The Weiberjager's journey

Silence

2009-10-14T04:49:00.007+09:00

Shezal flew out of the tunnel and all the way to a small clear in the forest, covered by a layer of snow. In the center, the dark creature the old snowy owl was looking for, the black wolf he pursued for weeks from his home. But the wolf looked somehow strange. He was still... motionless as if he were in a state of shock. Shezal stopped at a high branch of a black pine nearby from where he noticed two things. One, the black wolf looked extremely tired. The second... they weren't alone. A silent audience of the Moonlight Forest crow seekers were observing the scene from all the black pines surrounding the clear. But the owl was too old to be afraid of any audience.

- You surely are a hard to follow creature. What are..?

- I've looked everywhere Shezal... everywhere. But... nothing.

- What were you looking for?

- I didn't think... I mean... I didn't want this to happen.

Shezal flew down the black pine and landed behind the black wolf who was just there, staring into nothing the void.

- All I wished, all I wanted, was to get better . - he said while looking down to his forelegs. At the very least be like everybody else. Healthy. That's why I disappeared but...

Will this be my final destiny?
Will this sickness, this curse, take everything away from me?
occupy every corner, every aspect of my life?

- What happened?

I should've known nobody would ever wait for me.
Life itself wouldn't wait for me. At the end, there is only me and...

...and...

...THIS.

- Hey... talk to me.

- WHY are you here Shezal?

- I came here because you got me worried, the way you left...

- You should be with your family, your friends, instead of loosing your time here with me.

- I just told you, I got...

- I know... I'm nothing but an anecdote in your life. You'll forget this, all of these, in a few days or so.

As the dark creature started getting separated from the owl, moving to the center of the clear, Shezal started to feel like he was at the wrong place in the wrong time.

- Wha... hey, you're just gonna leave me here talking to the air? Tell me what's going on, maybe I can help you.

- I can't.

- Why not?

- Words are all it takes to make things even worst.

- How can they be worst?

- It has happened before.

- With me?

- ... Go home Shezal. It's over. I...

He turned his head to the old owl. He tried to show a smile but he couldn't maintain it for even a second.

- I'm done.

He went forward, slowly, as if his legs were suddenly heavier than before. He went straight to a small depression at the center of the snowy clear and there he lay down. He put himself in a sleeping position with his head touching his paws and his tail covering his snout.

- Come, you can stay in my place. We'll have some food and you'll have a chance to meet all the other clans living in the white forest.

But there was no answer.

- Hey. - he said while getting closer to him.

Go home my friend.

- Are you listening? hello!?

I got my answer. There are dreams and dreams but mine was just not meant to become real, now I know that for certain. It's time to adopt a new different one, something to make sense to all of... these. If I fail to do that, the decision will be mine to take my dreams, along with this curse and myself, straight to the depths of a canyon.

Not what it seems

2009-10-13T02:30:00.014+09:00

A scarlet fox, female and still young, perhaps 7 or 8 solstices older judging by her size. Back home, there were not so many of them. Certainly an unexpected creature to find in a frozen hell like Zamhareer; back home it was always said the core of their clan migrate to a far warmer region in the south long ago. Loosing hope about how much information he could get from such creature, the white wolf decided to change the course of his interrogatory.

- That was surprising, I've never seen such kind of ambush from...

The strong sound of the wolf's snarl made the fox reformulate her speech. That, and a set of savage ivory teeth.

- Ohh okay. You've made your point. Now if you please...

The pain from the claws clutching over the fox's chest gave her the clear idea that letting the wolf speak first was the way to go.

- Where does your clan settle!? where is the elder of your clan!?

- Argh! Look, I think you need to understand some...

- Shut up! you will tell me what I want to know or...

- What? you'll kill me? said the fox suddenly showing confidence in a subtle smile.

- I'll have you find out how many pieces I can take out of you before you die.

- Reeeally?

- ...and I can make it last for days.

- Well, you see...

Tired of her impertinence, the wolf decided to start his nasty task with the fox's left ear. But for his surprise, she rolled to the right freeing his long tail which he used to hit the wolf's snout and confuse him. But in fact, it did more than that. It barely touched him but he felt the muscles from his face to the neck suddenly numbed.

- ...I think you're starting to loose your edge.

At first he though it was poison. But then he remembered. He felt that sensation once, that strange energy coming from an giant old pine tree right after it was stroke by a lighting.

- You should be feeling it by now. If one doesn't eat properly one looses strength... speed. I don't know about the land you're coming from but here...

Checking the movement of his neck, the arctic wolf was watching all her movements, waiting for the moment to catch her distracted.

- Here those deers you're rejecting are the best thing we have at hand. But you... you have caught my attention. Why wont you eat those deers?

- I don't know, why don't you tell me...? he said, prowling around her looking for his chance.

- Huh... You know, besides the evident fact that we need meat to regain our energies, every creature in Zamhareer is connected to a special kind of prey from which we regain our... essence.

But the scarlet fox also wasn't missing any movement of his interlocutor.

- I've watched you avoiding those deers for too long, you shouldn't be able to manipulate snow or ice by now. And still you did it in order to ambush me. I've always thought boreal deers were the essence for the arctic Zeffir wolves. If... that is what you are.

The wolf didn't reply at all. He didn't care about anything but to find the perfect moment to regain control over her.

- You're loosing your time if you think you can catch me unguarded again, so you better indulge my curiosity at least for a while if you want me to tell you something.

- I've never heard about the Zeffir clan.

- Then how is it that you can make your way with the snow?

- I don't care how.

The fox bursted into laughter after hearing that for a while in front of a 170 pounds wolf that was loosing his patience.

- So what are you?

- I'll answer that only when we meet your elder.

- Very well, you freak, - said the fox after getting tired of not getting any significant response - I may know where you can find the elder. But... "clan"? That concept was from... well, many generations ago.

In Zamhareer clans are no more.

Seekers

2009-09-17T23:26:00.011+09:00

Shezal was definitely lost. But things could've been worst. In the past there wasn't any snow covering the forest floor that the moon could illuminate, giving to his nocturnal vision somehow a better but still small degree of visibility. Even a young owl would've had troubles.

No. His only chance was keep going until he finds one of Moonlight forest's black winged observers.

- Well well... what is an old and famous white owl like you doing so far from the protection of his own clan?

