What Beautiful Simplicity

We've Moved!

2011-01-21T14:30:00.000-08:00

Check out my new blog location

www.thisbeautifulsimplicity.wordpress.com

Her

2010-12-08T05:38:00.000-08:00

I remember being woken up. I remember the dread in the pit of my stomach. I remember the fear in their faces. I remember calling dear ones, begging them to pray. I remember my husband telling me she was gone. I remember the empty ache. I remember. I remember the tears that came. I remember loving her through the words I spoke. I remember meeting her family and the precious hugs we shared. I remember clinging and weeping. I remember the feeling of loss. I remember.

I remember her laughter and her tears. I remember her dreams for her future. I remember her holding his hand. I remember her playing with my daughter. I remember her dimpled grin. I remember shared moments and memories. I remember her love. I remember her decided abandon. I remember her heart laid bare. I remember her sleeping over. I remember tapioca pudding. I remember Thanksgiving that year. I remember her love for my family. I remember...her.

I knew there would be a day when the sharp pangs turned to dull ache...the reminder of a painful wound that is still healing but scarred. I knew her face would frequent my memories not quite as often...but that some memories are only ours to share. I knew this week would always be a painful reminder of what happened, what could have been, what was lost. I knew I would always hate her lack of presence in my present. I knew that her legacy would be one I remember and her life would inspire me to live.

I still hate that I didn't get to say goodbye.

I still miss her.

I will always wish that I could hug her again.

I love her, my sweet friend, Tiffany Ann.

Christmas Cards

2010-11-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

Nowdays we communicate a lot via computer and internet but there is something about the holidays that causes me to revert back to 'snail mail' and send out Christmas cards. I'd love to take the time to painstakingly create them but with all the other projects I have going on this time of year Shutterfly has created for me a perfect alternative! And this year they are making it even easier to choose them by offering 50 free photo Christmas cards for bloggers! Just click on that link and you can get yours too!

I actually have used Shutterfly several times in the past to create different photo projects and have been more than happy with my results! They offer many different options of things you can create with your special photos and many of them make GREAT Christmas presents! You can make things like canvas art , wall calendars or even your own photo Christmas cards. Don't wait too long though...Christmas is just around the corner!

Alaska Reign Justice

2010-11-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

One week ago we left the hospital with HER

SHE couldn't have asked for a better big sister and big brother.

SHE is a sweetheart, a great baby.

SHE will always love and care for HER.

HE is already HER protector.

THEY love her.

SHE is the perfect addition to our family.

Dear Baby Girl,

2010-10-26T17:54:00.000-07:00

(I have written to each of my children before they are born and continue to write to them periodically as they grow...especially on birthdays)

Dear Baby Girl,

Words cannot even tell you how much you are already loved and treasured by those who are anticipating your arrival. Your brother and sister know that a baby is coming and they will be SO excited when you get here! The other day Atticus was watching you move around in my tummy and he said "Here it comes!".

Today I got to see you on the ultrasound. My tummy wasn't growing enough for the doctor so she wasn't to make sure you were growing inside me. You are! The ultrasound tech said you probably already weight 7 pounds. I know you are strong inside me...moving around a lot. I bet your space inside is cramped but not too much longer and you'll be out! We have a c-section scheduled on November 4th which is just over a week away. I can't wait to see what you look like and begin my lifelong journey of getting to know the special person that you are!

We have a name picked out for you. (I won't be sharing it on the blog) We took special care in picking it out and we know it will fit your personality well. Like your brother and sister you have 3 names and combined they mean "To rule the great land while guided by truth, reason and fairness".

Your daddy is so excited to have another little daughter! When you move he is impressed by your strength. He can't wait to show you off to your big brother and sister. In Lyric you will have the sweetest, kindest big sister you can ever hope for. She will always love you and care for you in the most tender way. In Atticus you will find a big brother who is both loving and fun. He will defend your innocence and be a strength you can lean upon.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms precious daughter. I love you so much already and can't wait to know the intricacies of your personality and preferences. You are my treasured lovely daughter and I am so excited to meet you soon!

With so much love,

Mommy

The Me inside the Mommy

2010-10-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

Before I even got pregnant with Lyric (in June of 2006) I had a long mental list of things I wanted to do as a mom and things I wanted to make sure I didn't do. Things like I wanted to lose my pregnancy weight between each kid and things like I didn't want to be an overprotective mom. And everything in between. But something that I really felt like was key to being a successful mommy was making sure that I always was sure I knew of who I was. What I mean is that I didn't lose my identity in being a mom...and still had an identity as 'Petra'. I don't know if this was birthed out of some wisdom I received in my growing up years or from the observation of other mothers and parents or even from a mixture of both...but it was a very large part of my value system of parenthood even before I had my first positive pregnancy test.

Now that I'm a mom however I have had to learn how to put that principle into practice. Because I LOVE my kids. I would absolutely do anything for them! And I know that to love them I must continue to 'love' me and know who I am. I know that to be their mommy I have to know first of all who I am and in all honesty...let that lead who I am as a mommy. I don't know if for most people this is common sense or if it's a learned principle. And sometimes I wonder if we even sometimes as moms slow down to give it much thought. But really this principle extends far beyond just those of us as mommy's. It is completely possible to lose your identity to other things like your job, your schooling, your money,etc...

