What White Chicks Cherish

White Chick of the Week: Taryn Reinagel

2011-04-15T12:10:00.002-04:00

Perhaps those most greatly affected by your humble author’s blog laziness, are the WCOTW candidates. It’s mind-blowing for me to think that there is currently about a month long waiting list for White Chicks to appear on the blog.

And of course when I thoughtlessly go, like, an entire week without making any entries, it just prolongs what surely must be an interminable wait. So along with my gratitude for being a truly splendid specimen of White Chickdom, I’d also like to commend this week’s WCOTW for being extremely patient.

Ladies and gentleman, it’s a pleasure to introduce Taryn Reinagel. Visit her on Tumblr.

BIO

Age: 23

College/Major: Special Education at Georgia College & State University

Occupation: Student/Teacher

Current City: Milledgeville, GA-better known for frequent Ben Roethlisberger visits.

Hometown: Woodstock, GA

One Quick Interesting Fact: Although thought to be impossible, I can lick my elbow!

TARYN’S FAVORITES:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: #5 Spicy Chicken Sandwich Deluxe, fries & Chickfila sauce with a real Coke (real Coke at Chick Fil A has some form of liquid crack in it) I throw all health concerns out the window, but Chickfila isn’t fast food, y’all!

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Jewel, Alanis, & Sheryl The gang is always essential!

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: Citizens of Humanity

Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Key Lime

White Chick Flick: “Serendipity”-I’m convinced that will be my life…one day.

Favorite white chick adult beverage: Anything tequila. Definitely, tequila.

Favorite White Chick Lit: My book list isn’t too extensive, but “The Cat in the Hat,” “The Grouchy Ladybug, & “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” are daily readings…

Item of Accoutrement/accessories: Statement rings & oversized, slouchy bags

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?

Well, there has actually been some debate on my official white chick status because I’m extremely tan, but I guess it had to be when I won best dressed in 5^th grade. A very proud moment for my mother who still brings it up to this day.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

As a white chick, I definitely cherish my iPhone. And I am obsessed with painting my nails. I love a cardigan and have collected them in alarming numbers. Sometimes I feel materialistic and feel sad, but then I look at my things and feel happy because I cherish being a WC. Somebody has to do it!

If you could be the contestant on any reality show (think The Bachelor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, etc.) which one would you choose and why?

Hands down, no doubt about it, The Bachelor. My life motto is “I <3 love” so The Bachelor would be perfect! My only problem is I love to make friends, and I think I would focus on becoming BGF’s with the other girls. Plus it is blatantly obvious that those girls are constantly day drunk and get to go to tropical locations like three dates in, and that is just a win all around. My friends tell me on a daily basis I need to be on it-they’ve even gone as far as nominating me for such an honor!

I need to be on TV. It’s a life goal of mine, but sadly I would be a horrible actress! I would obviously go on Ellen (who is well on her way to being the new Oprah). Because 1) You get to dance 2) Ellen is hilarious 3) Did you SEE the Dennis Quaid skit? 4) She gives away free things 5) You get to dance. Ideally, I would be on Ellen because of The Bachelor/Bachelorette outcome!

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick.

Sometimes I want to throw my cardigans and caution to the wind and become a red neck. As in cowboy boots wearing (in a nonironic, trendy way), redneck games playing, real country music on the radio redneck. But, my friends won’t let me. Once, I made a detailed list of reasons I want/need to become a redneck. *I secretly hide that list & often add to it when I think of great idea!

Help share What White Chicks Cherish on Facebook and Twitter.

Feel free to nominate yourself or any outstanding White Chicks you may know for WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

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Pretending to be Princesses

2011-04-14T12:12:00.000-04:00

Dearest reader,

At some point I realize my apologies for the lack of recent posts may fall on deaf ears. Contrary to popular belief, I was raised right by two loving parents and not a pack of ill-mannered wolves. I should know better than keep a lady waiting, but I am quite lazy sometimes. And it pains me to think that I have caused undeserved frustration to a species of creature I find so entirely fascinating. As if White Chicks didn't have it rough enough already.

In case you need yet another reason to fully grasp just exactly why being a White Chick may be one of those most difficult things on the planet to do, consider this fact: White Chicks are born into this world as "Daddy's Little Princess." They grow up singing along with Disney-conjured, animated princesses and schlep around the house in their mother's high heels and most sparkly jewelry. They may even receive officially licensed Disney-conjured princess gear for holidays and birthdays. And of course they will have a tiara, one all their own, that will make them feel immensely special and beautiful.

It's because White Chicks Cherish Pretending to Be Princesses.

But then, White Chicks have to grow up and enter the cruel, unforgiving world. From day one of public school a quarter-lifelong struggle begins, against bff and foe alike, to earn the lofty title of princess of the class, the grade, the high school, the sorority and the job. White Chickdom is a non-stop hustle, one that I can barely fathom, let alone write blogs about.

As they grow up and enter middle- and high-school, they realize that playing pretend is an activity best reserved for drama club weirdos or those freaks that play Magic the Gathering. A White Chick's chances to Pretend to be a Princess grow fewer and farther between–save for the occasional school sponsored beauty pageant, homecoming event or of course the end-all, be-all of big days for high school White Chicks...The Prom.

If they choose to rush a sorority in college (they most likely choose to, trust me) they'll get a few more opportunities to play princess dress up. But sorority and fraternity semi-formals are really just a destination high school prom with binge drinking and a souvenir t-shirts featuring a Dave Matthews Band lyric on the back.

And Pretending to be a Princess is very likely a reason why White Chicks make such a gigantic, obsessive-compulsive fuss over weddings. Don't get me wrong, I think marriage is a HUGE deal and a lifelong union of two souls, BUT there's also a lot of single White Chicks out there with an unhealthy collection of bridal mags...just sayin. And they're just plotting and planning their perfect wedding in their minds at all time. Now, if the preceding text sounds a little too cynical and bitter, I will add that there is truly nothing more beautiful than a White Chick bride on her wedding day.

After all, it's their official day to be a princess...as an adult...in front of the eyes of God, her family and virtually everyone she has ever known. Plus, depending on a White Chick's preference for bridal opulence, she may even get to wear a sparkly tiara. Because on this day, she is truly a princess.

You can also bet your ass that Pretending to be a Princess is the exact reason that many White Chicks reading this very post will not only DVR and watch repeatedly, but also purchase at least three commemorative magazines about the upcoming Royal Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton.

Keep up with WWCC on Facebook and Twitter.

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White Chick of the Week: Brooke Wenth

2011-04-01T12:04:00.001-04:00

It’s always a sincere pleasure receiving emails from folks nominating either a BFF or themselves to be White Chick of the Week. But I also take a lot of pride when I hand pick a WCOTW out of my own circle of friends. Not only is it reassuring to know I associate with such quality people, but it’s a huge ego boost to think someone worthy of WCOTW status would choose to associate with me.

I met this week’s WCOTW a little over a year ago through some mutual friends in Atlanta. We had a large group congregating for some backyard tailgating on July 4^th before we all shipped off to go see Phish perform that night. There was a small group of folks circled up, eating delicious grilled items and sipping cold beers, and I was discussing an idea I had for a new blog endeavor–a comical (hopefully it’s funny? It’s funny, right?) take on the wonderful wealth of things that White Chicks are particularly fond of. She seemed enthused, offered a view suggestions of her own and helped approve of a few topics I already had in mind. So it’s cool to think she was a supporter of WWCC before it was even officially in existence, and I cannot thank her (or even you, dearest reader) enough for supporting the blog.

So along with being a fabulously radical White Chick (which, of course, is the top prerequisite of being bestowed such an honor) she also was present at the conception of my half-witted idea that would eventually turn into What White Chicks Cherish. As always, it’s an esteemed pleasure to introduce this week’s White Chick of the Week. Dear readers, you are now extremely privileged to meet Brooke Wenth. (Feel free to give her some Twitter love @bKwenth

BIO

Age: 32
College/Major: Savannah College of Art & Design / Photography
Occupation: Studio Manager
Current City: NYC
Hometown: Decatur, Alabama
One Quick Interesting Fact About Brooke: I hiccup at least once a day .. everyday. It is usually just one singular hiccup every single day.

BROOKE’S FAVORITES

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Living in NYC I miss out on Chick-Fil-A ... it's definitely a "hole in my heart" situation. Whenever I head South, getting my chicken nugget fix is a must but since I don't get to go that often, i couldn't begin to tell you which combo meal it is but it's definitely the chicken nugget one with an iced tea or if I'm living dangerously, a Dr. Pepper!

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Ryan Adams .. though I think he could fall in the threatening category

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: The ridiculously expensive jeans is where I might fall short in my white chick status .. lately I've been wearing American Eagle. Considering how much I spend on concerts & fancy dinners, this is probably a good thing.

Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Pistachio & Red Velvet

White Chick Flick: Devil Wears Prada .. this is my go-to movie when in any sort of bad mood.

Favorite white chick adult beverage: BOURBON

Favorite White Chick Lit: I love to read, it's the perfect way to pass time on the subway. I am currently reading Les Miserable but a favorite is the travel essay genre, particularly ones written by women. Check out Tales of a Female Nomad for a good white chick read.

Item of Accoutrement/accessorie: Nectarine Blossom & Honey Cologne from Jo Malone .. divine!!

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?

It definitely has to be 1990 when I formed a babysitters club (a la the books). The first phone call at our very first meeting was from the postmaster telling me it was illegal to put fliers in people's mailboxes, d'oh!!

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.

A fabulous cocktail-filled dinner followed by a concert at one of NYC's many clubs. On any given night there is a handful of awesome bands to check out.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

Shoes!!! I think being a White Chick gives license to wear the most ridiculous shoes and I definitely wear my share. A current favorite is Jeffrey Campbell. Living in NYC though makes it hard, I generally walk everywhere I go and any given night out can result in a few miles. Ensuring a Ridiculous Shoe Success requires knowing what platform to heel ratio works for you. It can be done!!

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on?

I'd definitely pick Oprah .. or as I call her, Oprah Girlfriend. My celebrity status would definitely have come from creating a media empire .. complete with magazines, an advertising agency and maybe a record label.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick.

I generally dislike monograms. Why does everyone need to know that my initials are BMW?

Are you a Twilight fan despite being a full grown adult? Why?

I confess that I inhaled the books .. every good white chick loves a guilty pleasure. The movies though, not so much. More so than Twilight, I love the Sookie Stackhouse books. They are Twilight with a hefty dose of smut.

Help share What White Chicks Cherish on Facebook and Twitter.

Feel free to nominate yourself or any outstanding White Chicks you may know for WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

And as always, please click on some ads!

Girl Talk

2011-03-31T17:57:00.003-04:00

For those of you who may not know, I spent about seven years of my life as a freelance writer covering music for a few regional papers and publications. Along with being woefully underpaid, the job afforded me the luxury or free tickets and near-limitless “plus-ones,” and the chance to interview some of my personal heroes in music. And I am have no qualms in saying that period of “professional journalism” in my 20s combined with an adolescence of locking myself in my bedroom devouring albums until I knew every nuance of every song and being best friends with like-minded music fiends throughout my life have turned me into a music snob.

Not that I wasn’t a music snob before my stint in woefully underpaid freelance writing, but I am certain that time of my life as a paid professional ALLOWS me to be a music snob.

But music snob single-idiot males and “music snob” White Chicks hardly share the same definition of music snobbery.

Now, I personally know several White Chicks whom I consider to be music enthusiasts–dare I say “music snobs.” Yes, they own iPods chock full of bands that are far off the pop culture radar AND spend much of their yearly paid time off and disposable income on attending concerts by such bands. But they aren’t really “music snobs” in the grand scheme of things.

I think it’s impossible for White Chicks to be TRUE music snobs.

Sure, White Chick, you may have been to X number of concerts by jam bands like Phish, the Dave Matthews Band or Widespread Panic, but don’t you also own Madonna’s Greatest Hits? Yes, I know you were deeply offended when a band you discovered (i.e. the Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons) all of a sudden hit it big and now, like, every one likes them, but don’t you still spin The Backstreet Boys on occasion? (Author’s side note, I am still not entirely convinced that Mumford and Sons and the Avett Brothers are not the same band).

Yeah, White Chick, I know you listen to at least one indie band with the name of an animal in its title (i.e. Fox, Bear or Deer), but don’t you watch “Glee” and “American Idol” religiously? And I know you felt super cool for knowing who on Earth The Arcade Fire were BEFORE this year’s Grammy Awards, but didn’t you buy Britney Spear’s new album the day it came out?

Now, I am sure I seem like a grumpy-old curmudgeon by disparaging popular music, and that’s fine. I’ll freely admit to thinking that roughly 97% of today’s “pop” music is inane, formulaic drivel. And I certainly don’t intend to rain on anyone’s parade with my musical opinions. I like what I like and vehemently dislike what I dislike. It’s who I am and it’s way too late in life to change that. (Sorry. Not sorry…as the White Chicks like to say).

But despite a White Chick’s self-professed level of music knowledge or music snobbery, it’s an inevitable fact that White Chicks will dig nearly any type of music made by nearly any type of “artist” simply because:

It’s fun to sing along to in the car/road trip with the BFFs
They can blast it while they clean their house in sweatpants
It’s great for working out
It makes them dance.

And I’m convinced these are reasons why White Chicks Cherish Girl Talk.

For those unfamiliar, Girl Talk is the stage name of one Greg Gillis, whose mash-up electronic dance songs have given him a meteoric rise to fame and popularity. I’ll give the guy credit; his ability to merge seemingly disparate songs into one cohesive electronic dance song is clever. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s good.

(I tried to listen to some Girl Talk songs while diligently researching this post for the blog, and I found myself abandoning each one in disgust after a couple of minutes. I literally cannot stand that shit. And I know I sound like my old man when I say it gives me a headache, but it does. I like bands and musicians who PLAY INSTRUMENTS AND WRITE THEIR OWN SONGS. And I just fail to see the brilliance in some white dude pushing buttons on his Mac Book and creating “music” that has already been made by OTHER PEOPLE.)

But despite my obvious distaste for and disinterest in Girl Talk, White Chicks LOVE this guy. At least once a week I see a Facebook status update which references Girl Talk in some way: be it an excited post about going to see Girl Talk or posting a photo from the concert the next day (which always features a packed house, so maybe I am alone in my Girl Talk opinions?). It also makes me wonder just how many damn concerts a year this “musician” puts on.

