What You Least Expected

Chapter 7. Survivor

2013-03-31T16:14:00.001-04:00

-What You Least Expected-

Chapter 7. Survivor

A/N: Sorry this took a little long for me to post. Real life sucks sometimes, but I am trying hard to get at least one up a week. Chapter 8 is being edited (yes all chapters are written for this, but I meddle with them before they officially post. Sorry, it’s my prerogative as a writer to get a little anal sometimes! For those of you looking for MOMH updates, I’ve got the last few chapters with a beta and pre-reader. As always, I’m constantly adding and fixing so it takes me a bit. Sorry! It’s coming though, I promise!

Excuse any brevity and typos!

Playlist: Wanted You More - Lady Antebellum

“Oh God” I moan.

“All right, easy there.” Liam chuckles. “I’m about to get half a stock over here if you keep that shit up.”

“Liam!” Maggie giggles uncontrollably as she whacks him on the back of the head. “Behave would you?”

“Me behave?” He’s jokingly incredulous.“Seriously, tell her to behave! If I wasn’t watching her eating pickles and chocolate fondue I’d swear I was hearing her having sex.” His eye brows wag suggestively and his head tilts to the side to admire me. “I’d bet a sexed up Bella is damn hot.”

“Oh my God!” I laugh around the chocolate pickle currently occupying my mouth. “You are so wrong for that. I’m about to be someones mommy.”

“MILF!” Liam screams like a man that’s suddenly lost his mind. “Oh shit! You’re not living this down.” His finger stabs the air in my direction. “I’m totally referring to you as MILF from now on.”

“Will you shut up!” My eyes begin to water as I attempt to control my laughter and my very squished bladder. From my left Maggie snorts despite her terrible attempt to keep her laughter in and that’s the end of me.

I jump up and take off toward the bathroom, faster than a woman who’s nine months pregnant should be able to move I burst through the bathroom door and barely close it before dropping my pants. I feel physical and emotional relief when I make it to the toilet in time with my underwear still dry.

Sadly enough, this has become a greatest accomplishment for me lately.

Dry underwear, that is.

“Did you make it?” Liam shouts from my kitchen.

“Fuck you, asshole!” I shout through the bathroom door.

“With pleasure! Pregnant chicks are damn hot. Especially you Bella, I’d totally get behind that!”

“Maggie!” I squeal through my laughter, dabbing my eyes with toilet paper.

“Okay, Liam enough.” I can hear her trying desperately to control her laughter and sound authoritative toward her fiancée. “You know Bella’s sensitive.”

“I bet she is, it’s been what Bell, about ten months right?” The laughter in his voice makes me smile despite my wanting to kick his ass.

Flinging the bathroom door open, I chuck him my best bird and waddle my way back toward my stool and fondue set.

“Such a dick.” I mutter as I settle back in to my chocolate dipping party.

“Suck a dick?” Liam grins like a Mass mega millionaire winner. “God, Bell you sure are horny.”

Smiling evilly, I pick up a whole raw carrot and swirl it in the hot melted chocolate before pulling it up to my lips. With a quick flick of my tongue, I catch a drippy glob of hot runny chocolate before sinking my teeth harshly into the flesh of the carrot.

Liam shudders and uses his hands like a shield around his lap. “Jesus. All right, I take it back.” Shaking his head, he smiles softly at me and grabs a pretzel off of my buffet spread. Quickly popping it into his mouth, he mutters “Such a heartbreaking tease.”

“Whatever.” I laugh softly acknowledging that this little ritual of ours has kept me happy the last few days.

Ever since I’ve come into the home stretch of this pregnancy I’ve been sort of down, but I’m lucky. Liam and Maggie had been right her to pick me up and keep me high even when I didn’t want them to.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so ecstatic to be having this baby. I think that over the last few months I’ve really come a long way from the dark place I’d been in. I was in the right place now, a good frame of mind. I owed that to my friends and my dad.

Life was good, I was successful and happy in my career. I had great new friends who I considered a valuable and irreplaceable part of my family, so different from the one I’d previously belonged to but just as wonderful and special.

I’d landed a beautiful and surprisingly affordable spacious two bedroom condo in a secure and gorgeous building that sat beside the Common’s on Beacon Hill in the city. My bedroom was my favorite part of the condo, except the roof walk up patio that gave me additional space of coarse.

When I’d moved in, Liam had surprised me by ganging up with his sister Siobhan who happened to be a master carpenter. They’d blown me away when they’d remodeled my bay window into a day bed. Complete with billowing curtains and fluffy pillows, the view from the window held an exceptionally picturesque view of Frog Pond. It was so perfect, like something out of a Peter Pan fairytale. It really helped get me through the tougher days, when I could imagine how it would be to sit here in this space with Anthony and admire the city below the window. I knew once he was born and our life started to unfold that all this would be worth it.

I knew he would be worth it.

Every sacrifice, every doubt and fear that I’d overcome, it would all be an accomplishment to look back on years from now. That was something I took comfort in above all else.

“So what should we do today?” Maggie asks, bringing me out of my thoughts as she bites into a juicy strawberry.

“I’m eating.” I clarify, and to reiterate my point I reach for a strawberry of my own and dunk a healthy heaping of chocolate on the fruit.

“We know, Bell.” Liam grins. “We can bring snacks for the spawn, don’t worry.”

Somehow, he looks like he’s sincerely reassuring me that whatever activity we decide on there will be food present. This is what I love about my friends and it’s just about the only thing that keeps me content lately.

I love food too much to contend with the idea of going without even for a few hours. Cliche as it seems, I am always very hungry. A lot more than normal lately, but I chalk that up to the home stretch. Only twelve more days until the tenth of April, that’s when my due date will officially here.

My dad is planning to fly in next week to spend the next four weeks with me. He even managed to get me in touch with mom, which was an amazing achievement in my opinion. Since she’d remarried it’d been almost impossible to keep track of her. Her new husband Phil was a scout and professional trainer in the American league of Major League Baseball and they were constantly on the move.

However, she’d managed to arrange her busy schedule as a professional traveling tutor so that she could come up to see me once the baby was born. I was glad that her and my dad could get along civilly. It was to have both my parents supporting me. Even if my mother thought I was too young and too alone to have a baby on my own.

“Oh I know! We should go for a walk in the Common’s! Maybe you’ll lose your mucus plug!” Maggie suggested excitedly.

“Babe, I’m eating.” Liam’s face turns sour as he stares at the banana in his hand.

“I don’t really think walking around the Common’s is the best plan.” I speak up not even trying to hide my amusement over Liam’s sudden repulsion of his snack. “My ankles swell pretty fast lately. It’s probably not the best idea.”

“We could take frequent breaks. Common’ it’ll be so much fun. It’s spring, the little duckies are out.” Maggie whined.

“Yea, their little waddle is almost as cute as yours is.” Liam smiled widely as he dodged a piece of anisette cookie I lobbed at him. He caught it easily and shoved it into his mouth with pride.

“I’m not risking my mucus plug. It’s still too early, I’ve got like two weeks before my due date.” I complained. “I’m not in a rush and neither is Anthony and I don’t want to move things along faster than they’re intended to be.” I pat my tummy lovingly. “He’ll come when he’s ready.”

“Well, he’d better not come while we’re in Rhode Island this weekend.”

“I doubt he will. Besides, Doctor Ross said that most women go past their due date with their first baby and when he measured me yesterday I wasn’t even dilated yet. I think we’re safe.”

“We better be.” Maggie wagged her finger at my bulging belly. “Do you hear me mister?” She was already so good at scolding my son, I knew growing up with a house full of younger siblings had really rubbed off on her. She loved to parent, I had no doubt she’d be a great mom when her and Liam really started having kids. “You’d better stay put until Aunty gets back from her business trip.”

At the sound of her voice he wiggles and squirms, making me gasp a little when his foot crushes my lungs. No matter how long he’d been doing it, I still can’t get used to the fact that it feels like he’s trying to escape my body Alien style.

I combat as best as I can, with a sharp knuckle to the spot he’s currently digging at, I do my best to move him away from my ribs.

“There’s my little man!” Liam thunders, making the two of us jump. “Who’s the next Shawn Thornton, huh buddy?”

“You and your Hockey.” I roll my eyes at his antics as I try to settle Anthony out of my rib cage.

“Please, like you don’t feel that kid’s cross checking capability Bell? I’m tellin’ ya, he’s going to be the next enforcer with uncle Liam’s help. I can’t wait to get him out on the ice in a couple years.”

Liam and Maggie have made it a point to make sure I know that they plan to continue to be a heavy presence in my life after Anthony is born.

“You guys are nuts.” I lament jabbing my finger into Liam’s chest. “I blame you for his current rough housing inside my belly. If you weren’t putting these ideas in his head so early, I’d probably have less internal bleeding going on right now.

“Nah, there’s nothing that’s gonna stop this power house.” Liam reaches over and gives my belly a rub, making me roll my eyes at him. “You take it easy on Ma, huh there big guy? There’s plenty of time for roughhousing when you come out here with Uncle Liam.”

“Anyway,” I blow out a breath as I settle myself back onto the stool. “We could go out to eat? I’m really in the mood for Shepard’s Pie from The Purple Shamrock.”

“That’s a great idea, we could grab the T over to Quincy Market. I’ve been meaning to drop by Dick’s to pick up a new T-shirt. I could stop in while we’re over there.”

“I’ll take a cab thank you. There’s no way I’m getting in that sardine can anytime soon. It was bad enough when I wasn’t pregnant. I don’t want to risk either falling or getting squished.”

“Bostonian’s are a hell of a lot more courteous than New Yorkers are.” Maggie said as she shoved her arms into her jacket. “At least they’ll give up their seats for pregnant women and elderly folks.”

“True.” I agree. “Still, I hate the ride, it’s too jerky and fast. Every time I ride the Green Line I feel like I’m going to die.”

“That’s just part of the experience.” Liam laughs at me.

“Well, I’m not going to experience it while I’m this pregnant. I’ll stick to the surface and take a cab. I’ll walk if I have to.”

“I thought you didn’t want to walk?” Maggie scowls.

“I don’t but I would just to avoid the subway.” I turn to Liam, “I’m not going anywhere near Dick’s. Last time we were there they put a hat on me that said: I’m still a virgin...from behind.That was such a memorable experience!”

“Fuck, I forgot about that.” Liam chortles. “That was Goddamn hilarious, we need to go back there after you have the baby.”

“Yeah because that’s the type of place I’ll want to bring my son.” I give him the side eye. “Anyway, I’m hungry. Can we go?”

“You’re always hungry.” Liam interjects.

“Yea well, in a few weeks I won’t have an excuse anymore. So let me have my fun while I can still get away with binge eating.”

“You should eat what you want. You’re all belly any way, that’s the disturbing thing about you. From behind you don’t even look pregnant you just turn around and BAM! Belly! I love hanging out with you in public lately, it’s so entertaining when I see guys checking you out. Totally, very amusing when you turn around and give them an eye full of belly.”

I know she means it as a joke, but an entirely different reaction is spawn as her words hit my thoughts. “Gee, thanks Mag.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Bella.” Maggie frowns. Reaching a hand toward me she catches my hand in hers. “Don’t get down. I just meant that it’s just funny because they are looking at you and then they notice how pregnant you are and this look of fear passes over their face. Watching their eyes dart around while they’re looking to see if anyone’s caught them looking is priceless.”

I know Maggie is only trying to make me feel better, I even recognize that I’m probably over reacting. My hormones are all over the place lately so it’s nothing new. Still, her words really hit my heart for some reason. As if I don’t already know exactly what everyone thinks when they look at me.

Single, hugely pregnant, and utterly alone. It’s an easy assessment.

Most men see me, get nervous about ogling and then realize they have nothing to worry about. There isn’t anyone around to stake their claim or defend my honor. It only takes them a moment to make their assessment of me. If they notice the lack of wedding ring on my left hand they assume I’m easy.

It had been uncomfortable to me once I’d started showing and now the bigger I got, the more difficult it became.

I tried not to let it get to me, but it’s getting harder and it’s not always easy to deal with. How am I supposed to feel? How can I explain to my friends that even though they keep me company and make me smile, it’ll never be enough?

It’s not fair of me, I know that. It’s just to hard to make them understand that they’ll never fill the void that he left in my heart. How can I make them see that I’ll never get over him? That there’s nothing anyone can ever do that will quell the ache I feel when I think of him. That I’ll never be normal or whole again because of the void that’s been left in my heart.

“Bella,” Maggie’s eyes follow my line of sight, fixed on my fire place mantel. “I’m sorry, please don’t get upset. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s okay.” I smile weakly as I pull my attention away from a photo of piercing green eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

“No,” She sighs and makes a face like she’s just finished sucking on a lemon. “It’s his fault.”

“Don’t start,” I scowl. “It’s not his fault either.”

“Well, who’s fault is it?” Now Maggie’s angry. This is the same tired conversation we’ve been going back and forth on since I’d come back from Washington this past fall. “You won’t confront him, and you won’t let me confront him-”

“It’s not you place.” I remind her, my voice low and vulnerable as I imagine just how she would confront Edward if I’d ever let her take the opportunity.

She’d do it too if she wasn’t certain it would break our friendship.

“Like hell it’s not!” She shouts. “You’re my best friend. My single, pregnant, emotionally spent best friend. He should know what’s going on here, Bella. Not just for you but for the baby he still knows nothing about. Why do you refuse to tell him Bella?”

“God, will you just drop it? Please Mag, I don’t want to keep getting into this with you.”

“I’ll stop getting into it with you when you tell me the reason you refuse to tell him about your pregnancy.”

“It’s not the right-” I start, but I’m quickly cut off.

“Time?” Maggie finishes my excuse. “When will it be the right time? You can’t keep it from him forever you know. Unless that’s what you’ve intended all along?”

“No, I’m not going to keep him in the dark forever. I’m just not ready to-”

“He might have moved on to newer fish in the sea, Bella but that doesn’t mean you have to wallow after him forever and it certainly doesn’t lessen his financial responsibility to you and this baby.”

“I never said that I was’t going to tell him. It’s just complicated.” I explain for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Yes, it’s complicated! No shit! I think we all realize that. Do you really think waiting it out will make it less complicated? God, you’re such a procrastinator and not just about this.”

“What’s that mean?” My face grows hot.

“I mean, you wait for the last minute on everything. You only make choices when you have to and most of the time you half ass that too! You’re going to be a mother Bella. Hell, you already are a mother! Why don’t you just act like it! Stop hiding in the shadows behind Edward’s memory.”

“I don’t know why you worry about it so much. If I want to wallow in self loathing it has nothing to do with you. I’ll handle it once I’m ready.”

“Are you fuckin’ serious right now?” She snarls back at me. “How can you act this way? Haven’t you had enough?”

I can feel myself shrinking back slightly as her face rises in scarlet color.

However, I try to bring my logic to the table by explaining what I’m feeling. I worry that my emotions will get the better of me if I do, but I realize now isn’t the time for holding back. If I want her to stop nagging and leave me the hell along on this topic then I need to set her straight. Both of them need to understand that I might never get better, nor will it happen over night.

“What do you know about it anyway?” I ask. “You’ve got Liam. You live together, you’re planning a life with him. What do you know about being alone? You got to find the person you want to spend your life with, he trusts you and you love each other. I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life Maggie. I’m going to have my son and raise him alone. How do you think that makes me feel? That I’ll never marry the man that parented my only child.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.” She’s quick to argue. “You could move on. You could make a new life with someone, there are plenty of guys out there who would welcome a child with open arms.”

“You think that’s what this is about, don’t you? That I have some strange barrier up just because I’m scared that some man won’t accept my son years down the road? You think I give a shit about that, that I would waste my time with anyone like that?” I throw my hands up in frustration.

Staring her straight in the face, I blow out a long breath to push my emotions back down under the barrier I’ve built.

“It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that I’ve lost all trust and faith in relationships, could it? It wouldn’t be the fact that the person I loved most called me a liar and a whore over something I had absolutely no control over. Then to top of the hurt and humiliation of my own bad judgment, I got to watch as he hurled my engagement ring into the woods like it was a worthless gum ball machine prize.”

A deep breath was the only think that paused me from continuing on.

“Wait, oh, maybe it has something to do with my heart and mind being broken into a thousand pieces? As if I could ever recover from losing everything,” I grab at my belly in frustration as angry humiliating teats start to gather in my eyes. “Then have a constant reminder of it every minute of every day.” At this point I start screaming. “You think I want this life! You think I want to be here alone?”

“Bella,” Liam seems to wake up from his fog. “Just calm down okay-” He tries to calm me down, but I’m not listening.

“Jesus Christ Maggie, do you know how often I’ve sat here and tried to pick up the phone to call him?” I jab my finger toward my living room. Though I can feel my high blood pressure rising. In the back of my mind I know arguing like this isn’t good for me or Anthony but I can’t seem to help myself. It’s like everything I’ve bottled up is suddenly funneling out. Do you know how often I’ve crank called Alice and Esme just so I could hear their voices? How many letters do you think I’ve written and thrown away trying to explain myself?”

“I don’t know.” She’s dumb struck by my sudden outburst.

“Yea, that’s right. You don’t fucking know.” I let out a shaky breath. “You think you know, but you don’t. That’s the difference. I’m never going to get over him Maggie. Not because I’m hung up on him, but because of everything else in between. Do you understand that? My life was all about our life together. Every aspect and every plan I made revolved around the life I was making with him and not that’s all gone. IT’S OVER. That life is gone for me. My entire life is different from everything I’ve known and all I’m trying to do is get through one fucking day at a time right now. I don’t need you telling me that I’ve fucked it all up. I know that.”

I look her straight in the face and repeat myself. “I. know. That.”

“I’m sorry, okay.” There are tears shining in her eyes. “I know I come off too strong sometimes, I’m not trying to hurt you. It just makes me so angry Bell. You deserve so much better than this.”

“This” I stop her, my fingers make little quotation marks in the air. “Is my life, it might be shitty but it’s mine and for right now, it’s as good as this gets, okay? You think you get angry over it, well I’d hate to see if you had to be the one going through it. I didn’t get a choice in the hand I was dealt and just like everyone else, I’m doing my best to work through it.”

“I’m just trying to help you.” She reaches out to me but I pull back.

“Don’t help me, okay? The last person that tried to help me changed everything for me.” I let out a shaky breath as tears come inalterable down my cheeks. “Don’t fucking help. I don’t want anyones help. Not yours. Not Edward’s. NOT ANYONES!”

“All right girls,” Liam pulls Maggie toward him in a gesture meant to wind her down.

“Relax, okay, both of you.” He gives us both a long worried look.

“I’ll relax when the two of you stop this shit. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“You’re right Bell, this isn’t helping and it’s not good for Anthony.” Liam gestures to my tummy before he turns his attention to Maggie. “I know you mean well, but these are Bella’s decisions, remember?” His stern look is almost comical, but I can’t find it in myself to even smile right now. “Stop trying to nurture her, she’s already dealing with a lot and she doesn’t need extra criticism. Got it?”

“Got it.” She cools down slightly at his touch.

The intimate gesture stops my breath and pulls at my chest, so aching to a time from my past it suddenly hard to breath. It’s an emotion that I long to recall from my own life; when a single touch was enough to make the chaotic world stop turning and set things in the right perspective.

When one look and the breath of a single word was enough to calm me.

If they notice my controlled reaction they don’t comment. If anything, I think they’re too wrapped up in their own small world sometimes to realize how much I hurt when I watch them. It’s not them, I don’t blame or resent them. They’re in love and happy. I just wish I could stop this ache. I wish I could bask in the happiness they share openly.

Most of the time I fake it for the sake of mixed emotions and hard feelings. After all, it’s not Maggie and Liam’s fault that I’m an emotional cluster fuck. It is what it is and I accept it. Probably better than they do.

“Can we put this behind us for now and go get some food now?” Liam turns to me and tries his best dimpled smile. I know he’s trying to sell it. That he wants to keep everyone happy, that’s the one of the many qualities of Liam that I love. He’s so driven and committed to the people he loves. He’ll do anything to make them happy and keep them that way.

For a second I consider it. I want to forget the argument, enjoy a night out with my friends. Then I think better because I know better. I’m still on the verge of a breakdown, I can feel it building inside me and nothing is going to stop it.

The only thing I want right now is to be alone, I know without doubt I want it more than anything else. Even Shepard’s Pie from The Purple Shamrock.

“You know,” I amend. “I’m going to hang in tonight.You guys go ahead and enjoy yourselves.”

“No, Bella. Please come with us, I’m sorry I picked a fight with you.” Maggie looks crushed, for a moment I feel terrible but it passes quickly. I’ve got more important things to deal with right now and I don’t think she wants to see the breakdown I feel coming on.

“It’s not you.” I swallow roughly and offer up a lame excuse. “Now that I’m up and moving around more, I’m feeling kind of tired. Why don’t you guys go ahead? You’ll probably have a better time without me anyhow and I’ll just end up slowing things down with my pregnant waddling any how.”

I try to give them my best smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. It wouldn’t matter if it did anyhow, I can’t look either of them in the eye right now. I’m hoping they’ll just except my excuse and move on. It’s suddenly been a long day and I don’t think I want to deal with either of them for much longer.

“I’ll see you guy’s once you get back Monday night.”

“Bella,” Liam sighs.

From the corner of my eye I can see him staring at me with concern. I know he wants to say more, but he doesn’t because he knows better.

I’m on the verge and I think the three of us know it’s probably better to leave me now before I say or do something more I’ll regret. I already feel like I’ve said to much.

“Call if you need anything?” He asks softly as he pulls Maggie tight. This is his silent way of telling her to go with it. He thinks I can’t read the signs, but the truth is the two of them are so in the same way Edward and I were. I can read the two of them like an open book.

I think that might be why I’m so drawn to them. I’d be kidding myself if I said it was anything else really. They’re great people but something keeps me wanting to stay attached. At first, I’d thought it was just my loneliness, but now I wonder if it’s something more. I wonder if I’ll ever be normal around people. If maybe I should have taken Doctor Ross’s advice about being medicated for depression. At this point I feel like I’m beyond help. The thought makes me clench my teeth in frustration.

I hate the weakness I feel within myself. I hate what I’ve become because I no longer have him.

“Bell?” Liam steps toward me. The concern is back in full force now and if I want to get them out of here, I’d better put on my brave face and give them the assurances they need.

“Course.” I breath. “Have a safe trip and make sure you call me when you guys land, k?”

Without words Maggie walks up to me and pulls me tightly into her arms. She kisses the side of my head muttering a soft apology before pulling away with fresh tears in her eyes.

“We’ll bring you something cool from Rhode Island.” Liam offers up with a grin as he leans in to kiss my temple. “You be good little man!” He shouts at my belly while giving it a little tap.

“Thanks.” I shake my head with a little smile at the flutter of sudden activity under my ribs. Liam was always good about getting him moving even if it drives me crazy.

“I’ll call you when we touch down.” Maggie promises.

“I know. I’lll answer, I promise.” I smile at her.

“You better.” She’s grinning back at me as the two of them step through my door into the hallway.

“See ya.” I wave a little as they close the door.

Only when I hear the soft din of the elevator chime alerting me to their complete departure, do I allow myself the breakdown I deserve.

I’m alone in my condo, but the truth is that I’m never alone. The truth is, that this life I’ve got now? It’s the life I wanted with Edward, only now it doesn’t include him.I think that’s what is so painful. I’ve got my fancy degree and a graduation ceremony coming up after the baby is born. I’ve got a sweet little five floor walkup in the city and a decent career blooming around me. I’m having a baby.

I’m alone.

Friends and my dad will never really replace the loss of the man that I love.

Edward’s photographs litter every corner of my home. Pieces and little momentous of our life that were rescued from the place we shared in Seattle are scattered everywhere I look. In my family room the art I’d painted for him my junior year of college hands on the wall. On the mantle of my fireplace sits the seashells we collected the sand we’d gathered on the beach during our trip to The Southern Cross Club in the Cayman - the place that Anthony was undoubtedly conceived. My kitchen window is lined with the dozens of kitchen fairies his sister Alice and his mother Esme and I started a passionate collection over. My bedroom walls are lined with the family portraits that were taken from his brother Emmett’s and sister-in-law Rosalie’s wedding.

Despite the physical absence of Edward, he’s presence is still all around me.

Part of me wonders why I torture myself the way I do in this way but deep down I think I know why I do things the way I do.

I know I want to go to him. To tell him what he missing out on, to beg him to take me back. Then again, it’s not right and I can’t force myself. They’ll come a time someday and when it does I hope I’ll be brave enough.

For some reason, I’m drawn to turn my head toward the mantle above my fireplace, my eyes automatically locking with frozen green iris like they always do. This time something feels so different in the way his gaze penetrates me. It’s ability to root me to the spot is uncanny and even though I know it’s only a photo, I can’t help but feel scolded by him in this small moment. There’s nothing different about the picture, it looks the same as always but somehow it feels different.

“Fuck.” I mutter as a little unwelcome shiver runs through me.

I need to talk to him. He’ll listen this time. He’ll understand and he’ll help me with all of this. I know he won’t turn me away.