So basically that means that every so often I like to remind myself of the things I love and the things I like to do. And to make sure that I am doing at least some of them. It's somewhat like a personal accountability sheet. Fortunately for me some of the things I love easily overlap into my parenting/home, etc...

So for your info what are those things? What are the things that make me me? I'm going to just put out there that my relationship with God, my husband and children are first and farmost incredibly important to me. And I invest the majority of my life and energy into them. But there are some other things that are life-giving to me that I need to just maintain a sense of personal identity and wholeness.

Here are just a few things I'm currently doing that help me stay grounded in who I am

1. Cooking from scratch, menu planning and eating naturally

2. Budgeting and frugal living

3. Creating and making things for our home and for gifts

4. Reading (I'm on book 37 of this years goal of 50 books)

5. Writing...this is one I have to remember to do...my journaling has been lacking and blogging as well

6. Pursuing friendships...ones that are deep and meaningful and life giving. I'm not really good as small talk.

7. Dreaming of future life goals.

8. Making sure that I am growing and learning from my weaknesses.

9. Learning to judge my life by my standards and not by the standards of the world

10. If I can make it for cheaper I will try. This currently has me in a multitude of to do lists and ideas and goals...but I love knowing that I have the ability to execute the ideas in my head.

And those are just some. Those are things that I do that help me stay true to myself and be the best person that I can be...so that I am the best mommy I can be.

Learning the words to her song.

2010-10-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to vocalize what it's like having a child with SPD (sensory processing dysfunction). I don't know how to express the frustrations we all face. I don't know how to explain what is going on with Lyric because there are times when I don't understand it well myself. I am doing my best to gather information. We've gone to a workshop and I'm reading a great resource (Your Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz). Those help me grasp a little more of what we are dealing with. But even that can't always prepare me for what might irritate or frustrate her. Or for my lack of patience in dealing with days of constant struggle. I can't really fully put into words what it is like to have a from all outward appearances 'normal' 3.5 year old who can't fully speak clearly or articulate her thoughts...who lashes out in frustration...who often just stares into space...who doesn't always observe social cues...who can't eat neatly eventhough she tries (all issues stemming from SPD). I can't tell you why she is like she is. I don't understand what caused her nervous system to begin functioning like it does...I just know that it does.

I just know that I have a beautiful daughter...who has a purely gentle and kind spirit. She is strong. She works so hard at therapy and is learning so much. She may struggle in matters dealing with her 5 senses...but she is emotionally in tune with her world. She is creative and cheerful...and Smart! In reading more about SPD I realize her world is a hard one...but you wouldn't know from looking at her. She is eager to learn and to please.

It makes me teary eyed thinking of what she has to overcome daily to be able to do things that we take for granted... because her body and brain aren't communicating in sync. This may seem kind of confusing to you. I will try and do a separate post soon on exactly what my understanding of SPD and Lyric's specific issues are...but for now I'm just sharing my heart.

Lyric is amazing. There are days when I question why she can't just be 'normal'. Why she and we have to deal with this. I ask myself if there was something we could have done sooner or done differently. It is hard to wrestle with all of the emotions that come when you learn your child needs therapy or has problems developing/learning, etc... But what I have been thinking about lately is that really it's just about me (and Ian and the people around Lyric) learning the words to her song. The song that is her life...we are learning how to help her and also just know what makes her the way she is. She is her own unique person...and as true as that is for every child, for a child with SPD or any other issue similar or different, it takes on a whole new meaning. And that is what I mean when I say I'm learning the words to her song. I'm learning what it means and what it takes to be able to have Lyric be all that she can be in the context of who she already is.

I love my daughter. I love how genuine and honest her spirit is and I love that she loves so openly. I struggle with her struggles. Because it's hard sometimes. But Lyric...she's so worth it. Worth all the therapy appointments and schedule adjustments and extra time and work...because if I learn the words to her song...we can sing it together.

Snapshots of Summer

2010-09-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't been as on top of blogging as I hoped I would be this summer I thought I would blog with pictures as to what we've been up to this summer...or at least the past few months

Still working on the kids room...and it's almost done.

This is a 'sneak peak' of part of a wall hanging

Lots of sibling loving! They really are the best of friends...

unless they both want the same toy...

Playing outside...and yes, they're almost always out there with minimal clothing...

saves me on laundry because this boy loves the dirt!

Growing this little baby...I'm 30 weeks tomorrow and this pregnancy is flying by!

Sunday afternoons...well weekends for that matter. We love family time (In this photo: Ian wanted to nap but Lyric and Atticus wanted to play with him so Lyric is reading him a story)

Oh and our latest weekend project was turning this....

Into this:

I say 'our project' but Ian did all the building. I happened upon this website recently --- www.ana-white.com (formerly knock-offwood) and that is where we got the plans for this table. I have a long list of things I wanted to build but that wasn't going to happen in my 3rd trimester in the August heat. So I showed Ian the website and he was hooked. So yeah, he built it and I helped stain it and you know, keep the kids out of the way all day Saturday. Although both kids were super cute mimicking Daddy! We are in the process of chairs so this really isn't the final. We are just loving designing and building and dreaming up ideas together...and we can't wait to buy our first home!

So that is a small taste of our summertime activities...we have enjoyed the summer but are eagerly awaiting autumn...the cooler weather, walks with the dog in the park, our 5th anniversary and the arrival of our newest family member!

Artsy Crafty...my second blog in one day!

