When's Happy Hour Already?

MV Agusta F3

2010-11-02T15:27:00.001-07:00

We have just one thing to say about the MV Agusta F3: We want one. Badly.

This bit of two-wheeled heaven is everything we love about motorcycles: It is impossibly gorgeous, it is ridiculously fast, and it almost certainly handles like nobody’s business. MV boss Giovanni Castiglioni tells Hell For Leather the F3 will be “the smallest supersport ever produced.”

The 675-cc inline triple is good for a claimed 140 horsepower. That, according to the guys at Hell For Leather, makes it the second most-powerful engine in its class behind the Ducati 848 Evo. Top-shelf hardware includes Marzocchi fork, Sachs shock, Brembo brakes, yada yada. Two cool bits of tech, both first in the class, include traction control and a counter-rotating crankshaft to minimize vibrations.

The styling nicely updates that of the F4, which is among the most beautiful motorcycles ever.

Anything this cool isn’t cheap, and the F3 is no exception. Look for a sticker price of 11,500 euros, which comes to $15,970.

Smoking Hot Latina Ninel Conde!

2010-11-02T10:26:00.001-07:00

Oh she's also 40!

Exclusive Look: Where The Workers Who Made Your iPhone Sleep At Night

2010-11-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

Exclusive Look: Where The Workers Who Made Your iPhone Sleep At Night

Foxconn's factory in Shenzhen, China, is home to about half of its 420,000 workers. They make many of our gadgets and computers, then walk to dormitories on the 2.1-kilometer-square campus. I got to look inside.

A dorm room. Eight workers sleep in four bunk beds in a room about the size of a two-car garage.

Toiletries kept on a shelf in mugs.

A television viewing room is available on each floor. I joked with the Foxconn executive who was with me that of all the places in the world that could probably manage to get bigger television screens installed, it was probably here at Foxconn, who make televisions for the world's largest brands.

Since a spate of eleven suicides earlier this year, every building on the Foxconn campus is draped in netting. It is morbid but seemingly effective; there have been no suicides since the nets were installed in May.

Workout equipment in the spaces between buildings.

In a newer dorm, a sink is shared on the balcony, where workers can wash their clothing and themselves. Management of the living quarters has recently been outsourced to a local operations company in an attempt to address concerns about an employer managing living conditions of its workers. It's unclear how outside management will fundamentally alter the nature of on-campus living.

This special report is a partnership between Gizmodo and WIRED Magazine.

Facebook Predicts When You're Likely To Get Dumped

2010-11-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

Facebook Predicts When You're Likely To Get Dumped

Facebook status updates can be creepy and revealing, but they can also help predict when you're likely to find yourself dumped. Naturally, there's good news and bad news to be found in the data.

David McCandless, the fellow behind some of the stunning data visualizations we've posted in the past, gave a rather fascinating TED talk a while back. And what stood out among all the clever trivia and tidbits about data were the statistics he shared about romances.

Apparently David and his team looked at about 10,000 Facebook status updates and searched for patterns related to break ups. Their discoveries? You're very likely to get dumped on Mondays, right before Spring Break, two weeks before Christmas, and at some point before the summer holidays.

The good news about the whole mess is that it seems that people feel quite bad about dumping someone right on Christmas Day, so you can breathe a bit easier while unwrapping your presents.

2011 John Deere Gator XUV 825i 4x4 Review

2010-11-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

2011 John Deere Gator XUV 825i 4x4 Review

Awesome Power

The 50 HP, 812cc engine left very little to be desired as we took off down the trail. It did not take long at all to find a place to open it up to its top speed of 44 MPH. We were notably impressed with this speed out of such a workhorse of a machine. Its three cylinder, 4-cycle automatic engine has the most displacement and power in its class. It also has excellent low-end torque that kicked in as we came to the first steep hill climb. We suspect it would also come in handy for towing and hauling.

