What you perceive is what you get

Every Ending is Some Other Beginning End

2026-05-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

9 Years later -

I go from writing in a blog to living live to now looking back at the things that made me feel grounded.

Life and time feel like funny constructs in which we figure out if we're 'successful'.

The last near decade has defined success in a myriad of ways. Daily goals hit? Weekly? Monthly? Have we earned more money? Has it solved any problems? Does it solve the problems of the heart? Does this thing make me happy or does the time spent with it change how one feels?

So does being successful look like a number in an account or being able to reflect a life full of emotion - got to be able to do it all in this day and age. My ancestors didn't have the internet so how am I capitalizing on it - or living up to my full capabilities. I do believe to a certain extent one can have most of this. So in the vein of analyzing full potential was makes ones potential achievable? What markers do we look at?

Am I looking for something specific or just getting caught in the whirlwind of details - chasing the validation of what someone else is going to point to as a proven method of creating a better life. So many quotes and stories and examples of living as an experience. Its curious on how we relate to each other and how we choose to interact.

I guess the real question is anything ever 100% ready? Or are we all just doing what we can with what is in front of us.

I'll defer to your point of view.

Life has a never ending flow

2016-08-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

Good evening,

This letter is an impromptu one and I have an image in my head as per what this may entail but I'm going to let the words lead me.

On that note lets do this,

I have been a man of many a different focus. I have focused on school while maintaining a full time job. I have focused on relationships where I needed to focus on myself. I've focused on my career when I need to focus on where my future is really going to be.

I find myself a busy man by choice. I think that many people can relate to choosing their prison in that they with only really own up to the parts that they like about it. We like to define ourselves in what we do and what we are passionate about but is it really those things that make us unique?

I find that as I traverse this road that I'm first and foremost a teacher in my worldview. I believe with everything I can give that we all have something to give each other. We may not agree and we may not see eye to eye but that experience really gives way to new ways of thinking and new ways of problem solving.

I'm going to back up here and really give you some perception here(I know clever based upon my blog whatnot). I've recently been though an interesting year in which I've had to re-identify who I am and what I'm about. I changed jobs, I couldn't look away from my past, I had to look at my future and where I want to be. I've recently been listening to "The Urban Monk", by Pedram Shojai, who is apparently the founder of well.org Each chapter was broken up into a problem and how to solve it with a mix of eastern traditional and western tech practices. As someone who wants to be better for myself and those around me I found myself listening to this intently on my ride to and from work. The book is fantastic in getting to look at things in more of a grand scheme of things. I can't express overall how much it seemed to hit many a nail on the head and made me wonder why I don't do more for myself and those around me. I'm not talking about the charity sort but really taking care of yourself so you can contribute to those around you. Finding a baseline is important and more important than we can really see ourselves with.

So in listening to this book I find that I'm not interested in the same old crap that I've been doing. I want to change my life in a better way. I want to be better and create on a fundamental level.

We live in a magical age. We can reach people across the globe and relate in a way that we have never had the opportunity to do before. We can record our ideas and instantly share them with those we love and hate. We can express ourselves with art, language and digital sharing that no other age has had the opportunity to do so. We have so much information that we cannot even begin to sort through it.

I want to be loved and accepted as much as the next person. I want to contribute to those around me and the success that they might find in their lives. I want the best of those around me but barely do the right thing by myself. I've been told that "I'm not selfish enough" - I don't even know what this means. Are you selfish? Do you think you do enough for you?

I have many a motivated goals, I want to be successful where I am, I want to lead people to a better life, I want to own a business, I want to create a community around common interests, I want to invest in myself, I want to be the example that other will strive towards, I want to connect people to solve each others problems, I want to encourage positive and strong growth.

I look at that paragraph and think that everyone must be able to identify with some of those goals. Maybe they identify with all of those goals. Maybe not.

I want to bend like a reed in the wind.

Maybe the greatest of thoughts are those in between, the moments we currently live and the energy we put into them. Now is where all the power I will ever have exists and from instant to instant I can only look forward and backward.

Perhaps the never ending flow is like that, Always looking at what has and what will be.

AI for games & simulations

2014-09-17T17:02:00.003-07:00

I've recently begun my latest class into the foray of learning how to 'game develop' and the name of the class really brings a lot of bigger questions to mind. It is a little mind boggling how we can take math and create and the more I learn the more I don't understand.

So get this:

When developing an AI in a game most gamers (people whom have played games) can tell you when something is being stupid (not working as intended - or is it?) and can tell you when the AI is too smart for its own good ( working as intended - or is it?!). Now when we look at creating an AI within a game we need someway to help the AI decide what its next action will be. This is where it gets interesting.

An AI will take external and internal knowledge and it will follow through to make a decision - typically by a FSM(finite state machine) - and then it will see assess the next decision based upon what has changed due to its actions.