2010-08-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

I realize this is my second post in one day but I wanted to post some different crafty projects I've done in the past few weeks... since I'm not showing the kid's room until the 'big reveal'

I don't know why blogger wouldn't let me upload the photo I edited to say "before" but you still get the photo right here. This is a wagon I used to play with as a kid. Recently it made it into a garage sale pile at my parent's house and I took it to redo to hold the outdoor toys for the kids.

I sanded off a bunch of the rust. Then spray painted it with a rust preventative flat black paint. Then the kids (with a little help) got to paint it. They had such a blast. My hands were too covered in paint to snap any photos of them covered in paint...but really like the way the wagon turned out :)

This was a gift project. I bought the canvases at the Dollar Tree

(I love that place!) I painted them blue...then watered down some black brushed it over then wiped it off to give it that 2 toned look. I fell in love with Modge Podge too! I had never used it before because it's $7 a bottle and I thought Rubber Cement worked just as well. WRONG! Not only can you glue with Modge Podge but you can seal and coat and do a million other things. I printed off the photos...cut out some lettering and the flowers with my Cricut and then Modge Podged over it all! Finally I attached the ribbon on the back :)

I made this for my grandmother. After making it I realized it was a lesson in needing to make sure I take 'before' and 'after' shots every time. This started out as a plain wooden frame (Dollar Tree) and I painted it green, then brushed it with black like I did the above project. Glued on the ribbon and the charms. I made the Word 'art' on the computer after seeing it on another blog. Mounted it to the gold paper and put it all back in the frame!

This was my first attempt at 'mixed media' painting and I am in LOVE! I never really like painting before because I'm not really great at making things look how they do in my brain, on paper. But this was so much fun! I will be doing many more in the future. Unfortunately there is a glare on the top of the picture so you can't see it has a verse on it too. There are some things I would do differently next time but I loved making it for sure!

So there are a few of the fun, crafty, creative things I have been up to this summer. You should see my 'want to make' project list...It's massive. But I will slowly work my way through it!

Stream of Consciousness

2010-08-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

Supposedly I was going to have more time to blog if I quit facebook for the summer...instead I have filled my time with various other activities. Like what? Well...re-doing my kids room, trying to maintain my goal of reading 50 books this year, blog surfing craft blogs, thinking of Christmas gifts to make (no it's not early...I need to get these made before my 2nd daughter graces us with her presence), taking Lyric to therapy, etc...etc... I have really been enjoying my endless to-do list...I hate being bored. The kids room is coming together...I finally settled on the theme of 'Dr Seuss books' because it was something that a) my kids love, b) wasn't gender specific since they will all be sharing and c) they weren't going to outgrow too quickly. I would love to show you what I have done so far...but I have decided to wait and do a big reveal in a few weeks when it's done! Saturday Ian surprised me by taking me out on a date. We had a fun meal together dreaming of how we want to decorate the rest of our house (the kids bedroom has been the first one) and then went and saw the movie 'Inception'. I am still blown away by the minds of the people who wrote that story! Creative, imaginative and totally unique. I get bored with movie after movie with the same story line...or a remake of a remake of a remake. This was original and I loved that about it! My sister gave me a great gift for my birthday...one day a week of her help. So she is coming over every Tuesday to just hang out and help me in any way I need it...whether it's taking care of the kids while I get stuff done or getting stuff done with me, etc... I am in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy which seems to have snuck up on me. I am ready to be done with the heartburn and discomfort of organ squashage but I can't believe I am going to meeting this little one in just over 2 months! Speaking of which...I better get back to my to do list if I'm going to be ready for her arrival!

A little...

2010-08-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

Girl. A Daughter and a sister.

Our little one decided to cooperate for the ultrasound that our doctor graciously gave us to cure our curiosity...since the baby was modest at the first ultrasound.

Yes you read that right...It's a GIRL!

We are excited...for Lyric to have a baby sister, for Atticus to be a big brother and for us to welcome another beautiful little girl into our lives.

13 weeks left and she will in our loving arms!

1/4

2010-07-31T15:23:00.000-07:00

Because I spent my birthday weekend with my amazing dear friend Sam in NYC I didn't blog about my 25th birthday. And I fully intended to after our epic weekend but then I came home and spent the week loving on my husband and kids who I missed and just well, plain ol' forgot about it!

This year was my golden birthday...twenty five on the twenty fifth (of July). Because it was a slightly monumental birthday, what with turning a quarter of a century and everything I have been reflecting on my life, my goals, my age etc...

For a long time I have said that I fully intend to live to be 101 (at least!) so that means this year I have lived about 1/4 of my life. This is an exciting and sobering thought. Exciting because I have enjoyed my life thus far...with all of it's beautiful memories, painful struggles, monumental victories...the ebb and flow of certain seasons, the completion and dissipation of certain dreams... Sobering because I have been contemplating these questions "How do continue to live with this rich quality of life I currently enjoy? How do I motivate myself to improve and grow even as I reach milestones in life? How do I continue to stay true to myself in the midst of the seasons in life?"

I suppose to some degree I reflect on these things every year as I get older but perhaps I have done so a little longer this year. As I realized last year and reflected on here I have lived a lot of life in the last 25 years. I love all the bi-products of that...my husband, my beautiful soon-to-be 3 children, my dear, dear friends all over the world, etc...etc... And that's just it. I want to continue to live my life to fullest.

