Welcome to the Army Ma'am!

The D Word is Back on the Table

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 19:52:00 +0000

DH saw a specialist about his wrist and was given a shot. The good news is that the pain didn't come back right away so if it does come back over the next month or so they can do another surgery and fix it. We are hoping that the pain never comes back. He is starting to put some pressure on it each day in hopes that it will build the strength back up. His permanent profile has been approved so he can take the time he needs to recover properly.

Unfortunately, this means he can be deployed. The worst part is that because he is on rear-d still, he'll only get about 2 weeks' notice if they are shipping him out. All the other deploying soldiers had one month block leave and most have half days at work so they can prepare and spend time with their families. I'm not a "rip off the bandaid" sort of person; I'd prefer the time to get myself ready. I suppose I'll have to do that on my own "just in case". Last night DH and I were talking and I had one of those "You know you married a soldier when" moments. He wants to go. I understand why he does, but that doesn't make it any easier hearing him say it. He wants to do his job; it's good for his career; it's what he was trained to do. I can't even imagine how hard it is for him to be torn between duty and family. I'm not sure there is an equivalent in my life.

This whole yo-yo ride is killing me though! I wish we'd just know if he's going or not. It would be a lot easier to deal with if we just knew like the other families on post. Oh well, that's the military for you I suppose. We'll just do the best with what knowledge we have. Right now that means getting our wills done (which need to be completed anyways now that we have Little Bit) and snuggling A LOT! As an added bonus, the cuddling will raise DH's oxytocin levels which should help heal his wrist faster. The doctor thinks inflammation is the reason for the pain. I'll let you know if we find anything out.

Which "ployment" will it be?

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 21:35:00 +0000

Monday is the big day. DH finds out whether we'll be facing a deployment or unemployment. As you can imagine it has both of us pretty stressed out. I'm just afraid this doctor will do what all the others have done and not make a decision. On the one hand it keeps DH employed that much longer, but the uncertainty of whether he'll be leaving or not is hard, to say the least. As much as I don't want him to deploy, I hope he is able to get that second surgery and be healed. His wrist is progressively worsening and he can barely rotate it now despite doing daily exercises. All I can do at this point is trust that God is in charge and He knows what He's doing. I'll be sure to let you know the outcome, if we get one. Any prayers or kinds thoughts you could spare would do wonders for our souls. Thank you all for even reading. It's nice to know I have a sisterhood out there who's dealt with this "Army crap" before.

Bad News and Worse News

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 04:56:00 +0000

My hubby got a text message on our date saying "oh btw, if the Dr clears you then you are deploying." It's already too late to put in for block leave and since he is still technically on rear D he'll be pulling full days and weekly 24 hour shifts up until his unit deploys... and he might be leaving with them, bad wrist and all. His SGT said they'll get someone to carry his gear for him. WTF?

So in two weeks he will see a specialist. This Dr's response will mean one of three options... all kinda suck: 1) They can't fix his wrist and he is unfit for duty, medical discharge and no job. 2) They can't fix his wrist but he is deemed fit for duty, he deploys without the notice that the other soldiers had and someone else will have to carry his gear for him per his profile. 3) They do the surgery, he heals and they deploy him a couple of months after his unit. I guess the least sucky one is option 3. I know deployment is a part of the Army deal but to not know whether he'll deploy or be kicked out is a lot to handle and prepare for. Will I be without my husband or will we be without a job and home?

A Little Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 16:28:00 +0000

Could we take just a moment and say a prayer for Japan and all those in the pacific region who are suffering from this earthquake and tsunamis? Let us pray and meditate on their safety over the next few days. Let the emergency relief personnel find all those who might be trapped alive. Let them stay safe in rescuing the stranded. Let the healing and rebuilding come smoothly for the people effected. Let God's love show through this tragedy.

Thank you. I have a very good friend stationed in Okinawa and when I heard last night, at nearly midnight here, that the earthquake had been the largest recorded my heart skipped a beat. Thankfully he was logged online and after a few agonizing minutes he responded that he had felt nothing. As you may have read, the earthquake hit mainland Japan. He is alright, and it looks as though our military men and women in Hawaii will be fine too, but the people of Japan and any Americans visiting there are going to be healing for quite some time after this natural disaster. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

How Much Longer?

