Dennis Heppner

Controlled by Critics

2015-05-27T14:02:00.000+08:00

Absolutely nobody likes criticism. I don't. You probably don’t.

Yet we do get criticized sometimes- and it’s never enjoyable.

The person who says, “Oh, it doesn’t bother me to be criticized,” is either over-insulated or disconnected. Or maybe just not telling the truth!

Criticism is necessary. A person whose life is without criticism quickly becomes out of touch and arrogant.

As Winston Churchill said, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

The thing about criticism is that it is someone’s opinion. It may or may not be a fact. It may just be the way another person views it.

Opinions are neither right nor wrong. They are the perspective from which someone views something. You may describe the criticism as harsh and mean, but then again, that is your opinion of the criticism. You too may be right or wrong.

Criticism is attracted to action. Change always attracts criticism- even improvements attract criticism. In the eye of the critic, the change is either not an improvement, or the change is uncomfortable.

If you plan to do something and that affects someone else, you may well be criticized. Why? You are changing things for them, and they might not like it. Your intentions may be good, but it’s still change, and that makes people uncomfortable.

How are you affected by criticism? This is important. You see, if you allow criticism to affect you negatively, you’ll start planning your life around what avoids criticism. That makes for an unhappy, narrow and impossible life! You have become a people pleaser.

Here is the life of a people-pleaser:
Avoid criticism at all costs!
Don’t do anything
Don’t say anything
Don’t initiate anything
Don’t plan anything
And definitely don’t let anyone know what you are thinking

Sadly, people-pleasing may not work. You’ll still be criticized. You’ll be criticized for not doing anything. For not saying anything, for not initiating anything, for not planning anything, and for not thinking.

A good life, a strong life, a productive life will require decisions and actions. You cannot ever play it safe enough to actually accomplish something and never get criticized.

Charles Stanley said it this way, “Too many Christians have a commitment of convenience. They'll stay faithful as long as it's safe and doesn't involve risk, rejection, or criticism. Instead of standing alone in the face of challenge or temptation, they check to see which way their friends are going.”

What good comes of criticism?

First of all, there may be some truth in it. Listening from the heart to a critic encourages humility. What about if you have handled something inefficiently? What if you’re right, but went about it the wrong way? Maybe you could learn something here.
If you find criticism seems to hurt you deeply, it may mean you have unresolved issues buried in your life. That could open a door of healing for you. “Why does it hurt so much” is a good question.
Criticism gives you an opportunity to use self-control.Rather than reacting in anger or self-defense, listen to your critic, and think before you defend yourself. Ask for clarification before your anger moves you in another direction.
In order to move forward, you may have to endure strong criticism. That can sometimes feel like a heavy bag. You may have to carry that bag even when you are in the right. This builds both endurance and character in you. To be able to go on, even when others disagree with you and point fingers at you, shows that you are not a victim. But don’t ignore it- determine if there is indeed something wrong with what you’re doing and make adjustments if necessary.

I finish this essay with the title, “Controlled by Critics.” It’s my observation that many people are actually controlled by critics. They are so concerned about what others think that they do very little. They are so afraid of “rocking the boat” that their decisions are reserved and cautious. They actually don’t do much of anything. Some are “burned” by past criticism and so they fear stepping forward. Some have messed up and reaped the criticism. So what? If you messed up, it’s okay. God forgives. You may have truly earned the criticism, but it’s not the end of your life.

When you allow other people’s opinions and negativity to control you, you have truly failed. When you are so stung by the critics that you begin to fear their voices, and stop moving on, you have truly failed.

I say, move on, look to God, get some healing, do the right thing, and learn from your past mistakes.

But definitely do NOT restrict your life to a “safe” position. You’ll never get anything done for good. Remember there will always be critical people. Learn what you can from their input into your decisions, let the negativity go, and move along with life and leadership.

A mind Full of Sex!

2015-02-10T07:56:00.002+08:00

Sex, sexual images, sexuality, sexual innuendo, sexual conversation and sexual slang have so saturated our society that most of us are used to it. Very few of us are “shockable” any more. Very few of us realize how comfortable we have become with conversation or movies about sex. So many of us are unaware of how fascinated and hungry we are for sexuality.

Addicted may be the word- maybe too strong of a word, but definitely a reality. The problem is sexuality in our time has become amoral- meaning there are no moral values attached to the messages and images. It has become normal and neutral in our culture.

This week the news is full of the release of the movie “50 shades of Grey”, to be released on Valentines Day. It’s based on a book that critics described as “dull”, yet the book sold 100 million copies. Why would a dull book capture the interest of 100,000,000 people? Very simply- sexual fascination and maybe even addiction!

I urge you NOT to see this movie, or any other movie with sexually explicit themes or scenes.

In the true sense of addiction, many people are not really addicted, but they show addictive behaviors towards sexuality. Are you aware how much sexuality circulates in your mind? Are you aware that what the mind incubates, the will begins to emulate? Frankly, thoughts eventually become actions and words.

Human beings function quite simply. Appetiteis normal. It is defined as “a natural desire to satisfy a bodily need, especially for food”. Appetite is a normal human characteristic.

However, taste is acquired. To be hungry for food is basic to human existence. But to be hungry for rice, or cake, coke or coffee is an acquired taste.

Appetite for human intimacy with the opposite sex is a God-given thing. It was created by God and it is honestly very normal. If there were no attractions between the sexes, there would likely not be a human race in existence!

But…intimacy has become perverted and sexualized so that all intimacy and all relationships revolve around some form of sexuality. Love has been redefined as a sexual act. The normal human appetite for intimacy between the sexes, which involves, giving, mutual respect, care and consideration has been twisted into pleasure, self satisfaction, seduction, and manipulation.

At this point, normal intimacy morphs into a deadly compulsion that we call lust. Lust is an acquired taste. Lust makes no one happy, satisfies no one, destroys all relationships, prevents normal human interaction and leads to perversion.

I’ve heard that this movie “50 Shades of Grey” involves a twisted type of sexuality with whips and chains etc. What normal, God-loving human being would be attracted to this barbaric, evil form of human intimacy?

Recently I have come across several links in my news feed to watch the trailers of this movie. Now, why would I want to do that? Just because a trailer is available or an image is only one click away, why would I want to watch that?

Some folks have naively defended the amoral media by saying things like, “I don’t particularly like watching this stuff. However, if it is really a part of the story line, I don’t mind.” Tell me, what is the difference? Story line or not- it is immoraland plants seeds of lust and immorality into your mind and spirit.

If I am attracted to these images, even to the story line of illicit sexuality between two unmarried persons, it would only indicate that I have a mind full of sex. If my appetite for normal human relationship has gone astray and has developed a taste for what is perverted, twisted and destructive, then that is lust. Then I should say goodbye to a normal, happy life!!

Lets take a moment and see how the brain works.

There is a substance in your brain called dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move towards them.

Studies have found that viewing pornography or sexually explicit matter stimulates the brains pleasure centers much like taking drugs. Exposing the mind to constant sexual stimulation activates the pleasure center of the brain, thus making it that much easier to look again and again and again…slowly leading us towards addiction. Yet things like pornography actually shut down other sections of the brain. When we continually go there, we can actually become addicted to feelings of sexual arousal just like any other form of addiction.

Unfortunately, relationships eventually become defined by the pleasure they bring. Selfishness prevails and what God intended as normal becomes twisted and abnormal.

This makes it almost impossible to live in the real world with real people.

Sexuality becomes much like a drug. As with drugs, you never have enough, and you always need more.

The problem is that in this sinful world we live in, many of us have minds full of sex. Many people have uncontrolled appetites for more and more sexual experiences. This is not normal! And this is totally destructive to true human intimacy. It will kill your relationships. It actually makes it difficult to relate to the opposite sex in a healthy way.

Take your mind back!

I want to challenge you to take control of your mind. If you want real meaningful relationships in your future, you have no choice but to stop the addictive behavior.

I will give you a few simple steps in this process, but don’t think for a moment this is easy. When we have lived a long while with passive minds, the reclaiming of our thoughts is the battle of the ages.

1. Redefine normal

Normal has an absolute value. For a Christian who follows Jesus, normal sexual relationship is completely confined to the person you are married to, in thought, in emotion, in behavior and conversation. There is no other normal acceptable sexual relationship is God’s book. You cannot address what is wrong if you do not first define what it right.

2. Make a commitment to restrict your life to what is normal.

There is no sin in finding a person of the opposite sex as attractive. Without this attraction we would never be motivated to connect. It's the second look, the fantasy based in lust, that twists everything. It creates shame and actually prevents you from engaging a normal relationship.

Bob Sorge’s book entitled “A Covenant With My Eyes” should be read by everyone wishing God’s normal for their lives.

3. Take responsibly for your thoughts.

Get a grip on what you are watching, looking at and listening to. This is tough. Breaking addiction is tough. Change is tough. Everything that goes in through the “eye gate” or “ear gate” works its way into the soul.

4. Identify your vulnerable times.

When do you struggle the most? Make a plan in advance how to deal with those times. Build a support network of people who will help you and be honest to warn you when you’re on dangerous ground.

I have gone off sugar a few times in my life. In fact I occasionally go on a sugar free diet for a few weeks simply to break my human addiction to sugar. It’s good for my health.

Here’s the hard part. It takes 10-14 days to stop craving sugar. It is an addiction- try it and you will see how much you crave sugar.

