Where are you Leo?

Shit just hit the fan

2017-09-06T18:01:00.004+08:00

I don't normally curse on this blog but there is no other way to put it. Shit has hit the fan.
There has been some heartbreaking news I had to face with my family. But the horror has now settled into something more hopeful and positive for everyone. Thanks for that. Still, the fact remains that I now have a hard time figuring out how many days, weeks, months it has been. I'm just... lost.

***
It's almost six in the evening where I am and I just took a break from a day filled with attempts at starting to work. Said news mentioned above has been so shattering that I have to rethink my life and what the future holds for me. But I'll be fine. I just don't know anymore if what I'm doing now counts to that future, whatever it is.

***

I recently got a car. Well, my sister made it hella easy for me to get one. (We're) actually getting it. I love her to bits. My sister and my niece's are the only faces I need to remember when I feel so beat up and ready to give up. Real talk. If you can get a set like them, get one. (I actually don't want a car. They're expensive and they live off fossil fuels but sufficient prodding from the sibling made me relent.)

***
This blog has been dead for a while. Only reviving it because I need a legitimate outlet to let go of a lot of feels I have right now. So if you're up for it, go subscribe or something. Let's do this. There might be a lot of crying.

Back to Blogging - Back in Manila

2016-03-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

This will be the nth time I’m saying that I’m back to blogging (This does get old). I realized I missed writing for myself and maintaining a public journal. I’m not sure if this off/on thing is just for blogging or a symptom of a bigger character flaw. :((

Just quick notes:

1. I’m back in the Philippines. Decided to move in with my friends in the capital city. They have work; I have work. Our place is on a third floor walk-up. I get my own room. I’m a guy, they’re both girls. We’re basically a sitcom minus the cameras.

2. I’m practicing my househusband skills. It comes as no surprise that I’d rather be the wind beneath the wings. HAHAHA. This is almost legit. But let us not put myself in a box yet.

3. I’m a good cook. As someone with the self-esteem of a rock (that is to say I have zero self-worth), I constantly pester my roommates and friends to commend me on my cooking. So far, it has been easy for them to oblige. So let me say I’m good at the kitchen. ;)

4. I’m taking lots of photos again. I have a great camera. My understanding of aperture, shutter speed, framing rules, white balance, ISO, Photoshop, etc are still intact although dusty. So I plan to take photos more and upload them here. “Ladies and gentlemen / These are my hands / My knees.”

5. I’m independent as fvck. I’ve technically moved out although I don’t remember asking for permission nor signing a document nor doing any ritualistic protocol as I’ve seen in movies. But there. For over a year now I’ve been supporting myself - when I was in Thailand for a month and a half, in Indonesia for about six months, for the few days in Malaysia (twice last year!), in Singapore (x times last year!) - it has all been on me (-ish, thank you very much sister, haha).

6. Half-a-year vegetarian! I was lacto-ovo. Decided to stop eating eggs a few days ago and it’s going great.

So hello again Manila. Oh my you’re still pretty. But no thank you that you’ve given me two weeks of asthma attacks. Don’t do that again, please.

To those of you who still read this... I'm back

2015-12-09T12:26:00.000+08:00

This is a chocolate cake I made following Ruth Reichl's wonderful recipe on NYTimes.

I've said this countless times in this blog before but here I am saying it again, with knees on the floor, eyes low and a voice as sad as death itself: I'm sorry for not updating this blog. I'm back. I have plenty to tell you. Here is a list that will give you an idea of the drivel that is to come:

1. I'm apparently already in the phase of my life where I work for a living. A few months ago, my trusty yet overall useless LinkedIn account reminded me that I've been doing work for a year now. I've been earning money good enough to live on. From boyhood to full-blown adulthood. I would like to thank my teachers, friends etc. etc. for this milestone. Shit.

2. I travelled a lot this year. I went to El Nido to explore nature but more crucially, myself. It was gross. But that northern tip of Palawan is a gem and I know I've prepared myself but I cried. Holy rock formation and clear waters. Nature is beautiful. I also "lived" in Thailand for close to two months. There is a lot I could say about that so watch out. I also went through Malaysia, visiting Penang TWICE, and Singapore again which I haven't been to since three to four years ago. Also Bali. Yep. That was nice.

3. I've turned vegetarian a few months ago. I was vegan a few years back. It was horrible. It was a time in my life that I didn't have time to run after food I could eat. The result was an under-nourished wad of skin who occasionally passed out in bathrooms. One could say it became an obsession. Now I have time and the energy to eat what I could and want to this is what I'm doing. So yes. Doing what makes me happy and this is important to me.

4. I've been living with my sister here in Jakarta. She can teach me lotsa things about adulthood. There are days when we just can't get along but she is always my role model for discipline, responsibility and just being a sound member of society. I learn from her. A lot. (I have this Medium post about an argument we had.)

5. I have no idea who I am. There are just too many awesome people in this world and I always find myself wanting to be them. With all the running back and forth, I see that I don't have any idea who I am to begin with. Take for example now. I'm reading Jane Eyre and Julia Child. I don't want nothing else but to have the mildness, the joy of Julia seasoned liberally with the bitterness of Jane. Is this normal?

6. Also very, dark heavy stuff, Harry. I've realized a lot about myself this year. My past especially and how it contributes to who I am now. Not discussing it in detail but it's true.

Well, all this said, I'm just happy to be back to this blog. I realized this while dabbing myself with a shower cream of Ayurvedic inspiration. "So you have the ginger, mint and probably a little turmeric in this bottle?" I smell like a pleasant Indian garden. This does things to you.

Also people still read this? Or is Google just coaxing me back with fake stats? Hmmmm.

Flying to Thailand Tomorrow: Pre-trip Jitters

2015-03-01T17:59:00.001+08:00

I'm flying to Thailand tomorrow. I'm planning to stay there for three months and now I feel like a corn cob is stuck halfway down my throat. I'm scared. I'm getting sweaty arms and a post-blunt trauma feeling in my tummy.

Here are the reasons why, and as a testament to my instability, followed by ways I convince myself that everything will be ok.