Now think for a second - this describes the natural process of interaction for just about every living creature! If hungry then seek food, found food then seek shelter, found shelter seek warmth. We are magicians in our own right and its crazy the kinds of things that technology will bring us in the future!

The Internet and my Education

2014-08-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

If you had asked me when I graduated high school if I would be completing my college education through an online school like DeVry - I would've thought you were crazy. However I never thought that without this giant tool called the internet would allow me to learn so much from the chair in front of my computer.

When I began my search for higher education, I knew that I wouldn't be able to take time away from work in order to pursue my goals. I would already be taking out loans to get college squared away, how much more for living? The fascinating part about looking for schools that would provide online classes is that there is such a wide breadth of them out there. From schools that required physical books in your hands, to ones that touted that they could be accessed from any tablet, which wasn't as popular an option 4 years ago.

All of these options from a single internet connection!! I had never felt so overwhelmed and excited by the possibilities in front of me. The choices I would make next would change the course of my life. I actually have one particular person to thank for assisting me in sorting through how I saw myself in the future. She talked with me on the phone for far longer than expected and asked all the hard questions I would've never asked myself. Suzanne Fritch provided me with the grace to look behind me to get to my future. I can, and will never thank her enough.

The joy of finally being in a classroom environment from the comfort of my home was thrilling. I could do things I'd never done before - participate in class at 2am, in my underwear while listening to youtube videos in the back round. It was loose and yet so very regimented at the same time. The biggest take-away from this kind of setting made me realize the importance of time management and where my energy goes. The internet bringing school to me, on my terms and on my time.

Without this wonderful internet, I would be in a different place in my life. I cannot imagine how my life would've been today but I am grateful for the chance to change my future.

Now not that the internet is the perfect - it also comes with its own flaws. The biggest drawback to my relationship to the internet is the level of dependency I have upon it. The moment the internet is out is the moment I have no access to the entirety of my work. That moment is one filled with anxiety and fear that I won't be able to get to it again. This dependence has resulted in a lifestyle where I'm always near an internet connection. Wi-Fi access spots, friends network passwords, 4G supported internet - This is what I need to go forward and that is altogether very scary.

Beyond that fear is something more. I've spent hours reviewing online videos and tutorials. Hours looking for that scholarship that will let me take the next step in my journey.

I just want everyone to take a step back and remember where you might be if you couldn't search that recipe on the spot, if you couldn't find that precious algorithm that is perfect for your recursive function, if you couldn't check a friends status from a glance. It becomes so easy to take it for granted, but I'm grateful for the way online connectivity has changed my life.

How much time do you spend in a Queue?

2014-07-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

This week I find myself learning about how to properly program Queues in C++. I can't help but observe a couple things that you may or may not have noticed.

first - how much of our lives to we spend in a queue? Whether at the market, waiting on a server queue or even the doctors? I've spent a decent chunk of time this morning with my mother walking around in a hospital going literally from queue to queue to queue. This really is what caused the question above to become a point of conversation today.

Just by doing some very simple math we can see how much I might actually be spending my life in a line.

Lets say that we measure this in minutes per day.

So lets say I spend minutes in traffic = 5
Waiting on load times at work = 20
at the market = 5
loading times in games = 10 ( this would include mobile, pc and console)

so per day we see approximately 40 minutes in a queue.

per week that makes it = 210 minutes or 3.5 hours
per month 14 hours
per year that's 1 week in queue.

Now in learning how to program a queue we look at the ability to place data elements in a stack and remove them from a stack. To enqueue and dequeue respectively. It essentially comes down to looking at how to modify a list but that is another way to even take a look at some of the things we have in life.

SO many topics so little time

2014-07-22T20:19:00.001-07:00

Soooooooooo - totally forgot about doing this for a while. This year has been well..... full of life and full of work and full of - well everything.

One of the most significant things I came back to this on this breezy summer night is that I wanted to use this to chronicle my time in online school, learning how to become an adept code ninja and make some games. However this has become more of a way for me to list off observations and interesting events in life. Almost like a diary (ps Work diary - I'm not cheating on you!)

Now I find that sometimes it is when you are really strapped down for time that's when you SHOULD really look at what you are accomplishing with that time. I know we are all guilty of saying "Holy shit - I do not have time for this!' But we are living and why do we find ourselves so un-enamored with life?

All this stress and we tell ourselves optimistically that it will all pay off. I know that I may actually sound like some sort of crazy Disney movie moment right now but we often forget that its in these crazy times that we forge and break some of the best relationships in our lives as well as define what we want in the future.

I want to do some many things. among those are:

Review games - This guy is someone I see as a peer and see going places
Jump out of a plane - yes I am that crazy
Become a pilot - everyone dreams of flying right?
Make a 'successful' app
Create a game that makes someone smile wide enough they need to show someone else.
Cook more
Play more
Write more?

