welcome to my closet, here's a black dress

Mammas!

2013-05-18T12:38:00.002-05:00

When I was a child, we had gerbils for a brief period--it may have been a couple of months, it may have even been a couple of years, it's all a blur. They had babies at some point and then, the babies were dead and partially eaten. Then I think one of them died. I can't really remember what happened to them after that, actually. I was never really fond of the gerbils. I liked the idea of them (they were cute), but the reality of them (rodents) made me uncomfortable and the cognitive dissonance this caused my young mind was even greater than the cognitive dissonance caused by the idea of parents eating their babies. I must admit, as an adult, I find the idea of rats more squirm inducing than the knowledge that filial cannibalism is practiced by a wide variety of species.

I showed the above video to Julian and explained this is why we will never get hamsters. He doesn't believe the video.

"We had a hamster in 3-6 and she had a baby, she had five babies, and she didn't eat any of them. And then the next week she had five more and she didn't eat them. So, HA!, she is a liar."

However, there are the cats to consider and while Julian may not believe that hamsters eat their young, he completely understands that cats eat hamsters. Elaborate plans involving hanging cages and ladders have been proposed, but then he agrees the cats will likely outwit him and the hamsters would not survive.

Poor little hamsters.

The Internet: A Warning From History

2013-04-21T22:35:00.000-05:00

"I lost eleven years of my life to the internet, looking at pictures of cats."

Remember that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Will Riker turns everyone on to this game he was introduced to on Risa and no one can stop playing it and it turns out the game is part of an alien race's secret plot to take over the Enterprise? I have often wondered how much of our world's current fascination with the world wide web is a case of life imitating art--sure, we all think the internet is safe, but often, doesn't it feel like just a giant TIME SUCK? And it is all well and good to say "step away and read a good book," but three hours later, you are still staring at the screen, reading about the Kurgan Hypothesis (which you stumbled upon eventually after hours of clicking through various articles which originated with the one I linked to at the beginning of this paragraph). The aliens won't even need to park their spaceships over our cities at this rate. Menacing is so last century, don't you think?

Also, I love the meta ending.

Sweet Caroline

2013-04-21T11:19:00.000-05:00

Your browser does not support iframes.

I once knew a guy who said that there were two types of people in the world: people who loved Neil Diamond and people who just didn't know enough about Neil Diamond.

According to the Red Sox radio announcers, Neil Diamond showed up at Fenway Park yesterday and asked if he could lead the crown in a sing along. If I didn't already fall in the category of people who love Neil Diamond (in both a serious and an ironic way, there are many layers to my love), this would do it.

I'll admit, I was bit stunned that with the gray hair and beard no longer looks anything like Count Von Count (not that he ever really did anywhere outside of my head--Neil Diamond does not have purple skin, and I don't think I have ever seen him in evening wear as he is on record as being forever in blue jeans).

There Is Power In A Union- Take 2

2013-04-21T11:17:00.000-05:00

Second semester of freshman year, I took a history class called Culture and Society in Twentieth Century America. It was taught by a professor who did not receive tenure at my school, so as it turned out, I was lucky to take the class not only because I was a freshman taking an upper level history course, but because he left after that semester to teach at a school which did offer him tenure (alas, the cruelty of academia). But really, I was lucky because it was an amazing class which continues to influence how I understand the world. Had this professor stayed at Reed, I am fairly sure I would have ditched my interest in Japanese history and written a thesis in American studies. Maybe (remember, it was my interest in Japanese theatre which led me to Japanese history. It is possible my trajectory would have remained the same. Or maybe I would have stayed in theatre).

At one point in the class, he asked us how many of us had a parent a trade union. I only remember two people (in a class of 30) raising their hands and one of them was an exchange student from England. It was a powerful illustration of not only who ends up at expensive private schools in America, but the state of unions at the end of the last century. And it feels like things have only gotten worse since then.

I mention this because it is something I think about in relation to Julian. Despite being a child of the "professional class", despite his privilege, he will be able to raise his hand and say, "yes, my mom is a proud union member." He also will be able to say that his first concert was Billy Bragg when he was seven (though he grumbled and slept through it).

So, yeah, I was really excited that Billy Bragg signed my union card!

This post is over a week old, but I failed to post it until now. Oops.

Life Imitates a Jane Smiley Novel

2013-04-12T15:19:00.001-05:00

Officer Corral Loose Pig in Greensboro

"Neither the animal control officers nor a Greensboro police officer who also responded knew where the pig came from"

People, if there is one thing that literature has taught us it is that the hog which appears suddenly on your lawn is probably the escaped test subject from a secret project conducted by a rogue professor at the local university.

