Dennis Heppner

Looking Forward

2011-12-31T09:43:00.002+08:00

Lots of good people stay stuck. They never change, never get better, never move forward.

It might be because in their minds they are satisfied with the way things are.

It might be they are scared to rock the boat, any boat- their boat or someone else’s boat.

It might be personal fear of the unknown…it’s so much safer just to leave things as they are. This is a known life and we really don’t know what something different would look like. We won’t take the risk.

It might be some form of deception, self talk, self-assessment that assures me “I’m already Ok”, but the OK is lacking scrutiny. What is the “ok-ness” based on?

Just look back for a few minutes and see where you’ve come from in the past 12 months. Is it

a straight line
a crooked line
no line at all
a circle

Have you a dream, any dream for the future? I do! I’m 60, not young but certainly not old. Someone once said, ‘when you stop dreaming you start dying.” If that’s true, lots of good people are dying long before they are dead.

I’m working on a new 5-year plan right now. Why not? I’ll likely live much more than 5 more years, God willing, so what will I do with the next 5 years?

What if that is my last 5 years, what do I really want to get done for God’s glory? If I’m going to live another 5 years why not make it count? Why drift because I’m 60, or because I’ve already done a lot, or because my back aches occasionally and my knees get stiff and I don’t always sleep well. So what! I’m alive and I should live life to the full.

You might be only 30 and so locked into career-building you’ve forgotten to live- to do more than earn money. Don’t you want to leave a mark, to make a difference? Remember, in just a few years you too will be 60.

Looking forward means looking at your life with your eyes wide open and see where it’s going. Based on the past year and the mindset you have today where will you be in 2013? Is that really where you want to be in life? Is that all you want to be? Is your current life the end of all dreams?

Dream with God. Yes- you read it right. Dream with God. He is the author of dreams and visions. Have you really considered God’s purpose for your life? His purpose may have absolutely nothing to do with your career, business, routines or experience.

Too often we offer to God what we are rather than who we are. “Lord, I’m good at marketing, I studied 4 years for this degree, can you use my skills?” Maybe He can! Or…maybe he doesn’t want to! Maybe he has a dream for you that has nothing to do with the security you’ve built. Instead, it will need faith- pure trust in God to see it come to pass.

Looking forward means you are optimistic. Optimism is to weak a word for Christians. It should be looking forward full of faith. I can do and I will do because I believe in God’s promises and I intend to see them come to pass in my life.

Optimism is hopefulness and confidence about the future. Faith is an assurance that what is presently not right or seen will be right or seen. Based upon my faith in God, “I know.”

Looking forward is action. If we continue to do what we’ve done before we can expect the same results. Are you satisfied with the results? Is this all you have ever dreamt of? Was last year the fulfillment of your dreams? Was it the beginning of where you know God wants you to Go? I should clarify that: when I say, “where God wants you to go” I don’t mean a geographic position. I mean where, personally, in character, ability, accomplishment and spiritual life He wants you to go.

Make it personal. Big dreams start inside. You change- and everything around you changes. Mostly we want circumstances and others to change… but real change starts with us.

I recently read the following in a blog by Glen Beck and I recopy.

A man decided that he would change the world. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change the country. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change his community. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change his street. But, be wasn’t successful. So he decided to change his family. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change himself. AND HE WAS SUCCESSFUL. AND HIS FAMILY CHANGED AND THEY AFFECTED THEIR STREET. AND THE PEOPLE ON THE STREET AFFECTED THEIR COMMUNITY. AND THE PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY AFFECTED THEIR COUNTRY. AND THE PEOPLE OF THE COUNTRY AFFECTED THE WORLD.

Looking forward is an excellent way to begin 2012. Take an hour this week and get alone and write down some dreams and plans and faith statements. Start talking to God about them. Write down some things you could do to clarify where you want to go. Then take actions that move you in that direction and do so with excitement.

I actually expect my next 5 years to be my best so far, but possibly not as good as the 5 years after that, and the five years after that… J

Happy New Year!

Spiritual boredom

2011-11-05T16:46:00.003+08:00

Recently, I was asked the question, “What do you tell people who are bored with church, ministry, or even Christian life?”

Maybe I should ask you the question, “Have you become bored with church, ministry, or Christian life?”

There is a phrase children learn from stories: “they lived happily ever after”. The Christian life, and everything after, is often not very “happy ever after.” Why not?

Everything done as “ministry to God” must be for the love of Christ. You must fall in love with Jesus- forever! There is absolutely no other valid reason for any church involvement or Christian activity.

Well, there are other reasons… they are just not acceptable to God.

Ministry to God has 2 distinct aspects. First there is ministry TO God, such as prayer and worship. Then there is ministry FOR God, which is man-ward- that we call service or ministry activity. We separate them for definition purposes but Biblically there is no difference. Everything in a Christian’s life is about God.

There is no separation between these two. Ministry to God in worship and prayer is lived out through service. The motive for service or ministry is the same as for worship and prayer. We love God, I might add, with all our heart, mind, and soul…as Jesus defined it.

To live a life where everything is about God is to show the world that “Jesus is Lord”.

He owns me. I’m dedicated to Him. I love God. I live for Him. I will do anything I can to help Him or His kingdom.

Those few lines express the Lordship of Christ in my life.

If these words do not express your life too, then Jesus is not Lord of your life in any practical way and- yes! boredom is just around the corner.

Interestingly, ministry is never to be a mere human activity. It was always meant to be motivated and empowered by the Holy Spirit- this is a joint operation. The New Testament church prayed and worshipped and then went out and changed the world!

From time to time I come across Christian leaders and workers who are bored with ministry. Here’s their whining refrain… “I need a change, I don’t get anything out of this any more. It’s all the same dull old stuff…I am bored with it all…..”

Some of this is due to the spirit of the age. The universal spirit of restlessness has overtaken mankind. Humans are restless, much like children with new toys. Quickly tired of them. New technology. Television commercials every 10 minutes. In and out of relationships. Marriage commitments in decline. Some even express boredom with their wife or husband- (as if you marry to be excited all the time). Sex is available without commitment, almost at an animal level. Sorry to say, this state of affairs (pun intended) exists even among some Christians.

The spirit of the time is restlessness. It is anti-commitment, anti-love, anti-God, anti-humility, anti-service. In fact, service is now an industry, not a function of a heart full of decency and love!

All of the above may explain some reasons for boredom.

Fundamental to boredom and restlessness is “misguided spirituality”. Loving God is the basis for loving people. Worship of God is the basis for serving people. If you do it “unto one of the least of these, you do it to me…” Jesus said. All service communicated through love for Christ is supernaturally effective, because that kind of love is only possible empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Bring truly alive is having a living, relevant relationship with God. If you are bored with service, ministry, church, or the pastor, I can say with about 99.9% certainty that you have left your first love for Christ. Somewhere in your life you have separated what you do for people and the church with what you do for the love of Jesus. Therein is the problem.

“A new church will certainly help…” you might say.

Really? In what way? Oh, it will allow you to keep your eyes off of the real problem for a little while longer. You can become engaged in newness again- remember the spirit of the age - restlessness? Shifting churches from time to time is excellent at keeping the real demons at bay.

However, eventually you just won’t find a church that does it for you and you’ll start skipping and slipping and missing and eventually the missing and slipping and skipping is more than the attending and then…..the honeymoon is over. You never even saw it coming! You blamed everyone else for how you felt and now it’s only you and maybe a few other disgruntled folks who feel the same.

Back to the point. Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Rhetorical question! Obviously no one and nothing! He never stops loving! So if our love, passion and joy has depleted, then who left whom?

Brother, sister, watch that boredom… it’s the first sign of misguided spirituality.

The answer is to turn back to God with all your heart. Take a day or week or a year off to pray and read your Bible and fall in love with Jesus all over again.

Run to God before you become a statistic!

Remember: true love knows no boredom. It is possible to live happily ever after- with Jesus!

How to earn Trust

2011-10-04T08:08:00.006+08:00

Who do you trust? Sad to say, there are many people who trust no one. Their lives have been hard and filled with disappointments. Trusted relationships have brought much betrayal and pain.

The world is not the same as it once was.

There was a time when professionals were looked up to as having integrity. The stockbroker really worked for you. The lawyer represented you. The pastor or minister lived what he preached. There really were people who loved to serve others.

Now service is an industry, a profession.

Somewhere in this high-pressure world, trust crashed.

Now the indictments have come for those perpetrating Ponzi schemes, and defrauding folks of their hard earned savings.

Television preachers have often embarrassed the Christian community.

Priests have been found out to be less than moral.

Salesman no longer sell for the love of the product, but only for what they can earn on commissions.

Good upright people still do exist! But for many casualties of this unreliable world, there does not seem to be any one left to trust.