So this will remain my goal for the next 3/4's of my life...To make the most of my every experience. To love all those around me that I know and meet with reckless abandon. To share what I have and to give out of my need. To remain a student of life...both history and the present...both people and places...both thoughts and deep emotions. To strengthen my weaknesses and live through my strengths. To parent to the best of my ability and learn from my mistakes. To always take time to do things that are life giving to me. To be my husband's biggest support so he never doubts my respect, admiration or love. To be honest, true and open with myself and others. To create in my daily life, in my art, in my cooking, in my home and with pride. To live healthily. To love the unlovely. To drink in deeply the little moments. To be a Mary not a Martha. To create an atmosphere in my home of peace, warmth, wholeness and healing. To accept criticism and desire personal growth.

Of course I have specific goals... you know life goals like become fluent in other languages, visit all 7 continents and 50 states, sky dive, become a life coach, retire in China, write and publish a book, teach my children life skills, celebrate my Golden Wedding anniversary, etc...etc... Trust me this list is endless. Because like said earlier I plan to live my life to the fullest.

It's pretty exciting to look back at the start of my life and see few regrets and many unforgettable memories. It makes it so easy to look toward to the future.

1/4 of my life...and the rest is ahead of me!

L&A

2010-07-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been spending lots of time with my beautiful children. Lately my heart has been full.

My children are amazingly beautiful spirits and the more time I spend with them the more in love I am.

Lyric loves. So often I am astounded by her perception on life and depth at which she feels and understands emotions. The first time I met Lyric (when I woke up from my emergency c-section) she was staring quietly up at me with her deep soul-filled eyes. How could I have known that they would be one of the defining characteristics not only of who she is but of how she lives and loves. She is my thoughtful thinker. My assesser of new situations. She still can unnerve people with her thoughtful stare but I tell you what...this little three your old understands each and every situation in her life in a way that much deeper than surface level. Because of her speech and sensory issues I know that I am only tapping into even a small portion of understanding Lyric. I know most of what I do by how she shows me on a daily basis, by momma's intuition and from the few times she clearly articulates emtional thoughts. But I know that as she is able to communicate more clearly it is going to open up a whole new world to those who know her and for Lyric herself.

Lyric performs. She has never been the child to respond to 'Lyric do this' 'Lyric say this'. But when she has a captive audience and she decides she is ready...she LOVES to sing and do motions to songs. Some of her favorites are old songs I grew up singing plus classics like 'Old McDonald', 'the Itsy Bitsy Spider', 'I'm a Little Teapot', etc... I get impressed and proud when she sings because although she cannot clearly sing all the words she knows quite a few and remembers them time and time again. Plus she is SO adorable.

Lyric is my ordered/scheduled little girl. She knows and loves her routine often telling me it's naptime, etc. She doesn't often intentionally do things she knows are wrong. And is very quick to tell Atticus and Roxy (our dog) when THEY are in the wrong. In many ways it's a typical big sister thing I'm quite sure (having been one myself) but for her it also stems from her knowledge of what is right and wrong.

Atticus knows. He's 18 months going on 18 years. That little boy NEVER ceases to amaze me with his knowledge of how things and life work. He understands differently than Lyric. Lyric knows WHY, Atticus knows HOW. His see once, do always nature both astounds and scares me. Astounds: Like the time I watched him climb a full flight of stairs with confidence at 10 months...just from watching his sister do it a couple times. Scares: When I turned around to see him plugging a cord into the wall (cuz that's where cords go...right?)...at 13 months. I will never forget hearing Atticus scream when he was first born and Ian telling me 'he keeps shaking his fists like he's saying 'why? why?'. He screamed for an hour until I was able to nurse him. Those early moments taught me two enlightening things about my son. First he knows what he wants. Second he gets super mad super quick and over it in a second. Both of those things continue to be true.

Atticus is BOY. Rough and rugged, trains and cars, dinosaurs and balls...he is BOY. He loves to tackle, play hard and get dirty. He loves figuring out how things work, exploring and discovering . But did i mention he also loves to dance and cuddle mommy. He works against the common misconception that you're either a rough boy or a gentle boy. No I think he's just a boy. A boy who will make a great man like his daddy.

Atticus is mischief and joy. He's funny and he knows it. He also knows that 50% of the things he does he shouldn't do and does them anyway...until he gets caught and then he makes a break for it (ie. Runs as fast away as he can.). He tries to laugh his way out of trouble and he is always discovering a new way to make it. Because he's all or nothing unless he's mad (which isn't often) he's 100% joy and happiness the rest of the day. He brings smiles to so many faces...including mine.

I know all these things about my kids. I'm around them all the time. But the more I get to spend time with them, as they get older and grow up I enjoy each of these things more and more. I don't like that they're growing up so fast but I love the little people who they are becoming.

Lately I have been spending lots of time with my beautiful children. Lately my heart has been full

It's been a while...

2010-07-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

I thought with being off of Facebook for the summer I would have more time to blog and such. Turns out I don't really have more time...just lots more things I am thinking of to do! But I figured I would do a stream of consciousness post...

Therapy with Lyric has been going well. I am still trying to find my new normal with all the appointments and working the things she is learning into our home life. Lyric has Sensory Input Dysfunction, Overall Muscle Weakness and Severe Speech Delay. It's a lot to explain in a blog but the good news is although this is a long road ahead the therapy is going to help her SO much. It also helps me understand some of her behavior...things that I have been completely out of my understanding trying to deal with. Now I understand they are things that are somewhat out of her understanding/ability to cope with too.

