What Winners Do - An Addiction Recovery Blog

Enzymes for Addiction Recovery?

Erin — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 13:53:17 +0000

When I think of enzymes I think of my yogurt sitting in the fridge teeming with tiny little life forms that have a positive impact in my gut when I eat them. I also think of that household cleaning stuff called Kids and Pets that uses enzymes to remove stains and odors, especially those nasty ones caused by kids and pets as the name describes. These tiny organisms may hold the key to new treatment in addiction recovery.

Can Enzymes Take The Edge Off Addiction?

As reported in Dr. Buttar’s blog, there is research that indicates that enzymes could be used to take the edge off addiction. These enzymes can seriously reduce the intensity of the reward mechanism people experience when using drugs.

In a world full of medications that are scary to take and some which are even more scary to get off of, enzymes may hold the key to something more natural and less abrasive and destructive to our systems. My built in caution sign is still flashing in the back of my mind because, obviously, any treatment developed would directly target the brain, and that is no trivial matter.

Are There Other “Natural” Things To Take?

Have you used anything considered “natural” to help you stay in recovery? What was it and what results did you get? Please share and post a comment below!

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Breaking Up with My Addiction

Erin — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 18:41:01 +0000

Sponsors tell you that writing things down helps, to journal the fight against addiction, having a record, getting things off your chest; this is another twist to doing that and I must say I like it.

Actor Colin Farrell has said that he has given up cigarettes but here is the interesting part: he wrote a break up letter to tobacco on the last day he would smoke.

I like it. Maybe this would be a fruitful exercise. Having journals of my addiction recovery has served to help me keep it together sometimes when I can see the signs of the spiral; isolation, negative thoughts etc. There have been times when I look back at my journals and I can see clearly step by step what happened whenever I had a relapse or even how I saw it coming and avoided falling into old destructive behaviors.

Because I am living on the upside, happy go lucky side of things, I decided I would write a humorous short poem to say I am done with you. (I am not a good poet so feel free to laugh at me, I am!)

Good bye Drugs and Alternate Reality

You reached for me, I reached for you,

you promised fullness but left me dull,

there is nothing here for you anymore,

I quit, I am done, It’s no more fun.

Don’t want to think of what you have done.

I am going far and won’t come close

to the likes of you,

no more, no more.

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Feeding My Spirit

Erin — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 19:54:13 +0000

I am getting used to this idea that there is a spirit inside me and outside me. I am sensing that there is something great out there; I have begun to examine my spirituality. Regardless of how I have lived my life it has seen me through it and has not left me. Although I grew up Catholic and going to church I never knew God on my own.

Whenever I read the Bible in the past I felt like an idiot because I didn’t understand anything in it. I had some hurdles to get over before I could pick it up again. Surprisingly enough I am enjoying it and even learning some from it. It helps that I bought a Student Bible…I don’t care if I am forty-ish…If I can’t understand it, I am not going to read it, and this one I can understand! Anyway, I read mostly psalms.

Here is a verse I found recently that really resonated with my heart, and my experience of addiction recovery:

Psalm 94:18-19

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

I could relate to the speaker feeling like whoa! I almost went down again, that was a slippery step, I can relate to that weird coincidental save that distracted me, or took me away from the situation. Anxiety and I go way back and when I feel that pressure, I want to be consoled, understood, cheered, that is totally what I want, please somebody make me laugh! This has affected my spirituality and recovery by helping me grow.

As I had mentioned before, I gave up reading real life crime mystery books because I knew they were not good for me, I feel the opposite with this. This is a book that is encouraging me and lifting me. It is steering me to practice more positive thoughts and outlooks in my life.

Anyway, I am dipping my toes in the water and thus far it feels fine…

Success and Recovery for Jane Lynch

Erin — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 18:32:24 +0000

I am a fan of Jane Lynch who plays Sue Sylvester in Glee. I get her dry stick it to you humor. My first Jane Lynch laugh attack was when she appeared in an episode of “My Name Is Earl” way back in 2008. She abducted Earl’s grown up idiot brother with naughty intentions.

Jane is a recovering alcoholic. In her new memoir titled Happy Accidents to be released September 13 of this year, she says she used Nyquil to help relieve her addiction to beer. She also says she would eat a gallon of chocolate ice cream every day to offset the sugar she was now missing from beer.

It sounds like she is no longer dependent on any mood enhancing substances and I really hope she is sticking to her recovery. She is enjoying so much success right now and hopefully she doesn’t let the pressure of it all push her back into abusing.

I don’t know why but I am always surprised to learn about someone’s challenge with drugs and alcohol when it is someone I admire. Like Lynch, she is funny, pretty, and talented and seems to have this down to earth quality. I shouldn’t be surprised though; we are all human and we all make good choices and bad.