For a few moments lets flip this around and stop thinking about our trust betrayed, and start thinking about becoming a person of trust. Rather than surrendering to the way it is, why not become someone who can be trusted? Become the very kind of person you are looking for.

Can you be trusted, verbally, morally, financially or spiritually? True trust is never given; it is earned. If you start working on it today, you can become a trustworthy person.

I want to give you 4 very simple qualities that can increase your trust quotient in life and relationships.

1. Be consistent. Keep saying the same thing. Stay on your course in life. Never let your life become situationally moral. Be moral all the time. Stay on track. Let it be known you are consistent. Stay with it!

2. Be a person of integrity. Let words and actions be exactly the same. Never say one thing privately and another publically. Never smile at someone while you curse him under your breath. Get a grip on your life and be the same inside and out. Don’t forget little things count. Pay attention to your own behavior!

3. Be dependable. Stand with people. Be a friend to people. Be more than an employee or employer. Be there for others when they need you. Now that normally costs you something- do it anyway! Go that second mile for someone and be prepared to do it often. Determine to leave deposits of good in other’s lives. Jimmy Johnson, former football coach says it this way;” the only thing worse than a coach or CEO who doesn’t care about his people is one who pretends to care.” People can spot a phony every time. They know he doesn’t care about them and worse, his actions insult their intelligence. Be reliable!

4. Be a promise keeper. When you say something, follow through on it. When you make a commitment, don’t expect someone to follow you up. I’ve been told we live in the “day of follow-up”. When you make a promise why should someone else have to hold you to it? You should just do it because you promised to do it. Nowadays, “trying” seems to be the standard. “I tried”, but it didn’t work. Winston Churchill said, “It’s no use saying ‘We did our best.’” You have got to succeed at doing what is necessary. Keep those promises!

Friends, you do these 4 things and your trust quotient is going to go through the roof. These four character traits, when broken, define what hurts and disappoints us the most.

Therefore logically and practically if we want to be trusted, that is a choice we make today. It is set in motion the moment we begin to practice these 4 things.

How would you like to become a leader?

2011-09-21T07:04:00.004+08:00

A lot of people have never thought about that much. Many people assume, “I am not a leader. That is not my role in life. I am a follower!”

Following may be what you have done most of your life- but it does not mean that you are limited to following.

The assumption is that leadership is about personality.

There are many classifications of personalities. The simplest description I know of are these four: choleric, sanguine, melancholy and phlegmatic.

The choleric is the aggressive outgoing, outspoken type.

The sanguine the people person, friendly and cheerful.

The melancholy the deep thinker and feeler and sometimes the artist.

The phlegmatic the quiet, withdrawn, soft-spoken, seemingly unmotivated type.

There are combinations and variations of these four personality types, but most of us have one of the four as our dominant personality

So which one makes a good leader?

Surprise! They all do.

Each personality has strengths and weaknesses. The choleric may be aggressive but comes across as too pushy. The sanguine, being happy and cheerful, may be viewed as shallow. The melancholy, while gifted and deep, may seem too moody. The easy-going phlegmatic may appear lazy or unmotivated.

Yet they all can make excellent leaders.

That is because leadership is about influence, not personality. It’s about using that influence to cause something to happen.

Leadership is a learned skill, not a personality type.

Every successful leader has developed those skills. He may not be able to tell you where he learned it or what book he read. It may have even been trial and error or lots of failures.

But if a leader is succeeding, he learned it somewhere.

What is remarkable is a leadership style is often colored by a personality, making each leader, whether choleric, sanguine, melancholy, or phlegmatic, completely unique.

“But why should I bother to learn to be a leader?”

I’ll tell you why. The world is miserable, disorganized, failing, completely without answers. Morals are in decay. Families are suffering. Office politics cripple many organizations and governments.

Do you get the picture? It’s a mess!

The world, the church, the government, the home, needs leaders.

Leaders do something about what is wrong. They look for ways to move forward. They choose change, because they understand that if things stay the same, the results will be the same.

Are you totally happy with all the results you get in your life and career?

My simple plan to develop your inborn leadership ability

1. Start dreaming about what you could do right where you are, in your circle of influence. Dream about how you could make things better. Have some faith in who you are and how God made you.

2. Lead yourself. Leaders must lead themselves first. A few disciplines are in order. Moods, thinking and personal life must be disciplined. Model good positive behavior. People pay attention to that. They follow that.

3. Speak up. Leaders must speak to be heard. You have a lot of “gold” inside that no one sees. Offer good positive suggestions when you have them. When you see a problem, force your mind to think of solutions. You may be surprised how many solutions are locked inside your head if you really thought about it.

4. Take the initiative when you can. Don’t always wait for someone else to do it- you do it. Don’t always wait to be asked. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You might fail. Truthfully, you’ve failed before and you may again. How refreshing to think: “this time I failed trying to make a difference.”

5. Try new things. Fear is most often overcome by facing it head on and going in that direction. Step out of the boat.

6. Be yourself. You do not need to change your personality to be leadership material. The sanguine leader is still a sanguine but a disciplined sanguine. The choleric is still a choleric but a disciplined choleric.

So why not become a leader?

If you have any desire at all to make a difference, you can learn how to do it. I can even recommend some great books for you to read.

Go for it and start today.

You can become a leader!

If you have a question, write me; dennis@dennisheppner.com

Loving Your Work

2011-09-02T14:41:00.005+08:00

What exactly is work?

We might call it a job, a place we go to earn a living, or something we must do in order to live.

Unfortunately many people do not love their work.

In fact, some people do not love any work at all. A recent American survey found that 11% of those surveyed believed that the government should provide you with a basic income whether you work or not.

If you think work and jobs are rough today, just read the article below on the rules of the workplace in 1852.

These were found in the ruins of an old factory in Scotland:

All employees must abide by the following regulations:

* This firm has reduced the hours of work, and the clerical staff will now only have to be present between the hours of 7 a.m. and 6 p.m.

* Daily prayers will be held each morning in the main office. The clerical staff will be present.

* Clothing must be of sober nature. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiment of bright colors.

* A stove is provided for the benefit of the clerical staff. Coal and wood must be kept in the locker. It is recommended that each member of the clerical staff bring four pounds of coal each day during cold weather.

* No member of the clerical staff may leave the room without permission from Mr. Rogers. The calls of nature are permitted and clerical staff may use the garden below the second gate. This area must be kept in good order.

* No talking is allowed during business hours.

* The craving of tobacco, wines, and spirits is a human weakness and as such is forbidden to all members of the clerical staff.

* Now that the hours of business have been drastically reduced, the partaking of food is allowed between 11:30 a.m. and noon, but work will not on any account cease.

* The owners recognize the generosity of the new Labor Laws, but will expect a great rise in output of work in compensation for these near Utopian conditions.

How would you like to work in THAT factory???

Today, work is a lot easier, and yet often considered a burden, a necessary evil or treated like a curse- something we hate but must do…for the money.

I should pause here and say, if you only work for the money you’ll never be very good at your work. You can never pay anyone enough to bring excellence to his work.

Work has never been easy. The very word itself has synonymous meanings like effort, exertion, labor, toil, slog, drudgery, or grind.

In my opinion every job, business or profession becomes “work” if done well. Effort is needed. Attitude is essential. The daily grind is there. Anything done repeatedly can become boring and monotonous. But it can be rewarding.

Some of you might think working for Jesus would be an easy job. As one young man once said to me, “Everything I’ve tried has failed, I guess God is calling me to the ministry.”

What was he thinking, people in ministry have no bad days or never fight negative feelings?

The best job or easiest profession becomes “work” very soon. Rarely does a job alone make you happy.

In actual fact, no work can make you happy. In my lifetime I’ve talked to a lot of people in a lot of positions and many levels of society. Happy people are usually happier at work. They are also happier at home and happier in relationships.

The point I want to make about work is simple. We all have to work at life.

Life is relationships, jobs, ministry or business.

Don’t let life define you by your responsibilities. Don’t let your mundane job make you a mundane person.

Choose to leave a mark on your work and your life.

Make your purposeful impression on everything you do by being a Christian.

Be different in the workplace by being the best you can be in that place for the glory of God. Do business in a way that would make Jesus notice you are there.

You will have to work or as the Scripture says be content with poverty.

Love your work.

“What?” you protest. “My work? You don’t know how bad it is.”

No I don’t; but I’m pretty sure that no job is ever all bad. And no job is ever all good.

Choose to Love your work by…

· Having a good positive attitude every day.

· Arrive 10 minutes early, every day, rather than 10 minutes late.

· Speak positively about your bosses and work mates.

· Learn to do it better- improve yourself.

· Place your personal signature on your work and call it excellence.

