WEIRD SIGNS OF THE TIMES

You never know....

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 12 Apr 2015 18:12:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 02:43:00 +0000

Kosher Bacon Anyone?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:38:00 +0000

Try the Matzoh Balls!

Who needs happiness anyway?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:33:00 +0000

Harry Potter Hangover?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:28:00 +0000

That, according to the marque at the United Artists Theater.

SKULLDUGGERY: PART II

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 06:01:00 +0000

Last March, I came across a couple of "vintage" skull and bones swizzle sticks from the legendary but now defunct Chicago "Ivanhoe Club". I did think they were the cats pajamas until...I found these crystal babies. I may have to have a cocktail party just to bring them out for a test run. On the other hand if someone broke one I might break down and cry. Yes, I love them that much. Did I say that out loud? How sad.

But seriously folks, they come in their own little coffin case! I'd tell you where to buy them, but I'm not found of ads. Oh, okay, I can't resist, try Unica.

I'm not tossing my original skully though. Afterall, he was my first.

p.s. they have a LOT of other awesome skull stuff.

GOT SOMETHING FOR A HEADACHE?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 22:45:00 +0000

LOOK WHO'S CALLING!

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 17:57:00 +0000

MCMARKETING: WHEN YOU'RE HOT YOU'RE HOT

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 04:53:00 +0000

WHEN YOU'RE HOT YOU'RE HOT: WEIRD SIGNS IN THE COFFEE

How to land on your feet after a marketing crisis? After losing the infamous spilled hot coffee case in the landmark 1995 lawsuit Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants, McDonald's (and just about every company serving coffee) added a warning label to its coffee cups. A few years ago that warning was something to the effect of "Caution: the beverage you are about to drink is very hot".

This morning I was sipping my McDonald's coffee and staring bleary eyed at the photos of the young, hip, gorgeous boy and girl on the cup. A little warning light flickered in my sleepy brain...that light that sometimes goes on at the moment of market manipulation. There it was in black and white, the warning had transformed to "Caution: I'm Hot" with tiny inset lettering stating "Handle with Care".

Maybe they paid another $2.9 million to the marketing genius who came up with that one. It's a warning, it's a (not so) subliminal message. "I love this coffee", I thought to myself, and "I'm so hot"!

Speaking of the creepy aspects of marketing, read a book recently by my pal William Gibson (at least he feels like an old friend) Pattern Recognition. The hilarious thing about this novel is that Gibson has conceived of a character who has a phobia—of brand names!!! Could he have written the whole novel tongue in cheek? Unfortunately this is not a great novel, but it definitely is a great outline of a novel.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 13:48:00 +0000

Stayed at the Sheraton Grand in Sacramento last week. I haven't followed the Americans for Disabilities Act too closely, but I have noticed that hotel rooms have continued to add more and more signage for the hearing impaired. One sign for the fire alarms that always catches my eye says "alarm sounds like whoop". I can't figure that one out because if you have never heard a whoop how would you understand that? and if you have, but cannot hear now (thus needing to read the sign) how would you know there is a sound?

In any case, this time at the Sheraton I noticed that the TV remote control bore a sign which read:

"CLOSED CAPTIONS PRESS MUTE"

Whoever came up with that one ought to go back to the drawing board!

CLAUSTROPHOBIA ANYONE?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 05:16:00 +0000

Claustrophobia Anyone? - Weird Elevator Signs

As a person with a, shall we say, "dark" sense of humor, I have, over the years, taken for granted my creative imagination. So it gave me pause, to say the least, when I read a sign in the elevator that speculated horrors even I had not considered. The sign reads "There is little danger of running out of air or of this elevator dropping uncontrollably":

I read this thought provoking sign every time I ride the elevator at my apartment--yet every single time I read it I have the same thought--LITTLE danger?

SEXISM AT EDDIE BAUER?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 14:19:00 +0000

Sexism at Eddie Bauer: Weird Signs of the Times

Women love shopping. Men love gadgets. So it was kismet when my boyfriend and I discovered the Eddie Bauer outlet; a store jammed with cool hiking gear and lots of pretty pigment dyed t-shirts.