So that list is in no way in any order that I'd like to actually do it. Either way we all need some more life affirming, rose smelling, delicious pie eating kind of time. I encourage you to do something of that extent today

E3 BANANANANANANANANAS

2014-06-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Phantom Dust

Really - This was a fantastic title back in the day and THIS was my highlight of day one.

Also Werewolves.
and Arthurian legends and the Order 1886 is going to be fantastic.

Please do yourself a favor and check em out!

I'm Josh and I'm a Game Designer

2014-04-22T18:49:00.001-07:00

I'm also participating in the Logitech GTV Contest #GottaGetTwitter

But that is not what brings me here today.

I'm here to do a long overdue update to this thing. So here goes!!!

PAX East was last weekend and it was A TON OF FUN. Seriously - if you like games in any sense it is a must attend show. I met soooo many people, people who are my gaming heroes and people who are making some of the games I'm truly excited for. The sore feet and the lack of proper rest over a 4 day period was worth the experience.
I played Chase the Sun on the Oculus rift, Galak-Z, Ascension - I know, not a vidja game, and tons more. I attended tons of panels on gaming, getting into the industry, making creative projects work, managing these things and how social media is 24/7 thanks to Jake Baldino and his panel and this gave way to new thinking.

Why not?

I know it doesn't make sense yet but here's how I see it -

Often things get in the way and people have immediate issues that need taken care of and yet the thing that drive me to pursue this goal of creating games is the first thing shoved back to the bottom of the list.

So why not other things?

Why replace what one wants to do with some other empty experiences?

Why not do passion first and everything else later?
Why make the motivator the last item I come around to?

Life is full of unique ways to look at things and is equally full of ways to interpret them. Everyday is a game with each person having wildly different objectives. It's just a matter of seeing what it is and showing the world the way I see it.

I'll be putting up as much as i can here for people to see and as much as I can think and type for people to read. Obviously share your thoughts and comments!

New Chapters

2013-07-28T20:36:00.001-07:00

So today is officially the day that we let the world know that I'll be moving to the north shore of long island. In less than 2 months we will be moved into a super energy efficient home with our friends Chris Hanson and Steph Sanford!!

Now to come up with a proper name for this location that will literally be housing all of this awesomeness.... suggestions anyone??

On a different note I'm currently studying Data Structure and how recursion and different methods of sorting lists are so damn different when it comes to coding it. It is fascinating to see the concepts that I'm learning relate to games and seeing how this really work and perhaps how those systems might be taxes and changed due to the restrictions on a system. Craziness.

Ryse and why the combat looks glorious

2013-06-16T23:47:00.001-07:00

Ok so there are literally hundreds of other subject I want to talk about but this one is something that strikes me as a person who is studying game design has happened to notice and would like to share with the world.

Here we go:

If you haven't seen it I would recommend you check the gameplay demo for Ryse: Son of Rome which is simply incredible.

One of the biggest points of contention I hear with plenty of people is that it looks like a shallow, pretty gameplay driven mess. I wonder why this is and the answer I get most from people is that QTE are terrible gameplay implementations. Really thought why are they so bad?

In many console games we are all literally hitting buttons to see a result on the screen. QTE are the quintessential instant gratification in a piece of interactive media. So again why are these so incredibly associated with many hard-core gamers to be a negative thing?

Is it the lack of skill needed to complete them? perhaps many gamers just having the observation of 'press button for pleasure' pointed out to them.
As the warrior in the demo it seems you need to have an active and readiness about you in order to not only survive combat but be rewarded for it. With the power of these new systems touted I wouldn't doubt if there weren't hundred of execution style animations waiting to be discovered by eager players.

Would you, as a player, prefer the style of mashing the buttons on your controller to try and succeed while claiming that you've accomplished something OR attain something representing a combat resolve that you were able to skillfully work your way through?

Still this hatred for QTE events lingers, when they are done right and in seemingly the right franchises those games are rewarded. There are plenty of blatant disregard for the intelligence of players with the implementation of certain QTE's, the new and integrated way we see them should be welcomed. I personally can't wait to see these implemented in other types of games, let see how the mold is reshaped over this new generation of games.

Also lets marvel at their beauty - Seriously go look at a game 5 years ago and then what is on our horizon.

PAX East 2013 and events so far!

2013-03-21T23:17:00.001-07:00

Yesterday early in the evening I arrived at PAX East 2013! This is one of the biggest gaming conventions you can attend this year - with the biggest focus on video games and the convention experience. I figured I would lay out some details for those interested.

First - IT'S SNOWING
Second - IT'S 2AM!
Third - now for some actual thoughts -

The day actually started with a train ride into the city to catch the bus from NY to Boston with the cool addition of running into one of the fine gentleman from Project Triforce. I've run into him a couple times and told me to stay tuned to their upcoming news for some truly exciting reveals!