I turned 34 this year and, as they say, with age comes wisdom. Now, I’ll never claim to be a wise man, but I’m also not nearly as dumb as I look or act. But there is one fact of life that I know to be inherently true:

If you can make White Chicks dance, you are home free.

And, the only single, idiot males who go to Girl Talk shows are only doing so in the hopes of hooking up with a White Chick in attendance. Or they're gay...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Keep up with WWCC on Facebook and Twitter.

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White Chick(s) of the Week: Kelli Gilreath and Stacy Holcombe

2011-03-23T13:27:00.000-04:00

This week, WWCC once again ventures into unchartered territory with the latest installment of the White Chick of the Week. This week, we double the normal amount of astounding White Chick-dom that is showcased on the WCOTW feature with WWCC’s first set of twins.

Like all idiot men (and I say this in a totally respectful and non-creepy way) there is just something undeniable about twins. So when I received an email from not just one, but two, fabulous White Chicks espousing their love of WWCC and wanting to be featured, I was twice as inclined as I would have previously been to grant their request.

So, without further ado, please welcome the latest and greatest (and up-to-date the most identical) White Chick(s) of the week: Kelli Gilreth and Stacy Holcombe. (In case you have trouble telling them apart, Kelli’s on the left and Stacy’s on the right). The twin sisters have also taken to the Interwebs and blogosphere as “The Single Gal and the Housewife,” follow them on their blog and on Tumblr.

BIO:

Name:

Kelli Gilreath (from here on referred to as KG)

Stacy Holcombe (from here on referred to as SH)

Age:

KG: 27

SH: 27 (11 minutes older than Kelli)

College/Major:

KG: The University of Georgia/English (Go Dawgs!)

SH: Reinhardt College/ English

Occupation:

KG: Claims Adjuster/Auto Insurance Industry

SH: I recently quit my glam (insert sarcasm here) Claims Adjustor job to stay home and raise my LWC (Little White Chick aka White Chick In Training). I mean, behind every great White Chick was a great White Chick Mom.

Current City:

KG: Just North of Atlanta.

SH: White Chick Suburb of Atlanta, GA (and 15 min from Kelli obvi).

Hometown:

KG: Grew up on the south side of ATL and left as soon as possible.

SH: Not So White Chick Suburb of Atlanta, GA.

One Quick Interesting Fact:

KG: My next-door neighbor was legit arrested for murder in December!!!! From what I can gather it appears to be a classic love triangle with the wife trying to get an insurance payout. It's kind of scary but sort of makes me feel like I have a small part in a soap opera. Neighbor Pete could be like the evil Stefano from “Days of Our Lives.”

SH: I can apply mascara ambidextrously- a secret WC talent.

FAVORITES

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal:

KG:#1 Breakfast Combo with a large unsweet tea.

SH: #1 with an Arnold Palmer

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter:

KG: Dave Matthews

SH: Brad Paisley

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans:

KG: I know everyone has them, but I LOVE Sevens. And Hudsons. And Citizens. (Let's just say I have a severe addiction to REBJ, K?)

SH: Joes

Boutique Cupcake Flavor:

KG: Wedding Cake

SH: Candied Sweet Potato

White Chick Flick:

KG: I am really torn between "Legends of The Fall" because Brad is so delicious and "Four Weddings and A Funeral" because I have a serious affection for cute, smart, and quirky British men (especially the ones with red hair).

SH: I’m torn between "Legends of The Fall" (Brad never looked better) and "The Lake House". Sandra on her knees at the end, furiously writing Keanu another letter….do I need to say anymore?

Favorite white chick adult beverage:

KG: Pinot Grig or Vodka Soda (VS's for when I am planning a ridiculous Sunday Brunch the next day and need to save calories.)

SH: Gin and Tonic with extra limes

Favorite White Chick Lit:

KG: "The Time Traveler's Wife" and "Vanity Fair".

SH: “Shopaholic series”, Nora Roberts, “Persuasion” by Jane Austin and “The Age of Innocence” by Edith Wharton

Item of Accoutrement/accessory:

KG: David Yurman (I am for serious on a first name basis with a manager at my local store), my Starbucks Gold Card, and my iPhone.

SH: Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM, Cockpit Ray Bans, Kindle (to read my WC Lit) and my David Yurman.

WCOTW Q&A

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.

SG: Friday night I usually come home to decompress and catch up on DVR because I never watch my shows during the week (I am SHAMEFULLY behind on Gossip Girl). But, once I wake up refreshed on Saturday morning any of the following could occur:

-running with Stacy or coffee/errands/shopping/manis

-meeting my fave White Chicks in the city for drinks and general debauchery

-dinner dates

-some sort of family event

-brunch

-watching White Chick flicks or reading White Chick lit

SH: Since the arrival of the LWC I usually enjoy going for a run with Kelli on Saturday morning and hopefully we have a babysitter lined up to do fun things on Saturday night like a Thrashers game or dinner with friends. It’s still a little hard to get my White Chick party on because the LWC currently wakes up at midnight and 3:30 am. The doctor has advised me that she is on the petite side- already throwing her White Chick-ness in my face. Diva baby.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

KG: Anything with the letter "K", Starbucks, and carrying all I would ever need in my ridiculously over-sized handbag if I needed to hop on a plane at any moment for a spur of the moment weekend away (my super fabulous and wealthy suitor would, of course, buy any other clothes I might need upon arrival). And koozies. Big fan of koozies.

SH: Shopping, dressing the LWC, manicures, reading the WWCC blog and tailgating SEC style in the fall.

If you could be on any reality show which one would you choose and why?

KG: Stacy and I would make a pretty awesome "Amazing Race" duo. Loved by viewers AND our competitors. Let's face it--twins are universal. We might fight but only for like 5 minutes and then we would be totally over it. Also--we really would win--Stacy is super competitive. Everyone thinks she is all nice and sweet but there is a predator underneath that pretty smile. You've been warned.

SH: First off, no respectable White Chick would be caught dead on the Bachelor these days. We can find our own White Boys without ABC’s help. Kelli and I would be on “The Amazing Race” because we make a great team and we’re cute White Chicks. That should help us in most countries…. and being twins.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick

KG: I really like cutting the grass. I also really love watching Top Gear on BBC America--even though I don't really care about cars.

SH: I enjoy cutting the grass even though my husband refuses to let me do it. I also can’t decorate very well. I have good ideas but have difficulties in putting them together. All White Chicks are supposed to have homes that belong on the pages of Southern Living Magazine, right?

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?

KG: Kelly Rippa, duh. I was seriously born for her job. I excel at being cute while acting silly and flirting with older men. The fact that Mark Consuelos is unbelievably gorg doesn't hurt either. He would be part of the package, right?

SH: Jessica Biel, she is in such fantastic shape and seems like the ultimate guy’s girl.

Help share What White Chicks Cherish on Facebook and Twitter.

Feel free to nominate yourself or any outstanding White Chicks you may know for WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

And as always, please click on some ads as each and every click generates a paltry amount of passive income.

Bachelorette Parties

2011-03-21T10:30:00.003-04:00

Several years ago, I was in downtown Charleston, heading to meet some friends for a responsible night of binge drinking, when I answered a call from then-girlfriend. Mid-way through our conversation, a group of slightly loud and obviously drunk girls approached me.

Being the thoughtful guy that I am, I devoted as much attention the phone conversation with then-girlfriend as I could, but I noticed one girl out the group was wearing a silly little veil-headband/tiara combo and a sash that said “Bride to Be.” She also had Lifesavers candies miscellaneously attached to the top she was wearing.

“Hey,” the ringleader of the bunch said (obviously a little tipsy and loud enough for then-girlfriend to overhear, “do you want to suck for a buck?”

Thanks to previous talks with then-girlfriend I knew what the term “suck for a buck” meant and since then-girlfriend overheard the question she asked, “Did those girls just ask you to suck for a buck?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Oh my god, you HAVE to do it,” said then-girlfriend.

And with that I handed the ringleader $5 (I was hoping to get change back, and of course I didn’t) and proceeded to eat one of the Lifesavers off the candy-laden top of the veil-headbanded/Bride to Be sash girl. (Of course since I was out $5, I chose the Lifesaver closest to her breast…sorry, then-girlfriend, but I get my money's worth).

I cite this example not to demonstrate my approachability, totally acceptable and non-creepy perversion or to demonstrate that a fool and his money are soon parted BUT to make another point entirely. Why would a group of celebratory drunk girls approach a stranger and ask for his hard-earned money for the opportunity to put his mouth in close proximity to their friend’s breast (albeit OVER the shirt)? AND why would then-girlfriend of said stranger encourage her then-boyfriend to perform such an act?

The answer is simple: White Chicks Cherish Bachelorette Parties.

Maybe it’s a girl’s weekend at a gorgeous coastal destination (like Charleston, SC for example). Or maybe it’s just a jam-packed night out in whichever city with transportation provided by the Fur Bus. Either way it’s a once in a lifetime chance to get all the BFF’s together, drink heavily, wear pretty outfits and celebrate the impending marriage of that one lucky girl.

White Chick Bachelorette parties may include any/all of the following elements:

The “Suck for a Buck” or candy necklace gimmick, as referenced in this post’s opening. Essentially it’s a way for White Chicks to finance their night of drinking by letting single men put their mouths all over the Bride to Be. (bonus points if said candies are penis-shaped).

Dancing to 80’s music at Wet Willie’s (White Chicks already love, love, LOVE 80’s music. But when it is combined with an entire wall full of frozen drink possibilities…OMG, watch out!)

Penis-shaped everything (comically over-sized glasses, charm necklaces, earrings, the penis straw, etc).

The crappy fake veil-headband/tiara and “Bride to Be” sash and “Maid of Honor” and “Bridesmaid” buttons (or some other fashionable way to designate each white chick’s role in the upcoming wedding). Don’t forget the colorful feather boas or some item of accoutrement that glows in the dark and/or contains blinking lights.

Color coordinated outfits (i.e. Bride to Be in white, the bridal party in black).

The one control freak in the group who has the entire night/weekend’s activities planned, right down to the nano-second. Though she may never appear to outwardly enjoy herself at all during the BP weekend, she actually relishes in the control. Type-A white chicks LOVE this; they can’t get enough of it.

Obsessive Type-A, super-planner White Chick may or may not have created commemorative t-shirts, coozies and mixed CDs that serve as the soundtrack for the entire bachelorette weekend for each White Chick in attendance.

This may be the subject of a completely separate shower (another thing involving weddings that White Chicks are completely consumed with putting on: linen showers, stock the bar showers, lawn and garden showers, college team colors tailgate accessory showers, etc.) But there may or may not be a lingerie gift shower at the Bachelorette Party. And if so, it is a safe bet there will be at least one purchase for the Bride to Be that contains the words “crotchless” and “edible.”

Someone in the group is going to vomit. Like, A LOT.

If by some off chance that the Groom to Be’s Bachleor Party is the same weekend and same city (though any White Chick worth her mettle can testify that this is a terrible idea and a huge faux pas) there will be covert, secret-agent-like actions taking place to see “what the boys are up to.”

That one girlfriend in the group who is coming off a recent break up and, once supremely over-served, breaks down in tears because she fears she’ll be alone forever.

The one girlfriend in the group who is, like, WAY sluttier than everyone else and disappears throughout the night to hook up with that sketchy guy in the bathroom/dark corner booth/outside while “sharing” a cigarette.

The one girlfriend in the group who is already married with kids and uses the Bachelorette party as a chance to cram as much partying and freedom into the weekend/night as possible. Of course she ends up getting MEGA-HAMMERED and is subsequently hung over the rest of the time.

That one friend who either at dinner, or at some point throughout the night, spills something on her favorite dress…thanks to the irreversible stain, her night/weekend is ruined.

Using the excuse “it’s ok, we’re on a Bachelorette Party” to justify dancing on the bar (especially if it’s the one typically shy girl in the group who normally would never do such a thing) or any other type of behavior that is normally not acceptable in public.

Someone in the group will suffer an embarrassing drunken stumble and may or may not have a bruise and/or skinned knee/elbow/twisted ankle to show for it the next day.

The one cute guy at the bar who thinks he has a real shot to hook up/sleep with the Bride to Be. Umm hello…does he not notice the nearly-a-dozen cute, drunk single girls in attendance? What. A. Creep.

Late night dance party/wine drinking/eating a bunch of fattening foods/late night chick flick fest. This is when cute outfits yield to comfy clothes. There will be lots of yoga pants and headbands. And at least one sorority shirt with a quote from a Dave Matthews Band song on the back. (i.e. White Rose Semi-Formal ’03: “Turns out not where but who you’re with that really matters”).

Cell phone/digital camera pictures of just about every single second of the entire Bachelorette Party weekend.

Brunch the next day where recollections of the previous night and cell phone photos of white chicks behaving way outside of their usual white chick comfort zone will be shared and openly discussed. There will also be a miscellaneous bruise comparison and the coveted contest to prove who has the worst hangover.

Best. Bachelorette. Party. EVER. (until the next one, at least)

Mucho thanks to the WWCC Brain Trust for their contributions to/approval for items in this post (you know who you are). And to Ashley Hesseltine for supplying the photo.

Keep up with WWCC on Facebook and Twitter.

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Spring Festival Season

2011-03-16T10:59:00.001-04:00

It’s a special time of the year when winter slowly gives way to spring. There’s a sense of rebirth and hope associated with the season, plus it’s always awesome to get home from work at night and it not be pitch-black dark outside.

It’s nearly impossible to peg any season as the “favorite” season for White Chicks. All four of them have their own unique appeal to this truly special and wonderful species. But the magic of spring not only lies in its warm weather and increasing amounts of sunlight per day, it’s also the season’s unique ability to re-introduce the words “…and Arts Festival” into White Chick parlance year after year after year.

Or maybe it's a Beer Festival. Or a Wine Festival. Bonus points if there's a parade. Double bonus if part of the arts and crafts includes a booth of unique jewelry made out of repurposed something or other.

Regardless of its subject matter, White Chicks Cherish Spring Festival Season and barely need a good reason to dress cute and go drink outside with their BFFs.