And men DO love gadgets. My boyfriend is no exception. So when he found a hikers water bottle with a complete survival kit jammed inside, he simply had to buy it darling. Someone (in China no doubt) had found a way to fit a flashlight, compass, waterproof matches, signal mirror, flare, first aid, tools, emergency blanket and more, inside a plastic water bottle and to package it all up for $19.99. The shear kitsch-iness of it impressed me and I had to grudgingly admit it did cover most of my “lost in the woods” wish list items. I didn’t check to see if the carabiner on the outside was a toy or the real deal, but who would be rock climbing with this kit anyway?

I didn’t tell him that I was pining for one of my own, but I did scan the store and spotted a shelf of them in the woman’s section. But I was in for a surprise when I picked up my kit. The first items I spotted inside the plastic bottle (mine was pink, his was blue) were a nail file and a sewing kit!!! God forbid I be lost in the woods with a missing button and a broken nail! The kit also had a pack of Kleenex, so when my man said “honey do you have a tissue”, I could say “well I didn’t bring my purse but luckily I have this survival kit here”. I hope the kit also had the other “assist your man” items such as chewing gum and tums (for the after effects of all those chili cheeseburgers cooked over the propane stovetop).

I know, I know, he’s the hunter, I’m the gatherer, blah blah blah. But…did it have to be so painfully obvious? Couldn’t I just have a pink compass and flashlight and maybe a compact mirror that could substitute for a signal mirror in a pinch? Well, that will give me something to look forward to when we pass the ERA!

SKULLDUGGERY IN CHICAGO

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 14:15:00 +0000

There comes a time in every girls life when she must clean her parents house. It was just such a time that I came across great treasure: three "vintage" skull and bones swizzle sticks (from the legendary Chicago "Ivanhoe Club" which is no more). But just as they were headed for the trash bin, one of them (let's call him Skully) called out to me.

Skully asked for only one wish: let him spend one last night leading a normal life. I couldn't face myself if I didn't grant a skull and bones swizzle stick a last wish. And so it was.

Skully cooked prepared the food:

Skully cooked dinner:

Skully washed the dishes:

Skully did the laundry:

and after a long hard day of work, Skully capped off the evening by watching Jay Leno:

As Skully's last wish had been granted, he and his two friends took their final trip to that great Ivanhoe Club in the sky.

fin

KOSHER COKE ANYONE?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 20:53:00 +0000

NO DIVING FROM THE BRIDGE

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 20:51:00 +0000

SIT ON IT!

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 17 Sep 2006 03:22:00 +0000

IMG_2705_2, originally uploaded by pashlund.

ACCORDING TO THE SIGN, YOU CAN SIT ON THIS:

IMG_2703, originally uploaded by pashlund.

BUT NOT ON THIS!

IMG_2697_2, originally uploaded by pashlund.

FOOD TO GO

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 21:32:00 +0000

104-0413_img, originally uploaded by pashlund.

GRUMPY DRIVER

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 21:29:00 +0000

IMG_2963, originally uploaded by pashlund.

PLEASE DON'T EAT THE DAISIES

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 21:25:00 +0000

106_0653_img, originally uploaded by pashlund.

PHO'N WITH PUNS

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 14:52:00 +0000

PHO'N WITH PUNS
by pam ashlund

Writing about meta phenomena is perilously close to recursion. Okay, here I go: I was reading an article about blogs the other day (oy, I make myself laugh). The point of the article was basically that blogs are becoming increasingly specialized to target audiences in order to achieve readership. From there, they went on to list some “foodie” websites—among them a site devoted to my favorite Vietnamese chicken soup: Pho. The problem with Pho, is that it is pronounced “Fuh” and the LA Times probably didn’t notice the bad pun when the recommended readers visit the website: Pho-King (ouch)!

I don’t think a Wikipedia definition of recursion is helpful because you have to dig for the part that relates to my usage. I’ll just quote this little bit: “A more humorous illustration goes: "In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion." Or perhaps more accurate is the following due to Andrew Plotkin: "If you already know what recursion is, just remember the answer. Otherwise, find someone who is standing closer to Douglas Hofstadter than you are; then ask him or her what recursion is."

