Whee!

trainer 2.0

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:24:00 -0400

Fall is my time of year. It is the season of covering up and hiding all of my bodily sins, such as over indulgence in office cake day, the pack of Skittles from the vending machine, and the animal crackers I “shared” with my toddler. It also seems to be my excuse to be able to have the huge corner piece of cake. So, I’m trying to turn this fall around. This morning I stumbled on a site that offers online trainers/workout help. Hmmm, it has all the benefits of someone yelling in your ear to get off the couch, but with the ease of a log in/log out button. It sounded so crazy, I decided to give it a try.

I signed up for a free 7-free trial. No harm in that, I suppose. My first step was to fill out the questionnaire to find a trainer. I figured it was going to be some fake, cartoony avatar type of “trainer”, who would pat me on the back when I log in and report that I’m eating carrots. Not so much. After choosing personality types such as “drill sergeant,” and “cardio-Lord,” I was given 3 choices of trainers. Each of whom, was a hot, muscular beefcake. –No fake avatars here. Each of them provided a video bio, and after watching all three, I chose the one who mentioned “tough love” about 3 times. I’m a glutton for punishment.

My trainer urged me to type in some free-form information about my habits, my obstacles, etc. I unloaded my fitness woes like it was therapy:

“I’m an emotional eater.” “I’m busy and don’t have time to go to a gym.” “My arms look like gun boats.” I threw caution to the wind. After all, this guy is going to whip me into shape! I finished my questionnaire and I should have my personalized plan within the next 3 days. –halfway through my free trial. *sigh*

Until then, it’s Skittles time.

Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE spoofs. Good spoofs. This is...

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:47:16 -0400

Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE spoofs. Good spoofs. This is by far, my favorite spoof, or “homage” to Ingmar Bergman films. Enjoy!

De Duva, 1968, Starring Madeline Kahn, co directed by George Coe.

attention: word nerds

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:16:25 -0400

For those with a penchant for words, I just discovered something I never knew before, thanks to my friends Alicia and Karen. The etymology of the word, “perk”, as a tip or job perk.

Main Entry: per·qui·site
    Pronunciation: \ˈpər-kwə-zət\
    Function: noun 1 : a privilege, gain, or profit incidental to regular salary or wages; especially : one expected or promised
    2 : gratuity, tip
    3 : something held or claimed as an exclusive right or possession

ah, work

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:21:20 -0400

I read a blog called “Clients from Hell.” It is hilarious. I recommend it for a great laugh.

clientsfromhell:

Me: “The password is ‘123456’.”

Client: “Upper or lower case?”

Pigs Rejoice, Plan to Crash Sausage King's Funeral

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 09:40:00 -0400

While the sausage world mourns, pigs everywhere rejoice as the announcement of the sausage king’s death, Jimmy Dean, makes its way through America’s porcine population. “Good riddance,” says one Sally Sow of Dubuque, Iowa. “That man killed my father.” Frances Bacon of Terre Haute, Indiana, showed no emotion when approached by the media. “Someone should have shoved him in the sausage grinder YEARS ago.” Many pig activists have vowed to crash Mr. Dean’s funeral and wallow around in a wild, pig-like fashion on the Sausage King’s grave. No comment has been issued by the family, although farm security is likely to increase…as well as sausage production.

A salesman after my own heart.

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 22:17:55 -0400

A salesman after my own heart.

good lord, it's june!

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 21:50:51 -0400

I’m a terrible blogger. Clearly. My life is obviously so dull, I don’t have anything to say in 2 months. I guess I spend most of my time either filling sippy cups or trying to retrieve saved epsiodes of Yo Gabba Gabba on my dvr. I know. It’s thrilling.

I just finished watching Unbreakable; an M. Night Shyamalan joint. I think I’m one of 2-3 people who liked it. I tend to like things no one else likes (or admits to liking), especially when it comes to movies. For instance, I liked the movie “The Village”. Yep. I was clueless as to that twist until the end. I’m sorry, I was blinded by the brilliance of Opie Cunningham’s daughter or something.

I also liked Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band. It was quite possibly one of the worst films ever made, but you can’t beat The Bee Gees singing Beatles songs, and George Burns as Mr. Kite. I actually own it, and I vow never to sell it.

I also like such gems as The Fifth Element, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, and Beerfest.

I’m sure I’ve lost a few points for admitting such heinous things, but I’m sure everyone has their guilty pleasures. Right?

it's not you, it's me

Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:53:00 -0400

Dear iPad,

I wanted to say this face to face, but I guess I’m just a wimp. I’m just not ready for a relationship with you right now. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s not you, it’s me. How could it be you? You’re sleek, sexy, and say and do all the right things. I’m just looking for more right now. I’m not holding anything against you personally. I just need someone a little stronger, more independent…and someone with whom I can share all of my deepest darkest documents . I need a partner. Someone to whom I can dictate a letter, or can help me write and edit a well-formed essay. Let’s face it, right now, you just can’t do that. It’s ok. I understand. I’m hoping that maybe when you’ve been out on your own in the world for a while, you’ll mature, and when that time comes, we can be together. Until then, all my love, Panda.