1. I'm not going to be home.

Psh... this is easy. I haven't been home most of my life so the being at home actually feels more temporary than being somewhere else.

2. What if I can't afford it?

I'm planning to earn a little while in Thailand. I have sources of income going on for me that I can manage to do while out and about. Whatever happens, I'll be sure to have enough cash in the bank to buy a ticket for home and run towards the open arms of my parents like a prodigal son. I hope.

I'm an instinctive shopper. I deny impulse with the overwhelming supernatural experience of wanting to buy. So I am not impulsive only very, very instinctive.

Also, I'll be doing a freediving course. Which means efficient time management is a must to keep the monies coming in. This happens to be my weakest link. During my normal at-home work schedule, the AM is spent planning for productivity while the PM is spent crying over inefficiency and how I can never work. But I'm getting better. For sure.

(Unrelated story: Ok you know how Christian schools hammer the prodigal story into the minds of the future again and again. One time, when I was a kid, I dreamt that the prodigal son, after landing gently unto the undying parental love, proceeded to play a highly technical piece on the grand piano conveniently located within the scene. Is the root word of prodigal prodigy?)

3. My dog.

Imagine you have an old, rusty fork. Use it to stab your real heart. That is how I feel right now. This dog has been so nice to me and some of the other people he meets. This situation just breaks my whole structure of emotions into tiny little pieces, spits on it and sets it on fire. I'm sad, I feel sick about it, I feel irresponsible, I feel a whole of shits.

But I also feel strongly that leaving is the right thing to do. Fortunately, domestic arrangements allow attentive, overly-loving care for the dog. But still, I cry so hard I drown.

4. I'm not going to like it.

I'm actually great at meeting people. I'm pretty sure I will like the whole experience. But liking it for three whole months sounds like an altogether different ballgame. For example, I liked HBOs The Leftovers. That was really good, like there was always tension as it should be given the plot. But after 2 and a half episodes, all I can understand is blagarjarblurblippblopp. I'm bored.

But I'm pretty stoked about the island I'll be staying on and all the diving I'll be doing.

I'm going to like it. There is at least 90% chance for that.

5. I'm going to be sent away by Immigration

I've invested a lot of emotions, not to mention resources, for this trip. What if I fall victim to the prejudice immigration officials generously give out at the airport?

I'm scared because the first time I flew abroad, I was meant to be off-loaded or to never leave the country at all. Mind you that I wasn't traveling alone. I was with my guardian. I was standing there helpless, planning to run through the slits in between the cubicles those officers sat in.

My mom, who wasn't going with us, was outside that area, ready to comfort me. I did cry.

And boom, a few phone calls later, I'm in the plane. Turns out I needed some sort of affidavit from my parents that they were letting me travel alone. Even though my mom was there practically pushing me away to visualize "I AM MOTHER. I AM LETTING OFFSPRING LEAVE" the piece of paper had to be there.

It was hectic, unpleasant and it made me feel so helpless that I don't even like thinking about it.

But now I have all the documents and I'm twenty-one.

With me are:

The roundtrip tickets (canceling the return once I land in Phuket)
My passport already with some helping of departure and arrival stamps to show that I don't violate things
Wonderful speeches on my travel plans, the road to self-discovery, possible demise of consumerism and what needs to be done to complete a juju.

I've been reading a lot about pre-solo travel jitters and how to overcome them. Hopefully, when at Phuket, trying to block vestigial respiratory pathways to say Sawadee like a local, I'll be fine. Wish me luck.

Number 200: Bali and Moving to Thailand

2015-02-21T12:00:00.001+08:00

Hi!

According to blogger, this is my 200th post. Oddly enough, that makes me feel real old. So...

Again, I'm back to promising I will be more faithful in updating this blog. I love it actually. I don't write it for the peoples. I write for the me. I often find myself clicking Publish even before rereading the whole shebangs so you might find embarrassing misspells or creative sentence structures with a bajillion nouns, pronouns and verbs but you know life is like a giant nut, if you eat too much you'll get very fat.

Here are updates from my life of hesitations (which will soon turn into Yes, yes yes!)

#1 I went to Bali.

This was a highlight of the year (but it was only January, you say). I embarrassed myself in front of the Aussie-heavy crowd by trying to surf. Thank you to the seawater in Kuta for being accommodating to my fat ass. I fell more than I even stood up on the board. I already surfed in Boracay with a friend and you would think I should do better. Nope. Nope. Nope. Practice makes perfect. Practice may also extend the plateau of skill level. Flatline beeeeeeeeeep....

If they tell you to take off your glasses or keep your cameras in bags when walking around monkey forests or temples YOU DO IT! YOU TAKE THE ADVICE, FORM A SHARP STAKE OUT OF IT AND YOU RAM IT INSIDE YOUR EAR TILL IT PENETRATES THE BRAIN!!!

While posing in front of the godly sunset in Uluwatu, a monkey grabbed my glasses from the back. Thank the god of the temple for not allowing the mammal to scar my scalp with his/her teeth. In retaliation for the divine intervention, he/she chewed on my glasses and kept banging it against the stone structure of the temple.

I was horrified. Realizing perhaps that my spectacles were made in the USA and not from Italian S.p.A., he decided to throw it to the ground. It was mildly entertaining I ought to collect fees from the minor crowd that watched the caucus. I'm such entrepreneur.

#2 I went to El Nido...alone

Needs its own post. Sorry.

#3 I was back in Jakarta.

See above

#4 Moving to Koh Tao, Thailand

Since becoming capable of supporting myself, I've wanted to move. Right now, I live in the rural town. I sleep to the breeze with no AC (I hate AC; rhinosinusitis). I wake up to roosters. I occasionally receive gifts in fruit form from people who actually grew them. I like the piercing screaming of roosters in the morning until early afternoon.

I hate the city. Not really hate but I'm not cut out to live in it. I don't know. For now, I'd prefer wet markets over sprawling acres of tiled grocery floors.

Koh Tao is a (very) small island south of Thailand and I've been wanting to move there since I first read about it. I'm not moving there for life (yet). For now, the plans are really until only the visible future. Three months is ideal.

