CTBaker in the Acres

So, About Last Night...At The Well

2018-03-12T11:40:00.000-04:00

As my witty Mother-in-law says when she makes a grand entrance, "HOOOOOWWWWWDY!"

I've been MIA from this here blog since Juan-uary. And it's almost mid-March! We can blame my absence on Instagram stories. It seems the insanity that I would normally blog about is happening over there now.

Y'all know when I have something really good though that this is where I come.

So, here's the backstory recap for the new folks... I was raised Catholic - Catholic school, church just about every Sunday and holy days, Catholic wedding, Shan converted, baptized 1 of the 3 boys there, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. We now somewhat regularly attend an Episcopal church, baptized the other 2 boys there, and have been very involved over the last 15 years. However, due to the increasing popularity of a contemporary service - my boys love a good Jesus Jam - we attend the Baptist Mega-Church up the road periodically. We also love to attend several of their special programs and participate in Upward sports there! All this double-dippin' is mainly because I believe you go where you need to to be fed. My super precious great aunt Nita - one of the most hilarious, vibrant, dirty-joke-telling, yet Godly women I have ever known in my life - went to 2 churches for many years until she died at the ripe old age of 98, because she liked the people at one and the pastor at the other. So it happens.

All that to say, if you're looking for a church, I can point you in the direction of a few different ones. Kidding. Not kidding. But seriously. I've been fortunate to have always known Jesus and his goodness. But like most of us, I sometimes forget how ridonkulously good he really is. And I forget that he can fill the cracks in my bust-up brokenness better than anyone or anything else! When there is someone that good, why do I sometimes forget he's there? Maybe it's my ADD. Or maybe it's just because I'm human. But I have a feeling I'm not alone. As a matter of fact, I know I'm not alone. Which is why I love going to the well...and The Well!

Click here for the deets.

One Sunday last month, I attended a women's program at the Baptist church I was just talking about up there. Unfortunately, I missed the first one in January, but have saved the date for the remaining Sundays for the rest of the year. The program is called The Well. It's a once-a-month opportunity for women of the community to gather for worship, fellowship, and to listen to featured women share their stories and journeys. And the coolest part is that it doesn't matter what your age or stage of life is...the bottom line in every story is his redeeming love and grace. It's not at all whoo-hooey or Branch Davidian-ish, for all you skeptics. It's like being in the audience of a super chic talk show, with a cool set and fabulous music. And you're surrounded by amazing, über groovy gals (like me, of course). Y'all, you can't help but walk away from there with a little bit of super glue on your pieces.

Last month my sweet friend Ellen was the featured speaker. I could identify so much with her story and went home full of hope and feeling not so alone. Ellen is my age-ish, raising 3 kids, and with similar struggles in the body image and worthiness department. Her story is imperfectly beautiful. She reminded us that he loves us even in our darkest places of shame and self-loathing. All the time. And if you know Ellen, you know what an absolutely beautiful person she is on the inside and out. She just exudes his love and grace. That was the first I had heard of her story and knowing the Ellen I know, I would have never guessed her former pain and struggles. I am so thankful for her sharing her heart with us.

Last night a precious girl named Sarah Parker (a good ol' double named southern girl), who I do not know personally, shared her story. And while I cannot relate to being a single almost 30 year old, because I've had an incredible guy by my side since I was 17, I can most definitely relate to her big personality and her need to fill voids with something other than his goodness. She talked about Jesus meeting us where we are. Not only does he meet us where we are when we first let him scoop us up, he meets us there every single day, minute by minute. We just have to let him! We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

So, I've been to the the well a time or two{-thousand} in my life. I feel like I go to the well a lot these days. Anxiety, parenting, body-image, and general inadequacies send me there. And that's ok, because Jesus has the power to redeem and fill us up like nothing else can. If you're not near me and feel like you need this goodness in your life, I urge you to reach out to women you know and share your story or your brokenness. Create your own well and you'll see you're not alone. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, reach out to me! I'd love to share my bucket o' Jesus with you. There's plenty to go around and it doesn't get a whole lot messier than this right here. I think if Jesus were a southern woman he'd shake his head at me on the hourly and say "bless her heart". And if you're in these parts, I invite you to join me at The Well series, monthly for the rest of 2018. I linked it up there. Good stuff is happening there, ladies! Good stuff.

XOXOXO

10 Questions for 2018

2018-01-01T14:51:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

(Those glasses made me go cross-eyed. Too much plastic! But a great shot nonetheless.😂)

2017 is in the books and a fresh start is upon us!

2017 wasn't too shabby for the Baker fam. We saw some highs and lows, but in retrospect, our lowest lows were fairly easy to work through and we had some pretty awesome highs that are worth noting.

After a miserable 2016 with the loss of my closest friend and a career struggle that made me want to crawl in a hole and never come out, in January 2017 I launched my freelance social media management business CBVivid.com. And now I work from home, alongside one of my oldest and dearest friends Helen at HLJCreative.com {who builds some pretty amazing websites, BTW}. With the faith she and Shan have put into me and taught me to put in myself...my portfolio is growing! Teamwork makes the dream work, y'all.
In May Shannon decided to kick a miserable career situation to the curb and follow his heart back to a company where he's truly happy. While the intense traveling isn't the greatest for our family, we've found a way to manage it with the help of our fabulous counselor.
In October I made my very first visit to NYC! If you follow me on social media then you know how amazing that was for me.
Also in October, I celebrated 3 years with my wonderful side hustle with Beautycounter, and had my best month ever!
The boys? Sam's Crohn's disease has been well-managed for over a year now. No hospital visits! A transition that terrifies me, has me happy to report that Fulton has taken to middle school like a duck to water. Oliver? Well, everyday is a high with Oliver.

2017 was a time of great personal growth for me. It only took me 43 years to gain some really good perspective, but hey! Better now than never.

In an effort to continue that personal growth, I've decided not to set resolutions for 2018. I don't do well with resolutions and I think the only way to get off the defeating spin cycle of life is to start asking yourself questions. Questions that make you think...that make you uncomfortable. I've said before, if life was always comfortable, we'd be JELL-O! Spiritually, physically, mentally, professionally...all the -lys. So I've come up with 10 questions I'm asking myself as I approach this new year, to continue my growth.

1. What are my priorities?
I recently posted these little slips of paper all over my house that read "Your priorities are your character", as a reminder to my whole family. One child was embarrassed because it makes me look like a "psycho mom", but it made him ask me what it meant and why I was posting them. So now we have a great on-going dialogue between us about priorities and character. So really...what are my priorities?

2. What am I looking forward to?
What am I looking forward to? Life isn't a whole-lotta fun without some type of joy at the end of the day, week, month, year. I'm making my list of things to looks forward to personally, as a family, and professionally. Even if it's coming home after a long day and putting on my robe and PJs, I'm looking forward to some kind of joy. And who doesn't look forward to their robe and PJS?

3. What makes me well?
As a mom I always put myself on the back burner. I may or may not exercise everyday because of some else's schedule and obligations. I often skip or postpone check ups because it just takes too much time. I don't get my prayer and devotional time in because I'd rather have 30 minutes more sleep. You get me. I feel good now that I've acknowledged what it is that makes me well in all the "-ly" aspects of my life. In 2018 I'm making a point to take care of all that makes me well.

4. How do I leave others?
Is my time with others well-spent? I think we often go through the motions with the people we interact with in our jobs, our family, and strangers. Do we leave them "feeling" anything? I think about the times others left me feeling good, as well as not so good. Positive, negative, or nondescript...we remember it. So I'd like to focus on leaving others better than I found them.

5. What {Who} am I putting too much stock into?
This is a deep one. You know the people and things that you put all your energy into? Sometimes it's mentally and sometimes it's physically. I've discovered that there is healthy stock and unhealthy stock. Relationships and duties have a time and a place in our lives. They are things/people that we once loved and now need to give up. I've never really struggled with taking them on...because I am a bit of a sucker in that aspect. However, once I take them on, I struggle with letting go.
I often find myself still wanting to put stock into friendships that are no longer and I try to keep obligations, for which I once had a fiery passion, burning. When really...they have fizzled. It is important to recognize who and what you're putting stock into that's really worth it. Because it gets exhausting trying to keep something alive that has run its course. So I'm not doing it anymore. Particularly when there are true-blue relationships and new opportunities to fuel my passions in life. Just say no to unhealthy stock.

6. Who {What} inspires me?
I love reading fashion, lifestyle, and entrepreneurial blogs. I am also a self-help book junkie. Those things are awesome for a little jolt of inspiration. But I find myself wanting inspiration from people I can talk to and meet with. I crave people who make stuff happen. So I'm on the hunt for live-action inspiration!

7. What promises to myself have I fallen down on?
This doesn't need 'splanin'. It's just time to make those promises a priority.

8. What does a realistic day look like, compared to an ideal day?
When it comes to time management, I not only fell off the struggle bus, but I also got backed over. Ideal days are very few and far between, so this is a challenge for most people, I would imagine. Especially those of us with time management issues. Working from home takes those issues to a whole new level. Taking all must-do responsibilities and would-like-to-dos into account, I must take my excessive and random list making a step further and actually put them into a schedule. Then I need to learn to master the art of making a real day as close as possible to an ideal day. Wish me lots-o'-luck on this one.

9. What is "success" and how will I celebrate it?
I'm not great at acknowledging my accomplishments - big or small. Yet, I find motivation to keep going when I celebrate small victories. So you'd think I'd do it more often. I think success looks a little different to everyone, but celebrating our successes is uber important. Did I keep my children alive today? Then, let's celebrate! Did I finish that proposal? Celebrate! Did I have a great month in retail volume? Boom...celebrate! Defining what success is to me and patting myself on the back for a job-well-done is vital and I am going to start putting it into practice...on the daily.

And finally...

10. What does my life look like in a year?
We aren't promised next year, next month, or even tomorrow. So I can only take life one day at a time. But success doesn't happen in one big chunk. It's all the little bits and pieces leading up to the end result. So when it comes time to reflect on all the "-lys", these are the questions I can ask myself at the end of each day and again at the end of the year.
Spiritually
How am I contributing to my church in a way that I wasn't before? Have I made time for devotions and prayer? Have I started or joined a regular study? Have I been an example to my boys?
Maritally
Have we made us a priority?
Physically
Have I done all I can to reach fitness goals? Have I checked all my wellness boxes?
Professionally
CBVivid: How many clients do I have? Have I expanded the services I offer?
Beautycounter: How many clients do I have? Have I grown my network and achieved a new title?
Mentally
Have I maintained accountability with my counselor and myself? What have I done to manage anxiety? Have I prayed about it as much as I've worried about it?
Domestically
Have I managed our home well? Am I holding my boys accountable? Have we checked off our up-fitting and maintenance priorities?
Voluntarilly
Have I found my new passion for serving others? What/How have I contributed?

So that's how I plan to get through each day of 2018. And I wish anyone reading this great joy and good health in this new year.

So...Do you set resolutions? Do you have questions that help you navigate life? I'm curious to hear.

Now off to prepare my collards and black eyed peas!

The Scream Mask...Where Trick or Treaters go to Die

2017-11-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

Y'all have heard me preach my love for all things costume and Halloween. I have to say I get it honestly. Once upon a time my mom used us as her guinea pigs when she wanted to stitch random materials together and make a costume. And when I say stitch random things together, I mean like the time I stood there being encased in carpet padding, morphing into Gumby. It was like something you would see behind the scenes of a movie. Or remember the movie Splash with Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah?

