When did I Become my Mom?

After these storms

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:33:00 +0000

I woke up on Saturday morning and asked myself if it was possible that Friday had really happened.

I felt tumbled by the biggest waves in the roughest surf. Amazed to come out whole on the other end. But physically weary and emotionally drained, while feeling a sense of everything around me being so distant.

One after the other the waves had hit.

The first woke me up to a reality that I know I've been choosing not to see. Consciously choosing to look past obvious signs and believe in the goodness and honesty of people. And then life hits you over the head and forces you to make a decision you really wish you didn't have to make.

Even when that decision means I am no longer committed to sacrificing the time and money I have been for the past few months. Because the basis for that sacrifice was flawed from the start.

Except... if you knew me at all, you'd know I'd have to turn that decision over and over to make sure I'm making a decision that's totally fair to all involved. You could probably call me the eternal optimist.

Where the first wave shoved me hard, the second tumbled me right over. Took the ground right out from under me. Made me realize that I can't be apologetic for putting the priorities of my family above all. That's where they are and that's where they need to stay. At Number 1. And I make no apologies for that.

Life has a way of working out like that. For me anyway. If I am ever agonizing over whether I am making the right decision, as long as I'm making it with good and honest intentions something comes along to show me the way, and reinforce my decision.

But I didn't expect wave 3. Wave 3 tumbled me, twisted and turned me and took me for a ride.

Wave 1 affected me. Wave 2, my husband. And Wave 3, my sister.

My loved ones. The parts of me that live outside of me.

I was surrounded by them this weekend. And I don't know how but somehow, despite all our individual troubles, while we were together, there was peace and calm and strength. I suppose knowing that we will face our individual storms knowing that we are backed by a powerful and committed team. That's what family is. That's what we do. That's why they're priority #1. No matter what anyone else tries to tell me.

No Rain

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:34:00 +0000

Remember this song? Blind Melon's "No Rain" with the little bumblebee girl?

I never got that video. Or the song really. But it's stuck in my head right now.

On repeat.

Over and over.

I'm thinking it could be because of this.

My lawn is dead. Some of it will come back once the rains come. Whenever that might be...

It's been so long since its rained that when I showed the kids this photo over the weekend, they asked me

"The lawn used to be THAT green?!"

Sigh...

Blue Pill... Red Pill...

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:56:00 +0000

It's the age of social media. Between Twitter, Facebook, Blogging and more... there are increasing ways for us to connect to each other over these here interwebs.

The thing with these darn interwebs, is that people are not always who they seem. Not that said people necessarily deliberately set out to deceive. But let's face it, you see what people are feel like showing.

What's with the cryptic comments you ask? Cos you know there's gotta be a story here somewhere...

Ok imagine this.

I tweet and connect with someone - let's say Tweeter A - and it turns out we have a mutual friend.

Well, not so much "turns out". I know Tweeter A in real life, but I tweet anonymously and they don't. They go by their name, profile pic is an actual pic... etc. We don't know each other well at all, but we have crossed paths because of a mutual friend - Nameless.

Actually, less of a mutual "friend", and more of a mutual "person we know, but I steer clear of".

Anyway, so Tweeter A has no idea that the one of two times we've responded to each other in group conversations that they're responding to me.

I always figured that the next time we met up face to face, that I would introduce myself as my Twitter-alterego, and we'd have a small chuckle about it.

Tweeter A is genuinely funny and caring, and it shows on Twitter. They enquire about everyone, follow up on birthdays, illness, special occasions. A really sunshiney person that you look forward to "seeing".

And yet... they're a really good friend of said "person we know, but I steer clear of" (aka Nameless) and I've often wondered how that works. Is it that opposites attract? Or is it that Tweeter A is just so overwhelming kind and loyal that they look past Nameless' arrogance and immaturity?

I may have gotten my answer yesterday...

I was at a friend's house and both Nameless and Tweeter A were there. I walked in, said hello to everyone and turned around to talk to my friend. Noticed that Tweeter A didn't turn around or acknowledge me, but thought perhaps the television show was engrossing at the time.

So a few minutes later I walked back in and hailed out the person by name. No response.

Puzzled, I left the room and re-joined the chat going on in the kitchen, thinking this time "well that's odd".

My husband abruptly decided we needed to leave and I went back into the room to say goodbye to everyone, and this time said goodbye to everyone by name. Including Tweeter A.

No response, yet again. But goodbyes from the others in the room. Including Nameless.

No doubt any more.

Even if you didn't hear someone say goodbye, farewells from others usually prompt you to look over your shoulder and smile, wave, acknowledge somehow.

I almost pulled out my phone to tweet them goodbye as a joke, but thought better of it.

Don't worry Tweeter A. Your alter-ego secret is safe with me.

A Macaroni Kid... and a Talented Mom

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:37:00 +0000

Last week something exciting happened to me...

I became a Macaroni Kid mama!

What's Macaroni Kid about, you ask?

Well, it's really exciting... It's a group of moms who come together on one site MacaroniKid.com and we blog for an increasingly large audience and publish all sorts of events and activities that are kid- and family-friendly! Each of us seeks out activities in our area that we think our fellow moms would want to know about and put it into our MK Newsletter.

So whether you're looking for activities to get the kids out of the house or craft ideas to keep them occupied while indoors, whether you're looking for activities close to you, or family-friendly fun when visiting a new town, look no further than MacaroniKid.com - for moms, by moms.

Nicki and Joyce have been doing this themselves for ages, but they founded Macaroni Kid and opened it up to fellow moms just last year, and already they've been featured on BNET.com.

They are 100% supportive and I have to say I am having a great time getting this going. Check my first newsletter out - http://trinidad.macaronikid.com.

Moms can download and print schedules of the week's activities and top picks, and feel good knowing that they've found the best activities in their neighbourhood, and that these activities are themselves recommended by a fellow local mom. This week I published one of my favourite pieces I've written, and I'm curious to see what discussion it sparks. Did I mention each blog/city has its own forum? Pretty cool huh.