The reps later explained how the advanced clutching and use of a tighter belt was part of what provided the faster acceleration, along with the two-range CVT transmission, which also helps with the low-speed towing. One aspect that we appreciated, even though we did not need it at this particular test ride, was the electronic fuel injection which provides better throttle response and starting in cold weather and in higher altitudes.

Rough Terrain

Conquering rough terrain is something you will need to be able to do whether you are working on the farm or cutting it up out on the trail. It is good to know that the 825i provides on-demand four-wheel drive at the flip of a switch. The 825i also has the option of a lockable rear differential so the rear drive wheels work together for any spots where you just a little extra boost.

The independent double-wishbone long-travel suspension combined with 11-inches of ground clearance made light work of all the obstacles we encountered on this extensive trail system. This combination also makes for a more comfortable ride whether on the trail or on the farm. The full clutch enclosure also allowed us to go through all the water crossings without any problem. John Deere representative said they recommend avoiding water deeper than 22 inches.

Stability

One of the most common concerns for side-by-sides is the stability factor. John Deere employs a solid core steel sway bar and double-ball drop-link to help insure more stability, reduce body lean and provide more durability in all areas whether at work or at play. The 825i is wide enough (62 inches), long enough (119 inches) and has a low enough center of gravity, to produce what feels like one of the most stable vehicles in its class.

Workability

While playing out on the trail with the XUV 825i is an awesome adventure in itself, the workability aspect is still one of the main considerations of most UTV buyers. Keeping true to its reputation of producing top-of-the-line work vehicles, John Deere did not miss the mark here.

The John Deere 825i 4x4 engine is built with heavy-duty components such as an aluminum head, thrust bearings and a cast block with painted interior. To increase endurance under twisting and turning out on the trail or carrying heavy loads, the 825i frame is hydro-formed and the A-arms are made of cast iron to withstand the jackhammer abuse of the most severe terrain. As added protection, the 825i comes equipped with a full-steel skid plate guard. Additionally, body panels are made of scratch resistant engineered polymer. These panels are paintable so the John Deere XUV can keep looking as good as it runs.

Cargo

What is a work vehicle without great cargo capabilities? John Deere knows this and acts on it with one of the largest cargo boxes in its class at 45 inches in length, 52 inches wide and 12 inches deep with a 1,000-pound capacity. Backing this up is a 1,400-pound payload capacity and a 1,500-pound towing capacity. To keep your cargo secure, the cargo box features 20 tie-down points to make keeping the load in place easier. You can also quickly convert the cargo area to a flatbed to haul larger items. The pick-up style tailgate is easy to use without all the latches and guards, while the steel reinforced bed and body guard provide strength and durability. As well, the cargo area has gas-assist to make loading and unloading faster and easier. Cargo bed options include a factory spray-in bed liner and power lift.

One of the things we liked most about the cargo box is the exclusive Quick-Clamp system, which makes adding the attachments quick and easy.

Competition

Honda’s Big Red, Kawasaki’s Mule 4010 4x4, Yamaha's Rhino 700, and Polaris’ Ranger 800 are some of the top competitors to the John Deere 825i.

All five of these models come with automatic transmissions with liquid cooled engines, spark arresting mufflers, electronic fuel injected fuel pumps and all are four-wheel or all-wheel drive.

One thing that sets the John Deere apart is its three-cylinder engine, which is a fairly uncommon setup for off-road machines. All others units have either a one- or two-cylinder engine. Out of this group the John Deere also boasts the largest engine displacement at 812cc, compared to the Ranger’s 760cc, the Rhino’s 686cc, the Big Red’s 675cc, and the Mule’s 617cc mills.

Summary

I believe the John Deere 825i is one of the best choices on the market for anyone looking for a good crossover vehicle they can use on the farm and out on the trail. I often say that I would recommend a certain vehicle if you plan to do a bit more work than play or another one if you plan to play more than work. However, the John Deere XUV 825i 4x4 ($11,199) would seem an excellent choice for almost any combination of work and play.