Good Bye Green Honda

2013-04-10T20:47:00.002-05:00

For nearly 18 years, this is what I saw in the morning.

At least, it is what I saw on the mornings when I drove.

For years, people asked when I planned to get a new car. "Never," I would tell them. "This car will be pried from my cold dead hands," I would say, and then, reconsidering what I was implying, "I mean, I expect it to die in the garage, peacefully, in its sleep." Of course, I said that when it was in great condition, when the people doing the asking were the guys at the Honda dealership, begging me to sell it to them. I ignored the scrapes and scratches, the dents and rust, because it still looked super luxe after a car wash in spite of it all, at least it did to me. However, over the course of the past year, all the previous years seemed to make themselves known. The mechanics at the dealership were no longer asking for right of first refusal, they were asking how much money I realistically wanted to put into the car for "unnecessary" repairs.

We hadn't expected it to happen so quickly. We just thought we were going to test drive some cars and look at a used car that was crazy low priced, but we never planned to part with our car there and then. I told people that there was no way we were buying a car on Saturday and they smirked at my naivete. We had never been in a car dealership before and had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

So, as it turns out, we gave up the car before it gave up on us. Put that way, I feel incredibly disloyal. However, it was a decision had to make, if not on Saturday then someday, and it was good to let it go while it still had some life left in it. We hope it will make someone else extremely happy.

Everlong

2013-04-05T19:16:00.000-05:00

I once told a friend of a friend that just as I liked New Order more than Joy Division, I like the Foo Fighters more than Nirvana. It isn't true, of course, but I said it because the guy was tedious and I wanted to say something terribly outre which would make him go talk to someone else. It is amusing that that was what I came up with as it didn't succeed in getting the guy to go away, it just made him more condescending and pretentious. I really should have gone for broke and said I preferred Wings to The Beatles, but I didn't think of it and, besides, I am not sure I could have pulled that off as there are limits to my acting abilities. Had I been more interested in conversation, I probably would have said what I really feel, which is that while comparisons are understandable, it seems not only unfair, but somewhat dishonest, to place these bands next to one another. It seems like something we do to elevate one person's genius at the expense of another and, often, there is the unspoken critique of the later band for "selling out." As if the original band, or at least the genius of the band, was completely uninterested in success, that they lived for their art alone and their subsequent deaths are proof that they were too good for this world. It denies the reality that a rock band, when it works, is more than the sum of its parts and a reflection of its time and place. It denies the role serendipity plays when a piece of at, be it a song or a ballet or a film, becomes the agent of cultural change. Worst of all, it denies the notion that the other members of a band may want to have an artistic life beyond that one moment, suggesting that after the original group disbands they should never have the audacity to create more art (so if they do, it is by default, less good).

Having said all that, I don't really care for most of the songs by the Foo Fighters that I have heard. I mean, they aren't bad, but they don't hit me in my solar plexus and make me briefly forget to breathe.

Except this one.

This song, for me, captures that jumping off a cliff and not caring how hard the ground will smack you abandon that one feels when they are in the early stages of a relationship, when infatuation and lust are at their peak and everything that other person says or does is a revelation, when you would swear your heartbeat is in sync with that one other person's. "Breathe out so I can breath you in"has to be one of the most achingly true romantic lines ever to appear in a post-punk song. It was the hook which drew me in as it perfectly captures that moment when you are so close you inhale the exhalations of another and realize how singular and individual the interior of one's lungs is.

Which is also kindof exactly the way it feels in an artistic collaboration when everything clicks into place.

So when I read that every human has a "breathprint" I immediately thought of this song. In particular, the fact though the exact composition of a person's breath changes day to day, "these variations were still well within each person's very distinct "core" breathprint."

Don't you love it when science confirms what our hearts and our art have been saying all along?

RIP Roger Ebert

2013-04-04T15:09:00.000-05:00

"I know death is coming and I do not fear it. I was perfectly content before I was born and I think of death as the same state. I am grateful for the gifts of intelligence, love, wonder, and laughter. You can't say it wasn't interesting."-Roger Ebert

"Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you."-Roger Ebert

"You can only find out about yourself by learning about others."-Roger Ebert

"'Kindness' covers all of my political beliefs. No need to spell them out. I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out." -Roger Ebert

I had expected to write something else today, but in light of the news that the world has lost one of its great critics, there are no words. There are some people who you just assume will always be part of the landscape, will always be around to weigh in, will always be there to teach by example, about writing, about life, about grace, and when they leave this earth, one is unprepared for the void that is left.

