The article made me wonder – why didn’t Rebecca get feedback on what a poor job she was doing with Evelyn before it was too late? And why aren’t we all getting the feedback we need to correct “obvious” mistakes we are making?  What is wrong with our managers? Our customers, clients or even friends?  There are many reasons why you are NOT getting all the feedback you need from others—from people not knowing how to give feedback, inarticulate customers or clients, indifference or lack of time.  This, of course, is disappointing.  But often there is more feedback than we realize—the results of our actions and inactions—we just aren’t paying attention to feedback that exists because of our issues.  So don’t blame others for not giving you feedback, start paying attention to the feedback that is available and you likely are missing.

Here are stories of feedback that weren’t direct and I missed—and regretted.

The silence was the feedback.  A team at a global company just wasn’t getting the level of involvement we needed.  When we strategized on what to do, we missed the lack of involvement as the actual message that approaches we were taking were not working.  So rather than change direction we communicated more frequently.  They heard us—they just used ignoring us as the message—rude by our standards? Likely so, but it caused us to miss something we needed to know.

That tails of the distribution were relevant.  After years of working at a large client and working with thousands of people consistently getting rave ratings, I got some real push back around 2008 from a tiny few—the times were changing and some of what was a sure hit with “generations” of leaders and managers was ceasing to be with some young people.  I ignored it—just a few outliers we all thought.  But, those few outliers and some of the issues that were raised were actually predictors of what had to change—it took me a few years rather than months to get some of that vital information because I dismissed negatives as outliers.

No one called, wrote or responded.  But they loved the work. These were clients who had worked with me often and assumed we would be great when they hired us, knew we were great and thought we had enough self-esteem to just keep moving forward.  Meanwhile I was seriously worried I wasn’t making the cut.  The truth is with some clients, a lack of response does not mean a negative response. It could just be a “sorry I am too busy but really think what you are doing is absolutely fine” response.  Because people do not consistently communicate nor feel guilt about not responding, feedback that is on target often requires more work to arrange.  Since this exists at the same time as point one, it can get frustrating.  Stop being frustrated and negotiate some ways of interpreting feedback upfront.  Often a client will tell you—no feedback means it is all good.  And ignore Ben or Helen—who knows if you don’t ask ahead of time.  Ask for an interpretation of no, tons or little feedback—it might not be what you expect.

“It sucked” and other eloquent feedback is still feedback.  People can be more “casual” than ever.  I heard some words that “offended” me and turned my mind off to the feedback.  What I later realized was that just because someone is a real jerk doesn’t mean their feedback is worthless.  Might be, but refuse to take offense and make a better judgment of its value.

Your feelings count. If you sense something ‘just isn’t working’, it likely isn’t.  I could not stand the person.  The time with them was upsetting for me—but I ignored my own feelings and pretended it was okay because the client assured me it was “all fine”.  It wasn’t, I lost the business anyway and I could have been more productive not working with these people to begin with.  Trust your feelings—they are powerful and often TRUE feedback.

What is actually going on IS the feedback.  Sales are bad but they just haven’t gotten our message yet. Well, maybe so.  Maybe (likely?) not.  Results are feedback.

You really are super at something—great feedback counts too.  Many people have told me I am funny and unique and “out there” in a good way. Because I always wanted to be taken seriously (I am a woman of a certain age so that means something) I sometimes dismissed this positive feedback thinking it implied I wasn’t serious or heavy duty enough—not enough “Dr. Pat” like.  I know now that whenever I am not who I am—and I can be pretty out there but always mean well—I am LESS effective—you don’t need to please everyone. You don’t need to be good at everything.  But listen hard when people say they love, respect, really value or otherwise care or like something you do—that’s the best feedback you’ll ever get. Take it and run with it.

Think you will find it very insightful. My next blog, which will appear here on What Works at Work, will also appear on Dr. Rebecca’s Advantage Leadership site too. Thanks for sharing Rebecca—good reading all!

Poor Evelyn: My 9 steps to destroying a good employee

I didn’t set out to destroy poor Evelyn…my intentions were to “help her grow.” Unfortunately, my mother’s constant admonishment was correct: The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
It started off well enough. I managed a small division in a big corporation and had been given permission to hire an employee. I posted the job internally (we wanted to hire from within) and a friend in another area called to tell me she had the perfect person. I trusted her and her praises of Evelyn were effusive. (Another adage comes to mind: If it sounds too good to be true, it is.)

