love to ask for a certified copy to prove that you are married).

Now, as for GETTING your certified copies, different probate courts behave differently in this regard. Some will automatically mail them to you. Other probate courts ask you to come back in to pick them up. This is something you should ask them about on your first trip to the probate court. That way, you will know exactly what you will need to do – or not do – to get your marriage certificate(s). If they require you to pick them up, that is sometimes helpful because your next step would be to take a certified copy to the Social Security office to apply for the bride’s name change.

In some cases, couples are in a hurry to receive their certified copies of their marriage certificate. In this case, you need to ask the probate court if you can hand deliver that document that I fill out so that they can generate your certified copies right away. Some probate courts will do this and others won’t. Again, it is important that you ask as you make your application if you need this extra level of service.

If you are going on a cruise for your honeymoon, be sure to tell your wedding minister as you will need to take with you a copy of that document that I send in after the service. I’m not exactly sure why you need this, but my experience has taught me that this is the case. That document has no official purpose other than for the probate court to use to generate your marriage certificate but for some reason the cruise lines require it before boarding.

In the sixteen years or so since I became a wedding minister, there have been a few occasions where the document that I fill out and send in gets lost somewhere between my mailbox and the probate court. If this happens do not panic. The probate court can re-issue the document that you gave to me before the service to do again.. You can mail it to me and I can fill it out and mail it back in to the probate court and presto, problem solved – all by mail.

In this downward economy, I have noticed that probate courts are somewhat slower than usual in generating marriage licenses, so be patient with them. I’m guessing this has to do with reduced staff at probate courts in order to save money. I have also seen an upturn in misplaced documents in the last few years as they pass through the USPS. Again, I’m guessing this has a lot to do with reduced staff and corner cutting on the part of the post office but I can’t be sure.

Again, fixing the problem of lost documents is easily fixed with a call or quick visit to your probate court. If you arrange for your certified marriage certificate(s) to be mailed to you and you DON’T receive them within a month, the first thing you want to do is contact the probate court to see if there was a misunderstanding about how you retrieve them. They will help you go from there.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Holiday Weddings

2010-10-17T09:00:00.000-04:00

Within the last year a new trend seems to be emerging that may be related to the economy – or not. People are now more often getting married on holidays, particularly New Years Eve, New Years Day, and July Fourth.

There are many advantages to getting married on these holidays. For one thing, you’ll always be off of work on your anniversary. For another, there will always be a party on your anniversary – many times with fireworks!

People are generally off work on holidays, so it's easier for your families and friends to attend your wedding when you marry on a holiday. It also means that you are off work for your anniversary every year.

There are some down sides to a holiday wedding however, especially if you want to have a full wedding with all the trimmings. First of all, it might be hard to find vendors willing to work on holidays – and if they do they may charge extra. Your search to find a minister, photographer, caterer, musician or Dee-Jay may be harder, so be prepared to be turned down a lot.

Next, it might be hard to secure the venue that you want because the people that manage and maintain those properties will want to be off on holidays.

Lastly, some people that you will want to attend your wedding may not because of other travel plans and family obligations. For example, if you get married on New Years Eve, your brother might not be there because he and his wife go to see her family up in Jersey this time every year – things like that. Some families divide up the holidays and simply will not be available to come to your wedding.

So while getting married on a holiday seems like a great idea, in practice it works best for the smaller, home-bound weddings or destination elopement services. It also works if your extended families are small and live close together. You can find success if the venue you choose is open all year, like a park or similar public place – or your home for that matter.

The holiday wedding works best for those that cater their own wedding and who don’t need a professional photographer – having a friend take pictures instead. The fewer vendors you have to get involved the easier your holiday wedding will be to plan and execute. Like an elopement, the best holiday wedding is the simpler one.

And now a word from our sponsors. As time goes by I like to mention certain vendors that stand out in their field. One such vendor is photographer Wingate Downs. I’ve know Wingate for most of the sixteen years I have been a wedding minister and I can safely say he is a top-shelf photographer of the highest order. If you want the highest quality photos and an engaging, pleasant photographer to shoot your wedding, go for experience and give Wingate a call or visit his website.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Something Old Something New

2010-10-11T10:31:00.001-04:00

I rarely get asked about wedding caterers or photographers or DJ’s, but I often get asked to suggest a location for the wedding. That’s my something old for this post.

There are many events facilities around North Georgia that are tucked away and unknown, often quaint and unique, sometimes themed and sometimes just a good, open space that is shaded and peaceful.

I found a new events facility that is smack dab in the middle of Northeast Georgia called Boutier Winery (pronounced BOO-SHAY`). Boutier Winery is a winery first, producing award winning wines and bottled with either their label or YOUR picture on the label for your wedding. They will even make cases of small bottles with the happy couple’s picture on it as gifts to the attendees.

Having established themselves as wine producers, they have now expanded their facilities to include a space for weddings and special events. Located outside of Danielsville, GA, Boutier is only thirty minutes from Athens and 80 minutes from Atlanta, nestled into the countryside with the quiet of nature around you.