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 03:19:00 +0000

I wonder these days how much longer I'll be an Army wife. DH is scheduled to go down to the lower 48 next month to see a specialist about his wrist. He worries they won't be able to fix it which means he'll be medically discharged from the Army. While all my friends are dealing with their husband's upcoming deployments, I sit and wonder if mine will have a job by the time theirs leaves. We have two completely different reasons to worry and really no outlet to voice it in. I guess I'm feeling pretty pessimistic about a lot of areas in my life right now. I'm hoping it's just a depression that will pass soon. I'm hoping and praying that in the end I had nothing to worry about to begin with... but only God and time can tell at this point.

Does anyone know if he'll get relocation and job placement assistance since the injury wasn't while he was deployed? He injured it during mandatory sports PT. I know the Army pays for you to ship your things as far as your port of entry when you separate from the Army, but will he get his last paycheck and then nothing? I can't find many answers online about it and there isn't anyone to talk to on post until he is actually in the medical board review process. Thanks for any info or links you can share.

I Never Really Fit In

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:17:00 +0000

I've never really fit in anywhere. I try to, I want to, but I just don't seem to fit. Maybe I'm just not like other women. I always have guy friends growing up and only ever one girlfriend at a time... and she was usually a bit odd too. If I hang out with too many women at a time I find myself becoming bitter and angry. I assume it's the hormones. I'm very subjective to hormones I've discovered.

Once again, I just don't really fit. On the one hand I am so happy, but on the other hand, it's a bit hard for me. See, our detachment is gearing up for another deployment and my husband has been put on rear detachment because he might be getting med-boarded out of the Army. He is supposed to be getting a second surgery this year, but they are also looking at a med-board. Until it is all decided, he will be home. That is great. I just have no idea how to handle it around my friends. They ask me if he is deploying and I feel like a complete jerk for saying no, he's on rear d. They are all getting ready to say goodbye for a few months and then again for a year and a half perhaps. How do I talk to them? How can I have anything to say?

I feel horrible about it, but at the same time happy that I don't have to say goodbye just yet. If he does get the surgery and deploy it won't be until they are half way through. It's so confusing to feel bad when I should be feeling good. What is the protocol here ladies? I'm not the one who decided DH would stay behind, but I feel like it's all my fault when I talk to my friends whose husbands are leaving. I don't want to seem all happy go lucky when they are going through something so difficult, but on the other hand I don't want them to think I am being sad and ungrateful to have my husband home when theirs can't be. Does that make any sense?

Some Good News Finally

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 02:36:00 +0000

Well we got a lot of good news this week! DH will no longer have to deal with a jerk of a SGT that thinks he owns the world (just pinned on a couple months ago and it turns out he's a real jack he hem now that he has the authority to be one). A few things concerning the deployment that I don't want to put here... but they are good things! And... the best one... DH is (most likely) getting a second surgery on his wrist. We are hoping and praying that this time they'll fix it. The Dr he had before was a quack. We came to find out after DH's wrist didn't heal correctly that this Dr was half way through a surgery when they discovered he was on the WRONG KNEE! The surgery DH got should have healed him in 2 months. It's been a year and he is still in daily pain.

Wish us luck!

EDIT: Hmmm.... I just re-read my last post and it looks like I didn't update you. We decided to go back on the birth control because it was getting close enough to the deployment (and the dates kept moving around like they usually do) that we could no longer be relatively sure he would get to see a baby be born. We waited for my period to arrive to begin my ring again and lo and behold it never came. We are expecting Pumpkin to arrive around July 19th. I wish they could decide on a deployment date so I know if he'll be home... but we all know that won't happen lol. As it stands, he could be leaving any time during an 8 month time frame. Big gap huh? Might as well say "In the next year or two, you'll be deploying." Oh well, we'll keep hoping it's after July so he can meet Pumpkin.

The Countdown Has Begun...

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 22:07:00 +0000

It's that time... no, not PCS season, not TDY... you all know what I'm talking about. The countdown to deployment has begun. In the next year, DH will pack his bags, leave for training for 6-8 weeks, and a few months later leave for a year and half. This will be our first. I honestly have no idea how I'll handle it.