Shezal could recognize the funny east accent right away. It was a crow.

- I came here not to indulge my wishes, but to find a lost soul. Being you from the Athan clan, you should know what that means.

- Hah! and what do you want with them?

Did he said "them"?

- Nothing but guidance to take someone out of their home. Someone I know, close to me.

- I see... well I don't see why those old decrepit ugly birds would care about telling you anything unless you pay their price, you should know that. And you better not tell them you're close, otherwise the price will be higher.

Knowing how strongly hierarchic the society of the Athan clan is, Shezal quickly discovered the identity of his interlocutor: Kain, the exiled rain-caster.

- Actually you know him too, Kain. I'm looking for the one your clan knows as the "Schwarzerdamon"...

Several seconds of silence without answer followed that last sentence and Shezal was beginning to wonder if he was alone again.

- I'm looking for Argos!

Suddenly, he realized the moon light wasn't as clear as before. Someone was flying right over him.

- Low down your voice! said Kain as loud as his whisper could allow. - The other seekers will hear you and I'm not supposed to be here! Believe me, right now I don't think it's a good idea to be near him.

- So, you know where is he? said Shezal whispering too.

Silence and dancing eyes. Obviously Kain was trying to decide something.

- You must tell me where is he! Hey!

- Quiet! you... Alright. But not before you swear to me you'll never tell him who helped you.

- I swear it by my family oak. Now, take me to him!

They both flew for a long time. In time Shezal noticed some of the trees were... burned. The color, the smell were suddenly familiar to him. That was the way.
They found a small creek that became a river. It should have been one... but it was frozen now. The river disappeared under some rocks which were in fact hiding a cave. When the light of the exit was getting closer and closer, Kane broke his silence.

- This is as far as I go.

Shezal nodded to acknowledge the statement of his guide, then turned back and flew right to the exit.

- Remember to keep your promise!!

Hunting for answers

2009-09-06T22:09:00.006+09:00

He dragged the last piece of food he could save for the evening near the place he used to sleep. The next day, the white wolf would have to travel a long distance once again to get steal the fishes from the emerald beak cranes and pick some of the fruits from the shores of a large river nearby.

That was what he had become, a mere thieve. He almost couldn't remember the days in which he was out there in the snow plains hunting for snow forest deers, his most desired preys.

He still remained confused about what happened that day when he met the deers of Zamhareer for the first time. Was it pride? or fear? was it the mysterious influence of the existence of his doomed brother? Whatever it was, it made him reject the offer of practically being fed. Those deers actually wanted to be eaten by him, by anyone. Anyway he couldn't stand keep thinking about it; or soon enough he would find himself looking for them, possessed by his own desires.

A new freezing day in Zamhareer. The sun was high but no warm could be felt from it. It was time to look for his meal once again.

That day, after he left those deers, he could see at the distance a huge brown bear and a hyena accepting their strange offer. After the first bite, he close his eyes and turn around making a big effort to think in something else or just try to convince himself that not doing it was the best thing he could've done.

That can't be called hunting. No way I'm doing that.

However, his instincts were telling him a complete different story.

"You'll break. Just like everybody else who arrives here."

The wolf stopped, looking around himself anxiously and showing his teeth aggressively. He always hated being secretly watched. After a while, he decided to continue his journey to the river, and the fishes. He went around a small white snowy hill and disappear from the eyes of his stalker. The hidden creature waited for some time before thinking to make his move. Nothing, except for the sordid thunder like sound of creation and destruction of massive icebergs in the far away chain of Diamond Mountains. Afraid he might have lost the wolf, he came out from the hole of the old cypress and rush into the snowy hill. It was strange, he could not see any paw prints in the snow but the smell from them was strong. Smelling the snow, he suddenly noticed something strange. Two small yellow lights appeared under him.

Everything happened so quickly he didn't had a chance to react. All he knew was his feet caught by strong jaws and snow and ice flying into the air in every direction. The landscape was now upside down and his back was shivering from the coldness of the freezing snowy canvas.

- See? THIS is the real thing.

As he was trying to catch a breath and the snow mass pressing his chest was loosing its white cover, he saw clearly those bright yellow eyes looking to what it has become now its prey.

- Now, I have some questions for you.

Into the shadows

2009-09-06T20:23:00.009+09:00

Shezal didn't know come the night came so fast. The day just felt so short after he found himself trying to track the black wolf under the canopy of Moonlight forest, wondering what the hell did he dare to come this far from his good old oak and his family. If trying to keep an eye on a beast virtually appearing and disappearing under every shadow at full daylight was difficult, at night it was obviously impossible. The white owl clearly understood that in Moonlight's he wouldn't find the wolf from such altitude.

- Damn, this is definitely the last place I thought I would be flying into.

He still remembered the stories the eldest of the clan use to tell as a warning to everyone whose voice could reach. A place to lose yourself, eventually your mind and finally your own life in an apparently endless maze of rock, mud and trees. If you somehow were able to make signs or marks of any kind with your claws, teeth or beak in the exceptional hard bark of those black pines and old oaks, you wouldn't be able to distinguish them in the middle of such darkness, and even if you had the gift of night vision, you would realize that such marks would be a few of other hundreds of thousands made by those who are still looking their way out or those who never made it.

The creature would get nervous when it realizes it cannot even find the way it was coming from. Of course, hope is what will keep the poor being trying and trying until it feels it's time to rest for a while and start again. However, patience starts running out when you feel the thirst and hunger taking a hold of you. Such hope starts to shiver when it notices it's getting slower and weaker and it has no longer an idea or sense of direction. That's the moment when a new and terrible idea appears unexpectedly in your mind like a soft and barely audible whisper growing stronger and louder every time it notices it needs more time to rest, and the cold and dense humidity of the black forest make the act of breathing as painful as it could become.

The lost creature could hear sounds of other animals coming from here and there; but trying to find them would be impossible for such sounds will never feel closer. Lost creatures will realize they're certainly not alone but unable to reach anyone... ever. The few who can stand that survive in the verge of madness for the effects of isolation and impotence carving deep into their hearts and minds. Those who cannot, end their last adventure in the rocks of the deepest canyon they can willingly or accidentally find.