Their outdoor wedding area is well manicured and the barrel water fountain is a nice touch. Inside is plenty of room for up to 150 guests and a bar area where the owners are on hand to answer questions about the wines they produce, which everyone seemed to enjoy immensely.

According to owners Victor Boutier and Mary Jakupi-Boutier, Boutier Winery will soon break ground on a bed and breakfast right there on the property that will have enough bedrooms to put the wedding party and both sides of the family up for the entire weekend, making Boutier Winery a top shelf, one-stop wedding destination. I especially enjoyed the nice drive in the countryside to get there. Highway 106, as it makes its way north of Athens, seems to have a quaint, country church around every curve. I love it.

And now, something completely different. I have discovered a new trend that I think is not only very pleasant, but is a very thoughtful gesture on the part of the couple: providing a boxed, courtesy meal to the vendors, like the minister, the musician or DJ, the photographer, the bartenders, and the flower arranger.

In the last few years I have noticed that couples are taking the comfort of their wedding party members more into consideration, providing good food and drink for bridesmaids and groomsmen in their dressing rooms. Often people forget to eat and drink on a busy day like a wedding day can be, so just having some finger food within reach is a great thing to remember to do for your wedding party.

Extending this courtesy to the vendors I think is the most considerate thing I’ve seen in a long time. There are only so many Saturdays in a year, so often we have to leave one wedding and go straight to another with hardly the time or inclination to stop and eat. Having food offered to you on such a day can make all the difference in the world and is a courtesy that is certainly appreciated, especially considering that the caterers are laying out all this great smelling, wonderful food that we must work around but not touch.

This trend is so new that I suggest you strongly urge the vendors to take advantage of this courtesy, letting them know in advance and reminding them often that a boxed lunch or dinner will be waiting for them, or have the caterers deliver the food directly to the vendors as some will be too shy to go ask for it themselves – until (or if) this trend does take hold.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Put a Ring On It

2010-10-08T09:53:00.000-04:00

The exchange of wedding rings is something that most all weddings have. I have done one wedding that did not involve exchanging rings, but that was a situation where the groom had no ring finger to speak of. Unless this is true for you or your beloved, you can expect the exchanging rings to be a part of your ceremony.

The most important thing to remember about the rings is DON’T FORGET THEM! I have done the odd wedding where we had to find a couple of rings to stand in, one of them being a skull ring. Unless you want to get married with a skull ring, you want to make sure the rings make it to the service.

When I arrive at the venue on the day of the wedding, the first thing on my checklist is to make sure the rings are here. If not, we still have time to send somebody to the hotel or house where they were left.

The question arises next of who will carry the rings during the service. Sometimes there is a ring-bearer. It is generally not a good idea to give the actual rings to the ring-bearer for a number of reasons. They may set the pillow down somewhere and forget where the left it. If they are very young they may not cooperate during the service and in fact may run the other way screaming.

If they are old enough to be dependable during the service, it is still not a good idea to let the ring-bearer hold the actual rings because to tie them on good enough so they don’t fall off means somebody (usually me) has to untie them during the service, which can be tricky, and my hands are already full with the text of the service.

If having the ring-bearer actually carry the rings is the genuine wish of the bride, then I suggest giving the rings to the ring-bearer at the very last second before sending him down the aisle. That leaves a lot less to chance. Mostly I would suggest giving him fake rings to carry and giving both the rings to the best man. My reasons follow.

These days, I suggest to couples that they let the best man carry both of the rings during the service instead of giving the groom’s ring to the maid of honor to carry. One of the main reasons for this is that the maid/matron of honor is already holding two sets of flowers by the time you are exchanging rings, so a good division of duties is helpful to everybody here.

Before each service I will usually prompt the best man on how to give me the rings during the service. First I tell him (or her – I’ve seen grooms with a best woman before) to relax and not to hurry. We aren’t running any races here, so they can take their time. Then I tell them to either keep the rings in their pocket and then drop them in my palm or to simply put them both in the same box and then present the open box to me so I can simply and easily pluck them out.

The best man SHOULD NOT hand me the box, or boxes. That is the worst thing to do to a minister. I am already holding my book and don’t have the extra hands to deal with the boxes. Of course, another option is to give the rings to me before the service so I’ll already have them, avoiding the need for a ring-bearer or ring hand-off altogether.

The best man is also a good person to put in charge of making sure the minister receives the paperwork (the license and final payment, if applicable) before the service. After the service you will be busy with family and photos, so you need to take care of your wedding business either at the rehearsal or before the service as many ministers don’t stay for the reception and will generally need to get back to their families and prepare for Sunday services.

The last thing I have to say about your wedding rings is that they should fit really tightly, especially the groom’s. You don’t want to feel like your ring is going to slip off as you work with your hands as many men do, so you want to size it about half a size small. It only follows, then, that it would be difficult for another person to put that ring on your finger. What I advise couples to do at the ring exchange is to gently push the ring onto the other's finger as far as it will go and then stop and wait for the words they will be repeating. If you can’t get the ring over that last knuckle then just let the other do it themselves. Nobody in the audience will be the wiser.

