dude, where's my green?

Marijuana Documentaries - break the propaganda machine!

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 13:39:00 +0000

GRASS - The History of Marijuana
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3217994797681150111&ei=JPRMSZ60OInWqQKrrvnvCw&q=marijuana+documentary

Run From The Cure: The Rick Simpson Story
http://www.phoenixtearsmovie.com

In Pot We Trust
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2200160322729097762&ei=RfRMSemGApKwqwK__fzuCw&q=in+pot+we+trust

Emperor Of Hemp - Jack Herer
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=560584903529011883

Check this out: Choose Your News

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 22:46:00 +0000

Howdy dear readers. Today I bring you a 6 part documentary about media and news by Rob Ager. He's got a lot of interesting and educational videos on his website http://www.collativelearning.com/

CHOOSE YOUR NEWS

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

Jay Walker!

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:49:00 +0000

I wonder if that is his real name. Anyway, interesting video.

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:46:00 +0000

I'm not usually one for New Years Resolutions. I will often make them sometime in December and before January even hits, I've broken whatever it is! I didn't make any resolutions last year, but the year before I swore I would remain celibate and single for one year. On New Year's Eve, I began my relationship with Joe. So I guess breaking a resolution isn't all bad because we have a good thing going on and 2 years later we're both still happy. It does make me wonder though, if maybe my new years resolution should be the opposite of what I want to happen so that I get what I want for once.
I already know that the new year has lots of change in store for me. We are finally moving out of our shack in the woods to a more urban area. We've been trying to get out of here for a while now, at least a year... We had talked about moving to New Hampshire for a long time, and we even looked at some apartments, but we decided that for now, the best course of action was to stay here and try to save money. Unfortunately, Plymouth is not exactly brimming with jobs, there's public transportation but it's infrequent and a pain in the ass to deal with, especially in winter. I have been going nuts, wanting a job, wanting to make some friends, basically anything that would involve getting out of the house more than just on the weekends when Joe and I do our errands.
In a little less than 3 weeks, we'll be moving into a 3 bedroom apartment with another couple that we are friends with. Joe used to live in that town and has known them and a bunch of other folks for a while now, so it's kinda like I am inheriting a group of friends before I even move there. I mean, I already know most of these people and have hung out with them on a handful of occasions, so it's really cool to know that I don't have to start completely from scratch. I will have to start from scratch on the job front, but I am looking forward to it. We'll be a few blocks from a train that goes back and forth between Providence and Boston, so I will be accessible to all the art schools and can hopefully gain work as a model once again. I am hoping that my timing isn't bad for this, because usually it's best to do interviews before the fall semester begins. But, I did get hired by PAFA just after the Christmas break a few years back, so not all hope is lost. I don't remember when the other Philly art schools hired me, but as I recall, I would show up at the model coordinators' offices at random times throughout the years and no one ever turned me down. I guess my trepidation about it stems from having called the school at the Museum of Fine Arts shortly after moving to MA in February 07, and the model coordinator told me to come for an interview before the fall semester. It doesn't necessarily work like that in all schools. Anyway, I'm calling up all the model coordinators today to find out what's up so I am ahead of the game. Whoa - look at me being all organized and responsible and shit.

Good Copy Bad Copy

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:05:00 +0000

A great documentary discussing the current state of copyright, piracy and free culture.

no one on the corner has swagger like us

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:37:00 +0000

just rereading some of my past entries, and I'm just kinda blah about it all. I used to be a freewheelin' weirdo with no particularly strong opinions about anything, and then I just had to take an interest in politics and stupid conspiracy theories. I ranked pretty high on some dumb "How Libertarian Are You?" quiz, and I gotta shake my head and laugh a little cuz I'm totally an anarchist - despite my hatred of labels. Maybe I'm not an anarchist, either. Maybe I just would like to round up every person on this rock who I dig and take them with me somewhere awesome with no big bad daddy telling us how to live.
Anyway, this hermit period is coming to an end, thankfully. Joe and I are moving somewhere else. We were gonna move to NH and be part of the Free State Project, but while it sounds nice and all, we're just gonna stick close to home but be closer to our friends. NH is okay, but not that great. We met some interesting folks but no one who we really clicked with. We're better off moving closer to the friends we have.

In other news, the right side of my throat hurts when I swallow. It's probably the aids.

I am addicted to this song, and the show that uses it as it's theme, "Weeds":
Little Boxes - Malvina Reynolds

I discovered last night that the one comment I ever left on the IMDB was used on a most excellent website. I feel honored and tickled, and I even signed up for WordPress to let the author of the site know, except it won't let me log in. C'est la vie. I think they chose my comment cuz I said Dean Cameron was adorable or something. Flattery gets you places.

I think i need to change my email notification sound. Every time Borat says "wow wow wee wah" my speakers are turned up too high and it scares the bejeezus outta me. Receiving email should not make me jump out my skin.

Joe bought me a pair of handpainted underpants by the Let's Paint TV guy. That is really the highlight of my week. Maybe he'll have me on his show to model these fancy ass drawers. But seeing as how he's on public access and I am a broke ass, I doubt I'll be in Los Angeles anytime soon.

Internet drama drives me batty

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 14:59:00 +0000

Popular opinion is the greatest lie in the world.
Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

I don't get involved in internet dramas anymore. I really don't enjoy arguing, or upsetting others. I am fortunate to not have any drama in my real life either - well, not any that I'm involved with directly, anyway. I try to avoid it online by not speaking my mind too frankly in forums other than my own. I say what I want in my blogs or whatever, but I don't get into playing karma police on YouTube and suchlike. It would be easy if I didn't care about making some anonymous person at the other end of the interwebs upset. Sometimes I do wish I could hold up the mirror of truth to everyone I see that could use a dose of reality, but I decided a long time ago that it isn't my place. Maybe some of them would appreciate it and thank me, but I know how fragile people's egos are. They can handle the truth about a lot of things but they spend a good part of their lives running from the truths within themselves. And when someone comes along and shows them what they've been running from, it's shoot the messenger time. So, I keep my mouth shut. Whether I am handling this right or not isn't up to you to decide, by the way. It works for me, for now.

I have mentioned in the past about how folks are looking for the truth, and many do it obsessively. And there's a lot of infighting going on. Folks have the same common enemy but they feel the need to see faults in their comrades and bitch about that instead. There's a lot of semantics involved, and who said what and unsubscribe from my channel if you think so-and-so is the right one in this, and so on and so on. My theory about why this happens is that folks are overloading on the large and scary truths, desperately trying to find ways to come together and change it, and because of the overwhelming nature of things like NWO and such like, some feel the need to bring the argument closer to their level of ability and they lash out at each other. This is just a theory though, pretty much based on being a silent observer of the online circles who run in my areas of interest.

Let me back things up a little. Over the summer, I too was obsessed with keeping up on all the happenings in the truth movement. I started really thinking about it all very deeply. I wanted to help people understand it all, open their minds to new possibilities, and come together to push good things forward. At first I was really paranoid and scared. I know that "propaganda" comes off as a dirty word, but no matter what side of the truth you're on, whatever opinions and facts you stand behind that are presented as audio, video or writing - is all considered propaganda. Anyway, I started to realize that much of the "truth propaganda", while many of the facts are there, there is also a great deal of inciting fear and paranoia in there as well. Alex Jones is a fine example of that.

I used to give my mother shit for believing everything that she heard on the nightly news. She would keep me from doing fun stuff with my friends because there was so much "murder and accidents and crazy people on the streets". I knew, from actually going out and being in the world every day, that it really isn't as scary out there as the "news" will have you believe! Well, I just started to feel like maybe it's all the fucking same. No matter where you get your news from, if it all makes you feel horrified, angered, and paranoid, then it can't be good for you. I'm not saying at all that we need to ignore injustices in this world. I'm saying that we need to stop focusing on them all day every day, or we're all going to be cowering in a basement somewhere, alone save for a year's stockpile of food and guns, clutching our rifles to our chests while we freak at every sound coming from outside.
And you know, the real world is the same as it ever was. When I go out anywhere, I never see or experience violence. I do see a lot of stupidity, but I don't hold it against anyone like I used to because I realized that if all this shit is true, that they are dumbing us down, well... You just can't hold someone responsible for their stupidity when they've been raised in front of a TV, drinking fluoridated water and nutrasweet. And so many people think it is their duty to "wake the sheeple". Newsflash: People are coming to realizations on their own. Do you think it's actually going to help them come out of it if they've got an army of folks calling them an ignorant sheep? Please get over yourselves if you have an "anti-sheeple" attitude. It isn't your job to wake them up, and it's not your right to call them names for something they can't help. People get duped. And you shouldn't say it's their responsibility to know they are being duped. I mean, I can distinguish bullshit from truth, but not always - especially when I was younger. You think I'd be addicted to cigarettes now if I knew the difference between truth and lies when I was 13? Would I have had an almost decade long addiction to Mountain Dew? No.