(source)

Well, there was the time she hand stitched a mermaid costume to my body, and I had to hop to trick-or-treat. But I loved every minute of the insanity, and she won the contests!

1985-ish...brilliance by my mom.

Over the last 15 Halloweens, since Sam was born, I've whipped up most of our/their costumes. There were a few years where creativity and time were lacking, and I had to purchase costume pieces {gasp!}, but I was still able to pull off something thematic-ish with fun makeup and hair. 'Cause I love a theme, ya know.

2009-2013: The Mad Scientist, Igor, and Zombie - Cowboys and their pony - Mummies - Zombie Football Team - Fungus Zombie (super fun to make!), Dracula, and Grim Reaper

And then it happened.

Halloween 2014

Sam: "Mom, I just want to wear a scream mask."

Me: "I'm sorry, what? Did you say a Scream Mask?" {Tears. Runs and locks self in room.}

I'd be lying if I said I didn't beg him not to.

But I gave in. I set my son free!

Free to be the Scream Mask...in jeans. I knew this could only lead to one thing...they're all gonna want store-bought now.

Then, right before my eyes...

Halloween 2015

It had spread. My first all-store-bought-uncreative Halloween since 2002. And The Scream Mask started it all.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...

Halloween 2016

I was officially down one trick-or-treater and my favorite holiday of the year was crashing down around me, like a thoughtless, themeless, uncreative, and random tornado. I was bewildered and posted this on Facebook at 5am the next morning.

But I was hanging in there with the other 2, clinging to the hope of next year.

Halloween 2017

This can't be happening.

The Scream Mask...in jeans emerges again. This time claiming Fulton. I know it won't be long before he shares with me that he doesn't want to trick-or-treat anymore either.

But there's one more! Hopefully, I've got a few years left with Oliver, before he utters those fateful words, "I just want to wear the Scream Mask."

In the meantime, with all creativity crushed and shattered, what's a Halloween-lovin' mom to do?

Old-School Trolls

Take it out on her husband, of course! {Don't let him fool you. I think he secretly loves it.}

So beware when your kids say they want to wear the Scream Mask. It's really the beginning of the end.

A quarter of a Century is a long time...So get a Counselor before you need one

2017-10-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

October 24th marked 25 years since we first started dating in 1992. That was such a fun and fresh time in our lives. I've shared our "how we met" tale on here a couple of other times, but the main thing about it is that only a few days after I turned 18, this quiet, sweet, and super shy guy had captured my heart and I just knew he was "the one". I was young and dumb, but I had one thing right.

About a year before we started dating, I was a high school Junior and he was a Senior, and an amazing basketball player. I was completely bored with the boy friend options and decided to start harassing this poor guy with a girl's name, Shannon. I was determined to "crack" him, and get him to laugh and make him talk to me in SAT Math class. All I got out of my efforts was a detention or two and a new seating assignment. But I was still determined.

Any who... A year later we found ourselves as groupies for my brother's band and he finally came to his senses and realized he'd NEVER be able to get away from me. So I dragged this college freshman to all my stupid high school functions and we both loved every minute of it. And I realized I had my life's partner in crime...my ride or die. And Oh! the fun we've had over the last 25 years!

We often talk about how awesome it is to have seen each other through so many phases of life so far. Fortunes and misfortunes. Victories and defeats. Beauty and plain ol' ugliness. As with most couples, we've had our typical ups and downs. In recent years we've been down more than up and we've found ourselves constantly pulling "us" out of the pit. If you've ever been in the pit, you know the questions that are being hurled around. I'd be lying if I said we'd never thought about throwing in the towel. But anytime we questioned if this was even worth it, our answer has always been "yes"! It may have been a quivering, squeaky "yes". It may have been a very quiet and delayed "yes". And it may have taken someone from the outside looking in to convince us of "yes". But however it was declared, we decided that YES, it is worth it.

The work involved in the "yes" looks daunting sometimes, and has humbled us in many ways. But in 25 years we've learned so much about the mechanics of our relationship. So we sat down and made a list of 25 things we've learned in 25 years to share with you. I thought Shan would roll his eyes and snicker at the idea, but if you just ask, sometimes you will be pleasantly surprised by someone's willingness to participate!

So here goes...

25 Things in our 25 Years

Get a counselor BEFORE you need one! Neutral third parties are vital. We have a fabulous person and we both go. Together and separately. Does it mean we're floundering and on the brink of the "Big D"? Not all. Just the opposite. It has strengthened us more than I ever imagined. Sometimes we talk about jobs, parenting, household projects, or big decisions. Sometimes we talk about marriage. It's FABULOUS! And surprisingly, lots of insurances cover it. So no excuses. If yours doesn't, it's worth saving for a monthly session at a minimum. It's cheaper than divorce.
Learn your love language and his. When we got married 18 years ago, my mom gave me 2 books. She said if you don't read anything else for the rest if your life, at least read these. One was the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you fell in love with someone who spoke Swahili, wouldn't you try to learn the language? Same thing goes for showing and receiving love. If you don't know yours or his...take the quiz here and thank me later. www.5lovelanguages.com
Know his needs and your needs...for real. This was the other book mom gave me, His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley. Men have 5 basic needs. Women have 5 basic needs. They make ridiculous amounts of sense. Know them!
Beware of the fantasy. I can 100% guarantee you that only the devil himself will plant a temptation in your life that will look like a great "opportunity". I can also 100% guarantee that that "opportunity" will not involve someone else's wife/husband, nor will that "opportunity" involve someone other than your wife/husband if God has anything to do with it. Accept the flattery of the attention as just that, flattery, and move on. The best way to destroy your marriage is to fall prey to the fantasy. That's all it is and it's not worth it in the end. If you're meeting each other's needs (#3) in the first place, the "opportunity" is less likely to appear.
Go on a date. We were terrible about this for many years, especially when the boys were really little. What we've learned...DO IT ANYWAY! If you can't afford a big to-do with a sitter and a big night, do a co-op with friends and swap-care, go on a lunch date while they're in school or at lunch bunch after preschool, go get coffee or ice cream, or get take out and sit in the car to avoid tips and expensive drinks. We've done it all! I love a cozy date night in too, if that's all we can do, but that gets really difficult with older children who never go to bed. And getting out of the house just does the trick.
Use your words. The thing that sticks in my head the most that we've gotten from counseling is USE YOUR WORDS! You're a big kid. Tell each other how you feel! And do it nicely. Our person always says, "the more words, the better." If someone doesn't know something's wrong, they can't fix it! I know there are some people who are challenged in this area. I married a man of few words, but he's getting better every day. And I get better at giving him a chance to use his words.
Use more words. Who doesn't love a compliment? For the love of Mary!... If it's nice, and it just popped into your head, SAY IT! And then take it a step further. "You look nice/I love it when you...because...". And guess what? That person is going to start doing that thing a lot more often! It's a win-win. Same thing goes for apologies. Don't just say sorry. Say, "I'm sorry that I...because...". If you don't acknowledge their hurt and your foul, then it means nothing.
Explore your person's world. Go do what he loves to do. Golf, fishing, hunting, etc. Ask him to go do what you love to do. Play tennis, work in the garden, take a cooking class. It's fun to see your partner in their element. I feel like I've seen a different side to Shan after I've watched one of his basketball games...before his knees blew out. It gives each other a chance to show off their own bad-assery!
Marriage is to grow us. Y'all may have already figured this out, but it took me a while. God designed marriage to grow us into who He intends us to be. Every single day we learn something new about ourselves and how we relate to others. If it was aways comfortable, then we'd be Jell-O. We'd never change! So let yourself grow. If God's involved, it'll be beautiful!
Give 2nd chances. Our God is a God of 2nd chances. You are not above granting a 2nd chance. Unless abuse is involved, be willing to hear your person out and give grace. You may actually learn something about his or her needs. If we hadn't shown each other grace and given 2nd chances, we would have crashed and burned long ago. Plus, goodness happens when we give grace!
When emotions are high, discernment is low. We learned that in a couples Bible study once and it stuck with us. When things are intense, it is not a good time to talk about it. Your pre-frontal cortex is shot! You're gonna have to simmer down in order to reason and resolve the issue. Shan is rill good at this. He's sat on things for a couple of days before. I have no idea how he does that. Me?...Nope. But I'm still trainable.
Don't say you're done, unless you're REALLY done. We have both said, "you know what? I'm done!", an obscene amount of times until we finally forbid ourselves to say it ever again. It is off-limits. And if you know it's off limits it forces you to deal with the situation and push through. So no, you are not "done".
Learn all about Moody Bitches. I encourage every woman, and everyone who loves a woman, or who is raising a woman to read this book by Julie Holland. We are all Moody Bitches and you need to know why. This book just may save every relationship in the history of forever. Once you read it, pass it along.
Stop Comparing. Social media has created this monster. Of course people are going to celebrate their good days on Facebook and Instagram. I don't fault anyone for that. I do it too. I only know a handful of folks who air it all (and it's super entertaining, I might add). But, no! The grass is not greener. We've learned if it appears to be, it is only for 2 reasons... 1) There's a whole bunch o' manure on the lawn. More than you want to deal with. Or 2) They are taking time to pull the weeds and feed the rough patches. So fix your own grass.
Gratitude. It's a fact that people do a better job when they feel appreciated. It's also a fact that people feel better about life in general when they offer thanks and gratitude. Say "thank you" periodically. It's not hard. Same thing as compliments...if it pops in your head and you're grateful, SAY IT!
Brag a little! Here I go with words again. Brag about your person. If you ate at a good restaurant you'd tell people, right? So why not tell everyone about the great meal your sweetie made? Or tell them about how hard they've been working on this new DIY project. Do it when they aren't around. It creates positive energy...a little flicker of pride and appreciation for what you have, and it'll stay with you. I swear.
There's power in a hug. I love me some words, but when words fail you, give a hug. A hug says I love you, you're safe, I understand, I'm happy to see you, I'm sorry, I appreciate you, and so much more! Even people who hate hugs, deep down, they need one too. Hug!
Take a trip down memory lane. From time to time, reminisce about how you met or what your favorite memories are from early on. I don't know what it is about going back to that happy place that reignites the spark and makes you feel giddy all over again. I love hearing his version! It makes me laugh and wonder why the heck I didn't scare him off.
Romantic Love vs. Mature Love Mature love is supposed to be our ultimate goal. Romantic love is fun and frivolous. It's necessary to stir passion and win over a heart. Romantic love is fleeting, but mature love is constant and unconditional. I think of how Shan took care of me after 3 C-sections and how I did the same for him after 2 knee surgeries. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else, and he wouldn't have either. Mature love is cozy and safe. But it can also be boring, which is where the struggle comes in. At some point, healthy, long-lasting relationships turn into mature love, but it's important to keep some aspects of the romantic love in play. I'm a nostalgic person and love the feeling of frivolous romantic love. I'm conflicted though. I'd rather have the safety and security of mature love, but I still crave the butterfly-inducing thrill of romantic love. Striking the balance of settling into mature love, but simultaneously keeping romantic love new and fresh is a constant challenge. So here's what we've learned... Make plans to take a trip! That's a three-fold thrill...looking forward to it - actually going - then reminiscing. Surprise your spouse! With anything from a visit to work for lunch, a special night out with friends, or tickets to an event. Leave love notes here and there, because those are always fun to find. And tell your guy to buy the grocery store flowers if it means keeping the thrill in mature love!
In & Out - Over & Over It took us a while and a couple of doozies to realize you're not going to be on your "A game" all the time in your relationship. Sometimes you're in and sometimes you're out. And it's going to happen more than once. Just know that while one person is still in the game, you've still got a shot. But if both of you are on the bench, it's not going to end well. Nor is it going to end well if that one person tries to play the whole game alone. If you can just hang on until a timeout comes along, you'll be good.
Stay Golden. And scratch each other's back. Literally and figuratively. You scratch his back and he'll scratch yours. And joint back scratching can only lead to good things! {*wink* And we all know that's a good thing for marriage.} Payback can be hell, but this is your chance to make it really sweet. Seriously though. Good deeds and doing for others what you'd like them to do for you is a simple, yet dynamic and effective concept. That's why it's the Golden Rule!
Opposites continue to attract. If it feels like you're growing apart, you're just not leaning in close enough. The same things that attracted you in the first place are still there, they just might look a little different after 25ish years. The majority of couples are polar opposites...night owl/early bird, impulsive/planner, introvert/extrovert...etc. That never changes. Idiosyncrasies might. But do you really want a partner who gradually morphs into you? Ewww. No! If you feel distance, bridge the gap! Lean in and embrace the differences.
Celebrate your person! This may sound dumb, but throw at least one surprise party. It's even better on a half birthday or a random 33rd or 47th... and offers a great reprieve in case you accidentally dropped the ball on a milestone. Same concept as bragging but with cake...and friends and wine. Shan got a 40th and I got a 40.5! Neither of us will ever forget it and we both agree that it made us feel super special.
Keep your friends. You need your friends to do your things. He needs his friends to do his things. And you need friends together. The best kind of couple friends are the ones who love their spouses and who equally support your marriage. It doesn't mean their marriage has to be picture-perfect. But it's the ones who believe in duking it out for the long haul, through the ups and downs. It's a lot harder to fall apart if you have a safety net around you.
Plan for the empty nest. What do you want your marriage to look like on the other side of raising kids? Start doing those things now. The experiences and moments may be few and far between while you're trapped in these wild, hairy days of carpool and athletic fields. But don't wait to reconnect after they're gone. It'll be too late.

