What NOT To Do

#451 Don't Sue Your Then 8 Year Old Nephew

2015-10-13T13:11:00.001-07:00

Suing her nephew who also lost his mom.

New York woman sues 12-year-old nephew over hug that broke her wrist for $127,000 because its made it difficult for her to hold on to her hors d'oevre plate at parties she attends.

Jennifer Connell, a human resources manager who has no experience with humans, apparently, is suing her nephew for his over-exuberant greeting at his 8th birthday. Her nephew has, by the way, in the intervening years (he's now 12) lost his mother, his aunt's sister, and the bitch aunt is suing the boy directly.

I get that her life has been negatively affected by an incident for which she feels 100% victimized. But she's suing her dead sister's young child and there's just no way to justify that.

Here's the thing about life, shit happens and that doesn't mean you get to sue everyone. It is appalling that the woman is suing her own nephew over an accident and worse that she's doing in the shadow of the death of this child's mother. Seriously, way to kick a kid when he's already so far down he may never recover. Way to fucking go, Jennifer Connell, you're a piece of shit and a terrible aunt.

Rule #451 is Don't Sue Your Then 8 Year Old Nephew

#450 Don't Shoot at Suspected Shoplifters, Citizen, Or Wait, What? Do Shoot and Don't Get Charged? WTF?

2015-10-07T09:51:00.005-07:00

Uhh, okay, this one is crazy. In Auburn Hills, Michigan, a woman with a concealed carry permit decided to help out Home Depot in the attempted apprehension (via shooting death, apparently) of two suspected shoplifters. And her manner of helping wasn't to run them down, oh no.

This guy's at least a "trained" peace officer...

Her style of helping was to pull her concealed carry firearm and pop off a few rounds at the fleeing suspects. No idea if she hit them or their vehicle but who cares, PEW PEW PEW, 'MURICA, FUCK YEAH!

Home Depot customer opens fire on shoplifters in Metro Detroit

The days for reasonable discussion over the totally out of control gun nuts in America are over. Its time for the adults who can look at the problem rationally to shut the NRA up and out of the talks. They represent the gun manufacturing lobby (enjoying its more record profits ever while their products are used to murder Americans at a higher rate than ever, whee, free markets at work, baby!).

Can we please stop talking about talking about gun control and actually do something? Yeah, don't look to any of the GOP clowns in the candidate race, they can't afford to upset the gun humpers. GOP Candidates' Positions On Guns Unchanged After Oregon Shooting

The fact that the woman in the shoplifting suspect shooting has not been charged is astonishing to me. At the very least she should be charged with negligent discharge of a firearm, she's not a sworn law officer, she has NO training to apprehend criminal suspects and could have very easily struck a bystander with her wild firing.

Unless this woman is charged, the precedent for vigilante gun crime justice has been set and we can expect more and more of these stories along with tragic collateral damage (like the 4 year old girl and 33 year old man killed locally last week during a gang shoot out).

Rule #450 is Don't Shoot at Suspected Shoplifters, Citizen, Or Wait, What? Do Shoot and Don't Get Charged? WTF?

#449 Loaded Guns are NOT Photo Props

2015-09-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

Houston teen kills himself while taking a selfie with a gun and that should be all you really need to know. But let's break it down anyway.

1. Treating a loaded and deadly weapon like a photo prop? Check.
2. Keep finger on trigger for authentic "gangsta gangsta" photo? Check.
3. Accidentally shoot self in throat and die? Check.

There is no 4. Profit. because 19 year old Deleon Alonso Smith is dead by his own selfie snapping dumbass hand. And, unlike in Halo and Call of Duty, there is no reset button in real life.

Some takeaways:
* Treat guns like the deadly weapons they are. Even a .22 pop gun can kill, though there is no mention of the caliber of the weapon in this story.
* Exercise trigger discipline and keep your finger off of it until you are ready to fire.
* Do not ever, ever, EVER point a gun, loaded or not, at anything you don't want a hole in, that includes oneself.

The only good part of this story is that he didn't accidentally kill his little brother or sister, only himself.