He loved art. He loved ideas. He loved language. He was a passionate fan and a discerning viewer. He demonstrated the important role the critic plays in the creation of art (because if a tree falls in a forest, it isn't enough that people hear it, someone has to be there to comment on the quality of the sound it makes).

His leave of presence is now a permanent leave of absence. Though we have still all his reviews and writings, the world of thought and words is poorer.

What Are We Teaching Our Children?

2013-03-19T19:26:00.000-05:00

Are we teaching them that rape is wrong?

Are we teaching them someone who is unconscious is not capable of consent, regardless of whether is is because they have been drugged, drank to much, or just happen to be asleep, and it is wrong to rape them?

Are we teaching them that there is no implied consent in the clothes a person wears and that it is wrong to rape someone because of one's raiment?

Are we teaching them that there is no implied consent in where a person chooses to be and it is wrong to rape someone because that person happens to be out late at night, walking in a certain neighborhood, protesting their government, or serving their country?

Are we teaching them that there is no implied consent if someone accepts a drink, a meal, a ride home, help with homework, or any number of other overtures one may make toward someone and it is wrong to rape a person who has accepted one's aid?

Are we teaching them that people can change their minds and that just because a person has consented does not mean consent cannot be revoked?

Are we teaching them not only that "NO" means "NO", but also that they need to wait for a clear "Yes" before proceeding?

Are we teaching them that rape is wrong?

We live in a culture that apologizes for rapists, especially if the rapists are good athletes or are smart or are attractive or come from wealthy families or find themselves privileged in any number of other ways. When discussing punishing rapists, people invariably will often suggest the accuser is lying in order to "ruin the life" of the rapist- despite the fact that most rapes go unreported and shockingly few rapists are convicted, many people believe that rapists are wrongfully accused or, when faced with overwhelming evidence that the rape occurred, that the victim "was asking for it." Someone steals your wallet, no one asks you to defend your having the wallet with you in a neighborhood while wearing expensive clothes or suggest that, really, you actually gave your wallet away and have just changed your mind about it, but if someone steals sex from you, well, clearly you must have brought that crime upon yourself.

You may have noticed that I have not mentioned gender, either of the children who need to be taught all of the above or the people who should not be raped. Part of the reason I did this is because I feel that when we make genderized assumptions, say that the rapists are men and the rape survivors are women, men may check out and assume this isn't about them, that they have nothing to learn from this and women, well, women may go through their checklist of "how not to get raped" and, possibly, suggest that any woman who strays from said checklist brought the crime, in some way, upon herself. Rapists think they are good people (and oftentimes do not consider their actions rape). We live in a society which reflexively blames victims and many of us do so, in part, as a coping mechanism (i.e. "the victim did something wrong, but it cannot happen to me because I do everything right!")

However, another reason I did not mention gender is because women can commit rape and men can be raped. To make genderized assumptions about who rapes and who is raped let's both men and women off the hook-men often don't take the crime of rape as seriously as they should and women are not held accountable for their predatory actions.

***********************************************************************

A friend of mine once told me a story about a series of rapes which took place in the city where he used to live, how at first the news just reported about how people were picked up off the street and thrown into a van where they were raped for a few hours and then let go. My friend said that later news reports revealed that the rapists were kidnapping and raping men and women and, suddenly, shit got real. Suddenly, my friend felt visceral fear, this was no longer just a terrible crime that was occurring on the streets, and he understood a bit of what women experience every day out in the world.

Another friend of mine told me a story about how his girlfriend would force him to have sex when he did not want to and how humiliating it was, in part because he felt his body had betrayed him through producing an erection despite himself. My friend didn't consider what happened to him rape, and for that matter, many women I have met over the years have not considered the times they were forced into having non-consensual sex to have been rape either.

***********************************************************************

When I read about Steubenville, I'll admit, I am more horrified by the people who stood around and did nothing while a drugged girl was assaulted in front of them. And I reflect on how lucky I have been.