Since this is an all-on-me trip, I'll learn how to budget the hard way which I think is the only way I can learn. Yay. I will have more details on this soon. I'm leaving next week. Yeah people I'm a risk-taker.

Six Tips for Saving Money in the Philippines

2014-11-15T15:24:00.002+08:00

Searched for "Happy Blonde Girl" because it feels so fitting. Haha. Source

Now that I have regular work and earn a substantial amount of money to save, I'm planning to travel a lot next year. Preferably alone. Or with family.

I've always wanted to be financially independent and now I am doing it under the strict guidance of my sister who probably thinks Microsoft Excel is a computer game.

Here are the things I try to follow in my, so far successful, foray into the land of being kuripot.

1. Open a separate bank account

This is where the die was cast for my efforts in saving. Before opening a separate bank account, I had one from BPI which I actively use. The Average Monthly Balance of my BPI card is around 50 pesos because I'm a spendthrift. Putting my ~~leftovers~~ savings there is just to much danger so no. Th ATM-based account is so convenient it works against the point.

How I chose a bank and account type

My new passbook thing which looks way more legit than an ATM. The fruit is for ambience. Also the newspaper in Chinese which the store lady used to wrap a tub of ice cream.

I now have a passbook from Maybank. If you have Php 20,000 on-hand, you would be able to open a passbook account anywhere. They have a website.

My passbook comes with an ATM which I ceremoniously cut to pieces. The account will work without an ATM card but I'd have to go to the bank to get money. The 15-minute trip to the nearest branch is enough time for me to reconsider my choices.

I chose Maybank because in the Philippines, it is yet to hit the mainstream. Why not be cool about banking and good for the independent-looking one that seems to not have yet sell out their brand? And when they get famous, you can wave to the faces of the normcore public that YOU WERE HERE FIRST!

*Hereafter, you need a notebook or use an Excel sheet.

2. Account for your financial status

My notebooks which also contain musings about life, why I have to stop losing stuff and even a tally of waistline over a few weeks. The fruit is for size reference, hope it helps!

"Financial status" sounds fancy but for me, it was just really listing down all the things I've owned and still own and also listing down their equivalent value in PHP.

Have concrete amounts of how much you earn per month, the value of the things you own and how much you can save per month.

This activity is about assessing your value at the present moment. It will give you a great perspective on money stuff and how, for example, a thousand pesos fits into your life.

In my case, I also listed down around ten mobile phones I have owned and lost since birth. As a matter of fact, not only cellphones but expensive eyeglasses, wallets and clothing. I'm a klutz and it is not even funny anymore.

3. Set goals

This could single-handedly be the most important part of the process.

You should have exact amounts of how much you can save per month and how much you want to have in your account by a specific month.

"I should save this month." is a really bad goal because if you save Php 100 from a whole month, you did achieve your goal but it remains meaningless. Boo you.

My goals are for example:

Have Php xxxxxx amount to directly go to my account by the end of this month
Have my own money for El Nido which I will go to by the end of November
and enough money for Bali and Jakarta in January.
South Korea and Japan next year (because friend is potentially going to school there, visiting)
Go to Thailand (Chiang Mai, Phuket, Bangkok) next year

Each of these goal items has a corresponding amount of moolah. Estimates but at least I have numbers to run after.

4. Get inspired

This is the easiest part if you followed this list chronologically.

What I do is stare at the list of all the things I already own. I'm writing this post while wearing my Balenciaga jacket. It helps me realize the heaps of money I threw away towards things I don't really need. Of course I need this jacket. December is a cold month and I am alone.

Every time I want a camera or decide to buy a tablet, I need only to remind myself that the money I spend could also be first class train berths to Chiang Mai or a roundtrip ticket from Bangkok to Phuket.

Every single peso counts. It really does. Stare at your list. You function because of the peso.

5. Lessen cost-of-living

I get to cheat here because my family still don't want me to move out and my job is location-independent.

I don't spend for commute, I still share my parent's car (no paying for gas) I commute at the cheapest prices when possible and I isolate myself from capitalistic establishments (malls). I literally live two hours away from the nearest mall.

Again, no one really needs a tablet. My 2013 laptop still works perfectly. I don't need new clothes. I don't need to eat out a lot. Ground coffee is overrated. Shampooing is optional. Ok exaggerating but I hope you get the point.

Despite popular belief, I'm very very low maintenance. I'm not a luxurious person. The only reason I complain when I'm with other people is to jumpstart conversation and actually make people realize it is okay to say they are uncomfortable. As long as there is plumbing and no spiders, I'm happy!

6. Have a person (optional)

I've said before that I spend like a bat out of hell so I need a person. Every time I'm thinking of buying something expensive, I run it by someone who is a pro at thinking about money.

My intentions of saving turned into action because I finally was able to discuss to someone else my independent financial state.

I still believe public non-anonymous disclosure of finances is taboo (because inequality, pay-versus-labor things, awful awful things) That is why I chose someone I trust and someone who actually is good at these things.

Landing on my blog must mean you are planning on saving. If you are then you should. If you're like me who can eat, sleep, work and repeat without much fuss, it is actually very satisfying to see the amount in money you can save just by being a conscious consumer. Nothing feels better than knowing that when the people you depend on disown or exile you, you can make a blanket of cash to cover your lonely soul.

Remember kids: Money buys happiness especially if you plan on traveling. Or have you seen the Parabellum Medicine Man Manpurse?

Posts that inspired me to save:

Saving for Long Term Travel
How to Save Money to Travel the World
How I Save $13000 for Travel in Just Seven Months
GoatsOnTheRoad.com - couple has been traveling the world for a looong time. Awesome blog to support a festering jealousy
The Pinay Solo Backpacker

Let me talk about the pomelo fruit again. I live in a rural town and people actually give each other fruits from their backyard/front yard here. I think I'm getting a hoe for Christmas.

