No Christmas related items are to be installed, sung, played, decorated, eaten, enjoyed, or otherwise referred and alluded to prior to the culmination of Halloween. I just saw a commercial for Hershey’s Kisses and it had Christmas music in the background.

Too early! Got it?

Look, I like Christmas just as much as anyone. The holiday season is probably one of the best times of the year, at least in my humble opinion. I really enjoy the smells and flavors, the sensations (who doesn’t like to warm up inside after being outside in the cold while putting up Christmas lights?), and the sentiment. It’s a fun time of the year, regardless of it’s drawbacks.

But really, let’s hold off on the decorating and indulging until at least after Halloween. Personally, I would rather wait until after Thanksgiving, but my efforts to that end have been less than fruitless for a while now.

Please, please, wait. I don’t want to be sick of it all and then realize that there are still 2 weeks to go…

I spend too much time thinking.

I don’t want to come across as one of those whiny, Emo losers. I’m not after pity. I guess I’m just putting this down so I have a record of it for later. Maybe someday I can look back and say something like, “Boy, I was sooo naive then!” or, “I’m glad things seemed to work out 50 years later when Jesus came back.”

The reason my demeanor changed (other than possibly due to food deprivation) is because I feel like people are examining or judging me. I want to be better. I want to have a direction, but I don’t have one. I want to have goals, but I don’t have any. I feel like a failure under the momentary scrutiny and it bothers me. Maybe I am being irrational. Maybe not. I think the former.

I hate this feeling of despair that sits in my chest. I don’t want to disappoint my parents any more than I already have. I don’t want to be a burden on my family or society.

At this point, I would be elated if I could survive on my own. Seriously. Scraping by maybe, but completely self-sufficient. Unfortunately, I can’t even make this happen. I know a little about a plethora of things, but am not an expert at anything. Not enough to turn anything into a career and not enough to have any use at a job. I can’t even nail down my own interests. I flit from thing to thing like a crazed, caffeinated hummingbird, stopping only long enough to get a taste and then moving on to the new interest of the moment.

I hate being like this!

I wish I could focus on one thing for a substantial period of time. Even if I consciously make an effort, it never happens. My mind makes itself up and moves on to something else. I feel like a passenger in the back seat of a car. My brain is driving at breakneck speed and I don’t get to provide any input as to the direction we go next or when (if!) we stop. It’s maddening and completely demoralizing at best. I usually descend to utter despair after my nightly contemplation of my situation, though. I feel like it’s a stupid set of circumstances to be in and I wonder about how I let it come to be this way.

Maybe it’ll work out. Maybe it won’t. Maybe my destiny is to have to suckle the teat of the government for the entirety of my life. Maybe there is something else I am supposed to do (or not do). People always say, “God has a plan for you”, which is all fine and good. It’s a blanket statement that people make when they don’t know what else to say (Not that I want them to say anything. I’d rather not deal with it at all…). Who’s to say they are good plans? I make plans to go to bed. Nothing of note there. Boring, mediocre plans, but plans nonetheless. Not everybody has a wonderful life. The world is a stupid, moronic place and I may struggle like this for the rest of my meaningless existence (which it feels like to me). Has my point here been made?

For some reason I felt compelled to write this. I wish my thinking and reasoning (or lack thereof) weren’t so bass-ackward.

I call it a romanticometragedy. Elements from comedy, romance, and tragedy films are all present. Joss Whedon, his cast, and crew put together a masterpiece. The story is brilliant. I don’t know who I want to be the winner throughout. You want to sympathize with Dr. Horrible because he seems like an every-man trying to move up in the world. Captain Hammer is the good guy, but he’s a complete, manipulative jerk and nobody knows it.

I love this movie to death. I am not normally what one would call a costumer, but I have done extensive research on Dr. Horrible’s outfit in the movie. Presumably, this is because I would like to put together a film-accurate replication of the ensemble, but I have yet to bite the proverbial bullet and actually begin to acquire the pieces. I really want to do it, though I’m not sure I am ready to join the cosplay crowd. (I know, I’m using a very loose definition of the word…)

In all seriousness though, if you can spare 45 minutes from your day sometime, I very highly recommend watching Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog. Please. You won’t be disappointed!