I had a couple of interviews with Evelyn and so did my counterpart in an associated division and we agreed Evelyn would be good. (I made the final decision so no blame goes to my counterpart.) Evelyn came on board and we got to work.

Evelyn was a boon to my team that included some long-term consultants. We coordinated with my counterpart easily and ran our two divisions almost as a single self-directed work team. (Because of reorganization we had no direct “boss” for quite a while and sailed along.) Even once we were given a new manager, things continued to move very collaboratively, we were making progress on our goals, and Evelyn was catching on to the work. In fact, we were charged with developing new methodologies, standards, and procedures and she had good ideas. Several of us went to training programs and conferences together and were excited about even more new ideas we could apply back at the company.

It’s hard to say where it started to go bad. Maybe it was a missed deadline here or an assignment that wasn’t quite up to the mark there. Maybe it was just a “personality” thing or a “social” thing or a “thing” thing. Whatever it was, slowly Evelyn’s performance and results began to slip a little. Knowing what I know now, I should have handled it very differently…

Instead, I became more and more frustrated, had more and more unproductive conversations with Evelyn, and griped to my colleagues. I got lots of advice (most of it bad) and followed it with continuing poor results. I lost my temper with Evelyn. I tried (too late) to set up a more structured approach to her assignments but by now it was really too late.

Evelyn was in a classic lose-lose situation. She really did not have the right talent. In Marcus Buckingham’s First Break All the Rules, he talks about the need to match talent to the needs of the job. Skills by definition can be learned. Talent is that unique combination of what you are born with and what you develop to a high degree over your lifetime. Talent is evident in consistently high performance.
I had made several classic mistakes.
1. I did not select for talent. I selected Evelyn because of her technical background and skills and experience with the company. I had not made a thorough analysis of the talents I needed. Once I learned the powerful technique of Behavioral Interviewing (selecting for needed talents) I never made another hiring mistake.
2. I did not set out a clear plan. When Evelyn first joined the team, we did not sit down and develop a written plan together of her work and how it would contribute to our goals and objectives. She wasn’t encouraged to develop a detailed tactical plan with some input and course correction from me.
3. I dumped instead of delegated. With no clear plan in hand, Evelyn did the best she could to figure out what was needed. It should be no surprise to know she often missed the mark. In good delegation, Evelyn would have a plan she had been involved in creating, with clear metrics and timetables AND EVERYTHING SHE NEEDED TO EXECUTE THE PLAN.
4. I didn’t “motivate.” This is a tough one because in reality, you cannot motivate anyone. What I failed to do was understand what really inspired her and then set up a situation in which she would motivate herself. Instead, I constantly de-motivated her using the wrong carrots and sticks.
5. I didn’t coach. Coaching is really about sitting down regularly and going over results and discussing what went well and why and what went wrong and why. It’s a perfect time to give praise and specific feedback about what worked. It’s a time to ask the person to analyze what didn’t go well and figure out what needs to be done to make it better. Encouragement not badgering is the key here. At the end of such a session, Evelyn would be ready to create a modified plan and get on with it.
6. I let things slide. Avoiding conflict was a strong motivator at that moment. Like many poor managers, I let the little things slide when they could have been fixed quickly. I finally got to the point that most bad managers get to: I’ll deal with it in the annual evaluation. What a cop out. By then it is always too late.
7. I didn’t seek coaching from experts. I relied on friends, colleagues, HR, and anyone else who would listen to my sad victim’s tale. I didn’t seek out the coaching and help of successful managers who would have set me straight, pointed out where I NEEDED TO CHANGE, and helped me correct my own poor management behavior.
8. I allowed Evelyn to fail miserably. It all came to a head in an event where Evelyn was to conduct an important session with folks from other departments and facilitate implementing a new procedure. Within 30 minutes we had to pull the plug…it was all going down in flames…were this a cop show instead of a corporate meeting the room would have looked like the last act of Hamlet.
9. I passed the problem to HR: Now came the final dereliction of duty. I went to HR, presented an indictment of poor Evelyn to my sympathetic buddies there and they showed me how to document everything, build a case, and get her fired. It was all very mechanical and legalistic. I was vindicated. Evelyn was all wrong. End of story.
There is no happy ending to this story and it took me a long time to admit my own part in the debacle. As it turned out the company had gotten itself into a pickle…we read about it on the front page of the papers one morning on the way to work and the entire department and its divisions were axed. Nothing personal, just a typical downsizing bloodletting that put hundreds of us on the street — with nice severance packages to ease the blow.
This happened many years ago but I still think about Evelyn and how I botched our work together and her chances for success. She got another job – as we all did – companies were hiring and there was no stigma in having been kicked off a sinking ship. (In fact, we had our farewell party on Friday and I started my new job on Monday.)

