what we see when

Ship Canal to Shoreline: 7 properties under $300K

2014-12-18T09:30:00.001-08:00

Ship Canal to Shoreline: 7 properties under $300K

bear days

2014-09-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

In celebration of fall and rain and a return to the gray skies the Pacific Northwest is known for, here are some pretty polar bear things.

polar bear necklace from justplainsimple (etsy)

print from nativevermont (etsy)

throw pillow by yulia (society6)

my autobiography. snl lip-syncing hoedown snafu not included.

2014-09-24T21:51:00.001-07:00

Reading through old writing is sort of terrifying. On one hand I'm worried about being embarrassed by everything I wrote before I turned a certain age and immediately became old and wise, and on the other hand I wonder if my writing career may have actually peaked in my early 20s and now I'll never write anything as poignant and simple, but also complex, because I've become old and jaded.

Anyway.

I found this last night and it still holds up pretty well. I think I wrote it for Amy Phan's Metafiction class in 2008.

How to write my autobiography (vs. 2.7)

by Josie Petersen

Materials needed:

- Pen

- Composition Book

- I-Pod, charged, accompanied by headphones

- Comfortable location (ie. bedroom, back porch, a grassy field)

-Scotch tape

-Extra paper, loose-leaf (or sheets torn from the composition book, but that is frowned upon, as the rough edge creates an asymmetrical aspect to the paper and must be remedied by tearing the remaining three edges to make them all rough).

Step 1: Preparation

This is where: pen and composition book are placed in front of the author, ready for immediate utilization. Headphone buds are inserted into the ears and a musical selection is made as appropriately describes the tone the author wishes to set (for example, if the section/chapter/blip/blurb/segment/piece/work were to lean towards introspection, the music would probably slow down a little (Pedro the Lion, Espers, Her Space Holiday) as opposed to a section/chapter/blip/blurb/segment/piece/work that evoked anger a more intense emotion (the Damned, the Clash, Jawbreaker).

Step 2: Procrastination

This is where: there seem to be many other important things to do besides write about oneself. In fact, these things probably aren’t important at all, it probably isn’t necessary to windex the windows right now, and the oven would still function if it weren’t cleaned in the next few minutes. Also, the state of the author’s email inbox probably hasn’t changed since she checked it a few seconds ago, and there is no reason to have organized all the books on the bookshelf in alphabetical order, according to the second letter in the author’s first name. Really. The reason for the procrastination is usually related to the daunting prospect of the project at hand, and one way to relieve this tension is step 3: Mapping.

Step 3: Mapping

This is where the author decides to overcome procrastination by writing down names, phrases, locations, events, flavors, tastes, colors, songs, etc. that inspire specific memories, with tag lines for each one. It looks something like this:

[ imagine scribbles here ]

Pretty soon this tiny map is covered in tiny notes filled with tiny details, and this is where the Scotch tape and extra paper come in handy. Once the first page has been filled, tape other pages to the edge of the first and continue the process. The map will become huge, daunting and exciting. It will take up an entire wall and spark memories that have lain dormant for years. However, the extent of this map and the detail included will have barely touched the surface of everything the author suddenly wants to say, and more questions will arise with every new word that is recorded. Here are some examples of these questions:

“What events should I include, and which ones should I throw out?”

“Which ones are interesting to a general audience, and which ones are only interesting to me?”

“What if nothing is interesting, except to me?”

“Oh shit. What if nobody wants to read this at all?”

“Maybe I should just write something else?”

“Well, maybe I should just take a break and get some lunch, come back to this later?”

When the questions become this difficult, it’s best to move on to step 4: Writing.

Step 4: Writing

This is where: the author picks up her tools, shakes her fist at procrastination, chucks away the map and begins to scribble furiously in the composition book. This step continues for an indefinite period of time until hand cramps prevent the formation of any more words, or some other event puts a constraint on time. At this point, the composition book is left lying open in whatever position it was left in until the author is able to return and begin the process again, starting from step 1.

Swipe Me.