Wow! You made it to the end. I know there are a gazillion articles on relationships and marriage, but hopefully there was a nugget you could take away from this list.

All-in-all, I have to say Shan and I love each other pretty darn hard and well. We muddle through the good, bad, and the ugly and try to keep perspective. This whole spending-the-rest-of-your-life-together thing is completely wild and unpredictable. I know this list will change as we do, and we haven't mastered any of the above, but we keep all of them in practice on the daily. Bottom line...I am his, and he is mine, and we will continue to work on the details.

A Letter On Your 15th Birthday

2017-10-15T14:52:00.000-04:00

Dear Sambo,

I have no idea if I'm doing any of this right. I'm sure you think I'm failing miserably most days. But I promise you, I try my best, with LOTS of God's and my village's help! And I'll always apologize to you because you had to be my guinea pig on this parenting thing! It ain't easy.

But when I take a step back from the day to day chaos, from being a "cringy" mom, our clashing tastes in music, and all your eye-rolling, I see the unique, amazing person you're becoming. Your sweet heart and the way you love your family, the way you recognize the hurt and needs of others, your passion for music and talent on the guitar, and the handsome young man you've become, are all things that make a momma smile. But more than anything!...I love that you feel like "fitting in" is not a good option for you, because you were definitely born to stand out.

So about all this turning 15 stuff. First of all, that went by REALLY fast. "TBH", I really do NOT want to teach you to drive. That scares me in more ways than you can imagine. Until now, I've faced the challenges head on. But dad will just have to do that, and I will just close my eyes and rock in the corner. Remember...eyes on the road, hands at 10 and 2, and mostly, that no phone call, text message, Snapchat, or anything else is more important than your safety and the safety of the people you're sharing the road with! Pull over if you need to respond immediately.

I know you're at an age where things will be offered to you. Things that are not safe, or healthy and things you aren't ready for...even if you think you are. People who say "no" are stronger than the ones who say "yes". The "nos", they're just blending in. As Muzzy always told me, "people judge you by the company you keep." Remember your faith. Remember your goals. And remember that in the words of Boppa that "it only takes one time" and "nothing good happens after midnight". And remember that absolutely no one got anywhere good in a body bag. So pick good friends.

Speaking of body...your body is a temple. Trash in - trash out. Make good choices. What you do today effects your tomorrow. Keep up the great work with golf and weightlifting. And remember my obsession with Marky-Mark. He did not get those abs sitting on his computer or eating a whole box of Cheez-its, and the container of cupcakes his mom bought for his brother's class.

I'm sure that you've already realized this, but I also want you to know that girls are awesome! They might smell good, be pretty, funny, and some appear smarter than others, but all of them are STRONG. So strong that they will crush your heart. Choose one wisely! You may feel particularly entranced by a few, but they are NEVER to be taken advantage of. I don't give a rip what the circumstances are...NO, MEANS NO. You're a boy, and it will without a doubt ALWAYS be your fault. Girls are to be respected and they are never objects to be exploited. I know you've heard this a million times already, but it's worth repeating. Thankfully, you've got an excellent role model in your dad. Keep watching what he does!

Mind your manners. You are now old enough that your manners - good or bad - are becoming more of a reflection of you, than how you've been raised. It's still pretty basic. Say please and thank you, yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir to your elders and authority figures, extend your hand, look people in the eye, open and hold doors for ladies, the elderly, and the disabled, and for the love of all things...surrender the parking place - the extra steps are good for you and please let people OFF the elevator before you get on (makes me crazy). Trust me! It's appreciated. Kindness always wins, and as always, just treat others as you'd like to be treated!

I'm gonna talk about the "S" word now. Sorry! You roll your eyes when it comes up, but school really IS important. It comes easier to some more than others. I know you'd rather eat glass than get up and go most days. But you HAVE to go or we'll go to jail, and you'll more than likely have to dig ditches for minimum wage to support your brothers and #BadArnold if you don't. Not kidding. Just do the work. If anyone gets it, I do! I got my Masters in Procrastination. It took me 5 years to get out of high school and 6 to finish college. I don't recommend it. Brady Souder and your dad lectured me in college one night, as I sat procrastinating in the same spot for hours and hours. Their message to me was along the lines of...Your other options don't look too hot without an education. So hurry up and finish so we can go out! I hope you're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down, Sam. And always remember how your first summer job felt. That's pretty much what life would be like without school.

At any rate...Keep the faith! God WILL carry you when you feel like you can't carry yourself. If you don't know what to do, ask Him first, then us. He will never steer you wrong and cause you harm. He continues to sculpt you and so far He's doing a fine job. You are precious to all who know you, Sambo and I hope you will never doubt your greatness! So CHEERS to 15! Make the best of it and the years to come. Oh Happy Day! We love you.

XO,

Mom

P.S. I know Fulton and Oliver probably wonder why the heck I always write to/about you. One day they'll realize that because of the gigantic learning curve parenting you that there's really not a whole lot to preach about and apologize for with them. I can focus on the frilly stuff. So technically, they've been spared in the long run.

You I love.

2017-08-25T15:22:00.000-04:00

Carson told Robin when she was really little that instead of saying "I love you", she would rather say "you I love". Because if it's the last time you see that person, the last word you said to them was "love." There's so much truth and goodness to that! Just like the goodness Robin brought to our lives.

So today is the day. One year. "Miss" is too weak a word. I can't quite think of a word that describes this last year of firsts without her. The last time I saw her was August 25, 2016 at 3:22 PM at the gas station. The reason I know it was 3:22 is because I looked at the clock and couldn't believe that she wasn't already in the carpool line to get Carson at 3:45. She liked to be the first one Carson would see when she would walk out. We both smiled and waved, as both of us were on our phones, per usual...and I'm sure both of us were assuming that we would see each other after carpool in the cul-de-sac in the next 20 minutes anyway. But God had another plan. Since that time I have thought of 1000 things I wished that I could have said to her, if I had only known it would be the last time I would see her.

Supposedly, as I've read, "grief is just love with no place to go." This year of firsts has been hard. But I am forever grateful for Carson, Billy, Tricia, Cheryl, and Bergen, and all the friends who knew and loved Robin who have given me a place to put that love. Especially those who have asked how everyone is and who have listened to my Robin stories. Thank you! Sharing definitely eases the pain. She loved us all so hard and so fiercely. And she would also love knowing how frequently her name comes up in our conversations.

In her absence so much has happened. So much I wish we could talk about. There have been birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and every day life…teen drama, mama drama, she would have gotten a kick out of the third-world-like illnesses at the Baker house this year, car accidents, my exercise induced panic attack that sent me to urgent care, drama in The Acres, and all sorts of stuff. I have cackled and belly laughed by myself in my car thinking about her while passersby probably thought that I was crazy. I have sat silently and mindlessly recalling some of my favorite times with her, wanting to hear her voice again. There have even been times that I have said "oh my gosh I've got to tell Robin", only to feel the blow of reality. Then there are the deep moments of grief, I feel they have aged me…a lot. She would thoroughly enjoy the new wrinkles that have popped up on my face and the ridiculous amount of gray hairs that have sprouted. And then she would encourage me to let Billy color it...because he just LOVED to do hers! 😜 But I have also felt an urge to live life to its fullest. I have found myself seizing opportunities and having confidence to do things I wouldn't have ordinarily done. It's been a gift in this ugly, dark time.

Instinctively, I still look across the street and wonder when she's going to be home. And I also miss her phone calls first thing in the morning and her walking over to sample my dinners while I was cooking...because she wasn't. I am blessed to have had her directly across the street and in my every day life for 10 years. She may be gone, but I'll never forget the pizzazz she added to my life. I said in her eulogy that I have never had a friend quite like Robin, and I doubt that I ever will again. And I still feel the same way a year later.

I would love to think that she can see this post and know how much she's missed, but I know better than that. I know that where she is is far greater than anywhere here on earth. But I'm still waiting on that cell service to Heaven, or at the very least a Facebook page! It sure would take grieving down a notch.

Any who... we made it through the "firsts" and we're on to "seconds". And I'll always be wishing she was here while celebrating her memory every single day.

"You I love", sweet friend!

Summer 2017 Edition of "Have You Ever?"

2017-08-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever...

left your 14 year-old son for dead in the middle of the NC mountains, in a cabin straight out of Deliverance, at an all-girls camp to work on the kitchen staff, with one of his best buddies from birth?

Facetime with Sambo at Camp Glenn-Arden, where he spent 2 weeks on the kitchen staff. I may or may not have cried when I dropped him off. SO thank God for Facetime!

Sam and Harper's cabin...can you hear the banjo music?

Sam-Sam the dish-washin' man.

Sam and his buddy Harper who got him into this mess. 😉 But he came out with a pretty good paycheck and a solid skill set in the kitchen.

been in awe of a God-wink straight from Heaven?

Long story, short... At Worship Week Camp, Fulton was asked to sing a verse from one of my favorite praise songs, which happened to also be Robin's favorite and was played at her funeral. I have no doubt in my mind that she had something to do with that song selection for Fulton and I was so happy to have Carson standing right there with me.

In my last post I mentioned that it had been kind of an "off" summer. I've struggled to juggle it all - working from home, entertaining the boys, and taking care of the house, all while Shan has been traveling. My prayer each day is to "be signing when the evening comes." Most nights my singing sounds more like a sigh of relief that I survived another day. But in my heart I'm singing!

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord Oh My Soul)

And Oliver couldn't have made a more precious Blues Brother in his skit!

had a night that you didn't want to end, because it meant saying goodbye to someone you've loved a very long time?