Anyway, my whole point that I wanted to make was that we really need to put petty bullshit aside if we are going to have anything resembling peace. I have been witnessing infighting over petty drama for several months within the "truth movement" and this is precisely why I haven't aligned myself with more than a few people. I came into it all gung ho and wanting to wake people up and spread info everywhere, but it seems to me that most of the info is scary as fuck and I didn't want to be responsible for inspiring any more fear and hatred than there already is. To me the answer is really simple... I recognize what the problems are, and I know which ones I can do things about and which ones I can't. From what I can tell, there just needs to be a shift in consciousness to where folks realize that they have to change themselves and lead by example instead of "you're with me or against me" bullshit. I have said before that everyone is going to have a different idea and opinion, but we need to focus on our similarities instead of our differences if we really and truly want freedom. I'm of the opinion that you can't be an endorser of freedom while you tell everyone to think just like you and share your opinions. This is why we have the "all-seeing all-knowing" government and morality police out there. Why you wanna be like them? And furthermore, why do you want to fill your time with voraciously gathering information that scares you instead of making the necessary changes to your life and enjoying it all while you can?

We are all on this planet together, and there aren't any goddamned ships coming to take us off it. So we all need to start sharing it and taking care of it, or we will be fucked. You want "them" to lose? Then stop doing the things they want you to do! Stop hating each other and arguing about differences of opinion. Stop buying their processed foods and drinking their unhealthy water. Do things to make a change. Figure out what that means to you; whether it's getting off the grid, joining a farming community, buying local food, cutting off the corporations, or whatever. As big as it all seems, the so-called "bad guys" are a minority, and so are their morality police. Please just start trying to get along with each other. We are only hurting our LONG OVERDUE evolution by staying in these patterns.

Observations on my numerology report part 1

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:08:00 +0000

Well folks, I'm definitely at a turning point in my life, emotionally and spiritually. Actually, I have been in this transition for a while now, but have been avoiding dealing with some things, I guess.
I'm having a roller coaster ride of a week as far as emotions go, so bear with me. Or, don't... This blog entry is really just something I thought I might need to do for myself. I just don't mind sharing it, is all.

Your Life Path Number is 9
Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one.

A 9 Life Path will lead you to look at all with love, compassion and tolerance. You will explore the connection that exists between all the things in our universe. You will learn to let go of your own desires to serve the better good of all of us. In whatever field you choose, your endeavors will help heal the wounds life inflicts on those around you. It is your mission to make our world a gentler, kinder place for all of us.

I definitely feel like this is true, and I've been feeling this way for all of my life, as far back as I can remember. I have certainly had my moments, though. There's been occasions where I've been knocked down, but I always get up again. And sometimes when I get up, I'm really pissed and it can take a long time for these things to cool off. I'm a lot better at working through shit these days, but it's never an overnight process. These events in my life, whether caused by external circumstance or by my own bad decisions, are the reasons why I can get bitter, withdrawn, and generally negative about things. I need to rise above all of it and let it go. Because in my ideal world, there is peace. What does "Peace" mean, anyway? Precious few of us have had it in our lives, so I figure the concept of peace must mean different things to different people. For me, it goes a little somethin like this:
Folks choose love and compassion over anger and hatred. Things like discrimination and censorship do not exist, because people understand that if something offends them, they just have to turn away. They focus on things that agree with their sensibilities instead of calling the moral high ground and angrily trying to eliminate the offensive thing, whatever it may be.
People know and understand that there are billions of human beings residing on the planet. We are all here together. No one ideology is right for all, and all understand that freedom requires doing onto others as you would have them do onto you. Respect of others beliefs and ways without having any kind of pressure to adopt those ways as their own. Freedom to choose what your truth is. Acceptance. Love. Compassion. Sometimes people just can't click and get along. So they leave each other alone if they can't agree to disagree.
No rulers. No prisons. No abuse. No hatred. No manipulations. No mind control. No slavery. No carelessness.

But, I guess that's asking a lot, even though it's 2008 and we really should be at this point by now in our human enlightenment. What gives me hope though is that more and more people are becoming enlightened as the years go on. It can only get better from here, if we all start trying to get along. The past is in the past, and things have changed radically from decade to decade. Can we finally learn from our mistakes so we can have a more peaceful future? I better see it in my lifetime, because I do not want to become a curmudgeon. I've got too much love to give.

help me out here, i am confused

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:16:00 +0000

In regards to all the information and ideas springing up as of late, relating of course to politics, society, NWO, et cetera - folks are getting so caught up in semantics that they are losing sight of the larger picture.
Doesn't anyone realize that when they obsess over the symbols and key words of the occult/satanist/illuminati/whatever that, despite being against it, they are feeding it energy and therefore, power? I know it sounds like magical thinking or whatever, but think about this... If you choose to focus on your personal solutions to the problems in the world today instead of on obsessing over debunking this, that, or the other, you will evolve and in turn help others around you evolve. And it will spread.
Bottom line: stop giving the shit your energy.
Think about what you are against.
Are you against the lying corporate media?
Unplug that TV set of yours, take it out in your yard, and smash the fucking thing. You don't need it. And when you realize you have all this time and money on your hands that you used to waste sitting in front of that glowing box of lies and manipulations, you might think about moving on to the next idea...
Are you against corporations and overblown, unchecked, irresponsible mass consumerism?
Then be a mindful consumer. Buy only what you need from companies that you believe deserve your support. Don't advocate waste and poisonous materials. Learn how to create things you need or want. There's a tutorial for everything, and if you say "I can't do it", you are only lying to yourself - because if you have two hands and a brain, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. It may take some practice, of course, but who is good at anything straight off the bat?
Are you against the government?
Stop giving it your full attention. Govern yourselves. Why, in this day and age, do SO MANY of us still believe that one man can change the world? Why do we feel we need some "Daddy" telling us the difference between right and wrong? Oh, that's right - it's because through the above two topics, and others (public schools, laws against the most ridiculous bullshit, religion, etc), they have reduced us all to their little teat sucking babies.

You want change? Then go out there and MAKE IT. No one's gonna do it for you. Keep feeding into a system of lies, and you will continue to live in a system of lies. Even if all you're trying to do is expose the lies to as many people as you can get to listen. Why don't we work from a place of love instead and expose the truth in how we could really be living, instead of "look at who's out to get you?" If we stop paying them attention, they will wither away! Why do we continue to watch documentaries and not know what to think, the shock and awe is still working on so many of us - even and especially many of those who consider themselves "awake"!
Remember - the bad guys in this don't want you to think for yourselves. They want you to divide and hate - it doesn't matter who, either. Hate them, hate other races, hate other religions, just keep on hatin! That's giving them what they want. Period. So for "truthers" or "freedom lovers" to make it a point to send out messages of hate not only towards the "powers that be" but to others who share some common enemy, think twice about whether or not they are really telling you the whole truth. We don't all have to agree with each other, but there is no reason for not embracing the idea that we can coexist. Remember - 6 billion people on this planet. ya can't be friends with every single one of them, nor can you be enemies with them all either. So surround yourself with people who you can get along with, and let all others move on. Forgive and then forget. We will never stop declaring war on other countries, on our government, on our peers, and on ourselves until we learn that simple idea. Forgive and forget! Yeah, I know - for those of you who feel the need to demand justice, this sounds ludicrous and impossible. Well, I too believe in justice. But I think that since this is 2008 and we still are at each others throats after all these decades, maybe we need to try something different. We need to teach ourselves, we need to learn from each other, we need to share what we know and what we can do. We aren't weak! We aren't stupid! I just want to see people rejecting all the notions they are against and start building something more positive. And maybe some folks still wanna live like animals and hate everything - let them do it in their own neck of the woods, folks. This is what freedom is - everybody does what they want to do. You can have some basic common sense rules for people to live by, of course. The way I see it is, so long as folks aren't abusing, killing, or stealing from anyone else, the rest of it all would just fall into a harmonious place. No one has respect anymore. We all have such vastly different beliefs, and everyone thinks they are right, and refuse to learn anything new from someone with an opposing opinion. How can we ever be free if we can't just accept others for who they are and agree to disagree? Why build up so much hatred and hang onto it so that it leads to mass generalizations? People are still individuals, you know. No two people have exactly the same belief structure - they can run parallel but who the hell agrees on every single thing, anyway? THIS IS WHY WE ARE IN THE TROUBLE WE'RE IN, FOLKS! Because "Daddy" in DC doesn't like gays or believes that abortion is immoral, or that the rich are more deserving of benefits than the poor... Every situation is different, mass generalizations do not work in the real world!

Please ponder on these things. We need to stop fearing, stop hating, and start creating and loving, and learning - especially on the forgive and forget thing. Agreeing to disagree could go a long way towards bringing about true freedom and peace.

The Harvest Festival

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:23:00 +0000

I can't believe it's taken over a week for me to come round to writing about this experience, but... Better late than never, I suppose.
I honestly wasn't sure what to expect before going to this event. After experiencing it, I'm not even sure what to say about it, other than it was a lot of fun. We went with friends and didn't venture out of our cabin all that much, maybe once a day for an hour or so. Everyone we did meet was very friendly, and there were no problems that I was aware of - despite the fact that there were no police and no real "rules" other than looking out for each other and the property. Go figure - freedom could be a real possibility for us without any need for "the Man" making rules for us to follow.