Don't see your town? Maybe you should consider becoming a Macaroni Kid mom! For more information email Nicki at nicki {at} macaronikid.com and tell her Trinidad sent you!

***************

In other announcements! My mother is soooo talented!

Ok, she would never say that about herself, and she's probably blushing right now! But let's let you be the judge...

This is a photo of my cousin's daughter. My mom did a digital painting of the photo (bottom right) and created the masterpiece on the left. Painted, people. Like brushstrokes and dipping into colour pots... Just using your mouse pointer instead of a paintbrush!

How talented is this woman?!

After years and years of encouragement, she's finally taken the leap of faith and started her own little business (this month!).

She does photography (bridal, portraits, etc) and she does wonders with photographs and images like that little number up there.

If you're interested in her doing some work based on your photos for you, or if you're in the Columbus/Tupelo region of Mississippi and want some photography done, email me at

whendidibecomemymom {at} gmail {dot} com

and I'll send you all her contact details so you can talk business. :-)

And even if you're not looking to hire her, leave her a comment below letting her know what you think about her work. I think she thinks I'm just saying it cos I'm her daughter... ;-)

Motivational Video:Teachers are Everywhere

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:28:00 +0000

They say the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I mean you've tried time and time again and "it" isn't working, so why keep trying? Right?

Madness! Maybe.

What about if we shift the context? Think about that definition of madness in the context of raising your kids. Raise your hand if you've felt yourself become like a broken record since you had kids. *Waving hand in air*

You repeat the same safety warnings ad nauseum. You guide and plead and advise from a place of experience. You try. It doesn't always work - they don't always listen, but you know you have to try!

Madness! Maybe?

What makes you keep trying? Faith. Love. Duty. All of the above?

The bottom line is that you're willing to drive yourself to the brink of insanity if it means that the lessons you're trying to teach have the slightest chance of reaching your child. If he/she tunes you out 9 out of 10 times, you'd still keep going. So that those lessons can help them to grow into the strongest, happiest, healthiest human beings they can be.

You believe in your mission. You believe in the long term benefits, even though the going might be rough in the short term. You see the bigger picture.

You look for different ways to get through to your ~~toddler~~ ~~tween~~ ~~teen~~ ~~grown-up-too-soon~~ child. To make yourself a better teacher/communicator. To try to ensure that your child knows that he/she is loved and protected to the best of your ability.

And because you are committed to your cause, you never give up.

In some small way like Derrick, the door-to-door soap salesman. (Please watch the video below.)

Zack Arias - zarias.com

Well now I've heard everything....

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:37:00 +0000

The other day I drove with a friend who was checking her Blackberry and texting the whole ride.

At one point I was gripping the sides of the seat and not daring to take my eyes off the road, so at least one of us would be alert in case of anything unexpected!

I am soooo not a fan of texting and driving. I just don't get it.

The way I see it, it wasn't that long ago that we didn't even have cell phones. Now we can't make a 15 minute drive without having to type messages to each other? I'm thinking most of this stuff can wait a little bit until we get to a parked position.

I mean you can't possibly be looking at the road if you're looking at this tiny keyboard in the palm of your hand.

But that pales in comparison to the actions of this Darwin Awards survivor. I don't mean to be mean, but you see for yourself if a different ending would have made her a Darwin Award candidate.

On Friday Megan Barnes, 37, crashed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup. She didn't notice it had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn, because she had been shaving her bikini line.

Apparently Megan had a date with her boyfriend and wanted "to be ready for the visit".

Ahem...

Three Little Birds

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:31:00 +0000

Straight out of a Bob Marley song.

I woke up to find 3 little birds sitting right outside my door. Were they singing sweetly? Why yes, they were as a matter of fact.

I tried to snap a pic but they flew away.

The whole thing made me smile. And think. Which is a good thing, because I had been in a bit of a funk up to that point.

"Don't worry about a thing,
Cos every little thing is gonna be alright..."

Maybe.

More than maybe. I know it is. And I know it's up to me to make it so.

But this wife/mother/careerwoman/blogger/friend thing... it really can get overwhelming sometimes.

I'm so busy these days that I'm having a hard time organizing my time and I've come to almost a complete shutdown. Not meltdown, mind you. Just a slowdown and lack of productivity.

I do this from time to time. I get to a point where if something doesn't make sense anymore, I need to stop everything, find a way to get the balls in the air once more, before I get moving again. It's like I have to map it out in my head and make sure it's going to work before I'll even try to start moving.

But in the meantime, I feel every second tick by, conscious of the time wasting and the things I COULD have gotten done while I was in semi-veg state.

So I ignore the dread in the pit of my stomach and think about ways to

Schedule the work that's already in the pipeline,
Organize leads to follow so I can bring in new work opportunities,
Get some structure back into the kids' days,
Get all caught up on the housework,
Get back into my regular blogging schedule.

I need order to thrive and I have a lot of chaos around me right now.

But those three little birds reminded me of something important....

Worrying about the chaos isn't going to make it go away,

but in the end, it's going to be alright.

It always is.

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

Conversations with kids - baby edition

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:53:00 +0000

3:30am

The Child: 'Addy (she calls me Daddy. what's up with that?)
Pamper (all diapers are Pampers to her)

Me: (peeking at her) Uh huh. Right now? We have to change your pamper right now? How bout say 6-ish?

The Child: Pamper. Pamper? Pamper? Pamper? Pamper? Pamper?

Me: Ok ok. I'm getting up.

Proudly the child stands and, smiling, rips off her diaper to show me she's just pooped. Yay! Someone's ready for potty training!

Really that's a great announcement and I'm really proud of her at 17mths being able to identify when she's peed or pooped and immediately wanting to change her diaper. Potty Training here we come!

Next time maybe we could save the announcements for say... sometime when the sun is in the sky?

Hacked!

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:17:00 +0000

Ok so mere hours after I submitted that last post on the Trojan being used to carry out increasingly widespread fraud within the US, and the work at home scam that gets them their "mules", guess what happened?

Well you read the post title so you already know. I was hacked!