I make an exception with the Hoagie Street Deli located in Kimberly, Idaho. I came to know them when they were in Murtaugh, but they have since moved due to the economic conditions there. They have some of the most simple, delicious sandwiches and burgers I have ever come across.

I digress. The reason for this posting is to illuminate a travesty. This particular establishment has no official website, but they do. They have one, but they don’t “have one.” I’ll elaborate in a moment. The owners are not what you would call “computer people” from what I can gather during our numerous, but short, conversations.

Here is what exists currently. Do I need to comment? I think you can figure out for yourself how I feel…

I feel compelled to make my own site, even if it only becomes a fan site and nothing more. It doesn’t require any interactivity, it just needs to inform, and do it well. Plus, sometimes I need a creative outlet. Building websites is sometimes that outlet for me.

I’m heading off to create a sub-domain…

Update:

I have completed initial programming for the website and uploaded a copy to my web-server. Several things are either not completed or have place-holders while I continue to work on them. I tried to emulate the look of the menu that they have available while incorporating some simple, subtle design changes.

Update Reduex:

Layout and general design have been completed. Code has been validated as XHTML 1.0 Strict and CSS has been validated as well. I still don’t like the way the main logo looks at the top of the page. I have a placeholder clipart image of a hoagie sandwich there to fill out the top like I wanted it to. I would eventually like to have a snazzy, clean logo up there to help complete the simple look of the site. I also added a map of their location and a link to get directions from Google Maps with the destination address already filled out. I don’t seem to be missing anything vital that isn’t possible without the cooperation and/or permission of the owners. I think there are still some small things I can do to jazz the site up a bit, but nothing huge. I decided to go with a one-page design because of the nature of the information being provided. There really isn’t a reason to break it up. I know that the page is long, but only because of the menu. All of the normally important information is presented first at the top. If someone is interested in looking at the menu, all that is needed is to scroll down. I didn’t want to confuse anyone by having this subtly simple information hidden behind another link. Thoughts?

Update #3:

I finally got around to making some of the art/graphics that I originally intended for the site. The main logo still has a picture of a generic sandwich, but it is easily replaced once I get a picture of one of the actual hoagies. After further thought, I have decided to move the menu to a separate page. I don’t know quite yet where I am going to place the link to the menu. I have notified the owners that my occasional boredom resulted in this website, so hopefully they have a chance to check it out soon and I can get some feedback.

Thanks Adam, I really appreciate it. I can’t really blame the guy though. A naked woman came up to him and said (paraphrased), “This forbidden fruit is great! You should try some…” I probably would have eaten it, too. Now we have to deal with a planet filled with crappy, useless and annoying things like wasps. I don’t see what good wasps are to the planet. They are purely annoyances with no beneficial traits to speak of. Bees at least make honey and pollinate plants. Those are good things. Wasps are stupid, like gnats. There is no purpose at all to these things.

I’m feeling myself fall back into WoW. My cousin asked me to build him a computer while I was in California, and he talked me into starting it up again. I only have one high level toon, and it’s a Hunter. DPS toons are not in short supply and therefore, it is sometimes difficult to find groups for instances. It’s not really a big deal until I get to level 80. Hopefully, there are more spots for DPS types in raids and heroics. I also have a Priest, but only level 44 I think. Healers are always needed. I see them asked for in LFG all the time.

3rd cutting of hay is this week.

The more I watch it, the more I realize that I like Tim and Eric’s: Awesome Show, Great Job. There is quite a divide among the Adult Swim community regarding this particular show. Many don’t like it, and consequently, any other Tim and Eric shows. Everyone else loves it, and not surprisingly, all other Tim and Eric shows. This spoof of formulaic MTV shows is hella spot-on. I laughed really hard when I saw this episode!

