Well, At Least I'm Not...

It seems it's died

2010-08-24T21:41:00.002-05:00

This blog, that is. Find my new one over at Modular Limbs.

...using a broken template anymore.

2010-03-28T18:37:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed a while back that my graphics and whatnot on this fine page had all been replaced with broken picture icons. Well, it seems that the template I was using had all of its graphics stored on an image storage site, and for whatever reason they all got deleted. So, that was kind of irritating, and now you have to deal with this crappy blogger template.

Deal with it. ;)

...starting a second blog.

2010-02-19T00:30:00.000-06:00

Yep. I am. I mentioned a while back that I was considering dropping the theme from this blog and rebranding, but I've decided to go this direction instead. When I have ideas for posts that fit the theme here, this is where they'll go. My other blog I Put a Blog in Your Blog (here, by the way) will be my kind of nerdy stuff that I find lying around the interwebs. Posts over there will likely be more frequent, but far less meaty. Posts over here will probably continue at the rate they've been going recently, unless I get a sudden burst of inspiration. :P

So head on over and check it out. It should be fun. :)

...running for a California Senate seat.

2010-02-10T09:27:00.000-06:00

Best. Political. Ad. Ever.

How to report the news

2010-01-28T16:11:00.000-06:00

Absolutely brilliant. Also, language slightly NSFW.

On the PlayStation 3

2010-01-25T16:38:00.000-06:00

So, it would appear that the PS3 has finally been hacked. It only took about three and a half years. :P I have to say, the prospect excites me. I'm sure I won't be pirating too many games in the near future (you'd probably be looking at a straight day of downloading minimum), but the thought of finally being able to have some decent homebrew (media players, a better web browser, emulators, etc...) is very exciting.

Anyway, check it out:

On the PlayStation 3

On another note, I'm considering dropping the "Well, at least I'm not..." theme. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I got some good posts out of it, but lately it's been getting harder and harder to come up with titles that fit the mold (let alone entire posts.) Not sure if/what I'd rename it, but if anyone has any thoughts on dropping the theme or renaming feel free to comment.

...meh.

2010-01-15T13:33:00.002-06:00

Here you go, an oldie but a goodie.

...a reckless driver.

2010-01-14T17:00:00.001-06:00

And, while I generally drive pretty safely, I can warn you to not try to take a picture of another vehicle while driving on the freeway. It is, as it turns out, rather difficult and probably rather more dangerous than I'd have thought. But I was rather excited to see this:

Now, I realize that's a crappy picture, but if you're awesome you should recognize what was next to me. The reason it made me so excited is because of this:

...putting my foot in my mouth...

2010-01-13T11:23:00.002-06:00

I hate myself for saying what I'm about to say. I bitched and moaned when I heard about the whole Karate Kid remake thing. Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan? Really? I mean, you are aware that Jackie Chan does not practice karate, but rather kung-fu, right? These were my thoughts when I heard about this film. I realize that Will Smith can be a little bit full of himself, what with his clean rap and big blockbusters that alternate sucking (see here and here) and being awesome (here and here). But I thought he was really stepping over the line when this one was announced. Taking an absolutely classic film series and using it as a vehicle for his kid (Nothing against Jaden, who is rather talented, and surprised the hell out of me in The Pursuit of Happyness) just seemed like a giant asshat move.

Then, today, I watched the trailer (find it below). Not only does this movie look watchable, it actually looks pretty good! They've altered the story so the whole karate/kung-fu thing isn't an issue. Smith is a kid from LA who moves to Hong Kong (they moved the location to China) with his mom for her work. He knows a little bit of karate (hence the title), but gets his ass kicked by the school bullies who are rather proficient in kung-fu. Over a girl, of course. Jackie Chan looks less irritating than any trailer I've seen him in in the last five years, so that's something.

Give it a watch after the break. I think you might be surprised.

...Offer Shlomi.

2010-01-01T15:52:00.000-06:00

Yeah, that's the ShamWow! guy. You might know him as Vince Shlomi or Vince Offer. Either way, his name sucks, and that's why I'm glad to not be him.

Although this video does make him marginally more favorable.

...adopted.

2009-12-25T09:21:00.000-06:00

Not that there's anything wrong with being adopted (we adopted Aidan, in fact), but if I were, I wouldn't have this exceptional gene pool to draw from! :)

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Get ready for Captchas!

2009-12-24T10:46:00.000-06:00

Alright, I'm being forced to switch from simple comment moderation to forcing those of you who would like to comment on my posts to enter a CAPTCHA to actually post. You know, the things where you have to read the letters/numbers in an image and type them in. Simple comment moderation was working just fine up until this past week. Then, out of nowhere, my email has been, quite irritatingly, flooded with comments from Anonymous which read not unlike the following:

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The entire reason I had any moderation set up in the first place was to avoid posts like this, but I didn't realize how annoying it would be to have my BlackBerry ding at me all day long with comments like this. Thus, you must now prove to a machine that you are not, yourself, a machine, in order to make comments on my blog.

