Wendy's Personal Journey

Baby Deer

2009-07-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

This has nothing to do with cancer or my health, except that it makes me feel really good and I wanted to share it with you.

This past week I have seen several momma deer and their new babies in the area that I live. Of course I never have my camera with me, but I get so excited to see these cute little things. And I mean little, the one's I've been seeing are not very old and are only maybe 2 feet tall at the shoulders.

We have deer go through our property on a regular basis and one female that is a loner, has been a regular at our place for over a year now. I was able to get a photo of her under an apple tree by my barn last June and have seen her several times recently.

The babies that I've seen have been a ways up the road from us and/or a mile or more away and I was telling my husband that I would love if it a momma and baby would come through our place.

Then yesterday I was leaving for an appointment and as I was pulling out of the drive way I saw a momma and baby crossing the street!! They came from the tall grass just the other side of our chain link fence. I got pretty excited to see them. Those little guys are so dang cute and they are afraid of everything and run really fast!! They headed into the trees, a little forest if you will, across the street from us.

I've been thinking of how I might be able to get some photos of these little one's . . . like take a chair and my camera and just sit in the trees and hope something comes along and I can get photos.

Well this evening I let the dogs out and instead of putting them in their regular kennel area I let them out in a small pasture I close off from the horses, so the grass can grow and then periodically let the horses in to eat the grass. Anyway . . . my dog Hank who is a cow dog , or would be, if we had cows, is very, very aware if there is ever another animal of any kind, in our vicinity. I noticed that he kept running up and down the fence line. At first I thought it might be because of the neighbors cat, but after a while I decided to go look and see if I could see anything over there. Secretly I was hoping I might see a deer or maybe even a baby deer, as this was the area where I saw the mom and baby just the day before.

I walked up and down the 6 foot high chain link fence, stepping on anything available to try and see over all the bushes and into the tall grass on the other side. I finally got to the end of the fence and stood on a tree stump, up on my toes and looked and looked and then all of the sudden I saw it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This tiny baby deer was laying in the tall grass and I could barely make out it's head and ears. I was so excited and I ran into the house and told my daughter and grabbed my camera. She came out and looked at it also and I was able to get the below photos!!!!! Because of the bushes and some wood fence panels I have against the chain link fence, the baby could not see us coming or anything else except maybe our heads as we peaked over the fence. He stood up and walked a few feet, looked around a little and then laid back down. I don't know where it's mom was, but I now wonder if she was the deer I saw this morning around 8:30am go into my horses pasture and then she headed back over the tall grass. I also wonder if this could be the same deer that's been coming through our place for a while??

I didn't mean to write a mini book about this, but wanted to share the story and photos with you. I hope you enjoy them!!

Keep Smilin'

Wendy

Much more than I planned on writing.

2009-06-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone, I haven't been writing much lately as it's been a pretty busy time for me!! Granddaughter was born, oldest son came to visit from Colorado, youngest daughter graduated from high school and a week later had her 18th birthday. Father's day is next weekend and the weekend after that is my hubby's birthday, so by the time the end of June gets here I should be thoroughly exhausted!!!

On a personal note; I have been having some problems with pain in my pelvic area that radiates down my legs. I've had this pain, in different degrees, since going through chemo. Then I knew it was bone pain and it was much worse. Now I can only guess that's it's left over side effects from the chemo. I've read that some people continue to have different side effects for a very long time. Also, along with this I am still having a problem with fatigue. About 2 months ago I felt a noticeable increase in my energy and was pretty excited about it and thought that finally I was on my way to being a little closer to my old self. Well that is not the way it's going. I think I've actually went backwards in my energy level since feeling the increase.

One thing that really bothers me about this is that the last time I saw my oncologist and mentioned that I was still having some fatigue, I was a little surprised by his reaction, which was something like . . . "wonder why that is" or ?? He said in a way like I had never been through chemo or radiation!!!! I just shrugged and didn't say anything. For several months during chemo and radiation and a little while after, I was on pain medication. It was for the bone pain and also because I was having a lot of muscle pain and most of this was in my hip/pelvic region and my legs. It took what seemed like forever for my oncologist to take me serious about the pain and finally give me some meds that worked!! Well a couple of months ago he asked how I was doing regarding the pain. I said that either the pain was gone or the meds are working. We talked about it and decided it was time to get me off the pain meds. I was actually glad about this because he had me on some pretty strong and addictive stuff and I didn't want to take it any longer than necessary. The one thing he did say is that if I do continue to have pain after going off the pain meds, that I would need to see my regular doctor about it and not him.

