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1 Year Cancer Free

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 02:51:00 +0000

So 1 year ago we bid Elvira adieu. I guess you can say that I am now 1 year cancer free. For some reason I am much more emotional about that now than I was a year ago. I'm not sure if it was because when I was actually in the midst of dealing with all of this a year ago I was just in pure survival mode or what. I didn't really have time to be emotional about having cancer when I was faced with it a year ago. It was so surreal - all the words that were floating around. Kidney ... tumor ... bone scan ... cancer ... stages ... survival. I just needed to survive. And I did. And now ... on the other side ... I can look back ... and appreciate just what that means. I had kidney cancer. And now I don't. And it kind of freaks me out sometimes. And I am blessed.

What a difference a year can make

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Thu, 26 May 2011 00:42:00 +0000

So today is my birthday. Yes, Yes. I am celebrating the 9th anniversary of my 29th birthday. :)

Someone asked me today if I had any big plans for the day. All I could think was ... it's so nice not to have big plans for today.

Last year at this time I had just found out that doctors had found a rather large tumor on my right kidney. And better yet - quite by accident. They had not even been looking in that area - it just happened to show up on an abdominal CT scan that was done looking for something else. My birthday was spent making appointments. Appointments with the urologist, appointment at the hospital for pre-op testing, bone scans, upper endoscopy to make sure we weren't missing anything else. My birthday was spent educating myself on kidney cancer and the effects on the body of having only one kidney instead of two.

My beautiful RAMP girls took me out to dinner and I'm afraid that I wasn't the best company that night as I felt like I was kinda just floating along and not really participating.

So do I have much planned today? Nope. Isn't it great? :)

All sorts of conflicted

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Tue, 24 May 2011 23:30:00 +0000

This is hard. And, frankly, I don't like it!

I will be honest with you - I'm avoiding school like the plague. There are some people I just can't face right now. I love y'all like a fat kid loves some cake, and I just can't face the fact that I am not going to be entrusting my kids to your care on a daily basis. I know it's not like I'll never see you anymore. I also know it's not like you people won't still be praying for and caring for my children even now more than ever. Most of you haven't been my kids teachers in years (Terry and Gynell!!!! Bless your heart!!!), but as the end of the school year draws near I find myself all weepy just driving my kids to school. And my girls' teachers are being so wonderful - giving them beautiful and meaningful gifts to remember their time at Wake Christian by. The girls love it and love telling me about it, and I go in my room and boo hoo. Not to mention I sit down in church right behind the teacher that they most likely would have had next year in 3rd grade (and who has always been my son's favorite teacher) and I can't make it through the service without bawling.

And yet I am feeling sure of what I'm doing. God is showing me that I'm doing the right thing. He never promised me it would be easy - though that would have been a nice side effect. We took the girls over to their new school today to take a tour so they would feel more comfortable and have a better understanding of what to expect over there. The guidance counselor was showing us around and we ran into the current second grade class that they would be in as they were cleaning up after lunch. So she introduced the girls to them and said that they would be in their class next year in third grade. The kids started to clap for them!!!!! The girls felt like rock stars! It was so neat.

So, yeah, I'm conflicted. I hate the leaving part. I'm tired of crying over it - especially with this dang headache. And yet I'm also excited about the cool things that are also happening and how God is taking care of all the details and how the kids are excited about this new adventure. I was so worried that they would not be.

Change is in the air

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Sat, 21 May 2011 05:36:00 +0000

So my husband and I grew up going to a small private Christian school our whole lives. I even took it a step further and went to a small Christian college. And when I say small ... my graduating class was 22 kids.

Going to a Christian school is all I have ever known. It's all my husband has ever known.

And, up until now ... it's all my children have ever known.

And while I love and appreciate all that a Christian education has to offer me and my children, there are also limitations that are inherent to small private schools. Namely they they just don't have many of the resources that are available in the larger public schools. And so I have always said - even before I had children - that while I really want a Christian education for my children, if I feel that they need resources that they just can't get at a smaller school I won't hesitate to get them those resources because I don't want them to struggle.

Well, darn it all if God isn't calling me on it! We knew that it was likely that one or more of our children would struggle with learning issues. And both of our girls have really struggled since entering school in Kindergarten. Wake Christian has gone above and beyond in their attempts to make things work for them. Hear my heart - I love that school. I love those teachers. LOVE THEM! It absolutely breaks my heart to be leaving. I have to follow my heart and what I feel God is leading me to do for my children. We have spent a lot of time in prayer over this very difficult decision.