When I was twenty-three years old I went to a party at my acting teacher's house. Before the party, I met up with a friend of mine for Thai food and I drove us to the party. I think I had two glasses of white wine before switching to water. At some point, I went into the bathroom and stayed there until my friend and my acting teacher's husband managed to get me home. I remember my acting teacher screaming to get me out of her house because she wanted to go to sleep. The next day, I was hungover and my friend told me that she had her husband pick her up at my house after she drove my car and me there. She mentioned our acting teacher's husband was a saint and she was surprised how unsympathetic and unkind our acting teacher had been. I thanked her profusely, apologizing for what I perceived to be my stupidity, and she said that it happens to everyone and that she has been the recipient of such kindness in the past, so she knows how important it is to take care of a friend in need. I have looked back on that night for the past sixteen years with shame. Getting so drunk at what was a professional event was beyond stupid and what the hell is wrong with me that I got so drunk on two glasses of wine? My friend suggested I must have gotten food poisoning from the food, but since she did not, that has never seemed to be an adequate explanation. I also believed that I was allergic to Chardonnay, though there is very little to explain why I have been able to drink other white wine over the years without ill effects. Maybe I was really a lightweight back then? Yeah, maybe. As I said, that night has stuck with me in a way that few other evenings of debauchery from my past have, but it was only recently, when reading about the effects of date rape drugs in relation to the Steubenville rape, that I started to wonder if maybe I had been drugged that night. It doesn't really make sense that I would be, I mean, it wasn't like anyone was chatting me up (as far as I recall) and most of the people at the party were friend from acting class, why would they do that to me? Besides, aside from the embarrassment and, potential lack of opportunities being hated by our acting teacher may have caused, nothing terrible happened to me, so does it even matter if I had been drugged? I think about how I would have reacted if I had woken up in someone's bed-I probably would have assumed I had agreed and while I would have felt disgusted with myself (I was dating Fred at the time, why would I have slept with someone else?) and angry and ashamed, while I probably would have avoided that person forever after, I would not have considered myself a victim of rape. Given how little I was able to piece together of the night before, however, I am not really sure I would have been in a condition to give consent, so it would have been rape even if I didn't consider it such. Lucky for me, I had a friend who was looking out for me who made sure I made it home, I do not need to dwell on the what might-have-beens, and for that I will be eternally grateful. It sucks that the victim in Steubenville didn't have a friend at that party, even though she probably thought she could trust everyone in that room, they were her friends, who would do that to her?

***********************************************************************

We need to teach our children what rape is because too many people just don't know.

We need to teach our children that no one "deserves" to be raped.

We need to teach people to respect others.

We need to teach our children to be heroes, to have courage, and to stand up for people in need.

We need to teach our children that rape is wrong.

Death Star Trutherism

2013-03-17T15:21:00.002-05:00

As has been previously noted, from the perspective of the Empire, the Rebel Alliance were terrorists responsible for the deaths of so many innocent people. One really needs to consider how the events depicted in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope must seem--sure, we have been encouraged to view it as a classic hero's journey, a convergence of unlikely events resulting in the million-to-one shot being made by Chosen One with supernatural abilities, but how would it look to someone who was not invested in believing such a fairy tale? In light of the fact that the destruction of the Death Star depended upon a number of coincidences, and when we factor in the circumstances surrounding the Emperor's demise, why should they believe George Lucas' version of events?

The Stars (Are Out Tonight)

2013-02-26T13:15:00.003-06:00

This makes me happy on so many levels.

Superb Owl Sunday

2013-02-03T16:25:00.001-06:00

Reedies may not know much about sports, but we know all about superb owls!

Starting the New Year Off Right

2013-01-02T19:50:00.001-06:00

BEHOLD!

I feel like 2013 is gonna be like that Jean Nate commercial. After separating out all the specialized pieces and then color coordinating all the Legos, I find myself wondering what can't I do?

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas To All

2012-12-25T16:02:00.002-06:00

Yes, all the toys are opened, the roast beast has been carved and eaten, and it is hours before the Doctor Who Christmas Special comes on...please try hard to hang on to your holiday joy and leave the existential ennui to the people who do it best: French cats.

Eight Nights of Chanukah: Those Were The Nights (of Chanukah)

2012-12-15T20:08:00.000-06:00

This is the last night of Chanukah. It seems fitting, given recent events, to end with the Yeshivah Boys Choir.

Eight nights of Chanukah Music: Ocho Kandelikas

2012-12-14T23:47:00.002-06:00

In times of great stress, we take refuge in ritual and routine.

Eight Nights of Chanukah Music: I Gotta Feeling Hanukkah

2012-12-13T18:08:00.001-06:00

I like this version more than the original.

Eight Nights of Chanukah: Happy Hanukkah

2012-12-12T18:02:00.001-06:00

It wouldn't be Chanukah without Matisyahu and this song, in particular, is especially important as all proceeds will go to Hurricane Sandy relief efforts. You have through December 16, so go to Matisyahu's website and donate. I really like the reggae feel and the outright romance of this song-it's a sexy love song as well as a song about belief.