I gotta tell you I kind of feel like my oncologist just totally dropped the ball on me. Like, OK, his parts done, move on now!!

Well unfortunately I did and still am having problems with the pain. It's not my muscles and I don't have to do anything for it to hurt. I really think that it's still bone pain as it seems to come from deep in my pelvic area and legs. I went to my regular doctor about this, who is actually a nurse practitioner, but I love her, and explained the situation. She said that she and/or the clinic she works for can't help patients with possible cronic pain issues. She did give me some pain pills and some strong ibuprophens. But, she obviously doesn't realize all that I've been through . . . although she knows . . . and she gave me the lowest dose of pain pills there is. Compared to what my body was used to, I might as well have been taking sugar pills for all the good they did. Anyway, at that time I decided to get a new doctor. With the insurance I have I had to submitte change papers by mid month for it to take effect the first of the next month. I called the new doctor to set up an appointment and because it's specifically to talk about the pain I'm having and possible pain managment issues, the first appointment they had available is July 1st!!!!! Well I took the appointment and now only have 2 more weeks to WAIT to see the doctor!! How friggin' rediculous is this . . . . . I called them over a month ago and still have 2 weeks to wait!!

I did do a photo shoot the end of May. It was a 3 day horse expo that I've done every year for 4 years now. Luckily I had a golf cart to cruz around in because even with that, I was totally and completely wiped out by the time it was over. I think it took me a week to recover from that.

OK, well that's enough complaining for now. I hope what I wrote makes sense, it turned out to be much more than I planned on writing!! On a much happier note and I gotta say it's the one thing that brings me the greatest amount of joy at this time and that is my granddaughter Paige. She is the most beautiful, sweet, wonderful little bundle of joy and I am totally in love with her and cannot get enough of her!!!!! Here are a couple of photos that my daughter took of her. I saw them for the first time today and just had to have copies and want to share them with you all!!

Paige loves to sleep with her hands on or around her face.

I made this Elf Cocoon & Hat for her and she looks so precious in it!!

I just love the way she has that one finger pointing up.
Like she's saying . . . ok, wait a minute, that's enough pictures for now!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Birth Announcement

2009-06-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to share a "birth announcement" with you all. Paige is doing very well and she is just the sweetest baby!! I can't believe that in just a few days she will be 1 month old!!

Keep Smilin, Wendy

Paige Adrian - My New Granddaughter !!!!

2009-05-13T21:41:00.001-07:00

My new Granddaughter, Paige Adrian was born Saturday morning, May 9, 2009 at 4:51 AM! ! ! She weighed 6 pounds, 9 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She and her mom are doing just great!!!!

My daughter had a C-section and once Paige was in the baby warmer I got to cut the extra off the umbilical cord. This was so cool for me. I've had 4 babies, but I've never been on the other end of a baby being born, so this was very special for me!!

Because of the C-Section and the hour at which she was born we ended up staying in the hospital for 3 days. It was so nice being able to be there with and for her, but I was sure glad when we were able to go home.

I hope you enjoy this slide show of her first day in this world.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Maternity Slideshow

2009-04-16T08:59:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone, I am doing pretty good these days. I'm doing so much more since the weather is getting nicer. I have my monthly oncology visit next week and then the following week I have my first mammogram since all this cancer stuff started.

I have a slideshow that I just made of my daughter Jessi, who is due May 11th. I hope you enjoy the show!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

April 7th - ONE YEAR TODAY ! ! ! !

2009-04-07T08:59:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone,

One year ago I received the phone call that changed my life forever . . . "you have Breast Cancer".

In some ways it seems like forever ago and in other ways it's hard to believe it's been a year already.

WOW, what a year it's been, in more ways than anyone but me will ever know, and I'm so glad the worst is now behind me!!!

I am happy to report that I've FINALLY seen an increase in my energy level and am able to do more than I have for a long time. I am still nowhere near what I was, but hopefully it will continue to get better. I got out and did some yard work yesterday, trimmed the lilac bush which is actually a tree that was in bad shape when we moved in here almost 2 years ago, so it was in need of a good trimming. I had to stop every once in a while and rest but I got it done!!

Today I have some errands to run and then I plan to do a little spring cleaning in the front yard. The weather is supposed to be wonderful again today and then some rain for the next few days. I'm so tired of snow and wet and mud!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Just saying HI

2009-03-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Not much going on with me lately and I guess that is a GOOD thing!!!

