Well Shod, Well Imformed

BUT I'M A LADY....

2010-09-02T08:13:45+10:00

click to enlarge

The moment Lady Melbourne touched down in Sydney, the Despotic Queen slipped her trotters into a pair of Elliot Ward-Fear’s model slaying stitts (which according to the soon-to-be tasered Mother Melbourne, made her daughter appear bovine-like), poured her svelte waist into Ward-Fear’s tulip-shaped PVC skirt and set about lensing the jet-setting beauty.

With the tyranny of distance and HRH’s new legit business venture, Imelda and her BBFF are rarely afforded an opportunity to bump heels like we did back in the day. But sweet baby Jesus in his Christmas crib, when do, it’s the stuff that teenage boys (with sicking proclivities) will lube up over for the rest of their perverted lives.

FASHION IS A LIFESTYLE

2010-08-06T08:31:42+10:00

Anna&Boy

Last night HRH joined two of Australian fashion’s hautest new superstars, Elliot Ward-Fear and PR wunderkind Candice Wyman to help GQ associate editor Mitchell Oakley Smith celebrate the launch of his new (and soon-to-be- indispensable) fashion tome, FASHION.

Bumping heels with the who’s who of Australian fashion, it dawned on a sealskin-clad Despotic Queen that with one perfectly pitched Molotov cocktail, she could obliterate 90% of the Australian fashion industry.

“We’ll lock the doors and burn this fucker and everyone inside it to the ground”, cackled Imelda to Australian PR supremo Rae Begley of Little Hero PR.

Somewhat confused by the Despotic Queen’s malicious (albeit very serious) intentions, Begley replied, “If I see you heading for the door, I’ll be close behind.”

But before I got my uni bomber-on, Wyman pointed out that my scorched earth strategy was inherently flawed. By taking out all the player-playas, she said, I would inadvertently take out Oakley Smith.

Hmmm, good point.

Oakley Smith should be lauded not char-grilled. For in our darkest financial hour, GQ Australia’s resident ‘Style Shrink’ found a publisher brave enough to back a 700-page book about Australian and New Zealand fashion. That is no mean feat.

Several weeks ago, HRH and the Style Tyrant had the pleasure of sitting down with Oakley Smith for what should have been one of his first interviews, unfortunately Imelda didn’t pull her shiz together at the time – but better late than never…right?

FASHION is being billed as the ‘ultimate reference book’ and an ‘indispensable who’s who of those in the industry’ with publishing house Thames and Hudson claiming, “Not since the early 80s has there been a publication which offers such an insight into the work of Australia and New Zealand’s most influential, dynamic and creative fashion designers.”

As the Tyrant has already reported, FASHION exceeds the hype - a rarity when it comes to fashion books written by so-called ‘experts’ and ‘industry insiders’.

FASHION and its impending success now mark Oakley Smith as a prodigy of sorts for realizing there was a massive gap in the market for such a book. A label Oakley Smith laughed off during our early morning tete-e-tete, “I’ve been working on it [FASHION] for two years and approached 4 publishers before Thames and Hudson picked up the book.”

Oakley Smith described the process of writing the book as richly rewarding and cites his background in journalism as the decisive factor in prompting him to pen the book.

Bassike

“I was working as a journalist for News Limited,” says Oakley Smith, “and found that there was no resource like this for fashion designers. Personally as a journalist, it would be helpful to have one so that when you are writing stories, you can easily draw information, even simple biographical information like when a label started and who the designers are.”

Industry veterans like WORLD, Zambesi, Easton Pearson, Jonathan Ward and Leona Edmiston bump heels with crowd-pleasing brands like Romance Was Born, Ellery and Dion Lee. Oakley Smith was quick to point out that he would have loved to include more emerging designers like “Magdalena Velevska, Local Art Base and Christopher Esber” but a cut-off point was needed.

Fear not, Oakley Smith confirmed that he’s contractually obliged to update the book “every 3-years”.

While there’s no debating Oakley Smith has created a prolific index of Australian and New Zealand talent, there are some glaring omissions that will undoubtedly rub many the wrong way.

HRH noted that one label not included was Saint Augustine Academy. Like HRH, SAA designer Alvin Manalo originates from South East Asia and, putting nationalistic nepotism aside, is considered Australia’s pre-emanate menswear designer.

Given the author’s background with GQ, I freely admit I find Manalo’s omission a curious oddity.