Suddenly, I feel brave. Maybe it was Maggie’s pushing but something in me feels like it’s snapped. I know it’s stupid, but I reach for my phone and dial the familiar number automatically. If there’s anyone that would be understanding and help me, it’s Esme.

It only rings twice.

“Hello?” I’m a little surprised to hear Rosalie answer but it’s not all together shocking.

That’s a lie. I’m currently stunned into silence.

“Hello?” She tries again, but this time she’s impatient.

“Hi.” My voice is scratchy, but I know she recognizes it by the sharp intake of breath I hear in my ear. “Can I speak with Mo-Esme please, Rose?” The slip up brings fresh tears to my eyes that I can’t hold back. I cry silently and grasp the back of my couch as I make my way around to the front to sit down before I fall.

It takes her a moment to collect herself, but when she finally does I remember the reason I was reluctant to call first.

“She isn’t in.” Her words are bitting and cold. Protective.

“Oh. Um, do you know if she’ll be back soon? I can call again-” My timid voice is cut off by her scathing angry one.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough to this family Isabella?” She snaps. “Things are just starting to get back to normal around here.I don’t think anyone needs to be reminded of all the pain you’ve inflicted here, do you?” She snarls. “What is it you want anyway?”

Her words are severe but oh so true and even though they’re like a sucker punch to my mid section, I find myself knowing how right she is and realizing she doesn’t know the half of it. At the same time, I know she’s not the one I can talk to at all. She’s always been volatile at best toward me, so this attitude is something I’m used to from her.

“I just need to talk to Esme, please.”

“Well, I told you she isn’t in.” She huffs nastily.

Now I’m getting irritated. Rose can be a bitch, but I’ve learned to be an even bigger one.

“Do you know when she’ll be back? It’s important that I talk to her.” I try my hardest to keep it under control, but I can feel my fist clenching.

“Yeah, I bet.” She snarks back at me. “God, you’re so fucking pathetic.”

“I might be pathetic, but at least I’m such not a goddamned asshole!” I shout down the phone at her enraged and completely floored by her hateful remarks.

“Oh really? I think of few member's of this family would beg to differ. This is so typically classic of you, just as everyone’s moved on here you come back around. You’re not wanted here don’t you get that by now? God, can’t you just go with your original plan and disappear completely, don’t you understand that it’s in everyone’s best interests?”

“You know what?” I sniffle, her words solidifying everything I’d originally believed but forced myself to think was a lie. “You’re right.” It was in that moment I was so thankful I had a blocked caller ID.

“Damn right I am.” She clucked. “Move on and don’t call here again or I’ll personally make sure you’re aware just how unwanted you really are. Do we understand each other Bella?”

In my ear piece I hear a commotion but I ignore it.

“We’re clear. Do me one last favor, Rosalie.” I ask, making my voice as clear and tear free as possible. “Don’t bother making it known that I called today. It’s wasn’t really important to any of you any way.”

Even thoughI want to steel myself away until the phone is disconnected, I can’t. As I pull the phone away from my ear to hang up, I begin to cry. It isn’t until I start to hit the call end button, that I hear Alice’s voice shout my name through the line.

It’s too late though, I’ve already hung up the call and even though I’m aware of what’s happening around me I barely care. It isn’t until every shred of memory is destroyed that I allow myself to stop. I climb over broken glass and stumble into my bed screaming through the messy face of my tears and shaking so hard that I can hardly catch a breath.

I fall asleep that night cradling my belly in my arms, promising my son that he is loved and that I will alway be there for him even if his father isn’t. I’ve never felt so hopeless and afraid. I know the fear has little to do with me and everything to do with my son and his future. I’m so scared that he’ll never know Edward or have love for his fraternal family.

It’s early morning, still dawn when I wake with a start. Just as light starts to break over Frog Pond, I shift slightly with a wince of pain. Immediately I know something’s wrong.

Warm wet sheets stick to my now soaked yoga pants. I blink rapidly to try to wake myself from what feels like a dream. Maybe it’s a nightmare.

“No,” I shake. “It’s too early.”

Pulling the sheet back I get up as quickly as my pregnant body will allow and carefully sidestep the glass and broken photo frames that litter the floor between my bed and bathroom. Once I’m in front of the floor length mirror that hangs on the back of my door I stare mortified at my legs. Hastily, I peel my pants down and step my legs out taking note of the mucus plug streaked across my white cotton panties.

I don’t have much time to think as I grasp the door frame directly in front of me and grunt through what feels like a powerful contraction.

As it passes and I gain sanity again, I move quickly to my living room, barely taking notice of the absolute destruction I’d reigned down last night. Right now, I’m in search of my phone.

I hit the first speed dial, hoping they haven’t left for the airport yet but knowing deep down it’s late morning and they’re probably in the air.

I get Maggie’s voicemail first and try Liam next. Once his greeting tells me to leave a message, I do and try to be as calm and collected as I can be. I call Maggie back a second time, this time leaving her a message with a strange laughter in my voice.

“Funny, isn’t it?” I joke into the phone. “I’m going into labor even though it’s too early!” I’m delirious, I realize and terrified.

My dad is next and he answers on the first ring. Although, I’m not sure he’s much of a help. After shouting at me to call 911 once he discovers that I’m alone, he tells me that he’s booking a flight immediately and will be there when he can be. He then demands I stay on the line with him until I find a neighbor that will wait with me while I call for an ambulance and wait for the paramedics arrive. After three doors down to my left, an older woman answers the door and I’m free from my dad’s nervous breakdown. I promise him that everything will be okay even though I don’t have a clue if it’s truthful. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be all right again. I think I know the true answer without having to really think to hard.

We hang up and the older woman - Mrs. Birdie, assures me one piece of wisdom as she folds her frail arm through mine. “Women have babies everyday. Not to worry dear.”

See, it’s not such a big deal!

Right.

This isn’t a big deal at all.

>

A/N: I know. Relax. I promise, it’ll all be explained. Especially Rosalie (that naught girl)! For those of you who assume Edward’s all but given up on Bella - think again. Remember, you’re only seeing Bella’s thoughts and POV right now. We have NO IDEA what’s happening with Edward.....but we will soon, okay? So trust me, everything I do in allllll of my stories is for a specific reason BB’s! It’s all work itself out and you’ll understand my logic in the end.

Chapter 6. What it Feels Like

2013-03-21T22:26:00.002-04:00

-What You Least Expected-

Chapter 6. What it Feels Like

"I'm going to kill him." Dad quickly stands from his chair at the kitchen table.

"No Dad!" I'm up just as quickly, throwing myself in front of him like a human shield.

I've never seen dad move so fast before. It's like I'm not even here as he pushes past me with determination toward the front door and reaches for his service revolver.

"Dad!" My hands are shaking as I pull at his flannel shirt in a vain effort to halt him. My voice cracks as tears start to slide down my cheeks. "Please, dad...stop."

My plea seems to sway him for just a moment. I can only assume that the tenor of my voice is what makes him stop and look at me.

"Please." I beg.

Something he sees in my face makes him stop.

Just as swiftly as he was up and determined to leave, he's back and carefully folding me into the protection of his arms. I stifle a sob as he hold me against him and the smell of him washes over me, so familiar but yet so foreign. My father has never been one to show any affection but I've always felt he loved me no matter what.

"Oh honey." He whispers into my hair as he plants a gentle kiss on the crown. "Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I was scared."

"Scared?" He seems confused. "Of what? You should know by now that you can come to me for anything Bella."

"I didn't want you to be ashamed."

"Of you?" Dad asks softly, incredulously. "Bella, I could never be ashamed of you. Ever."
.
.
.

"There's nothing in the house Bella." Dad looks guilty. "I wasn't expecting you."

Now I'm the one feeling guilty.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? I'm not. Having you here means everything to me Bella. I love you, no matter what happens in your life that's never going to change."

I swallow hard as tears well up in my eyes.

"What I meant, is that I wasn't planning to spend Thanksgiving here. I'll be at the station covering for the night so that the boys can be home with their families."

I hadn't thought of that, even though it was blatantly obvious.

Charlie was a perpetual bachelor.

"Oh, well...I could cook and bring dinner to you..." I shrugged. Trying to keep the suggestion light. Having him out of the house and the kitchen all to myself was making me consider the idea to be a great one. It had been a long time since I'd had a room filled with silence all to myself.

The time to get lost in my thoughts without the distractions of other voices and opinions...and the kitchen would be a welcome distraction too.

A place to lose myself in savory aromas and complex recipes.

As if hearing my inner monolog, my father's voice invades my thoughts of the awaiting blissful numbness I'm ready to feel.

"I don't want you to go to any trouble, honey."

"It's not any trouble." I scoffed. "You're my dad."

I could tell he was hesitant at first, but that he understood the burning desire to just be alone with my own thoughts was too appealing. I didn't even have to explain myself. He himself had been there too, once not so long ago.

"If you say so." Charlie smiled at my stubbornness. "It still doesn't change the fact that I don't have a turkey in the house or any of the trimmings."

"I'll go down to the market." I said quickly, my voice filled to the brim with eagerness and determination. "I can get up early, cook something here and bring it back to you at the station." I was about to gather my heavy coat from the front hall when my father stopped me.

A small smile graced his mouth. I could tell by his eyes that he wanted to say more, but he held back. "Okay. Here," he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

"I have money dad." I protested.

"I know you do." He insisted as he pulled out a few bills. "Get something sweet for the three of us to share. Consider this my first attempt at spoiling my grand baby."

Tears started to brim my eyes at his small show of acceptance. I wasn't sure what I had expected when I came here, but I think I was uncertain of how my father would react. Part of me was terrified he'd be angry enough to shut me out. I was afraid to lose another person in my life.

He watches emotion pass over my face and his own mouth crumples into a frown. Not a frown I'd expected though, the set of his mouth reflects the pride that shines in his eyes for me. This frown is what his mouth twists into when he trying hard not to cry.

When his lips begin to quiver I feel my own eyes well up and spill over. Before I can stop and second guess myself, I launch at him. With his arms wrapped around me I sob into his neck. The scent of wet evergreens, the musk of his aftershave, and the feeling of family overwhelm me in his arms. When I feel him shaking with emotion and pulling me close I allow myself to breakdown without fear.

"I love you, daddy." I whisper, pulling him tighter to me.

"Oh honey." He whispers into my hair as he hold me just as tightly. "I love you so much, Bella. Everything will be fine, you don't have to worry about anything."

I wanted to believe him, but somehow I knew that despite the comfort he wanted me to feel, he knew as well as I did that nothing would ever be fine again.

-WYLE-

When I originally thought to go to the store, I hadn't really thought the whole thing through.
For instance, it didn't really occur to me at the time that I could have run into someone from my past. Maybe part of me figured that everyone would have what they needed on Thanksgiving eve.

Besides, if I was going to run into anyone it certainly wouldn't be any of the Cullens.
Esme's holiday's were events, every aspect was prepared weeks in advance and coordinated down to the last candle stick. I was confident that my quick trip to and from the Thirftway would be uneventful and undetected.

It wasn't that I was hiding out, well maybe I was. The truth being I was still pretty numb. At this point, I didn't really care either though. I sobered myself to believe that this was my life, my time with my father, and nothing was going to stop me from going to the grocery store and picking up what I needed to prepare a family meal for the two of us.

For the Three of us.

I didn't want to be a coward, I was an adult. I was a mother now and I was tired of crying tears of loss and grief. This was my life now, even if it no longer included Edward. I needed to take a stand for myself now no matter how terrifying I felt of doing it. I needed to be strong for myself and for my baby.

I could be like Edward. I would be like him.

Even with all the anger, hurt and distain flowing through my veins now, I could move on too. I could have a life of my own.

I would show them all.

Then, someday, when I was strong enough, when my shell was firmly in place, when my armor was all that I needed, I would go to him and tell him of his child and he would see the proof.

That we didn't need him and his high and mighty attitude. That he missed out on a shot at a life and a family with someone who loved him more than the stars and the moon.

I would prove that I wouldn't have emptiness or pain from his loss. I would should him that I could just as easily move on and make a great life for myself. He would see it when he saw me from a distance, my head would be held high and proud and I wouldn't spare him a single glance.

For now though, I resolved that being ready for that moment would be my secondary focus. Now, I would set myself on a path of success and accomplishments that would only add depth and meaning to my life.

After Thanksgiving I would return to Boston, finish my master's degree and move up within Candlewick Publishing. I wouldn't need Edward, or anyone else for that matter. I would find my own security within myself and my child and I would be happy and full.

I would not fail and I wouldn't falter.

I would survive, because that's what I knew was right.

I was going to be a mom now and I knew being a single mom would be the greatest of all challenges, but it would be one that I would master no matter the cost.

Was I selfish and horrible? Could I keep Edward from knowing about a child he fathered?
The truthful answer to that questions was yes, but it was a decision that I had to believe was for the best.

Edward's life didn't need to become more complicated with the addition of a baby. It would be unfair of me to push this burden on him so early into his medical career, so early in his life. He'd worked too long and too hard for me to come back around at this point and complicate things for him. Even when we'd still been together, children were a topic Edward had always wanted to keep on the back burner. He'd always said he wanted them, just at a point where we were more finically stable to have them.

Logically, I knew that it would have been a few years before we battened down his medial school loans anyhow. Not that it mattered anymore.

Besides, I could raise our child to know Edward. I could fill his life with photos and stories of his father. I would make sure that he knew how wonderful and special his father is and how much I was sure he would love him.

I would do those things.

Still, those things, those big dreams and hopes were of someone who was on the mend.

Someone who was still so twisted and broken but I had to try.

So, even though I was working on a plan to get better and thrive, it wasn't exactly an easy task to partake in. Especially, with the love of my life, the father of my child, sat not too far from me on the other side of town with another woman. I wasn't going to let the thought of him stop me though. I needed to be brave, even though I knew I was terrified.

Once I put the thought in my head, I forced myself to do the mundane tasks that were needed. I wanted to cook Thanksgiving dinner for my father, so I didn't let the idea of Edward Cullen stop me. Instead, I decided that incognito was my best option. If I wasn't seen, it would be like I wasn't there. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

That's how my journey to the store began.

After digging around in my fathers hallway closet, I came across a Christmas gift I'd given him a few years ago when he and his fishing buddies had tried their hand at ice fishing. After piling my hair up inside the big winter hat I'd gifted to my father, I tucketed myself into the folds of my big down jacket and climbed into my rental to make the twenty minute journey up to the Thriftway.

Even though I hoped this journey would be as short lived as possible, I took comfort in the idea that this adventure would be a quick and discreet one. For that fact, I would be most thankful.

With this bulky jacket and hat that engulfed me, it provided a decent amount of cover I desperately needed to feel secure. I needed invisibility, and I prayed this disguise would provide it to me while I put myself out into the center of unwanted attention.

Silly as it was, I hoped more than anything that if I ran into anyone during my trip, I'd be able to sink away undetected.

For the most part, the Thriftway was empty when I arrived but I knew my luck couldn't last long so I tried to be as quick as possible.

Grabbing a cart, I steered it down the canned goods isle and began filling up on trimmings. Not really caring if my father liked green beans or not, I ticked off what I need to make a casserole and made a mental note of where I need to go next in the giant store.

Stopping off in the bakery for something sweet was easy enough. There wasn't much left to choose from after all of the holiday stragglers had picked through all the good confectionary, but I was able to pick up some fresh baked assorted cookies that I knew dad would love. I resolved on making him a traditional homemade apple pie with real crust and vanilla ice cream. All that was left on my list now were potatoes, fresh apples and the celery stock for my stuffing.

As I walked I stared down into my fully loaded shopping cart and felt a smile overtake my face. I felt so good right now. Happy and light at the idea of a family holiday with just me and dad. It had been so long since I'd felt even a touch of normalcy.

Maggie was so right about sending me here to my dad. This trip was just what I needed to feel better, despite what I'd originally thought.

It wasn't until I rounded the corner for the produce department to pick up my last item, fresh potatoes for mashing, that I'd heard it and my world came to a screeching halt.

"Who the hell eats nothing but Tofu, anyway?" Edward's biological brother Emmett's gruff voice came from a small display case in the corner of the store. "I mean, it's not even meat." He whined.

"It's vegetarian food, Emmett. That's sort of the point." Jasper, Edward and Emmett's older adopted brother's sweet southern drawl came from behind me.

I stood frozen, facing an end cap display lined with about 2 dozen types of turkey seasonings praying I would go unnoticed or that the floor would suddenly open up and swallow me without a trace.

"Well, vegetarians are stupid." Emmett muttered with an exasperated tone. "How the hell am I supposed to know what she likes anyway? There's like six different kinds to choose from for Christ sake!"

"Like I care, just pick one so we can get the hell out of here." Jasper chuckled.

"Why do I need to pick it?" Emmett argued. "Edward should have had to be the one to come here. He should know what shit she like, shouldn't he? Damn it, this is such bullshit."

"Yea, well you know how mom is, she just wants to make Tanya feel welcome."

The name cut through me like knives. Undoubtedly the blonde hair beauty at the piano with Edward, rather than try to sneak away I stood motionless. It was like watching a car wreak and being unable to look away from it.

"Besides, Tanya is Edward's guest. It's not like mom would send him out and make her uncomfortable. She doesn't know any of us well enough yet." Jasper tried to sooth Emmett's aggravation. Ever the patient and understanding brother, he was always the mediator of the family, trying to keep them all happy and together.

I wonder if he ever wondered what I was up to? We used to be pretty close, seeing as Alice was my best friend. Jasper had become a silent comrade and a partner in crime in many instances. We used to have such great times together.

"Whatever. It's bullshit, if Bella were still around I wouldn't have to put up with this bullshit." Emmett grumbled.

"Well, she isn't around anymore." Came Jasper's quick matter of fact reply, full of agitation. "I think we all might need to realize that now and just move on."

It was a sucker punch to my midsection, a confirmation of my painful reality. I tried hard not to gasp as the pain sliced it's way through me, now suddenly as fresh and as overwhelming as the first strike.

I couldn't be upset with Jasper. I could only imagine how hard it was for him to deal with Alice since I'd gone from their lives. We were close enough to sisters rather than friends.

I wondered if she was angry or unset with me? If she looked for me once she realized I's left Forks and never looked back?

"Don't be like that, Jaz." Emmett seemed downtrodden again.

"You know I can't help it. It's a shit situation that I've been forced to deal with. How would you react if you were in my position? I can't take this shit for much longer."

"I know." Emmett sounded defeated and I wondered what Jasper meant. Could he be referring to Alice's mood? "I just wish she were still here." Emmett muttered softly. "At least she ate meat." He muttered as an afterthought.

A small hiccup of laughter escaped from my mouth as Jasper's laughter floated to me and covered my soul like a blanket. I couldn't move or acknowledge what was happening around me, but I still felt unexpectedly calm and serene in his presence.

I wanted so badly to turn to them and reveal myself, but something held me unmoving and kept me silent.

I wasn't part of their world anymore and nothing would change that now. It was better to just move on, like Jasper had suggested a few moments ago.
He was right.
"An excellent characteristic indeed." Jasper agreed with Emmett's observation. "Not that it was her most endearingly featured quality. Now, can you grab a couple packs of that shit so we can get out of here and mom can make her a damn tofu turkey?"

"Shit. Yeah you're right. Seriously, I want to get the hell out of here before we run into someone we knew from high school."

I couldn't help my smile at the comment, feeling my face stretch into a grin was so foreign but welcome. Being around the Cullen boys was like soup to the soul. I missed the two of them so much that it brought the painful ache back full force.

"There isn't anyone living around here anymore. Well, maybe Newton." Jasper said. "You know, I wouldn't really mind running in to him either."

Emmett's laughter was loud and boisterous as if Jasper's comment held some hidden meaning.
"Is he still at the sporting goods store?"

"Yeah, I think so. What else is he going to do? Blew his volleyball scholarship when he got injured last fall. The damage to his hands wasn't repairable."

Something inside of me clicked painfully at the mention of Mike's hands. Last fall, I'd watched him tackle Jacob Black to the ground at Angela and Ben's party just as my father had arrived. It had taken three officers, Ben and his best man Eric to pull Mike off of Jacob. I knew that my father had ordered the both of them to the hospital to be check out but I hadn't seen either of them after the EMT's had loaded them into separate ambulances.

Dad had told me the next day that Mike was recovering with minor injuries, but that Jacob had refused care at the hospital and disappeared right afterward.

I had no idea Mike's injuries were so serious.

Why wouldn't anyone tell me?

"Wish I'd have been there to see that show." Emmett was thoughtful. "Although, I would have hit that shit head without injuring myself, but that goes without saying. I'll still give Newton an A for effort since he's more of a lover and not a fighter. He can't help his fighting skills being shit, at least he got a hit in."

"I wouldn't let our brother hear you say that." Jasper's voice was suddenly serious.

"Whatever. Newton was only doing what Eddie boy should have done in the first place. The only reason he's pissed off at Newton, is because he was the one who manned up and beat the piss out of Black instead of tucking his tail between his legs and running in the other direction."

"You know Edward had his reasons." Jasper's voice was disapproving and thoughtful.

"Bull shit. He was the dumb ass." Emmett argued, suddenly angry. "Don't try to make it all seem like it was Bella's doing. He made the choices he made without piecing fact and reality together."

"I'm not putting anything on Bella." Jasper huffed. "Besides, why are we arguing about this shit in the middle of the Thriftway on Thanksgiving eve? It's all water under the bridge now. Whether or not we agree or disagree, it doesn't matter. Nothing we can do about it now, it's over and nothing about things are going to change."

"Says you. I'm not giving up, even if the rest of you have."

"Who said any of us gave up?" Jasper sounded angry now.

"Could have fooled me." Emmett muttered softly.

"Any way, " Jasper lamented, sounding like he was trying to collect himself. "Maybe we should go pay him a visit, see if he knows anything new?"

"It's not like we haven't got the time." Emmett agreed. "There's nothing else to do in this damn town."

"Please, there's plenty to do around here. You just have to use your imagination."

I listened as they walked up the isle towards the front of the store with their basket of intended buys but it wasn't until they reached the end that I allowed myself to look at their retreating forms.
"I don't have to use my imagination. I've got a bedroom to lock Rosalie in."

"Thanks, I really needed that visual image." Jasper joked.

My eyes followed them around the corner until my vision was obstructed by a mountain of canned goods but my eyes didn't stop searching, a small part of me wishing one of them had forgotten something and would come back around the corner so I could get another glimpse.

Time passed but It didn't feel like I'd stood there long. In fact, it felt like minutes ticketed by rather than an hour or more. When the Thriftway's closing manager rounded the same corner Emmett and Jasper had disappeared behind only what seemed like moments before with a look surprise on his face, I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Certainly not the words that tumbled from his mouth.

"I'm sorry Miss? I didn't realize you were back here, we're all closed up." He walked briskly toward me. "Are you all right?"

I hadn't realized I'd been standing there crying silently. Mourning the loss of a family I would never know again and trying to force myself from this spot. This town. This life that I was trapped in.

"I'm sorry." I rushed quickly. "I hadn't been paying attention and I didn't know you started to close for the night."

"That's all right." He said.

The man was older, maybe mid forties and greying at the temples of his rich brown hair. He reminded me of Jessica Stanley's father.

"Is it okay if I get these few things?" I pleaded, not caring if I had to give him all of the cash I had with me. I'd come here to get things for Thanksgiving dinner and now I might have lost my chances. "I have cash and you can keep the change."

What if I got my dad's hopes up and now I couldn't deliver what I'd promised? What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I letting myself become this sullen, desperate and pathetic idiot unable to function in the simplistic aspects of life?

I needed to get these groceries. Oh, God, what was I going to do if he didn't let me get them?
"That's not necessary." He smiled warmly. "Let's get you checkout and on your way. It's getting cold out there, are you shopping with anyone?"

Relieved at my good fortune in this kind stranger, I eagerly followed him to the front of the store to check out.

"No, I'm hear by myself, just getting a few last minute things. I surprised my father for Thanksgiving."

"Well, that's very nice of you. Chief Swan must be pretty happy about being spoiled by his daughter for the holidays."

"You know my father?" I'm not sure why I'm surprised, everyone knew dad in this town.

"Chief Swan?" He asks as he begins ringing in my items. "Of coarse, everyone know's him."

"Oh, right." I agreed, feeling like a total moron.

Real nice image to give the town folk, Isabella. The police chief's daughter is a tool. Great work!

After everything is bagged up and I've settles the bill, the clerk offers to help me to the car with the bags and even though I respectfully decline, he insists that nothing would give him greater happiness, so I obligee without anymore argument.

"Happy Thanksgiving Miss Swan." He smiles politely after loading everything into the trunk.
"You too, thank you sir."

"No problem," He quickly dismisses my good manners, no doubt cataloging my every move to spread the rumors around town n detail. "You have a good night."

I sure will. Is what I want to say to him. Thanks for giving the town more ammunition to use against me. As if I wasn't enough of an embarrassment to my father last fall. This will get them all talking for the next three to six months for sure.

Oh well. Not much I can do about it now.