I'm feeling OK, still struggling with fatigue, but I'm trying to do more and more. I can't wait for Spring to hit and for all this snow to go away!!!! Then I can work in the yard and get my barn organized and all kinds of outside stuff. I'd much rather do outside stuff than inside stuff!!

Here are a few photos that I took the other evening and wanted to share with you all.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Me and my new hair

2009-03-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Well I decided it's time to be brave and upload a photo of myself showing you my hair. This last week is the first time I've left the house without a hat on . . . it was a big step for me!!

I get lots of compliments on it and I know people are trying to be nice. I actually don't mind it being short but I just wish I had some bangs, but they are growing so slow!!!!

It's hard to tell from this photo, as it looks mostly gray here, but I really do have a lot of dark hair, but it's under the gray and is much more noticeable in person.

I'm sure my "new look" will be a shocker for some people when they first see me. I look pretty different than when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Although I have to admit that I had a lot of gray hair, in fact I was mostly gray but no-one knew it because I have colored it for years!! My mom and daughters keep telling me to spike it!! Actually I would try it, but either it's not quite long enough or it's too thick because I can't get it to stay up!!

My daughter tells me that short is in and that gray is the new blond. Don't know if it's true, but if it is then I'll fit right in :)

I hope everyone is doing well.
Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Ultrasound and other procedures . . .

2009-02-23T13:58:00.001-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Last week was a busy one for me. First I had been having problems with my stomach for a while and not surprisingly the specialist wanted me to get a colonoscopy. Although not at all thrilled with the idea I had this procedure done. Everything is fine with my insides, he could not find a thing wrong, so that is great news. Also, for anyone who has not had this procedure but may in the future . . . it's not a big deal at all. They say the prep is the worst . . cleaning out your colon!! I know it's different for everyone, but it was not bad for me at all. And I don't remember a thing about the procedure. I think the worst part for me was the gas pain when I woke back up. They fill you with air to open things up and get a better look. They don't let you leave until you've passed some of this air. Once things got to moving around inside me and I was able to get rid of some of the air I felt much better.

I also had an ultrasound of my right breast a couple days later. This was a follow-up to check on a small cyst they saw during a procedure while getting me ready for surgery last year. The ultrasound turned out well and everything looks great. I go in April for a mamogram.

Several of my family members have had really bad colds. They are better or are getting better but now I think I'm getting it. Have had a small sore throat the last couple days and now it hurts when I cough. WOW, it just seems like it's constantly one thing after the other!!

I'm so tired of medical stuff!!! I'm in the process of psyching myself up to be healthy and have much more energy. I'm going to work on this for a couple of days and then go for it and try not to let things get me down!!

I go Friday for my monthly blood work and visit with my oncologist. I'll let you know if anything new comes up.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Great News . . . no oral surgery needed!!!

2009-02-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I went to the oral surgeons yesterday morning for my appointment to get my gum's opened up and the bone shaved!! I did not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before as I was instructed . . . and people you got to know how hard it is for me to not have my morning coffee!!

The gal took me back to the doctors office, he sat me in a dental chair and looked at my mouth. He said that things are healing up very nicely and that there is no need for any surgery!! Well, I can't tell you how great that was to hear!! Now I didn't have to worry about the pain, having only liquids for who knows how long, etc.

With a big smile on my face my hubby and I got back in the car and he headed toward the closest latte hut for me to get my double shot vanilla latte!!

Now after the excitement of all of this wore off I began to wonder . . . . it only took the dental surgeon 2 minutes to look at my mouth and decide that surgery wasn't necessary. Wouldn't it have been a lot easier, especially on me, if he had scheduled a quick "look see" visit to determine if surgery was needed BEFORE scheduling the surgery?!?!?!?!?!?

I may have to write them a nice letter and mention this to them. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I rearranged my life because of this planned surgery. My hubby bought me extra liquid stuff to eat and drink from the store, etc. It's not a small deal if you think you are heading into a couple of weeks of not being able eat and or talk very well and what ever else having your gum bones shaved could cause!!

But, with each bite I take and each thing I've done yesterday and today that I thought I wouldn't be able to do, I am very happy that it didn't have to happen :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Lots of stuff . . .updates and more . . .

2009-01-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

I had a visit with my oncologist today. Last month I saw his nurse and before that I was doing radiation, so I haven't seen him for a while.