I can’t even say “meta” without mentioning Douglas Hofstader’s 1979 Pulitzer Prize winning book: Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid. The whole idea of the self-referential idea (it's everywhere) completely re-shaped my thinking.

AN ANTI-SEMITIC GARDEN?

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 02:59:00 +0000

It all began because of garbage. By the late 1980’s South Central LA had too much trash. In response to this plethora of rubbish, the City planned to build an incineration plant, but they needed land. Enter the law of eminent domain. In one large swoop, the City “acquired” the property of nine local landowners. Since they were paid a fair market price and the land was not exactly desirable, there were not many complaints.

Maybe it was being overrun with trash, maybe it was not having enough land, and maybe it was much, much, more, but a few years later, in 1992, LA suffered ravaging riots, affecting mainly (but not exclusively) the citizens of South Central LA.

When the smoke cleared Los Angeles had lost 547 buildings and incurred over $3 billion dollars of damage. Of the 547 damaged buildings, 428 (78 percent) were located in South Los Angeles, and 106 (19 percent) were located in Central Los Angeles.[1]

By this time, the City had abandoned their plans of building the trash incinerator and decided, in the wake of the recent riots, to make a gesture symbolic of rebirth, and create a garden on the site originally reserved for the incinerator.

Corpsmembers from a local nonprofit joined community farmers in creating what was to become the largest urban garden in the nation.

Greek Chorus: Watch Out! The Seeds of Change have been Planted!

As we all know, treat the symptoms and not the cause and it is only a matter of time before the problem will recur.

Ten years passed and an uneasy partnership developed as inner city latinos and blacks forged 360 garden plots on the 14 acres of City property. It is hard to say when it all began to go wrong, but over the years, some of the farmers collecting funds to pay the water bills, started to dip their hands in that same water… Farmers were charged a monthly fee for their gardens of $100-$200. Then a water fee of $50. Then other little surcharges, essentially paying on their way in and on their way out with the fruit and vegetables. A cloud grew over the garden. It appeared that those charging the fees were now men living nowhere near the city limits and that their pockets were lined with the labor of the gardeners in the ghetto.

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.[2]

Then…it happened--the ten years that the City had to use the land for the incinerator, ran out! The law required that the City return the land (again for a fair price). And eventually the land was returned to the original owners, who paid approximately $5 million for the pleasure.

Can you feel the pressure rising? The farmers did, the money changers in the suburbs did, the City did, and…the land developers did. The garden had to go. The land was now just WAY too valuable. Imagine how quickly the now powerful garden organizers mobilized. Just as quickly, 1) actress Darryl Hannah scurried up a tree; 2) gardeners chained themselves to fences; 3) websites popped up, etc. etc.

"How could they throw “us” off “OUR” land?", the farmers cried. Proving that Angelinos never lose their sense of humor, a local blogger writing under the pseudonym “Che”, sums it up well:

What part of "it's NOT your land" didn't they understand?Aqui estamos? No, baby. You WERE there. Don't let the door hit you in the ass.[3]

Did things have to get ugly? Of course they did. But that, gentle reader, was just the beginning. In April, 2006, Ernesto Cienfuegos, writing for La Voz de Atzlan, published an article[4] alleging (get this): a giant Jewish conspiracy! Here are some of my favorite selections from said article:

"Los Angeles has a powerful "Jewish Mafia" that is in cahoots with the Los Angeles Police Department and many local elected politicians."

"... attempting to defend their ... farm...from Jewish land developer Ralph Horowitz."

"Through "back room deals" and collusion with certain Jewish LA City Council members, Ralph Horowitz was given ownership of the land..."

"Jewish LA Council member Dennis Zine is now terrorizing the farmers. "

Council member Dennis Zine is a former member of the corrupt LAPD and still has deep connections to the controversial police department.

"(Zine) has the full support of Police Chief Bill Bratton who came to LA from Jewish New York." "Chief Bratton is married to a prominent Jewish attorney"

Bratton has visited "...Israel is to receive "training" by Israeli military and police authorities on how to deal with "the Mexicans and the Blacks in case they riot".

"Zionist Israel has a lot of practice in this department as exemplified by its clamp-down of the Palestinian people."