I watch as the older gentleman retreats back to the store as I slide into the rental. It isn't long before I'm pulling away from the parking lot and getting on the street that leads back to my childhood home. Hopefully, if I've got any luck left I'll make it out of here fairly unscathed by Friday morning.

-WYLE-

"This looks amazing Bella." Dad is ecstatic as he watches me pull endless tupperware containers from the insulated cooler I've pulled into the station with me. "You shouldn't have gone to this much trouble."

"I wanted to, you know it's no trouble, I like cooking for you."

"Thanks. You know I won't complain, I only eat this good when you're home anyway."

"I know that." I laugh. "You need to start taking good care of yourself though, dad."

"I know, I'm going to start soon. I promise, right after the holiday I'll be regimented, I need to get in shape for my grand baby."

I smile and he chows down without another word.

We're halfway through homemade apple pie when conversation strikes up again.

"It'll be good having you close by again, I've really missed you cooking. Plus, I imagine Carlisle and Esme will be glad to help out as often as they can. What with Edward's busy schedule and you're career starting off, you kids will need all the support you can get to help you balance everything."

My fork clatters slightly in my pie plate at the mention of the Cullen's. It's an unexpected topic, but an obvious one. It takes me a moment to realize how everything sort of just zones out for a few seconds. I don't hear the rest of Charlie's sentence until the ringing in my ears had dulled down.

"So when are you planning to make the move back? If you need me to come up to Boston to help with your stuff, I can set some time up. You think you'll be ready in a few months? Probably don't want to cut it to close to your due date though, can they figure out a way for your to finish your degree online if you need to from here?"

"Dad," A raw gnawing forms at the pit of my center replacing the good feelings that had recently taken up the space of the pain not so long ago. "I'm not moving back."

At first, I don't think that he's heard me, but then I see the confusion on his face.

"Edward's moving to Boston, then?" He seems very surprised.

I'd be too. Though I'm not sure how he's arrived at the conclusion that Edward and I have worked all of this out.

"No." I leave no room for any other assumption other than the obvious.

"How will you share responsibility?" Then he asks the million dollar question. "How will you spilt custody if you aren't living in the same state? Bella, it wasn't easy for your mother and I and you were a little older when we split. I don't want that kind of life for you honey. It was very rough, on all of us."

"I know it wasn't easy, that's why I'm going to deal with it until the time is right."

"Wait a minute." I don't have to see the distinct motion of his chair to know that he's pushed it back and is now on his feet. "What do you mean you'll deal with it, Bella?"

"I'm going to take care of the baby, dad."

"God damn it, Bella." His voice is rough, full of heartbreak and disappointment.
No. I don't want him to be upset with me about this.

It's the right thing to do.

"Please, dad." I beg him to understand.

I feel the tears prick at the corners of my eyes as the weight of his stare is leveled on me. The silence is deafening as several moments tick by without a word between us.

"Does he know?" Dad's voice is calm and cool as a cucumber. He knows what I'm thinking and what I've planned. He knows because we are kindred souls. If he were in my position, he'd do the same. Hell, he did the same for my mother.

"He doesn't know yet." I clarified.

"Bella," My name was a wisp on his tongue. "You need to tell him what's going on. I know he hurt you, that you're scared, but he has a right to know. You shouldn't leave him in the dark about this."

"I know that he has the right. I know he does, dad." My hands are shaking and my breath is coming in gasps. "I'm not saying that I'll never tell him."

I met his eyes, so full of concern and love, most of all sympathy.

I didn't want any of it.

I didn't deserve it.

"The last time we were together..I..I... just need some time to get my head straight, dad."

"It's not going to get any easier." He quick to try to reason with me. "I can go with you, we can talk to him together."

"I don't want to go there." I can feel my temper ebbing. "I already tried and I just couldn't dad. I saw him with someone..." My voice catches and I gasp for breath. "And...and I know it's not a good enough reason, but it has to be right now. It just hurts too much, it's too new right now. I can't... I'm not ready to face him with this and I don't know if he'd even believe me if I told him."

"I know that it hurts, Bella, I know." Despite my father's lack of a showing affection, he's slid to a crouch in front of me and rested his palms against my knees. "It might feel like the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but it won't be and I will be right there with you the entire time. It doesn't matter if he doesn't take your word for it. Telling him is enough of a courtesy on your part at this point."

"I just can't right now." A single tear slid down my cheek and I tried in vein to catch it before it dripped from my chin.

"I would never let him or anyone hurt you." Dad says the words, but even as they left his lips I knew he realized they weren't true. It's by the set of his jaw and the bob of his Adams apple that I see he knows that the once solemn promise he'd given to me when I was just a girl was now null and void.

Too much had happened in the last three months and it had change me.

It had changed everything.

"I know that, dad. It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself." That was the truth, it wasn't his fault and there was nothing he could do to change it.

The future, my future was clearly written.

"You need to give him the opportunity to show you that he can be a good man, Bella." Dad reasons. "I know that the things that happened with the two of you and Jacob were damaging, but give him a chance. You and I could have him and Carlisle over, talk like adults..."

"Please, dad." I not past begging now. Giving a small shake of my head to let him know that I couldn't continue to have this argument.

He looked at me, long and hard as if contemplating something important.

"You're my little girl."

It was fact, more something he needed to hear himself say rather than be heard.

I nod my head, not knowing what else I could say, how else I could make him understand that I just wasted ready to face this down yet. That I tried to go there to that white house on the mountain and spill all of the secrets and truths that I held within me but that it couldn't be done.

I choked up and fled when the moment could have been executed the night before.

I was a coward, I knew this to be a fact but I knew I couldn't own up just yet.

"What about Alice?" Dad asked suddenly, like he's having a revelation. Like he's had an Alice sized epiphany.

Alice.

Her name is like the answer to a thousand questions with the practiced ease of breathing.
"Alice?" My best friend's name like a prayer on my tongue.

"Can you talk to Alice?" Dad's hopeful now, like he's found the answer.

Alice?

No.

Ouch. The pinch in my chest intensified as I thought of the other Cullen I had put out of my mind.

For the first time since I stepped foot back in the sleepy town, I wanted to run to the Cullen's and crawl in bed with my best friend. I wanted to feel her arms come around me and hold me together. I wanted to hear the mumbled words comfort and her patient advice that would set me on the right path.

She wasn't here though. She was lost. Lost to me and lost to my unborn child.

Would he ever know her?

Oh God.

"Honey?" Dad reached out and touched my shoulder lightly, almost like he was steadying me.

Not Alice, not anymore.

I didn't even know I was crying until he pulled me firmly into his arms.

-WYLE-

Black Friday's past had always been marked with shopping lists and bargain discounts.

It was early morning get ups, cups of extravagant lattes made by Esme's expensive Italian La Marzocco espresso machine and coffee maker, and a bountiful breakfast prepared by the family.

The car rides into Seattle were always loud and obnoxious, full of sibling rivalry and entertaining family games that helped us pass the three hour drive in the early morning traffic to get the best sales and most amazing holiday steals.

This Black Friday was different though.

This Friday, the blackest of any I've ever experienced, was something different in itself. Something new and inexperienced.

"Dad, you don't need to go to this much trouble." I protested as he loaded up the trunk of my rental. "I'm not an invalid you know, I'm barely one term pregnant for crying out loud."

He wasn't hearing it though. Man on a mission and all that, once my father set himself on something, that was it.

"I remember when your mother was pregnant with you. The first term is the most delicate." He mocked her tone perfectly, causing me to giggle at him. "Please let your old man do his thing. You're worrying about taking excellent care of yourself and my grand baby, nothing else."

I watch with amused glee as he fights my suitcase into the small confined trunk space.

"You're friend Maggie is meeting you at the airport in Boston, right?" He grunts over his shoulder.

"For the twelfth time today, yes." I smiled at his scowling lips. "Are you sure my old man doesn't need a hearing aid?" I laughed.

"Very funny, Isabella." He's satisfied the suitcase is secure and finally turns to face me. "Now, you have enough money?" Before I could answer the obvious, he pushed out his clarification by way of holding his hands up. "Not just for eating, you have money to start buying furniture and everything else you'll need for the baby?"

"Yes, daddy." I leaned forward and peck a kiss against the apple of his cheek.

Truth be told I had started to put away a little money some time ago and I had been lucky enough to land an internship with such a lucrative income at Candlewick Publishing. I could only hope that my good fortune with them would continue once I'd graduated from my master program and gained better footing through my internship.

"I mean it, Bells."

"I know, dad. If I need anything I'll call, I promise."

"You'd better and I want you to think about what I said about Edward and the Cullen's."

Nodding my head softly I let him pull me into a tight hug.

"I have a sonogram on Tuesday." I mumbled into his neck. "I'll call you when I finish with it."
"Ok." He squeezed me tight. "I love you honey."

"I love you too Dad." I pulled tighter. "Thank you for being so understanding...for not freaking out."

"Any time kid." He sighed into my fluffy winter coat. "You take care of yourselves. I love you both."

"We love you too dad."

Despite my protest, he helps me into the car and closed the door softly behind me.

Now, I have my goal within reach and there's no turning back.

I waste no time in buckling up, starting the car and putting it into drive. When I start to slowly pull away, I watched him in my rearview mirrors until he disappears from view in the distance.

Once into the horizon, I pressed my foot firmly down and I don't stop or slow down until I reach the Sea-Tac Airport.

I board my flight for Boston without looking back, knowing that this time my life will truely be forever changed.

Chapter 5. In Real Life

2011-10-05T16:20:00.000-04:00

Play List: In Real Life - Demi Lovato

Unbreakable Heart - Jessica Andews

What You Least Expected

Chapter 5. In Real Life

“Bella!” Maggie’s voice screeches at me through the door. “Bella, answer me!” She cries.

“Wait, is there a window in the bathroom?” Someone asks.

“Yea, but it’s three floors up!” Maggie cries. “I’ll break the door down.”

“You might hit her!” A voice floats nervously through the wood paneling.

“Shit!” Maggie hisses. “Bella!”

From the fog I sit under, my mind pulses at the tone of her voice and I moan.

“Bella!” Maggie shifts against the door, the handle rattling. “Can you hear me?”

I shift uncomfortably against the cool linoleum as my consciousness comes back and everything comes rushing back. Tears fills my eyes and I immediately begin to weep, deep unlady like sobs crush my chest with grief as tears cascade down my cheeks.

“Are you hurt?” Maggie’s voice anxiously carries to me through the door.

“Mag...” I manage to sob.

“Bella? Open the door sweetie. Let me in...”

She rattles the handle and I reach for the knob to disengage the lock. When the door finally bursts open, the look on Maggie’s face is pure shock. It takes her a nano second to join me on the floor.

“Bella?” Her arms quickly wrap around me as she pulls me tightly to her to. “You’re scaring me to death.” She whispers into my hair. “Are you hurt, what’s happened?”

I can only breath out the words, and even as my breath hardly pushes the thought into what is reality, I can hardly control my shaking and labored breaths.

“I’m pregnant.”

I can feel her still around me instantly before her arms tighten around my shoulders. It’s almost like she’s trying to keep me from falling apart.

“Oh Bella.” Is all she can manage to say at first but then she asks, “Are you sure?”

I nod and she pulls back to look at me as I point her to the bathroom sink where eight separate tests lay piled together inside - all positive.

“Okay.” Maggie blinks at me. “It’s okay.”

I can’t tell who she’s trying to reassure, but either way it is anything but okay.

“It’s not okay.” I whimper as my tears start fresh. “What am I going to do, I’m all alone...I can’t raise a baby on my own.”

“You’re not alone.” Maggie tells me fiercely. Reaching out to me, she holds my shoulders and squeezes gently when I start to protest. “You’re not, Bella. You know, we haven’t been friends long but I’ll still be here for you. I consider you one of my best friends already.”

“I do too.” I whisper.

“So don’t tell me that you’re alone, because you’re not. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be here Bella. I’m not going to abandon you.”

Before I can get another word out she pulls me back into her arms and hugs me tightly. Without words, she gives me everything I need in this tiny moment suspended in time.

-WYLE-

“Are you sure that she’s all right?” A soft voice asks softly from around the corner.

“She’ll be fine.” Maggie replies almost curtly. “Look, I don’t know who you are or what you’re looking for here, but Bella’s been through a lot over the last few months and I can promise you she isn’t interested.”

“Hey, she was upset in class and I wanted to see that she got home safe. Last time I checked, that wasn’t a crime.”

The guys voice sounds defiant, but flirtatious. I briefly wonder who the voice belongs to, but not long enough to care in relevance to everything else rushing through my head at this point.

“It’s not a crime, just unwelcome at this point. Thanks for seeing Bella home and all that but this knight in shining armor bullshit ends here and now, it’s the last thing she needs at the moment.”

“Hey, watch the hands!” The guy complains. “If you wanted to feel me up all you needed to do was ask sweetheart, no need to get all grabby.”

“In your dreams pal.” Maggie scoffs.

“They’d be the sweetest of dreams too.” He answers matter of fact before I hear the front door slam shut.

When Maggie reappears she’s flushed pink with the hint of a smile still on her lips. However, the moment her eyes fall to me on the floor her body language shifts and suddenly she’s back to being my protective caretaker.

“Who was that?” I ask blankly as she helps me to my feet.

“Some guy from the class you just came from. He was worried you wouldn’t make it home safely or something.”

She leads me to the closed toilet and sits me down on the lid before turning to the sink.

I stare straight ahead as she soaks a washcloth with warm water and rings it out. For a while we’re quite while she washes the tears and grime from my face in a gentle swirling motion. It’s clear neither of us know what to say after several minutes, but Maggie decides to be the first to break the tension.

“Did you eat anything?”

I shake my head.

“Well....I’m starved and you know....until you decide what you’re going to do about everything...you should probably eat too...”

“There isn’t a choice.” I tell her softly as tears start to slowly roll down my cheeks all over again. “The timing is shit and I have no clue how I’ll do it, but I’m going to have this baby. There isn’t an option....I could never...” I start to choke on the words but Maggie stops me by wrapping her arms tightly around me.

“It’ll be okay Bella.” Maggie breaths into my hair.

Despite her constant reassurance, I know that this is going to be anything but.

-WYLE-

November 21

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you Bella? My folks will understand.”

“I’m sure. I need to do this on my own..and It’ll be okay.” Even in my own voice I can hear the uncertainty. “Besides, aren’t you supposed to be introducing Liam to your parents?”

“Don’t remind me.” She sighs heavily. “I’m sure my father and his brothers are going to put on their Irish mob front.”

I can’t help the chuckle that flows freely over my lips. Laughing was getting a little easier nowadays. “That sounds like something my father does.” I continue to laugh. “The first time I ever brought Edward home we were in high school. I asked him over for a study date and we came home to find my father sitting at the dining room table cleaning his guns.”

“Oh my God!” Maggie gaffed in surprise. “Your Dad? He’s such a teddy bear though!”

I chuckled lightly. “You’d be surprised at how quickly he can shift from big teddy bear to menacing Chief of police.”

“That’s a cop for ya.” Maggie laughed.

I rolled my eyes and resumed gathering the rest of the items I needed for my weekend back in Forks for Thanksgiving. I was surprising my father with a home cooked meal...and working up the courage to break the news to him that I was pregnant. I also convinced myself that I needed to confront Edward.

Over the last two weeks I had tried to reach him by his old cell phone number in hopes that I would be strong enough to ask him to meet with me so that we could talk. I had taken a shot in the dark two weeks ago and tried the number that had been disconnected the last time I tried it. At first I was surprised when the phone rang four times and went straight to voicemail. I half expected that I dialed wrong, but was shocked I hadn’t. When Edward’s voice came over the earpiece asking me to leave a message my heart had stuttered still. It had been so long since I’d heard his voice that I hardly recognized it. In his message he sounded tired, I chalked it up to the long hours of his profession and never thought more of it. Each time I pushed myself to have the courage to call, I always got his voicemail and I never had enough strength to leave a message. I also relished in the comfort that my number was unlisted and private. Part of me wondered if he screened his calls...but I didn’t care and was glad either way for the listless silence I received.

Part of me was convinced going and confronting him face to face would be better than an awkward phone call from his ex asking to meet up for coffee. At least if I just showed up at his parents house during the holiday weekend he would be able to escape or deny me the peace I needed to make. I was geared up for the unavoidable fight I knew we would have, but I was convinced that telling Edward about my pregnancy was the best thing to do.

I was scared, but I knew I needed to be strong.

Yesterday I picked up a few things at the store to accommodate my now ever expanding waist line. It was mind blowing how quickly my belly had started to expand in such a short amount of time. Maggie kept trying to reassure me that I was still petite despite the subtle changes I had endured over the last few weeks. Gone was my flat tummy, now replaced with a noticeable soft baby bump.

Slowly but surely I was accepting the fact that I was becoming a mother. It scared the hell out of me and there were times I doubted I could do this...but Maggie was always there telling me how great everything would be and that her and Liam would help me through it all.

Speaking of Liam, since I’d met him he had become a great friend. Though he was flirtatious at times with me, it was friendly. Shortly after he had followed me home on that night I found out I was pregnant, he had made a point of following Maggie around like a puppy. Just last week he had confessed to me that he had fallen for her the moment they met and that her snarky attitude had drawn him to her.

Even though they had only been dating a few weeks, I could see the seriousness of their relationship. Liam worshiped the ground Maggie walked on and I could tell that she was head over heels. I knew she was worried about how fast their relationship was progressing but I helped reassure her that when it was right, it was right.

I was happy for both of them and it warmed my heart to watch the two of them fall so quickly in love. It was a gentle reminder of the life I had once had...and even though it was hard at times I held on to the memories and the idea that love could happen for some people and that even if it didn’t work out for me I shouldn’t be bitter or resentful of other’s happiness. I didn’t want to be like that, nor did I want to raise my child to think his or her mother was a sullen spinster who was drowning in her misery.

When life give you lemons ... and all that.

“What time’s your plane again?” Maggie brought me from my musings.

“Half after noon.” I replied with a nervous smile as I zipped up the rolling duffle she insisted I borrow from her. She didn’t want me carrying anything and even went as far as picking a special clip so I could secure my purse to another rolling carryon she had picked up so I could haul my book and Saltines' without putting a strain on my body.

She was out of her mind.

“You’ll call when you land?” She asked eagerly.

“Yesh. You sound like my dad you know.” I scowled playfully at her.

“Yeah, yeah.” she waved me off in her snarky voice. “Just do as your told and check in.”

“Yes, mother.” I smiled before leaning over and kissing her cheek.

She swatted me on the butt and pushed me out of my bedroom and into the hall while she gathered up my bags. Outside, Liam waited on the curb with the front door of his Jetta open waiting for me to climb in.

I rolled my eyes at the two of them. “I thought I was going to take The T, guys?”

Liam snorted like I was out of my mind before popping his head toward the open door with a smirk. “Get in momma.”

I settle in and cocked my head to the side as Maggie handed the bags off to Liam. “You wanna come buckle my seatbelt too?”

“Don’t tempt me.” She smirked back.

Coming close, she shut the car door before leaning in through the open window and planting a kiss on the top of my head. “Have a good time, tell Dad I said hi?”

“Sure thing.” I gulped nervously as the anxiety started to creep it’s way over me.

She eyed me with concern for a moment before she reached in and wrapped her arms around me. “It’ll be all good Bella. Don’t worry.”

I only nodded and quickly blinked the tears from my eyes as Liam slid in to the drivers seat.

“I’ll call you when I land.” I told her with a weak smile.

“You’d better.” She gave me her no non-sense smile and then blew a kiss to Liam.

He caught it and mockingly stashed it in his pocket for later before easing gently out into the busy Boston traffic.

-WYLE-

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Seattle - Tacoma International airport.” The pilot comes over the intercom as we slow on the runway. “Currently in Seattle the weather is fifty-six degrees and Sunny with a slow breeze coming in off the coast. Please remain seated with seat belts fastens while we are taxied from the runway until I turn off your seatbelt signs. On behave of myself and the crew of flight 1320, we hope you have enjoyed your flight. We know you have achoice when flying and we want to thank you for choosing American Airlines. We have certainly enjoyed having you on board today, we hope to see you again real soon, and thanks again for flying American Airlines.”

There is a round of soft applause as we pull slowly toward the gate and come to a complete stop. When the seatbelt light comes off, I stay put for a few minutes and allow the crazies to race off the plane.

I had been lucky enough to have the entire row to myself during the long flight, so I wasn’t in a rush. Though I suspect luck has had nothing to do with it. I was sure Maggie had asked her father to buy out the row for my comfort despite my protest. I quickly learned that had I not agreed she would have had him charter his private jet for my disposal. I still wasn’t sure what the hell her father did, but whatever it was he wasn’t to be argued with. It was a quality I was familiar with and I eventually gave in and thanked him for his care and generosity.

When it’s clear enough and my breathing is calm I stand and gather my small rolling bag from under my seat. Stepping onto the gate, I thank the pilots for a smooth flight and make my way to baggage claim and then to Enterprise to pick up my rental.

It isn’t long before I’m behind the wheel of a sleek dark sports car, apparently all that was left in stock during the holiday weekend.

It’s three hours before I merge North/West onto Highway 101 past Port Angeles and make my last half hour ride toward Forks. I’ve kept myself calm and entertained with joyous holiday music as I pretend not to be affected by the green landscape that surrounds me. It’s a loosing battle as I finally pass the the sign welcoming me back to my old home as twilight sets around me, glistening pinks and oranges across the skies. It’s strange seeing it so clear, when I recall grey skies and wet ground.

The entire way here I’d internalized and battled with the choice I had been set on. Deciding I couldn’t back down now, I drove straight through the sleepy little town without a second thought. I pass Newton’s and the small diner Charlie loves, past the police station, and through the only traffic light in town.

I keep pushing myself and the car forward, through the tree line and moss field, until I come to face the beautiful white castle nestled at the base of the mountain.

There are cars in the driveway some I recognize, while there are others I don’t.

I feels like I sit in the car for hours as I watch the vacant place I used to love and call home. There’s a soft glow coming from inside that tells me someone is home. If I squint my eyes I can see straight through Esme’s sheer designer curtains and into the family room where a beautifully full Christmas tree stands proud like a blank canvas waiting to be turned into one of Esme’s masterpieces.

There isn’t a show of life inside, but I know better. It’s the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. I know Esme would have demanded the family be home for traditional festivities. The thought warms my heart and beats life into me. For once, I just want to feel some type of normalcy. For one moment, I want to feel like I belong again.

A shadow passes over the bay window and I find myself full of hope and excitement. Before I can stop myself, I’m climbing out of the car and rushing up to the door through the muted light of the long dirt driveway.

But when my feet hit grass and I get a clear view in the window to the foyer where Edward’s baby grand piano sits, I am yanked frozen in my tracks at the display before me.

There, sitting on the piano bench is the familiar disarray of the copper hair I love oh so much. Longing and fear rocket through me as I watch him for a moment and realize that he isn’t alone.

I feel tears build in my eyes as a crown of strawberry blonde curls is tossed back in delighted laughter. Her shoulder shake with mirth and happiness as she leans over and touches him with tenderness and what appears to look like affection. A chill shoots down my spine when I see him wrap an arm around her waist and pull her into a tight embrace. He presses a tender kiss to her face and he closes his eyes as if he’s relishing in her company.

It’s in that moment that I feel like an intruder.

I stagger back as though I’ve been sucker punched in the stomach because frankly, that how it feels. By the time I reach the car and stumble inside I’m breathing so hard I feel light headed. However, resolve shoots through me as the bile rises to my throat and my loneliness returns to root its way back into my heart. All the resolve and bravery I’d built up is quickly evaporated, and I’m struggling to breath as I start up the car and struggle not to pass out or vomit until I am far from the Cullen’s property.

When I’m a safe distance away, I pull over into a secluded turn out on the side of the road and throw the door open. Vomit hits brown dirt even before I can swing my legs out of the car. I gasp and heave and sob and shake as the precious damn I had carefully built is annihilated.

It’s there on the side of the road that curl myself into a ball and rock as I slowly die inside all over again.

It’s very dark when I hear the soft buzzing of my cell phone on the seat next to me.

It takes me a moment, but I find it in the darkness by way of the soft glow flashing across the screen.

It’s Liam’s number but before I can answer it goes to voicemail.

“Shit.”

I didn’t call Maggie when I landed.

Quickly, I flip my phone open and dial her number. She answers on the second ring but doesn’t say a word.

“Hello?” I answer softly to keep the emotion from my voice.

“She lives!” Maggie declares sardonically before she launches into an Alice like speech.. “I thought you were going to call me when you landed girl! Jeeze, you’ve had me worried, we were about to call your father and have him send out a search party. I even almost looked up his family’s number to see if you were just so wrapped-” She stops when she hears the sob tear from my throat. “Bella?” Her voice suddenly sounds frightened.

I can only sob down the phone.

“Oh, God.” She whispers. “Bella? Are you okay?” I can here some commotion in the background over the line. “Where are you....” She asks before pleading. “Oh honey, don’t cry...talk to me Bella...what happened?” And then she begins threatening. “I’ll kill that fucker....”