Sorry, but market-bots ruin it for everyone. :P

...being ignored.

2009-12-23T21:24:00.000-06:00

Are you guys ignoring me? :) j/k

Anyway, I'm gonna keep going with this whole question thing, at least through Christmas. I'm busy as hell, and I'm sure you all are, too. But gimme some feedback on these. I find them hilarious, maybe you don't. Who knows.

"Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be find $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.

Which option do you select?"

...stubborn.

2009-12-23T08:39:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned before how my family and friends are staunch Republicans who would never agree with anything some liberal socialist pig (my words, not theirs) said. Every once in a great while I try to tell them how they're not paying attention and, periodically, if a liberal says the sky is blue, they might be telling the truth. Usually, it doesn't work. Healthcare and global warming are the two big points of contention that have been coming up recently, and I'm not going to lecture here on how I feel about either of them, because that's boring and I don't want to start political debate on my blog, because that's not why I'm here.

What I am going to do, however, is post a political cartoon I saw today that made me chuckle and explains my point of view on global warming perfectly. So, thank you to USA Today and an artist named Joel Pett for this one.

...a horse.

2009-12-22T21:27:00.000-06:00

Alright, we are continuing with the questions I've blatantly stolen from one Chuck Klosterman. Nobody's answered the first one yet, but I'll let it slide because it's the holidays and, also, I don't need to worry myself over my (admittedly low) blog readership. :) Anyway, here we go:

"Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with a thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but otherwise immobile. And let us assume that - for some reason - every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?"

...a magician.

2009-12-21T15:26:00.003-06:00

I just finished reading an excellent book of essays on pop culture by Chuck Klosterman called Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto. He talks about everything from Paradise City, a Guns N Roses cover band, to Zack Morris, to porn. It's really well written and very funny.

One of his little two or three page interludes between essays involves the 23 questions he asks someone to determine if he “can really love them.”

I intend to post these questions to you, dear reader, because I am interested in hearing your answers. Also, because I'm too lazy to come up with any of my own content around the holidays.

Here is the first:

"Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks - he can pull a rabbit out of a hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can't learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he's doing these five tricks with real magic. It's not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He's legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope.

Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?"

Note: I wrote this post on my BlackBerry, so let's assume any grammatical errors are due to that and not my writing skills. :)

...homeless.

2009-12-16T15:38:00.000-06:00

This gentleman is, but seriously, he's awesome. He goes by the name Mustard, and you can see him below rocking Radiohead's "Creep", which is one of my favorite songs ever.

Mustard sings Creep from Rex Kramer on Vimeo.

…haunted.

2009-12-15T13:15:00.001-06:00

I watched a little film entitled Paranormal Activity yesterday. It’s similar in style (in that it’s “found footage”) to The Blair Witch Project, except that it’s a thousand times better. Normally I’d critique things like cinematography and score and whatnot, but those things are not present in this film. There wasn’t even a real script, just a basic formula for each scene, with the actors improvising it.

The movie follows a couple, Katie and Micah. Micah brings home a video camera at the beginning of the film, and this is the camera through which we view the entire film. He’s brought home a camera because Katie is experiencing weird things while she’s asleep. The movie progresses through three weeks of daytime and nighttime footage, with most of the daytime footage being handheld and most nighttime being from a tripod in the bedroom. This is the really interesting stuff.

The first night, all that happens in the recording is that the camera picks up a few creaking footsteps on the wood floors, followed by a rather loud running sound. Nobody wakes up, and nothing else happens. Night 2, like any other night with no new happenings, is not shown. On night three, we once again hear the creaking footsteps, and we now see the bedroom door, which is kept open, swing shut a bit, stop, and swing back to the open position.

At this point, I was feeling a little let down. I had heard this was one of the scariest movies I’d ever see, and a swinging door wasn’t cutting it. But I stuck around, and if you’re feeling like I was, you should stick around as well. By the end, I was covering my eyes and peeking through my fingers like I did as a child. This is a truly frightening movie, and that fear hinges entirely on three things: the acting (which is superb), the effects (believe it or not, they are very important in this movie), and suspension of disbelief.

Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat, who play the two leads, are 100% believable. You’d think they were really a couple, rather than two strangers who found an audition on Craigslist. Their joy, sadness, anger, and most importantly, fear come through the screen and seem to affect you directly, like you’re there with them, and a part of it. The rest of the very small cast does a great job as well, but these two really shine.

You wouldn’t think that effects would matter that much in a found footage film. Blair Witch didn’t have any real effects that I can think of, and it scared me pretty good. The few effects that are present in PA, however, are very well done. I’d love to go into it, but I really don’t want to ruin anything for you, and I can almost guarantee that it would.

