Where the Whiskey Went.

The Band, State, City and University have nothing to apologize for.

2012-01-24T13:05:00.000-08:00

In October of 2011 I was
sent a bottle of Kansas (Clean Distilled) Whiskey and the press kit for it.
After reading the major selling points and the history behind
Kansas (The whiskey, not the band) I was ready to file it all under the heading
of WTFWTT (What The F$%K Were They Thinking?) and walk away.
But I could not do that, it would not be professional. So, I took the bottle
home and did what any good liquor reviewer would do: I let the bottle sit on my
shelf for a month.

On a random day in November, I opened
the elongated flask-shaped glass bottle, poured myself three fingers worth of
the cream colored whiskey, took a healthy swig and something interesting
happened: I discovered that I was drinking a horrible whiskey.

Usually this is where I go into a
scathing two-page rant on why I think Kansas (The whiskey not the State) is
one of the worst whiskeys on the planet, compare it to a WMD and make witty
jokes about it using references from TV shows and movies that have long since passed.
But I have matured and come to see the big picture. The big picture is...This
is not the whiskey I was looking for and the sad thing is they told me this right
from the start.

The Press Kit for Kansas contains the
following selling points:

Not fusty, tweedy or rednecky.

Basically, Kansas (The whiskey not the City) believes that whiskey is for old people who enjoy Jeff Foxworthy jokes. On that point they're half right - I turned 43 years old in January, but I couldn't pick Foxworthy out of a line up.

Foxworthy is the guy wearing the shirt, right?

And for the record - whiskey, good whiskey,
is supposed to have an aged olfactory quality to it. If a
whiskey smells like CK One, then something has gone horribly wrong in the process
of making said whiskey.

Appeals to both men and women who enjoy vodka.

This point struck me as odd. When I
want whiskey I drink whiskey, and when I want vodka I drink vodka, the two
trains have never met. And I believe the same holds true for most real
drinkers.

Can be consumed neat wearing bikini or slithery cocktail dress.

Slithery? Really, I'm calling poor word
choice on that. I'm guessing Kansas' target audience is women and cross
dressers. Since I can't pull off a strapless Blood Red Valentino gown...

Dark brown is sexy unless you are drinking something dark brown.

HUH? I'm brown and I taste delicious.
Sorry, I could not resist.

Mixes well to create an astonishing variety of cocktails.

Now we arrive at the heart of the matter. I will agree that 
Kansas goes well in a variety of cocktails but so does ice. Kansas (the Whiskey, 
not the University) is such a substandard excuse of a whiskey that it cannot stand up to even 
simple ingredients.

The Kansas Cooler

1 1/2 oz. Kansas

An unmentioned amount
of Ginger Ale

Squeeze of Lemon or
Lime

Dash
of bitters

Ice

Whiskey and ginger ale have been
successfully paired together since the invention of the bar...until now;
I made and drank The Kansas Cooler. I will not make nor drink it again. The
taste, smell and finish is that of sour ginger ale with bitters. If you don't
know what bitters are, have no fear;

It is a highly concentrated food and beverage flavoring agent than works to bind your various ingredients.

Adding bitters to this cocktail does
not work because there is nothing for it to bind but the juice and the ginger
ale. You end up with a glass of watery lemon-flavored ginger ale. Kansas is
doesn't have the strength to stand up ginger ale, let alone bitters.

The Kansas Twister

3 Orange wedges

Handful of Mint

2 oz. of Kansas

3/4 Simple Syrup

The muddled mash of fruit and mint is nothing
more than a poor twist on The Mojito. The taste of Kansas cannot be found in
this drink due to its lack of essence and flavor. It is deficient of a quality
that all real whiskeys share... A back bone fortified with generations of
pride in the process and an unyielding determination to make a quality product.

You might wonder how a whiskey can be
so bad that it makes ordering a Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler a better option. The
answer is in the distillation process. Kansas is a winter wheat base spirit
that is column distilled. If you’re confused about the last line I’ll walk you
through it.