One issue that has come up is my getting pregnant. I went off hormonal birth control because it was making me very depressed and I was having trouble losing any weight. Since going off my mood has turned 180* and I've lost another 20lbs roughly. I have about 60lbs left to go. Now that the dates are becoming more set, DH is concerned about me becoming pregnant before he deploys. LB's pregnancy was not an easy one. I was still 60lbs over weight, in the obese category for my height, and I developed pre-eclampsia in the last trimester. The birth was even worse but I'd prefer not to think about it. I had terrible PPD for nearly 8 months after LB was born. We are pretty sure it won't be as bad with the next baby since I'll know to expect it and I won't beat myself up over an unfavorable birth and breastfeeding like I did last time. It is still a valid concern though. I just don't know which is worse, possibly getting pregnant (it's been nearly 6 months and I haven't yet) or going back on BC knowing I'll gain weight and become more depressed. What would you choose?

In one week DH has to have all his personal gear packed and ready to go. We still have at least half a year before he leaves, but packing up his deodorant, soap, razors, and pillows is still a giant sword through my heart. Because this is our first, I don't even know the protocol of talking about it to other wives. Is it unspoken? Do we talk about it and plan for it? How much can you say about how you feel without feeling like you are being insensitive to the other wives' feelings? Who do I talk to about all this? Will my counselor being deploying? I guess I'd better ask him. It'd be nice to have him to talk to when DH is gone. It'll be hard because right now DH and I see him together, but I think it will be healing to have someone listen who knows our background and isn't as affected by the deployment as the other spouses.

Any suggestions on gearing up for this thing? My main priority right now is to spend as much time together as we can without getting sick of each other, video tape him with LB as much as possible, and not pick any fights. We're guilty of that one really bad. The week before he left for BCT and AIT we fought everyday.

Yay! It's Labor Day Weekend!

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 00:39:00 +0000

... and my husband has two staff duties. *grumble* He got called in for his first 24 hour shift yesterday, slept today, has another 24 hour tomorrow, sleeps Sunday, then we might get to spend Monday together. We'll have to see. He just finished a 2 week long, 14 hour days, 7 days a week exercise. I understand the need to be prepared, but really? We'd appreciate a break please... just once before he has to leave for two months to God knows where for his pre-deployment training. I'm glad he is still stateside, but he's about to not be for 15 months. I'd like some family time with him before then please. Arg...

I hope y'all are having fun labor day weekends. Be safe! Here's hoping we get Christmas together this year.

Preparing for Deployment - Mock Deployment Exercise

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 20:21:00 +0000

It's less than a year away now... and the preparations have begun. DH's entire brigade is doing a mock deployment exercise for the next few weeks. He has to go in early and work late, but thankfully, it is on post and he can come home in the evenings. It is still hard to go through, knowing why he is having to do it.

Yesterday I had to go to work with him so I could have the car to take LB to a doctor's appointment. When it was time to pick my honey up from work I parked across from his mock FOB and waited. The clouds were dark and looming, soldiers walked here and there with business to their steps, humvees drove past carrying heavy equipment. I couldn't help but stare at those tents, the tents they'll take with them, the tents my husband will spend a year and a half working in.

It's drawing so near, so quickly. Too quickly. We avoid talking about it since there is nothing important to discuss yet. No sense in mulling over the loneliness and heartache that is deployment. It's our first. I wanted to volunteer as a phone tree coordinator for the FRG but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I will be able to do anything while he is away, much less call and comfort the other wives, husbands, children who were left behind when I'm the one who will likely need comforting.

I stared at those tents, the rain began, the tears fell. It has begun.

A Dandelion On the Wind

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 23:30:00 +0000

My husband gave me this analogy last night and I feel it’s very true. He said to me:

I'm a drifter, like a tumbleweed. I don't have roots anymore. I just tumble along wherever the wind carries me. I've lost touch with all my friends and family. I long to set down roots and call a place my home but I am compelled to move forward.

You, you are like a dandelion though. You are a beautiful flower that can grow anywhere and flourish. When our time at one place ends and we have to move on the flowering part of you drifts off peacefully into the wind to settle elsewhere but your roots stay behind. Every time we pick up and move a piece of you stays behind in your friendships and the people's lives you touch.

With teary eyes I agreed but said that it can cause heartache too. Leaving behind friends is one thing but when I open my heart to people they tend to break it. I'm a very sensitive person and get embarrassed if I haven't called a friend in a while or upset if an acquaintance says something negative about me. Sometimes I wish I had a duck's back for words of hatred to roll off like my husband.