Finally, as with almost any movie, but even more so here, you need to be willing to suspend disbelief. Whether or not you believe that this kind of thing could potentially happen, allowing yourself to believe that this is really happening is an absolute must. To help with this, watch the film in the dark, with the sound up, and DON’T DO ANYTHING ELSE WHILE THE MOVIE IS ON. I do this all the time. I do other stuff while I’m watching a movie. It could be important (homework) or unimportant (just surfing). But I heard this one was pretty good, so I turned everything else off.

And it scared the shit out of me.

...a musician.

2009-12-08T11:23:00.000-06:00

Because, you see, if I got famous, I'd have people stealing my songs to post them on their blogs. Or, if I was really good, I'd get covered, and the covers would be good enough to post on blogs. This time the covers are not necessarily in a different genre, but they are simply covers I love. And if you like the music you hear here, and it's available for sale somewhere (I'll try to provide you links, if possible), go out and buy it. :)

Anyway, per the usual, thoughts (and links) after the playlist (and the break).

1. Come On Eileen by Save Ferris - The original by Dexy's Midnight Runners is an excellent song, and I'm pretty sure I like this version better. Part of that might be because the original sounds like it was recorded on shoddy equipment, but I also happen to love Monique Powell's voice. Buy from Amazon

2. Lovers in a Dangerous Time by Barenaked Ladies - One of the few covers that I'll recommend even though I'm not familiar with the original. I'm sure I've heard it, and the song sounds vaguely familiar, but I have no desire to find the Bruce Cockburn (I feel really bad for him having that name) original or the Dan Fogelburg cover. It just doesn't feel like it would sound right with voices other than BNL. Maybe I'm missing out, but I don't care. Buy from Amazon

3. Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright - Of course this is on my list. The Leonard Cohen original is weird and I don't care for it. There are hundreds and hundreds of covers of this song, almost all in the approximate style of the most well known Jeff Buckley cover. This particular version makes my top five songs of all time, and is the one I keep coming back to over and over. Buy from Amazon

4. Desperado by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - MFatGGs create entire albums of ska/punk covers of popular non ska/punk songs, and they make a good living doing it. While I've not heard one from them that I didn't really like, this is one of my favorites. Buy from Amazon

5. Bette Davis Eyes by Gwyneth Paltrow - Yep, the actress. From the movie Duets with Huey Lewis (yeah, it's that awesome), about a pair of karaoke championship participants or something. It was mildly entertaining, but I was most stricken by how decent a voice this young woman has. Of course she married that fuck Chris Martin and named her kid Apple, so screw her. Buy the Duets Soundtrack on Amazon

6. El Tango de Roxanne by José Feliciano feat. Ewan MacGregor - This one's from the soundtrack to Moulin Rouge, an excellent film despite what some have told me. It's funny, sad, well acted, and incredibly well sung. I was unaware prior to this film that any of these people could sing like they can, particularly the leads. This, however, is one of my favorite songs from the film. It takes the original from the Police and just transforms it into something completely different than it originally was. Buy the Moulin Rouge Soundtrack from Amazon

7. Head Like a Hole by Devo - When I heard about this I laughed it off as ridiculous. There's no way those freaks from Whip It can cover a Nine Inch Nails song and make it sound good. Then I listened. It's odd, that's a given (it's Devo), but it's also pretty catchy. Sorry, no link to buy this one. It was on the soundtrack to Supercop with Jackie Chan, it seems, but the manufacturer no longer presses that particular CD (SHOCKER!).

8. The Man Who Sold the World by Nirvana - This song is one of those that ends up belonging to the cover artist more so than the original. David Bowie does a great job with the song, and if it weren't for him it never would have happened, but I'm willing to be more people have heard the Nirvana cover. And according to Wikipedia, Bowie has been quoted saying that kids would come up after his shows and tell him how awesome he was for playing a Nirvana cover. Doesn't seem like it made him to happy. Buy from Amazon
Or, if you're feeling generous, toss Mr. Bowie some love. God knows he needs more guy-liner and hair product.

9. Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon by Urge Overkill - The original is by Neil Diamond, who is awesome. This one, however, is from the soundtrack to Pulp Fiction, which makes it awesome-r. And I really like the country kind of twang to it. Buy from Amazon

10. Love Song by Death Cab for Cutie - I love Deathcab. Or, at least, I love old Deathcab. New Deathcab just makes crappy songs for the soundtracks to sparkle-vampire movies. Old Deathcab made awesome songs like I Will Follow You Into the Dark and this cover of The Cure. 311 covered this song a few years back, too, and in my mind, this version edges out the 311 one by a hair. It's close, but I think Ben Gibbard's voice fits the lyrics better. Sadly, Amazon doesn't have this one either.

11. Folsom Prison Blues by Everlast - OK. This is gonna cause some...opinions, probably. The first time I heard this cover of the Man in Black, I was almost offended. Then, for some reason, I put it on again, and I started to get pulled in. It's actually not that bad, I thought to myself. Now I've heard it so many times I actually like it. It's weird. Anyway, buy it from Amazon.