The important thing is to NOT get caught up in these props, which is what your rings are to your wedding ceremony. If you struggle with the ring it may hurt your mate or become a distraction to her, to the audience, and to me. What you want to do let your future partner finish sliding in on the rest of the way and to listen to the words that you will be repeating after me at that moment. Nothing causes a case of uncontrollable, nervous giggles like the struggling at the ring exchange, so prepare for it. Putting rings on each other is not something you do every day so you may even want to practice doing it at some point before the service.

As for the bride’s engagement ring, I usually suggest that you either leave it in your dressing room (or somewhere safe) during the service, put it on your other hand, or simply leave it on and swap it with your wedding ring right after the service so that your wedding ring is on the inside, closer to your heart..

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Elopements: Keeping it Real (Simple)

2010-10-05T08:51:00.000-04:00

Now that all the informational stuff is done (see my earlier blog entries) I can turn my attention to more topical matters that apply to everybody, not just those who can choose their minister, location, service, vows, props, etc. I realize now that all of the earlier posts are what I cover in phone calls and meetings with brides and grooms, so when we meet, you can expect to hear those things from me if asked.

Today I want to talk a bit about elopements. In this economy, many people are choosing to elope and then have a second, bigger wedding at a later time when money is better. Sometimes I’m the elopement minister, sometimes I’m the big wedding minister – sometimes I’m both.

It’s funny that the majority of vow renewals I do – especially the fifty year ones, which are the most popular -- are couples that eloped the first time around. Things were different back then. It’s a wonderful, thoughtful gift when a family hires me to do a fifty-year anniversary vow renewal for their parents. And when the first wedding was an elopement, having a real wedding fifty years later, with the family closely gathered around, makes for a very special moment in your lives. I love my job.

Here’s the long and short of elopements. Mostly it’s short. Typically, an elopement service is at my home. This is the most cost effective way to do it. For a small fee you can simply choose between a religious service and a civil service. I have short ceremonies prepared for just the three of us. It saves you money if you choose this option. If you want to customize your service (see my earlier posts about creating your own service and vows) then I usually charge a little more.

My elopement services are meant either for the three of us (Georgia does not require witnesses) or for a very small group of attendees. For my elopement services at my home I ask that you limit the wedding party to six adults, total. That means you can each bring two people with you.

I do lots of elopement services at places other than my home, but the cost goes up when I have to travel. These are called destination elopements. I love to do destination elopements, especially at places like Tallulah Gorge and the Botanical gardens. Any scenic spot will work for an elopement service when you keep it REALLY small.

There are some very nice Bed & Breakfast locations in North Georgia that are very flexible with prospective couples for hosting weddings. Near Athens there is the Thompson House and Gardens – a wonderful spot out in Bogart.

Here in Watkinsville there is the Ashford Manor. Next to it is the Ashford Memorial Methodist Church, which has been renovated and is a lovely place to have a wedding if you want a church wedding but don’t have a church (or yours isn’t available).

I do many destination elopement services at people’s homes, side rooms at restaurants, public parks and buildings, scenic overlooks in the North Georgia Mountains, secret places, places where the couple met or had their first kiss – the sky is the limit when you keep it small and simple.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

The Finishing Touches on Your Northeast Georgia Wedding

2010-09-26T10:20:00.004-04:00

In this post I will talk about the actual order of who walks in, and out, and when, and how, and some of the finishing touches that I usually try to put on the customized services that I perform. These are the things I always think about and see to, so if you are one of my victims, know that I will be watching out for these things so you don’t have to – but it might help to know the inside story. If you haven’t read my previous posts, it would be good to do so now just to see how we got here.

Once you have signed off on the final version of the text for your wedding service (see my earlier posts regarding vows and creating a ceremony), the only thing left to discuss is the finer details.

First you would look at the room or area where you will wed. Let me say that the best thing is to avoid steps if possible. I do lots of weddings at the Day Chapel in the State Botanical Gardens of Georgia, located here in the Athens area. It is perhaps the premier wedding location in Northeast Georgia.

There are two steps at the front of the altar of the Day Chapel. Unless you have a huge wedding party (five or more bridesmaids/groomsmen), I prefer to stand on that top step and keep the entire wedding party on the floor – for a number of reasons, starting with the avoidance of steps. I hold my breath when I see a bride approaching steps. If you ever have to negotiate steps at your wedding, remember to hold your flowers between your thumb and index finger and use the other fingers to cinch the front of your dress and pull it up so you don’t trip over the front hem.

Another reason I like to keep the entire wedding party on the floor is because it keeps the action closer to the attendees, making for a more intimate wedding. When I’m put way back on the stage then I’m some twenty feet from the front row. I don’t mind speaking louder (I always make sure the people on the back row can hear. Don’t you hate going to weddings where you can’t hear the minister?) But I can use a more gentle tone when I’m closer to the people. And I think the bride and groom enjoy keeping it closer too. I think it feels more supportive to have their family literally closer to them.