“Maggie...” I sniffle and try to regain some composer.

“I’m here.” She tells me, her own voice cracking. “What happened, are you okay?”

I quickly explain what I’d seen before I start to cry again, deep overwhelming sobs of grief and heartbreak.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” She tries to comfort me.

Part of me accepts that this day wouldn’t be roses and sunshine....but I never expected him to move on so quickly....and with a breathtaking blonde no-less.

Insecurity slashes hot like fire through my chest as I spiral deeper into my sorrow and depression.

In those few moments I sit on the side of the road, I resolve and rebuild the exterior to my wall. I block out the overwhelming sensation of loneliness as best I can and push down the emotions that plague me. When I’m calm enough, I hang up with Maggie telling her I’m going to drive over to my father’s house. She insist that we stay on the phone until I reach my destination, but I win by telling her I have enough distractions without adding a phone conversation to the mix. She lets me hang up but only after I promise to call her in the morning.

When I arrive at Charlie’s house everything is dark, but his cruiser and pickup truck are in the driveway and it’s an immediate comfort to know he’s home.

I pull along the side of the road next to a row of cars that undoubtably belong to the family members who visit the neighbors annually for the holiday feast.

I climb out of the car and bundle my heavy down jacket around me in attempt to keep out the chill from the night air and my growing melancholy. Quickly, I pull my bags out of the trunk and walk across the street to the rickety front porch of Charlie’s tiny little house.

I reach for the eve but then think better and knock.

It takes dad a minute, but when he finally opens the door he’s stunned by my presence and my current state.

“Bella?” He's confused as he pulls me into his arms. However, his confusion is quickly replaced by surprise. “What're you doing here?”

“Happy Thanksgiving.” I mutter lifelessly.

Chapter 4 The Art of Moving On

2011-09-22T16:53:00.000-04:00

Play list: Bring on the Rain - Jo Dee Massina

What You Least Expected

Chapter 4 - The Art of Moving On

I was stumbling through the dark.

Grasping at thin air and falling to my knees.

My throat was tight, my muscles were bunched.

My heart ached.

"Honey," I felt Dad's hand on my shoulder, his rough ringer tips pressing me gently.

Without emotion, I turn my eyes to meet my eyes with his matching brown ones. It's such a strange feeling, being so sad but not having an energy to exert it from your body. I was so tired, but yet so awake.

I felt hollowed out.

I had nothing left.

"Bella," Dad tried again to gain my full attention. "Honey, I want you to go." He finally told me.

I could only blink as I let his words sink in, but I had cotton in my ears. I was lying under a blanket of heavy water. Nothing had recollection or value.

I felt the couch shift next to me as he sat down beside me.

"Bella," Dad sighed as he fought to keep his composure. "He's not coming back." His words rang with the inevitable finality I knew I would hear in the sound of his voice.

My fingers darted up and brushed away the first traces of newly shed tears.

"I know that." I admitted calmly. "I know that he's gone, Dad."

We were quiet for a long time. Me, sitting on the couch in his small cramped staring off into space as dad resting beside me, calmly contemplating what to say next.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice came softly to me. "Honey..."

I glanced up at him as he hovered next to me from his chair in the living room. I stared at him, blankly and forlorn.

"Honey," he stammered, looking concern and beaten down. "You know that I love you and that I want you here...but it's been weeks."

At his emphasis on the passing time, I glanced out the window and noticed the leaves on the trees had begun to change and fall off the trees. They're brown color murky and dead as they drifted from the tree tops to the fading green grass. Everything here used to be so green...so full of life. Gone were the bright colors and happiness that lit up the area.

Much like me, the changes had left everything in its wake dead.

Dead. Brown and tans painted across the woods. It was ordinary here.

Like I was.

"...and I," Charlie continued. "Honey, he's not coming back." He averted his eyes and I involuntarily trembled, fighting the sob that wanted to make its way from my chest.

"I know." I looked away as a lone tear trekked its way down my cheek. I didn't bother to wipe it away this time.

Alice had left FIDM to come up to Forks the moment Esme called her. I think that Carlisle and Esme were hoping that Edward's twin could help them decipher what was going on in his mind. Maybe they had hoped with her help, they would find him. I hadn't seen any of them since they'd all left last week in search of him.

Rosalie had been upset with me when she found out what had happened. Not that I expected anything less. Rosalie never liked me much to begin with. This just brought everything to the surface.

"You're an idiot." She'd told me calmly but with a voice dripping distain. "It serves you right for putting yourself in that sort of situation. You knew how he felt about that dog, so how the fuck did you think Edward would have reacted when he had he seen you in a compromising position together?" She'd sneered.

I hadn't responded to her question or accusation. Just stood and stared dubmly at her for a moment while she waited for my answer. I think I must have looked like a fish, gaping mouth, stupid look on my face. Her eyes were searching for something as she stared at me, and when I couldn't take it anymore I'd just turned on my heel and walked out of that house for the last time.

Emmett and Jasper had been away in Atlantic City for the next two weeks at a physicians conference. I didn't even know if they knew what was going on. I didn't even have the energy to care.

Dad's voice brings me from my reverie. "I think...well, maybe you should, you know...transfer schools, get out of here...try to start yourself a new life..." Dad continued. "...maybe a change of scenery is what's best."

"You want me to leave?" I asked brokenly, finally hearing what he was saying through his rambling and my own inner dialog. Returning my eyes to him, I blinked at him through hot tears and a broken heart.

"No...I never want you to leave, honey." Charlie groaned and shook his head in frustration and pain. "I love having you here with me. I love you, Bella." he scrubbed his hands over his face and then reached over and took my hand in his tightly. "I just think...being here and going back on campus...I think it'll be hard for you."

I didn't respond.

"Honey, when your mother left me...it...I wasn't in a good place." He sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if I'd left this town and started over somewhere else...maybe the pain would be less."

"I can't afford to just up and move Dad. All of my money goes to my student loans and my bills, that's why I didn't let Edward put me on the mortgage. There's no way I can afford to do anything on my own. I hardly make anything from my writing."

"Well, I have some money put aside." He held up his hands when I started to argue. "It's money that I'd be leaving to you anyway, can't take it with me Bells."

"Don't talk like that." I scowled at him. "You're aren't going anywhere and that money is supposed to be for your retirement."

"Honey, I don't need it. The house is paid off, I own my truck. All the money I'll eventually get from social security will pay for my taxes and all the worms I'll need for my fishing." He smiled gently. "I have everything I need except the knowledge that you're happy and safe."

"Dad," I shook my head. I didn't want his money, it wasn't right for me to take it.

"Bella, I want you to go. You need to get away from here. You deserve happiness, and I don't think that's something you can find for yourself in this town anymore." Leaning close, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up and into a hug. "I love you honey, but it's time to start living for you. I won't let what happened to me, happen to you."

It was a show of emotion I'd rarely seen in Charlie. In that moment with his arm draped around me in loving comfort, I succumbed to all the emotions I felt.

All the hopelessness and frustration.

The loneliness and pain.

My heartbreak and loss.

"Daddy," I broke down, burring my face into his shoulder and gave in to it all.

I'd shook from emotion and fear as all my tears fell.

"I know honey..." He hushed as his lips brushed the top of my head. "I know."

Holding me in his arms in the tiny living room of our tiny house, I sobbed until I slept.

-WYLE-

Forty-eight hours later

"So, do you think this is all you're going to need?" Dad lugged my large suitcase through the terminal of the airport. "It's not an awful lot, Bells."

"It's everything I need." I wrapped my arms around myself. "The campus has everything in the dorms and everything else is right there locally. I'll be fine."

"If you're sure." Dad seems unconvinced, even as I nod my reassurance.

These last few days have aged us both drastically.

"You'll call me once you land?" Dad shifts anxiously from foot to foot as we near the security area dividing the airport.

This was it, the point where I would kiss my father goodbye and start my new life on the East coast.

"Yes." I promised.

"And when you get settled in?" Dad asked for now the forth time since we'd gotten in the car to drive to Seattle.

"Yes, dad." I smiled softly and search his face. "I thought you wanted me to go?"

"I do."

"Then why are you making me feel like I shouldn't have listened to you?" I stared at him as waves of emotion started to engulf me. "There's still time for me to back out. I can stay." We both know all he would have to do is say the words.

I'm not sure who's more terrified right now, him or I.

"No." He shook his head. "I want this for you honey. It's a good opportunity for you...it's just...your my little girl."

Tears filled my eyes when I see his face. His own eyes red and puffy with emotion.

"Dad,"

"Don't you worry about your old man." He stops me. "I'll be okay. You just make sure you call me every once and a while so I know you're safe."

"I will."

"I want to hear all about this master program and your new job once you're all settled in."

"I'll call as often as I can." I promised as tears started to heat my cheeks.

In all honesty, it was a stroke of luck. Within hours, I applied and was accepted in the Master's English program at Northeastern University. Being accepted into the program meant gaining a paid internship at Candlewick Press, a well known children's publishing house based in Somerville. To say I was blown away was an understatement.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime for me.

It was a chance for the clean break I needed.

Once I applied and they offered, there was no way I could look back or turn in down. I was glad, despite my anxiety...I knew keeping busy with my studies and a new job would help me function. I just needed to forget for a while...until I could heal.

I think deep down I knew that this was the only option I had. When I got the call from the admissions office yesterday morning I'd immediately accepted and agreed to the terms of the scholarship. I didn't have anything holding me back and I was out of options.

It was either take the chance and change my entire life, or continue down the path I was currently on.
I wasn't sure what I wanted until I got that call yesterday but once I hung up with them and all arrangements made, there was no going back or changing my mind.

All that was left to do was cut my ties.

It was a silent agreement my father and I had from the moment I booked my flight to Boston using a prepaid credit card.

Once I left this dreary town, my old life would be all that remained. I might have been running, but it was my only chance at survival. If I stayed here, I'd die from something more horrible than death.

Despite my love for Alice and the other members of the Cullen family, I knew that I could never see them again. If I wanted a chance at any type of normal life, I needed to disappear from their lives for good.
Just the way he had left mine - without a trace.

"Come here," Dad held his arms out to me, pulling me from my reverie. "I love you, kid." He kissed the top of my head as he crushed me to his chest.

"I love you." I whispered emotionally. "Please, tell Esme..and Alice that I'm sorry, that I love them always" My voice catches in my throat before I can finish. I swallow hard, force the emotion down and push the words out. It's the hardest thing to admit, even though I know it's true. "-but I need this."

"I will." Dad breathed understanding into my hair.

As I pulled away, he ushers me to the security check point and set my carry on bags down in the short line in front of the metal detectors.

It only take a few minutes to reach the head of the line where the final steps will be ones hat will change everything for the rest of my life.

With one last glance at my dad, I slipped through security. He smiled and waved gently from his spot, still as a statue except for his hand. I falter for a moment, feeling the panic creeping in on me. It's then that I cling to what I've convinced myself these last few hours like a life raft. My steps stagger and I drop my carry on to my feet before I take a deep calming breath. I can see Dad from the corner of my eye, anxious as ever but keeping his cool by staying still and letting me work though it. I think we both know that at this point I'll take anything as an excuse to stay, but deep inside I know I what I must do.

When I open my eyes I'm more resolved and even though I'm terrified, I blow him a kiss goodbye, pick up my bag and headed toward the boarding gate.

This time, I don't look back.

-WYLE-
-Almost Four Weeks Later-

Boston was everything. The distraction was exactly what I needed at just the right time.

My classes were long but intriguing, my days seemed short, but full. I had very little time to think of anything that hurt. That was a blessing.

The student housing was cramped, but affordable and convenient to all my classes. I was luckier than most, only having to share with one roommate. Although, she was probably the loudest person in Boston, Maggie was great. A gorgeous Irish redhead from "Southie" as she affectionately called it.

I was still learning the Boston lingo.

"Bella!" My exuberant roommate shouted from behind the bathroom door. "Are you okay in there?"

She radiated energy like someone else I knew and practiced a protective concern that I was used to. Despite the fact we'd only known each other for a few weeks, Maggie had taken me right under her wing from the moment I stepped foot through the door.

It didn't take long for us to connect. She had confessed that she had also recently went through a bad breakup from a relationship that had taken her through college. So in a way, we were both in the same boat.
So far, we'd provided each other with welcomed and much needed distractions from our pain.

She was exactly what I needed.

"Bella?" Maggie called again, this time with more concern.

I moaned from the floor in the bathroom. My head stilled buried in the toilet bowl.

"Hon," Maggie wrapped on the door, her subtle Bostonian accent slipping out. "Let me take you to the clinic. You've been puking fa days." She worried.

"I'm okay," I groaned through the door. "It'll pass."

Even I was finding my fib hard to believe, but I would do anything to avoid doctors.

My adverse reaction to them had seemed to grow since my breakup. Whenever I saw a doctor, my stomach would twist in pain.

I think Maggie realized this and that's why she didn't really push the subject.

"Bella?" Maggie called to me again.

I groaned and slumped to the floor. The cool tile felt good on my skin.

"I'm okay." I leaned my head against the wood of the door. "I think it's just nerves."

My internship had started with Candlewick earlier this week. I loved the job, but it was much more responsibility than I was used to. I was still adjusting.

"If you're sure." She sounded unconvinced.

"Yea, I'm fine." I answered, wiping a hand across my clammy forehead.

"I need to head to class then. Will you be here when I get out around four? We could grab pizza for supper, maybe pick up some beer and an action flick with an obscene amount of blood and guts?"

I had to chuckle at that. Maggie and I had been on a romance boycott. Anything and everything having to remotely do with love or romance was not allowed in our apartment.

"Yea that sounds good. I'm standing in as a TA for Jodi in a Biology class until four thirty, but after I can grab something on my way home." Then I groaned having realized the reason for my covering for Jodi this afternoon. "I hope I don't have what she's got." I complained.

"Yuck. You and me both, cause I don't want it!" Maggie complained. "I'll buy some Lysol on my way home. Are you sue you'll be okay?"

"Yeah. I just need to lay down for a few minutes, then I'm going to get going."

"Okay!" Maggie called as she started to walk away from the bathroom. "Text me half hour before you're headed home and I'll call something in so you don't have to wait long."

"Sounds good." I shouted back. "See you tonight!"

"See ya!"

-WYLE-

"All right everyone, settle down." Professor Jones brings the room to attention.

Turning to me, he smiles warmly and hands me a stack of packets to hand out.

"Today we begin the chapter on Embryology. The packets that Isabella is handing out to you will be the main tool of your studies. They're yours to keep, so put your name on them. You're only getting one people, so if you loose it, you need to find Isabella or Jodie and give them ten bucks for a new copy."

I walk down each row, doing my best not to trip over the bags and books scattered along the floor under the tables as I hand out the material.

"We'll start with the first stage. Fertilization." Doctor Jones smirks like a teenager while the room erupts with cat calls and snickering.

I smile at the antics and make my way to the last row in the room. When I reach the last student, my foot catches on the desk and I find myself falling forward. To my surprise, someone shoots up from beside me, almost as if they were ready for my clumsy moment. Strong arms wrap around my waist and I'm crushed tightly to a firm chest.

"Are you okay? The stranger breaths softly into the hair right above my ear.

I tense slightly, not use to such a proximity from another.

I look up through my lashes and find a handsome face looking down at me, his crystal blue eyes full of concern and something else.

"I'm fine." I tell him softly, before straightening up and pulling away. "Thank you." Subconsciously, my arms automatically wrap around my chest as pain laces its way through me.

"You're sure?" He doesn't seem convinced as he brushed blonde hair out of his face. His brow is suddenly knitted with concern as he watches my reaction. "Here," he tells me pulling out a seat. "You look a little pale, maybe you should sit for a second, that could have been a nasty fall."

"Thanks, but I'm okay." I tell him, glancing down at the scatted papers. I quickly bend to gather the fallen packets. He must notice my distress before I reacted, because he bends at the same time and we bump heads.

"Ouch," We both say in unison, our hands coming up to sooth the throb where our heads connected.

"Sorry," I mumble, my face heating with embarrassment as I continue to reach for the packets. It's his warm laugh that draws my eyes up to his face.

"It must be my boyish good looks that are turning you into a fumbling ball of clumsy." He tells me with a smile. "I'm Liam, by the way...Isabella, isn't it?" He holds his hand out.

I chew my lip. "It's Bella, actually. I prefer Bella."

"Well, Bella it's a pleasure to meet you." He replies smoothly with a sparkle in his eyes.

I try my best to smile at his harmless flirting, but I'm distracted as Doctor Jones's voice calls out loudly and makes an example of our disruption.

"Collins', thank you for the lead up to my lecture! For those of you in the room who don't understand, Liam is flirting with Ms. Swan." He swings his gaze around the room focusing on each student. " Now, in this case, if the male is lucky, the initial action will eventually lead to intercourse should the male play his cards right." A smirk lights up his face as his eyes turn back to the two of us. "From there an embryo will be created." His eyes are full of humor as he stares at us. "Collins', I know Isabella is beautiful and it's hard to resist, but flirt on your own time."

Doctor Jones winks before he dives into the lecture head on like nothing has happened. I can tell I must be the shade of a tomato.

Quickly, I snatch up the rest of the papers and make my way back to the front of the room with my eyes downcast.

I am beyond mortified.

Settling into my chair, I adjust my note book and begin scribbling notes down.

It isn't until we are three quarts of the way through the material that we begin to focus on the course's focus; Human embryogenesis.

"The embryonic period in humans begins at fertilization. I'm referring to the penetration of the egg by the sperm." Doctor Jones explains. This process continues until the end of the tenth week of gestation. At this point in gestation, the development of the embryo has been through massive changes. The first eight to nine weeks of the embryonic period of a fetus are the most crucial. It's during this time that the organism will develop hair and major organs. The brain will flourish in it's development as well as the heart and nervous system. From the eighth week until birth the developing organism is then referred to as a fetus."

As I listen to Doctor Jones's lecture, something strange happens as his words sink in and take root in my mind. In my head, I tick off my recent symptoms along with the length of time between now and the last time I'd actually had sex. I think about the nausea, dizzy spells and general unease I've felt. My exhaustion and irregular menstrual cycle along with the vomiting, clammy skin and unexplained bloating.

Everything suddenly snaps together like intricate puzzle pieces.

I hadn't even realized I had tears running down my face until I feel the weight of the eyes of the entire class on me.

"Isabella," Doctor Jones is knelt down at my side, his touch on my hand is light as he looks into my distressed face. I hadn't even seen him approach me. "Are you all right dear?"

All I can do is shake my head lightly as the stun of my revelation begins to fade.

"Do you need to step out?" He asks softly so no one else can hear.

"Yes, sir." I reply weakly. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He squeezes my hand gently. "Do you need someone to help you somewhere? Is there anything I can do?"

I shake my head slowly. "No sir, I'll be okay. I apologize for the disruption."

"That's all right Isabella. If you need to be excused you're dismissed. That's not a problem."

"Thank you, sir."

I wipe my hands under my eyes to clear away the tears before I tuck my notes into my note book and shove them into my bag.

"Stop by my office in a few days." Doctor Jones rests his hand on my shoulder when I stand. "Feel better." He says a little louder and gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you, sir." I answer weakly, pulling my bag over my shoulder and gathering my jacket.

Without waiting any longer, I slip from the room red faced with embarrassment.

A block from my apartment, I stop inside a small CVS pharmacy on the corner. Hesitantly, I step into the planned pregnancy isle and face a wall of home pregnancy test. I gather four types before heading to the check out and making my purchase.

Thirty minutes later, I'm sitting on the floor of my tiny bathroom surrounded by empty boxes and plastic applicators.

All eight tests tell me the same thing but in different words.

Pregnant

Yes!

Positive

II - two lines = Pregnant!

My world spins somewhere between absolute horror and pure joy.

As I sink deeper to the floor, tears cascade down my face hot and continuous as I realize and come to terms with what's as true as than the sun rising in the east.

I'm pregnant with Edward's baby.

I'm pregnant and all alone.

Chapter. 3 Finding Something to Live For

2011-09-22T16:51:00.000-04:00

What You Least Expected

Chapter 3. Finding Something to Live For

When I left the Cullen's house, I was a mess. I was hardly aware of my surroundings I was so disoriented. I still wasn't sure how I made my way safely to Charlie's, nor had I even really noticed he wasn't home when I got there. I had just reached for the key above the door mechanically, taking four attempts to fit it in the lock through my trembling hands and tear stained eyes before I was able to let myself in.

I wasted no time in dragging my way up to my childhood room, where I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep praying that when I woke up, this would all have been a bad cream.

I hoped that when the morning came, Edward would have cooled down and given me a chance to explain.
I hoped that we would talk, that he would allow me the chance to explain. I thought that everything would be fine, but I was fooling myself. I never considered the truth.

The reality was that he walked out on me. He hadn't given me the chance to explain what had really happened. He hadn't trusted in me.

He didn't want to hear me say that Jacob had forced himself on me.

He didn't care that I was too weak to fight back when Jacob overpowered me.

He wouldn't hear me. He didn't care.

It was like everything meant nothing.

I hadn't wanted to believe that. I hadn't thought he was capable of just walking away from the life we made. I never knew he could just turn his back on me without giving me a chance to show him what was right in front of him.

Now, it didn't matter though, because he was gone.

.
.
I awoke to a steady thumping, a heavy pounding of what could only be described as a eager fist meeting wood, followed by the mechanical jiggling of a a door handle.

"Bella?" Charlie's worried voice came to me through the barrier. "Honey, are you in there?"

At first, I hadn't remembered where I was. Having had my face buried under a mound of pillows and blankets, when I'd first opened my eyes to darkness I'd been disoriented and confused.

It took all the strength I had left in my body to shift from my stomach to my back. When I got there, it felt like I had run a marathon. My chest heaved, rising and falling too quickly for a real rhythm to set in for comfortable breathing.

Without conscious thought, my hand lifted and fell limply to the place in the center of my chest where my heart beat an unsteady frantic rhythm.

Was I having a heart attack?

Everything seemed to dull my senses as the blood rushed through my body so quickly, the sound deafened.
Then, everything came rushing back. The one thing that could breaking through the noise in my head was one the sound of another voice. Familiar and steady. Motherly and nurturing.

"Bella, dear?" Esme's voice sounded scared. "Can you open the door for me sweetheart?"

I could feel the pain lace through me like fire. I'd hardly recognized the sound in the room. I hadn't known at the time, that the broken mewling had been coming from me.

Despite the pain and the panic, I was motionless. Trapped in a state somewhere between catatonia and awareness. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, it could have been days or years. I was motionless, trapped in a perpetual state of unaware.

I could hear Charlie cry out to me in alarm, but I couldn't respond.

Then, everything was silent for a while. I wasn't sure if I had blocked everything out, or if they had gone away, but the next thing I knew, there was a commotion.

In the close distance, the next sound to break through my subconscious was the distinct splintering of wood, the fracture of a barrier, the shattering of the only thing that had kept me safe from the reality of the outside world.

From the truth.

"Bella?" Esme's terrified voice filled the silence of the room.

Then, her face was above mine, hovering there like a Deity. Her halo of caramel hair, so different from his, yet the same, surrounded. Taking my face between her hands, she held my head with great care, like I was the most fragile piece of glass. Like he touched me. Like he held me when he used to love me.

A sob tore through me, shaking my body in it's wake.

"Charlie," she called softly to my father. "Can you take my cell phone and call Carlisle?" I felt one hand leave my face briefly before it was back.

"Balla?" She asked quietly.

My eyes focused on the ceiling above us as I swallowed reflectively.

"I know sweetheart," Esme soothed suddenly. "It's okay." She promised as she stroked the hair away from my face. "It's going to be fine."

"What's she saying?" Charlie's voice was suddenly close, filled with confusion and a fierce desperation.

Esme paused, the silence deafening in the room as she must have been carefully gauging my father. When the silence could stretch no longer, Esme murmured. "She just keeps saying, 'He's gone.'"

At the sound of the words falling from her lips, the weighted blanket holding me carefully still lifted and allowed me to curled into myself. With arms intertwined, I grasped the clothing above my heart in fists, twisting and pulling the material, clawing my way to the space in my chest that scorched like a thousand burning suns.

"Shh...shhh...shhh." Esme's focused turned back to me. I felt her hands back in my hair, her words soft and focused in my ear that promised everything was going to be all right, that we would sort everything out. "Oh sweetheart," The emotion in her voice broke me further.

"What happened Esme?" Charlie demanded in a tight voice.

"I don't know," She answered immediately. "When I came home from the Thriftway earlier, I saw Bella leaving." She started. "She passed me in the truck and I knew that something was wrong. By the time I made it into the house with my bags, I noticed Edward out in the backyard through my kitchen window and he looked very upset. When I went out to see what was wrong he wouldn't tell me. All he would say is that Bella ended their relationship."

"What?" Charlie's voice sounded confused.

"I know," Esme agreed. "It didn't make any sense to me either."

-WYLE-

"How long has she been like this?" Carlisle voice washed over me.