We thought that our son, Caleb was old enough to participate in the decision of whether he wanted to stay at Wake Christian - the only school he's ever known - or if he wanted to leave and go to a public school as well. He is entering middle school (Lord help me). I was completely surprised by his reaction. He asked very mature and intelligent questions about the public school and about his choices. In the end - he decided to go to the public school and we felt his decision was a wise one.

And as I sit here and think about the changes that are coming I am starting to feel ill prepared. I have NO IDEA what they are about to face - none. I mean I could go on about the differences between Christian and public schools when my daughters started to say "you mean there won't be any Bible stories there? They don't pray before lunch?" That's kind of just the tip of the iceberg people. I never went through a lunch line in a cafeteria. My kids are entering a year round schedule where they are essentially in class for 9 weeks and then "track out" for 3 weeks. One of my daughters will be getting specialized help with her education in the form of IEP. All 3 of them will be riding a bus to school. My mom was a bus driver when I was young - and I rode on her bus, but I never got on a bus and rode to school. My girls will be on a different campus from my son. I was always at a school that was a K-12 campus.

Don't get me wrong - I feel confident that I am doing the right thing for my children. I just get sudden attacks of panic when I think of all the things that I can't anticipate or help prepare my children for. And I know that experience is not a unique one. I know I'm not the only parent that worries about sending her children out into the world. :) And so I will pray over my children and entrust them to my Lord. This is a new and exciting adventure for all of us.

I have already enrolled them in their new schools and met with their principals and guidance counselors in their new schools and have been very encouraged at how eager they were to welcome us, to work with us on the transition. They were knowledgeable on the challenges that my children would face in making this transition and were anxious to work with us to face those challenges in way that seem to make a lot of sense. In the end, we are looking forward to the new school year - which actually starts July 11 because it is a year round calendar.

Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Fri, 20 May 2011 00:24:00 +0000

So a lot of you know I had a countdown going on. The countdown was for a vacation that I had coming up. My mom has worked for a company called At Home America for 20 years. She is a rock star. She wins the incentive trip every year. This past year she won enough to bring me, my sister, and our husbands with her. It was a great fun trip as it was also a chance for us to celebrate our husband's 40th birthdays. In fact, my husband turned 40 while we were gone.

Just where did we go? Moon Palace resort in Cancun, Mexico.

And did we have fun. It was our first vacation without children ... ever. And we thoroughly enjoyed just not having to be on a schedule the most.

But the funnest thing we did was that my husband decided to celebrate turning 40 by going parasailing! He had always sworn he would never go parasailing because he is scared of heights. I didn't even have to like persuade him or anything - he just decided he needed to do this to mark it off his bucket list and feel young again. It was amazing.

It was especially fun being on vacation with a ton of people you knew. Everywhere you went there were people we knew which was really fun.

I can't thank my mom enough for everything. We needed this break so much. Daren let loose like he has NEVER let loose before (please no comments mom - you did so good - you were such a good mother-in-law). And let's just say that for the most part what happens in Cancun stays in Cancun. Wink, wink!

Headaches

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Thu, 19 May 2011 23:17:00 +0000

I have grown up struggling with migraines. I got my first one in sixth grade. Good Lord I can remember it now. I digress.

They got much better after I had my hysterectomy (along with my gastric bypass - the best thing I ever did). But I occassionally get one that digs in and hangs on. When that has happened my neurologist has decided to do a course of Topamax as a preventive medication for the headaches. I did this about 4 years ago for about 6 months. It worked well - got the headaches under control - I went off the medication when the headaches got manageable and it was good for a long time. Well I have a headache that won't let go now - it's been here for over a month. I think it's stress related (more on that later), but it will not die. So back on Topamax we go.

Ramping up on Topamax SUCKS big time. Topamax is an anti-seizure medication and has some rather loverly side effects. It makes my fingers, toes, and even my nose tingle randomly. And darn it all if it does not make me STUPID. But in the past it has made my headaches go away. So I am suffering through the side effects to get to the point where the headaches go away. The thing that is different this time around is that I have had gastric bypass. So I have 2 things that are different - one I weigh less - so one would think it would take less of the drug to do the same work. BUT I also have the malabsorption issues to deal with because of the gastric bypass so it may actually take more of the drug to do the work than it did before. Bottom line - it may take some trial and error to find the right dose to do the job.