Specifications

Engine
   • Type: 4-cycle gasoline with Electronic Fuel Injection (EFI)
   • Cylinders: 3
   • Valve: Dual Overhead Cam (DOHC)
   • Horsepower: 50 (37 kw) @ 6000 rpm
   • Displacement: 812 cc
   • Maximum torque, ft – lb: 47 (64) @ 3200 rpm
   • Ignition Type: Solid State 12V
   • Lubrication: Full Pressure
   • Oil Filter: Screw on Filter
   • Cooling System: Liquid
   • Muffler: Spark-arresting
   • Battery: 340CCA
   • Alternator: 75 amp @6000 rpm, regulated
   • Headlights: Two 27 watt halogen

Fuel System
   • Capacity: 5.3 gallons (20.1 liters)
   • Consumption (half load at avg. speed) U.S. gal/hr: 0.7 (2.65)
   • Fuel Pump: Electric

4WD
   • System Type: On-demand true four-wheel drive
   • Front Differential: Auto-locking (on/off rocker switch)
   • Rear Differential: Positive locking, mechanically actuated

Transmission
   • Type: Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT)
   • Drive Belt: Spun top cog, 31 mm wide
   • Ground Speed, mph: Hi Forward (0-44), Lo Forward (0-27), Reverse (0-32)
   • Transaxle: Two speed, oil bath
   • Gear Selection: Forward (hi-lo) Neutral, Reverse
   • Overall Reduction Ratio: Low (86.8488:1), High (42.1430:1), Reverse (75.9333:1)
   • Brakes: Front/rear hydraulic disk
   • Park Brake: driveline mechanical disk, hand operated
   • Bearings: Sealed, double-row ball
   • Axle: 27 mm dia. forged CV-Shaft with Double Offset Joint

Suspension and Steering
   • Suspension, Front: Fully Independent Dual A-Arm with adjustable coils
   • Front Suspension, Travel: 8 inches (203 mm)
   • Suspension, Rear: Fully Independent Dual A-Arm with adjustable coils and sway bar
   • Rear Suspension, Travel: 9 inches (229 mm)
   • Steering: Rack and Pinion
   • Turning Radius: 12.4 feet (3.8 meters)

Hitch
• Front: Standard 2-inch receiver
• Rear: Standard 2-inch receiver

Occupant Protective Systems
   • Tubular Overhead Structure: 1.75 inch (44.4mm) Steel Tube
   • Passenger Grab Handles: Front OPS post, front dash
   • Seat Belts: 3-point

Ground Pressure (Max.)
• With 200 lb Operator: 14 psi (0.98 kg/cm2)
• Fully Loaded Vehicle: 14 psi (0.98 kg/cm2)

Ground Clearance
• Ground Clearance: 11 inches (267 mm)
• Under Foot Platform: 12.25 inches (311 mm)

Dimensions
   • Length: 119 inches (3021 mm)
   • Width: 62 inches (1574 mm)
   • Wheelbase: 79 inches (2007 mm)
   • Height: 75 inches (1903 mm)
   • Weight (including fuel/fluids): 1640 lbs (744 kg)
   • Seating Capacity: 2
   • Seat Type: Professional high back, bucket (tilt forward)
   • Towing Capacity: 1500 lbs (680 kg)
   • Payload Capacity: 1400 lbs (635 kg)
   • Sound Rating (at operator’s ear): 89.4 dB(A)

Cargo Box
   • Material: Polypropylene side panels and tailgate, steel floor and load guard
   • Dimensions: 45L x 52W x 12D (in), 1143L x 1320W x 304.8D (mm)
   • Volume: 16.4 cu. Ft (0.46 m3)
   • Weight Capacity: 1000 lb (454 kg)
   • Dump: Manual with lift assist shock (factory installed power lift option)
   • Tailgate: Hinged at bottom, removable

Tires
   • Front: 26x9-12 Ancla M-T (Extreme Terrain) 25x9-12 Terrahawk AT (All Terrain)
   • Rear: 26x11-12 Ancla M-T (Extreme Terrain) 25x9-12 Terrahawk AT (All Terrain)
   • Available Tread: Ancla M-T (Extreme Terrain), Terrahawk AT (All Terrain) Maxxis BigHorn
   • Types: 2.0 Radials (Extreme Terrain) Front: 27x9-14, Rear: 27x11-14

Color Options
   • John Deere Green and Yellow
   • Olive and Black
   • REALTREE HARDWOODS HD Camo

My Little Dita Tribute!