Oakley Smith concedes that the collection of 70 designers profiled should be viewed subjectively.

“I’ve been questioned about my choice of designers,” Oakley Smith admits “and it is personal. I tried to be as fair as possible and provide a good cross section but at the end of the day, it’s my book and I had to make some choices about who I included and who I didn’t.”

Aurelio Costarella

However Oakley Smith admits that there are some designers he included which weren’t to his personal liking and when questioned as to why these designers where in, Oakley Smith replied that he wanted to provide the reader with an “unbiased cross section” of designers.

Oakley Smith says he started with a list of 150 designers, which he then edited down to 110. He admits there were a few designers who declined to be interviewed but for the most part the response was overwhelmingly positive.

Antipodium

As for the selection criteria, Oakley Smith stated it was imperative that each designer, “designed their own label and didn’t just have a creative director or another designer in their place.”

The book’s creation wasn’t without drama, with Oakley Smith reporting that during the book’s gestation, a number of the designers he’d short-listed ceased trading. Whilst he was concerned that one or more of his final 70 might meet the same fate, he says he tried to ensure that all the designers were currently in business meaning they were contemporary and that they had unique point of view of their own style.

All images have been kindly provided by the author

OH NO, I WON’T BACK DOWN!

2010-07-30T18:20:29+10:00

It’s a new season and those stank-ass lazy fucks from Tony Bianco are neck-deep in swamp of fuckery and knock-offs, again!

Before some sassy-mouthed Imeldette posts a comment along the lines of ‘Imelda, are you really that surprised?’, let me say that I’m not!

Why am I not surprised? Because Bianco is a shit-stain-of-a-brand, bereft of creativity and they (and by they, I mean the douches driving this epic cluster-fuck of a company) continually demonstrate a complete disregard for decent and ethical retailing.

But what does surprise the Despotic Queen is despite being caught in the Today Tonight shit storm of shame; they’ve knocked off ANOTHER signature Camilla Skovgaard shoe.

I’ve gotta wonder how often these moronic knock-off junkies wrap their lips around the communal crack pipe cuz they were only just giving an open-handed bitch slap on national television.

Maybe it’s time for someone at Bianco to man-up and shut this jerk circle down because with every Skovgaard knock off comes another post and eventually all anyone googling Bianco will find is HRH’s posts and that my Imeldettes will eventually eat away at brand equality.

BAY-BAYS, MOMMY’S HOME!

2010-07-28T09:37:52+10:00

While I might have taken a two (or three…) month’s break to concentrate on matters of the heart, no one else can catch literary lightening in the bottle like the Despotic Queen!

A 3-month absence might be considered cyber suicide but fuck anyone who thought HRH was yesterday’s blog.

I’ve danced with El Diablo, let him suck my wrinkled titties of tyranny dry and now it’s time for a glittering, lame winged phoenix to rise once more. Order will be brought. Fear will be installed. Chitlens will be tasered.

Mid-market footwear fuckers, you’ve just been put on notice. HRH has slipped on her rumblin’ weave, it’s about to get ugly!

MOMMY’S HOME!

But before I make like Pol Pot, I would like point out that my old adversaries at Tony Bianco thought they’d outwitted Imelda by not uploading this season’s Camilla Skovgaard knock-offs, but all da bitches know, Imelda's all-seeing, all-knowing and she certainly doesn’t need Facebook to shut you down. FYI, the acrid stench of your douchery is ubiquitous…even in hell.

It seems the absence was good for the Despotic Queen. Yesterday 3D published (above) an interview with Imelda and The Style Tyrant claiming we are the ‘fifth-best fashion bloggers in the world’.

How they arrived at the #5 will remain much like Yum Yum’s herculean tolerance for pain and degradation, one of life’s unsolved mysteries.

I would question how much paint the 3D/LURE crew huffed before penning those claims but Imelda’s answers are equally, if not more, fucked-up…and y’all know how much paint I huff. But Rupert, thank you I feel honoured.

Suave journos wheedling their way into Imelda’s favour by peppering my ego with accolades aside, to ALL mah Imeldettes who emailed asking where I’ve been, if I’m coming back, or how to apply fake-tan your prosthetic leg (for reals)...

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

This blog is and will always be for YOU, my beloved Imeldettes.

SAINT AUGUSTINE DRAWS BLOOD

2010-05-06T18:40:51+10:00

Imelda Matt