Hello? Is this thing on?

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Thu, 19 May 2011 22:41:00 +0000

Excuse me while I clear some cobwebs around here ....

Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?

Just making sure ...

Cause you know ... I go through spurts. I know - I have been absent for a bit. But get ready - I'm about to go off in this piece!

Cause you know ... it's all about Pam.

Acceptance

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 01:54:00 +0000

Yeah - I know. It's been over a month since I have blogged.

So to be honest - I've been struggling. But I've said that before on here. But I think especially since my 2 year surgiversary I've been trying to find my "normal". I can eat so much more than I could before not to mention being able to eat things I just could before. I can tolerate much more sugar than I used to be able to. And so I am finding my fine line between what I CAN eat and what I SHOULD eat. I've never been very good at that - it's kind of what got me 120 pounds overweight in the first place.

And so to be honest - I put on a few pounds (and NO - I'm not going to tell you how many). Enough to wake me up let's say. I knew what got me there - but I wasn't so happy about it. So I decided to get back to basics. Protein first - putting protein shakes back into my regular diet - drinking more water - more veggies - you get the idea. And right now I'm feeling much more in control and better about where I'm headed (according to the scale - a relationship I hate but rely on). Of course, tomorrow I may feel differently. :)

I rely heavily on some veterans in this WLS community. Those who have gone before me and who are walking the walk and talking the talk. Part of that walk and talk are those who openly admit to making some questionable food choices. Because fact is - this is a TOOL - not a magic bandaid for obesity. You will get to the point where you can eat more and eat more "normally". The question is whether you should. But I believe it's also a matter of living with those occassional bad choices. How do you live with them? Do you let it become a path to more and more bad decisions? Or do you get up, brush yourself off, and get on with it? Do you beat yourself up? Do you constrict yourself so much that you NEVER get to enjoy certain things in life again? Or do you make room in your life to enjoy the occasional cupcake? (or at least a couple of bites of one ... with frosting!) I know that it can be a hard hard thing to figure out. Especially for those of you reading this who are very new to WLS - those who are "newbies" just a little bit out from surgery. It's hard to understand - I get it. And as a side note - I think that part of why I wasn't blogging was because I felt as though I shouldn't be someone that others are looking to for advice or to see how to live post WLS.

But a recent discussion about all of this got me to thinking - particularly about acceptance. Acceptance of this new life I have - that the strict rules around the surgery aren't so strict anymore - about the fact that I need to be more mindful about my relationship with food. Sometimes I just hate that about myself. I don't want to be more mindful - I don't want to think about it. But it is part of my make up part of who I am.

And I liken it to the different stages of acceptance. I know - not quite the same as the grief process, etc... but this is Pamelot and I can do what I want with it. :)

The first stage is Denial. I like to think I was here long before surgery. I don't have a problem - I'm fine - y'all have a problem and that's not my problem. I don't need help - I can do this on my own. Y'all can bite me.

The second stage is Anger or asking 'Why me?' I like to think this was me right after surgery. Those times when I was on clear lilquids - scared to death to eat anything - and yet sitting on the floor at night in the dark in front of my refrigerator ... so angry! Angry that I can't come to the refrigerator to soothe myself - angry that I got to the point where I had to have surgery in the first place - angry that I can't just eat!

The third stage is Bargaining or 'But what if I...?' I think this was me about a year ago. I had lost most of my weight and was feeling great. What if I eat this? What if I don't eat this?

The fourth stage is Depression of "I don't care anymore" and I think I've been here since about Christmas or my 2 year surgiversary. This sucks. I am so tired of thinking about it all the dang time.

And the fifth stage is Acceptance. OK - this is me - this is my life - what next? I think I'm here right now. How am I going to live now that I've lost 120 pounds and I can eat more normally than I could before? Because it's true - there's nothing that tastes as good as being thin feels. So what am I going to do about it?