2010-11-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am strangely attracted....

Detectives to get Facebook training to hunt killers

2010-11-01T17:30:00.002-07:00

Detectives to get Facebook training to hunt killers

Detectives are to get training on using social network websites like Facebook and Twitter in order to catch killers.

The National Policing Improvement Agency (NPIA) is overhauling its training to bring it up to date.

Police are reportedly examining posts on Facebook made both before and after the murder earlier this week of 17-year-old Marvin Henry in north London.

Adam Mann was jailed for life this month for killing ex-wife Lisa Beverley after she taunted him on Facebook.

And in May 2008 19-year-old Vicky Couchman went missing in East Sussex. Her Bebo page was updated after her disappearance by her father Tony Couchman, who is believed to have killed her.

He was found dead in his prison cell earlier this year on the eve of his murder trial.

Deputy Chief Constable Nick Gargan, acting head of the NPIA, said: "This programme is a vital part of the career pathway for detectives and the new training covers sensitive areas of policing where limited guidance existed previously.

"These improvements are exactly what detectives need to tackle the challenges and complexities of modern policing effectively."

Around 3,500 detectives take the crime investigator's development programme every year.

Most of those trained by the NPIA will be from England and Wales but it works closely with Scottish forces and the PSNI and also makes courses available to the Serious and Organised Crime Agency and the UK Borders Agency.

The training course will also include sections on how to record allegations of domestic violence and rape and how to treat suspected "honour-based crimes".

Detectives will also be taught to recognise the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress disorder in victims and witnesses to avoid adding to their trauma.

Your Daily Fix

2010-11-01T17:30:00.001-07:00

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

2010-11-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

For The Gamers

2010-11-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Reasons NOT To Live In CA

2010-11-01T14:19:00.001-07:00

Top 10 Reasons Not to Live in California

California is often portrayed as a great place to visit. And certainly, there are many tourist attractions to see and participate in. The weather is great and you can see Mickey Mouse do his thing at Disneyland. However, it’s best to have fun during a short stay and then be on your way. Why? Simply, California has to be perhaps one of the most hazardous places to live. If one were to measure the odds, it would be very easy to conclude that chance of some disaster befalling you is fairly high (increasing in direct proportion to the duration of your stay). Don’t believe me? Consider these top 10 reasons NOT to live in California:

10. The Governor of the State is the Terminator

The man who has warned guys not to be a “girly man” is the chief executive of the state of California- none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Actors turned politicians have mixed results (depending on who you talk to). Under Governor Schwarzenegger’s reign, the state of California has suffered through a number of trying issues. Perhaps the most serious, and the ones that have caused the most rancor among voters, are the economic issues. With shrinking state revenues, budget tightening has resulted in social programs being chopped, state jobs being eliminated, and a need to increase state revenue (higher taxes). All of this has many Californians lamenting that the Governor has reverted to his “Terminator” alter ego and is determined to extinguish all life (or at least a comfortable life) in the state.

9. Seasonal Disasters

Natural disasters seem to find consistent and continual life in Cali. There are of course earthquakes. The occasional shake is common enough that many Californians don’t think much of it, aside from having to replace the odd broken dish. Then of course, there are ever-present brush fires. While there is not a high loss of life with this particular disaster, there is a tremendous toll in terms of property damage, not to mention severe ecological damage. If an earthquake or a fire doesn’t get you, then a mudslide might. There are a lot of hills and elevated areas in California; when the seasonal rains come, so does erosion. The result is the earth giving way, with people and property being in the path when it does. The results are devastating in terms of loss of life and property damage. These are just some of the common disasters that Californians have to deal with on a regular basis.