Rule #449 is Loaded Guns are NOT Photo Props

#448 People Who Care About You Don't Counsel You On How To Commit Suicide

2015-09-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

‘It’s now or never': Texts reveal teen’s efforts to pressure boyfriend into suicide, these texts pressured him for over a week before he was able to successfully kill himself. The girl, Michelle Carter, encouraged her boyfriend and tried to allay his fears through texts.

One gem from the article, “You’re finally going to be happy in heaven. No more pain,” she told him in one message. “It’s okay to be scared and it’s normal. I mean, you’re about to die.”

And reading the article, she comes across as a really unpleasant and manipulative and naggy girlfriend. And admits that she could have saved him as he was texting her while committing suicide and she did not thing.

Michelle Carter is a cold blooded user and she used this kid's feelings for her as a means to control him and eventually get him to kill himself for her so she could use it as a means to get more people to pay attention to her by exploiting the tragedy of her boyfriend's suicide.

This is the very worst that our fame at all costs society generates, people who see everything and everyone else as a means to their own advancement rather than, as Emmanuel Kant dictated, as an end unto themselves.

Caveat: There are definitely scenarios where loved ones can and possibly should counsel on end of life options but this was a 19 year old healthy male, he was not remotely close to end of life issues except by his poor choice of female companion.

Rule #448 is People Who Care About You Don't Counsel You On How To Commit Suicide

#447 Do Not Chase Children with a Baseball Bat Threatening to Hang Them

2015-07-10T10:55:00.002-07:00

Lisa Marie Elberson is an angry, violent racist bitch.

Cops: Woman arrested after chasing kids with baseball bat, screaming racial slurs

This is one of those rules that seems like it shouldn't need to be written out so explicitly but leave it to good ol' Florida Woman to prove me wrong.

Lisa Marie Elberson took umbrage (though I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what the word means) when a group of teenage boys got into a beef with her husband near their house. When they came by again, and said something, the "lovely" Mrs Elberson grabbed a bat and chased them while screaming racist epithets.

"One of the teens recorded the incident and showed it to authorities. At one point in the video, she stated to a teen "I hang your family from my tree" and used a racial slur, the incident report said."

Of course, there are comments on the story that excuse her vile behavior, there are always going to be assholes making apologies for other assholes. It is one way to figure out who the assholes are.

Elberson faces charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, child abuse and simple battery. She is being held in Lake County Jail on $5,000 bond.

Rule #447 is Not Chase Children with a Baseball Bat Threatening to Hang Them

#446 Don't Attempt To Goldplate Your Nuts or People Will Think You're Nuts

2015-06-24T11:42:00.001-07:00

L.A. Gang Member Gold Plate’s Own Genitals To Death because really, who could refuse a guy with gold-plated balls?

Guessing the multiple facial tattoos and that sweet COMPTON where his mustache might go are strong indicators of this guy's utter lack of intellect.

Rather tellingly, this is the third case in recent years of idiots offing themselves while trying to gold plate their nut sacks. The doctor on the story notes that gold plating's one's balls is a medical impossibility. But don't let that stop the morons, nope!

Rule #446 is Don't Attempt To Goldplate Your Nuts or People Will Think You're Nuts

Update: Apparently nobody is this stupid. Snopes says the story is false.

#445 No Humping Stuffed Animals in the Store!

2015-06-06T21:55:00.000-07:00

(Stuffed) Horsefucker Sean Johnson

Sean Johnson had a need, apparently, to get his rocks off at the local Walmart but humping a stuffed animal, a brown, tan and red stuffed horse he "selected" from the clearance bin.

He took his "date" to the comforter aisle, pulled out his junk and went to town. All on internal security cam, of course.

So yes, somewhere out there is video of this loser humping a stuffed animal in the store.

After Johnson “achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area,” he placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”

Floridian, 19, Arrested For Lewd Act With Stuffed Animal Inside Walmart Store

To allege that Mr. Johnson isn't the smartest kid running around with a boner would be an understatement. I hope and expect that he'll have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his inanimate object humping days.