12. Crazy Train by Bullet for my Valentine - Good job of yelling in all the right places and playing the guitar really loud and fast by BfmV on this cover of Ozzy. That's really all I have to say about this one. If you like the original you'll probably like this one, if you don't, skip to the next track. No dice on Amazon for this one, either. I could link you to the Pat Boone cover, but then I'd hate myself.

13. Earth Angel by Death Cab for Cutie - Yeah, I know, second song by Death Cab. Well, guess what. The next one is by Rufus Wainwright. Take that. This particular song is a cover of The Penguins, and comes off the soundtrack to the Xbox game Stubbs the Zombie. You controlled a zombie in the fifties and needed brains. The soundtrack was made entirely of current artists covering fifties artists. I heard the game was pretty bad, but the soundtrack was full of awesome. Buy from Amazon.

14. Across the Universe by Rufus Wainwright - Rufus Wainwright's voice is just perfectly suited for certain songs, and others I would never want to hear from him. For instance, swap him and Death Cab on this track and the last one. This song would still be pretty good, but Earth Angel would sound retarded. Anyway, the songs for which his voice is suited should be sung by him and only him. Buy from Amazon.

15. Careless Whisper by Seether - I'm a big Seether fan, in theory. I like every single song I hear by them, but I've never listened to an entire album, purchased anything by them, or seen them live. This cover was supposedly done as kind of a joke when their label asked them to cover a love song for their new album. Whether or not it was meant as a joke, it ended up kicking an awful lot of ass. Buy from Amazon.

...in a flying house.

2009-12-04T10:56:00.000-06:00

First off, I've decided, as I've really only been posting once or twice a week lately, to try to do more frequent smaller posts. There will probably be more music posts, as I love sharing music with people.

I'm running out of free time, see. Being unemployed with no good prospects after ten months, I've decided that maybe I should try to start something up on my own. I have some web design experience, so that's the direction I'm going. I'm throwing together a website at the moment, as convincing others to pay me real money to design one for them would benefit greatly from having one of my own. This has been taking up a considerable amount of my time, and I hope to have it up soon. I'll link to it from here, of course. Wish me luck.

I put in UP from Disney Pixar this morning, having never seen it before. I figured my kid likes balloons and dogs, and from what I could tell from the trailers, that was essentially what the movie was about. I come away from the experience with only one thing to say: If you have not yet watched this masterpiece of a film, go buy it right now and take the rest of the day off of work to watch it. Not only is it far funnier than I expected, but surprisingly (for American-made animation), it made me tear up a bit. Watching Carl and his wife go through their lives (both ups and downs), silent but for a beautiful piece by composer Michael Giacchino, was quite easily the best part of the movie, but the entire thing is brilliantly put together.

Hey, I'm Posting Music!

2009-11-23T16:35:00.004-06:00

I love cover songs. Ask my wife, she usually hates them. Especially if they're covers of songs she knows and likes. But I love them anyway, and I often listen to CD's filled with covers when I'm driving with my kid or by myself. One thing I especially love is the rather difficult art of the cross-genre or off-genre cover. This is, as you may have guessed, where an artist takes a song from one genre (often rap) and covers it in a completely different style (often folk or piano-pop). And so, after the break, you will find fourteen off-genre covers I find entertaining. Enjoy!

Here they are, in the order that I was able to find them. Check below the player for my thoughts on the tracks. :)

