“Some arrogant !#*&@$ sabotaged my LinkedIn Discussion.”

“This rude guy commenting on my blog post just won’t let it go!”

“Why am I so irritated with this Twitter twit? I don’t even know her!”

The topic of cyberjerks has come up a half-dozen times with clients in the past few months. I get calls, emails and messages asking about what to do when they emerge and how to react.

It Happens…

The deeper your social networks get, the more prone you are to encountering cyberjerks, cyberstalkers and cybermorons. These conflicts are not limited to the teens and social butterflies. They happen in professional circles, as well.

Boy, have I been there! In fact, I get pretty darn steamed when people don’t play nice on the networks. I’m all for professional debate or a meaty discussion. In fact, it keeps me sharp! But, there are times when you run across someone who just hasn’t learned any cybermanners.

The good news: these people seem to be in the minority.

The bad news: the greater your visibility and influence becomes online, the bigger the target becomes on your virtual forehead.

Every case is different, but here are some guidelines to remember…

1. Step Awaaaaay From the Keyboard

This is harder than it sounds. Most of us have learned that with a snarky email, we write a response, sleep on it and re-read before deciding to hit send.

But, with the social networks, we’re often attacked in front of others. Our egos are bruised. Our “friends” are watching. We’re not about to get beaten up on the playground without a fight!

Before you lose your cool…take a deep breath, stand up and walk away for a few minutes. Get some coffee (not a stiff drink!). Grab a snack. Run an errand. Remember, any knee-jerk reaction you have becomes public the minute you hit Submit. Cool off. Your online reputation will thank you for it!

2. Remember the Other 99%

When someone’s really irritating you, it’s easy to become laser focused on that single conflict and forget about your productive connections and relationships. Put the cyberjerk’s behavior in perspective.

3. Seize the Opportunity

As you feel bullied, attacked or irritated, others are watching. They’re also likely recognizing the silly behavior and secretly rooting for you to respond. Setting an example of bowing out of a cyberwar gracefully, maturely and rationally will gain you even more respect from your peers, clients and friends.

What a great opportunity to show your ability to handle conflict! Don’t be surprised if your supporters chime in with a “you show `em” or “nice job.”

4. Give Them a Chance to Redeem Themselves

Perhaps they’ve had a bad day. After taking the “high road” approach, you may be surprised that they return with a softened approach…or even say, “I’m sorry.”

For example, this weekend I had a gentleman flat-out insult my intentions and experience. I stood by my statement, clarified my point and backed it up. When he returned with saying “I’m not buying it,” I realized he didn’t know me very well. I explained that I don’t play games and that I had no interest in him “buying” anything. I then made it clear that he didn’t have to agree with me and that I wasn’t going to agree with him. He was diffused a bit and came back with “All good. Great conversation.”  The conversation ended on a neutral note (partly because I followed Step #1 above).

4. Kill `Em With Kindness

When you just can’t muster up a sincere “high road” approach but still want to respond—bring out the sugar, saccharine and honey cocktail and serve it straight up. Somehow this approach makes the other side back off or simply cool their heels. I think every woman learns this technique from their mothers at some point. Men, if you haven’t learned it…ask your wife, sister or friends for a quick lesson.

5. Decide Whether They’re Worth It

Imagine if this conflict happened in real life. If you were at a trade show, networking event or conference and ran into this person, what would you do? Chances are you’d spar a bit, then walk away after realizing that the person was grandstanding, speaking out of insecurity or just had a chip on their shoulder. Of course, if this is someone who holds great authority or could make or break your reputation—perhaps you’ll stick it out a bit longer. Either way, ask yourself, “Is this person worth my precious time.” Nine times out of 10 the answer is “no.” Our egos and pride seem to get in the way.

A common question…

Many ask whether they should even write back at the first sign of trouble. Unless you’re being flat-out attacked or hit with a completely off-the-wall remark, I advise that you respond in some way. Ignoring conflict or a difference in opinion doesn’t fare well on the networks. Try the steps above…then make a choice.