You'll have to read it here on Facebook, because I don't want to start crying again.

reconnected with childhood friends for a wedding weekend and automatically turned back into a 12 year-old girl?

I love friends who are more like family and the fun weddings that go along with them! We had an amazing weekend in Charleston with two of my oldest friends, Christine and Dawn, and Christine's family.

had a Snapchat filter ease your pain until the meds kicked in?

Chronic Daily Headaches (it's a real thing...look it up) are not for sissies!!!

gone to an abandoned mall to ride the escalators and run the halls on a hot, rainy, summer day in Columbia, SC?

Well.

had a little red table that you purchased from the preschool where your boys went, and they have all out grown it, but you just can't get rid of it because they still like to sit there?

They literally eat breakfast and lunch here everyday.

had a little boy who brings the party be in so much pain that you will stop at nothing to find out what is wrong...even if it makes you look like the Munchausen By Proxy mom?

Another long story... basically what started out as a sinus infection, turned into a hellacious cough, that caused excruciating middle of the night headaches for this guy, and landed us in the ER and Dr.'s office a few times and then a brain MRI. We are happy to report that according to our family friend who is a neurologist that Fulton has a very healthy and "fluffy" 11 year-old brain. I am not happy to report that he still has his horrible cough 3 1/2 weeks later and that he has passed it on to me and Sam!

used your phone-a-friend to get picked up a block from your house and be taken to urgent care, during a run, in the middle of a summer day, because your heart-rate was 2,000,000 BPM, only to find out it was an exercise-induced panic attack and you were a little dehydrated?

Can't make it up. Discuss amongst yourselves.

jumped the batteries for two stranded motorists in one week - one of whom is a dear friend on a conference call for a meeting that both of you are supposed to be at, while you have bronchitis and are seeking mechanical assistance from YouTube and your "back-up husband" on the phone because your husband is out of town and her husband is in the middle of a deposition - and the other motorist is a stranger at gas station who caused you to miss your movie time?

Mandy will kill me for posting this. But it's amazing the lengths we'll go to for our fellow Junior Leaguers!

Funny tidbit...we both have the same car and neither of us knew how to open the hood. I had to watch a YouTube. 😳

had to call the FAPD because a lady with a husky on a leash comes into your yard repeatedly to "play with your dog", even though you've asked her not to, and then your dog eventually gets attacked...just as you thought he would?

#BadArnold is his nickname for fun, but he is really a great dog and I felt so sorry for him. But y'all it sounded like Call of the freakin Wild outside in my front yard. Poor buddy was pinned under the shrubs yelping. 😢

taken your children to be tested for Whooping Cough because nothing is helping this cough and it's been in your house for almost a month?

Just got the call...NO WHOOPING COUGH! Praise for small victories.

had a summer that sent you on a trip to the grocery store, that makes it look like you just broke up with your boyfriend?

But seriously. Have you...EVER?

Excuses for a Lackluster Summer

2017-08-10T16:29:00.002-04:00

Y'all the summer is almost a wrap and it all started out grand. But some how it completely lost it's sparkle and may very well go down in Baker history as one of the lamest summers ever!

The beginning...it was good. We had the Baker family beach trip, swim team, and an anniversary trip to Asheville. We had a quick trip for 4th of July, minus Sambo, to Pawley's for Salute from the Shore - one of my social media accounts - and we were livin' it up. We didn't even let the crappiness of a girl running a red light and totaling my car dampen our spirits. We were in it!

#SummerBakation2017

Celebrating 18 in Asheville at the breweries and at a good high school friend's restaurant - The Junction 👍 👍.

Summer swim team season 4 at SVCC.

July 4th in Pawley's with 4/5 of the crew.

The joke of that day and the death of the Green Goddess is that the girl hit her so hard that she $#!+ her horn (3rd pic).

We were all ready to take on the summer. And the boys were ready to take on our weekly thematic schedule that F&O made up! We had a plan. A plan that would allow me to work and them to have something to look forward to daily. I thought it was pretty clever.

I planned to make a cute graphic to post, but...

Everything about Sam in this picture makes me giddy with joy! The other two are pretty stinkin' awesome too.

Make it Monday yielded a Funfetti cake by Sam, a chocolate pie by Oliver, and a lemon pie by Fulton.

We successfully made it one whole week on our schedule and then it was just piece-meal. A day here, a day there. #momfail #schedulefail

My excuse... Last May-ish (2016) I started working from home doing some social media management, and in January I took the plunge and started my own consulting company - CB Vivid. It has only been about 7 or 8 months, but I have REALLY loved it! My clients, the flexibility, collaborating daily with one of my oldest and closest friends... I needed that little schedule they made to break up our days and give me some structure, so I wouldn't get completely sucked into work. But the summer got me! I thought I was, but I was not prepared, y'all.

I was presented with a whole-new challenge - managing a real-live business with conference calls, being on other people's schedules - not my children's, deadlines, BIG marketing budgets, high-profile events, PLUS managing a household with 3 active boys on swim teams and golf teams, play dates, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, packing for vacation, trying to exercise and eat right...the whole kit and caboodle. Then you throw in the "traveling husband" and overwhelmed doesn't begin to describe the feeling. Maybe suffocating?

I did some sitters and grandparents here and there, but scheduling and coordinating sitters is hard and I'm a worry wart about their safety, and I haaaaaaaaaate asking my mom and MIL for help. H.A.T.E. it. It's an issue. But I don't want to put other people out. So I've been slogging through it, basically as a single mom during the week.

If based on the last month, my kids "What I did over summer break" essay will probably say something like...watched TV from 7am to 4pm, fought with my brother every hour on the hour, destroyed the den and the upstairs, ate copious amounts of refined sugar, poison, dye, and saturated fat from boxes of pre-packaged food, played video games until my eyes bled, did science experiments without my mom's permission with random household chemicals and ingredients, etc. I'm sure their new teachers will think we're a lovely family.

Where am I going with this? Who knows ? I guess it's just real life. And in real life THEY ARE FINE! I am fine. And at the end of the day, they are loved, fed, and clean-ish! I have always bent over backwards to make sure my boys have had epic summer vacations. Something noteworthy...postable. There were definitely some good moments - all those mentioned up there ^^^, some fun day camps, a spontaneous trip to Carowinds, and some trips to the movies, but it's just different than what we're used to.

Worship Week Music Camp at Shandon Baptist

I am no longer a thrill seeker. Shan gets all that glory! I stick with Oliver.

Despicable Me 3 with 2 of my 3 Minions and Wonder Woman with my 3 Wonder Boys

It's just seemed off - a little chaotic and lackluster. Call it poor planning or lack of prioritizing. I'll know better next summer what to expect. I know this summer is not going to be the ruination of them. They have actually gained some valuable skills. They've gotten creative, learned a little conflict resolution, time-management, learned to handle disappointment, and that the world does not revolve around them or their summer break. They may have even developed a greater appreciation for the routine that the new school year brings (I know I have!).

I can't say from now until August 22 that there will be any exciting trips or events to blog about, so I'm putting #SummerBakation2017 in the books and anything else will just be gravy.

May-cember 2017

2017-05-26T14:53:00.000-04:00

♫♪♩Do you remember the
25th night of May-cember?...♫♬♪

I think I'm going to re-write September by Earth, Wind, and Fire, because someone has got to capitalize on the mayhem that ensues in the month of May. We have songs in December for the holidays! Why not for the end of the school year???

Here we are...playoffs, parties, and awards...OH MY!

Yesterday, we wrapped it up and put a BIG FAT bow on middle school for Sam and elementary school for Fulton. And Oliver is just along for the ride as he rounds out 2nd grade. Such a good sport as we dragged him to and from ceremonies and parties for his big brothers. Bless his heart!

There's a part of me that wants to be sappy and sentimental about their transitions. But I can't. Maybe it's new meds or maybe it's just that I am so damn glad to say that...

WE SURVIVED MIDDLE SCHOOL with our 1st CHILD.

(Bold is not enough. I feel like that ^^^ should flash or something.)

During the address one of Sam's teacher's gave, they thanked the parents and said we couldn't do it without your support, carpooling, conferences, volunteering, etc. Shan and I looked at each other and added...all-nighters, counseling, alcoholism, near-divorce, money trees, loss of sleep, stomach ulcers, come to Jesus-es, blood, sweat, tears. All of it!

In the words of Clark Griswold..."Hallelujah! Holy Sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?" I realize we've got two more to go, but when you know what to expect, it's bound to be less painful. Right?

Everything about middle school is so awkward. I guess that's why there are countless books and TV shows on the topic.

I think (pray) that high school will be much different for Sam. I love the person he is becoming and know that he will make himself and us proud. His sweet, quiet nature, atypical learning style, and his confused mother are often a train wreck in a tornado when mixed, and might have something to do with our middle school experience. But we do the best we can...teaching each other as we go. And it's gone by super fast. I mean it truly feels like yesterday that I wrote this post. I can hear and feel the words I typed that day. All-in-all, he did well, has great friends, and has managed to keep his amazing sense of humor and character.

Fulton, fortunately for him, this won't be his momma's first rodeo. And that boy...he doesn't leave anything on the table. He sees it. He wants it. He gets it. He was born with a fire and a spirit that I cannot relate to. But whatever it is...I love it! He is eager to leave the elementary school nest because he wants to do "more". I am excited for him in this next chapter.

These handsome guys have been together since the Kilbourne Park Preschool days.

Any who...yesterday was a good BIG day for my boys.

At their promotion ceremonies, Sam was recognized for being part of a varsity sport and the A/B honor roll. Fulton was recognized for multiple achievements in academics and character. It was pretty sweet and I couldn't be more proud of them!

Fulton high tailed it to an EOY pool party to celebrate.

Sam and I got him ready for the 8th grade gala put on by the 8th grade team at Crayton.

These guys wanted to go "stag" to keep their "options open". Hehehehehe!!!

And Shan, Fulton, and Oliver had their final football games, where precious Oliver scored ANOTHER touchdown. He's done great this season. But I'm sad to say that with all the dividing and conquering to get the boys to and from, I only caught one game. 😞 I feel good knowing Shan was their coach and that I got the best play by play recap of each game!

Pay no attention to the fact that my children are the only ones without the uniform shorts...because their mother forgot to wash them! Score!!!

Last week we had the Spring sports banquet where Sam received a varsity letter for being part of the AC Flora Golf team in their 8th consecutive State Championship.

And Fulton had his Spring concert for the Satchel Ford singing group called the Sensations. I seriously want to take that group on tour! They are a hit among the whole school and so much fun to watch!

This time they did a tribute to one of Fulton's classmates and fellow Sensations member who died from complications of an auto-immune condition a few weeks ago. With a humble heart of gold, beautiful smile, and dynamic personality, Vijay Sanders was a bright spot in everyone's day...always. There wasn't a dry eye in the room when they dedicated the song "Hall of Fame" to him. Probably the sweetest thing I've witnessed a group of children put together...EVER. During the evening performance for the parents, they also incorporated a slide show. I had the opportunity to attend his funeral and it was a beautiful send-off and celebration of his short, but impactful life. There is no doubt that Vijay will always be in the "hall of fame" and hearts of everyone at Satchel Ford.

And then there was a zoo field trip for Oliver's class and of course, FIELD DAY!!! Sam, Carson and Emme wanted to exert their 8th grade seniority and go back to their old stompin' grounds to visit. They even got in on a little balloon stomp action and said goodbye to their favorite PE teacher, Mr. Stillwell, who is retiring.