Sexual addiction is kind of like that. It is much more of an addiction than most people will admit. You may be a sex addict. Just consider how much you think about it. How naturally you justify it. How easily you go to it. How often you watch movies with sex scenes and don’t fast forward or walk out of the theater or turn off the television. You sit there and watch, and you conscience becomes dull. There you have it; some level of addiction.

There is no way to prevent the consequences of wrong sexual behaviors. They are like seeds planted that will produce fruit. But you can stop the planting and reduce the consequences. All addictions grow and control more of your life until they begin to disrupt your normal functions. The addictive behavior has begun long before the disruptions are seen.

As society continues to lose moral guidelines and values, its spiral of amoral behavior may take control of your life. DON’T LET IT. Determine that you want success in relationships. Determine you want a guilt free life. The benefits of this choice far outweigh the consequence of an unmanaged, morally lazy, lustful life.

Here’s a prayer for you:

Heavenly Father, I am choosing this day to pursue a life that is morally, mentally and physically in right relationship with you. I will base my life upon what is written in your WORD. Give me courage to take a stand for what is right, healthy and holy before you. Forgive me for allowing this sinful world to mold my mind. Give me the ability and strength to discipline myself to walk in holiness with You. I reject all sexual lust and cast it from my mind in the name of Jesus. I will not yield to any more influences of immorality in any way, shape or form. I commit myself to purity and holiness.

In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

I've decided to stop complaining

2015-01-28T16:30:00.000+08:00

Lets face it. Things are often not right. People don't always treat me right. I am frequently inconvenienced by the thoughtless decisions of others. There are always bothersome things like ridiculous traffic or bad weather or irritating people…and there is always a reason to be unhappy.

We actually complain a lot!

If you’ll open your ears, you'll find that complaining is an integral part of most people's daily conversations. "We use complaints as icebreakers," says Robin Kowalski, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Clemson University. "We start a conversation with a negative observation because we know that will get us a bigger response than saying something positive would."

We often start talking to people by saying, “It’s so hot outside today!” “It’s raining!” “Did you see the terrible news about the earthquake!”

There are positive ways to deal with bad stuff other than just complaining. When things are really wrong, we do need to address them. We do need to speak up. Recently I spoke with a woman who worked for many years in a company. She had a stormy relationship with her boss, whom she felt did not listen to anything she said- yet she was in management. So one day she realized this relationship was having a negative effect on her life. She decided to have an open conversation with her boss. She laid it all out- everything that was causing her frustration and grief. Her boss actually listened! She said to me, “I’m not sure anything will change, but I did tell him what was troubling me. I felt very relieved and all the tension has left.”

I don’t see that as complaining. Rather, it was clearly and positively drawing attention to what is wrong with the objective of improvement, understanding or communication.

Complaining is a habit we get into. We bellyache to anyone who crosses our path or anyone who will listen. Complaining is the constant finding of the negative in life. Chronic complainers feel like victims and act like victims. They talk too much and listen too little. Rarely are they hoping for positive suggestions; they just like to gripe. They may take hours of your time explaining, describing and relating problems and then reject your advice or efforts to help.

Complaining is simply describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem. You could add to that the normal words of profanity that come out. For most people this may compile 30-40% of their conversation!

One of the reasons we complain is that we may not have anything good to talk about. Inconvenience is so obvious and we'll certainly get sympathy and support. Isn’t it nice to get support or agreement when you have something to whine about?

So whine and “boohoo” is the order of the day. Some people have even perfected the whiny tone of voice about everything- as if they somehow should always be treated right. Life is rarely fair; just accept that.

It takes no thoughtfulness to complain. Most everyone does it, so it is acceptable and even encouraged. I've seen temper fits in airports when flights were delayed by bad weather. It's as if the airline was to blame. I’ve seen road rage over simple unavoidable traffic accidents. Some people curse their broken down car while never properly maintaining it. Or if they have less-than-perfect house help they go on and on about the incompetence, errors and mistakes. (Yet the same person will bring in someone from the province with no work experience and expect a 5 star employee! And all for a fraction of minimum wage.)

My point is that a percentage of life troubles are actually brought on by ourselves. So why are we complaining as if we are the always the victim?

When things are beyond our control- like the heat or the rain- why would we waste so much energy complaining about what we can do nothing about?

I believe that for Christians to complain may actually be very close to a sin. Think about our bold statements about the love of God, the goodness of God, the faithfulness of God, the provisions of God! Where does that fit into a believer’s life when we complain, complain, complain?

We see the signs on the back of vehicles…”may raklamo ka? Itawag mo sa….(Do you have a complaint? Call…) and then a number to call.

If you are a Christian, than you have submitted to the lordship of Jesus Christ. Nothing is going to happen to you that He will not give you grace to endure and to conquer. Complaining would be to insult His provisions and His love.

There is no way to fix this negative behavior without controlling our thoughts and disciplining our words. Thoughts feed our words. So a negative, victimized thinker will be a complainer.

I suggest we need a revival of thanksgiving. Joy comes in the giving of thanks for who God is to us, even in our human discomfort.

Yes, even when things go wrong.

Yes, even when bad things happen.

The giving of thanks for people and circumstances will totally change your voice tone. I remember a few weeks back having a flat tire on my motorcycle while I was rushing to pay some property taxes. This was hugely inconvenient. I stopped, took my helmet off, looked around for a tire shop, but none was in sight. I had to push my bike several blocks. I still remember choosing to thank God for the moment. I said, “Lord, this is hugely inconvenient but I’m ok. I did not have an accident. I am not sick, I’m just inconvenienced.” I was amazed at the change in my energy level as I took the next hour to solve this problem.

People, take the “no complaining” challenge.

I challenge you to stop complaining for 30 days and see how it will change your life. It’s a bad habit. It’s an unchristian habit. It’s a negative habit. It solves no problems and serves no purpose in life.

We are the people of God. God is for us. We will overcome. So why complain? Pray instead! Rejoice instead! Give thanks instead!

STOP COMPLAINING!!!!!

One Thing

2015-01-01T13:47:00.000+08:00

New Year’s celebrations are about optimism and hope,
desire and dreams.

· This year will be better.

· This year will be different.

· This year will be successful.

· This will be my best year!

· Something will change.

· I will change.

Isn’t that the way almost every year begins?

And yet…it most often turns out just like last year.
The new years’ optimism
gives way to the new year's disappointment.
It’s almost like climbing a hill.
“I didn't make it all the way up this year,
so in January let’s try again.”

Here are the most popular New Year’s resolutions
on the generic list;

· lose weight

· quit smoking

· get a better education

· get a better job

· make/save more money

· get fit

· eat healthy food

· manage stress

· manage debt

· take a trip

· reduce, reuse and recycle

· drink less alcohol

Add a few spiritual ones for us Jesus-followers, like:

read my Bible every day
go to church more often
get involved in ministry
pray more
start tithing

…and you can probably add several more
to your personal list that you hope for and intend
to do.

Folks, it likely won’t happen…at least not
through some new year’s resolution or
hopeful goal decided emotionally
or out of desperation.

So what should you do in 2015?

Before you can do anything about the future
you have to think through why you want to
do that or why that change is necessary.
Why? because...

· Goals based upon guilt are always weak.

· Goals built on desperation lack the logical plans
necessary for change.

· Goals based upon pure optimism usually
don't have enough commitment
for us to follow through on.

It is virtually impossible to consistently do
anything that is inconsistent
with your character.
You actually don’t have a problem;
YOU ARE the problem.

THE NEED FOR CHANGE IS YOU.

You cannot separate where you are in life
from what you are in life.

This is a sobering thought.
Something has to change
about me to change
what I will be
and what I will do next year.

If you really want a year that is better and different
from last year,
give some thought to the following:

1. DEFINE THE PROBLEM.

What was wrong with 2014 that needs to change
in 2015?

Most importantly, Why do I want this to change?

Normally we make a goal for change
because we are dissatisfied with the present.

Why are you dissatisfied with today or 2014?
Why exactly are you wanting to change?
(The problem is….. I need to…… because …..
I want to….)
Why?
What is in my heart that has brought me
to this place where I need to change?

2. DEFINE THE ONE DREAM

I too have made lists. Truthfully, I've found that
the longer the list
the more certain it is that I will fail.

Just pick something you are passionate about-
just one thing.
ONE goal
ONE passion
ONE need

...and give that some thought, planning
and prayer.

One of the simplest definitions of success I’ve ever
heard is, “Find a need and fill it.”
– even just one.

Modern media has increased our distractions.
To some extent we are restless
when not multitasking.
However, accomplishment actually decreases
when we run
in multiple directions.

You’ve got to start with one thing.

3. MAKE A PLAN TO FIGHT THE INERTIA.

Make some reasonable steps to get there.
Let’s be realistic here. Resolutions, goals,
and objectives are all about change.
Change is so very difficult because inertia
is against us.
If change were easy, we’d all be changing
for the good every day.
I suggest you confide
in a strong friend/spouse/co-worker and
form a partnership.
Get an accountability partner.
Share with them your resolution/goal/dream
and ask them to check on you regularly
to see if you are doing
as you said you would.

4. WRITE IT DOWN. SET AN ALARM
ON YOUR PHONE.

If your goal is to “get a better education”,
make some steps to get there now and
put those steps in your calendar.
Make phone calls. Fill out applications.
Buy some books.
Take action.

If it’s “to eat healthier”, get up off your chair,
go to your kitchen right now
and throw all the junk out.

