Where It All Went Wrong...

Date #9, 2011 - The Attempted Return

2012-02-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's nearly Valentine's Day and I'm single. I knew I would be and I'm not freaking out.

Someone, however, thinks that I will be soooooo desperate to be with someone on said day that I might perhaps rethink my decision to keep my knees closed:

My Reply?

"Life is Awesome!"

I haven't replied, nor will I ever.
Consensus is that he's horny.

It bugs me that he just wanted to say hi; however, this can be considered a win for The Rules. I didn't act like a psycho when he broke it off with me and now, three months later he contacted me. How very Rules-y.

Also? If you found my phone number... why did you go through Match.com to contact me? Wouldn't it be easier to call?

Men.

-- Geer Girl

The Lottery

2012-02-09T18:30:00.004-07:00

Yup. No more guilt.

-- Geer Girl

Child Bearing Hips

2012-02-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

Somethings been eating at me. Something that has now gotten me to eat quite a lot of the contents of my fridge. Most of them were whole foods, so that's a small victory, but I'm still uncomfortably stuffed.

You see... my hips have corners. Bonafide corners! Like a woman wearing a corset that's tight in the waist and let loose in the hips. I'd show you a picture but... no.

They've always bugged me.

I can remember standing in a mirror wearing a horrible mostly spandex, tan, knee length "skirt" at my cousins house, on the DAY of my 16th birthday and hating on my hips. I tried a zillion different ways to somehow get the narrow elastic waistband (hot, right?) to cut into my hips in just the right way to minimize the corners but without giving me muffin top. No dice.

I was barely a woman and I already hated my body.

Now, I've made some great strides toward acceptance:

I let myself believe The American when he told me he was attracted to my "woman's body".

I was happy to put back on some weight after I discovered I had lost that magic amount of body fat to make my period disappear.

I ditched the scale and let my clothes and fitness level become my indicator for when things were getting out of control.

Before my vacation I was damn near happy with my body and how it looked.

And then I went away and made friends with an impossibly fit looking SURFER who affectionately called me "fat ass".

Yup. Fat Ass.

To my face.

Multiple times a day for at least a week.

The first few times she said it I shrugged it off. I was looking awesome! She's just teasing! I know my butt is voluptuous... it's still awesome.

And then the reality of my vacation eating set in and the constant bloat of not having my regular (ahem) schedule.

And the name started to sting.

When I got home and was feeling kind of okay again and then the photo's started to get uploaded to facebook and I saw how much larger I am compared to that tiny surfer that liked to tease me.

It's been a constant struggle ever since.

I still workout, I still eat right (mostly... ) and my clothes still fit.

Why the hell am I hating on my body?

-- Geer Girl

The Cool Kids

2012-02-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended an event that made me feel EXACTLY like I was back in high school. These people were the hot jocks, the ones with unlimited funds to go on outrageous camping/hiking/climbing/skiing/snowboarding/you-name-it expensive weekend benders.

And I couldn't do it. These people were speaking a different language.

And they were all good-looking and in-shape.

Not very fun on a day where I had spent the majority of my time glued to a couch feeling sorry for my bloated whale-like self.

We didn't click.

I don't do camping trips and I'm too afraid of a whole list of things to commit to snowboarding.

There are other random meetup groups in the internet.

All I have to do is find them.

-- Geer Girl

... and stuff

2012-01-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

Is this guy asking me out?
Did he send this email to ALL the females on the list for the event?
Why is it so hard to spell "you" and what is wrong with capital letters???

He sent it at 12:30am Saturday night. Which means he was either lonely or drunk.

Does this even warrant a reply?

NO. Probably not.

But I will check out his profile...

-- Geer Girl

Numb

2012-01-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

I'm completely numb.

An emotional bomb went off yesterday and I'm still feeling the shockwaves.

I think the worst part is that this was MY news to share; MY bomb to detonate and someone else did it for me. WHILE I WAS ON VACATION.

So I had to come back and find that not only was my big secret out in the open, it had been out for over a week and everyone had formed their opinions, spread a rumor or two and the like.

I was late coming to my own world changing revelation.

So here I am.

At home.

In the middle of the day.

Numb.