Addiction Recovery: Sober Socializing

Do I Care What You Think?

Erin — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:22:44 +0000

I know it may be kind of silly but I am wondering for how many of you your addiction began as a way of fitting in or being socially accepted by peers. I know this was my experience. I wanted to be like my older cousins. Their opinions and behaviors had great influence over me.

That fateful beginning was like a snowflake that rolled, and rolled, and rolled into an enormous ball of snow and ice shards, breaking everything in its path; besieging me and freezing up any goals or aspirations I had for my life.

I am not blaming my peers or anyone else. I took the beer, I put it up to my lips, and I swallowed it down. No one made me do it. I did it. I ask myself why was it so important to be accepted that I would do something which I obviously knew was wrong. I know I felt a thrill engaging in this bad behavior. I also felt like wow! I can get in with the big kids.

Part of me wonders if I still operate under these pretenses. Is it just human nature? Do I still care very much what my peers think? Would I act in ways that are detrimental to my life just to be accepted? Would I begin drinking again?

I am a grown woman now, but I would be lying to myself if I didn’t face the fact that yes, I do care what others think. Fortunately I am mature enough to decide not to go along with what others are doing just to fit in. I feel like I can resist peer pressure.

Because I know this about myself, I have been very intentional about the company I keep. It has been an uphill climb to surround myself with people who do not engage in substance abuse. I have discovered positive peer pressure I guess. My old “friends” were pretty mad at me for disconnecting from them but I realized this was something I had to do if I was going to survive or even have a chance at a “normal life”. I had to do it for my addiction recovery to work.

Do you get those memories in summer time of past summers partying? Although I fight hard to stay in the present, I do. I guess that’s what has brought about these feelings and thoughts. I still miss some of my friends but I know that as long as they are involved in the lifestyle I cannot be a big part of their lives anymore.

Sometimes it is helpful to face the memories and make a reasonable and factual assessment of the facts. I can use my coping skills and say hey you know this is what happened and this was my part in it. Now I can move on to something else. I don’t have to beat myself up about it. I can also be honest with myself and be proud of myself for coming a long way.

Just venting I guess; thanks for listening.

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Viewing Recovery for Alcohol Addiction in a New Light

Erin — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 02:54:09 +0000

I just met Sarah, and she’s doing something special, please meet her:

My name is Sarah and I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for over four years and I’m passionate about many things but especially about acting and recovery. I decided to combine these two loves by creating and starring in a web series entitled Grace This Way. I play a woman named Grace who achieves sobriety by working a twelve step program. Each episode represents a step in recovery. There are a total of 9 episodes because I felt led to combine steps four and five into one episode; the same for six and seven and eight and nine. The first episode premiers Sunday night, September 18 at 8 o’clock at www.gracethisway.com. Subsequent episodes will be released every Sunday at the same time. It is my hope that people struggling with addiction will see Grace’s story, become aware that they are not alone and that there is a solution that works.

I also want to introduce non-alcoholics and non-addicts to the twelve steps of recovery. Even if someone isn’t struggling with an addiction there is still a certain amount of dysfunction that creeps into relationships. Part of that dysfunction is a product of being human but it’s my personal belief that, as humans, we have a responsibility to evolve during each lifetime. The twelve steps encourage this change to happen. I hope you will join me in witnessing Grace embark on this new journey.

Peace, love and freedom from the bondage to self to all of you,

Sarah Ellis

*Find out more about Sarah at www.sarahellisactress.com. For more information about “Grace This Way”, please visit www.gracethisway.com

Amy Winehouse, relapse or cold turkey alcohol withdrawal?

Erin — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 15:29:27 +0000

The sad and mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of Amy Winehouse have left me baffled. The unfortunate truth is that either account is believable. Her family says it was alcohol withdrawal.

A drug dealer has come forward saying that he arranged for Amy to buy some drugs from another drug dealer referred to as “Mr. Big”. He says she purchased 1/2 oz. crack and a 1/2 oz. heroin.

Police are saying that there was no evidence of drugs or even paraphernalia in the house. Her family says she had been clean off drugs for years and was trying to quit alcohol. They believe she had a heart attack or seizure from trying to go cold turkey.

They did an autopsy but it came up inconclusive; toxicology will take a few more weeks to be done.

The family is setting up a fund to set up a rehab center for young people struggling with addiction.

The thing is that either way, Amy is gone; addiction can take so much from us and finally take our lives: whether we relapse and overdose, or try to quit cold turkey and seize and die.

Celebrities like Amy Winehouse are often surrounded by alcohol and drugs and they have the means to buy anything they want. That must make it even more difficult to stay sober.

Stay alert people… reach out for help if you feel yourself sinking, watch out for the signs, you know the drill; even the exceptionally talented and rich have the same issues we face. The feelings of anxiety, anger, shame and sadness are not ours alone. We are all humans and just like Amy being in and out of rehab, we all struggle. Get informed in how to live healthily even with this disease of addiction and stay in the fight for your life.