Poetry #xx: Easy Steps

2014-10-12T17:56:00.000+08:00

Step number 1.
Breathe. Quick. In and out.
Like the speed the word “lick”
Whips the tongue
Lick. Breathe.
Remember the time
When the key couldn’t fit the lock
or no matter how you push,
the gap mocks and mocks.
Lick.
When your arms are an inch too short.
Or a tad too white, too dark.
Step number 2.
Stand up. Jolt every muscle,
into a loud, loud “snap”!
Like a bone that breaks in two,
Like the wing of a frightened bird
Cuts the air in two.
Maybe clicking the heels.
7 times. 77 times. 777.
Will keep your head up
Eating air.
Snap.
All lost, fallen things.
You will not find. You can never find.
Step number 3.
Find a rope, a tight one.
That snaps with a pull.
No matter how heavy,
it pulls up to heaven.
Tighten not SNAP!
6 kay jis. 66 kay jis. 696.
Like a baby in a cradle
Neck-up.
Tight.
Because you’re too loose.
You’ll decompose, you bastard
You’ll lose.

Working Buttons on Twitter!

2014-09-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

Well everyone knows social media marketing is always looking for ways to connect the business and its potential clients a new way to interact. This is my first time to see an actual clickable button on Twitter.

Check it out here.

If you click the button, you are given a one-step way of sharing your email with the design inspiration blog PSFK. Awesome! (Twitter actually stars out or "*****"s your e-mail just to let you know it's a safe system).

Awesome!

The Scarves Store - Hermés Le Maison des Carres

2014-09-26T22:54:00.004+08:00

Hermes, the noted luxury goods label, has launched an online store devoted to their iconic scarves inspired by French architecture and a lot of imagination.

A new website for luxury retailer Hermés , La Maison des Carrés, is beautiful and as intricately designed as the product it’s selling. Inspired by an impossible vision for a perfect physical store, La Maison de Carrés is immersive.

With many playful animations, surprising gestures and functionality, the website recreates the act of discovery often reserved for physical stores. With more than 600 different models of silk squares, shawls, twills, scarves and stoles, the store makes purchasing possible with just three easy clicks.

Read full article on PSFK here here.

JessicaRulesTheUniverse.com is celebrating its/her 8th Birthday!

2014-09-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

Jessica Zafra's blog is turning 8 and because of that she'll be asking 8 questions for 8 midnights. If you give the best answer for a night, you'll get a gift!

There are Italian hand-crafted chocolates, Dove body care products and A TRIP TO BORACAY up for grabs.

Isn't that just a dream? To keep a blog for 8 long years. That's just amazing. And also, that bountiful basket of artisanal chocolates. Yum!

Link.

Hoshi's Cheesecake Thing

2014-09-11T12:47:00.000+08:00

I was in Jakarta a few weeks ago. I spent almost a month there enjoying the cityscape and participating in my current favorite hobby – general loitering.

My sister lives in a convenient condo complex where you just go through a tunnel and voila! You are in the realm of capitalists with a swanky mall. It has all the Braun Buffels, Versaces and Fendi stores you need in your urban upbringing with bloated paychecks and gaping loneliness.

I have previously said I do not enjoy eating. This still holds true. I do not have a favorite food and the biggest advantage of this indifference towards flavour is I could eat anything without any attachment. For the good ones I almost like, I move on in a blink. I'm the best travel buddy because I wouldn't complain if you decide to eat exotic crap. I'll just chew and move on. If you decide not to eat at all, let us hold hands and fast.

The same emotions went with this:

It is Hoshi's blueberry cheesecake knock-off in a handy triangular shape. The cheese is so good and very cheesy. This costs around a dollar (Rp13,000) which is too cheap. I could have had around 15 of this during my stay there. Most of this I had in secret and with shame. When my sister is out and about, I'd haul myself into the mall and roll gracefully towards Hoshi. It was so convenient you didn't have to climb a single staircase to get there!

It was my intention to post a blurry picture. My nails weren't looking that great.

I decided to blog on this because I'm in the province now and the kitchen (I refer to it as a separate entity from the house just because) served a rich cup of native chocolate. This is my absolute favorite and I distinctly remember that as a child, I'd fantasize in detail how I could be stuck in a vat filled with hot cocoa. I would die....grspjasll....with fuming liquid..ejpajfa....chocolate....invading...my....ears and jdskljsldkj nose. I'm gross. Blah blah.

Imagine tearing that Hoshi cheesecake bread apart, coating it in chocolate and putting it in your mouth. That is almost love. But meh, I'm over it.

I'm now www.WhereareYouleo.com

2014-09-11T12:30:00.000+08:00

It is that time of year again that I buy my own domain name. Actually, I didn't buy it. I got for free. It came with a package I needed from GoDaddy.com. Of course, I decide to use it on my blog for the convenience of my 20+ viewers/day.

For now, please type in the "www"s before the address. Using just Whereareyouleo.com will give a glorious "Error" page. According to my intense Googling and reading on that matter, it will take at most 48 hours for that to fix itself.

So the waiting game. Whatdoyouthink?

You should try Globe's Spotify!

2014-08-30T08:14:00.002+08:00

Ikot-ikot from Sarah G (just G not Geronimo, you loser). I think she is confessing about redundancy or some similar sh*t in her brain in this song. I listen and sing to this more than I will ever admit.

I live in less-than-ideal conditions in the rural areas of Iloilo province therefore, we barely have the amenities of city bois and gurls. What we do have is 3.5G signals flying over our heads (and the carabao's heads) from Globe Telecom. I thank you in behalf of everyone Globe for extending an invitation to modern technology. I gladly accept. Take me now.

Globe announced their new tie-up with Spotify, a music platform where you get to stream music and save them offline (for free and legally). Spotify announced it too on their blog and I did read the title as "Mabuhey!".

I think Spotify is to act like antiseptic to the blood gushing out of the wounds from the announcement of new GoSurf plans (very limited GBs as opposed to the browse till you die SuperSurf).

I love this woman so much. Check the Now Playing bar at the bottom. Look for that song and don't forget to thank me after!

Spotify is great. I spend 999 for the monthly internet subscription and with that I get a premium account + additional GBs dedicated to the platform. If you subscribe to sub-PHP299 packages, you'll get a less grand basic account which I presume is uncool.