8. Impending Horrific Earthquake

Keeping with the natural disaster theme: there is of course the expected “big one” that many believe will eventually hit California. The state of California has the misfortune to lie over a major fault line (the San Andreas). Experts predict that at some point in the future there will be a major shift of tectonic plates resulting in a catastrophic level earthquake. Along the lines of the earthquake that leveled San Francisco in 1906, the next “big one” is expected to be even more devastating due to population and urban growth. If the recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile are any indication, then a major shake hitting such populated areas as LA, San Diego and San Francisco would have horrific consequences. What’s scary about this is that scientists and experts warn that it isn’t a matter of “if” this will happen, but rather “when.”

7. Will Eventually Fall Into the Ocean

This is more of a theory than an actual scientifically proven fact, but this particular idea is so widespread and believed that one has to take it into consideration. Some have predicted that, as a result of the likely catastrophic events in #8 above, California will somehow break off from the mainland and sink into the ocean. Fortunately for Californians, there doesn’t seem to be any hard data to support this particular theory outside of Hollywood. Even considering the very real tectonic activity, the motion that these plates generate is horizontal (as opposed to lateral, which could indicate a potential ‘dropping’ of land mass). In fact, the constant shifting of the earth in the California area is along a north/south axis – meaning that LA is slowly creeping towards San Francisco at a whopping few millimeters a year. While this bit of news may be problematic for Southern Californians (in about a million years at the current rate of speed), it certainly falls short of an apocalyptic event. Assuming, of course, that the ‘experts’ are to be believed (and they, naturally, are always right!)

6. High Taxes Make Life Unbearable

The state of California is suffering through a fiscal nightmare. Simply, the state has more expenses than it does revenue. For any able minded politician, one quickfire solution (albeit an unpopular one) is to either raise taxes, install new taxes, or a combination of both. While voters have continually voted down higher tax proposals that have made it to the ballot, California is still leading the nation in a number of tax categories: income taxes (2^nd), corporate taxes (8^th), and sales tax (13^th), to name a few. All total, the full tax load ranks 6^th in the nation. California’s heavy tax burden has caused concerns among many about the financial ability of many families to realistically reside in the state. Further, even with the various taxes in place, the state’s budget has still ballooned – outpacing revenues by a large margin. The resulting disparity has crippled any number of programs, especially those aimed at helping the poor – placing even more people in potentially dire circumstances.

5. Hundreds of Prisoners Are Being Released Because of Budget Constraints

Faced with shrinking funds, state legislators (and apparently supported by the Terminator – we mean the Governor) determined that the state could realize tremendous savings by releasing thousands of prisoners from state penal institutions early. The move is estimated to save the state about $1.2 billion – not an insignificant amount of money considering the prevalent financial woes. California has the largest population of prisoners among states, boasting well over 170,000 inmates. The proposal aims to release non-violent offenders, including those that are sick and elderly. Naturally, the best of plans tend to go awry when a government entity is involved and dangerous prisoners have been released – some of whom have committed new crimes. Laws that were held as progressive in previous years, such as the states so-called “three strikes” have resulted in the vast overcrowding. Now, faced with the inability to actually pay for these policies, lawmakers are in a tough bind – a real “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.

4. Serious Gang Violence

Criminal gang activity is a very serious problem in California: many neighborhoods are literally terrorized by gang activity. Residents are victims of random drive-by shootings, physical assaults and other criminal activities perpetrated by gang members. Drug-related crime has also proportionally increased as well. Families who manage navigate these dangerous war zones face the prospect of their children being recruited to join local gangs. Aside from the more traditional gangs such as the Bloods and Crips, new (and some believe deadlier) Hispanic gangs have entered into the fray. Fueled by poor economic conditions, the increase in gang participation is on the rise. As gang membership increases, inter-gang violence has also become deadlier. Reacting to the dangers that gang violence poses, law enforcement and government officials have proposed and enacted numerous programs to stem the tide. Only time well tell if these measures are effective.