Happy April Fool’s Day!! -No foolin’.

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 08:35:49 -0400

Happy April Fool’s Day!! -No foolin’.

i like to shave my own

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 10:38:02 -0400

Panda
If you have a little coconut extract to put in the cake mix, that would be lovely. :) Now Alton Brown shaves an actual coconut for his cakes, but I'll take bagged coconut.

Mama Pan
I glad because I'm not shaving a coconut:)

Panda
I'd like to see you do it. That would be funny to watch

Mama Pan
I wouldn't even know how to start

Panda
It looked pretty difficult to me.

Mama Pan
Does he use a razor:)

One of my coworkers said this is what she heard everyday in high...

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:23:03 -0400

One of my coworkers said this is what she heard everyday in high school gym class. Picture doing exercises beside your desk to this little ditty… This HAS to be what created a hatred for gym. Enjoy!!!

Al Capone's "secret" pasta sauce recipe may spark a tomato-based turf battle

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 08:20:28 -0400

Al Capone's "secret" pasta sauce recipe may spark a tomato-based turf battle:

Bada Bing, Bada Boom! Have some frickin’ sauce! ;)

cool stuff

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 10:29:00 -0400

The funny thing about publishing is everyone wants to be a writer, illustrator, animator, etc. Every cubicle is full of crafty, creative types who love to draw, imagine, and create. They are the kind of people that make the drudgery more fun. To the creative, crafty-types, I offer an AWESOME web site called www.blurb.com You can create your own book! Use your own photos, or drawings, add some captions, and you’ve got your own bestseller. It’s pretty cool and a great gift idea. No, they didn’t pay me to say this. I just thought it was neat enough to share. :-) -Have fun, and say whee!

please stop touching my child

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 09:54:00 -0400

Wow. Technology continues to amaze me. I’m actually IMing this post from my instant messenger account. Too weird. Today’s topic: “Please Stopping Touching My Child.” Why do strangers think they can squeeze, pinch, or tickle your child? I thought I could never be more annoyed than having been squeezed, pinched, and tickled while I was pregnant. I was at the grocery store a few days ago, and this strange person started talking to Emma. Of course, Emma doesn’t care. She likes everyone. I didn’t care either. The chatter was keeping her busy at the checkout. Then, the lady started touching her cheeks. WTF?!?!? I don’t know where her hand has been. Gross. I actually pulled the cart in front of me so she would stop. Am I being bitchy? I’m sorry, but I would never touch someone’s child I don’t know. I wouldn’t even touch a child I do know unless it was ok with the parents. Geesh. This hasn’t been the first time I’ve had this experience. While at COSTCO back in Los Feliz, some lady went so far as to try to wipe Emma’s nose with HER OWN handkerchief. I literally jumped over Emma’s face to block the foreign snot rag from touching her face. So gross.

everyone's a critic

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:14:44 -0500

Well, the Olympics have come and gone. I have to say, I watched quite a bit of the Games this year. I’m not sure if it was because the weather was just so cruddy outside, or I was genuinely entertained, but I did see quite a bit of curling, etc. One thing I notice about myself when I watch the Games is that I seem to become an expert in every event, even though I know nothing about anything.

Early on, I sat down and watched the men’s ski jump competition. After sitting in silence through a couple of jumps, I started commenting on each athlete. “Look, there! Mike, did you see that? Those skis weren’t straight. He’s definitely going to get a deduction.” Now, I’ve never really been on skis before, let alone ski down a huge-a** hill then catapult myself into the air. But somehow, the Olympics turn me into an IOC judge. I judged some curling, women’s aerials, ice skating, and some short track races. Sadly, no one called and bribed me to fix one of the scores. I’m shocked. I know a weak triple lutz landing when I see it.

PS…The closing ceremony was about the most entertaining I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry, but you can’t beat seeing giant beavers with “Made in Canada” on their tails. The Canadians are such jokesters.

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men"

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:59:12 -0500

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men”

- ~Willy Wonka

Welcome to Whee! A new blog, a new look, and hopefully, some new...

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:38:00 -0500

Welcome to Whee! A new blog, a new look, and hopefully, some new posts. I have been thinking about changing my blog for a while; I’m terrible with titles. I wanted to choose a title that reflected my life, my way of thinking, and my personality. So, I chose Whee! This exclamation is actually a game we play with Emma. We taught her to raise her arms over her head and when she does it, we all yell, “Whee!” Just when we think she has forgotten about it, she’ll throw down her spoon at dinner and put her arms up in the air, almost as if she wants to see if we’re paying attention. We immediately yell “Whee!” I can’t wait until she tries it during a church service, or some other quiet-required venue. I’m determined to say Whee!, even if I have to whisper it.

Whee! also reminds me of riding roller coasters, which I love. It describes that fun, sparky 10-year old side of me that still comes out every now and then. Even though at times I feel like an old curmudgeon, a kid still lives in my brain.

Finally, Whee! invokes a positive feeling. Carefree, whimsical, even Seussical. I hope you can find some whimsy here. I’ll try provide as much as I can.

Now, raise your arms in the air…and say “Whee!”