I owe Evelyn a big debt of gratitude. Because the whole experience, which lasted for over a year, was so painful, I was forced to go over and over it in my mind for a long time. I had to tease out all the lessons and analyze them. I had to completely reconstruct how I went about managing my team. I had to make amends by becoming a better manager, never repeating the Evelyn story again. I took the amends further and for many years I have been educating and coaching new and experienced managers in how to create an engaged workforce and setting up programs that groom managers for success.

So Evelyn, where ever you are: I’m sorry I made your life so miserable. AND thank you for teaching me the lessons of good management I needed to learn and can now pass on to others.
* * * * * * * * *
(c) Rebecca Staton-Reinstein, president Advantage Leadership, Inc.
Author: Conventional Wisdom: How Today’s Leaders Plan, Perform, and Progress Like the Founding Fathers

Rebecca Staton-Reinstein said…
Ken, Mace, and Joachim, thanks for your comments and additional insights.
Ken, your points are so true and I loved the “selective amnesia” observation.
Mace, I did run into Evelyn a few years later – she was working as a contractor in the company where I was working. She was friendly and said she loved what she was doing a lot better…so maybe not such an unhappy ending after all.
Joachim, it’s true…we all have to remember to ask “What did I learn out of this to improve” instead of beating ourselves up.
Thanks to all of you.
March 13, 2012 12:05 PM

It is nice to be vindicated.  I have never seen a fully engaged/happy workplace (that has to be an oxymoron for 99% of workplaces—if yours is one of the 1% let me know) where work wasn’t zooming, or a sad place where results were booming more than in a short term spurt.

The challenge now is to get managers and leaders of all types to take this research lesson to heart—especially as workplaces are attempting to move from the hunkered down approaches of the long recession and begin to build momentum toward new goals and innovation.

The problem is that many organizations really stumbled in the recession.  Talent policies—ways of hiring, retaining and even firing people went from mediocre to downright unprofessional.  Even if you know nothing about HR you had to be surprised by the “if unemployed don’t apply signs”.  Any HR professional should be ashamed.  Who doesn’t know of drastic cutbacks to salaries and perks—and worse yet stories of the nasty and unnecessary cruelty of how people were “processed” and communicated with?  “ You’re out” didn’t always mean a lovely thanks and good luck—but a “surprise—all your tech equipment and IT access is gone”—so close to your leaving you had to wonder if you could even use the restroom before hitting the bricks.  It probably is no surprise that Horrible Bosses was made during the downturn.

But if the research is right, and positive atmosphere, greater engagement, inspiration, socially intelligent workplaces yield greater productivity, it is time to wise up—not just for the purpose of being a decent person—although that would be very nice indeed.  The point is that if we don’t clean up our collective attitudes at work, organization’s recovery could be in doubt.  Would anyone blame valuable, hardworking people who hung in there during the rough times to run out the door when new opportunities call?  Wake up managers, wake up HR and other senior leaders—the time is now to start instituting more progressive, people sensitive approaches—again, all the help in the world is out there with what to do.  Start by being a nicer person—it really is something you know how to do but perhaps strayed from—begin to reconnect to the good parts of yourself and help create a better workplace more systematically too—be straightforward, open, trustworthy and decent and push for policies that are the same.

The workplace has sadly changed mostly for the worse in lean times.  The stories I have heard from clients and friends are truly scary.  And the lack of professional behavior has become almost as bad as some of what we see in the political arena.  Now you know we are talking bad news.  It won’t change overnight—a great deal of damage has been done to the workplace by people who tried to survive but often went so far toward protecting the organization that it compromised its people, and they are going to have to fight like heck to attract and retain winners.