Spring Festival Season generally kicks off with St. Patrick’s Day and is quite a heralded time of the year for White Chicks. These glorious events usually take part in certain “cool neighborhoods” in larger cities, public parks/green spaces or perhaps a closed-down Main Street area or a sectioned-off, walkable and relatively safe retail district. Outdoor Spring Festivals are essentially the exact same thing as Overdressing for College Football Games for White Chicks in that the event(s) involve super-cute outfits and day drinking. Only replace football games with live bands, glorious arts and crafts and handmade jewelry.

Because Festival Season usually begins on the cusp of two seasons, it affords White Chicks the opportunity to merge their favorite forms of fashion from Winter and Spring. There are two ways to view this phenomenon as well: 1) White Chicks are defiantly holding on to their favorite winter clothing items (namely boots and tights). 2) White Chicks are slightly jumping the gun on busting out the preferred items of their spring wardrobe (i.e. sundresses, flip-flops, gladiator sandals, etc.)

(Author’s note: the above paragraph and possibly this entire post may only apply to White Chicks in temperate climates like the Southeast, Gulf Coast, Texas and portions of the West Coast. WWCC would like to extend a heartfelt apology to White Chicks in parts of the country that actually still have to deal with winter weather well into March and early April. Bummer for you. For real. That really must suck.)

Festival Season outfits look like a super cute explosion occurred in a White Chick’s closet right between her winter and spring items. There may be tall boots tucked into ridiculously expensive blue jeans (REBJ). But there may also be sundresses with cowboy boots. Or maybe the REBJs will be rolled the enormous mid-calf cuff and paired with cute sandals. Maybe there’s even a summer scarf (or perhaps a festive boa?) or two involved. And you can bet your ass there will be Oversized Sunglasses, which may or may not get destroyed depending on the rowdiness of said festival.

Another White Chick item that tends to make its debut around Festival Season is the Over-sized Handbag Designed by an Outdoor Clothing Company. Maybe its real name is a “day pack,” or “hiking pack” or “lumbar pack,” but in all actuality it’s an overpriced, glorified fanny pack with additional straps to enable it to double as a purse-like bag with additional storage space for White Chick Festival Season Gear.

From her digital camera to her cell phone to a personalized water bottle to her wallet to her denim jacket (in case the temps get cold later in the day) to a back-up water bottle filled with vodka (just in case), this bag basically does everything an over-sized handbag is capable of doing, but it's designed to better handle the outdoors. And, it will be branded with The North Face, Columbia, REI, Marmot, Mountain Hardwear or Pattagonia logo. Plus, the Over-sized Handbag Designed by an Outdoor Clothing Company gives White Chicks a lot of faux-hippie cred with the jam band world when they carry these bags to outdoor summer concerts by Dave Matthews, Phish or Widespread Panic versus their regular Over Sized Handbags.

But the best part of Festival Season is the word “Season” itself. This is no “one and done” time of the year. If up to date on the goings-on in her given city/geographic region, a well-informed White Chick and her crew of adorable BFFs can easily find at least one outdoor festival per weekend to attend through late May. Possibly even June. And that’s a lot of time for cute outfits, day drinking and general merriment in glorious sunshine-y weather...and of course plenty of photo-ops, because White Chicks love taking pictures of, like, everything they do.

Please keep sharing the blog, comments and ideas for future posts on Facebook and Twitter.

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White Chick of the Week: Emily Rehse

2011-03-14T10:41:00.003-04:00

Not to sound too much like a broken record, but I’m consistently surprised by the warm reception WWCC keeps getting. I study the blog’s analytics with something resembling Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it’s absolutely thrilling to see blog comments, tweets, comments on the Facebook page and readers gladly sharing the blog.

Boo yah!

And not a week goes by where I don’t receive an email from a WWCC fan either wanting to nominate a white chick pal for WCOTW or simply nominating themselves. You just have to admire the confidence of a gal to nominate themselves for White Chick of the Week.

And if you don’t believe me, just meet the latest WCOTW.

BIO

Name: Emily "Betty Crocker" Rehse

Age: 24, and not scared one bit that 30 is around the corner.

College/Major: Armstrong Atlantic State University. I've taken a 5-year hiatus for the Mr. and now it's head first in the books to get that Master's in British Literature. (That's right, White Chick Nerd Alert.)

Occupation: Wife first, Diva second. Whiner, Wisher, & Writer for http://www.thewaspsnest.net

Hometown: Savannah, Georgia

Current city: Savannah, Georgia

One Quick Interesting Fact about Emily: I'm from one of the oldest families in Savannah, we came right after that hot mess the books called a debtor's colony.  

EMILY’S FAVORITES:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Char-grilled Chicken Club with Fries & a Diet Lemonade (As if anyone could walk away without one, blasphemers.)   

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: It's tied amongst Cat Stevens, James Taylor & John Hiatt.

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: I keep it classy and classic. Calvin Klein is my man for denim.

Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Boutique? Honey no, this girl wakes and bakes. Favorites? Praline Pecan & Red Velvet. Savannah is the hostess city, you have to earn your stripes in the kitchen.

White Chick Flick: I can't pick just one. Chick flicks to me aren't light and fluffy, I love seeing trials and tribulations overcome. Think “Gone With the Wind,” “Pride & Prejudice” (Matthew Not Colin), and “Top Gun.”

Adult Beverage: Mint Julep with Firefly or Moët & Chandon Rosé Impérial

Favorite White Chick Lit: This is where I like it fluffy, I'm a huge? No, monstrous fan of Jane Austen, Tolkien (he and my uncle were pen pals.) and Joanne Rowling, but sometimes, a girl needs a fluffy book and a bubble bath, for that Jen Lencaster is a must. “Pretty in Plaid” gets me rolling!

Item of Accoutrement/accessory: I don't leave the house without my villager filled with my planner, fresh sugar lip balm, gloss addiction of the week, current mags from Bazaar, Good Housekeeping and Coastal Living, as well as flip flops for when I need to recoup from a long day with a pedi.

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?

Right about the time, I realized the jewelry store my granny was always stopping in belonged to us. I had a full chest of silver at the ripe age of 5.

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.

Saturdays are typically for the outdoors, Mr and I usually go to the park with the dogs if it's sunny. If not, we fire up the popcorn and hit the Netflix. Sundays are the best however; we go to noon communion and then, depending on the company, we either brunch at the Oglethorpe Club or the Savannah Yacht Club. Best days are Omelet days. Perfection.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

Any day spent with my mom and step dad are the best. It's like my very own version of “Leave It To Beaver,” only my mother is wearing Talbots and there are no boys around.

I would hope it would be for my novel I'm writing. It's taking my life and others and turning it into a modern mash up of a classic. I can't elaborate because then I'd be giving it away! I'd have to say Ellen, I love her charisma and she has such a genuine nature. I'm not a Oprah fan. I think was once sincere but now is just a big rich phony. As for R&K, I didn't know they were still together. Woopsie!

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?

Easy! Queen Elizabeth. Not only is she queen but she rules with such pose, grace and femininity. I know it's 2011, but to me it’s such a blast from the past. And when everyone was wearing all these cutesy tooties princess idiom accessories, I was like why settle? I want to be QUEEN!

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.  

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Giving Up Highly Cherished Things for Lent

2011-03-09T18:38:00.005-05:00

WWCC has mentioned before, many times in fact, about just how hard it can be to be a White Chick.

And this fact of life is perhaps no truer than today–Ash Wednesday–the beginning of Lent, when God-fearing White Chicks everywhere are giving up something they truly cherish.

As if it wasn’t already an arduous, uphill battle being a White Chick on a daily basis, now, out of an act of faith or latent Christian guilt, they have to go without something they truly cherish for, like, 40 whole days? Oh, the horror.

But White Chicks Cherish Giving Up Highly Cherished Items for Lent.

White Chicks also love discussing what they are giving up for Lent like it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever had to do…in fact I guarantee that you, yes you dear reader, know at least one White Chick who posted what she was giving up for Lent today as her Facebook status.

In the sprit of the season, WWCC came up with a working list of things White Chicks may find acceptable to give up for Lent. And I don’t mean to sound sarcastic or sacrilegious in the least when I say I am sure Jesus Christ is utterly bewildered and humbled by the courage, fortitude and conviction White Chicks display by depriving themselves of any of the following for 40 days:

Facebook (Bonus points is you’re a white chick and your FB status is currently about giving up FB for lent OR if you announced this fact via Twitter).
Diet Coke
Girl Scout Cookies (in all seriousness, giving up Girl Scout cookies during the only time of the year they are available is a pretty big deal)
Wine
Chocolate and/or candy
Texting (I’m pretty sure giving up anything involving one’s cell phone in this day and age is virtually impossible)
Going out to bars
Sweet Tea
The Internet (yeah, right)
Champagne
Chick-fil-A
Cupcakes
Carbs
Beer/any other form of booze not previously mentioned (you do realize St. Patrick’s Day is, like, two weeks away?)
Cussing (I won’t name names, but I know a few White Chicks who would fail miserably at trying to give this up)
Red Meat
Fro-Yo
Potato Chips
Drunk Dialing/Texting their exes
Sex (For real, white chicks? If you have to give up sex for lent, you may be a skank…just sayin’.)
Men/Boys (Though saying “I’m through with men…” carries way less weight when done “for Lent” versus, say, “FOREVER”)
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (or any other superbly horrible reality TV show guilty pleasure)
Pizza
Gossiping (this will only last until that “one” slut at work does something even remotely annoying one day. The only way for white chicks to live with the fact that they have a nemesis is to talk about them behind their backs constantly)
Any other form of dessert not previously mentioned
Shopping/Online Shopping (bonus points if you’re a white chick and find yourself aghast after reading this because There. Is. No. Way.)
Ethnic Food
Fried Food
Pilates/Yoga/Spin Class (psssssh…like a white chick would ever give this up)
TV in general (I’d rather chop off a pinky or a lesser-used toe)
Cheese
Bacon (Are you for serious? Don’t you know how effing awesome bacon is?)
Tabloids (this includes all the TMZ/Extra type shows)
Their favorite Starbucks drink (White chicks, do us all a favor here. If you are addicted to highly caffeinated beverages, for the sake of everyone who interacts with you on a daily basis, DO NOT deprive yourself of this addictive/mood altering substance)
Any other action that involves a near-impossible act of self-control not previously mentioned

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And please don’t give up clicking on annoying ads for Lent.

White Chick of the Week: Kristina Cherry

2011-03-03T13:52:00.003-05:00

As I’ve mentioned before with nearly every new addition to the WCOTW feature, I am hugely overwhelmed by all the support and praise WWCC has received since its inception. The blog has 246 followers, 500 or so fans on Facebook and about 280 followers on Twitter! Boo yah! So it’s awesome to think that something that began as more or less of a personal lark has become such a decent success.

The WCOTW process has also been awesome to take in. Sometimes I pick out White Chicks myself from the small group of them I am fortunate enough to know. But nearly every week I get emails from folks (guys and gals) recommending someone they know to be WCOTW. And sometimes White Chicks with a certain amount of panache and self-confidence nominate themselves. This week’s WCOTW is one such lady.

When this week’s WCOTW emailed me about appearing on the blog, she did everything right. And by that I mean she lauded WWCC with ego-boosting praise and professed her undying love for the blog.

“You have no idea how exciting this is in the world of White Chicks!” she said. “I am obsessed with your blog. You just nail us so perfectly. I have not come across a white chick yet that I haven't turned into a follower. From my mom and her friends to all my sorority sisters. Every time there is a post it truely brightens my day and gives me a little break to sit back and laugh!”

So without further ado, please meet the latest (and youngest to date) White Chick of the Week: Kristina Cherry

BIO

Age: I'm an old soul stuck in a 22-year-old body

College/Major: Georgia College & State University, Studio Art (I go to class and craft everyday, how white chick is that?)

Current City: Milledgeville, Georgia (Reference “Pretty Woman,” Julia Roberts' Character is from Milledgeville, so it must be good.)

Hometown: East Cobb (White Chick Mecca)

One Quick Interesting Fact About Kristina: I've been a hardcore White Chick since before I even knew what that meant. As young as 8 my family started calling me "Julie of the Love Boat" for my impeccable ability to plan and organize events for fellow 8 year olds. I haven't stopped yet...

KRISTINA’S FAVORITES

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Currently a #6 with a Coke Zero

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Clearly John Mayer, I saw him at On the Bricks when I was only 12 and it was love at first sight. Our relationship is still going strong.

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: I'm short so this is really difficult for me.. I have found that GAP jeans were just made for me. GAP may not be a part of the Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans category but their 1969 collection is pure perfection.

Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Anything that includes peanut butter and chocolate. Most places have some form of this but they are all referred to by different names, whatever it may be, I love it.

White Chick Flick: Well Nicholas Sparks is my man but honestly my favorite and arguably the original White Chick Flick is “Steel Magnolias.” My mom and I frequently find ourselves working in the script into our everyday lives. It’s a classic.

Favorite white chick adult beverage: Clearly a Mimosa. They are perfect for every occasion and always classy.

Favorite White Chick Lit: See above, Nicholas Sparks is my man. I mean seriously his wife hit the jackpot. A man that can write such romantic stories, he knows just how to pull on a woman's heartstrings.

Item of Accoutrement/Accessory: A Giant Handbag. You never know when an emergency situation might break out, thank got for a fashionable way to be prepared at all times.

WCOTW Q&A

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.

Well since I am still a student my weeks are shorter and my weekends are longer, it is truly glorious. I am not quite sure yet how I will make the adjustment into the "real world." But my weekend would start out by Grey's Anatomy with the roomies while preparing to go out on the town here in big ol' Milledgeville. Followed by an eventful evening/early early morning in the bar scene. Friday I would sleep in and eventually drag myself from the bed and up to the art studio. I would paint all day while jamming out to some White Chick tunes with fellow White Chick art majors (there are quite a few of us if you can believe that!) Then out for a little Mexican and repeat over again all weekend. At some point I would try to throw in some laundry and on Sunday always a few good White Chick Flicks. Sunday night would of course be consumed by Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. Ahh... only four more days until the next weekend!

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

There has honestly not been a post that isn't literally the truth of my life. But along with the Various Monogrammed Items I also cherish anything, I mean anything that has my Sorority Letters on it. It’s sick. It’s just as great as a monogram because those letters won't ever change. Should I at some point mature out of the Sorority letter stage? Yes. Probably. Will I? Most likely not. Also singing Journey at the top of my lungs. It was my senior song. How White Chick does that make East Cobb? Yea. White Chicks Rule. I just can't get enough of it. I lose all of my inhibitions and I just have to immediately find a microphone and pour my heart out. Don't Stop Believin.