Winged creatures were always the privileged ones. Their chances to escape were definitely better, and they were the ones everyone looked for when someone went missing in there. A particular group was better for that job.... the Athan crow clan, better known as the "forecasters", who usually inhabits the crowns of the tallest and older trees in Moonlight's. But rumors said they couldn't be fully trusted for they never cared about the importance of their mission perceived as a despicable burden, and always demanded high prices for their services.

Anyhow, Shezal had an idea what to expect from that place. But greater was his surprise to find the black forest also under the influence of this mysterious growing winter, and the soil claimed by the snow and ice as well as many other regions.

Aided by the gentle light of the moon in second quarter, the old white owl found an small opening in the dense canopy.

Resigned, he took a big breath, made a sharp curve into the high sky, took a long look at the full moon, and descended vertically, disappearing into the forest.

Odd. in my whole life, I've never felt the moon so close... and so beautiful.

Instinct

2009-04-04T01:42:00.004+09:00

-Some mood music

Rise! Rise for eternity!
Tainted souls of lunacy,
We shall know neither time nor deities
Our Master demands malevolence
To haunt the never-ending winter
To be the everlasting nightmares
In the frostbitten infinity...

Taxx - Upon the gray sky of Zamhareer

Don't you want to?

Am I becoming crazy? I thought. I couldn't see where that voice was coming from, but the same question, the same exact words over an over again were almost having an hypnotic effect on me. I was so sure that I was following the direction opposed to my own shadow for days already, I could feel the strength leaving my body, my legs trembling, and the pain in my nose every time I inhale that incredibly cold air of Zamhareer.

Don't you want to?

Wat was he meaning of that question? what was he, she or it referring to?

Don't you want to?

I didn't know for how long I could maintain the pace. If only I could... I must find a...

Don't you want to?

I need to...

Don't you want to?

Finally, my own body showed me the true sense of that question. What that voice was asking me about all that time become as clear as the idea that my very existence depended on it.

I couldn't deny it, neither dominate it. It was mere instinct. Mere and powerful instinct.

I do.

Suddenly, and after so long, I found myself going down a small hill. The snow felt softer under my feet, and without noticing I was already running towards the direction of that unmistakable smell; deer's scent. After a moment, their acute voices gave a more precise idea of how far I was from them, making me go slower and quietly towards them.

Do it.

They were all together, cluttered. However, I managed to distinguish some young ones among them. I knew after I come out for the chase they would run in every possible direction following the head of the herd. But eventually the slower younglings or wounded ones would be left behind; then I would be able to finally define my target and take it down.

Trying to close the gap between us, I crawled slowly and carefully with my belly almost touching the freezing snow of that frozen hell. Unexpectedly, one female saw a small bush close to my spot and came closer to eat the leaves.

I couldn't wait any longer; the surprise element had to be mine. So I jumped forward and start running with all my remaining strength towards her. Leg or neck, whatever I could catch to bring her down and finally satisfy the instinct that was driving me insane.

- What the...?

I stopped so abruptly that I almost roll over myself. What my eyes saw got me so confused, that for a moment I so didn't know what to do. I checked the smell in the air; deers, no doubt about it. But...

None of them ran away. Some of them were staring at me. But I couldn't distinguish the slightest trace of terror in their eyes; terror that would make them run as fast as they possibly could away from certain death. Terror for their lives.

So? what are you waiting for? Don't you want to do it?

What the hell is going on here...

Seven days ago

2009-03-24T00:46:00.000+09:00

##Some mood music..

Shezal kept following the trail for seven days already. He has tracked many creatures in his life, but none like that obscure figure who seemed to jump from shadow to shadow under the white forest.

The black wolf was going back to the Moonlight forest. While keeping an eye of him from the skies, he couldn't help thinking over and over about the discussion they had seven days ago.

.....***.....

- Where do you think you're going?

- Where else? I'm going back to Moonlight, or whatever is left of it.

- But... you can't go back now!

- Watch me.

- The snow is falling everywhere and covering everything, don't you understand? there's no difference now!

- I must go. Alone.

- No one can help you there, but I... we might be able to figure out what's going on!

- I don't care about the snow and I don't care about your help.

- Well you should. Because if this continues you will die and take your white brother with you.

- My brother you say? He would do just fine. He always wanted to get rid of me, I'm sure he knows something I don't.

- That's not true, said Shezal with an offended tone.

- You don't know him. He's nothing but a cold blooded murderer who sees me as nothing else but a...

- No! You just say that because you want to justify your own self destructive...

- Enough!!

There they are, thought the old owl. Those predator eyes again he saw from the black wolf nearby the ice cave.

- You know I don't need to kill to survive. But that doesn't mean I can't.

Trying to reach him in a more personal and close level, the old owl land slowly just a few meters in front of the angry wolf.

- Listen to me. Things don't have to be this way. We might still fix this!

- Fixing what? nothing has changed. Nothing ever does, he said while passing just by Shezal's side.

- What?...

- I'm going back and I don't expect you or anybody to understand. Good bye Shezal.

- Wait! This even isn't you. The frozen winds, this coldness is changing you, can't you feel it?

No answer at all; the discussion was over. Shezal just stood there watching the black wolf shadow disappearing into the woods.

He just doesn't care, the elder thought. All there is in his mind was about returning to that dying forest. If Shezal was to change his mind, he should find something he still care about. And that something had to be in that place. The black wolf's Moonlight forest.

After waiting some prudent time, Shezal extended his wings and began to look for a trail. It didn't took long before he found it. And so it was that, at dawn, and without telling anyone where he was going, he followed him.

.....***.....

Exactly seven days ago before dawn, there was this terrible, unrested night when the black wolf woke up abruptly, covered in sweat. The dream was over, but the sensation, the idea was still poisoning his mind, making his body tremble. With every part of his being filled with frustration and anger, he went into a small area covered with pines and snow, certain that he would never forget that night and that dream in his entire life.

Turned into a 175 pounds fury of fangs and claws, he threw himself against each tree he could found trying to bring them down. Finally, an old and hollow pine tree covered in blood fell down loud and heavily, sliding down the hill a few meters. The wolf jump over it, and began to tear it apart layer by layer, as if the fallen tree were the one to blame.

The one who in his dream took away the only and most precious thing in his life... for good.

Awaken... again

2009-03-15T00:29:00.005+09:00

- Some mood music...

And there will be such intense darkness, that one can feel it.