My twitter account was hacked, and I sent wonderful Direct Message spam to literally like 100 of my followers. Can you say very red face?! Why very red you say? Well apparently I invited everyone to find out all about how I have better sex. To my followers. To businesses that follow me. And to family. So wonderful to get those messages telling me what I sent them! :-)

So if I spammed you, I am so sorry... I am going to be a little more vigilant and I really hope it never happens again!

My home PC also got a trojan on it that it took me a whole day to get rid of. Sneaky little bugger.

But despite this, because you guys all gave me wonderful feedback and encouraged me to write a few more computer-security related posts, I will!

Later this week I will put up a post on warning signs that your PC may be infected, and what you can do to minimize the risks of infection.

In the meantime, let me tell you what's happening elsewhere in the world. While most of you are freezing your butts off, I'm roasting. It is really really hot here. And I don't say that to make you jealous.

It's just REALLY hot here.

Like water shortage hot.

Like water restrictions in effect hot.

Like public advisories - please limit showers to 3 mins and refrain from using hoses - hot.

Like my lawn is brown and parched and turning to dust hot.

(How the heck are mosquitoes coming back around already? There's no water for them to breed in! What are these? Bionic mosquitoes?)

Anyway, couldja send some of that snow down this way and let it melt over my house? The kids would really appreciate it!

Work at Home scam

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:41:00 +0000

Those of you who've followed me for a while know that I work in I.T.
For over 10 years, I've also worked in the Financial Services industry. My mom's a career banker, so I guess you could say it's in my blood.

I've seen a lot scams in my time and I've seen the controls we put in place to alert and mitigate. You could say it's shaped my approach to I.T. so that I'm always risk-aware. I've been told I think like an auditor - and I take that as a compliment.

I've been following some virus activity of late that's at the same time fascinating and worrisome. So worrisome in fact that I decided to interrupt my motherhood blog with "computer-stuff". I do urge you to read on, and promise that I won't make it complicated.

The Virus
'Back in the day' viruses caused catastrophic damage - wiped out hard drives, destroyed documents, etc. Today's viruses a stealthy, hiding invisibly while doing the "baddies" bidding.

They're still spread generally the same way though - a user opens a malicious file and *ta-da* we have an infected PC.

The type of virus I'm talking about in this scenario though, sits silently on the user's PC, logging every key pressed and transmitting the data back to those "baddies". The PC, now under "baddie control" is now considered a bot or a zombie.

The Theft
If the zombie PC happens to be one used for online banking or to process ACH fund transfers (for example for payroll, or to pay vendors), the usernames and passwords associated with their online banking accounts are now in the hands of some pretty clever people up to no good.

The "baddies" change the password and email address associated with the account.

They recruit "mules" - people to receive the money fraudulently.

In the case of ACH (like a wire transfer) Fraud, they create transfers for a number of FALSE employees/recipients. These transfers go to accounts operated by the mules.

The Scope
Companies far and wide are being hit with this ACH Fraud - and that INCLUDES Government agencies!

Companies are being hit with losses to the tune of US$200,000 and more. And while there are an increasing number of reports throughout the US from Maine to DC, there are reports coming from Mexico and further abroad now.

The Recruitment Scam - Don't become a mule!
Not all of the mules are complicit criminals, although some of them are facing fraud charges and real jail time for the roles they have played. The scammers are clever people, and this is big business.

Here's where you need to be aware of.

These guys are posting jobs online. According to some mules claiming innocence, they're using Monster and CareerBuilder and other legitimate avenues to recruit out-of-work people who may be so grateful for work that they overlook some otherwise suspicious details.

They're posting work-at-home opportunities, where you need to setup a bank account to be paid via ACH - Direct Account Transfers.

In one case, the person claims to have been "hired" by a company to manage a project team elsewhere on the globe, and "for expediency" was responsible for transferring funds to pay these guys.

The funds had been stolen as part of this ACH Fraud scheme, and the person "hired" by the company unwittingly became part of the whole sordid deal. As the recipient of funds transferred online, he's easily identified by the bank and now faces charges related to the theft of thousands of dollars.

In another possible scenario, the "employee" could receive a large sum of money in their account and then be told that a payroll error had occurred and that the excess funds need to be transferred back - of course the funds are being forwarded to criminal elements involved in the fraud, but by the time the "employee" wises up, it's too late.

BE AWARE!

No reputable company is going to ask you to forward funds through your account on their behalf.
If a company tells you they've overpaid you and you need to refund them the difference by wiring funds to a specified account, go straight to your bankers and inquire about reversing the transaction and confirm the original sender.

I know a lot of us are looking for ways to supplement our incomes in these lean times, but don't ever go for anything that's going to call for someone using an account in your name, or for them creating an account on your behalf.

Also, this fraud originated from a computer virus.
PC users - ALWAYS use an antivirus (no Macs are not as susceptible to viruses)

There are good free ones out there, and great free online scanners out there as well.
If there's enough interest I can do another post on those. Leave me a comment or send me an email to let me know.

Battle Scarred

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:41:00 +0000

Ok so maybe I've been just numb with shock over the recent homework revelations with my son.

When we discovered he'd been lying to us about doing his homework at school and his teacher having his book (I know how dumb am I, right?) I was at once so disappointed but yet not surprised. Unfortunately, I have to say I wouldn't put it past him.

We had to deal with a similar lying incident a year ago, also school-related. For THAT one, I was all kinds of broken-up. Total mess. Tears, couldn't look him in the eye, devasted... Just awful.

This time around... Ok he's done it again. Terrible, but not shocking, and we're going to again try to nip it in the bud.

I went in to pay the teacher a visit today, and as I explained to her how her words that he hadn't been doing his homework shocked me, I relayed some of the (in retrospect) LAME EXCUSES we fell for.

And as I spoke to her, I saw her eyes widen in shock. Because he'd been telling her some very similar whoppers.

Let's compare shall we?

To me: I did my homework already and Miss has it.
To her: I did my homework and my Mom is checking it back.