Then the as expected bus ride from NY to Boston complete with killing the 3DS battery while pouring all the time into Fire Emblem Awakening ( side note - if you have a 3DS you need to pick this up asap, I'll definitely explain more in a future post). Tragedy struck as we arrived at Boston as I lost my 3DS somewhere on the bus while departing.... not a highlight. After talking to several of the buses drivers it seems like they have my 3DS at their station and i just need to take a cab ride to get it tomorrow. ~whew~

As we then got to the hotel we set up our bags and generally were relieved not to be on the bus anymore, we then made our way to Fire and Ice. Which is better explain by their website - We left stuffed and amazed and content and very glad to have the short walk back to our hotel.

Then it was time to clean up and focus on Math Programming for Games. This week I'm learning about how to properly use the dot product and cross product in actual code to help set up the physics that are applied in nearly every modern game. Plenty of our discussion threads contain flashbacks to my physics class with refreshers on torque, acceleration, how normal force is calculated and how this comes into focus.

I will admit that this class is a hybrid of both programming in C++ and physics combines with some higher conceptual math, with tons of reading and frustration. The best part is when you finally have that satori moment and can put it together yourself and realize that you really have learned something completely new.

Now I am here in boston - done with a good chunk of school work, equipped with business cards and knowledge and am ready for whatever this weekend bring me. I'll put up more on monday for all to see! - I'll almost certainly talk about Fire Emblem then as well.

Essential Mathematics for Games and Interactive Applications

2013-03-14T23:24:00.000-07:00

So the current class I am undertaking is using the book I've so lovingly and frustratingly used as my title. I will say that and programmer who gets paid to do what they do 100% deserves the money they earn. I'm barely 2 weeks in I am just trying to keep my head above water.

I know that some of you would like to know more about the actual learning to make games process and I want to ensure that everyone who is coming here gets a healthy dose of advice.

Write your own programs
Write them again and ask yourself why everything is the way it is.
keep studying and practicing coding - I'm saying this because when it comes time to add the math you'll want a full confident swing into it and not a dual struggle between understanding both the math and the code.
test your code, code often and never more than a couple days between.
practice, practice, practice.

I've heard a quote a couple times over the last couple months that says if "you want to be a master at anything it'll take 10,000 hours of time to obtain it."

Seriously, I don't know how much time you think you've spent playing games but that is a ton of time! to put it into perspective in a fun simple math kind of way

10,000 hours is the equivalent of 250 work weeks at 40 hours a week
or 4.8 years
or 62.5 months. That's a lot of time.

I'm currently learning about the dot product and vectors in C++ and the mathematical concepts that go with them. The programming seems simple enough but without proper understanding of the math is seems to all melt away.

Also given that I am doing this all in an online setting I find it really hard to meet and talk to my peers- those also in the GSP program with DeVry and others who may be along the same path I am.
The most frustrating aspect of this is not having anyone who understands what you are trying to accomplish and bounce ideas off of. The best way to understand something is to try and place it into your own words and have the understanding of someone in the same position. Online classes is super convenient however not good with the social and integration standpoint.

So remember kids - practice your code and treat math with 100% attention - you're going to need it!

It shapes us

2013-02-07T23:08:00.003-08:00

As I sit down and really think about what to type here I start to think about how someone could possibly react to everything that will be said here. I should probably start at the beginning so it will make the sense that it makes to me.

I'm Josh and I'm a Game Designer. Or at least I will be when I have some sort of finished product. You see I'm currently "going" to school with DeVry Online for Game and Simulation Programming. Lengthy but it means that I will have the knowledge and tools necessary to be apart of the creation side of the gaming industry. Anyone who is likely reading this knows that I am a Store manager for Gamestop and am successful with the business.

At the beginning of the year I felt as if nothing had really been changing throughout the year 2012. I felt hollow from the lack of new and the lack of exciting. In order here is what happened next:

My Assistant Manager hurt herself on the job and was out for multiple weeks.
I had surgery on my right hand to remove a mysterious mass in my hand which shackled that hand to no use for 2 weeks and minimal for 4.
My store inventory was coming up which always seems insanely stressful
My Grandma passed away, This came away with a new feeling of loss I've never had. My amazing boss moved my inventory to help with the timing issues that came up with this.
My mother has a heart attack days after.

Now this is just the month of January - It is now February and I feel exhausted. I feel strong from getting through the month, but really what choice did I have there? Now I really try my best not to exaggerate when it comes to something this real, but I felt as though I was crumbling under the weight of responsibility and emotion. Even through the painkillers - which were great at killing pain and even better at killing productivity.

However I learned. I learned how to use more of my left hand, I learned who I could depend on and who I couldn't. I learned that not everything ends up perfect. I learned that time doesn't come back to you. I want to create and I want to inspire, I wan to give some kid the same feelings I had when I had picked up Shining Force or Panzer Dragoon Saga for the first time.