"I don't know." Charlie answered gruffly. "I didn't even realize she was here until Esme came over to ask me if I knew what happened." Charlie admitted. "I'm so used to her leaving the truck here and taking off with Edward-"

At the sound of his name rolling from Charlie's lips, I curl and clench into a ball for comfort.

No, not comfort, no. Comfort could never be achieved for me.

I grasp and pull and yank into tightness for protection.

For self preservation.

Esme is there, soft and motherly. Wrapped around me like she's holding me together as best she can. It isn't enough. I'm coming apart at the seams. Everything that used to hold me together is falling apart. Everything that I once was is lost.

I squeeze my eyes shut as the unease seeps into my heart and I drift.

A sea of subconsciousness consumes me. A silence that fills, deafens and pulls me into an abyss of solitude.
t I would never return more than a sisterly affection toward him.

There, I sit trapped in a nightmare that's so unreal. How did I come to this place?

I knew Jake harbored those feeling for me. However, I thought I knew that he knew that.

I didn't know how wrong I was.

What I didn't know is that he was hopeful that he could change my mind.

Hope could be a dangerous thing.

I should have never gone there.

I should have never put myself in a situation where I was alone with him like that.

It should have never have happened and I should have known Edward would only see it for what it wasn't.
I'd always brushed off his jealousy and worry. I'd always informed him that it was unjustified and uncouth of him to presume such a thing.

After all, why couldn't he trust me?

"It isn't you who I don't trust, Bella." His words came back to me from what felt like ages ago.
But wasn't that the lie? The truth being, he obviously hadn't trusted me. Not enough to stay, to hear my side and absorb the truth. Even as I screamed it in his face, he wouldn't see the truth.

He wouldn't have believed me even if I was tethered down by The Lasso of Truth.

The truth was, Jacob had attacked me. Not in the way one might have assumed...although his touch was unwanted and forceful, he did not hurt me...physically.

We'd spent the day out on the reservation catching up, Edward knew I'd be there and encouraged me to go and spend time with Jacob while we were in town. We'd been drifting apart since Edward and I had gone off to school together and I missed my best friend desperately.

Why did everything have to go so wrong?

We were happy. In love.

Why couldn't he just see the truth?

Why couldn't he let me explain?

-WYLE-

"She should sleep for a while now Charlie, when she wakes she'll be very groggy." Carlisle's voice came to my like a whisper in a dream.

"What the hell do I tell her when she wakes up?" I hear Charlie's voice demand.
"Calm down, Charlie. Please. This isn't helping." Esme pleas.

"Like hell, Esme. How would you have me react? Your son is breaking my little girls heart."

"Let us handle this, we'll find Edward and we'll sort all of this out. Please believe us." Esme implored.
I slipped away before I could hear Charlie's response.

-WYLE-

One week went by like a blink. I hardly realized the passing of time, having spent most of my day in bed sated by prescription medication. I was a zombie. Slipping somewhere between dream and reality. My chest was torn open in such a way, that wasn't sure how I could still be living through the pain.

I hadn't eaten much in the last few days. Only what my father had practically forced into me. I'd hardly been able to keep anything down. Even though a bowl of soup sat cold and untouched at my bed side, I could hardly smell it without getting sick. Everything I ate seemed to turn to ash in my mouth.

Every time I spoke, the words dies on my tongue before they could escape my mouth.

Everything hurt.

Nothing worked the way it once had.

My heart beat out a a constant frenzied rhythm. My breathing was labored at best, the weight that had settled over my heart had put a steady heavy pressure on my lungs, making it impossible to draw a steady deep breath.

I felt so lost.

-MoMH-

I blinked my eyes open to find the familiar sight of my childhood ceiling. If it hadn't been for the light throb in my bladder, I might have stayed sleeping. However, despite my lack of nourishment, my body still had needs.
Willing my limbs to work, I crawled out of bed slowly and forced myself to the little bathroom my father and I had once shared. With every step, I felt more weakened. By the time I reached the hall, I needed to stop and take a breath.

That's when I heard it.

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Charlie sounded outraged. "Is he back in California?"

It was silent before I heard Charlie's thunderous voice again.

"I am being serious, Billy. I'm the fucking Chief of police here! If you don't tell me where he is, I'll consider you an accomplice to the crime!"

I wasn't surprised to hear that Jacob had already left town by the time my dad made it down to the reservation. He'd obviously heeded my warning. Charlie however, made it perfectly clear to Billy what his intentions were if his son ever showed his face in Forks again. I knew they were old friends, so it surprised me when I'd heard my father on the phone. I'd never heard him so angry.

"Don't you put this on Bella!" Charlie roared.

It was quiet a moment before he snarled."I'm not buying that." His voice was cold and angry. "Bella's made it perfectly clear all along that she and Jake were just friends... I know my daughter and if she says-" he was cut off mid sentence, and when he answered again he was almost shouting. "What do you mean I don't know my daughter as well as I think I do!"

There was another long pause before he spoke again, so low and menacing it frightened me. "I'm looking for answers too, Billy. And you can bet your ass that after I saw Bella, her story matches up. Jacob will answer to me one way or another."

Whatever Billy had said in response to my father had really pushed him over the edge, because the next thing I knew, he was swearing and shouting like never before.

"Bella being my daughter doesn't change the circumstances. You're son assaulted a woman. Don't think that throwing that little fact in my face changes a fucking thing. If you don't cooperate, I'll haul your ass in for aiding and abetting."

"Like hell I can't. How about I come and pick you up, Billy. You can come over here and see for yourself the damage this has had on Bella. Edward left her. Not even his own parents can find where he is. How do you think that makes me feel, knowing Jacob caused all of this? My little girl is a mess!"

I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt the tickle of it trailing down my cheeks. I staggered back against the door frame as if I'd been struck.

"You're my friend Billy, but this is hurting my family." Charlie sounded so lost and broken.

Another pause went by for an eternity as Billy replied to Charlie.

"You've got that dead right." The rage came back to his voice in full swing. "If that boy sets' one toe out of line and I'm going to know about it. I'll be keeping a close eye on him, you can be sure of that." It was disturbing to listen to, hearing Charlie go from menacing father to Chief Swan. Honestly, I wasn't sure who had been more terrifying.

"Yeah? Well, you do that." Charlie growled. "I have no problem taking on the elders. I think they'll agree with me on this one! You go ahead and do that.

"Fine. Yeah. Goodbye." The phone in the kitchen slammed forcefully into the cradle, making me jump.
My stomach tightened with nausea as I wrapped my arms around my torso to hold myself together.
So Billy was going to blame this on me. I'd been leading Jacob on for years and finally he'd had enough and acted on my exuberant flirting.

It surprised me that Billy would stoop so low as to claim that I had asked for Jacob to assault me the way he did.

Everyone seemed to think it was me who led him on and got what she dissevered.
Maybe they were right.

I felt the bile heave into my throat. Somehow, I made it to the bathroom in time to throw up practically nothing. That didn't stop me from dry heaving myself to exhaustion.

I'm not sure how long I'd been there on the floor of the bathroom, but when Charlie found me he was more than shaken.

"Bella! Honey, can you hear me?" I felt his hands on my face, the gentle shake he was administering to my body.

"Dad?" I blinked my eyes open groggily.

"Oh! Bella, thank God." I felt his arms cradle me tightly. "Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"

"I don't think so," I blinked up at him.

He studied me for a long moment before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me back to my bed. As he put me down, he kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back affectionately.

"I love you, Bella." He whispered softly before pulling away. "Everything will be okay, honey. We'll figure all of this out."

"Dad, I'm sorry." I whimpered.

"What? For what, honey?" Charlie seemed shocked by my outburst. "None of this was your fault Bella. What Jake did to you...there is no excuse for it Bella."

"It's my fault though, I shouldn't have gone there. I knew that he used to have feeling for me, I just hadn't realized he still held onto them." I looked up at my father through my tears and stared at his face. "Dad, what have I done?" I whimpered.

Charlie's face morphed from sorrow to anger.

"You've done nothing wrong."

"But, maybe I was leading him on?" My voice shook. "I thought we were friends, but I knew he used to want more. I never should have continued our friendship. Now, look what's happened, and it's because of me!" Emotion overwhelmed me as I fought for breath.

"Honey," Charlie sighed as he pulled me into his arms. "You can't control what other people do. You did nothing wrong." He stroked my back and held me tightly.

"But-"

"Bella. You did nothing wrong."

I sobbed in his arms until sleep claimed me once again.

-MoMH-
Three weeks later-

Popping the door open on my old beaten down Chevy, I exited the cab and closed the door. I wasn't quick enough in my movements to miss the reflection of rainbows splayed across the door.

I driven here in such a fog, I practically forgotten about the crystal heart that hung from the rear view mirror. It had been a gift from him, a symbol of love.

A deep chill made its way up my spine and crystallized my already raw, frozen heart. I reached for the symbol of affection, at first to rip the reminder from my vehicle, but only to have my hand freeze at mid touch. My finger tips burned and my eyes stung with violent unshed tears.

I couldn't touch his heart, even though he'd not only touched mine from the very beginning, but reached into my chest in the end, and crushed it.

A broken sob escaped my lips. As if I'd been touched by an electrified cattle prod, I snapped my arm back and practically fell from the truck, slamming the door as I went.

I turned a quick heel, took a deep breath, and made my way toward my destination. All the while, willing my unshed tears to stay that way. I didn't want to cry tonight.

I hadn't wanted to go to the Jack and Jill. However, not going would have been a hurtful injustice to my dear friends. So I squared my shoulders, took another cleansing breath and pushed through the main hall doors of The Lodge.

I was greeted with silence. The kind of comical silence you might find in a movie...and I could have sworn I'd heard crickets as I stepped inside fully.

"Bella," Angela grinned, a happy but worried smile stretch across her face as she pushed through the crowd quickly. "I'm so pleased you could make it." Enveloping me in a warm hug, she held me tightly to her frame and gently rocked us back and forth for a moment.

"I'm glad to be here." I told her sincerely. "Thank you for thinking of me." We pulled back from each other and I smiled at her. "Congratulations,"

"Bella," Ben was suddenly there, greeting me warmly.

If I hand't chosen to ignore the concerned look he shot Angela, I might have rushed from the room.

Ben's eyes locked on my face for a moment before something shifted between us. Suddenly, his arms were open to me, inviting me in for a hug.

I went to him eagerly, giving him my best smile despite the awful way I felt. As he embraced me, the room regained its composure, to my surprise. Almost as if on cue, the murmuring picked up and soft noise filled the room.

"Thanks for coming." Ben held me, squeezing gently before he let go and laid a soft kiss on my cheek. "It's great to see you."

"It's great to see you too." I turned to Angela and did my best to smile. "Let me see?" I held my hand out for hers.

Hesitantly, she slipped her left hand into mine and I couldn't help the smile and tears that welled up in my eyes. Looking down at the third finger of one of my best friends' left hand, it hit me like a wreaking ball. The solitaire was radiant; dainty and fine, it held an air of timeless elegance against Angela's skin. "It's beautiful," I told her, pulling her into my arms. I tried to banish the vision of Edward hurling what should have been now on my finger into the woods.

I squeezed Angela tightly and pinched the light from my eyes as hard as I could. I would not cry.

"I'm so happy for you," I mumbled into her sweet smelling hair.

"Bella," Angela's arms tightened around my waist and I returned the squeeze.

Blowing out a shaky breath, I tried to laugh off my discomfort as we broke apart. "I need a drink," I said as brightly as I could. Turning my attention to Ben I smiled softly and told him the only thing I could hope for Angela, or any one of my good friends. "Be good to her."

Ben's face fell ever so slightly, before he stepped forward and took me in his arms again. "I will." He promised holding me tightly.

"I know." I replied, because I knew that he truly would.

Before I could let emotion overcome me, I slipped away from the happy couple.

Making my way to the bar wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Practically every person who lived in town was at Angela and Ben's celebration. I certainly shouldn't have been surprised by the looks I was getting, with the small town gossip and the way Edward had left, there wasn't anyone who hadn't heard about they way things had went or my current emotional state.

I held my head high though.

"Hi," I approached the bartender and ordered. "Gray Goose, double, straight up." I told him.

He reached for the lean bottle and poured me my double. Placing the shot on the bar in front of me, I quickly picked up the shot and fired it down. I tiny shudder rippled through my body as I set the shot glass back down on the bar. "Another," I told him as he stared at me in what seemed like wonder.

After a few more drinks I was all warm and fuzzy. I was surprised at how the alcohol swimming in my blood had kept a steady hand on my emotions. I chatted drunkenly with a few people who were adventurous enough to engage me in conversation.

It was later in the night and the crowd of people had dispersed greatly. There were only a few party goers left, a few friends that were home for the summer from graduate school.

We sat at large round table, among us were a group of people I faintly recognized as the under class students of my senior year of high school. Two guys were good friends with Ben still and another girl that worked with Angela on the school paper. I wasn't surprised to see Mike Newton, he'd just got done telling me that he moved back-after graduating with honors in business management from Washington State. I think he thought he was adding the information suavely. He filled my head with stories about how he'd come back to this town to take over his family's business, his plans to expand it through the Olympic Peninsula.

It was good to see him, although not as good as he was hoping.

I kept drinking and he kept talking.

"What ever happened with you and Cullen?" Mike blurted out at one point. "I thought you guys would've been married with a house full of kids by now."

He meant it to be a joke and it wasn't his fault. He hadn't know anything.

The room was suddenly so quiet.

Then he saw my face, Angela noticed too.

"Bella," Angela coaxed. "Would you like to walk out with me and get a little fresh air?" She asked sympathetically. "It's really hot in here."

I nodded mechanically and slowly rose to my feet. Pulling my arm through hers, she led us outside.

"Did I say something wrong?" Mike was on his feet beside me looking concerned. "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean anything by it."

"It's okay Mike, you couldn't have known." I tried to smile, but the vodka was wearing off.

"Bella, I-"

"Really," I touched his cheek lightly with my finger tips. "It's okay."
Angela, sensing my impending meltdown, quickly tugged me from the room.

Once we were outside, she pulled me into a fierce hug.

"Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, still holding me to her.

I nodded sharply, unable to move, unable to speak.

"Oh, Bella." I could hear the emotion in Angela's voice that threatened to escape. I knew she was trying to be strong for me. She was a good friend.

"I'm sorry," I told her lamely as my tears started to fall. "This is your party and I'm dragging it down."
"Oh, no, Bella! I'm so glad that you came. It's been so long since I've seen you...I'm so happy to have you here."

"I'm glad to be here too." I croaked.

Angela pulled me harder into her arms and I heard her sniffle. "You're dad's been coming down to the church to talk with my dad." She told me.

"I don't want to pry, Bella, and I'm so sorry...but if you need anything, if you want someone to talk to, even if it's at the church..." she stammered. "What I'm trying to say is, me or my dad, whoever your more comfortable with-we're here for you, if you want someone to talk to."

I remembered my dad mentioned a few months ago that Angela had plans to following in her father's footsteps as a Lutheran pastor. It must have been nice to have your life on track, to know what you wanted in life and where you were going...who you were going there with.

"Thank you." I whispered as I chocked on a sob.

"What happened Bella?" Angela asked softly after I was quiet for a long moment.

"I don't know." I wrung my hands together as I fought for the words to explain. "We were so happy." My voice cracked. "He told me he was going to propose."

"He did?" Angela's eyes went wide.

I nodded as tears started streaming down my face.

"He thinks I was cheating on him with Jacob."

"Why would be assume something like that?" Angela stared at me in confusion. "Anyone with eyes knew that you're head over heals for that boy. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so in love."

At Angela's depiction of our love, I broke down.

"Bella," She sighed and wrapped her arms around me.

"Jacob was in town a few weeks ago visiting from California. I went down to first beach to hang out with him while Edward had one of his classes in Seattle. Jake and I got into a fight, and he kissed me. I couldn't stop him...I...I couldn't get him off me." My voice croaked. "So I gave up and stood there, praying he would stop long enough that I could get away. Edward came down to the beach to surprise me and he saw...he saw the kiss, but not what happened after."

"What happened after?" Angela held my hands tightly.

"I hit him."

"Did you tell Edward this?"

"I tried. He wouldn't let me explain. He was so set on the idea that I cheated on him and had been for a long time."

"Wow." Angela shook her head. "That's crazy. He must have been really upset. I mean, I can understand misunderstanding, but to just walk away from you without letting you explain...that's really screwed up."

"It's not his fault."

"Who's is it then? Because seriously Bella, you were attacked. That's not your fault and it's certainly isn't a reason for Edward to turn his back on you."

"He didn't know I was attacked."

"He could have given you a change to explain. I never though Edward was such a coward."

"Ang," Tears pooled to the corners of my eyes. "He was upset. It's not his fault."

We were quiet then, me crying silent tears, her comforting me as best she could.

"Is it true his parents can't find him."

I nodded, not able to trust my voice for fear that the truth of the words would be like a final nail in my coffin. I couldn't say it out loud because if I did, it would be true.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'll move on, I'll be okay."

"Really?" She pulled back to stare at me. "Because you don't look okay Bella. I knew that you've been upset, but I didn't realize how upset. Have you even eaten anything in the last few weeks?"

"I'm eating enough."

She cocked an eyebrow at me in response as if she were challenging me.

"I eat what'll stay down." I don't elaborate.

She looked like she wanted to argue with me, but she held her tongue. She squeezed me tighter.
"You know that I'll alway be here for you Bella. You can tell me anything."

I nodded, unable to trust me voice.

Just then we heard a loud crash, followed by bouts of drunken laughter come from inside.

"Oh, boy." Angela huffed. "I better go make sure that wasn't Ben." She laughed. "I'll kill him if he gets a black eye before the wedding."

"Go head back inside," I laughed with her, shaking my head. "I'm going to stay out for a few more minutes and calm down."

"Okay," she smiled, rolling her eyes when a loud, "Damn Cheney, does Angela know you can do that?" echoed outside. We both started laughing when Ben answered, "Dude, who do you think taught me that!"

"Oh, shoot." She muttered, slapping a hand over her face. "Please tell me they are talking about sex position with my Dad in there...he still thinks I'm pure."

A cackle of laughter bubbled up through my tears. I hadn't realized how good it felt to laugh, it had been so long.

I watch as Angela bolted through the doors of The Lodge to disband the current conversation.

I was quiet in the dusty parking lot. I figured that it must have been just after midnight, maybe later. I'd almost forgotten how scarce Forks could be. The small sleepy town that it was. I was exhausted, and as much as I loved seeing everyone from my past, I think I'd had enough. I knew when I went home I wouldn't sleep, but I'd rather break down again in the privacy of my own room. I didn't need anyone seeing me like this, an emotional yo-yo.

I was about to stand up and go back in to say goodbye to everyone, when I felt the air shift around me and a presence I hadn't felt in weeks tingled the hair on the back of my neck. It froze me to a halt mid step.
"Bella?" Jacob's voice floated hesitantly to me.

I spun in my spot and came face to face with a remorseful Jacob. He looked terrible, as he got closer I could see the deep purple circles under his eyes.

"Can we talk?" he asked hesitantly. His hands were up, palms facing me as he took steps toward me like he was surrendering...or trying to prove to me he had no intention of hurting me.

I didn't buy it.

"What do you want?" I hissed, taking several steps back as he came closer.

"God, Bella, I'm so fucking sorry..." Jacob's body shook visibly. "I wasn't thinking...I thought..."

Then, like a tidal wave, it all hit me.

"You thought what!" I snapped. "That you could convince me it was finally your turn?" I was shouting now.

"Bella, no! I-God...please, I'm so sorry." A lone tear leaked from the corner of his eye as he kept slowly walking to me.

"You get away from me." I warned. "I swear to God, if you come near me again I'm going to kill you!" Tears started falling down my cheeks.

"Please Bella," He choked.

"Look at me." I chocked, spreading my arms out so he could get a good eyeful of how broken I was. "Are you happy Jacob? Congratulation, you succeeded! He's gone!" My tears began to fall harder and my entire frame shook. "He's gone!" I screamed as the realization that Edward really had left me and was never coming back, finally sank in.

"Bella, please..." Jacob began walking toward me swiftly.

hand back and with all the force I had, I snapped my fist back and sank my knuckles deep into his face.In that moment something came over me, completely taking over. My legs moved forward on their own accord and I was suddenly sprinting at him. Only this time, I was sure he hadn't mistaken my intentions. He stopped in his tracks and let his hands fall to his side just as I reached him. I drew my fist back and sank my hand deeply into his face.

"YOU DID THIS!" I shrieked hoarsely. "YOU MADE HIM LEAVE!" My fists continued their assault, smacking the broad expansion of his tone chest and every other part of him my fists and hands could find contact with.
"Bella, I'm sorry-" Jacob choked, not even bothering to restrain me as I unleashed every ounce of pent up aggression and hurt against him.

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed, pounding my fists into him, my head lashed back and forth as tears flowed down my face. My vision blurred and my head spun."I HATE YOU!"

"I can fix it." Jacob promised, chocking on a sob of his own. "I promise I'll fix it."

"LIAR!" my voice cracked as I began to sob harder. "YOU MADE HIM LEAVE ME!" I screamed hysterically. "WHY! WHY?" I hiccuped, my entire body shaking as I plead for him to answer me.

"Bella?" Angela's concerned, horrified voice came from behind me. "What the hell?"

"I'm sorry Bella." Jacob tried to wrap his arms around me in comfort. "I'm sorry."

I started to push him away, but as saved by a pair of strong arms. With careful gentleness, they wrapped around my chest and arms to restrain me, before picking me up and pivoted me to face Angela. She immediately grabbed for me and I fell into her arms sobbing and gagging on the bile that had risen up my throat.

"Sh..." she hushed, pulling me tightly into her chest and rubbing my back. "I've got you." She promised softly. "I've got you Bella, it's okay."

It was too much. Everything bubbled up in me and suddenly I couldn't contain the anguish that had been festering inside. I barely broke away from her before throwing up all over the ground next to her feet. Bile and vodka splashed the pavement in waves as the emotion flooded my senses.

"Holy fuck!" I heard what sounded like Mike's voice.

"Get him outta' here!" Angela shouted in a broken hiss.

"I think you need to leave Jacob." Ben stated firmly from behind me. "Haven't you done enough?"

"Please," Jacob's voice cracked. "I just need to talk to Bella, I need to fix this."

Angela was suddenly on her feet.

"You wanna fix this?" She hissed, poking a finger into his chest. "How about you start by finding Edward and telling him the truth!"

"Ang," Ben grasped her arm and held her back.

"No, how dare he Benjamin." Angela turned a lethal voice on her fiancée before turning back to Jake. "How dare you come here and confront her like this! Haven't you put her through enough?" She demanded.
"I'm just trying to help! I want to make it right." He pleaded.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Angela hissed. "You wouldn't have to fix it if you hadn't forced yourself on her!"

"He what?" Ben turned to Jake incredulously. "That's why Cullen left her?"

"I love her!" Jake cried. "Cullen's kept her all to himself for years! He's the reason we haven't been friends!"
"You're a liar!" I screamed. "I stopped coming to La Push because I didn't want to lose our friendship! I'm in love with Edward. I love him and you made him think that I-" MY voice cut off as more emotion engulfed me. "He thinks I've been cheating on him with you!"

"Dude." Suddenly Mike was standing in front of me, blocking my view to Jacob. "Is that true?"

"That's not how it was supposed to happen!" Jacob cried. "I just wanted her to see she had more options! She's been so fixed on Cullen, I owed it to her to show her there's more to life than him!" He screamed. "I'm sorry Bella. I thought I could make you see that you had feelings for me, I guess I was wrong."

"Wow. You're out of your mind." Mike muttered softly.

"I'm in love." Jacob corrected.

Chapter 2. How the End Began

2011-08-13T17:49:00.000-04:00

What You Least Expected

Chapter 2. How the End Began.

Play List: Good Life - OneRepublic

Unraveling - Sevendust

Isabella Swan

I still remember that summer like it was just passing. It was a summer I could never forget. It was a time in my life that everything in my life changed. Until that point of my life, I was the same person. Everything had been pretty structured for me, my suture was laid out for me in a way I had never thought I would’ve wanted. Everything was perfect, my life with Edward was something written in the oldest of fairytales. I should have realized then how unobservant I had been. I should have known that a perfect love wasn’t real.

We got home from our Cayman's trip right after Edward's birthday, Edward started summer classes to get a head start on his medical career, while I dove into scrap booking with Esme and Alice.

It was supposed to be a really laid back summer for me. I only had three classes left to take in the fall in order to complete my masters degree in English and none of them were offered in the summer. At first, I had wanted to pick up a few random classes just to have something to fill my time, but Edward had persuaded me to take it easy.

He said that I should enjoy the time off before both of our schedules exploded in September. He wanted to spend as much time together as we could before he entered into his medical program at the end of August. We both knew that when he started his medical program at Seattle Children’s our lives would be turned upside down.

Not as complicated as it would’ve been had he accepted Boston Children’s Hospital offer. Given Carlisle reputation and Edward’s stellar marks, they were hungry for him to join their ranking, but Edward had declined immediately. That had confused me at first, Boston would be a dream. Something about Edward turning down a top of the line teaching hospital with hoards of seasoned professionals at the tips of his fingers just didn’t fit right. I couldn’t understand him turning it down and when I first pressed him for the answer as to why, he’d shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal. He acted like they were a bunch of stuffed shirt asshole or something. It was driving me crazy.