Keeping the ceremony on the floor also provides space for your live musicians, sound systems, flowers, and unity candle (or any other props) that are a part of your service.

And another reason for avoiding those steps is for all of the bridesmaids, dads, flower-girls, ring-bearers, and groomsmen and their risk of falling as they go up and come back down steps. Again, the larger wedding parties pretty much have to use the whole stage, but some brides simply want to use the whole stage regardless of the size of the wedding party, and of course I defer to that. The brides’ wishes ALWAYS come FIRST.

Regardless of where you marry, there is a general structure to how things go in a wedding service. Again, there is no right or wrong, just generalities. The preference of the bride is what matters most.

Let’s back up to the very beginning.

The seating of the mothers and grandmothers is pretty much the kick off. All of the incidental music before the service ends and a song is usually chosen for escorting in these ladies. The order generally goes: groom’s grandmother(s); bride’s grandmother(s); groom’s mother(s) and bride’s mother(s). There is a variation of this order depending on whom you talk to, but this is what is generally followed in the weddings I do.

After the mothers and grandmothers are seated the minister, groom, best man, and groomsmen enter from a side door, in that order, and stand facing the back of the room waiting for the ladies to walk down the aisle one at a time. The bridesmaids song starts and they slowly enter, starting with the one on the outside and working inward to the maid of honor who goes last.

Now, if you are in a situation where the groomsmen ARE escorting the ladies to the alter (either out of the bride’s preference or because there are steps or other impediments that make it better for the bridesmaids to have an arm to hold onto) then only the minister and groom will walk out together, face the back of the room, and wait for rest of the wedding party. Another variation is for the minister, groom, AND best man to walk out together, but that means the maid of honor will have to walk down the aisle alone (she is usually the last bridesmaid to walk in).

Once all the bridesmaids are in the only thing left is to send the ring-bearer and the flower-girl down the aisle. The flower-girl should go last thing before the bride, so the ring-bearer would go first if you have both. The best thing is for them to stand right in front of the best man and maid of honor, who will hopefully keep them in place and urge them to walk back down the aisle together when it is their turn. Often they will go and sit with a family member. Whatever they do is fine. They are basically ice-breakers anyway.

NOTE: the bride’s mother usually stands first when the bride appears in the back. That is a moment of honor for the mother of the bride and a signal to everybody else to stand for the bride. More recently, the groom's mother is asked to stand at the same time in the more contemporary weddings.

As the music fades I usually give some words of encouragement to help you relax. Let me say right here that you should not feel like there is anything you need to remember (unless you’ve chosen to memorize your vows, which I highly discourage). I will have the text of your service in front of me and will tell you what to do and what to say as the service progresses. You should just relax and enjoy it, taking mental pictures and soaking up the feelings as they come.

Advice at the ring exchange: if you can't push that ring over your beloved's knuckle, let them do it. You should not struggle with it or hurt the other trying to force the ring on, but rather let them finish putting it on while you pay attention to what you are repeating. Also, it is best to let the best man hold both the rings during the service because your maid of honor will be holding both your flowers and hers at this point.

Once I pronounce you husband and wife and the bride gets her flowers back, you turn and face everyone, I usually pronounce you as Mr. and Mrs. Jones, recessional music starts and you walk. Once the bride and groom clear the last row of chairs, the flower-girl and ring-bearer will walk together (if they are there and with the help of the best man and maid of honor if needed). If they are not there, then the best man and maid of honor will look at each other step out into the middle, best man offers his arm, maid of honor takes it, and they walk.

When they are halfway down the aisle the next couple will look at each other, step out to the center, groomsman offers his arm, bridesmaid takes it, and they walk – and so on until they are all gone.

Then, if this is part of the plan, the mothers and grandmothers are escorted out, starting with the mother of the bride and going backwards from the way they were escorted in. The minister will hold his place until those family members are taken away.

Now, two things can happen at this point. If there are final instructions for the audience regarding the reception, I would have the musician or DJ fade the music and I give them at this point. Then I ask the music person to bring up another song for the brief moments while the room clears. That is a magical moment, with the hubbub of excited guests that deserves a nice pad of music under it, preferably NOT the song the bride walked out to, but something completely different. That is a nice finishing touch that comes with years of experience.

And the last finishing touches are pretty simple. When they first walk in, all of the wedding party should face the back of the room as they wait for the bride. The groomsmen should stand with their hands in front, left over right, all the same. The ladies should hold their bouquets not too high (which covers the neckline of their dress) and not too low (over their privates) but somewhere in the middle, usually with their thumb about at about the bellybutton level. This depends on the size of the bouquet and the cut of the dress.

As the bride walks in with her escort, the entire wedding party should literally keep her in front of them a she is the focal point of the day. If they do this, once the bride gets to the front they will all be turned inward at an attractive angle -- and in unison, which makes for a nice bit of polish.