Ben Folds Bitches Ain't Shit - I love Ben Folds and sadly, from what I hear, he retired this song at the last Bonnaroo. He got tired of walking down the street with his kids and having people refer to him as "that bitch guy". Originally by Dr. Dre, this is a classic rap track wrapped up nicely in a slow, rather melancholy piano package.
Imogen Heap Thriller - Holy crap, I can't believe I didn't hear this song until last week. I love Imogen Heap, and this cover is a really cool take on one of MJ's biggest hits.
Nina Gordon Straight Out of Compton - Nina Gordon has such a beautiful voice, and rumor has it she debuted this song completely straight-faced in a coffee shop. One of NWA's most well known pieces, I think it works perfectly well in a mellow setting like this one.
The Gourds Gin and Juice - The first off-genre cover I was ever exposed to, I originally heard it attributed to Barenaked Ladies, then to Phish. Not sure how those two bands got mixed up in it, but the Gourds are the true visionaries behind this remarkable Snoop Dogg cover.
30 Seconds to Mars Stronger - A rather long but well done cover of Kanye West (who is a total and complete dick, btw). Also, the last cover of a rap song on my list! Yay!
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes Sweet Caroline - Hard to choose just one song by MFatGG, as they've put out a lot of quality work, and they are a straight up punk cover band, but I made myself do it. Therefore I went with Neil Diamond, because he is almost always the logical choise.
Social Distortion Ring of Fire - A cover of Johnny Cash is a dangerous thing to do, because chances are, you'll fuck it up. I give Social D credit for not fucking it up too badly (and certainly not as badly as Adam Lambert).
Johnny Cash Hurt - How better to follow up a cover of a Cash song than with the best cover Cash ever did (and my personal favorite cover ever). Cash didn't so much cover this song by Nine Inch Nails as take it away and make the Reznor version feel like the cover.
Gary Jules Mad World - If you don't love this Tears for Fears cover, I don't love you. One of those covers that is better and more recognized than the original, this song was introduced to a small portion of the world in the film Donnie Darko (#4 movie of all time for me), which nobody saw, and later in a commercial for the Xbox 360's Gears of War, which everyone saw.
Cake I Will Survive - The one song on this list that I would guess the most people have heard is still one of the best. Taking a Gloria Gaynor classic and turning it into an alternative staple is probably one of the things Cake is best known for.
A Perfect Circle Imagine - This is another one I hadn't heard until today, and it's awesome. I've always had a soft spot for John Lennon's masterpiece, and this cover just turns it on its head.
The Polyphonic Spree Lithium - Since you could never cover anything by Nirvana in their own genre without being flayed and impaled, the Polyphonic Spree took one of Cobain's best known songs and made it happy!
Dynamite Hack Boyz N Tha Hood - Ok, so I lied earlier about no more rap. But this is the last one, really. This is, so far, my favorite off-genre rap cover of all time. I particularly love the ending which differs on the album and radio versions, but in both cases is a play on the Beatles' Blackbird.
The Postal Service Against All Odds - Probably my most listened to cover ever, there was a good three month period when I would play this track every single time I got in my car. The Postal Service took a mediocre Phil Collins song (though I generally find them all mediocre) and made it into an awesome almost creepy, slightly techno song to highlight the soundtrack to the mediocre film Wicker Park starring mediocre actor Josh Hartnett. And if Wikipedia is to be believed, we are calling The Postal Service's genre "indietronica". Not sure how I feel about that, but about the song I feel pretty good.
***BONUS***Jonathan Coulton Baby Got Back - OMG Awesomesauce! Until five minutes ago I only knew Jonathon Coulton as the gentleman who wrote the song I'm Alive for the excellent PC game Portal. Turns out, after visiting his site, that he is totally and completely rockstar. Sir Mix-A-Lot has nothing on this version. :D

SGWQT2VX4W2M

...Nintendo.

2009-11-18T10:38:00.003-06:00

This past Sunday (November 15th, for those of you keeping count), Nintendo released a new Mario game. New Super Mario Bros. Wii is a blast. It is the first straight up Mario game that is playable by up to four people simultaneously. Sure, most of the old school 2D Mario games were two player, but you had to take turns. The new one is a side-scroller that you actually play with your friends.

It turns it into a bit of a free for all. Your characters all physically interact with each other, meaning you can be nice or not so nice to your fellow players. If you want, you can carry your less gaming-inclined friends through a particularly difficult level. Or if you want to, you can toss a shell at them or pop the bubble in which they return to play after dieing while they float over a pit. If you read any of the dozens of reviews of the game out there, you'll be told numerous times that it will ruin friendships. I can totally see it, even though I've only played it with my wife so far, and she hasn't left me over it...yet.

So, you might be wondering why I'm happy I'm not Nintendo. I mean, the Wii and DS (in all its incarnations) simply print money. An old-school 2D Mario game released for the holidays (with a direct sequel to Super Mario Galaxy rumored to be dropping in January) is like money in the bank. Well, I'm happy I'm not Nintendo because the security on both their system, the Wii, and their games (New Super Mario Bros. Wii) is terrible. Almost to the point of it being embarrassing.

Without making a single hardware change to the Wii or opening it up in any way, you can hack it to run "homebrew" software, which is simply home made software designed to run on a hacked system. A lot of available homebrew is harmless, simply adding features to the Wii that it lacks in its native form, like DVD video playback, or XviD playback from a USB hard disk or thumbdrive. Some of it is free games that people have thrown together. They generally aren't as much fun as professional games, although with some of the shovelware that's been showing up on the Wii, some homebrew games are actually better than some you can pay for.

Some homebrew, however, is more detrimental to Nintendo. There are a number of programs that will allow you to run a "backup" disc of a Wii game. A backup disc, is, of course, a DVD copy of an original retail disc. You pop a game that you totally bought from the store and didn't rent from Gamefly into your PC, put a blank DVD-R in your DVD burner, and copy away. A normal Wii wouldn't play the backup copy, but a hacked Wii will do it with little trouble.

Even worse for Nintendo are USB loaders. With a USB loader, you don't even need a DVD burner. You can plug a USB hard drive into your Wii, put a disc (again, which you own) in the Wii's own disc slot, and use the Wii itself to copy the game from the disc to the hard drive. Then you can play it directly from the hard drive without the disc being anywhere near the console. Not only that, but you can rip an "image" of the DVD using your PC and simply transfer the image file to the USB drive that way. This, of course, means that you could, in theory, find an image of a game that somebody else ripped and posted online, plop it on the drive, and play a game you never bought. You'd never do that, though. That's wrong.