We talked about the biphosphonate study drug that I started and then stopped in case it was causing the problems I'm STILL having with my stomach!! I only had 2 days to get back on the drug before I would not be allowed to be in the study anymore. The doctor shared with me some reasons he really wants me to take this drug. When a person has breast cancer and it's related to hormones, they get what is called "hormone therapy" by taking certain drugs that are supposed to help keep the hormone related cancer from coming back.

If the breast cancer is not hormone related, which mine is NOT, then there is nothing to take to help prevent the cancer from reaccuring, except possibly this study drug. So that is what this study is all about. The drug is already know to help build my bone density back up from what the chemo zapped from it, now if they can prove it helps prevent or lessens the reaccurence of breast cancer or breast cancer that spreads to other areas of the body then it may some day get approved as a regular thing to give breast cancer patients such as myself, once all the other treatments are completed.

So, I've decided to go back on the drug and give it one more try. I'm thinking that it didn't cause my stomach problems because I stopped the drug almost 4 weeks ago and the stomach problem is still there.

Speaking of which, I'm going to a intestinal, gastro(somthing) specialist in 1 1/2 weeks for a consoltation to see if we can figure out what is causing my stomach problems. I saw my primary doctor about this over 1 1/2 weeks ago and now I have to wait that much longer to see the specialist and this has been going on for a month now!! Like my hubby said, good thing I probably don't have something that's gonna kill me, cuz just waiting to see the doctors is rediculous!!

I also just found out that I have to go back to the oral surgeon and get some more surgery done!! He's got to go in and shave the bone . . . boy, doesn't that sound like fun!! NOT ! ! ! ! ! He said that not everyone has to have this done, but I need to . . . oh, lucky me :) Anyway for my new teeth to fit their best and feel good too, he's got to remove all the lumps and bumps and smooth things out more evenly. What a pain, but I know it's for the best in the long run . . . I've got to live with these new teeth for a long time. And let me tell you it's not been a fun experience so far, I am still pretty limited to the things I can eat. So I will be having oral surgery next Wednesday.

Also, I'm guessing because of the new teeth and also because of the stomach problems I've been having that as of today I have lost 11 pounds since I first saw my oncologist last May. That is not including the 7-10 pounds that I gained during chemo. So since last may I gained 7-10 pounds, lost that and then I've lost another 11 pounds!! Not to worry, I'm far from getting too thin and actually hope I'll be able to keep the weight off once my body gets back to normal. I can fit into some old jeans and that's great!!!

Let's see what else . . . oh yeah, another big thing that is going on with me is that I'm trying to find a new home for my horse Spooky :( This is a really, really hard thing for me to do, but for many, many reasons and mostly for her benefit, I want to find a great home for her with someone who has and will take the time to ride her and fully enjoy all of her potential. Each year I say I'm going to do something with her and now how many years later I still haven't done anything. She is so wonderful and has too much potential to just hang out in my pasture much longer. I sent out a flyer with her picture and info about her to some horse friends asking them to pass it on to their horse friends. Well, I am really surprised at all the responses I have gotten about her. I have a gal coming tomorrow to meet her and see if she wants her. If that doesn't work out I've got another 7-9 people waiting for their turn!! Here is a picture of my Spooky, I have had her since she was 3 months old and she will be 9 years old this June. I will still have Cowboy, my mustang gelding, which will be my saving grace in all of this. So keeping him will make loosing Spooky a little easier . . . . I think.

Well, I think that's about it for now. Sorry to hit you with so much. It seems like I go for a while with nothing to say and then all the sudden bang!!!, lots of stuff.

Hope you are all doing well. Just think, each day is getting a little longer as we head toward Spring and Summer :)

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Update and special photos

2009-01-26T00:19:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,
I don't have much to update about but thought I'd let you know that I went to my primary doctor last week about the stomach problems that I am still having. She doesn't really know what is going on with me so she is referring me to an Intestinal- gastro(something) doctor!! I haven't heard anything yet about that appointment so I will be calling them tomorrow and see what is the hold up.

On a different note . . . my oldest daughter Jessi is due to have her first baby in May ! ! Today we took a few quick pictures of her and I just loved how some of them turned out and wanted to share them with you all. By the way, it's a GIRL ! ! ! Oh, and I have felt her kick 2 different time!!!! I'm just a little excited about this baby and can't wait to be able to hold her and love her and kiss her!!