I don't think that I could truly convey the level of frustration that comes with each blow and the seemingly endless supply of mishaps and misfortunes that came my way.... I can't place it. It feels like I'm pulling empty cargo right now and need to really figure out how I can make the future I want for me and those I care about.

Given all the unfortunate events in my life, there are amazing things working for me that need to be shared. I'm certified in NY state to sell life insurance and after seeing how it all really plays out with my grandmothers funeral, I feel strongly about it.

Bigger though is that I am apart of a New card game coming to market called ApocalypZe!!
I'm going to be helping the game creators and artist to market the game online and help arrange their Kickstarter. In a nutshell - it is a zombie themed, survival horror CCG in which you try to outlast your opponent. Every game tells it's own unique story. You can choose from the military, police, civilians or bikers as survivors in the apocalypse. The game is fantastic and I can't wait to show everyone the kickstarter when it goes live and even more so show you the game when it is successful and in card shops!

I have not kept on topic in this post and it looks more personal than I think it is, but what does everyone think? Is life just crazy or is it a give and take?

9th grade written assignment!

2013-01-20T22:01:00.000-08:00

So I made a Facebook post about who would want to see my work as a younger person and

Pardon the quality but I figured original format or nothing at all!

Double click on em to see them in there original glory!

Well.... That was awkward

2012-12-02T19:20:00.002-08:00

So according to blogger the last time I actually posted anything on here was in march. Do you know what was in march? If you have been reading this blog at the time or now... or ever really, you would know that mass effect 3 released and caused a great and many splashes in many gaming focused communities. So that was 9 months ago. So what brings me back today? hmmmm?

Well this and that. Go ahead and check em out real quick - you'll need to know at least the basics to fully immerse yourself in my train of thought.

Welcome back! Hope you didn't get lost on the internet for hours wondering how you got started down the rabbit hole in the first place, so you may be asking yourself what story and a video game cover have in common. Or you may be really smart or smarmy and already have an answer. So here where it gets interesting.

The game cover is designed to give a consumer and idea of what they will get when they get home and open the game and start playing. Just like any industry this means that there is pop, indie, and various other genres to appeal to. Now imagine for a second you know nothing about a title in your hand except what the cover tells you. Does it say action? Does it move you in ways you can't yet realize and does it make you wanna buy it? For almost every cover art the answer is generally no. I'm sure that there is market data out there that like to believe that suggestive colors and poses, types and sizes can affect the purchase habits of a consumer. However most of the time a consumer falls into a couple different categories - either they know something about the game and what's in store for them, or they were told about it from a friend or an associate working there.

So the game informer article postulates that story is perhaps secondary to game play mechanics, that the way we dress up our mechanics shouldn't be the focus. In various articles Mr. Miyamoto has said that the story is not important, that game play is the star of the show - check it here for his exact words. So if one of the most famous people in game development history says that, maybe a budding game designer should re-evaluate how he looks at games. I see them as an amalgamation of all art - trying to desperately put together all the needed aspects to drive someone to continue playing a title through pixels, colors, story, purpose, reward, programming and sound. Perhaps I'm thinking too deeply about the actual conception of a title and should re-prioritize my view.

Now how is cover art and story connected? The cover really doesn't tell you as much you'd like about a game. Halo 4 is a great example of what a cover art can and cannot tell you about a game. Knowing nothing about the title you could tell its futuristic, it has guns and that you'll probably play as the machine dude on the cover. A great many of you might actually say," Dude you haven't even scratched the surface of what this game is about!" Now what does the cover tell you about the story? The same amount if not less, given that most people won't analyze a cover and will just a quickly move on to the next.

The entirety of this post is dedicated to really one thing - That is covers and story don't tell us anything about the actual game mechanics, the thing that actually is compelling us to play it. If a game controlled like crap and you felt less rewarded for your actions or didn't get what you were emotionally looking for out of it, then you stop playing. So my question for anyone reading this is go look at your favorite game cover and tell me if it tell you what you need to know about the game mechanics or story - if so tell me in the comments I'd like to see it from your perception.

Since everyone is talking about it....

2012-03-09T22:39:00.002-08:00

If you have been living under a rock - Mass Effect 3 has released this week and by all that is good in the world - It is an undertaking.

The sheer amount of planning and dedication and persistence that comes through in this game is uncanny. Then to actually take a minute to think about it. I mean really think about it. Creating this massive universe and every mission and side mission and lore bit. To top that off you have to start thinking about what you didn't see.

I'll never see Ashley Williams in my game and what she could have been thought or said.
I'll never see Kasumi and get that moment and scene with her.
I'll never see what Femshep experiences in the way of choices for a romantic part of the game. Like there's a heavy curtain keeping me from seeing it.
I'll never see what really would have played out if I had let Udina die at the end of ME1.

This is literally a scratch on the mountain of items that could have been different in this game. My experience is shaped by the choices I've made over the past 5 years and multiple playthroughs. I know that I'll have some similar experiences to my friends and customers but it's those little moments in the game. A line, a quip, an action that will make my experience more than memorable.

