Weigh to much

Need to do more...

2007-08-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm pretty sure that sitting around whining about being a fat ass won't get me skinnier, but working 12 hours a day then fighting with my computer all night has been my game plan the last five days.
I forgot to step on the scale Saturday, and since I decided to do it weekly rather than more often, so Saturday it will be. I'm not expecting anything good though.
I have been eating fruit for breakfast/lunch and cooking dinner every night, so many that will have an impact.
And I bought non fat sweets rather than chocolate. And I haven't been munching on anything in sight all night long, so I'm going to bed a little hungry and waking up starving. It's weird eating breakfast, and I worry that will not be beneficial, but I've been told and I've read that eating breakfast actually helps to get your metabolism working correctly, so maybe it will make a difference.
I'll let ya know Saturday!

Some History

2007-08-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

I'm good again at 341, so I'm happy. I thought I'd talk about my history some, hope that gives some insight.
I am not one of those women who have tried everything. Rarely have I really tried anything to moderate my weight. Once I started trying to exercise, but I quit because I was working to much, and the main reason I started doing that was because I quit smoking.
I haven't really worried about it much, really. I'm happy with myself, and most the time I forget I'm overweight, so I have to remember to remember that in order to take steps to lose it.
The only time I'm really aware of it is when I try to do something and my fatness prevents me from doing it. Sitting in a booth at a restaurant. Walking to far. Running up and down the stairs. Clothes shopping. Those things cause me issues, but how often do I try to do any of them? Not often. I often go out to eat at restaurants where I get seated at a table. I don't walk much, I go up and down the stairs slowly and I care not much about my clothes, therefore I don't shop much.
Now, I'm not really sure what came first in my opinions on what I do. Did I used to walk a lot? I don't recall doing a lot of it since I started driving. Sit in booths at restaurants? Not sure, been fat since I've been an adult more or less. Never really liked clothes much, just gotta wear them so I don't get arrested when I leave the house.
It hasn't stopped me from flirting, or being flirted with for that fact, although I sometimes get insecure when I'm flirting, but not often.
So, I haven't tried to lose weight before, this will be a first.
And work isn't helping at all.
Yesterday, donuts, ice cream.
Today, party, cake and some kind of yummy jello stuff. Mmmm.

343

2007-07-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

Bah! I was mad at myself this morning when I got on the scale. I really didn't expect much, but to gain two pounds? Fuck I hate scales!
So, I'm gonna try to remember to weigh weekly instead of whenever I remember.
Oh, and less ice cream.

I was reading Bitchy Jones today. I love her, seriously, and wish I could be like her. Not so much the kink part, well, not her particular kink. I'm kinked in a slightly different way, but it doesn't make her blog any less interesting for me.
What really fascinates me is the honesty part. I really feel like I'm reading what she feels when she posts, not something she thinks people want to see.
I wanna be that honest, about my trying to lose weight, and I'm trying, but I doubt I lack the writing ability to write like her, but I hope to. Want to. Don't know if I know how.

Seven Pounds!

2007-07-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

Yay! I weighed myself yesterday. I weigh 341 now. That's so excellent, it makes me want to go out and walk the dog!
I got a dog for purely selfish reasons. I figured if I had a puppy, I'd have to walk them, right? And it turns out to be the way it is. Both the kids are walking her to, that's good. She's adorable, and much loved already, and boy, does she like to go for walks.
Also I've been cooking my own dinner rather than fast food and eating fruit for breakfast and bringing some kind of lunch to work.
It seems to be working too. Yay for seven pounds!

See's Candy

2007-07-16T03:09:00.000-07:00

Well, went walking with husband yesterday. We walked all OVER the casino. Seriously, I didn't know a casino could be that big. Or that loud. Or have that many sucky five cent games.
But walk I did, so that was good.
And today, me and the kids walked all over the mall. I tried to keep the pace brisk with them (hubby just walks fast, so that wasn't a problem at the casino, we were running little old ladies left and right). With the kids, it's a bit harder to keep the pace up. But I did a semi succesful job, and I got some great smelling new lotion.
And See's candy. Marzipan. I love it. I didn't even hesitate when I ordered it. I didn't eat it there, but man, I had a piece when I got home. Mmmm, so yummy.
I'm supposing after a few weeks, I should start watching my diet, but for now, I'm just trying to get my fat ass moving a bit more.

Oh, and sex, been getting me a lotta that. That should count as some kinda calorie burning!

First Walk

2007-07-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it's not like I never walked before. I walk plenty at work, kinda. Ok, fine, I walk when I need to, and I really try not to waddle like a fat person, but really, truthfully, I never really walk far.
This week, I've walked twice. Farish both time. Well, for me.
Once was to and from a concert. The return was all uphill, it about killed me. I had to stop at one point, and my husband made fun of me. Not so much cause I was fat (which I am) but because he's a smoker and he didnt' need to stop.
So, I got back from shopping with my son, grabbed me my MP3 player, and went for a walk. I don't live in a great neighborhood. I wish I had a big gnarly dog to walk, but I had to walk by myself.
I walked for about 20 minutes, then came back all tired and hot. The tired was cause I'm not used to it. The hot is cause it's freaking July and it's hot out! I felt pretty good, so I made dinner (not fast food!) and then took my husband upstairs for some "private" time.
Yeah, even fat chicks like the loving!

Doctors Visit - Time for the Truth

2007-07-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

Went to the doctor last week. When the nurse weighed me, I about died.

348 lbs.

I knew I was overweight. I don't own a scale, I've maxed out the clothing sizes available in real stores.

But, I dont' have trouble walking. My joints don't hurt, I don't sweat when I walk. I don't have diabetes, heart problems, health problems. How could I weigh 348?

But I do. No doubt about it, the scale doesn't lie.

I thought about it since the docs, about the what my weight prevents me from doing, and what it allows me to do.

It allows me to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and not worry about it. There is a certain freedom in that. I don't really worry about excersice, no one really expect me to do anything.

But there are a lot more things it takes away.

I rarely go out, except for work. There is a movie theater in my area I can't go to unless I'm willing to sit on the floor in the wheelchair area. I almost didn't go to a concert. I didn't go to the campout at work. I can't take my son to play basketball. I'm embarassed at restraunts. Eating in booths is almost impossible. Clothing is next to impossible to get, and I look fat in everything... wonder why, huh? People often assume I'm not as smart as I am.

So, I'm going to have to start taking control of my weight. I've tried going to Curves, but I work 12 hours a day, I really don't have time to go there, they are only open an hour more than I'm at work.

I've never really tried to lose weight. Not seriously. I know what it will take.

Excersice more, eat less. Change my moving habits (go get my own coffee instead of having my kid get it, play on the computer less) and eat better for me. Working 12 hours a day can't be an excuse for eating fast food 7 days a week. Neither can hating to cook.

How am I going to do this? I'm not really sure. I bought some new shoes that are more comfortable to walk in. I bought some veggies at the store and some fruit. I'm cooking dinner tomorrow night.

Now... if I can figure out what to do about my compulsion to have something in my mouth all the time. It's been bad since I quit smoking.