Jessi at 6 months

I hope you are all doing well.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Winter Photography

2009-01-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone, I hope your New Year has gotten off to a good start. Not much new going on with me. My stomach problems have gotten a lot better, but I'm still having some, so I plan to call my doctor tomorrow and go in and see what she might think of this. I participated in a short online photo course on Winter Photography. Everyone in the class had about 2 weeks to go out and take photos of winter. Then everyone could upload their 2 best images to be critiqued and the chance to win the grand prize, a gift certificate for Amazon.com. The instructors said that there were so many wonderful images that it was hard to pick just one winner, so they decided to choose 5 runner-ups as well. I'm very excited and happy to say that one of my images was chosen as a runner-up!! They will be posting the winner's images and info in a press release that they send out to tons of people over the internet. Below is my winning image!!

Frozen in Motion

Here are the other two that I entered as well.

Tree in Fog

Snowy Sunset 3

Stomach Problems and Frustrations . . .

2009-01-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,
I'm having a tough day and wanted to write about a few things. My stomach has been giving me some real problems over the last week or so. I thought it was because of the "study" pills I was taking, so I stopped taking them. Now I'm not so sure they are the cause. I've got a call into the doctor to discuss this further and see if something else might be causing it.

I just found out that one of my dear friends sister recently passed away from cancer. It started out as breast cancer and then spread to other areas. I just saw and spoke with this woman a couple of weeks before Christmas!! This makes me so, so sad and very mad too.

Today I found out that one of my online friends sister is also loosing her battle with cancer and has only days left to live.

One thing about having cancer is that you meet so many people who either have it, had it, or someone they know does. This is not a bad thing as these people become another part of your life, another extension of family so to speak. The bad things is that the more people you know who are dealing with cancer, then the more people you know who loose the battle.

This breaks my heart and pisses me off to no end!! And then I also feel bad about any whining I may have done about my situation, which has not been easy, but compared to others, I'm sure it's a walk in the park.

It just all seems so wrong, so wrong!!

Wendy

Post Treatment Dr Visit

2009-01-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hello there,

Yesterday I saw the doctor, or rather the doctors Oncology Nurse. It was my first follow-up visit since being done with all the treatments.

The good news is that my blood work is all looking very good. I have to have blood test every month, both for cancer reasons but also because of the study drug that I am taking.

This last week has been a rough one for me. I'm calling it post treatment depression!! Treatment is over and I want to feel all better!! The problem that I have to come to grips with is . . . it just doesn't work that way!! It's very frustrating because I still have no energy and worse, I have no motivation. I just don't feel like doing a stinkin' thing!! But at the same time I get terribly bored. Then when I do try to do something it totally wipes me out and that causes me to get frustrated.

We've had incredible, amazing, ridiculous amounts of snow all ready this year. My first hose for watering the horses got buried when my hubby shoveled off the roof, so we pulled another one out of storage. I put it on top of the giant snow barrier that came off the roof, where I thought it would be safe. Well it might have been if it hadn't warmed up, rained and melted some snow, so it all got heavy and settled and then it snowed on top of it again. So a couple of days ago I had to water horses and my hose was buried again!! My hubby has been outside for weeks plowing driveways, shoveling off roofs, plowing driveways, again and again, so I wasn't going to ask him for help, plus he was at the time doing some MORE plowing and shoveling!! So I got the snow shovel and proceeded to dig out my hose. WOW, it was really buried and I thought I wasn't going to be able to get it, but I finally did. By the time I was done I was so exhausted and felt like I was going to have a heart attack!!

This is really sad and hard for me to accept much less admit!! On another cancer blog that I'm a member of I mentioned that I feel like a lazy bum and boy did I get my butt chewed by the other cancer patients and survivors on there!! They told me to not be so cruel to myself and to give myself more time to heal . . . my body has been through an awful lot!!

So yesterday I was talking to the nurse about some of this and how I've been feeling and I wasn't very thrilled when she said "it could take months". Ugh, not what I was wanting to hear!! I know it's different for everyone and some might bounce right back and others take longer. I just would have thought that I'd be in the "bounce right back" category!!

So that is the latest on me. I've been working on my business website, making some changes and updates and getting ready for the new year. I will start to contact some people and start booking work for this summer. It's hard for me to imagine doing this while I'm feeling like I do, but I have to believe that by the time I start shooting shows, etc., that I'm going to be feeling TONS better!!