That’s right. You have a choice.

You can defriend, unfollow, block, ban, delete or exit. Most social network developers want you to stick around. Therefore, they give you almost complete control over your own experience.

Your Turn

Have you run into a cyberjerk recently? What did you do?

Last week, I was privileged to attend the 2010 National Speakers Association (NSA) Convention.

Although I was honored to share my knowledge at a “Meet the Pros” table, my favorite part of the convention was soaking in everyone else’s wisdom and experience. With over 1,200 Thought Leaders in one room, the air had an electricity and excitement like I’ve never experienced at any other convention.

For those unfamiliar with NSA, it’s comprised of experts first, speakers second. What truly sets the best speakers apart is their authenticity, hands down. During the convention, I took pages of notes full of insights and advice to help me in my business and in my life. I could blog for days about what I learned—but if you want that, you’ll need to attend the event next year!

I did note many fine one-liners—easy to share and worth repeating. Yes, I Tweeted many of these on the spot, but also wanted to pull a few together in retrospect for readers and friends!

“Laughter is the best way to get out of your comfort zone.”
- Pete Johnson

” The best way to become successful is to make others successful.”
- Robert Benninga

“If you want to be successful in any profession, you must decide to be famous.”
- Joachim de Posada, CSP

“I guarantee you that your audience will not remember all the bullets on your PowerPoint slides but they will never forget your stories. Because stories have the power to take people to a place that pure content never can.”
- Jean Gatz, CSP

“I’m a crier. Okay…I’m…emotionally incontinent” (named “quote of the convention” by Ty Boyd)
- Ruby Newell-Legner, CSP

“We hired you for the fun…but paid you for the content.” (speaking as an event planner)
- Mike McKinley, CSP, CPAE

“To what question are YOU the answer.” (talking about branding and differentiation)”
- David Avrin

The best day of your life is the day you decide your life is your own.”
- Joachim de Posada, CSP

“When an old man dies, a library burns to the ground.”
- African Proverb

“Adversity introduces us to ourselves.”
- W. Mitchell, CSP, CPAE

After writing 5 Steps to Organizing the Blogs You Follow, I received many questions on how to go about finding relevant, high-quality blogs. Thank you for your questions and feedback!

Influential Thought Leaders tend to embrace others’ ideas and soak up information like sponges. They can’t get enough of peoples’ knowledge and live to build on it and share it with others. Does the same hold true for you? Think about it. Some of the best ideas, breakthroughs and “aha’s” you’ve had can likely be attributed to an article, book or publication you’ve read.

Adding online news feeds and blogs to your mix of content can round out your information sources and improve your influence online. To top it off, leaving comments on other blogs is also one of the quickest ways to build traffic to your own.

But with over 141 million blogs out there, where do you start?

1. Identify some people who have influenced YOU. Perhaps they’re famous, perhaps not. Maybe they authored a book you recently read or spoke at an event. Make a list. Then, search on Google for “Their Name + blog” or go to Google’s Blogsearch and search for them there. Go with your gut. Don’t feel that you must only follow “known” leaders. If someone’s content strikes you as valuable, add them to your list.
2. List your top interests. These may not even be directly related to your business. For example, I’m a productivity fanatic, so I follow several blogs specializing in productivity and efficiency. I run across plenty of helpful content that I use for my own business and pass along to my clients.
3. Search blog “top” listings. Sites like PostRank, Alltop and Technorati list the top blogs and content sites by topic. Try out some relevant keywords and start exploring.
4. Pay attention to Twitter – The more targeted your “Following” list becomes on Twitter, the more interesting the people and content become! As you follow links to blog posts, pay attention to those you like.
5. Subscribe and organize! - Once you’ve landed on a “keeper” blog or news site, make it easy to follow new content by subscribing to the site’s feed. For more information, check out 5 Steps to Organizing the Blogs You Follow.