· Most whiskeys (good whiskeys) use full bodied grains like corn, rye or barley as a base. Usually whiskey is pot distilled; this is done to capture a variety of aromatic components. Using earthy grains adds a healthy sapidity to the final product (whiskey). All of which creates a spirit with strength, weight and depth that presents whiskey’s color, taste and mixability.

·       
One uses wheat
and a column still to make VODKA not whiskey. Column stills are used to refine or remove a variety
of aromatic components (the very things that make whiskey). Your final product
is a crisp, clear spirit and that’s fine but it ain’t whiskey. Yes, I
used the word ain’t. 

I could go on ripping apart the
cocktails and the "spirit" but I won't. I won't waste my time and
yours on a pop up whiskey created for Generation Hipster looking to create a Zima Effect in the liquor industry. This spirit is not for
someone who has a mature palate, still plays pool in a bar and knows how to
make a Manhattan, blindfolded. So, I'll end my review with this... 



If you
want an easy to drink whiskey that tastes like flat crème soda and rubbing
alcohol then by all means go out and grab a case. But if you want a quality
whiskey, something that can be mixed or sipped or shot, then you need to look
elsewhere. And by elsewhere I mean:

 Maker's Mark, Buffalo Trace, Mitcher's,
Knob Creek, Jack Daniels, Gentleman Jack anything but Kansas... (The whiskey not the Sunflower
State).

Till next we drink.

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have 
another drink. 

Author Unknown

formspring.me

2011-10-16T19:11:00.005-07:00

Ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/LincolnwritesNY

What made you smile today?

2011-10-16T19:11:00.003-07:00

Looking at pictures of my friends.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2011-10-16T19:11:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/LincolnwritesNY

What did you eat for breakfast today?

2011-09-13T19:10:00.003-07:00

Eggs.

Ask me anything

What's the best place near you to get a drink?

2011-09-13T19:10:00.001-07:00

Lani Kai

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2011-09-13T19:05:00.003-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/LincolnwritesNY

What's your favorite app on your mobile phone?

2011-09-13T19:05:00.001-07:00

Plants vs. Zombies

Ask me anything

If you could, would you travel to space?

2011-08-06T07:39:00.001-07:00

Hella YES!

Ask me anything

What's your favorite number?

2011-07-31T14:24:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

2011-06-05T19:03:00.001-07:00

Orchestra Conductor. I LOVED classical music when I was in elementary school.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2011-05-08T16:40:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/LincolnwritesNY

What country's cuisine is your favorite?

2011-03-20T07:54:00.001-07:00

Italy.

Ask me anything

Horse's Neck or Presbyterian...

2011-03-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

In honor of Tales of the Cocktail 2011: Destination - Vancouver

Most American drinkers forget that Canada produces some first class whiskeys. During the spring of 2010, Crown Royal added an obsidian colored jewel to its line-up of Purple and Yellow clad whiskeys called Crown Royal Black.

Crown Royal Black (or CR Black) is a pepper flavored, stouthearted spirit that might make some question their allegiance to American made whiskeys. Straight up, on the rocks or even in a cocktail, CR Black holds its own while allowing the other ingredients to play nicely in a glass.

The combination of whiskey and ginger ale (sometimes called a Horse's Neck or Presbyterian) has become staple for American whiskey imbibers. It's as exciting as nails in a hardware store and as common as paperclips in an office. The modern answer to that stale classic is called the Black King.

The Black King:
1.5 oz of Crown Royal Black
1 oz of Ginger Ale
1/2 oz of Stirrings Bitter Lemon cocktail soda
Pour everything over ice into a rocks glass, make a toast to Prime Minister Stephen Harper and enjoy.