In the meantime, vast (apparently non-jewish) organizers scurried to raise millions of green dollar bills to “Save” the garden. Miraculous…they did, coming up with the $5 million dollar price tag of the land. Having done so, they presented their offer to the developer, Mr. Horowitz. And what did Ralph say? You guessed it, take your anti-semitic dollars and shove it (or words to that effect).

And so it was that on June 13th, the police stormed in, heads were bashed, Darryl Hannah went back to Hollywood, and the gardeners were shown the curb.

Not with a whimper, but with a bang.

Technorati Tags: Garden, South Central LA, Urban Garden, Zionist, Israeli, Antisemitism

-------------------------------------------------

[1] DANIEL FLAMING AND MARK DRAYSE, ECONOMIC ROUNDTABLE, 2002
[2] The Bard
[3] http://www.lavoice.org/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1903
[4] http://www.aztlan.net/jewish_mafia_terrorize_campesinos.htm

IDEA CANNIBALISM

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 02:35:00 +0000

Today I am pondering idea-cannibalism on the web. Is there really nothing new left to write about?

I read about the site Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things on my brother-in-law's blog SixtyPercent. On Boing-Boing I read about the Sony Brevia Ad. On the Sony Site I downloaded the ad. Later that week I read a blog called Lornamatic where she said she just couldn't stop watching the video. I, also, could not stop watching those damn balls. Then I realized I had fallen in love with the song and had to find out who it was (Jose Gonzalez) and then craving more, I watched the "making of" video and found out that the song Heartbeats was a cover of a song by the same name by The Knife, and so of course, I had to download that song (I like it). By now, my head was bouncing, but there's more!

The following week I heard a story on NPR about advertising challenges in a high-tech world and specifically...about the end of the 30-second spot. What to do, what to do? The author suggested that marketing folks were going to have to get creative to find a new way, for example, they said, look to the success of the Sony Brevia Ad. In that case they could even count the downloads, and they didn't have to PAY for the 30-second spot!

Technorati Tags: 30-second spot, Idea Cannibalism, The Knife, Heartbeats, Advertising

SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION: A TALE OF HIPPIES, HEROIN, AND PUMPKIN PATCHES

noreply@blogger.com (P. Ashlund) — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 02:10:00 +0000

If you saw one of my favorite movies of all time, The Royal Tenenbaums, my life won’t seem strange at all.

The names have not been changed to protect anybody.

The following are facts:

Jim meets Michael in Chicago (Michael is 10 years old at the time)

Jim dates Michaels sister for a while until she leaves him for an Argentinean Oboe Player

Jim introduces Pam to Michael

Pam dates Michael for a while (Michael is 16)

Michael takes Pam to see a documentary about his “hero” William Bouroughs the Heroin addict

Jim moves to California

In a totally unrelated event, Pam moves to California (ok maybe everything isn’t a fact)

Jim and Pam move into a Yellow School bus and spend a year never being able to stand up without hitting their heads. They actually pay rent for this bus.

Jim Meets Adam, the Pagan Bard

They realize they both know Michael (who is 19 by this time)

Michael has taken up Heroin by this point (see above)

Adam introduces Jim to Ann

Jim introduces Pam to Adam and Ann

Adam is a pagan musician and Ann is a database programmer

Jim and Pam meet many strange characters at Adams house, including “Bhante the Monk” and “Genesis the rock star”. Adam is the editor for Bhante’s newsletter. Genesis (a neighbor) at Adams house is a local eccentric (he has grey dreadlocks and is wearing torn pink fish net stockings). At the time Jim is a cab driver and Pam is an accountant and find the company immensely entertaining.

Michael goes to jail, after a forced but true confession, for three bank robberies (26 separate counts are filed against him)

Adam is shot in the back in orange county

His death remains an unsolved (but not entirely surprising) murder.

Pam is neither jailed (not counting civil disobedience) nor murdered (so far so good)

Ann moves to Australia and stays there happily running her programming company

Pam writes a blog item about William Bouroughs and in researching him finds out that near the end of his life he collaborated with many artists (musicians, performance artists, etc.) one of which was the band “Throbbing Gristle” of which Genesis was the lead singer.

Jim lives a happy life with his wife and kids across from a Pumpkin Patch.