Two days later he’d gotten an offer from Seattle Children’s and snatched it up like a starving man at a buffet.

I mean, Seattle Children’s was great. Not number one, but still great. I was happy for him. For us.

It wasn’t until later that week that we went out to celebrate with his family on the achievement that I learned the truth. I had to get him drunk just to drag it out of him, but even then he’d hardly confessed anything. He was still rational as a drunk, just more honest and responsive to my probing questions. It was like his carefully placed filter turned off when he had alcohol in him.

“Bella,” He’d sighed and rubbed at his face like he was annoyed. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“But it is, Edward.” I leaned against his chest. “Just tell me why you turned it down.”

He shrugged. “I’m not about to uproot my entire life for a program. Seattle children’s is a wonderful hospital. It’s more than adequate to teach me what I need to learn about pediatric medicine.”

“I know, but, Boston Edward.” I argued poignantly. “Isn’t Boston like number one in the field? Wouldn’t you want to study at the best? This is your career, not a hobby.” I’d emphasized.

Edward rolled his eyes at me like it wasn’t that big of a deal. “My life is here in Seattle. Why would I want move to the other side of the country? I’d be away from you, away from my family...” He’d reasoned.

“I’d go with you.” I quickly argued.If that was the root of this problem then I would need to make myself clear right then and there. “So this better not be about me.”

He’d chuckled in response. “Everything is about you love. Surely you know that by now. You’re my North Star. My oxygen.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “I can still be that in Boston.” I stared at him. “I can write anywhere.”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“You wouldn’t have to ask, Edward.” I scooted close to him.

His arms came around me and he kissed the top of my head. “The choice is made baby. Besides, it’s not about Seattle vs. Boston. I just don’t want to move across the country. My life is here. We have a life here together.”

So I’d taken his word and just let it go. In return, I focused on Edward’s suggestion of taking it easy and spending time with family. I spent a great deal of time at our town house in the city, eager to turn our house into a home. We’d just moved in together a few weeks before we went on our island resort getaway. The house was Edward’s of course, he wasn’t going to let me help him with the mortgage, so I’d refused to sign anything that legally made it half mine.

That had really pissed him off at first, but eventually he got back at me by making me the beneficiary should anything happened to him. That was another fight. I was upset by his morbidity but he’d pleaded with me to understand. He wooed me with his green eyes and soft kisses. I was a goner before I’d even known it. He was that good.

So, when I wasn’t at home, I was with Esme in Forks.

I had four huge Gucci shoe boxes full of pictures and nothing but time, so I let Esme guide me in the art of scrap booking. I wanted to make a montage of mine and Edward’s courtship and I was eager to lay the memories of our life out on the pages Esme had helped me design. I dreamed of getting old with Edward and hoped that years from now, we could sit with our great-great grandchildren and show them how our family had started.

It wasn’t really a regular Thursday in Forks. It was bright and sunny, rainless - a perfect weather day. It should have been an omen to me. This was after all Forks I was talking about.

I had been sitting at the large oak table in the dining room with Esme putting the finishing touches on one of the pages, when my cell phone chirped for my attention.

Excitedly, I flipped it open thinking it was Edward. He usually called and texted me between classes. It was a number I hadn’t recognized, but that wasn’t unusual. Edward often forgot to grab his phone from the cup holder in the center console of the Volvo, and rather than trek back to the car for it, he’d just drop a few quarters in the pay phone between buildings.

“Hi honey,” I chirped happy and excited.

“Bells,” Jakes voice crooned at me through the phone. “You sure know how to greet your callers.”

“Jake,” my voice registered surprise and excitement.

It had been almost a year since the last time I'd seen him. The last time having been Thanksgiving when Edward and I had picked Charlie up from Billy’s house to take him to an early dinner at the Cullen’s after they’d watched the afternoon football game.

Although we hadn't really gotten to spend much time together then, I’d been surprised when I knocked on the door to retrieve Charlie and he answered the door. We spent a few minutes chatting in the thresh hold of his fathers small house while Edward had sat patiently in the car waiting while Charlie said his goodbyes to his surrogate family.

It had been a good surprise to see him, our busy schedules had kept long distance phone conversations short, but sweet. The only times we'd gotten to see each other over the years were always shared with our families. There was never time to just hang out the way we used to back before Edward had taken center stage in my life. The growing distance between us was something I regretted, but felt was necessary. I loved Edward and I knew that Jacob had been starting to have feelings for me. I had always seen Jacob as a friend, but when Edward and I had begun dating, he started to make his crush on me more known. To avoid a fall out between us, I slowly withdrew from him, using school and plans with other friends as an excuse. I’d felt bad, but I reasoned with myself that his crush would diminish once we spent less time together.

It seemed to work out for the best, because shortly after that Jacob begun to take a serious interest in cars. His passion took off my senior year when Charlie told me that he dropped out of school to move to California and follow his dreams in the automotive industry. He was currently in his third year of apprenticeship with the famous car remodeling company West Coast Customs.

When I called Jake to congratulate him on his success, he had told me about his apprenticeship. I was ecstatic for him, his dreams of owning his own body shop could really take off just from gaining experience from such a well known shop.

That, and I teased him relentlessly about recommending me to MTV for Pimp My Ride.

If anyone's ride needed to be pimped, it was mine.

His excited voice brought me back to reality.

"Are you in town?"

“Yea.” I smiled into the phone. It was good to hear his voice, warm and nostalgic.

Whether I realized it or not, I had really missed our friendship. When he'd told me he was on a short vacation from his internship at West Coast Customs out in Corona, California I got really excited.

"Hey, so would you want to get together? I was hoping you might want to join me for some cliff diving..." he taunted, knowing I wouldn't because Edward would flip.

"Sure, but you know that’s not gonna happen," I replied glumly. "Maybe we could hang out at First Beach, we could build sand castles and boogie board. If you're up for it." I asked with a goofy childhood grin.

Esme smiled over at me and began cleaning up our mess.

"That sounds like a great idea." Jake answered, sounding genuinely pleased. “I’m always up for anything with you.” His voice hinted at something entirely different, but I chose to ignore it.

"Okay," I smiled, truly happy. "I just need to get ready and give Edward a call."

"He's not around?" I couldn't ignore the hopeful sound that Jake's voice expelled.

"No," I tried to pass off the unsettling feeling I was getting. "He's taking a summer class in Seattle three times a week."

"Oh," was Jake's lowly reply.

"Yea," I answered just as lamely. "I'll just give him a call and let him know what's up and then I'll head down."

"What, you can't have a life while he's away?" Jake asked sourly.

"He isn't away," I tried not to get upset. If there was one thing Jake was great at, it was getting under my skin. "He's got a lab this afternoon but when he's out we're supposed to meet for dinner and go window shopping for a new bedroom set for the house."

I wasn't sure why I was trying to explain or justify my need to call Edward. It was common knowledge Jake didn't like Edward and the feeling was mutual. I'd given up trying to get them to coexist a long time ago.

I noticed Esme getting up and clearing our clippings and punch-out's, before she shot me an apologetic look and left the room, doing her best to give me privacy.

"You know," I huffed in agitation. "...just forget it."

I wasn't sure why I kept bothering with Jake, every time we'd tried to make plans he'd taken this defensive stance. I knew it was toward Edward...but I couldn't understand why he'd had to be like that with me.

"No," Jake sighed with remorse, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just tired from the long hours at the shop and the drive. I really want to see you."

I thought for a moment, for the first time ever, I was unsure if I'd wanted to see him.

"Really Bella," he spoke swiftly, like he was panicked he'd went too far this time. "I promise not to get sour about Edward again."

"If you promise." I relented after a long moment of silence. "I want to see you too, but I don't want to argue. If you want to spend time with me, then that's great. But, I won't fight about Edward with you."

"We don't have to even talk about him Bella." Jake promised, sounding a little too enthusiastic about the idea. Still, he promised and I knew he'd behave.

At least, I hoped.

Besides, he knew if I told Edward he was anything less than a gentleman to me, he'd drive down to La Push and throttle him.

"Okay," I paused and then breathed out the weird anxiety I felt. "I'll call you when I cross the boarder into the Rez."

After we'd hung up, I ran up stairs to Edward's bedroom to gather a few of my things. I was grateful Esme had insisted on Edward and I keeping some things here for when we visited. Edward had told her to go ahead and remodel his room when we'd moved to the city together, but she wouldn't have it.

Instead, she and Alice had stocked the closet with clothing and toiletries insisting it was only here if we needed it and decided on an unsuspected visit.

I knew better though, Esme loved to have us all together. She lived for the eight of us under one roof, laughing and happy. I couldn't blame her, some of my happiest memories were in this house surrounded by the sea of ferns and my happy family.

After I slipped on one of the eight spare bathing suits Alice had stocked on of my drawers with (and most modest), I was calling Edward's cell to leave a message.

"Hi love," Edward answered on the third ring surprising me.

"Hi baby," I cooed back at him, feeling warmth sweep through my entire body just from the sound of his voice. “I was just going to leave you a message.”

“Oh yeah? Well, lucky me that I remembered my phone today.” and then “My girlfriend,” he said offhandedly to someone.

“I’m sorry, I really thought I’d get your voicemail.” I apologized.

“Don’t be sorry, baby. Hearing your voice is the highlight of my day.”

“I thought getting me naked was the highlight of your day.”

He barked out a laugh in response to my jab. “Yes, well, that too. So what’s going on?”

“Erm..” I hesitated, unsure of how to bring up the topic. Leaving a message was easier.

At my pause Edward chuckled in response. "All right, tell me what it is that you want." The sound of his voice lit a fire deep within my Belly. Suddenly, my mind was in the gutter.

"What makes you think I want anything?" I purred.

"Bella..." Edward groaned quickly catching up with my mood. “Are you trying to give everyone a peak at my manhood?”

“What! No, why?” I laughed incredulously and then realized to what he was referring. “Are you getting hard for me?” I asked sweetly.

“Bella...” Edward groan quickly turned into a low, primal growl.

"Sorry," I laughed, but was proud of myself nonetheless for eliciting that kind of reaction from him with only the sound of my voice.

"What's up, babe?” I could tell he was trying to sober his thoughts. “I'm just heading into my last class."

"I know, sorry to bother you." I started.

“Bella,” He sighed. "You're never bothering me sweetheart." He told me firmly.

"Fair enough," I smiled. "I just wanted to tell you that I got a call from Jake and he's in town, so we made plans to hang out on First Beach this afternoon."

"Oh," Edward sounded sour.

"Hey, not you too." I complained. "We're just hanging out until you're out of class. I already told him we have plans tonight and I can’t stay long."

Edward phis'ed. "Sounds like he took that well."

"Yeah," I replied dryly. "That's why I'm counting on you to be the adult here and treat me like the woman you love, and not a possession."

"I don't treat you like a possession." He grumbled.

"No," I agreed "but, you have been known to go a little overboard when it comes to Jake."

"It's warranted."

"Maybe," I agreed, shocking the hell out of Edward.

"That's new." He sounded surprised.

"Yeah, well, I'm tired of being treated like a rag doll when it comes to the two of you. That, and it's exhausting trying to put up with the prejudice you have toward each other."

"Why, he' say shit about me again?" Edward practically rumbled like a lion.

"Nah." I shrugged, forgetting he couldn't see me. "He's just annoyed that I’m calling to tell you about my plans. He thinks I'm checking in with you or something."

"That's because he's a mongrel that can't understand the idea of a committed relationship." Edward sounded annoyed.

“Yea, maybe.” I sighed.

"Listen baby, I've got to get going they're about to start." He sighed. “Honey, I'm not forbidding you to go spend time with Jake, but if you're feeling as uncomfortable as you sound, I'd rather you stay home."

"No," I tried to sooth his worry. "I'm not, I just, I'm so sick of defending myself-us, to him every time we hand out." I huffed. "I just wish we could get together for once and just be us, you know? I haven't seen him in a few years and it just feels like the same tired argument. I'm tired of fighting over something that isn't going to change."

"Well, maybe you should tell him that." Edward encouraged. “Hang on,” he asked pausing to listen to what someone was saying. "Fuck, he hissed. “We might run a little over this evening, the professors running a little late. I'll call you when I'm out."

"Okay," I smiled, feeling lighter just having talked this out with him. "Have fun dissecting your cadaver." I shuddered.

"Oh yes," I could picture him rolling his eyes at me. "Because the manipulation of another guys' junk is the pinnacle of my day."

"Oh, you're doing the sexual organs today?" I giggled, loving that I got to poke fun at Edward.

Since I'd learned he got a male cadaver for his summer lab, rather than the female he'd been hoping for it, had been too easy.

"I love you, babe." Edward chuckled. "Be careful and behave yourself."

“What if I want to be a bad girl?” I purred. “Maybe I want you to spank me for being bad.”

His sharp intake of breath spiked my blood.

“Oh baby,” He whispered into the phone. I could tell his mind was on the mental picture of me in his head. “I’ll be more than happy to deliver.”

“Yeah?” I answered with forced breathlessness. “You promise?”

“Ugh huh.” Edward practically moaned.

That was my cue. Better to end the call before things escalated to him getting kicked out of class for being a disruption. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d worked Edward up on the phone...but I was sure he wouldn’t want to be embarrassed by the effect I had on him in front of a room full of strangers.

“Tease.” He hissed into the phone.

I laughed out loud. “Don’t try and deny that you don’t love it. We both know you’d be lying.”

“How right you are, love. How right you are.” He joined my laughter.

"I love you." I cooed into the phone. "Call me when you're out and I can meet you halfway. We can grab dinner in the middle somewhere."

"That sounds like a good plan. I'll call when I'm on my way to the car."

"Okay." I smiled sweetly, still unable to be the one to hang up first.

"Bye love." Edward hummed. "I don’t want to, but I'm hanging up..."

“I know.” I whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too baby. I’ll see you later this afternoon.”

"Bye..." I sighed.

The phone clicked and I flopped down on the massive bed that still sat poised in the center of the room. The only difference between now and high school had been a new duvet cover. This one was a deep hunter green that matched the tree line just out side the windows, instead of the glorious golden one. The bed was so welcoming and comfortable that I almost fell asleep in the short minutes I'd laid back. With a sigh and a stretch, I hoisted myself out of bed and made my way to the driveway.

"On your way out dear?" Esme called from a corner rose garden at the front far corner of the house. She dropped her pruning sheers and gloves and made her way to me.

"Yea, I'm going to spend the afternoon at First Beach with Jake. He's just back in town." I told her.

"That'll be nice." She smiled and came to pull me into a hug. "Have a good time and make sure to tell Jacob I say hello?"

"I will." I hugged her back tightly. "I'll see you Sunday? Edward and I will bring chicken and steak to barbecue."

"Dad will love that." Esme smiled knowingly. "I'll pick up some things for potato salad and coleslaw."

"Sounds great." I giggled, knowing Carlisle lived for cooking on his Weber whenever he got the chance. Even if he practically burned the house down every time he fired the thing up. Twice a summer the small volunteer fire department of Forks had some excitement to attend to.

“Invite your father, it’ll be good to have him here if anything goes wrong.” Esme rolled her eyes playfully in response, her thoughts were right on track with mine. "I'll see you later, honey."

I turned and climbed into the cab of my truck and fired up the slightly calmer engine. I smiled as it purred beneath me thanks to Rosalie. Although, I still wasn't sure why she'd done it, maybe Edward had put her up to it. Either that, or she'd rigged it to explode. I wouldn't have been too surprised, it wasn't a huge secret Rosalie hated me. Although I wasn't positive, I think it had to do with the closer than her comfort relationship I had with Emmett.

Shrugging it off, I focused my thoughts else where. I didn't really care.

Rosalie was a bitch. End of story.

It wasn't long before I was pulling into a spot in front of the beach and securing the parking break. I easily found Jake on the beach, setting up a blanket. His bronze skin glistened in the sunlight and his toned muscled rippled as he moved about. I sat watching him for a moment, admiring him unabashedly from a far. I couldn't deny he was attractive, he was easily much more than that.

Still, he was like my brother and I loved Edward with my entire heart and soul. I knew nothing would ever change that simple fact.

Even devilishly handsome facial features and a firm eight pack.

Watching him I wondered if he'd found a girlfriend yet out in California. He deserved to find a great girl that would make him happy.

Slipping out of the cab before he could notice me watching him, I slammed my door and took a beach bag out of the bed in the back. I'd hardly walked three footsteps before Jake was sprinting up the beach to meet me.

"Bella!" he yelled. "Is that you?"

"Yeah," I shouted out in laughter as I walked briskly to meet him.

"You look beautiful!" he bellowed, although by now he was right in my face. "God, look at you." His bright smile warmed me.

"You look great too," I squealed as he hoisted me into his arms and spun me around. "Jake, put me down!" I laughed.

Crushing me to his chest, he lowered me down the length of him. At first it hadn't come off as an intimate gesture to me. I think I was trying to ignore it anyhow.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, pulling me close again. "I can't believe its been so long."

"About three years," I replied, just as in awe. "I think the last time I saw you and we were able to really catch up was when I'd graduated with my bachelors from UW."

"I think you're right." Jake smiled. "It's been busy huh?" he mused.

"Ugh," I rolled my eyes, "you have no idea."

We walked together down the beach, talking and catching each other up on our missing years. It felt good to be talking with Jake. We were slipping comfortably back into our old ways of endless talk and friendly advice. I was so thankful. I remembered thinking that I’d made the right choice in putting the distance between us. My plan to strengthen our old friendship had worked.

He told me about his work at the shop and how he was working up to be a partner in the company. I was so happy for him. He was doing so great, really making a name for himself and getting the experience that would only benefit him in the long run. It felt great to see a friend doing so well in their life.

We'd boogie boarded for a good solid two hours after that. We hadn't really kept up valiant conversation during. It was mostly laughing and wipes outs that made me sputter salt water from my nose. As much as it hurt, I loved it.

The day had really started to wind down then, the sun dipped low in the sky as I dragged my shivering, pruned form back to the blanket Jake had set up earlier in the day. I plunked down and snatched a towel from my bag, quickly wrapping up with the hopes of easing the chill.

"So," Jacob flopped down beside me. "You should come to Cali before school goes back. You can crash at my place, I'll show you around town for a week...It’ll be fun, like old times."

It’s funny how one phrase could really make you think so negatively all of a sudden. One minute I was enjoying the company of an old friend, the next I was suddenly suspicious of Jakes real intentions of asking me here. At first, I shrugged it off like I was over reacting, but then something happened.

"Er...I don't know," I shrugged. "Edward's busy with class this summer, he's trying to get a jump on his psychological condition with these labs he's taking. It's a really important step to passing his exams for his license and I want to be there for him."

Jake scoffed, angry all of a sudden. "Why do you always put your life on hold for him?" He suddenly demanded.

"Who's putting anything on hold?" I looked at him incredulously. "I have an easy summer for the first time in almost eight years, I graduate this fall.”

“Exactly, so why can’t you come hang out with me for a few weeks?”

“Weeks?” I raised my eyebrows. “I thought we were talking about days here. I can’t go to California for weeks, Jake.”

“Why not?” I pouted. “You deserve a break after you’ve worked your ass off the last few years.”

“Yeah, but just because I’m graduating doesn’t mean I can just go galavanting across the country for weeks. I have responsibilities.”

“You mean you have to babysit Edward.” He grumbled.

“I’m not babysitting him. He’s happens to be my boyfriend.” I practically snarled. “I need to be there for him. One of the labs Edward is helping him get a jump on his rotation for patients with terminal illness, Jake. Can you imagine how difficult that's going to be for him to see, considering his focus is pediatrics?"

"No one asked him to be a doctor," Jacob snarked. "He's only going in to this line of work because his father and brother are both doctors. He wants the glory and money. You think he gives a shit about those cancer ridden kids Bella? Please."

I was on my feet with clenched fists. "Fuck you!" I spat in total disgust. "You don't know anything, how dare you say that about him!"

The enjoyable evening was gone just as quickly as it started. Spinning on my heel, I grabbed my bag and sprinted for my truck. I was digging for my phone to call Edward and immediately remembered I hardly ever got good reception out here until I'd started to make my way to the boarder.

Suddenly, I hated La Push.

"When are you going to see him for what he is?" He caught my arm and spun me around. "He a blood sucker, look what he's done to you! I hardly recognize you anymore. Is it the money, are you going to do? Just lay down and be his trophy wife when he gets his hot shot medical career and six figure salary that daddy's already secured for him!" he was screaming in my face. “I thought you were better than that!”

"Get you fucking hands off me!" I slammed his chest with my fists.

"No way, not until you hear me out!"

"I've heard enough," I snarled, fighting back tears. "You've already made your opinion of me perfectly clear." I started to walk away, but he quickly stopped my by tightening his hold on my arm.

"I've been waiting for you to notice me for years, Bella." Jake grumbled in disgust, not bothering to stop. "I wondered if you'd ever wake up from the dream world you're living in with him." I wrenched my arms from his grip.

Opting to stared out over the cresting wave of the ocean, knowing that he wouldn’t let me get away too easily without hearing him rant a little more.

He sighed and tried to get into my line of vision. "He's like a drug for you Bella, can't you see that?"

"I love him."I refused to look at him.

"You don't know any better.” He whispered softly. “You've never given anyone else a chance." He sighed heavily, the sound suddenly turning to a growl of frustration. Before I knew what was happening he yanked me to face him.

“I’ve waited so long, Bella.” Licking his lips he looked deeply into my eyes. "When am I going to get my turn?"

I saw red.

Yanking my arm away from him yet again, this time instead of turning my back on him I stood my ground and glared.

"Your turn for what, exactly?" I spat. "Am I a toy, is that it?" Jacob's eyes widened in realization and he winced. "You're an asshole." I stormed past him.

Dripping wet and freezing, clad in only the modest bikini that covered me, I made it back to my truck without looking back.

I was done. It was a mistake coming here and I should have just listened to myself and Edward.

Edward.

I needed to get out of here immediately. I hoped he was out of his class by now and I could calmly explain what had happened, to him. I was still fuming and I knew only Edward could sooth me now.

As I reached the truck, I fished my keys from the bottom of the bag before flinging it into the back. Before I could open the door and climb in though, something slammed into me hard from the back. Suddenly a pair of strong arms spun me around and hoisted me so quickly, I hadn't know what-or who, hit me.

My eyes widened in shock when Jacob quickly pressed my back into the cab door used his arms to wrap my legs around his waist before smashing his mouth to mine.

shocked at first, it took my mind to work through what the hell had happened. When I could get my brain to make my limbs work, I shoved him in protest, squeezing my lips together and squirming in his grasp. The kiss was forceful, his hands wandered and after my fruitless attempts, I went limp against him after several moments of struggle.

I figured if maybe I stilled against him and didn't return the kiss he was assaulting me with he'd get the hint and stop. However, my plan backfired. Unfortunately for me, he took my stillness as consent and began an enthusiastic dance against my unwilling body. His hands wandered and his hips ground against mine.

I wasn't aroused. If anything, I was more terrified by his behavior than anything. He was much stronger than me and while I knew he would never hurt me or take me against my will like that, a small part of me was terrified that maybe he was capable of that.

After all, I hadn't known him as well as I used to.

My mind drifted to a zoned out uncomfortable place. I knew I should have fought back, tried to get away from him...but I just couldn't make myself move. Everything my father had taught me about self defense flew out of my head in that terrifying moment. Nothing could have prepared me for this moment, I felt weak and ashamed of myself for not being able to make him stop. I was helpless, terrified, and sick to my stomach all at once.

Just as I felt the bile rising to my throat, his kiss started to turn soft and his hands gentle. He kissed me once, twice, three times gently on the corner of my mouth and allowed me to gently sink to the ground from between the prison of his body and my truck.

My equilibrium was starting to come back, my senses clearing and my rage building in its place.

He was looking down at me adoringly, smiling like a love sick fool.

It took all I had to not throw up right in his face.

I should have.

"That was some kiss, Bells.'" Jake smirked and began to lean down to peck my lips again. Only this time, I was ready for him.

Taking my hands, I braced them on his shoulders and poised my knee between his legs. One minute he was smiling down at me, seeming to look happy that I was responding to him and the next his eyes were rolling back in his head in pain as the ball of my knee made a sicken crunch between his legs.

Still bracing him with my left hand on his shoulder, I drew my hand back and slapped his across the face so hard my fingers burned.

He sank to his knees in front of me howling in pain.

"You better get out of town fast." I spat at him as I fought to hold in my tears. "If there's anything left of you when Edward's done with you, my father will finish you off."

I ripped my front door open and rushed into the cab of the truck, starting the engine and peeling out, I wasn't even careful to make sure that I didn’t run him down in my haste.

Once past the town line of Forks, I had to pull over on the side of the road. My entire body was trembling so badly I could barely see straight. With blurred teary eyes, I popped the door of my truck open and stepped out to grab my bag from the bed. Blindly, I felt around for my phone and thanked God for automated speed dial.