He held me close, laughed, and added that Dandelions are prolific as well, while glancing over at our newborn son slumbering next to us.

{Originally written on February 20, 2010.}

A Moment of Silence

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 23:25:00 +0000

I would like to take a moment of silence for a soldier who died this weekend at Ft. Wainwright. The official report right now is that he died from a fatal gunshot wound in the barracks. My husband was able to elaborate on it since the newspaper went out yesterday. This young man committed suicide with an unauthorized weapon check out. Please pray for his family in their time of grief. I do not know yet if he was suffering from PTSD but I do know that he recently came home from war and was suffering from depression. Please continue to bring awareness to this hole in our soldiers' safety. I know the programs are out there for them to get help, but the stigma is still very strong. Let us all pray that it becomes easier for soldiers to get the help they need without feeling like they "had better not" lest they get made fun of or feel as though they are thought less of as a soldier.

Help Prevent Veteran Suicide

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 05:11:00 +0000

Some of the things in this video might surprise you... especially the stats about veterans without mental disorder and those with properly treated mental disorders.

Please go here to support this cause. Facebook.com/Vetsprevail

On Post Thrift Store + PCS Season = AWESOME!

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 06:18:00 +0000

Lookie lookie what DH bought for me today... for $15!

{It's not this exact brand... but I don't have pics of it yet.}

We also got a George Forman grill for $5 so I can eat red meat and not get sick from the fat content, and several... ok a box, of books for Little Bit for .25 cents each! I am sooo sooo happy! Really all I still want is a display cabinet and a kitchen hutch.

PCS season has just begun so I'm keeping a keen eye out for moving sales and on the thrift store!

Gearing Up

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Wed, 26 May 2010 19:37:00 +0000

I am not sure how to handle this. I was running errands on post yesterday and saw some strange things. First I got out of the car at the PX and I could spot at least 10 helicopters in the same patch of sky. I've never seen more than 3 off the ground in the 9 months I have been here. It was a little odd but struck a feeling of pride in my heart. I stood there, holding our son, staring up at them until they were all out of sight. As I was shopping I didn't notice as many soldiers in the PX as I normally do. I didn't really think that odd though because truthfully, it was a bit odd to see working men and women perusing the video cameras in the middle of the day.

I loaded Little Bit into the car, blasted the AC because it was hot up here y'all! Yep, even for a Texan, Alaska was hot! Come to find out its because my blood thickened during the winter so I am having trouble acclimating. Good thing we ditched our plans to visit Texas this summer. Anywho, I pull out of the parking lot and there on the grass next to a barracks/work building were soldiers in ACUs practicing with mortars. I did a double take but figured they are infantry, that's normal. It still kinda bothered me that they would be practicing with the big artillery. As I rounded the corner I saw more of them, ruck marching with the mortar tubes. Still, odd but they must be infantry...normal.

Then I get to the spot DH told me to pick him up at for his doctor appointment. Normally my hubby works a desk job. He's one of the smart guys on the computer all day mapping crap out. They had him out in the mud putting up tent cities. This was not normal. He got in the car, caked in mud, and we drove off toward the gate. After we passed a few more groups of soldiers with even bigger artillery, think tanks with Gatling guns on top, I spoke up sheepishly. "What is going on?" I held my breath, afraid the answer was "we're training to leave, they called us up." He did however say "We're in training." After a few moments of silence he spoke up again. "Everyone is back and the block leaves are all over, it's time to start training to leave again."

My chest felt like an 18-wheeler hit it. I know the deployment is coming up, but they begin training 3 months after they return. I know, that's the way it is and they need to keep sharp, but omg that is hard. I don't know that I ever want to go on post again! How do you deal with the training everywhere? Do you just get used to it?

The Last Straw

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Fri, 14 May 2010 06:58:00 +0000

My husband broke my heart tonight. He didn't know he did, but his words pierced through me more than my overbearing mother, abusive brother, or cheating exes ever have. As I finally shared with y'all today, I have been battling an extreme depression for months now, even before Little Bit was born. I bet you couldn't really tell could you? Yeah, I'm really good at hiding it. In fact, DH didn't know I was as depressed as I am until last week when I finally let him in on my little secret. Since then he has been very concerned, and rightfully so. Don't worry, I am not suicidal. I lost a dear friend to suicide and would never commit such a selfish act. That does not keep me from wishing some horrible accident would end my life. Of course, another part of me is terrified of something happening to me and leaving DH and LB alone in life. So anyways, now you kinda see the extent of my dark secret that is depression. I struggle to pull myself out of bed in the morning. Most mornings I wake up with DH, feed LB, see DH off to pt/work and then go back to bed, hoping and praying that LB will sleep long enough for me to get a nap. Lately I have been so depressed and exhausted that I let him cry. I am not of the school of letting children until 8 months cry it out by the way. I just can't will myself to interact with my son on those days.