· Never do the minimum- give it that extra push.

· Sing once in awhile at work.

· Smile as often as you can and to as many people as you can.

Just be a spirit filled Christian and the joy will spill over and work will be fun.

Try it, you’ll like it ….. and possibly live longer too!

What is your greatest fear?

2011-08-24T08:12:00.002+08:00

What is your greatest fear?

The “fear factor” plays a much bigger role in our lives than most of us would care to admit.

Isn’t that often what's really driving us?

Fear!

As ugly as the word is, yet it is one of the great realities of life. The child wakes up dreaming of imaginary monsters triggered by some emotion in his day. The adult, having left childhood dreams of monsters, may still face those familiar fears in different dreams, but still the same- fear driven by things he cannot control.

We still have some of those monsters. Waking up in a panic. Then wondering, "Where did that come from?"

Then possibly we become aware that it is connected to something that struck us emotionally during the day.

Sometimes simply making that connection dissipates the fearful emotion.

With bad dreams, it's not the dream itself that may mean something, rather the fear it represents or stirs up.

Familiar fears- those things drive us, push us, manipulate us, and at times paralyze us. They cause over-reactions to normal life circumstances, withdrawal from situations that for others would mean nothing.

It is those emotions than often consume great amounts of energy to suppress.

How can this be, that people who believe in Jesus can have fears?

This is some kind of paradox.

To know an all-powerful God and yet be personally afraid? Just the concept of an all-powerful God should be enough to still our fears, shouldn’t it?

Realistically it does not always do so.

Most children fear the dark. As years pass, so does that fear- for most people.

However, life brings other fears. We learn new ones or connect new forms of old fears. It may be the fear of committing to a relationship, fear of acceptance, fear of sickness, fear of failure in career, fear of losing control.

As age keeps coming, fear of aging, fear of being retired, or not sure of your value as an old person.

Finally, for many, but not just the aged, the fear of death.

My point is that fears drive far too much of life for most people.

Fearlessness is much less common than you think.

Many of the people who appear to be fearless are not; their activity only disguises the fears behind the defiant faces.

The question I put for us today is this: “how much of your life, decisions or relationships are controlled or driven by fear? That is the word- "driven". For a driven mind is not a mind at rest.

Those underlying fears create anxiety and anxiety can easily begin to dominate our emotions. Soon life has lost its peace.

To this problem there is no easy solution.

Some one, a professional person seeking guidance, said to me a short time ago, “Tell me the indicators when I know God has spoken.”

Almost a scientific term- “indicators”.

Maybe you'd like the indicators and steps to fix the issues of fear.

Realistically, we are not machines that can always be fixed by a shot, pill or prayer. "If I heard God speak it would all be over." Maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn’t.

Let me first of all say, fear is normal. It is usually based upon something. That something is usually learned. Being frightened by a dog as a child may cause a fear of dogs your whole life.

Some fears are good. Seeing a bus coming at you as you cross the road may create a panic for which your good fear would cause you to jump out of the way. Good response!!

Fears only become a problem when they begin influence our decisions or shape our behavior.

Here are some very simple steps for dealing with fear.

Feel it- allow yourself to feel that fear. It is real. Admit it and define it. "I am afraid of dogs"…"I am afraid of relationships"…“I am afraid of being hurt"…

Find its source - When did this fear start, and why? Ask God to show you the source- the memory. Think about it, pray about it and search for it. If need be, get someone to pray with you to help you track it down.

Face the past. Analyze that fear and how you learned it.

Ask God to heal you right there where it began. Ask Him to speak to you about that situation maybe long ago. He will!

Then and only then can fear be replaced with truth and peace.

Some things cannot be ignored. Ignoring fears may be like taking Paracetemol for an infection. The Paracetemol only hides the infection, it doesn’t cure it.

God can heal your fears.

Faith it - always do the right thing no matter what you fear.

That is courage.

Some of the greatest people in the world are very ordinary; they may even live lives plagued by fear. But in faith they move forward doing what is right. That is great courage.

Faith is trusting God, standing on God’s promises, going forward in spite of what we feel.

I am aware emotions cannot be forgotten nor can memories. Yet we can choose what we think. In that way we can effect our emotions.

Don't settle for a life controlled by fear. David said, “I sought the Lord and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

Feel it: find it: face it: and faith it.

The alternative is to stay like you are forever....to walk in freedom from fear is so much better

Why fighting may be important

2011-07-15T19:40:00.002+08:00

My title may have caught your attention.

You see, I do not believe that all conflict is bad. There are many good things that will not happen without conflict.
If you are one of the many who believe that everything should always be quiet and everyone should always get along, you may be living in a bubble. Truthfully, we all different and therefore think differently. Reason enough for conflict right there.

Some of our more spiritual friends view all conflict as somehow demonic rather that simply humans communicating. This is giving the devil way too much credit.

Just because there are no vocal disagreements does not mean there is no conflict. Everyone may appear happy or at peace- but it may only be a cover. In fact, much stress is caused when people are not allowed to express their negative feelings.

I can think of 3 good things that happen through conflict, 3 signs that conflict has become destructive, and 3 things we could do to improve the outcome of our conflicts.

Conflict forces us to think. Each of us sees life through our own colored glasses. It's called "perspective". We assume if no one differs with us, that the way we see it must be right. If we assume we are always right, when disagreement occurs my immediate response is that something must be wrong with "them" and not me. The first thing we should realize in conflict is that there are other ways to look at life rather than just our own.

Conflict actually- and surprisingly- brings us together. When we disagree with honestly, we see another's heart. Sometimes we learn how they really feel. The emotion expressed may simply be their passionate view on an issue. Most of us are rather insensitive to the feelings of others. We just don't notice things about people, their feelings and views- until they are upset. Then it is "shock treatment" for us. This awareness can bring understanding between us and of course brings us much closer together.

Conflict allows for new shared ideas. The old expression comes to mind, "Two heads are better than one." When we disagree, we can re-evaluate, compromise or adjust. No one is 100% wrong or right in any situation. It is often through the energy of conflict that some of the greatest breakthroughs come in relationships. Imagine if our best thoughts could be joined with the best thoughts of another!
However sometimes conflict becomes destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when people stop talking about the difference and start attacking each other verbally or physically; or when the emotion primarily becomes anger and the other person is viewed as the enemy.

Conflict becomes destructive when it becomes a pattern and neither party wants to resolve anything. In other words, conflict is a way of venting selfish feelings. When the pressures of life become focused on someone innocent, conflict is harmful. For example, you've had a bad day at work and coming home you carry all that frustration. Now you cannot civilly express all that rage at the office so you do so at home. This is destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when either selfishness or bitterness is the basis for your position or actions. To examine this a little, look back at your last conflict. What were you willing to give up to resolve the issue? When bitterness is present, every past conflict is dragged into this one and that makes it destructive.
Now we come to the final 3- making conflict useful.
Be open minded. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Try to ignore any strong emotions coming from them and try to hear the message. What exactly is the issue here? What really are they upset about?
Always push past the emotions and discomfort and ask yourself and the other person specifically what can be done to resolve this issue and this issue alone. How do we grow through this and when this circumstance comes up again, how can we find a solution more easily.

Finally, don't be so surprised when conflict develops. It is actually quite normal. If you are one who finds if unbelievable that someone might not like you, your opinions or values, then you, my friend, are not in the real world!

The truth about life is that quality of life often comes from resolved conflicts and not the absence of conflict. So relax and don't worry so much when others disagree or get upset. Just keep working on it. Understand that healthy relationships demand continual negotiation. When we stop that negotiation, relationships become shallow- we now only speak about safe things, things that never upsets anyone. Sometimes it takes conflict to keep us together and growing.

Why Fighting is Important

2011-05-15T10:57:00.008+08:00

My title may have caught your attention.

You see, I do not believe that all conflict is bad. There are many good things that will not happen without conflict.

If you are one of the many who believe that everything should always be quiet and everyone should always get along, you may be living in a bubble. Truthfully, we all different and therefore think differently. Reason enough for conflict right there.

Some of our more spiritual friends view all conflict as somehow demonic rather that simply humans communicating. This is giving the devil way too much credit.

I can think of 3 good things that happen through conflict, 3 signs that conflict has become destructive, and 3 things we could do to improve the outcome of our conflicts.

Conflict forces us to think. Each of us sees life through our own colored glasses. It's called "perspective". We assume if no one differs with us, that the way we see it must be right. If we assume we are always right, when disagreement occurs my immediate response is that something must be wrong with "them" and not me. The first thing we should realize in conflict is that there are other ways to look at life rather than just our own.