It is a pretty app with a wonderful selection of music. You get to discover new artists too. New artists that you will bring with you to bed and listen to until you sleep. Blagargarl. There is a Discover tab but it sucks. Hit or miss – no artificial intelligence taste-makers. What we need in this world are algorithms who could tell us what to listen to, what to eat and what to do with our lives.

I've been actually listening to too much soul Africana these past few days. I'm such a sucker for exoticism. (Proof: I do Tae Bo which is a success story on orientalism + vain western intentions)

Claiming your premium account is a little flimsy though. You go to Globe's website then you enter in your phone number blah blah. The instructions are pretty clear except in the end you will be second guessing if everything actually worked. In my case it did. Lucky me.

I miss Royskopp & Robyn. I'm into North European music. Does celtic sound count? I dig that too!

Here are field notes:

Streaming in this app counts against a different quota ergo not affecting your general internet loitering/browsing quota
It is pretty
Great song selection. Upwards of 30 Million songs. Most of them are noise but whatever. You don't need much effort to find the treasure troves.
Since I read financial reports and I'm a boring person, they actually have good pay-outs to artists on their platforms. Their goal is to make people pay for music and to not just be good-for-nothings waiting for free stuff. Omg guys, we need to pay the artists. Arianna Grande's name could be an adjective for her bank about but what about the other people with beat-up Congo drums and bad hair?
Extensive OPM support. I'm not an OPM fan but I do love seeing who can sustain "Ikot-ikot lang, ikot ikot. Ikot-ikot lang." So far Sarah G. leads by 300:1. I can win this with practice. I do love some OPM like Eheads omg I can challenge you to a sing-off just e-mail me. Calla Lily too because I had icky elementary days.
You can save music for offline listening if you have a Premium account, since everything now is quick to pointing out if you could afford stuff or just a try-hard. It has a basic ad-supported free service.

And since I can't stand people not being entirely sure of what I mean, the last item on that list is a snarky comment on the hellhole this world has become. Those thoughts are in a separate chamber of my brain dresser I wouldn't like to explore this early in the morning.

This might be the best thing to happen to the Philippines since Limewire.

Thanks for reading! Have a productive day. Brush your teeth. Kthanksbye.

The thought processes of a spendthrift

2014-08-27T13:53:00.003+08:00

I check my bank account and holy crap I have money I need to buy crap like an HDMI adaptor for my laptop, those black shoes because despite being ugly, they are comfy and on 50% discount. I also need new pants, not the cheap average kind, I like the Levi's 501s because those bifurcates last a lifetime and also new goggles because the cheap Intex ones would probably render me blind in the long run. Also a new phone because omg radiation crap will turn my head to toast and new phones are much safer. Also booking tickets to Phuket and disprove my sister's bickering about it being pronounced "Puket" and not "Fuket" Oh let me book an open ticket just so I can bring a local and ask him to tell my sister it's not "Puket". And save $150 just in case it is actually "Puket"– maybe I can buy my way into being correct. blah blah blah.... oooh shiny let me buy the crap out of that useless thing....

This blog will turn into a self-help slab for a spendthrift. Subscribe at your leisure.

How do you know your own Globe number?

2014-08-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

I'm back to the Philippines from a month-long staycation in Jakarta. Misuse of staycation but I won't call something more than two weeks a vacation. That is like permanent tourism. Ugh. I was there to bond with my sister, her daughter and her friend/s. That was fun and something I wish I could do every waking hour of my life for forever.

I love Jakarta. It's a real city unlike Iloilo which is still mid-pubescent, sophomore year into its city-ness.

We bought this from Jakarta. They definitely didn't mean narcotic but I'm too immature.

Moving on, how do you find out what your own Globe number is?

I use Globe Tattoo for my daily internet needs and aside from their harrowing per GB charge, I can't seem to figure out what my phone number is. This is sad because I have zero balance on that sim card, I've lost the sim card kit (they call it a kit but it was just the sim card holder card thingy, several pieces of paper wrapped in, guess what? Paper).

In Jakarta, they have a dedicated number just to find out what you're number is. Props to XL, Telkomsel and all the melyons of providers they have there. The competition is so wild there they give you thousands of free SMS credit just by sending four or five text messages. Crazy.

I've been loading it using Globe phone cards. You use the sim card to dial out the numbers so you don't need to know your number to reload (as opposed to Autoload Max - which is a superhero name for budget phone credit). I subscribed to a promo and now the juan belyon pesos is gone so I can't text or call myself.

There is this lengthy method I found online. Go find it yourself but it's definitely not hassle-free. It includes M-Pins, registering with your information. Since I run a prostitution ring, I just can't divulge information like that.

By the way, sorry for the prostitution joke. It's a real problem and not funny. Also, downing a bucket of ice over your head is a really messed up way of helping a non-profit organization. So boo you society. Boo you.

Poetry - Stars

2014-08-18T17:31:00.000+08:00

I cling to stars.

Hard diamonds,

Rigid in a universal frame.

Look up - lights.

"You are not blind

Do not say so."

Heavy crucifix to shape my form

Pointing towards the pole, (north).

Directing a wrought-out man

Tonight you look the same as last time.

No struggle in

Finding gaps

To bury my fingernails in.

To cling on and slowly spin

Round and round.

Shhhhhh…(louder)

Shhhhhh…

A scalpel streaking against the

Tar black forehead of God.

Falling, Shooting.

A beautiful display to conceal

Panic and fear.

Running back and forth, falling

Sought-after words that start and end

On Point.

Faithless falling stars.

The night sky is a deep darkness

With firmly set lights,

Begging for trust."

from December 2012

Human separation anxiety

2014-07-24T10:51:00.000+08:00

It will come to no surprise that my dog is far more stable than I am. In fact, I cling to him (literally) for sanity.

When my day starts getting messy, I get stressed so I start looking for him just to watch or play with the creature. He is always happy and playful and he always tries to make you happy and playful.

He also likes cuddling in bed because since we got him, he assumed that his thick fur on my face is an appreciated gesture. I've been asthma attack-free for a while but I don't need to breathe when I'm this happy! Let me drown in dog hair.