Rule #445 is No Humping Stuffed Animals in the Store!

#444 Making Natural Human Reactions Against the Rules is Assholish At Best and Likely Racist

2015-06-03T10:47:00.003-07:00

If you happen to be planning to attend a high school graduation in the WTF backwater called Senatobia, Mississippi then you had BETTER not plan on cheering.

Because, if you do, you'll be kicked out and then they might even figure out some way to get the local police department to issue an arrest warrant for said cheering in flagrant disregard for the assholish rules against it.

Warrants issued for people who cheered at Senatobia graduation in which the aunt of a graduating senior was unable to contain herself and shouted her niece's name as she crossed the stage to get her diploma. She was kicked out of the graduation ceremony and then, a couple of weeks later, got papers threatening her with jail for "Disturbing the Peace" at a high school graduation ceremony by shouting one word.

This is really nothing but school administrators being assholes and I'm going out on a limb and saying there's a deeply racist element going on here too. No idea if SuperNintendo Foster is a white man but I'm going to assume he is or he's been in the system long enough to be "whited" into administrative dickbaggery like this.

This is the same mentality of forcing kids who cannot pay a $10 fee to attend the school's carnival to sit in a darkened auditorium and LISTEN to their classmates have fun. Don't believe that happened? You'd be sadly wrong.

Rule #444 is Making Natural Human Reactions Against the Rules is Assholish At Best and Likely Racist

#443 This Is What a Police State Looks Like or Ankle Shackles for Unexcused School Absences?

2015-05-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

If I told you that you could be arrested, handcuffed and ankle shackled, and then thrown in jail for your child's unexcused school absences, then you might question what country we're in or what planet we've landed on.

But this is in the USA (the supposed land of the free) in the southern idiot state of Georgia and this really happened. More than once.

The mother, Julie Scott Giles, was forced to turn herself into the police where she was arrested, handcuffed, locked into ankle shackles and jailed over school absences. SCHOOL ABSENCES. Note, this is not a juvenile delinquent kid, according to his mom he gets A's and B's.

Screven County Schools Superintendent William Bland believes it is SOOOO important for kids to be in school (and qualifying his district for federal support money, I'm SURE!) that he is working with the police to FORCE parents to get their kids to school or face jail time.

Yeah, I would be changing districts rapidly but then, I'd never settle down in the idiot south in the first place. From Texas east to Florida is part of the United States that no longer feels like any part of the country I grew up in and love.

I'll note a caveat or two. One, she says 3 unexcused absences but the school says a total of 12, six excused and six unexcused (she says her son forgot to turn in excuses for 3 of the absences). Regardless of the actual numbers, the reality is that there is no reason or rationale that makes it sensible to shackle a mother for her child's school absences.

Rule #443 is This Is What a Police State Looks Like or Ankle Shackles for Unexcused School Absences?

#442 Shooting At Someone For Not Doing Enough Chores Is Going To End Badly

2015-05-12T13:43:00.003-07:00

Let's lay the scene out. A man has been recently discharged from the hospital because of a hepatitis infection (no mention of the type). His wife is tired of having to carry the whole load and wants him to help out more. He tries but is still recovering from a serious illness. His wife gets tired of his "bullshit" and throws a glass vase at him, misses, makes a mess, a BBQ gets shoved over a few times and then she runs and gets her gun.

And, by that time she was too worked up to not take a shot.

"Police spoke to Roth and she admitted that she “blew up” at her husband, and that her anger was “too far gone to resist” using the gun. She said that she “wanted him to pay.”
Court documents said that Roth “doesn’t think she did anything wrong and she was well within her rights because of how (her husband) was reacting and she was so pissed off.”

Not just within her rights, Well Within Her Rights! That's right, she felt perfectly justified in using lethal force against her recovering husband because her anger was to such a degree that it was alright. Which is, of course, to say, crazy people should NOT be allowed to possess firearms and anyone stupid enough to justify attempted murder over lack of help with chores is clearly too stupid/reactionary to own a weapon.

