Where The Grey Matter Pours Out

First Time

Jim Cantwell — Mon, 20 May 2013 01:30:36 +0000

Life is full of first times, it starts with that all important first breath when we are born, then our first steps and our first words. Then we start school and have our first teachers, read our first books on our own, learn how to write for the first time. We eventually grow up and those first times seem to become more and more less frequent. Life becomes more routine as we get older, and we tend to get on one of many paths that we seem to stay on, we go to the same job every day, see the same people every day, get the same paycheck every week, and there is nothing wrong with that.

But if we want more out of our lives there is nothing wrong with that either. I read a lot and I see over and over again this quote,

“Be thankful for what you have”

I wholeheartedly agree that we should be thankful for what we do have, I know I am, but there is nothing wrong for us to want more than what we have. Why shouldnt we? Will it make us any less thankful? I would like to think not, but we do need to keep ourselves in check.

So how do we go about getting more than we have? Beats the hell out of me, I do not know the answer to that question, I am no expert in this field, if I were I would have a book out about it. However, I am a progressive thinker, and I think a lot about a lot of different things, most of it is about writing, more accurately my writing. My head is always buzzing about how I want my writing to go, what characters to use, how to get them to express to you on paper, what is in my head. I do know that it all starts with a
“First Time”

So I pose this question to you,
When was the last time you did something for the first time?
If you do not have an answer to this, it may be time to sit back and take a look at what you want and how you are going to get it, you just may find that this question may put you on the path you want to be on.

Why have I Forsaken This Blog ?

Jim Cantwell — Wed, 08 May 2013 22:32:39 +0000

It has been 104 days since I have written a post for this blog, it may seem as if I have forsaken this blog, but I can assure you that I have not.

So I must tell you what happened for me to go all MIA on you.

In January one of our cats died, to me it really was not a big deal he was a loner type of cat, he would purr, he hardly ever wanted to snuggle, and he was outside more than he ever was inside, even on the coldest of days he wanted to be outside. His passing although rather sudden did not affect me much at all.

Moving on to February, our beloved Toby passed away, he was our 12-year-old half Black Lab and half Rottweiler mix that we rescued from a kill shelter when he was just 13 weeks old. To us, Toby was not a dog, but a member of our family and held in the same regard as any other member of our family. Toby lost about 25 pounds in a few weeks and started having problems walking, his appetite for anything completely diminished and he was refusing to drink any water at all, so we took him down to our vet. Turns out that Toby had a ruptured spleen, which could be fixed but the vet said it would just rupture in another spot, over and over. So we had to make the hard choice to put Toby to sleep, and that choice hurt a lot, it made no difference that Toby had reached the end of his natural life, we lost a member of our family that day.

Marching into March, you may recall a post I wrote about my father being diagnosed with lung cancer, well he had under-gone all of his chemotherapy treatments and had gold placed around his tumor so that the doctors could perform a cyber knife treatment, which in a nut shell are high doses of radiation directly into the tumor effectively killing the tumor ( the gold keeps the radiation from leaving the targeted area) What my father failed to tell his doctors prior to having the gold put in was that he was having a hard time breathing, well harder than normal he was on oxygen 24/7. So that landed him in the hospital on a ventilator for a couple of days, then he went home and a few days later he was back in the hospital, never to leave breathing again, on March 20, 2013 the man for whom I am named after passed away, and that really took quite a bit out of me. I continued to work my day job but wanted to do nothing else really, just sit around and watch television after work, these are the first words I have written in almost two months.

Life has knocked me around pretty good this year and hit me with some really hard punches, it has stepped into the ring and has wanted to fight, it had me on my back and life thought I was ready to give in, but I am not ready to give, I am back on my feet and here I come swinging, not for the knock out blow, but just to let life and the world know I am here.

My children’s book The Teapot and The Trumpet is complete and the illustrations are now complete too, I will be self publishing it soon and will let you all know when it happens until then here is one of the illustrations, as always my friends thank you for all of your support

Try

Jim Cantwell — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 04:39:48 +0000

What do you want to be?
Where do you want to go in life?
Are you there yet?
These are good questions, not only for our sanity, but also for our soul.
Whatever we want to be, or where ever we want to get to in life is very important to each of us, but to start we have to try.
It sounds a little obvious that we need to try to get anything we want, but, for some the fear of failing is so overwhelming that they are not willing to try in the first place.
The fear is real, and it is also valid, lets look at starting your own business. One half of new businesses will fail within the first five years, that is a fact.
Why do they?
That will vary greatly, not enough capital to start with, poor management and or investment decisions, I don’t know, I am not an economist, I am a writer.
So what fear does a writer have?
Rejection is a big one, and some can’t get past it, I wrote a book, “The Teapot And The Trumpet” I sent out my query letters, it really is a great book. Let me tell you that first rejection letter hurt so bad, I was down on the ground and they where counting me out, and I almost gave in, but then I thought why should I? If I am one thing, it is resilient, I wont give them the satisfaction. I am trying to get that book traditionally published and I will continue to try until it is, and it will be.
My point is, when we try something where there is any kind of risk involved, there most certainly is going to be some kind of pain, but just because it hurts, does not mean we are going to die, hopefully we will become stronger from it and more savvy to how the process works, whatever the process happens to be.

