What to Expect in the Early Years of Marriage

Learning to Live Together Q&A

2012-10-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

For the next couple entries I will be doing a question and answer series. This will give everyone an opportunity to see what other people think about the early stages of marriage and what their advise would be.

We will kick this off with a Q&A from Christine who has been married for 38 years. Christine and her husband met when she was 27 and he was 31. They met when her boyfriend at the time was in the same band as him. She would help with the words of the songs. They had both been married previously and started their marriage off with 9 kids at home.

What were your previous perceptions on marriage?
"Storybook marriage, everything always perfect and happy ever after."

In the first couple months of being married what did you think was the hardest?
"Learning to live with someone."

How did you fixed the problem?
"Really it was a matter of getting used to someone else being there, giving that person space and courtesy of privacy. Also learning to share space and your time. Being fair at going where they want to go and not always expecting them to do what you want. Sharing the chores and both picking up after yourself. "

What advice would you have given to yourself knowing what you now know?
"Give each other space and common courtesy. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be considerate to each other. Always be kind, even if you are angry. Always make up before you go to bed or leave the house. Never fight in front of the children, be affectionate. Marriage is give and take, it can’t be one sided, it has to be give and take for both parties. Have fun, joke, play, laugh at your mistakes. You married your best friend, keep it that way. Treat each other as your best friend, and how you want to be treated. Don’t keep secrets, share your feelings. Be true to yourself and each other."

The Honeymoon Stage

2012-04-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

One of the first things that people experience when they first get married is the "Honeymoon Stage." This is the time typically right after you get married. It normally starts after the wedding and into the honeymoon and then will go for a couple weeks after. This is the time were you and your spouse will be having fun with one another and basically not having a care in the world.

That time in your marriage is fun; however, you need to know that it will eventually end and reality will set in. You are living with a person whom you may or may not have lived with before. You are readjusting to married life and so on. Life can get hard after all the good times you and your spouse had is over and your suddenly fighting about every little thing.

The main thing you need to know is that this is coming. It could be a very mild change or it could be drastic. That is up to you and your spouse. You need to sit down and talk about your expectations. Understand that you know that roads are going to be rough. Don't get in the mind set that marriage is a fluffy bunny trail. It is hard work. So get ready and get set because there will be struggles. The more you understand this the better off you are after the honeymoon stage wears off. The good news is that you can keep your "honeymoon stage" alive as long as you work together and love one another.

If you like what you reading like me on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/srbrockauthor

Adjusting to Living Together

2012-01-19T17:09:00.000-08:00

One thing that I know from personal experience it that if you haven't lived with your new spouse it could take some time getting to used to it. When my husband and I first got married I was used to just throwing my stuff anywhere it landed. He on the other hand was very tidy and liked things clean. There were several times when I would have a huge pile of clothes on the floor and not think anything of it. Then he would see it and it would automatically push a button.

When you get married there are things that will pop up in each other. The trick is to talk about these things and realize that both are going to have to take steps to change those little annoying habits or become become more tolerate. Most of the time both people need to make an effort so that these things do not come between them.

1. Realize that even though your spouse annoys you with some things, you probably annoy them with things as well.
2. Remember you are not the only one in the relationship. It takes two.
3. The key is communication! You need to talk about things. Everything. You are sharing your life with this person. Both of you need to be a part of decisions.

Remember that while it can be hard to share you space with someone this is what you signed on for. You love this person and want to be with them so you need to be willing to adjust things yourself.

http://www.squawkboxsound.com/uploads/Adjusting_To_Living_Together.pdf

If you like what you reading like me on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/srbrockauthor

Infidelity

2011-12-10T22:32:00.000-08:00

     In the first couple years of being together Maria and Jose were together but they saw other people off and on. Not long after they talked about how they should stop doing that and see each other exclusively. Maria stopped seeing other people and she thought that Jose had as well. However, she was wrong. She found out that he had cheated on her. To this day she knows that he has cheated on her at least 5 times.
     Maria and Jose are still together. For a long time Maria held in how she felt about Jose's infidelity. Finally she decided to talk to him about it. She told him how she felt and she said that if he did not stop that she was going to leave him. Slowly she started to see a change in Jose. He started to call her and tell her what he was doing. Also he started to help around the house. Maria is still having a hard time forgiving Jose for what he had done but she said that she is trying.
     Trust is a hard thing to gain back when it has been lost. It takes a lot of work by both parties to heal wounds that were caused by someone in the relationship. Many people have experienced infidelity in a marriage. Some leave the person and some stay and try to work things out.

Dr. Phil says this about getting through infidelity, "If your partner wants back in he/she will have to earn his/her way back into the relationship.Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you."

     If you feel like you can try to forgive your spouse you need to commit to staying with them. Do not always bring it up to them. Remember that forgiveness will take time, it is a process.
     If you don't feel like you can forgive them make sure that you take into consideration every aspect of the relationship. Do you have children? Divorce effect children a great deal. Have you tried everything? Just look at all of your options.
     In the end the decision is yours to make. It has to be right for you. Follow your heart and know that you are not alone.

Helpful links

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/16

http://emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_affects_children.php

http://www.dating-relationship-advice-for-women.com/infidelity.html

In the story that was shared the names where changed for confidentiality purposes.

Do you have a story that you would like to share with me about problems you think one should expect in the first couple years of marriage? Email it to me at srbrock@live.com

If you like what you reading like me on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/srbrockauthor

What to Expect in the First Years

2011-12-09T02:38:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have discussed for a long time that we should write a book that is like the "What to Expect When Your Expecting" books but for marriage. We married at a young age and would have really benefited from knowing things that we should expect. So that is why I started this blog.

We will be talking about different things that one should expect in the first years of marriage. We will interview other married couples and ask them about their personal experiences. We hope that through this blog people will learn what to expect, how to handle different situations, and prepare themselves before taking the leap. We will post a blog about every two weeks with new tips and different perspectives.

If you like what you reading like me on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/srbrockauthor