For those who really want to impress- add pepper to your ice water. It's an easy trick that will raise the eyebrow of any serious cocktail nerd. A 750-ML bottle of CR Black will cost anywhere between 30 to 40 USD and makes a fine addition to any liquor cabinet. Even if it's surrounded by American made whiskeys, this one will stand out like a Mountie at a rave.

Till next we drink again-
“I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.” M*A*S*H - Hawkeye Pierce played by the legendary American actor Alan Alda.

Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Fest 2011.

2011-01-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

Saturday (January 29th) is the 2nd Annual Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival. It's being held in The Tunnel or La Venue at 608 West 28th Street at 11th Avenue. It's a chance to sample 60 kick ass beers and 40 different bourbons.

If you've ever wanted to try Russell's Reserve 6 year old Rye Saturday is your chance. If you're a fan of Maker's Mark or Basil Hayden this is the event for you. This is the place to try some Sixpoint Beer with Buffalo Trace Small Batch chaser. If Sierra Nevada is on your Facebook 'LIKE' list then this will be your chance for a face to face with the guys from the brewery. Innus & Gunn fan? Come on down. Who doesn't like Sam Adams or American Honey? If you've ever tweeted about how much you love Palm or Woodpecker Cider , you should not miss this festival.

I'll be tasting Maker's Mark, Highland Park Whisky 12 and 18 year and ..Okay I'll be drinking as much of my favorites as I can get my hands on with out destroying my liver.

It's also a prime opportunity to chat up and drink with the people who make the foods and beverages we all love to indulge in. If you haven't bought tickets yet check out the festival's website.

When it comes to food the festival doesn't hold back. The menu goes a little something like this...

Mini Cider Braised Pork Biscuit Sandwiches & Sweet Potato Bacon Bread Pudding w/ Bourbon Custard
From BLACK SAUCE KITCHEN

COLLARED GREENS W/ SMOKED HAM HOCKS & RED BEANS & RICE
From BOURBON STREET BAR & GRILLE

MINI BBQ PULLED PORK SANDWICH
From BUBBY'S BROOKLYN

HAND PULLED PORK SLIDERS
From DINOSAUR BAR-B-QUE

PECAN SMOKED PORK BELLY
From HILL COUNTRY BARBECUE MARKET

BEER AND BOURBON SOUTHERN BBQ MEATBALLS
From IDLE HANDS & BILLY HURRICANES

GRITS- CHEESE GRITS, SHRIMP GRITS, CORN GRITS
From MARA'S HOMEMADE

BACON MEATBALLS & BLT SOUP
From SOUTH HOUSTON

APPLE HICKORY SMOKED BABY BACK RIBS WITH SWEET BBQ SAUCE
From SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY GROUP

Events like this make me feel proud to live in New York City (even with the slow ass snow removal and rising subway fares). Attending the 2nd Annual Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Fest isn't about getting my food and drink on. It's about meeting, talking to and learning from experts in the food and beverage industry. You can connect with people who take pride in creating great food and drink. It's also a culinary learning adventure due to the seminars and speakers. Whiskey Professor and Knob Creek expert, Bernie Lubber will be there to teach everyone how to order the right bourbon. And you can see what butchers do to make bacon (Raincoats and Gallagher jokes optional). All in all, it's going to be an occasion worth Tweeting about.

Hopefully, I'll see all of you there.
Lastly, always remember and never forget...
"You can measure success in red wine, but not in white."
Piers Morgan - He's got nothing to do with the festival but anyone that can survive working for Rupert Murdock gets high praise in my book.

Till next we drink.

Vodka, Vodka everywhere but which one should you drink?

2010-12-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

Something odd happened about five years ago. Major liquor companies decided to crank out new flavored vodkas, new infused vodkas, newly renamed vodkas and new colored vodkas, all with a total disregard to one simple rule:

“If it ain't broke don't fix it.”

Within this current 'Vodka Boom' some excellent small batch spirits did emerge, causing the giants of the vodka industry to rethink, re-market their products. Giants like Absolut, Ketel One, and SKYY - that once ruled the bars and livers of the drinking public were now feeling the ever increasing sting from the 'new kids' of the industry.

