I thumbed through it and was really excited about it. Then I had the worry…What if he doesn’t want to read it? I mean, I think this is something that he would want, and I think this is something he would need. But he has never asked me anything about autism. And if I approached him he responded with the annoyed tone of a teenager. My best strategies so far have been to set something up and just do it. Find videos, make him watch it. Find books, make him read them. Find games, make him play them. He does that with no issues. But have a conversation about this? Forget about it. How do you communicate about a communication disorder??

This book seems different than the books I’ve seen in the past. It is a survival guide geared for ages 8-13. It’s more like a textbook with real-life stories for examples, instead of social stories of how to act in certain situations – but it also includes solutions such as these. The first 7 chapters cover “What is ASD?” in a very kid-friendly presentation. A whole chapter is dedicated to Sensory issues. If I was THe Elder, I would think it was really cool, thus the reason I checked it out!

After School Convo:
M: Hey E, I wanna show you the book I got for you at the library today.
E: Hold on! (impatient tone – making me nervous) OK, I’m coming (happy bouncy tone – nervousness gone)
M: (Showing him the cover and just letting him read the title) I got this for us to read together.
E: (no response)
M: (Flipping through the pages so he can see all the pretty colors and pictures)  I think it will help answer a lot of the questions you might have about autism (assuming he had them, of course)
E: (no response)
M: (wondering if this was a bust and glad I got it from the library before purchasing) I thought maybe we could go through one chapter at a time.
E: (he gets up quietly and walks back down the hallway as he responds) Well, I have run out of books to read at night.
(Note to self: pick up more chapter books from the library)
M: (yelling after him down the hall) And if you like it and think you can use it for the rest of your life, we can get your very own copy!
E: Sure.

Yes!! My foot is in the door! Now I just need to get to Chapter 6 “Think About it, Talk About it” which clearly states “Ask Questions.” Because you know if it is a rule in the Survival Guide, then he must follow the rules! I think he will thank me for it…

More later as we begin the journey…

How do you communicate with your child about his/her diagnosis?

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In the latter process, the Pleasure or Joy truly is a reward because even though we know how yummy and tender a crock-pot meal will be when we set out to make it, we still beam with Excitement when we cut into the meat and it falls apart, we moan with Joy when that first bite just melts in our mouths. The Patience part can still be hard for some of us who are tempted by the aroma, but we know that it will be worth the wait once it’s ready (plus it’s still uncooked – gross).

Mood relief has definitely been a crock-pot process – much longer for me, so my hope is that I can shorten the process time for others. But it does take time. I was on the “culprit” medication for 3 years. I am giving myself 3 years to be off of it for me to expect to be back to “normal” (after that I just might lose my Patience!). I have about 8 months to go!! But I already feel more and more like my old self every day for the last 6 months! I speak in terms of detoxing off a prescription, but the fact to remember is that my moods began before meds (thus the “need” for meds). But with the research I’ve done and the experiences I’ve had, I’m confident that I’m on the right path to healing and have put The Brothers on the right path to health. I still learn something new everyday, but everything seems to be flowing in the same directions and I can’t wait to slow-cook these bad moods right out of my life!

So let me just tell you the answer first, and then backup and detail the solutions that might also work for you like they have worked for us.

Consider the following cycle:

(That’s an original Google Drawing right there, folks. Be impressed. I might copyright it, so don’t go stealing it without sharing my blog with 10 people. Or buying 10 copies of my future book that I promise to write one day.)

This is truly a cycle and it can be either positive or negative. And depending on circumstances can be a downward spiral. Bad Day –> Bad Choices –> Bad Food –> Bad Mood –> Impulsive Choices –> Impulsive Eating –> Impulsive Beliefs (Fear) –> Wimpy Feeling –> keep–> spiraling –> down –> ward –> until –> you –> burn –> out.