And at the recessional, as the groomsmen and bridesmaids wait for the couple in front of them to walk, they should NOT shift, but simply stay in their spot until it is their time to go. The only movement they should make once they are in place is to rotate to keep the bride in front of them.

As the bridesmaids and groomsmen come together in the middle to recess, they should look at each other, step out at the same time, gentleman offers his arm, lady gently clutches it at the crook and they walk together. At rehearsals I tell the groomsmen to remember: lobster claw, chicken wing, which means make a loose fist like a lobster claw and put it over your belt buckle while sticking your arm out like a chicken wing. It gets a laugh but it helps them to remember.

The very last detail I see to before a wedding is to give the groom a fresh, clean, white handkerchief for the bride in case she cries (or needs it because of the heat at an outdoor wedding). People don’t carry handkerchiefs anymore, but if there is one day when you need one, it’s your wedding day.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

How To Design Your Wedding Ceremony (The Long and Short of It)

2010-09-24T09:06:00.001-04:00

As I write my fifth post, I realize that I need to update those who stumbled in late on where I’m coming from. I am a rare breed of wedding minister that is not affiliated with any particular church and can perform any kind of wedding from Agnostic to Zen. Ministers from established churches do not usually let the couple be a part of the actual order of service for your wedding, but guys like me do. See my earlier post on choosing a wedding minister.

This posting is for those who don’t have a regular minister or are having a civil wedding in the location of their choice and so are putting together their own, customized service. These couples have the luxury of designing their service to any degree they wish, so this particular post digs a little deeper into the fine details of your wedding ceremony.

Later I will be posting about wedding issues that more broadly apply to all couples regardless of your situation.

When a couple books me for a wedding, one of the first things I like to do is find out what kind of service they want – religious, civil, or a blend -- and start emailing samples to them. One of the reasons that I send entire services is so that you can see how a wedding service goes together. If I just sent a laundry list of parts you might not know what order things should go.

Let me first say, there is no right or wrong, but there is somewhat of an order to a service that can be easily explained. The whole process is a coming together of two individual people and the structure of the service somewhat reflects that. Let me explain.

The couple starts out single, so the wedding party would reflect that by having the minister, groom, and groomsmen enter from a side door and stand in their places at the front while the girls come in one at a time, which reflects that the happy couple is not yet put together. Of course, there are times when it is a good idea to have the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids up the aisle – like when a bride wants it that way or when there are steps or other impediments where it is helpful for the girls to have an arm to hold onto.

Then you’re standing at the front but somebody is standing between you, usually the nervous father of the bride but any escort will do (or no escort, as it sometimes happens). You both answer a question with, “I do,” then Dad goes away and you are standing side by side, shoulder to shoulder in front of me for maybe a few more words about marriage.

Then the bride hands her flowers over and you face each other and recite vows. Then you put rings on each other. Then you are holding hands. Then you are declared husband and wife. Then you kiss. Then you walk out together and the groomsmen escort out the bridesmaids, a reflection of the wedding couple having just been united.

That’s the big picture. At the smaller level, the parts of a wedding ceremony are fairly easy to understand. It’s like a long speech with some action thrown in around the middle (if you use props – see my post about using props during your service).

Here’s the order of the typical wedding ceremony. Either an opening prayer and welcoming (or just a welcoming for the civil services) is then followed by some kind of address to the attendees and also to the couple themselves. (Sometimes the Dad is seated right away even before the attendees are seated and before the welcoming – depending on need and the bride's preference.)

After that first address from the minister there may be a reading, either by the minister or a family member or friend, which is is a good way to include people whom you couldn’t have in your wedding party.

Then there is the long question that you answer with, “I do” or “I will.” If the bride’s escort is still there, he is then asked, “Who presents this woman to be married to this man?” Or something like that, to which he replies, “Her mother and I.”

Once the dad goes away you then repeat the vows and exchange the rings. The “I do’s,” vows, and ring exchange is the meat of the service, or the heart of the service. After these parts the couple usually starts to relax and enjoy the service a little more.

At this point you would include any symbolic ceremony of your choice, like the unity candle, sand ceremony, rose ceremony, water ceremony…you get the idea. Again, see my post on using props during a wedding service.

After that you might have one more short address to the couple, maybe a short reading (or prayer if it’s a religious service). After that is the pronouncement, which says something like, “Now that you have done this, that, and the other --and have agreed to this, that, and the other -- I now pronounce you husband and wife,”

Then the kiss (and the stomping of the glass if that applies to you). People clap and cheer. At this point the minister will tell you to get your flowers back from the maid (or matron) of honor and turn and face the audience. The minister will pronounce you as Mr. and Mrs. Whomever, cue exit music, and you walk.

Now, if the bride is not changing her name or hyphenating it, we can make the pronouncement go something like, “Please welcome Brad and Janet in their new lives together as husband and wife,” thus skipping the whole name-change issue altogether. This works well for the more liberated couples as well.