This series has been wonderful over the past 5 years and through it all it even compels me to think outside of the game - what would Shepard do? Now I realize that it's 'what would my Shepard do?' How will those actions affect those around him and what can he do about it.

I could talk about this series for hours and still not be bored with it. But for now - I've taken my shore leave, back to stopping the reapers!

DLC and Opinions

2012-02-28T20:20:00.001-08:00

So over the past week or so there have been a lot of rantings and ravings and over all complaints about the issue of DLC in the gaming industry. So quick lesson here.

DLC stands for DownLoadable Content in which a consumer has the option to purchase more content for a game that they may happen to like playing. This content doesn't affect the overall experience but could be and is usually a vehicle for one just to expand the nature of the game they are playing. Like everything else in a money driven economy - You don't have to buy it if you don't want it. For a bit more on the sordid history of this topic click here.

Mass Effect 3 (dropping next week BTW) has a collectors edition and inside this soon to be monument of a game is DLC called 'From Ashes" in which you go back to Eden Prime and pick up a Prothean team member. Now this extra piece of content is also available for everyone to purchase separately from the main game for an extra $10.00. So even if you didn't pre-order the CE or can get your hands on it next week you can still get one of the main draws - which is the DLC.

So there are two sides to this issue. Ya ready?

Side normal - You don't have to buy this content. As it doesn't affect the main story. Yes there's some spoilers there. Yes it costs money. However if you don't want it then don't give Bioware/EA/digital content your money.

Side "Butt-hurt dweller" - How dare they release information about a game that I want to play so bad before it even gets here! How dare that tell me that they want money for their work! How dare they try to expand upon something I like enough to spend money on! I'm gonna say I'm boycotting this product but I'm a butt hurt dweller and can't not know what happens in this game!

In fairness a "Butt-hurt dweller" is really just worried about the integrity of the story and that they aren't being ripped off by being forced to purchase more content to actually get the full version of the story. I've been hearing a lot of the above opinion and it saddens me that people are judging everything before they've truly spent any money.

My real point of view on this is that it's wonderful to have the option to get the content that typically wouldn't be available except within a collectors edition. If you want it - you can have it! Now I don't need to truly pull my hair out looking for a collectors copy just because I don't wanna miss anything. If I'm a consumer I feel like I should always have the option but that I should always have the ability to say that "I'll keep my money for something else that looks like its worth my time and money".

Power

2011-12-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write this post ages ago as the thoughts had finally found an honest to goodness form. Now this post has to do with many things and will not just focus on one or two things but the theme will be ever relevant. Follow me here cuz this post is going to be riddled with tangents.

Now have you ever thought about where power really comes from? In this modern era of technology and politics it's a bit more vague then what our ancestors had dealt with. In times before civilization and even when we had finally started em power was simply about strength. Who was stronger? Who would win in a fight? If you needed something you simply needed to be strong enough to take it. Whether it be food or shelter.

Fast forward a couple thousand years and then we start to truly frown on raw strength as a sign of power. We begin to value real intelligence and the ability for people to learn to comprehend laws and why they exist. Now power starts to shift from simply being able to claim a right to something to being able to figure out how to claim something minus the violence. Now here's where things truly change:

Money. Currency. Trading.

Now whenever any sort of exchange is made it sort of creates a tug of war between two people. Each person is holding something the other wants yet negotiation is now taking place. Negotiation is where the definition of power becomes more than blurry as now each person wields a certain amount of power over the other. This post isn't going to be about that so we will visit it another time.

In the above example we have a struggle and with that struggle we yield stress and therefore an emotional response. Whether or not it's strong is not apart of this but there is always some sort of reaction. In a transaction we will give in to someones desire to grab power from us.

Think about your family and friends and loved ones. Now think about all that you do for them on a daily basis and what they do for you. Do you feel like everything is fair between everyone? Do you feel like every equation is balanced according to your perception of them?

More and more often i see people who are willing to yield their power to someone else due to emotional constraints. People who are willing to give more than they can, or people who are willing make morally grey decisions based on the amount of power they yield.

Now power at this point represents the ability to make decisions that make us happy with our lives. From convincing yourself that your dead end job will get better or that your significant other will suddenly be different or that the bills will magically disappear.

Now why does anyone give up their power? At the end of every day we need certain things to keep living. Food, water, place to live and some form of social activity. Why do people not even dare to wield their power?

I can understand being afraid to make your own choices - for who wants to be actively responsible for fucking up their own life? At the same time it was your own choice and not someone else. We can all make claims to why have lost power but we can always make equal strides to try and gain that power back. Without that ability life would suck and there would never be anything worthy of chronicling. Many people seem to forget their own self worth as well as that everything passes with time. Everything will change whether or not we want it to.