To me: I can't find my homework notebook so you can see what homework I was assigned.
To her: I can't find that book! I must have left it at home! (Hence he ends up with FOUR english note books).

I could go one, but really it exhausts me.

My son, the liar? I can't fathom and I won't tolerate it.

I think at first my brain was going "Does not compute! Does not compute!".

How is it possible that this sweet and thoughtful child, son to a mother whose pet peeve is dishonesty, how can he be a liar? How can he have been carrying out this elaborate deception for weeks? Taking advantage in a gap in communication.

I know the question I need to ask is why... But there's always going to be a seemingly ok Why isn't there? Didn't we teach him that lying isn't ok?
He's NINE! What's going to happen when he faces the really tough challenges?!

Sigh...

So his teacher and I had a long long talk. We're going to be in closer contact now. Make sure there are no communication gaps to be exploited.

I didn't say a word to my son about what we talked about.

He saw me talking to his teacher and must have known the jig was up.

He was uber-polite all night. Did all his chores. Did his homework. Was on his BEST behaviour.

I hugged him when he his brother hit him when they were play-fighting. Patted his head when he was nodding off to sleep.

But all the while I was looking at this child with my heart breaking.

I just don't know how to trust him again.

Am I making too big a deal of this? For me... I don't think so...
I don't deal well with dishonesty within my circle of trust.

I need to be able to trust my son, and I'm just at a loss at how to make that happen.

Homework battles

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 09:18:00 +0000

My first you're-out-of-school-now-whatcha-gonna-do-with-yourself job was teaching.

I loved it.

Still love it, even though I don't teach anymore (aka became an I.T. nerd instead).

I dream about being able to homeschool my babas one day... although I know that's probably not ever going to happen...

So I make do by being as involved as I can with my kids and their education. Or at least I used to.

I used to go through all the day's work with them to make sure they really understood the lesson. Made sure all homework was done. Pick up on problem areas and try to show practical examples in everyday life that would reinforce the concept and help teach the lesson. All that good stuff.

Then I had the baby 16mths ago.

I still did homework with the boys, but it was getting a little difficult to squeeze everyone in...

Then came the layoff, job search, starting to freelance.

I will admit, homework suffered. Their dad took up some of the slack, but I just couldn't get in there like I used to. I mean I made sure it was done - asked to see it and glance through to make sure it looked ok. But nothing rigorous, and not strictly every day like before.

Once things started to settle down a little bit, I tried to get back into the homework and studies thing.

I found that M would tell me his homework was already done and disappear in some corner until I was tired calling for him to get his things for me to check back. One day I was appalled to see not one but MANY Incompletes scribbled in his books. He'd "forget" to do a piece of homework and have to squeeze it in while at school. I was appalled.

How could this happen to me? To my kid?

BAD MOM!

Ok so I try to be more vigilant and really get in there every single day, but that's so much easier than it sounds when the baby's feeding time, the boys' homework time and dinner prep all needs to happen at the same time.

Sometimes I'm just so tired and overwhelmed I just accept the "I did it at school and Miss checked it back already". This generally came from G - the older boy, and I thought it was a little odd, but I let it go.

Then one day it really bothered me - why is all his homework done at school now? Shouldn't I be able to get involved? Even if the homework is done in class, shouldn't the books at least be sent home and not collected until the next day? It IS homework after all?

Stupid me.

Seriously.

Stupid me!

On Friday, my husband picked up the boys from school, only to have the teacher come to the door, reprimand him loudly for not making sure G does his homework, and that she's fed up of it, turn on her heel and head back inside.

While he stood there with his jaw hanging. Dumbstruck and speechless.

Now her attitude aside (bet that conversation would have happened differently if I was there. I can relate to her frustration, but I wish she'd have said something before, or called us in or something), I cannot begin to explain how upset this makes me.

First of all my poor husband had to stand there and take this, probably feeling like he was in the Twilight Zone. This guy hears the homework conversations every day. Sees me checking back M's homework. And hears me griping about why I can't be checking back G's homework. And why can't I even see the homework notebook to see what homework's being given?

All this time, I was being fed well... no other word for it... lies. My 9 year old decided to lie to me on a daily basis to get out of doing homework? How long had this been going on? Why didn't I know?

Sometimes I think I just have to be the dumbest mom on the planet. How could I not see through that?

I'm so disappointed in my son. And in myself for allowing other things to distract me from my kids issues so much that they could carve out a little place where they would be safe telling lies.

It's Carnival!

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:57:00 +0000

Carnival 2010 is over.

But that's ok, planning for Carnival 2011 has begun ;-)

To those who have never experienced it, words can never do it justice. It is an energy. A cultural phenomenon. A feeling and passion.

My 16 mth old has only to hear the music to start jumping and dancing... that one will play mas'. (What's the saying? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.....)

I missed out on a lot this year, staying home with my babies. One misses a lot with a 16 month old. But that's ok.

2011 will soon be here, and with it more music, more passion and more energy.

I did make it to one party this year - an all-inclusive (one cover price takes care of everything) Breakfast Party.

There were local fruits and breakfast foods, local coffee, and of course enough alcohol to satisfy the most selective of party-goers!

Tents and tents of this...

Next year, I need to get me one of these... (the glass not the holder... already got me one o those!)

Being up close to the stage was cool...

Being inside someone's front yard next to the stage instead of in the middle of this... even better...

The heat started to come up by mid-morning, and it was time for the bubbles and misters.

But a little time for chocolate-dipped strawberries and marshmallows (Valentine's Day after all)...

...before heading off to the after-party at the pool to cool off.

All in all not a bad way to spend a Valentine's Day/Carnival Sunday...

Just you wait Carnival 2011 - I'm already getting ready for you!

Getting back into the swing of things...

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 06:34:00 +0000

It's been ages since I last posted. Life took hold of me, shook the keyboard from my clutches and turned me around. We've had illnesses, and triumphs and disappointments. But everyone's ok (more or less). :-)

I've been meaning to write for about a week, but so much time has passed I didn't know where to start!

So here I am, taking the plunge, and getting right back into it.