“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.” ~ Kathleen Casey Thiesen

The Power of Positive Thinking

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 21:01:00 +0000

I've blogged about this before - the power of positive thinking. But this morning as I was getting ready for work I heard a segment on a new study by the Cleveland Clinic that notes that "those who are generally optimistic about their health are more likely to follow treatment recommendations. "

This study was particular about Coronary Artery Disease, but it doesn't take much to see how this could apply to any health situation - particularly those of us trying to loose weight, and those of us who have lost it and are trying to keep it off.

There is still a great deal of people who view any type of weight loss surgery with disdain. I used to be one of them. I knew people who had gastric bypass surgery and who had gained the weight back. I knew people who had awful complications as a result of the surgery. And still today there are a bunch of people who in general poo-poo those of us who "did it the easy way". That is a discussion for another time - this is so not the easy way.

What I'm trying to get at is the power of the positive thinking. If you go into this journey with pessimism - you may not get out of it what you want and/or need to get out of it. If you go in doubting your own success - why should you be successful at all? But if you go into this with a positive or optimistic attitude that you can do this - that you can succeed ... maybe you will be more successful than those that don't? Not that we should go into this pooting rainbows and butterflies - we absolutely need to go into it with eyes WIDE open - this is a serious surgery with serious ramifications to your health and long term implications. Absolutely. BUT ... it can also be the tool that helps you live a longer and healthier and happier life ... if you want it to.

It would be so easy for me to succumb to the negativity that I have experienced with the rare complications that I have encountered over the past year. To be depressed and to decide that because of these complications I should just give up.

But I can't. I have to CHOOSE to be positive. CHOOSE to take hold of what I believe is mine ... a new life without all the weight. I CHOOSE to be healthier. I CHOOSE to be a runner. I CHOOSE to be the example to my children that I want.

What do you CHOOSE?

Half the battle

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 22:58:00 +0000

Half the battle with any exercise plan is just getting out the door. Sometimes I feel it's about 90% of the battle. This is a great article on Active.com about just that thing:

http://www.active.com/running/Articles/Just_Getting_Out_the_Door.htm?cmp=17-1-240

Just Do It!

New Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 22:55:00 +0000

Yes, many mea culpa's for not being a better blogger. As usual - I have many excuses - the chief of which is the flu that hit our house and took us all out for a few weeks. I am still dealing with a lingering sinus infection from it.

I also have a new job. I still work for Fidelity Investments, I just took a new position in a different part of the company. It's a Project Manager position in the Institutional Technology Group. I'm very excited to be focusing more on my Project Management skills and abilities and to be taking on new challenges.

And I have been struggling with the inspiration to get my running going again. To be honest - I have been almost afraid to get going again because it seems as thought every time I do something happens that trips me up again. I know in my head that the two aren't related, but they sure feel like it.

But I think I have found my new inspiration. My daughter, Megan, has informed me that she wants to run a 5K with me. There is a 5K that our school does as a fund raiser every year and she has told me that she really wants to run that race with me. I ran it last year and did the fun run with her afterwards, but this year she says she wants to do the 5K and she wants us to cross the finish line together.

And isn't this why I had the surgery? Why I lost all the weight? To change the legacy that I was leaving for my children? Wow. Kinda huge for me. And definitely the best inspiration I have had in a long time. I truly believe that just about anyone can do a 5K if they really want to. So my 2nd grader is about to do her first! We started our running training today. It's GORGEOUS here in North Carolina today. About 78 degrees and a beautiful Carolina sky. We did a run/walk combo for about 1.5 miles. We are looking forward to increasing our running endurance and mileage in the coming weeks.

Strongholds

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 13:39:00 +0000

Who knew Lane Bryant would be a stronghold in my life?

I keep getting their emails and their catalogs in the mail. I enjoy throwing them away. But this last time I got this twinge that I should really just take my name off the mailing list. It's a waste for them to send this to me. I have been a size 10 for a year now. But part of me can't quite let go. Part of me feels like I need to hold on ... just in case? Like a safety net? How silly - its just a catalog! like I can't get back on that mailing list in a snap if I need to?

I don't need to! I am a size 10 - for real! It's been a year. I am not going back. I refuse to go back!

But dang I love those clothes and that lingerie.

But I don't fit in it anymore!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Why is this so hard?