So, what's happened since? Starlene Roth, the angry shooter wife, has been arrested and charged with attempted second degree murder and is being held on $250,000 bail. Here's a guess that maybe she now wishes she'd been a little more forgiving to her husband as he recovered from his illness, she's got years and years to think about that one.

Rule #442 is Shooting At Someone For Not Doing Enough Chores Is Going To End Badly

#441 Don't Escalate When You Are WRONG!

2015-03-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

Video: Driver cuts off cyclist then goes nuts

Hey, here's a thought, when you nearly run someone over with your limp ass minivan, don't make it worse by screaming at them for having the gall to nearly get run over by your stupid car.

Cyclists are people, they have every right to the roadway if and when they feel the need to for their own safety. Don't like it? TOUGH SHIT. Do you get a say about semi trucks on the road? Then why would you possibly have any say about cyclists?

And, when you're wrong, own it and don't escalate like the asshole driver in this video. Who, if he'd tried to kick my bike on me, would have gotten his face kicked in.

Yes, cyclists run stoplights and stop signs and that's not okay but let's keep the scope of harm in perspective here. This asshole in the minivan could have KILLED the cyclist without even knowing it, a bike will dent a car at the worst. We are facing death, they are facing a dent. If you think the two are even remotely equal then you are seriously in need of a reality check.

I'd love to know if the cops came and ticketed this asshole for this, not like he's hard to find with his license plate on full display.

Rule #441 is Don't Escalate When You Are WRONG!

#440 It is 2015, Isn't the EXECUTE ALL GAYS TO AVOID GOD'S WRATH Narrative More Than A Little Moronic By Now?

2015-03-09T15:29:00.001-07:00

Yes, kids, saying No Homo makes people think you're repressed.
Like calling for gay men to be killed makes people think you're probably gay
and deep in the closet.

California lawyer files papers for ‘Sodomite Suppression Act’ to save state from ‘God’s just wrath’

Wow, its almost like he is a Biblical lawyer and not a lawyer who went to school and passed the bar to work within the confines of the legal system.

Here's a thought, guessing that attorney Matthew McLaughlin is tired of the hot, sweaty man sex dreams he's been having most of his life. And he believes, erroneously, that killing all the gays will stop him from having those hot, sweaty man sex dreams.

Notwithstanding the patent fact that killing someone for your religious beliefs is deeply antithetical to the established and published tenets of the church, cherry picking your targets of hate and scorn is just plain un-Christian. I'm an atheist and I'm a better Christian than asshole attorney Matthew McLaughlin. I tolerate other people's beliefs, I accept other people's customs and I can see the value in cultural differences and cross-cultural interactions.

I'm also not kept up at night from non-stop hot, sweaty man sex dreams. Nor do I pick and choose whatever passages I want to believe in from my supposed Holy Bible. Because, using the Bible to rationalize your hatred and intolerance is kind of the opposite of what it was intended to do.

As Morgan Freeman is famously memed for saying, there's no such thing as homophobia, you're just an asshole.

Rule #440 is It is 2015, Isn't the EXECUTE ALL GAYS TO AVOID GOD'S WRATH Narrative More Than A Little Moronic By Now?

#439 How Does Chopping Off One's Nuts Get One Closer to God Again?

2015-03-09T15:05:00.001-07:00

They are giving him thumbs up because they don't have balls to chop off.

India: 400 men cut off their testicles to 'get closer to God' following advice from 'guru' Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh.

Okay, I've gotta mention his first name is Gurmeet, I'm pronouncing it, Grrrrr-meat, like he hates meat including testicles so why not tell his followers to get rid of theirs?

Got that out of the way and now we can get to the amazingly stupid command this religious leader said to his flock of foolish followers. Granted, he has something like 50 million followers and "only" 400 chopped off their balls like he said to and that's a terrible hit rate.

But he told people to cut off their balls and some of them actually did. Think about that. Think about the power this clearly insane person has over others. Why would anyone give their own free will away? Why would you allow anyone to make decisions about your body for you?

