But what exactly would you get for that? If it was Lisa Lewis it would be 2833.33 roots!!! That is a root a day for 7 and three quarter years!!! If they were alley girl slappers, well then you’d be fucked for life.

Well I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t limit my ambitions, I’d want more. Two would simply not be enough. Surely it would have been more cost effective to buy a harem.

Sure you might need to economise in various spots, and import some cheap offshore labour but $3.4m would definitely permit a decent sort of a harem.

A couple of Flippers for general housework and of course rostered rooting, a few Thai girls for their wonderful massage and rostered rooting, a couple of Eastern Europeans for kicks to the balls and other rough stuff, some lovely Indian women and a couple of slappers from the Waikato. Flag the whining poms, or Aussie scrubbers.

You could even build yourself a fornicatorium to enjoy your harem in. That would definitely be much better value.

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It has been mentioned that the flight was just 45mins long.  Anyone could have handled that trip even with noisy kids, anyone but Charlie Shovel. So why did he react that way? It seems so, well…petty.

But wait, perhaps there was a big assumption and a lie by omission by Charlie Shovel in his interview with Mark “Walrus” Sainsbury.  Just after Walrus did the intro summarising the story they cut to the he said shesaid part of the programme. The repeater said “After a weekend of relaxation, It was homeward bound, but relaxation it was anything but”. Nice start, but it still doesn’t explain why Charlie Shovel threw a tanty. Supposedly he had spent the weekend relaxing.

But what if he was somewhere else other than Auckland having his relaxing weekend? That would mean his flight to Wellington was the last leg of his journey that he would have spent pretty much ll day travelling with the closest destination for a relaxing holiday being three hours away. Arrive at Airport  two hours before checking, sit in cramped Koru Club (no not Carter), board flight, sit still albeit probably in Business Class, arrive in New Zealand, immigration, bags, customs and out, then a cab to the domestic terminal, check in and a waddle down to the exceedingly cramped Koru Club (again not Carter) to wait for the flight to Wellington so far he would have been on the go for at least 8 hours, travelling, time differences etc. Then the flight in question. I actually feel sorry for Charlie Shovel now. Having travelled extensively myself, I loathe airports, all the fuss and bother associated with international air travel in the distance. You almost become catatonic doing the routine, then you are rudely, you think, shaken out of your fairy wonderland and lash out. I can certainly understand that.

Now that is a interesting hypothesis, and one which will eventually reveal itself via the release of MPs travel expenses. A short time ago the Whaleoil tipline buzzed and a member of the Whaleoil Army informed me and swore and declared  that s/he saw a rotund mincing (how does that work?) figure looking suspiciously like Charlie Shovel over the weekend in Brisbane — is it true Charlie Shovel was in Australia and if so did he pay for that trip himself? Being a Labour trougher I sincerely doubt he paid for the airfares, the taxis or the accomodation himself. All easily buried in the travel section of his expenses.

It also explains why Charlie Shovel was so irritable as he hadn’t caught a 45 min flight, but it was the last leg of his journey home. That would explain everything, except of course who paid for it.

Of course I could be wrong, it has happened once before. But wouldn’t it be good if Charlie cleared this up before the weekend?

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Grant Robertson is aghast and filled with faux outrage;

Labour’s state services spokesman Grant Robertson said the leaks were a result of the Government’s secrecy about important public issues, and that it needed to look at its own handling of them instead of starting a “witch-hunt”.

In relation to public sector restructuring, he said the Government had not even talked to key stakeholders involved in areas affected by the proposed mergers in the state sector.

“Mucking around with agencies like the Food Safety Authority and Archives New Zealand” had far-reaching consequences for the public, which didn’t appear to be having a say, Mr Robertson said.

He said he understood the investigations had been underway for more than a week and appeared to be a result of pressure from ministers.

“Given the Government’s handling of these issues it is not surprising that public servants want to blow the whistle.

“The Government is serial leaker of information when it suits them. They need to take a good look in the mirror, rather than wasting resources on a witch-hunt of these whistleblowers.”

But Grant forgets that there is a thing called Google and they even have handy graphics to aid with searchs of a particular item, like…oh I don’t know…uhmmmm…maybe something like “State Services Commission leaks investigation”. Grant worked in the Prime Minister’s office until 2005. How come all these stories weren’t a waste of government resources pursuing a witch-hunt.

And how about all these stories after his time but still under the control of the Heleban in Clarkistan.

Grant is being a hypocrite, which is a shame because he is actually a nice bloke, and smart as well, in fact he probably is the new Brains Trust of the Labour Party, they just don’t know yet because the old warhorses are still supping at the trough.

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A Conservative candidate vying to replace Sir Peter Viggers at the General Election has become embroiled in an airbrushing row as she had her teeth and skin improved for a campaign poster.

Caroline Dinenage, 38, hopes to replace Sir Peter, who announced he would step down at the election after The Daily Telegraph disclosed his claim for a floating duck house.

A billboard showing her face along with the slogan “It’s time for change” has been placed on the A32 leading into Gosport, Hants.

But the poster, which comes from a publicity photo sent to the media by the Tories, has fewer wrinkles, straighter and whiter teeth and smoothed hair.

The prospective parliamentary candidate initially denied her image had been airbrushed, instead claiming it looked different because the original photo had to be blown up to fit the billboard.

But her personal assistant Glenn Duggan has now confirmed the image was changed without her knowledge to make her look “more attractive”.

The wonder is they think they can get away with it. Still our erstwhile Prime Monster, the she-best got away with it for 9 years because a sycophantic repeater corps would dare say a word. At least with the MP above she had a better canvas with which the photoshop guru could work with.