Words of wisdom concerning pulling together the rough draft for your ceremony: remember that you can read the service in your mind much faster than I can say it out loud. The ceremonies I send out are all about the right length for a normal to small sized wedding. A good rule of thumb is, the fewer the attendees the shorter the service should be.

When a couple tries to put together a service where they envision thirty minutes of me yakking, I end up saying the same thing over and over but in different ways. This can be tedious for everybody, including the bride and groom, especially at outdoor weddings where heat or the threat of rain is a factor.

Unless you are marrying in a church with a service that includes communion, you should expect a normal to large sized wedding service to last a total of about twenty to twenty five minutes, including the seating of the mothers and grandmothers and the exit of the entire wedding party, including said parents.

The actual service itself usually lasts about fifteen minutes or so. That may seem short, but in the hundreds of weddings I have performed over the years, I have seen the discomfort of couples and guests at the longer weddings when I seemingly go on and on, and it’s not pretty – especially if we are out in the hot sun.

Once I let a bride talk me into a REALLY long service. After I had been going on for almost half an hour, I finally came to the ending, which included the Apache Wedding Chant -- you know the one. It goes, “Now you will feel no rain…”

We happened to be in a big, glass conservatory and it actually started to rain just as I said those words. I rolled my eyes upward and the whole room, including the bride and groom, roared with laughter, which broke the tension that had built up during this extra-long service. I learned my lesson that day.

So if you are pulling together your own rough draft for your ceremony, you can time it by reading the text out loud, rather slowly. Public speaking is all about setting a certain pace and utilizing pauses so that everybody follows you and becomes engaged with what you are saying, so slow down! Doing this can also show you how long thirty minutes can be when it’s filled with somebody talking.

Other than length, the other issue of your wedding ceremony might be: making sure that everything in your ceremony is something that you WANT there; making sure that everything that you want to be included IS included; and making sure the groom has had a chance to offer an opinion of what he thinks should or should not be in your ceremony (they can surprise you sometimes).

Regardless of how long or short, big or small your wedding is the important thing is to enjoy it. Getting married should be fun. It’s a celebration to be savored, not a marathon to be endured.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Use of Wedding Props (Candles in the Wind)

2010-09-23T07:23:00.000-04:00

Last post I briefly touched on having a Unity Candle Ceremony during your outdoor wedding service and how it is hard to do without the right know-how and planning. Here is an entire post dedicated to the use of props during your service, which depends on both personal preference and choice of location.

Some couples don’t use props because they don’t want the extra tasks props require, especially if they are doing much of the work themselves. It’s easier for this type of couple to choose a service that does not require props that have to be bought, brought, and put out for the ceremony – plus actually dealing with the props during the service and the anticipation of dropping or otherwise messing up the whole thing.

You have many options for that symbolic part of your service that usually happens after the vows and rings have been exchanged and which often involves props. Beyond the unity candle there is the sand ceremony, the rose ceremony, the hands ceremony, the wine ceremony, the water ceremony – the list goes on.

The biggest considerations for these ceremonies within your ceremony is handling the actual props, moving around in a dress with a long (or even a short) train, and the responsibility of making sure the props make it to the wedding and are set in the proper place for the service -- and whether or not your choice of prop works outdoors or indoors, whichever you have selected.

Let’s look at some of the choices.

The Rose Ceremony involves exchanging roses as the first gifts to each other as husband and wife, then keeping a place just for roses in their home. Putting a rose there says to the other anything from “I love you” to “I am sorry,” depending on the circumstance. This works indoors or outdoors with no moving around for the bride and groom. Usually the best man and the maid (or matron) of honor will carry the respective roses or they will be placed where the minister can get them when the time comes.

Hand Fasting or Hand Binding involves loosely tying the bride and groom together with a long cloth-- either matching the brides dress or of a tartan variety – while I recite the words of the Hands Ceremony. Many couples don’t do the actual tying but just hold hands while I recite the words. If you do actually tie your hands together, the cloth needs to be at least four feet long and some rehearsal is needed to make sure all parties know how it works. The hard-core types will actually do the hand fasting over an anvil like they did during Celtic times. This prop works well indoors or outdoors, with or without the anvil.

The water ceremony and the wine ceremony simply involves drinking in turn while I recite specific words and works well indoors or outdoors. Nervous, shaky hands are the biggest culprits here. Best to use water instead of real wine in case some is spilled. Usually no moving around is required. The cup can be placed where the minister can get it when it is needed.

Practice using the actual props in advance is a good idea, especially for the sand ceremony. Get some cheap play sand to practice with and save the colored sand for the service. This creates a keepsake for your mantel piece. You want to be sure to use a wide-mouthed jar to pour into and more slender containers to pour from. Keep in mind that if the wind really kicks up at an outdoor wedding, the sand ceremony can be risky and an eye irritant.

Making unity candles work outdoors is very difficult. The only way it ever works is to use glass covers over them. Even with the glass globes they can be hard to light even on the seemingly calmest of days.