Not only is their hardware insecure, it would appear that their software is not very secure either. New Super Mario Bros. Wii had not one, but two level editors (unofficial, of course) announced on the web on the same day it was released. I, for one, could not be more ~~excited~~
disgusted by this behavior. Why would I want to be able to play not only the levels Nintendo gave me in this game, but total remakes of SMB1, 2 (the Japanese one, of course), and 3, and Super Mario World. I would never, ever make an image file of my legally purchased copy and modify it to include levels that were made by rom hackers online.

Never ever.

...sitting on a broken comment system any more.

2009-11-15T21:10:00.003-06:00

OK. First off, I want to apologize to all the thousands upon thousands of you that I'm sure have been trying to comment since I put up the new template but were unable. I'm always logged in when I check these things, and as such, did not have to attempt the word verification when I was testing comments. Thanks to those of you that were kind enough to mention that you were unable to perform the word verification due to the layout acting funny. Rather than monkey with my HTML, I opted to remove the word verification and require comments to be approved by me. This may chance, as I just realized while visiting Junket Juice that I can have commenting happen in a popup, which might be a better choice. Either way, however, it should work now.

So, sometimes things irritate me. They aren't big enough for me to write an entire post about, but I'd like to put them out there anyway. So here goes:

    * If you're going to say, "I don't want my tax money going to that crap," you had better be ready to stop paying your taxes if "that crap" becomes something your tax money goes toward. If you aren't, you're just whining. I don't care for that.
    * Little Caesar's just upped the price of their "Hot-N-Ready" pizzas from $5 to $5.55. And their Cra-Z-Bread (probably not the proper spelling) went from $1 to $1.49, and the sauce went up, too. WTF??? I used to walk in there with a ten dollar bill and get a pizza, two breads and a sauce! Now I have to cut an order of bread out! Screw you, economy!
    * My wife can't just pick a parking space and pull in. She will go up and down the rows for five minutes to get a spot that involves thirty feet less walking. I love her. I really do. But just park the damned car already!
    * Living in my parents' basement, while loads and loads of fun already, has the distinct disadvantage of Aidan sleeping upstairs. This really doesn't cause too many problems, except that I swear I have to move my end of the monitor around every single night so that it will stop buzzing. I don't get it. Maybe someone puts a metal dish down directly in between them every night just to see how many times they can make me run up and down the f-ing stairs? Maybe the dog thinks the radio waves feel nice and lies down right in them? Not sure what's going on here, but it's pissing me off.
    * Also, since we're on the topic of living with the parents, I understand that grandparents like to spend time with their grandchildren. I really do. But if you'd like to play with him, just ask us if he could come upstairs for a while. Don't walk more heavily when you walk past his room and he's napping. That just wakes him up from his nap. Then I have a crabby child to deal with, and you aren't going to hang out with him, because I can hear you stomping around.

I think that's it. I don't think there's anything else that's been getting on my nerves the last few days. But, in order to live a balanced life, I'm gonna give some (maybe not equal, but some) time to things that have made me happy recently.

    * Aidan likes good music.We don't have to listen to crappy annoying toddler music in my car, no sir. We get The Vincent Black Shadow and Ben Folds. He tells me when he likes a song ("Daddy I like dis song!") and sings along to the refrain of The Luckiest.
    * I finished Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack In Time in far less time than I've been finishing games lately. This might seem like a bad thing, but it's actualy good, because it means I've been making myself find time to do the things I love (ie play video games). I may write up a little article on it soon, if I don't get too wrapped up in...
    * New Super Mario Bros Wii!!! This game is awesome! You might think that playing a semi-cooperative/semi-competetive 2-D Mario game would be the closest thing in the world to a perfect afternoon. You'd be absolutely right. I played through World 1 with my wife about two hours ago, and while she (a non-gamer) started to get bored with it by the end, she definitely sees how much more fun it would be with two more friends and some hard liquor. And I can't get enough 2-D Mario, so you know I'm happy.
    * Finally, bad movies. I watched a few of them over the last few days. Usually bad movies are just that. But sometimes it's nice to have a poorly written/acted/directed piece of film on in the background while you do other stuff. That way you can pop your head up every few minutes and know exactly what's going on. It's a distraction, and sometimes that's all I'm looking for. Thank you Autopsy, in particular.

That's it, for now. I'll be around. Drop me a line, now that the comment system works again!

...Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

2009-11-13T12:20:00.002-06:00

I don't remember hearing anything about a GI Joe movie until a good bit after the first Transformers film came out. Which means, and I could be entirely wrong, that it took them far less than two years to create. If true, I can't say I'm surprised. I'm forty-six minutes into a one hundred seventeen minute movie about toys I grew up playing with (hell it's even got a fancy Hasbro logo at the beginning), and I have never wanted to turn it off more.