2014-02-05T19:30:00.002-08:00

Dear dudes of the internet--or more specifically, dear dudes of Tinder, OK Cupid, and dating sites in general. I get that dating can be scary. Putting yourself out there on the internet can be scary. Swiping right can be scary, especially when the hosting site immediately starts issuing commands like, “send a message before your battery dies” (fuck you Tinder, my shit is PLUGGED IN). However, the sad truth of the matter is most of you are doomed from the start. Your profile paragraphs are misspelled, your witticisms aren’t witty, and your pictures are awful. THIS IS THE AGE OF THE SELFIE. What are you doing? Grab a dictionary. Put your shirt back on. Take better pictures. After much first-hand research I came up with the things that annoy me the most about dating site profiles and it all boils down to the image you're trying to present. Specifically, your pictures. If you’re doing any of the things below you need to fix it, stat. If you need help my rates are reasonable.

1. The shirtless first picture.

Hey, I’m not saying I don’t want or appreciate a dude who has a nice body because that would be a lie. BUT. A shirtless first picture could mean two things: first, you have no brains AT ALL and need to distract us superficial females from that fact with your shiny muscular abdominals. Your noggin is empty but it’s cool, bro, ‘cause YOU GOT ABS. Yeah…NO. Second: you don’t own a shirt/you lost your shirt/your shirts are all in the laundry/your mom does your laundry and shrunk all your shirts/your ex-girlfriend burned all your shirts…you get the idea. Put that shirt back on and bring a little more class to your dating profile.

2. The shirtless any picture.

I get that you work out. You listed the gym as one of your hobbies and your “guns” are prominently displayed even in pictures where you’re mostly clothed. If I were looking for a gym buddy maybe I’d hit you up…or I could just go to the gym to find one of those. Don’t get me wrong-if you happened to be participating in an activity where shirtless-ness was required or suggested and a candid picture was taken that highlights some of your physical features while still showing your face, then we can talk. Maybe. The only other way a shirtless photo is acceptable is if you just won a wrestling match with a grizzly bear and your shirt got ripped off in the tussle. That bear had better be in the picture though.

3. The gurlz group shot.

Cool. You have friends who are girls. Or a bunch of sisters. Or a bunch of female cousins. Or your friend paid your sister’s friends to stand next to you and take a picture so you can look cool on the internet. Worst case scenario, it’s your crazy ex-girlfriend who is going to slash my tires when she finds out we went on a date. Either way, the busty blondes smiling next to you are distracting and now you just look like you’re trying too hard.

4. The bros group shot.

If your very first picture is like a game of Guess Who then guess what: I'm not interested. There’s always one hot dude, one weird dude, and one other dude in group shots and it’s never the hot guy’s profile. Is this shallow and superficial? Yes. Do I care? No. We haven’t even met yet and not only are you giving me the impression that you're sneaky, but now I’m disappointed you’re not who I thought you were. Jerk. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway.

5. The blurry selfie.

Do I really have to spell this out for you? THIS IS THE AGE OF SELF-PROMOTION VIA THE INTERNET DUDE. The word “Selfie” has been added to the dictionary. There is absolutely no excuse for a terrible self-portrait. Download one of the many free camera timer apps. Cheat and get a friend to take it for you. There are so many ways to take a not-terrible selfie. The fact that you haven’t mastered it doesn’t make you a cool, “I’m too busy for the internet” person; it just makes you technologically deficient.

6. The photo with children that aren’t yours.

You have kids? Oh. Well, that’s…great. Wait, what? Those are your sister’s kids? WELL WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN YOUR PROFILE PICTURE? I’m not against children by any means and whenever I chose to have some they are going to be the most hella boss kids ever, but that doesn’t mean I want to see pictures of other people’s kids. Also, those sensitivity points you think you’re racking up? My ovaries just chewed them up and spit them out.

7. Pictures of just your puppy. Or just your cat. Or just your iguana. Or just your…

Puppies are adorable, dogs are adorable, and even cats have their cute moments but if I wanted to look at pictures of adorable animals I would not be doing it on a dating site. A photo of you with your animal is a good thing. A photo of just your animal is lame and irrelevant.

8. The photo of you being a dumbass.

Hey! You’re 32 and you can still do a beer bong with the rest of the college kids! Let's hang out and party like we're in our early 20's! Fuuuuun! Psych.