"Call Edward. Cell." I choked when the sleek phone asked me to say a command.

It rang several times before it went straight to his voice mail. He must have still been in his class. It must have run late after all. With shaking fingers I ended the call. I couldn’t leave him a message knowing the way my voice sounded. I suddenly realized how bad of an idea it would have been to call him in the first place. He was going to flip out and I didn’t want him driving in a state of mind like that.

So I decided to go to the only place I knew that I would feel safe until Edward called me. After all, I could always have my father call him and say I was at the station, that my truck had broken down. He would be worried, but he’d know I was safe and he wouldn’t have to really worry until I was with him. Until my father could restrain him.

Quickly climbing back in the cab, I started the truck back up and made my way to my father. I knew he was most likely still at the station and not out in the cruiser, so I made my way in that general direction.

Thankfully, I was relieved to find his cruiser parked right out front. I pulled into the small lo, and parked next to him. As I climbed out of the truck, I caught my reflection in the window of his cruiser and gasped.

I looked absolutely horrible. Already, a thick set of bruises were blooming over my arms and thighs. Tears started streaming down my face as I examined myself. I couldn’t go back to the Cullen’s for a change of clothes looking like this and I wouldn’t have anything to cover these marks anyway. Besides, I knew if I continued to drive in my current frame of mind, I was likely to crash. So, I made a quick decision to cover up as best I could. Fishing the only other items I had with me out of my beach bag, my shorts and a pair of sun glasses. I quickly slipped them on so I could walk into the station wearing something a little more covering than bathing suit. Plus, there was no way I could let my father’s deputy’s see my face. I needed to address my father when we were alone in the privacy of his office.

Because he was going to flip the fuck out.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the front door to the station open and made my way to the front desk. Deputy Mark was poised, one foot up on the desk, rocking his chair under him. Two other officers, one I recognized as another deputy; Steve-I think that's what his name was-shot up when I came through the door.

"Bella," Mark greeted me with a happy smile. "This is a nice surprise. He's been crabby all day, maybe your visit will cheer him up." He chuckled hopefully.

Doubt it. I thought as I faked a smile, still hiding behind my glasses.

Hesitating at first, I decided it was best to inform Charlie right away. The longer I waited, the worse the situation would get. I wished Edward were here but knew if he were, Jake wouldn't be much longer.

I'd rather have Charlie kill him, he was more likely to get away with it being the Police Chief.

"Is he busy?" I asked Mark, trying to clear the emotion from my throat. I hoped they hadn't noticed my behavior, but who was I kidding? They're cops, and if they were good at one thing, it was detecting suspicious activity.

Despite the dim lighting in the room, I still hadn't removed my sun glasses and Mark had definitely noticed.

"Chief?" Mark shouted over his shoulder, but kept his eyes on me. He looked wary, almost...protective? I could tell he had a question for me, but he hesitated.

"Yeah," Dad shouted from his office. His mouth sounded half full of food.

"Bella's here." He called back.

"Send her back." I could hear the smile in his voice his mood seemed fine to me. Too bad that was about to change. "Oh, send that file with her."

Mark stood up and stretched his hand out, holding a manila folder to me. I stepped forward and took it from him as he buzzed me through the security door.

Closing it firmly behind me once I passed through, Steve caught my eye.

"You okay, Bella?" He looked worried as his eyes swept over my form.

"Yeah." I replied hoarsely before turning and making my way back to my fathers office.

Charlie was eating a sandwich, hunched over his stone-aged computer, typing with his pointer fingers. If I hadn't been so shaken, I would have laughed.

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and smiled as I stepped through the thresh hold of his office. I knew he wasn’t aware of my emotional climate before he turned his attention back to the screen. I closed the door softly behind me and flipped the file onto his desk.

"I love when you visit me work honey, but next time can you wear a shirt over your bikini top? My men are probably having convulsions out there by now and I hate to have to take out my shot gun." He harrumphed.

As he spoke, I pulled my glasses off and inched my way to his desk. Feeling small and weak, I kept my eyes at my toes and waited for him to notice me.

He looked up at me, smiling as he finished his little rant but it quickly fell from his face when he really looked at me. Before I knew it, he was on his feet in front of me.

"Bella," he looked me up and down as his voice turned into that of a worried father. "What's going on?" he demanded calmly.

I broke down, at the sound of his concern voice. Tears flowed down my cheeks like tiny neverending streams as I cried out unrestrained and collapsed into his arms.

"Dad," I sobbed as he pulled me close.

"Honey?" he held me tightly to him, clearly panicked. I’d shocked him.

Then, suddenly he seemed to regain himself. "What's going on? Did Edward do this to you!"

He was growling, on the verge of screaming. Pulling me back, his hands went to the left side of my ribs and traced an angry mark I'd just now noticed.

"Ouch," I winced when his hands traced along the scrape.

“I kill him!” Charlie roared as he jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"Dad, It wasn't Edward." I cried. “How could you even think that?”

"Then who!" Charlie demand furiously, ignoring my annoyance at his accusation.

“Please calm down.” I asked when I noticed his face turning the shade of ripened tomato. “Dad, you’re going to have a heart attack. Please.” I begged.

“I’ll calm down when you tell me who did this to you.”

Taking a deep shuddering breath, I told him about going to La Push for the afternoon and meeting up with Jake. When I was done, he gone from tomato to eggplant in color.

"Jacob put his hands on you without permission?" he snarled.

"Yes, but dad, I don't think he thought he didn't have my permission-" I tried to reason. Not that I begged for Jacobs sake. I didn’t want my father to go to jail for murder.

Charlie cut me off. "Did he force himself on you without your permission Bella?" I knew what he was asking. He knew I wasn't stupid, that if it was just a simple kiss it wouldn't have had me this shaken. Wouldn't have left my skin covered in bruises and little red abrasions.

"Dad, I'm sorry-" I started to tell him, because I truly was. Billy Black was his best friend and the Jake we used to know was a great kid.

I don't know what had happened, but I knew that this would change everything between our families.

"Mark, Steve!" Dad bellowed before turning back to me he asked, "Did he hurt you? ...he didn't..." he grimaced with discomfort and pure rage.

I knew what he was asking. Silently questioning me about something I had fought hard not to think about. Something that sickened me further and made me shake with fear.

"No." I promised, seeming to ease him only slightly because of my confession. "It was just a really rough kiss...I thought he was going to but I-" I panicked suddenly.

"You what?" Charlie eyed me with concern.

"I-I hit him dad..." I whispered just as Mark and Steve came barreling through his office door.

"Hit him how?" Charlie stared at me, his eyes lighting with a strange sense of pride.

"I-I um, I kneed him between the legs and slapped him really hard." I flexed my fingers as they tingled in memory of the connection. Then I grimaced.

“What?” Dad pressed when he noticed the face I was making.

"Um...in my haste to get out of there...I um...I might have accidentally run him over." I averted my eyes in shame.

Dad eyed me warily for a a moment before he turned his attention to hoist his gun belt from the hook on the wall. He seemed thoughtful for a moment before he spoke.

"Let's hope that for his sake, you killed him with the truck when you escaped." Glaring in a blind rage, he turned to his two senior deputy's. "We've got a situation I need to handle at First Beach boys." The two of them glanced at me before looking back at my dad and nodded.

"Isn't that out of our jurisdiction Chief?" Steve asked warily, before receiving my father’s incredulously icy I'm the chief of police, how dare you question me glare. "Sir," Steve sobered up, turning on his heel with Mark following closely behind.

"Dad," I stammered nervously. "Please don't do anything crazy." I begged.

"Don't you worry about your old man," he replied gruffly before he eyed me carefully like he suddenly remembered something monumentally important. "Where's Edward? Does he know about this?"

"He's still in his class in Seattle."

"Well, that's probably a good thing." Charlie huffed. "You make sure to tell him that I'll handle this. We don't need him ending up in prison for manslaughter." I nodded in agreement.

"I'm just going to go to the Cullen's and wait for him. I was supposed to head back toward Seattle for home, but I don't think I can drive that far by myself."

"Ready to roll chief!" Mark cried out from the front office.

"Okay honey," dad agreed. "Are you okay to drive yourself over there?"

"Yeah," I took a sobering breath. "I'm fine. Just a little shaken up."

Walking out together, dad helped me into my truck and kissed the top of my head. I watched him walk away toward the waiting car. Climbing into the passenger seat of the cruiser before the three of them took off toward La Push.

With a shuddering breath, I started up the trucked and decided to head to Charlie’s first. I remembered that I had a few things there that I could change into. If I walked into the Cullen house looking like this...

I didn't even want to think of it.

I thankfully made it safely to Charlie’s and up to my old room. When I got safely behind the closed door I peeled off the bathing suit and tossed it in the trashcan next to my bed before I started hunting in my chest of drawers for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

From the corner of my eye I spotted Edward's worn down udub sweatshirt resting on the arm of the rocking chair in the corner. Despite the warm weather, a cold ache lanced it’s way through me. Without hesitation, I slipped it over my head and was immediately assaulted with Edward. His clean strong scent rushed to my nose and instantly calmed me.

Gathering my wits, I went to the bathroom to splash cold water over my face and was shocked when I had my first real glance in the mirror. I was a mess, smudged makeup, swollen lips, disheveled hair. If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought I'd spent the afternoon with Edward.

Taking deep breaths, I fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. I ran a comb through my hair and a wet face cloth over my face. Ten minutes later, I was pulling into the driveway, surprised and relieved when I saw Edward's car parked haphazardly in front of the garage door.

Hope surged through me.

He was here.

I checked my phone, puzzled as to why he wouldn't have tried to call me, when I noticed I had a voice mail. Parking the car, I stepped out and walked up to the house whiling dialing to my voicemail to listen to my messages.

There was only one message and it was from Edward.

"Hi love, the professor was running later than he thought and decided to cut the class this afternoon. I'm on my way up to you now. I was thinking maybe we could stay the night and have dinner with the family. Emmett called, apparently he's up with Rose, they have some big news they want to share." I heard him chuckle into the receiver as I stepped up to the front door and let myself in. "I hope you're having a good time with Jacob, I'll see you soon." Before he hang up he whispered smoothly. "I love you, babe."

I felt the anxiety wash away completely when I stepped into the foyer and spotted Edward just beyond the living room out on the deck. He was leaning over the rail, with his palms resting on the top, hunched and tense looking.

Eagerly, I made my way to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Hi," I snuggled into his back, burring my nose against the fabric of his shirt. All of my fears washed away.

That was, until he completely stiffened under my touch.

"Edward?" I pulled back and touched his shoulder. He wouldn’t even look at me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Edward growled at me. The force of his voice made me leap back, startled with shock. He never spoke with the tone to me. Ever.

"Edward?" I squinted my eyes in confusion.

"Get. Out." He rumbled.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked in a shaky voice.

His answering chuckle was dark and sinister. "What's going on?" He wheeled on me, eyes blazing and red with previously shed tears. "That's what I should be asking you!" he roared. "Did you think that I wouldn't find out, that you could fuck around behind my back and I wouldn't find out!" his voice rose with each syllable.

"What are you talking about!" I took a step toward him.

"I. Saw. You." He punched out each word, little bits of spit flew from his mouth as he spoke. I'd never seen him so angry.

"Saw me? Saw me what!" My fear rose with each breath I took.

"I went to First Beach looking for you, Bella. What do you think I saw?" He snarled condescendingly.

"You were there!" I shrieked with surprise.

If he had been there, why didn't he help me! Before I could ask him that exact same question he was towering over me menacingly.

"Yeah, and its a good thing too isn't it?" Edward snapped at me through clenched teeth. "I was coming to surprise you, looks like I was the one who was surprised."

"Edward I-"

"Save your breath. We're done." With that he turned and pushed off the banister and made his way down the steps to the back yard. Twilight was swiftly rising in the distance. I glanced at the sun, still setting cast a pale orange glow around us was aiding me in making it possible for me to follow after him without falling but not without tripping all over myself as I went.

"So that's it?" I shouted after him. "Just like that, we're done? I don't get to say anything?"

His pace picked up and I followed him as he practically sprinted toward a thick river bank that flowed through the far side of the back yard.

"Nope." He snapped from over his shoulder. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You lost your chance the second you wrapped your legs around Jacob Black like a boa constrictor and sucked his tongue down your throat."

"I did not-"

"Really!" he wheeled on me suddenly, eyes blazing with hurt and fury. "You're going to stand there and try to tell me I didn't see the two of you hot and heavy against your truck?" He looked me up and down for a moment. "Looks like you went home to change too. Did you need to wash his smell off your body?" he took a menacing step toward me that had me forced to take one step back in response. I’d never seen him more menacing in my life.

“I hope it was good," he asked softly, before taunting. "Is his cock as big as mine Bella, did you let him fill you up with it?"

I chocked back a sob and swung my open palm into his face so hard, I thought my fingers were broken. "How dare you." I sobbed once as my fingers burned. "You have no idea-"

But I couldn't finish the sentence, because Edward's dark laughter filled the space between us and suddenly he was waving an engagement ring in my face. "You see this?" he'd said seething with anger, his eyes full of hate and tears. "I’ve been trying to find the right moment to propose for weeks. I wanted to make it perfect for you!” I gasped in shock as tears began to tumble from my eyes.

"At least now I know the truth about you. At least I found out the truth behind yours and Jacob's true relationship." he continued to snarl. "And this," He held the ring up to my face, pinched between his pointer and thumb, "...will never be yours." He squeezed it tightly in an angry fist sneering at me like I was the most disgusting thing he had ever laid eyes on.

“Edward, please, just let me explain.” I blubbered, reaching out to him.

“SHUT UP!” He screamed, making me jump.

His eyes suddenly turned impossibly more animalistic as he turned on the tree line and flung the ring with all of his strength. I watched in horror as the ring glittered in the pale moonlight and sailed through the air sharply, before vanishing into the woods without a trace.

His back bunched like a lion ready to pounce. "I want you off my family's property." His velvet voice snarled softly.

"Edward...please, don't do this,"

"I don't want to hear it Bella." His voice was suddenly aged hundreds of years as he answered calmly. "Get out."

"You won't even hear me-"

"GET OUT!" He turned and faced me. His eyes wide with rage as he looked at me with disgust. "GET THE FUCK OUT!” He took one menacing stomp toward me as he roared a final “LEAVE!"

I stumbled back from him, shocked by his behavior and afraid.

I knew how it must have looked to him, that he must have been so angry and upset by what he'd seen that he wasn't thinking rationally. As I stumbled away from him and out of the yard with tears blinding me, I imagined how I would have felt walking in on Edward in a similar situation.

My heart twisted in my chest and my stomach lurched. As I climbed into the truck I began violently dry heaving through my sobs.

By some miracle, I managed to start up the truck.

As I pulled away through the jungle of ferns I noticed Esme's Mercedes was snaking its way toward me. I feverishly wiped at my eyes and pushed the pedal to my ancient truck to the floor. Making it sputter and backfire loudly from the sudden abuse. I noticed she had begun to roll down the drivers side window, probably thinking I would stop and chat for a moment...maybe find out where I was going since Edward had already told her we'd be staying the night.

I didn't slow down or stop, I didn't roll down my window. I didn't even glance in her direction with a smile as I passed. I just forced my foot harder to the floor and sped out of there like a bat out of hell.

Chapter 1. The Shock of My Life

2011-08-10T16:03:00.000-04:00

Play list: In my arms - Plumb

What You Least Expected

Chapter 1. The Shock of my life.

Isabella Swan

Several Months Later...

"One more big push Bella." Dr. Ross said in a soothing encouraging voice.

I panted in shallow breaths as I tried to curve my chest in and push with all my strength.

"That's it honey,” he chanted. “Push, push, push, push!"

I pushed with all my might and let out a strangled cry as the contraction passed and I collapsed back onto the bed.

At my side, the wired haired red headed nurse dabbed my forehead with a cool face cloth. "You're doing great sweat heart." She soothed. Glancing over to monitors, she smiled softly and helped me back into the curved little squat as another contraction built up. "You can do this honey.” She encouraged, sensing my utter exhaustion. “Give us one more big push. I want to see that beautiful baby!"

They were the words I needed to hear. With my fist balled up and grasping the sweaty hospital gown that clung to my clammy body, I gritted my teeth and with every ounce of energy I had, I pushed.

Then, it was like everything had slowed down. The room was suddenly silent and all time seemed to stop just before the most beautiful sound filled the room.

The soft wails of a baby.

My baby.

"It's a boy!" cried Dr. Ross proudly as he placed my whimpering son to my chest.

The nurse quickly rubbing him down with a fluffy white towel before wrapping it around him. She smiled warmly at me when my eyes flicked to her and then back my baby.

The cries that had been just filling the room had silence into a little whimper as my hand weakly reached up to hold him to me securely. For a moment I just closed my eyes and breathed out in relief. For one moment I allowed happiness to surge through my body and fill me with joy. When I felt him wiggle a little against me, I opened my eyes to see him safe against my chest, breathing steadily, black little eyes staring up at me.

Tears filled my eyes as I gazed down at my son.

I had a son.

"Wait a minute," Dr. Ross said suddenly, eying the nurse with a quizical look on his face.

She quickly scooped up my son and wrapped him in some clean blankets, shuffling him off to another nurse who proceeded to clean him up.

"Bella, it seems someone was hiding out behind their big brother." Dr. Ross mused.

"What?" I asked in complete exhaustion and disbelief.

"Bella, I’m going to need you to give me another few strong pushes."

Was he serious? I didn't have any energy for that.

As if noticing my dilemma, Dr. Ross snapped to action and nodded to the red headed nurse beside me.

Before I could even consider his words any further, the red headed nurse slipped behind me and took my hands in hers. “You can do this, honey.”

With her support, I grunted, panted, and pushed until I heard the shrieking wails of another child's cry fill the room. These cries were much different from that of my sons. They were piercing in volume and never ending in sound.

"My, my, my!” Doctor Ross chuckled in amazement. “Congratulations, Bella. It seems you have a daughter as well."

I blanched, trying to wrap my mind around all of this.

Two babies.

Two babies?

How had he not caught that in the half dozens of ultrasounds I’d had?

I watched as Doctor Ross worked quickly to cut the cord before he leaned toward me with my little girl with a bright smile. “Surprise mommy.” He said as he placed the small shrieking baby on my chest.

All I could do was let out a choked laugh as the tears ran hot down my cheeks.

“Hi sweetheart,” I cooed as I reached out to touch her goo covered head. Her wails still hadn’t let up despite my attempt at soothing her.

Doctor Ross laughed as he draped a white towel over her. “She’s got a good little set of lungs.”

The same nurse that had first taken my son came and quickly scooped her off my chest a moment later.

“Let me get her cleaned up, mommy.” She smiled brightly, but a small frown touched her face as her eyes met Doctor Ross’s. It wasn’t hard to miss their exchange. Months ago, I had been a master at deciphering facial expressions and silent conversations.

“Now there’s just one more thing to take care of.” Doctor Ross resumed his place back at me feet. “Just relax and give me a small push, Bella.”

With very little effort on my part, the placenta’s were birthed.

“Had you decided on cord blood banking?” Doctor Ross asked.

I shook my head. “I wish I could, but I just can’t afford the extra expense.”

“There are programs to make it affordable.” Doctor Ross pressed. “It’s a very good investment.”

“I know that it is. I wish I had the extra income to have the ability to invest.The payments are just too high for me to take on by myself.”

Doctor Ross seemed thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll have it billed through my office. You can pay me back what you can, when you can.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.” I shook my head. “It’s too generous.”

“It isn’t.” Doctor Ross smiled. “You’re my patient, Isabella and I look out for my patient’s best interests. Money shouldn’t be an object when it come to the health and security of your family.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, though I knew what he was saying was right, it still didn’t feel right to take his generous offer.

“Doctor?” The nurse handling my daughter called to Doctor Ross.

I watched as he moved toward the corner of the room to speak with the nurse. A few second later he began his own examination of her little fragile body. I listen as she still fussed, her cries turned to sad little whimpers that broke my heart.

I’d never thought I’d be maternal. Actually, I was worried that would be just the case. Motherhood didn’t always come naturally to everyone. That was something I had learned the hard way from my own mother.

I watched Doctor Ross intently as he continued looking my little girl over. When he was finished he very carefully scooped her up in his arms and patted her back. I had thought he was going to bring her to me, but time seemed to be at a standstill as I waited for him to place her in my arms.

It never happened.

A few seconds later, another nurse in a blue surgical gown came into the room wheeling a small plastic incubator with her.

Panic quickly replaced my elation as I frantically looked toward the nurse who was looking over my son. I watched as she bypassed my son and his nurse and came straight to Dr. Ross with her arms extended.

He wasted no time in handing my daughter over.

"What’s going on?” I demanded, watching the scene unfold in front of me.

The nurse quickly swaddled my daughter and secured her in the little plastic bed without another word. “Is she all right?" I demanded breathlessly, panicked and exhausted.

I couldn't even think straight. It felt like my already broken heart was shattering.

"Relax Bella," Doctor Ross came to my bedside and patted my leg soothingly. "She's a little small and I want to be sure she's well developed. As a precaution I'd like to put her in the NICU for a few days and run some tests. Just until were sure everything’s as it should be."

His words did not sooth me. I had just began to accept that fact that I would be a single mother, and now I was sprung with the surprise of a second child to care for. Not just that either, there also might be something wrong with my surprise daughter. This was quickly becoming more than I cold handle.

I felt my eyes glass over with tears anew.

As my emotions escalated into soft sobs, I wiped a few tears away as they trailed down my cheeks.

Doctor Ross wrapped his arms around me in comfort. “It’s okay, Bella. I promise that this is just a precaution.” He releases me and gently touches my cheek with a small smile. “I’ll be back by to check up on you a little later. Get some rest.” With that, he turned and left the room following the retreating nurse towing my daughter away.

My head practically spun with all my thoughts. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do. I’d barely known when I knew I was having just one baby. Now I had twins.

"You did wonderful sweetie." The red headed nurse cooed, breaking up my inner tumultuous thoughts. "I'm going to go grab you a few warm blankets. Can I bring you anything, can I call someone for you?”

“There’s no one.” I shock my head as my eyes filled with more tears. “Just my dad and I’ve already called him. He should be here soon.”

“There isn’t anyone else?” Her eyes softened as she watched me carefully.

“No.” My voice broke on the word. “Not anymore.”

A tender expression flittered across her face as she reached her hand out to settle on my shoulder in comfort. She looked like there was more she wanted to say, but wisely refrained.

“Do you want something to eat?" She smiled and I nodded slowly, trying to regain my emotions. "I'll be right back." She said before slipping out the door.

The nurse that was attending to my son had him all wrapped up and clean, she smiled warmly at me as she approached me slowly and placed my son in my arms. "You sure make beautiful babies." She smiled as she handed him off.

"Thank you." I felt the old signs of a blush creep across my cheeks. Carfully, like he was made of the most fragile glass, I took my son in my arms and held him for the first time.

Looking down at him, our eyes locked for only a moment. The single second was all it took for our bond to be solidified. Slowly, his goop covered eyes blinked and he let out a huge yawn for such a small guy.

I couldn’t help the giggle that burst from my lungs with such joy and elation.

"Hi buddy," I cooed as our eyes met again.

The nurse, who was still hovering over me looked down at us and smiled.

"He's got a gorgeous full head of hair," She gushed. "Have you decided on a name for him yet?"

As she spoke I studied his little features; touched his face and just memorized him. Completely lost in my own world, I pulled back the thin blue cotton cap and gasped.

There, in familiar disarray was shade of unmistakeable deep brown, coppery hair.

I prepared myself for this.

I tried to remind myself. I tried to keep calm and cool as I continued to stare.

I knew there was a possibility he might look like his father.

I just hoped…that...

Well, I don't know what I hoped for.

I stared down at my son, finally seeing how much resemblance he bared to the man I still loved but no longer held.

"Anthony," I said quickly as a new wave of emotion broke over me like a tidal wave. "His name is Anthony Edward Cullen."

I looked down at him, slowly stroking my fingers over his cubby cheeks and plump pink lips.

Tears gushed down my cheeks faster than they ever had before as I looked at him, thinking the only thing that I could in that moment as I stared at the product of a love I thought would last forever.

For me, it would.

I should have better prepared myself. I should have scribbled every possible scenario down.

The fact was, nothing could have prepared me for this.

“He’s going to be a little heartbreaker.” The nurse crooned in awe. “Have you noticed those green eyes?” Her tone rose with excited astonishment. “I’ve never seen eyes so green in a person, especially a newborn baby.”

I could only nod as I kept my eyes locked on Anthony. I didn’t trust myself to do anything else, because I had seen eyes this green before. They were painted behind my lids every time I closed my eyes. They followed me in every reflection I passed.

A steady trail of tears washed over my cheeks.

“You must be bushed, dear.” The nurse soothed, misinterpreting my duress. “Why don’t you let me take Anthony down to the nursery so you can get some rest? You should take advantage while you have the opportunity.” She smiled softly down to me.

I nodded in agreement after I thought about her advise. When she reached for him though, I pulled away slightly.