I’M NOT KIDDING.

Never buy that junk again.

If it’s “read my Bible through”, schedule it,
starting today, and stay
with the same time every day.
SET YOUR PHONE ALARM.

Do something about ONE thing. (This calendar/alarm
idea may be the big secret to help you.
A small daily change can produce big results
over the long term.
As they say, “baby steps…baby steps…”

Actually if your ONE THING doesn’t somehow
get into your daily routine,
nothing will change. You’ll be overwhelmed
by the habits of the past.

Do you feel like you’ve got too many things
that need to change this year?
(Don’t we all!)
Just one thing at a time! The Apostle Paul said,
“This one thing I do...”
King David said, “One thing have I desired
of the Lord…”
They got it. The onething!

5. DITCH THE EMOTIONS; THINK IT THROUGH.

Engage your brain.
Your feelings will come and go.
Rationally, do you want
to do this ONE THING?
Needing to do this does
not mean as much as wanting
to do this.
There is only one way in the world
to get anyone to consistently
do anything-
they have to want to do it.

So what should you do in 2015?

Just ONE thing well.

ONE thing passionately.

ONE thing consistently.

ONE thing differently.

For ONE year.

One success is much better than a hundred
noble
objectives
that you have neither the ability, time nor
discipline
to accomplish.

ONE THING!

Happy New Year!

A sure way to Never move forward

2014-03-24T19:59:00.001+08:00

I see it quite often. It is not limited to gender, race, social position, financial status or life accomplishment.

It does not seem to be connected to the size of the problem or the breadth of the opposition.

It is not related to failure. It is not determined by whose fault the situation is.

Rather, the “victim” attitude is a mindset that completely precludes any future growth.

Let’s talk about “Victim Mentality”.

Victims see themselves as being unfairly treated. They view themselves as persecuted, misunderstood or abandoned.

To be fair, we may all be victims of someone’s anger, revenge or malice. Life happens, and people can be cruel. But that does not mean we need to embrace the feelings associated with this.

A victim views his own sincerity as a sign of his “rightness”. He says, “I am sincere, therefore I am right.” Criticisms and suggestions are viewed as opposition. Victims don’t like correction, because correction reinforces the belief that people are apposed to me.

The victim feel helpless, feels like his hands are tied; feels like things beyond his control with no positive solutions in mind.

It is possible to be sincerely wrong.

It is also possible that criticism is caused by our performance. Suggestions come from people who truly want to see things improve about us but we may have interpreted them as criticism.

When we are stuck in “victim” mode, 4 things may happen.

All our mental energy is geared to survival.

· Protecting against the opposition becomes primary

· Our focus becomes on how we’ve been wronged rather than how we can live a healthy life.

· Sometimes we step over into a sick mental space where we over-spiritualize our trauma, blaming it on demons or demonically inspired people. (Granted, at times opposition within ministry environments does have a demonic component but for leaders why would that matter? If you are a Christian you have known since day one you have and will have spiritual opposition at times. This is not a picnic!)

We must move from victimization to leadership. Leadership is about creating positive change. No excuses, no complaints, no fault finding. I’m the leader and it’s up to me to make a difference. Where there is no leadership, nothing changes. That is the key; if nothing is changing for the good, no one is leading.

It is a sad commentary that Lots of leaders, even sincere, God-loving people who want to serve and bless and advance the kingdom of Jesus Christ, are stuck in the mud of the “victim mentality.”

Leaders are never victims. At least not for long. When it seems that everything is wrong and everyone is against us and nothing is growing or moving forward, the leader says, “Something must be done. I better do that something.”

That something is not the following:

· OFFENSE: attacking those who attack. It is not a counter strike.

· DEFENSE: It is not building a bunker to huddle down for the long fight.

It is exactly the opposite. This story illustrates what leadership rather than victimization is.

In William Manchester’s biography of Douglas MacArthur, there is an account that shows MacArthur’s sense of invincibility.

Often in the middle of a battle General MacArthur would stand up on the battle field to get a better look at the situation. Other officers in fright would yell at him to please get down lest he get shot.

He would always reply, “Don’t worry about me. You can’t die before your time.”

So there he stood in the line of fire and directed the battle. And he did not die there! He lived to be an old man.

I don’t advocate standing up for sniper fire, but I do advocate the mentality. When personal battles come, or your workplace is a battlefield, or even your ministry or church has struggles and differences and divisions, stand up and direct the future.

The only one who is truly a victim is the one who has given up. I’ve known far too many leaders who hide, or have themselves protected by others. No one gets to them. They are no longer out front working on the future. Now it’s all about protecting their legacy or staying safe.

Just a few things will turn this around;

1. WHERE. Take a long serious look at where you are and how you got there.

2. WHY. Identify why you are there.

3. HOW. Consider your options out. There is always more than one solution.

4. POSITIVITY. Do not complain about where things are.

5. MOVE. Make a decision to do something that moves your life, business, or people forward.

6. STOP WITH THE BOOHOO. Stop crying over what is not right. Joy comes in the morning.

Rise up and walk.

And guess what? Something will change. You will be energized, positive, and powerful.

YOU WILL NO LONGER FEEL LIKE A VICTIM.

Was Typhoon Haiyan the Judgment of God?

2013-12-04T10:34:00.000+08:00

I wrote this blog in Canada. I left the Philippines the morning of the day that Typhoon “Yolanda” struck. My heart was very saddened by the humanitarian crisis that began in Tacloban, Ormoc, and the surrounding areas. The pictures are hard to look at, especially when you realize these are people just like us…with husbands, wives, and children. And for many, all is lost.

What caught my attention is the comments of many Filipinos here. The first reaction of many is that this is God’s judgment on the Philippines. A couple of days ago I received an email from one of our members with a link to a prophecy made by someone in a conference in Manila about coming judgments upon the Philippines for various reasons, even listing the various islands and what would happen. This prophet says judgment is inevitable unless the Filipino people repent. I should add that the prophecies are vague enough that any one of our natural disasters could be construed as their fulfillment.

These are not the first time I’ve heard these voices of judgment. Frankly, this disturbs me. I do not believe these disasters have anything to do with the judgment of God. This is a misunderstanding of God’s nature and His ways.

First of all, we need to understand some things about the Philippines.

The Philippines is part of the group of countries that are situated on the so-called “ring of fire”. Thisis an area where a large number of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions occur in the basin of the Pacific Ocean. It is a 40,000 km horseshoe shaped landmass that is associated with a nearly continuous series of volcanic belts and/or plate movements. It has 452 volcanoes and is home to over 75% of the world's active and dormant volcanoes.

About 90% of the world's earthquakes and 81% of the world's largest earthquakes occur along the Ring of Fire. The ring runs right through the Philippines. Naturally then we will have more volcanoes and earthquakes than many other countries. The Philippines has 37 volcanoes of which 18 are listed as still active.

Secondly, the Philippines is an archipelago in the middle of the Pacific ocean with no land barriers between us and the storms that form. These storms are increasing in intensity. Some scientists think this is due to world global change. One article says, “Menacingly, the Filipino typhoons are getting stronger and stronger, especially since the '90s. From 1947 to 1960, the strongest typhoon to hit the Philippines was Typhoon Amy in December 1951 in Cebu. From 1961 to 1980, Typhoon Sening was the record-holder. During the next 20 years, the highest wind speed was recorded by Anding and Rosing. Since 2000, the highest wind speed was recorded by Reming in November-December 2006. The maximum wind speeds have slowly increased. If this is due to climate change, we better be prepared for even stronger ones in the future.

We have 20 to 30 storms a year. This year we’ve had 24 already and 2-3 more expected. The simple law of averages say with this number of storms, damage is going to happen! Most homes here are not built to withstand this. Many people live by the seashore. Those two facts alone dictate that lives will be lost and homes destroyed. It is not the judgment of God- IT’S WEATHER!

Do we really believe that repentance is going to remove the country from the ring of fire or change the entire climate of the Pacific?

If this is God’s judgment, why the Philippines? Of all nations in Asia, the people of the Philippines have embraced the Lordship of Jesus far more than almost any other nation in Asia. Millions have come to Christ. We are no longer considered a mission field; we are now considered a mission force. The gospel is freely preached and received here. Yet we get more disasters than the Buddhist, Hindu, and atheist countries of Asia.

True, we have much corruption and false religion. Yet we have also had great revival. God has poured out His Spirit on this country in a phenomenal way. Is God so confused He would pour out His Spirit upon us and then in the next breath judge us?

Is there sin here? Oh yes, there is. Sin abounds in every nation of the world. Even America (which has been the choice destination of Filipinos) has significant government corruption and sin. Freedoms are eroding. Religious persecution of Christians is increasing. God has been taken out of schools and courts. Hollywood spews out vile movies and lifestyles that corrupt the whole world. Yet this year the hurricane season in the USA was one of the lowest in recent years. They do not suffer the amount of natural disasters that the Philippines does.

If we are going to see the judgment of God through natural calamities, I am not convinced. Unless these things happen in places that do not naturally have disasters, I believe it is due to location and global warming, not God’s punishment.

Take it a step further. If God is speaking through various prophets, then let the prophets set the date and intensity of these storms. Surely God knows! And if He is speaking, He is quite able to predict the date, time and exact location.

Let God do something that declares His word as prophetic. Let there be a prophesy that defines a happening or possible judgment with something that is highly unusual. If God wants to get the attention of people let him bring snow down on Manila or freezing temperature on Davao or some other uncharacteristic climactic occurrence. Then all eyes would be on God!