If you could be the contestant on any reality show (think The Bachelor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, etc.) which one would you choose and why?

I think I would really love to be on Project Runway it would truly be like one of my most insane dreams coming true but I hate the sewing machine so realistically it would be The Amazing Race. My mother and I could kick some serious butt in this competition and we would make great television. We are like two peas in a pod with all the comedic relief that is required of such a serious task. We are competitive as they come, you tell us we can't and you better believe we will times 10. And seriously who wouldn't want to watch two generations of White Chick travel across the globe and do insane challenges while eating totally gross things?

This is really a hard one but at the end of the day I would have to go with Oprah. And I would want the whole hour devoted to me! Because I would be a famous wedding/event planner and I would be telling Oprah all the latest trends. I would also spill some gossip about the latest celebrity weddings I am working on. Oprah is just fun. When she gets excited about something it is truly hard for me to contain myself also. I know she would just be the best host! And I also really want to meet Gayle.

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?

It would definitely have to be Jennifer Aniston. She may not be lucky in love but she is rockin it at 41 years old. And she just has the world at her fingertips. Everyone loves her, I mean who wouldn't want to be her? Hardly anyone, just think about the amont of people that were sportin the "Rachel" in the 90's.

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.  

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!  

And help WWCC generate some paltry, passive income by clicking on some ads!

The Oscars

2011-02-28T14:18:00.007-05:00

Ahh…awards season. Is there a better time of year for self-aggrandizing, nationally televised embarrassment and fabulous dresses? Hell no there isn’t.

As humans, we’re all a little bit guilty of peering into the world of celebrities with slightly jealous eyes. They’re generally gorgeous, wealthy, talented and sublimely well informed when it comes to having relevant opinions on political and world matters, so it’s only natural to be envious of Hollywood A-listers.

At no other time of the year is this envy more palpable than The Academy Awards. For months the build up grows and grows–there are even a whole slew of less important awards shows that exist solely to serve as Oscar appetizers. And the relentless coverage is nearly impossible to escape–from legit news sources to grocery store gossip rags to entire television networks devoted to shoveling star worship down our throats.

There are hundreds of reasons why White Chicks Cherish The Oscars. Nearly every white chick, at some point in their lives, has dreamed of being dressed like a princess and being the center of the world’s attention. So there’s a sense of yearning that can be associated with viewing the Academy Awards. There’s also the genuine feeling of empathy–of seeing a truly thankful actor, utterly bewildered in their moment of spotlight, offering their heartfelt and sincere acceptance speeches. (bonus points if said speech can make a white chick cry).

But let’s face it, White Chicks can be a horrifically mean and catty bunch. Particularly when they are in groups and there’s booze AND other women dressed in clothes involved. And I’m not saying all white chicks are guilty of this, but some white chicks may watch The Oscars with their girlfriends and snacks and plenty of wine for the sole purpose of venting.

And in the spirit of the uncanny ability of white chicks to deliver snarky and scathing commentary whilst watching the Oscars with their bffs, WWCC wanted to tip its hat to white chicks everywhere by offering its own take on last night's Oscars.

(I will make a half-assed pre-emptive apology for the mean-spirited tone of most of, ok...ALL, the proceeding comments. But if there is one group of people who need a healthy dose of negative vitriol it’s the overpaid bunch of self-absorbed, self-important and self-congratulatory whackos that make up Hollywood).

--It’s hard not to like Anne Hathaway, but she tried too hard last night. Granted she was basically forced to carry James Franco’s dead co-hosting weight. So is that really her fault? Maybe she should have changed outfits a few more times?

--I’ve enjoyed James Franco in most of the movies I’ve seen him in, but an engaging Oscar co-host HE IS NOT. When you’re charismatically upstaged by Kirk Douglas (who is at least 137 years old and the victim of no less than three strokes) maybe it’s time to think about your stage presence/persona.

--How sad is it that the Oscars play that awful music to cut people off during their acceptance speeches? I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for these people to thank their family, colleagues and loved ones for a life of hard work that culminates in this ONE brief moment in time –and they have a time limit?!? Granted this happens more so with the awards no one cares about (sound editing, foreign films, costumery, etc.) but if the Oscars are so concerned with time, why not get rid of all the useless bullshit from the show: the horrid auto-tune/mash-up of created songs from awful movies, Gwynneth Paltrow singing and/or James Franco in a dress.

--Seriously, Gwynneth Paltrow should NOT be allowed to sing in public. Not all actors can sing. Not all singers can act. The entertainment industry MUST come to this realization. The sooner the better. Plus, she looks uber-constipated when she sings...not the best look for her.

--How, why and when did Kelly Osbourne become a definitive voice in contemporary fashion? Isn’t being Ozzy Osbourne’s pudgy and annoying daughter the only career path she’s qualified for?

--I have nothing but respect for Joan Rivers long career and sense of humor, but I hardly feel like a 100-year-old heap of plastic surgery is in any position to comment on fashion. And don’t get me started on the hermaphroditic freak of nature (and heap of plastic surgery) Stephen Cojocaru. Call me a jerk but aside from “The Soup” every show, every person and every thing on the E! Network is complete and total brain cell-destroying horseshit.

--ALL white chicks absolutely love every little thing about Cate Blanchett. Michelle Williams is quickly gaining ground, though. Go ahead and add Sandra Bullock to this list for good measure (though I wonder if her universal white chick love would be the same if her scumbag husband didn’t cheat on her with that tattooed skank?)

--Jennifer Hudson is literally half the performer she once was.

--One of the highlights of last night–not seeing a Kardashian.

--Scarlett Johansen is easily one of the most attractive women on the planet, but how did she forget to brush her hair for the Oscars?

--Really? Erin Andrews at the Oscars? WTF…shouldn’t you have to have some sort of marketable talent to at least receive an invitation to the Academy Awards?

--Looks like it will take more than an Oscar nomination and a reference by Justin Timberlake to make Banksy a more credible pop culture reference.

--Was anyone else hoping when Billy Crystal came on stage last night that he got some sort of “relief host” signal from the Oscars’ producers? Like he was called in from the bullpen for the save?

--Hey, Natalie Portman, we all know you’re pregnant. You don’t have to mention it, like, ALL the time in, like, EVERY speech or interview you give. (Author's note: this is spurned by jealousy of the fact that Portman's child is not mine).

-- Not counting the children in the PS22 Chorus, but 1/3 of the black people they showed on the Oscars last night were dead–between Halle Berry, Oprah and Lena Horne.

--We get it, Jesse Eisenberg, you’re such a rebel because it’s 2011, you’re an Oscar-nominated actor and yet you don’t own a TV or have a Facebook page. Perhaps if you owned and frequently used these modern marvels of communication, you’d be a little less socially awkward and painful to watch in interviews.

--Reese Witherspoon is a super cutie, BUT not last night. It looked like her stylist stole her hair do from My Little Pony.

--Is it me or do Keith Urban and Billy Ray Cyrus look almost exactly the same?

--Melissa Leo’s f-bomb during her acceptance speech last night may very well have been the only genuine moment of the night.

--Why the Corey Haim snub in the “In Memoriam” tribute last night? Come on, he was brilliant in “Lucas,” “License to Drive,” and “The Lost Boys.” For shame, Hollywood. For Shame.

--Really?!? Scientologists can't get any love at the Oscars anymore?!?

--Portraying a character with mental issues (Natalie Portman), substance abuse problems (Christian Bale) or slight handicaps (Colin Firth) will ALWAYS equate to an Oscar win.

--I could die a happy man if I don’t ever have to see or hear Celine Dion again.

Share your own snarky Oscar comments here or on Facebook and Twitter!

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White Chick of the Week: Amy Newton

2011-02-18T13:19:00.004-05:00

Since the blog's inception, WWCC’s humble author has developed near-OCD fascination with scouring the Interwebs to hunt down any and all comments posted about the blog. One such event occurred about a week ago when the kind soul and true gentleman Mickey Cloud (@mickeycloud on Twitter) Tweeted some glowing remarks about WWCC to the universe.

A brief dialogue ensued in which Mr. Cloud, being the true benevolent gentleman that he is, inquired about nominating his own girlfriend to be WCOTW. Now, WWCC is always flattered by any such requests and will always try to accommodate (especially when the blog has been complimented in such a kind way.)

But Mr. Cloud’s request had a bit of a unique kicker...he was nominating his special lady friend as a Valentine’s Day present to her. As skeptical and cynical as WWCC’s humble author may be of the most contrived “holiday” in the world, it was nonetheless moving. Easily one of the most romantic acts ever witnessed. Ever. It would seem your humble author’s skeptical cynicism is merely an outer shell protecting a warm, gooey, hopelessly romantic center.

And WWCC would also like to offer a sincere apology to Mr. Cloud and his wonderful White Chick for not posting this until several days after Valentine’s Day. Nonetheless, I think you’ll agree that when it comes to true love, every day can, and should be, Valentine’s Day. And I also think you’ll agree that Mr. Cloud is one lucky bastard.

Presenting WWCC’s Valentine’s Day White Chick of the Week: Amy Newton

BIO

Age: 23
College/Major: I have worn the honor of honors; I graduated from the University of Virginia. And of course, I majored in Art History.
Occupation: Volunteer Coordinator / Development Associate for a Non-Profit Organization
Current city: Norfolk, VA
Hometown: Chesapeake, VA
One Quick Interesting Fact About Amy: I know 150 capitals of the 195 countries in the world, according to Sporcle.

AMY’S FAVORITES

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: #6 3-count Chicken Strips with Polynesian and Chick-fil-a Sauce; Sweet Tea
Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Corey Smith
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: Sevens…so cliché, I know, but I love my J-Brands too
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Pink Champagne
White Chick Flick: I’ll go off the beaten path and say Center Stage but I do love How to Lose a Guy in 10 days, too.
Favorite white chick adult beverage: Pineapple juice and vodka. I’m getting more into bourbon these days, but my staple is still the pineapple-vodka.
Favorite White Chick Lit: The GRITS Handbook (Girls Raised In The South)
Item of Accoutrement/accessorie: Rosegold Michael Kors oversized watch

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?

During a Girl Scout camping trip, I went up to the leader (who was my mom) and told her I was having a great time camping, but I had seen a Hilton Hotel on the way up the mountain, and thought that would be a more fitting place of shelter for us.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

Monograms – they’re on my towels, a bathing suit, the rear window of my car, my coozies, my jewelry box, pretty much everything I own; David Yurman; Gossip Girl; cowboy boots; reading People Style Watch

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on?

Definitely Regis and Kelly; I’m famous for inventing the “Clueless Closet” iPhone app that is modeled after the opening scene in Clueless, where Cher picks out her clothes from her touch-screen computer. Wait, why am I giving away my billion-dollar idea…?

Your turn to turn the tides: briefly discuss something that white guys are particularly fond that you find comical.

Their love of girl pop – case in point: I was driving around town in my monogrammed Xterra this weekend and “Firework” came on. I turned it up and started signing along – but to my surprise, the loudest one in the car wasn’t me or Katy – it was my boyfriend, belting every word out at the top of his lungs. God forbid Ke$ha or “Party in the USA” comes on next.

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?

Kate Middleton! The world would then know what I’ve known all my life – I’m a princess!

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.  

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Boutique Frozen Yogurt (aka. "Fro-Yo")

2011-02-15T19:12:00.007-05:00

To say that White Chicks and dessert have a perplexing relationship would be the understatement of the century. (Though it's not nearly as strange or maddening as the relationship between Sammie and Ron on “The Jersey Shore,” seriously, would they just break up for good already? But I digress).

Dessert is kinda like that 'one' ex-boyfriend for White Chicks, there are times when she literally wants to spend every waking moment in its presence and other times when the mere mention of its name will make her throw up in her mouth a little bit. Why this weird on-again/off-again romance with WWCC’s humble author’s favorite food group?

Despite what you may believe, dearest WWCC reader, being a White Chick isn’t all jovial Sunday Brunches, Fashionable Rain Boot Shopping and Jack Johnson concerts. It’s hard out there for White Chicks...a constant struggle, actually. Along with the unending pressure to out-cute the ubiquitous and fabulous looking competition, there’s also, like, every form of media out there informing White Chicks what they SHOULD and SHOULD NOT LOOK LIKE on a 24/7/365 basis. And thus, it’s an immense challenge for a White Chick to maintain a natural, healthy relationship with the sweet, sweet empty calories of dessert AND her own body image. (WWCC simply MUST make this parenthetical side: “Hey, White Chick. Yes, you. In case no one has told you today, you are fantastic, amazing and beyond-beautiful just the way you are.”)

But there is one form of dessert that lets a White Chick indulge her sweet tooth while keeping the pangs of horrific dessert-guilt to a minimum. A delicious treat featuring various forms of edible-accoutrement which lets a White Chick create a frozen concoction unique to her and her alone. And that’s because White Chicks Cherish Frozen Yogurt (aka. “Fro Yo”).

Ask any White Chick and chances are she's been to a Boutique Fro-Yo joint recently...at least within the past 30-45 days. And there's a strong chance that said Boutique Fro-Yo joint’s name includes some sort of yogurt-pun (ie. Yo-Reeka, or Yo-Foria). If a White Chick’s frequently visited Fro-Yo Boutique’s name does not contain a yogurt-related pun, then by law it is required to contain the word “Berry.”

The White Chick Fro-Yo of today isn’t all that different from the TCBY yogurt fad that took the nation by storm in the mid-90s. (TCBY now is like K-Mart to me, I haven’t seen one open for business in at least a decade). Essentially it’s similar to the yogurt available the yogurt aisle in the grocery store, only it's frozen (duh!). And while TCBY only featured chocolate, vanilla, swirl and the chemically-great tastes of Boysenberry, White Chick Fro-Yo Boutiques feature a bounty of magical “base” flavors including: Pomegranate (a fruit currently riding a wave of unprecedented fame in the White Chick diet world). Blueberry. Coconut. Blood Orange. Honeydew. And Green Tea (it’s a safe bet a White Chick will try anything Green Tea flavored–be it gum, breath mints or even Green Tea–at least once).