After you begin following a “base” list of blogs, simply add or subtract blogs from your News Reader based on how often you find yourself “enthralled” in each blog’s content. After some practice, you’ll learn to take charge of your reading and create a customized content news list perfect for you and your business.

Your Turn

As Thought Leaders with busy schedules, it’s easy to get caught up in producing our own content and forget to feed ours brain with other people’s ideas and thinking! How do you stay on top of your industry and share your findings with others?

One of the best ways to stay on top of what’s shaking in your industry and “sharpen the saw” each week is to read content-rich blogs! Just as reading books helps make us better writers, reading blogs helps make us better thinkers and bigger networkers!

Yet, I still hear over and over again, “Yea…I’ve been meaning to read more.” Or, “I just don’t have time.”

Well, to continue being a Thought Leader in your space, you need to make time. Period. Don’t panic. There are ways to make that time efficient and ensure you’re tracking the news that matters most to you.

1. Don’t Be a Hero.

There are tools that make tracking your selected blogs and news sites easy. Don’t even think about bookmarking every blog or keeping a manual list just to avoid learning a new tool. Within three days of DIY tracking you’ll be completely overwhelmed. Use tools designed to keep track of new articles, what you’ve read, and what you like!

Most credible blogs and news sites use RSS feeds to distribute content. RSS stands for “Really Simple Syndication.” Ironically, most people are intimidated by RSS. Don’t be. RSS saves you from the task of having to hop out to each site to see what’s new. Subscribing to a blog’s RSS feed brings the news to YOU! If you want to learn more about RSS, check out the best video ever made on how RSS works.

2. Use an RSS Feed Reader (a.k.a. “news reader”)

There are dozens of readers out there. The one I use and train clients on is Google Reader. As with everything Google-y, it’s easy to use, easy to learn and accessible from anywhere. If you already have a Google account, your reader is ready to go. Just start adding some feeds to follow!

3. Add Feeds to Your Reader

First, look for the RSS symbol on any blog or news feed. From there, choose “Google Reader” as your preferred reader and you’re good to go! Shameless plug time: why not add THIS blog as the first feed you’ll follow!? Go ahead. Click on that RSS Symbol. We promise to continue delivering awesome content!

4. Subscribe by Email (if you dare)

Email is often another option, if you’re not quite ready for a reader. Be careful about subscribing to too many blogs by email, though. Receiving regular emails from every single blog you follow will become unmanageable. Only use this option for your absolute-MUST-read-every-day-blogs.

Remember, email is for a specific task. Your reader is for another. Mix the two and you’re bound to be unproductive in both areas!

5. Exercise Discipline (Dammit!)

Listen closely. Once you get a hand full of favorite news sites and blogs into your reader, you will get sucked into the vortex of amazing content. As a Thought Leader, you’re especially vulnerable. You’ll soak up information. Be enlightened and delighted. Then, you’ll look up and realize that the sun has risen and set. Twice.

Set aside dedicated time each week to reading. Don’t open every single article—click only on the headlines that intrigue you. Aaaahhh… finally, you’ll some sanity and FOCUS in your web browsing and reading.

Next week, we’ll cover how to actually FIND the blogs you want to follow. It seems like it should be easier, right? There are 141 million blogs out there you could follow. Many are “hobbybloggers” versus serious bloggers. We’ll help you get focused and narrow them down!

Your Turn

So, now that you’ve got your reader set up, what will YOU be subscribing to?

Will you be attending The National Speakers Association 2010 Convention next week? If so, don’t forget to sign up for Meet the Pros! Each breakout session is limited to a hand full of attendees, so reserve your spot ASAP!

I’ll be hosting a Meet the Pros Session focused on how blogging can benefit you as a speaker, author and thought leader. Send me your questions ahead of time OR just hit me with `em on the spot! I look forward to seeing you there!

Register Now

Once again, TED blows us away with their simplified dissection of leadership and how to “make a movement.”