Oh and I can't leave off the Mother's Day Tea! Perfectly precious and priceless!!! It's hard to believe that that was my first Mother's Day program ever. Neither of the other boys had them along the way. I was pretty excited!

Muzzy and NaNa were overwhelmed by the sweet sentiments from Oliver.

Though it's busy, and I complain, I have to admit that life would be quite boring without May-cember. I think once I stop, breathe, and look at the bigger picture, I feel blessed that we have active boys. And we have a fabulous community with great schools and friends to help us make it more fun. So Cheers to another fabulous May-cember!!

Now...time to take on summer 2017.

Easter 2017

2017-05-23T19:55:00.000-04:00

With all the End-of-the-School-Year activities and Summer just around the corner, I don't want to fall behind again. It's always difficult to weave a missed-post in here when life is coming at us so fast.

Any who...

Here's my Easter recap.

The week prior to Easter was filled with Spring Break fun and our traditional egg-dying. But now, egg-dying with the boys is a sight to behold. Long gone are the days of making brightly colored masterpieces and signing their names and drawing crosses with the white crayon to personalize their eggs. Dying eggs was a major process when they were super little. Not just avoiding spills and cracked eggs, but picking the next color and the pressing decision of whether or not to do striped or tie-dyed eggs. It would eat up at least an hour and a half of a spring afternoon. Now...

This is what egg-dying looks like with 3 boys...14, 11, and 8.

Warning: Pinterest moms should probably close their eyes.

Uuuummmm...they like yellow, green, and diarrhea.

Or camo?

I've got an idea! Let's mix all the colors together and make eggs that look like poop! -Oliver (8)

PRIDE!

The aftermath.

And Easter morning was glorious, as always, as we celebrated a risen Lord at St. John's. Easter service fills me with all things good...restored hope, renewal of faith, and a deeper, greater love for Jesus and His ultimate sacrifice. I love that each year my boys "get it" a little bit more. It's an abstract concept to teach children - even when they've been hearing the story their whole lives. Questions are fewer and farther between as the little light bulbs are all firing in their heads. It's a good feeling as a parent.

After church, we enjoyed a tasty lunch with family at our house. And sadly, it was the first year that no one wanted to do an egg hunt. 😢 (Sniff.) This whole thing with the boys getting older is H-A-R-D!!!

Squinty Easter family

Love a good Snap filter

And love that these boys still love their Easter baskets

Arnold loved his Easter basket too!

Pretty boy!

A man in a (my) apron... Now that's hot!

Sisters 💖

Nothin' says Hallelujah like a risen Jesus and Banana Puddin'

Who knows?

My biggest baby

I was on a roll...

2017-05-08T12:39:00.000-04:00

Roller coaster is more like it. But not like a scary, bad roller coaster. More like the Scooby-Doo roller coaster for kids. You know, with a long straight-away and then an unexpected belly-dropping dip and then back up a little hill for another dip to add some excitement! Enough to keep you entertained but not too overwhelmed.

So I last left you with the story of our AMAZING current state of athletics in SC. But before that and until now, there's been SO MUCH more!

Man-up-to-the-Barre date night with some awesome peeps at Barre3 Columbia

The Tree-Condo that has almost ruined our marriage that Shan is determined to build for his boys. Which I'm pretty sure it'll turn into my she-shed or his man-cave because they will all be in college by the time he finishes.

When this sent us...

here.

The intervention that I had to have with the teen-alien who lives upstairs and who I have failed miserably.

I am praying for his wife daily...well, actually praying that he finds one. 😳

(An aside...the drawers are fully functioning. He just likes them open so he can "see his stuff". And please note overflowing trash can in the reflection of the mirror. #cannotdeal #thisiswhyGodmadeXanax)

There was a trip to the Aiken Steeplechase...

With good friends!
Clearly it was very bright and and the glare was terrible because I couldn't open my eyes in either picture.

Lord give me strength...they like to gamble.

A fun night out with my lifelong bestie on Daniel Island...

to see NeedtoBreathe

An awful April Fools joke played by Sam and Fulton
"MOM!!!! I accidentally slammed his head in the door..." (at nighttime the blood looked really real.)

A super fun baby shower for my sweet cousin

A field trip to the NASCAR Hall of Fame

A fabulous long weekend in Hilton Head for Spring Break

It was all fun and games until...

all this...

turned into this. It was a shortened trip due to Shan's stomach bug, (which he later shared with me) and Sam's strep throat. Good times!

I got lights on my patio! It has now become my new favorite retreat!!! Thanks Shan!

I taught my boys a good ol' southern past time...green bean snappin'. #BadArnold even got in on all the action.

My childhood friend, Dawn and her husband came to town and we enjoyed catching up over dinner with our boys. Her son Jack and Oliver are close in age and hit it off instantly. Love seeing friendships come full-circle.

I have taken on the role of Board Manager for Junior League for 2017-18 and was in charge of organizing our weekend planning retreat. Board Manager essentially means...

I'm Ms. Garrett from The Facts of Life.

See.

We set fire to the left over Easter PEEPS for a cross between Creme Brûlée and old fashioned roasted marshmallows. FAB!

Oliver may or may not have a fire fettish.

Love my patio. Y'all gotta come sit with me!

There've been a few good girls nights...

This group could be the cast of Bad Moms 2 and...

then there just might be a t-shirt in the works for this group. 🔥 Love them all!

I always like to do an Easter post because it's such a GLORIOUS day and it didn't seem to fit in here. So stay tuned for a Very Baker Easter.

The South Shall Rise Again!

2017-04-02T15:22:00.000-04:00

South Carolina universities are giving a whole new meaning to "The South Shall Rise Again". After our state was pummeled in 2015 by two of the worst tragedies in its history, the Charleston 9 church hate crime and a flood of historic proportions, I think it's safe to say our wonderful state had seen better times. But we have slowly, but surely been making a comeback! And right now it's our off the chain collegiate athletics programs!

I have never been a huge sports buff. Odd, I know...seeing as I was raised with 3 brothers and now have 3 sons. But I have always been a cheerleader for whatever's happening on the scoreboard, because I usually have no clue what's going on on the field, court, or course. Maybe it's my ADD or something. To that end, the sports I can most easily pretend I know the most about are baseball, swimming, and basketball. And fortunately for me, the NCAA basketball playoffs were particularly exciting this year with both the women's and men's basketball teams from USC making it to the final four, and the women bringing home the National Championship for the first time!

I won't, and can't recap all the details, number one because if you're a human being, then you most likely saw it firsthand, and secondly because I don't know enough about the details to recap it. All I know is that the men have never made it that far in the finals and the women had made it pretty far but have never won until this year! The USC men losing to Gonzaga was heartbreaking and caused me to take a Xanax and made Darius Rucker cry on TV, but it added a kind of syrupy sweetness to the women's victory two nights later.

And if you don't know a whole lot about our men's coach Frank Martin and our women's coach Dawn Staley, get to know them. They are both class acts and stellar human beings! USC is beyond fortunate to have them.

Currently we have the National champs in football with Clemson, baseball with Coastal Carolina, and basketball with The USC women's basketball team. South Carolina is cranking out other amazing athletes as well. We have the #1 golfer who is projected to win the Master's this year, Dustin Johnson. And if that isn't enough, a cute guy by the name of Hampton Anderson, who I know personally, is our 2016 National champ in collegiate fishing, representing USC. I hear we are on course to be in the finals for that this year as well.

You know, I mainly post here to serve as a journal and memoir of sorts for my boys. I want them to remember how awesome this moment felt! Not only is it a great time to be a Gamecock. It is a great time to be a South Carolinian! Couldn't be more proud to see us rising again.

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be A-Holes

2017-02-27T15:00:00.001-05:00

Apologies in advance to Waylon and Willie.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be a-holes
Don't let 'em talk smack and act like they're cool
It makes 'em look insecure - so much like a tool
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be a-holes
'Cause people won't forget that and they'll grow up to be
A-holes to someone they love

Uh oh! The mama bear has been poked again.

You know that saying, "Boys will be Boys"? Yeah. Well, Boys will be A-holes too. And girls. But I'm here to address the boys. But girl moms can come along for the ride too.

I'd like to break it down for all of you who turn a deaf ear when someone says your child can be an a-hole. I know that may be hard to hear, but we all need to. I live in a house with 3 mostly sweet boys and a husband, who all have the potential to act like an a-hole. Your child is no different. If they are capable of treating you or their siblings like a jerk, then why wouldn't they treat "friends" that way?

I am sure you are not new to the concept of people fighting their own insecurities - their lack of athletic talent, their chubby mid-section, their need to feel accepted/perfect, their less-than desirable home life, their overall awkwardness, etc. - by targeting and belittling others. I know! I know. It is very hard to believe that your child acts differently when you are not around. I get it. But they absolutely do, because you'd probably tear them to shreds if you heard and saw the way they treat others so they can feel super cool and impress their peers.

I also know you're going to want to justify your son's behavior by saying the other child probably provoked it, because our first reaction is to protect our children and see them as a victim. But would you believe that the other child may just be smaller, quieter, may not conform to the popular dress code, or maybe he's just a nice kid and other kids view him as uncool or even better...a target? It happens.

I am certainly not an expert in this field, or any field for that matter. But I grew up in a house full of boys and am now raising a house full. I definitely know what it looks like for boys to be boys...

Friendly fighting - boxing, body slamming, cage fighting on trampolines, whacking each other with sticks and swords, scrappy driveway basketball games, etc.
Friendly rivalry on the court, course, or field - when both parties are equally enjoying it and both walk away feeling good about themselves
Real live peeing contests
Ganging up on younger sisters - maybe even tying her up and leaving her until someone noticed she was missing
Blaming other siblings for their own wrong doing
Back talking parents to prove a point

But for boys to be a-holes is completely different. Boys are not a-holes by nature. They are capable of being nice and kind to others. They become a-holes to cover up hurt and self-doubt. It usually shows up in the form of...

Becoming physically aggressive - pushing, hitting, kicking, or threatening to fight the target
Spreading rumors and making false hurtful comments about the target - such as:

"He sucks at {insert sport}."
"He must be gay because he can't get a girl."
"He is only on the team because the coach felt sorry for him."
"He wears cheap off-brand clothes."

Ganging up and making them feel helpless/backed into a corner
Framing and blaming - destroying property or breaking rules and blaming the target
Talking crap - Constant degrading, heckling, and belittling where no one of authority can hear. Not to be confused with friendly rivalry. Usually about:

clothes
sports ability
girls
academic performance
physical appearance

One-upping and incessant bragging - which sadly, they usually learn from their parents

All of the above is nothing but insecurity and self-doubt. We have encountered all this as parents of three boys. On the rare occasion that we are on the offending side, my boys know there are absolutely going to be consequences for their actions. Those consequences involve humbling themselves and being held accountable. Unfortunately, we have been on the receiving end of a lot of this in recent years. And while I would love to address each negative behavior above with my personal examples and explanations, I'll spare you this time. But I will say, when brought to the parents' attention, the child had minimal consequences, no humbling and accountability was involved, and we were made to look like the bad guys. When did we decide it was OK for our a-hole children not to own their words and actions?

I have consulted professionals of all kinds to get their opinion of how to best handle these situations. I have only walked away more confused - let the school handle it, go straight to the parent, take the highroad, etc. There is no perfect solution! So I wanted to share this with you, in hopes that you will start a dialogue with your potential a-hole son. Several years ago, I saved this to a Pinterest board when our neighbor was dealing with some mean girl drama. Her mom and I sat down with our kids and had them insert names to each of these characteristics. I have also put a copy on my refrigerator to remind my boys of what a friend looks like. I hope that you will do the same. It comes from a children's book called Confessions of a Former Bully. We have never read it, but it gets great reviews and I just love this excerpt!