Exodus 10:21

shall be the guardian... separated... is cursed...
to stop the bleeding... no heart... take over him... only one...
the time is up... what you want most... let go...

...you're not dead yet...

... there is still something you must do...

...rise...

He, who was unconscious since the incident in the ice cave, finally open his eyes to find himself in the middle of nowhere. He slowly get on his feet, feeling dizzy and disoriented. After a few seconds, he could focus enough to study his surroundings. There was no trees, no rocks, no mountains. No tracks either, just as he suddenly happened to appeared in that place. Nothing at all, in any direction except the endless white canvas he was standing on formed by the snow.

The snow and... his own shadow. There was a source of light. With a feeling of gratefulness, he decided to follow its silent advice and took the direction towards the light.

- I guess its always you and me, right? he said talking to his own shadow as it made him remember someone.

Something should happen, somehow. Sooner or later. Just go on.

And for the first time in his life, our arctic wolf felt what is to be cold.

And very, VERY hungry of flesh.

Unexpected

2009-03-08T22:04:00.005+09:00

-Some mood music

It was almost a moon cycle since the black wolf arrived to the snowy lands. And during all that time, Shezal took care of his own family and stopped by the ice cave at the Cascade of the Forgotten to see his former white hunting companion frozen inside an ice wall. Wondering about what he might be experiencing now in Zamhareer, his visits helped him to remember keeping an eye on the white wolf's only family, temporarily inhabiting a spacious hole in the basement of the old owl tree.

Staring at the canine white figure behind the ice wall, the old owl pretended he was being heard.

- ...I know how important is balance for both of you. I've heard from you many times what this frozen environment can do to your brother, and now he being here... this was certainly unexpected. Perhaps you were expecting me to get him out of this place after he did what you wanted, but I can't help to ask myself if you were mistaken about him. Maybe you have underestimated him.

- As you said, he is not a hunter. He doesn't seem to need taking the warm breath of life from others to keep his own like we as snow hunters do. But then, if he doesn't hunt, he is also not related to any of the other aspects of hunting as a social activity. That makes me wonder about the kind of life he's had until now.

- Anyway. I'll do what you expect me to do. He will leave today, unharmed, unchanged...

It was a new day, and Shezal flew back to the tree to see if his guest was already up. Indeed, the black wolf wasn't sleeping... neither alone.

As he was getting closer and closer, Shezal could distinguish at the distance who was the small black figure nearby the wolf. It was Kain, the exiled rain-caster from the Athan crow clan.

Apparently the meeting was over, and Kain was about to fly his way back. In an attempt to make Shezal loose control, Kain flew dangerously close to the old owl. In a quick movement, Shezal made his way down in a closed curve avoiding the crow's younger wings as dark as his intentions.

- What did he want?

- Calm down. He came only to give me some news from my forest.

- The Moonlight forest?

- Yes.

- So, you're going back now?

- I don't know anymore.

- What do you mean?

- Apparently, it won't make a difference whether I stay here or not.

- Why?

- The impossible has happened. Back where I come from...

...it has begun to snow too.

A kind of anxiety

2009-03-01T18:30:00.009+09:00

- Some mood music

There is but one man who can believe himself free from envy; and it is he who has never examined his own heart

Claude Arien Helvetius

The black wolf returned to his temporary lair in the base of the big old oak when Shezal and his family were getting ready to sleep. He was preparing to do the same, but suddenly a choir of childish voices asking again and again for one of their grand-father's stories kept him awake for a little longer. He couldn't see anything but the idea of Shezal behaving as a "grand-father" make him smile.

Having heard that the old owl agreed to humor the little audience, the wolf decided to stay awake for a little longer to listen what his friend was about to say.

- It was long ago, while I was trying to reach for a new land after the great flood. It happened that after many days of travel above the sea, I found a small and dry place to rest. I thought I was alone in that small place until I heard two man talking sited on a rock. The one who was telling this story was called "captain"...

- What is a "captain"? sounds very weird - said a small cute voice.

- Hehehhe, you see, I think it's a name. So, the story I heard was about an old man...

...An old man who lived in a house of small rooms. (Best Animated Short Oscar Winner 2009)

No more sounds. It seemed that the old owl stop telling the story after realizing the last one of the fledglings fell asleep.

- Shezal...

The faint echo of that voice transported by the innumerable small and long holes inside the tree reached far enough to be heard by the old owl, without waking up the small ones.

- Shezal...

- Ah, I didn't know you were listening too.

- ...Can you finish that story?

- Actually, the second part of the story is more suited to old fellows like me.

- ...please.

- Very well then - he said, making a short pause to remember the point he should continue the story. So the old man stood there while those memories took over his mind for a moment. And then...

La Maison en Petits Cubes - Kunio Kato

- That's it. Have you heard it before?

- No. But it seems familiar to me, somehow.

- Oh, did it get to you?. Maybe you feel sorry for that lonely elder - he said while looking at his previous small audience sleeping warm and peacefully. I know I do.

- You know, I think I... don't. Ahh, thanks for the good story Shezal. Sleep well, see you tomorrow.

- Good night.

After that, the black wolf intended to sleep soundly. But it cost him more time than he thought, as he again had that sensation he knew very well. A sensation like a small being moving around inside his chest filling him with some kind of anxiety.

Some guitar to enjoy

2009-02-22T12:54:00.007+09:00

A nice tune in guitar. I'll put it here so I won't lose track of it.

Brand new day
Joshua Radin

Appearances

2009-02-15T19:12:00.008+09:00

-Some mood music

... my soul returned to me and answered "I myself am heav'n and hell".

Omar Khayyam

I thought you wouldn't last until the flowering season. How is the chest pain? Does is still hurt when you breathe?

- Is still bearable, but... I know I am already overdue. Anyway, is not so bad now. I might made it to the next winter solstice.

- ... life sucks.

- My life has been long enough to ensure my lineage and guide them as well as I could. There is no higher end for an old folly like me. It's my time. - said Shezal while making himself ready to fly.

They both stood in silence for a while. Noticing that the night was about to fell upon them, the owl offered him a place to stay, an regular and deep space inside the roots of an old oak nearby his nest.

- Sounds good for me. Lead the way.

