[Interior, the Thomas kitchen. Evening. Jude walks out of the bathroom with his pants still down]

Stef: "Jude, why are your pants down? Did you use the bathroom?"

Jude: "um . . ."

Stef: [walking into the bathroom and looking in the sink] "Juuuude? Did you stuff the cap to the air freshener into the drain hole in the sink?"

Jude: "A mouse did it."

I know it's a bit late, but I thought I would post the letter Scarlett wrote to Santa Claus after she went and saw him at the Mall. They'd made a deal that if she was good she would get all the presents she asked for. You know as parents we all want our kids to sound smart--guess I shouldn't have helped her so much with her letter.

THE LETTER:

12.15.09

Dear Santa,

Pursuant to the agreements of our prior meeting on 9 December 2009, regarding, among other subjects, the status of my inclusion or not on your master document detailing all the juvenile members of our behaviorally upstanding citizenry, as well as the nature of the material objects of my desire therein received, resulting from my capitulation to the aforementioned agreements, I formally request complete and timely dispensement of said material objects in the hours leading up to the morning of 25 December 2009 in return for my overall and detailed compliance to your directives, including but not limited to succumbing to the instructions laid out by any and all figures of authority in my general proximity, consuming in complete, without resistance, the whole of all vegetable matter residing on my personal serving vessel during each dinner hour, and retiring peacefully to my sleeping quarters at the required time, having participated in the cleansing rituals there associated.

In return for your timely appearance with the appropriate load of merchandise, I agree to provide you with the traditional accoutrements of baked dessert goods and a lukewarm beverage originating from the bovine ilk. thank you once more for your own compliance in this matter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Scarlett R. Thomas

On Friday, Scarlett's kindergarten class learned about MLK Jr. That "he died trying to help people." Which is true of course. But I wanted her to know more about racial inequality, with a bit more depth. That's a hard thing to talk about with a 5-yr-old. as we drove to her Saturday morning piano lessons, we talked about slavery, segregation, civil rights.

Our drive is about 20 minutes long--that one short synopsis of hundreds of years of civil strife. But she was interested and attentive. She asked why certain people were stuck on the back of the bus, why we ever needed separate drinking fountains--"It's just water," she said. And she thought it was sad that people would want to kill someone who was trying to help people. I thought that was a good place to leave it, and I simply agreed with her.

I'll leave you with an excerpt from Dr. King's last speech (a single day before he was killed). It's not "I have a dream" or anything, but it has its moments also. Enjoy.

". . . every letter makes a sound, the 'R' say "errrr."

QUESTION: When is it okay to give Crack to children?

ANSWER: when they have the cash on hand? (KIDDING!!! You here me secret Patriot Act watchers in the sky? I do not actually promote giving illicit drugs to kids!)

The answer is "never" of course. Unless . . .

You give them one of Leap Frog's "Learn to Read" movies instead. They feature that lovable young froggie Tad (get it, Tad?) and his band of merry readers (brother Leap and sister Lily among them) as they learn everything from letter sounds to complex words. All in four (there may be 5) easy to purchase DVDs.

I'm not saying that they actually work in teaching reading any faster than not, but they do seem to work their magic on kids--at least mine. They are truly like Crack for kids. Scarlett went through a phase where that was all she wanted out of her day was to run The Storybook Factory (part 3) on a loop in our one-TV Houston home. And whenever we said no, she snuck out to the pay phone on the corner to call Little Craig for a Leap Frog fix (again I kid).

Now it's Jude's turn. He knows how to work the DVD player, so I'm waiting to find him out in the living room at 4:30am with a plate of Cool Ranch Doritos and Tad telling him "the R says 'errr'" Guess it could be worse; he could be out there watching Golden Girls reruns. I do recommend the movies, anytime you can sneak learning or veggies into their diet, you gotta run with it.