3. Liberal Culture is Harbinger of the Apocalypse

The end of times may be a bit of a reach, but those of the conservative establishment do hearken to liberal culture as the precursor of many of the social ills within our communities. For its part, California has long been a bastion of liberal (some would say progressive) thought and action. Consider that California is very accepting of alternative lifestyles, is environmentally conscious, and not particularly religious (at least in terms of a dominant block of religiosity)- and you have the makings of a counter-culture stronghold. Indeed, many of the universities in California (UCLA, UC Berkley and others) were home to many of the social protests that highlighted the social movements of the sixties. All of this is dire evidence for those who tend to lean toward the more so-called “traditional values” lifestyle. Many of this perspective hold California up as the example of all that is wrong in America – from ineffective government to high crime – the state (from a conservative viewpoint) is on the verge of collapse as result.

2. Police Brutality

While the saying “crime doesn’t pay” may hold true in many places, in California it doesn’t pay to land in the hands of the cops whether a crime has been committed or not. California has a number of high profile incidents involving police misconduct – from the Rampart scandal in the 90’s to numerous police beatings caught on film (i.e. Rodney King and others). And these are the incidents that are known. Residents of economically depressed neighborhoods have long complained of draconian police activity, complaints that have largely fell on deaf ears. With the advent of camera phones and other convenient recording devices, however, citizens are now capturing clear evidence of police officers engaged in nefarious activities. Crimes such as murder, rape, drug trafficking, robbery and much more are among the violations for which cops in California have been convicted. In short, the residents of California often need protection from the protectors.

1. Pending War With Mexico

There is a brewing war zone festering on the southern border of the U.S. that threatens to spill over and engulf California in the ensuing blood bath. Not since the Mexican-American War (1846 – 1848) have the citizens of the U.S. had to be concerned about armed conflict arising from beyond the southern border. This is no longer the case with the brewing drug war that is taking place in Tijuana – a Mexican town just south of the California border with Mexico. In the last 1 ½ years, the death toll has exceeded over 1500 and the body count continues to rise. Well over a third of these deaths are police officers and government officials. The drug cartels, reacting to Mexico’s declaration of war against drugs, have sought to establish their own authority. The Mexican government, for its part, has deployed well over 250,000 troops along its border with the U.S. to stem the tide of violence. The Mexican government has called on the U.S .to assist with narcotic interdiction on the American side of the border. What many fear is that the Mexican drug cartels will react just as violently on this side of the border if the U.S. decides to interfere. Considering that the drug cartels have no inhibition to killing anyone – women, children, whomever – Californians are correct in being concerned that the violence may soon touch them.

Internet Pornography Stats

2010-11-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

Star Trek Facts

2010-10-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

Irish Sunglasses

2010-10-31T12:18:00.000-07:00

The Dangers of Drinking Too Excess

2010-10-31T12:15:00.001-07:00

15 Things You Should Know About Marijuana

2010-10-31T12:15:00.000-07:00

Optical Illusions

2010-10-31T01:57:00.000-07:00

Jokes

2010-10-31T01:54:00.001-07:00

Bad Jokes

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "Those they gave away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."

Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"

Husband : "That's where they held the auction."

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep.

When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."

"That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?"

The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."

"That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"

The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a pussy?"

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a pussy." the son then asks "What's a bitch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a bitch."

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a pussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says "Son, this is a pussy!"

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a bitch?"

The dad replies, "That's everything outside the circle!"

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pass two squirrels having sex. The little boy asks his mom, "Mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then they pass two dogs having sex and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich. A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said "Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, Mommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.

"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.