During the journey to his place, Shezal couldn't help to check his mate's state. He might be holding in this climate way better than he ever expected, but from time to time he saw the black wolf shivering. Judging by the frequency of the steam from his breath, he could tell he was also fatigued. Perhaps he didn't eat at all- he thought. As concentrated as he was with his observations, the old owl didn't notice that a common acquaintance of the gone white wolf and himself was about to encounter them unexpectedly.

- There you are! I was looking for you all over the valley.

This was bad. The small Dusein was a classic-air-bag type of fellow who easily gets into panic; the shock of discovering a new foreign and gloomy predator face to face like Shezal's companion would start a commotion and the black wolf would have to finally abandon those white lands.

- It's fine, we were just looking for our meal out of the usual hunting boundaries. What's so important?

- Don't you know? the Higar lynx clan is claiming territory at the north east of the frozen falls, not far away from here. I'm in charge of warning everyone in the forest not to go anywhere near that place. Its incredible, those lynxes are so clever in ambushes, not even the royal eagles are willing to stand their domain over those peaks because that would put in danger their small ones who can't fly yet.

Shezal was shocked. Only that he didn't know what was more suprising, the fierce eagles abandoning their territory or Dusein not saying a word about the unknown predator he had right next to him.

- I wonder what diverted their usual migration path to our land. Did you see or hear something strange from where you're coming from?

- We only saw traces of blood and some dead bushes broken to pieces. But that is what you usually find in eagle's territory, they take the prey all the way up to their nests.

- So, it seems the lynxes have currently stopped there...

- By the way, night is already upon us so... - interrupted Shezal, fearing this inexplicable situation would end any moment then.

- Damn! I have to hurry now but please, if you see anyone in your way back...

- We will warn them, don't worry.

After a small nodding of his head, he disappeared below the snow canvas in a blink of an eye. Both of them resume their way back, but now the curiosity of Shezal was so irrepressible that he kept staring at the black wolf long enough to be noticed, as if he were trying to extract the truth out of his face if necessary.

- You should have seen your expression back there Shezal - he said almost laughing.

- What has just happened?

- You don't need to worry that much. Only those who has seen my brother and me together are able see me as I am, just like you do. For the rest, I am the white arctic wolf they know.

Aftermath

2009-02-08T16:13:00.009+09:00

-Some mood music...

I sent my soul through the invisible, some letter of that afterlife to spell; and by and by my soul returned to me, and answered "I...

Omar Khayyam

He opened his eyes. The falling snow accumulated in his head finally woke Shezal up. The sunlight angle against the tree line over the white hills told him it was another sunny morning. While trying to stand in his feet he tried to recall what had just happened. Some flashy memories coming back to his mind told him he was inside the cave before loosing consciousness, but now he was far from that place. How did he get there? The lynxes... the last thing he saw before being hit against the wall by one of them: a familiar shape that suddenly appeared at the entrance of the cave.

Could it be that in the skirmish between predators, they forgot the prey? Never heard of that happening before. Or perhaps...

Perhaps he was to be eaten in the aftermath. Perhaps he was not alone.

He gave a quick visual scan to his surroundings. The idea of not finding anyone calm him down a little, until he sight of an obscure sillohuete in the middle of the snow. Just as being suddenly aware of being discovered, a pair of shining yellow eyes fixated on his every movement appeared, shocking his very soul. It took some seconds until he could regain complete visual focus to distinguish the tail, the ears,the snout, the wolf. Now he could stop holding his breath in relief, but he couldn't stop being surprised. It was him. But why here?

- You...? How...?

- I thought you weren't going to wake up ever again. Change of menu... I guess. I'm gonna have to look for something else to eat.

- Why are you here?

- A simple "thanks" would have been sufficient but... Not so long ago my brother and I had an unusual kind of talk, unusual for him anyway, and among all the things he mention, he told me to take care of you in case something were to happen, for old time sake. It was just so odd for him to be like that, so I followed him.

He turned to the mountains of the frozen cascade in the distance. Shezal then realized how far he had being taken. But then again, he didn't know exactly how much time has passed since the incident.

- And something did happen...

The old owl tried to incorporate himself, checking below his soft feathers for wounds numbed by the snow.

- Ha. But of course he knew I would follow him, and I would find you in big troubles.

- I suppose he couldn't just ask you to come here, your death is just a matter of time in this extreme coldness. But then...

- Then there was no one else to ask for that kind of favor, I suppose.

I was told by his brother that his presence here would put an end to his existence in short time. He was just not naturally prepared, as simple as that. But surprisingly, he seemed to be ok. His character, manners, attitudes, reactions; how two creatures so alike can be so different. he thought. But those yellow eyes he perceived when he woke up were unmistakable waiting the right moment to begin with the messy feast, the eyes of a predator. And he was not suppose to be one. Not that wolf.

Too soon to say if that is an influence of this place to someone who is not supposed to be here, or a part of the consequences of his brother not being here anymore.

When I'm Gone

2008-08-24T01:42:00.003+09:00

This is a song I wanted to post long ago. One of the best of Eminem in my opinion

Lyrics

[Introduction]
Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...

[Verse 1]
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

[Verse 2]
I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

[Verse 3]
Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

[Chorus/Outro]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain

Just smile back...

And then...

2008-08-17T22:25:00.003+09:00

A wish?

- The kind of wish that might save you and condemn you at the same time....At least that's what it is said. No one knows anything else.

- Just like that...

- It seems very simple but...

- Or maybe is a kind of wish someone like you would never think about.

- Someone "like me"? He said, in an offended kind of way.

- Think about it. No one knows because the ones who do are already here. Look at them. All of this creatures are all different and some of them I didn't even know they existed. Their clan or region, even the "where" or "when" are meaningless, the only think they had in common is the wish that drove them to the same place: here. The kind of thought that perhaps drove me here too.

I couldn't help to notice Shezal's nervousness while looking the entrance of the chamber. "I don't like being in closed dark places" was his answer, so we decided not to loose anymore time.

- Now we have come to the point where I must ask you the most obvious but still pertinent of all the questions. Why are you doing this?

- I can't tell you that.
- Why not?

- In this way I make sure you won't be able to follow me. You don't have that thought in you head, it's better to keep it that way.

- Gaaah!. I don't have time for this. Do what you've come to do, or lets return now!

- Sooo! years have turned you into a very impatient old bird you know?