I have a neighbourkids update for you! If you don't know what I'm talking about check out this post to get all caught up.

Ok so for a while things continued much as they always did - younger NK would appear at the door with his cheery self, BUT he does now get that sometimes it's too early and he needs to come back. He really does have quite a fun personality. Very impulsive. Very energetic. It can be quite a challenge to hold back a laugh at some of his antics. Like his "special move" in Wii Sports tennis. Remind me to demonstrate some time... ;-)

Older NeighbourKid - not as much fun. He just seemed to find a way to push people's buttons, and I'm still not sure why. As a matter of fact, one night all the grownups and kids were all hanging out and he was so rude to his mother throughout that whole night that I really thought long and hard about talking to her to find out why she let him act out the way he does.

Not necessary.

A couple nights later, she and I sat around and just hung out at her house, and the child I saw then was a very different child. He was funny, and sweet. And I thought well this must be the child she knows! And it was just too hard for me to tell her how he acts out, because I am convinced now that she would not be amused.

She made it a point to tell me how well-behaved mine were, and that my oldest corrects hers when he's rude to her. Something along the lines of "Dude you can't talk to your mom like that. She's your MOM."

I think now that he knows his mom and I talk, we'll see a lot less acting out, because he knows it could get back to her. He seems to get his moods here and there, but the kids know how to move around him now, and his grumpiness doesn't seem to affect them any more.

So the whole situation seems to have worked itself out for the best. Phew! Weight off my shoulders!

So how have you guys been?

I'll be stopping by to visit starting today. I have lots of catching up to do!

Sundays In My City - Beach Bums

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:25:00 +0000

Quiet reflection

Tranquility

Peaceful solitude

Brotherhood

The Human Spirit

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:50:00 +0000

Today my husband called and warned me not to look at a local newspaper's front page coverage of the devastation in Haiti. It seems the goodly folk at decided to emblazon their front page with a photograph of a Haitian man being dragged through the streets there being beaten (to death it seems) by some angry men.

I was speechless for a while. Sickened, then angry.

I understand that the situation in Haiti is desperate. It has been wrenching my heart since I first heard about it.

To the newspapers and their boards - you don't need to graphically portray the worst of it in order to get me to buy your newspaper.

That is a human being. A life being snuffed out. Through desperation and despair that I hope I never have to experience. He deserves better than to be used to get today's sales up.

I appreciate that journalism is about documenting the facts, even if those facts are distasteful. However, how you choose to share these facts with the public is the difference between a salacious rag, and a reputable institution.

I consider CNN to be a reputable institution, and I have followed some of their stories on the developments in Haiti. CNN's photo coverage comes complete with an interactive warning over the more potentially disturbing photographs, which the reader can click away to reveal the image, if they so choose.

Thank you CNN (and others) for respecting that I am one of those people that is haunted by upsetting images for years after they are thrust upon me. And to the other local newspapers that covered Haiti without the sensationalism, thank you for understanding that all journalism isn't appropriate for consumption by children, who will inevitably see your front page coverage once it gets home.

Truth be told, much of my following of Haiti's earthquake has been via social media - Twitter and blogs in particular. In addition to my regular tweeps, I've followed the RedCross, MSNBC and various CNN correspondents who've been reporting from the ground in Haiti.

I've also found other amazing people like Virginia Montanez who was so instrumental in getting the focus on the BRESMA orphanage in particular and orphanages in general in the aftermath of last Tuesday.

The human/social perspective has really helped save a lot of lives, and mobilize a lot of aid that I believe would have otherwise been less and taken a much longer time to get to Haiti.

The early descriptions and photos of the damage brought home the enormity of the situation in a very timely way, and really reached the hearts of fellow human beings.

For me, it really reinforced the belief I hold that most humans do care, and do want to do good by their fellow man. I have been so heartened by the absolute outpouring of support and donations of time and effort, in addition to more tangible donations of relief/aid.

It has been so good to hear so much news on the generosity of the human spirit, instead of the usual focus on humanity at its worst. That, in turn, has inspired more and more hope. And more help.

I shudder to think what would have happened to relief efforts if the only window into Haiti we were given was the sensational coverage that masqueraded as journalism today.

Coverage that inspires fear and horror and de-humanizes human suffering. That would have you believe that Haitians are like animals in the streets with no dignity.

Instead of fellow human beings suffering through incomprehensible tragedy, carrying themselves with a respect and dignity that we'd do well to remember on a daily basis.

the haitian spirit.
people waiting patiently for h2o under hot sun.
no armed guards. no pushing.
obvious respect for one another.

Thank you Dr Gupta for your compassion, for what you continue to do to help people in the field hospitals, and for sharing with us another perspective of Haiti.

Update on the McMutrie girls and the BRESMA Orphanage

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 07:11:00 +0000

Ali McMutrie and the kids from the BRESMA orphanage arrived safely in Pittsburgh today. Jamie McMutrie will be leaving Port au Prince, Haiti to follow behind shortly.

For those of you who prayed, please keep praying for those left behind in Haiti. For those who donated, thank you!

It is truly amazing what Virginia Montanez has been able to get moving - with a little faith, and a lot of good will and willing hearts, mountains have been moved to bring these children to safety.

The power of Faith, my dear friends. Of believing in a cause, and uniting in support of it.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sundays in My City - Family Time

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:26:00 +0000

It's been a while since my last SIMC.

I've been busy with lots of projects, and have really neglected my regular posting

Today we took the kids on an outing

but I remembered you, and our Sundays past

and made sure to record memories for you

It's nice to be back.

Will see you next week!

For my new followers, every Sunday a group of us take a virtual trip around the world visiting each others' cities.

It's all hosted by Unknown Mami.

Feel free to visit, and to join in on the exchange.

When you Believe

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 09:39:00 +0000

I want to share with you a story about believing, and how Faith has moved legal mountains thus far. The story isn't yet at an end - in fact the fight is now on in earnest...

Bresma Orphanage sits 10 mins outside the heart of Port-au-Prince in Haiti. It's run by two American girls - one is 21 so it's fair to call them girls. And they are taking care of about 150 Haitian orphans.

