In hindsight I understand that all he was was just that: Exciting.

The one that broke my heart and who made me feel what true heartbreak is. He’s also the one that I kept making excuses for when I shouldn’t have.

I made him up to be this very exciting person, because he knew how to be charming and he had a very infectious smile. He travelled, he was funny and the conversations never ended.

We went on long walks which were accompanied by long talks.

Our time together didn’t last long, and all throughout I kept telling myself: “don’t get attached so you won’t get hurt.” And I kept repeating my little mantra to myself everyday.

Did it work? Of course not.

Mr. Almost Right but not Quite left as quickly as he had entered my life. “I’m not an easy person to be with.” Isn’t that an original excuse.

At least he had the decency to follow that sentence with “Can I call you tomorrow to explain?” and explain he did.

While I was on that call all I kept thinking was, “it’s ok, he’s not your boyfriend. You didn’t get attached so you can’t be hurt.” But hurt is an understatement. I ended that call with a feeling of shock and disbelief and a feeling of pain so strong I felt as if my heart was breaking inside of my chest and I couldn’t keep it together.

I spent the next few weeks in a state of shock and constantly shifting between feeling completely numb to crying out of nowhere. Not my best time I have to admit!

Mr. Almost Right but not Quite was the one that broke me in a way I never had been broken before.

After that all I felt was lost. As if I had no idea of who I was and I felt a complete stranger in my own body.

I was trying to fill the void by creating as many goals as possible in my mind and I was trying to convince myself I could achieve them all immediately. But now, looking back, I realize that I needed a break to grow.

I’m not the same person I was before. I have different goals and a different vision for my future. What I am trying to do now is find a balance between the person I used to be and the one I am becoming. My goals have changed, even my attachment to material things has decreased, but I can’t let this new version of me take over the best parts of the person I used to be.

My heart is still trying to heal itself and it will take a long time, but I am not as anxious and fidgety anymore. I am focusing on myself and working towards my own happiness.

Mr. Almost Right but not Quite is still there. I never did yell at him, send him an angry text or anything like that, because in the end I never felt angry. It’s funny, but I completely skipped the anger stage and jumped from shock to sadness almost immediately.

I wish him all the best and I hope he finds his happiness and he goes back to being that funny person I met that first December night in front of a pub waiting outside in the cold for me.

The post Mr. Almost Right but not Quite appeared first on What Erika Wears.

Here’s to 28

So many things have changed since last November and yet I feel like I haven’t moved at all. As soon as I made a step forward it felt as if someone was holding me and dragging me back three steps.

I’ve had ups and downs and while my life is completely different from what it was a year ago I still feel stuck. I won’t lie, at the beginning of 2020 I was having so many doubts, about my life, my career, my life choices. I was basically having a mid life crisis at 27!

When the first lockdown began and I lost my job, I saw it as a way to focus on myself and find out what I really wanted from my life and for my future. I thought: “ok, I can do this, focus on other interests and see where that takes you.” The situation wasn’t ideal, but I was trying to look for that silver lining.

During the Summer, I started focusing more and more on my passions and on seeing family and friends while social distancing. It felt as if I could get a bit of my normal life back if I focused on that and set a schedule for myself. Did it work? I think it did for the Summer months, but as soon as Fall hit I got into a new rut.

I started really thinking about all the things I used to do and that I couldn’t do anymore and that’s when I realised that maybe, just maybe, that first crisis I had back in March wasn’t real. Did I really want to change my whole life? The universe gave me a taste of what I could do if I walked away from my old life and looking at it now, I don’t particularly enjoy it.

I’ve discovered some new places, I’ve met new people and I’ve made some interesting experiences, but I do miss my life pre-2020 as much as anyone else.

We are so close to 2021 now and with it a whole new set of expectations and hopes are taking place in my mind. Will the next year bring some new positive surprises? All we can do is wait and hope for the best.

Here’s to 28!

The post Here’s To 28 appeared first on What Erika Wears.

It’s been a while! During these last couple of weeks I’ve been working on a new Youtube channel and let’s just say I got very into it! This one is a new channel that I started with my sister and it has nothing to do with fashion. Actually, you’d never guess what it is about! not in a million years!

It’s a gaming channel! and on Tuesdays we share videos that have nothing to do with gaming. So we take one day a week to do something completely different. So far it’s been more or less about food. And I decided to share with you the one we uploaded yesterday because we just had such a fun time making it that I thought I should share it on the blog as well!

I’m going to link it below and if you like it Subscribe to our channel! We have videos going up on the channel everyday! Thanks for your support!

The post The Spicy Sauce Challenge! appeared first on What Erika Wears.