Everyone should be glad to have what they do and never blame someone else for their mistakes. No one is perfect and no one will ever wield power 100% responsibly. We lose it because we don't respect it or don't respect the decisions we make with it.

Power is part of what video games are so damn successful. Without the power angle of games - even if we do or do not realize it - is a huge part of the appeal. The ability to make a decision without actual consequences and yet can yield positive emotional results? Sign me up too.

On that note - To Star Wars: The Old Republic I'm on the server Corellian Run with a Jedi Consular name Raikoh

1 Year and Perception

2011-11-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's been more than a year since I started this - not knowing what i was going to write about and not knowing where this was going. Yet here we are. Between my sporadic postings and a year full of video game references and all the people I've met in between. Lets also not forget plans to make and plans to break. Hopefully I'll be able to announce something soon - just a matter of getting the details in order.

On the School front I've been a student again for almost a year and a half. It does not feel like that period of time. Honestly the best part about having all my classes online is that i can take a real look at how I'm coming along. Not just making mental notes and working my way around but actually seeing the progress that I'm making towards my goals. It's awesome to login into class and see all the classes I've been apart of and all the people I'm made via school.

Psychology is the new course I'm in now and I'm simply blown away by how much information truly exists on the topic. Everything from the study of the how we perceive things ( one of my favorites) to how our minds and bodies process information (in which this only solidifies a stronger connection between my C++ studies and the way I think about interactivity).

I'm hoping that this next year will bring more to my life than ever before! I can't wait to share it with the world!

Computer Applications for Business

2011-10-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

So the past 7 weeks has been a ton of exciting and boring and frustrating and dull assignments in my Computer Applications for business class. This class essentially breakdown the fundamentals of Microsoft Word, PowerPoint and Excel and really drills in concept complex and simple in nature. I thought to myself at the beginning of this class that it would be "a breeze" and "how could i not know what was going on?"

I was wrong. The beginning of this class was like the beginning of a rollercoaster. Slow, agonizing even and not fun at all. Then as the weeks flew by there was this steady incline of pressure. Ideas flying past you as you reach the apex. Finally last week happened. I found myself struggling to get down all the aspects of Excel into this one assignment. To be fair - I've honestly never used Excel before this class, Word and PowerPoint were at a point in time important to business and idea placement here and there.

Excel kicked my ass. Last week and not so much this week. I won't let it get my lunch money again. I write this blog post triumphantly and from standing on top of the bully I can clearly see that I haven't truly learned anything - yet.

This is a quicky today and everyone should realize every once in a while that there is always something else to learn. Also that anything worth doing is worth taking to time to do right

Oh and there is this bit of excitement!!!!

Next time - Numbers and Gaming systems!

So many topics....

2011-10-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

One of the things I hadn't taken the time to think about is that I would be spending time thinking about what to write about. Now that i just re-read that sentence 8 times. Topics seem to be easy and difficult to come across. From something like your Birthday and recent happenings to very social and professional aspects of life. I could just talk about this weeks new releases or my thoughts on Space Marine. I could even talk about the Old Republic and it's mishap. There is almost too much to talk about.

While all these things are relevant in the last week or so it's all about priorities. From what I play first to what is even worth my time. Time is money and there always seems to be a shortage in the gaming industry this time of year. Sadly video games are not truly treated as a form of entertainment but are subject to the whims of the average toy. Cramming it all into a small period and hoping for the best when the holiday shoppers come out with large amounts of capital to spend. The truly frustrating part of this is that even if we take out some of the big releases that we still find ourselves overwhelmed with AAA games.

Here's what I have a problem understanding. You're telling me that is Call of Duty was released in February that it wouldn't still be a world wide entertainment juggernaut? Would Battlefield be any less in demand if it was released in August? There is little reason to lump huge titles so close to each other like this. It seems like the industry is interested in gaining new people and keeping them interested but how can we do that when within weeks a purchase could be null and void by the new item on the market?

So many people this week had to make a conscious choice of to get either Dark Souls or Rage - not both. No one who lives an ordinary life has that kind of money and time to invest in getting both. This isn't an isolated incident either. Over the next 8 weeks so many people who might've purchased a whole slew of games will only choose a few based on money and time and so many of these titles will be pushed off till post holiday season purchase (when they should come out).

I understand that most companies in the entertainment industry as a whole make most of their money in the holiday season but gaming has grown beyond this and the industry has to make steps not to cannibalize is own business by etching out each other. Competition is always good - but not when it hurts the sum of what could be.