What better place to start than the beginning. The cold open, if you can call it that in a movie, comes up and what do you see? A horse and buggy outside a castle. The date pops up on the bottom of the screen: 1641. What? Wait, is this the right movie? It said Hasbro earlier. I wonder how many people got up to check that they hadn't taken a wrong turn somewhere...

In 1641 James McCullen, the seriously-elder, was caught by someone or other selling weapons to both sides of a war. That's usually a bad idea, and so they put a red-hot iron mask on his head. And, as an image of torture is exactly the kind of thing we want associated with a "Real American Hero", now seems the most appropriate time to roll the logo. Of course, we're not looking at "Real American Heroes" anymore, as the unit was put together by a group of ten countries. WTF? You don't need to instill a sense of multi-culturalism into my childhood!

Post-logo, we have present day James McCullen as the head of MARS Industries. A weapons dealer. Of course. Because generations of people generally stay in the same line of work for 350 years. He's created Nanomites. Tiny little mechanical bugs that eat just about anything you throw at them. The Army is accepting delivery of the first four of them shortly.

Channing Tatum is Duke. Yeah, I know, I wouldn't have done it either. But you know what I really wouldn't have done? Marlon Wayans as Ripcord. Don't get me started. They're Army and their squad is in charge of transporting the warheads to whereever they're going (we never find out). Driving down the road, Ripcord says, "Excuse me, Duke, but I am incorrect in thinking we were meant to stop approximately one mile back?", to which Duke responds, "My dear Ripcord, I do believe you are correct. Well, it appears that something may be afoot."

What? You don't believe they talk that way? Would I lie to you? Anyway... The Baroness (played better than most by Sienna Miller) and her goons are attacking because, of course, they want the warheads. They almost get them, but then the Joes show up and lay the smack down. Now, this is the part where I tell you my knowledge of the GI Joe mythos is not the most in depth. Apparantly the Baroness is named Anna, and she knows Duke in a previously romantical manner. I do not know if this is true to the original, but I'm under the impression that being true to the original was not the most important concept to director Stephen Sommers or the six-person writing crew.

Next, the Joes have the bomb(s), and they're secret Egyptian base comes under attack by the Baroness, and this time she's got Stormshadow with her. Out of place cameo by Brendan Fraser. And all of a sudden the Cobras have the bombs, and their gonna make Nanomites eat the Eiffel Tower. This is the part of the movie where I have officially stopped caring. Involved in the chase to stop the consumption of the Eiffel Tower are Stormshadow and the Baroness vs Snake Eyes being a bad-ass, Scarlett (Rachel Nichols might not be the best actress, but damn...) with some insane motorcycle navigation, and Duke and Ripcord in person-enhancing mechanical suits. And somehow, they still manage to fire a warhead at the Tower. The unsuccessful chase, thankfully, gave Duke and Ripcord the chance to destroy more cars than people I know or have known own or have owned. Seriously, Paris was probably not too happy with the Joes after this one.

Ok, before I forget, Joseph Gordon-Levitt has no business playing a character like the Doctor. It was weird and awkward every time I saw him, and I honestly thought at first that it was Keanu Reeves. The last thing you want as an actor is to be mistaken for Reeves.

Now, the French have captured the Joes with the exception of Snake Eyes, who ran off rather than be captured, and Duke, who was captured by the Baroness and Stormshadow. In case you don't recall, Stormshadow and Snake Eyes are adoptive brothers. Snake Eyes is the adopted one who found greater favor in the eyes of their father. This leads both to anamosity between the brothers who work for opposite sides and to lots of flashbacks to the two of them fighting as children. As it turns out I don't care that much about their history.

Alright, everyone's pissed at the Joes and they've all been called back to their respective countries for a good scolding. General Hawk (Dennis Quaid) tells them that while they've been called back, they haven't been told when to go or what route to take. See, this way, they can go find Duke! Yay!

Once they've arrived at Cobra's base (they still aren't called Cobra, although there have been allusions), Duke tries to run off with the warhead case and gets a shryuiken in the back from Stormshadow. Sneaky Duke, however, manages to turn on the tracking beacon on the case. Now the Joes can find him!

Now it's time for the Doctor to put Duke on a table and talk for an unnecessarily long time about what's going on prior to actually injecting him with Nanomites. We must secretly be in a 007 movie! Well, that can only make it better. Yeah, so they're gonna turn Duke into a Nanomite soldier unless Scarlett and Ripcord can find him in the giant Antarctic layer in time.

McCullen is launching the missles that contain the Nanomite warheads. Snake Eyes grabs a motorcycle and shoots a rocket at the Beijing missle, and it blows up safely. The other two make it away, so Ripcord has to go up in a fancy-ass plane that was lying around and shoot down the other ones. Somehow, btw, when Stormshadow hears that one of the missles went down, he simply knows that it was Snake Eyes. Sensible.