However, storms or volcanoes or earthquakes are normal fare for us here. I do not believe they are signs of judgment. I am not saying that God does not speak through naturel disasters. I am not saying that people’s attention does not shift towards God in times like this. I am not saying God is nowhere involved. I am saying this is not Judgment day.

The question in my mind is, “Where does this thinking come from?”

Some of it is deeply rooted in the religious roots of the Philippines. Here, as in most of the world’s religions are based upon works. There is a sense of cause and effect. It goes like this: “If anything goes wrong, it is a result of my wrong actions.” But this is faulty thinking. We do believe in the law of reaping and sowing, but not everything that happens is a reaping. What did Jesus do to reap his treatment? What did Paul or Peter do to reap their suffering?

This “personal works-judgment” belief is pure superstition. It is not rooted in Scripture or in prophetic word. It causes people to assume that every negative experience is somehow connected to their action. So if my wallet is stolen, (which has happened many times!) does that mean I must have done something to deserve it? If I am sick, is it because I missed church on Sunday or I didn’t preach what I was supposed to preach?

This is the day of grace. Judgment is not now. It is coming- and God will judge the nations as well as the individuals. No one will escape. But we are still in the day of God’s grace.

As a Christian, when disaster strikes, what should be our response?

· First, seek God for His will, His voice, His purpose in the situation. Pointing fingers is not helpful.

· Second, get involved as a caring Christian and citizen. Do what you can for whomever you can.

· Third, never miss an opportunity to preach the Gospel and the love of Jesus through deeds and words. People always need the Lord.

· Fourth, be a person of hope. Spread hope, faith and a positive message. God can and will make a way where there is no way. When tragedy strikes, discipline yourself to be a man and woman of God, pick up the Lord’s message and be an instrument In God’s hands.

· Fifth, pray. Pray for the people, pray for God’s intervention, pray for salvation and deliverance, pray for supernatural provision.

· Sixth, expect good to come. By good, I mean expect God to be glorified. Especially pray for the believers affected by tragedy. They are our family and to them we have an obligation.

BE JESUS TO SOMEONE TODAY…BE POSITIVE…BE HOPEFUL!

What exactly do you think?

2013-08-14T17:31:00.001+08:00

Your life is a direct result of your thinking patterns.

You need to pay attention to what you think. It is your most defining characteristic.

Do you ever think about what you think about? This is important. If you were to gather your thoughts and place them into patterns or categories, then evaluate what you think, and when you think it- then you then can define who you really are.

To read on please go to;

http://dennisheppner.com/what-exactly-do-you-think/

Either click on link or copy/paste.

Many Blessings

Dennis Heppner

Decision Making and God's Will

2013-08-04T15:42:00.001+08:00

The will of God often involves decisions. It is impossible to fully experience God's will without making choices. Sadly, the witness of many Christians in the area of decision making is very inconsistent.

I've posted a few lines on this topic at

http://dennisheppner.com/decision-making-and-gods-will/

Either click the link or copy and paste.

Dennis Heppner

Do you know the call of God for your life?

2013-07-27T19:31:00.001+08:00

Now here's an issue that has led many a sincere Christian astray. I've posted a blog on my home sight you should read and share.

http://dennisheppner.com/do-you-know-the-call-of-god-for-your-life/

Click the link or copy and paste.

Many Blessings

Dennis Heppner

Making a withdrawal from the bank of grace

2013-07-23T19:51:00.002+08:00

Suppose for a moment your bank account had an infinite balance. An unlimited line of credit. Just suppose that whenever you needed to make a withdrawal there was always more than you needed.

Please log onto my website at dennisheppner.com to read the article.

Many blessings to you

Dennis Heppner

How will you know when you are successful?

2012-11-09T10:32:00.002+08:00

Click on the link below and you will be redirected to the blog or copy and paste the link in your browser.

http://dennisheppner.com/how-will-you-know-when-you-are-successful/

The un-accidental Relationship

2012-03-31T11:10:00.003+08:00

I've started shifting my blogs to my regular website. Just click on the link below or copy and paste it to your browser.

http://dennisheppner.com/the-non-accidental-relationship/

Looking Forward

2011-12-31T09:43:00.002+08:00

Lots of good people stay stuck. They never change, never get better, never move forward.

It might be because in their minds they are satisfied with the way things are.

It might be they are scared to rock the boat, any boat- their boat or someone else’s boat.

It might be personal fear of the unknown…it’s so much safer just to leave things as they are. This is a known life and we really don’t know what something different would look like. We won’t take the risk.

It might be some form of deception, self talk, self-assessment that assures me “I’m already Ok”, but the OK is lacking scrutiny. What is the “ok-ness” based on?

Just look back for a few minutes and see where you’ve come from in the past 12 months. Is it

a straight line
a crooked line
no line at all
a circle

Have you a dream, any dream for the future? I do! I’m 60, not young but certainly not old. Someone once said, ‘when you stop dreaming you start dying.” If that’s true, lots of good people are dying long before they are dead.

I’m working on a new 5-year plan right now. Why not? I’ll likely live much more than 5 more years, God willing, so what will I do with the next 5 years?

What if that is my last 5 years, what do I really want to get done for God’s glory? If I’m going to live another 5 years why not make it count? Why drift because I’m 60, or because I’ve already done a lot, or because my back aches occasionally and my knees get stiff and I don’t always sleep well. So what! I’m alive and I should live life to the full.

You might be only 30 and so locked into career-building you’ve forgotten to live- to do more than earn money. Don’t you want to leave a mark, to make a difference? Remember, in just a few years you too will be 60.

Looking forward means looking at your life with your eyes wide open and see where it’s going. Based on the past year and the mindset you have today where will you be in 2013? Is that really where you want to be in life? Is that all you want to be? Is your current life the end of all dreams?

Dream with God. Yes- you read it right. Dream with God. He is the author of dreams and visions. Have you really considered God’s purpose for your life? His purpose may have absolutely nothing to do with your career, business, routines or experience.

Too often we offer to God what we are rather than who we are. “Lord, I’m good at marketing, I studied 4 years for this degree, can you use my skills?” Maybe He can! Or…maybe he doesn’t want to! Maybe he has a dream for you that has nothing to do with the security you’ve built. Instead, it will need faith- pure trust in God to see it come to pass.

Looking forward means you are optimistic. Optimism is to weak a word for Christians. It should be looking forward full of faith. I can do and I will do because I believe in God’s promises and I intend to see them come to pass in my life.

Optimism is hopefulness and confidence about the future. Faith is an assurance that what is presently not right or seen will be right or seen. Based upon my faith in God, “I know.”

Looking forward is action. If we continue to do what we’ve done before we can expect the same results. Are you satisfied with the results? Is this all you have ever dreamt of? Was last year the fulfillment of your dreams? Was it the beginning of where you know God wants you to Go? I should clarify that: when I say, “where God wants you to go” I don’t mean a geographic position. I mean where, personally, in character, ability, accomplishment and spiritual life He wants you to go.

Make it personal. Big dreams start inside. You change- and everything around you changes. Mostly we want circumstances and others to change… but real change starts with us.

I recently read the following in a blog by Glen Beck and I recopy.

A man decided that he would change the world. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change the country. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change his community. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change his street. But, be wasn’t successful. So he decided to change his family. But, he wasn’t successful. So he decided to change himself. AND HE WAS SUCCESSFUL. AND HIS FAMILY CHANGED AND THEY AFFECTED THEIR STREET. AND THE PEOPLE ON THE STREET AFFECTED THEIR COMMUNITY. AND THE PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY AFFECTED THEIR COUNTRY. AND THE PEOPLE OF THE COUNTRY AFFECTED THE WORLD.

Looking forward is an excellent way to begin 2012. Take an hour this week and get alone and write down some dreams and plans and faith statements. Start talking to God about them. Write down some things you could do to clarify where you want to go. Then take actions that move you in that direction and do so with excitement.

I actually expect my next 5 years to be my best so far, but possibly not as good as the 5 years after that, and the five years after that… J

Happy New Year!

Spiritual boredom

2011-11-05T16:46:00.003+08:00

Recently, I was asked the question, “What do you tell people who are bored with church, ministry, or even Christian life?”

Maybe I should ask you the question, “Have you become bored with church, ministry, or Christian life?”

There is a phrase children learn from stories: “they lived happily ever after”. The Christian life, and everything after, is often not very “happy ever after.” Why not?

Everything done as “ministry to God” must be for the love of Christ. You must fall in love with Jesus- forever! There is absolutely no other valid reason for any church involvement or Christian activity.

Well, there are other reasons… they are just not acceptable to God.

Ministry to God has 2 distinct aspects. First there is ministry TO God, such as prayer and worship. Then there is ministry FOR God, which is man-ward- that we call service or ministry activity. We separate them for definition purposes but Biblically there is no difference. Everything in a Christian’s life is about God.

There is no separation between these two. Ministry to God in worship and prayer is lived out through service. The motive for service or ministry is the same as for worship and prayer. We love God, I might add, with all our heart, mind, and soul…as Jesus defined it.

To live a life where everything is about God is to show the world that “Jesus is Lord”.

He owns me. I’m dedicated to Him. I love God. I live for Him. I will do anything I can to help Him or His kingdom.

Those few lines express the Lordship of Christ in my life.