We made a flying visit to Colorado for a family reunion in honor of my Grammie's 80th birthday. It was her first time meeting my kiddos so that was special. But it was a short stay for such a long drive and we all came back pretty tired.

I have been slowly working on DIY projects around the house and hope to do a post on that soon. It has been lots of work but some good fun.

I am 22 weeks pregnant and starting to finally look that way. We tried to find out what we were having (gender) a few weeks ago and the baby was uncooperative. My doctor is going to be nice and peek again for me in August when I go back for my follow up...normally she wouldn't unless it was medically necessary. We also changed our baby names around again so it means the baby is not OC anymore but baby AC. Minor detail :)

Funny kid stories:

Atticus. We were driving to Colorado. After miles of open road/fields in Kansas we arrived in busy Denver traffic. Not too long after I hear from the back seat "Hey. Hey! Cars! Go Away! Hey Go away!' from my son. I guess he missed the wide open plains view!

Lyric. In speech therapy this week she was kind of being uncooperative. They were reading a book (Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see?) The next page it says something like 'a red fox that's what i see". The therapist was having her say the animal before reading what it was. Lyric was doing it but super slowly and silly and basically dragging her feet. Then the therapist put the book down. Lyric picked it up and began to 'read': "brown bear, brown bear, wa you, see?' See a fox'. fox Fox wa you see? See a cat. etc.... The WHOLE book. Finishing with a sweet 'The end!' Guess she just wanted to do it on her terms.

Oh and I am realizing I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and celebrating my 5th anniversary in October. It somehow makes me think I'm growing up...but I'm really still so young...with lots of life lived in the last 5 years, pregnant with my 3rd child, etc... I love my crazy busy little life.

The first (official) day of summer

2010-06-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'm quitting facebook for the summer. I have much more on my to do list then I anticipate having time to accomplish this summer before the baby comes. I am trying to eliminate clutter in my activities and Facebook was clutter for me. I can't tell you (as embarrassing as I find this to admit) how many times I day I would just plop down to lift the lid on my laptop to simply escape into facebook. To mindlessly read status updates and search for who knows what. Please hear me...I do value facebook for networking. I have reconnected with many friends and stayed in touch with people all over the world that if it weren't for facebook would be a lot more difficult. But I realized that it was becoming a time filler for me instead of simply a genuine way of communicating with people. Before facebook I wrote emails and called people....So I knew/know I can still stay connected. And I fully intend to. But I am lacking in self control to just limit myself to how often I check it. It's kind of addicting to have all the latest on everyone you know. Sometimes it feels like gossip without the rumors. Or stalking people. Please don't take offense...I'm just telling you the why from my perspective. I just need a break. And I thought why not start on the first day of summer. So facebook I will see you again in the fall.

I'm still working on my goal list for the year... I'm really behind in my reading so I have been spending a lot of my free time (which admittedly is limited) reading. Usually I end up falling asleep way before I want to...but I am managing to keep adding books to the list. Yesterday I finished 209 Bones by Kathy Reichs. Her writing inspired the hit Fox tv series 'Bones'.

I have many DIY/To-Do projects around the house. I long for the day when we aren't renting anymore and can paint the walls...but in the mean time I have lots of decorating/sanding/refinishing to do. My biggest goal is to have the kids room decorated and furnished how i want it to be before the baby comes. For many people this might be a simple job...go buy the furniture and decorate. But I much prefer (and on our budget find it necessary) to find inexpensive furniture and re-finish it and also make my own decorations. At the moment I am brainstorming ideas on how to make a cute boy/girl shared room.

Eventhough it hasn't been 'officially' summer yet Oklahoma didn't get the memo and we have had summer temperatures here for weeks. So we have already started enjoying summertime activities such as popcicles on the porch, pool visits and many hours outdoors. Lyric's skin is darkening and Atticus' hair is lightening...so fun to see their enjoyment of summertime!

I also have a new task ahead of me this summer in finding the new normal of life with therapy for Lyric. We are still in the evaluation/diagnostic stages of trying to get help for her and figure out the best way to get her to be able to function to the best of her ability. It is a little overwhelming for me but I am working to stay positive and help her in any way I can.

I'm also enjoying discovering new summertime recipes, learning more about budgeting and saving, finding good deals that make my house a home, teaching my children through reading and playing, frequenting the library, feeling the movements of my 3rd born growing, learning how to run a business with my husband, and growing as a woman, wife, and mother. I love being able to balance my identity as Petra with all the tasks and projects and facits of my days. It's a challenge of course, but I enjoy the learning curve.

Summertime I love you. Linger long!

According to Plan

2010-06-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life doesn't go according to plan. Who's plan? Well mine of course! I like to have plans, to have a goal, to have something to be working towards. There are multiple facits to that...like enjoying a system, not liking sudden change(liking knowing what's coming next), being a perfectionist, etc...

So what happens when life takes a different turn? Heads for a course that I have not marked out as my preferred course of action. Throws me for a loop? Starts to change? Etc...

What happens when God so gently shows me that I've been planning inspite of him? Or that his plans aren't the same as my plans? Or that he has a better plan?

See my plans have been changing. God has been revealing his plans and showing me different perspectives to the life I thought I had all figured out. Things have been thrown into my path that were not expected...both good and difficult. So I have been trying to cope with these changes in plans. These curves in the road. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing well. Sometimes I feel like I'm sinking quickly. But I have come to realize that honestly I don't want to cope with change. I want to thrive in the midst of unforseen circumstances, bumps in the road, changes to my schedule. I don't want to be in any type of survival mode. I want to rise above and demand peace in my storms.