Really people! No one likes an a-hole! Young a-holes grow up to be big a-holes. In their path of destruction they not only hurt others, they hurt themselves. Your son is 150% capable of doing EVERYTHING on the right side of this chart. So don't act surprised when your phone rings and you learn that he was acting like an a-hole. Ask him if he has ever treated someone this way. Give him a chance to own it! Ask him if he's ever been treated this way. You just may learn something new and help him through any harbored negativity.

He is also 150% capable of doing EVERYTHING on the left side of the chart. Ask him to give you examples of a time when he was a good friend. Yes! I mean your middle and high schoolers especially! It's not a babyish conversation. It's something we have an obligation to do. It also reminds our children of our expectations and the Golden Rule.

If you've made it this far and you're saying "Stop your whining! It's just a phase...kids will be kids...boys will be boys", then you're just the person who needs to read this, because obviously you've been fortunate enough to not be on the receiving end of this. So thank you for sticking around. Hopefully, you took away a nugget.

Alright, I will now step down from my soapbox. But please! I'm begging you... Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be A-holes! Start the conversation now. It's never too late.

XO,
CTBaker

Oh hey {just a} Friday!

2017-02-24T18:33:00.000-05:00

Oh it was just a Friday!

There was this from the teenager...

He ate 5 frozen waffles for breakfast.

He doesn't know front from the back.

He's somewhere in that group of kids boarding a bus for a Wyldlife trip to Carolina Point and didn't even say goodbye.

And this from the other two...

The annual Boosterthon Fun Run to benefit Satchel Ford PTO. There's loud music, people running all over the place, bartenders serving water shots, and principals eating worms. My friend Margaret and I called it an elementary frat party. All because they raised $30K. Good stuff!

And these are the shots you get on your phone when it's too bright to see what you're taking a picture of.

Well maybe that one was ok.

I don't really know what's happening here. All I know is he needs a haircut.

Or what's happening here.

Good attempt at a cute pic!

Hey there buddy! This ain't no walkathon.

Mad skillzzz.

Aaaaaannnnndddd he's out.

Have a great weekend!

XO,

CTBaker

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Funny Memory...Just in Time

2017-02-22T07:32:00.000-05:00

Today I'm thanking Facebook for a funny memory...just in time!

My heart has been a little heavy the last few days, as I realized that we are only a few days away from the six-month mark since we lost Robin. She was my neighbor and closest friend, and I still cannot believe that it has been six months since I have seen her.

Our days were packed with hilarious, nowhere phone conversations that were frequently cut short because someone more important was beeping in...and she wasn't afraid to tell you that. Our days were also filled with great dysfunction! Whether it was the cops showing up for false alarms, Carson's third-world illnesses, or the Baker boys having to get stitches while Robin was babysitting, there was always dysfunction!

Just in the nick of time, this morning Facebook reminded me of one of the funniest events of my entire life. I have NEVER laughed so hard and for so long...after the fact, that is. I have always wanted to tell this story on this blog but I'm afraid it won't translate well if it's transcribed. I've also wondered if I should video the story. But without an audience, I'm afraid it will lose the luster. So I'm going to do the best I can... grab a glass of wine and have a seat!

Wonder-twin powers activate!

And finally the most bizarre poster advocating hand washing I've ever seen...on the wall in a hospital bathroom!!!

Thanks for hanging and I hope you got a good chuckle!

XO,

CTBaker

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Beauty and the Barre

2017-02-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hey friends!

I just wanted to let y'all in on 2 of my favorite things that are making my life a little sweeter {and healthier} and share with you a couple of opportunities to learn more about both...

About 4 years ago I was introduced to Barre3 online. It's an affordable, online exercise program that combines yoga, pilates, and ballet and is a fabulous total body workout. I quickly became obsessed, as it was the greatest workout I'd ever done! Then, about a year and a half later my JLC buddy Lauren opened a studio in Columbia. I joined shortly after and never looked back! I feel more energized and have noticed a crazy change in my strength and endurance and as a bonus I've lost some LBS and inches!

The super awesome thing about Barre3 is they focus on all aspects of a healthy lifestyle - fitness, nutrition, and a mind-body connection. I have made some great friends and truly enjoy going! If you're in my area and ever want to try a class...I'd love to have you as my guest.

Well, this evening (2/21) at 8pm EST Barre3's founder Sadie Lincoln is holding a webinar on getting healthy from the inside out. It's amazing how our gut-health controls the rest of our health. The info is below...I can't wait to tune in and I hope you will too!

Click here to join the discussion!

Next up...

Y'all know I'm a woman on a mission to educate others on the alarming facts and lack of regulations regarding the personal care product industry. Beautycounter is changing the "face" of the industry and we want to teach you more about it!

For 2 and a half years, Beautycounter has been far more than a source for high-performing personal care products for my family and me. It has been a financially rewarding platform for me to share my passion. I LOVE THIS JOB!

My good buddy and mentor Jen is holding an informative Facebook LIVE session Wednesday night (2/22) at 8pm EST. I hope you will join me! It's gonna be full of AWESOME information that you'll want to share with others!

Meet Beautycounter Wednesday, February 22 at 8pm EST!

Click here to learn more!

If you love something...share it!

Here's to hoping my passions will rub off on you a little. 😉

XO,

CTBaker

Oh Hey Friday! | 4 on Friday and a Flashback

2017-02-17T13:44:00.002-05:00

{24 Valentine's Days}

You know what's cool about my Valentine? He doesn't give a rip about Valentine's Day and neither do I. I mean, we like to acknowledge the occasion and exchange a small memento - card...candy, because it's just fun to celebrate something...right? But we are definitely not the go-all-outers or anything.

We used to be! But then we both realized that we get a heck of a lot more mileage out of the random acts of affection than commercially pressured holidays. Shan knows I love him more than air and that I'll always look at him with heart eyes 😍 . And he especially knows that anytime he agrees to wear a costume... Well, we all know how I am about costumes and nothing says love like a grown man in a Jon-Jon. So the love is there!

And although he's a man of few words and I sometimes wonder if he's alive, he will occasionally surprise me. This year he actually did! He got me 2 dozen baby pink roses to commemorate our 24th Valentine's Day together! 💘 LOVE!

I made him some of my world-famous Chocolate Covered Strawberries!

And here I am taking it all the way back to 1993...our very first Valentine's Day together! Maybe there was a ghost in the room or maybe I was contemplating going goth? Either way, I can't figure that look out...so very white.

And of course the Valentine Chicken made a pit-stop to see the boys! The frosted sugar cookies from Silver Spoon...OH MY WORD. And those boys love an iTunes gift card! (If you've been coming here a while, you know we have the ridiculously made-up tradition of the Valentine's Chicken all because of my Kindergarten teacher and then my mom and I who have kept it going for 37 years. Out of control.)

{Boundaries}

No body likes boundaries, but everyone needs them! Friends, parents, grandparents, and especially the kids. Our Sunday School class has been reading this...

and it's really good. I suggest you grab a copy or ask your church to add this to the upcoming studies. Or better yet, come join us anytime! We'll be covering the book over the next 6 weeks. Any who...it's got me really looking forward to class each week because it is so relevant right now.

{#BadArnold}

Has the blog even met Arnold???? I don't think so!

OMGeeeeeee! So last April we went to an annual event called The Golf Ball. It's an auctiony event where the goal is to get you to drink more-spend more. Well, 4 cocktails, 1 - $25 raffle ticket, and a 5 gallon drum that said "puppy" on it later...we came home with a dog.

Here we are just a normal dogless couple and then here we are getting our world rocked! Of all the tickets in that bucket who the heck would have thought we'd actually win.

I mean we had been wanting a dog. Me, more like another dachshund and Shan had really been wanting a lab, but not a lab first. We screwed that up that night. We came home with a 6 week old yellow lab who was appropriately named Arnold Palmer. He has since then become a social media sensation donning the hashtag #BadArnold.

So really long story short - follow his hashtag on Facebook and Instagram - so you can see why he got that hashtag!

Any who, he had to be sent away to "camp". He was in St. Matthews, SC at Beaver Creek Kennels...where bad dogs go to die. Not really, but...you know what I mean. We got him back and he's been home almost 2 weeks and he's SO much better. He'll always be #BadArnold, but he's more like #BetterArnold now. Look at my shweet boy! Who's sleepy?

{French Pressin'}

We are fancy, y'all! In one of my scary convos with Shan about the havoc that the K-cups are wreaking on the environment and our bodies with all their chemicals, I convinced him to go French Press. I don't think he's ever going back to traditional coffee making or K-cups. All those parts inside your coffee maker get corroded with funk and they are all made of plastic. So don't be like...oh well we still use a coffee maker...because it's all gross.

It's amazing how much different the coffee tastes. I'm not even a coffee person, but I notice a huge difference. It doesn't have a plastic after taste! It's amazing. And it makes mornings feel super fancy!

Go get one!

{Flashback Friday}

I really don't have a 5th thing to mention and since I have taken such a huge hiatus I feel like my blog has missed a lot of our lives! So I'm gonna throw in a flashback...

My flashback this week is to last summer when wise guy Sam thought it'd be funny to change my name in my phone and wouldn't tell me how to change it back! 😂 Every time I'd ask Siri something she'd say "Sure Huge Anus! I'll..." We still laugh so hard that we cry! I finally figured it out and have a regular name. But sometimes I secretly wish Siri would still call me Huge Anus because it was hysterical. Especially in public!

Happy Friday!

XO,

"Huge Anus"

Weekend Wrap

2017-02-13T15:13:00.002-05:00

Wow! After my post last Friday, I had no idea I would evoke such emotion. Your FB comments, texts, private messages and conversations in passing warmed my heart. It's so good to know I'm not alone in these feelings. I also did NOT intend to make so many of you sad or fearful of the teen years. It's all good. Just a HUGE learning experience!

But the flip side of all that is that it breathed some life into this empty space of mine. It used to get some pretty good foot traffic on this blog and it was nice to have visitors again...

Thanks for inspiring me to come back!

I used to enjoy recapping our weekends. I want my boys to be able to come back and read what life was like back-in-the-day. It's usually simple with no frills, but it's ours.

{Friday}
I had the pleasure of attending the 2nd Grade Poetry Cafe. We watched and waited as 7000 - no lie - 2nd graders read their masterpieces. Some were endearing and touted love and praise for mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters so sweetly! Some, it was hard to tell who plagiarized who, as they sounded extremely similar to their classmates. Then there was the child who read his perfectly written poem - chock full of metaphors and personification - about his alien-like clothing. I'm sure that mother's heart was melting! ;-)

And Friday night was so eventful that I can't even remember what we did. All I remember is that there was pizza and brownies involved. Good enough.

{Saturday}
What a GORGEOUS day! Winter has decided to only tease us this year in South Cackalacky and Mother Nature has been more than generous with the spring-like temps. So I decided while the crazies were wrapping up their basketball season that I'd do some spring cleaning. My new obsession...Method squirt + mop! With its delightful almond scent, my boys were very disappointed to discover that I actually hadn't made Biscottis, it was just the floor cleaner. Sorry, guys. BUZZ KILL!

Somehow, we ended up being childless Saturday night. The boys all went hither, thither and yon, sleeping over with friends. And Shannon and I were all.alone! We went all out...hot and heavy! With a spic-n-span house, we spent the evening eating takeout sushi, getting caught up to the season finale of The Affair and doing this...