It’s hard to pinpoint where on this cycle we enter. The tricky part is that “Choices” can involve both mental AND physical. First you think it, then you do it. But “Choices” can also involve neither. For instance, you don’t have an opinion on a topic, therefore you might be complacent. And “Choices” can also just involve one of the two. Like, you don’t think before you act. Or, you think about it all the time, and never make a move. I believe it really depends on our Habits because our Habits are like our masters that we blindly obey. Mental Habits are automatic thoughts/associations (like I think YUM when I hear the word “chocolate”) while Physical Habits are automatic actions (like I put my keys on my desk when I come home (in theory)).

Instinctively, I want to jump from “Choices” directly to “Mood/Attitudes/Beliefs” (perhaps a bad Habit?). I tell myself, “I just need to get over it. God has given me so many blessings, why can’t I just buck up and appreciate them? From now on, I CHOOSE to be happy/joyful/thankful/fill-in-the-blank. And to celebrate my new great attitude, I think I’ll sit on the couch and eat some of this comfort food over here so it won’t be so painful.”  Sound familiar? (please say yes.) Wrong direction, Jen! Derailing! Back it up!

What doesn’t seem intuitive me, but I’m quickly learning to be true, is that if I direct my Good Choices in the direction of what I do for my Body, my Mind follows suit, naturally. And something about the natural flow of that soothes my Soul. Bottom line, we must take better care to nourish our bodies. Maybe even, I daresay, make it a higher priority than nourishing our minds. Because when we nourish our bodies, we give life to our minds. It’s hard to nourish a dead mind…in my opinion, at least.

The good news is that we can make a U turn at Choices whenever we want (and as often as we need to) and get going in the proper direction. Good Choices –> Good Food –> Good Mood –> Better Choices –> Healthier Body –> Healthier Mind –> Healthier Spirit –> Stronger Person!!

In upcoming posts, while I’m sharing some strategies that are working for us, I’d also like to debunk some myths about nourishment. I know from our experience, nourishment is not hard to find and it doesn’t break our budget – two common concerns I hear from others. I’d like to share how we find our food and how we afford it. What are some other myths or obstacles that hold you back from taking better care of your body? Please share your comments and feedback!

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But…

My moods suffered. Not constantly. But

lots

of

mood

swings.

I do believe that I have earned my moods swings. After all, parenting is tough. Parenting special needs kids is tougher. Plus an Aspergian (a very adorable and loyal and all around great guy, I might add) for The Hub and that’s the tune that gets my moods “just a swangin’!” And when I swing, I take The Hub and The Brothers with me. Unfortunately, a family that swings together does not swing together, if you catch my drift. I’m proud to say, not one of us uses medication on a regular basis. The Hub and I are both 100% med free. The Brothers are 99% med free (allergy season is a bear in our region).

I have been working on my diet for the last 18 months, beginning with a clean slate (literally, I fasted for a few days). It was then I took out red meat and soy and some other things. NOT because I didn’t like eating them. NOT because I had an adverse reaction to them. I only took them out because they are so hard to digest and digestion takes up energy and I wanted my body to use its energy to HEAL, not to digest. I knew it would be temporary when I started but, I got a hold of some resources that made me so glad that I stopped eating them (The Omnivore’s Dilemma, for one). Very good and important information that everyone ought to know, but now I know it’s only part of the story. And to stop there is very dangerous – to me and the victims of my mood.

In the next couple of blog posts, I’m going to share some of the remedies that are so far working for our family. I set out to fix my own ability to cope with my circumstances and discovered many overlaps for each member of our family. If you could use this information, please include comments/feedback for me to address in the sequels of this post.

Now for the rest of our story…

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Every summer, me and the boys do a little homeschooling in the mornings for 2 hours a few days a week. It keeps them structured, and it helps me work on skills they struggled with during the school year while reinforcing their other skills to reduce regression when the school year begins. This is particularly helpful because the transition is such a stressful time (for all of us) that their energy is freed up to only wig out about the socialization, instead of wigging out about that AND academic skills.

When we first started, these “academic” skills were more like OT – cutting/drawing on the line, gluing things together without a freak-out, yoga and calming-strategies, etc. But last summer, we actually worked on writing and reading and math, etc.