Here's what I've been thinking is key...being grounded. Having strong deep roots. A firm foundation. Being found in who God is and who I am. Resting in the things I am sure of. Hoping in the unseen. Knowing that his Eye is on the Sparrow. I have to be grounded. Anchored. Steadfast.

And I have to quit planning things. Not that I must fly by the seat of my pants. But that I ask for God's perspective instead of finding the way I want to go and walking in it. I can still have plans...plans for the day, to-do lists for the week, projects in waiting, ideas in the making. But I mean I need to hold the plans for my future, life, children, husband's desires, etc... so much more with an open hand instead of a tightly closed fist. It may feel comforting in the moment to find my security in those things, in those plans, in what I want...but in all honesty my heart is at rest most often when I am found in Him.

See I had our future all figured out. In my plans we would be in Chile right now. But God has/had other plans. And I can't wait to welcome him/her into the world in November!

My ideas didn't include my husband starting a business. But in supporting his dream I am seeing life and passion in his eyes I would NEVER want to replace with a different plan.

My plans for my children included Lyric's speech and coordination improving as she got older. I wasn't planning on the journey including help from speech, physical and occupational therapists. But I have such peace now that it is what she needs (her first appointment is tomorrow)

My life plans never included getting married at 20 and starting my family shortly thereafter. I planned on college. But God's plans...WAY better for me and for my life.

I wasn't planning on spending this length of time in Tulsa but the life and joy in my children's eyes when they see their Nana, Papa and Aunt and Uncles makes me constantly glad my plans have been changed for me.

So yes, life doesn't always go according to (MY) plan. But I'm ever so grateful that SOMEONE has the best plans in mind. And I'm learning to be grateful for the journey that takes me from my plans to his.

Summer is my favorite

2010-05-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

Summer has long been my favorite season.
Today as I photographed my children splashing in their make-shift pool

And chowing down on watermelon with them

Sharing my favorite season made a time of year that I love even more meaningful. There is something about the warmth and vibrant nature of summertime that lifts my spirits. Spring brings me out of the winter funk. But in summer I come ALIVE! I am not sure I can fully express how I feel in words but I'm trying my best. When you are a child in school summer time means a well deserved break, vacation and sleeping in. Perhaps the reason I love summer is that it constantly gives me an excuse to behave as a child again and to abandon myself to fun and memories. I love grilling and BBQ's. I love sitting on the porch on warm summer nights. There is something about summer foods like watermelon and popsicles that ignites that childlike excitement once again. Tanning by the pool, family vacations, summer movies and snowcones...lakeside moments, warm thunderstorms, beach towels and ultimate frisbee. I LOVE summer!

It makes me want to breath deeply and savor the moments. To make the most of every opportunity and live fully.

Summer warms my soul.

Just a Few...

2010-05-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

Of my favorite things!

Sometimes 'the dog bites and the bee stings' in life and in parenting...in those moments it always help to think of 'my favorite things'

#3- Baby OC

2010-05-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Part three of my mother's day blogs...A little bit on me and baby #3.

I decided today that I'm going to call baby #3 baby OC. Because O and C are the starting letters of the names we have picked out for this baby. Plus the added bonus that OC rhymes with 3 :)

I don't know a lot about Baby OC yet. I know that he/she is making me sick a lot more than I'd like. I know that I have felt his/her first little flutters of movement the past few days. I know that I get to see him/her for the first time on ultrasound on Tuesday. I know Daddy wants to have another son. I know that I just want to not be throwing up and having my energy back.

I know this baby is so very loved.

When I was pregnant with Lyric I thought most of the emotions that came with my pregnancy were due to the fact that it was my first pregnancy. I was excited, nervous, curious. I wanted to meet my baby the second I knew I was pregnant. I loved pouring over name books looking for the name I felt would be right for our baby. I was fascinated with every aspect of pregnancy and SO in love with the little one that was growing inside me.

Maybe it's silly but I thought most of those feelings wouldn't come with baby #2, #3, etc... but Baby OC is every bit as exciting. I am equally as enamored. I loved choosing his/her name. I can't wait to show him/her kicking to my kids. I love the baby so very much and can't wait to meet him/her.

There are some days I am terrified of adding another little life to our already lively household...but I know that we have so much love to give.

You see I know I'm not a perfect mom. I know there are days I fail miserably as seeking out the best interests of my children. I know that I could do certain things better, or more often or less. But I do my best and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my children know that they are loved. And that is to me the most important thing.

And so in closing on my 4th Mother's Day...

Lyric, Atticus and Baby OC. I love you. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the incredible world of motherhood. I have never been stretched so far and so hard. I have never doubted my abilities more. I have done things well and I have failed. But know that no matter what I do imperfectly...I love you completely. No matter what you will always be my son/daughter. I value you, want whats best for you and would give my life for you. You are my greatest joy and I love you so much. Thank you for being my children. I really truly love being your mom. I wouldn't trade this for anything else in the world.

Atticus Elah Courage

2010-05-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

In Honor of Mother's Day Part 2...My firstborn Son. Atticus Elah Courage

In some ways I can see parts of myself in him. He is very determined. He has an incredible memory. His blond hair and blue eyes remind me of my baby pictures. He is rarely as content as when his family is together in one place.