-- Geer Girl

The Only BIG Problem With Online Dating Part 2

2012-01-25T16:31:00.001-07:00

Yep. Exes are still online.

Except now they're on other sites. At least OkCupid can show me the statistics to prove that it wasn't ever going to work out with The Brit.

Only 60%? Yikes.

-- Geer Girl

Hiatus

2012-01-04T21:00:00.001-07:00

I'm taking a break.

From dating.

I will not be accepting dates nor logging onto my dating profiles for the upcoming 3 weeks... meaning that I WILL be single on Valentine's Day. Again. Probably. No big deal.

I need a break from thinking about boys. A break from obsessing over everything. From primping! and trying to decide what to wear that looks hot but isn't too slutty to give the wrong impression.

Time for saner thoughts to prevail.

-- Geer Girl

The Crazy in 2012

2012-01-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

Looking back, I realize my crazy insecure side has really shone brightly in the last few months of 2011.

So... this year I'm going to attempt to not make every single post about dating. Sure, they're fun to read and they feel really good to write, but I'm more than that. I am a whole person looking for someone to share experiences with. I can do things on my own, I DO things on my own, but they're way more fun with someone else.

In an attempt to cut down on the crazy I have two goals this year:

I will re-think my dealbreakers. Specifically, the ones related to outward appearance.
I will really, really try to stop wasting so much time on men who look good on paper but for some reason just aren't working out in real life.

Does it reaaaally matter if the dude is barely taller than me or always has crazy just-got-out-of-bed hair or dresses like a teenager? (Yes... yes it does!!!)

What is the point in going out on dates with a guy if the most attractive part of him is the school he went to to get his Ph.D.?

-- Geer Girl

Anonymity

2012-01-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

I have several very good reasons for not attaching my real name to this blog.

I don't need my dates being able to read my every thought about them and their wardrobe/kissing technique/general hotness rating.
I don't want my parents/sister/brother/aunts/uncles/grandparents/cousins/friends reading this and making judgement about my life. If I had wanted to tell my parents about the guys I date... I'd have told them. Some things are just too much information for family members to know.
Shit could get very real if my company/profession/coworkers ever found out about some of the things I write. No thank you.

So yeah. This is why my real name has nothing to do with this blog, why I haven't told anyone about it. Why I haven't given Dark and Brooding the address.

Some things are too much information and I know I'm over-sharing but I need to get it out. Not all opinions expressed on this blog are those of the writer.

-- Geer Girl

It all began on New Year's day in the 25th year of my being single...

2012-01-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

Things are going to be awesome this year. I can tell. I am a completely different person than I was last year. Again.
I was happy. I was sad. I was angry. I got drunk.
I...

proposed to Dark and Brooding... in the future
went to Italy
... and caught the worst cold I've ever experienced
... and took my first ever sick days off from work
realized my single status is a conscious choice
climbed the Calgary Tower... via stairs
passed an engineering ethics test
read He's Just Not That into You and loved it
took up running
first kiss!
first make out session!
had sex!
first break-up!
survived a broken heart
got a tattoo
started following The Rules
joined Match.com
dated a clone
quit eharmony.com
and finally, went to Las Vegas and made a fool of myself... again

For anyone who was counting (and believe me, I was)... I went on TEN official first dates and ran in 13 official races. Spectacular year.

I made a lot of mistakes on the dating front, gained a lot of strength physically, emotionally and mentally.

2012 is going to rock!

Bring. It. On.

-- Geer Girl

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T00:04:00.021-07:00

Go read this:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/christmas

It is 100% factual.

Love,

Geer Girl

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Dear Boys,

2011-12-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

Replying to a message I sent you more than a week later without any kind of excuse other than:

I'm getting pretty bad at responding to messages...

Will only make me realize you would be interested in having sex, but won't put in the effort to chase after me to get it.

Grow up.

-- Geer Girl

Two by Two

2011-12-14T08:40:00.002-07:00

Okay. So... I believe in fate and destiny. And I believe that there is someone perfect out there for everyone. Everyone gets a partner.

What I'm having trouble believing is how some people have already found theirs and I'm struggling to find anyone even close to being someone I want to see every day... for the rest of my life.

