Forgive me? Oh wait! I think I already am!

Morgan flies a helicopter. Used to. Morgan crashed his helicopter. Into the lake. While texting. Now Morgan cannot fly anymore. Morgan cannot text anymore. Morgan died.

What did Morgan text? When he crashed. Into the lake. We do not know. Maybe, “AHHHHHHHHH! {frowny face} {frowny face}”

Did Morgan crash because he was texting? We do not know. Maybe his helicopter ran out of airtime minutes.

Now Morgan’s cell phone is in the lake. With the fish. Can fish use Morgan’s phone? Maybe no. Maybe they already have their own shell phone service. Maybe their rates are paid on scale. Can fish text? Maybe. What would a fish text? Maybe “I am happy. Darwin wins again. LOL {fishy face}” They cannot send a smiley face. Have you seen a fish smile? I have not.

And so we say goodbye to Morgan. And to his crashed helicopter. And to the texting fish. Goodbye, Morgan. Goodbye, helicopter. Goodbye, fish. {fishy kiss} {fishy kiss}

Of course, my boss still expects tasks to get done so I’m working from home today. In fact, I’ve already had to be involved in a couple of conference calls. Yeah, telecommuting!! The way the weather is starting to turn to ice, I’ll probably be home tomorrow. Kind of reminds me of Dilbert’s telecommuting adventure!

In a couple days, I will reach that half-century mark. My biggest accomplishments have been my three beautiful and intelligent children, my excellent friends and recently finding the love of a beautiful woman and her children. Actually, they aren’t accomplishments. I’m just the lucky recipient of their love. Aside from that and not being homeless or imprisoned, I’m hard-pressed to find other achievements for celebrating a second 25 years. As for being a millionaire, my now former spouse ended up spending two dollars for every dollar that I made. It took me a couple of decades to realize that there is a fine line between being a gentleman and being a doormat. Which means, if nothing else, I now have 25 additional years worth of experiences on how not to live life.

At my 25th birthday, I was excited about living the next quarter-century because of what I’ve accomplished in the first. On the eve of my 50th birthday, I find myself disillusioned and unenthusiastic about the next quarter-century of my life because of past years filled with regrets, stupid decisions and reprehensible mistakes. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a national holiday filled with parades and half-priced sales in my honor.

In the past, I was saddened if friends or family would accidentally overlook my birthday. This year, I will be very content if the entire world forgets that I’ve circled the sun 50 times without dying. Actually, I’m not 50. More like $39.95 with lots of shipping and handling involved …

Once again, we have a contestant taking photos from the train platform that is used by thousands of commuters everyday to step on and off the train. Once again, his prize? Being arrested by Amtrek police for “criminal trespassing”.

Apparently, Amtrek’s propaganda department … I mean, marketing department isn’t talking to its police department.  Oh well.  When pictures are outlawed, only outlaws will tell you to say … “cheese!”

Sadly, this software is not available to the public … yet!

Somebody get me a Quiji board and tell Ms. Cleo to move over. You are subscribed to this blog, right???? Who’s know what amazing things I might get right!

UPDATE: At 6:30 this morning (Dec.19th), NYMEX WTIC crude oil was at $33. WOW!

- Preview function still doesn’t work unless you publish your post to the public … which defeats the purpose of viewing your entry before anyone else gets to see those glaring mistakes.

- If you’re signed into your account, you still can’t edit your posts while being directly at your blog site.

- Lots of fancy crap added though! Too bad WP 2.3 made it easier to blog …

In a spot of good news, the Unknown Comic is reported to be thrilled that people are still using his schick after all these years.

Now, I can only hope that Wordpress 2.7 will return some of its past functionality … like being able to preview without first making it public or editing a post directly from my site.

“There must be cameras and microphones in this office,” my boss told me today as I sat down across from him. Great! There’s nothing like that sort of comforting tidbit when you’re about to have a confidential conversation with your employer. He then told me about his previous day’s conversation with the company’s president. “I was just about to talk to him about you when he asked how you were doing.” My boss then informed me that the president was flying in next week and wanted to have a meeting with me. “Be prepared to handle A LOT of questions,” my supervisor knowingly advised me. He then talked about people who find it easy to complain about other people’s jobs while being clueless about the job itself. Apparently, a few of those busybodies have mentioned to the president that they don’t understand why I am so busy, and why I don’t delegate more. So, according to these people, it’s not that I’m not doing my job, it’s that I’m keeping too much of my fun-filled, adventurous roles to myself.

Later on, I checked my voice mail’s for the first time that day. Thank goodness I did. The company’s president had left a message at 6:30 the previous evening. He was letting me know that he would be in town on Wednesday and wanted to talk to me as soon as he got into the plant. Then he asked for me to call him as soon as I got a chance. Hmmmmm … I’ve gone from begin a unknown cog in the corporate wheel to full center-stage attention. That can’t be a good thing, can it? I began to shake a little.

Ever had those nightmares where you’re terrifyingly stuck in one position and can’t move? The fear of saying something stupid over the phone to my ultimate superior paralyzed me like that for the next several minutes. This was followed by several more paralyzing minutes as I consider what would happen if I didn’t return his call. So I picked up the phone. And put it down. And picked it up again. Had the receiver been heavier, I could have gotten a great workout. Otherwise, these phone curls did nothing as I fought this type of dread usually reserved for trips to the principal’s office and irs audits. Finally, I took a deep breath, dialed his number and exhaled with sweet relief when I got his voicemail. After leaving a quick message of thanks and “looking forward to your visit”, I hightailed it for home. To quote one of the great lines from a Monty Python movie, “Runaway! Runaway! Runaway!”

So the saga continues. I will spend this weekend writing down every single task that I do at work. I’ll rehearse every good reason why I’ve earned a pay raise. And then as a backup, I will practice my best pouty face for that polite rejection that is sure to come.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” my boss had said earlier with a sarcastic smile, “but you got an audience with the Pope. Whether you kiss his ring or not is up to you.” This should prove to be an interesting meeting. I wonder if interviewing for a new job would be easier…

Is Google Earth really the weapon of choice among terrorists? If you check out the satellite view around my house, you’ll see a large area under construction — construction was completed in 2002. In front of the plant where I work sits a road that has been there for over 20 years. Google has yet to add it to their maps. Maybe I shouldn’t worry. If our customers and vendors can’t find our building, what chance do terrorists have?