I am simply amazed at how dumb people. Did any of them ask just how, by what mechanism, cutting off one's balls gets one closer to God? Because I'm not really seeing it but that's because I don't believe in God and would laugh in the face of some asshole for saying "Hey, cut off your balls and God will be happy!".

Any religion worth mutilating over is no religion I have any interest in having any association with.

But let's get to the real story here, this guy made a religious movie that has him performing miracles and so people thought he was like a God or somesuch. Oddly enough, his star power has waned since he started telling his followers to chop off their nuts.

And at least one of this dumb followers has retained a lawyer to seek recompense for not being smart enough to not chop off his own testicles because someone told him to.

Rule #439 is How Does Chopping Off One's Nuts Get One Closer to God Again?

#438 If You Go Looking for Trouble, Trouble May Find You

2015-02-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Add caption

Mom shot dead in road rage attack hunted suspect with her armed son: cops

Now, I won't hold it against you if that headline leaves you wondering what the hell is going on. Let me break it down for you, Mom and daughter on a driving lesson in Las Vegas, get road raged at by someone, Mom and armed son go out looking for (the article says hunting) the road rager, they find someone, follow him for a while and then go home where the road rager shows up and shots are exchanged and Mom is dead.

Brilliant.

Dead mom's husband said she was a beautiful woman who hated bullies. Weird that she was behaving like one when she got shot in the head.

The thing with vigilante justice is that sometimes the "justice" goes wrong. In this instance, nobody innocent was harmed but a mom died for no reason.

Driving lessons are permanently over for Tammy Meyers.

Rule #438 is If You Go Looking for Trouble, Trouble May Find You

#437 Fourteen Year Old Girls Are NOT Bait

2015-02-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

Not even a teacher, a teacher's aide convinced a scared then 14 year old to put her ass on the line, literally, so the school could try to catch a rapist.

TONEY, Alabama (CNN) — She says she didn’t want to do it, but was convinced by a teacher’s aide to act as bait to catch an accused sexual predator.

What happened next was horrific: The then-14-year-old girl says she was sodomized by a fellow student in a school bathroom.

I get it, we all watch detective shows and know how to set up a sting to catch the perp in the act. Only these were teenagers and the adults were school officials and the bait was a 14 year old girl who ended up being sodomized on campus.

And the rapist got away with it because the "trap" was set up poorly. And a 14 year old girl was horrifically violated twice, by her rapist and by the school officials that greenlighted this idiotic plan.

The victim is now 19 and finally able to speak out. Here is hoping she is able to get some justice and some peace of mind, I can't even begin to imagine how awful the last half decade of her life has been.

CNN: Teen used in Sparkman Middle rape ‘bait’ case speaks out

Rule #437 is Fourteen Year Old Girls Are NOT Bait

#436 Freedom Pooping Is Not An Effective Debate Tactic

2015-02-10T11:53:00.001-08:00

Brave Open Carry Leader Sh*ts In His Front Yard For Freedom, Y’all

Jason Orsek, the vp of "Come and Take It Texas" is a very strong believer in personal freedoms, even the odder ones. Like being able to take a shit in his front yard while continuing to target shoot his rifle. That's freedom right there, man!

Because that is what our forefathers fought and died for, the right to crap outside and shoot your guns at the same time!

Among the things that Jason Orsek does NOT believe in though includes, apparently, paying his child support. Let's hope he believes in washing his hands since Jason Orsek has a job handling produce at Kroger.

Here's the thing though, freedom pooping doesn't help your cause. It makes people think maybe you shouldn't have guns at all if you think there's nothing wrong with crapping on your lawn with a rifle. Same thing when a bunch of you morons show up with your guns at a public place, you're not convincing anyone anything beyond that you're a bunch of armed goons making no point whatsoever.

Responsible gun owners do NOT have a burning need to brandish their weapons and scare people, that's what immature mental midgets need to do in order to try and overcome their feelings of inadequacy,

Rule #436 is Freedom Pooping Is Not An Effective Debate Tactic

#435 Call Negligence Negligence and Stop Calling Gun Negligence an Accident

2015-01-09T14:36:00.000-08:00

Unrelated image, at least her finger isn't on the trigger...