Folding six loads of laundry! Because that's hot when it comes out of the dryer, and heavy when it fills the basket...right?

{Sunday}
Sunday was a good Sunday. My friends and I have recently discussed the ridonkulous hustle and bustle that occurs on Sundays. Practices, games, school projects...here, there, and everywhere! When did it become like that? I like it Lionel Ritchie-style. After church, we went to lunch and leisurely enjoyed the rest of the beautiful afternoon. Shan and the boys made some progress on the tree house (Yay!), I went to barre3, got us all organized for the week, then Shan made us some amazing filets on the grill. I forewarned everyone in my house that it was Grammy night and that I would be out of commission at 8pm.

As far as the 2017 Grammys are concerned, I have 2 words (actually, names)...

Adele!

And Beyonce´??????????

Adele cleaned house...again. It was just like a flashback from 5 years ago. And "Bouncey" was channeling the Virgin Mary or something. I'm not really sure what was happening there. Did you know she's having twins? I think she's the first person to ever have twins. #notreallyafan

Any who, it was just another wild weekend in the life of this family in The Acres.

See y'all soon!

It ain't that simple anymore!

2017-02-10T15:08:00.004-05:00

Blogging these days ain't that simple. I used to blog about play dates, brightly colored thematic birthday parties, t-ball, the perfect DIY project, and the latest virus that was sweeping through our house. Of course we still have all of that stuff going on...and more! But life is happening so fast I can barely keep up.

When I started blogging 11-ish years ago, life was slower - simpler. Well, life ain't that simple anymore. And parenting definitely ain't that simple anymore. And it's all happening in a whirlwind. Is it bad to say that I feel like I am building them all up, just to let them all go? I am struggling and trying to hang on to every day I have with them in my home.

It seems like yesterday that a bright pink little baby boy was placed on my chest, as we welcomed him to the world. That little baby grew into a silly toddler who loved to take naps on the sofa with his momma. He then grew into an adolescent who had a fiery passion for guitar and a great sense of humor, who also loved to be his momma's copilot on errands. Now he's a handsome, solid, teenager who still loves his guitar, but also loves golf and friends and spending time doing his "own thing". And I hear "not right now, mom" a lot more than I'd like these days.

He still loves his momma. I know he does. But some days - lots of days - he makes me wonder. And lots of nights I pray myself to sleep, hoping he always will and wondering if I've done enough to make him the man he needs to be. I lie awake wishing I could go wake him up and get him to talk to me.

As I finish tucking in his youngest brother, I am secretly wishing it was his bedtime too, not only because I would like to spend some time with my husband, but often because I wish I could snuggle with him and have him ask me to read him a story. He has no idea how bad I want to. All that went by faster than I ever imagined and it was so special.

Instead, now he wants to play his video games or text-chat with his friends for a little while longer. It seems exerting independence is more prevalent at 14 than when he was 2. There are so many battles! I have to choose them wisely. The hair battle. The condemnable bedroom battle. The clothes-on-the-floor battle. The homework battle. The friend-choice battle. Pretty soon it will be the car keys battle. So for right now, I will rejoice in the simplicity of the bedtime battle.

All of this...it's kind of like living with a stranger. A stranger who needs tighter boundaries. A stranger who doesn't like to share his heart a whole lot. A stranger who's trying to figure it all out. Little does he know...so is his momma.

I am trying to figure out what he likes to talk about. I'm trying to figure out when to be quiet {which we all know I'd rather be shot than be quiet}. I'm trying to figure out when to tighten the reigns and when to let them loose. A few weeks ago we registered him for HIGH SCHOOL. And even with a guidance counselor sitting there advising us, I was trying to figure out what the best classes would be for my son. After all, I know him better than anyone else. He assured me that he's "got this". And he may for this, but I know that he still needs me, even when he thinks he doesn't.

I also know that in the next couple of years my heart is going to take a backseat to the heart of every other girl that crosses his path. I know that it will be that way until he knows his heart needs me again. And as tough as it is to swallow, I will wait, just like I did on his first day of school. And what a LONG wait that was.

Parenting a teenager is a constant second guess. I truly wish it was as simple as picking out a theme and invitations for his fourth birthday party. I wish I could rewind a lot of days and do things over again. Do them better. But grace is all I have right now. Amazing grace! Because we are both growing up together...learning as we go. And sometimes...it just ain't that simple.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kicking the Sh*t out of Option B

2016-12-27T23:09:00.001-05:00

My friend Helen and I like to refer to Mid-life as the 2nd Middle School. It's all that awkward ugliness all over again in grown up form. There's disappointment, confusion, frustration...all of it. There is no doubt I'm there...questioning it ALL, wondering how I got here and how it'll all play out. It's been an interesting year to say the least.

My soul is being searched. My losses are currently being mourned. And I'm now planning to "kick the sh*t out of option B."

I am learning that grief comes in all sorts of packages, but painful nonetheless. It has truly been a year of pushing through for me and my little family. I've found myself pushing through grief in the form of the sudden loss of my closest friend and neighbor, parenting, marriage, and career struggles. Not to mention, exhausting and unhealthy relationships, and dreams that will never come to pass. I have cried A LOT. I have screamed at God numerous times. I have begged for mercy and guidance. I have questioned every single fiber of my wonderfully-made self. I have wanted to quit everything. I have felt repeatedly kicked while I was down. But did you know, while you're "down", you discover a lot of wisdom, grace, love, and good ol' "Option B", as Sheryl Sandberg calls it.

While grieving the sudden loss of a friend who knew my every move for the last 10 years, and who was like family is still very raw, it is the grace and love from friends and family that make the really difficult days a little more bearable. I have gained a greater appreciation for the old cliche..."life is short". And the concept of making a positive impact while we are here is far more brilliant than before. Through Robin's death I've learned to love more passionately! I no longer have her here with me, but I now have numerous new close{r} friends and a deeper connection to older friends because of her passing. I have felt God working through and in me these last 4 months. Her husband told me just a few days after she died that we all would have to take on being a little piece of Robin, because she just made this world a better, more interesting place. And it's true. Though it will never bring her back, our Option B is to keep her spirit alive through her love and passion for those she loved.

Losing someone special is never easy, and let's face it, neither is being a mom or wife! Marriage and parenting can sometimes feel like the most unrewarding, thankless, and difficult jobs we'll ever have. The worst part...there is no time-clock and there are no weekends off for either one. In recent months, there were days where I just didn't have it in me to play either role, because it seemed pointless.

There. I said it.

But here I am, because quitting is not an option and I know deep down, it isn't pointless.

I'm the wife to an awesome man I've been with for 24 years. And we promised to love, honor, and duke it out for the sake of each other until we're dead. And I birthed 3 handsome, smart, talented, frequently bull-headed, bundles of love {who, at times, test my patience and make me want to get in my car and drive as fast and far away as possible, and live off the crackers and french fries under the seat, and drink from the left over water and Gatorade bottles in the backseat}. But regardless, I love them so fiercely! So, Shan and I are pushing through Option B - for better or for worse!

With some guidance we're learning to communicate more effectively and attempting to put the quality back in our time together. And even though we usually feel like we're peeing in the ocean, we're continuing to teach our boys how to effectively communicate, love all of them where they are, and praying that they see themselves as God does.

Meanwhile, there's this whole career thing. Do you ever really know what you want to be when you grow up anyway? This year posed many questions for us in our professional lives. Shan has been feeling less than fulfilled and wondering if he needs to change directions. My contract wasn't renewed back in July due to a financial crisis at the college. And we've both felt a whirlwind of emotions regarding our futures. I even went on a wild-goose hunt for another job. I had the pleasure of experiencing hard-core rejection a few times, which was awesome. {Insert sarcasm font} Then there were the interviews and offers that came my way that just fell short.

So I stopped searching.

I just decided to be still and know that God's got this. For me, being quiet and still is quite a job in and of itself. But while I have been "still", I have had time to search my soul, lifestyle, and goals to see what's going to work for me and my family. I may never have a cut-and-dry title - doctor, lawyer, teacher, realtor etc., because I've never been one to stuff myself into a box. I absolutely do know what I'm good at though, and I know God is using all those things to cook up a fantastic Option B for my family and me.

And what about all the "-ships"? That whole love is patient, love is kind passage in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It's for real. And when you start to feel all the things that love is not, it's your cue to get out. Friendships and relationships of all kinds. Those relationships are like sponges. They will suck the life out of you! It's not always easy, but it is completely necessary.

Slowly, but surely, I'm making peace with the ones I'm having to let go. Option B? Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, because it is so much better than struggling to make certain relationships something they'll never be. Then, that is where God comes in to fill those holes and redirect your energy to the people who need it most. He needs us to get rid of the weeds to allow the fruitful, beautiful relationships that He scripted to blossom.

I feel like it's the same way for dying dreams. You reach an age where you realize certain dreams will never come to pass. For me, it's a particular career, having a daughter of my own, giving my children a certain lifestyle, being a different size, etc. It hurts a lot to wave my white flag and surrender, knowing that these things just aren't possible. But dwelling on what will never be is only causing ridiculous amounts of negativity and pain. What I've learned is that letting go of these things is actually less painful than constantly mourning them. I've never been one to quit or give up without a fight. So it's really weird to have to throw up my hands and say "oh well". But it's all making way for Him to reveal His greater plan for my life. Option B..."Surrender", can be very bitter, but it is also far sweeter than I ever imagined.

I don't know why all of that had to come to a head in 2016. It was like a gigantic pimple that felt so good when it finally decided to pop! It all truly felt as gross as that sounds. Don't get me wrong! We've had our fair share of blessings and they have been counted numerous times and I'm usually not a Debbie-Downer on this here little blog. But all that muck may be why I haven't felt much like visiting this space. It's not really fun to write about pain and loss, and the weight of a heavy heart makes it so hard to be perky. If you can relate, know I'm praying for you and that we can move into this new year...2017, recognizing and kicking the sh*t out of our Option B.

Happy New Year!

Hello... It's me.

2016-11-18T23:23:00.001-05:00

Hello? It's me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet. To go over...everything...

That seems like a pretty good way to make my re-entry into Blog Vegas! And since life in the last few months has been kind of heavy in the Acres, I think I'm gonna re-enter with a recap of some good times.

Sound good? Good.

November.
My little Fu-Man-Choo was cast as Augustus Gloop in the 5th grade play. He was absolutely perfect! And it couldn't have been a more fun production if they tried. It was some greatly welcomed comic relief after that darn election!

The highlight, according to Fulton, was getting to wear a fat suit!

Excuse the heads. And when will I ever learn to turn the phone the right way?

YouTube Video

October.
In case you didn't hear me screaming and crying from the mountain top, my long awaited 2015 Christmas surprise became a reality. I FINALLY GOT TO SEE ADELE!!! And it was quite possibly the greatest night of my life. Ever.

I went a little crazy and may have streamed it live on FB for my mom and sweet friend, Renata because they might be almost as obsessed. Unbelievable. That was Friday.

Shan and I don't get away very often so Saturday, we.slept.all.day. And that, was a very close second to the concert. We got a late dinner at the famous Pitty Pat's Porch - which is ridonkulously good. After dinner, our high school friend, Matt treated us to a night at his improv called Dad's Garage. If you're in the ATL and have time for a good laugh, please pay them a visit. Outstanding!

And the only way to really capture what a great weekend it was, is to make a cheesy video of course. (And thanks to youtube the even cheesier song got muted. darn copyright laws.)

YouTube Video

Early in October, we spent a fabulous weekend in Brevard with friends. We couldn't have asked for better company or weather.