Sounds real fun doesn’t it? I like to think I made it fun since I’m pretty fun and all…

This past school year, their teachers had no suggestions on skills they needed to be working on. Not even social skills or anger management! #proudmama

So I thought I would make Summer Homeschool more “fun” this year (obviously only by my definition). We still write and read and do flashcards, but I added a Character Building unit. I got tools from various places and people, but have based it on the Fruit of the Spirit in Galations 5:22-23. The thing is that they have loved everything about the unit. The worksheets, the Bible study, the videos, the “crafts” (its just coloring and cutting – The Younger should teach the crafts portion. He has more artsy genes than all of us put together!), and especially the music! So I was really scratching my head on this one. We haven’t been as hard core on the writing and math this summer. As a matter of fact, I felt like I was too diligent last summer on academics and resolved to be a little more laid back this time around.

So what did I do differently last summer that was sooooo fun?

I found out that it wasn’t what we did during school hours that captivated them. It was what we did after we dismissed. We had a Cooking Class (that was code for “lunch”). They helped me make lunch and they would write down the recipes. Nothing fancy. Sandwiches, spaghetti, “good meat” and rice (will post that recipe another day). Some days, I would give them a “test” and they would have to make the rice all by themselves (rice + water + rice cooker).

I learned that it didn’t matter how much I drilled them last summer or how hard they worked to try to figure out that analog clock nonsense. What they remembered, and ultimately labeled the entire program, was the fun they had making a mess in the kitchen together. Therefore, this morning I announced that we would start school with Cooking Class today and they got to vote for what they wanted to learn to make.

The verdict…Breakfast Casserole…

This made me a little nervous because I “hide” good-for-you stuff in this recipe and secretly put onions in it even though they swear up and down they hate onions. But it worked out!  We had a nice brunch (with leftovers) and now we are off to the pool!

And so “fun” has been reinstated into the curriculum!  Maybe now I can pull out those flashcards without feeling like a math nazi.

how we made our Breakfast Casserole

Allow me to translate…

1. Fry 2-3 strips of turkey bacon and set aside.  (Since we use uncured turkey bacon, we have to add a little coconut oil to get it to brown and look like bacon and produce bacon grease.)

2, 3, 4. Finely chopped 1/2 an onion and saute in the bacon grease until translucent.

5. Add 2-3 cups hash brown potatoes and brown.

6. Cut the 3-4 bread slices to fit the bottom of a casserole dish. Ours is from Pamela’s gluten-free bread mix.
(The Elder added Step #7 in his notes: Eat Extra Bread).

8-12. In a bowl, beat 4-5 eggs with about 1/4 cup milk (we used unsweetened coconut milk), salt, garlic powder, and any dehydrated/powdered veggies you want to hide (today it was “spinach” – code for anything green).

13. Crumble bacon (we cut into strips with shears)

14. Layer the potato/onion mix on top of the bread.

15. Layer more veggies you want to hide.

16. Layer the crumbled bacon.

17. Pour the egg mix evenly over the entire dish.

18. Top with freshly ground pepper.

19. Bake in a preheated 375 degrees oven for 20 minutes.

20. Yeah, I was the only one washing dishes here…Oh but The Younger did wipe up spilled eggs off the kickstool!

21-22. Layer cheddar cheese on top and bake an additional 5 minutes. (we used Daiya Foods Cheddar Shreds)

23. Enjoy!

Me: Do you think you’ll know how to make this on your own now?

The Elder: Yeah, now that I have the list of ingredients and the steps.

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Standing about a foot away from him (and at the top of his lungs I might add), Y was calling his E’s name over and over (and over and over) to get his attention to show him his favorite part of the skit at VBS. When E continued to appear to give the Lego Minifigure more attention than to Y, Y sighed heavily, regrouped, and then persuasively (imagine him dangling a carrot chocolate chip cookie in E’s face) said,

“It has pictures…”

That did it! The Younger had The Elder’s undivided attention after that! Of course, there were no pictures, just a visual component to the communication.