Conflict actually- and surprisingly- brings us together. When we disagree with honestly, we see another's heart. Sometimes we learn how they really feel. The emotion expressed may simply be their passionate view on an issue. Most of us are rather insensitive to the feelings of others. We just don't notice things about people, their feelings and views- until they are upset. Then it is "shock treatment" for us. This awareness can bring understanding between us and of course brings us much closer together.

Conflict allows for new shared ideas. The old expression comes to mind, "Two heads are better than one." When we disagree, we can re-evaluate, compromise or adjust. No one is 100% wrong or right in any situation. It is often through the energy of conflict that some of the greatest breakthroughs come in relationships. Imagine if our best thoughts could be joined with the best thoughts of another!

However sometimes conflict becomes destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when people stop talking about the difference and start attacking each other verbally or physically; or when the emotion primarily becomes anger and the other person is viewed as the enemy.

Conflict becomes destructive when it becomes a pattern and neither party wants to resolve anything. In other words, conflict is a way of venting selfish feelings. When the pressures of life become focused on someone innocent, conflict is harmful. For example, you've had a bad day at work and coming home you carry all that frustration. Now you cannot civilly express all that rage at the office so you do so at home. This is destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when either selfishness or bitterness is the basis for your position or actions. To examine this a little, look back at your last conflict. What were you willing to give up to resolve the issue? When bitterness is present, every past conflict is dragged into this one and that makes it destructive.

Now we come to the final 3- making conflict useful.

Be open minded. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Try to ignore any strong emotions coming from them and try to hear the message. What exactly is the issue here? What really are they upset about?

Always push past the emotions and discomfort and ask yourself and the other person specifically what can be done to resolve this issue and this issue alone. How do we grow through this and when this circumstance comes up again, how can we find a solution more easily.

Finally, don't be so surprised when conflict develops. It is actually quite normal. If you are one who finds if unbelievable that someone might not like you, your opinions or values, then you, my friend, are not in the real world!

Overcommitted and Underproductive

2011-04-01T19:33:00.008+08:00

Lets face it, most of us are busy- too busy!

We are busy with the must-attend meetings, demands of family and friends and work, with daily routines that require attention… there is not much time left for “important” things.

Important things are the things that move us forward. Things that result in accomplishment. They are the measurable productive parts of our lives. I'm not suggesting that family, friends and work are not important. Rather that when life is just one activity after another it does feel empty after awhile. To balance this off I am also not suggesting that everything in life must be a measurable accomplishment but we do need some.

There is a lot of hidden tension between “busy” and “productive”. These two are not necessarily the same thing.

I’m sure you’ve had those days when you ran and rushed through the day, with barely enough time to take a deep breath- but at the end for that day, there wasn’t much measurable accomplished. You were just surviving from crisis to crisis or event to event.

The end result of this kind of living is stress- lots of stress. Plus fatigue, frustration and just plain tired- unusually tired.

Measurable accomplishment on the other hand, energizes and satisfies.

How do you get a handle of this?

PLAN EFFECTIVELY

You need to take time to plan. By planning, I don’t mean planning what to do with your time or just writing a “things to do list”. Most busy people already do that. It does help!

But rather determine what projects you need to get done- or what’s really important. Decide what people are really important and why. The people who are important to you need some quality time from you.

SCHEDULE YOUR ENERGY

Schedule the best energy of your day to that work or you’ll never get the important stuff done. If you are a morning person, do what’s IMPORTANT in the morning. If you’re an evening person, do your creative, important things in the evening.

PRIORITIZE

Prioritize meetings based where and when decisions will be made. Don’t have meetings just for the sake of meetings. Make them productive, decision-making events. If you get placed on a committee you did not choose, press everyone toward decisions, and not just discussion. For everyday activity think "important."To prioritize is to define why this is important, why it's important to you and why it's important now.

MAKE IT MATTER TO YOU

You may say, “This really does not matter to me. I get paid, I go to work, it doesn’t really matter what I do for my company.”

“I have a ministry activity and I just do it. I do what I am told and let others do the thinking and decision-making.”

To live like this is deadly. By deadly I mean, your life has no heart. Activity has replaced initiative, creativity, enthusiasm and forward looking. Nothing ever feels accomplished, it's just another day.

The problem with this. Without measurable accomplishment in work or ministry, you’ll eventually lose your drive and your energy will be diminished- and I might add, maybe even your health.

Make life important!

The stress of the routine without rewards will wear you out.

BOTTOM LINE:

If you don’t get done what needs to be done, you may well be overcommitted but underproductive.

CHANGE SOMETHING AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Good Decisions

2011-03-27T17:07:00.003+08:00

Many years ago I heard Zig Ziglar tell the story of a young man who was replacing the retiring bank manager.

Wanting to start off right, the young man entered the office of the much older manager and asked him for advice.

"How can I succeed as a manager?" he asked.

The older man gruffly said, "Two words. Good decisions".

The young man, somewhat puzzled, then asked, "And how will I make good decisions?"

The older man replied, "Two words. Bad decisions."

"Then how will i know the difference?"

"Experience."

Good decisions are really a matter of experience. It's like you have learned what not to do. As statistics tell us, most successful businessmen have failed or gone bankrupt at least twice.

Failure teaches you what doesn’t work. Hopefully you try to NOT repeat that failure too often.

However, if you are one who doesn't want to learn everything the hard way, there are some guidelines that can help you make good or better decisions.

1. Get the facts. More mistakes are made, more wrong directions chosen and more failures result from inadequate information than any other reason. Whether ministry, business or personal life decisions, we just don't ask enough questions. If someone is pushing us to decide but is hesitant to clearly answer our questions, we should step back and take another look. We must do our homework and postpone the decision until we have all the facts.

2. Take time. We should trust our intuitive sense. When we feel any discomfort about moving forward with thIs, we should think again. It is true that some people have problems making decisions and they are always hesitant to take responsibility for decisions. But assuming we are somewhat self-confident, we should pay attention to our uneasiness. When we see a stop sign in our mind, we must pay attention and stop. It may be a lack of information, too much pressure, or lack of credibility on the part of the presenter. Whatever it is, we must take some more time. Beware of ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunities. They are rarely what they are made out to be.

3. Beware of too much emotion. The goal of a salesman is to get the person to buy what he is selling, whether a marriage proposal, buying a property, car or whatever. A good salesman creates desire in the buyer. Watch the emotion. Emotion blinds common sense. Decisions made predominately by emotion usually are not well thought through and are eventually regretted. The reason we fall into bad deals is we often either wanted what was being sold or we were made to want what was being sold. Emotion is wonderful but rarely helpful in decision-making. If anyone will not let us think it over for a day, we should say no.

4. Get independent input. If the decision is important, we should get a third party opinion. Someone neutral, smart, objective. What we don't see may be seen by another. If that is not good enough, then we may get a second or third opinion. I don't mean talking this over with our best friends. I mean someone objective who has no personal interest in this transaction. This independent input should also be prayer. God guides people. BUT- prayer will not be enough if we are emotionally involved in this decision. Your emotions will somehow mesh with your spirit and you'll think this emotion or feeling good is God talking. If we choose to pray after we have emotionally committed, I hate to say it but prayer may be a waste of time; we've already made up our mind.

5. Learn from your mistakes. Some of us make the same mistake over and over. Why? We do not learn from past mistakes. It's always good for us to evaluate our mistakes before we leave them behind. I know it's embarrassing to talk about our mistakes and very difficult to think them over. We just want to forget it. Without some analysis on our part, we will do the same thing next time. We should consider some ways to avoid this mistake next time- and there likely will be a next time. Sometimes in a bad relationship we just want to forget that person but forgetting the person does not mean we won't fall for exactly the same kind of person again. So we should think about what went wrong and take some steps to prevent it next time.

So good decisions are well documentable, are not rushed, are not driven by emotion and will stand up to the scrutiny of an outside party.

Don't worry about making a few mistakes.

Do keep learning.

You can change what people say about you

2011-02-15T18:30:00.004+08:00

What are people saying about you?

Why are they saying it?

We all get talked about. If our response to gossip or commenting about us is always “I really don't care what people think about me", something’s wrong.

We should care what people say about us.

We should take this matter seriously. It does matter what people think and say about us- and underneath our tough exterior, I know we do care.

When I was much younger, I tended to assume that negative comments about me were the fault of the people who were making them. I chalked it to prejudice, persecution, jealousy, or their bad attitude. I would sometimes even assume it was the devil motivating people- like some vague form of spiritual warfare.

Now some of that may be true and does exist in life. This is not a world free of malice and jealousy and there is a devil.

However, more realistically, our words and actions are almost always the basis of how we are treated and talked about. We choose how we act. We choose what we say and the tone in which we say it. Most of the time, we are treated exactly as we deserve to be treated.