So much of my son reminds me of his Daddy. He has a lightening fast temper…but once he is mad he is over it almost as quickly. He is spontaneously affectionate. He rarely sits still. He is a risk taker and a boy’s boy. His passion, like his Daddy’s, will always be his great strength.

But mostly he is 100% Atticus. Courageous and carefree. Advanced and articulate. Ornery and Obstinate. Energetic and Humorous. He has a hard time settling, is constantly on the move and gets bored easily. He cares for others and thrives on togetherness. Although he is all boy he is openly affectionate. Once he decides he wants to do something good luck stopping him. He loves to run, play with balls, read books and growl like a dinosaur. He loves wrestling with Daddy, tackling his sister and snuggling with Mommy. He laughs easily and deeply.

Being Mommy to Atticus is often exhausting but also rewarding. He requires a lot of discipline and guidelines as he is a curious and energetic boy. He often prefers to see if I’m serious then to just trust that I know best. He is tough but has a tenderheart. He is very intelligent and amazes us all with how quickly he learns. He loves family. He adores his Big sister and they are inseparable friends. He likes to be with Mommy all the time and gets overjoyed when Daddy comes home from work. He loves to figure out how things work and can run faster than I can walk.

He is a joy. His laughter is contagious and his strength is enviable. The incredible balance he has between his determination and his carefree nature will take him far in life. Parenting him requires lots of energy and stick-to-it-ed-ness on my part but I love how deep my relationship with him already is. I want to to cultivate in him the ability to control his temper, love affectionately, and enjoy finishing what he starts. As a young boy, adolescent and man I want him to be able to be energetic and exuberant and yet know the time and place to be silent and rest. I want him to value his heart and the heart of women, starting with his mommy and sisters. He already has such a head start.

His full name means strong and courageous defender of the innocent. My deepest desire is that he will always lives up to his name.

Because his is my son. A joyous strength.

Lyric Avrilessa Honor

2010-05-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

In honor of the upcoming Mother's Day holiday I thought I would take a moment to blog about the wonderful people who made me a mommy in the first place. Starting with my beautiful daughter Lyric Avrilessa Honor:

In many ways I see myself in her. She does not handle disappointment well. She knows what you feel without needing words. She doesn't like change or when she is told something and it doesn't happen. She doesn't take risks unless she knows that there can be a successful outcome. The emotions behind her eyes resonate in my soul

In other ways she's like her Daddy. She is a friend to all and inviting to everyone she sees. She takes a while to warm up to new places, taking time to assess the situation and people in it. She can raise one eyebrow like Ian and their facial expressions often mirror each other. She has her daddy's charismatic warmth.

But in most ways she is 100% Lyric. She is careful and calculated. Fun and funny. Kind and warm. Peaceful and relaxed. Stubborn and emotional. She cannot be rushed, thrives on a schedule/routine, and enthusiastically greets strangers where ever we go. She loves with a full heart. She wants you to be happy and 'ok'. She loves to sing and dance, read books, play with Ca-cus and inhale the outdoors. She loves pink, purses and her polka dot flip flops. She is smiles often and genuinely.

Being her mommy is mostly easy. She does have her moments but she mostly trusts me and obeys. She is a doting, loving and (sometimes) bossy big sister who loves her little brother and baby on the way like they are her best friends. She adores her daddy although she prefers his cuddles to tickles. She is always mimicking the things I do and say. She loves to cook with me, wash dishes and help me clean up (especially if we sing the 'clean up' song). So very often I hear her saying things that I have said such as 'Ca-cus sit down', 'Oh Shoot', "It's ok", etc...

She is an endearing soul. As a 3 year old the person that she is so caring, loving, thoughtful and warm that I cannot wait to continue to get to know her as a child, adolescent and adult. The somewhat scary and daunting fact is that how I parent and love her through those times will dramatically shape the person that she is and will become. Keeping all those wonderful things in her and cultivating them to grow---it's incredible motivation to do my best as her parent. I so want people to always know Lyric as 'the words to a song of integrity and honor that comes like butterflies with the blossoms of spring' (which is the full meaning to her whole name). Because that is already who she is to me.

She is our Lyric. Our sweet sweet song. My first born. My daughter.

I'm back...it's about time right?

2010-05-03T19:18:00.001-07:00

I don't even want to think about the last time I sat down and blogged...because instead of remembering I would be flooded with the rememberances of all the reasons I haven't...I'm not making excuses...just stating the facts.

Fact: I am 12 1/2 weeks pregnant. I have been nasesous lots. I threw up between weeks 8-10 constantly 1-2 times a day in the afternoon only. I was fine for 2 weeks. Then Saturday the throwing up started again. I have been falling asleep early for weeks. By early I mean 8pm or 9pm. My belly is starting to pooch---but I not in a cute pregnant belly way (yet).

Fact: We have had house guests every other week since the middle of February. Did I mention we have a 2 bedroom apartment? It was amazing visiting with all our friends and family who love us so very dearly but it has proven to be a crazy few months.

Ok those are the only 2 facts that really effect my lack of blogging. With that out of the way...Here's a bit of everything.