The nice guys and women are definitely going to finish first.  Let me suggest you join them.

With this overall sense of “good news” for women, I watched Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s talk at TED with keen interest.

Us early feminists point with pride to women like Ms. Sandberg – she represents what we all hoped for when we worked hard to be accepted as having a right to work in a professional workplace.  There isn’t a woman over 50 who doesn’t remember some small percentage of men asking her to bring them some coffee, or providing unwelcomed flirting, or making comments that today would be universally perceived as “absurd”.  Recently watching the George Lucas film Red Tails reminded me of the great gasp reaction to a white man calling a black man the N-word.  Yes, thankfully, most people’s attitudes have changed for the better – significantly better.

But we have a caveat.  As Ms. Sandberg points out, significant numbers of women are still not making it to the top in any profession.  She mentions statistics like these: 190 countries in the world and only 9 are run by women; also, today in the C-suite, director level jobs are held by women at a clip of just 15%.  Even more alarming, since 2002 the numbers have been getting worse, not better.  The Facebook executive ably explains why: women are dropping out. I couldn’t agree more – if you drop out you lose the chance to be at the top.  She also talks about ways to overcome these problems, which she readily admits are complex and difficult.

Her advice is not only truthful and sincere, but it was advice we would have and did give women 20 years ago.  We just didn’t think we would see someone as accomplished as Sheryl Sandberg, Forbes’ 5th most powerful woman in the world, having to deliver it today.  The point is that often the more things change (let’s add one more technical gadget to our workplace shall we?) the more they tend to be the same when the issues are deeper than they look and feel.  Women really do have greater consequences than men for “success”.  And that “reality” makes the sacrifices of being a successful woman that much harder, thus resulting in a relatively larger dropout rate.  This is not meant to be a negative piece but rather a positive one.  There has been progress; thanks to years of efforts by men and women there is a better workplace in terms of old-fashioned outright decimation.  But challenges remain and advice on this particular issue remains the same.

Women – you have to speak up, not quit, ask for what you want, and seek opportunities.  Listen to people like Sheryl.  So happy she is out there to keep the conversation going and my ego in tack – we more seasoned professionals still have some spot on things to say.

If I were the Baltimore Ravens kicker at this past Sunday’s AFC Championship game and it was at any time but the last year or so, I would have screamed, cried and beat on myself for a long time. 34 million households witnessed his unfortunate gaffe. If I were Mitt Romney I would be completely jumped out by the notion that someone as odd in my mind as Newt Gingrich was taking my steam. If I were the President I would want to write to NY Times columnists who insist I have no fire, passion or vision and just tell them to shut up and see what they could do in the same boat.

Most of my professional life and much of my coaching career has focused on achieving success in a way that looks and feels like an end zone; the winning zone, an accomplishment of something concrete and tangible and approved by the people that count.  The examples above make it clear who counts—fans/team personnel, voting republicans and the high powered media respectively.  My advice tended to be most focused on ‘winning the game’ and for good reasons.  Success at work was, until quite recently, something that could be judged ‘objectively’ by money earned, standards imposed by experts, or just “common—meaning ordinary—sense”.  Today, there are multiple understandings of success and new, more complex, demands at work.  As a coach it has challenged me to think differently about what makes sense and what ‘should’ be done by workers in the new workplace.

This year the theme of this blog will be on changing perspectives and dealing with transitions in life and work.  What Works at Work will explore new perspectives on what works by looking at what is actually changing in terms of expectations and conditions on the job.  It will also consider the other side of the equation—how different ages and stages and needs of individuals make what works at work not something universal, but something “that depends”. 

Not necessarily will all the old rules be upended—quite the contrary—many tried and true approaches at work will be recommended again.  What is changing is my perspective—and I sense—the perspective of many others.  Whether it is my age—62 last week—or the result of the great recession and its slow unwinding—most working people have new concerns and new approaches and ideas about what matters at work and what role a job should play in a person’s life.  Meanwhile the pace of globalization and pressures on performance continues to accelerate; putting more pressures on workers at all levels.  This means more opportunities for disappointment and frustration on both sides of the workplace equation—the workplace and the worker.