And we celebrated no.14 for this guy! Whaaaat?

And 5 days later we celebrated no.42 for moi! Whaaaaaaaaaat?

How does a 42 year old celebrate, you ask? At the SC State Fair. With an elephant ear as a cake. And then if she's blessed with great friends, they take her out to dinner.

And October wouldn't be complete with me mentioning my favorite holiday, Halloween!

This year was weird. It was on a Monday and I have one trick or treater down. This momma is sad. I don't like this getting older thing. Not one bit.

This year we had "just Sam", some scary characters - a creepy jester and some kind of black phantom- and a superhero duo...Batman and Robin.

Oh and I can't forget...our hurricane party for hurricane Matthew - so fun -and Oliver's head injury on a natural disaster weekend with no power (only "good" because it wasn't serious and it was highly comical and ironic the way it all happened. And it gives us something to laugh about.).

September.
September was a total blur. Total.blur. The only thing I really remember was this cool kid celebrating no.11, the Beautycounter for Target launch, and an AC Flora cheer reunion.

Any who. November is over halfway done and I'm absolutely giving thanks for all the things...big and small. Life is hard sometimes and I have recently been clinging to the good to keep perspective. And trust me, it has pulled me through every single time!

It was good to do a catch-up dump on this-here space on the interweb. I've missed it!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

One More Card

2016-02-27T10:27:00.002-05:00

Here we are 3 years after my Aunt Laynie passed away. And gosh! It's crazy how life goes on after you lose someone. In those first few moments it feels like it can't possibly go on, but looking back now, so much has happened. We've celebrated Christmases, birthdays, all sorts of holidays, family gatherings, and special achievements without her. It's strange and still really hard sometimes, but the great memories pull us through.

Remembering her today has had me hunting down some of my favorite memories of her. I'm out of town, so I've been sifting through photos from FB and my blog just trying to feel her. Which led me to just what I needed to be able to "feel" her.

I have this weird thing that I do, where I always save the last card I'm given or that my boys are given until the next occasion or birthday. Then I throw them out and save the newest one. I do it because you never know when it may be the last card or note that person gives you. I guess it's just a superstition of mine. But I can't help it! There's just something about the messages that I like to go back and read. Even if it's just "Love, So-n-so". And then there's something about seeing the person's handwriting and signature that's so very special and personal. Knowing their hands have touched the card and their thoughts streamed out by the strokes of the pen is very sentimental to me.

Any who.

A few months before her passing, my Aunt Laynie knew her health was failing. I think we all knew it would be the last birthday she'd celebrate with me. All I wanted was "just one more card" on my birthday. Because she wasn't able to get out and about, I was afraid I wouldn't have my "one more card". My mom, knowing me and all my weirdness and how important that was to me, went to pick one out and took it to her to sign. It was so simple but the sweetest gesture on both their parts. Now, every time I look at it, it feels like I'm celebrating with her right then and there all over again. I will always treasure the thought put into making that birthday card happen. And I'm so incredibly thankful that I have my quirky little card saving tradition because there are days that I just need to read her message one more time.

Missing you still, Laynie!

Comparing Crosses

2016-02-18T18:32:00.002-05:00

I grew up Catholic and am now a practicing Episcopalian. Lent has always been a really huge deal in my Spiritual life. It's a time to reflect, repent, and take up your cross. I love the personal gains I make each year during those 40 days. Lent to me is kinda like the spiritual New Year's resolution. But my favorite day of Lent is Ash Wednesday! And if you're even remotely familiar with the Holy Day, you'll understand my reason why. Sadly, it's not even a holy reason at all.

Like I said, I grew up Catholic. Went to Catholic school for 11 years (I was the heathen in my family who bailed and graduated from one of those other places...you know...public school.) We observed every Holy Day with an intense academic lesson leading up to it and celebrated it with all the pomp and circumstance of a full Mass. That's one thing I love about the Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans, they do it up right!

Any who. I have always favored Ash Wednesday, simply because of the stir that the cross on your forehead causes. It cracks me up every year. Just FYI, in case you don't know, the cross that goes on your forehead is made with the ashes from the burned palm branches of the last Palm Sunday. The ashes symbolize that we came from dust and to dust we shall return. The little piece that they say when they administer the ashes comes from Genesis, I believe.

So this year, I noticed the same giddiness in my boys that I still get on Ash Wednesday...which happens to be a gigantic no-no in the church. You're supposed to be somber and in reflection, but you just can't help noticing what everyone's cross looks like as they parade back to their seats. You ogle at the darkness, thickness, thinness, and the ones that resemble other objects. You wonder if some people will notice the stray ashes that have sprinkled onto their noses. Should you tell them? Is it bad to wipe those off? Do those count the same? Because you're not supposed to wipe off the ones on your forehead.

Then when you get back to your pew, you check out your neighbor's ashes and you may even snicker about the shape or size. It's kind of funny to compare crosses. If you have bangs, you hold them up just so, so your neighbor can give you a nod or thumbs up on the artistry of your very personalized cross. If you've been there, you know this is kinda the unspoken order of things during the service.

Then you go out in public with your cross on your forehead. I love the instant connection you feel when you spot someone else with their ashes. Makes you wanna give 'em a fist bump or a peace out. It always amazes me the looks I get from the poor clueless folks though. And it blows me away the number of people who seriously do not know that the ashes are a religious thing. The looks and questions still make me chuckle after all these years. I have been asked if I knew that there was dirt on my head many times. I have been asked if my pen leaked. And the best so far was the waitress the other night who said..."I've seen a couple of people with that today. Is that for medical purposes?" I said, "Yes! It's the ashes from the medicinal marijuana I smoked earlier. It makes it last longer." No. I didn't really say that, but I really wanted to.

Last week, when I got back to the pew, Sam said mom, yours looks like a person. I giggled. Then he and Fulton asked me what theirs looked like. I told them sorry guys, nothing exciting, just dusty crosses. Fulton asked if he could go to the bathroom to check his out. I can remember wanting to do the same, but my answer was No! you can wait. Same conversations we have every year. It's hilarious the anticipation that builds when you have to wait to check out your cross!

When I left church, I headed to my ukulele class at my friend's art studio, and the girls in there all got it. No crazy stares or questions. But! They did exactly what I was talking about ^^^ up there. They were sizing up my cross compared to the others they had seen that day. We all laughed about the awkwardness of it and shared our funny cross stories. At one point someone said Wow! That's a big one. It kinda looks like an animal, but I don't know what. They said dog, horse, etc..

And then, lo and behold! We figured it out...

We had found my ashes' twin. Isn't he cute?!? Totally irreverent, but totally funny and true. I had Christi's cow on my forehead.

I better stop before I get excommunicated from the church. Now back to repenting and being somber.

So This is What it Feels Like

2016-02-13T22:57:00.000-05:00

Hi! My name is Claudia. I'm a recovering Over-doer, Martha Stewart Wanna-be, Viral Pinner (650,000 times because of this post), Creative Blogger, and Ideaholic. I hit rock bottom about 2 years ago. My creative juices still flow and the urge is ever-present, but it had to stop consuming my life.

Ok. Kidding. Not kidding.

Y'all know I love some costumes, holidays, and theme parties! (Exhibit A, B, C, D, E, F...you get the idea.) I still do. But it was becoming a chore. A competition among other moms, pinners, bloggers, etc. That doesn't feel very good. It squashes creativity and makes it no fun at all! And as life would have it, all those plans and ideas have suddenly fallen to the bottom of my agenda. Besides, I think the only one who really cared was me. The accolades were great and all, but they don't drive the train very long. The accolades weren't up with me at 2am making party favors or gluing gauze strips to long johns for a mummy costume. It takes a lot of energy and time. Making the cutest Valentines, creating the perfect birthday party, or costume is just not really that important anymore. It seems that now all I can wrap my brain around is the boys, their homework, extracurricular activities, and my must-dos.

So this valentine's I finally got what IT feels like...to let it go, make it easy, manageable, and just keep it simple. And it all started with this box.

Fulton and Oliver were both required to decorate a box to use for collecting and distributing their valentines. I helped Oliver start his and then Fulton said, "Oh yeah! I need to do one too." Of course you do!!! I huffed and puffed and searched all over. NO BOX.
So off to Walgreen's we went! That's where I found these babies for 2.99 each. SOLD to the exhausted momma, who really no longer gives a poo and neither do her boys.

And at that moment, the cute Valentine idea I had conjured up got upstaged by Darth Vader and the gang. Complete with tattoos and we even added a little pop of candy with a (Pinterest girls, close your eyes!) STAPLER! What?!?!?!? Who the heck have I become?!?!?!? Who uses a stapler? Staplers aren't cute and no body will ever pin, like, or repost store-bought Valentines that were stapled!!!

Guess what? I became the mom who no longer cared!
This is what their Valentines looked like. And I loved every square inch of it. It was easy and it felt so good! And the bonus: they did all of it themselves...except the stapler. YAAAASSSSSSS!

I urge you to PIN this bad boy to your "No One Really Gives a Crap" board.

My wheels will always be turning. I'll still plan parties, design invitations and costumes...in my head. But I'll be sure when I'm ready to fall off the wagon and give those plans life, that it feels good and doesn't send me to my rock bottom.

Little Wise Guy

2016-02-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

Sam. I love this kid! He's always had a way with words. The things that come out of his mouth are full of snark, but laced with oh-so-much wisdom. He is now a teenager and I appreciate his point of view. He's still young enough to say it with a little brutal honesty and get way with it, and has always had the gift of a great sense of humor to soften the blow. So, it's really the best way to drive home a message.

Tonight was kind of a tough night at dinner. He had just returned from golf tryouts and didn't make "the cut".

Side story... SOAPBOX: when and why did they get rid of so many middle school sports in public schools???? It is neither fair, nor developmentally appropriate for 7th graders to be on the same playing field with physically and emotionally seasoned 9th-12th graders. And we wonder why these kids "blossom" too soon!

I digress. So Sam started playing golf about 4-5 months ago. While I wasn't a fan of the whole middle schoolers with high schoolers set up, we encouraged him just to try. Twenty tried out and only 18 could make it. We knew the odds were not in his favor since he is so new to the sport. And unfortunately, 2 of the 5 7th graders got cut from the team. I felt bad for him because he was a little bummed.

But what was funny was when I asked him to set the stage and tell me what happened. He said, "well you know, mom. He lined us all up and started saying all the stuff he gets paid to say, like...how he appreciated us all coming out and trying our best... Then he started saying, I'm sorry to let you 2 go. This doesn't mean you can't be a part of our team..."
Then Sam interrupted himself and said "I wanted to say...um, yeah it does! Because you just gave us the speech about how we didn't make the team! We're not stupid, just not that good at golf!!"
I'm sure it's not easy to let a couple of eager kids down, but don't try to hand them some janky lines to make them feel better. They get it. And thank the Dear Lord that He blessed my child with a sense to find comic relief in crappy situations.

Then a few minutes later, I was looking at my new SELF magazine that came in the mail. He said, "Mom! What are you reading?" Like it was a Playgirl Magazine!
I said, "it's a ladies magazine for fitness...so I can look like her {Kate Hudson in a bikini}." We both laughed out loud - I don't know if that is good or bad.

But he then went on to say, "Mom, that's the problem. Too many moms try too hard to be like what they see on TV and in magazines. (And he actually named 2 of my best friends.) It would make life so much easier for everyone if they would just be who they are supposed to be!"

Those are some wise words out of a pretty young heart and mouth. He never ceases to amaze me. Go love his sweet heart.