The vibes at the campground were really good; I felt no animosity from or towards anyone. Folks were just hanging out, partying, enjoying the freedom of being in a secluded area where no one is judged for their choice to smoke marijuana or explore psychedelics and spirituality. Talented artists sold their wares, the food was excellent, and the entertainment we managed to catch was fantastic as well.
The Harvest Fest, in essence, is like a small community of open minded folks who get together for 4 days a year to get away from the fascist state we are all in the midst of. I didn't learn anything new here, to be honest - other than a renewed hope that as much as shit may hit the fan within our political circles, it won't really affect us for anything but the better. So long as people can understand that compassion, love, and sharing should be our base for everything we do, we can accomplish anything we want. We can truly be free, because we have ourselves and each other. We don't need a "Daddy Figure" telling us what we can and can't do - all we need is to understand that people are people, and as long as we don't abuse, kill, or steal from one another, we could be just fine.
We plan to attend this event annually from now on. Next year, we'll be more participative than we were this year. We didn't know what to expect, so we brought the bare minimum of what we would need; but next year we plan to bring our creativity along for the ride so that we can be part of the event and not just spectators there for the party.

I had planned to talk to people about activism and promote some of the projects myself and my friends are involved with, but the weekend turned into a vacation the moment we arrived. I do wish I had met and talked to more people, but shyness really overcame me and I chose to stick to hanging with the people I was there with. Next year will be different. We plan on renting a large cabin where anyone can come in and be entertained and enlightened. We want to participate and bring something fun and informative to the table instead of just relaxing.
It was a lot of fun and we look forward to future Harvest Fests.

A Tour of the Toriverse, for Glory.

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:26:00 +0000

I should be a music appreciation teacher. Can you imagine? XD
Anyway, this is for my girl Goddess Glory - and I prolly shoulda done it sooner. While I am only going to include 1 (and sometimes 2) songs from each album, it may get kinda long, so for those of my followers who just can't get next to this type of music... Well, I didn't do this for you anyway. (Haha, one cup of coffee down, 2 more to go before bitchiness fades.)

Begin at the Beginning.

I might have expressed this to you before, but before Tori was the way we know her now, she was a cheesy 80's "Rock Chick".

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B: (And, in all honesty, this is the only song on the album that stands up over time. The rest, in my honest opinion, are forgettable.)
Y Kant Tori Read - Cool On Your Island

Seeing as how she hadn't yet developed the style of elongating her words, I won't bother with the lyrics here. It doesn't matter much, this song is about a romance where the guy is not reciprocating the love. Guess many of us could relate to that, but it's not nearly as deep as the songs that would follow.

Little Earthquakes 1992-1993

Probably one of the most deeply personal albums I have ever heard - this album plays out like a diary. There is so much pain and so much power in these songs that it can take your breath away if you're tuned into it like that. And she does indeed have a funny way of making her pain sound a lot like ours.

PRECIOUS THINGS
so I ran faster but it caught
me here yes my loyalties turned like my ankle in
the seventh grade running after BILLY running
after the rain these precious things let them bleed
let them wash away these precious things let them
break their hold over me he said you’re really an
ugly girl but I like the way you play and I died
but I thanked him can you believe that sick
holding on to his picture dressing up every day I
wanna smash the faces of those beautiful BOYS
those christian boys so you can make me cum that
doesn’t make you Jesus I remember yes in my
peach party dress no one dared no one cared to
tell me where the pretty girls are those demigods
with their NINE-INCH nails and little fascist
panties tucked inside the heart of every nice
girl…

Under The Pink 1994-1995
I love to listen to this album in the wintertime. It sounds like winter, but feels so warm despite the chill.

THE WAITRESS
So I want to kill this waitress
She's worked here a year longer than I
If I did it fast you know that's an act of kindness

But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace
I believe in peace
But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace

I want to kill this waitress
I can't believe this violence in mind
And is her power all in her club sandwich

But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace
I believe in peace
But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace

I want to kill this killing wish
They're too many stars and not enough sky
Boys all think she's living kindness
Ask a fellow waitress
Ask a fellow waitress

ICICLE
Icicle Icicle where are you going I have a hiding place when spring marches in will
you keep watch for me I hear them calling gonna lay down gonna lay down
greeting the monster in our Easter dresses Father says bow your head like the
Good Book says well I think the Good Book is missing some pages gonna lay
down gonna lay down
and when my hand touches myself I can finally rest my head and when they say
‘take of his body’ I think I’ll take from mine instead
Getting Off Getting Off while they’re all downstairs singing prayers sing away
he’s in my pumpkin p.j’s lay your book on my chest feel the word feel the word
feel the word feel it
I could have I should have I could have flown you know I could have I should
have I didn’t so

Boys For Pele 1996 - 1997

This is the "Angry Volcano Goddess" record. I know I make it sound corny here, but it isn't. This is the album of Tori's that you listen to when you are just downright pissed-the-fuck-off.

BLOOD ROSES
Blood roses
Blood roses
Back on the street now
Blood roses
Blood roses
Back on the street now
Can't forget the things you never said
On days like these starts me thinking
When chickens get a taste of your meat girl
Chickens get a taste of your meat yes

You gave him you blood
And your warm little diamond
He likes killing you after you're dead
You think I'm a queer
I think you're a queer
Said I think you're a queer
I think you're a queer
I shaved every place where you been boy
I said I shaved every place where you been yes

God knows I know
I've thrown away those graces
God knows I've thrown away
Those graces
God knows I know
I've thrown away those graces

The Belle of New Orleans tried to show me
Once how to tango
Wrapped around you feet
Wrapped around like good little roses

Blood Roses
Blood Roses
Back on the street now
Blood Roses
Blood Roses
Back on the street now
Now, Now
Now you've cut out the flute
From the throat of the loon
At least when you cry now
He can't even hear you
When chickens get a taste of your meat girl
Come on
Come on
Come on
...
When he sucks you deep
Sometimes you're nothing but meat

And a cool interview segment from the recording of Boys For Pele:

from the choirgirl hotel 1998

Tori began experimenting with electronic sounds for this album. It took me a while to warm up to it, but now it's a staple in my collection.

Here's an interview from that time (sorry, the sound is a little warbly!):

To Venus And Back 1999-2000

I'm not terribly fond of this album - but there's a few tracks I dig. This was Tori's first double album - one disc of all new songs, and a live disc.

COOLING
Maybe I didnt like to hear
But I still cant believe speed racer is dead
So then I thought Id make some plans
But fire thought shed really rather be water instead

And peggy got a message for me
From jesus
And Ive heard every word that you have said
And I know I have been driven like the snow

This is cooling
Faster than I can
This is cooling
Faster than I can

But do I hate what she is
But do I want to be her
And dont we love something fresh
Anything new, virgin

Woman you got too many brambles
Hiding under these bushes
Woman you got too many brambles
But I always liked a good storm
Im always good for a storm

So then love walked up to like
And said I know that you dont like me much
Lets go for a ride
This ocean is wrapped around that pineapple tree

And is your place in heaven
Worth giving up these kisses
These, these kisses

And peggy got a message for me
From jesus
And Ive heard every word that you have said
And I know I have been driven like the snow, but

This is cooling
Faster than I can
Hey yes, faster than I can
Hey, this is cooling
This is cooling

Strange Little Girls 2001

Strange Little Girls is compiled of songs written by men but performed by Tori from the perspectives of female characters. The songs are composed by such artists as Neil Young, Eminem, Lou Reed, and Lennon/McCartney amongst others.

97 Bonnie And Clyde (Eminem cover)

Scarlet’s Walk 2002

"After the Twins went down, it was a time the masks were down for people, and people were asking questions that they haven't asked in a while," Amos said. "I was asking questions. So we hit the road, it was the most logical thing for us to do; I've been doing it for so long, it's where I find some of my answers. So we went out, and the road trip is part of my life, and the songs started coming." "There's nothing that I can seem to do to make Amber see herself how I see her," Amos explained, using the first person to refer to the album's character. "She's lost pieces of herself that she can't seem to reclaim. So the story takes off from there, and I meet people along the way. Events happen that make me question what I believe in and make me question what my country has been up to, and I start searching out answers: Who are the good guys? Because it doesn't seem like the ones that are calling themselves the good guys are doing the things I thought they were in the country's name."
--Tori; MTV.com News, 09/23/02

ANOTHER GIRL'S PARADISE
you caught me lingering
in another girl's
paradise
the way she paints
the world --
I want that in my
life

Emeralds, you should know,
are renting in her meadow
with a stroke
beauty lives
how could I resist
you are Desire

when it all is said
said and done
who can Love you
and still be standing
there's Mary calling
up a storm
can I take from you
and not keep taking
naked as day
Gemma follows him
Does it all come down to
the thing one girl fears
in the night
is another girl's paradise

through twists and turns
Jasmine foxed me
in her grove
arms filled with
Honeybells, St. Michaels
Sanford Bloods

"you have come to discover
what you want"
what i want is not to
want what isn't mine
"But I am Desire"

when it all is said
said and done
who can Love you and
still be standing
there's Mary calling
up a storm
can I take from you
and not keep taking
naked as day
Gemma follows him
Does it all come down to
the thing one girl fears
in the night
is another
girl's
paradise