9. The photo of you and your fish.

Yeah I'm not talking about you and your pet goldfish. I'm talking about the photo of you proudly holding the bass or salmon or whatever other gill-bearing aquatic dwelling swimmy thing you just hooked and brutally yanked from the safety of its natural habitat. Was that really necessary? I bet that fish doesn't think so. It also isn't necessary to use it as an excuse for yet another shirtless photo. Who exactly were you trying to impress? The digit-less vertebrate you just slaughtered?

tierra de aventuras

2012-03-31T18:33:00.000-07:00

We've been back in Spokane for a few days now and I just finished sorting through and editing photos from our trip to Spain. Now it's time for the fun part: recalling what happened and when and trying to fit it all into one (or a couple) blog posts. While I organize my thoughts and adventures I figured I would start by posting a few of my favorite pictures with the promise of more to come. One of the first things I did when I arrived in Barcelona was to get rid of my backpack at my hotel and wander down La Rambla. The hotel I stayed at the first night was at the very top of La Rambla so by the time I reached the end and found the Columbus statue it was turning dark and the quest for tapas just beginning. It felt appropriate that my first steps in Spain led me to the place Columbus disembarked after his adventures.

In a way going to Spain might not have been a great idea--it made me remember how much I love traveling and I wanted to stay so much longer than a few weeks. Staying forever would have been fine, too. Then again, it just means next time we go we'll know where to get great tapas and larger glasses of beer (or white wine).

all i want for christmas is...

2011-12-07T00:46:00.003-08:00

i already have my two front teeth so i came up with a list of other pretty sweet and really rad things santa could place under my tree if he felt so inclined.

los alamos / william eggleston

East of the Sun, West of the Moon print by Marika Paz

pyrrha writer wax seal necklace

scottish clan distribution map

J for Jaguar print by Paola

le creuset french oven

kris nations washington state pendant

a city to sleep on

2011-12-06T22:33:00.000-08:00

saw these pillows on Apartment Therapy the other week. patrick chirico is delightful and so are his picture pillows.

the concept of turning pictures into pillows got me thinking about creative christmas giving and how this idea could be implemented in a way to bring joy to those around me. i could't decide what image i would want to pillow-ize for the masses (or at least the folks on my christmas list) and then it came to me suddenly.

kevin bacon.

how incredible would it be to wake to next to this guy EVERY MORNING. or chillax with him on the couch in the afternoons. watch the new version of footloose and talk about how terrible--really, really terrible--it is. there would no longer be six degrees of separation from KB, instead he would be right next to you all the time, always wearing the same, way-too-tight-in-the-crotch stonewashed jeans.

after dwelling on this idea for awhile i realized not everyone might be such a fanatic bacon fan so i came up with some other people/things it might be immortalize in plush form.

lindsay lohan--to remind someone that no matter how bad things get, at least you're not doing community service in the morgue.

a puppy -- because it will never get any bigger or less adorable than when you first saw it. also, a puppy that will never bark, poop, jump on you and spill your beer, or lick your face after...well, yeah.

spilled beer - so that when you actually do spill your beer, or your friend's beer, no one can tell. Same goes for blood, nail polish, wine, etc.

shoes clues

2011-12-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

Winter has most definitely moved into Spokane bringing all the usual accouterments; freezing cold weather (our living room is a comfortable 41 degrees at the moment), holiday drink specials and a mystery we can't seem to solve. The mystery is this: someone has been losing shoes on our doorstep at a rather alarming rate. There have now been several instances where we've stumbled across (or run over) some large, mannish shoe that has appeared out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE and taken up residence in our parking space. Other articles of clothing have appeared as well, such as a large, bright blue bikini top but these items are discarded (or lost?) less frequently than the shoes seem to be.

Some important things to note:

-The shoes never come in pairs, meaning someone likely still has the other half of the pair.
-The shoes don't look terribly worn out so we've ruled out the possibility of someone trying to use our driveway as a garbage dump. Especially since the actual dumpster is within a kid's throwing distance of where the shoes are, and we live at the back of a parking lot with no building entrance or exit en route to our doorstep.
-The shoes are unclaimed, despite the fact that we have left them in exactly the same spot we found them in to ensure the original owner is able to easily locate his or her missing shoes.

That said, I'll share the possible scenarios M and I have drawn up--based on evidence--to try and answer the mystery.

Scenario # 1. Someone who lives above us, most likely on the 3rd or 4th floor based on the angle of the projected shoe in relation to the building, recently lost a foot due to a run in with an endangered animal or ferocious small (but adorable) dog and can't bear to look at shoes in pairs because the pain is so great. If a pair of shoes is within reach at that moment, one is picked up and hurled toward the window with force. If the window is closed the shoe bounces back and falls into the giant fish tank below the window. If the window is open the shoe takes a nose dive toward the parking lot, landing close to our front door at the precise moment when we are definitely not paying any attention. Also, once while the boyfriend was using his ex-girlfriend's bikini top as a slingshot for slingshotting rotten eggs into the dumpster, he clumsily sent the entire bikini top out the window, along with the rotten egg.