I stood right in front of an empty space in the chamber walls. I closed my eyes. And I just let it happen. I didn't move. I couldn't see. But I could feel it. A coldness like I never felt in my life that was suddenly replaced by a general numbness. And then...

...

It happened. He was inside. Shezal prepared to return quickly, but then again he couldn't help to look back with regret to the one he was leaving behind and wondered if this whole thing was just a big mistake. Old as he was and despite of being the most lofty and stubborn of his clan, he had to admit that actually he gave up the future of his friend in order to keep the secret of the place.

An alarming sound coming from the entrance inmediately brought him back to his current situation. Time was up. Apparently, the false trace made with rodent blood wasn't distraction enough to keep them looking on the opposite side of the river.

The upper-story was too thick for a bird's safe sight, and land creatures just disappeared mysteriously. Rumors that this part of the unexplored land was taken over by a new predator race from the eastern misty giant pine forest were true. No one knew which kind, because no one was able to return.

He just stood there and saw them coming. One of them stood by the only entrance, while the other two approached from both sides. unblinking penetrating eyes fixed on their prey. Swift movements, climbing down the ice cave walls with their long claws in long jumps showing their unmatchable agility and amazing dominance of equilibrium. Every muscle of their strong extremities in calculated tension, measuring hunting distance all the time.

He would be at their jump range any moment.

The nomad Higar clan; he was standing in silver-lynx territory.

Sand story

2008-08-10T22:51:00.000+09:00

Something nice to hang here.

A volunteer

2008-08-03T21:29:00.003+09:00

I have been waiting.

- Not like you had anything else to do right?

No better high spot for him than an old oak branch. Shezal couldn't have chosen a better place.

- Whatever I know about the place you seek would be useless to you. I think the best way for you to know about it, is seeing what I have to show you.

I followed him for a while. I knew where we were going. But I knew that frozen cascades are a dead end.

- So, would you point me to the right direction?

- You don't need any. Lets go inside.

I thought I wouldn't find anything different from all the others I have been into. This one was particularly dark. It was never about the place. I was about the time. The sun rays at that moment were reflected by the frozen waters of the cascade, which in turn illuminated the entire chamber in tones of blue and shining white I had never seen before. But that wasn't all.

There were some obscure large objects inside the ice walls. As I was getting closer to one of them, my doubts were disappearing. Brown bears, fire color foxes, grand royal deers, huge ruby serpents and the most strange birds were only among the figures I could recognize in that moment. All of them, behind a thick layer of ice.

- Why don't you try to take it away?

I was certain I could concentrate enough to make the ice withdraw from that small chamber. It wouldn't be so hard compared to the usual hobby of discharge safely the overloaded slopes to prevent avalanches or closing all the fissures in the ice walls I found over my walks among the highest white peaks. However, after several tries, I gave up the moment I started to have a really strong headache.

- This thing is stronger than diamonds. What is this place?

- My young friend; among others, my clan stood guard of this place even before the appearance of the frozen peaks you live. Whether there is truth or or not in this I don't know, but it is said that this is the place where winter were first felt in this land; or should I say the one place winter spreads from, south to north, coast to coast. This cave is where the influence of the place you seek was felt with the greatest intensity. And wherever or whatever such influence comes from, can't be good at all.

- So this is it, huh? is this...

- Don't say that word again!

- So...might this be the entrance?

- Even if I call it "entrance", the word wouldn't fit at all. Cause as you can see, you're not the only one who has tried this. And about the poor bastards who have tried to go there, it can't be said that they are gone, cause they never left this place.

- Are they dead?

He nodded negatively. - There's no way to know. Maybe they're dead, or maybe they just don't want to come back.

- Or they are trapped.

- I don't think so.

- Why?

- Just look at them. They are all sitting there. There's no sign of struggle. And their eyes, I don't see desperation in them.

- Does it mean that they ended like this by their own will?

- Precisely.

One life...

2008-07-27T15:43:00.008+09:00

Where are we going?..

- You know the place. Right over the frozen cascades of the East.

This decision is not only yours to make.

That voice again... suddenly the idea of the true identity of its owner stroke my mind. I had to be sure.

- Go ahead, I will catch you as soon as I can.

- What are you talking about?

- There's something I must do first. It wont take long.

- I'll wait for you there! Don't make me wait!

I saw the old white owl flying away and finally disappearing behind the silver hills. The time has come to meet the one who was tracking my steps.

- Funny thing. For a moment I thought I was going insane hearing voices in my head.

- So, you've forgot about family? So disappointing.

Just as if one of the old pine's shadows came to life and turned his blazing yellow eyes at me, I became aware of how close he was following our tracks.

- I didn't know you were awake.

- I was awaken. By you. So, you think I should thank you? or hate you even more for it?

- So... that's what happened.

- And now I am here in this pitiful world of suffering, again, to claim for what was my right from the start.

- Believe me, I didn't know this was going to happen. I just thought it was another frozen illusion not to be trusted. But then things changed. And now...

- Now, you just had a glimpse of what I am commended to endure every night since...

- Yes, I know... I know, I was there. So, why are you here?

- I think you know.

He would do it again. And I wouldn't be able to keep what I have become to experiment in his absence. I couldn't let this new "something" go away for good.

- What I am going to do only concerns to me and only involves me. I can take my own risks.

- Since when you decided that you could make such decision on your own?

- ... I took for certain that you would never appear again.

- Hah!, cold blood. That certainly sounds like you. What if I kill myself now? Huh? All your doubts, joys and sorrows would end because you wouldn't even know what happened, neither your friend Shezal would be able to tell why the heartless white wolf of the arctic mountains fell down dead.

- I do NOT intend to end my existence.

- No, I can't trust you anymore.

He turned facing the dense southern forests. His time was up, but we both knew this discussion was far from being settled.

- I'll keep an eye on you; keep that in mind.

For the clan's good...

2008-07-20T00:18:00.002+09:00

Suddenly, his eyes crisped while completely opening his white wings showing a threatening attacking posture. A blink of an eye was what it took for him to realized the big mistake he had just committed, but it was already too late. Shezal had not other choice but to be direct.

- In other times, you would be at least exiled for even pronouncing that word here. You have no right to ask me such a thing!

- I only want to know how to get there. I'm certain of it's existence, and if you don't tell me, I'll cross this arctic land asking until I find someone who will.