I've been away from him before for an extended period of time and it wasn't great. I always just randomly remember him and I start feeling bad for getting a dog and not being 100% there for him. I swear one of the reasons I asked for an extension on my gap year was because I couldn't stand being away from him.

I'm leaving him again this weekend. I don't worry about his safety because he lives in a farm, another person takes care of him here and he has dog friends so he never gets sad but I just get so scared that something might happen to him and I'm not there to get a hold of things. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

I look at my dog like a younger sibling and I have always believed that I didn't get a sibling because I'll be over-protective, with extreme expectations, and I'd always want only the best. The thing is, you can't always have the best. AND I CAN'T STAND THAT. Sometimes, I get mad at myself for just being tired. I'm not always great at handling limitations.

Anyways. I just can't. I'll miss my dog. That is it. I'll work something out.

My friends are feminists – HELP! part 1

2014-07-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

My friends have recently been very vocal on their social network accounts about being feminist. I left college more than a year ago and the last I’ve been with them, I already felt the urges.

Now, they have come out to play (they’d kill me if they knew I said “play”).

First of all, this is not petty bourgeoisie feminism. No, they are not out rallying about how women are just like men. They’re not using the hashtag either.

Their feminism is more academic in approach so while you do pride yourself in finishing “A Room of One’s Own”, they may start talking about contemporary theories that will bring you to tears. Note: If you have brilliant friends, prepare to feel really, really small. Contemporary theories are also not very happy reads.

I’m not against feminism per se. I’m more of choosing ignorance – a take-away of reading about our age of anxiety. Ignorance (which used to be belief) is bliss; however I feel at such a loss having feminists around me and just turning a blind eye. I couldn’t just sit here and read Game of Thrones.

So I’m taking on the journey with them. Brilliant friend said I should begin with Marxism. I’ve read about “true feminism” achieving its goal only after the abolishment of capitalism. This is hardcore but I like it.

Planting some food

2014-07-19T11:51:00.004+08:00

I used to (and probably still do) think that gardening is the boring-est thing in the whole world. If I'd have to choose between watching paint dry or a plant grow, I'd definitely pick jumping off a cliff. I'm a very adventurous person which for me means I get bored easy. I was sure that the only way I can stand tending an herb garden is when the plants are full grown by nighttime and start eating meat by the end of the week.

I bought cabbage, coriander, thyme and bell pepper seeds because they were all that I saw in the seed store that sparked any interest in my beating heart. I was planning to buy two but when I saw that black plastic pots were cheap, I decided to buy two more. Actually, the reason I wanted only two is because two counts of murder is closer to heaven than four.

When my thyme seeds began sprouting, I did whatever sensible person would do. I assumed they were duckweed (which commonly grow in pond water) and ripped them off the soil to throw them away. Of course, it only took an hour for me to have the good sense to Google what thyme sprouts actually look like.

They look like the plants in the photo above.

About the fear that it will be boring, I'm a changed man. Before, I would probably have to stare at the pot and let the activity occupy my day. I'd learn witchcraft to make it more interesting but it is actually really chill. You just throw in some seeds, water it and forget it even existed. It'll do the work for you.

Win-win. I'll update you on how it turns out for me. I can even mail you the herbs and vegetables/fruit. They will probably be rotten by the time they get to you but that my friend is the smell of patience.

Why off-season Boracay is best Boracay

2014-07-19T07:25:00.001+08:00

I’ve been to Boracay a number of times and about a week ago, I went for two weekends on a row. I’m on a nearby province so it doesn’t take much for me to get to the awesome island. I’m also on the island yearly with the best, funnest cousins in the whole world during peak season. We get cray-cray, I swear.

(You can go Google when the peak seasons are. Some even go the extra mile and have a “mid-peak” season which is somewhere between both poles.)

WAY CHEAPER

This is the first thing you’ll notice. The accommodations will go very cheap, with discounts from 10% to 70%. This means you can stay for more nights in the Boracay if you’re working with a budget. The ideal number of days on the island I would say be minimum of four (4) nights. I think that is enough of great food, binge drinking, dancing and paradise to last you for a while. I will however invite you to stay there for weeks to months as many foreign tourists do.

A popular Italian local intended on staying for three days and stayed for three months (everyday is laundry day, I guess). He then returned to his motherland but after a few days returned with all his life and he now happily resides on the island. "Permanent tourist" is the term used. Yes, Boracay is paradise and it makes you want to stay there. That is why I had to go there twice the past weeks. So I could come face-to-face with the urge to live there.

LESS CROWDED

When it is peak-season, there will be tourists (a lot of domestic) on the island. If this is your thing, enjoy the crowd but I myself prefer a quieter shore. I like swimming with personal space bigger than the average rainy day puddle. I’m in Boracay for the beach and the vibe and my vision is less people with their touristy instincts (photo in every move, travelling in herds, extremely crowded nightspots).

I just have to say, I almost shat in my pants when I saw all the vendors with selfie-pods. Those things were invented by Dark Lord Satan and people should avoid using them. It is just wrong to buy equipment to take better photos of yourself for social reasons.

MORE AUTHENTIC, ISLAND FEEL (if that is even possible anymore)

I keep hearing about old Boracay with the villages, wooden huts, and authentic Filipino barangay feel. In the barangay, you know everyone, everything about everyone, eat the same food, and do the same things. Of course, this is impossible with what Boracay is now but the locals do come out more during off-peak seasons. Or maybe they are less drowned by the visiting crowd.

The locals are always easy to talk to. They often have dreadlocks and tattoos and can be intimidating but they’re there for the good time and they will tell you about their life which is often very interesting. I love hearing people talk.

Off-peak season is the best time to meet great people, not only locals but also tourists. A lot of them will be talking about the fantasy of moving to the island and you will get why.

CLUBBING IS MUCH MORE FUN

The clubs (like Summer Place) still get jam-packed but it is with a better crowd than peak season probably because the people there are less “trendy”. I’m not against trends but you don’t show up to a beach-side club in heels and dress and spend the night taking selfies. I’m a serious club person. If it is my jam, it is my jam and I will dance.