My goal is to bring a bit more clarity to What Works at Work by considering what makes sense for people given shifts in different industries and workplace conditions. I’ll also take into account different ages and stages of workers, and what really matters to a person at a given point in their individual journey.  First lesson of the year is this:  This is not the same old workplace and you cannot be the same old worker—the need to more fully understand the landscape while more fully understanding yourself is the only way to prepare and be ready to succeed in 2012. 

The media culture is not helping.  From hero to villain (or the reverse) is standard operating procedure in our 24/7 “information” filled world.  Steve Jobs wasn’t dead a week when Maureen Dowd thrashed him personally (not professionally) in the New York Times.  Everyone’s old punching bag “back in the day”—Hillary Clinton—who had things said about her that are unprintable in this blog— is now being lauded as the best replacement for the President.  Coach Paterno, hero of Penn State football, won’t coach his last home game as he (likely) rightly is punished for lack of responsibility for not more aggressively trying to stop a series of horrific crimes at Penn State.

As workplace managers, we can let this intense cultural phenomenon affect our management of people and ideas in foolish and unproductive ways.  For example, a manager can get so excited about the newest person on the team they are overly effusive with over the top praise—often alienating the rest of the team who may have been knocking themselves out since 2008 helping keep things afloat.  Shortly thereafter when this newest person isn’t the savior to the business as hoped, he or she is quickly condemned or more likely in today’s cool culture,  added to the dust heap—once lauded now ignored.

People, as most of us know, including the stars and celebrities in the news cycle, are never all good nor all bad.  All human beings come with baggage and some bad character traits as well as strong skill sets and weaker ones.  This is an important fact we need to really embrace and value as colleagues and managers.  Understanding human nature is key to success in all aspects of work.  Maybe we should all stop being surprised at the quiet good guy gone haywire or the woman gone mad after years of abuse.  We are complex, us human beings.

Let’s all take a deep breath and do the unexciting, but necessary work of management—focus on the best in people and praise and reward their good performance.  On the other hand, also understand and accept their limitations and accept that the brightest might make a bad mistake too.  Give people their due—and praise for the gifts and exceptional contributions they make.  When something isn’t quite as positive, seek to support correction, improve processes and accept apologies rather than overreact.  Not exciting or dramatic—not good TV or Internet—-just the right thing to do at work as well as in our homes in 99% of situations.

As for the cultural media machine?  Well they have to entertain us, not nurture us, for us to watch (ie pay them)—that’s why they are doing what they are doing.  As managers new, or seasoned, get out of the business of over or under appreciating people and get into the business of helping people perform at their best and work on the rest.  Steady work toward excellence wins the race in business as in most of what’s really important in life.   But I have to admit being slightly curious about who’s up and who’s down in the press so I am going to get back to the Internet. . . .Sorry—I am not perfect either.

Another common mistake for new managers is thinking one’s experience should be the main or only thing to consider when making decisions moving forward.

All people are influenced by their own experience. Often people are promoted or hired due to specific experiences where their actions led to success. So the sales woman who had the best international sales is made the head of international sales, or the executive who turned around the IT department in an organization is brought in to the do the same thing at another. Although clearly “self evident” that this use of a person’s pass successes makes sense, it actually does not—completely.

Experience counts. Of course it does. But it should not and cannot be the only criteria because things change–and NO, it is not true that “there is nothing new under the sun”. Perhaps in love—but not in business. Things have changed, situations never faced before are right before us.  Further, experience and rational thinking without imagination is likely not going to yield great results.   See Einstein.  See Steve Jobs.

A new manager must use h/h experiences and past successes, but h/s also has to look at issues in a fresh way and question and challenge assumptions.  Here is a concrete tip to open any manager’s eyes—share with your team or mentor or boss what your experience has been and what that is leading you to conclude and execute as a certain strategy to solve a new challenge.  Then, ask simply—”what am I missing?”  This question stimulates key others to share perspectives never considered before.  Ask, listen, be newly open.

Smart new managers understand the balance between being self confident and using what they know, and knowing that they are new and need more input and other’s views before making decisions. The best managers use history and future scenario thinking to have more and better data.  And data plus imagination yields new successes or at the least important learning.

The first mistake to avoid?  Not knowing  why you were chosen/promoted.  Knowing this vital information will allow you to play to those strenghts while developing new ones.  See previous blog for much more detail on this issue.

