Confessions of an OCD Mother

Realisation #5

2011-03-02T20:54:00.001+02:00

I truly believe that there is no one else in the world who could be as capable as I am in bringing up my child. I know what's best for her and only I know the intricacies and intimacies of her personality and being. Although I am happy leaving my little one with my mother or my childs father and even her teachers at school, they're not me. And this leaves me a little bit panicky. Will they know that she likes to do things in a certain way? Will they understand when she asks to wash her hands? Or doesn't like to have her hair tied up? Will they know that she just wants to cuddle before she falls asleep at night? Will they remember to take "baby" (her doll) with her when they go out and remember her "kie" (blankie) at nap times? Will they know to let her push the button on her play play remote to open the gate to the house when they leave?

Is anyone else as paranoid as me? Or is this just normal. The kind of mothers guilt that we all have to go through. That like in wanting to always have a perfectly tidy and clean house, we will get over with in time?

Achievement #3

2010-07-29T20:43:00.003+02:00

Tomorrow you're 19 months lil L. These have been the best times of my life. You've taught me so much and I feel like everything I've achieved thus far in my life was for you. Even before I met you I was working towards building a good life for you. It's been awesome so far and I know it's going to be even better as we go along.

Here's to us, to Dada and Granny and to our future... :)

29 July 2010

2010-07-29T20:40:00.002+02:00

Dear Lil L

The highlight of my day has to be that look on your face when you see me walking through the nursery school door to collect you in the afternoon. Nothing in the world could mean more to me than the look of excitement, happiness and most of all, love that beams from your little face.

I love you always. You are my light and my baby girl forever.

Mom.

Achievement #2

2010-06-29T21:08:00.003+02:00

We made it through 6 months of colic and once out the other side- I realised it wasn't that bad after all!

The pregnancy was easy and so was the birth, so it was a big surprise to have a "fussy" and "miserable" baby. Lil L cried and cried and cried and wouldn't sleep.

Those first few weeks were so hard. They're a bit of a blur now. Although I never doubted that we'd come out ok- I thought it would go on for ever at the time.

And here we are... none the worse for the experience. If anything it taught us all patience, understanding and a "never give up" attitude.

Life isn't perfect and it will throw curve balls every so often, but only because we're strong. Because we're fighters and because we'll be ok in the end. That's how fairy tales are meant to be.

"Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.".... Hans Christian Andersen

29 June 2010

2010-06-29T21:00:00.002+02:00

Dear Lil L

I'm so glad you're a girl. Although I had no preference for whether I wanted to have a boy or a girl, knowing that you are my little princess makes me so happy. I'm excited about pink, glitter, fluff, fairy wings, princess shoes, fairies and magic and all things sweet and good.

You're my angel Lil L, and I love you always.

Mom.

24 June 2010

2010-06-24T20:06:00.004+02:00

Dear Lil L

From the moment I first saw you on that scan at the doctors office- I fell in love and knew we were meant to be together. I love you. And I love having you in my life.

Love Mom.

Achievement #1

2010-06-11T20:46:00.000+02:00

I had a natural birth without any painkillers. With the support of my partner and doula we managed to get through the process quickly and easily.

Tip #1

2010-06-02T17:00:00.002+02:00

Take each day as it comes. Don't try to plan your or your child's entire life ahead of you. It is impossible and you will drive yourself insane trying! Rather, enjoy each day as it arrives and remember to stop and smell the flowers, point out a pretty bird or just say "I love you".

Fact#3

2010-05-20T21:07:00.003+02:00

When you're pregnant, everyone thinks they have shares in your belly that give them the obvious right to touch and feel you and talk to your unborn baby.

It was the strangest thing. Complete strangers would come up to me and want to tell me all about their birth experience or give me some sort of advice on how to be a good mother, or speculate about the sex of my child based on how I was carrying.

My advice: for fear of offending old ladies, smile and take it all with a pinch of salt. At the end of the day, when it's just you and your baby, it's your decision anyway!

Fact#2

2010-05-14T19:35:00.002+02:00

A mother knows what's best for her and her child. Trust your gut.

Pregnancy

2010-05-11T21:10:00.004+02:00

I loved being pregnant. I was fortunate enough to be free from the sufferings of morning sickness and nausea that usually accompany pregnancy. At my worst- I was more tired than I ever had been and towards the end (and I carried for 41 weeks) I experienced some mild back pain. So, I really do count my lucky stars for what I truly believe was an exceptional and awesome experience.

Pregnancy highlights:

1. Feeling the flutters of my baby moving around inside me for the first time

2. The first time my partner could feel the baby move

3. Watching feet kick out all over my belly

4. My first scan, and then finding out that my baby is a girl

4. Specific cravings for childhood favourites like peanut butter and jam sandwiches

5. Thick, healthy hair

6. Not being able to see past my belly

7. Sleeping on my side

8. Needing to pee urgently all the time

9. The irrational overprotective instinct that I would do anything to protect what was growing inside me

10. Big boobs (although by the time I stopped breastfeeding I was over these!)

11. Mothering advice from complete strangers

I'm pregnant!

2010-05-11T20:52:00.006+02:00

I knew that I would be a mother one day. I didn't know when. And I couldn't have guessed if I tried.

The day I found out I was pregnant, although it was a surprise, I was elated. From the moment I got confirmation of the positive result, I knew that (even if only to me) I was carrying the most important person in the entire world. Nothing in my life would be more important than being a mother and looking after my baby. And nothing still is.

The weeks following were filled with moments of sheer joy and excitement, coupled with moments of fear and apprehension. Would we be able to support our child? Would we be good parents? How could we prepare for this?

But, deep down inside, I knew that this was what I was born to do and that this was the perfect time for me to do it. I was going to be a mother, and I was going to love it!

Realisation #4

2010-05-11T20:35:00.006+02:00

There is no price on my love. It flows unconditionally.

Not for all the money on this earth will I give up my little girl. There is no price too high that I wouldn't pay to ensure that she is healthy, happy and safe.

Fact #1

2010-04-30T15:41:00.001+02:00

There is no such thing as a perfect mother. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. All our children ask of us is to be good enough.

"The "good-enough mother" is a mother whose conscious and unconscious physical and emotional attunement to her baby adapts to her baby appropriately at differing stages of infancy, thus allowing an optimal environment for the healthy establishment of a separate being, eventually capable of mature object-relations."

Realisation #3

2010-04-30T15:32:00.001+02:00

This is my life, my child and no one can tell me what to do or how to "be a good mother".

I am my child's only mother and I am the best mother for her. I love her unconditionally, as she loves me.

We have a bond that is unbreakable. Once connected in body, we will always be connected in spirit.

Realisation #2

2010-04-29T21:27:00.002+02:00

This is for life. For ever. I can't get out of this. I don't want to get out of this.

Realisation #1

2010-04-29T21:15:00.004+02:00

Now that I am a mother, I will do anything (and I mean anything) to protect and look after my child.

My child comes first in every aspect of my life. She is the first thought in my head after waking and she is the last thought in my head before I go to sleep.

My life now centres around this awesome and incredible little human being, and I have never been more motivated than I am now to succeed and be the best person I can be for my daughter.

This was my first realisation and most likely my most important.