I want to wish you all a Happy New Year!!!

Hugs,
Wendy

Elf Video . . .

2008-12-28T01:15:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,
I hope you enjoy the video!! It's me and my 4 kids!!
Make sure your volume is on to get the full effect.
Too funny!!!!!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Winter Solstice Photos

2008-12-21T22:15:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

I don't have a lot to write since my last post about my last radiation. Although I have not been feeling real good and been pretty tired the last couple of days. I'm wondering if the fatigue of radiation that they talk about is just now hitting me?

I have another blog . . .my photo blog, for those of you who may not have taken a look at it. Anyway, I took some pictures today and posted the below stuff on my photo blog and thought I'd just copy and paste it over here for those of you who are not subscribed to my photo blog.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I took some photos today for a Winter Solstice Project and wanted to share a few with you. Boy are we getting pounded with snow!!

The Dump Truck, obviously retired for the winter.

I was using the flash on my camera and Cowboy wanted nothing to do with it, so he moved out of the shelter and wouldn't get any closer to me than this . . . .the big chicken!!

Spooky on the other hand wouldn't leave me alone, so I tossed her some hay. Put some food in front of her and she won't bug you for a little while!!

I had just finished taking pictures and was leaving the barn and I ran into Trouble. He decided the snow was too deep and followed or rather raced me back to the house!!

And here is one more of Cowboy. I used a Sepia tone on this one.

He's such a pretty boy. And as you can see my horses are fat and spoiled!! I was a little worried about how fat they were getting but then as soon as the frigid below zero temps and wind chill hit, I was really glad they had the extra layers to keep them warm.

Today when I was out there taking these photos the temperature was 10 degrees and the wind chill factor was about 7-10 BELOW zero!! My gloves made pressing the button on the camera really difficult so I took one off for a just a little bit to take the rest of the photos . . . . wow, it's amazing how quickly those kind of cold temperatures can effect the uncovered skin!!

Last Radiation Treatment was today ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

2008-12-18T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Well, I had my last radiation treatment today!! I am so happy ! ! ! ! ! ! Just knowing I don't have to get up and go to town tomorrow is such a relief!! My hubby took me out for breakfast after treatment to celebrate.

Now I just want to stay home and not have to go anywhere for about a week. This may not be too difficult to do since we have just gotten a major amount of snow since yesterday. So much snow in fact that I wasn't sure I was going to go in for my treatment this morning, but Rick was determined to get me there for the last one and have it done and over with. I'm really glad we went and that I didn't postpone it.

It wasn't too bad getting there but coming home the snow had picked up, you couldn't see where the side of the road was and general visibility was really bad and the windshield wipers kept getting a build up of ice on them. We weren't the only ones having this problem . . . at almost every red light people were getting out of their cars/trucks and cleaning off their wipers. For those of you that read this and don't live around here . . . . we got about 3 feet of snow!!!!

The doctor said that the radiation will continue to "do it's stuff" and work on my cells for a few more weeks, so my skin will continue to be effected and itch. After that it will start getting better. They also said that the effects of fatigue can continue for another 6-8 weeks. Although, compared to the fatigue I had from chemo, this has not been bad.

Well, today is also my youngest son's 19th Birthday . . . . Happy Birthday Matthew!! I love you!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

I'm filled with sadness today . . for those that don't survive . . .

2008-12-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

With all that I have gone through, I am still so fortunate. For this I say, Thank You Jesus.

Before I got cancer I knew there were people out there with cancer and some dying from it, but boy let me tell you that once you become one of those people, it takes on a whole different role. You look at it and the people who have it, in a whole new light.

Research has come a long way for most cancers and their treatment. With breast cancer, it seems like every where you turn there is a pink ribbon. Pink ribbons and other such things that promote funding for more research.

Although things have improved tremendously and more and more people survive breast cancer, there are still a lot of women who die from this horrid disease.

Last week I received an e-mail from a well know cancer foundation asking for year end donation to help fight breast cancer. I barely glanced at the first paragraph and closed the e-mail because I didn't want to read the sad but real information is was stating. It states that "someone dies from breast cancer every 75 seconds" and that last year 40,000 families lost a loved one to this killer. I'm not sure so please don't quote me but I think the population of Coeur d'Alene is around 40,000. To put this in perspective, can you imagine everyone in Coeur d'Alene dying within a year!!