The End Of September

2011-09-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

So here we are. Literally at the end of September and more than a whole year with online classes with DeVry. It's been a full year. more than i can say about some of the previous years. I know most people get sentimental at the end of December when the new year is rearing its face but why should i do that? Shouldn't we take a look back at our own accomplishments a little more often then once a year? I understand that there is a lot going on for most people, no reason not to celebrate or learn from what we have done.
So everyone lives in there own world this was more apparent to me last night when, with a couple friends had gone through our high school yearbook (campy and cheesy - I know), when our friend who hadn't graduated with us just pointed out how none of these people meant anything to him or mattered. This struck me a odd - how could he not know that that guy was awesome, or that girl really did have an amazing smile? This perception just jostled me into realizing that in all the things I've done - its all important. It's just all important to me. well it was important.

How can i make it matter to someone else? how can i explain my point of view, my logic on a situation? More importantly - why? why do i want someone to understand me and my experiences?

No one will understand all of me, or any of us for that matter. We are all an accumulation of experiences and we all have had different experiences at different times with different perceptions, emotional and physical impacts that change us forever. Whether we've been through the ringer with a crazy girlfriend or moved a lot as a kid - we are all different.

Good news is that i don't want anyone to understand all of me. It would be scary to think that someone could not only have the same thought process but the same emotional reaction to something. Besides what could you possibly learn from someone who has had the exact same everything as you? nothing.

Now while I possibly got you thinking it's time to do some mindless locust eradication.

Which are you?

2011-09-20T21:53:00.001-07:00

It's Wednesday and it's really early I'm not quite sure what I hope to accomplish with this blog. I like to think that there is a goal and end product to everything we do but it's almost always more complicated than that. A blog doesn't make any money and if it did it would be highly commercialized and easily accessible. I've come to the concession that only a couple different types of people will read this and with varying degrees of interest.

A close friend who genuinely appreciates my opinions and thoughts.

An acquaintance who could be swayed to care or not.

A total stranger who will form an opinion of me based on what is here.

The biggest reason I started this blog was to chronicle the journey from someone who plays games as a hobby to ideally someone who is creating or helping to create new and exciting gameplay for you.
As I looked back on my journal entries I can say with confidence that this journey doesn't exactly seem like a straight line. Life seems to get in the way. However the best thing is that progress is being made and I definitely know more now about making games than I did a year ago.

While I may not be sharing gameplay ideas or new worlds with you( at the moment) know that I will have something to show you in the future and that may be the greatest thing I can share with you.

My ideas

To augment or not augment.....?

2011-09-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

Recently I've managed to put a decent amount of time (actually a lot of time) into Deus Ex: Human Revolution and one of the most paramount aspects of this title almost begs you to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself whether or not you would sacrifice your humanity in order to be augmented. Now when i say augmented if mean being able to shoot explosives out of your arms or even punch through walls like the Hulk. Bet you changed your answer from a couple second ago. Adam Jensen, Our protagonist is the man who wields this crazy amount of power.

So this paradigm vividly reminded me of a gameplay device I used years ago in a DnD campaign. The basic idea then was that people were getting these psionic gem implants placed in and implanted into their bodies to enhance what they can do like Adam. In essence I had already used a system that is being used now but modified to fit the futuristic and cyberpunk themes. I felt empowered that I had done this and went to my various notebooks and ideas jotted down on post-its and index cards (what can i say I'm low tech) to see what other ideas could have new life breathed into them from a twist and some fresh perspective. I did come across a couple of ideas that made me really think and then i wondered what to do with them. I updated some thoughts in a new and hopefully organized notebook of inspired ideas and left it at that.

Today I come across this this that semi renews hope and is semi serendipitous at the same time. It really seems that I just need to take my ideas and start by applying them to what I know and love - Gaming.

The plan is now with my ideas in tow and the knowledge I have is to put them together like peanut butter and jelly.

Before that happens I think I'll finish Deus Ex first......

What the hell happened?

2011-09-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

It seems like forever ago I wanted to make a regular habit of posting my thoughts here. However i believe that this is the first time in months that I've sat down and typed something out. One could be making excuses as per why such a thing didn't happen. While this didn't happen other things did.

"What things?" I can imagine you asking. Since I set up this monologue this way the things that did happen was

Re-applying for school loans and hammering out the financial details that bore and frustrate me
Spending time looking at my current school schedule and pace at which I'll be accomplishing things and it honestly doesn't feel fast enough.
Spending a good chunk of time at my new store making sure that awesome stays that way
Reading The Omnivores Dilemma. I don't like being preached to about how i should morally feel about food. This book will make you take a really hard look at what you eat and where your food really does originate.
Doing actual school work - a term paper on Obesity and American Culture (I'll give you a hint - we really don't have one)
Going to Conference for a week in all this. Conference is essentially a great time except for the minimum amount of sleep and lack of actual food.
3D TV event with Sony at my store
Sony Training
Started and Finished Shadows of the Damned

WHAT?!? I played a video game and finished it?! Since i've started working towards my goal of becoming a form of game designer and programmer I've found myself with increasingly less time to actually play games. Kinda ironic and kinda moronic. I can't promise consistency with the blog but i can promise that i will be busy and when i do manage to have time to sit and post - That i will have something to say.