So let’s go forth, and go after our dreams and desires and don’t give up on them, ever. It is an investment in ourselves which can reap great returns on that investment, even if nothing comes from our efforts, we do not fail as long as we take the first step and,
TRY.

What Should We Do ?

Jim Cantwell — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 19:43:44 +0000

Well its a new year, and I would like to wish all of you a very happy and prosperous new year.

I am always up for a good political or philosophical debate, because I feel debate is a good thing. However that is not what I do here on this blog, but I do not think we can or should ignore the combined tragic events of 2012.

February 22, 2012-Five people killed in Norcross, Georgia.
February 26, 2012-Jackson Tennessee,one person killed and 20 others injured.
February 27, 2012-Three students killed by one other student in Ohio.
March 8, 2012-Two people were killed and seven wounded in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
March 31, 2012- Two people killed 12 injured in Miami Florida.
April 2, 2012- Oakland, California,7 people killed “execution-style.” Three people were wounded.
April 6, 2012- Tulsa, Oklahoma,three men died and two were wounded.
May 29, 2012- Seattle, Washington, five people killed.
July 9, 2012- Wilmington, Delaware, three people were killed.
July 20, 2012-The Dark Knight Rises opening twelve people are killed and fifty-eight are wounded.
August 5, 2012- six people killed inside a Sikh temple in suburban Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
August 14, 2012-Three people were killed at Texas A&M University.
September 27, 2012-Minneapolis, Minnesota, five people killed and three others wounded.
October 21, 2012-Brookfield, Wisconsin three women killed, four others injured.
December 11, 2012- Portland, Oregon, two people killed.
December 14, 2012-Newtown, Connecticut twenty-six people killed, including twenty children.
To those whose lives were taken above, I hope you are at rest in the kingdom of God.

There is a lot of talk of “gun control” these days, and some feel no one but the police and military should be allowed to possess guns, and my honest feelings on that is, that would just be the easy way out, it will not solve the problem.
Why wouldn’t it you ask?
Because how many illegal guns are available now? Lots, and they are not hard to get a hold of. Even if guns were outlawed in this country gun violence would not go away, because legal law-abiding citizens that are not out committing these horrible acts of violence would be the only ones affected.
I do not want to focus on gun control or turn this post into a debate over it.
What I do want to set the dialogue to is, what should we do?

Well for starters lets stop sensationalizing in the media the people who commit these crimes, these people are becoming household names, who doesn’t know the name of at least one of the sick cowards who perpetrated the killings listed above? If you noticed I did not mention one of them at all above, their names do not deserve to be read on this blog, or any other blog or newspaper, magazine etc. The media opens the door for someone who would quietly have just killed themselves in their home unknown to the world, to, in their minds, living in infamy.

Maybe another thing we should be focusing on is mental health that is just ignored in this country. There are countless people incarcerated in prisons with serious mental health problems in this country because we do not have the facilities to help them.

As always your comments are encouraged and welcomed but please lets not turn this into a gun control debate but rather one to find an answer to,

What Should We Do?

Fly Like You’re The Angel

Jim Cantwell — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 02:53:54 +0000

Life is short, its more than that, it’s too damn short. When you think about it really, it is not fair how short life is here on this planet. Our time here is finite, it will end, eventually. We do not have to like it, and most of us don’t, but we do have to accept it, or we will go insane counting the days.

We all know that minutes turn to hours, which turn in to days, and in the blink of an eye years have slipped by and leave us saying, where the hell did all that time go? We toil at our day jobs relentlessly, day after day, year after year, so that we can provide for ourselves and our family’s. We need to look beyond that, because what we do for work, is what we do, it may not be what defines us.

I am a cable guy by trade and I am fortunate to make a great living at it, I love what I do. I am not chained to a desk for eight hours a day, having to decide if I should tackle the next pile of corporate papers or gouge my damn eyes out with a pencil, thank God. But being a cable guy is what I do, it is not who I am, I am a writer, and that brings me great joy and satisfaction.

We need to really focus on what fuels our desires, what brings us sheer joy, and do it. We need to stop procrastinating, ” I will start that book next month” or ” I will paint a new painting when the summer is over” or whatever it is that brings joy to you.

We all have time we waste, pretty much on a daily basis, such as Facebook, twitter, watching TV, etc. If we just trimmed that wasted time out of our lives and focused that energy and time on the things that we want to define us, well then, the sky would most certainly be the limit.

So spread your wings, paint that painting, write the next novel that will knock the reading world on its ass, and, fly like you’re the angel, because you are, we all are!

Its That Time Of Year

Jim Cantwell — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 21:35:06 +0000

It is that time of year again, its Christmas time. I celebrate Christmas, and I do not mean to offend anyone, but I do refuse to be politically correct and call it “holiday” However, I by no means am offended by anyone who does not celebrate Christmas. To me, it does not matter if you are Jewish and celebrate Chanukah, or African and celebrate Kwanzaa, it does not matter to me if you don’t believe or celebrate anything, it is, and should be, your choice to believe in and do what you wish.