Baroness realizes the error of her ways and that she's in love with Duke, and so slaps the Doctor (really her brother, unbeknownst to her) upside the head with something heavy. The Doctor lays her out by pushing a button, because of course she was a Nanomite soldier, and thus completely under the control of the bad guys. Doc threatens to kill her by pushing a button, McCullen walks in, there's a big damn mess of dialog that makes me want to shove sharp things in my ear, and then Ripcord saves Moscow and, presumably, Washington. There's a Nanomite soldier inside the bunker with the President. He shoots everyone but the President. Some unseen antagonist walks in and makes the President understand what this whole thing is about, although it didn't do much for me.

Duke wakes the Baroness up and carries her out of a now exploding underwater Antarctic lair. The Doc throws McCullen into a submarine and takes off. Duke and the B take off after them in another sub. Somehow, now that Anna (formely known as the Baroness) is good, she gets to show more cleavage.

Doc decides to detonate an icepack. For no reason at all this causes windows to break on the underwater base. I officially hate myself for even watching this movie at this point. Lots of cheering which presumably means the Joes won. The Doc gives McCullen a fancy red shot and it turns McCullen into a metal faced Nanomite soldier. Hey, it's Destro! The Doc puts on a new mask and decides that he's now Cobra Commander. Yay, it's time for a sequel!

Afterthoughts: It certainly seemed like a good idea to watch this movie. It probably even seemed like a good idea to make it. Unfortunately, good ideas rarely work out as good as they sound. I feel bad for Mr. Gordon-Levitt, as I seem to remember him being a great up-and-coming actor about three years ago. He was in all these indie films and doing awesome and all of a sudden he signs on for this trash. I also apologize if this post started to feel ramble-y but I started watching the movie yesterday (and writing this post), then had to go do something, came home with possible swine flu, and now I just finished it while feeling pretty crappy. Deal with it. :)

Anyway. Things that should have been awesome but ended up sucking:

Hawk played by Dennis Quaid. I like Quaid, but this was pretty bad.
Hawk saying "Knowing is half the battle". I would have expected it to be great to hear this line in the movie, but I guess I was wrong.
Back story on Cobra. Should have just jumped right in. Skip this Rise of Cobra nonsense.
Snake Eyes and Stormshadow. Fights should have been awesome, but the choreography was pretty bad.
Really, the whole damn movie was terrible.

...going to burst into flames.

2009-11-12T14:25:00.000-06:00

Got a letter in the mail the other day. An actual letter. Printed on paper, sent in an envelope with paid postage and everything. The letter in question was from the Ford Motor Company. They sent me this letter because they wanted to explain to me that, despite what one might expect, they had, in fact, made a mistake in the design of my 2002 Explorer. They wanted me to know that they couldn't be 100% confident that after "many years of service" my Explorer wouldn't just start on fire and kill anyone within twenty feet.

Well, Ford Motor Company, just how long is "many years of service"? Is it eight years? Do years of only accumulate while I own the vehicle, and reset if I sell it? I mean, I've only owned it for two years, but prior to that someone else did. How long will it be until the death-mobile that you've created for me is ignited as if by the flames of hell and begins burning people alive?

Having no immediate contact at Ford, I could not easily get answers to those questions. So what did I do? I drove my Explorer around for a week. I took it to the store. I took it to yet another job interview for yet another job I wouldn't get. I parked it on top of leaves. I took it to the gas station, figuring if it's gonna kill me at least it'll be exciting. Finally, upon realizing that it really wasn't going to kill me, I called the local Ford dealership yesterday, when I had a sitter. Of course, their day is packed with people who also don't want their shit to burn.

And thus, I took it today. When I did not, in fact, have a sitter. So Aidan had to come with me. It's always fun to have to sit at the car dealership with a small child. They had a "kid's area". It consists of a small office that isn't being used, where they have ever so kindly thrown a colored rug down and plopped a shelf full of the toys that had been discarded by the children of current and former employees and were likely covered in H1N1. Hand sanitizer? No thanks, we like to live dangerously.

As I sat there on the floor (no adult sized chairs in the kid room. Who is supposed to be watching the kids?), I started writing this post on my Blackberry Storm I. Not the fancy Storm II, this is the one I bought a week before the Storm II's came out, and got on a buy one get one deal for a grand total of fifty bucks. I've had it for a month, now, and it's all fine and dandy. My biggest problem is that in the last week or so, I seem to somehow be getting worse at typing on the touchscreen. Maybe it's because I'm speeding up, I dunno. So I sat there writing this in the online Blogger post editor and the guy comes back to tell me my truck is ready. So I scroll down and attempt to hit "Save Now" only to find out that the button didn't load properly and when I tried to "click" it (and by click I mean push in a ham-handed manner) I actually hit the "Return to post listing" link. By the time I got back to the editing page, everything I'd written was gone.

Ironically, this wouldn't have been so annoying had I been typing on my computer, but I had typed most of what you read here on my phone. This is the reason for the annoyance. However, I am happy that my truck won't start itself on fire while I drive down the freeway.