Can’t keep me silent
Can’t keep me silent

I play a lot, too. I mean, seriously.

I play Team Fortress 2 quite a bit. I like that game because it is the most well balanced multiplayer FPS that I have ever played. I have fun when I play, and for the most part the others I play with online aren’t a bunch of Xbox Live, 12 year-old retards. It is summer though, and that means the potential for the aforementioned folks to be playing is higher as school is out. The servers I play on aren’t competitive, and most of the time there are people having funny conversations as well. There isn’t any taunting, name-calling, or insulting talk. I like it this way. Just an easy, fun and low-stress environment.

Incidentally, the server I play on the most has me ranked at 10th overall by number of points earned. I was 9th but someone passed me up one of these last days when I was working long hours.

I like switching my brain off and not having to care about anything. Sometimes people in the game will get wound up and try to coach the team into a strategy, but I just go with the flow. If the team needs a particular class, I usually jump in and try to fill the gap. I don’t get stressed though, it is just a game after all.

I also had a great time putting together the intervalometer setup for my Nikon D40. I have it enclosed in a shoddy case now, but it should serve its’ purpose well. That is to say the circuit board isn’t exposed. I also got a hold of this USB recharging device to power the intervalometer during my camping trip. It is designed to recharge cell phones and iPods and such, but works equally well at powering my Arduino board. I don’t know for certain how long its’ charge will last, but I am fairly sure it will last longer than the battery in the camera itself. I should do a trial run with the setup here in the next couple days to work out any kinks before I have to leave…

A problem arises. The Nikon D40 does not have an intervalometer (nor does it support auto-bracketing, but that’s another post). This means no time-lapse photography with this camera.

Or does it?

A couple of generalized web searches brought me to some informative sites:
http://www.cibomahto.com/2008/10/october-thing-a-day-day-7-nikon-camera-intervalometer-part-1/
http://ilpleut.be/doku.php/code:nikonremote:start
http://www.bemasher.net/archives/114

I was in luck! I happen to have an Arduino board lying around doing nothing. Happy times!

I set off to the only place in town with electronic components, Radio Shack (I know). IR LED in hand, I proceeded to assemble my very simple circuits. I built a second circuit to blink a second LED for 2 seconds before the IR LED sequence is fired off for the camera. I chose to use the code from the bemasher link.

The Arduino microcontroller board that I have has a 220 ohm resister built into digital pin 13 that I was not aware of. My IR LED was understandably dim as a consequence of my adding a second 220 ohm resister to the circuit. The camera wasn’t taking pictures when it should have been. With that problem solved, I edited the code to include a timer that I can set easily to whatever number of seconds I need. I set it to 10 seconds and tested the camera out again.

Success!

I built a small enclosure for everything, soldered a few wires together, and tested again to make sure I had put it all back together correctly. It works from about 10-12 feet away, but I shouldn’t need it for anything that far away. The idea is to just place the IR LED directly on the IR receiver and let it take a picture every 60 seconds for hours at a time. Simple.

Code I am using:

This is probably boring to almost all of you, but I just thought I would share.

I was lost
And I’m still lost
But I feel so much better

You can travel the world
But you can’t run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
If you’re searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can see
Just be
Just be

They say learning to love yourself
Is the first step
That you take when you want to be real
Flying on planes to exotic locations
Won’t teach you
How you really feel
Face up to the fact
That you are who you are
Nothing can change that belief
Just be
Just be

’cause now I know
It’s not so far
To where I go
The hardest part
Is inside me
I need
To just be
To just be

Just be

In a recent post on Facebook, Nick linked to a couple of songs that he liked, one of which was a song from a DJ Tiesto mix. I took the time to go to the official DJ Tiesto Youtube channel and listen to some of the songs like I have done numerous times in the past. I was suddenly struck by the lyrics in this song that I have literally listened to hundreds of times. I feel that it is relevant to my personal situation and how I feel on day to day basis. I’m digging the “just live in the moment” vibe this song conveys. I’m not some new-age hippie, though. My plans over the last few years have been poor to say the least. I let myself get caught up in the grand and glorious dreams my imagination comes up with, and I forget to stay grounded in reality (or ignore it willingly).