The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

For Your Consideration

2010-10-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

Famous Crimes

2010-10-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

Comforting Bosom

2010-10-30T15:26:00.000-07:00

Virgin Galatic

2010-10-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Blackberry Playbook

2010-10-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

At Research In Motion's annual BlackBerry Developer Conference, CEO Mike Lazaridis announced the company's new tablet -- the PlayBook. The tablet will utilize an OS created by the recently acquired QNX (just as we'd heard previous to the announcement) called the BlackBerry Tablet OS which will offer full OpenGL and POSIX support alongside web standards such as HTML5 (which is all tied into RIM's new WebWorks SDK). Lazaridis was joined on stage by the company's founder, Dan Dodge, who said that "QNX is going to enable things that you have never seen before," and added that the PlayBook would be "an incredible gaming platform for publishers and the players." RIM also touted the PlayBook's ability to handle Flash content via Flash 10.1, as well as Adobe AIR apps. The new slate -- which Lazaridis described as "the first professional tablet" -- will sport a 7-inch, 1024 x 600, capacitive multitouch display, a Cortex A9-based, dual-core 1GHz CPU (the company calls it the "fastest tablet ever"), 1GB of RAM, and a 3 megapixel front-facing camera along with a 5 megapixel rear lens (and yes, there will be video conferencing). There was no mention of onboard storage capacity during the keynote, though the devices we just spied in our eyes-on post are labeled 16GB and 32GB on their back panels. The PlayBook will be capable of 1080p HD video, and comes equipped with an HDMI port as well as a microUSB jack, 802.11a/b/g/n WiFi, and Bluetooth 2.1. The device clocks in at a svelte 5.1- by 7.6-inches, is only 0.4-inches thick, and weighs just 400g (or about 0.9 pounds).

In terms of interface, the OS looks like a mashup of webOS and the BlackBerry OS, even allowing for multitasking via what amounts to a "card" view. Interestingly, RIM and QNX boasted of the PlayBook's multimedia and gaming functions, but Mike Lazaridis also described the tablet as "an amplified view of what's already on your BlackBerry." That's due largely in part to a function of the tablet which allows you to siphon data off of your BlackBerry handset via Bluetooth tethering and display it on your PlayBook (a la the ill-fated Palm Foleo). While the PlayBook doesn't seem to rely on phone content alone, the press release from the company says that users can "use their tablet and smartphone interchangeably without worrying about syncing or duplicating data." RIM didn't hand out any solid launch dates beyond "early 2011," and of course, there was no mention of retail price. We've got a slew of content after the break, including the PlayBook spec rundown, the company's press release, and a full video of the device (and UI) in action -- so take a look!

7-inch LCD, 1024 x 600, WSVGA, capacitive touch screen with full multi-touch and gesture support
BlackBerry Tablet OS with support for symmetric multiprocessing
1 GHz dual-core processor
1 GB RAM
Dual HD cameras (3 MP front facing, 5 MP rear facing), supports 1080p HD video recording
Video playback: 1080p HD Video, H.264, MPEG, DivX, WMV
Audio playback: MP3, AAC, WMA
HDMI video output
Wi-Fi - 802.11 a/b/g/n
Bluetooth 2.1 + EDR
Connectors: microHDMI, microUSB, charging contacts
Open, flexible application platform with support for WebKit/HTML-5, Adobe Flash Player 10.1, Adobe Mobile AIR, Adobe Reader, POSIX, OpenGL, Java
Ultra thin and portable:
Measures 5.1"x7.6"x0.4" (130mm x 193mm x 10mm)
Weighs less than a pound (approximately 0.9 lb or 400g)
RIM intends to also offer 3G and 4G models in the future.

Free USB Key

2010-10-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

http://ms.kpcorp.com/what-inspires-us/aspxfiles/Registration.aspx

Don't say I never give you guys anything useful if you check gov't employee you won't get it because of new laws

Stoner Chicks

2010-10-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

No Reason But Just Cause