I have some confessions to make and I hope you don't look badly on me for them. I don't feed my son his bottles. He eats 5-7 times a day. Since he was born I have held him and his bottle less times than I have fingers. The first little paper they sent home with us said do not prop the bottle. I had horrible PPD and my son screamed at my breast when I tried to feed him and DH had just had wrist surgery. Neither one of us was equipped to hold LB's bottle. Since then I have gotten worse and worse. I am still depressed but I have come to terms with not being able to breastfeed him. No, now I prop his bottle so I can surf the internet, read all the blogs I follow and who don't even know I exist, and check my e-mail a billion times a day. Blogging has really been the only thing holding my sanity together. You are mostly moms or military wives/gfs. You get me. You know what I am going through. DH tries his hardest, but he has no idea what it's like. I rarely hold me son either. He has a flat spot, not because he sleeps on his back, but because he spent so much time in his swing or bouncy chair. I felt angry, I felt unloved, I felt hurt, I felt depressed, now I feel guilty for not holding him but as I sit here, typing... I can not make myself stop and hold him. I need to tell someone this. I need to tell you this. If I stop now, let this post auto save and never press publish I'll just slip further and further into despair. If I hold my son instead of typing out this confession to you then I'll begin to resent him and none of this is his fault. My hormones and neurochemicals are off balance. It's that simple and that complex.

Now to tell you what my husband said to me that torn my heart out and literally brought me to my knees screaming. At the time I had no idea if he was being hurtful or caring. He came out of the bathroom and said "Honey, I've been thinking about it and I think we ought to hire someone to come clean the house. It obviously isn't going to get done and this way you can have more time to spend with Little Bit and blog." Right there. Right there, in those innocent words were "You aren't good enough. You love your bog more than me because you won't take care of the house. You are lazy. You are a bad mother. You are a failure!" He essentially told me "I have to spend my hard earned money on someone else to come in and pick up where you have failed." I stood up, walked as far away from him as possible {which happened to be in the back room that I had just worked so hard on a couple days before}, fell to my knees, screamed into my hands, felt my heart ripping in two, and cried. I was shaking uncontrollably by the time DH finished brushing his teeth and got curious as to where I had gone. He asked if I was okay and I knew in that moment that he hadn't meant his words to be a crude warning to shape up or "ship out". He really did think he was helping me by hiring a maid. I sobbed a cracked "no" and attempted to explain my plight.

I struggle to get out of bed each morning; this depression you've seen this week has been going on in secret for months; I try and try and am never good enough; not for my parents, not for my friends, not for my ex fiance, not for you; you never tell me I'm doing a good job; I'm such a failure and you just told me so. The whole time I was thinking in my head...it hurt so bad because you are right. I care more about my blog than about my son or my home, and as an extension, you. I was so upset because I was guilty. Because he was right.

So, I am going away. I am not naive. I know I need to spend some time online to keep my sanity, but I will not be here in such force as I normally am. I will miss your posts. I will not reply to every comment. I may not do all my memes. I will do Motivation Monday and Feel Good Friday because those two especially keep me going. I will likely only keep you updated via my new depression blog. Its on the right sidebar in case you haven't read about it in my other posts today. I will be copying this post to all my other blogs so all my readers know. I know you all understand, and truthfully, I doubt many people would notice that I disappeared for a few weeks... but like I said, I needed to write it down. I needed to tell someone. I needed to tell you. Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.

PS I am not going to take the time to proof this blog entry so I hope it is understandable and not too choppy.

Giggle-Snort

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Thu, 13 May 2010 00:45:00 +0000

Videos like this make me feel better about DH's upcoming deployment. He won't be one of the ones in a video I'm sure, he's just not into being in the spot light... but at least I know he'll have some fun over there. Maybe he'll find a steady poker group or people who play D&D.