The second thing not to do is to assume being on a team or in a department is the same thing as being the manager.  The mistake to avoid is essentially NOT changing your act.

You are in a different role.  People will treat you differently and expect different things from you.  Accept that as a given.  When you become a manager—like it or not, you are in a different position—not higher, maybe not better, not superior—but absolutely different.

Here are a few suggestions that will help you avoid this common mistake of not changing your approach and role in the group.

Start humble but strong.  Tell your new team you are new at management, but you plan to become an excellent one.  Tell your team you understand that your new job is to make each of them and all of them more productive.  That’s it.  Ask for reactions and listen carefully.  Your first goals at this point is gain a clear shared understanding of what your role as a manager is and is not.  If you and your team are on the same sheet of music about what your role is and is not, working together effectively is simpler and better.

Write down the things you liked and disliked in managers you worked with.  Put that list somewhere you can see it.  Sometimes we tend to do things we have seen modeled—even if we didn’t like them when done to us.  Remind yourself not to commit the same mistakes your bad bosses did.  And remember that very likely what you didn’t like—or did, is similar to what your colleagues are expecting of you. 

Realize you can’t be “friends” or “enemies” or “indifferent” in the same ways you might have been able to relate to people prior to being their  boss or manager.  Your new job is to support others—and to do that fairly.  Friends deserve and should get special  or different levels of attention and support—and breaks—but that is not appropriate  if you are the manager of many.  Sometimes friendships end when one becomes a boss—or have to move to “only out of the office”—but that can be tough.  The bottom line is as a manager you need to be as fair and measured as you can be—so make sure if you have friends on the team you now manage they understand your new and different role.

An enemy might be scorned, frosted out or undermined—but you can’t manage a person you scorn—get over it.  Being indifferent to others is a popular new style with many people.  Most experts have noticed a reduced interest in others and less emotional connection than in previous times.  It doesn’t work in management.  People want, need and deserve your attention, respect, and support if you are their manager.  It is not cool to be an indifferent boss.  It is unacceptable.

Finally, don’t be cute or silly about your role.  It is an important and serious one—though never take yourself too seriously—that really is uncool and unproductive.  The point is to realize that when you are asked to serve as a manager or boss it is comes with the responsibility to focus on a bigger picture—to focus on the good of the whole, the entire team as well as to connect to people one on one.  Don’t get a swagger, get serious about helping others succeed and grow.  If people that work for you never get promoted you are not doing your job.  Set an example, set a high standard and always start from a place of your responsibility for outcomes.

Nobody said being a manager is easy.  It isn’t.   Avoid his common mistake—not shifting gears and not taking on a new role or you will greatly lesson your chances of success.

Number ONE thing not to do:
Do not assume you know why you are the new manager or team leader unless your mother owns the company. And, DO assume you need this information to earn the right to continue to be a boss and succeed. You may think it is “obvious”. You are simply the best performer. But maybe not so. Maybe someone sees in you something we in the world of talent management or human resources call “management potential”. Simply put, those that promoted you  think you have the most important skill any new manager can have—that is the ability to help OTHERS perform best.  Being the best can sometimes PREVENT someone from being a great leader.   This is a reason why many new managers fail—they can DO the job—but help someone else do it? Not so much.

People love working for great bosses—and everyone is different. What they have in common is the ability to inspire, support, or otherwise help people excel. From your own best  boss, to the late brilliant Steve Jobs, political leaders like President Obama, master chef Thomas Keller or unique entrepreneur Jeff Bezos, these people make others strive for excellence.

So find out why you got selected, and ask for guidance about what your new boss thinks are your key strengths—technology, listening, making sales, getting to the heart of things, problem solving, and remind yourself daily to grow and continue to excel there.

Then if the reason is NOT due to your ability to bring out the best in others, or to put it another way—a way to use insight into people to help them be great, and it is even not clear to you that matters where you work, accept that in fact, that is what makes a great manager. People want to be inspired and supported. They want help and guidance. They want to know they count. Do those things the best you can and make it your permanent mission in life to keep trying to figure out how to do that better.

New bosses and managers have a unique opportunity to start their journey focused on the right things, or become another casuality of our under supported and led organizations who rarely do enough