Stream of Consciousness: I am not going to get out of moving this pregnancy. That's 3 for 3. We're going to rent a house for a bit so we have some more space for when the baby is born and for the kids to have a yard for the summer. I know it's best. But this is pack and move number ???? well more that 7 in the last 5 years. And 3 for 3 while being pregnant. Speaking of which we have changed our minds and are going to be finding out the gender of the baby before birth. The long and short of it all: we kinda want to know :) I'm thinking girl. Ian's thinking boy. I have had about 4 people mention twins in the last 2 days (though that is sooooo unlikely). I'm really proud of my husband...he is working so hard getting his graphic design company going and also working his day job 8-5 printing t-shirts. He's a hardworking man! Atticus is so much harder to discipline then Lyric has ever been. It exhausts me. He is smart but cannot be reasoned with. Lyric is such a joy to just BE with. She recently has been started to actually start singing along with me on familiar songs. Not all the words but the ones she gets are so very cute!

Not me Monday: Yesterday while letting the kids play in my parents yard I did NOT throw up over the fence into the vacant lot. This was NOT the best option since they were out of town and we had no key to the house. My loving husband did NOT do his best to photograph what he considered to be an 'amusing' event.

Random Kid Story: Lyric is so social! When we drive up to our church before we are even parked she excitedly screams...'My friends'! A few weeks ago when I went to pick her up from class at church one of the other little girls in the class walked up to me and said "whats that?", pointing to my nose ring. I said it's like an earring for your nose. She made a face at me and I was like 'well it did kind of hurt'. Then she goes. "well I don't like it.". I just shrugged and said "Well don't get one." One of the other moms said "Good advice". I just thought to myself...at least I don't get my self worth from a 3 year old haha!

Well that's all she wrote. It's a bit scattered and disjointed, but hey I gotta get back into the swing of writing blogs again somehow!

P.S. I just re-read my blog and deleted 3 uses of the word 'folks'. Apparently I am returning to my oklahoma roots in a hurry.

Prayers from a Princess

2010-04-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

My little girl is learning to pray. I have been praying with her at bedtime since she was an infant. She is often the one to remind us to pray and give thanks at meal time.

In the last 6-8 months or so I have been teaching her to pray. Simple prayers of a thankful heart. I would say a few words and she would repeat after me. Thank you for today, for the fun, etc... We would close by praying for the members of our family and friends.

But this week she has been trying it out on her own. And it is precious.

Now Lyric isn't the most advanced talker. Her vocabulary is increasing daily but her sentence structure is still limited. Don't get me wrong. She is very smart. But has always (since birth) done things in HER timing and in HER laid back, easy going way.

But her prayers are clear. And sweet. And beautiful.

I thought I would share her 3 most recent prayers with you.

Wednesday night: Jesus, thank you for Daddy, Mommy, Ca-cus (Atticus), Nana, Papa, and Phoebe Amen.

Thursday night: Jesus, thank you for Daddy and Ca-cus and the Baby and Daddy(yes she said him twice...who knows he might have needed extra prayer that night) and Mommy and Uncle Jonathan Auntie Sarah Amen.

Friday night: Jesus thank you for Nana. It was fun (we played at Nana's house all afternoon friday). Swing, Swing, Swing. Amen.

They are simple. But they are what/who she cares about. They are from the overflow of her heart.

She asks to pray. She wants to pray. My prayer: that these are the beginnings of a deep, rich, intimate relationship with her Jesus. That she knows even at her young age that she can share her heart with him. That he cares. That he listens and that he loves her...

That she is HIS princess.

Stream of Consciousness...

2010-04-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

It has been too long since I have blogged. But honestly who's keeping track? My week was busy but mostly the reason for my non-blogging was the fact that I have been super naseous. Morning sickness? Well more like Afternoon/Evening sickness. I really don't want to blog about all that kind of non-pleasantries but let's suffice it to say that I've thrown up enough now to slowly be convincing myself that I might indeed be having another girl. Who knows about that though. I am 8 weeks. I haven't been to the dr. yet. I'm waiting for some health care stuff to be sorted out first. This is the longest I've been pregnant without seeing a dr. It's kind of cool...I keep thinking maybe it will make the pregnancy seem like it goes by faster. As you can probably tell pregnacy is kind of taking up a lot of my world lately...but not all of it! This week I got to spend some quality time with a special dear friend Sam (Rostovich). She spent the week hanging out with us, blessing our lives and picking right up where we left off a year ago. The kids LOVED having her here and so did we! Her visit was forced to be somewhat low-key because of my afor-mentioned sick stomach but we treasured the moments none-the-less. Right before Sam came our Subaru, our trusty 'little engine that could'...you know the rusty bottomed 220,000 mile little red wagon started to breath it's final sighs of life. Because we're waiting til after the baby comes to move to South America we knew we were needing a car. But because we had originally planned to be heading south next month it wasn't something we had financially planned for. So we did something that we never thought in a million years we would ever do...took out a loan for a used car. It was a really hard for me (but I think i will need to write more on that later). but we are now in a safe vehicle that we hope to sell when we move for what we will still owe on it. I'm ever so grateful for key-less entry, air conditioning and an automatic transmission. Oh I almost forgot...my husband is going to become an American citizen this month! He passed his test and is sworn in on April 21st. This long process is about to be finalized and we couldn't be more thrilled. Tomorrow I need to make a snack for my Bible study on Tuesday...some kind of breakfast-y think. I have a lot going on this week so I hope that I feel better and have more energy...the sunshine sure helps warm my soul!

Who Knew?

2010-03-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

Who knew that the prep for my next DIY project would bring such abounding joy to my freshly bathed son. You can almost hear the squeals of pleasure in this photo that captured his raw emotion.