MORE ACTIVITIES

During the habagat season or windy months, kite-surfing and surfing move to the main shore which is great. These activities are often in the back beach because the winds are stronger there but it is great that you won’t have to travel just to try kite-surfing or surfing. Activities are also cheaper (up to 50% off) during “off” months.

Of course, there are cons like the weather being too wet blah blah blah. If you plan to go to Boracay twice or more in the future, try visiting during off-peak and peak seasons. Take your pick, I won’t judge. I’ll be glad if you pick off-peak though!

By the way, I realised I did not want to move to the island. However, I’d love the option to go there when I become too tied up. It’s is really a great place. I was so in love I started looking for cemeteries because I was dead serious about living until death there.

Starting your own bespoke label?

2014-03-25T00:15:00.001+08:00

I've been into fashion for a long time. First, it began as this weird, science-y infatuation with the cut and the fit of clothing. Then it moved into the artsier world of haute couture and runway shows where fantasy is nothing but a mere possibility. If you've seen the techniques at Dior, the finesse at Valentino or the love affair with luxury at Chanel, it is hard to not get addicted.

Of course, I also enjoy the newer brands. I am a fan of Alexander Wang, McQueen, Band of Outsiders, Creatures of the Wind and the cozy highness of The Elder Statesmen. Wang taught me about the magic of teaching the market how to demand something. And Marc Jacobs with his avant-garde attacks on the definition of commercial beauty.

So I decided I want to make clothes for people. Which was a win-lose decision because number one, I added a new skill set to my career possibilities and two, because I created a bigger uncertainty.

Here are tips on starting on your own bespoke thing.

I crie vrytme - not rili.

1. You can't do it on your own. I've made clothes on my own. From drafting the basic bodice on manila to hand-sewing the hem, it would take me around 3 days to finish a lightly embellished evening gown. But imagine making your way through measurement sheets, rulers, french curves then into fabric marking then adding seam allowances then into sewing - it is very tiring. If you have a solid swab of excitement in your stomach, you might survive on your own. Because it is a tiring process, humility is required. Go get help.

Fabric treatment chemical residue can cause sinusitis.

2. Get self-confidence by the dozen. When you deliver a gown to someone, self-confidence is required so you don't go full insomnia worrying if your client actually liked the gown. I think you could only start making clothes when you have enough of this. Unfortunately, I began my venture a century too early.

3. Read a lot. I got minimal formal education on this whole field but it has been years of wastefulness that actually allowed me to make my first basic bodice and skirt. From then on, I read a lot more to learn more. You get the point, just be ready to read. A lot. And stare at pretty pictures, plot points and estimate the right amount of curve you need which is far tougher than it seems.

4. Humility(again) with honesty. Sometimes, when you are in a creative endeavor such as fashion, you make it a point not to get inspiration from other clothing stuff. Maybe you want to be inspired by a scene, or a color, or a texture - whatever - but not a dress you saw or have. Reason: you are fearful you'll end up as an imitator (which is financially fine but taxing to the soul.) It is ok to be inspired by other clothes and if you already have a firm grasp of the creative process, you will be in less threat of unintentional plagiarism.

5. Don't be afraid of things about money. At present, I have THREE ledger books, all of them in very bad shape because I am very bad with finances. I'm the annoying "art is not about cash" child. Well, fashion is about money - except if you harvest fibers from your garden and weave them in your room, you will purchase textile. You wouldn't like losing money because that wouldn't be responsible.

The end. More tips to come after I fail some more. Oh well.

At present, I'm in the process of finalising my first wedding gown. Because the couple was busier with other things, they only started talking to me about their dream gown about a week ago. This makes everything extra hectic but it is alright. My inspiration is the happy, contented bride and I hope I'll get one.

*I'm actually part of a duo and we are CIVIL ATELIERS. My friend and I are willing to make you your awesome clothes. Contact me if this interests you in any way. Yay. lalutero(at)gmail.com.

Finally Fabrics!

2014-01-15T20:19:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry because I seem to have forgotten that I enjoy blogging (yet again).

I'm currently in Zamboanga City, down south where some solid proof of the events last year still remain. Anyhoot-hoot, happy thoughts. My awesome cousin is getting married and I GET TO DESIGN THE GOWN! Which is great because before this project started I have decided that I will pursue my designing dreams.

Well, I've never really wanted to be a designer. Although I had basic pattern making knowledge in high school and early college, what interested me the most was history and the craftmanship. If you are familiar for example with the the process of making a suit, you wouldn't believe the combination of mathematics, architecture, physics and other natural sciences that create a good hang on the shoulders. Not to mention the stages! The fitting of the slopers, muslin, then the lining, then the hand stitched actual fabric etc.

And of course there is the haute couture clothing. The beadwork, the materials, etc. It is like when talented artists with their own clear visions battle it out. Of course, for me Givenchy is the ultra mega master winner in life that is great, of all things modern which appear to be escaping the past you are my champion ok can I touch your clothing i like sheer fabric because of you lalala Hubert you are master and you will be proud - Riccardo Tisci please adopt me. (personal opinion, Galliano's Dior was also a favorite and of course, Valentino. For casual Diane von Furstenberg, Dior. Also Marchesa because the duo is so pretty and they make pretty clothes I hope we marry I'm a fan woot woot)

With Bob, also a patternmaker and all-around guy. Pretty awesome. INSTAGRAM

Maybe before, the hide of a dead animal across a boob was considered clothing. Now, there are multi-factorial equations and new factors to describe the drape, stretch, and warp of a fabric. Everything matters. It's just an amazing world.

And the vanity, of course. 3 weeks, 8 hours a day to make a single dress. The shrunk corneas or the lacerated fingertips don't matter when making something awesome.

This is a rather ugly blog post. Not much juice, just so many blah blahs but it will get better. For now, this will do. Blog not dead.

BTW, the brand name is to be finalised soon. And thanks for the many visits even without new posts. =)

Taking a break

2013-07-06T10:15:00.000+08:00

I feel like an asswipe because I haven't put anything up on this blog anymore so let me share something ground-shaking:

I stopped everything productive and relaxed full-time.