If these words do not express your life too, then Jesus is not Lord of your life in any practical way and- yes! boredom is just around the corner.

Interestingly, ministry is never to be a mere human activity. It was always meant to be motivated and empowered by the Holy Spirit- this is a joint operation. The New Testament church prayed and worshipped and then went out and changed the world!

From time to time I come across Christian leaders and workers who are bored with ministry. Here’s their whining refrain… “I need a change, I don’t get anything out of this any more. It’s all the same dull old stuff…I am bored with it all…..”

Some of this is due to the spirit of the age. The universal spirit of restlessness has overtaken mankind. Humans are restless, much like children with new toys. Quickly tired of them. New technology. Television commercials every 10 minutes. In and out of relationships. Marriage commitments in decline. Some even express boredom with their wife or husband- (as if you marry to be excited all the time). Sex is available without commitment, almost at an animal level. Sorry to say, this state of affairs (pun intended) exists even among some Christians.

The spirit of the time is restlessness. It is anti-commitment, anti-love, anti-God, anti-humility, anti-service. In fact, service is now an industry, not a function of a heart full of decency and love!

All of the above may explain some reasons for boredom.

Fundamental to boredom and restlessness is “misguided spirituality”. Loving God is the basis for loving people. Worship of God is the basis for serving people. If you do it “unto one of the least of these, you do it to me…” Jesus said. All service communicated through love for Christ is supernaturally effective, because that kind of love is only possible empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Bring truly alive is having a living, relevant relationship with God. If you are bored with service, ministry, church, or the pastor, I can say with about 99.9% certainty that you have left your first love for Christ. Somewhere in your life you have separated what you do for people and the church with what you do for the love of Jesus. Therein is the problem.

“A new church will certainly help…” you might say.

Really? In what way? Oh, it will allow you to keep your eyes off of the real problem for a little while longer. You can become engaged in newness again- remember the spirit of the age - restlessness? Shifting churches from time to time is excellent at keeping the real demons at bay.

However, eventually you just won’t find a church that does it for you and you’ll start skipping and slipping and missing and eventually the missing and slipping and skipping is more than the attending and then…..the honeymoon is over. You never even saw it coming! You blamed everyone else for how you felt and now it’s only you and maybe a few other disgruntled folks who feel the same.

Back to the point. Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Rhetorical question! Obviously no one and nothing! He never stops loving! So if our love, passion and joy has depleted, then who left whom?

Brother, sister, watch that boredom… it’s the first sign of misguided spirituality.

The answer is to turn back to God with all your heart. Take a day or week or a year off to pray and read your Bible and fall in love with Jesus all over again.

Run to God before you become a statistic!

Remember: true love knows no boredom. It is possible to live happily ever after- with Jesus!

How to earn Trust

2011-10-04T08:08:00.006+08:00

Who do you trust? Sad to say, there are many people who trust no one. Their lives have been hard and filled with disappointments. Trusted relationships have brought much betrayal and pain.

The world is not the same as it once was.

There was a time when professionals were looked up to as having integrity. The stockbroker really worked for you. The lawyer represented you. The pastor or minister lived what he preached. There really were people who loved to serve others.

Now service is an industry, a profession.

Somewhere in this high-pressure world, trust crashed.

Now the indictments have come for those perpetrating Ponzi schemes, and defrauding folks of their hard earned savings.

Television preachers have often embarrassed the Christian community.

Priests have been found out to be less than moral.

Salesman no longer sell for the love of the product, but only for what they can earn on commissions.

Good upright people still do exist! But for many casualties of this unreliable world, there does not seem to be any one left to trust.

For a few moments lets flip this around and stop thinking about our trust betrayed, and start thinking about becoming a person of trust. Rather than surrendering to the way it is, why not become someone who can be trusted? Become the very kind of person you are looking for.

Can you be trusted, verbally, morally, financially or spiritually? True trust is never given; it is earned. If you start working on it today, you can become a trustworthy person.

I want to give you 4 very simple qualities that can increase your trust quotient in life and relationships.

1. Be consistent. Keep saying the same thing. Stay on your course in life. Never let your life become situationally moral. Be moral all the time. Stay on track. Let it be known you are consistent. Stay with it!

2. Be a person of integrity. Let words and actions be exactly the same. Never say one thing privately and another publically. Never smile at someone while you curse him under your breath. Get a grip on your life and be the same inside and out. Don’t forget little things count. Pay attention to your own behavior!

3. Be dependable. Stand with people. Be a friend to people. Be more than an employee or employer. Be there for others when they need you. Now that normally costs you something- do it anyway! Go that second mile for someone and be prepared to do it often. Determine to leave deposits of good in other’s lives. Jimmy Johnson, former football coach says it this way;” the only thing worse than a coach or CEO who doesn’t care about his people is one who pretends to care.” People can spot a phony every time. They know he doesn’t care about them and worse, his actions insult their intelligence. Be reliable!

4. Be a promise keeper. When you say something, follow through on it. When you make a commitment, don’t expect someone to follow you up. I’ve been told we live in the “day of follow-up”. When you make a promise why should someone else have to hold you to it? You should just do it because you promised to do it. Nowadays, “trying” seems to be the standard. “I tried”, but it didn’t work. Winston Churchill said, “It’s no use saying ‘We did our best.’” You have got to succeed at doing what is necessary. Keep those promises!

Friends, you do these 4 things and your trust quotient is going to go through the roof. These four character traits, when broken, define what hurts and disappoints us the most.

Therefore logically and practically if we want to be trusted, that is a choice we make today. It is set in motion the moment we begin to practice these 4 things.

How would you like to become a leader?

2011-09-21T07:04:00.004+08:00

A lot of people have never thought about that much. Many people assume, “I am not a leader. That is not my role in life. I am a follower!”

Following may be what you have done most of your life- but it does not mean that you are limited to following.

The assumption is that leadership is about personality.

There are many classifications of personalities. The simplest description I know of are these four: choleric, sanguine, melancholy and phlegmatic.

The choleric is the aggressive outgoing, outspoken type.

The sanguine the people person, friendly and cheerful.

The melancholy the deep thinker and feeler and sometimes the artist.

The phlegmatic the quiet, withdrawn, soft-spoken, seemingly unmotivated type.

There are combinations and variations of these four personality types, but most of us have one of the four as our dominant personality

So which one makes a good leader?

Surprise! They all do.

Each personality has strengths and weaknesses. The choleric may be aggressive but comes across as too pushy. The sanguine, being happy and cheerful, may be viewed as shallow. The melancholy, while gifted and deep, may seem too moody. The easy-going phlegmatic may appear lazy or unmotivated.

Yet they all can make excellent leaders.

That is because leadership is about influence, not personality. It’s about using that influence to cause something to happen.

Leadership is a learned skill, not a personality type.

Every successful leader has developed those skills. He may not be able to tell you where he learned it or what book he read. It may have even been trial and error or lots of failures.

But if a leader is succeeding, he learned it somewhere.

What is remarkable is a leadership style is often colored by a personality, making each leader, whether choleric, sanguine, melancholy, or phlegmatic, completely unique.

“But why should I bother to learn to be a leader?”

I’ll tell you why. The world is miserable, disorganized, failing, completely without answers. Morals are in decay. Families are suffering. Office politics cripple many organizations and governments.

Do you get the picture? It’s a mess!

The world, the church, the government, the home, needs leaders.

Leaders do something about what is wrong. They look for ways to move forward. They choose change, because they understand that if things stay the same, the results will be the same.

Are you totally happy with all the results you get in your life and career?

My simple plan to develop your inborn leadership ability

1. Start dreaming about what you could do right where you are, in your circle of influence. Dream about how you could make things better. Have some faith in who you are and how God made you.

2. Lead yourself. Leaders must lead themselves first. A few disciplines are in order. Moods, thinking and personal life must be disciplined. Model good positive behavior. People pay attention to that. They follow that.

3. Speak up. Leaders must speak to be heard. You have a lot of “gold” inside that no one sees. Offer good positive suggestions when you have them. When you see a problem, force your mind to think of solutions. You may be surprised how many solutions are locked inside your head if you really thought about it.

4. Take the initiative when you can. Don’t always wait for someone else to do it- you do it. Don’t always wait to be asked. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You might fail. Truthfully, you’ve failed before and you may again. How refreshing to think: “this time I failed trying to make a difference.”

5. Try new things. Fear is most often overcome by facing it head on and going in that direction. Step out of the boat.

6. Be yourself. You do not need to change your personality to be leadership material. The sanguine leader is still a sanguine but a disciplined sanguine. The choleric is still a choleric but a disciplined choleric.

So why not become a leader?

If you have any desire at all to make a difference, you can learn how to do it. I can even recommend some great books for you to read.

Go for it and start today.

You can become a leader!

If you have a question, write me; dennis@dennisheppner.com

Loving Your Work

2011-09-02T14:41:00.005+08:00

What exactly is work?

We might call it a job, a place we go to earn a living, or something we must do in order to live.

Unfortunately many people do not love their work.

In fact, some people do not love any work at all. A recent American survey found that 11% of those surveyed believed that the government should provide you with a basic income whether you work or not.

If you think work and jobs are rough today, just read the article below on the rules of the workplace in 1852.

These were found in the ruins of an old factory in Scotland:

All employees must abide by the following regulations:

* This firm has reduced the hours of work, and the clerical staff will now only have to be present between the hours of 7 a.m. and 6 p.m.