All I know is that I get exhausted saying his name over and over again trying to get his attention (Thank goodness his name is only 2 syllables!). I know he’s listening even if he’s not looking, or even if he’s in a different room or level of the house. I understand that he actually can hear me better if he doesn’t make eye contact. And sometimes he will even respond by saying “I’m listening” before I get to the 10th iteration of his name. An improvement. But who likes sharing something with someone who has his attention split? No matter how skilled he is at processing multiple streams of data with no eye contact, my neurotypical brain has a hard time adjusting to that fact and still needs to see his eyes to feel like I was heard. Whether I’m sharing a heart-warming story or if I’m asking a question or if I’m announcing what day it is. It’s a validation. Some days I forego it. Other days I remind myself that I’m not the only one who needs a little validation – he will encounter many who will appreciate his eye contact. I’m actually impressed at the level of patience The Younger exhibited (a rarity) to come up with such a creative strategy (creativity comes very naturally to him).

That leads me to some points to ponder about The Elder’s perspective. So just saying you’re trying to “show him something” doesn’t work – maybe too general or vague?? Perhaps “It has pictures” with the corresponding persuasive come-and-get-it intonation (maybe… then again, maybe not. I bet monotone would get his attention faster) generates enough interest and curiosity for him to actually look to see. Any other thoughts? How do you handle lack of eye contact? Better yet, if you struggle with eye contact, what other insights can you offer?

Well, I’m totally stealing The Younger’s strategy. Thank you, Son!

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And here are my standard substitutes for common birthday party items:

• Cake or cupcakes: Chocolate Mug Cake (see recipe below – not the same recipe I use for MY crazy eating plan, thank goodness for the kids!) with Duncan Hines Creamy Homestyle Cream Cheese Frosting (very low milk content (in the natural flavorings) – we have never been affected by it. It’s not even listed on the can’s label, but click link for the official ingredients list.) There are other frostings without gluten and dairy, but this was the only canned cream-cheese flavored one that works for us.

  

  

  Click for ingredients list

  
  

• Ice Cream: So Delicious Chocolate (or Almond Breeze Chocolate, if cheaper and there are no nut allergies at the party). Both brands are dairy- and soy-free. I usually scoop some into a cup or thermos so I don’t have to bring the whole thing and risk melting it. Click link for coupon.

  

• Pizza Option 1: Make our own using Bob’s Red Mill Pizza Crust Mix (makes 2 thin and crispy crusts or one thick crust) or The Hub’s special recipe (so special that I’ll have to ask him the recipe and I’ll post it at a later date). We bought out our local Big Lots of their BRM pizza crust mix stock, so we are good to go for another 6 months or so! And we top the pizza with Daiya Cheese Shreds. This cheese substitute is both dairy- and soy-free! It melts nicely, stretches and even crisps when overcooked! We’ve used the mozzarella, cheddar, and pepper jack cheeses and all three are yummy!

  

• Pizza Option 2: Mellow Mushroom’s Gluten-free, Vegan Cheese Pizza (they use daiya cheese also for $2 extra). The Younger isn’t a fan of this crust and sauce, but The Elder will eat all things “Pizza.”

Everything else we’ve come across on a party menu has been OK for them to eat, such as fruit and plain potato chips, etc. They don’t really eat hot dogs or hamburgers, but if they did I would just request no bun or cheese.

What do you do to accommodate your special diet? What other birthday food items have I left out here?

_________________________________________________________________

how to make a Chocolate Mug Cake

2 1/2 Tbsp coconut oil
1 1/2 Tbsp maple syrup
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
1 Tbsp millet flour (or almond flour)
1/4 tsp baking powder (optional)
1 pinch of salt (optional)

In a large mug, melt coconut oil (nuke 10-15 seconds) and coat sides well. Add dry ingredients and mix well. Add wet ingredients, quickly beating together before the coconut oil solidifies. Nuke for 2:30 minutes. Turn mug upside down on a plate to release the cake. Let cool before frosting.

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This eating plan has also encouraged me to go organic in everything I can, so I splurged and got the organic avocados…actually I sent The Hub. I would have wavered by the 10 for $10 sign posted for the “regular” avocados for too long, and he just gets what’s on the list. Go Aspies!

Well Oh.My.Goodness it was the Best.Move.Ever.