Their building has been hit hard by Tuesday's earthquake and they are living in their yard.

These two sisters, as American citizens, have the option to leave Haiti on daily flights out. But they have chosen to stay behind.

They say they cannot leave their children, because they know they would be condemning them to die - no food, water, diapers... And no-one to care for them.

Some of these children are THISCLOSE to having loving homes in the U.S. and were in the stages of being adopted when the earthquake hit.

They have gotten their story out through Virginia Montanez, and they have been able to move legal mountains, particularly through the efforts of former U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, the children have now ALL been granted Temporary Refugee Status.

There is an outpouring of donations, and help and homes, and the kids just need to get to the U.S.

That is huge.

They're now working on getting a plane for these kids to get them out of Haiti. Because there is no-one to care for them and because of their situation, they cannot leave in twos and threes.

This is where the story currently is.

People have pledged miles, jet fuel money, etc to try to contribute toward getting these kids on a plane.

The situation in Haiti, meanwhile, is getting desperate. They have sent out an urgent plea that without water the babies will die within 48 hrs.

Even if they do get water, it is becoming dangerous for them to even to possess it. Remember these girls are living in a yard. Out in the open. With children.

Even CNN reporters on the ground are hoping for higher level of security than exists now. I cannot imagine what tonight is like for Haitians on the street.

They are just two tiny voices in Haiti in the middle of devastation with no access to the internet any longer, and yet you now know their story, and massive legal hurdles have been - and are being - overcome.

So here's what you can do:

Pray.
Spread the word.
Follow Virginia's blog or follow her on Twitter.
Email me if you are willing to help in some way

[whendidibecomemymom AT gmail DOT com]

They are so close. And they have not lost Faith.

Please choose to believe.

Eyes on Haiti

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:43:00 +0000

Death and destruction have a way of putting things into perspective for us.

Those who have lost loved ones can tell you that everything changes. We re-evaluate what is truly important in our lives.

Small grievances between family members lose their significance.

Petty quarrels are totally forgotten.

Little things that seemed so important just minutes earlier, we simply couldn't care less about.

In these times a light shines on the truth that is within our hearts.

At times this truth has been so hidden, for so long, behind walls of anger or pride or learned indifference, that it surprises and overwhelms us when it is revealed.

We discover how much we truly do love, and how much we really do care.

Too often, we remember too late.

Today, allow that light to shine.

Remind yourself of the love that is in your heart.

Reach out in peace to those around you.

Let today be the start of a new day.

A day to acknowledge that love exists.

If there is to be Hope, there must first be Love.

_________________________________________________

HAITI DISASTER RELIEF:
TRINIDAD

DIGICEL - TXT or CALL to donate
If you are in the Caribbean or Latin America, you can send relief donations to Haitian NGOs coordinating disaster relief via Digicel. Donate via TEXT or CALL. Instructions here: http://ow.ly/WkxF

In Trinidad and Tobago txt HELP to 5151 or call 5151 from your Digi (donates TT$3 )

Donate clothing, blankets, towels, non-perishable food items and bottled water
We encourage you to give what you can.
If you are inclined to give gifts of clothing, towels, blankets, sheets etc - please ensure items are clean and in good condition.

COP (POS)
Corner of Tragrete Road and Broome Street
9am - 3pm

YMCA (POS)
Benbow Road, off Wrightson Road (opposite the power station)

UNESCO T&T (POS)
2 Scott St, St Clair
9am-2pm and 5-7pm
More info here

ITNAC (Belmont)
Hilton Hotel Trinidad, 1B Lady Young Road, Belmont (tel: Olivia Constantine at 682-6755)

ITNAC (Arima)
Global Revival Ministeries, bypass on Eastern Main Road, Arima

Many more opportunities to help, including cash donations...
Detailed list here: http://meppublishers.blogspot.com/2010/01/helping-haiti.html

INTERNATIONAL
Red Cross International Response Fund
Give to the Red Cross via Credit Card or using Amazon's payment processing system.

Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund (Wyclef Jean)
Donate to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund online

or text the word YELE to 501501 to donate $5 charged to your cell phone bill (within the US).

Partners in Health
Give to the Partners in Health in response to the appeal for assistance from its Port-au-Prince clinical director, Louise Ivers: "Port-au-Prince is devastated, lot of deaths. SOS. SOS... Temporary field hospital by us at UNDP needs supplies, pain meds, bandages. Please help us."

Doctors Without Borders
Give to Doctors Without Borders who are on the ground and have setup clinics to treat the injured in Haiti.

Conversations with kids

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 11:03:00 +0000

Ok, not what you think unfortunately.

I wish I could say that this post was about some cute conversation I had with one of my kids. But it's not. This conversation was a bit tougher.

I made the decision last night to tell both boys about M's situation.

I had two reasons, really. The first is because I think not knowing is causing tension between the boys. The older one will tease M until he is absolutely stressed out. And more and more I hear the same phrase when he gets to that point - "You don't KNOW ME!"

And it breaks my heart a little bit every time.

The other reason is a guy at a client's office. He's sort of a misfit. He's young, and it's his first job. But aside from that awkwardness, there's this obvious social awkwardness as well. For one thing, he doesn't seem to "get" personal space, and drifts in way too close when the conversation interests him. And he doesn't "get" hints. You have to explicitly tell him what you want him to do. And be careful what you tell him because he follows the instructions to a T. And he's sweet so everyone's still good and kind to him. But there are laughs at times. Not in a mean-spirited way, but still. At. Not with....

I don't know if he's an Aspie or not, but he could be. And that could be my son in 10 years.

So last night. I sat my boys down and explained to them as best I could. And it seemed to make sense to the
older one. Like puzzle pieces coming together. M doesn't quite get it...

But now they know. And I've asked big brother to love, protect and support M now that he knows.

I felt crappy to have to do this. I feel very unsure and very much in doubt over this whole thing. Sometimes I just have dread in the pit of my stomach. Especially when he's "sad".