Scenario # 2. The same someone did not have an accident but does have anger management issues, and is still dating the blue bikini top girlfriend. The blue bikini top was thrown out the window during an argument over mayonnaise. The now bikini topless girlfriend decided to get even instead of getting mad and has been stealthily dumping a single shoe from a pair out the window since then and blaming it on the dog or her boyfriend's sleepwalking problem.

Scenario # 3. Same girlfriend, same boyfriend, probably no dog or even any major issues besides being too lazy to walk outside to get to the dumpster.

Scenario # 4. Elves. Chipmunks. Freakishly mutated mice. Some kind of shoe stealing creature large enough to carry a very large man shoe but small enough to sneak into an apartment building undetected.

Scenario # 5. Zombies. Because zombies don't really need shoes anyway. Bad news if this is the case.

soul music

2011-08-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

This summer has been full of amazing adventures, most recently a trip to Cashmere, WA to visit my grandmother. The last time I was there was for her funeral in June 2009 and the town hasn't changed-at all. It's a nice place to visit though, especially since there are two GIGANTIC antique stores and an authentic western town museum. Oh, and Country Boys BBQ is delicious.

we invest hope in what your boyfriend completely disagrees with

2011-07-21T13:58:00.000-07:00

Threw on my headphones today at the coffee shop and amazing sounds have been reverberating in my eardrums for the last hour. The amazing sounds of Throw Me The Statue, that is (hence the lyrical title of this blog entry). They make my face go crazy.

They've also inspired a list of (2) Other Things That Make My Face Go Crazy. See below.

1. Dead Winter Carpenters.

Mitch and I were invited by friends Brian and Mary-Kate from Ornery Heron Farm to see this bluegrass slash rock n' roll band at South Perry Pizza last night and ended up following them over to The Swamp to see their second show of the evening. During the first show they played a cover of M.I.A.'s Paper Planes and the crowd went wild--or as wild as a crowd in a pizza restaurant could go anyhow.

2. Fresh pasta.

Last time Mitch went home I wasn't able to go with but he brought back something so much better than flowers or chocolate. He brought artisian pasta from Pappardelles and Coho salmon. We had the Pacific Rim pasta blend and followed this recipe to make an Asian-style salad that went incredibly well with the salmon. Just recently we tried the Calypso blend (a little spicy but good) and next up is the Lavender fettucine. The pasta from Pappardelles inspired me to try making my own pasta for a dinner party we had a few weeks ago. It turned out all right but getting the dough thin enough was difficult and I've been on the lookout for a pasta maker ever since.

so see this

2011-06-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

www.eleanorred.com

is now online and somewhat operational!

celebrations ensue.

les images

2011-06-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

Sasquatch 2011

<photos by mitchell>

stornoway | oxford awesomeness in a hawaiian shirt.

fitz & the tantrums | her dress killed and the saxophone player whipped out a flute on a few songs

noah & the whale | ridiculously great

jenny & johnny | one of the best things about california

matt & kim | threw balloons into the crowd and made everyone else almost as happy as they were

also so good

the head & the heart

chromeo

reggie watts

bus ride to this one night

2011-06-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

We just spent four days listening to the best kind of music in one of the prettiest places in Washington. The weather was perfect, Noah and the Whale was perfect and my sunburn stopped hurting just in time. It's all a little overwhelming still and I can't decide which set was my favorite, although both Fitz & the Tantrums and Jenny & Johnny were close to the top.

We got in Friday afternoon and set up camp with a group of friends from Pullman, dipped into the whiskey bottle and hung out for awhile before going in for Death From Above which was the best possible way to start Sasquatch ever.

(here)

On Monday we saw Noah and the Whale, making it my third time. I still remember so vividly taking the train to Glasgow in 2007 with Jesse and crowding into a bar that was hardly big enough for drinking let alone live music. The show was incredible and I left feeling like I was going to remember it forever. The next time I saw them was at Chop Suey a few years ago with Janae. The crowd was small enough that we were able to stand close to the stage and talk to them afterward.

They sounded great at Sasquatch and thinking about their set still makes me quite happy.

I didn't take any photos, mostly because I couldn't see the stage most of the time, but Mitch was able to take a few and they turned out beautifully.

what else we do

2011-04-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

I've been missing the ocean lately.