It's all good ... kinda

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 01:02:00 +0000

So I had my 6 month check up with Dr. Jalkut. But before the actual appointment I had bloodwork and an abdominal and pelvic CT. Dr. Jalkut said (and I quote!) "You're perfect!" My bloodwork showed that Liza (the name I have given to my remaining kidney - as you all know I name everything) is functioning very well all on her own now that Elvira is gone. The CT showed NEOD - otherwise known as No Evidence Of Disease. :)

I am a very fortunate girl to have caught the tumor when we did (just .10 cm short of stage 2 renal cell carcinoma). To know that the cancer is gone and that I have essentially beaten this thing is a wonderful feeling.

The CT itself is not hard. The prep before hand is NASTY. You have to drink this stuff called Readi-Cat 2. It's Barium Sulfate suspension liquid. You get to choose between two lovely flavors - berry or mocha. In other words crap and coffee flavored crap. It used to be that you only had to drink one big jug of the stuff. But recently they have changed that and now you have to drink two big jugs of the stuff. You start 1.5 hours before the scheduled scan and you drink 1 jug in 10 minutes. Then 30 minutes later you drink the 2nd jug in 10 minutes. This is a feat in and of itself - to get the whole jug down in 10 minutes. Then at the CT they do an IV with contrast in it while you are being scanned.

While the Readi-Cat was nasty - I lived through it. But in the afternoon I started feeling nasty. It quickly turned into excruciating abdominal pain. The pain was severe and lasted about 4 hours. Once I got through the pain I practically passed out into a coma for the next 11 hours. I have talked with my doctor and I presented as though I was having an overdose reaction to the Readi-Cat. Wondering if because of the gastric bypass (smaller pouchy tummy and not as much intestines for it to go through) if two bottles of the crap was too much. I'm hoping to get some more definitive answer to that before I have to do the CT Scan again in 6 months because that was really not fun at all.

Funk Be Gone

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 23:27:00 +0000

OK - since my last post I've been doing my darndest to get out of this funk. That has meant that I have run twice since that post. Not fast and not long, but I'm running. And it doesn't hurt - it feels like it used to - it feels good. I'm trying to take it slow and get back into it at a decent pace instead of jumping in over my head and immediately trying to go too far. I do have some races in my mind, but I don't dare say out loud what they are.

And I pulled out my tape measure to compare my measurements from last year. I have lost an inch or two in several places - waist - rib cage - bust - hips - thighs. So while my weight seems to have stabilized - I have still been kind of settling into this new body of mine. I am consistently in a size 10 or medium. I would have never have dreamed I would get here.

Speaking of this new body ... I have started meeting with some plastic surgeons to start to understand what my options may be in this area. I don't plan on doing anything in the near future (I think my husband would have divorce me if I put myself back in the hospital willingly at this point). I also called the insurance company to understand if they would ever cover an abdominoplasty. They said they do cover abdominoplasty if it can be proved that it's medically necessary. I think I need to find a doctor willing to help me prove it's medically necessary. The first surgeon I went to was not at all interested in doing that. He doesn't deal with insurance unless it's reconstructive surgery. He also has his own OR in his office that he uses. I get that - I see the advantages, but with my medical history - I'm thinking that may not be the best idea I ever had. Not sure - have to think that through. Doing it in their own OR keeps costs down - but - I just don't know. Even though I know I won't go to this surgeon - dang it if he didn't get me all excited about the possibilities that a tummy tuck and some liposuction could provide. Wowie Mommy! I have more consultations coming up - so we'll see what that reveals.

Speaking of doctors and hospitals and all that jazz. I have my 6 month check up this coming week. I did bloodwork this past week and I have the full abdominal CT Scan on Tuesday before meeting with my urologist. I am nervous, but I'm fully expecting a clean report. :)

What is my problem?

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 15:37:00 +0000

So I hit my 2 year surgiversary mark and it's a new year. I am gun-shy to set any goals for myself. I think it's because 2010 was such a SUCKY year for me. I set goals and was not able to meet any of them because of my health issues. It is really kind of messing with my head - so much so that I have been unable to "see the forest for the trees" as a friend of mine recently pointed out.

I'm at the point where a lot of WLS patients start to experience regain. And if anyone had an excuse for regain this year - it's me. 5 surgeries in one year. Kidney Cancer, middle ear tumor, pancreatitis, internal hernia, wisdom teeth removed. For someone who is acustomed to eating her feelings ... this past year was one huge exercise in restraint for me.