For a moment, for a long time we stood there waiting for what would be an answer from the other. But to get what I wanted from someone like him I knew I had to take the initiative, so I prepared to make my way out of there.

- Where are you going now?

I didn't know. And I didn't answer.

- Wait, don't! You don't know what you're doing...

I have been a long time with him through a lot of situations before, but it was the first time I watched his gaze going for severe and judging seriousness.

- We thought we could keep the new generations safe from it with our most deep and sacred silence. Many of us has already passed the way taking with them what they knew and so fulfilling their last but most important task of all: protecting their own clans. We were commended to keep the secret and any curious visitor... If you spread the rumor of it, you would destroy complete lives of hard, constant and lone effort of those who know the power of words and what you could bring to life if spreading them again.

- Hiding something just make others unprepared from what someday someone would face in one way or another. Lies have never protected no one from nothing.

- Forgetfulness was our only choice.

- Forgetfulness never accomplish anything...

- Gods find their own end in complete and absolute forgetfulness! The entities who fully came to understand and dominate the true power of a believer's mind. But your ancestors and mine knew that belief is the only source of their divine might. With no one to remember them they eventually lose all their influence over our realm. With no one to recall what they are capable to do, they become nothing but presences wandering only between light and shadows until they cease to exist when the last one who holds a memory about them perishes, but meanwhile they're waiting to regain what many of them think should be theirs with an impatience that grows day and night.

- Waiting to regain what?

- What it matter the most over anything else for each one of us. Control over our ephemeral and hence beautiful lives. Immortality might lead to madness unless you have something to fill it with. So ironic that they made us think that our very existence depends on them when it's completely the opposite...

- I still fail to see what all of these has anything to do with the place that I'm looking for.

He turned his eyes to the sky perhaps looking for the right way to proceed while trying to order his own ideas, or maybe secretly asking to the sunset some kind of forgiveness for what he was about to do.

- Won't you at least tell me why do you want to reach such a place?

- Whatever my reasons are, I promise you that the only beneficiary or victim of my journey will be me and only me. That should be enough for you.

After a short moment, I could see in his eyes filled with resignation that he reached to a final decision.

- We will talk, but not here. Follow me.

It took a while until I found out we were going to the frozen cascades.

"That's not true and you know it..."

What? Regrets? Or did I just imagine that voice in my mind?

No. That voice was familiar to me.

To end the cycle...

2008-07-13T22:37:00.017+09:00

Your way of life presents itself with a lot of restrictions; however many other creatures would like to have what an arctic wolf like you do. Why can't you content with what you already have? Why you're not satisfied?

- I'm just trying to understand if what I do have now is what is really important to have in my life.

- Did someone ever give you something just because it was you?

- No.

- Look around you. You've told me many times that in this land there are far more preys than in your clan's. Now, do you see in this land any other creature like you doing what you do?

- No.

- Now tell me. How comes that you arrived here?

- Well, its true that all in all I... chose to come here, to be here, but...

- And you might leave anytime you want. But for one reason or another, you're still here because you're aware of the facts and the consequences of your own choices, as far as your experience can tell. We have no experiences from past lives. We have only this one to discover how things work.

And for whatever is worth, I think you're doing fine.

- Thanks for your vote of confidence.

- But that's not it right? Why don't you just tell me what's troubling you?

- What I can tell you is that there's something rounding in my mind since long ago. Like cycles that come and go constantly. And every time I think deep about it, everything I thought I could keep doing for the rest of my life becomes suddenly empty. Everything I thought I've figured out until that moment lose its meaning. And then I can't continue my everyday life, at least not until I get distracted enough to forget the whole issue; but I know that sooner or later that same thought will come back again.

- Is that so huh? Well, glad for you.

- But there's something else.

- What...

- I've come to ask myself how would it be not having that cycle ever again.

- Aha...?

- If it wouldn't be better just to get rid of such kind of thought, forever.

- No...I think...

- And then I remembered the name of this place, being mentioned by the clan's elders. Something I heard by accident, something I wasn't supposed to hear.

- What place?

- And being you one of the older creatures I know in this land I wanted to ask you...

...Have you heard something about Zamhareer?

Clear my mind.

2008-07-06T18:24:00.003+09:00

Snow. Wonderful, white snow.

It's time to embrace the stillness of its frozen and wise nature, once again. Cause I can't help to notice that my ice melts quicker than before.

It's necessary, from time to time. I call it a way to renew something in myself.

See, unattachment was only a word for me for a long time. Hopefully, I'll be able to grasp its meaning one day.

What I know so far, is that unattachment doesn't mean to stop caring about everything or everyone. Oh no.

For me unattachment has to do with learning to live with the temporary nature of everything. Learning to live with the fact that what is here now around you, might not be here in the future. Of course, having this idea in mind always helps to a certain degree in a variety of situations and moments. But, truly assimilating it is something I consider in times bitterly difficult.

A last moment: sad, but beautiful. Powerfully charged with an entire world of meaning. A kind of mortal beauty neglected to divine eternity.

For long time I was puzzled about what kind of creatures could bear such inhospitable environment, breathe such freezing winds, sleep on extremely cold ice. And I used to imagine about how could I live in such a place.

After some years, the answer seems somehow clearer than before. The magic word was: balance.

I need to cool things down on me. Clear my mind. Keep the balance with the darkness of anxiety that gets stronger for moments. The darkness where my alter-ego dwells.

The time calls for renewing my weakened frozen nature. Shezal would express his strong disapproval the moment he hear that place's name. Maybe it's too soon to express my thoughts.

Anyway, I'll sleep on that idea...

Let it be...

2008-06-29T13:33:00.011+09:00

So, what do you think?

- I think you need to find the ones of...

- ... your own clan?

- This is not...

- ... your place?

- And return to where...

- ...you belong?

Now the small Tizzar had that unpleasant face when he gets pissed off. Waiting for dinner in our hiding spot near the lake brought us to continue our previous conversation. All in all, I was interested about his opinion after all.

- And you've heard all of this before from...?

- Everybody else. You know? I don't see a reason to go back now. Certainly this is not my land, but the Ursa's territory. However, this place is inhabitable for me. They're generally polite and gentle. And even if they're not, that would be not so different than the place where I come from.

- But you can't make friends here. I mean, if I were you I would go back you know? Forget the whole thing. For me the situation is so clear, what are you waiting for?