Building a Cathedral

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Mon, 10 May 2010 05:07:00 +0000

I found this video on a post by Scrapping Servant. What a wonderful thought. I love that the video has subtitles so the words can really sink in as I read them. This short clip is so powerful that I am posting it on all of my blogs. I hope you enjoy it and it touches your heart in some way.

Can't Hack It

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sun, 09 May 2010 04:11:00 +0000

What do you do if you just can't hack it? DH is only on a 24 hour staff duty but I am having the hardest time tonight. First of all, it makes me think about our first upcoming deployment and how it will be like this for over a year. Then there is my growing depression these last couple of weeks making it seem so much worse. I'm pretty anxious because it was only 3 days ago that I had to wake DH up to call an ambulance for me. What if it happens again and it's just me and Little Bit? What if an emergency comes up that doesn't warrant a 911 call but which keeps me from driving myself? Finally I'm kinda upset that we aren't getting to celebrate my birthday (for the third year in a row and he hasn't even deployed yet). Yeah, I know... welcome to the Army. That doesn't make it any easier though. I know I am lucky to have him stateside and only have to wait a few days to celebrate instead of months... but one day soon that won't be the case. I know I'll have to suck it up and deal with it because life without him is not an option... but it seems so overwhelming. I know I'm going to pick him up in the morning yet I still can't make myself eat. I probably won't sleep tonight because I am afraid of waking up with the pain again with no one to help me or calm me down. Is it just the depression making it seem so bad? What if about when I get depressed while he is deployed. What do you do? How do you avoid the panic attacks? Should I move closer to my parents? I don't know anyone I can call when I am scared, panicked, or just need a break from a screaming baby. But on the other hand... my mom and I really rub each other the wrong way when we live together. I've thought about getting an apartment in their town but it wouldn't be where DH and I lived. It wouldn't hold any memories and he wouldn't even step foot in it. I just don't know what to do.

Seven Dwarfs of Deployment

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 07:50:00 +0000

Loving a Soldier posted this today and I wanted to pass it on to y'all. Go check out her site. It is pretty amazing and has lots of info for military wives.

Seven Dwarfs of Deployment

I know most of you have seen Snow White, so you are familiar with Sneezy, Happy, Dopey, Doc, Bashful, Sleepy and Grumpy, the seven dwarfs. Little did you know there are seven dwarfs of deployment.

Doc - Once your husband leaves you not only are mother and father, but plumber, electrician, counselor, and doctor. You have to be it all and do it all to pick up the slack from missing an entire adult from the family. Cold and flu season is finally at an end, I was feeling like a doctor or a nurse, more like an orderly as I have touched way more human by-products than I care to talk about.

Sleepy - This one is easy, I honestly can count on one hand the number of nights I have actually slept more than six hours straight through. Children, pets, and faulty alarm system wiring have kept me very sleepy.

Sneezy - I know that stress and lack of sleep lower the immune system, but seriously, could we have had a few more illnesses in the house? All five of us got Hand Foot and Mouth disease, fortunately is sounds worse than it was, but it was not pretty.

Grumpy - I am currently channeling Grumpy, I am so grumpy and grouchy. We are around the half way mark and I am fed up with this deployment. The kids are sick of each other and sick of me. I feel like I am walking around with a gray cloud over my head.

Happy - Right before R&R or at the end of the deployment, there is so much happiness. I keep playing our reunion in my head over and over. I can't wait for R&R. I am so excited to see the look on my boys faces when they see their Dad and the look on his face when they see him.

Bashful - I don't know why, but I am always a little bashful when my husband first comes home. Will he still love me, find me attractive? That always goes out the window with that first reunion kiss. I know that it will, but I always wonder, and I am always nervous to see him.

Dopey - Disney describes Dopey as childlike. Reunion always makes me feel Dopey, a little childlike, giddy at the thought of seeing and hugging my soldier again. It is like Christmas morning and your best birthday rolled into one. Your heart pounds and you are so full of anticipation.

This analogy would not be complete without the last scene of the fairy tale, where the prince kisses Snow White, bringing her back to life. I have felt half asleep throughout this deployment, my heart on ice. I can't wait for that first reunion kiss to wake me from this horrible deployment dream. We will live happily ever after, at least until the next deployment.