Does it all
come down to
the thing one
girl fears
in the night
is another girl
is another girl
is another girl's paradise

"She's on this idea of women now. And, when I think being around all these women who have all these different kind of perceptions of each other. And you could say, some of them are intimidated by each other and some of them are envious and some of them really kind of like the other one but are afraid of being rejected so they don't know how to approach them. And there's all that going on. So busy, like bees. And uh, she makes her way into the warmth of Florida. She takes her time. She's driving now, she's on her own. And she's thinking about women, and women and women's relationships with each other and...what it brings up. And so, she sort of um, goes to the land for this one. This one place that's, where a lot of people come to soak in, to feel sensual and warm and healed and delicious. So she's in Florida, and goes to another land where people go to feel delicious. Another paradise. And she finds that there's room enough for both of them, that they're both very different. And desire is very much a part of all this. And at the end of the day, Desire will do what she does best, which is make you desire that which is not yours. She moves on to away, and then comes back to Florida. Not feeling like she needs to betray one or the other. That she can value both of them, that there's room enough for both of them. I think there's healing all along the way in different parts of this. But that's really for the reader, and the listener to sense, because it's in the music a lot of that. Those are clues that it takes you, I think, to our real feelings. The music is always the place where the clues are."
-- Scarlet Stories CD

The Beekeeper 2005

The Beekeeper is an allegory about that coming storm, and one woman's journey through it. It's not strictly an autobiography, although as Amos admits, "If I didn't relate to it in some way, I wouldn't be able to sing it." It is, however, very much about these times, and about the struggle to find a bedrock of truth beneath the tangle of lies, mythology, casual assumptions and political manipulation that have formed the cultural landscape of the U.S.A. today. For Amos, the problems facing America have less to do with the simplistic duality of "red" and "blue" states than with the ways in which power, faith and relationships have been misunderstood and abused. --Bio, Toriamos.com

Marys Of The Sea

Hey I am not in your way
Hey no need to push me again
I know it's your day in the sun
Last time I checked
he came to light the lamp for everyone

"relax Love"
he said before he left
"take those hands away from your eyes
from where I stand you're in my sky"

you must go
must flee
for they will hunt you down
you and your unborn seed
in all of Gaul
is there safety?
Les Saint Marie de la Mer
You will dance the ring
Marys of the Sea
the lost Bride weeps
Les Saint Marie de la Mer
We will dance your ring

Hey there's a new Jerusalem
Hey you built on rock that's on sand
For now you have hijacked the Son
Last time I checked
he came to light the lamp for everyone

I hear a voice
and it says
"the red of the red rose is it's own
and something no man can divide"
so St. Germain hear the prayer
of this supplicant
for two Scarlet women, Black Madonna

Hey I am not in your way
Hey no need to push me again
I know it's your day in the sun
I know it's your day in the sun
Hey I am not in your way
Hey no need to push me again
I know it's your day in the sun
Last time I checked
he came to light the lamp for everyone

American Doll Posse 2007

"In 2007 we'll tour again with the new record that we're working on now. The box set is the end of an era "it's very much about pulling everything together over the last fifteen years before I jump ship. You have to sense what is going on in the world - it's a really disturbing place right now. A few years ago I had more confidence that people would make the right choices for our leaders in America and they didn't. So therefore it's time to take the gloves off."
-- Tori; Clash Magazine, September 2006

YO GEORGE
I salute to you Commander
And I sneeze
Cause I have now an allergy
To your policies it seems
Where have we gone wrong America
Mr. Lincoln we can't seem to find you anywhere
Out of the millions
From the desserts to the mountains
Over prairies to the shores
Is this just the madness of King George
Yo George
Is this just the madness of King George
Yo George
Well you have the whole nation on all fours

BIG WHEEL
I've been on the other side
Got my lips smacked
Now they're dry
Then you
Call me
Call me in
You think I am your possession
You're messing with a Southern girl
But my recipe is on
With your stale bread
Yeah it's hot
But baby I don't need your cash
So baby maybe I'll let your
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw your shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
I'm gonna turn that whiskey into rain
Wash it away
Wash it away
Wash you away boy
Let's go
I've been on my knees
But you're so hard to please
Did you take me
Take me in
So you are a superstar
Get off the cross
We need the wood
Somehow you will rise
But with attitude
I know honey you're a pro
But baby I don't need your cash
Momma got it all in hand now
Big wheel turn my fantasy

Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
You go turn that whiskey into rain
Wash it away
Wash it away boy
Wash you away now
Gimme-8
Gimme-7
Gimme-6
Gimme-5
Gimme-4
Gimme-3
I-I-I am a M-I-L-F
Don't you forget
M-I-L-F
Don't you forget
M-I-L-F
Don't you forget
Baby I don't need your cash
So baby maybe I'll let your
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
I'm gonna turn that whiskey into rain
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw your shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
I'm gonna turn that whiskey into rain
I'm gonna turn your whiskey
Boy into rain
Wash you away
Wash you away boy
Wash you down
Big wheel

Ok, there ya go. Not incredibly comprehensive, but it works. :)
Enjoy!

Stop my brain, I want to get off

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:57:00 +0000

Yesterday was the first live episode of the American Goddess Posse radio show. It went well, I think - but in listening to it I realized that when speaking, I can go way off topic if I keep yapping. My brain is so strange - every issue, idea, dream - shit, every thought; it all kind of overlaps and weaves together and it is hard for me to talk about one static topic, because as I do, my brain is saying "there's this connection and that connection, and oh look - another connection right over here!" I believe I am able to see these connections with relative ease, but actually articulating them in words can take a very long (winded) time for me.
One of the topics was feminism. Now, I have my ideas about this topic, and I may or may not be right about them. I have never studied feminism, you know? Never really read any books on it or anything like that. I feel (and I did mention this on the show) that I am well balanced between my masculine and feminine sides; and I also am not fond of labels. So I was thinking that for me to call myself a feminist would be kinda far reaching, I guess. But what I didn't get into, and I wish that I did, was admitting that maybe I am a feminist in some ways. I truly believe in the power of women, especially when they can break the barriers of superficial bullshit and become a collective; fulfilling their true purpose of being nurturing, wise, healers.
I think that I have been focused on the negative for too long, it's hard to shake it off. I have been getting much, much better at seeing the positive in everything, and letting go of some of my old baggage. Trust and believe, I was not always so calm and collected - I was a hateful cunt at one point in my life, and I most certainly am happy to have gotten past all of that. But I think I still have some issues to get past so that I can focus on what really needs to be said and done. I do jump to analyze problems a lot, which leads me to recommend that people "change their ways", and it really isn't the best approach. These things do come from a good intent on my part, but I can see how they can be misinterpreted because my brain says it one way and my mouth says it another - in ways that maybe most folks wouldn't even want to comprehend, let alone be able to. Sometimes I think the world ain't ready for me, and I am also not ready for the world. But, I am working on it. I want to be more focused and concentrate on the matters at hand when I am participating in the roundtable. I need to try and break my thoughts down to simpler ideas so when I speak it's not so crazy, you know?

Focus, focus, focus.

You can listen to the debut episode of American Goddess Posse here:

just wanted to save this intense numerology report. :)

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:03:00 +0000

Was actually startlingly accurate from what I could tell...

try it yourself if you are so inclined: http://www.bored.com/cosmicnumbers/index.htm

Your Life Path Number is 9
Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one.

A 9 Life Path will lead you to look at all with love, compassion and tolerance. You will explore the connection that exists between all the things in our universe. You will learn to let go of your own desires to serve the better good of all of us. In whatever field you choose, your endeavors will help heal the wounds life inflicts on those around you. It is your mission to make our world a gentler, kinder place for all of us.

Your Life Destiny Number is 11
Your Destiny Number sheds light on those things you must accomplish in your life to be fulfilled.

You have the Master Number 11 as your Life Destiny Number. Master Numbers indicate nearly complete or complete development of the traits associated with the number they would reduce to. This relation is usually expressed by writing the Master Number and the number it reduces to together. Master Number 11 is often written 11/2.
Freedom and responsibility come with having a Master Number. You have the freedom to choose whether to allow your Master Number traits to express themselves or not. If you opt to act responsibly and use your lofty powers, you will find your reward is in the choice itself. If you choose to ignore your talents, you may find yourself taking more than one step back. You may incur a Karmic Debt.
11's Destiny is to discover spiritual truths so they may inspire and bring joy to others by sharing their knowledge. An 11 Destiny is carried by "old souls" with a deep spiritual connection to the workings of the universe. They are meant to work for the good of all of us--to transform the lives of others for the better.

Your Soul Number is 7
Your Soul Number describes your deepest desires and dreams and the person you truly want to be.

Life's lure for those with a 7 Soul number is a quiet, peaceful atmosphere in which they can pursue truth and explore their inner-self without interference. 7 Souls are basically hermits. They long to be left alone to study and grow spiritually.

Your Personality Number is 4
Your Personality Number reveals the "external you"--the personality traits others will know you by.

You are an ideal citizen: honest and willing to contribute to your community. 4s are conservative, responsible and industrious. They can be counted on to complete any task they take on. 4s do not like surprises or conflict and may flee from either. They make for great builders and managers. The foundations of many good communities have been built by 4s.