I know I'm not a bad mom, but I also know I don't have this together. And I feel like I'm failing.

But when I'm really low, and I walk in and see this, it makes my heart feel a whole lot better.

Because I know they know love...

Random 25

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:50:00 +0000

Facebook peeps - remember when this was going around last year?

You had to write 25 random things about yourself and post it?

I caught sight of my old note posted in February of last year (before I discovered blogging!)

It was nice looking back, so I thought I'd share it with you.

1. I love Trinidad, but I miss the old time days.

2. I really wouldn't want to live anywhere else, but I consider migrating at least 2,3 times a month.

3. The reason I decide to stay, is the same reason I consider leaving - for my kids.

4. I worry about my kids turning teenagers and the life they will face.... and wish they could have experienced the late 80's, early 90s.

5. I totally enjoyed my late teens, early 20s. And had GREAT adventures and even better friends!

6. The friends I made in those days are still my closest friends, and I would do anything for them.

7. And I truly believe angels watched over us! (and still do).

8 I have been blessed to have made great friends before and since.

9. I am really bad about being in touch. (sorry)

10. Crowd mentality fascinates me. Why people choose to act like sheep and simply follow with no rational evaluation of their own, I just do not get. At all. At all at all at all. :-)

11. My girls and I had a term for that - collective ignorance.

12. Collective ignorance can ruin lives. I do my best to make sure I don't let that happen around me as long as I have a say. I feel morally guilty if I don't throw in a little perspective.

13. A sense of justice still defines me, but I have mellowed with age. A respected boss once told me I would, and I couldn't see how that would ever happen.

14. I don't hold grudges. I thank God for the ability to forgive.

15. I know what it is like to not know where your next meal is coming from.

16. I think I have had the most messed up childhood of anybody that I know, but I made it out fairly normal :-D, and I have made my peace with it.

17. I know the difference between Hope and Faith.

18. I thank God for allowing me the opportunities to walk in lots of different "shoes" :-) It makes me a better listener.

19. I will avoid you if you are wallowing in self-pity. I'll be there in a heartbeat if you want to figure a way out.

20. I know what depression is. Been there once, never going back. (thanks caro!)

21. I am not interested in popularity. At 16 a haircut and contacts opened my eyes to how fickle some people are. See #12.

22. I love being on the water, and I am always sad to lose my "sea legs" again.

23. I am terrified of being in open water. Have you SEEN what swims around out there???!

24. I think Trinis have creativity running through their veins, and wonder why we don't encourage the arts more.

25. I love my neighbours dearly. :-)

25.1 I knew I was going to reach 25 way too fast.

25.2 I think my husband is the most patient person I know.

25.3 He's also THE BEST cook - according to my Spongebob-obsessed sons - the best "fry-cook".

25.4 I loved MTVs Sifl and Olly, and would love to see them come back.

25.5 I do not know ANYONE else who likes Sifl and Olly.

25.6 I cannot STAND elmo and hate what sesame st has become.

25.7 I love old time sesame st, and am grateful for youtube. :-)

25.8 I can't tell a joke, but I am a great audience. :-)

A day in the Life...

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 13:21:00 +0000

Ok so yesterday didn't go as badly as I anticipated...

I mean, don't get me wrong, there were tears and there was a whole lotta sadness. BUT! I decided to just let them have the time to work it through and we made it to school late, but not in total breakdown state.

Oldest one confessed that he didn't like going to school anymore because his teacher, in her youth and frustration with a class of mostly boys, had taken to slapping him. Mmm hmm. You heard me right. Did the blood rush to your head? Ah good. Mine too.

I didn't show that to him though. I was calm told him I would come in and speak to the teacher and the principal together and we'd make sure that they communicate more with Mummy. So we could take care of things together. Without the hitting.

Now I'll tell you. I swat my kids from time to time. I do. But I exercise judgement that is mine to exercise. And it's never just a swat. There's always some kind of time out (for both of us) and some kind of discussion about what happened and why. And some kind of agreement going forward. And you know what, I don't need to explain this to any damn teacher. The law says don't hit my kids, so just don't stinking hit my kids. Period.

Phew.

So gave me that little news flash, and mostly so that I could calm down, we moved a little slowly yesterday morning, and they went to school on their own speed.

They did ok, and came home happy. (Apparently teacher was fun to be with today - before the frustration settles in!)

And the mail had a special surprise for them today - a set of Bakugan cards (what is with those things?) that didn't make it in time for Christmas. So all in all it was an ok day for them. Although they did ask if I might think about them transferring to a different school. We'll see. I did start inquiries. But PBD had a great point, in that we all need to learn lessons about dealing with difficult people in our lives.

I am going in to speak with the principal today. To make myself present. I am usually all smiles and fun. But don't touch my children. Seriously.

******

In other news. Darling Husband rescued a baby bird yesterday that fell out of a tree. It's a big baby. I'm pretty convinced it's a hawk. Gorgeous thing. He's coming along. He's very alert this morning and isn't favouring his wing like he was last night. He's also drinking water and moving around on his branch (he's in a large cage that we happen to have lying around because what the heck is it with boys and finding pets to love and keep???)

Honestly I wasn't too bothered or too involved in the whole rescue operation. I was pretty busy last night. But I was happy to see them working together and being nurturing and gentle and researching the right things to do.

And I was happy to see them wake early to sit and hand feed him this morning.

And I was happy that they are cleaning up his mess.

I was decidedly not happy to see what they rescued him in.

My good, soft, fluffy, l-a-r-g-e towels.

Seriously? The worn ones weren't good enough for the stinky pooping wild animal?

MEN!

Back to School

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 04:45:00 +0000

The kids head back to a new school term tomorrow, and I head back to a brand new year of work that's full of promise. So why do I feel like this?

We've had a great holiday. I worked most days either from home or from the office. And they spent a lot of time at camp with their friends, so it's not like we were in each others' space all the time.

But I feel like I'm going to miss them terribly. And I can't sleep thinking about it. I miss them already.

I think a really big part of it is that they're not happy to go back. I can't say that I blame them - they had a blast this vacation.