But I am feeling like I need to get back on the wagon and do what I know I need to do. Why am I so afraid to start running again? Probably because every time I have tried to get my running going again something else happens and I have to stop. Another surgery - another injury. I'm just feeling like this past year is finally catching up with me. I've been strong for a good long time and now I'm just tired.

I am in a funk. I can't get going. I haven't been blogging. I haven't been running. I'm tired and I need to wake up.

Surgiversary and such

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 15:19:00 +0000

I had my 2 year surgiversary a couple of days ago. Hard to believe it has been 2 years. I am not home right now to be able to do my measurements and such. I will have to do that when I get back home after the holidays.

I am disappointed in my 2nd year. I had high hopes for what I was going to accomplish and not a whole lot of it came to fruition because of the various health issues I faced this year. I did loose a little bit more weight - but not a whole lot - pretty negligible actually. I am 120 pounds down from where I started. I am in a size 10 and holding. I would like to lose another 10-15 pounds and I really need to get this extra skin taken care of. I need to get back to my running and get that half marathon under my belt. Whenever I have tried to get back to my running I am still experiencing some pain in my abdomen. I have also not completely said goodbye to the pancreatitis pain that I had experienced in the summer. So I need to deal with that soon. I have been firmly camped out in the Land of Denial for some time. It's so pretty here. But I'm just not ready to be dealing with doctors and such again.

I am a bit melancholy as I say goodbye to 2010. I am not sure why. I am anxious to bid adieu to this year with fervor. It was not good to me by any means. 2011 has to be better, right?

Another fantastic recipe from The World According to Egg Face

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 18:00:00 +0000

I have been trying to get back to some basics with my eating. A great way to do that is to follow Michelle Vicari and her WLS friendly recipes on her blog The World According to Egg Face. She has some fantastic recipes on there.

Today I tried her Ricota Bake Cups. Oh good moogli googli. Fantastic.

Shelly's Ricotta Bake Cups

1/2 cup Ricotta Cheese
1 Tablespoon Parmesan, grated
1 Egg Yolk
1/2 teaspoon Italian Seasonings (Oregano, Basil, Garlic Blend)
a few twists of Black Pepper
Mozzarella Cheese, shredded
Large Pepperoni Slices (from deli department, not prepackaged)

Mix all ingredients together (except mozzarella cheese and pepperoni slices) till well blended.

Place a pepperoni slice in each hole of a mini muffin tin. Spoon a tablespoon of ricotta mixture into each pepperoni "cup" sprinkle top with a pinch of mozzarella cheese.

Bake at 375 for 10 minutes. Allow to cool slightly and remove from tin. Reheat in toaster oven or broiler.

OH MAN - it's so good.

Get. You. Some.

You will get what you ask for.

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 03:16:00 +0000

The family and I watched Evan Almighty tonight. It's one of my favorite movies. I love to be reminded of how it has never been easy to follow God. Looking at the story of Noah - a story I have known forever - but looking at it in a different way ... It could not have been easy to be Noah - or his family for that matter. We read the story and in the Bible it's pretty straightforward - God told him to build an ark and he did it. But can you imagine?

Or how about Mary? Seriously? A young girl has to not only convince her fiance she didn't cheat on him - but live with the stares and the rumors and the gossip. Not only for her pregnancy - but probably the rest of her life.

There is a quote from the movie that always gets to me.

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Now I don't know about you - but I stopped praying for patience a long time ago. I HATE opportunities to be patient. UGH. And yet apparently I still need that lesson. But have you ever found that when you pray for different things you expect God to just give them to you - but instead he gives you opportunities to exercise that muscle. So be careful what you pray for. :)

For instance ...

Lord, use me in my husband's life.
Lord, I want to shine for you at work.

Even the mundane like ...

Lord - thank you for this tool that is WLS to help me make these changes in my life.

Whoops - now I've got to exercise that muscle. Great.

God never promised us that life would be easy - only that He would be with us all the way. I think most of all - He wants us to reach out for His hand and allow Him to lead us and help us.

So be on the look out for the opportunities He is giving you to get just what you prayed for. :)

I so get this

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 22:01:00 +0000

Someone just pointed me to this article on the link in the brain between overeating and drug use.

Overeating, like drugs use, Rewards and Alters the Brain

It is a good read and can explain to those who don't unerstand why some people just can't diet their way out of obesity.