Your Maturity Number is 2
Your Maturity Number reveals the person you will come to be--your true self.

As you mature you will become increasingly adept at creating inner and outer peace. You will learn to evoke the same sincerity and sensitivity you have for others from others. In your later years you should find perfect inner peace.

Your Balance Number is 3
As long as your life is on an even or uplifting keel balance numbers are relatively dormant. However, in those times when your life is out of order your Balance Number can become central to resolving the turmoil you are experiencing. Your Balance Number reflects the traits you need to bring to the forefront in order the get through difficult periods with the least amount of damage or time wasted on negative influences.

A 3 Balance Number suggests you should rely on your charm and humor to get you through troubled times. Sullenness and pessimism will really set you back. Allow your rational self to take the lead. Allowing your emotions to run rampant can only hurt you.

The 4 Pinnacles
Pinnacles represent moments in your life in which you realize current goals and learn some of life's lessons. If you are at the beginning of a Pinnacle, then they can be used as a predictive tool to assist in managing your future. Your first Pinnacle begins at birth and last until around the age of 27. Your Second Pinnacle last through the next 9 year and the Third Pinnacle last for 9 years after the Second Pinnacle has passed. Your Fourth Pinnacle picks up where the Third Pinnacle ends and last throughout the rest of your life

Your First Pinnacle Number is 4
You are in a period where you should be building a solid foundation on which to carry on your life. You may be building a home, family or career. Whatever you are doing, it is not a time in which you will or should take it easy.

Your Second Pinnacle Number is 8
An 8 Pinnacle is a time in which you will learn to apply power and authority in an effective way. In this period you should master the basic skills to become a good leader: organization, management and hopefully the application of justice for all.

Your Third Pinnacle Number is 3
You are at a time in life where the door to self-expression is ready to open. This should be a very creative period for you during which you also develop strong friendships and learn to speak from your heart.

Your Fourth Pinnacle Number is 6
A 6 Pinnacle notes a time of love and devotion to friends and family, or possibly the building of a new family after a divorce. During this Pinnacle your energies will be focused on your home-life. You will nurture your loved ones and beautify your surroundings as much as possible. During this Pinnacle that which is in your heart will come to the forefront.

The 4 Challenges
Challenges denote personal weaknesses and temptations you will have to overcome and strengths you will have to develop to fully realize your goals. The 4 Challenges have the same time frame as the 4 Pinnacles.

Your First Challenge Number is 11
Those with an 11 challenge are in a time when they are expected to take their role as leader, inspirer and joy bringer. To meet this challenge successfully they will have to bring the full force of their cosmic insight and vision into play.

Your Second Challenge Number is 2
Your Challenge is to learn how to manage your natural sensitivity to others, aversion to conflict and need for harmony in a way that will not repress your own needs. In time you will learn to balance your needs with those of others.

Your Third Challenge Number is 0
The 0 challenge means the choice of what you do with your life is entirely yours. Yours is an old soul--you've already struggled through all the challenges of the other numbers. Your reward for completing these Challenges is free will. You may face all or any of the challenges of the numbers 1 through 9. You may simply drift through life without a destination or goals. Or you may rise above the struggles of others and use this Challenge period to sculpt a life based on love, integrity, justice and vision. At first glance, this freedom to choose may seem like a vacation, but it isn't. Indeed, the gravity of the responsibility which comes with a 0 challenge is tremendous, because how you choose to address your 0 challenge will profoundly affect the lives of those around you, and, possibly, the entire world.

Your Fourth Challenge Number is 4
Your challenge is to learn the value of practicality, discipline and organization. A 4 challenge is rarely easy. You may find yourself boxed in by boundaries. In this
The 3 Cycles
Cycles occur in 28 year periods. The First Cycle last from birth through your 28th year and is called your Formative or Seed Cycle. The Second Cycle--your Productive or Fruit Cycle--begins at age 29 and last through your 56th year. The Third Cycle, your Harvest Cycle, begins with the coming of your 57th year and last throughout the rest of your life. Your Cycle Numbers tell you the lessons you must learn and goals you must meet to stay on your Life's Path and achieve your true destiny.

Your First Cycle Number is 1
A 1 Cycle indicates a time of action and development. If your First Cycle number is a 1, you are gaining independence and confidence. There may be times when you feel alienated from those around you. A 1 in the Second Cycle reflects a time when you will be confident, determined and able to lead others. A Third Cycle 1 indicates a time in which you will be independent and dynamic. You will be very independent and self-discovery will be a major preoccupation.

Your Second Cycle Number is 3
Your emphasis during this Cycle will be on unleashing your creativity. You will need to focus your energies to get all you can from this Cycle. The reward for traversing this Cycle successfully is a life full of friends and the coming to fruition of your creative talents.

Your Third Cycle Number is 5
Change and the development of personal freedom are the earmarks of a 5 Cycle. You will find fulfillment and joy in the adventures this Cycle holds for you. This Cycle will show you life at its most exciting.

Your Karmic Lesson Number(s) are/is 2 6 7
Karmic Lesson numbers reveal areas in which we need to grow. To become more complete, we need to give extra attention to these areas in this lifetime. If one of your 5 core numbers is the same as a Karmic Lesson Number the significance of the Karmic Lesson Number is reduced.

A 2 Karmic Lesson Number indicates a need to learn the art of diplomacy and tact. Try to be more sensitive to the feelings of those around you. Make an effort to learn to work with others as a team.
The number 2 appears in your core numbers, so the the importance of this number is lessened.

A 6 Karmic Lesson Number denotes an inability or reluctance to make commitments. Even when you do commit yourself to something it may be your nature to hold back any true passion for the commitment or relationship. Over time you might do well to slowly allow your passions to express themselves and put your heart into your commitments and relationships.

A 7 Karmic Lesson Number signifies you may be neglecting your innate talents. Whether it is a lack of will or fear of failure, it appears you are not devoting enough time and energy to honing those talents that are core to your being. You know what you are best at, so embrace it.
The number 7 appears in your core numbers, so the the importance of this number is lessened.

Your Karmic Debt Number(s) are/is 13
Karmic Debt Numbers signify past abuses of your talents that you must make amends for. Like all of us, you have made many choices and taken many actions in your lives. Some of those choices and actions have been mistakes. Your past errors must be addressed, so you can use your Karmic Debt Numbers to identify exactly what type of mistakes you have made in the past and how you can atone for them. top
A 13 Karmic Debt Number implies that somewhere along your being's path you forsake your spiritual self for material gain. You may have abused others to get ahead. Because of your past behavior you may find yourself facing what appears to be one brick wall after another as you try to find success. The key to overcoming these obstacles is perseverance, hard work and the development of a spiritual awareness that keeps you from abusing the rights of others.

Your Lucky Number is 4
Your Personal Lucky Number does not change. This number will be lucky for you your entire life. Your luck derived from this number will be strongest when you are addressing events and issues related to the general meaning of the number. Lucky Numbers should not be relied on to constantly produce positive results, or make impulsive, high risk gambles. They simply mean that where they appear you have an edge. How large an edge is impossible to determine, but seems to increase with the number of occurrences your Lucky Number is be associated with a given event or issue.

Those with a Personal Lucky Number 4 will find their luck derived from 4 strongest when the issue or event concerns the building of new things or maintaining established traditions. Your 4 may come in handy if the stability of your finances or romance is in jeopardy. The luck of a 4 may prove beneficial when trying to provide a stable environment in which a project or person can grow.

Your Signature Number is a 9
Signature numbers are based on how you sign your name. Your signature carries the power and the faults of one of the base 9 numbers. You may actually want to sign different documents with different signatures to reap the benefit of a particular number. For instance, if you are signing an agreement of partnership you might want to alter your signature to reflect the powers of the number 2.

The signature you entered is a 9. The 9 signature is best suited to mark the completion of contracts or payment plans or the giving of donations.

Your Birthday Number is 3
This number is most influential between your 28th and 56th year. While it is not the most important number in your profile, it does have an effect on your Life's Path and Destiny.

You are creative, optimistic and have a great sense of humor. You find it easy to make others happy, put a smile their faces.

Your Personal Year Number is 5
This number tells you what is happening in your life this year. This number should be used to help you avoid setbacks and focus your energies on those areas of your life where you are most likely to achieve your goals.

You are in a year of change. This is a good time to move in new directions, take a few risks. A 5 year is also a time when your curiosity is at its zenith. Make time to sate your inquisitiveness, travel, and explore interests which you have never made time for before.

Your Personal Month Number is 8
This number tells you what is happening in your life this month. Use this number in the same way you would your Personal year number, but apply it only to the current month.

This is a time for you to take things seriously and ensure all aspects of your life are moving in Make time to be alone and allow yourself to evaluate where your life is going.

Your Foundation Letter is M
Having an M Foundation Letter denotes someone with ample energy to take on a project or venture. They have a need to succeed financially.

Your End Letter is E
Having an E End Letter denotes someone who will bring a creative bent to project throughout its lifetime. You will be around to see it finished, because in the end it will probably be "your baby."