Fox News- Winehouse

Update
As of this week(August 24, 2011) the family has received the toxicology report and they have said that there were no illegal substances in Amy’s body. There is alcohol present, however, but we still don’t know if it played a part in her death.

Mother’s Day

Erin — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 05:01:37 +0000

I truly can’t believe it but it’s already time for Mother’s Day again. The year has gone by so quickly but it has also brought so many changes.

Last year my Happy Mother’s Day post was about my own mother and the importance of a mother’s support and understanding for her child in their recovery.

This year I wanted to talk about how much my own role of a mother has improved now that I am further into my addiction recovery.

No food, no clean clothes, no order and basically no rules. This would be a pretty good description of the way my home was when I was in active addiction. Sad but very true.

Last Mother’s Day came when I was about three months into my recovery. I had realized that my family’s home life needed a lot of improvements and I vowed to make those improvements even though I really didn’t have the first clue how to.

I mean, how do you get someone who hates cleaning, laundry, food shopping and cooking to just accept it as part of their lives? I didn’t know but I was determined to find out.

My progress in this area was slow. Very s.. l.. o.. w. I was beginning to get the feeling that I was kind of a failure in this area of life. Sure I had at one time worked 40 hours a week, had a commute of 15 hours a week, and had a small child I was taking care of but all of that chaos was kind of used as an excuse for me not to do the very basic things that need to get done in a home.

This year I’ve been a stay at home mom who’s main job in life was to take care of my child and run my home properly. There was nothing hiding the fact that I didn’t possess the knowledge of how to do this.

This was actually the best thing in the world that could have happened to me. I was forced to deal with the fact that I had no clue how to run a home and I had to remedy the situation.

I am really proud to say that I have come a long way this year in the area of being a mom and running a home. I am doing the very best that I can each and every day and I feel safe saying that this year has left me with no regrets in my role as a mom.

In the five years that I have been celebrating Mother’s Day I would say that this year more than any other I feel deserving of this special holiday.

Happy Mother’s Day

Maybe I’m Not Really an Addict

Erin — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 04:37:21 +0000

Just try and tell me that you haven’t had that thought before…anyone, no one, ok then. Good, it’s not just me. Our minds are so f’d up with addictive thinking that we actually try and fool ourselves into believing the thought that possibly we weren’t as bad as we made out to be. We must have over reacted because we went today without drinking and it wasn’t too hard.

From what I have heard and what I have read this is a very common thought in recovery. What is kind of funny is that this very thought proves that you and I are true addicts. With all that we had to go through to be where we are today to be able to even entertain the idea that we really don’t have a problem is insane.

This insanity is all a part of our addictive thinking. It is this thought process that is our real obstacle, more so than using the actual substance. Addictive thinking is what we are trying to recover from. Since we went through the detox we already recovered from the particular drug or the alcohol that we were using at the time. I think this is the part that most people just don’t understand that well.

We have to keep these thoughts in check. When I have one of these type of addictive thoughts I can identify it as being a crock of shit. I actually get a chuckle at myself. It’s like my brain is trying to get one over on me. It’s just bazaar. But for now it is something that I have to accept and be on the lookout for to avoid relapse.

More outrageous thoughts to come…stayed tuned.

Change Is Inevitable

Erin — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 04:27:32 +0000

You know what is weird? In a professional sense I welcome change. I’m open to procedure changes and I stay positive and try to keep others positive. Why then, in my personal life do I sometimes get so sad about change?

This topic has come up in my head tonight because I was reading a post by The Junkie’s Wife called Zombie Love which was talking about her missing some of the way things used to be. Me, already being down tonight (as seen in this The Write Thought Post called Feelings Suck Sometimes) was brought to tears over this post.

Sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed when I think about how much in my life has changed. I don’t give into thinking about this often because it usually ends up with me feeling sad but tonight…it has gotten the best of me.

I figured the healthiest thing for me to do would be to write about this. Lucky you…you get to read about it.

I just long for the days that used to be so much easier. There was a time when my drug use wasn’t so rampant as it was at the end of my addiction. There was a time when I was younger and more naive about the world. There was a time when there was not one thing in the world that could come between my husband and myself. There was a time when I didn’t feel bad about my body. There was a time…

That’s about all I’m going to allow myself right now on this because I do realize that nothing good will come from these thoughts.

Whatever days I’m pining away for…those days are long gone and I’m probably just remembering all of the good and ignoring the bad anyway.

Change is good right? It leads to new possibilities. I’m changing, you’re changing, it’s just the way things go. Here is to embracing change…hopefully I can truly learn how to do it.

Addiction Recovery: Delaying The Inevitable