My grandmother used to live on the Oregon coast, off highway 101 in an area called Neskowin. She sold her beach house about ten years ago, much to the dismay of her only granddaughter--me. I spent a lot of time with her at the beach as a child while my mom was working on her degree and one of the things I most remember about that house, besides the stunning view and giant floor to ceiling windows, was how all the colors she used reflected so well the state of the ocean itself. The glassware she used was a deep, royal blue and the tiling in the kitchen and bathroom ranged from the same dark blue to a shiny teal. The teal tiles were my favorite ones, partly because the Pacific has accents of teal in the summer, and partly because there seemed to be less of them than any other color.

raining in the windows

2011-04-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

The weather at the moment is being ridiculous and temperamental and I don't approve, at all. This morning was perfectly sunny and wonderful until I realized there was an embankment of stony clouds directly North and they were bearing towards Brown's Addition rather quickly. Since then it has gone from sunny to overcast and windy with rain, hail and more sun in between.

The current condition is overcast so in order to cheer up after losing the sunshine...again, I've got a picture.

This is three of the four bowls that make up the set of my favorite mixing bowls ever. I originally purchased the first one at Goodwill a year or so ago and came across another component of the set at an antique store a short time later. Finding the rest of the set became my mission while thrifting and right before Christmas I came across the third (and biggest) bowl at an antique store. Janae was with me and ended up buying the bowl for me as a Christmas gift. The last bowl was also a present from another favorite person of mine. Mitch and I were up in Hillyard on Valentine's Day checking out the antique stores and he spotted the bowl tucked away in a corner and bought it for me as a Valentine's present. The best part? The turquoise color perfectly matches my future KitchenAid mixer.

cordial gentlemen and a three-legged dog

2011-04-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

What happened? Wasn't it February just a few seconds ago? Anyhow, despite the months moving rather quickly a lot has been happening lately. M and I signed up for produce deliveries from Full Circle Farms, a company that delivers weekly (or bi-weekly in our case) boxes of about twelve different kinds of fruits and vegetables, many sourced locally. We learned about the program through our friend Mary-Kate who works for Full Circle and just got our first delivery this last Thursday.

Among the greens were a few I had never used before, namely rainbow chard and arugula. I'm still figuring out exactly how to use the arugula but my chard adventure was successful! I found this Red Pepper, Sausage and Chard Risotto recipe and set to work.

Compiling all the ingredients was easy but having never cooked risotto before I didn't realize how long it would take to cook. Usually with rice you can put a pot of water on the stove, add the rice and come back in 20-40 minutes to a steaming pot of white fluff. Maybe it isn't quite that easy, but to a hungry cook, standing in front of the pan adding scoop full after scoop full of broth to the risotto, making regular rice seemed like a walk in the park. However, the result was definitely worth it.

I wasn't sure how M would feel about the chard and greens in the dish but not to worry, we were both satisfied with dinner as well as watching Elton John on Saturday Night Live. Today we ended up using the leftovers to make burritos...which seems to be what we do with all of our leftovers lately. Somehow wrapping something in a tortilla makes it all the more delicious.

shady fabric shifters

2011-03-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

While surfing/window shopping the internets to find inspiration for Eleanor Red, I came across a few articles that inspired a gag reflex instead of creativity. Something tells me I might steer away from mustard-colored ruffles and gauzy see-through fabric after this, especially since the one on the left is eerily reminiscent of Taylor Momsen's stage style (sans the jeans anyway).

beer on the bookshelf

2011-02-28T18:32:00.000-08:00

Ever since our trip to the Rogue Brewery in January and the magical epiphany that occurred while drinking the sample of Dirtoir Black Lager, M and I have been enthusiastically drinking dark beer. This is a relatively new experience for me, considering how unenthusiastically I regarded beer before. Anyhow, one of our favorite haunts in Spokane, the Main Market Co-op, happens to stock all kinds of delicious dark beers (and not so dark beers) so every time we go we make it a point to try something new. Some of our favorites so far have been Old Rasputin (left) and the Trois Pistoles and La Fin Du Monde by Unibroue (right).