Your First Vowel is I
Having an I First Vowel suggest a person who longs for a harmonious environment in which they can nurture their artistic side.

I iz bein edumacated

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:35:00 +0000

I just watched a video on YouTube...

The person that makes these videos is often kinda inflammatory and hateful in their approach, HOWEVER, good points are made a lot of the time, and that is why it peaks my curiosity when videos from this channel pop up in my subscription list.

It inspired me to write about my experience with education, so here I am.
I, like so many of you, went to public elementary, junior, and high schools. Now, before I went to school, I had this grand idea of how great school would be; I couldn't wait to soak up the knowledge like the sponge that I was. Let's just say that after kindergarten, it didn't live up to any of my expectations. I found comfort in libraries because I could read what I wanted to read and not the bullshit boring crap they were giving me at school!
Flash forward to high school, or rather, 8th grade. I was stoked to go to high school, I thought that finally I would start learning more interesting things.

BZZZZZZZT! WRONG!!!

You know what I learned in high school? I'll tell ya.
History is dreadfully dry and yawn-inducing, even when the teacher is a comedian.
Math makes no sense whatsoever.
English is cool - but only when I am able to be creative in my writing, otherwise, it's a chore.
Gym class is a great opportunity to sneak in a few smokes while walking on the track.
Lunch period is good for socializing and that's about it - the food in the cafeteria would make all our grandmothers collectively roll in their graves.
I learned that marijuana and mushrooms were not at all like the propaganda we were all fed. Fortunately I stuck to believing that synthetic hard drugs weren't worth finding out about, regardless of the propaganda lies.

I did love my music classes though. I was lucky and I had a Mr. Holland's Opus kind of music teacher. I could sing half decent, but musical theory eluded me. Reading music notes was not easy for me, and I never did catch on, hard as I tried.

They aren't kidding when they say public school is all about memorization. Personally, the only thing I've ever been good at memorizing is songs I like to sing. So I suppose that's a good thing - memorizing was against everything in me, and because of my rebellious nature, I found ways to scrape by in school without succumbing to their sheep creating ways. By my senior year, I was far more interested in making art, listening to music, going to concerts, hanging out with my friends, crushing on boys, visiting the city, and smoking pot.
It all sounds very debaucherous, I know... But you know what? I learned a lot more from living my life and being empathetic to others than I ever did in those depressing classrooms.
I graduated in 1994 and chose to work for a year to save money before going to the Art Institute of Boston. I attended for one year. Many aspects of it I enjoyed, and I did learn better techniques than what I had taught myself. But, there was still memorization involved here, namely with the required Art History class I had to take. I dropped the class halfway through the first semester. I didn't have time - nor the lame minded ABILITY to memorize all these useless dates and names! I didn't plan to become an art historian or teacher, so I felt it shouldn't have been a requirement. I wanted to finish my four years, but now that I know more about the federal reserve, banking, and credit, I am really glad I dropped out when I did. That was 12 years ago, and I still owe money on that loan. Believe me, they aren't kidding when they say you need that degree to get decent work. Employers in creative fields won't touch your portfolio without that $40,000 piece of paper with your name in calligraphic letters across the front. And, from what I understand from folks with degrees, it doesn't always guarantee you a good paying job. I did manage to find myself in luck as far as art education goes - I worked as an artist model for 4 years at all the best art schools in Philadelphia. They essentially paid me to sit there quietly and learn - but in a different way than the students. I observed the work being done and the interactions between students and professors, as well as my interactions with them. I learned a great deal, and made a lot of great friends and contacts, and my art has benefited from all of that. And I don't owe a damn thing to anyone, except gratitude to the people I met and learned from.
The "system" just simply doesn't work for people like me. From birth I was never really able to be controlled.I was good at pretending to follow the rules, but I was very rebellious! They had me with television for a while - I will say I believed the bigger lies growing up, I thought if it was on TV it must be true and wonderful. But, I snapped out of a lot of that as I got into adulthood, and now - ain't nobody fooling me anymore. I feel like my life until now has been sabotaged by major aspects of society I never agreed with, and did my best not to go along with. I am a thinking person, and thinking people don't get the top jobs, they get the bullshit. Now, I've been creative and talented since I was a kid, always drawing, painting, doing all kinds of artistic things. But what I have learned over the years is that working for other creative people often causes conflicts. Many of us creative types are flaky. I have encountered a few times, situations where my talents and labor were being used for far less than what they are worth. Hell, I even got paid with a 35 dollar bag of marijuana by my boss at a sign painting place - because he spent the business money on coke and jagermeister. He actually owed me about $400 at the time. Another boss hired me to create a website for her. She had me working the retail aspect of her store while squeezing in some web design work; and paid me the retail clerk rate of $7 an hour. I'm kinda glad I've had some flaky bosses because it has strengthened my work ethic and showed me what NOT to do if and when I have my own business!
I have held quite a few corporate jobs as well and in no uncertain terms, THEY SUCK. They don't belong on a peaceful planet where people treat each other with respect. I will never be a slave for them again. I could be an art model for the rest of my life and be happy with that. It's mutually beneficial for all involved, including me - not in spite of me. But, the desire to utilize my creativity burns deep within me, and this is part of why I write. The other part is to hopefully teach whoever comes upon my writings by way of telling my thoughts and stories.

In conclusion...
By society's standards, I suppose they would consider me useless since I didn't allow my brain to be trained for memorization. As a result of that, I don't have that expensive diploma, and no high paying kushy job with health insurance and all that other illusory bullshit. But I also don't have four years of debt. No credit cards. Just 2k worth to pay off sometime before I die.

I may not have a lot of that fake money they've been trying to get me to chase, but I've got a good, thinking head on my shoulders, a relatively strong body, and a creative fire that many will never experience for themselves. I'll be around for a while yet, and laughing at them - as their injustices for so many years to so many people causes them to fall, and fall hard.

Who's got the dunce cap now, bitches?

Discover Wilhelm Reich

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:44:00 +0000

Kate Bush - Cloudbusting
Like Bush's first hit "Wuthering Heights," this is based on a book. It was inspired by Peter Reich's 1973 Book of Dreams, which describes his father Wilhelm's arrest for contempt of court..

Wilhelm Reich was an Austrian psychiatrist who was trained in Vienna by Sigmund Freud. His work combined Marxism and psychoanalysis to advocate sexual freedom. In the 1930s, Reich came up with the concept of "orgone," a physical energy contained in the atmosphere and in all living matter. The "Cloudbuster" was a device he came up with to manipulate the orgone energy in the atmosphere, which would force clouds to form and bring rain..

From http://www.hermes-press.com/reich.htm :
John Stuart Mill said that "mankind can hardly be too often reminded, that there was once a man named Socrates, between whom and the legal authorities and public opinion of his time, there took place a memorable collision [so that Socrates was] put to death as a criminal."

In a similar vein, Americans can hardly be too often reminded that there was once a man named Wilhelm Reich who died in an American federal prison on charges which today would be laughed out of any court..

Reich had attained his medical degree in Germany and studied psychoanalysis with Sigmund Freud, becoming one of Freud's favorites. Reich was an activist in the German Communist party during the 1930s, but his ideas and teaching disagreed with the party line, and he was expelled from the party in 1933. He later became one of its most unrelenting opponents. In 1939, with World War II approaching, Reich moved to the United States..

In 1947, following a vicious smear article in the New Republic by Mildred Edie Brady, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) began an investigation into Reich's orgone energy accumulator. The Brady article claimed that Reich was conducting a sex racket, and the FDA assumed that his books must be pornographic literature. The FDA gestapo were uninterested in scientific information concerning the accumulator, and when Reich refused to cooperate with their witch hunt, the investigation bogged down, lacking any evidence against the accumulator..

In 1954, during the Joe McCarthy era, the American feds decided to go after Reich again. Without any proof whatsoever, the Food and Drug Administration succeeded in having a federal court brand the accumulator a fraud, with the added dictum that orgone energy does not exist, and the order that all literature even mentioning orgone energy should be burned. The FDA placed a ban on transporting or using Reich's orgone boxes. Because one of Reich's co-workers continued to transport the orgone boxes, Reich was imprisoned. He died of a heart attack in prison at the age of 60 in 1957, the day before he was to go up for parole..

Today, Reich's books are on sale throughout the world and orgone accumulators are sold in the United States, Germany, and other countries. An orgone box is a 5 by 2 1/2 by 2 1/2 foot box made of layers of sheet metal and wood which Reich claimed pulled a physical-psychic energy from the universe. The accumulators were purchased by doctors and psychiatrists in both the U.S. and abroad..

In 1940 Reich spent five hours with Einstein. When Reich left, he said to Einstein, "You understand now why everyone thinks I'm mad." Einstein replied: "And how."

Reich wrote Listen, Little Man! in 1946 and it was published in 1948. The book is Reich's warning to the common man in all societies that he, the little, average man, is lethally responsible for the rapidly spreading social cancer of fascism. Reich had seen how common citizens in Germany embraced their enslavement by their Nazi overlords. He was now seeing the reappearance of the same phenomenon in the United States and Europe. Someone needed to tell the average citizen that his personal characteristics were at the root of the world-wide plague of totalitarianism..