But what makes Boutique Frozen Yogurt a deeply loved form of dessert for White Chicks is the wide assortment of Fro-Yo Accoutrement available. The base-flavors are merely a low-calorie, creamy blank canvas of delicious possibilities for White Chicks. Fro-Yo Boutiques feature a veritable buffet salad bar of various toppings where White Chicks can cater their yogurt’s taste to their feelings at any given moment. Fro-Yo Accoutrement may include, but is not limited to any combo of the following:

Fresh Pineapple

Chocolate Chips

Granola

Crushed Oreos

Walnuts

Raspberries

White Chocolate Chips

Yogurt Covered Raisins

Fruity Pebbles

M&Ms

Blueberries

Blackberries

Gummy Bears

Gummy Warms

Marshmallows

Peaches

Cantaloupe

Sour Patch Kids

Cap’n Crunch

Reese’s Cups

Pretzel Bits

Shaved Coconut

Dark Chocolate Chips

Bananas

Almonds

Graham Crackers

Strawberries

Pecans

Brownie Chunks

Grapes

Kiwi

Snickers Chunks

Colored Sprinkles

Chocolate Sprinkles

Chocolate Syrup

Whipped Cream

Fro-Yo is literally perfection for White Chicks because it can cure any craving for dessert that they may have. White Chicks can keep things low-cal and fresh with an assortment of fresh fruits and grains. Or they can dive into the sinful dessert debauchery that is every form or chocolate imaginable in one priced-to-weight cup.

But Boutique Fro-Yo isn’t “really” dessert for White Chicks much in the same way that Chic-fil-A isn’t “really” fast food. Because at the end of the day, as one loyal WWCC reader explained it to me, “it’s still yogurt, you know, so you don’t feel as fat.”

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White Chick of the Week: Melissa Langston-Wood

2011-02-07T19:05:00.005-05:00

WWCC has already introduced you to one top notch White Chick from The Creative Circus, and now you’re about to meet another.

As a grad school for weird kids, the Creative Circus is a two-year advertising portfolio for folks that want to work in the creative side of the advertising industry. As far as school experiences go, it was the most fun I’ve ever had questioning my talent and severely stressing over my career and financial future on a daily basis. Second in my heart only to my true alma mater of Clemson University, the Creative Circus is a pretty special place, chock full of some genuinely talented and super cool folks.

And the latest White Chick of the Week is about as genuine, talented and super cool as they come. Check out her portfolio and her blog, and I’m sure you’ll reach the same conclusion. Please give a warm, WCOTW welcome to Melissa Langston-Wood.

BIO:

Name: Melissa Langston-Wood (I should get bonus white chick points for my hyphenated name)

Age: 25

College/Major: Ole Miss/Marketing Communications

Current City: San Francisco

Occupation: Copywriter

Hometown: ATL, ho (quite possibly the whitest thing I could've written with the exception of Hotlanta)

One Quick Interesting Fact About Melissa: I'm trypophobic. Organic clusters give me goose bumps. Google it.

MELISSA’S FAVORITES:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Number one with a diet lemonade
Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Joshua Radin. James Morrison comes in at a close second.
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: Joe's
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: Coca-Cola
White Chick Flick: Sixteen Candles
Favorite White Chick Adult Beverage: Blueberry vodka with soda and lime
Favorite White Chick Lit: Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes
Item of Accoutrement/accessory: Ray-Ban Wayfarers. Or anything vintage.

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?

The moment I opened my first issue of Teen Magazine and saw JTT with his sexy butt-cut and oversized B.U.M. t-shirt. And then did M.A.S.H. and put him as my number one for the "Husband to be" column.

It's been a long week at work; tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.

Well, considering the fact that I'm poor and only have an air mattress in my apartment, something free and outside. But if money wasn't an option I'd be somewhere in the Greek isles. Possibly on a boat.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick?

Boy bands, Chapstick, The Office, SEC football, dancing at weddings, Perez Hilton, and cheese dip

If you could be the contestant on any reality show (think The Bachelor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, etc.) which one would you choose and why?

I don't know. I think in a perfect world I'd be on the Jersey Shore. In the real world I'm too white and too Southern. And MTV already filled the role of the vertically challenged, slightly swollen lush.

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on?

Ellen. And I'm an actress who just won some sort of award and gave the most inspiring acceptance speech ever. Obvi.

Your turn to turn the tides: briefly discuss something that white guys are particularly fond that you find comical.

How much they think they relate to professional black athletes.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick

My boyfriend is Indian. And he doesn't wear seersucker or croakies.

Are you a Twilight fan despite being a full grown adult? Why?

You know, I was hoping this question wouldn't be on here because I don't think it's fair for me to have to discuss why I like tweenage books about vegetarian vampires. I also like more intellectual and witty reading material from authors like Tom Wolfe and Chuck Klosterman, but you asked this question so specifically. And I hadn't planned on lying in this particular questionnaire so you've forced me to admit that not only do I read these books but I enjoy them. I am hooked on them. I want nothing more than for Edward to climb into my window and creepily watch me while I slumber. And I want a werewolf to vie for my love and affection. Until now, however, I have been able to keep that under wraps, sharing it only with my BFFs. You changed that. And I have become yet another stereotype in the sea of trendy, Caucasian women. I think you should pay for my ticket to the first installment of Breaking Dawn when it comes out in theaters. It's only fair.

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?

Tina Fey. She's a badass.

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

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Over Sized Sunglasses

2011-02-02T15:04:00.010-05:00

Though I've alluded to the topic several times in other WWCC posts, I've yet to tackle this subject matter head on. And now is just as good a time as any.

In the world of White Chick Fashion Accessories there is one thing universally owned by seemingly every White Chick on Earth. A certain item of accoutrement that offers relative anonymity while still saying to the world, "Hey, world! I'm a White Chick! Aren't I fabulous?" A wonderful item that represents the happy union of fashionable form and feasible function that truly personifies an often used phrase in the White Chick lexicon (particularly when it correlates to Fashionable Handbags and a certain part of the male anatomy which may or may not be the topic of ribald discussion over the third Bloody Mary or Mimosa at Sunday Brunch): Bigger is Always Better.

White Chicks Cherish Over Sized Sunglasses

There's really no rhyme or reason when it comes to the perfect size of Over Sized Sunglasses for White Chicks. Generally, they seem to be just a couple of notches under those giant, comically huge joke sunglasses in size, but WAY WAY cuter. As long as they have the ability to be lifted off the face, rested above the bangs and double as a hair band once a White Chick is inside and out of direct sunlight (White Chicks do with this with such adorable aplomb), then, really Over-Sized Sunglasses are the perfect size.

But there most definitely is a certain logic pertaining to the cost of said sunglasses and their life expectancy in White Chickdom. A designer pair of Over Sized Sunglasses is at least a $200 White Chick investment that almost always seems to be left in cabs, lost forever to an expansive body of water, forgotten on top of the car before the morning commute or simply pulverized during an over-served fall while Overdressing for a College Football Game Tailgate. Conversely, a pair of sunglasses under $25 (often purchased at Target) to offer a quick fix will seemingly last forever.

Over Sized Sunglasses typically come in three styles:

The Jackie O's:

Obviously drawing a major influence from the former First Lady who, still to this day, stands for a level of elegance and sophistication nearly every White Chick in the galaxy aspires to reach. Jackie O-versized Sunglasses are generally geometrically shaped and feature either a dark tortoise-shell or solid black frame. Essentially if these sunglasses cover a White Chick's entire face, save for her mouth and nose, then they are utterly fabulous. Elegant enough for an outdoor wedding reception but still casual enough for a trip to Walgreen's in workout clothes to buy lady products...and maybe some Peanut Butter M&Ms.

The Aviators

Not only did "Top Gun" leave us with a masterpiece of an 80s movie (one you just have to watch if it plays on cable on a hungover Sunday) whose thinly-veiled homo-erotic undertones leave us questioning Tom Cruise's sexual preference decades later, the movie also helped to popularize the second most popular form of Over Sized Sunglasses for White Chicks.

While Jackie O's are the most popular, Aviators require a certain amount of panache to pull off properly in White Chickdom. White Chicks in Aviators are generally in touch with their inner-rock star. Aviators make White Chicks look laid back, approachable and always ready for fun, be it day drinking on a friends boat or just driving around with the gals on a sunny day singing along to their favorite "Hey Girl!" songs as loud as possible on the radio.

The Hipster-ettes

In case you missed WWCC's brief dissertation on the indie/hipster White Chick in the Sassy Ankle Boots addendum post, this White Chick subspecies is currently popularizing another form of Over Sized Sunglasses.

Hipster-ettes are typically in the fashion of old-school horn-rimmed glasses (a la Buddy Holly) and generally come in loud, obtrusive colors (maybe a neon green?). There's really not much use of trying to make sense of fashion sense in the indie/hipster world, other than that irony seems to be a huge motivating factor. But nonetheless, indie/hipster White Chicks put a lot of effort into looking like they don't care how they look. And I just want to personally thank them for their efforts. Because, strangely enough, they pull it off.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

Boots (addendum): Sassy Ankle Boots

2011-01-31T19:11:00.006-05:00

Despite the uncanny, hilarious and in-depth observations WWCC posts on a pretty consistent basis (hopefully WWCC will become more consistent), there are certain aspects of White Chickdom that sometimes go unwritten or unnoticed (or un-copy and pasted from a separate document your humble author may or may not have written on the company dime). Needless to say, such lapses in observation are embarrassing. But I'm just ONE single-idiot dude covering an entirely mystical species of creature, and I'm bound to overlook something once in a while.

Thanks to some well-intentioned WWCC comments I was alerted to the fact that I neglected to mention a particular fashion of boot in the previous blog post about White Chicks Cherishing Boots. It's a small privilege to know the blog is being read and enjoyed, and a greater one to know that folks are invested enough to take the time and offer suggestions...and point out my shortcomings in certain instances.

With that being said, I swear I wrote a piece on Sassy Ankle Boots for the previous post. And in my carelessness of not posting at all last week I may or may not have decided to embellish this post from the aforementioned document.

In case you didn't know, White Chicks Cherish Sassy Ankle Boots:

The Sassy Ankle Boot is skyrocketing to popularity in the Boots category for White Chicks. And though widely popular, not every White Chick will venture to wear Sassy Ankle Boots.

Typically, White Chicks that Cherish Sassy Ankle Boots have a bit of an indie/hipster slant to them. Although they may most certainly be a white chick at the core, they have an uncanny ability to look vaguely Asian or possibly Hispanic at times due to their mastery of eye make-up and their hair styles which look messy and unkempt but require a meticulous routine to give off that apperance. Their wardrobe generally attracts attention in some sort of way–super skinny jeans, bright and/or wildly designed tights, lots of colorful scarfs and maybe some type of cardigan sweater with some cute, vaguely ironic pins or buttons adorning said sweater. It's a sort of bohemian thrift-store-chic-look that undoubtedly pairs a super cheap bargain basement item with something insanely overpriced. And although it may not make much sense upon first glance, the more you stare at said indie/hipster White Chick, the more you realize she totally pulls it off.

These Sassy Ankle Boot wearing White Chicks are interesting creatures and a bit of a subset in the White Chick species. They're full of delightful contradictions. Like, maybe she's vegan but smokes cigarettes (only American Spirits, though). She loves beer, Miller High Life or Pabst Blue Ribbon in particular, but will swoon when she sees photos of baby animals that aren't cute as adult animals or a miniature version of a regular product in a store (ie. those really tiny, single-serving bottles of Tabasco).

Her boyfriend may or may not be in a band, but he has a mustache and wears a funny hat sometimes. (If Sassy Ankle Boot wearing White Chick was ever to join a band she'd certainly play bass.) She's still getting over her once-favorite music groups like Kings of Leon, the Avett Brothers or Mumford & Sons (who are really just the Avett Brothers from England) going from relative unknowns (ie. "theirs") to being wildly enjoyed by the masses. And she's currently really enjoying a band that has some sort of animal name in its title (ie. Bear, Deer, Fox, etc).

Chances are this Sassy Ankle Boot wearing White Chick has some sort of facial piercing (most likely the nose, but quite possibly a dimple). And maybe, just maybe, she has a tattoo on her wrist.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)! If this rate keeps up, by the end of 2011 I should be able to buy myself anything I want that costs about $50.00!

Boots

2011-01-17T19:08:00.013-05:00

Happy New Year, White Chicks!

I know better than to keep a White Chick waiting, I wasn't raised by wolves! So I just want to offer a quick apology and explanation for the lack of posts over the few weeks from pre-Christmas up to now. The major reason is that my ninja-like levels of procrastination got the better of me and I simply didn’t write anything for about three weeks.

Another explanation is that I had a pretty busy couple of weeks that involved moving out of Atlanta, spending a week on vacation with my glorious family, moving to Hilton Head, SC and starting a new job in a new city in the New Year.

But mostly, I was just procrastinating and being lazy.

Along with being a New Year, it’s also winter (for those WWCC readers in the Northern Hemisphere, at least) which can only mean one thing for White Chicks: Boot Season.

And you only need to be somewhat observant to know White Chicks Cherish the hell out of wearing some Boots.

For work or play boots are versatile–they can be worn with skirts, dresses, dress pants, Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans (which are commonly tucked into said boot to show off the style of said boot) or leggings/tights/jeggings. (I am still struggling to comprehend the difference between leggings and tights and the occasions in which they can actually be worn as a replacement for pants in the complex, wonderful place that is the White Chick Fashion World).

I realize how inane and ridiculous it may be to present a WWCC post about boots to the species of human that wear them, like, almost every day during the winter. But if you haven’t caught on by now, that’s kind of the sole purpose of What White Chicks Cherish.

White Chicks Cherishing Boots may include, but is not entirely limited to, the following fashions:

Tall Boots: Although they’re losing ground to some of the newcomers in the White Chick Boot World, Tall Boots are nearly ubiquitous and my hands-down favorites. Simple, sleek, sexy and classy–these boots give white chicks an almost super-hero like quality when worn and any cute White Chick worth her mettle will own a pair of Tall Boots. And a White Chick in Tall Boots will never, ever fail to capture my attention in a polite, non-creepy and well-meaning way of course. (Insert rolled-R tiger growl noise here)

Uggs: These have to be the most comfortable form of women’s footwear on the planet…because they certainly are not the most attractive. Don’t get me wrong sometimes Uggs look really super cute on a White Chick and other times they look downright hideous. And I am not sure why, it’s just a gut reaction and I have no choice in the matter.