• They were bigger. Which surprised me because organic apples are tiny compared to some of those monster apples at the store. But the larger size made me feel better about spending 3x as much – almost guilty even because organic ended up being all around the better deal.
• Believe it or not, they don’t get overripe as fast either. That was also contrary to my previous belief about organic.(Organic bananas last longer too if you cut them at the stem and not break them off at the bunch’s “hub.” fyi).
• They weren’t as bruised on the inside. Or even at all! Fortunately for me, bruises are just as yummy, but definitely an eye-sore.
• They taste so much better. Just more flavor. It wasn’t necessarily sweeter, but richer, creamier, and more avocado-ier.
• They have a much firmer consistency. “Regular” avocados I could only scoop the flesh out with a spoon. I never understood how to dice avocado because they were always so mushy – which was fine for guacamole.

I do believe that all avocados are Super Foods. But I have definitely been won over by organic. I keep them in a brown paper bag until they turn black and “give” in to a gentle squeeze. I like the outside to be black (no green skin allowed – I also do not like green bananas – so if you like green bananas, you might like green avocados) before I cut into them. Unfortunately, this gives them time to get overripe, bruised, and mushy. But this hasn’t been a problem with the organic variety.

Why does organic make a difference?

My belief – which is swayed by reading Michael Pollan and about Joel Salatin – is that organic produce is not hindered by chemical pesticides. Because they have to fend for themselves, they are bigger and better for us naturally. They don’t become “lazy” or “wimpy” foods, but they develop their own immune system (such as thicker skin to prevent bruising or keep pests out) to survive instead of relying on man to do it for them. So they become Superior Foods! (Organic meats on God-intended organic diets in God-intended environments follow this same concept. But that’s probably another blog post for a different time.) Furthermore, the nutrients they develop to fight off diseases are passed on to us – the consumer – and their nutrients help us to fight off diseases too. Thank you, organic super foods! You truly are Superior Foods in my book!

A friend told me to put them into the fridge to stop the ripening process, so that’s what I did and yes, it worked! The avocado pictured below was bag-ripened for about 2 days and then refrigerated for about a week.

Isn’t it beautiful?

I used a regular knife to halve it, but spoons don’t work so well to scoop out the flesh since it is more firm. I’ve heard of avocado knives before, but found a very functional substitute – the butter knife! It slices them thin and gently “scoops” them out without disturbing the rest of the fruit!

Here I layered the slices atop a quinoa cracker and topped with some fresh alfala sprouts – direct from the sprouter. I think the sprouts needed a little more sun – they weren’t too green.

The only thing that would have made this snack more perfect would have been some tomatoes…

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Please refer to my previous post for the Basic Millet Mug Cake recipe.

The Hub wanted in on the mug cake action and since he isn’t on the same diet yet, I made his a little indulgent.

Stage 3: Chocolate Mug Cake

Simply add 1 Tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa (or cacao) to the basic recipe. And follow the rest of the directions.

This is Stage 3 because of the caffeine in the cocoa. For The Hub, I did substitute 1 Tablespoon Grade B Maple Syrup instead of stevia. He seemed quite happy with the results. That would be “Stage 4″ though. Ahem. I know. There is no Stage 4.

Stage 2: Spice Mug Cake

I mixed the following spices in a tiny tupperware container to make sure I had the right ratio.

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground cloves

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/4 tsp ground ginger

Then I added 1/4 tsp of the mixture to the basic recipe. I think I could have added 1/2 tsp though.

Additional Mix-ins and Toppings:

I’ve had success with these thus far. Try one or more of the following:

• 1 tsp of finely shredded coconut, unsweetened
• chopped walnuts (or almonds or pecans) – I mixed these in and I think it made the cake a little lop-sided, BUT it did not affect the taste. I think I will chop them finer next time.
• 1/2 tsp of whole flaxseed – Be sure to chew these up to get the omega goodness out of them. I recommend sprinkling these on top either immediately before you cook it, or immediately after it is finished cooking.

Update: Spice Mug Cake Results

Before nuking it. I also added a little bit of coconut and some chopped walnuts.