Reich explains the nature of his book in his introduction:

"It reflects the inner turmoil of a scientist and physician who had observed the little man for many years and seen, first with astonishment, then with horror, what he does to himself; how he suffers, rebels, honors his enemies and murders his friends; how, wherever he acquires power 'in the name of the people,' he misuses it and transforms it into something more cruel than the tyranny he had previously suffered at the hands of upper-class sadists."

"Those who are truly alive are kindly and unsuspecting in their human relationships and consequently endangered under present conditions. They assume that others think and act generously, kindly, and helpfully, in accordance with the laws of life. This natural attitude, fundamental to healthy children as well as to primitive man, inevitably represents a great danger in the struggle for a rational way of life as long as the emotional plague subsists, because the plague-ridden impute their own manner of thinking and acting to their fellow men. A kindly man believes that all men are kindly, while one infected with the plague believes that all men lie and cheat and are hungry for power. In such a situation the living are at an obvious disadvantage. When they give to the plague-ridden, they are sucked dry, then ridiculed or betrayed."

"It is high time for the living to get tough, for toughness is indispensable in the struggle to safeguard and develop the life-force; this will not detract from their goodness, as long as they stand courageously by the truth. . . . Anyone who wants to safeguard the life-force from the emotional plague must learn to make at least as much use of the right of free speech that we enjoy in America for good ends as the emotional plague does for evil ones. Granted equal opportunity for expression, rationality is bound to win out in the end. That is our great hope."
Most of the articles in this journal and in alternative, progressive magazines and newspapers worldwide, point out the fascistic tendencies of the ruling elites in the various nations. But it is particularly relevant at this period in our national experience as Americans to be aware of the fatal collusion of the "average man and woman" in the rapid increase in totalitarianism, such as the secret military tribunals, the failure of the Bush administration to investigate the causes of the 9/11 attacks, the give-away of trillions to the monied interests, and the deliberate attacks on constitutional liberties..

In Listen, Little Man!, Reich lambastes the average citizen for not only cooperating with dictators such as Mussolini, Hitler, and Stalin, but actually embracing them and worshipping them, as is now happening in the "high approval ratings" for our illegally non-elected, illiterate, unilateralistic, plutocratic, dictatorial American president, not to put too fine a point on it. The TV stations and New York Times editorials bore us silly with how Bush has turned from a sow's ear into a silk purse, becoming a genuine leader, taking the "moral high-ground," and "making the hard decisions."

It's almost enough to make one think: "the American people are getting the kind of leaders they deserve." Almost, but not quite. No nation deserves the kind of raping and pillaging of our American way of life that the current Bush administration is carrying out.
The 200% American jingoism that we suffered from for several months after 9/11 is somewhat subsiding--one doesn't see the pickups with two large flags blowing in the breeze or the flags flying in front of homes 24 hours nonstop as much as before. But Americans are going to have to wake up and take responsibility for this new dictatorship or we're all going down the tubes!

In the same vein as the recent article in this journal, "The Current Necessity for Critical Thinking," Reich's book hammers away at how the "common man and woman" must learn to think for themselves before they end up as cannon fodder in a so-called new world war against terrorism (which is actually a new war against American liberties). .

More info:
http://www.orgonite.info/
http://www.wilhelmreichmuseum.org/index.html
http://www.orgonelab.org/wrhistory.htm
http://inventors.about.com/od/qrstartinventors/a/orgone.htm
http://nickcooper.com/mass.htm
http://www.wilhelmreich.net/

How To STOP Chemtrails: A DIY Solution !!!

are you really listening?

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:23:00 +0000

Music and art have, for many years, held up a mirror to our society. It is not merely entertainment - nor is it just about image, either. All our modern day prophets are artists. Turn on your right brain and listen up.

Lyrics - marilyn manson I Don't Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)

Tori Amos Father's Son lyrics

Lyrics - Mos Def Speed Law

Lyrics - Lauryn Hill Everything Is Everything

my art and murals blog

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:46:00 +0000

Hey folks. I'm back on the art wagon. Hopefully this time for good. I've gotta stop suppressing my talents and use them...

Please check out (and follow, if you so desire) my new blog:
http://muralsbymamachelle.blogspot.com/

If you or anyone you know needs a creative person to assist them with any kind of artistic project, let's talk!

i see the moon and the moon sees me

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:06:00 +0000

just took this in the yard while helping Joe brew a kick ass pumpkin ale. I hope you like it.

EMERGENCY - YouTube DELETING ACCOUNTS Imposing Mass Censorship NOW at the request of US Government

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:36:00 +0000

pass it along

Camel Crush: WTF more chemicals?

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 18:50:00 +0000

OK, so I just found out about this new cigarette, Camel Crush. Sounds like a smoking giantess fetishist's wet dream, but unfortunately, I think it's far more sinister and disgusting.
It all sounds pretty neat-o upon first explanation: It's a regular Camel Full-Flavor cigarette, but there's this little plastic capsule in the filter, and when you crush it between your fingers, voila! You now have a menthol cigarette. Wowie zowie!
Here's the thing, though: what the fuck is IN that little capsule? I ventured to find out and came up mostly short handed and definitely unconvinced that this is a cigarette i would want to smoke. A few sources, in describing the Camel Crush, say that the capsule "releases a chemical". Uh oh, sounds yucky. Other sources say the capsule "releases menthol". Ok, that's a little nicer, though menthol - while it can be produced naturally, is often synthetic - especially in cigarettes. So either way I look at it, the Camel Crush is merely a GIMMICK. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking - smoking is baaaad for you! Yes, it is. This message is not for you, however - it's for the folks who utilize their freedom of choice and decide to enjoy tobacco products. Smokers, please. Do not fall for this gimmick. If you've done any research on how pre-made cigarettes are manufactured, then you know that when you smoke a Marlboro, Camel, or any other pre-made cigarette (with perhaps the exceptions of American Spirits and Black Hawks/other Indian Reservation smokes) they are about 40% fresh dried tobacco, the rest can be anything from factory floor dust, to stale tobacco, assorted chemicals, dead insects, etc. Isn't that BAD ENOUGH without adding a dubious capsule into the filter that has god-only-knows-what in it?

Please start rolling your own, smokers. Aren't you tired of giving the government and tobacco companies so much of your money for a sub-par product? You could quit smoking, but I'm not planning on it so I won't preach to you to do that either. Just don't buy the gimmicks. It's all bullshit, tactics to get your money AND attract new smokers, particularly teenagers.

i have to start somewhere...

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:35:00 +0000

For the last few months I have been caught up in the wave of the "truth movement". I guess I identify with it so much because I have been waiting for it to happen for so long. I've mentioned before that I quit watching TV over a decade ago, and even long before that, as a child, I saw all the gross unfairness of the world very plainly. I didn't have all the answers then, and I still don't. But I do have some ideas formulating in my mind and I can't keep them to myself. As someone who is hungry for knowledge, equally hungry for positive change, and a pretty good observer/analyst, I can't just sit back and see how it all plays out. I need to do what I can to help people bring about positive change. Not a lot of people are talking about this. Everyone is spreading news around, and there's so much of it that it makes it all a little hard to take in. It gets confusing, because there are so many theories, and it's very hard to figure out which theories we should be worrying about the most, and more importantly than worrying - what are we going to do? We can't pass news around to our little groups on the net all the time, it's not productive. While I do agree that reaching a broader audience with these matters is quite imperative, I don't agree with most of the ways it is being done at the moment. Here is what I am seeing:

bulletins posted on myspace
The thing about MySpace bulletins is that the only people who see them are the people in your friends list. If each person in your friends list has friends who post bulletins actively, then there is the chance your bulletins aren't getting seen - they're being buried under the hundreds of other bulletins being posted. Due to the "group think" mentality that many of us still have not shed, our friends lists are often comprised of other folks who already know the same stuff we're posting about. So it's like a vicious circle. We post and repost news articles, and they aren't getting much further than the reach of our collective friend lists. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT BULLETINS CANNOT BE FAR REACHING. However, the average person on MySpace doesn't bother with bulletins all that much - I know a lot of folks who find them annoying and don't even look at them, but there are still others who keep up with them voraciously. To put this all very bluntly: Posting MySpace bulletins isn't a bad idea, it's just that if we put a quarter of that energy into other forms of communication, and add some creativity, we'd have a larger impact. I'll get into more of this later.

Message Board Forums
Just like MySpace bulletins, you will find endless amounts of videos, links, articles, and more on these forums. There is much debate in these forums, and that's all well and good, but I would really like to see more people discussing solutions and brainstorming about what we can do. We all need to get offline. Posting stuff online is fine, but it cannot be where our activism ends. Why? Because, contrary to what you may think, not everybody uses the internet! And of the folks who do use the internet, not all of them see your bulletins, blogs, videos, message boards, and so on. Now I know what you're thinking - "But Chelle, you're writing all this in a blog, isn't that kinda hypocritical?" No, dear reader, and the reason why is because a lot of the activism is HERE where we are reading and consuming new info every day. Up until now, that is what I have been doing. I have been doing it because I don't have a lot of other options - for the moment. I have no car, I am quite literally, stuck in the woods living a semi-self-sufficient hermit lifestyle. I am doing all I can to break free from the hermit aspect of that and we are moving to a small city in NH that has a lot of activism happening in the community. I can no longer sit in front of this computer and spew news and info to a small network of already interested people. I need to create art, I need to write, I need to inspire and be inspired. Now that I've got this going on, I want to get it in your heads that we all need to do more than sit at our computers and post stuff to each other. There are millions of other folks out there who don't know about what we know, and we need to start figuring out ways to get it to seep into their consciousness. There are people out there who are not questioning their reality, or if they are, they are not feeling empowered enough to do anything about it. Hell, I suspect many of us don't feel empowered either. I would like to help change that. I believe in the power of every single person on this planet to think rationally and critically, and motivate themselves and others to make a positive change for us all.