Most importantly, if you use glass covers, you risk serious burn if you grab them too close to the top where they can get really hot. Remember to grasp the glass covers down low where they are still cool. Hopefully your wedding planner or minister would remind you just before your service. There is still the risk that you will forget, or that an unexpected draft will blow out the candles while they are briefly uncovered -- or that it will simply be too windy to light them.

It is uncomfortable for everybody when a couple struggles to light the unity candle outdoors, just to have it blow out as soon as they walk away. I have seen a harpist’s fingers practically bleed while waiting for the couple to get the unity candle lit. I think I saw somebody ordering pizza. I usually suggest that the couple simply pretend if the candles won’t stay lit on the first two or three tries.

Another big decision for the unity candles is whether or not the bride and groom should blow out their individual tapers after together lighting the center candle, which depends on the preference of the bride and groom and their religious leanings (or the opinion of any mothers that happen to be around). If asked, I always suggest they leave all the candles burning as nobody is dying here. It depends on your denomination and beliefs and should your decision to make.

If having a unity candle is really important to you, maybe consider planning for an indoor wedding where there is less risk of burn or the candles blowing out. Otherwise, you might consider one of the simpler symbolic services or avoid using props altogether.

Whatever your plans, give careful consideration and lots of thought (and practice) to using props in your wedding service so they can be an important and meaningful part of a beautiful ceremony and not a distraction that steals the dignity that your special day deserves.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Vows: To Talk or Not to Talk

2010-09-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

When planning your actual wedding service, should you have that luxury (see post dated September 21, 2010 about choosing your wedding minister), there comes a point where you have to decide what to do about your actual vows. You may like the vows that are already in the ceremony of your choice, but sometimes a couple wants more – or less. Let me explain.

Loosely, there are two parts to your vows: the “I do’s” (sometimes called the statement of intent); and the part where you repeat after me. If you have a choice, there are reasons to have, or not have, either or both. You can quote me on that.

Obviously, your more traditional service will have both, with a question thrown in for Dad about giving away his precious daughter. That question usually goes, “Who presents this woman to be married to this man?” (I can’t think about giving away my own daughter. I see the pain in the dad’s eyes every week – well, most weeks.) The more liberated service might skip that part.

A more contemporary service will often have either “I do's” or repeats, but NOT both. When designing your own service, there is no right or wrong. For couples that don’t really want to say much out loud, the choice to skip the repeat-after-me part makes sense. They can put all the important stuff into the question that they answer “I do” or “I will.”

If you also keep the repeats short at the ring exchange (something like, “with this ring I thee wed” as you place the ring on each others' finger) a couple can get married and only say eight words aloud. This idea is appealing to many couples especially if a bride or groom suffers from stage fright, is not a native English speaker, or is physically handicapped and cannot speak clearly.

Of course, it’s easy to skip the “I do’s” if they don’t fit into your contemporary ceremony. Just highlight and hit “backspace.”

Some people get more creative with the vows than just writing their own or repeating them after me. Sometimes a couple will bring their vows with them to the altar, written on scrolls or nice, handmade paper, and either read them aloud to each other or give them to me to repeat aloud. (I don’t recommend memorizing anything for your wedding day, much less your vows.) Sometimes a couple will simply exchange the scrolls and the minister says something like, “The bride and groom have prepared vows for each other, which they will share together later in private.” I kind of like this but it only fits for certain couples and certain ceremonies.

As for writing your own vows, that idea is attractive to many couples. Just remember to read over lots of other vows first to get ideas. Sometimes couples are satisfied to Frankenstein together their own vows by putting together individual lines of other vows into their own, personalized set of vows.

If you move forward with writing your original or pieced-together vows, make sure you design them to have nice breaks for repeating aloud and not long, prose-like sentences that don’t make sense when offered up in pieces. Keep in mind that you don’t want to have more than four to six words to remember at one time when repeating after me. Most importantly, try them out loud on each other. Sometimes two words look just fine next to each other on the printed page but become mortal enemies when spoken aloud.

Don’t be discouraged if your project of writing your own vows does not come to fruition. Many couples don’t follow through with this idea because, first, it is really difficult; and next, you must both have the right personalities to even try writing your own vows, and that kind of personality is somewhat rare. It would be unusual for both of you to really be into writing your own vows. And lastly, most couples that don’t succeed in writing their own vows simply run out of time. In this economy many couples do a lot of the work themselves and run short on time as the day draws near.

The best idea is to have a back-up plan – a set of vows that is acceptable to both that can be given over to the minister at least a day before your service so that he can prepare for it. That way you’re covered if either of you can’t come up with your own words in time.

DO NOT agree to get extemporaneous at your wedding and just wing it when it comes to your vows. Your day is too important to leave to chance and a nervous groom or bride. If you can’t write your own vows, give yourselves a break and choose some that are already written or do the swapping of the scrolls thing.