Off-Duty Cop Accidentally Shoots Roommate In Head While Showing Off New Gun

Let's rewrite that headline properly. Off-Duty Moronic Cop Negligently Shoots Roommate in Head While Showing Off New Gun.

The first thing I learned before I ever picked up a firearm was to never, ever, EVER point a firearm at anything you didn't want dead or to have a hole in it.

This stupid cop skipped that day of training and shot his roommate in the head with his new pistol. The housemate isn't dead so it was likely a grazing hit but that doesn't, in ANY WAY, ameliorate the ridiculously negligent discharge of the firearm.

Cops are supposed to be trained in safely handling deadly weapons and this guy nearly killed his buddy. Stories like this do not engender faith in the law enforcement community.

There is nothing accidental about pulling the trigger on a gun. No wait, there are potential circumstances where an accidental discharge can occur. This wasn't one of them. He was being negligent and nearly killed someone as a result.

No mention if he was put on leave pending the investigation but probably not.

Oh, and if someone wants to show you their new gun, MAKE THEM UNLOAD IT BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE. And then go ahead and still treat it like an angry and deadly snake just waiting to kill you when you let your guard down.

Treating a deadly weapon casually is how these avoidable and not-accidental shooting deaths continue to occur. The mom killed by her toddler at Walmart didn't secure her weapon properly and ended up dying by how own child's hand.

Do these morons just leave poisons and knives laying around too?

Rule #435 is
Call Negligence Negligence and Stop Calling Gun Negligence an Accident

#434 Drunken Booty Calls Are NEVER A Good Idea

2014-12-18T09:14:00.001-08:00

True Hatch needed some booty and nothing was gonna stop him!

We've all been there, drunk, lonely, wandering around your old girlfriend's neighborhood at 4:30 in the morning and decide to drop in for a little hoochie coochie.

Drunken man wanders into wrong home; Shot by homeowner

And then things go wrong when you (you being 24 year old True Hatch) decide that not her house is her house and proceed to start pounding on the glass patio door (remember, this is at 4:30 am). All the not-your-ex-girlfriends in the house wake up, assemble and try to tell the guy to stop. He does not, he proceeds to smash his way through the glass door and then the homeowner shoots him.

No booty and, probably, a fair bit of pain from a bullet. That is going to be one painful hangover.

Drunken booty calls are a bad idea under the best of circumstances but this one was well beyond the curve from stupid to straight up moronic.

Rule #434 is Drunken Booty Calls Are NEVER A Good Idea

#433 Accidents Are Unavoidable, Gun Deaths Aren't Accidents

2014-11-23T22:53:00.001-08:00

Police: Woman allegedly kills herself with gun bought to prepare for Ferguson unrest by "accident" because her boyfriend swerved and rear-ended another car after she started waving the gun around in the car (he was worried she was going to shoot him by "accident") and Becca Campbell, 26, inexplicably had her finger on the damned trigger and it was loaded while they were driving home from the gun shop. Yes, that's totally an accident except there are so many places it was just dumb negligence and being irresponsible with a deadly weapon.

Basic IQ tests really aren't too damned much to ask when someone is going to go walking around with something capable of killing instantly. No, this woman did not die instantly, she got to get taken to the hospital and die there. Don't call this a damned accident.

Or maybe it isn't even about being stupid, maybe it's about being too cavalier with a deadly weapon. Did this woman routinely juggle knives?

How can you not take a gun seriously? And I know she didn't take it seriously because she had her idiot finger on the trigger of her new gun when she killed her idiot self with it. Guns DO NOT FIRE unless the trigger is pulled no matter what you have seen in movies. Her own idiot self is the reason she's dead now. A gun is a deadly implement, that's why she bought it, to protect herself from the pending mad riots in Ferguson after Office ~~Shitbag~~, I mean, Darren Wilson gets acquitted for murdering an unarmed black kid.