One of my friends met her husband in the first year of university. It's been rainbows and sunshine and puppies for them ever since. In fact, most of the people I knew in university and high school have found their Lobster and are steadily working their way toward happily ever after: 2.2 kids, boarder-collie and a white picket fence surrounding a modest yard.

Good for them.

Now, this is the part that's bugging me: The scrunchy wearing moustached woman who rings through my groceries at the store is happily married. Talks about it all the time. SHE HAS A MOUSTACHE!

Come on!

That, right there, is proof positive that somewhere out there is someone who will find anyone attractive.

So where's my guy?

I'm turning 25 in eight days! Clock is a-tickin'! Does he not live in Calgary? Is he not even Canadian?

Interesting fact:
Most of the viewers of my profile, on the many dating sites I'm a member of, are from Montana.

-- Geer Girl

Date #10, 2011

2011-12-08T06:29:00.001-07:00

Holy crap. This was awkward and I never meant for it to be a "date".

I won tickets to a movie screening and needed someone to go with me. I've been to plenty of these things by myself and was finally brave enough to start asking around.

No one was available. Such is the problem with winning free tickets on the same day as the movie: No time to plan.

So... after a bunch of email, text and facebooking around, I called a guy from work.

He agreed, no questions asked (not even asking what movie it was), with 3 hours notice.

He's a year younger than me, not from Alberta and new-ish to town. He's previously mentioned that he was always free and if I ever needed anything -- running buddy, bar hopping friend -- ANYTHING he would be there.

Things immediately got awkward when we met at the theater. He started commenting about how he hadn't had time to shave and he owed me for the movie.

I mentioned that I was super excited about the Zac Efron part of the movie and he made a point to touch my arm every time zefron was on screen.

But the most awkward part of the evening?? When he wanted to walk around in the CLOSED mall after the movie. The mall was closed! No stores were open! We were the only ones there!!! He said he would me my shopping buddy if I had no one to go with. He would be there for me if I ever needed anyone to do anything with.

And then he hugged me goodbye.

Coworkers don't hug each other.

At least not people I work with. Not completely sober.

My plan to deal with this?
Avoid him.
Avoid him like the plague. Don't talk to him. Don't talk about him. Don't let anyone know I saw him outside of work hours.

If I believe it hard enough I can convince the world that this NEVER HAPPENED.

-- Geer Girl

Vegas. Again.

2011-12-04T11:08:00.001-07:00

Oh, Las Vegas. You like to tease me, don't you?

Just like last year, I met a boy. A man, really. He was tall, dark and handsome. He flirted with me. We had a great time.

He was married.

I flirted with him in front of his wife.

Why?

Well, because HE WASN'T WEARING A RING. They worked at the same company. She is 10 years older than him. She was wearing a huge rock of a wedding ring. There was nothing going on between them.

Gah.

I feel gross. And deceived.

There is a reason why women tag men after they marry them.

Next year, I'm not speaking with anyone that isn't from my company. Hell, maybe I'll put on a fake ring and pretend to be part of the married crowd so the rest of the conference will accept me and speak to me without knowing I'm some sort of social leper.

Vegas - 2 Me - 0

-- Geer Girl

Tick, Tick, Tick

2011-11-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

My biological clock is ticking. LOUDLY.

I recently attended an event for female engineering alumni and I noticed a couple things.

They weren't particularly attractive. On average, the female engineer looks... homely.
Most of them were married.

HOW is that even possible???

These women were at this event to discuss how one goes about balancing a very demanding job and being a mother. Kids are so far off my agenda right now that I was merely attending to get a different perspective on things, to have background information, and plant some seeds of thought.

What they told me? They sacrificed time for themselves. They hired nannies, cleaning ladies, race around like headless chickens to meet their own deadlines marked on their schedules. They consider every option, every contingency and make A Plan.

Most of them didn't take their full Mat-leave because they needed to get back to work.

Another thing I realized? My life rocks!

I've been to Italy, Hawaii, Vegas and am going on another super duper awesome vacation in January and another in April. Europe, of course.

I get to travel for work and I can make my own hours in the winter.

I don't have to meet others expectations, I don't have to consider another person's schedule when booking my vacation.

Most of them immediately left the event, the ONE night out they've had in weeks to race home to their kids. Now, it's GREAT that they love their families and want to be there... but they aren't making time to be themselves! Going to the gym (more than once a week) is worth it! Putting on makeup is WORTH IT. Sitting and reading a trashy romance novel is worth it.