One of the newest players to the game is Exclusiv Vodca. This noteworthy vodka is fresh from fertile fields of old Mother Russia (more accurately Moldova, near The Back Sea.) and stays true to the classic Eastern European distillation process. Longtime vodka drinkers will recognize the flavor profile of this enjoyable spirit. On the first sip you'll encounter a slight hint of pepper, a familiar base of snow whipped winter wheat and the presence of anise.

Exclusiv's next tribute to the 'Russian Process' is its scent. If the word 'Crisp' could be defined by smell, it would be the aroma from three fingers of Exclusiv in a rocks glass.

Distilled to the point of flawlessness, Exclusiv is a welcome addition to any home bar or cocktail lounge. Even though Exclusiv was made to enhance ingredient rich cocktails much like the ones found on their site, it works well in simple drinks like a vodka tonic or a screwdriver.

If you're in the mood to drink a quality Eastern European vodka buy a bottle or three of Exclusiv for your next party. Depending on where you buy it in NYC, a liter of Exclusiv vodka should cost 20 dollars.

Lastly, I ask that you drink it responsibility. No need to ruin New Year's by doing something stupid like driving or letting someone else drive under the influence. Get in cab! Collect car keys at the door or find a place to crash. Whatever you do, DON'T get behind the wheel drunk.

Till next we drink-

“I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.”
M*A*S*H - (1972 -1982)
Hawkeye Pierce played by the legendary American actor Alan Alda (born January 28, 1936).

5 years ago I wrote my 1st liquor review.

2010-10-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

Can somebody contact Condoleezza Rice? Alert the press, and call the President. I've found a Weapon of Mass Destruction and it’s called Lichido liqueur.

I am a drinker and proud of it. I’ve tasted everything from Johnnie Walker Blue to my Uncle Plug’s moonshine to Zima. (Yes, kids it's true I have an Uncle named Plug, it's a country thing... but I digress.)

Out of a long list of liver killing liquors there are two spirits that I will never drink again. The first is Goldschläger, a clear cinnamon liqueur with tiny flakes of real gold, (ICK!) and the second it...Lichido.

Lichido is a sick mix of aged cognac, premium vodka, lychees, guavas and white peach juice. It contains 18% alcohol which doesn’t help this stuff taste any better. Lichido has a slick and sexy pink shimmer that will fool you into thinking it's delicious but the combination of Lychee & Guava make it undrinkable.

If you’re not familiar with Asian fruits don’t worry I’ve got you covered.

Lychee (or Litchi) is a member of the soapberry family and is native to South China. It has the look and feel of a strawberry on steroids.

I’m sure we all know what a guava is but just in case.

Guava is a small edible fruit that can be found in Southeast Asia, Africa and Northern South America. If you bred a peach with a pear you'd get a Guava

The other flavors in this liqueur are tasty by themselves. Aged cognac has a wonderful aroma and a taste to die for. Vodka is great no matter how you try it and I love peaches. Seriously, I could eat a peach for hours. But when you toss in Lychee and Guava you arrive at Stinkville quicker than a NBC can shut down a Tom Arnold sit-com.

From what I’ve been told this ‘liqueur’ is suppose to give Hpnotiq (When did good spelling become a marketing taboo?) a run for its money. I tried both of them over a weekend and Hpnotiq won hands down. I mixed, poured, shook, stirred and tasted Hpnotiq and Lichido drinks until my arms ached and my liver gurgled.

Basically, Lichido has an over powering taste that makes it difficult to work with. When I made their version of a Red Lotus (Lichido, vodka and cranberry) I found myself reaching for the cranberry just to even out the horrid aftertaste. I wouldn’t recommend it straight either. I poured some for a few friends at a dinner party and they thought I was giving them Kool Aide from Jamestown.