Which was also not an accident, that was a cop murder followed up by a cop cover up and then cop over-militarized response. Darren Wilson should be found guilty of murder or manslaughter and be sent to prison, anything less and Ferguson is going to get real, real ugly. Just ask the already deployed National Guard and whatever number of FBI agents in town. None of the deaths are going to be accidents there either.

Rule #433 is Accidents Are Unavoidable, Gun Deaths Aren't Accidents

#432 Hold Cops To a Higher Standard, Not No Standard At All

2014-11-06T14:59:00.003-08:00

Broken arm from not complying with illegal orders from a cop.

Picture this, your daughter has been getting bullied at school so you get involved, talk with the school and the police are called. And when the cop comes to talk to your daughter, he ends up breaking her arm while trying to take her phone illegally to search, again, illegally, for evidence that wouldn't be admissible in court because it was obtained illegally.

Greenacres Cop Jared Nash Accused of Breaking 14-Year-Old Girl's Arm During Arrest

Note, this cop had NO right to stop her and demand her phone, he had no legal right and was acting outside of the law. He committed a violent assault on a child that resulted in her arm being broken in multiple places.

The "internal investigation is on-going" which is a nice way of shutting down any and all inquiries. What will happen to this cop? Not a damned thing and that is part of the problem with the police in America now.

They are able to commit crimes with near total impunity and can even get their other police "brothers" to cover their crimes up for them.

The police absolutely MUST be held to a higher standard of behavior, they have lethal authority (that is, they are authorized by the state to use lethal force). Until cops are held accountable for the crimes they commit while in uniform there can be no peace in the nation and the police will continue to be seen as the enemy and not to be trusted which is weird since they are paid by taxpayers (that's you and me).

Rule #432 is Hold Cops To a Higher Standard, Not No Standard At All

#431 Your Back Pocket is a Dumb Place for Your Phone

2014-11-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

Tennessee man arrested for drugs after butt dialing 911 while on his way to go buy some pot. Let's set aside the stupidity of marijuana being illegal in the first place while tobacco and alcohol are not (because that's just stupid). I simply cannot understand the mentality that enables someone to take their smartphone (a glass enclosed brick of expensive and reasonably delicate electronics) and shoves it in their back pocket. And then further goes and sits on said phone.

The fact that his ass dialed 911 and got him arrested is a good thing since Grant O'Connor ain't the smartest knife in the drawer.

But I tend to think anyone carrying their expensive smartphone in their back pocket is a bit of a moron.

Rule #431 is Your Back Pocket is a Dumb Place for Your Phone

#430 Do the Opposite of What the Racist Cops in Ferguson, MO are Doing

2014-10-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

Prepped for a long occupation of their home town. WUT?

Unless you've been slumbering under a rock far away from the news, you are more than aware of the continuing cycle of violence in Ferguson, MO after the shooting death of an unarmed, non-resisting teenage boy named Michael Brown.

At virtually every turn since the racially charged (and, ostensibly totally unnecessary) killing of Brown, the Ferguson PD as reacted almost as poorly as possible. It appears they really just wanted an excuse to pretend to be a military occupying force in their own town.

Look at the images from Ferguson, those aren't National Guardsmen, those are LOCAL cops in full riot gear with flak jackets and enough ammo to take on a small nation. These idiots are supposed to be protecting and serving the same people they are accused of wantonly arresting or shooting.

Non-violent protests turn violent when you have cops showing up in full riot gear shooting tear gas into crowds. Violence begets violence and injustice (the shooting of a teenager without anything even CLOSE to resembling probable cause or fear for the officer's life).

The officer who shot Michael Brown six times and killed him? His name is Darren Wilson, he's a cop with a history of violence and complaints against him. Actually, it appears that more cops in Ferguson are of Wilson's ilk than not.

And there are plenty of "good", god-fearing folks who have rallied to Darren Wilson's "cause" (calling the shooting of unarmed teenagers a cause is a pretty ridiculous stretch) including St. Louis Cardinals' fans selling shirts and engaging in deeply offensive race baiting of protesters. Here's a free tip, if you're on the side of the white cop with a history of violence against an unarmed teenager then you're wrong. Plain and damned simple.