I don't have someone to come home to every night, but I do get to go out to random events on a whim. And stay out as long as I want without feeling guilty about anything. I can go for a 5k run on "Date Night" because I'm dating myself.

Sure, that clock is ticking. I fully believe these women when they don't recommend waiting until you're 40 to have kids. I just don't want to miss out on the part of my life where I get to be ME.

Selfish? Sure. Why not?

I have to live with me for the rest of my life.

-- Geer Girl

Date #9, 2011 - The End

2011-11-16T21:21:00.001-07:00

Whoa. It's like I'm psychic or something!

My favourite part about this is that I was already over the dude and had deleted him from my contacts list by the time I had received this text message.

Second favourite? My reaction. Compared to the last text message breakup... this one was vastly improved. For one, this text message from him was somewhat appropriate. We had been on three dates. Spent less than 12 hours total together.
It still shocks me that text messages have become the norm for such things, but, meh! He wore shorts year-round. Gross.

Third favourite? It took me nearly 45 minutes to reply because I was out living my life, attending a Death by Chocolate event with a load of girlfriends.

Boys sure change their minds quickly when you deny them the sex. Strange.

-- Geer Girl

On Giving Up

2011-11-14T21:13:00.001-07:00

Go and read my last post. I sounded downright almost giddy.

I left something out. He was also begging to see me the next day. I was being coy and said ask me tomorrow and we'll see what we can do.

He agreed. Said he'd text, call or message me through the dating site we met on. Twice. He said all this twice.

He didn't.

I texted him today (to make sure he was still alive) and had to end the conversation early just to keep my crazy girl tendencies in check.

He said he'd call and he didn't. Then he said he'd had a "busy" day and was tired (queue my exit from the conversation).

I hate to keep bringing up the book, but... He's Just Not that Into You... if:

He isn't calling you.

Apologies for the crappy picture. I'm pissed. Deal with it.

I sure do pick me some winners...

-- Geer Girl

Date #9, 2011 - That Girl

2011-11-12T20:40:00.001-07:00

I learned a very important lesson last night.

It does not matter what my brain says when my hormones and body want something else.

I turned into that girl.

The one that's making out with a guy in the booth at the bar. The one that lets him get to second base during the making out.

The waitress didn't want to disturb us after she had brought the bill and giggled saying that her, the other waitresses and the bartender were totally gossiping about us. When she left for the night she said: "Goodnight smoochers!"

We kept making out after he had paid the bill.

He none too subtly tried to get me to agree to going some place more private to continue what we had started. My place? His place? The car? When I kept declining his offer but was still eagerly kissing him, he broke into the "we don't have to do anything you don't want to do" speech.

Eventually, we left the bar and made out some more in the parking lot. He continued to urge that we go somewhere else and I said I needed to go home. He invited me to his house to watch a movie and I laughed out loud.

It's too soon! This was our third date. My mind is still saying maybe-no regardless of how loud my body is saying YES! I've only known him for three weeks and even then, I don't really know the guy.

He's not such a bad kisser until he gets really excited.
And believe me, he did get really excited ;)

I just don't want to take the same path as I did before.

-- Geer Girl

Date #9, 2011 - Meh

2011-11-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

I think those were the beer goggles talking when I said he had gotten better looking by the end of the night.

We had our second date last night and I'm just not attracted to him.

That, and my "casual" date outfit is still a thousand times dressier than his multi-purpose everywhere outfit of a hoodie, cargo shorts and skateboard shoes. I felt weird walking around holding hands with an overgrown child. It's completely mean for me to say that or even think it but that's the truth and this guy should be with someone who can accept his style.

I dare say that last night was the shortest date I've ever been on. Two and a half hours, start to finish.

We ran out of things to talk about. I know this because he started telling me the same things as he had on the first date.

What is it that makes men tell EXACTLY the same stories on the second date as they had on the first? Why do men try to impress me with stories about them getting really drunk in their teenage years?

We ate dinner, walked around and I called it quits for the night since I was cringing every time he squeezed me closer.

And then I choked. I couldn't just rip the band-aid off and tell him I wasn't interested.