The Golden Rule of life is, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

We need to remember that for every action, there is a corresponding reaction. How much of our trouble with people is caused by our own actions? This too is the law of reaping and sowing. What we plant we reap. There is a direct connection between our actions and words and what happens to us.

The point of this is not to make you feel guilty about your life and its current troubles, but rather to suggest that if you consistently are gossiped about or treated negatively, you look at it seriously and honestly rather than dismissing it as something weird or demonic that happens.

Then- do something about it.

If you don't like the harvest you are reaping, change what you are planting.

Sometimes we feel that "nasty" thing about us is necessary. We feel that to be the boss or to get people to obey, we have to be obnoxious.

I remember a friend of mine who had been in leadership for many years saying the following when instructing his secretary, "We always get what we want, but we do it in a nice way."

For most of us, change is difficult. We may not even know what to change. I have a few thoughts about this.

First step: Get the truth about yourself from an honest objective friend.

If a lot of negative is swirling around your life, you need a friend to help you honestly understand how you are perceived. Ask them, “What am I doing wrong here?” That may take some real fortitude to be that honest. But sometimes we need to know the truth about how we come across.

Second step: make a plan of action.

You may have to change something in order for people to say different things about you. Sometimes a small change can make a big difference. Sometimes taking a course on human relationships helps. Or learning about conflict resolution.

Third step: think of this whole thing positively.

Say to your self, “If I change the way I treat people, they are going to change their behavior towards me.”

Finally: In essence, we have control over the way we will be treated in the future. It's never to late to change...even a little.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. Talk to others the way you would like to be spoken to. You’ll see a big change! The Golden Rule works. Our behavior does affect the way we are treated.

Rebels and Leaders.

2011-02-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

Are you a rebel or a leader?

Let me define both. Leaders have influence and followers, and make a long lasting positive impact. Rebels also have influence and followers, and also make a long lasting impact- but it’s often negative.

The problem is, we don’t always know the difference between leading and rebelling. They are actually closely related.

Some folks who are called rebels are actually leaders- and some who are called leaders are really nothing more than rebels.

The rebel stands against something, the leader stands for something.

The rebel resists the authority of others, the leader earns his own authority.

The rebel is primarily negative, the leader is primarily positive.

The rebel focuses on tearing down what is wrong and the leader focuses building and directing what is right.

The rebel often only sees today and the leader sees down the road into the future.

In many nations, including our own, rebels have brought down governments. They have rallied the people around a popular cause such as injustice, formed a strong opposition and often by sheer numbers have toppled corrupt regimes. The problem begins after the uprising. The rebel then does not know how to turn his movement into success. He cannot lead.

Over the years we’ve seen the old rebels turn into old leaders of the nation. The problem is that they are still rebellious- but now with more power. With very few exceptions, a nation does not thrive or succeed under the “leadership” of a rebel.

Let’s bring this down to the church frame of reference.

Churches have rebels. They fight the pastors and other people in leadership. They believe some things are wrong and they push for change- but they push against the leadership.

Of course, for every cause there are followers. It has been suggested that for every critic there could be 10 more who feel the same and just don’t say anything. So when the rebel stands up and articulates what is wrong, others may say, “Yeah, that’s how I feel too,” and now- he has a following.

So, the rebels and their “followers” fight the leaders of the church, or leave and start their own. Of course now that it is their own, it is perfect. They have been delivered from those old, stuffy and non-spiritual leaders.

But watch for a few years…watch what happens.

Initial energy given off by rebel groups usually turns them against each other and in many cases the movement dies. Or it simply becomes a little group of ineffective people worshipping together. The foundation is wrong, so the movement does not grow. Rebels are not leaders.

Being against anything has never built anything.

What makes a rebel within the church?

Sometimes rebels are made because the leader has personally negatively affected him. Whether the negative impact or hurt is real or perceived, the rebel has a grudge against the leader. Either way it shapes his thinking, makes him oppositional, and turns him into a rebel.

I remember years ago two elderly church members who were very unhappy with the church they were a part of. So one day they decided to forget “that church stuff” and meet together, just the two of them. After all, they had a lot in common and they agreed about everything.

These two old men met on Sundays like regular church people and studied the Bible together. This was heaven. “We get along so well!”….. until they realized that they disagreed on some fine point of Bible interpretation. Their once wonderful “fellowship” became antagonistic, and they broke company and never spoke to each other again.

Two rebels can’t get along.

Be careful with your criticism or discontent when you are in an organization such as a church. Be careful how you deal with that unhappiness. Each of us are unhappy from time to time with the organizations we are a part of. That is human. No church or company is perfect.

But rebelling won’t fix it nor help us. Rather it may isolate us and only intensify our discontent.

Better to be honestly aware of our discontent, and then to consider how we might bring some fresh life to what troubles us.

I have known executives who say to their staff, “If you see something wrong, before you come to tell me about it, bring with you at least 3 solutions.” Smart attitude!

We need to encourage people (and ourselves) to be a part of helping the leadership, to be part of the SOLUTION, rather than try to fix it by bringing down the whole thing by a rebellion.

It’s easy to discover if you are a rebel or leader.

Pause for a moment to look at how you view the organization you are a part of.

Do you say “they have a problem” or “WE have a problem”?

Do you look forward to the future or back to the GOOD OLD DAYS?

Do you help to search for solutions with optimism and humility, or do you mumble and grumble about what’s WRONG?

Do you think about changing things about you or just about THEM?

Rebellion is a lonely place to be. Rebels don’t thrive. They may gather more rebels around them, because misery likes company, but it’s not a happy place to be. Discontent is a bitter attitude.

Leaders- real leaders- are positive, energetic, and enthusiastic. No criticism comes from their mouth, only WE CAN DO THIS talk. Real leaders don’t worry about gathering a following of like-minded people; they just STRIKE OUT for the future and leave the negative behind.

Be a leader! WE CAN DO THIS!

Training Wheels

2011-01-28T16:59:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wondered why at times you can spend hours upon hours with someone trying to help him and then- just like that- he’s gone?

I’ve done it, and wondered why.

If you haven’t done it, yet you probably will.

We try so hard to “save” someone… get them out of this mess....

They can drive you to despair.

"Why don't they want to get out of this mess?" It's so obvious to you, but they don't seem to get it.

Possibly they try for awhile, or when you push and push they cooperate a little bit. Or they come to church with you for awhile and then drop out. They may even go back to an old lifestyle or relationship that is/was toxic.

It gets discouraging!

After awhile you wonder if it’s worth the effort to help anyone.

I suppose it depends on what your goal is.

Are you helping people because you have a personal need to help people?

Are you helping people because you feel good when you do it?

Do you feel guilty about your place in life so you help others as a kind of pay-back?

If so, the question is, “Exactly what are you trying to accomplish by helping that person with all those hours and hours of patient time?”

Is it possible that at times we invest in people not so much to help them but to meet some unknown need of our own?

Realistically you can't help everyone and you definitely cannot help someone if they don't want help. Not even God will violate your will.

Listen, God (Jesus as we know Him) is one powerful God. Yet he never forces anyone to change. If God does not force people to change, why do we?

A better way to help people might first be for us to determine our goals in these relationships.

If your goal is to empower people, then your goal is to support their decision for change- not your decision for their change. If they don’t do it for themselves they will never change, or at least not for long.

If you are giving someone something for their change, they may change as long as you are "paying for that change".

Empowering people is different than helping people. Helping is focused on what you are doing. Empowering is focusing on what they are doing, supported and encouraged by you.

Bottom line: if a person does not want to change, your patience and time and work will never get it done.

I’m not encouraging you to become calloused, nor am I suggesting that you become indifferent to human need. I don’t want you to become flippant and say, "They did it to themselves so they can fix it."

Of course they did it to themselves. We all, under the subtle “guidance” of evil, mess up our lives. What's worse, is sometimes we know when we are doing it.

The role of the Christian discipler/helper/counselor is to work towards removing roadblocks in broken lives, bringing life and healing, and helping people get on another road.

However, they will have to ride their own bicycle on the new road. You can be the training wheels but they have to do the riding.

So can you help some one who doesn't want to change?

Nope.

The Unstrung Bow

2011-01-22T15:06:00.003+08:00

Bows and arrows have been around for a long time. Once a weapon of choice, they are among the oldest tools on earth.

From the bow we learn a basic life lesson: “if you never unwind, you may lose your purpose.”

The purpose of the bow is to propel the arrow. In order to do that, there must be some resilient strength in the bow. To understand resilience, lets see consider how a bow was made.

It used to be simple. Not so now. Modern times have created many composite materials that have completely changed archery. As a child I made bows. I would find a tree branch, thin enough to bend and thick enough to have some bounce. That was it. I’d bend the bow and place one end on the ground, while pushing down on the other. I’d tie the bow into position with a string, get something to shoot, draw the string back, hook the arrow to it, let it go and watch it fly.