Eight nights of Chanukah Music: If You're A Macabee, Then You're a Hammer

2012-12-11T20:12:00.001-06:00

"Be a modern Macabee and stand tall and hammer a world of peace and justice for all."-Mark Novak

Yes, this does feel a little kitschy, like someone trying too hard to be cool and down with the kids, and may bring some flashbacks to Jim Belushi's White Rap. But it is cute and it is fun to have a song which gives the history of Chanukah and then ties the holiday to present day fights for social justice.

Eight Nights of Chanukah Music: I Saw Hannukah Harry Beat Up Santa

2012-12-10T23:31:00.004-06:00

It wouldn't be a holiday if there weren't some extremely kitschy novelty songs floating around. I really never gave much thought to Hannukah Harry's relationship to Santa Claus. Had you asked me to think about it, I would have said they were both independent contractors who didn't really have much reason to interact except on those nights when their respective holidays overlapped. This song not only asserts that they are brothers, but that they both hang out at the North Pole.

Of course, Hannukah Harry isn't all that old a tradition. His first appearance was in December, 1989. Who would have thought a Saturday Night Live sketch would have such an enduring legacy? Clearly NBC did not as they don't have the full video available on their website. Which is sad because the idea that Hannukah Harry would deliver gifts while Santa is under the weather is pretty awesome and appropriate to the season, not to mention the full sketch is all about how, deep down, no matter who we worship or what we believe, we are all alike.

So, sure, Harry and Santa might engage in occasional sibling shenanigans, but in the end, they respect each other and want to live in a world where they both can coexist. It turns out, the North Pole is big enough for the both of them.

Eight Nights of Chanukah Music: Gelt Melts

2012-12-09T17:16:00.002-06:00

"If goys can eat a chocolate bunny, why can't we eat chocolate money?"-The LeeVees

Get up and dance, it's a punk rock holiday song about chocolate!

Eight Nights of Chanukah Music: Latke Clan

2012-12-08T19:45:00.001-06:00

I hadn't planned to do this again, mainly because I feared I would not find enough music. But here we are, the first night of Chanukah and, once again, The LeeVees have come through with a song that is so toe tappingly awesome that I had to share it. Because I am hopping up and down with a big smile on my face as I listen to this. And because we are latke fans!

We've Got To Break Up

2012-12-06T12:29:00.002-06:00

This made me cry.

Even if this didn't happen to me, I know many couples who have found themselves in this exact situation. As someone outside the couple in question, I always want to scream, "You will give up the love of your life for this vague desire to procreate? Kids aren't all that! There are too many people on the planet as it is, go volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club or something!" to the person who wants kids and "One kid is not so bad, really, give it a try, you will totally love a kid that is your own!" to the person who doesn't. Because I believe in love and I hate to see people, even people I don't know, breaking up when they still love each other. But I also hate seeing people grow resentful because they compromised something for the person they loved and after years of saying that it wasn't so important, they find out it actually was. Sometimes love is not enough.

Alice's Restaurant

2012-11-22T11:35:00.001-06:00

"If you want to end the war and stuff, you gotta sing loud." Arlo Guthrie

I remember in college, there was a guy who insisted we all had to listen to Alice's Restaurant because it is a "Thanksgiving tradition." I was raised by folkies and it was the first I heard of this tradition. I soon realized that this was because, amusing tradition or not, there was absolutely no way people who hosted a 30+ person sit-down Thanksgiving dinner would have the time to indulge in an 18+ minute sing song.

One thing that amazes me about Thanksgiving as an adult who does not host Thanksgiving is how incredibly calm it is and how much time one has on one's hands. I can totally understand how this tradition took root among people who looked at the yawning chasm of time between waking up and getting to one's destination and worrying at how it could be filled. Especially before the internet was invented to take the edge off of everyone's boredom. The parade is over, the ballgames haven't started, an 18+ minute song that begins on Thanksgiving? Sign us up!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Bonded

2012-11-13T15:08:00.001-06:00

For all the conspiracy theories popping up surrounding the rapidly mushrooming scandal surrounding the resignation of David Petraeus, I am wondering why no one has yet blamed Hollywood for the whole thing. Come on, the head of the CIA is forced to step down due to a sex scandal on the very day the latest James Bond film opens in US theaters and you expect me to believe it is all a magical coincidence? I mean, I do in fact believe it is all a coincidence, but only because this whole story seems to be so boring, despite the high powered individuals involved; you would never catch M communicating with a lover through an unsecured email account and Bond would never consider going to a politician because he felt shut out of an investigation. As in so many other areas of human existence, spies in real life are so much smaller and more ordinary than they are in the movies.