He walked me to my car and we made out IN THE PARKING GARAGE. Dude would not take "no" for an answer. Every time I managed to escape and say "I reaaaally have to go now" He'd pull me back in and kept repeating how he was "such a bad man." Gross.

I will say, the kissing did improve a little. Me not opening my mouth seemed to get the point across about the too much tongue thing.

I'm going to have to pull up my big girl panties and call the guy and try to let him down easy.

-- Geer Girl

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T21:15:00.001-06:00

I am either:

a) eating too much chocolate and will later have a tummy-ache, or

b) watching scary (but not scary) movies.

Either way, certainly not dressed up, out and having fun at a halloween party.

I leave you with this:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/halloween

-- Geer Girl

Date #9, 2011

2011-10-30T15:59:00.000-06:00

This guy did not look anything like his pictures.

When I first got to the bar, my initial impression of him was ew. He's kinda chubby and has all the facial hair... not really my type. At least he's taller than me in heels.

And then we got talking and he suddenly lost some of that ew factor.

We drank beer, talked about movies, music and work. He seemed impressed that I am a big nerd and have seen as many "nerdy" movies and TV shows as I have.

And then I found myself living the pages of "He's Just Not That Into You" specifically the part:

When Men Like You, They Want to Touch You. Always.

It started with him putting a hand on top of mine to emphasize a point, an accidental touch here and there as he reached to grab his beer from near the center of the table. Then as I finished my beer and was doing my nervous playing with the glass/ demolishing the coaster routine his fingers began slowly moving against mine. Before I knew it we had moved into full blown hand holding with BOTH of my hands held captive by his and being ever so lightly stroked. Then his thumbs moved up my wrists, tickling and I could hardly focus on the conversation. It. Felt. Awesome.

There was so much hand holding going on that the semi-closed off area that we were seated in completely emptied out. We were alone while the rest of the bar was busy. He was even starting to look down right attractive when he got this twinkle in his eye as he looked from me to our intwined fingers and back.

Five hours after the date had started, I called it quits. Waaaay over my 2 hour "Rules" limit, I was at least going follow one rule and end it first.

He walked me to my car (seriously, how and why do I always end up parking practically next to my date??) and I still didn't have my car keys out. We made small talk. The good and awkward kind and I still hadn't even so much as tried reaching for my keys. He hugged me goodbye and I was kind of disappointed. After all that hand holding, a hug?! And then he kissed me.

And IT. WAS. BAD! Too much tongue. Waaaay too much tongue. It felt as though he was trying to check if I still had my tonsils, his tongue was that far in. Gross.

Such a shame that a date that was going so well could end soooo badly.

Luckily, some google searching has reassured me that it is possible to change such bad habits. It just takes a bit of time. ;)

-- Geer Girl

P.S. He promised to text me the next day... today. It's nearly four and there are no texts.
P.P.S. He texted. We're going out this Saturday. Dinner and... bowling? Totally random.

What Not to Text Me If You Want a 3rd Date...

2011-10-20T18:46:00.001-06:00

I was really hoping that The Brit got the hint and wouldn't call/text/email/facebook me... ever again.

Our date ended in the early hours of Sunday and so when I had not heard from him by 6 pm Thursday. I thought I had succeeded in pulling off the mutual fade out.

And then my phone dinged.

His out of order text messages popped onto my phone's screen.

"Hey, are you still considering arranging something this weekend? Have I scared you off? I've kept saturday evening free so far, but if you're not keen let me know so I can make other plans."

The italics are the parts I'm particularly offended by.

As a new still-trying-to-follow-The-Rules girl I don't ask guys out and I don't plan and certainly don't pay for dates.

And then that last bit... was it really necessary to spell that out? Isn't it implied that you want to know so you can make other plans???

Sigh.

No. I am not keen. Yes, you have scared me off.

All the best,

-- Geer Girl

The Only BIG Problem With Online Dating

2011-10-18T22:11:00.000-06:00

Is that your exes are still online.

They tend to pop up when you least expect it and instantly make you want to simultaneously stalk them, block their profiles, change your status to "happily married" and send them a message RE: You Suck.

Also? OkCupid? 90% match?
Absolutely correct... unless you factor in the whole he'll dump you by text message thing...

Asshole.

-- Geer Girl