Key messages:

• You’re not a leader until you have your first follower.
• As a true leader, you must embrace your followers as equals!

How does this translate to your online presence?

• Respond to comments on your blog immediately
• Thank your first Retweeters immediately, follow them back, and watch their content closely
• Follow blogs that have featured your content
• Ask questions of those who respond or comment on your content. It’s no longer all about you.
• Pay attention to what your followers like/dislike. You may find new content ideas!

What other ways can you show online followers some real “love?”

As savvy presenters know, it pays to double-check all critical “production” elements before each speech. Your mic, projector, platform—it all paves the way for how well your audience perceives and absorbs your presentation.

So, what about making it easy for your audience to SHARE your content? Yes, today, it’s not uncommon to see audience members whipping out their cell phones during a speech. Don’t be offended. Be flattered. Chances are they’re sharing a talking point and crediting YOU on their network.

Help Attendees Who Tweet (“Tweetendees”)

Twitter is the most common network for socially-savvy attendees. All too often, that first Tweet requires that the attendee to search for your name on Twitter, note your Twitter handle and follow you. Good luck if your Twitter handle is not intuitive or “sounds like” other Twitter users. Before you know it, the attendee has missed three minutes of your presentation.

1. Shorten TweetTime – Post your Twitter handle and event hashtag on the first and last slide of your presentation. If the event planner tells you that no hashtag exists—create it on the spot. Keep it short. Do a quick search on Twitter to ensure it’s not taken. Then publish it to your slides. Not up on hashtags yet? Get a hashtag crash course.
2. Declare it a Tweet-Safe Zone - Some Tweetendees may be afraid of offending, so may not Tweet as often as they’d like during your presentation. Again, they’re giving you free publicity. Make it easy! At some point, if it doesn’t interrupt the flow of your speech, point out your Twitter handle and the hashtag. Or, take a lesson from Patricia Fripp, who boldly makes eye contact with Tweetendees and states, “Tweet this!”… followed by her many words of wisdom. Yes, I learned that one, first hand.
3. Tweet ahead of the event. Show your interest and engagement with attendees by Tweeting (with the hashtag) ahead of the event. This is a fantastic way to connect with your audience ahead of time and makes it easy for them to Tweet quickly when they arrive!

Engage With Your Audience

1. Interact, don’t broadcast – There’s nothing more irritating to Tweetendees than an arrogant speaker on Twitter. All too often, speakers simply “announce” their arrival or schedule but never participate in the attendee buzz about the event. Rather than say, “About to present to XYZ Group,” try something like, “Looking forward to meeting my Tweeps at the XYZ Group Today! #hashtag” or open it up to replies with something like, “Who’s joining me at the XYZ conference today?”
2. ReTweet attendees - Warm up the room before anyone’s even there! Get to know your audience and ReTweet the buzz about the event or useful content they’ve posted.
3. Show gratitude after the event – Again, don’t assume that you have to operate “above” the crowd. Thank attendees on Twitter and share any spontaneous or memorable moments that you recall during the speech.
4. Follow your Tweetendees - Use the event hashtag to create a list of Tweetendees using a tool such as TweepML or Blastfollow. In just a few clicks, you’re connected with Tweetendees! Assuming they follow you back, you now have a captive audience for your content, articles and future events!

Emmy award-winner, Bill Stainton, captured the attention of NSA Central Florida this week as he presented, “What I learned from 29 Emmys that Speakers Need to Know.”

Bill’s insight and expertise left me with pages of fantastic takeaways. He challenged us to focus on our presentation through three lenses: The Producer Lens, The Writer Lens and The Performer Lens.

I won’t give away Bill’s entire presentation, but there was also one “sidebar” point I simply have to share! It wasn’t at the core of Bill’s message, but it was refreshing to hear it from straight from a highly successful professional speaker:

“Speakers are experts…who also speak.”