Christmas Traditions Old and New

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 04:03:00 +0000

Everyone has their Christmas traditions. Some involve when you open your presents - be it Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. Some involve the types of food you eat and who you spend it with. My family always opened presents Christmas morning (even though we never did the whole Santa thing), while my husband's family always opened presents Christmas Eve night. Now as we have children we do a little of both. I always give my kids new pajamas on Christmas Even for them to wear when they come down to open their presents Christmas morning.

We have a couple of other traditions in our family that have evolved from some crazy experiences that have happened around the holiday. One is known as "The Christmas Squirrel".

Daren and I had been married just a couple of years and we were living in Michigan in our first house. We had decorated for Christmas and every day that I came home from work I would notice a few of the ornaments from around the tree on the floor. I would scold our dog, Baxter and move on to the next thing. But it was happening like every day.

One Friday night we had a large progressive supper that we participated in with our church. I had left overs the next day. We were both having a lazy Saturday and I plugged the leftovers in the crockpot and turned it on low and we were snacking on them through out the day as we wrapped presents and did various things to prepare for Christmas. At one point we needed to leave to run some errands. We put Baxter in the bathroom and unplugged the crock pot and left. When we got back we let Baxter out and then went about our business. A little while later I noticed that some of the food that had been in the crockpot was on the other side of the kitchen counter and some of the sauce was smeared across the counter. I scolded Baxter and showed Daren. He also scolded Baxter. But after some reflection he came to me and said "You know - I don't think that was Baxter." Of course it was Baxter - how could it not be. "Well, if it was Baxter there would be nothing left - he would have ate it all and licked up all the sauce." You're right. "I have a feeling that happened while we were gone and we just didn't see it. And I think it's a mouse." Seriously? A mouse. I am not having it - you have to get rid of it.

Well later that night we had yet another Christmas party to go to. When we were done it was quite late - around 2am but we stopped at the local Meijer (think Super WalMart) to pick up some mouse traps. I gave very specific instructions that Daren was to take care of the situation and I wanted to know when it was taken care of, but I did not under any circumstances want to see any of the evidence that said mouse had been taken care of.

So when we got home I went back to the bedroom to get ready for bed while Daren went about setting the traps around the house. Suddenly I heard all sorts of chaos in the kitchen. Daren was running and jumping and laughing. Before I could come out to see what was going around he came bounding down the hall with Baxter - threw him in the room with me and said "Whatever you do - don't let him out." WHAT?

Apparently, Daren had gone to put a mouse trap behind a radio in our kitchen and when he pulled the radio out from the wall there was a little tail wagging at him. But it wasn't a mouse tail ... it was a squirrel tail. So Daren was chasing this squirrel all over the house trying to catch it. At one point he lost it so he came back to the bedroom and said "Let Baxter out - maybe he can find him." Before he even finished the sentence Baxter had found the squirrel and was chasing it around the house - his nose just inches behind the squirrels tail. They were tearing through the house at an amazing pace. Finally the squirrel jumped into the Christmas tree. It was literally like the scene out of the Chevy Chase movie "Christmas Vacation". The squirrel was scared to death - was making crazy sounds - the tree was shaking - and Baxter was just inches from the tree - barking and growling and generally going crazy.

Daren eventually caught the squirrel in a box and let it outside. But every Christmas since then we have made it tradition to put a squirrel in the Christmas tree. I found a small stuffed squirrel the next year and when we went to put our tree up we turned to Baxter and said "Where's the squirrel?" and darn it if that dog didn't go straight to the tree and start sniffing and growling. So every Christmas we make a spectacle out of putting the squirrel in the tree while we are decorating it.

The first Christmas after Baxter was gone it was so bittersweet to bring the Squirrel out and put it in the tree. It brought tears to our eyes to remember our dear sweet baby on the other side of the rainbow bridge. But now we have two more precious doggies in our lives. And wouldn't you know that they think the squirrel lives in the tree too?

Here is the squirrel and where it is living this year:

And this year we have started what we hope will be a long standing tradition in our neighborhood.

All of us in our neighborhood LOVE the Christmas movie Elf (starring Will Ferrell). So a bunch of us in the neighborhood decided to have an Elf party this year. One of the neighbors managed to get Elf hats for everyone. We had spaghetti - complete with syrup - and we watched the movie together while partaking in the 4 major Elf Food Groups (candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup) and some fantastic dessert. At the point in the movie where Buddy the Elf lets out an epic burp, we paused the movie so that we could have our own burping contest. And can I just tell you - the moms represent!