Then I’d stand and hope I could hit something!

That's about how the longbow worked, except that the ancients had learned that some trees were better than others for bows, and their arrows were works of art.

A simple lesson I learned as a boy Robin Hood wannabe: every night you have to unstring the bow- let the tension off the bow, let the long arms of the bow de-stress and straighten out.

Otherwise overnight the resilience may be lost and the bow becomes useless. The harder woods retain their resilience longer but the end result of continual stress is a useless bow.

The bow needs a rest to be at it's best.

We’re the same. If we never rest, we don't get more done, we simply lose our edge, resilience and purpose.

You were made to work and rest. The cycle of life requires rest. It was thought with the coming of computers and electronics, we'd work less, use less paper, spend less time doing the same work.

Aha! We learned we can do twice as much now with a machine. We can stay in touch to the point that an hour of silence nearly drives some to near panic attack. Cell phone and internet addiction do exist.

So do you rest, and when do you rest?

Rest means sleep, days off and time away from pressure. Sleep means proper sleep. Most people need 7-9 hours a night. Too little compounds your stress. I've realized I can handle almost unlimited pressure in a day if I sleep well at night.

A day off means no work- not a second job but a day of rest where the mind unwinds and you let it all go.

Don't forget times of vacation, several days at a time. The Creation record has work and rest built into it. God, the world, the land and the human all need to rest.

Unstring your bow. Take time to do nothing. Rest your body and your mind.

A change is NOT as good as a rest!

The Dog and the Rat

2011-01-19T02:34:00.001+08:00

I have a dog named Sammy. He likes to bark. He barks when someone walks by. He barks at other dogs, cats, frogs, when there is action in the house and he's missing it. He barks when he wants out and when he wants in. He barks all the time.

So it's not uncommon around our house to hear me speaking firmly, "Sammy quiet!"

Some nights back I was winding down for the night slowly heading for bed. Suddenly, Sammy's familiar barking exploded outside. My first thought was "Oh goodness, he'll wake up the neighbors.”

“Sammy! Quiet!" I ordered.

A few minutes of silence followed, but once again Sammy started kind of barking with his mouth shut. A bark and whimper all in one. So down the stairs I went to speak a little more firmly.

When I opened the door, there was Sammy whimpering towards the water pail. I pulled the pail out and a big rat headed across the floor at full speed with Sammy in pursuit. In seconds that rat was dead. Sammy looked up at me, almost smiling as he wagged his tail. I patted him on the head, saying, "Good dog, Sammy."

Sammy has a reputation- for barking. So my assumption is he barks for no reason. For Sammy, he always has a reason, but it not always obvious to me.

People are a lot like that. We don't always like their behavior but they will always have a reason for the way they act. When people behave a certain way rather consistently, we sometimes close off all objectivity and as soon as it starts we have already decided, "There they go again."

What about if this time it was our behavior or words that set it off? Or what about if we have become so insensitive to that person that we no longer care how we ourselves behave or speak? Then it could be us who has caused the “barking”.

Just because Sammy barks doesn't mean that his barking is all bad. Just because someone is a certain way does not mean they should be dismissed from our responsibility.

I suggest, next time you are dealing with one of those repeated encounters, with “barkers”, pause a minute and open-mindedly evaluate the situation. You may be able to do something about it.

And there might be a big “rat” hiding behind something.

So that's my lesson from the dog and the rat.

Where have all the Leaders Gone?

2011-01-13T02:10:00.002+08:00

Times have changed.

The lifestyles we live now and the values we practice would not be recognized by our grand parents as being from the same planet that they knew.

Along with everything else, leadership has changed. Good leaders are hard to find, at least the kind of leaders that made the heroes of the past.

History books are filled with stories of war, politics and faith. These men and women threw themselves wholeheartedly and unreservedly into challenges and crises without any consideration of personal cost. Jose Rizal, Ninoy Aquino, Mother Theresa, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Martin Luther, Billy Graham, Mohandas Ghandi or Nelson Mandella…are just a few examples. Different styles, different objectives but lasting results!

I lament, “Where have all the leaders gone?”

Who has a cause that is worth sacrificing for? Who will stand up and be willing really lead, not just be called a leader?

One of my favorite writers is Peggy Noonan. One of my favorite quotes of her is this:

“…it's a great mistake when you are in a leadership position to want to be like everyone else. Because that, actually, is not your job. Your job is to be better, and to set standards that those below you have to reach to meet. And you have to do this even when it's hard, even when you know you yourself don't quite meet the standards you represent.”

Leaders do that. They push themselves first, to be better, to grow and to rise up. In so doing they believe, if they do, someone will follow and do the same. They are not one of the guys, or one of the “gang”. They are out in front going somewhere.

This model I write about is not new. It is what leaders are all about.

Unfortunately there are few men and women who will be leaders today. Lots are willing to be in charge or take a position if assigned, but few volunteers jump into the ring saying, "I'll get that done for you."

Here in the Philippines we have this problem of being “assigned”, or asked to do something. It's like this: “if you assign me and I don't succeed, then it's not really my fault. It was your decision to “assign” me; I did my best, but it didn’t succeed. So it’s not my fault; I just cooperated."

This mindset makes for poor leaders. It is an unwillingness to be responsible for people, for change and even for good. It is passive leadership and passive leadership is no leadership at all. Real leadership will jump in, take a step of faith, and make that thing their thing. They will take it personally.

Once you jump into the ring and face off against the challenge, take your best shot. Then take another one and another. Go for the win, leave a mark, make a difference.

Maybe you’re not like that. Perhaps your style is: “I’m more reserved, careful and calculating.” Well, that’s the beauty of life- we can learn to step outside of our personality to be a leader. Leadership is a learned skill and not a birthright.

Do something.

Learn, change, grow while you travel through life.

Don’t expect to get it all right all the time.

Don't give up until your job is done.

That is true leadership.

Giving up on the Church

2011-01-09T15:53:00.001+08:00

I've been around the church a long time, in fact all my life.Nowadays there seems to be a lot of negative writing about the church. Truthfully, we all know someone who is bitter because of some church, pastor or priest. I'm a pastor. Lots of people have been angry with me over the years. Lots of people have left my churches because of issues with me. Imagine that! Some people don't like me, my style, my leadership.Statistics show that some types of churches are in serious decline- and in the USA alone, about 1500 pastors or more leave the ministry every month.
There seems to be two approaches to take on this.First, the church, flawed and supposedly disconnected, should be abandoned. Closely related to that would be the idea, "Quit church and just do your own thing. After all Jesus is within you and the Holy Spirit is everywhere so you don't need a "church".Second, the church has people in it..."no one is perfect"...so just shut up and put up and all will be well.
I'm not ready to give up on the church, nor am I willing to cover up. Here are a few reasons:
1. Jesus said he would build His church, and I should add- with people. Never in church history has it been perfect. Yet it always survives. The church is an act of God. I should never make light of that. To ignore the church is to ignore God.2. Its purpose has never changed- to be Jesus to our world. In that, it has often failed. Yet in every church I have ever been a part of there is someone who is very Christlike who makes you realize that Christ is real and He is there. Those people have affected me permanently.What about the bad examples? Well...I wonder how many were turned off knowing that Judas was stealing money from the disciples' treasury and yet no one did anything about it. In the end Judas hung himself.How many left the church when Paul and Barnabas had their falling out or when in Corinth immorality was rampant? Many! But the church is still necessary- even with all it's failures. It was then and it is now. It serves Christ's purpose even when it appears to be failing.3. The presence of God is there. My father attended a funeral awhile back where the woman who had passed was a part of an Eastern religion. He commented to me that the night before he had attended a small, what you would call, dead Christian church. No life, no energy. He said to me, "Even in that dead church I felt the presence of God; but the next day in that Eastern funeral there was nothing." He went on, "I saw the difference. Every church has the presence of God."4. Most of the good- the lasting good- that happens in God's kingdom today happens through or in an organized church. That fact is undisputed. For me, I've met God there a thousand times, in worship, in prayer, through a preaching or in the embrace of a friend. I was saved, water baptized, filled with the Holy Spirit, called by God, and have had countless God encounters, all in formal church.I think for a moment... if I removed from my life all the encounters and experiences that I have received in church, I would be a mere fraction of the person I am today.
I'm not suggesting that just being a church attendee will radically change your life, but it helps.
I could go on. What can I say. The church has problems. It always will. The church has failed at times- true- and yet it has also succeeded every where it has been planted. Leaders have failed- true, but there are men and women who have changed their world for God- and most are in the church.
I know I am coming on strong in my last statement, but I fully believe if you want to leave a spiritual legacy of any kind you'll have to do it through the church. Fifty years from now no one will remember the disconnected bitter believer- but they might just remember someone who walked with God and others, embracing the flawed church and its flawless Savior.
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A simple way to manage your life

2011-01-03T21:35:00.002+08:00

Hundreds of books have been written on life management. The reason they are popular is that people still struggle with how to get more done- or at least something done- in a day. It may be that our expectations are growing of what we should be able to do in one day.
So what is realistic?
How much should one person get done in one day?
Here are my thoughts on managing your personal life;
Firstly, no one is a natural time manager. This is a learned skill.