“Not yet.” I spoke softly, reigning in my emotions. I wasn’t ready to let him go just yet.

She smiled knowingly down at me. “I’ll just go secure his spot in the nursery and come back in a few minutes with his crib.”

“Thank you.” I managed, before she was walking out the door.

When the door was closed and we were shut in the room, alone and together. I allowed myself to really focus completely on the small bundle wrapped securely in my arms.

He’s beautiful. So, so beautiful.

Just like Edward.

“Hi.” I sniffled through. “I’m your momma.”

Reaching up, I stroked my fingers over his petal soft lips.

“I’ve waited for you for a while now,” I smiled down at him, as I spoke tears trickled down my cheeks. “I didn’t know you were hiding your sister, though. I hope this isn’t just the makings of your first of many team ups against me in the future.”

Through the gooey jelly that coated his eyes, he looked up at me blinking and silent.

“You know,” I cooed sweetly to him. “The truth is, you were a surprise too. A good surprise once I allowed myself to let it sink in.” Frowning, I pushed the uneasy feeling from my stomach. “We’ll be okay, though. As long as we agree right now that you’ll continue to behave like the angel your acting like right now. Make sure you have this pep talk with your sister later, too.” I smiled, but it was short lived.

I sighed suddenly with frustration.

“We’ll need to think of a name for your sister, you know.”

I hadn’t even considered girls names while I had narrowed down my list. I knew I was having a boy, so there wasn’t a need to even dwell on it.

“It’ll have to be special.” I lamented. “Something as unique as she is.”

I sat silently, just staring down at Anthony as he continued to blink up at me. His curious eyes were always locked on mine, as we stared at each other. It might have been a little disturbing, having my son watching me so intently...the way his eyes pierced my soul was so familiar....so natural. It was the same way Edward used to stare at me.

In that flash of acknowledgement, I suddenly realized how much like Edward he was beginning to reveal himself to be. And while I tried to remind myself that it was okay, that I could handle it, I wasn’t sure I could. I hadn’t prepared for this. I don’t think I could have ever prepared myself for this.

With pain back fresh in the fissure that we re-cracking my chest, I swallowed hard and pushed it down.

I had a responsibly. I was responsible for someone else now. Two someone else’s.

I had to push everything else away now, focus on my babies. There would time for me to deal with my grief -- my fear, later.

“Well,” I sighed. “Looks like your stuck with me.” His doe eyes blinked up at me. “I’ll give you everything I’ve got to give, little man.” I promised. “But you’re going to have to be patient with me. I might not always be easy, but you should know, that everything I do will always be because I love you.” Tears came hard and fast then, unrestrained and unstoppable.

“I love you, so much.” I told him softly as tears dripped down my chin. “I love you, and I’m never going to give up on you.”

Prologue

2010-02-11T17:08:00.003-05:00

What You Least Expected
-Prologue-

Isabella Swan

I couldn’t imagine a more perfect ending to a more beautiful day.

The night sky was clear and ebony as I lay in Edwards arms under a blanket of of gorgeous stars. In the near distance, waves struck the sandy shore rhythmically, bringing us a tranquility and peace. The ambiance surrounding us was pristine and full of a passion that could have burned the surrounding palms to the ground.

I wouldn’t have noticed.

Edwards fingered the thin string of my bikini against my back, toying with the knot that held the garment together. His fingers ghosted and soothed over my skin, sending electric current shooting up and down my spine. Every nerve ending in my body felt squeezed under the pressure of his soft, tantalizing hands.
I could feel his love in my soul, sinking deep into the pit of my being and burring itself deeply within me.

I was completely consumed by him. So much so, that with out him, I wasn't sure if I felt alive.

It had frightened me when we were younger; our devotion to one another was instant and unavoidable. Despite my best efforts to stay away from him, the electric tug wouldn’t allow it. We were drawn to each other from the start, like the electrons of an atom; we were bound by electromagnetic force. You couldn’t cut us apart, we were indivisible.

I nuzzled my face into his bare chest, littering the sun kissed skin I found there with hungry, wet kisses. The taste of him when straight to my head, sweet candy flavored skin, musky with the heady scent of Edward’s masculinity. I flicked my tongue over his hardened peak, just under and then over the puckered pink flesh. I closed my mouth over his sensitive bud, sucking away the taste of salt water left over from our midnight swim and tearing a soft moan from his lips.
Feeling a little adventurous, I swirled my tongue over him again. Sucking hard, I nipped my teeth against him and pulled the taut flesh with me as I moved my head away. A startled sharp breath escaped his lip as he gripped me to him, digging his fingers into the soft skin of my curved back.

“Baby,” he moaned.

“Mm…” I hummed, continuing my relentless torture.

His fingers loosened and continued the gentle exploration, taunting and teasing me. I loved the way his body coiled under my hands; he was always so responsive and eager. With each pass of my tongue he grew restless and more wanton, shifting his body just so. I knew him so well. I wanted to giggle at his imprudent discretion, willing me to lower further down the length of his body. His hips rocked forward, trusting his obvious hardening length toward my waiting mouth with careful precision. Even in asking for oral sex, he was a gentleman to the core. Never forceful, but gently suggestive and polite non-the-less.

“What baby?” I asked with sickeningly sweet innocents, batting my eyelashes up at him. “Do you want something?” he grunted, thrusting his hips in coupled response.

His eyes never left the movements of my mouth as I worked the flat of my tongue over his toned chest, drawing it over and down the center. When I reached his navel, I dipped inside, nipping at the rim of flesh. He groaned audibly, a deep sound coming from the back of his throat that made me smile.
I continued peppering soft kisses and fevered nips over his eager flesh. The feeling of his abdominal muscles tensing under my lips sent a surge of power through me.

Doubling my efforts, I trailed the sharp of my teeth down his happy trail. Placing a soft tempting kiss right above the waist of his board shorts, I trailed the tips of my fingers along his sides. With insane control, I ghosted my hands against his abdomen; I teased him with my mouth using hot, moist breath and tiny nips.

The delicious sounds he made only spurred me on as I continued to work him up into frenzy.

He loved every second of it too.

I repositioned myself to lie between his legs, causing the swell of my breasts to press against him. I could feel his hard cock pressed into my cleavage, our skin only separated by the thin boundary of his board shorts. His eyes were hooded and dark as he stared over his own body, focusing on my position between his parted thighs.

“Let’s head inside,” he jerked his hips forward, rocking his barrier covered cock between my tits.

“Mm…” I moaned, shifting and rubbing myself roughly over him. “It’s a beautiful night; let’s just stay right here, under the stars...” My eyes flashed up to the glorious heavens that sparkled above us.

“The view is just as beautiful from our bungalow, love…." He frowned as his eyes scanned my body. "It’s starting to get chilly out here.” In response, his fingers reached out to me, trailing warmth over my dampened skin, cool from the water and gentle breeze coming in off the shore.

“All right,” I agreed in defeat. However, my downtrodden reply didn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s that face for?” he pouted back.

“Nothing,” I sulked. Pushing myself up, I leaned back to rest on my haunches as I brushed the gritty sand stuck to my thighs and belly.

Distracted, I tipped my head back to stare up at the sparkling night sky, taken away by the beauty. I never wanted to leave this perfect, beautiful island resort. This week had been the best of my life - and that was really saying something, considering how wonderful life had been for me since Edward had come into it.

He was right though, it was starting to get chilly. It's just that, I couldn’t have cared less. We were here together - our forth day on this private sandy slice of heaven. Edward had rented us the honeymoon bungalow, and while I objected at first over the obvious extra expense, I couldn’t have been more accepting of the idea now. No one was around on this side of the island; the Southern Cross Club resort on Little Cayman was exclusive. Another plus to this all inclusive resort had been the limited number of people inhabiting it. Twelve beachfront cottages lined the nine hundred foot beach and out of the twelve, only three were inhabited so far.

The honeymoon beach bungalow is located on the eastern edge of Little Cayman, granting us absolute privacy. The bungalow itself was a spacious, open concept floor plan; complete with a king size bed and billowing mosquito net curtains that fluttered in the sliest breeze. Our private verandah that over looked the South Hole Sound and uninhabited Owen Island provided us with breathtaking views during our meals. Just this morning after breakfast, Edward and I enjoyed a relaxing nap nestled in each others arms on the plush daybed.

He woke me mid-day with his skillful tongue….I could die happy here without a single complaint.

Thinking about this morning only fueled my naughty thoughts; I wanted him to take me. Here, now, on this very beach. At this very moment. I wanted to writhe above him under these stars. I needed to feel the contrast of the cool breeze caressing my overheated skin as I sank onto his hardened cock and rocked our hips together. I wanted to hear the waves crashing on the shore as we carried each other through a blissful climax. Just the thought of that sort of PDA had warmth creeping in my belly.

“What, baby?” he whispered, sitting up slightly to capture a lock of my hair that floated in the breeze. He tucked it behind my ear, placing a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth, before leaning back on his elbows.

“It’s nothing,” I replied. “…we can go in if you’re ready.”

“Uh-uh." His tongue clicked. "You aren’t getting off that easily, you should know better than that by now.” He chuckled. “Won’t you tell me?” he sat up, this time taking my hand in his.

His eyes stayed locked with mine as he drew my hand up to his mouth, wrapping his lips around my center knuckle. I felt his tongue glide over the skin, sending shock waves through the bone; he sucked gently and pulled away.

“Keep that up, and I will be getting off.” I quipped with a stupid smirk.

“Oh yeah?” he drawled, leaning forward to capture my lips with his.

This kiss started out innocent but slowly grew more wanton by the second. I shifted to my knees, pushing Edward back as I crawled over his lap and settled there. He groaned into my mouth as I continued to assault him with my tongue, his hips thrust up, brushing his firm length into my bathing suit covered sex. It was my turn to groan, answering him with a roll of my hips, I pressed down roughly and sank my teeth into his lower lip.

“Jesus,” he moaned out, grabbing my hips and repeating the action with even more force. My hands went into his hair, tugging the strands between my fingers and scratching his scalp with my nails as I pulled. When he started to gather me closer to him, making a motion to stand, I stopped him.

“No,” I pleaded. “I want it. Now. Right here.” I pleaded breathlessly. "Please?"

I pulled back to look at his face, his eyes were dark and hooded and the loudest sound was his heavy panting. All of my senses were trained on him; I couldn’t even hear the waves lapping the shore or the thud of my own heart. He captivated me in every way someone could be. I tried to gauge his expression and immediately noticed the apprehension coloring his face. “No one is around,” I reasoned quickly. “…please?” I begged.

At his growing silence, I suddenly felt ashamed. Without conscious thought, my teeth sank into my lower lip as my eyes slipped to my lap. I was such a fool.

Then he sighed and pulled me close to his chest to press his lips to my hair. I breathed out, almost in exasperation, feeling foolish for having even asked in the first place. I had a feeling he wouldn’t go for it, but it didn’t hurt to ask right?

No, I had nothing to be ashamed of! There was no one around! When would we ever have an opportunity like this again? Everything was so romantic - so, perfect.

Before I could start to plead my case, Edward’s fingers trailed up my spine feather light, stopping at the knot of my bikini top. “Okay,” he whispered into my hair, just before he tugged the fabric slowly, releasing the knot.

In one motion he pulled the small top over my head and tossed it away on the sand. Elation filled my body and soul. I whimpered as his hands roughly traveled up and down my back, one pulling me close and crushing our bare chests together, the other wrapped tightly in the hair at the base of my scalp. He angled my face to his, causing his mouth to work mine with the most advantage.

Trembling and whimpering under his hands, I rolled my hips into his for friction and relief of my growing ache. While his left hand remained buried in my hair, his right maneuvered down my waist to the knot on my hip, he hesitated -- teasing me for a moment I think, before twisting the string around his fingers. He gave a tiny tug, but didn’t release the knot.

“Please,” I begged, grinding myself onto his erection. Apparently I wasn't above begging. “I just want to bury you inside of me,” I whimpered, “…please Edward.”

A deep primal growl reverberated from his chest and suddenly, both of his hands were on my hips. With roughness I didn’t think he possessed, he tore the bikini bottoms from me and tossed the ruined material away. I gasped sharply, shocked from both his actions and the cool breeze that caressed my now soaking, heated core.

“You okay?” he asked absently, pulling from my mouth for only a moment, before diving back into the kiss.

“Yes,” I replied quickly, between heated kisses. "...more" His tongue dipped and swirled. "….than okay.”

“Good,” I felt his smile against my mouth. “…because you asked for this.”

“I did,” I smiled back in agreement, arching my naked chest into him. “…actually, I begged.”

“Mm…” he groaned, with roaming hands that pinched and caressing my body. I threw my head back, causing his lips to trail my throat. Slowly, his head dipped down and littered my chest with hot wet kisses, quickly driving me out of my mind and pushing my body to the edge.

It still amazed me that after all these years; just his mouth could bring me to teetering at the very edge of an orgasm.

“Yes…” I hissed, when his mouth capture my sensitive nipple. His fingers trailed down my belly and over my mound, reaching and teasing until they found my sensitive bud.

With a single, firm sweep of his fingers, he caressed my clit and plunged inside me. The motion was so quick and unexpected that I came completely undone. My entire body shuddered as he worked his fingers inside, prolonging my orgasm as I rode the waves of pleasure. “Yes!” I moaned. “Oh God, Edward…” I writhed, panting and satisfied, wiggling in his lap as he wrung the tension from my body.

He chuckled softly, kissing the corner of my jaw. “I love you, honey.”

“I love you, too.” I sighed happily, completely spent and almost totally sated.

Almost....

Trailing my fingers down his chest, I roughly caressed him and broke a moan from his throat. I loved how he moved and twitched under my hands. The feeling was so sensual and raw; I hoped I always had this effect on him.

Nudging his jaw with my mouth, I tilted his head back and sucked the sensitive flesh just under his ear, into my mouth. My hands continued to roam, moving swiftly down his chest until they were teasing him again, just under the very edge of his swim trunks. I tugged the ties holding the offensive garment together and the fly fell open, taunting me to dip my hand inside and find my prize.

I wasn’t disappointed either.

He stood at full attention, long, thick, and rock hard. I wrapped my hand around his length at the base, and with one slow smooth stroke, pulled him from the confine of his uncomfortable shorts. A sharp breeze came in off the water and he gasped against me, twitching in my hand. I know, I told him with my movements.

He felt incredible in my hand, throbbing and firm. I could think of but nothing than ways to get him inside of me - and as quickly as possible.

With my lips brushing his, I pumped him with one hand and held him firmly at the base with the other. After of few seconds of my ministrations, I felt him stiffen.

Proud, I doubled my efforts to bring him closer to the edge he was dangerously close to teetering from. Nothing felt better than sinking down on him at just the right moment.

“Bella, don’t move.” He suddenly pleaded through gritted teeth and strained voice.

Taken aback by his request - it was very unlikely for him to be that close to coming already, I Leaned back slightly to arch an eyebrow at him in question.

What I found though, were that his eyes were wide as saucers as he stared at something just over my shoulder.

I was sure all of the color drained from my face in horror. Apparently the beach wasn’t as secluded as I deluded myself into thinking.

“Who is it,” I whispered in mortification, too bashful to face the peeper watching our show.

“Don’t move!” Edward hissed, remaining as still as possible.

“Edward?” I whimpered.

He was starting to scare the hell out of me.

“Bella, look at me.” He whispered softly as I met his panicked eyes. The expression I found there didn’t make me feel any better. “I want you to slowly wrap your arms around me and hold on tight. When I stand up, squeeze your legs around my hips and whatever you do, don’t let go.”

“What, why--” I started to whisper back.

That’s when I heard it. A soft hiss captured my attention and I whipped my head around to look where it had come from.

There, right between Edwards ankles, sat the biggest fucking Iguana I’d ever seen.

Its mouth was cracked open in a menacing grimace, tongue hanging out and looking completely crazed. I was startled by its close proximity, causing me to literally leap further into Edward’s lap. My movement must have distressed the animal, because it suddenly charged at us.

“Holy shit,” Edward screamed, scrambling backward with me in his lap. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and his hands grasped my ass and back as he leapt to his feet. “…hold onto me baby!” Edward shouted.

Quickly turning, he sprinted for our veranda.

I screamed, practically climbing his body to stay safely attached to him. The thing was charging after us faster than I would have thought possible.

“It’s chasing us!” I shrieked, suddenly unable to hold back the laughter bubbling up my throat, as Edward took the porch steps, two and three, at a time.

The two of us -we must have been a sight, me completely nude, wrapped around Edward as he made a mad dash for the porch, with a giant lizard running after us.

It was moments like this I wished someone was around with a video camera.

I had always had award-winning moments of my own over the years, but this one probably would have made a grand prize winners on America's Funniest Home Videos.

Breaking through the doors of our suite, Edward tossed me onto the king sized bed; causing me to land with a bounce and a skid. Quickly, Edward whipped around and closed the glass French doors hastily with a loud crash. With a flick of his wrist, the lock was engaged.

As if the thing were capable of turning the knob..

With his back still to me, he breathed out deeply in relief.

Unable to hold back anylonger, a peel of laughter erupted from my lips, shaking my belly painfully.

Slowly, Edward craned his neck, peeking over his shoulder at me. The expression on his face brought on another round of laughter for me. He smirked, turning to me and sauntering over to the bed, his face devious.

“Something funny, my love?” he asked straight faced.

“No,” I answered with an unladylike snort of laughter. His face causing the laugh to quickly die in my throat, he moved smoothly to the edge of the mattress and pushed the shorts off his hips.

Completely unashamed, he displayed himself for me in all his fine toned and naked glory.

With rapt attention I watched him crawl over the edge of the bed, his muscle flexing and rippling with each move. My thighs grew damp as he hovered over me and settled between my thighs. “That’s the last time I let you talk me into sex on the beach.” He murmured. “I think we need to stick to indoor activities for the remainder of the trip.”

“That sounds very tempting,” I whispered back, breathless and smiling as I felt him hardening against my thigh.

“What are we going to do with you?” he smiled.

What indeed….

“First that big damn bug this morning,” his finger tips lightly caressed the gash below my eye. The little cut was a souvenir left behind by the kamikaze bug on our parasailing adventure this morning. It still throbbed a little, causing me to wince. “…does it still hurt?” Concern radiated from him as he probed the area gently with his fingers.

“No, it’s just a little tender.” I sighed and smiled happily at him. "It's a good thing I've got a bright, talented boyfriend who studying medicine to take care of me."

“Mm…” he placed a kiss lightly to my cut. "My poor baby,” he crooned as he took my face more securely into his hands.

I hummed with relief as he continued to trail kisses delicately over my face. “You'll always be my number one patient." I felt his smile. "How lucky am I to have someone to practice on so often?"

I could stop the smile that spread across my face as I struck his chest with my palms in mock annoyance.

"I'm serious!" He grins. "You're a little danger magnet you know that? We’re just lucky that big fucking lizard out there on the beach didn’t take a chunk out of your fine, pert ass.” He smirked and cocked his head to the side. “What other outrageously sized things do you think you can attract on our trip?”

A grin of absolute delight washed over my face. “I can think of at least one more,” I whispered seductively, reaching between us to grasp his growing length firmly in my hand.

“I think you might be right,” he answered cockily, smiling like a fool.

Suddenly, I felt His fingers at my wet entrance, stroking and petting in the most delicious way imaginable.

“A little full of your self, are we?” I grunted breathlessly, a shutter rocking through my nervous system as his hand moved quickly to position his cock at my entrance.

“Yes,” he answered grittily, and with a sharp thrust of his hips he was quickly filling me in one stroke. His pubic bone bumped mine roughly and I moaned at the sensation, becoming overcome with pleasure.

With each move of his hips, I mimicked the conflicting movement. It wasn’t long before we found a perfect rhythm of pushing and pulling. He filled me, over and over, hitting the back of my cervix with the sharp thrusts. I could feel my climax approaching fast, but I wanted to hold out for him.

He nibbled at my lips, breathlessly. I knew what he was trying to do and God, did I want him to do it. Edward was the king of granting me multiples.

My breathing quickened, causing me to tremble in his arms as he rocked our bodies together.

“Yes…” I cried softly when he began stroking a new spot. “That feels so good…” my appreciation came out in a breathy, needful stuttering whimper.

“Oh fuck…” he growled in return, feeling my wetness increase as I began to tighten around him.

Tossing my head back in ecstasy, I moaned, arching my chest to him as he drove harder and faster into my wet heat. His face dipped down and captured my nipple between his teeth, nibbling and tugging the tight little bud between his lips.

My senses were in overdrive, I wasn’t sure how much longer I would last with him taking such perfect care of me. I was losing control…spiraling toward a shattering orgasm.

“Yes,” he begged, feeling me. “…that’s it.” Suddenly, his hand was reaching. It only took a fraction of a second for his thumb to reach its destination. With practiced perfection, his thumb rubbed against my clit roughly. Sensing what was coming, I acted fast. I wasn’t ready for it to be over so quickly.

Confusing colored his face as I grasping his shoulders and I flipped us roughly over to hover over him. I watched with satisfaction as his face registered the new sensations of our joined pleasure. Fast thinking, I hooked my leg over his hip and I brought the other straight down to anchor my toes to the sole of his foot. The new position allowed me to control our movements and bring him deeper.

"Oh, fuck baby." He suddenly hissed as his eyes rolled out of my view.

The elastic in my belly tightened, but I fought against the sensation, wanting to prolong this ecstasy for as long as possible. Burying my face into his neck in an attempt to regain my control, I began our dance once again.

My hips snapped in time with his, I pulled him in deep before roughly backing him out. His breath was ragged in my ear, while his hands went to my hip, working me on him, harder and faster with each pass.

“Ah…” I cried, continuing to writhe above him, continuing to fight off the impending end. And then, something within him became unhinged. One moment he was letting me lead, and the next he held me firmly and began thrusting his hips wildly into mine. While he held my hips in place, drilling into me over and over, our cries grew louder and louder as we shouted in ecstasy. The noises we made were quickly filling the space, drowning out the sounds of the nearby ocean and the surrounding world, as we came together, over and over.

When the sensation became too much, bringing me dangerously too close, I quickly yanked myself away, changing the angle.

Frustration colored his face with a scowl and huff.

“What’s wrong?” he groaned in disbelief, picking up his pace once more, pinching my hips firmly between his hands so he could hit a special spot inside at this angle. I whimpered and stiffened in his hands, tossing my head back and biting my lip in concentration.

Then, his next words started set off an orgasm that shattered its way through me like a complex spiderweb.

“Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night”

Edward’s soft melodic voice suddenly whispered, causing my eyes to snap to his.

“No…” I whimpered, not wanting this to end so soon. He smirked knowingly, and continued his calculated assault.

“And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,”

I grumbled in frustration, trying to focus on anything but his words and the friction inside of me.

“Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,”

“Mm…” he mumbled, pulling me roughly down to him.

“Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,”

His breathy poetic moan consumed me as he took my breast in his hand, cupping me gently, drawing me into his hungry mouth. My body trembled and I started to come completely unhinged. Capturing me in his arms, he rolled us again, hovering over me, smiling. His lips nibbled mine, licking and sucking. He stilled above me for a moment, looking deeply into my eyes before starting a slow rocking motion with his hips. Each thrust calculated and charged with what felt like electricity. We rocked together slowly, but still just as desperate. The sweat coated our body, sticking us together in tantalizing ways,

“Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,”

“Fuck,” I moaned. Feeling the coil in my belly tighten dangerously, the slow, rhythmic thrust of his hips was beginning to drive me wild with the need for a faster succession. As he leaned down to whisper in my ear, I realized he always knew exactly what he was doing.

“Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.”

With a final thrust of his hips, he hit me deep and calculated. The coil in my belly snapped and bright burst of light blanked me completely out from the world. I grasped his hips roughly, digging my nails into the soft flesh and moving my body wildly against him.

Pleading breathlessly, I begged him with a flutter of my eye lashes. “Not without you,”

A mangled feral growl escaped his lips as he came forcefully, the feel of his hot release filling me up set off another mind blowing orgasm.

He collapsed roughly on top of me, his weight almost crushing, but deliciously so. I could stay like this…die here and be happy.

“I love you, Bella.” He whispered against my dampened breast, softly kissing the flesh.

My fingers played soothingly in his dampened hair, as we came down from our high. It was the happiest I’d ever felt and I hopped we could hold the feelings forever.

“I love you, too…” I replied. “…always. I love you, so much, baby.” Smiling against his dampened tickling hair.

The electricity between us thrummed like the sweetest of lullabies, exhaustion quickly took over as the sensation that had awakened our flesh slowly slipped away. Blissfully content, I wrapped my arms around his as they cradled me against him. It wasn't long before we fell into a peaceful rest, one unknowing of the future we would face together, and apart.

I hadn’t known then, that like the atom, we could be destroyed, divided from the inside.

When we were broken down, we became unstable. We could become ugly and fall apart, the magnetism would never be lost but it could loose our magnetic property, and eventually we would decay….and drift.

We would divide. Split.

We would no longer be extraordinary together, I'd be ordinary.

Ordinary and Alone....but maybe not for long.