I also am not sure why White Chicks wear these wool-lined boots on remotely warm, sunny days...like anytime the temperature is above 60.

AND...I really do not understand the style of Uggs that look like a hand-knitted cable sweater with buttons on them? I find them to be very confusing.

(Side note: During the wonderful and much-needed family time over the holidays, I noticed my 12-year-old niece sporting a pair of fake-Uggs...commonly referred into White Chick parlance as “Fuggs.” A day later she was wearing skinny jeans. And one of her Christmas presents from my parents were a few fashionable, Summer Scarves. Clearly she is well on her way to becoming a top-notch White Chick and I am SO PROUD of her).

Cowboy Boots: Cowboy boots are HUGE in the White Chick Winter Wardrobe, but typically will begin making their appearance around Overdressing for College Football Games Season. Whether paired with Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans, a sundress and, sometimes, even shorts, there’s something undeniably cute about a White Chick in cowboy boots...which is obviously why nearly every white chick on the planet has a pair of cowboy boots. Along with the obligatory pair of ballet flats, I am beginning to think Cowboy Boots are Government Issued White Chick Paraphernalia.

Flat-soled Slouch Boots: These boots are commonly made out of suede and tend to make single, idiot dudes wonder how they stay put on a White Chick’s legs. They look like they would fall down at any moment like a pair of old socks whose elastic is entirely shot. And you know that the obligatory straps and buckles on slouch boots are purely ornamental and serve no functional purpose. Seriously, it’s something of a mystery to me. But they are cute nonetheless.

Frye Boots: Any form of boot not previously mentioned above can be covered under the blanket of White Chick Boot-dom that is Frye Boots. As America’s oldest shoe company, Frye has been cranking out boots since 1863. The company has booted Civil War soldiers, Teddy Roosevelt and there’s even a pair on display in the Smithsonian because Frye boots are so deeply rooted in Americana.

And the brand is now preying on White Chicks with all sorts of timeless and modern styles of boots (riding boots, anyone?) and chances are any fashionable, self-respecting White Chick could find a suitable pair from this American boot purveyor. But if you find yourself asking the question, “What’s the difference between Frye boots and other brands?” The answer is about a $150 to $200 increase in suggested retail price.

Furry Boots: I’ll be bluntly honest here, White Chicks. Don’t get me wrong, I love you. I truly do. And I’ve made that point abundantly clear since day one of WWCC. BUT, unless you spend your nights in in a legit igloo, drive a dog-sled through multiple feet of snow to get your day job of ice-spear fishing to help feed your igloo village OR have goals to one day dance in a rap video-––Furry Boots (especially ones that feature any type of dangling furry spherical object) are effing ridiculous and should not be worn in public. And honestly White Chicks, you of all people should know better.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)! I've made a whopping $15.00 from them in a whole month!

White Chick of the Week: Bailey Schiffel

2010-12-24T13:20:00.003-05:00

With Christmas nearly upon us, it only seems fitting that WWCC's newest White Chick of the Week be something of a Christmas Baby. And while it's always an esteemed pleasure to introduce fabulous White Chicks to the WWCC readership, this week's entry means just a bit more given the context and timing of her entry.

Not only does she get to celebrate Christmas this week, she also gets to celebrate a recent birthday AND the amazing honor of joining some especially wonderful gals as WCOTW...truly a great time for her to be alive! So by all means, wish a Merry Christmas, a Happy Birthday and a joyous reign as White Chick of the Week to Bailey Schiffel.

BIO

Name: Bailey Schiffel

Age: 26 as of Dec. 21st

College/Major: I graduated from The University of Georgia with a degree in Studio Art…GO DAWGS!!! (Side note: I went to UGA with 18 hours of credit, and should’ve by all means graduated early. My freshman year I saw a t-shirt that said “Athens Georgia, the best 5 or 6 years of your life” which I found hilariously ridiculous since I planned to be done in 3.5 years. That being said, I graduated from UGA in 5 years, and now own said t-shirt…)

Current City: Wilmington, NC

Occupation: I am in property management and own my own jewelry design business. www.BaileyKatherine.com

Hometown: Wilmington, NC. Yes that makes me a townie…

One quick interesting fact about Bailey: One of my favorite things to do is to ambush pictures. I will go to almost any length to get into someone else’s perfectly posed picture, including, but not limited to crawling on the ground.

THE THINGS BAILEY CHERISHES

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: #1 with Lemonade, although I’ve recently been testing out the chicken nugget combo with Lemonade. I’ve convinced myself that it’s somehow healthier for me than the chicken sandwich. It totally makes sense. I just followed the same train of thought that we all used to decide that Chick-fil-A isn’t really a fast food establishment. And let me just add, that I won a free lunch from Chick-fil-A a few weeks ago for being the 400^th person to go through the drive through that day. It was one of the happiest moments of my life thus far.

Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: Having grown up at the beach, I’m partial to singer/songwriter/surfer Jack Johnson.

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: I’m really into James Jeans right now. They’re surprisingly affordable as far as Expensive Blue Jeans go, and they’re super comfy!

Boutique Cupcake Flavor: This is a really hard question because I like anything with sugar, but if push came to shove, I’d go with the classic white cupcake with chocolate icing. (Side note: Our local cupcake boutique does a flavor of the day, and this past spring they had a bacon flavored cupcake. It sounded so disgusting and wrong that I was tempted to try it, but I chickened out. But seriously, who doesn’t love bacon?)

White Chick Flick: When Harry Met Sally. Harry’s speech at the end totally makes the movie, and I secretly dream that one day I will inspire someone to profess their love for me in the same way that Sally did. I just hope it doesn’t take as long as it took them to get there…yikes!

Favorite white chick adult beverage: Pinot Grigio or Firefly and water. Drinking Firefly can be a very dangerous game because it tastes exactly like sweet tea, but if you add water you are simultaneously re-hydrating so you don’t feel as awful the next day… Strategery.

Favorite White Chick Lit: Water For Elephants. This might be the best book ever written, and its status as White Chick Lit was totally validated when Robert Pattinson was cast to play the main character in the movie version. Everybody knows that white chicks love Robert Pattinson…

Item of Accoutrement/accessory: I don’t go anywhere without my oversized purse. I like to carry everything that I own with me at all times. That way I’m prepared for almost anything.

WCOTW Q&A

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend. My ideal white chick weekend includes a few things. It would certainly include shopping for ridiculously expensive blue jeans and shoes with girlfriends in a great place like NYC or Charleston. (Interesting fact: I solidified one of the best friendships of my life while shoe shopping in Italy while studying abroad in the Summer of ’07.) Brunch is a must…obvi. After shopping, we would go to the spa for massages, manicures, and pedicures. For dinner we would go to a nice tapas or fondue restaurant. I dare you to find me a white chick who doesn’t like tapas or fondue. We would then go out and have classy white chick drinks together. And we would end each night with an impromptu late night dance party.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick? Farmer’s markets, Anthropologie, Target, Oversized Sunglasses ( I have a signature pair, that I just keep re-ordering whenever I wear them out), Skinny Jeans, Taylor Swift, Impromptu late night dance parties, Tailgating, My finger nail polish collection… I could go on, but I won’t.

If you could be the contestant on any reality show (think The Bachelor, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, etc.) which one would you choose and why? I wouldn’t want to be on a reality show that’s a competition. My dad beat the competitive spirit out of me as a child by never letting me win anything…not even Monopoly. He would do almost anything to beat me, including making up rules before I was able to read. He once put 8 hotels on one property, and bankrupted me within 10 minutes. And the one time that I was actually winning despite the “rules”, he “accidentally” flipped the board over so that we couldn’t keep playing. That’s a whole other story though. That being said, I would really love to have been on Rob & Big. I think that Rob, Big Black Boykin and I would’ve been three best friends. I would’ve been ok with Drama hanging out with us too.

Your wildest dreams come true and you have a chance to be a guest on Oprah, Ellen or Live with Regis&Kelly but only ONE: What did you do to become famous and which show would you want to appear on? I would go on Ellen to discuss my NY Times Bestselling book It’s Not Me; It’s You. A collection of short stories about failed relationships and dating mis-haps. (It’s a work in progress). After the show, we would have an impromptu dance party.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick. I grew up in Compton. That’s probably the most un-white chick place to grow up in America. Well, actually I grew up in a neighborhood called Compton Crossing, but I consider that to be a minor detail that makes my upbringing a whole lot less interesting. Also, I own a torch, and have a studio full of power tools, an assortment of hammers and mallets, pliers, and various other extremely un-white chick equipment.

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And...don't be shy, click on some of the annoying ads already!

Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties

2010-12-23T14:16:00.005-05:00

If nothing else, the Christmas Season for White Chicks is all about celebrating tradition.

There's the chance to revel in the splendor of spending quality time (but not too much) with one's family. The opportunity for unheard of sales and deals beginning on Black Friday and running well into the New Year. There's the chance to bust out the N'Sync Christmas album (most white chicks LOVE this album, though I tend to prefer the "Charlie Brown Christmas Album").

There's the office Christmas party, where that one person in accounting or that creep in IT will get way too over-served and make a complete ass of themselves around co-workers and/or make improper sexual advances towards another co-worker.

There's the annual viewings of pure Christmas Classics like the old-school animated "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (big ups to Yukon Cornelius!) and other gems like "Home Alone," the perfect "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" and TBS's best programming decision EVER in showing "A Christmas Story" (undoubtedly one of my favorite movies of all time) for an entire 24 hour period starting on Christmas Eve.

But all of these Holiday traditions pale in comparison to the true favorite White Chick Christmas Tradition. The one tradition that sends White Chicks in droves to thrift stores all over their respective cities, or has them rifling through their grandmother's closet over Thanksgiving break, to find that one piece of Holiday accoutrement that will be the true envy of every other white chick at the themed-party they'll attend during the Holiday season. And that's because White Chicks Cherish Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties.

Watch out, Halloween, because Christmas is gaining ground on you in terms of a treasured national White Chick Holiday that provides a free-pass to dress tacky. And although Halloween is really all about White Chicks dressing like total sluts, Christmas is proving to be not entirely all about Peace on Earth and Goodwill Toward Men...just ask any White Chick in a "Slutty Mrs. Clause" get up that's heading out with a huge group of friends for a "Santa Pub Crawl."

But it's really all about the Ugly Christmas Sweater for White Chicks. The average white chick will attend at least 1 (one) such party per Holiday season, and though there is no certifiable proof of this claim, I think it's a safe bet that a White Chick came up with idea to throw the first Ugly Christmas Sweater party ever.

There are a few guidelines for White Chicks in picking out the perfect Ugly Christmas Sweater:

Simply put, the right Ugly Christmas Sweater MUST be something fantastically hideous that, on any other day of the year, it would be something a self-respecting White Chick would never, EVER wear out in public.
The "perf" sweater is different for every White Chick. It could be a turtleneck or a cardigan. But once they find it they just simply "know," much in the same way people "know" they've found the right pet in an animal shelter. It simply just pleads to them "pick me, I promise I am perfect for you."
Bonus points are awarded if the sweater contains some sort of emroidered accent (ie. Santa's beard, Rudolph's red nose, any sort of Christmas present bow).
Bonus points are also awarded if the Ugly Christmas Sweater has some sort of weird smell. Though a White Chick will surely launder said sweater before the party, the funk will nonetheless provide a funny talking point as White Chicks converse about their own unique trials and tribulations of finding their respective sweaters at the party. (Author's note: This conversation will surely occur).
The tackiness doesn't have to stop at just the sweater. Additional bonus points are awarded for Christmas-themed tights/leggings, ridiculous shoes, any sort of pin or hideous Christmas broche, any type of blinking light earrings/necklace and of course the Santa hat.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties will also typically involve a white elephant/yankee swap/or Secret-Santa gift exchange. These parties may mark the first and last time ever a White Chick samples egg nog. There may be some sort of punch that involves multiple bottles of champagne. There's the likelihood of bringing their personal favorite recipe of Christmas cookies (White Chick bonus points if they also take part in a Christmas cookie swap with a group of friends) and/or some type of Crock-Pot recipe they absolutely cherish around the Holidays.

It truly is the most wonderful time of the year...to be a White Chick.

Happy Holidays from What White Chicks Cherish!

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter! And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour.

2010-12-15T18:11:00.011-05:00

During my awkward middle school days, there was no greater insult than to be told you dressed like your clothes came from Wal-Mart or K-Mart. As a middle-class tween, I lived under the constant fear of being admonished for dressing in the fashions of either of those big-box retailers.

Don't get me wrong, I've matured slightly since those days and recognize the fact that Wal-Mart offers amazing values to good, honest, hard-working people. Plus, there's simply no better place to buy wardrobe celebrating one's favorite NASCAR driver or pro wrestler AND then get an oil change. And though there is a small part of me that avoids Wal-Mart because of the corporation's inhumane treatment of it's employees, the real reason is the train wreck of humanity that makes up a large majority of its patrons truly gives me the heebie jeebies.

And I can't really comment on K-Mart, as I haven't entered one, nor have I seen one still open for business in more than a decade.

But Target, on the other hand, is simply wonderful. This bastion of big-box retail bliss makes the patriotic act of purchasing consumer goods and useful products one of life's most fantastic simple pleasures. Along with affordable goods for you and your home, Target's products feature brilliant design, the chain has great advertising and its line of male and female fashions are generally current and, dare I say, cool.

And to top off Target's undeniable splendor, there's that certain, untouchable something pumping through the atmosphere at that glorious store. Something that makes you lose all concept of time, current needs and budget. Something that makes White Chicks Cherish Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour.