Personality affects the way we approach work and life. Some people are always disorganized and running. Others are always sitting. Some don’t know when to run and when to sit...

The personality known as "melancholy" (not a negative term) is generally more details-oriented. This personality often gets pegged as the administrator. But being details-oriented does not necessarily make you a good time manager. You are just about the details. A details person, given enough responsibility, may drown in his own details. He may not know how to prioritize or delegate.

No matter what your style or personality, time management is a learned skill.
Secondly, there is no best way to do this. Books, everything from “Stop setting goals”, to “Reaching and achieving your best” to ”Gettings things done”, have been written. Each has a model. I’ve tried many! They all work some of the time...yet none of them work all the time and for everybody. Each model depends almost entirely on your discipline to stay with a plan and follow it through.

Thirdly, in summing it all up I will over-simplify life management for you;
Decide where you want to go- always keep that in mind. Call it a goal, a problem to be solved or a dream to achieve. Then move in that direction-one direction at a time.

Determine the steps and the time needed to accomplish each step. Both are equally important.

Start one step at a time- always remembering where you are going and why you are going there.

Make a daily list of 7 things you must do. Determine how much time each of the 7 things will take. Then prioritize the most important and start there. If you do this last step every day you will always get the most important things done every day and you will accomplish much.

Never fill up an entire day with plans. Just plan 80%. Allow for interruptions and delays.
These 5 simple steps would make all of us much better at what we do and we’d accomplish a lot more- if we stayed with it.

In fact, even if you had no goals, dreams or ambitions and just did step 5, you would still accomplish a lot in life. The trick is to start and then keep doing it. That is where 99% of all life management fails.

START! KEEP ON!

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Insecurity

2010-12-23T09:51:00.001+08:00

I am an insecure person.

Wow!

That’s a big confession.

Truthfully, in varying degrees, so are we all. If we were all secure we would not seek so many things to make us secure.

Obviously the first thing that comes to mind is money. Why do we think we need so much money? “Its to be secure.” How secure do we need to be? When is it enough money?

You say, “No, you get me all wrong. I don’t work just for money, I work because I love to work and need something to do.”

Well then, if you think you are secure, why not give ½ of what you now earn away?

“Oh no! I can’t do that, I need the money to…"

So there you have it, we are really insecure. It’s never enough. As my friend said to me some years back, having saved millions, “Just one more million.”

How much power does it take to feel secure? Do you ever have enough power to be fully secure? From famous power-hungry people like Stalin, Idi Amin, Adolf Hitler, Hugo Chavez, to the bossy manager in the office…men-and women- women crave power. Some become evil, some not so evil, but in most cases they use the power to protect their position. Most of them are insecure.

Funny, in most cases it was the people who put them in power- PEOPLE POWER- but then keeping the power become the goal. This is insecurity at it’s worst.

Our little ways are not much different, just not so blatant-self-protection and control. How we desperately want to control our circumstances and the people around us. If anything gets out of control, we are in a panic- showing our overwhelming insecurity.

What happens if someone criticizes you straight to your face? If you are hurt and angry, it's insecurity.

How about when you hear or you think you heard what someone said about you? You desperately try to find out what they said. It's really hard to let a rumor go. Our insecurity rises to the surface.

The problem with insecurity is it prevents trust. The deeper your insecurity, the more shallow your relationships. Our insecurity makes it difficult to listen to others; we cannot afford to be wrong or less than the best. I've seen organizations and churches where everyone feared the boss to the place where no one would tell him the truth.

Some years ago I heard Larry Crabb say in a seminar that the premise of the Christian life is that "Jesus and only Jesus is all you need to be happy." It sounds simple, yet Jesus promised you everything you need.

It's just that we think we need something else. We need more.

Just a little experience and honesty from us will reveal that all the 'stuff' in life we pursue does not really make us happier, more secure or satisfied. Jesus received the worst of human treatment- yet He was unmoved by criticism, rejection and scorn. He wasn't a robot- for He demonstrated a vast spectrum of emotions including sorrow and anger- but He was never insecure.

It is my conclusion that real security is parallel to the depth to which we have allowed Jesus into our lives. A life fully committed to Jesus is real security. You see, nothing is going to happen to me or you today that Jesus will not be there.

Some time ago it became so real to me in the middle of a day where most things had gone wrong, that the Holy Spirit knew that this day would be like that. He was prepared for it and I did not need to be. He would take me through.

Most of us are fixers. We want to get things done, finished and over with. That does not work with relationships. It's not like, "meet Jesus and it's fixed." It's like "meet Jesus and through a living relationship with him, He fixes and at times re-fixes things." There is no other way to ever be secure.

There is an answer for our insecurity. You can't fix yourself, or the world, or all your relationships, but HE can. He is our security.

Navigating through a corrupt world

2010-12-20T09:56:00.009+08:00

It's pretty bad out there- the corruption.

It's everywhere. It's government, police - actually almost everyone official.

We are living in a Catholic country, classifying the Philippines as "Christian". This means theoretically that the majority cling to the Christian identification rather than Muslim, Hindu or some other major religion. The term Christian also applies to everyone who is in between, such as cults etc. What troubles some is that the Philippines is considered the only Christian nation in Asia and yet we have corruption? How can this be? Depending on which survey you read we are between 1 and 5 as the most corrupt country in Asia.

So the Philippines, though called Christian, has only a small percentage who are true practicing Christians- people committed to Christian values and practice.

The business of corruption, and it is a business, is all around us in Asia. The following paragraph is from Time Magazine;

"The Thais call it gin muong (nation eating). In Chinese, it is known as tan wu (greedy impurity), in Japanese oshoku (dirty job), and to the Pakistanis, it is ooper ki admani (income from above). Every Oriental language has its own phrase for corruption—and in every tongue the words are unpleasantly familiar. There is always the kickback artist, the bagman, the specialist in "squeeze."

Now for true Christians this is a problem. Can I, should I, pay money to get favor in business? How about influencing a court decision? Should I pay the policeman to overlook my driving infraction? Or worse... for him to go away and forget his imaginary infraction on my part?

Corruption is everywhere, in every country... just worse in some places.

I have a couple of thoughts about this subject.

The New Testament was written within a very corrupt society. Yet Paul said in Romans 12 to be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. The KJV says be "honest". Proverbs speaks strongly against bribes. Bribes were, and still are, primarily used to pervert justice- like paying a judge or influencing what is right in your favor which may be wrong.

The bottom line is we cannot do much about the corruption in a corrupt world. We live in it and with it.

We can, however, do something about our participation in it.

We should not pervert justice with money. When a policeman asks me for money, my reply is that I am a Christian and I cannot give him any money. So far, every time he has backed down and let me go.

Then there are times I have given money for causes that I did not feel were perverting justice. For example, I needed some court documents, The judge had already ruled in my favor. However my documents would have taken many weeks to get out. My attorney recommended I give the clerks something and we'd get the document in a couple of days. I did so but felt no guilt because i did not pervert or interfere with a decision. I "oiled the wheels of administration".

So the giving of money must be qualified by the reason it is given. I've known several Christians who have obtained good contracts without reaching under the table. It can be done!

It takes faith to live in this corrupt world. God can help us, provided we have inner convictions that we want to be honest in every thing we do. I wish it was black and white, but it isn’t.

Maybe a simple answer would be found in this question, “If Jesus stood beside me during this transaction, would he approve?” That should settle it.

Who's in charge?

2010-12-15T21:01:00.006+08:00

Someone has to lead..... the way, the attack, the plan or the people.

Well, actually someone is leading. If anything at all is happening with a group of people someone is leading. Everything happening may be negative but if something is happening someone is leading.

The problem is that often in life the one who should be leading is not leading. In defense of strong women, they often lead the family. I've talked to many wives and mothers over the years who wish and want their husbands to lead the family, but he does not so she does.

You see, someone has to lead or people go astray, disintegrate, become confused or start fighting. Once any of these things happen, progress is limited or lost entirely.

So whether its a family, a church, a group or organization, everything needs a leader.