Semper Feet: Sock Donation

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 05:34:00 +0000

Head on over to A Little Pink in a World of Camo's page by clicking the link above to help her with her socks campaign! Our men and women need fresh socks over in the sandbox and they are only $3-$6 a package at the PX. I guess they need white PT socks (regular tube socks) and more importantly those green uniform boot socks. The antibacterial ones with silver in them are so cheap actually. So anyways... go check out her blog on it and see what you are called to donate. Thanks everyone!

House Party Dreams...

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:48:00 +0000

I hate the whole rank system making things awkward. I really want to invite all the spouses over to our house once it is all fixed up so we can get to know each other but I can't because I would be inviting officer's wives over. I can meet with them outside of our home and it appears that church is a good leveling field... but I really wish it wouldn't look bad on my husband to invite them over here. We are all about to face a deployment together and I'd like to know the names of the women I'll be supporting and whom I hope supports me. *sigh* Maybe I could invite all my Bible study ladies over to the house... that wouldn't involve the spouses of the men and women my hubby works with directly. Some of them work with him, but its not like he is taking invitations up to work to hand out right?

What is the etiquette here? DH and I are former ROTC students so "no fraternization" was drilled into our heads and he is sticking to it. His job is fairly prestigious for his rank so I can see why he wants to keep things professional but I could really use some girl-friends to chat with.

Insulted an Officer's Wife?

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:30:00 +0000

I worry I might have accidentally insulted the wife of an officer my husband works with. I was trying to compliment her on looking so young but stupid me said 35...which to me is young. Turns out she is still 2 months shy of 35. Oops! I felt so horrible. I know it won't effect my husband at all but I still felt so bad. Open mouth, insert foot. She is one of the sweetest women I have met so far. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings. I was just trying to say that I didn't think she was as old as her husband's rank might imply. I doubt she took offense, but still... I'm so sorry.

I'm not sure if I am nervous (for no reason) because her husband is an officer in my husband's office or if I just have a need to please people.

Make Him Stop!

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:58:00 +0000

DH keeps saying the D word! I am banning "deployment" from this house! I told him today that the only D word I hear from his mouth had better have the word "Rear" preceding it! *pouts*

5 Moves Later...

noreply@blogger.com (Jeannette) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 05:05:00 +0000

...and we are in Fairbanks, Alaska! It wasn't an easy trip, especially since I was pregnant, but I made it. DH arrived several months before me and found a house for us. He also bought my dream car for me! When I arrived he walked me out to the parking lot and presented me with an 07 Toyota Highlander! It has all the room and safety features I want.

The pregnancy and birth didn't go well (see our family blog) but our son arrived healthy so it all worked out. He is now 11 weeks old, 16lbs, and 22 inches long. We call him Little Bit. I was induced nearly a month before he was due so the house is still a mess and half of it is piled ceiling high with boxes I have yet to unpack. I hope I can get it done before LB is mobile. I have about 2 months to unpack everything and put it away, sell it, or give it away. It is my goal to sell EVERYTHING non-essential. I hold on to so much stuff and I really need to get rid of it. I refuse to be that Army wive who has moved 3 times and still has some boxes that were never unpacked from the first move. /sigh

I've done a lot already and am very proud of myself. DH is very proud of me too. He tells me daily how wonderful a wife I am. It keeps me going despite my depression and exhaustion. That and my birth control! :0P We have realized that the few days following a new dose of my monthly BC I go on a cleaning spree. It is so funny what hormones can do to you. It's like a monthly nesting instinct. We don't mind it and actually it makes me feel great! I make DH happy, my house looks more and more like a home, and I get a great boost of energy.

Welcome to the Army Ma'am!

The D Word is Back on the Table

Which "ployment" will it be?

Bad News and Worse News

A Little Prayer

How Much Longer?

I Never Really Fit In

Some Good News Finally

The Countdown Has Begun...

Yay! It's Labor Day Weekend!

Preparing for Deployment - Mock Deployment Exercise

A Dandelion On the Wind

A Moment of Silence

Help Prevent Veteran Suicide

On Post Thrift Store + PCS Season = AWESOME!

Gearing Up

The Last Straw

*Giggle-Snort*

Building a Cathedral

Can't Hack It

Seven Dwarfs of Deployment

Seven Dwarfs of Deployment

Semper Feet: Sock Donation

House Party Dreams...

Insulted an Officer's Wife?

Make Him Stop!

5 Moves Later...

Giggle-Snort