It is that time of year again, we are starting to see hints of winter, colder weather and snow.I dont mind it myself, I like the seasonal change. Now while you are out in the hustle and bustle of the season, doing your gift shopping for whatever holiday you celebrate, do me a favor, take a moment to just watch the people around you. I notice that during this time of year people are, edgy, to say the least. You will almost undoubtedly see people getting hot under the collar, you may even see a fist fight over the last one in stock, of whatever this years must have toy is.

I do believe in karma, in getting back what you give, I have decided in an effort to make myself a better person (not that I am not, but there is always room for improvement) and in effort to maybe make humanity better, well at least the humanity I come in contact with, that I am going to be overly nice to complete strangers, and will be doing random acts of kindness. I am not doing this to receive anything in return from karma, but in the hopes that by me doing this it may make others do the same. I will continue this throughout the year not just this time of year.

It is that time of year again, and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa or whatever you celebrate, but please be nice to one another.

Happy Thanksgiving

Jim Cantwell — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 12:58:25 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!
It has been one hell of a year for me this year, filled with both great news and advances in my life, also sadly, with some hard losses.
So I would like to take just a minute to share with you all what I am thankful for on this day, and I would love to hear what you are thankful for too.

I am thankful that my children are happy, safe and healthy.
I am thankful for my wife, for being right by my side through all the highs and lows over the last 13 years.
I am thankful for all of my friends.
I am thankful for being gainfully employed so I can provide for my family.
I am thankful for all of you, my followers, my friends.
I am thankful for my online writing friends who have saved me from some big mistakes, and gave me the kick in the ass to get going when I needed it.
I am thankful for the online writers groups I belong to, WLC and Team PIF.
I am thankful to be able to write this today and look forward to what you are thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Wall

Jim Cantwell — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 02:01:13 +0000

It seems I have run into a wall while working on my novel, nothing is working out with it, well, where I want to go with it is not working out. I know where I want to go with it and how I want to write it, but the words elude me, the correct words anyway.

Some people call it writers block, but I don’t think that accurately describes where I am at. I think “my muse has gone on vacation for a bit and left me behind” is a better description.

Nobody wants to read “I sat in a room” and I don’t blame them, its boring, I think I would rather watch paint dry. It needs to be dressed up a bit, into a well written thought or expression, something like,
“The couch I was sitting on was sage green, it went well with the periwinkle walls. The fresh cut lavender in the vase on the table, made the whole place smell incredible, it lingered with me long after I had left.”
See much better, but you knew that.

Usually when I run into this wall, I just write through it, but this time the wall is being very resilient, but it is nothing new by any means.
I will get through this, and back to writing my novel soon, in fact this post seems to be just flowing out of me, so I am hoping the wall is now behind me, or maybe I just needed a break from writing for a few days, who knows ?

I am sure that there are numerous ways to overcome writers block, that have been written about to great extent. I am not interested in those, what I am interested in however, is how do, You, get through your bouts of writers block, please tell.

Graveyards

Jim Cantwell — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 02:32:21 +0000

Halloween is over, and this post has nothing to do with Halloween.
I love graveyards especially historical graveyards. Here in Rhode Island we have many dating back to the 1600′s. I love the peace and quiet of a graveyard, where the only thing you can hear is the wind. I go out of my way to find these places, some are in great condition, some are overgrown, and then some are vandalized which really bothers me.

I do not do rubbings of the gravestones, it just seems a bit invasive of the final resting place of these people, but I do take pictures of the gravestones, like these ones I took today.

I also like to research local legends and go visit these graveyards too, because I find legends and the paranormal intriguing. We have a few Vampire legends dating back to the early 1700′s here in Rhode Island.
We have the legend of Mercy Brown and Sarah Tillinghast just to name a couple,

I have visited both Mercy and Sarah’s gravesites and I feel a little uneasy at Sarah’s. Like all good legends there is some absolute truth mixed with what may be a little less than the truth and that certainly holds true with these two vampires.

Speaking of Vampires, I am writing a novel about them, the working title is
“Hunting Humans, Before The Dawn”
It is nowhere near finished but I will keep you all updated as it progresses, and let out little teasers for you.

All Hallows Eve

Jim Cantwell — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 21:41:24 +0000

All year-long the children believe,
as they watch the web the spider weaves,
their hearts are filled with nothing but glee,
as they wait, for All Hallows Eve.

The ghosts and goblins, witches and ghouls,
wait for the night to roam the streets,
looking for all the tasty treats,
they ring our bell and say Trick or Treat!!

They hope the path does not cross with a black cat,
or the warlock, and his scary magic hat,
they look for a little scare,
and some spooky house’s they do not dare.

While the night lingers on,
those spooks, ghouls, goblins, and witches,
hope it lasts forever and shall not be gone,
as the houses run out of treats,
shutting off the lights,
All Hallows Eve, should be full of fright.

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