* Daily prayers will be held each morning in the main office. The clerical staff will be present.

* Clothing must be of sober nature. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiment of bright colors.

* A stove is provided for the benefit of the clerical staff. Coal and wood must be kept in the locker. It is recommended that each member of the clerical staff bring four pounds of coal each day during cold weather.

* No member of the clerical staff may leave the room without permission from Mr. Rogers. The calls of nature are permitted and clerical staff may use the garden below the second gate. This area must be kept in good order.

* No talking is allowed during business hours.

* The craving of tobacco, wines, and spirits is a human weakness and as such is forbidden to all members of the clerical staff.

* Now that the hours of business have been drastically reduced, the partaking of food is allowed between 11:30 a.m. and noon, but work will not on any account cease.

* The owners recognize the generosity of the new Labor Laws, but will expect a great rise in output of work in compensation for these near Utopian conditions.

How would you like to work in THAT factory???

Today, work is a lot easier, and yet often considered a burden, a necessary evil or treated like a curse- something we hate but must do…for the money.

I should pause here and say, if you only work for the money you’ll never be very good at your work. You can never pay anyone enough to bring excellence to his work.

Work has never been easy. The very word itself has synonymous meanings like effort, exertion, labor, toil, slog, drudgery, or grind.

In my opinion every job, business or profession becomes “work” if done well. Effort is needed. Attitude is essential. The daily grind is there. Anything done repeatedly can become boring and monotonous. But it can be rewarding.

Some of you might think working for Jesus would be an easy job. As one young man once said to me, “Everything I’ve tried has failed, I guess God is calling me to the ministry.”

What was he thinking, people in ministry have no bad days or never fight negative feelings?

The best job or easiest profession becomes “work” very soon. Rarely does a job alone make you happy.

In actual fact, no work can make you happy. In my lifetime I’ve talked to a lot of people in a lot of positions and many levels of society. Happy people are usually happier at work. They are also happier at home and happier in relationships.

The point I want to make about work is simple. We all have to work at life.

Life is relationships, jobs, ministry or business.

Don’t let life define you by your responsibilities. Don’t let your mundane job make you a mundane person.

Choose to leave a mark on your work and your life.

Make your purposeful impression on everything you do by being a Christian.

Be different in the workplace by being the best you can be in that place for the glory of God. Do business in a way that would make Jesus notice you are there.

You will have to work or as the Scripture says be content with poverty.

Love your work.

“What?” you protest. “My work? You don’t know how bad it is.”

No I don’t; but I’m pretty sure that no job is ever all bad. And no job is ever all good.

Choose to Love your work by…

· Having a good positive attitude every day.

· Arrive 10 minutes early, every day, rather than 10 minutes late.

· Speak positively about your bosses and work mates.

· Learn to do it better- improve yourself.

· Place your personal signature on your work and call it excellence.

· Never do the minimum- give it that extra push.

· Sing once in awhile at work.

· Smile as often as you can and to as many people as you can.

Just be a spirit filled Christian and the joy will spill over and work will be fun.

Try it, you’ll like it ….. and possibly live longer too!

What is your greatest fear?

2011-08-24T08:12:00.002+08:00

What is your greatest fear?

The “fear factor” plays a much bigger role in our lives than most of us would care to admit.

Isn’t that often what's really driving us?

Fear!

As ugly as the word is, yet it is one of the great realities of life. The child wakes up dreaming of imaginary monsters triggered by some emotion in his day. The adult, having left childhood dreams of monsters, may still face those familiar fears in different dreams, but still the same- fear driven by things he cannot control.

We still have some of those monsters. Waking up in a panic. Then wondering, "Where did that come from?"

Then possibly we become aware that it is connected to something that struck us emotionally during the day.

Sometimes simply making that connection dissipates the fearful emotion.

With bad dreams, it's not the dream itself that may mean something, rather the fear it represents or stirs up.

Familiar fears- those things drive us, push us, manipulate us, and at times paralyze us. They cause over-reactions to normal life circumstances, withdrawal from situations that for others would mean nothing.

It is those emotions than often consume great amounts of energy to suppress.

How can this be, that people who believe in Jesus can have fears?

This is some kind of paradox.

To know an all-powerful God and yet be personally afraid? Just the concept of an all-powerful God should be enough to still our fears, shouldn’t it?

Realistically it does not always do so.

Most children fear the dark. As years pass, so does that fear- for most people.

However, life brings other fears. We learn new ones or connect new forms of old fears. It may be the fear of committing to a relationship, fear of acceptance, fear of sickness, fear of failure in career, fear of losing control.

As age keeps coming, fear of aging, fear of being retired, or not sure of your value as an old person.

Finally, for many, but not just the aged, the fear of death.

My point is that fears drive far too much of life for most people.

Fearlessness is much less common than you think.

Many of the people who appear to be fearless are not; their activity only disguises the fears behind the defiant faces.

The question I put for us today is this: “how much of your life, decisions or relationships are controlled or driven by fear? That is the word- "driven". For a driven mind is not a mind at rest.

Those underlying fears create anxiety and anxiety can easily begin to dominate our emotions. Soon life has lost its peace.

To this problem there is no easy solution.

Some one, a professional person seeking guidance, said to me a short time ago, “Tell me the indicators when I know God has spoken.”

Almost a scientific term- “indicators”.

Maybe you'd like the indicators and steps to fix the issues of fear.

Realistically, we are not machines that can always be fixed by a shot, pill or prayer. "If I heard God speak it would all be over." Maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn’t.

Let me first of all say, fear is normal. It is usually based upon something. That something is usually learned. Being frightened by a dog as a child may cause a fear of dogs your whole life.

Some fears are good. Seeing a bus coming at you as you cross the road may create a panic for which your good fear would cause you to jump out of the way. Good response!!

Fears only become a problem when they begin influence our decisions or shape our behavior.

Here are some very simple steps for dealing with fear.

Feel it- allow yourself to feel that fear. It is real. Admit it and define it. "I am afraid of dogs"…"I am afraid of relationships"…“I am afraid of being hurt"…

Find its source - When did this fear start, and why? Ask God to show you the source- the memory. Think about it, pray about it and search for it. If need be, get someone to pray with you to help you track it down.

Face the past. Analyze that fear and how you learned it.

Ask God to heal you right there where it began. Ask Him to speak to you about that situation maybe long ago. He will!

Then and only then can fear be replaced with truth and peace.

Some things cannot be ignored. Ignoring fears may be like taking Paracetemol for an infection. The Paracetemol only hides the infection, it doesn’t cure it.

God can heal your fears.

Faith it - always do the right thing no matter what you fear.

That is courage.

Some of the greatest people in the world are very ordinary; they may even live lives plagued by fear. But in faith they move forward doing what is right. That is great courage.

Faith is trusting God, standing on God’s promises, going forward in spite of what we feel.

I am aware emotions cannot be forgotten nor can memories. Yet we can choose what we think. In that way we can effect our emotions.

Don't settle for a life controlled by fear. David said, “I sought the Lord and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

Feel it: find it: face it: and faith it.

The alternative is to stay like you are forever....to walk in freedom from fear is so much better

Why fighting may be important

2011-07-15T19:40:00.002+08:00

My title may have caught your attention.

You see, I do not believe that all conflict is bad. There are many good things that will not happen without conflict.
If you are one of the many who believe that everything should always be quiet and everyone should always get along, you may be living in a bubble. Truthfully, we all different and therefore think differently. Reason enough for conflict right there.

Some of our more spiritual friends view all conflict as somehow demonic rather that simply humans communicating. This is giving the devil way too much credit.

Just because there are no vocal disagreements does not mean there is no conflict. Everyone may appear happy or at peace- but it may only be a cover. In fact, much stress is caused when people are not allowed to express their negative feelings.

I can think of 3 good things that happen through conflict, 3 signs that conflict has become destructive, and 3 things we could do to improve the outcome of our conflicts.

Conflict forces us to think. Each of us sees life through our own colored glasses. It's called "perspective". We assume if no one differs with us, that the way we see it must be right. If we assume we are always right, when disagreement occurs my immediate response is that something must be wrong with "them" and not me. The first thing we should realize in conflict is that there are other ways to look at life rather than just our own.

Conflict actually- and surprisingly- brings us together. When we disagree with honestly, we see another's heart. Sometimes we learn how they really feel. The emotion expressed may simply be their passionate view on an issue. Most of us are rather insensitive to the feelings of others. We just don't notice things about people, their feelings and views- until they are upset. Then it is "shock treatment" for us. This awareness can bring understanding between us and of course brings us much closer together.

Conflict allows for new shared ideas. The old expression comes to mind, "Two heads are better than one." When we disagree, we can re-evaluate, compromise or adjust. No one is 100% wrong or right in any situation. It is often through the energy of conflict that some of the greatest breakthroughs come in relationships. Imagine if our best thoughts could be joined with the best thoughts of another!
However sometimes conflict becomes destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when people stop talking about the difference and start attacking each other verbally or physically; or when the emotion primarily becomes anger and the other person is viewed as the enemy.