If you're not familiar with the phenomenon of White Chicks Spending, Like, Over $100 at Target on Their Lunch Hour, please peruse this hypothetical bullet point presentation:

It's been a busy day in her PR office, but there a few items White Chick (WC) just simply needs from Target in order to continue life. JUST a few.
Upon entering Target, WC catches the yummy waft of a Pumpkin Spice Latte form the Target Starbucks (Targets containing a Starbucks inside may vary upon your location) and simply MUST have one. Before she even fully enters the store, WC is out an unintended $5.
WC picks up a basket and heads to the wondrous toiletries area to get what she came for: face wash, a tooth brush and some Burt's Bees lip balm. She then notices the little package of Burt's Bees goodness that contains lip gloss and hand cream in addition to lip balm. Boo yah–WC falls victim to the pre-packaged up-sell.
WC then decides "I'm here, I may as well restock my entire arsenal of toiletries." She then grabs toothpaste, floss, whitening strips, body wash, deodorant, some "lady" products a bottle of Advil/Mydol, shaving gel and one of those new-fangled lady razors.
WC then comes to realization she can't remember how much laundry detergent she has at home. Or fabric softener. Oh, and a new one of those soap-sponge dish-thingies and, of course, dish washing soap.
WC then returns to the store entrance and dumps her overflowing basket of goods into a buggy that will accomodate her future purchases.
Although WC did not intend for this to become a grocery purchasing trip, she picks up a twelve pack of Diet Coke, a box of that yummy hot chocolate and/or tea and a a box of Kashi Go Lean Crunch (Kashi cereal is to White Chicks as Wheaties is to Oympic athletes).
She checks her smart phone for the time and takes a few minutes to return a couple of texts, check her work email and Facebook account. She notices birthday alerts for a few friends.
WC then makes a stop to the card section for a couple of birthday cards and a card for her BFF that is just having one of those days/weeks/months. (White chicks LOVE greeting cards for "just because" reasons). The card section is very close to the decorative candle section and she does just LOVE that holiday scented candle.
Though she's running a bit late, WC is dangerously close to the female clothing section and decides, "it doesn't hurt to just look." She finds a a pair of boots that she just cannot live without, a cute top and a new pair of fuzzy socks for those lazy Sundays after brunch.
With two-and-a-half minutes remaining on her lunch hour, WC makes her way to the check-out area. While waiting, she picks up a copy of People, a bottle of water, a pack of that teeth whitening gum, a tiny bottle of Purel and a pack of ponty tail bands to keep in her giant handbag.
Despite a shopping cart full of products, WC is in incredulous disbelief when she is presented with the total retail cost of her lunch hour Target trip to pick up just a few things. Totally shocked. Aghast.
She'll return to the office to finish her work day without having had lunch, but will get by until she meets the girls for after work Mexican night on the bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms she also decided to pick up.
AND since she's gotten this far she may as well sign up for the Target credit card and get 10% off today's purchase.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter! And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

White Chick of the Week: Eliza Gager

2010-12-13T11:16:00.009-05:00

Earlier this year, I graduated from an advertising portfolio school in Atlanta called The Creative Circus. It's a two-year school for folks that want to find a career in the advertising industry and offers programs in Copywriting, Graphic Design, Art Direction, Interactive Web Development and Photography. (The school functions on eight 10-week quarters, so every 10 weeks there is a class of newbies and a quarter of graduates making their way into the professional world).

Essentially, it's grad school for weirdos.

It was always interesting to see the looks on old friend's faces while catching up with them and answering the proverbial "so what are you up these days" question with the words "grad school" and "Circus" in the same sentence. I can assure you, it's a legitmate, accredited institution and the basic goal is to develop a portfolio of fake ad campaigns and then the school helps you shop your portfolio or "book" around to find gainful employment.

It's a pretty fast-paced and work-intensive, albeit fun as hell, program and only Creative Circus grads truly know the amounts of stressful absurdity two years of advertising school entails. But it was a really cool experience, and pretty amazing to be surrounded by so many different, talented and weird people for a couple of years.

And it was through The Creative Circus that I was blessed enough to meet this week's White Chick of the Week. We first worked together on one of her package design projects (see picture) and quickly established a fun, snarky rapport.

When it came time for me to graduate in March of this year, she was a HUGE help in helping me get my stuff together. (Along with your "book," Creative Circus grads are required to have an "identity package" of business cards/'thank you' notes/etc and a website to display your work). So, along with putting the finishing touches on two year's worth of work for your "book," getting the "identity" stuff together AND worrying about finding a job when it's all over, the last quarter of the Creative Circus is quite frantic and stressful as hell.

And it was during this time that the WCOTW and I came up with nicknames for one another. Due to her ability to churn out quality work and her impeccable skills in the Adobe Creative Suite I dubbed her "Production Monkey." And due to my constant need for tweaks and unreasonable demands she dubbed me "Princess."

She is graduating THIS WEEK from The Creative Circus and it is a huge honor to introduce WWCC's newest White Chick of the Week. Along with being a soon-to-be graduate from the Creative Circus's Graphic Design program, she's also WWCC's first WCOTW from the Northeast. So please offer a warm welcome and a HUGE CONRATULATIONS to Eliza Gager. (You can get a sample of her wit on her blog and check out her work on her website, which is still a work in progress, so be patient. AND she's been a WWCC supporter since day one and designed the blog's awesome logo!

BIO

Name: Eliza Gager, but my friends call me Bonecrusher for some reason. (author's note: aka "Production Monkey" by only one person).

Age: 26 3/4 and I ain't ashamed of it

College/Major: Fordham University / Photography (the second least useful degree ever)

Current City: The ATL

Occupation: Professional student. And babysitter.

Hometown: New England. It’s basically all just one state.

One Quick Interesting Fact About Eliza: My family came to this great country via The Mayflower, making me a 14th generation (American) white chick.

THE THINGS ELIZA CHERISHES MOST:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal: Chicken salad sandwich and waffle fries with a Diet Dr. Pepper and a side of Heinz 57 ketchup. No substitutions will be accepted.
Non-threatening Singer-Songwriter: I’m going to go old school on this one and say James Taylor (a salty New Englander if there ever was one). His mellow tunes are the soundtrack of my life.
Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans: Even though I wear jeans every day of the week, I refuse to spend actual money on them. Right now, I'm rocking American Eagle brand... $39. Unfortunately, even if I had a rockin’ job, I probably wouldn’t spend big bucks on denim. Shoes are a different story.
Boutique Cupcake Flavor: From the bakery: red velvet. However, I do make a mean Irish Car Bomb cupcake. There are three types of booze in it. Because, to a white chick, there is no better thing than cake AND booze in one delightful little package.
White Chick Flick: Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Audrey Hepburn is the ultimate white chick and the costumes are to die for. Also, it’s one of the finest entries into the “hooker with a heart of gold” movie genre. (Sidenote: the male lead, George Peppard, was also the star of my favorite childhood show, The A-Team).
Favorite White Chick Adult Beverage: My adult beverage go-to is usually a Sam Adams. However, if pressed, I do enjoy a good gin & tonic.
Favorite White Chick Lit: Unfortunately, I stopped reading “chick lit” when I was 17. I’m currently halfheartedly reading Moby Dick. Does that make me sound smarter than I really am?
Item of Accoutrement/Accessory:I’m never far from my iphone (with pink case, natch).

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick? I first realized I was the whitest chick around somewhere between enrolling in all-girls boarding school and wearing Lilly Pulitzer to the senior prom. Once I had accomplished these two tasks, there was no denying my whiteness.

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend. Since I'm a student, the term "weekend" doesn't really apply to my schedule right now. However, in my imaginary world, an awesome weekend would include these highlights: sleeping in (until at least 8am. Rebellious, I know.), a fun outdoorsy activity (hiking, biking, skiing when the weather allows, etc..), an awesome meal (probably involving a burger and a beer) and then a movie accompanied by homemade popcorn.

What are some the things you cherish most as a white chick? There are almost too many to mention. I guess my top 5 favorite things about being a white chick are:

Large handbags - Where else can I store a first aid kit, mini flashlight, my laptop, iphone, ipod, combo lock to my gym locker, the latest netflix, sharpies, gum, 2 thumb drives, photo strips from the bar, my wallet, business card case, sunglass case, notebook and car keys?

Monograms - My house is a “Where’s Waldo” for the letter E. My friends are staging an intervention next week.

Flip flops - All of mine come from the white chick mecca known as JCrew. They either have an adorable embroidered critter or grosgrain ribbon on them.

Brunch - Bonus points awarded if it’s a country club brunch/bridal shower.

Golf - I was a 4-year varsity letter winner in high school. It doesn’t get much whiter than that.

Your turn to turn the tides: briefly discuss something that white guys are particularly fond that you find comical? Guys that insist on wearing a sweater around their shoulders or their waist. It’s just wrong. I’d be more than willing to sacrifice some space in my large handbag in order to prevent this atrocity.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick. Oh man. Can I mention more than one? My four most un-white chick qualities are: 1) I recently spent some time at the gun range. And I liked it. A lot. 2) I’ve attended both football and baseball summer camps. I was the only girl at football camp and one of two at baseball camp. (Thanks Dad.) 3) I have a love of all things squeamish and slightly disgusting. Recently, I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled. Immediately, afterwards, I asked the nurse if I could see it. There may be a picture of it on the internet. (The show “The Walking Dead” currently satisfies my love of the gory. I love me some zombies) 4) While I do enjoy a good singer-songwriter, my heart truly lies closer to the classic rock/alternative end of the musical spectrum. I can most often be found pounding out some sweet drum solos on my steering wheel while driving around town.

Are you a Twilight fan despite being a full grown adult? Why? Dear God. No. I am in no position to judge people’s taste in film (I’ve seen Ghostbusters about 100 times); however, there is something about sparkly vampires that I just don’t get. Maybe if they added some zombies, then I’d start watching. Maybe.

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

And...don't be shy, click on some of the annoying ads already!

"Glee"

2010-12-08T18:58:00.007-05:00

OMGlee...do white chicks cherish this show!

By combining the "best" parts of Broadway musicals and high school drama/sit-coms, "Glee" has quickly become a mega-sensation in just two seasons since debuting on the warm glowing warming glow of television.

For research's sake, I forced myself to tune into a few recent episodes of "Glee" to find out what the big, fat, hairy deal was with this show. And after a few viewings, I am convinced that ONLY white chicks, moms and homosexuals–not that there's anything wrong with that–are fans of this show.

Don't get me wrong, the show is brilliantly cast and touches on seemingly every stereotype from high school: there's the couple that always has relationship drama, the caring teacher, the sassy black and/or Asian chick, the air-headed, semi-slutty cheerleader, the uber-talented gay kid,the quirky handicapped kid, the bad boy who makes a perfect addition to the 'glee' club and others I am sure I am missing out on as I only forced myself to watch the show a couple of times. (Though I have to say Jane Lynch is truly wonderful in her role as Sue Sylvester).

And believe me, I had to force myself. You see, I am NOT a fan of musicals. (And I highly doubt most single, idiot dudes are). Call me a music snob, and you'd be absolutely correct, but I prefer bands and live concerts over a group of bubbly teens bursting into song for no apparent reason other than the fact that said song somehow fits into the current plot line. I'm trying to remove the word "hate" from my vocabulary...but it's safe to say I hate musicals. I know this is utter sacrilege in the white chick world, and I am sorry, but it's just who I am. In fact, I'd rather be waterboarded and hooked up to a car battery than voluntarily listen to "You're the One that I Want" (or any song from "Grease" for that matter, but especially THAT one).

(And as a side note I also severely dislike "American Idol," any show that includes the words "Dance" and/or "Talent" and every show that follows the "Gerund...with the Stars" formula. And don't get me started on the "Glee"-meets-"American Idol"-spin-off show "The Sing Off"...ugh).

I try not to be as dumb as I look or act, and will not allow my own cursed music snobbery get in the way of me realizing that "Glee" is HUGE! The show has cultivated a hungry cult following of "Gleeks" and gets great ratings. This year the show received 19 Emmy Award nominations (it won 4) and "Glee" has won everything from Golden Glodes to Screen Writing Guild Awards to Satellite Awards.

But what is absurdly amazing to me is the overwhelming success that the music from the show is getting. Songs performed by the cast of "Glee" are available for download on iTunes as singles and as a handful of albums. According to Wikipedia, in 2009 the cast of "Glee" had an astounding 25 singles on Billboard's "Hot 100," the most of any artist since THE BEATLES.

Since the show began, "Glee" has placed a total of 95 singles on Billboard's "Hot 100," the most of any artist since ELVIS PRESLEY! The cast's performance of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" has been certified gold after achieving over 500,000 downloads! (Seriously, how perfect is it that one of white chicks' all time favorite songs was covered on one of their new found favorite TV shows?!? PERF!).

The show has covered songs by a slew of artists including: Madonna, Britney Spears, Billy Joel, REO Speedwagon, Aretha Franklin, the Rolling Stones and The Beatles (and literally TONS more) and songs from other musicals like "Grease," "Chicago," Les Miserables," and even "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." And there's also the special guest stars of "Glee"–Neil Patrick Harris (white chicks LOVE this dude), Kristin Chenoweth (white chicks LOVE this gal), Carol Burnett and Gwyneth Paltrow are but a few of the celebrities who have appeared on "Glee." The cast has done sold out concert tours and even appeared at The White House.

Now, I try to be an open-minded single, idiot dude. And I tried to give "Glee" a shot. I honestly did. But since a large majority of the songs on the show are covers of current pop songs (go ahead and throw most songs on the Top 40 to the list of acceptible forms of torture for me) done in a show-choir fashion, I have to say I'm not a fan. How in the world could I be?

AND, considering that one episode I saw contained a performance of the unmentionally horrible Train song "Hey, Soul Sister" (seriously...is there anything we can do to put an end to this song and band already?) I am sure you can understand, dear reader, that the odds are unfairly stacked against me. I'm just a single, idiot dude who is a self-proclaimed music snob. I'm not a white chick, a mom or a homosexual–not that there's anything wrong with that–so I am clearly not "Glee's" target audience. And this fact was later reaffirmed in the same episode with a rousing rendition of "I've Had the Time of My Life" which is THE song from "Dirty Dancing"–another white chick all time favorite. (I do know better than to ever disparage "Dirty Dancing").

I've come to the conclusion that I hold "Glee" much in the same regard as I do figure skating (which is a "sport" also predominantly enjoyed by white chicks, moms and homosexuals–not that there's anything wrong with that). I am fully and admittedly aware that its participants are extremely disciplined, talented and gifted AND are much more successful in their chosen fields than I will likely ever be in mine. And I can live with that fact. BUT watching those talents on display will never, EVER make appreciate them more than I already do not.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter! And please, by all means, don't be too shy to click on any of the ads you may see on WWCC (which should be below the post and below the blog archives)!

White Chick(s) of the Week:Elizabeth and "Legally Fabulous"

2010-12-03T16:03:00.006-05:00

I've always operated under the philosophy that if one of anything is fabulous, then two is freaking amazing. So, when I got a request from two spectacular white chicks wanting to be co-WCOTW, I was intrigued to say the least.