The she-beast, Helen Clark, before and after photoshop

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A woman who blew a raspberry at North Shore Mayor Andrew Williams has been issued a trespass notice, banning her from the shopping centre where the incident occurred.

Shirley Squire described the mayor as a “cowardly careerist” before blowing him a raspberry after he finished singing with a troupe during Chinese New Year celebrations at the Northcote Shopping Centre.

Days later, Sunnynook community constable Penny Rusbatch presented Miss Squire with a trespass notice, prohibiting the 74-year-old from “Northcote Shopping Centre and surrounds”.

“This is beyond persecution,” she told The Aucklander. “It’s positively sadistic.”

Surely the Police have got better things to do that issue trespass notices for people giving raspberries to The Clown of Campbells Bay. After all he has been doing exactly the same thing to the ratepayers of North Shore. Thankfully they have just a few months of having to put up the Clown.

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Just as John Howard’s damaging characterisation of Kim Beazley as lacking “ticker” captured a vague public unease with his Labor opponent, Abbott’s epithets for Rudd such as “Prime Minister Blah Blah” and “All talk, no action” have had more cut-through than any number of debates about the fine points of economic stimulus or carbon trading. “I think that people are starting to see the inner bully in Mr Rudd,” is Abbott’s latest simple message.

Abbott also had the good fortune this week to be attacked by Paul Keating, who described him as a “poor man’s John Howard” and an “intellectual nobody”, thus reminding everyone of a day when the electorate loved Howard and hated Keating. With enemies like Keating, who needs friends?

Could it have got any worse for him? Turns out it could.

And then, in what has been dubbed Rudd’s Latham moment, voters saw for themselves last Friday a side of the Prime Minister that belies his “aw shucks” Milky Bar kid persona, and which suddenly gelled with all the stories about temper tantrums, hair dryers and how he made a young female RAAF flight attendant cry when she brought him a disagreeable meal.

In front of photographers and TV cameras recording a meeting about health reform with the Premier, Rudd was bizarrely rude. As Kristina Keneally, a civil and attractive woman still on her training wheels, tried to engage him in polite routine conversation for the benefit of the whirring cameras, Rudd pointedly ignored her.

He did not meet her gaze or acknowledge her courtesies, but busied himself fussing with the ring binders and folders on the desk in front of him, pursing his lips, even as her voice faltered and grew less certain, and her eyes implored him to look up. Keneally may be the head of a broken-down government but she is personally popular and voters have continued to warm to her engaging personality and plucky style.

Treating any woman with such withering contempt would be bad manners but treating a woman as well-liked and unthreatening as Keneally was beyond the pale.

Anyone who watched the performance would have heard the same sound of pennies dropping as there was with the infamous election eve image of Mark Latham trying to stand over the smaller, older John Howard with a power handshake in 2004.

A hundred small impressions of Rudd coalesced in those few excruciating moments before he lightly slammed his fist on the desk. There was more information in the subtle play of body language between the two politicians in the video footage which has been running all week than can be readily explained, but it will haunt him until election day.

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I’ve always wanted a Hummer and every time I see a Toyota Prius on the Motorway with the driver piously hold their nose in the air thinking to themselves “Oh look at me I’m saving the planet every kilometre I drive”, I want to buy 10 Hummers and pay people to drive around following them canceling out their carbon savings. Technically that would be carbon a carbon neutral proposition.

Now onto the real deal. Yeah a Hummer is cool but Browning Citori White Lightening is delightful.There is nothing quite like a superb over and under.

Receiver - Steel • Silver nitride finish • High-relief engraving
Barrel - Ventilated rib
Action - Single selective trigger • Hammer ejectors • Top-tang barrel selector/safety
Stock - Gloss oil finish Grade II/III walnut • Lightning-style stock and forearm
Features - Vector Pro™ lengthened forcing cones on 12 and 20 • Three Invector-Plus™ choke tubes on 12 and 20 • Three Standard Invector™
on 28 and .410 • Recoil pad on 12 gauge model • Ivory front bead sight

Browning Citori White Lightning

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The requited love of opinion polls for Kevin Rudd continues to cool but the Prime Minister may have suffered an even more hurtful rejection.

Some 50,000, mainly fellow Queenslanders, at the cauldron of the common man and woman, Lang Park, gave Rudd the biggest boo of his life at Friday’s NRL season opener between the Brisbane Broncos and the North Queensland Cowboys.

Being televised live, it was the jeer heard, if not around the nation, then at least down the entire east coast and four days later it was still joyously resonating around yesterday’s Coalition party room like some kind of Mexican boo.

Not only was Rudd panned, a Coalition spokesman said after a joint parties meeting, but the Prime Minister had arrived when the game was ”half over”. Further, he seemed to spend most of his time on his mobile.

”The last prime minister to be booed at Lang Park was Gough Whitlam,” the Coalition spokesman said. ”Hawke never was and Keating never went.”

Oh dear, how sad, never-mind. Pity the video doesn’t seem to be on Youtube.

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Tigerpig has a shocker

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In his closing arguments today, Leason’s lawyer Michael Knowles said the men were driven by a belief that the satellite caused human suffering and their actions to shut it down, if only temporarily, were lawful.

“That belief doesn’t have to be correct,” he said.

“They had a belief in a higher law, a law for protecting people.”

Murnane said he believed the satellite aided crimes against humanity.

“I had to do this, it was necessary for me,” he said.

Land’s lawyer, Tony Shaw, said his client genuinely believed his actions were lawful, and he should be acquitted.

And so they’re Not Guilty. Sweeeet! I’ve now got a nice defense because I have a belief in a higher law, a law for protecting people from paedos, rapists, wife bashers and thugs.

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