Conflict becomes destructive when it becomes a pattern and neither party wants to resolve anything. In other words, conflict is a way of venting selfish feelings. When the pressures of life become focused on someone innocent, conflict is harmful. For example, you've had a bad day at work and coming home you carry all that frustration. Now you cannot civilly express all that rage at the office so you do so at home. This is destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when either selfishness or bitterness is the basis for your position or actions. To examine this a little, look back at your last conflict. What were you willing to give up to resolve the issue? When bitterness is present, every past conflict is dragged into this one and that makes it destructive.
Now we come to the final 3- making conflict useful.
Be open minded. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Try to ignore any strong emotions coming from them and try to hear the message. What exactly is the issue here? What really are they upset about?
Always push past the emotions and discomfort and ask yourself and the other person specifically what can be done to resolve this issue and this issue alone. How do we grow through this and when this circumstance comes up again, how can we find a solution more easily.

Finally, don't be so surprised when conflict develops. It is actually quite normal. If you are one who finds if unbelievable that someone might not like you, your opinions or values, then you, my friend, are not in the real world!

The truth about life is that quality of life often comes from resolved conflicts and not the absence of conflict. So relax and don't worry so much when others disagree or get upset. Just keep working on it. Understand that healthy relationships demand continual negotiation. When we stop that negotiation, relationships become shallow- we now only speak about safe things, things that never upsets anyone. Sometimes it takes conflict to keep us together and growing.

Why Fighting is Important

2011-05-15T10:57:00.008+08:00

My title may have caught your attention.

You see, I do not believe that all conflict is bad. There are many good things that will not happen without conflict.

If you are one of the many who believe that everything should always be quiet and everyone should always get along, you may be living in a bubble. Truthfully, we all different and therefore think differently. Reason enough for conflict right there.

Some of our more spiritual friends view all conflict as somehow demonic rather that simply humans communicating. This is giving the devil way too much credit.

I can think of 3 good things that happen through conflict, 3 signs that conflict has become destructive, and 3 things we could do to improve the outcome of our conflicts.

Conflict forces us to think. Each of us sees life through our own colored glasses. It's called "perspective". We assume if no one differs with us, that the way we see it must be right. If we assume we are always right, when disagreement occurs my immediate response is that something must be wrong with "them" and not me. The first thing we should realize in conflict is that there are other ways to look at life rather than just our own.

Conflict actually- and surprisingly- brings us together. When we disagree with honestly, we see another's heart. Sometimes we learn how they really feel. The emotion expressed may simply be their passionate view on an issue. Most of us are rather insensitive to the feelings of others. We just don't notice things about people, their feelings and views- until they are upset. Then it is "shock treatment" for us. This awareness can bring understanding between us and of course brings us much closer together.

Conflict allows for new shared ideas. The old expression comes to mind, "Two heads are better than one." When we disagree, we can re-evaluate, compromise or adjust. No one is 100% wrong or right in any situation. It is often through the energy of conflict that some of the greatest breakthroughs come in relationships. Imagine if our best thoughts could be joined with the best thoughts of another!

However sometimes conflict becomes destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when people stop talking about the difference and start attacking each other verbally or physically; or when the emotion primarily becomes anger and the other person is viewed as the enemy.

Conflict becomes destructive when it becomes a pattern and neither party wants to resolve anything. In other words, conflict is a way of venting selfish feelings. When the pressures of life become focused on someone innocent, conflict is harmful. For example, you've had a bad day at work and coming home you carry all that frustration. Now you cannot civilly express all that rage at the office so you do so at home. This is destructive.

Conflict becomes destructive when either selfishness or bitterness is the basis for your position or actions. To examine this a little, look back at your last conflict. What were you willing to give up to resolve the issue? When bitterness is present, every past conflict is dragged into this one and that makes it destructive.

Now we come to the final 3- making conflict useful.

Be open minded. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Try to ignore any strong emotions coming from them and try to hear the message. What exactly is the issue here? What really are they upset about?

Always push past the emotions and discomfort and ask yourself and the other person specifically what can be done to resolve this issue and this issue alone. How do we grow through this and when this circumstance comes up again, how can we find a solution more easily.

Finally, don't be so surprised when conflict develops. It is actually quite normal. If you are one who finds if unbelievable that someone might not like you, your opinions or values, then you, my friend, are not in the real world!

Overcommitted and Underproductive

2011-04-01T19:33:00.008+08:00

Lets face it, most of us are busy- too busy!

We are busy with the must-attend meetings, demands of family and friends and work, with daily routines that require attention… there is not much time left for “important” things.

Important things are the things that move us forward. Things that result in accomplishment. They are the measurable productive parts of our lives. I'm not suggesting that family, friends and work are not important. Rather that when life is just one activity after another it does feel empty after awhile. To balance this off I am also not suggesting that everything in life must be a measurable accomplishment but we do need some.

There is a lot of hidden tension between “busy” and “productive”. These two are not necessarily the same thing.

I’m sure you’ve had those days when you ran and rushed through the day, with barely enough time to take a deep breath- but at the end for that day, there wasn’t much measurable accomplished. You were just surviving from crisis to crisis or event to event.

The end result of this kind of living is stress- lots of stress. Plus fatigue, frustration and just plain tired- unusually tired.

Measurable accomplishment on the other hand, energizes and satisfies.

How do you get a handle of this?

PLAN EFFECTIVELY

You need to take time to plan. By planning, I don’t mean planning what to do with your time or just writing a “things to do list”. Most busy people already do that. It does help!

But rather determine what projects you need to get done- or what’s really important. Decide what people are really important and why. The people who are important to you need some quality time from you.

SCHEDULE YOUR ENERGY

Schedule the best energy of your day to that work or you’ll never get the important stuff done. If you are a morning person, do what’s IMPORTANT in the morning. If you’re an evening person, do your creative, important things in the evening.

PRIORITIZE

Prioritize meetings based where and when decisions will be made. Don’t have meetings just for the sake of meetings. Make them productive, decision-making events. If you get placed on a committee you did not choose, press everyone toward decisions, and not just discussion. For everyday activity think "important."To prioritize is to define why this is important, why it's important to you and why it's important now.

MAKE IT MATTER TO YOU

You may say, “This really does not matter to me. I get paid, I go to work, it doesn’t really matter what I do for my company.”

“I have a ministry activity and I just do it. I do what I am told and let others do the thinking and decision-making.”

To live like this is deadly. By deadly I mean, your life has no heart. Activity has replaced initiative, creativity, enthusiasm and forward looking. Nothing ever feels accomplished, it's just another day.

The problem with this. Without measurable accomplishment in work or ministry, you’ll eventually lose your drive and your energy will be diminished- and I might add, maybe even your health.

Make life important!

The stress of the routine without rewards will wear you out.

BOTTOM LINE:

If you don’t get done what needs to be done, you may well be overcommitted but underproductive.

CHANGE SOMETHING AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Good Decisions

2011-03-27T17:07:00.003+08:00

Many years ago I heard Zig Ziglar tell the story of a young man who was replacing the retiring bank manager.

Wanting to start off right, the young man entered the office of the much older manager and asked him for advice.

"How can I succeed as a manager?" he asked.

The older man gruffly said, "Two words. Good decisions".

The young man, somewhat puzzled, then asked, "And how will I make good decisions?"

The older man replied, "Two words. Bad decisions."

"Then how will i know the difference?"

"Experience."

Good decisions are really a matter of experience. It's like you have learned what not to do. As statistics tell us, most successful businessmen have failed or gone bankrupt at least twice.

Failure teaches you what doesn’t work. Hopefully you try to NOT repeat that failure too often.

However, if you are one who doesn't want to learn everything the hard way, there are some guidelines that can help you make good or better decisions.

1. Get the facts. More mistakes are made, more wrong directions chosen and more failures result from inadequate information than any other reason. Whether ministry, business or personal life decisions, we just don't ask enough questions. If someone is pushing us to decide but is hesitant to clearly answer our questions, we should step back and take another look. We must do our homework and postpone the decision until we have all the facts.

2. Take time. We should trust our intuitive sense. When we feel any discomfort about moving forward with thIs, we should think again. It is true that some people have problems making decisions and they are always hesitant to take responsibility for decisions. But assuming we are somewhat self-confident, we should pay attention to our uneasiness. When we see a stop sign in our mind, we must pay attention and stop. It may be a lack of information, too much pressure, or lack of credibility on the part of the presenter. Whatever it is, we must take some more time. Beware of ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunities. They are rarely what they are made out to be.

3. Beware of too much emotion. The goal of a salesman is to get the person to buy what he is selling, whether a marriage proposal, buying a property, car or whatever. A good salesman creates desire in the buyer. Watch the emotion. Emotion blinds common sense. Decisions made predominately by emotion usually are not well thought through and are eventually regretted. The reason we fall into bad deals is we often either wanted what was being sold or we were made to want what was being sold. Emotion is wonderful but rarely helpful in decision-making. If anyone will not let us think it over for a day, we should say no.

4. Get independent input. If the decision is important, we should get a third party opinion. Someone neutral, smart, objective. What we don't see may be seen by another. If that is not good enough, then we may get a second or third opinion. I don't mean talking this over with our best friends. I mean someone objective who has no personal interest in this transaction. This independent input should also be prayer. God guides people. BUT- prayer will not be enough if we are emotionally involved in this decision. Your emotions will somehow mesh with your spirit and you'll think this emotion or feeling good is God talking. If we choose to pray after we have emotionally committed, I hate to say it but prayer may be a waste of time; we've already made up our mind.