But more than that, I'm wondering if the school they're at is the right one for them. My oldest has a teacher that just doesn't seem to "get" the boys in her charge. When someone in the class is too rambunctious and can't seem to calm down - she keeps the entire class in at recess or lunch. Then complains that the kids are hyper (DUH woman! Let them blow off the steam outdoors!!!)

The younger one seems to be really unhappy just being at school. He's happy being at home in his own business. I haven't been taking him to the therapist since the first few visits after he was diagnosed with Aspergers. I really like his therapist, but something just doesn't seem to fit 100%. I know I need to talk to her, but I just haven't. I don't know how receptive she'll be to the conversation I want to have with her, so I've been avoiding her.

He really doesn't want to be back at that school, but I'm not sure he really wants to be back at ANY school. I am at a loss. I truly don't know what to do for him right now. Over the past few months he's been showing even more behaviours that make him stand out from the other kids.

For one thing, he's really obviously shadowing his words when he speaks. He will say something to you, and when he's finished it's like he begins to mouth it again soundlessly. As if he's double-checking the words or something. Then he's started repeating stuff over and over like a record, which I don't remember him doing before. Not like this. He'll go monotone and just repeat the one phrase over and over again. Like - "That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha." Or in the middle of a conversation with a visiting friend, I'll realize he's quietly come to sit behind us and repeat "'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now." When I snap to it and gather what he's saying and let him know, it's ok I won't be watching House right now because we have company, he mutters "Good!" and disappears.

I'm going to be starting to write again for my Aspergers blog. It's been too long abandoned, and I need to record some of these happenings.

Like this morning when I think my heart broke a little bit, when I realized why he was sometimes reluctant to go to camp with his older brother. Turns out he's now of the age to join the group of boys his brother is a part of. And they are the usual silly slapstick way that 8 and 9 yr olds are. Except my son doesn't understand why they speak the way they do, when they play and put on mock voices and accents and make up words for kicks. So he tries to correct them and tell them that's not the way the words are pronounced. And they tell him to shut up. And they ignore him and leave him out of their play time.

I realize I can't save him from every experience like this. So telling the supervisors what's happening and asking them to sensitize the boys can't be the only answer. I want to be able to teach him to understand that this is all fun and games and perfectly normal. How do I do that? What's the right way???

And what happens in his class where his brother is around to at least give me some insight into what's happening so we can talk to him and help him?

I know he's going to be fine, and others just like him work it out fine. But that doesn't make it any easier on my heart.

They'll both be going back tomorrow, but there will be more than two hearts breaking when I drive away...

Through the looking glass...

whendidibecomemymom@gmail.com (When did I become my Mom) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:40:00 +0000

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, an amazing mother and a close friend for way too many years to count. After many years of us girlfriends being inseparable, she's ended up migrating to another country and starting her family far away from home.

We keep in touch via Facebook and Skype and email. Thank God for the wonders of technology! We've been able to video conference and see pregnant bellies and new babies, and have long talks about... girl stuff! Anything and everything really!

Anyway, this one time she mentioned to me how everyone else really seemed to have it together. At least they look like they have it all together judging by their Facebook pictures. This supermom - who juggles studying law full-time, working part-time and mothering full-time - she was looking at our friends' lives through the lens of Facebook and judging herself by it!

I definitely took the time to clear up that misconception for her! To let her know that what we put out there are the memories we CHOOSE to remember! Or to laugh at! These are the photos that make it into frames and scrapbooks. It's just that, in this Information Age, those scrapbooks have become a lot more public than they used to be.

The fact is, it's usually much easier for us to share this ("Teamwork!") with our friends

than this (a photo I lovingly call "Toga Kick")

And quite frankly, the mischief that gets caught on camera is usually quite accidental. Funny that we could look at those and think that they actually give a true impression of what life is like for that person.

It's the same thing with blogging isn't it? I mean it really makes me wonder. What are my photos and writings saying about me? What do people think I am about when they read my posts?

I have no idea, but I really am curious. I can tell you, that I try to write as honestly as possible since this blog is like a diary of sorts to me. And the straight writing helps me sort out my thoughts.

But no matter how honestly I write, there's no way I'm going to capture everything here. There's just not enough time, not enough words, and frankly there's life to be lived. Quite apart from that is the fact that when writing about situations involving others, there's usually a lot of censoring to protect relationships and respect other people's privacy.

So today as we start off 2010 with a fresh slate, let me introduce myself to you again.

Hi! I'm a former social butterfly hippie child, turned mother of 3 and career businesswoman.

I love my children dearly but they drive absolutely up a wall at times. At which point I am sure that my neighbours hear me screaming my head off sending people to timeout and whatnot.

I decided long ago that a happy home was worth more to me than a spotless one. (And I remind myself of that often these days. Especially when I walk into the boys' room).

I am flawed and imperfect, but I listen and I try to learn. I am blessed with a family who knows and understands my flaws and loves me anyway.

I cry at movies, and sad stories, and sad songs. Do not come crying to me telling me your sad story unless you've brought enough tissue for both of us. (Stoppit!)

If however, you're stuck on sad, and have decided you enjoy the attention that comes to you when you are there, and you just want company to perpetuate that attention, you're eventually going to find me missing when you come looking for me. (I believe that clinical depression is very real. I believe that it's disrespectful to those who truly do struggle with depression for you to wallow in indulgent "depression" without making an attempt to change your situation. I know people who struggle to make their lives better every day, railing against the monster that really is depression.)

I can be a big ole softie, but I have the heart of a lioness and will show no fear to stand up and protect those who are being trampled on. I do not tolerate injustice in my presence.

I believe that what goes around comes around, and that it's up to us to bring positive change to the world around us, even if that positive change is a tiny one that would go unnoticed by most people. (There is one who will see and will notice.) I believe that a genuine heartfelt smile can make the world a better place.

Here's to 2010, and to trying to live each day to the fullest. Here's to dusting yourself off when you fall, and picking yourself up to try again.

Here's to being the best me/you that we can!

Cheers!