And nothing the Ferguson PD has done since has done anything to change the perception that they are a legally empowered white power gang (source) that can murder with near impunity.

Tear down the institutions with codified racism, start over with a clean slate, hire and train police officers from the localities they will be expected to police, take away all the freakin' military gear and force the police to engage with the populace on a more transparent and communicative level. Oh yes, please stop the civil forfeiture BS too, seriously, you assholes are supposed to protect and serve US, not your own fucking bank accounts.

Rule #430 is Do the Opposite of What the Racist Cops in Ferguson, MO are Doing

#429 How Odd, A Child Molester Does Not Like Being the "Child" in a Molestation

2014-08-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

Child molester sues over jailhouse rapes because, amazingly enough, he doesn't like someone else forcing their sexual parts into his orifices. How very odd and, I'll go out on a limb here, the irony is lost on him.

The plaintiff in the case is serving ten years for molesting and raping a child.

If you can't see my fingers right now, they are playing the world's smallest violin. I have zero sympathy for rapists getting some karmic payback. I don't have any belief that they can be rehabilitated, I just rather like them getting a taste of their own medicine.

All of that said, I find it rather interesting that the victim is unnamed and his molester is named, John Markwell, a known felon with a long history of violent sexual offenses, must have been a coincidence that the child rapist got put in with him, I'm sure.

I do know, if I were a judge on the case, it would take me all of five seconds to throw the case out.

Rule #429 is How Odd, A Child Molester Does Not Like Being the "Child" in a Molestation

#428 Death by Selfie Ruled An Idioticide

2014-08-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

Dumbass kills himself while posing with his buddy's gun for a selfie.

Note, his hand is not the gun that killed him.

Oscar Otero Aquilar "accidentally" discharged a gun he was holding into his head while trying to take an "I'm a tough guy" selfie with which to woo the ladies.

Here's the thing these Darwin Inductees never get before its too late. A gun is a tool, it is nearly inert and can be used as a hammer if you keep your finger off the trigger. I don't recommened it but you can.

The ONLY way 99.999% of guns will fire is by pulling the trigger.
The ONLY way this moron dies is by his own stupidity (and his buddy who handed him a loaded, with a round in the chamber and safety off .45 to pose with).
The ONLY way this idiot dies is by pointing the gun at himself and pulling the trigger. This is an idioticide.

You treat a gun like a toy and it'll come back and demonstrate why it is not. Oscar didn't learn anything, maybe his friends did? Hard to say since one is going to prison and the other ran and hid and is still hiding.

Treat a gun like what it is, a dealer in high velocity death. Handle a gun properly and they are as safe as a hammer. Mishandle them and die or get maimed or maim a friend. How do people still not get this?

Rule #428 is Death by Selfie Ruled an Idioticide

#427 OMG, WTF Lions at the Zoo are NOT for Petting

2014-08-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

Rules (and common sense) do NOT apply to RenAe Ferguson

Michigan woman blames zoo losing finger tried pet caged lion

Hi, Renae (kudos on the annoying spelling!), the very fact that you are attempting to lay blame for your own unbelievably idiotic actions tells me all I need to know. You're a moron. A vain, culpability dodging moron.

She was told, repeatedly, to stay away from the lion cage. She ignored the warnings because she wanted to pet the lion. The lion, oddly enough, didn't give a shit what this dumb woman wanted and bit her when she stuck her idiot finger into his cage.

And now, of course, Renae is suing the zoo because it couldn't possibly be her fault she shoved her idiot finger into the face of a fucking LION (put another way, she was trying pet the King of the Jungle like he was a housecat)! She's lucky the lion didn't bite down, pull back and take her whole idiot hand.

But she probably tastes like idiot so the lion just had a nibble.

And of course, it is people like this that ruin close up experiences for everyone because they are unable to contain their idiotness from bubbling over, getting hurt and then suing to keep other, similar idiots from hurting themselves in the same way.

I'd actually be all for putting a door in and letting morons walk right in to "pet the kitties".

Rule #427 is OMG, WTF Lions at the Zoo are NOT for Petting