5. Learn from your mistakes. Some of us make the same mistake over and over. Why? We do not learn from past mistakes. It's always good for us to evaluate our mistakes before we leave them behind. I know it's embarrassing to talk about our mistakes and very difficult to think them over. We just want to forget it. Without some analysis on our part, we will do the same thing next time. We should consider some ways to avoid this mistake next time- and there likely will be a next time. Sometimes in a bad relationship we just want to forget that person but forgetting the person does not mean we won't fall for exactly the same kind of person again. So we should think about what went wrong and take some steps to prevent it next time.

So good decisions are well documentable, are not rushed, are not driven by emotion and will stand up to the scrutiny of an outside party.

Don't worry about making a few mistakes.

Do keep learning.

You can change what people say about you

2011-02-15T18:30:00.004+08:00

What are people saying about you?

Why are they saying it?

We all get talked about. If our response to gossip or commenting about us is always “I really don't care what people think about me", something’s wrong.

We should care what people say about us.

We should take this matter seriously. It does matter what people think and say about us- and underneath our tough exterior, I know we do care.

When I was much younger, I tended to assume that negative comments about me were the fault of the people who were making them. I chalked it to prejudice, persecution, jealousy, or their bad attitude. I would sometimes even assume it was the devil motivating people- like some vague form of spiritual warfare.

Now some of that may be true and does exist in life. This is not a world free of malice and jealousy and there is a devil.

However, more realistically, our words and actions are almost always the basis of how we are treated and talked about. We choose how we act. We choose what we say and the tone in which we say it. Most of the time, we are treated exactly as we deserve to be treated.

The Golden Rule of life is, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

We need to remember that for every action, there is a corresponding reaction. How much of our trouble with people is caused by our own actions? This too is the law of reaping and sowing. What we plant we reap. There is a direct connection between our actions and words and what happens to us.

The point of this is not to make you feel guilty about your life and its current troubles, but rather to suggest that if you consistently are gossiped about or treated negatively, you look at it seriously and honestly rather than dismissing it as something weird or demonic that happens.

Then- do something about it.

If you don't like the harvest you are reaping, change what you are planting.

Sometimes we feel that "nasty" thing about us is necessary. We feel that to be the boss or to get people to obey, we have to be obnoxious.

I remember a friend of mine who had been in leadership for many years saying the following when instructing his secretary, "We always get what we want, but we do it in a nice way."

For most of us, change is difficult. We may not even know what to change. I have a few thoughts about this.

First step: Get the truth about yourself from an honest objective friend.

If a lot of negative is swirling around your life, you need a friend to help you honestly understand how you are perceived. Ask them, “What am I doing wrong here?” That may take some real fortitude to be that honest. But sometimes we need to know the truth about how we come across.

Second step: make a plan of action.

You may have to change something in order for people to say different things about you. Sometimes a small change can make a big difference. Sometimes taking a course on human relationships helps. Or learning about conflict resolution.

Third step: think of this whole thing positively.

Say to your self, “If I change the way I treat people, they are going to change their behavior towards me.”

Finally: In essence, we have control over the way we will be treated in the future. It's never to late to change...even a little.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. Talk to others the way you would like to be spoken to. You’ll see a big change! The Golden Rule works. Our behavior does affect the way we are treated.

Rebels and Leaders.

2011-02-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

Are you a rebel or a leader?

Let me define both. Leaders have influence and followers, and make a long lasting positive impact. Rebels also have influence and followers, and also make a long lasting impact- but it’s often negative.

The problem is, we don’t always know the difference between leading and rebelling. They are actually closely related.

Some folks who are called rebels are actually leaders- and some who are called leaders are really nothing more than rebels.

The rebel stands against something, the leader stands for something.

The rebel resists the authority of others, the leader earns his own authority.

The rebel is primarily negative, the leader is primarily positive.

The rebel focuses on tearing down what is wrong and the leader focuses building and directing what is right.

The rebel often only sees today and the leader sees down the road into the future.

In many nations, including our own, rebels have brought down governments. They have rallied the people around a popular cause such as injustice, formed a strong opposition and often by sheer numbers have toppled corrupt regimes. The problem begins after the uprising. The rebel then does not know how to turn his movement into success. He cannot lead.

Over the years we’ve seen the old rebels turn into old leaders of the nation. The problem is that they are still rebellious- but now with more power. With very few exceptions, a nation does not thrive or succeed under the “leadership” of a rebel.

Let’s bring this down to the church frame of reference.

Churches have rebels. They fight the pastors and other people in leadership. They believe some things are wrong and they push for change- but they push against the leadership.

Of course, for every cause there are followers. It has been suggested that for every critic there could be 10 more who feel the same and just don’t say anything. So when the rebel stands up and articulates what is wrong, others may say, “Yeah, that’s how I feel too,” and now- he has a following.

So, the rebels and their “followers” fight the leaders of the church, or leave and start their own. Of course now that it is their own, it is perfect. They have been delivered from those old, stuffy and non-spiritual leaders.

But watch for a few years…watch what happens.

Initial energy given off by rebel groups usually turns them against each other and in many cases the movement dies. Or it simply becomes a little group of ineffective people worshipping together. The foundation is wrong, so the movement does not grow. Rebels are not leaders.

Being against anything has never built anything.

What makes a rebel within the church?

Sometimes rebels are made because the leader has personally negatively affected him. Whether the negative impact or hurt is real or perceived, the rebel has a grudge against the leader. Either way it shapes his thinking, makes him oppositional, and turns him into a rebel.

I remember years ago two elderly church members who were very unhappy with the church they were a part of. So one day they decided to forget “that church stuff” and meet together, just the two of them. After all, they had a lot in common and they agreed about everything.

These two old men met on Sundays like regular church people and studied the Bible together. This was heaven. “We get along so well!”….. until they realized that they disagreed on some fine point of Bible interpretation. Their once wonderful “fellowship” became antagonistic, and they broke company and never spoke to each other again.

Two rebels can’t get along.

Be careful with your criticism or discontent when you are in an organization such as a church. Be careful how you deal with that unhappiness. Each of us are unhappy from time to time with the organizations we are a part of. That is human. No church or company is perfect.

But rebelling won’t fix it nor help us. Rather it may isolate us and only intensify our discontent.

Better to be honestly aware of our discontent, and then to consider how we might bring some fresh life to what troubles us.

I have known executives who say to their staff, “If you see something wrong, before you come to tell me about it, bring with you at least 3 solutions.” Smart attitude!

We need to encourage people (and ourselves) to be a part of helping the leadership, to be part of the SOLUTION, rather than try to fix it by bringing down the whole thing by a rebellion.

It’s easy to discover if you are a rebel or leader.

Pause for a moment to look at how you view the organization you are a part of.

Do you say “they have a problem” or “WE have a problem”?

Do you look forward to the future or back to the GOOD OLD DAYS?

Do you help to search for solutions with optimism and humility, or do you mumble and grumble about what’s WRONG?

Do you think about changing things about you or just about THEM?

Rebellion is a lonely place to be. Rebels don’t thrive. They may gather more rebels around them, because misery likes company, but it’s not a happy place to be. Discontent is a bitter attitude.

Leaders- real leaders- are positive, energetic, and enthusiastic. No criticism comes from their mouth, only WE CAN DO THIS talk. Real leaders don’t worry about gathering a following of like-minded people; they just STRIKE OUT for the future and leave the negative behind.

Be a leader! WE CAN DO THIS!

Training Wheels

2011-01-28T16:59:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wondered why at times you can spend hours upon hours with someone trying to help him and then- just like that- he’s gone?

I’ve done it, and wondered why.

If you haven’t done it, yet you probably will.

We try so hard to “save” someone… get them out of this mess....

They can drive you to despair.

"Why don't they want to get out of this mess?" It's so obvious to you, but they don't seem to get it.

Possibly they try for awhile, or when you push and push they cooperate a little bit. Or they come to church with you for awhile and then drop out. They may even go back to an old lifestyle or relationship that is/was toxic.

It gets discouraging!

After awhile you wonder if it’s worth the effort to help anyone.

I suppose it depends on what your goal is.

Are you helping people because you have a personal need to help people?

Are you helping people because you feel good when you do it?

Do you feel guilty about your place in life so you help others as a kind of pay-back?

If so, the question is, “Exactly what are you trying to accomplish by helping that person with all those hours and hours of patient time?”

Is it possible that at times we invest in people not so much to help them but to meet some unknown need of our own?

Realistically you can't help everyone and you definitely cannot help someone if they don't want help. Not even God will violate your will.

Listen, God (Jesus as we know Him) is one powerful God. Yet he never forces anyone to change. If God does not force people to change, why do we?

A better way to help people might first be for us to determine our goals in these relationships.

If your goal is to empower people, then your goal is to support their decision for change- not your decision for their change. If they don’t do it for themselves they will never change, or at least not for long.

If you are giving someone something for their change, they may change as long as you are "paying for that change".

Empowering people is different than helping people. Helping is focused on what you are doing. Empowering is focusing on what they are doing, supported and encouraged by you.

Bottom line: if a person does not want to change, your patience and time and work will never get it done.

I’m not encouraging you to become calloused, nor am I suggesting that you become indifferent to human need. I don’t want you to become flippant and say, "They did it to themselves so they can fix it."

Of course they did it to themselves. We all, under the subtle “guidance” of evil, mess up our lives. What's worse, is sometimes we know when we are doing it.

The role of the Christian discipler/helper/counselor is to work towards removing roadblocks in broken lives, bringing life and healing, and helping people get on another road.

However, they will have to ride their own bicycle on the new road. You can be the training wheels but they have to do the riding.

So can you help some one who doesn't want to change?

Nope.