Right after “baking.” We tried to get a picture of it rising above the mug inside the microwave, but failed.

Light, moist, and fluffy texture!

WARNING! Non-egg replacers result in a dense, tacky, oatmeal-like texture. Bleh! I do not recommend!

Future experiments may include pumpkin or zucchini. Any other suggestions?

Still trying to find a bread-like cake for sandwiches, but no such luck. I ended up going to the store and picking up a box of Quinoa crackers and a box of Buckwheat crackers. They are pretty big and wafer-like, so it was sort of like toast.

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And I remembered to take a picture of it before I ate it all! BONUS!

Q: What is a mug cake, you say?

A: It’s a single serving delight that’s ready in two and a half minutes, right out of your microwave!

I’ve been doing a little bit of experimenting in the kitchen to find a “candida-approved” recipe for a mug cake. That means no chocolate (big bummer), no sweeteners except for stevia, and no dairy, corn, soy, or white rice products. That’s quite a challenge! Since I can’t really have icing on my cake, I was really aiming to find something more of a bread or muffin that I could make a (mini) sandwich of some sort. In this process I’ve discovered some tasty treats and some not so tasty treats.

First, the issues revolved around the dry-to-wet ingredients ratio. I had one come right out of the microwave tasting just like french toast! Not bad if you asked me, but missed the target a bit. CAKE not FRITTATA.

That brought up the egg vs. flax/water substitute debate. Do you know this handy formula?

1 egg = 1 tablespoon flaxseeds + 3 tablespoons water

Only in consistency in baked goods (not in looks). I rrrrrrrrrr-ed it up in my trusty Magic Bullet and spooned it in. It did a pretty good job, BUT the dry-to-wet ratio had not yet been resolved so it was a little on the small side where the center had caved in.

Then it was balancing the sweet/bitter taste that comes with working with stevia. I think it’s something I’m just going to have to deal with. I did add a pinch of celtic sea salt in the recipe below to maybe balance it out and it did the trick. I also stirred all the dry ingredients together in a separate bowl first.

Now it was which flour(s) to use in combination or alone. I have tried these so far:

• coconut flour
• coconut/quinoa flour
• a coconut/quinoa/flax toasted blend that The Hub accidently created when attempting to make crackers, but was so yummy that I begged him not to throw it out. Has a nutty favor like peanut butter which is awesome because peanuts are not “candida-approved.” I have lovingly dubbed it “The Hub’s Nutty Mistake”
• millet flour (ding! ding! ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen!)

Amazon delivered this golden package today and I tore right into it. The Hub purchased it to experiment with pizza crust recipes and I thought why not in mug cake too? I sent him a text message asking him “What is a Millet?” A quick google search and I basically deduced that it is birdseed…..um. ok. BUT this recipe is NOT for the birds!

This is a very basic recipe. Feel free to top with whatever floats your boat! Here I simply topped it with The Hub’s Nutty Mistake. A Stage 3 variation could include a berry topping.  Mmmmm that sounds awesome! Along with a dollop of coconut whipped cream…yes, please!

Stage 2: Basic Millet Mug Cake

1 Tbsp coconut oil, melted

1/4 cup millet flour

1/2 tsp baking powder
(technically not approved, so measure a little less using baking soda instead, if you’re being hard-core. I’ve also left it out completely)

1/4 cup water

1 egg

1 packet of stevia*

1 pinch of celtic sea salt

Place coconut oil in a LARGE mug (or bowl as in picture). No dainty tea cups allowed. Melt it in the microwave in 10 second intervals, swirling it around to coat the sides well. In a separate bowl, mix all the dry ingredients well (this reduces stevia lumps – yuck!). Add dry ingredients to the mug, add water and egg and mix well with fork. You have to work fast here because the coolness of the egg will make the coconut oil want to solidify.  Place in the microwave for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. It WILL rise above the mug but it will not spill over. It’s cool to watch though – at a safe distance, that is.

*If you want to try this recipe and you’re NOT on the candida diet, simply substitute the stevia for a Tablespoon of raw honey, maple syrup, agave nectar, or sweetener of your choice.

Enjoy!

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