I don’t enjoy writing bad reviews but in this case I have to. The only positive thing I can say is Lichido comes in a sexy bottle “I dream of Jeanie” and will great in any liquor cabinet. Lichido doesn’t taste great, it smells horrid and it doesn’t play well with others (liquors or mixers). I can't recommend it but I will say this...it got me to try and even appreciate something I thought I would never drink, Hpnotiq.

New York City Comic Con 2010

2010-10-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

The Green Hornet Movie in 3 frigging d hits theaters in January of 2011.

This girls comes out her top sooner...I hope.

Sometimes you just need a swift kick in the ....

2009-08-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

I won't go into why it's been so long since I last posted. That's for another day, another posting. So here goes nothing.

My first posting was based on a favorite pastime of mine, collecting quotes. Below is a quote from a forgotten but funny FOX show.

A promise to a woman is just a lie that hasn't happened yet.

Unhappily Ever After- 8-16-1998

Why this gem?
Because it's the 350th quote I managed to scribble in my quote book for that year and I really enjoyed watching that show. It was made with the hope that it would become the next Married With Children ...with a twist.

Picture an Al Bundy type but with schizophrenia. Yeah, FOX was taking on the big issues WAY before HOUSE M.D. was a twinkle in the eye of David Shore or while Hugh Laurie was still on the funniest show on BBC One, Black Adder. I'll let you choose the starting point.

Anywellness, the 'Father Figure' Jack Malloy played by Geoff (pronounced Jeff) Pierson would talk to a stuffed bunny name Mr. Floppy ( Please insert any 20 - 30 year old penis joke here) voiced by....wait for it. Wait. Wait. Here it comes. Assume the position... BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT! while dealing with an aging wife. a hot to trot daughter played by Nikki Cox, and an idiot for a son.

Unhappily Ever After lasted four years and banged out 100 episodes on FOX. Plus it launched the careers of Nikki Cox (Who is WAY more FUCKABLE that Megan Fox!) and Geoff Pierson. Now if you don't know who Geoff Pierson is, then you've never watched an episode of Dexter, 24, LIFE or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And for that you have my pity.

A couple of personal side notes for the year that was 1998..
I collected 699 quotes that year.
I moved the Staten Island.
I started working for The Metropolitan Opera House. Yeah, I've been to the opera, what about it!
I gained the best friend anyone could have, one Mike Gilbert. Love ya Man!
I stopped going to a little known bar called The Cubby Hole.
I started going to a little known bar called Jake's Delimma.
Mad TV was actually funny.
TV Guide was small enough to fit in your pocket, worth collecting and culturally relevant.

So, with that said, I'll run the spell checker, post it and hopefully someone will read it and comment on it.
I want to say a special "Thank you' to someone.

jodikicksass

Thanks for kicking me in the ass! I needed that!
Good night.
Good luck,
Good drinking!

Lincoln C

Love the opera, hate Scott Rudin

2009-04-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a long while in between postings and that's my fault.

I want to write, really I do. I need to write, as a venting process. I must write more, to become a better writer (and a typist.) I have to write, for the successful future of me, not for the fame of being a published author. My writing resume speaks for itself- More on that later.

The quote below comes from an old co-worker. I worked at the Metropolitan Opera House Call Center. Yes, boys and girls I worked as as Customer Service Rep or CSR or whatever clever name the term spinners in marketing are using now. Working at the Met gave me an education in snobbery, corporate greed and all things opera, and I loved it. Hated management but loved my job.

"Tell hayseed over there to comb the hay out of his hair. We're in the city now, let's try to act like it!"
Bad Sam @ work 11-23-1999

Sam said this aloud after answering a call from what he considered the lowest of the low...the general public. Usually, Sam answered calls for the Patron Department.