I am not a “lyrics listener”. When I listen to music my mind automatically focuses on the music, almost never the words. There are songs that I have listened to many hundreds of times and still can’t recite the words to. This is not some conscious decision on my part to do so. It just happens.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I can read the dates on my posts. There isn’t any need to get descriptive. I know!

This post is mainly due to you, Mom. I was under the impression that not a single soul, including myself, ever looked at this here blog. The bots are out in full force, but a human person isn’t willfully visiting usually.

I am posting this from a laptop in my bedroom in a nearly empty apartment. It is also completely devoid of contact with the Internet. This is like taking away air for me. I need it. Luckily, my cell provider has this promotion going right now for mobile broadband. I made quick work of pairing the phone to the computer and creating a connection. I hit a small snag but worked it out quickly. I have a month of free access to the Internet now using my cell phone.

So, if anyone else besides myself or my Mom happens to come by here, I’m going to provide an update of sorts.

School is out and done now for GFU students this semester. I am pretty positive that engineering is not for me. I am looking into different schools again for a completely different major. This time I am going to try to play to my strengths. I feel like it is getting too late in the game for me to be making any more stupid choices. This time has to be for real. If this doesn’t work, then I will need to accept a life of mediocrity. I’m not sure why I felt that I was going to go on to do great things when 99.999% of the people on this planet don’t ever do anything that history will remember them for. I guess I used to feel like I could make a difference. Don’t ask me to clarify any of this, it’s supposed to be vague. I don’t have any concrete expectations anyway.

There is something comforting about “blending in”, though. Just being a normal person, who owns an average house, average car, and lives an average life. Actually, I take that back. I’d just not like to be family screw-up anymore. Someone else can have that title. Everyone in my immediate family is doing something or going somewhere. I’m still spinning in circles and not really going anywhere, blinded by the bright light that is reality.

This past year, I think I have come to realize a few things though. It’s a bit hard to quantify or verbalize sometimes. I guess one of the big ones is that if I want or need something to get done, I need to do it myself. One other thing is that I am the biggest (metaphorically speaking here) most apathetic person I know. I keep expecting to be “entranced” by something. I used to feel like I would eventually be suddenly struck by what my life purpose is supposed to be without any intervention by myself. It’s not like that, I know that now. That only happens in books and in movies. Reality begs to differ.

Seriously though, my family needs to stop thinking that I am some sort of computer genius. So I know how to connect some wires to get surround sound working, big deal. I can fix computer problems too, but I think that just comes from a heightened ability to craft meaningful searches on Google. It might also be just that since I’ve spent so much time messing with computers that I have already experienced that problem or symptom and remembered what I eventually did to fix it. Just because I know a tiny more than you doesn’t mean I’m suddenly an expert on that subject. There are plenty of people out there who are far more knowledgeable and experienced than I am. I feel uncomfortable when I get asked to fix VCR’s or the like that I have never repaired in my life because quite frankly I have never even opened one up, I have no way of obtaining electrical diagrams or schematics, and I have no way of identifying what the problem is. I don’t even build my own web pages. I use pre-built packages from groups of people that really are smart, like this blog, for instance. Wordpress is fantastic and is infinitely easier to use and keep updated now with the automatic update options that have been added. Back on-topic though, I just feel wrong doling out advice on stuff for which I have no formal training. Nearly everything that I know about the Internet, computers, or any tech at all I have taught myself or have gone to read about from reputable sources like white papers or research stuff. I don’t know. It’s like I’m receiveing an award for a something I didn’t do and shouldn’t get.

Oh well, I’ve spent enough time here I think. I’ll be updating a bit more often once I have some meaningful stuff to put here. Maybe when I start working in Idaho. We’ll see.