So what are some of your Christmas traditions?

Have to share

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 03:12:00 +0000

I have a friend at work who is becoming quite the budding photographer. She did a photo shoot of my family a few weeks ago and the pictures came out amazing. I had to share just a few of them.

They came out fantastic! Just one note - I am not at all happy that my son is now apparently up to my shoulder and looking like such a young man. When did that happen? NOT COOL!

I've missed you!

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 02:39:00 +0000

I know - bad bad bad blogger. I have no good excuses - none.

Nonetheless - here's what's been going on with me - keeping me from blogging ...

Work. Work. Work. It sucks right now. I'm trying to ride it out - but he simple truth is it really sucks right now. I'm super busy and dealing with a lot of political drama that is totally dragging me down.

I've been a little down that I haven't been able to run. When I have tried I have hurt. Elvira's ghost is alive and well and she likes to remind me that I have had major surgery this summer and she's not done torturing me. I was supposed to run a Turkey Trot but heeded my body and my husband and laid off the running for a bit. I hate it. It feels like I haven't really been able to run all year. I'm trying to walk more and do situps and pushups to keep me going in the mean time. I could use some encouragement here.

Rubber is meeting the road as far as "real life" in Kanga's world. I can eat more ... sometimes. I can eat things I couldn't eat before ... sometimes. The reality that gastric bypass surgery is not a miracle cure all is staring me in the face. I am not regaining, but I am scared that I easily could. I can see old habits trying to creep back in. I'm trying desperately to stay grounded, etc... I will not be a statistic. I will make this work. I can not get this far only to slip back. I will make this work.

And, of course, life in my house is insanely busy. Kids are starting up basketball and cheerleading season. I usually coach cheerleading, but was able to recruit enough coaches this year that I can focus on just being the Cheerleading Comissioner for the Upward league that we are involved in. It is something I love and I am really looking forward to this season. This time of year just tends to be so busy anyway with all the extras going on. Of course, I love the extras. :) But life is just crazy hectic right now.

Speaking of hectic - I have 3 lia sophia parties this week. Yeah! I love doing lia sophia parties. There are great deals to be had for Christmas gifts and it seems that lots of people want in on them.

I have talked about my BAHA on here before. Mine suddenly stopped working this past weekend. No bueno. I have to get that checked out and I'm not looking forward to that bill. I love my BAHA, but dang if it ain't expensive. I have had it for 5 years and have never had a problem with it. But this not hearing is really for the birds.

Ok - so how is that for an update? I have all sorts of blogging madness going on in my head - so hold on because I'm about to be a blogging fool here in a hot second.

Blessing

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 13:13:00 +0000

What I am thankful for today - a day to work-at-home. This is a new thing for me. It was just recently decided that I could work from home one day a week. I would love for it to be 2 days a week, but I'll take what I can get. :)

What many people don't understand is that when I say I'm working from home ... I'm actually WORKING while I'm at home. Yes, I'm able to get a lot of things done around the house and I can take the time to go to the doctor or run some errands, but I actually get a ton of work done on my work from home days - more than I do in the office. With my kids at school it is a very RARE opportunity for me to have some QUIET time to myself. I can't tell you how much I need this time to myself. I can't tell you how much I look forward to my Wednesdays. I need my Wednesdays. I love my Wednesdays.

Get the picture?

November 2 Blessing

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 13:08:00 +0000

I forgot to post this yesterday, but I wanted to fill in anyway.

My blessing on November 2 is that I am thankful for living in the home of the free and the land of the brave. I am thankful for the sacrifice of the many men and women (including both of my grandfathers, two of my uncles, and my father-in-law) who lay their lives on the line so that I can live in this great country and exercise my right to vote.

God Bless America.

Running Again

noreply@blogger.com (PamelaDV) — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 00:40:00 +0000

So I am finally running again. It's slow going, but I'm doing it. I'm up to running a 5K right now. I guess it's more of a jog, but I'm doing it.

In an effort to get myself back in the right frame of mind I have signed up for the Ridgewood Turkey Trot for Thanksgiving morning. It's an 8K (5 miles) race that I hear is pretty hilly. This should be interesting.