And just as the blog has sort of been a social media experiment for me--one that has truly shown me how awesome it is to see things spread across the Interweb--this week's installment of WCOTW further proves the effectiveness of the medium. When I got the WCOTW request from two white chicks, I just assumed they were BFF's from way back in the day.

But these gals are a tad different, they're Twitter BFFs. After exchanging a few emails and realizing they live in entirely different cities and were born in different states, it became apparent something was a little off.

"We don't actually 'know' each other," they wrote. "We met on Twitter! It's like eHarmony for girlfriends!"

So please give a warm WCOTW welcome to Elizabeth (that's her below on the left. You can visit her on Twitter at @E_K_M and read her blog here. ) and Legally Fabulous/LF goes by the handle @LegallyFab1 and her blog is here.

BIO

Age:
EKM: One never asks a lady's age.
LF: 25

College/Major:
EKM: Auburn University/Public Relations and Management (War Damn Eagle!)
LF: University of Illinois, BS in Broadcast Jorunalism, then law school. (is there a more typical privileged white chick educational path?)

Current City:
EKM: Around Alabama
LF: Chicago

Hometown:
EKM: The capital of sweet home Alabama
LF: Dallas, TX

One Quick, Interesting Fact:
EKM: Everything is interesting about me!
LF: I have a JD and work 18 hours a week for 15 dollars an hour.

The Things They Cherish Most:

Chick-fil-A Combo Meal:
EKM: No. 1 on wheat, no pickles, water on a good day, fountain coke on a bad day.
LF: No. 1 with a Diet Lemonade

Non-Threatening Singer-Songwriter:
EKM:Taylor Swift or Christmas Music
LF: Probably Taylor Swift as well. Taylor doesn't just sing songs, she tells stories. Our stories.

Brand of Ridiculously Expensive Blue Jeans:
EKM: I like my nice Sevens that are more trouser like, but I really wear !iT more, they fit great.
LF: Citizens of Humanity... those aren't ridiculously expensive though?

Boutique Cupcake Flavor:
EKM: Strawberry with cream cheese frosting or anything chocolate.
LF: Red Velvet.

White Chick Flick:
EKM: Just saw "Life As We Know It" which was great & total chick flick! But "The Holiday" wins.

LF: "DreamGirls" and all Tyler Perry films.

Favorite Adult Beverage:
EKM: red wine or bourbon
LF: Red Bull/vodka (sugar-free redbull please)

Favorite White Chick Lit:
EKM: Harry Potter and Pat Conroy books are great. And if you're a true WC and majored in pr/broadcast journalism or journalism, you'd know Strunk&White Elements of Style and the AP Stylebook are also near and dear to your heart.
LF: All of Jenn Lancaster's books... I think she is my long lost older sister.

Item of Accoutrement/Accessory:
EKM: Pearls, duh.
LF: I have a big, obnoxious diamond Michele watch that I always wear.

WCOTW Q&A

When did you first realize you were a white chick?

EKM: I was born that way.

LF: When my mom told me the other night that she wished she hadn't given me everyhting I'd ever asked for in my entire life.

It's been a long week at work, tell us about your ideal white chick weekend.

EKM: Football in the SEC! Keeping Legally Fab in line via social media and texting.

LF: Binge drinking and husband hunting.

If you could be the contestant on any reality show which one would you choose and why?

EKM: Well LF and I would be in our own reality show. We've already taken a twitter poll and people said they would watch us on TV. It would consist of LF being her usual cray cray self, the dog Elle Woods, EKM and her undying love for Auburn and the state of Alabama. It might be on Lifetime Network unless Bravo picked us up. We would make appearances on the TODAY show because that's what WC's watch in the mornings. The Kardashians and Bethenny Frankel (and baby Brynn and assistant Julie) would want to hang out with us for sure. I think it would be more of a traveling show so we could visit all our twitter friends and see other WC's across the nation.

LF: I kind of hate reality TV. Biggest Loser is my favorite but I don't quite qualify for that yet, so I'm gonna default to EKM here. I need my own show. My life is kind of hilarious/ridiculous, so I'm sure it'd be a hit.

EKM: Oprah, because she gives away free stuff. Ellen is funny but sometimes she's not as popular. Although she did make the "it's just like a mini mall!" guy famous and he's from my hometown. I'm just waiting for Antoine Dodson to show up on her show. Kelly is too skinny, I would feel uncomfortable being next to her and Regis is losing his touch!

LF: I hate Oprah. I text while driving just because I know she doesn't want me to, so that's obviously out. I feel "meh" about Ellen, so I guess Regis and Kelly. I'll probably become famous for defending someone in some sort of ridiculous criminal trial.

Tell us a something about you that is very un-white chick

EKM: I would say going hunting but that seems to be a regular occurrence here in Alabama, so I'd say going to the restroom not in a designated restroom.

LF: I love Beyonce. Like, I'm obsessed. I guess after single ladies that's a pretty white chick thing to say though.

If you could trade places with any famous white chick who would it be and why?

EKM: Probably one of the Bush twins, because they're normal and don't get in trouble like LiLo and Paris. And well now after Kim K's magazine, deal, that's just not so nice.

LF: I like EKM's answer... I'm obsessed with the Bush family. But probably Nancy Grace... she has my dream job. And you either love her or you hate her, which we definitely have in common.

Nominate yourself or a fabulous white chick friend to be WCOTW by emailing me at mark.pantsari@gmail.com.

Come say hi on Facebook and Twitter!

White Chick Problems (aka. First World Problems)

2010-12-01T12:23:00.009-05:00

Dear white chicks, white chick enthusiasts and loyal WWCC readers;

Please accept my most sincere apologies for the lack of content lately. I know this will come as a pitiful excuse for an apology for this egregious error, but I have something of a good cause for the lack of WWCC posts lately. I was out of town for a couple of days before Thanksgiving week and spent the entire week of Turkey Day at home--mooching off my parent's bountiful supply of groceries and enjoying a week surrounded by family. And upon my return to Atlanta I was stricken with a cold (it seems half my extended family was sick over Thanksgiving, so it was only a matter of time before it caught up to me), and so today WWCC returns with a new post. Finally.

I'd plan to do this post to coincide with Thanksgiving, but alas the aforementioned reasons and my lifelong battle with procrastination got the better of me. But it occurred to me over the break that, despite my paltry bank account and relative lack of success in the job hunt, that I still have a lot of reasons to be thankful. I'm blessed with a great family, awesome friends and the sweetest dog ever. Despite its abundance of crapulence at times, life can still be wonderful.

And while I am positive white chicks everywhere have equally important reasons to be thankful this holiday season, I also can only barely fathom how difficult it is to be a white chick at times. Life, despite its ability to be wonderful in times of crapulence, is rarely a walk in the park for white chicks. In fact, it's damn hard to be a white chick. Like hunted prey in the wilderness, white chicks have to be incredibly nimble to stay adorable and up to date in an incredibly competitive and ever-changing environment. I said this before in a previous post, but for white chicks the competition is everywhere and it always looks fabulous.

So as an ode to the arduous, up-hill battle white chicks face on a daily basis just for being white chicks, I decided to compile a list of White Chick Problems (aka. First World Problems). And while these challenges are hardly cherished, they should nonetheless be known to the world as they help build the immaculate fortitude that make white chicks such a truly magical breed.

Common White Chick/First World Problems may include, but not are limited to, any of the following:

When water-proof mascara is so water-proof it does not come off after washing their face, like, three times.
The "Sophie's Choice" decision of choosing to either watch or DVR "Gossip Girl" or "The Bachelor" on Monday nights.
When that selfish careless slut in front of of them in line takes the last red velvet cupcake.
When the only phone call/text they receive from a guy on Friday nights is labelled in their phones as "Don't Answer. EVER."
Beverage choices: Wine vs Cocktail vs Wheat Beer.
When the stupid Presidential Address interrupts "Glee" (or any other favorite show)
Finding the "perf" pair of boots ON SALE but they are a half-size too big/small.
Late Night Choices: Sack of Krystals, wine and a chick-flick with the girls or answering the Booty Call.
When they clearly ordered a triple-shot Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks but it's evident there is only two-shots in the cup.
Having to decide what to order to eat on a first date.
Having to jerry-rig the strap on their favorite over-sized handbag because the buckle broke.
Spilling their Pumpkin Spice Latte on their laptop.
Trying to decide when to "Friend" a new crush on Facebook. Do they wait for him to do it or brazenly do it themselves?
Getting upset when their favorite band that THEY DISCOVERED suddenly is liked by EVERYONE. (ie. Kings of Leon).
Setting their alarm clock for PM instead of AM on Black Friday.
Having to choose where to eat for the "Girls Night Out Birthday Dinner" and subsequently figuring out how to overcome the "no separate checks" policy.
Facing the impossible fact that they just talked to a guy with lipstick/spinach/some foreign substance stuck in their teeth.
The difficulty of finding a way for their new watch/necklace/earrings, etc. to match their other jewelry.
Having to feign gratitude when their boyfriend's mother gives them a gift card for a Christmas/birthday present.
The horrid reality that Prince William is marrying "that girl."
When their roommate carelessly erases the latest and unwatched episode of "So You Think You Can Dance" or "True Blood" before they had a chance to watch it.
Arriving to a social event to see a total skank wearing the same dress/outfit. And NOT being able to go back home and change.
Not being able to wear their favorite heels on a date for fear of being taller than the gentleman caller.
Meeting the perfect guy only to find out later he likes Nickelback and owns/wears Ed Hardy clothing. Or he's gay.
Farting during yoga/pilates class.
The fear of farting on a first date/job interview/meeting his parents for the first time.
When Chick-Fil-A forgets to provide a straw when they order a giant fountain Diet Coke or Peppermint milkshake (author's note: I am sure this rarely happens as Chick-Fil-A never forgets the straw in the drive-thru...but if this were to ever happen it would likely bring about the end of humanity).
When a restaurant's fountain regrettably runs out of Diet Coke or only offers Diet Pepsi or Coke Zero (It's just not the same).
When the Avett Brothers' concert sells out before they can get tickets OR the Avetts fail to perform their favorite song
Lumpy/congealed/unacceptable queso dip at Mexican night with the girls.
Groceries or Highlights?
Bridesmaid dresses.
Having to wait, like over a WEEK, for a new post on What White Chicks Cherish. And/or waiting for their turn to be White Chick of the Week.
When their girlfriends go see "Eat Pray Love" before they've had a chance to finish reading the book.
Crying when they're drunk and overdressed at a college football game when their team loses in overtime/to the hated rival. (Bonus points if you are, unfortunately, a Clemson fan).
Having to substitute Monster or a lesser energy drink when they order a Red Bull and Vodka at the bar. (OR if the bar doesn't have Sugar-Free Red Bull).
Not discovering until in daylight out of the house that their black leggings and black boots aren't the same shade of black.
Missing the sale at Anthropologie.
When their new manicure makes it difficult to type/text on their laptops or iPhones.
When the strap on their favorite shoes/dress/bra/flip-flops breaks.
When their spray tan leaves an orange residue/hue on their 600 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets.
The sad truth that delicious red wine temporarily causes "grey teeth"

What did WWCC leave out? Let us know on Facebook or Twitter

Chelsea Handler

2010-11-16T18:48:00.004-05:00

White Chicks are not without their role models. They have non-gay celebrity crushes on a plethora famous female figureheads they either want to be or be BFF's with.

There's Kelly Ripa who serves as prime example of balancing perky cuteness, a bubbling personality and charm with a successful career, a family and product endorsements.

There's Princess Diana who, years after her untimely death, stills serves as the epitome of grace, elegance, humility and goodwill.

There's Jennifer Aniston (she ranks quite high on my "Celebrities I wanna Do" list) who blends girl-next-door good looks with unfortunately-unlucky-in-love fate that many white chicks regrettably relate to.

And, of course, there's Oprah who is essentially is the most powerful woman on the planet. She's more omnipotent and wealthy than God and can change lives with the snap of a finger.

And that's just barely scratching of the surface of White Chick role models. But there's a relatively new White Chick role model on the scene--someone whose mega-successful career encompasses TV, comedy and literature. Someone who is easily one of the sexiest, funniest women on Earth (along with Tina Fey who also makes my coveted "list"). She's not only extremely successful and popular, but also possesses a razor sharp wit and a crass sense of self-deprecation that could make your funny-as-hell-yet-often-inappropriate-at-family-dinners-uncle blush like a school girl. AND she's got a tremendous rack.

So, it's no big surprise that White Chicks Cherish Chelsea Handler.

In case you aren't familiar with Chelsea Handler's recent explosion on the scene of uber-sexy/uber-hilarious White Chick role models, here are a few bullet points to bring you, dearest WWCC reader, up to speed:

She's the host of "Chelsea Lately" on E!, a show known for its tongue-in-cheek take on the celebrity gossip world and often finds handler rubbing elbows with up-and-coming comedians as well as A-list celebrities. The show is also groundbreaking in the fact half of its writing staff consists of women. So while Ms. Handler can make dirty jokes with her midget sidekick, Chuey, she's also a trailblazing pioneer for women! Go White Chicks!
Ms. Handler is also an accomplished author. She showcased her wit and brazen fearlessness to talk about her own sex life in the memoir "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands." She has also penned "Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea" (which is assuredly on the bookshelf of most white chicks out there) and the book "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang."
In March of this year, Handler officially achieved "BALLER" status in the literary world when ALL THREE OF HER BOOKS HELD THE TOP 3 SPOTS OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER LIST! Seriously...that is bad ass. Truly amazing.
Handler also has a regular column in "Cosmo"
Handler's endeavors into stand-up comedy have included sold-out nationwide tours and appearances on HBO, Comedy Central and Oxygen's "Girls Behaving Badly"
She's also a philanthropist and received the "Ally for Equality Award" by the Human Rights Campaign for her support of the LGBT community.
And sure it's superficial, but her hotness has been legitimized through a cover appearance on "Playboy" (she had posed for a non-nude pictorial) and made the cut of "Maxim's Hot 100."
This year, Handler became the second woman EVER to host MTV's video Video Music Awards.
And, according to the celebrity tabloid world, Handler may or may not be currently hooking up with 50 Cent. (And whether they freely admit to it or not, most white chicks do carry a secret, lustful fascination with chiseled, mega-successful and unattainable black men...just saying).

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