Leeching off the resources of my parents, I am focusing all my energy on being a full-time slacker. I can't do any more journalistic work because I am required to go back and forth between places A and B. Even as a freelance journalist, I need to keep some promises and that is hard when you can't stay in one place. It is not under my control.

I'm dancing ballet again but I'm as flexible as a plank of wood. I can't do decent altitudes and my plies share the silhouette of a urinating canine. Worse - I'm forgetting the order of the five positions. Oh joy.

But one thing I do almost regularly is watch movies in the local theater. Now this I can talk about for a while:

Filipinos are so sketchy they think movie theaters are for smooching. Get a room. I know it is more expensive but it is far more appropriate. I don't have to bring seat covers next time I watch a movie.

Even so, movies shouldn't be a "date" thing at all. It should be a solitary activity. It is an immersion, like in a bath tub, all senses dedicated. I don't share bath tubs.

Oh well. Maybe I'm just going to post a string of snarky movie reviews where everything is to low-brow for my cultured armpits. Goodbye!

PS: For the nth time, I've read Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar". Now it's Nabokov's "Lolita". There is every reason to question my mental health.

Also, my parents will be giving me a responsibility regarding their occupations soon. It is one of two things:

1. A red-tape procedure which looks important but isn't.

2. Something that lasts for 30 minutes tops.

Ballet class later!

2013-06-15T14:18:00.002+08:00

which translates to the ripping apart of ligaments and the snapping of shrunken muscle strands.

I've read something online via serendipity (I don't mean a website) that if your time turns to gold, keep your blog alive by giving it short, quick articles. So here is one.

There is a problem when I attempt something. I just tell it up front that something is my first time and it won't be my fault if I eff up because I am still in the early parts of the learning curve.

For now, I'm back to writing for the newspaper regularly and more than that, I drive everyday which is breaking the self-cast spell that I will never be able to drive. However, I do still underestimate my skills. I drive an automatic (never a stick-shift) SUV plus I have already reversed into a technically parked car.

By the way, later at 4 PM will be my first dance class in a billion years. When I found my ballet shoes, they were very tight but I put them on for half an hour at length because I want my feet to curl up again. Being able to point my feet above the rest is good! I'll be doing ballet which renders my age ancient but never say die, right? Of course, there are dancers out there who started or restarted late but they often don't do dance professionally or at least not classical ballet.

That is kind of sad because I like classical Russian-choreographed ballet! However, let me be honest about the real intentions:

I need a fresh boost of confidence. I have the self-esteem of a dead plant and I think that actually going to class for a talent would help me convince myself that I can do something special.
A workout. I have a problem with running and going to the gym. I run too much that my body hurts and for the gyms, I don't like seeing other people sweat so much. The other gym people seem to like that. I could have some form of OCD. That doesn't really matter. Ballet classes only last for a specific amount of time (no abuse) and everyone will be (shriek) fabulous. Except me. I look like a brimming garbage bag in black tights.
Friends. Being an out-of-school youth means a lot of down time and almost no peers that are as free as I am so ballet will introduce me to the cool kids. They're probably free on Saturdays. My longstanding best friend (7 years) is an incredible ballerina and we'll be going to the same school. That would be cool.

This is definitely not the shortest blog post but hey, I tried.

Journaling: Why keep a journal?

2013-05-25T13:20:00.000+08:00

I'm going back to Manila tomorrow to finalize my leave-of-absence from the university (I'm taking a late gap year) and to collect the things I've left in my dormitory (God put a low ceiling price on excess baggage).

Because of this, I have been exceptionally emotional and I've been writing 5-page long entries on my journal. I think it is time that I talk about the habit of journaling. I don't know if people actually call it that but I think it will work.

I'm a very old-fashioned person. Although I own a computer and breath WiFi, I still try to keep a good grasp on what is past. For example, I have a drawer filled with paper and envelopes because I still do send snail mail.

I also use a maroon Parker fountain pen. My eyeglasses also have lenses the size of the North Pole. When people ask me why, I tell them the large frames gets rid of blind corners but everyone knows that is not true. And an even bigger lie that I never lose pens so it is intelligent to invest.

Back to why I keep a journal.

1. It was suggested by my doctor. My mood swings are on a clinical level and it will be a strong diagnostic feature if we can map out the duration of the cycles (I've never discussed it publicly and I think I'm not ready yet so no details).

2. I am like an apple: the fat part is extroversion and the skinny, bitter core is introverted. So I have a journal and I've been thinking of punching five holes through all the pages and putting a padlock through it. There are really touchy things in my journal. When I say touchy, I don't mean my dirt. It would be the things you wish you didn't know about me and my history. They're extremely tragic.

So where else could you spill those except in a journal.

3. For fortune-telling. It is a common phrase that looking at the past is a way to see the future. That is true for journaling. A rough example would be you writing "I will jump off a cliff. " If you read that again after a week or so, the future is clear: broken ribs or death. You get what I'm saying?

Of course, it is more complex than that. It's one of those abstract things you really can't explain (and only you and your journal can understand).

4. It's cheaper than golf. My notebook is about a dollar and my pens are even more expensive than all the notebooks I've used combined. We all need a way to get by down times and journaling is the best way to go. It's cheap. There are getting fewer and fewer hobbies that are affordable. Go buy a notebook; start now!

5. A lot of great people have done it. I'm not talking about Mein Kampf. Uhm. Excuse me. Anne Frank? The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath? The list goes on and on. It's like a more intimate autobiography because the people are not conscious of publishing the journal. They're not putting up a front, but they vomit they're brains for everyone to see (bad image).

6. Improve your handwriting. I've never been modest about my good handwriting. My script looks like late 1900s and I'm proud of it because I've been practicing it for about 3 years until now. EVERYONE NEEDS GOOD PENMANSHIP TO BE REMEMBERED! Or it's just my social anxiety speaking.

That's it. Also, I'm worrying that I'm in a good mood now but I suddenly turn into a demon baby when I arrive in Manila tomorrow.

Bye!