Indeed! The same can be said for successful Writers, Bloggers, Tweeters, Stumblers…! Sure, they may have mastered a certain tool or technique but the medium is nothing without the smarts. Using a tool will never bring you instant success online (do you hear that, Twitter “get rich” schemers?). However, effective use of communication tools and techniques to share your unique vision, expertise and influence can catapult your visibility—fast!

As a Thought Leader, don’t get romanced by tales of quick dollars online or overnight success. First, keep your eye on your most important asset—your content. Then, learn the tools of the trade. In fact, master them! Whether it be the platform (Bill’s expertise can definitely help with that), your blog community or your social network.

Want to see a killer Thought Leader blog in action? Check out Bill Stainton’s Blog at OvationConsulting.com.

Basking in the moment with Beth Ramsay (Speakers Academy Dean) and Loren Murfield (Associate Dean). Thank you both!

Although I encourage clients to toot their own horn, I admit that I share their discomfort when it comes to doing that for myself.

It’s been quite a month! First, I qualified for Professional Membership status in the National Speakers Association. But, the dance of joy didn’t end there. Yesterday also marked my graduation from the Speakers Academy. To top it off, I was chosen to present at the 2010 NSA National Convention next month. What an honor!

Okay, horn has been tooted!

From the moment I attended my first Central Florida NSA meeting (April 2009), I instantly felt welcomed, at home and—in some ways—not worthy! This has to be one of the classiest, smartest and most generous professional groups I’ve ever encountered. Every month my brain leaves slightly numb as I learn so much from each program. As the academy members say, we drink from a fire hose!

Thank you, NSA, for becoming such an incredible part of my career, my business and my life. I can’t wait to see what’s next!

Always let them see you sweat (a little).

Whenever I speak to an audience about Blogging, Social Media or web strategy, there is that moment where I know I’m most vulnerable
— The Q&A session!

Although confident in my content and preparation, there’s sometimes a little crumb of fear that someone will ask questions I’m still trying to figure out myself. Questions like, “Does StumbleUpon deliver traffic or trash to my site? Who’s going to invent the 25th hour so I can blog more often? Is Facebook ever going to recover from the privacy mess?”

The Opportunity

Oddly enough, Q&A also seems to be my absolute favorite time of any presentation. Other speakers seem to feel the same. Why? Q&A makes for interaction on an even deeper level with the audience. Those moments in the “hot seat” give you an opportunity to show your stuff, address burning questions, and display your true colors in their most vivid state! It’s the connection every good speaker strives for—times ten!

So why not seek out those same connections online? Those “gray area” questions that come up over and over make for ideal blog content. Why? They build trust.

Facing uncertaintly head-on in your blog proves:

1. You understand your audience’s needs
2. Your leadership is not just based in theory, but reality
3. You listen
4. You’re real
5. You get it
6. You don’t tip-toe. You’re direct.
7. You’re not afraid to say, “There’s no easy answer, but here’s MY take…”
8. You do your homework

How to Tell Your Online Audience, “I Don’t Know.”

Truthfully addressing the areas you haven’t figured out yet is important. What are the topics you’re still churning on, researching, or forming a solid opinion on?

In Good to Great, Fred Purdue of Pitney Bowes says,

“When you turn over rocks and look at all the squiggly things underneath, you can either put the rock down, or you can say, ‘My job is to turn over rocks and look at the squiggly things,’ even if what you see can scare the hell out of you.”

Why not explore the “squiggly things” with your readers? Post a poll. Tally their votes and report back on later. Share your “on the fence” feelings and genuinely ask them for their input. Ask your Twitter and Facebook contacts to chime in with their take.

You may not have the answers but the mere act of addressing the question will win you trust and respect. There are too many online “know it alls” out there. Be real with your audience and show that you grapple with certain topics, too.

Your role is to be a Thought Leader…not an Answer Machine.

Your Turn

What are the nagging questions that no one in your field seems to address or answer? Are you avoiding them too?