- That's extreme, don't you think? The good thing is that I've realized how things work around here, so now I know for sure that I haven't been so lucky in that aspect so far.

- Haven't been so lucky? You've been here for more than three years! I'm telling you: wake up and smell the reality. Or else, you will spend some good years trying where you shouldn't.

- You know, maybe for them I am hideously impolite, terrible in manners, extremely corny, so on and so forth. Obviously I will never know their true opinion about me, not even if I ask them to; that's something that only someone who either cares very very much or someone who is extremely angry at you... can do.

- Have you tried?

- Asking? Yes. All I got was a bunch of completely generalistic, superficial, polite and gentle statements that could be applied even to rocks. Of course, that was more than expected.

- What about from your side? have you tried to trust one of them with something personal?

- Yep. And I realized that after a few days, even mosquitoes knew about that personal something.

- What? Hahahhaahhahahahah! They totally hate you!

We both explode in laughs of irony for quite a while. We did of course gave away our hiding spot and the preys ran away immediately. Short after, our facial muscles got tired and we didn't have enough air to continue.

- So what are you going to do now?

- What am I ... Now I am going to pursue my meal, and I think you should do the same.

Always blur...

2008-06-22T19:00:00.007+09:00

<= Music Player

Are you angry with her?

- Ehhhrrr... no. Not at all.

Yes. Yet another issue about the polar's and I. This is the main extract of my conversation with a my newbie pal Tizzar. He certainly is not as incisive and preachy as Shezal the owl, but his simple questions got me thinking more than one time. Since he's kind of shy and it took a looong time for him to start talking to me, I put my patience to the test with his ussual interrogatories.

- Is she angry with you?

- I don't know. I don't think I have done anything wrong.

- Do you say "hi"?

- Yes. Sometimes she doesn't.

- Does that affect you?

- If she were my friend, yes it would.

- Isn't she your friend?

- I don't know.

- "You don't know"?

- Exactly. Sometimes she acts like friendly, sometimes she doesn't, and...

- I see.

- Yeah, an inter-species kind of thing, you know. It should be that. So, kind of I got tired of that and I just ended up accepting the uncertainty.

- Oh...

- Like while hunting in a pack of wolves, you know?. You only think about the group objective and don't mind about who's the one beside you or what he or she might believe or like.

- So... everything is alright for you then?

- I should think so...

- But...?

- No. Nothing. I was just thinking that maybe what has changed is not her, but me. I mean: the "way" I saw her behavior then, and the way I see it now.

- That's possible. I just can't understand why you can't tell whether someone is your friend or not.

- That's easier for me to distinguish among my kind. Among wolves we are polite to each other, we help each other, but we don't need to pretend frienship that hard from the beginning to get our jobs done; we even consider that suspicious. We don't expect friendship from the beginning, but the Ursa's were certainly giving all the signs of it since I came here; and I honestly thought I was very lucky. I didn't want to believe it, but maybe it's just like other clans told me about the Ursa's.

- And are you upset about it?

- Naaah. Things are just like they are. The Ursa clan won't change me, and I won't change them. Surely they don't think they are doing something wrong, neither do I. So... I just have to accept the idea that what I think it is... in fact it's not.

-That doesn't sound simple to me at all. Is it working for you?

So it happened that my empty stomach made my patience short. So I just smiled, leaving him and our the conversation with a final question.

- What do you think?

Keep looking...

2008-06-08T19:20:00.015+09:00

<= Music Player

Days are getting longer than nights, and once again life couldn't be flourishing as much as in this point of the year.

We agreed to meet at noon in the crane's favorite riverbed spot, the only place in this entire sub-zero region where no creature returns from with an empty stomach.

I arrived moments before the small and shy weasel Tizzar and the white fox Migane. Some time after, the snowy owl Shezal and Lu, the polar bear would join us for the first summer hunt. We all had our own type of prey, and since we realized we were able to find them all together only in one place... "why not hunting together?" was the brightest idea that the sparky Migane could bring to our minds.

But one thing I wasn't prepare for is that Shezal would bring company. Her name was Karim, a female and young polar bear.

She helped me to find my way back one day I got lost long time ago. And I always thought about returning her the favor one day she might need my help. And I guess it would have been a good friendship if it weren't by a major communication breach.

She only could spoke Ursan, the native language of the polar bear's clan. And yes... I tried to learned it, without success. However, I always thought that the language of friendship was universal. I guess my fatal error was to underestimate the differences in our behavior and ways of being between our kind. There are gestures in both sides that are considered excessive while others insufficient to transmit a certain message in the way one would like to do it. And I'm afraid I even might have given her the idea that I wanted something more than friendship which is... really odd in animal kingdom.

Kind of frustrating though... when one is looking for some harmless company and instead of that is taken by someone who wants to cross the line.

So now every time we try to communicate is like talking through a thick and solid ice wall. She smiles, but I know she is counting the seconds for me to leave which in honor of the truth, after many times trying to have a real conversation, now is something that I do myself. The sad reality is that our communication never reach the level of confidence necessary to clear the air; another inter species behavior difference that I tried to avoid so things wouldn't get even worse.

Anyway, now she has an opportunity with the one she likes, given that Lu doesn't have a couple anymore. She mentioned him almost every time we came to talk a little bit more than "hello" and "good bye", wondering for his whereabouts and even confusing him with some big moles of ice and snow from the distance.

So this was an opportunity for both of them and such idea pleased me. Why? Perhaps because I thought that if she comes to realize that I don't mind at all seeing her with a couple, then she would understand that I wasn't after her at all in the way she thought.

So, at the summer hunt, I met Karim once again, unexpectedly. But this time I just let her be.

Greetings. A little bit of "how are you" lines. Something to end it short. And then I keep on with my hunt.

I heard the Ursa clan were having a meeting that same day at night. When asked I just expressed my gratitude but said that unfortunately I had something else to do, which was in fact true. Another appointment with Migane and the other foxes of the misty fields, a promise made weeks ago. I didn't ask, but I'm sure they had a nice time among themselves.

Just as I think I did.

Now, I just need to keep looking around.

Just this...

2008-06-01T15:42:00.001+09:00

Two movies I would like to post here, so I wont lose track of them when they get released in movie theaters

If they are not released where I am, then I would find some ways reach them. Diabolic, hehehe.