In Met terminology a 'Patron' was a person or corporation that made an monetary gift, starting at a two thousand dollars and up to and over a million annually. In exchange for this yearly gift Patrons were afforded rights & privileges that were far beyond that of the average opera goer. At a certain level of giving a Patron could choose their seats for any performance, gain access to the special practice performances and talk to snooty CSR's who would treat them like a God - In retrospect it all seems a little silly but I digress..

Anywellness, one day Sam was chosen to help out and take calls from the general public. These callers knew as much about opera as Helen Keller knew about Facebook. Sam HATED talking to people who were below his ilk. He ended every call that day by putting his phone on mute and making a comment about how dumb or inbred the customer was. Don't get me wrong, some people were adamant about their stupidity, others were willing to learn and thanked you for helping them out. Sam didn't care, he only wanted to speak to his million dollar clients and feel connected to the money they had.

Is the quote funny? HELLA YES! You know it is.
Was Sam too cruel to his customers that day? Almost. In his defense I can honestly say that after talking to the rich & famous everyday for five years, you start to believe that the only people you SHOULD only talk to are the rich & famous.

Have I used that line? YES! I've gotten some great laughs from it.
The quote made my book because I knew I'd be able to use it later and sad to say... felt the same way Sam did when I was asked to take calls from the general public after working for the Patron Department for six months.

Some of my best and worst memories at the Met come from talking to Met Patrons like, the late Paul Newman, the late Tony Randall and that prick of a Hollywood producer Scott Rudin.My hate for Scott Rudin is still fresh after all these years...put it this way if I had the power to put any human being in the ground and get away with it, I would do it with glee in my heart, smile on my face while dancing an Irish Jig.
I'll have to explain the reason why in another blog post.

Till next time.
Feed the fish.
Drink long & strong
Don't drink & text or drink & drive.

What do you mean I'm a day late???

2008-07-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

It's never been easy to just write, I have to be poked and provoked into it and other times my creative juices flow as strong as the currents of the nearly forgotten Niagara.

To make a short story long winded... I decided to start blogging because I hate my job ( Sorry Jay) and I need a bigger creative outlet. I do write - professionally- but I've not written for the sake of being creative in a very long time.

YEARS ago (1991) my girlfriend (Let's call her Drapes) gave me one of the best gifts I've ever received- A Star Trek Ship's Log Book- It was a blank book for me to fill with quotes from my friends, family and anywhere else I head something funny or mildly amusing. In less than a year I wrote 725 quotes from various sources and filled the book. After that I was hooked. Ecah year since then I bought a new book. Until 2 years ago. Something stopped me from collecting what other people were saying and something else got me started on writing about what I love..drinking, booze and my hometown (you might have heard of it, New York FRICKING City!)

This brings me to what I plan to put in my blog...quotes from long ago. As I look back on my various quote books I see where I spent a lot of my time (in front of the TV) and with my friends from college. So I dedicate this blog to them..Drapes, She who shall not be named, JK, Tree, The Tam, Grande, Shaggy and the rest of the crew from NU.

I'm going random on this quote...

'Weak men threaten. Real men do.'

That gem is from one of my favorite comic books The Savage Sword of Conan one of the best written and best drawn comic mags in my collection.

Yes, I used to collect comic books.
Yes, I still have boxes of them.
No, I do not collect any more.
Yes, I can name every type of Kryptonite and what effect it has on the Big Blue Boyscout.

I stopped collecting comic books some time after Image went to crap and DC got creative. Let's say it was 1999 ( Not a great year for comic books or Moon Bases.)

That quote stuck with me. Hell, I use it to this very day. It is the ultimate 'bluff caller'. It contains a subtle dare and a sweet smack to the nuts to those that are stupid enough to oppose you.
If someone said that to you, you'd have to follow suit and do whatever you said you were going to do. To not do so would be the equivalent of peeing sitting down and wearing a very pretty Nicole Miller dress.

Okay, that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings and a the brief look into my geekness for Sci-fi, comic books and fashion.

Till next time-