Why am I talking about all of this tonight you might be asking. Here I am near the end of my treatments, doing well, with a very positive outlook and prognosis. Well, it's because some reality jumped out and hit me today, hit me like a flippin' rock!! Someone I know, not really well, but still I know this person, I've been to her house, I've met her family, I've run into her at the cancer center, etc., is dying from breast cancer. She has known since the beginning that her prognosis was not very good. I saw her a few months ago and she was looking great, very chipper, etc. I ran into her today as we were both out shopping for Christmas. She is now very weak and has to use a walker to get around. We talked for a few minutes, not about the cancer, well we did comment on each other's hat's, as we are both still bald enough to need to wear them, but that was pretty much it about the cancer.

This hit me really hard. Here she is out shopping for Christmas and guys I have to tell you, there is a chance she might not even still be here come Christmas!! Oh my, I feel so aweful about this, but at the same time I give her so much credit. She's not letting this keep her down, she is still living life, even as she is dying. I don't know if I could be that strong. Even now, as I write this, my eyes fill with tears as the reality hits me that today I was talking to and hugged a fellow breast cancer patient and friend . . . . who is dying, really and truly dying, of this horride, horride disease.

So, if you would, please won't you all say a little prayer for all those out there who are going through this or any other difficult journey. And if you have the means, please won't you do what you can to help further the research for this and/or any other conditions that are robbing so many of their lives.

Well, I'm sorry to be writing about such a sad thing, but unfortunatly it is reality.

Hugs and Best Wishes to you all,
Wendy

Only 5 treatments left!!!!!!!

2008-12-11T14:00:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,

Well, I am really starting to get excited as I only have 5 more radiation treatments and then I am DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, it's been a long and trying road, but the worst is almost over!!

I saw the doctor today, as I usually do once a week. It's usually a quick visit to check my skin and see how I am doing. He was a bit surprised at just how red my skin has gotten. I asked him if it was a normal and/or average amount of redness and he said no, that I am above normal. That my skin has been effected quite a bit more than normal. I'm using all the lotions and potions that I am supposed to, but I guess it just goes to show that it really is different for everyone. Good thing is that it's really not hurting, but it can get to itching like crazy!!

They are doing the smaller more concentrated radiation now that focuses on the area where the tumor was. It involves the more sensitive parts of the whole area (i.e., scar from surgery & the nipple), so I am hoping that those areas don't get a lot worse before it's over. I guess we'll see what happens.

Oh boy, only 5 left!! I can't express enough just how great that sounds!!!!

Keep Smilin'
Hugs,
Wendy

Update on radiation, hair & teeth

2008-12-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

Today is then end of week 5 of radiation, I now have 1 1/2 weeks left. Up until now I've been doing pretty good about going to town every stinkin' day for radiation. But now it's starting to get old. It started yesterday and I'm feeling it again this morning . . . . I don't want to go!! Radiation is a quick and easy process so that is not the problem. The problem is that I'm just tired of it all. My skin is burnt and itching like crazy. I think I'm starting to feel the fatigue associated with radiation.

Next week on Tuesday they start the new, more concentrated dose of radiation, aimed more specifically on the area where my tumor was. This will be good for the rest of the area that is now burnt as it will have a chance to really start healing. But the 2 areas I'm most worried about and the only places that sometimes hurt from this, are in the area that will continue to get the more concentrated doses.

I have to keep telling myself . . . after today . . . . . only 9 more treatments and then I'll be done!! I can do this, I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, please help me do this!!

Also, yesterday, Dec 4, 2008 I started the bisphosphonate drug study. I have to take 2 of these horse sized pills every morning before I eat or drink anything.

My hair continues to grow!! Slowly but shurly it is growing and I'm seeing more and more dark hairs coming in . . . . yipee!! I really hope the dark hair continues because I really just do not want to color my hair anymore!!! I'm going to be very tempted to not color it even if it comes in with a lot of gray. Gray hair is the only reason I've colored my hair for so many years and I'm just not looking forward to doing that again.

My new teeth are doing ok. The bottom one's do not fit very well so I don't wear them very much. Unlike the top teeth, you can't tell that I don't have the bottom one's in. The denturist won't realign them (to fit better) until after my gums have healed, as they will continue to shrink until them. So I'm stuck with these for a little while and doing the best I can to sort of eat more solid type foods.