When we left the Brewery we brought home a growler full of the McRogue Scotch Ale. This one is rather difficult to track down if you're looking to purchase a bottle considering they're only selling it in the 7oz XS bottles, and not a ton of grocery stores cater to novelty brews. However, last weekend M and I went down to Pullman and made a detour to the Moscow Co-op where we spotted (and purchased) the LAST BOTTLE on the shelf. Our team.

lions and tigers and SNOW

2011-02-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

Just a few days ago the weather was amazing, or at any rate amazing for February. The sun was out, it was relatively warm, I was getting excited to ride my bike again...but I made the mistake of closing my eyes to enjoy the sunshine for just a second and when I opened them the world looked much different.

It looked like this:

We got hit by about 8 inches of snow in one night, supposedly with more to come. It's a strange snow, too. I tried to make a snowball while M shoveled out his car but the snow wouldn't pack at all and my snowball disintegrated into a snow flurry mid flight.

We've ventured out on the streets a bit, once you get outside of our neighborhood the streets are all right, but I've observed a much different side of Spokane since the snow fell. Namely (I'm going to generalize) Spokane drivers are CRAZY. They drive crazy fast and just...crazy, regardless of road conditions.

sofa! sooooFA!

2011-01-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

I've been on a furniture binge lately. Not buying, just browsing via the interweb. It is ridiculously difficult to find an awesome sofa on Spokane's Craigslist page. I did find a church pew which was awesome, but I don't think I could fit that in the trunk of a Corolla. Anyhow, here is my drool list of furniture for your perusing pleasure:

This baby blue upholstered beauty is from roomandboard.com and costs more than a lot, but she sure is purdy.

The next two specimens are from area51seattle.com and make my fingers tingle just typing the URL:

Also, I know this is not a sofa, but I can hardly wait until I'm old enough to own this:

A teal colored Kitchen Aid!

the windy city is mighty pretty

2011-01-13T01:04:00.000-08:00

we flew our spaceship to the beach last week

the sea foam was spilling up the boat ramp

and the sky called for sweaters in january.

also took a walk around browne's today. this photo is from a while ago but i like it.

now just imagine everything covered in six inches of snow fluff.

chuck forever ago, in the days when his large body didn't swallow his head.

words to only say sometimes

2010-12-17T13:59:00.000-08:00

usually the words "cute" and "adorable" are banned from my vocabulary, but in the case of the generationals i'm making an exception. they are cute and adorable. and their music is good too.

it also reminded me of a band i heard while working at urban outfitters years ago: the envelopes. they were a swedish group who put out two albums (demon in 2006 and here comes the wind in 2008) but have since fallen off the earth or at least the internet, as evidenced by the lack of a website or presence on torrent sites.

another adorable band bites the dust.

you can listen here:

http://www.brillerecords.com/artist_release.php?artist_id=8&release_id=40#

steering wheel stops

2010-08-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

recently discovered the power of the dremel

and fell in love with a tool

have also been internet window shopping quite a bit

at www.pyrrha.com for their amazing jewelry

hold on to your bootstraps

2010-08-14T00:22:00.000-07:00

the world would be better if villians still lived in houses like this.

if that were the case i would engage in whatever means necessary

to become a villain.

symbols of velvet jesus love and neon affection

2010-08-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

two weeks in san diego (the 3rd through the 18th), combined with an aunt whose capacity for shopping is only surpassed (or at least met) by mine, makes for some very successful treasure hunting. among my found, made and pilfered objects are things like...

velvety pink jesus (deodorant not for sale).

jesus is going to shine his light all over my room after

i give him

a lamp shade and a light bulb.

courtesy of the leaping lotus.

made: two industrial chain bracelets

found: the most ridiculous book by a man with an amazing name, as evidenced

by this paragraph on page five:

"But so charming was the morning's splendor and serenity that good nature

endured the ordeal until I had cleared the mongrel disturbers

of my peace and only a pleading donkey boy or two, a Bedouin guide,

or a jabbering scarab seller, taking heart of hope, still dogged my steps."

chapter titles include

1. "Allah Loves a Lover"

2. "What the Sphinx is Watching"

3. "In a Queen's Chamber"

apparently i missed my era, and should have been a British writer in the early 1900s

when publishing houses were not endowed with any of the discrimination against

poor literature that exists now.

"1,001 Symbols: An Illustrated Guide to Imagery and its Meaning"

includes enlightenment on the symbolism of almonds:

"The almond has ancient associations with the idea of self generation because the juice

from pressed almonds was linked with semen. Hence old European superstitions that virgins

could wake up pregnant if they fell asleep under an almond tree."

"fie, fie daughter. methinks i hath warned thee many times ere now, thou art never to nap nigh the almond tree.

nowest thou art knockethed up."