Looking for leaders.
I think there is no other point more important to make, here. It has been said by many of the people that we turn to to lead us. And that is BE A LEADER. Every single one of us must do our part without fear, and we all have to understand that no *one* person, group, or entity is going to tell us how to do it. We need to come together and do what we can individually and as a group or groups. We aren't sheep, remember? So why do so many of us still have this herd/shepherd mentality? We don't have a leader, we have a shitload of pissed off/scared/dis empowered people looking for solutions and coming up short because we aren't working on solutions ourselves; we're waiting for some person to write the handbook on the revolution. There isn't one! Sure there are resources, but we have to take this knowledge in and think outside the box to figure out how we are going to make positive change together, and start sharing THAT information with each other as we find new and creative ways to share what we know with folks who don't know yet. God isn't gonna fix this, aliens are not likely to come spirit us away in their pleasure ships, and the next president or prime minister or king or whoever isn't gonna do it for us. This is about every single one of us who wants freedom, liberty, and justice taking personal responsibility.

Infighting and petty disagreements
There's a lot at stake here, folks. I'm not shitting you when I say that we are in a war for our minds, our money, and our power. A lot of you know this, and I know a lot of you feel powerless against it. I do too sometimes. But I know deep down that there is a positive solution for every wrong in the world. There's quite a few people out there who are well intentioned but allow their prejudices to dictate how they handle things. There are still others who are purposely trying to start fires with disinformation, petty insults, and other tactics meant to turn us against one another. I cannot stress enough how important it is to think before you speak, set aside any differences or prejudices you may have, and be positive in all your dealings. It won't be long before the insincere among us will be singled out and ignored. If you are sincere about freedom, don't count yourself among their ranks. There is no room for hatred and bitterness anymore; it's what has caused a lot of the problems in our world. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and everyone should respect one another's beliefs. It is pointless to try and get someone to change - everyone makes that choice for themselves. I know it can be painful; as an example, 8 years ago when my best friend started doing heroin, I was consumed with how in the hell I was going to get her off it. I talked to her, her family, expressed my deep concerns. There was no way to get her off the dope because she didn't WANT to get off the dope. She was stubborn without the new addiction, but the addiction made it even worse. The same scenario is true for anything you think you have the right to change in someone else. Their religion, their work ethic, their taste in music - there is no logical reason to chastise someone for these things, nor is there any logical reason to try and aggressively change them. Acceptance is VERY key. You want freedom? Well, be free, and let others be free to make mistakes and achievements and learn from them. I'm not saying you gotta love everyone unconditionally, but if someone's ideas or beliefs are grating to you, take a step back and think about why that is - and if it's too unbearable for you to deal with, just don't associate with that person. There's 6 billion of us. We can't all be friends, but we can be mindful enough and respect one another enough that we aren't enemies. This utopian mindset may be impossible to achieve, but we can start here and hope it catches on, can't we? People don't respect one another at all, and many jump at the opportunity to drag someone else down. If you want to bring about positive change, you really need to curb that behavior if you haven't already. There is no room for drama here. We have a lot of important work to do, and not a lot of time to get it done. There is a job for everyone. Figure out what it is you can do, and do it.

Ok, so there ya have it. These are the things I'm seeing that need to change. Don't take my word as gospel, this is just little old me taking a look at what's going on, processing it, analyzing it, and coming to some conclusions. I am not assuming that anyone is going to do as I say, but this is how I am handling things myself and I'm not gonna complain if a lot of folks take on the same model of thinking and working. More than anything, I want to see ideas for solutions start cropping up more than news/video bulletins. I don't have all the answers, but I believe that if we band together and find ways to communicate our ideas to one another, we can come up with some great possibilities and begin working towards them. This has to begin with acceptance, I can't stress that enough. If any of us are hung up on our racial/religious/financial/whatever differences, we aren't gonna progress, and it's also not freedom if we are trying to influence other people's ways of life. We all want to be free, so let's not be fascists to each other.

I have expressed in other blogs some things I think we can do to make positive changes and take back what's been taken from us. I will try and condense these things into a list for you to ponder.

Instead of copying and pasting videos and articles, take the information in and bring it back out as something of your own.
What does this mean? Find your talents and use them. Make art, make music, write, make zines and flyers. And don't keep it to yourself, put it out there for others to see. Not everyone is talented like this, and if you find yourself not in this category, there's some other ideas for you...

Distribute information.
Hand out flyers, DVD's, zines, stickers... Whatever info you can find, copy, and distribute, do it -off the internet, in the real world wherever it is needed most. Get in touch with artists, musicians, writers, and other creatives and figure out ways of getting their work out into the public.

Organize events.
I know there's folks out there who are promoters or organizers of events. There are many already in existence, but a large percentage of them are just parties, or promoting products. Now's as good a time as any to create more events that have a message. People like to go to parties, so why not organize one around a topic that could use some awareness? You can have a movie night at your house, a meeting at a bookstore or coffee house, or you can pull out all the stops and have a concert or craft fair or any kind of event you can think of. There is no event that is too big or too small, it just depends on your connections, finances, and abilities.

Get involved in local government.
This is not my area of expertise and I have no clue how to get into this. If it interests you and you think you can pull it off, go for it. If you don't know anything about it, investigate. On a personal level, I'm rather anarchistic in my beliefs; I would rather see no government, but I have no idea how feasible that really is. I am a creative artsy type and this area holds no interest for me, but I feel it may be vitally important. So, if you can rock it, then rock it!

Vote with your dollars.
Well, seeing as how dollars are becoming more and more useless, I have no idea how this is going to play out in the near future. I think corporations are a VERY BIG PROBLEM, and as such, I am boycotting as many of them as I can by being extremely frugal, only buying what I really need, and when I do buy things, I buy from other people as much as I can. If every single person in the truth movement tried to figure out ways to get what they need or want from other people and not corporations, it would be very interesting to see how fast the corporations begin to crumble. We need to have our own system fully functional and in place. There are already many resources - farm stands, farmer's markets, thrift shops, mom and pop establishments, flea markets, yard sales, eBay, Etsy, and more are out there. Sure, it takes some of the convenience out of things, but if you haven't figured it out yet - our convenience comes from the same corporations who are bleeding us dry, poisoning us, and throwing a wrench into the workings of the world. So go the extra mile to get things from Fred the farmer or Jane the crafter instead of Wal Mart or Target.

Civil disobedience through art and creativity.
Make signs, or get signs from someone else and put them in prominent places. Think about traffic. Put a sign on a road that gets a lot of cars, or on an overpass. Keep an eye out. if it goes down, replace it. Put stickers in public bathroom stalls, on street signs, on newspaper boxes... Be creative and think about ways you can send a message to a lot of people without getting in any trouble. If you're crafty, use stencils or wheatpasting techniques. You can find video and text tutorials for these online, just do a google search.

Think about self sufficiency.
Grow food. If you have a yard, or any land, or a rooftop, or even a window box. Grow food. Encourage others to do so. Learn about gardening if you don't know already. There are tons of resources for this, from online, to books and magazines, to your grandma.
Learn about alternative sources of energy and figure out ways to implement them in your homes and communities.

These are just a few ideas. Let's face it folks, if enough of us are making our own food, energy, and resources, the big boys will be shit out of luck. Show them what you want by making it for yourselves. Get the messages out in ways that empowers people. We've had enough scares to last us a lifetime, and scaring people doesn't always work. It obviously doesn't move people to do anything more than pass on the scary messages to anyone who might listen, and it's a chain reaction. Yeah, the shit is scary, but let's focus on empowering ourselves and others to make a change instead of just being afraid.

RON PAUL 4409 -- The grand scheme to destroy the internet!

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 03:50:00 +0000

Ron Paul Revolution 7-12-2008

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 19:54:00 +0000

The first video coverage of the March.
No major media outlets are covering this, surprise surprise. MTV is supposedly going to be there, but I doubt it's a big deal.
We need to call CNN and other news outlets and demand they report on this event.

It's the End of the World as We know it and I feel FINE #34

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 06:33:00 +0000

CAN YOUUU DIGGG ITTTTTT!

sigh...

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 05:17:00 +0000

I miss Joe.
Last night I didn't get to sleep until 3:30am, and that was after taking melatonin and smoking some herb.
It's now 1:18am, I am vaguely tired, kinda hungry... My brain is really going a million miles an hour.
I'm so glad he'll be home tomorrow. I didn't realize how much I depend on his snugglyness at night.