Well, I must get ready to go for radiaiton.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

Half way through Radiation

2008-11-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone, I am now half way through my radiation treatments!! The skin around my breast is starting to show signs that it's going through something!! It's got red spots all over and I have 1 area just below my armpit, by the scare where they took the lymph nodes, that was being irritated by some undershirts that I was wearing, causing it to be real red and itchy. I'm using a special cream on that area and not wearing the undershirts anymore and it seems to be getting better. I'm happy to say that my mouth seems to be healing well. The denturist won't make any adjustments to my new teeth until I've healed up some more, as the gum shrinks with healing. So the new teeth are not fitting well, especially the bottom ones. But I am now able to use some stuff called Cushion Grip that helps hold them in place. Because of this I was actually able to eat some mashed potatoes and little bit of corn last night without it hurting. I don't think my stomach knew what to do with some what solid food. I've been living on mostly liquids for 12 days now!! Soup, cream of wheat & oatmeal-thin enough that I can just drink it, yogurt, pudding, Ensure, etc. I went to the grocery store yesterday to get the cushion grip and it was pure torture, seeing and smelling all of the foods that I cannot yet even beging to eat. I'm starving for some really good food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow (Thanksgiving) should be interesting, but hopefully I should be able to eat my favorites, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with roasted marshmellows on top and hopefully my most favorite--my mom's stuffing that she makes special for me, cooking it seperate from the turkey, getting the tops and edges crispy . . . oh yum, it sounds so good. Wish me luck!! My hair is growning in more and more, although still barely noticable, but I am seeing more dark hairs, so there is hope!!
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!! Keep Smilin' Wendy

New Teeth, radiation and hair update

2008-11-16T12:27:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone,
Well, I'm a hurting puppy this morning!! I got my teeth pulled on Friday. All is going as well as can be expected except that I slept way past time for taking my pain meds this morning and I woke up hurting pretty good!! I'm still waiting for them to kick in . . . . it's not a good thing to get behind on the pain meds!!

Radiation is going well, I start week 3 tomorrow. I had a quick visit with my radiation oncologist on Thursday and he said my radiation area is looking great.

I've noticed that I'm starting to get some dark hairs mixed in with the white one's on the side of my head!! So, I guess there is still hope that I won't be totally gray or white. But I can see that this whole hair growing out process is going to be a long one. Especially with light colored hair, it doesn't show up near as well as dark hair, so it still looks like I'm bald!! Oh well, believe me that not having hair has become a very small issue in the realm of all things!!

Well, I've got to get a warm towel and lay down with it on my face . . . it's supposed to help the swelling, which should also help the pain . . .I hope, I hope, I hope!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

2nd week of radiation

2008-11-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

Just a quick note before I head out the door for more doctor appointments!! I made it through the first week of radiation and I'm now in my second week. It's really a very quick and easy process. They schedule people every 12 minutes and no where I've ever been before runs exactly on time like these folks do. I guess there is really nothing that happens to delay or prolong the treatment, so no reason for them to be running behind.

The folks that do my treatments are really nice and very helpful. I had some questions last week about some new medicine I'm taking and if it would be any problem with having radiation and as soon as I was done with treatment they got me in to see the nurse so I could talk to her about it all.

Last week was a little rough. The new pain meds the doc put me on caused me to have some pretty intense itching for a few days. Got that changed and it's much better now and I'm on antibiotics for a sinus infection.

I had one day this last weekend where I felt really, really great. It was kind of weird to feel so good and be totally aware of it after so many months of feeling like crud.

My hair is starting to grow back in :) Yeah . . . . . but it's seems to be coming in whiter than it was before!!

I have oral surgery this Friday to get my teeth pulled. I gotta tell you that I'm more nervous about that than any other type of surgery I've ever had. One one hand I'm pretty scared about it, on the other hand I'm looking forward to getting it done and over with.

OK, I better run . . . going to be late.

Keep Smilin'
Wendy

I received a gift from The Pampered Chef today

2008-11-05T12:51:00.001-08:00

I received a gift from The Pampered Chef today. It does not say who sent this gift to me. I'm hoping that the person who sent it reads my blog because I want to say a great big THANK YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The only clue I have to who this came from is a phone number on the packing slip and although I don't know who's it is, it's from a Colorado area code.

The gift is a set of large cups and a set of clips with magnets on the back for hanging things on the fridge, etc. The cups are pink with white polka dots on the outside and a pink ribbon on the inside bottom of the cups. The clips are in the shape of a pink ribbon.

These are really awesome and again . . . . THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

Keep Smilin'
Wendy