Organizations all have leaders. It's not necessarily the designated leader who is leading. It's the one whom everyone listens to that is really leading. So in your circle, who are people listening to? That's who's really in charge.

The designated leader may have the title. However, leading from position and title is the weakest form of leadership. In fact, it only counts if the people respect of the position. If they don't respect that particular position, the leader has no power to at all to move.

There are some simple ways to improve your leadership and move from a figurehead to a real leader.

First, look deeply into your character. Are you a good woman or man? If you don't think you are a person of character then why should anyone else think so? Without character you may lead but the end result will be mixed and in time the effect of your leadership will be negative.

Second, make sure you fit the position. Personality, experience, and training should equip you for your responsibility. Do you fit? If you find yourself in a position where you don't fit, you have only 2 possible outcomes:

survive and get fit real fast

get out before you're overwhelmed.

Third, as a leader do your homework. Know what you are talking about. When you open your mouth make sure you know what is going to come out. Winston Churchill, in his days as a parliamentarian, prepared a secondary speech for every point in his presentation that might be challenged. Over prepared? For every defense he needed to make, he was prepared.

Fourth, don't be afraid to stand up and stand out. It is advised that leaders should dress 10% better than followers. Just a little better, symbolizing they are ahead, just a little ahead of the followers but not too far ahead. If you stand out the stones hit you first. That's what leaders do- they take shots from the bushes. No one sees it coming but it comes. Leaders get the flack, blame or whatever. That is part of being a leader. Not everyone likes every leader.

Fifth, take responsibility for everything that is happening under your watch. You are the leader so really indirectly or directly it is all your fault or credit. Never let yourself off the hook.

Five should be enough for now. Actually these 5 can become a discipline. Without these five beliefs becoming actions, you will never lead successfully. What may happen is that you may be the official leader but someone else will call the shots and that person is the real leader.

Lead on, my friends!!

Cause of unHappiness

2010-12-15T13:08:00.008+08:00

Unhappy... that describes just about everybody these days. We have stuff, lots of stuff or at least a lot more stuff than our parents had. Even the poorer of society have electronic gadgets. Yet we never have enough to be happy. We have knowledge, we can find the answer to almost everything, in a moment, on the internet. Then we have a world full of doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and self-help writers. We should be all well helped- but we are still unhappy.

So why?

I came across a quote from Blaise Pascal awhile ago worth thinking about. Blaise Pascal was a 17th century scientist, theologian and Christian. Here's what he wrote;

"All unhappiness of men arises from one single fact, that they cannot stay quietly in their own room." The reason he says is, "The natural poverty of our feeble mortal condition is so miserable that nothing can comfort us when we think of it closely."

So we need noise and distraction.

Do you get it?

Unhappiness is caused by our own busy-ness. We love noise. We are never still. We rarely truly relax. In the end the more we hurry the more unhappy we become.

I am currently living in a place with no television. Wow! Culture shock! Once we got used to the lack of noise we've thought that maybe when we transfer houses next year we'll forgo the TV. It's wonderful like this.

The psalmist wrote in Psalm 46:10 " Be still and know that I am God." The Hebrew phrase "be still" means to let go your grip, let your hand sink down, to cease.

Just stop whatever it is and let God have place in your life or circumstances. "Know that I am God". Everything we understand from the Bible is that God will become involved if we let him. To know that God, the Lord, is really God is happiness.

So I, like every human, have to deal with life, pressures, problems and issues. It's all stress! However if I know that God is really God, what on earth can there be to worry about? If I stand or sit still, or shut the noise off and just think about this simple truth.... that alone brings peace.

And when peace returns I am happy- truly happy.

I am suggesting most of us are to busy to be happy. So if we want to be happy we'll have to stop some of the busy and open our life to God. Then we are on the road to happiness.

Saying Goodbye

2010-12-14T06:29:00.009+08:00

Recently a friend of ours dropped by. She has not been around for several years. I told her how pleasant it was to have her come by and visit and she replied, "I don't expect I'll come this way again." She is not sick, but older and realistically understanding she may not get back to Asia.

Everything and everyone must die. That's the rule of life in this world. I realized in our friend's comment how much I resist that simple truth. We don't want things nor people to die. We don't want things to change, especially if it's good or ok and yet change keeps coming like a steam roller, leveling all we cling to.

Every human peaks somewhere in life. Every Christian movement does its thing and declines. Every great church drifts into the ordinary and at times even closes. So then, why bother?

With this in mind we would all be wise to find out what lasts beyond what we see and invest ourselves there.

Where is your treasure? What really excites you? What would be good enough to get you up early without any prodding?

Then ask yourself if that has any eternal value. Will all of that die with you?

The true bottom line in life is Jesus and how we relate to Him and His work.

It is measuring our love for Jesus and asking ourselves what would we be willing to do for love of Christ.

As a Christian worker the only part of our work that is eternal is relational- the time we actually spend with Jesus and the time we spend touching people for Jesus.

Eternal measurement must be the investment we make in people- winning people to Jesus, discipling them, developing their gifts and pushing them forward in God. All of that is eternal and nothing else.

And yes, eventually, we say goodbye, to all the rest.

When it's time to quit...

2010-12-11T15:44:00.012+08:00

Sometimes it is smart to quit. I am not a quitter- and yet I have quit a time or two.

I am not a loser and yet I have lost a time or two.

Winning is not always about sheer determination. True, you can never win by quitting and yet sometimes thats exactly what it takes to win.

You may be on the wrong road, heading in the wrong direction, beating the air- and no amount of determination will win that one. Sometimes you have to quit, start over on a completely different track, or let someone else do it.

Perseverence alone doesn't ensure success. As the old line goes, "If you keep doing exactly as you are doing today you can expect the same results."

When to quit:

When you have discovered your motives are wrong

When you learn that what you are doing is immoral

When you are convicted by God and need to change

When you realize you entered the game uninformed or misled

When your health is suffering because of your commitment

When what you are doing is breaking you, your family or your relationships

When God has told you to quit

When you realize your commitment was emotional and you do not have the ability to do the task at hand

When you realize you were manipulated into the event

When you've thought it through and you realize you can't change the wrong

When you've pondered awhile and realize it is right to quit either for you or the organization

When your wife or husband supports your decision to quit

When it's time for change and you can't do whats needed

When your organization as a whole no longer supports your leadership

When quitting is a rational decision and not emotional

When you've had good advice to quit

When the issue you're facing cannot be resolved with good advice

Lastly, and maybe the best one, when you have prayed and prayed and thought and thought, and you feel great peace about quitting.

There are a few good reasons to quit. However, each line needs a paragraph!

I would not support anyone quitting because they are lazy, unmotivated, having a bad day, feeling blue, or discouraged.

AND, I would be concerned if you've been quitting often. However there are times when quitting makes sense.

And sometimes in quitting, you win something better!

Remember, I've quit a time or two but not too often and for very good reasons- and I'm not sorry I did.

Circles

2010-12-11T13:08:00.005+08:00

Circles have their place. Round, soft, perfect in shape, nice to look at...but useless in leadership.

I visited a friend many years ago who owned an Irish Setter dog. He was a lovely dog with long red flowing fur but seemed a little short in his mental capacities. When you let him outside for a run, he ran and ran but always in circles- till he became dizzy and fell down. He did this over and over again.

Circles happen in leadership when we keep throwing the ball to each other and no one ever runs with it.

Circles happen when you are given a responsibility and you don't finish it. No excuses, you just do not see it through and then it needs to be discussed again. "What do you think and what do you think?" Thinking is a good thing. "Lets talk about it, let’s plan for it." That’s good too.

But what does that mean?

In real terms, it usually means nothing.The numbers of plans that have fallen on the floor because no one did anything far outnumber the plans completed. Hours and days are lost in planning retreats, meetings and at times even praying when one simple decision would change something.

Now, don't get upset because I seemed to criticize prayer. Of course we should pray! But then do something after the prayer! Otherwise we are going around in circles.

By the way, God will not do for you what you should do for yourself.

Maybe circles are familiar to us. Maybe they remind us of our playground days when we rode the merry-go-round and the music played and we effortlessly spun around the circle. It's kind of relaxing and someone else will tell you when to get off. No decision needed.

Far too many planning meetings are like the merry-go-round. Talking, praying, coffee, lunch and lots of fun but still going in circles. In the end we had a good time but nothing was accomplished.

We may be there personally. We talk a lot and do little. For life to move forward, decisions must be made. So make a decision and do something, anything, but do something.

"What if I make a mistake?"

Realistically, you will. Every decision has the possibility of being wrong.

However, it would be much better to make some decisions and move somewhere than to continue life in circles. If you make a mistake, correct it, re-evaluate, get more information and make a better decision- but make a decision.

Otherwise life will go in circles.