As for humor in your service, it can work but you must be careful. Although a wedding ceremony is a very dignified event, I have had couples personalize the service to point out well-known foibles in one or both of the couple and got tons of laughs. Just be careful to make sure it is a trait that is VERY obvious to everybody so the joke simply can’t be missed. You don’t want to hear crickets on your wedding day – only the peals of laughter and wedding bells.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com

Choosing Your Wedding Minister

2010-09-21T09:37:00.001-04:00

So, you’re engaged. Congratulations! Now, what will you do? The first step is to determine your budget and start selecting your venue and vendors. Shop carefully and check testimonials. You don’t get married too often, so you want to be careful whom you choose to be a part of your day.

Since I’m a wedding minister, I’ll offer some words of advice when selecting a minister. There aren’t a lot of non-denominational ministers out there who are willing to perform weddings outside of their respective churches (and their rules). Guys like me are rare – mostly because without a church it’s hard to make a living doing this on a full-time basis. We don’t make much money and we don’t have big advertising budgets so it’s hard to find us – it’s the classic chicken and egg thing. A good national resource is http://www.gatheringguide.com, or you can simply use Google maps and search for “wedding minister” in the area where you will marry.

If you are marrying outside the church and are looking for a minister you have some distinct advantages, such as choosing whom you like and having complete control over what is said at your service. I did not have that luxury. I got married by an old-fashioned minister who was about to retire. I knew he had no intention of letting me be a part of the words he chose to marry me and my wife – that’s not how those guys roll. Most ministers affiliated with a church will not give you the option of selecting your service much less altering or writing your own vows.

Independent ministers like me are happy to perform both religious and civil services that are selected and customized by the couples themselves. I do religious weddings, interfaith weddings and weddings that are completely secular in nature, especially in cases where a person of the Catholic faith is seeking to marry outside the church, as it is required. Some couples will even write all or part of their ceremony and then ask me to perform it, which I am happy to do. It makes for a more interesting day at the office for me. And, there are few things as lovely as a Zen Buddhist wedding or as unique as a Celtic service.

Hopefully your minister will be willing to take into account your special circumstances and will work with you to create a lovely service that fits your families and makes you happy. If you can’t meet with your minister, at least speak with him or her on the phone. You can tell a lot by a person’s voice. There is a certain amount of meshing of personalities, so make sure you speak with your minister if possible.

Again, this is a one-shot deal so you want it to be right. I try to meet couples after hours and on weekends – much like a real estate agent’s hours. Often it is important to the couple that we meet, so I try to oblige them when I can. If you can meet, you should try to have your rough draft pulled together by the time you meet so you can have a productive meeting.

Here’s a piece of advice: you should not wait until the last minute to select your wedding minister. I book as much as a year and a half in advance for some of my spring weddings, so you should book a minister as soon as you find the one you like. Every year a couple will dilly-dally and fail to contact me to let me know they want me and then their day and time will get taken by another couple.

Make sure your minister will be wearing something appropriate for your service. You don’t want your minister to show up wearing flowery robes and peacock feathers when the groom and groomsmen are wearing black tuxes, for example.

Also, you want to make sure that the minister will stick to the text that you sign-off on before the service. I always love to tell the story told to me by a prospective couple who had attended a friend’s wedding where, to the dismay of everyone, the minister broke into an acapella version of “You are So Beautiful” as sung by Joe Cocker – directly to the bride, not like that was uncomfortable or anything…

-Rev. Sam
www.revsam.com

Coming soon! Vows: To Talk or Not to Talk.

First Post -- Firsties!!!!

2010-09-20T15:25:00.001-04:00

Does it count if you say "firsties" on your own first post? I doubt it. What does count is that fact that getting married should be a fun and romantic adventure. I hope to post ideas and venues and point out some great vendors that all make up the wedding industry here in beautiful Northeast Georgia.

I say "welcome" to all who stumble upon these words and I hope they are helpful and useful as you plan for the most important day of your lives as a couple. Congratulations on your engagement and I hope your life together will be richly blessed.

What's on my mind right now is how beautiful it is over in Tallulah Gorge and how much I enjoyed a wedding I did there once. I love to go there with my family. It's a great place to have a very small, intimate wedding that you can enjoy -- with the more fit people in your life. There are some very intense hills to reckon with but the most beautiful overlook is actually the easiest to get to and the shortest hike from the visitor's center.

For larger weddings I would call to see what they have available for larger parties and whether or not what you want to do fits within what they allow. I recently discovered Chota Falls, which is a wonderfully exclusive wedding venue that is very conveniently located and very well equipped to serve many size wedding parties. They have a beautiful falls on the grounds that creates a perfect setting for a wedding. Check them out!

Soon the leaves will turn and I will want to stop at Tallulah on my way to to North Carolina where my family goes to get away from it all. We plan to go back to Tallulah Gorge real soon and hike all the way to the bottom of the gorge, which is one of the oldest natural formations on the earth! These hills are old and sacred here in the South.

-Rev. Sam
www.revsam.com